#sorry to the tim Stans but I think that Tim would pretend to be a hardass on the internet
Which li’s would do the silhouette tik tok challenge with mc
So, I watched a whole bunch of these because I'd heard of the concept solely due to the controversy, but none ever actually came across my FYP.
So first off, who would: Every. Single. One.
Tim would defs do it ‘just for jokes’, and would be so up for a funny one, but if MC asked to do it seriously, he would be stoked for sure.
Talia, Mason, Jake, would all take it seriously while having fun with it, while I think Levi would be on the opposite, acting more like it’s just a laugh, but seriously taking it very serious.
Allegra is very serious about it and would probably be on it before MC even is, sending her her own private ones before thinking of doing one with MC.
Rohan is up for anything.
First off, the yes category.
All MC would need to do is send Lucas someone else’s and he’d be like, “Where’s mine?” For sure would be bargaining a private take before agreeing to do one with MC (though it would have to remain tasteful), though all the bargaining is showboating since he would be up for it regardless. He just knows he can get something out of it, and is willing to be a little mean to get the result he wants.
Gary would be so down for it, and he’s doing it completely straight. Any excuse to flex those muscles.
Bobby would take MC suggesting it as her wanting to do a funny take on it, and would plan all around that, never once saying how much he’s dying to do it for serious. So, if she were to turn around and let him know she wanted a proper one, he would be gassed. He would still want to do a funny one afterwards, though.
Hannah and Lottie both would be do giggly and shy over the first few takes, but she would get it with some encouragement.
Noah would do it, pretending he’s not taking it serious, even to himself, but deep down to his core, he’s very serious about it.
Ibrahim is a yes, but that’s only after some encouragement and MC being very, very enthusiastic about his performance. Every blip and mess up, he has to be assured at least ten times otherwise he’ll lose confidence to go on.
Elisa would probably be the one to suggest it first.
Henrik, Priya, Marisol are a ‘yes’ without needing to be asked first.
To the no’s.
Carl and Kassam. Carl maybe if it was just for him and MC, but I don’t see him being all too comfortable otherwise. Perhaps with some encouragement he’d be more willing, but he would have to be talked into it.
Bill, Camilo, AJ, Yasmin, Tai, Ciaran, Lily would all do it and have fun. Rafi would take it very seriously, and be offended that you think he’s taking it anything otherwise just because he’s adding in a space background, cowboy hats, and someone in the background dressed as a banana.
Harry is a no, but that’s just because I cannot see him letting loose. (I’m sorry to the Harry stans out there, but you’ll never get a hot take about him from me. True Wet Biscuit Energy)
Bruno, James, Will, Najuma, Youcef, Cora, Tom, Angie, Oliver - that is our current S4 LI cast and I cannot think of one of them who wouldn’t be up for it.
Bruno would be silly at first, but so into it. Watch him not take his eyes off of MC, never stopping touching her as they perform. James might need ‘some encouragement’, but I think he just wants to appear like he needs it, and is actually fine and does really well. Will, Najuma, Youcef, Cora, do not need to be asked twice. Tom is the only one I see being shy for most of it, but if MC is in control he’ll give in to her. Oliver and Angie.
Oliver and Angie. Oliver and Angie.
Oliver’s would break TikTok, let’s be real. Better be cautious with this one. Good thing he comes with a towel 😉 (I’ve used this joke before and I’ll use it again).
Angie would be all ‘this is gonna be fun’ at first, but the moment that camera is on BAM. MC gonna be left quaking.
Listen, I wrote this all in a oner, but I’m on holiday atm and I’ve had A LOT of cocktails. Like, I’ve been necking Cosmos and Strawberry Daquari’s for the past couple of hours, so if this is incomprehensible, yeah, no surprises. (I’m taking a break from alcohol to put child to bed, shhh). So, anon, I’m sorry, and I will fix it if broken, but right now? Yeah. Fuck yea,
I was gonna proof read, but got so far and drunk eyes.
I love anon asks, you guys keep being amaze.
guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.
For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell
fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one
i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft
that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you
tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again
as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams
jason: don't you dare put on weird shit
tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)
hear me out hear me out,
red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans
t h i g h s
holy shit yes.
SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe
superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'
does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom
it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.
I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?
as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)
somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.
and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!
babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence
babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to
JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT
again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song
The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian
oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag
soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"
i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage
Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?
don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)
What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk
stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.
This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it
This is canon now @nctxrejects
lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out
idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family
bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another
I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.
yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.
Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings
smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn
Duke was adopted by Bruce?
not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?
True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live
true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?
apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome
ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.
ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut
lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash
oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man
while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.
dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie
magnum hot take
hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth
thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)
why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???
what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones
oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no
I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked
yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends
"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years
i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.
BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them
lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.
I am in love with your posts your honour thank you
omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?
The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST:
Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian
yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.
tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.
and what about it?
when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST
oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat
Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes
lmao i do too
I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it
he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.
you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank
babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)
ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something
that's a very good vocabulary upgrade
somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”
steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.
Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you.
Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious
babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks
In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97
lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)
You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.
bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers
How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?
horrible, next question.
I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid
yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'
I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.
superman: so what do you do in your free time?
batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time
bruce and oliver be like
boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)
lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)
Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje
he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'
I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??
i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way
SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed
'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'
i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam
Happy Anniversary (Bruce Wayne X Male!Reader)
Characters: Bruce Wayne X Male!Reader
Universe: DC, Batman
Warnings: Bit of swearing
Request: Bruce Wayne x Male Reader? Where Bruce forgets their anniversary and is really cold hearted to the MR for some reasons, with some fluff and happy ending at the end?
“Are you not doing anything?” Dick had asked you when he found you having breakfast alone in the kitchen. You looked up at him, putting your index finger up to ask for him to give you a moment while you swallowed the food in your mouth.
“No, what do you need?” You asked him, putting your cutlery down and going to get up.
“No- why aren’t you doing anything?” Dick rephrased, but it seemed to have not gotten through to you what he meant. “Y/N, it’s your anniversary.”
You looked at him surprised, before getting up and checking the calendar, and sure enough, it was circled repeatedly and marked on there. You sighed, your shoulders slumping as you went and sat back down. “Guess we got distracted. Maybe we’ll do something at a later date or something.”
“What? You’re usually planning it weeks in advance, how has it slipped your mind?” Dick asked.
“Well usually your dad mentions it weeks in advance so I start planning it with him… but…” You explained, and Dick frowned. “He hasn’t really been talking to me a lot recently.”
You and Bruce had been married officially now for 5 years, but you’d been together for 10. Bruce was always pretty protective about you and so kept your relationship under wraps for as long as he could to the public, and he did a pretty good job up, to the point where your relationship was only discovered last year when little Damian accidentally mentioned his dad, but everyone was aware he called Bruce his father, making people start searching until you decided it would just be easier to confirm it was you by going to the next public event and being with your family. You didn’t even have to say anything, everyone knew. It sort of went viral when everyone found out that Bruce had a boyfriend, only for Dick to jump in on social media and correct them by simply saying “Husband” and making it go viral again. You two had been through a lot together. The adoption of all your kids, losing Jason and having to fight to get him back again, and having to deal with all the issues your kids have, and the vigilante lifestyle. It was clear to everyone that it would take a lot to break you two apart- not even Talia could do that. In fact, you thanked her the last time you saw her for giving you Damian. That’s what made this sudden lack of communication worrying.
It had started about a month prior, and it was from seemingly nowhere. You just woke up one morning and Bruce was distant. He talked to you, but only shortly and awkwardly, almost coldly, almost like you were strangers. Everyone picked up on it, and all the kids got together to try and figure out what was up, until you told them to stop spying on their father, insisting they give him time. You’d tried your own things as well. You tried smothering him with affection which seemed to only make things worse, and so now you’re keeping your distance, waiting for your husband to be ready to talk. You appeared calm and not worried about his behaviour, but your kids could see right through it- you were scared that you were losing him.
“Okay. That’s it.” Dick decided, getting his phone out, and started typing.
“What are you doing?” You asked him.
“I’m gonna make my old man pull his head out of his ass and spend time with his husband. Look, just go get dressed into something nice and wait for us to come get you, we’ll sort it, don’t worry.” Dick told you, not looking up from his phone. You sighed, finishing your breakfast and went to go get dressed.
You waited in your bedroom until there was a knock on the door and Damian stuck his head in.“Dad, are you ready?”
“I dunno what I’m getting ready for yet… how’s this?” You asked him, showing him the outfit you chose, and Damian smiled and nodded, coming in and pulling you out of the bedroom and tugging you along, and you noticed he was also dressed nicely. “Are you going to tell me what it is we’re actually doing?”
“Well we couldn’t get a place anywhere nice at such short notice, so we’re improvising and doing everything at home.” He explained as he pulled you downstairs, where you saw Cassandra and Steph, also dressed up.
“Everything’s ready outside, we’re just waiting for the boys.” Steph said as Cassandra signed to you that you looked handsome.
“And what is it that the boys are doing?”
“Bullying father into a tux.” Damian told you as he and now your two daughters led you to the greenhouse, where Alfred was waiting, who smiled and offered a glass of champagne to you while your three children went back into the house.
“They want me to keep you occupied while they finish things up for you.” He explained to you. “I’m rather impressed with what they’ve put together in such a short amount of time.”
“Mind telling me exactly that that is?” You asked, getting a smile out of the butler who pretended to zip his lips shut.
It wasn’t long until there was a knock on the greenhouse door leading into the garden, seeming to be the signal that it was time to come out. Alfred went and opened the door for you, and you walked out, and looked back at the garden, a gasp of surprise coming out of you.
In the pathway leading through the garden to a fountain where it split off, there were chairs, tables, an archway and a buffet, all set up in the near identical replication of your actual wedding venue decorations, all the way down to the food presented and the flowers wrapped around the arch. “Do you like it?” Jason asked you.
“I… love it. How did you get everything so close?” You inquired as you walked up the path to the archway.
“Smartass over here took pictures of everything at the actual wedding and went searching for the objects all over again.” Jason said, nudging Tim, who was grinning rather proudly. You noticed Damian and Dick were missing however, as well as your husband, though you quickly found out where they were.
“Okay there’s a step.” Dick warned as Damian was pulling your husband along, who was blindfolded, out of the same greenhouse you were just in. Jason motioned for you to stay quiet as they led your husband up the pathway and position him to face you. Everyone gathered around, and Dick untied the blindfold.
“Surprise!” Everyone cheered as Bruce realised as well what was going on.
“Happy anniversary, dickheads!” Jason cheered, before getting slapped around the back of the head by Cassandra. You chuckled at it, before turning back to your husband, giving him a soft kiss, though he still seemed a little confused.
“Alright, let’s get this party going.” Dick called, Tim going to turn on some music- the same music from your actual wedding. You put your arms around your husband, gently persuading him to slow dance with you. You didn’t want him to become awkward so you made you to make the first moves and to be confident in them.
“It’s our anniversary?” He whispered in your ear, making you chuckle.
“I forgot until Dick reminded me this morning. They set all this up for us last minute.” You explained to him. “Don’t feel bad about forgetting.” You assured, allowing a moment of silence to fall over you both with just music playing in the background.
“I’m sorry.” Bruce suddenly broke the silence, and you felt his grip on you tighten. “I’ve been so distant… I know you’ve been trying, it hasn’t been fair on you…”
“Just tell me why.” You asked of him, returning the tight grip. He hesitated for a moment.
“Do you not read the news? Whenever our name is in it? How they slander you?” He asked, and you knew what he was talking about, and sighed.
“And it’s just that. Slander. It’s just lies, rumours, and conspiracies, everything that we know isn’t true. They can call me a gold digger all they want, or ridicule me, my choices and my clothes all they want, it doesn’t matter, because I know what’s true, and so do you, and so does our family.” You assured.
Bruce sighed. “I thought that maybe being distant will make you move on and they’d leave you alone.” He admitted.
“Well you forgot how stubborn I am and also, think about it for a second. They’d use it to slander me more and it’ll tear the kids up.” You told him, pulling away from the hug to look at him in the eyes. “You married me, Bruce. You’re stuck with me.”
“Have you two made up now? Does that mean we can eat cake?” Dick asked.
“Yes Dick, you can have cake.” Bruce allowed, making you chuckle as your oldest did a silent celebration, presumably more for the cake than his parents making up.
Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in!
*Not my gif
TAGS: @[email protected]
@courtneychicken @graysonmalfoy @bellero @originalpottervengerlock @supernatural-pan @esoltis280 @lena-stan-xavier @lady-of-lies @sebstanismylife @macbetheliza @mandywholock1980 @cdwmtjb8 @caswinchester2000 @determinedpines
Pairings: Sebastian Stan x Reader
Warnings: Angst, mention of death/suicide, alcoholism, and some swearing.
Summary: Could a weekend away be just what Sebastian and Y/N need or could it finally push them away for good?
A/N: Here’s the long awaited second part! I’m not too sure how to feel about it but here it is!
My heels clicked against the tiled floor of the hotel as I approached the check in desk, giving the lady behind it a small smile.
“Hi. Reservation under Mr. Stan?”
Nails typed away on the computer and my heart dropped when I saw a look of slight fear appear on her face. “I’m sorry. Do you have a relation to Mr. Stan?”
“Yes, he’s my husband.”
The word felt so foreign on my lips, not uttering it for months.
“Can I see some ID please?” The lady hesitated.
I cursed under my breath while reaching for my ID but groaned when I noticed it was missing.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I-uh-seemed to have forgotten it.”
Running a hand through my hair, I tried to think of ways to prove who I was but suddenly, felt a presence behind me. Looking over my shoulder, I tried to stop the increase in heart beat as a small smile peaked through his beard.
“She’s with me.”
“Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Stan. How many key cards would you two like?” The lady questioned, her attitude changing once she realized that I was in fact with Seb.
“Um, there should be two rooms under that reservation?” Sebastian informed her.
She shook her head. “I’m sorry, sir. I see a reservation for our honeymoon suite.”
I scoffed while looking towards Sebastian. “Honeymoon?!”
“Yes, ma’am. It comes with a king bed, Jacuzzi tub, and fireplace.”
“You planned this, didn’t you? A way to torture me?” I seethed.
Sebastian raised his hands up, saying that his assistant made the reservation for him.
“Can we book another room?” We both asked at the same time.
She shook her head once more. “I’m sorry, Mr. Stan. We’re all booked up. But if you don’t mind me asking, why do you two need separate rooms? You’re married.”
I wasn't too comfortable with the flirtatious eyes she was sending Seb’s way. I snatched up the key card before pulling him along, muttering a quick thank you to the lady.
“I cannot believe you booked the honeymoon suite,” I exasperated while we waited for the elevator.
“I cannot believe you were jealous of Susan,” Seb chuckled.
My eyes squinted in confusion and he nodded towards the front desk.
We fell in silence as we rode the elevator up to the 6th floor where our honeymoon suite awaited us. I felt my anxiety start to take over when the thought of Sebastian and I sharing a bed clouded my mind.
We haven’t shared a bed in so long that I forgot how he was a human heater in the way his arms would wrap around me, engulfing me. Or the way sometimes in the night, his lips would brush against my forehead in a soft kiss.
“Hm?” I snapped from my thoughts and looked at Seb.
He was standing outside our room with the door open. “You coming?”
I nodded and followed him inside. If the situation was under different circumstances, I would have been floored with the room that he booked.
The king bed was in the middle of the room covered with those pillows that you just knew felt like sleeping on a cloud. The balcony doors were opened, a soft California breeze flowing throughout the room. The smell of the ocean filled my senses and I made a mental note to take a walk on the beach later tonight.
I took a quick peak in the bathroom and nearly gasped at the sight. The shower was double the size of the one in our brownstone, the tub could fit three people and was in front of a window that faced the ocean.
“Okay, this room is amazing!” I gawked back to Seb. “Are you sure your assistant didn’t do this on purpose?”
“I promise,” Seb smiled while crossing his heart. “She made this reservation so long ago she probably thought that we would appreciate this.”
I mirrored my own smile and started going through my suitcases. “So the rehearsal dinner is at six right?”
Sebastian nodded. “Yeah. Tim said we don’t have to go but we’re invited. Free food and booze.”
My nose scrunched up. “I think I’ll pass on the booze.”
For the next little while, we both unpacked our stuff deciding not to say a word. Things were still awkward between us and honestly, I wasn’t sure what to say. I could ask him how he’s been but was afraid of finding out the answer.
“No fucking way.”
Seb cursed while coming out of the bathroom, phone in hand. “Guess what?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “What?”
“Tim called off the wedding.”
My mouth fell agape, surprised that our best friends had called off the wedding. We were friends with them for years, both traveling and spending time together when Seb and I were first married. Tim and Brianna would always say that they hoped they would be half as happy as Seb and I were.
“What happened?” I sat on the edge of the bed.
Seb ran a hand over his face and hesitated for a moment before answering. “He caught her in bed with someone else.”
“Oh Tim,” I muttered, knowing the pain he was going through. “What do we do now?”
Seb’s mouth opened to speak but a soft knock on the door interrupted his thought. I marveled in the way his back muscles tensed as he opened the door. Susan stood on the other side of the door and I couldn’t help the jealousy that ran through me when her eyes lit up when she noticed Sebastian opened the door.
“Sorry to bother you, Mr. Stan, but I wanted to let you know that your and Mrs. Stan’s dinner reservations for 7 pm are all set.” Her voice was professional but I could tell it was bitter to come off her lips.
“I’m sorry,” I interrupted while standing next to Sebastian. “Dinner reservations?”
Susan nodded. “Yes ma’am. These reservations were made when the hotel reservation was booked. It’s a private table right on the beach.”
Bless Seb’s assistant's heart. She probably thought that she was doing this romantic thing for us at the time.
“Can we cancel?” Sebastian asked. “Our friends called off their wedding so we’re probably going to head back home.”
Susan shook her head. “I’m sorry Mr. Stan. Since it’s within two hours of your reservation you will have to pay a fee for canceling.”
Seb ran a hand through his hair before nodding a thanks to Susan and shut the door.
“What do you say? Dinner before we head home?” Seb suggested.
“I don’t know, Sebastian. Isn’t this whole thing awkward and weird for you?” I played with my fingers while sitting on the edge of the bed again.
He leaned against the dresser in the room that was directly in front of me and crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s only weird if we make it.”
“We’re getting divorced and you want us to have dinner like we’re still a couple?” I tried to make sense of this whole situation.
“As friends,” he stated. “We used to be best friends before we got married, why can’t we go back to that?”
“What would Alessandra think?” I wondered.
“I’ll give you sometime to get ready and I’ll meet you on the beach at seven, okay?” Seb said, completely ignoring my question.
Before I could protest even more, he left the room leaving me alone to my thoughts.
How could we go to this romantic dinner and pretend that everything is normal when it wasn't? Sebastian made it clear months ago that he didn’t love me anymore and it took all this time to get used to it and understand that he and I would never be where we used to be.
I fought with my inner self wondering if I had enough time to find a plane ride back home before Seb even noticed I was late to this dinner.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and the text message on the screen made the decision final.
Please do this with me. It will be our final dinner together before we say goodbye-Seb
My toes brushed through the sand as I made my way down towards the ocean side where I could see a table with candles surrounding it. My skirt blew in the wind and the sun setting warmed my bare arms as I opted in wearing my gold silk halter top that I knew Sebastian liked at one point.
I halted when I noticed that even though I was a few moments later, Seb wasn’t here yet. Doubt clouded my mind, wondering if he decided against this whole thing and he had gone home.
Turning at the soft voice, I could help the small smile that played at my lips.
Sebastian stood in front of me, dressed in a blue suit, and my heart soared at that vision. He knew how much I loved the way he looked in this baby blue suit.
He pulled out my chair for me and after giving him a small smile of thanks, we were sitting across from one another.
“I hope you don't mind but I already told the chef what we wanted,” Seb said sheepishly.
I shook my head. “No, not at all. You were always good at knowing what I liked.”
Someone had come up to the table, ready to pour some wine into my glass and before I could speak up, Seb was already pulling away the glass. “Could we actually get some water?”
The young man nodded before placing two cups of water in front of us and quietly walked away.
“You can have a glass of wine, Seb. It’s fine,” I informed him.
“I’m perfectly fine with the water. How is sobriety going?”
“Really good,” I admitted with a small smile. “I haven't had a drink since the night of my brother's funeral. It’s been hard sometimes but I found a way to deal with the urge.”
“How?” Seb questioned.
“I actually started keeping a journal. It has some poems and my thoughts of how I’m feeling. It’s kind of stupid,” I muttered.
Sebastian immediately shook his head. “No it’s not, Y/N. Whatever helps you with the urge to drink is not stupid.”
We fell into silence after that, our food being placed in front of us, and we ate quietly. The sound of the waves meshing together with the sound of our forks scraping along the plates.
“You know,” Seb spoke softly, “I never asked how your family is doing. After everything.”
I could tell he didn’t want to utter the words ‘brothers death’ so I nodded. “They’re doing okay. My dad took it really hard. You should have seen him at the funeral, Seb. I thought he was going to have a heart attack.”
“I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there,” Sebastian apologized.
A shaky breath fell from my lips. “I’ve tried too hard not to blame myself for not being there for him. Maybe if I tried to talk to him more, to figure out what was wrong with him. All he needed was someone to talk to, to listen to him, but we weren’t there; I wasn’t there.”
Seb’s hand reached across the table and gently grabbed mine. “None of this is your fault, Y/N. Your brother was dealing with so many demons.”
I shook my head. “But I could have been there for him more. I was so wrapped up in our divorce and dealing with being alone that I didn’t even think of reaching out to my family because I was afraid of what they would say.”
Hastily wiping a tear away with my free hand, my sad eyes looked at our tangled fingers and Sebastian hesitated before pulling away.
Just the small touch of our hands together brought so much warmth. I had no idea how much I missed his touch until I felt it again.
The sun was setting even lower and the golden rays brushed softly across his features, showering him in such a glow that made me want to climb into him, crashing our lips together.
“I promised your mom I wouldn’t tell you this but she called me a few weeks ago,” Seb admitted.
“She did?” My eyebrows scrunched in confusion.
He nodded. “She was wondering how you were doing and made me promise to look after you.”
“Sorry, I haven’t told her about us. She still thinks we’re married.”
“I promised her that I would make sure you were safe and happy. I wouldn’t let those same demons that your brother dealt with bring you down.”
I let out a soft sob and averted my gaze from Sebastian, not wanting him to see how broken I actually was.
It had been months since my brother's death and getting the divorce papers. No matter how hard I tried to bury away those memories and feelings of heartbreak, it still chipped away at my heart. I wasn’t happy anymore, the bright light behind my eyes was long gone.
Sebastian was off with his girlfriend, happier than he ever was with me. He was living in the home we had built together, metaphorically, and I was the last thing on his mind.
I refused to show him that every night I cry myself to sleep, longing for the feeling of his arms around me, helping me deal with everything. I needed him so much but I couldn’t have him. He wasn’t mine anymore and it was so hard to accept.
I wasn’t the same person I was when we met. Back then I was confident in myself and knew that I was enough for him. I trusted him when he would be gone for months at a time and knew that he would always come back to me. A few years into our marriage, however, everything changed.
My self esteem dropped every time I saw Sebastian with his female co-stars. The thoughts of if I was pretty enough or if I was pleasing him enough flooded my thoughts constantly. Our shared moments of bliss started to disappear and after that one night, it had dissipated to nothing.
‘Please Seb, don’t go.” I cried while reaching for his hand.
He yanked his arm away from me before the look of hate pierced my soul. “Why should I stay, Y/N?! You clearly don’t need me third wheeling.”
His stare landed on the man that stood frozen on our steps of the brownstone.
“It’s not what you think,” I pleaded with a slight slur. “Please listen.”
“Isn’t it?!” Sebastian's anger vibrated off the walls. “I thought I would surprise you by coming home early but end up finding you with some other guy in our home!”
“If you would just listen to me,” I begged. “We weren’t doing anything. He was only making sure I made it home from the bar okay.”
Seb scoffed. “Really? Then why were you half naked in front of him when I found you?”
“Just let me explain, please.”
I stumbled over my feet as I tried to follow him outside of our home. The alcohol was incredibly strong, making it difficult to see straight.
“I’m done, Y/N. We’re through.”
Snapping back from my thoughts, I noticed that Seb was looking at me with a concerned face.
“Are you alright?”
The words stumbled from my lips before I could stop myself. “I never cheated, Seb. That night was a huge misunderstanding.”
His body immediately tensed, being caught off guard by my words.
“I’m not talking about this, Y/N. It’s done. It happened and that's it.”
“Nothing happened!” I suddenly snapped. “I swear to God, you think you know what happened but you don’t!”
“What is there to explain, Y/N?! I find you in your underwear with another guy!” Seb’s voice was now raised to match my own.
“I thought he was you!” I admitted. “I got so drunk that I thought this nice guy that offered to walk me home was you! I know getting drunk was no excuse but I was so lonely that I drank that night away in a bar. You told me you weren’t coming back for another two weeks and I thought that guy was you. Turns out he was gay and was actually trying to get me into bed to sleep.”
I scoffed. “Oh? That’s all you have to say?”
“What else do you want me to say, Y/N?” Seb retorted back.
“How about I’m sorry for assuming that you had an affair?”
When he stayed silent, I shook my head with a look of disbelief. “This is why I didn’t want to have this stupid dinner. We can’t be together for more than an hour before screaming at each other!”
I stood from the table but froze when Seb did the same. “Then why haven’t you signed the damn divorce papers?! You keep trying to keep me around and it’s selfish, Y/N. How can I move on if you won’t sign those papers?!”
“Because I still love you! I’m not ready to let you go. It’s not fair that Alessandra gets to spend time with you on those vacations and gets to see you so happy. It’s not fair that she gets to share the same bed with you, our bed. It’s not fucking fair that she gets your love when I don’t! So call me selfish, I don’t care. But if you want those papers signed so damn bad then I will sign them when I get back home.”
I went to storm away, back to the hotel room, however the great feeling of finally being able to tell Sebastian my true feelings kept surging through me.
“I’m not done yet,” I spoke while facing him again.
He was standing a few feet away from me with his hands deep into his pockets. His eyes held confusion, trying to let the words ‘i still love you’ process in his mind.
“In our wedding vows, you promised me that we would work through whatever issues we had. You would listen before assuming the worst. What changed?”
Sebastian let out a deep breath. “Honestly, I knew we were growing apart and I was looking for an easy out.”
Those words stung but I nodded, accepting it. “I know that I haven't signed the papers but you haven't either. Why?”
“I’m afraid,” Seb admitted.
“Starting over, I guess. What we had was all I had ever known. A part of me knows that we were so in love and we had some amazing times together. We were passionate about everything together, our dreams were in sync and hell, even in the bedroom we were in sync.”
My cheeks flushed at the thoughts of us in bed together but let Sebastian continue.
“I think the reason why we grew apart was that we never had time to grow on our own. Y/N, I was the only guy you had ever been with and it put a lot of pressure on me to make sure you weren’t missing anything.”
“You’re the only one I ever wanted, Seb.” I let the tears fall this time. “I had so much pressure on myself to keep you interested and happy. You knew all these beautiful girls and were around them all the time. Drinking was the only way I could deal with the jealousy. In the end, it only pushed you away.”
“You were the only one I was thinking about when I was gone.” Sebastian coughed, trying to cover a sob. “I loved you so much, Y/N. I never wanted to be with anyone else.”
“What about now?,” I wondered. “How do you feel about me now? Do I still make your heart skip a beat when I walk into the room or does your stomach do those flips whenever I laugh?”
I could tell that he was in deep thought, truly wondering what he felt for me.
“Please be honest. I need to know the truth to move on.” I sobbed. “If you tell me that you never want to see me again and want me out of your life, then I will walk away from you right now. I’ll go back home tomorrow and deliver the divorce papers to your lawyer, signed. But if there is even a slight chance you want me, then please let me know.”
For the first time in a very long time, I saw Seb break down and cry. His soft sobs broke me and I fought the urge to run into his arms.
“I don’t know. I should have stayed away from you the moment I sent you the divorce papers but I couldn’t. I found myself making excuses to come see you, to be with you. I tried to move on, hoping being with someone else would make it easier to forget about you but it only made it worse.”
“Then why didn’t you stay with me?” I choked.
“I was afraid,” Sebastian admitted.
“Afraid of what?” I pressed on with the questions.
However I noticed that Seb’s body tensed up, the topic suddenly coming to an immediate halt.
“We should head back, it's getting dark.” He motioned towards our hotel room behind me.
“Not until you answer the question. What were you afraid of?” I stood tall, arms crossed.
Sebastian shook his head, the same sour scowl appeared on his face that I had become all too familiar with.
“I need some space,” was all he said before leaving me alone.
My body thrashed against the bed sheets, tossing and turning, trying to let sleep take me. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore did nothing to calm my tired brain. Darkness engulfed the room, the only light casting on the wall opposite of my back from the moon outside.
The throbbing knocking of a headache kept pressing against my skull and now matter what I could do, I couldn’t stop the tears from staining the pillow case.
I had returned to the hotel room, alone, and after crying in the shower for over an hour, I mustered all of my strength to throw a tshirt and a pair of underwear on before crawling into bed. Seb hadn’t returned yet and the only thing that let me know he was still in town was that his bags were still neatly placed on the other side of the room, next to the mini bar.
The mini bar that had called to me so many times since returning. I fought the urge, ignoring the temptation and only thinking of one thing that mattered to me anymore.
Letting out a deep sigh, I clutched the pillow closer to me and as I heard the door click open behind me, my body tensed.
Thinking I was asleep, Sebastian quietly undressed himself before softly climbing into bed not wanting to wake me. Our backs were to one another and the space between us was cold and alone.
The space between us was a representation of how far away we had felt from one another, emotionally.
It was made clear by me that I still selfishly loved him and refused to sign the papers because I had hope that we would work through this like we worked through all of our other problems.
Sebastian made it clear that he was afraid of letting me go, he was comfortable with me and he wasn’t sure if love was the right word to express his feelings for me. He was afraid of telling me why.
As the tears returned, I buried my face into my pillow to silence my cries, not wanting to let Sebastian know I was awake.
There was a sudden shift in the bed, the mattress dipping low as Seb’s body rolled over towards me. Suddenly, I felt all the bad melt away as his arm wrapped around my stomach, pulling me into his bare chest.
“Please stop crying. I can’t take it anymore knowing I’m the reason why,” he breathed into my hair.
The familiar feeling of his chest against my back seemed to calm my sobs for a moment.
“I know I need to move on and let you go but I can’t. I love you, Seb.” I cried.
“I know sweetheart, I know.” Seb hushed my cries by pulling me closer to him.
Turning to my side, I buried my face into him. The small hairs of his chest tickling my cheeks. My hands clutched his hips, afraid this was all a dream and that he would vanish at any second. His soft lips brushed against my forehead before I felt him take a deep breath.
“I was afraid of not living up to the husband I vowed to be. I loved you so much, Y/N and I wanted to give you everything you deserved. That’s why I took as many jobs as I could, so I could provide for you and our future.”
“I was afraid that you’d wake up one day and realize that I wasn’t worth fighting for. I thought that being away from you and causing you all this pain would make it easier for you to leave me but in the end it only brought us closer I think.”
Pulling away from him, I looked into his eyes. “How so?”
His soft fingers gently brush a stand of hair from my eyes. “We both needed time to grow and realize what we truly wanted.”
Licking my lips, my gaze bounced from his plump lips towards the soft glow of love oozing from his eyes.
“And what is it that you want?” I gulped.
Our eyes locked and no words were spoken as Seb leaned down, his lips meeting mine for the first time in over a year. All the time apart meant nothing, both remembering the way our lips would move together in sync. His hand cupped my cheek, afraid that I would pull away, while my arms snaked around his neck, deepening the kiss.
Unfortunately, we both needed to come up for air and reluctantly pulled away. Seb’s thumb brushed my cheek bone and I closed my eyes at the familiar touch.
Sebastian hushed the name from my lips with a soft kiss. “It’s been over for months. I tried to move on but nobody is you.”
“I vow to remain sober and whenever I have issues with myself or I’m feeling myself pulling away from you, that I will talk to you about it. I vow that I will be the woman you fell in love with all those years ago. Just please don’t leave me. I need you so much more than you know.” I pressed my lips to his again, loving the way they tasted.
Sebastian brushed his lips against my hairline, breathing in my scent. “I want you, all of you, now and for the rest of my life. This I vow to you.”
“I love you, Sebastian Stan.” I breathed.
“I love you too, Y/N Stan. More than you will ever know,” Sebastian mused.
the day that buck/buddie stans stop babying buck and making everyone out (especially bobby) as these big bad bullies is the day i’ll know peace
Unfortunately, I don't think you will ever know peace (nor will I)
It's seriously so frustrating because canon Buck, as frustrating as his lack of growth can be sometimes, is a genuinely likable character. But fandom has taken him and turned him into this... person who he is not, and to accomplish that they have to make everybody else awful people!
And I'm sorry? But if Bobby was the awful bully that they like to pretend he is, the 118 would not trust him as fully and completely as they do. If he was the person they pretend he is, Buck would not love him and respect him and look up to him as much as he does. If he was the awful bully they like to pretend he is, do they really think Athena would have married him???
They want Buck to be a victim so bad that they twist all of his beautiful relationships into... basically Stockholm Syndrome, and turn the people he loves into monsters.
And that is a disservice to Buck, it's a disservice to Bobby, to Maddie, to Chim, to Jee, and it's a disservice to the show!
And the end result is that they start getting less! Their entitlement and bullying made most of the cast and crew just stop doing anything on social media, and even in the show itself they are getting less. Why would Tim and the writer's room want to spend time writing stuff for b*ddie when they know that shippers are just going to twist it into something it's not and then scream that it's q*eerbaiting?
Mothman And BUTT-erboy: A Comprehensive Guide
On that fateful day where Bruce Wayne sat thinking of exactly what name would strike fear into the hearts of his enemies, a bat flew into the open window of the study, hence creating the vengeful, dark, mysterious Batman. But, ignoring the fact that Gotham City is every horror cliche put together, what if a moth had flown into the manor that night, attracted to the light (as moths often are)?
I give you: the mighty mysterious MOTHMAN!
(treat this crack seriously, okay? because i will)
So you’ve got a guy dressed as a moth going around beating up criminals. But then, you ask, what ever shall his little Robin be? Who is Dick Grayson, if not the human reincarnation of a cartwheel dressed like a stoplight?
Well, logic dictates that if one guy is a moth, the other is a butterfly. I present to you: BUTTERBOY!
I’m wonderful at MS paint shut up
But does he keep this up when he and bruce have their little falling out and he goes out on his own? Um, have you met Dick Grayson?
Our little butterboy has become a BUTTERMAN. We have all the classic nightwing arcs but with butterman instead. Think of the headlines.
“BLUDHAVEN VIGILANTE BUTTERMAN KILLS THE JOKER”
side note: Joker would absolutely love being killed by someone called Butterman
Joker, actively dying of internal bleeding: I was gonna have to go some way and it doesn’t get much butter than this
Everyone spells it butt-erman. Dick’s torn between loving it and hating it. Also Dick constantly smells like popcorn. For reasons.
(And yes, I am well aware that “butterman” sounds like a weird sex thing with vague relations to food and bdsm. But if we’re being honest, Nightwing sounds like a stripper name. So it’s not like this is anything new.)
Now Jason. Jason has a modicum of common sense. But he’s also dumb as shit. So he looks at the costume and goes “yea this isn’t happening.” He gets his hand on the costume plans and that’s how we end up with THE FLY.
Yeah I don’t know how flies work. That’s just how it is now.
(another side note: Jason actually looks super badass and hot in this picture i’m sorry for ruining it but like jesus chIST look at the siZe of his aRMS)
Fact: Jason is fully aware of how dumb it looks and sounds.
Fact: Jason is a little shit
Conclusion: Jason does not care and people are honestly terrified of the Fly because he will beat you up wearing what looks like those fairy wings with the elastic straps that you could put on you and pretend you were a fairy when you were a kid.
Tim would either go back to Butterboy or Fly. Either he’d be Butterboy because he has trash taste in costumes and doesn’t want to replace the Fly. Or he would take on the Fly because he has the creativity of marmalade. Or even worse, he would combine them. I present to you: FLYBOY
Tim genuinely does not realize how stupid it is. This is the guy whose costume includes that stupid cowl. I don’t think he has any fashion sense. Like at all. The only good fashion choice he makes is wearing Kon’s oversized shirts in the morning
Damain would reject both. Damian doesn’t even come to Gotham because he’s so embarrased about the titles that being with the League forever sounds like a better alternative.
Stephanie would think “Butterboy” is the single dumbest thing she’s ever heard.
Kate’s still batwoman. She has better taste and thinks bats are cool.
Babs? She looks at Dick and goes “this has potential.” Which honestly describes their entire relationship. She’s the Butterfly.
Cass is Spider. Like, very Black-Widow esque. Super badass. We Stan.
Duke wants to stick with the yellow but also he has a brain cell. But he’s got massive insecurity issues and wants to be part of the insect theme that the fam’s got going on. So now we have the Wasp.
Anyway, @magneticwoag , @yesboopityboop , and I came up with this thing and I am honestly quite proud. DC you should definitely hire us we will improve your work by leaps and bounds.
Fabric Tears (Part 1)
SKIP TO PART 2
SKIP TO PART 3
NEXT CHAPTER (Coming Soon to the Mystery Shack!)
ONCE UPON A TIME...
TABLE OF CONTENTS
It was a quiet night in Gravity Falls.
...okay, no it wasn't.
Owls were hooting, bats were shrieking, cults were chanting, the usual stuff.
Most of the townsfolk on the other hand were sound asleep, oblivious to the eerie noises surrounding them outside their living spaces. They took no notice of the gnomes scrounging for food. Of the black cats hissing a warning. Of the wind howling at the moon.
Because of this obliviousness, nobody noticed the pitter patter of a lone critter stumbling down the road, malnourished and shivering from the snow that stuck to it like soot. The critter scuffled down the streets blindly, letting out small ragged huffs of air. Eventually the critter had no strength left. It crawled its way to the nearest shelter it could find. Luck was on its side apparently, as there was a giant spot up ahead. It had lights that could keep the creature warm, and an overhead structure to keep it sheltered. But food... it needed food...
The animal's blurry senses could not pick up any source of food, so it moped along, hoping to at least find a good place to rest.
Then... it saw something in the distance... a large structure, lights shining all around it, inside and out. The obscured figure rushed over to find a way inside. But it's depleted strength made it impossible to find a way in. Feeling sleep overcome themself quickly, the creature huddled over to the softest thing it could feel, and huddled up against it for warmth. Oh... there was food too... it managed to get a few nibbles in before drifting to sleep
It would resume its hunt for other food tomorrow night...
Everybody at the Mystery Shack was dead.
Figuratively, of course.
The Mystery Shack was finally ready to open to the public. But as the last slab of wood was hammered into the ceiling of the gift shop, and the last exhibit burnt in the Tim incident was finally replaced, the whole crew came to a realization.
After all of that work, the last thing anybody wanted to do was spend the day dealing with the mad rush that always comes with the reopening of a popular store.
"All in favor of not opening the shack today, say aye," announced Wendy from her usual spot in the gift shop.
"Aye," replied human and monster alike, except for Sans, who was out cold.
And so that was that. Today was immediately established as a take-it-easy day.
It appeared that Mabel missed the memo.
"What do you mean 'No?'" she griped at Dipper, who was refusing to get out of bed to play with her.
"I mean the phrase that is usually uttered in order to express disagreement, disapproval, and a whole lot of other words that start with 'dis-' that I am way too tired to recite right now," mumbled Dipper in his bed. "And violently shaking my bed is not going to help you change my mind. So cut it out."
Mabel paced around the room, her hands up in exasperation. "It's a sunny winter wonderland outside, and you're telling me I'm the only one eager to get out there and enjoy it?!"
"That's precisely what I'm telling you," Dipper groaned in his pillow. "With all the stress of fixing the shack, and nothing around to fuel me but coffee and Pitt Cola that I'm tired of drinking, I feel like I'm at Death's door. Like, Death has a welcome mat out for me and everything. Maybe he's even making tea."
"Not with your current attitude he wouldn't," grumbled Mabel. "He'd just give you more coffee and Pitt Cola."
"Then let me sleep! The more you keep me awake, the more cranky I'll get from it!" argued Dipper.
But Mabel was quick to shoot back. "If I let you fall asleep now, you're just gonna wake up in the middle of the night while I'm asleep! That's no fun, Dipper! Stop being such a Mr. No-Fun!"
Dipper simply grumbled back at her. "Just drop it Mabel. I'm tired. I'm only getting out of this bed if a future-me teleports in here and demands that I do so."
A second went by. Two seconds. Three seconds. No time machines materialized in the kids' bedroom.
"I rest my case," said Dipper, before pulling the covers over his head. Any further attempts to get him out of bed were futile.
Mabel frowned. "The next time we have a snowball fight, your team is going to get an automatic penalty."
But Dipper was already fast asleep.
Mabel huffed, opening the door to exit the bedroom.
Only to collide right into Frisk.
The collision sent both kids to the ground, landing on their bottoms somewhat painfully.
"Owwwwww," Mabel muttered, before looking up and seeing who it was. "Oh! Hey Frisk!"
"Hi Mabel," greeted Frisk, rubbing their forehead as they stood back up with Mabel's help. "Sorry about that. I should have knocked..."
"Don't worry about it~! I've collided with Dipper's forehead so many times in my life, I barely feel a thing now!" she said while beaming with pride.
"That's... good I suppose," said Frisk with a gentle chuckle of embarrassment.
"So watcha up to?" asked Mabel, causing Frisk to stumble a second, still not used to how quickly Mabel could change subjects.
"I'm um... pretending to look for my dress-up cowboy lasso," said Frisk, looking back with a hint of annoyance towards the stars that lead down to the first floor. "Dad insists it must be somewhere in this shack, but I am almost certain that it was gone before my family and I entered the Mystery Shack for the first time."
"Huh," said Mabel, putting a hand to her chin and looking upwards at nothing. "Perhaps some gnomes snatched it while you weren't looking?"
"That seems very possible, albeit unlikely," said Frisk, ending the topic by tilting their head to see Dipper's slumbering figure and asking, "He still isn't up?"
"Nope," growled Mabel. "He's insistent that he won't change his mind later, either. Ugh, and I had a bunch of winter activities planned for today!"
"Well that's a shame," said Frisk. "But then again, when it came to maintaining order in the shack for the past couple of days, Dipper did do the most work out of all of us."
"Like what?" asked Mabel.
"Papyrus, what are you doing?! Spaghetti is not meant to be baked at that temperature! Grunkle Stan, where do we keep the fire extinguisher again?!"
"No Mettaton, I cannot listen to your historical life of glamour right now, I need to put out another fire in the museum! Now hand over the hose, and stop pouring it all over yourself! And while we're on the subject, how come you don't rust or short circuit by doing that?!"
"Undyne! It's a washing machine! It's not going to hurt you or anyone else, so just put the spear away! Wwwwwwhoawhoawhoa WHOA HEY DON'T AIM IT AT ME!!!"
"Napstablook, I appreciate it, but I don't think that you are capable of helping me move this piece of furniture. No no no don't cry! I wasn't trying to bring you down, I mean you're LITERALLY incapable of- oh! H-hey Mettaton! Hoo boy... you look like you're ready to kill me..."
"Yeeeeaaaaaahhhh I guess you're right," concluded Mabel.
"I really am sorry that my family can be a handful sometimes," said Frisk somewhat embarrassed.
"Nawwwwww it's alright! It's a lot of fun!" said Mabel, patting Frisk on the back.
"I am pleased you feel that way, but I have a feeling that Dipper would disagree with you," said Frisk in a joking manner.
"Well that's because he would rather suffer from his lack of energy instead of taking some time to drink some Mabel Juice. If he did, he would never complain about being too tired ever again!" countered Mabel, speaking as if she was a superhero addressing a nation.
Frisk laughed. "You know, you keep bringing that drink up. But for a drink that you're always talking about, I don't believe I have had a chance to try it."
Stars twinkled in Mabel's eyes. "Well then let's put a stop to that! TO THE KITCHEN!"
Before Frisk could agree or disagree, Mabel was pulling them down the stairs and into the kitchen.
Mabel pulled out a seat for Frisk, who calmly sat down. After that, Mabel darted for the fridge and cupboards, snatching an unidentifiable liquid, some ice cubes, and a whole lot of sugar. She didn't bother to shut any of the cupboards as she went over to grab a couple of measuring pitchers and measure out more sugar than actual liquid. After that, Mabel poured the sugar and juice into a giant mixing bowl and rushed off to hunt down the other ingredients. All the while, Mabel was eagerly explaining the process to Frisk.
It was during this excited chatter that Frisk observed Mabel open another cupboard and take out a box of... crayons?
"Ummmmmm," said Frisk.
"No interrupting!" hollered Mabel in an off-key sing songy voice, dumping the (yep, those were definitely) crayons into the mixture. "Never disrupt Master Juice Mixer Mabel when she is guiding her newest pupil through the process!"
"I um..." Frisk paused for a second before pushing through "I l-like my drinks without crayons. I er... I don't like the way they taste."
Mabel paused. After an awkward amount of time passed, she looked down at the now-empty box of crayons that was floating at the top of her brew. Her gaze eventually trailed down further, to spot the aforementioned crayons that had sunk to the bottom of the bowl. Frisk still did not know what made Mabel tick, but their guess was that Mabel would simply tell them that the recipe calls for food coloring. As such, Frisk was ready to give her some alternative solutions. Such as using normal food coloring.
So it was a little surprising for Frisk to see Mabel's smile become a concerned frown.
"...was I responsible for this?" asked Mabel.
"...I believe you were," replied Frisk awkwardly.
"That's.... pfft, yeah, those crayons are not supposed to be in there. Heh wow, how did I manage get so sidetracked...?" concluded Mabel, dumping the bowl and starting over, her face a little more pink than before.
Well that was... weird. Now the mood of the whole room felt... extremely awkward. It was the same uncomfortable atmosphere that Frisk experienced when they forgot to get hot dogs for Dipper and Monster Kid, during the Bike Romp Race...
Frisk concluded that desperate measures were necessary in order to bring the mood back into a state of normalcy.
It was time to unleash... the puns.
"It's fine Mabel. I'm sure the fruit juice will come out just fine, as long as you concentrate on doing your best~"
Mabel had to halt the process of making the drink just so she could keep a straight face. This sudden pun-attack could not go unpunished, of course. So she retaliated. Hard.
"Ha!" said Mabel, standing up in a pompous stance, her left hand on her hip and her right hand open and hovering a few centimetres in front of her mouth in mock laughter. "A stranger waltzes in and has the gall to coach me on how I concoct my signature drink? You clearly are not one of my staff! You mean to overthrow me! I Vitamin-C right through your pathetic scheme~!"
Frisk snorted. "Why no, what ever gave you that idea~? I beg of you to take a step back and recon-Cider my intentions!"
"How dare you!" reprimanded Mabel, giggles no longer able to be withheld. "I will hear no more from you! Cease this attack, or face Juicetice!"
"Okay! I sugarrender! I sugarrender!" hollered Frisk, holding their hands up in a mock-yielding before flopping down on the table in a fit of laughter, while Mabel was sprawled on the floor cackling.
"That's another swift and powerful victory for me!" said Mabel when she finally regained composure. "Just wait till I tell Undyne!"
"She'll be quite impressed, I'm sure," said Frisk, playfully. "Careful though, she might challenge you to a fight if you boast too much."
After a few minutes, the questionable drink was ready for serving. Mabel grabbed a few translucent mugs and poured out the Mabel Juice, allowing her own glass to have just a little more of the drink than Frisk's. Frisk thanked Mabel as she gave them their drink, despite how uneasy Frisk felt about the whole situation.
"You ready to give your body a giant wake up call?" said Mabel excitedly.
"No time like the present..." said Frisk nervously.
Frisk took a decent sip of the concoction while Mabel downed hers in just a couple of gulps.
"SO!!!" barked Mabel, slamming her fists on the table and almost spilling the startled Frisk's drink. "What do ya think? It's good, right?"
The lack of crayons definitely helped, thought Frisk.
"Very energizing," spoke Frisk.
Frisk felt that their answer was peasant enough, so they grew a little concerned when Mabel's response was with a slightly slacked jaw accompanied by absolute silence.
"M-Mabel? You oka-?"
"eeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" screamed Mabel, leaping out of her seat and running around the kitchen. "FRISK LIKES MY DRINK!!! FRISK LIKES MY DRIIIIIIIINK!!!"
Frisk couldn't help but laugh at the spectacle before them. "I guess so!"
At that point, Stan decided to step in.
"Alright ya trouble makers, I'm gonna have to confiscate these for the time being," said Stanley, carefully yanking the drinks out of the kids' hands and returning them to the mixing bowl, which he put in the fridge. "You're gonna have to wait till tomorrow to finish the rest."
"Awwwwww why?" pouted Mabel.
"Because as we all have established, today is a take-it-easy day," explained Stan, before calling outside. "Right Soos?"
"That's right, Mr. Pines!" answered Soos with a thumbs up. "All dudes within the Mystery Shack are being subjected to a 24 hour stress free environment with no exceptions. I cannot stress this enough. Oh wait, heh, guess that defeats the purpose. Wow, this is harder than I thought..."
"You see?" said Stan, returning his focus to the kids. "You gotta understand, we've all had a giant string of eventful days. New faces, bedding arrangements, the Mystery Shack getting destroyed again, me training for a bike competition and winning it- you folks seeing the pattern here yet?" A single nod from both children was all the man needed. "We've all been running on adrenaline for a good long while now, and we're starting to feel the aftermath of it. So just this once, you're going to have to lower the energy, Mabel. Or at least the volume of it."
"C'monnnnnnnnnnn" guffawed Mabel, one hand giving a wrist flick while the other hand rested on Frisk's shoulder. "It's not like there's other folks here that are as anti-Mabel-Energy as Dipper is today."
It wasn't like she was lying. She saw energetic faces all around the place. Papyrus was as attentive as always, sitting in one of the four living room chairs (since Soos had finally gotten around to adding more seats to the shack from the storage room to accommodate for the monsters) and he seemed to be... knitting. Asgore didn't appear to be exhausted either; the only sigh he gave was one of contentment as he sat on the back porch couch and took in the scent of pine covered in snow. Napstablook was never capable of falling asleep, and as he fazed into the living room, he seemed to have a face that suggested that he felt lucky that ghosts never feel tired. Mettaton had just replenished his battery, so he could be heard loudly singing from the basement. Sans was snoring in the attic, but it's not like Mabel had to worry about waking him up. Stanford was studying in his lab, and it was located deep enough underground that no chaos on the surface floor could distract him, not unless the chaos was catastrophic. So honestly, where was the harm?
Stan shook his head with a slight frown. "I dunno about that, sweet cheeks," he said with a grumble, pointing to the gift shop.
Frisk followed Stan's gaze and scanned the gift shop as well. They then turned back to look at Mabel, their face emanating concern. "He's right, Mabel."
Now Mabel was curious. She peered over to the gift shop to see what kind of fuss was happening over there.
What she found were Toriel and Wendy, who appeared to be having a normal conversation. But Mabel was a dowsing rod when it came to cheerfulness. And boy oh boy were Toriel and Wendy devoid of it.
Toriel seemed especially distant. She still greeted anybody who passed by with a cordial "Hello," and she always gave nods and similar minuscule movements in response to whatever Wendy was talking about. But the Goat Mom's usual cheer and open personality was disturbingly lacking today.
Wendy, while not looking as troubled as Toriel seemed to be, appeared miserably drained. Her complexion was paler than usual, her hair wasn't as brushed, and the bags under her eyes looked heavier than... heavy stuff.
"Whoa," managed Mabel, looking back to Stan and Frisk.
"So yeah," said Stan, "Let's try to keep the noise down, eh kiddos? For their sake if not my own?" He added, ruffling Mabel's hair.
"Of course, Mr. Stanley," said Frisk with a nod of understanding, before adding a little more quietly, "Are Mabel and I still allowed to play?"
"Huh," said Stan with a huff. "Looks like someone's trying to find a loophole in my instructions."
Frisk blanched slightly. "Well sir I-"
"I like your style, kid. We'll make a shady businessperson out of you yet!" declared Stanley, hefting Frisk up to give them a noogie. Frisk, having grown accustomed to Undyne's noogies, found Stan's to actually be ticklish.
"Sure, go on and play! Knock yourselves out!" said Stan, setting a softly laughing Frisk back down in their seat. "This is considered a 'me day' after all!"
"Can it really be called a 'me day' when all of us are expected to relax today?" asked Mabel slyly. "Sounds more like an 'everyone day' to me!"
"Mabel, sweetie, I already have my snot nosed smart-alec of a brother criticizing me on my grammar. I don't need my bubbly grand niece chastising me on my word choices. Besides, calling it an 'everyone day' makes you sound like Karl Marx. And we all know what that lead to."
"I dunnooooo," said Mabel, looking off to the side and giving a comical shrug, which gave Frisk a small chuckle. "'Mabel Marx' has a nice ring to it~!"
"Yeah well so does 'Stanley Stalin,' but you don't see me changing my name to that, do ya?" countered Stanley.
"Good point," said Mabel with a nod, before walking up to Frisk, gripping their arm, and pulling them out of their seat. "Welp, I'mma go play with Frisk now! C'mon Frisk! Let's see what Undyne and Alphys are doing! I wanna tell them about my drink!"
"O-okay!" said Frisk, slightly startled but not putting up a fight as they were guided away from the kitchen. "S-see you later, Mr. Stanley!"
"Play nice now!" said Stanley. "Oh, and hey! It'd be best if you left my brother alone for the time being, alright?! He’s trying to coax some info out of that weirdo Tim, and I have a feeling it isn’t going so well! The runt chucked a globe at me just for startling him!"
"Got it!" Mabel hollered, while Frisk simply gave the man an 'OK' sign. Then they both darted off.
Under his breath, Stanley muttered, "That man really needs to cool his jets sometimes..."
"Is This Action Of Globe Throwing A Habit Of Yours?" asked the metal head of Tim. "If It Is, I Must Urge You To Drop This Habit As It Is Unhealthy To Maintaining Strong Relationships To Friends and Family."
"Argh!" groaned Stanford, pounding his hands on the desk in front of him and darting his head to glare at the talking scrap metal. "No, it is not a habit, and if you would stop freaking out every time I say 'proph-' ... I mean, every time I say that word, I may not feel so inclined to throw things! So why can't you just cooperate?!"
"Sir, This Is No Mere Bug That I Can Just Erase. It Is Elusive As Much As It Is Exclusive. But If It Makes You Feel Better, I Am Able To Bring Up Other Methods Of Destruction Without Being Overpowered By The Error That You Identify As 'Insanity.'"
"That's not going to help me much, Tim. But I suppose it gives you credibility. Alright fine, go ahead," said Stanford, tapping his foot impatiently.
"As You Wish," said Tim. "Storms. Solar Explosion. Volcanoes. Tidal Waves. War. Meteors-"
"Okay that's enough," said Stanford, holding up a finger to halt Tim's explanation. "You made your point."
"Perhaps We Should Save This Conversation For Another Time. Maybe Then, I Will Have Figured How To Delete This Malicious Program. Perhaps With A Proper Wipe Of My Memory Banks, I May-"
"No no no hold on. Your memory of this pro-... omen is important. I just need to find away to coax it out of you without triggering the bug."
Stanford took a long deep breath. "Now then. Let's start from the top again. A couple weeks back, my grand nephew presented me with this black journal that he found. At the end of the first page, it appears to speak of what seems like a proph- let me rephrase that-"
"Stop Thinking About Not Saying 'Prophecy.'"
"Tim, I'm not a helpless buffoon. I can keep myself from saying- wait, how come you have no problem saying 'prophecy?!' Oh shoot-"
"THE ANOMALY WILL DOOM ALL." shrieked Tim, eyes glowing red while sirens blared throughout the lab. "IF THE DOOR STAYS LOCKED, ALL IS LOST! LOST!! LOOOOOOOOSSSSST!!!"
"Sigh... Nice going, Stanford..." cussed the scientist to himself, reaching for his ray gun once again to shut the screaming contraption up.
Mabel was just finishing up explaining her drink, with Frisk alongside her, to Undyne and Alphys in the museum when the shack quivered for a second.
"Whoa, did you feel that Alphys?" said Undyne, standing up straight "Something caused the floor to violently rumble. Another attack? Would people get mad if I said I wanted that to happen?"
"Th-they probably wouldn't get mad at you Undyne," responded Alphys, having also felt the rumble. "B-but I reeeeaally hope we aren't getting attacked again. Stanley would s-surely make us leave if the shack were to be destroyed a second time. Especially after we had j-just finished fixing it."
"No worries, ladies!" chirped Mabel, "It's probably Grunkle Ford. Grunkle Stan said that he's been toying with Tim's head and that the results were leaving him um..."
"Frustrated?" tried Frisk.
"Yeah, frustrated!" said a smiling Mabel. "Grunkle Ford tends to get a little explosive-happy when he's frustrated. But only while working in his lab."
"Why is he trying to get information from the head of a murderous AI? Doesn't that sound a little counterproductive?" questioned Undyne with slight exasperation.
"Y-yes, it is quite improbable that Tim will be willing or able to t-tell us anything," said Alphys, her hands marginally fidgeting. "B-but unfortunately, Tim is the only lead we have to find out if this a-anomaly is simply a glitch in the AI's system or is actually a real-life threat."
"Hm. You have a fair point there babe," said Undyne, satisfied with Alphys's answer. "Well, if that anomaly exists, it better stop existing reeeeaaal soon, or it's gonna have to say hello to my fists! And then it'll immediately have to say goodbye to my fists! BECAUSE I WILL KILL IT! WITH MY FISTS! NNNNNNNGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"U-undyne, please lower your voice," said Alphys in nervous hushed tones. "Some of our friends are trying to n-nap."
"Pfft. Lower my voice? You know I can't just do that," said Undyne, folding her arms almost in a grumpy pout.
Mabel looked to Frisk. "I connect with this woman on a spiritual level."
Alphys fidgeted with her hands. "W-w-well then how about we go outside for a walk? O-or a run if you prefer? That way you can shout all you want without bothering anybody in the shack?" suggested Alphys, her own cheeks beginning to turn pink.
Frisk caught this and smirked at Undyne. "Undyne, I believe you are being asked out on a date~"
"M-maybe," timidly admitted Alphys, looking down to the ground, smiling despite her embarrassment.
Undyne blushed as well, her normally huge toothy grin shrinking down to a tiny nervous smile, almost cat-like. "No fair Alphys, you know I can't say no when it comes to going on a date with you..."
Alphys shyly chuckled. "It's my ultimate t-trap card."
"Oooh, maybe we'll encounter the anomaly while we're outside!" said Undyne to Alphys, the former's fists clenching in excitement. "And then you can watch me bash its skull in!"
"I fear for the survival of the anomaly's skull," said Frisk, making Mabel giggle.
"W-well if we stumble across it, I'll leave it to you, Undyne" said Alphys, a smile on her face.
"Shall we?" said Undyne, extending her hand with a grin.
"S-sure," said Alphys, taking Undyne's hand bashfully.
Without warning, Undyne flung Alphys onto her shoulders, and they charged out of the exhibit room and out the front door.
"Are they always like this?" asked Mabel to Frisk. "Please tell me the answer is yes."
"The answer is yes," confirmed Frisk, their classic stoic expression never leaving them.
"I have no idea if you are being sincere or just parroting what I said," said Mabel bluntly.
"And thus, I have created the one mystery that shall never ever be solved by either of the Pines Twins," said Frisk, a tiny smirk showing on their face.
"If Dipper was here, he would smack you for that remark," teased Mabel.
"He can try~" said Frisk, the smirk becoming a smile.
Papyrus had just finished putting his knitting needles and scarf away in the small lamp cabinet next to him in order to take a quick break, when he noticed a very peculiar occurrence happening right in front of him.
Toriel had unplugged the television from the wall and was getting ready to pick it up from the floor.
"UM, QUEEN TORIEL?" said Papyrus, cocking his head. "MIGHT I ASK WHAT YOU ARE DOING?"
"What I am doing is none of your concern. And please stop calling me 'Queen' Toriel," said Toriel, in a very harsh, un-Toriel-like tone.
"THE WEIGHT OF THAT TELEVISION SEEMS TO BE AGGRAVATING YOU, MISS TORIEL," incorrectly deduced Papyrus. "NOT TO FEAR, FOR I AM TRAINED IN THE ARTS OF LIFTING TV'S! GENTLY SETTING THEM DOWN, ON THE OTHER HAND, TENDS TO BE MESSY. BECAUSE MY ARMS FALL OFF."
Toriel's took in a very strained inhale of breath, before she released her tension with a deep sigh. "I do not need any help lifting this television, thank you Papyrus. But if you would be so kind as to not look into this matter any further, I would greatly appreciate it."
"OF COURSE, MADAM!" bellowed Papyrus with a hearty salute. The salute then slowly descended as Papyrus's face expressed confusion. "UM... WHAT MATTER ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT?"
"Nothing Papyrus, nothing," said Toriel with a half hearted chuckle as she resumed carrying the heavy television out of the living room.
Mabel and Frisk tiptoed through the gift shop, not wanting to bother a cranky Wendy who was venting to Napstabook. The ghost was, to his credit, listening very attentively.
"Then Undyne says that I should look them all in the eye and yell 'If any of you have a problem with that, I'll suplex you into a mountain!' Which, I mean, I appreciate her willing to help, but nothing she ever suggests to me is a good idea when put into practice. It's frustrating, you know?"
"I'm sorry to hear that................" mumbled Napstablook sincerely. "I would offer you my own advice, but I'm sure you'll only find it worse than Undyne's...................."
"Napstablook, you absolute sugarcube, all I need is your listening ear right now."
"I technically don't have ears......................"
As soon as Mabel had both of her feet on the living room carpet, she bounded right up to the still-confused Papyrus.
"Hey there Pappy Man!" said Mabel, using her inside voice but vigorously waving hello to make up for it.
"HM?" said Papyrus, Mabel's greeting shaking him out of his stupor. "OH! GREETINGS, MABEL! HAVE YOU ALSO COME TO TAKE A PIECE OF FURNITURE? IF SO, I WILL GLADLY HELP YOU CARRY IT!"
It took a second for the baffled Mabel to realize the TV was missing. "Huh. I was wondering why this room seemed a little roomier than usual..."
"We do not require any furniture, thank you Papyrus," said Frisk, having caught up to Mabel. "May we ask who it was that took the television?"
"I WOULD LOVE TO!" exclaimed Papyrus. "HOWEVER, I WAS ASKED TO NOT LOOK ANY FURTHER INTO THE MATTER!"
"Oh..." said Frisk, hiding their disappointment. "And... who asked you to not do that? Is it somebody we know?"
"OH YES, IT IS SOMEONE YOU KNOW VERY WELL!" said Papyrus with a single solid nod.
"So, not a burglar then?" said Mabel, almost bummed out that there wouldn't be an opportunity to chase a robber down the streets of Gravity Falls. On her list of things to do when she was the only energetic person in the room, chasing a robber was number four. Numbers three, two, and one were classified.
"CORRECT, HUMAN MABEL! MISS TORIEL IS MANY THINGS, BUT A BURGLAR IS NOT ONE OF THOSE THINGS," said Papyrus proudly, before realizing his mistake two seconds later. "NYOO HOO HOO!!! I PROMISED HER I WOULD NOT LOOK FURTHER INTO THE MATTER, BUT I CANNOT HELP IT! WHAT IS SHE PLANNING TO USE THE TELEVISION FOR?!"
"Mother took the TV?" said Frisk, perplexed by the answer inadvertently given to them by Papyrus. "But why would-"
Frisk's eyebrows rose up in sudden understanding, and they went uncomfortably silent for a few seconds, much to the curiosity of Mabel, and Papyrus to a lesser extent.
"Thank you Papyrus. I appreciate your honesty," said Frisk, ending the subject before anybody could say anything. Just as quickly, Frisk started up a new conversation, having now noticed the knitting needles poking out of the lamp cabinet. "Papyrus, are you knitting something?"
Papyrus beamed, all too eager to talk about what he was currently working on. He opened the lamp cabinet to bring the needles and scarf out and showcase them to the two kids. "INDEED I AM, HUMAN! MISS TORIEL HAD BROUGHT THE IDEA UP TO ME AFTER TASTING MY LATEST (AND DARE I SAY GREATEST) SPAGHETTI DISH! I'M SUPPOSING SHE BELIEVED THAT I HAD ACHIEVED THE MAXIMUM LEVEL OF CULINARY PERFECTION, BECAUSE SHE WAS VERY INSISTENT THAT I PERHAPS MOVE ON TO A NEW HOBBY!"
The kids were pretty certain that Toriel's reasons for doing this were different than from what Papyrus believed them to be.
"SO I DECIDED THAT IF I HAD MASTERED SPAGHETTI AS AN EDIBLE DISH, PERHAPS I COULD MASTER THE ART OF SPAGHETTI THROUGH A DIFFERENT CREATIVE OUTLET!"
Frisk and Mabel realized that the primary colors of the scarf that Papyrus was knitting were faded orange and vibrant red.
"You're making a scarf that looks like spaghetti?!" asked Mabel, her eyes brimming with total awe.
"YOU GOT IT!" said Papyrus excitedly. "I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL REVOLUTIONIZE THE FASHION INDUSTRY WITH MY AMAZING SPAGHETTI SCARF!!!"
"Ooh! OOH!" said a bouncing Mabel, a super awesome amazing idea spawning in her head. "Can you knit Teddy bears?! Do you charge for them? What do you require? I'll give you the money from my Brother's secret stash! I'll give you every single one of my friendship wristbands! I'll give you the schematics for the Human Sized Hamster Ball." pleaded Mabel, getting right up to Papyrus's ear-socket to intensely whisper the last part.
"OF COURSE I CAN KNIT TEDDY BEARS, LITTLE MABEL! UNFORTUNATELY I HAVE YET TO MAKE ONE THAT IS RECOGNIZED AS A TEDDY BEAR BY EVERYBODY ELSE. THEY USUALLY MISTAKE THEM FOR OTHER OBJECTS. LIKE A PILE OF LEAVES, FOR EXAMPLE. OR A SMASHED CAKE. OR TRAMPLED FLOWERS. SANS ONCE MISTOOK ONE OF MY KNITTED TEDDY BEARS FOR THIS VERY PECULIAR RESIDUE THAT SPAWNS WHEN A HUMAN 'DRINKS' TOO MUCH... BUT HE ASSURED ME THAT HIS EYES WERE STILL BLURRY FROM JUST WAKING UP AND THAT HE WAS CERTAIN THAT IT WOULD LOOK A LOT BETTER IF HE WAS FULLY AWAKE. WHICH IS WEIRD BECAUSE HE MOST CERTAINLY HAS NO EYES... WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THAT HE WAS LYING TO ME... WHY WOULD HE FEEL THE NEED TO LIE ABOUT HIS OPINION OF ONE'S ART? ISN'T ART SUPPOSED TO BE OPEN TO THE VIEWER'S INTERPRETATION? THAT'S WHAT UNDYNE TOLD ME ONCE, AFTER SHE HAD ALMOST SET ONE OF FRISK'S DRAWINGS ON FIRE BECAUSE THEY MADE HER FACE LOOK SILLY..."
"Did Undyne really try to do that?" asked Mabel to Frisk, in surprise.
"She did try," confirmed Frisk, with a stoic-faced nod. "She failed though. She left my drawing alone. She used to tell me it was because she wanted to come up with a better punishment for the drawing. But quite recently, she admitted that she caught a glimpse of how upset I was and decided not to go through with torching the drawing I made."
"Can I see the drawing?" asked Mabel sweetly.
"No," answered Frisk, maintaining their emotionless expression flawlessly. "Undyne's face is too weird. You may develop the urge to light my drawing on fire."
"Nawwwwwwww, no I wouldn't!" said Mabel, jokingly rolling her eyes as she smiled brightly. "I'd put it in my scrapbook!"
"I cannot risk it," said Frisk, clearly joking.
"You cannot hide from Mabel Piiiiiines! No secret is safe from herrrrrrrr! She knows all, and whatever she doesn't know about, she leaaarrrnnns aboooooouuuuut!" said Mabel, moaning and wiggling her outstretched hands like a cliche ghost from any old Saturday morning cartoon.
"That sounds like a massive invasion of privacy," pointed out Frisk.
"No secret is saaaaaaaaafffeeeeee~!" wailed Mabel, completely ignoring Frisk.
"ACTUALLY, WHILE WE ARE STILL ON THE TOPIC OF TEDDY BEARS," chirped up Papyrus, "I BELIEVE THAT THE LAST TIME I SAW KING ASGORE, HE WAS HOLDING WHAT LOOKED LIKE A TEDDY BEAR IN HIS HANDS. HE DIDN'T LOOK TOO EXCITED ABOUT IT THOUGH... PERHAPS HE HAS FORGOTTEN WHAT A TEDDY BEAR LOOKS LIKE?"
"Well then perhaps we shall visit him next?" Frisk asked Mabel.
"Well duh! Of course we are!" said the very excited Mabel, taking Frisk's arm. "Have fun with the knitting, Papyrus!"
"WILL DO!" hollered Papyrus, waving enthusiastically as Mabel and Frisk made their way to the back porch to meet up with Asgore.
Asgore wouldn't say that the object in his hands disturbed him, but he would not say that it didn't unsettle him either.
The Teddy bear that he currently hand in his hands had seen better days. Its dark plum fur was damp from snow and crusty from dirt. There was also a substantial amount of stuffing that was missing from it, but no matter how hard Asgore investigated, he could not find a single tear in the stuffed animal's stitching.
"Strange..." muttered Asgore, for perhaps the fifth time since discovering the stuffed toy curled up next to the tattered couch.
Did it belong to Mabel? Asgore wanted to say yes, but then again, Mabel was a girl who treated stuffed animals like her own children, surely she would not let a Teddy bear become so void of stuffing. And she had a knack for keeping track of her items. If this bear belonged to her, it never would have ended up abandoned outside in the first place...
Maybe the lack of stuffing meant it belonged to Undyne? No, of course not, don't be silly Asgore. Undyne was ferocious, yes, but she is not one to use her own stuffed animal for training practice. And if she did, the Teddy bear would be in tatters...
Maybe Frisk? No, once again. Of the many toys that they had brought up to the surface after their journey in the underground, a Teddy bear was never in Frisk's box. And besides, Frisk is as kind to stuffed animals as Mabel is.
Asgore continued to list off possible owners of the strange toy, and all of them resulted in a no. He was so preoccupied with figuring out this mystery that he never saw Mabel sneaking up on him to scare him. Or so she thought.
Instead, Asgore startled her by jerking his head in her direction, a joyful smile on his face.
"Why howdy Mabel! Trying to give this old soul a scare, are you? I apologize, it will take more than that to catch me by surprise."
"Awwwwww man! Why do you have to be so cool, Goat Dad?!" complimented a pouting Mabel.
Asgore responded with a boisterous laugh, reaching out to scratch Mabel's head with a big warm fluffy paw. "I don't know if I see myself as 'cool'. Just 'prepared.'"
"What are you doing out here, Dad?" asked Frisk, joining Mabel. "I find you sitting on this couch more often than I find you inside. Aren't you cold?"
"Not at all, child!" laughed Asgore. "Winter on the surface is a wonderland compared to the underground. As for what I am currently doing out here..."
Then Asgore held up the malnourished looking Teddy bear for the children to see.
"I found this small toy nestled up next to the couch. I have no idea where it came from or who it may belong to. Would either of you have an idea?"
Frisk took the stuffed animal to inspect it more thoroughly. As they did so, a frown slowly developed on their face.
"There's something about this bear that I don't like..." commented Frisk.
Mabel peaked behind Frisk's shoulders, since Frisk appeared to be too focused on the item to hand it over to her. As she inspected it, her expression turned quizzical.
"It's probably because this poor Teddy is absolutely filthy!" remarked Mabel. "He needs a bath, pronto!"
"Well yes, but that's not what I meant-" Frisk attempted to interject, but the blink of an eye, the Teddy bear was gone from their hands and into Mabel's hands.
"Just look at the poor guy!” said Mabel. “He looks miserable!"
"Are you sure that it's the dirt that's making the Teddy bear look miserable, and not the facial thread itself?" replied Frisk after a few seconds of silence.
They weren't far off. Looking at the toy's face, the stitches and threads definitely gave the Teddy bear a forlorn expression.
"Okay so maybe the designer of this bear hated their job and wanted to let the whole world know," said Mabel, rolling her eyes. "But a clean bear is a happy bear, even if their stitched face does not reflect it!"
"Let her wash the bear Frisk," kindly advised Asgore. "It's best that we have it nice and clean in case its owner shows up to the shack looking for it."
Frisk pouted for a second before conceding with a nod of their head. "Yes Dad."
"Very good," beamed Asgore. He ended the issue by patting Frisk on the head, which managed to coax a smile out of the young ambassador.
"Great! Meet you at the laundry room!" squealed Mabel, darting back inside the house with bear in hand, not feeling the need to drag Frisk with her this time.
This gave Frisk a chance to get up on the couch and sit next to their father. They looked up at him, their stoic expression showing a hint of concern.
"Um... Dad? Mother hasn’t been looking too well..."
"I know, Frisk," said Asgore, his voice low and somber. "As much as it hurts though, we need to leave her be. It's what she wants."
"But is she like this every year? Isn’t that unhealthy for her?" asked Frisk with growing concern.
Asgore gave a long sigh, sinking into the couch despite his sitting position remaining rigid. "That is probably the case, my child. But you know how bad I am at making the right call when it comes to those who are in distress.”
Frisk looked down, not knowing how to reply to that. Instead, they slumped off of the couch, walking over to the back door leading back inside the shack. They turned to Asgore, looking ready to say one last thing, but debating whether or not it will have any effect. Finally, they spoke.
"Then I will."
And they opened the door and walked back inside.
The king let out a downtrodden sigh, unaware of the miniature hole in the side of the couch that appeared to have been bitten into recently.
"And those are the steps involved!" finished Mabel.
"My my! Such a complex system~! Even though I'm sure I could come up with a much better one~ Alas, you beat me to the punch~ I envy you, little Mabel~! "
Mabel had decided to chat with Mettaton, who was in his EX model, while waiting for the loud drying machine to finish drying off the Teddy bear. The discussion had started with Mabel's plans for fixing the Teddy bear, and eventually evolved into discussing an interesting monster from the Underground, named Woshua.
"So wait," said Mabel, "The reason you guys didn't have washing machines in the underground was because you had somebody who was basically their own washing machine? That's wild!"
"Indeed!" confirmed the charming robot. "He was not a fan of it though. At first, the poor fellow was very cross with being one of the very few sources of cleanliness in the underground. And even though they loved to clean, and eventually grew used to their new role in the underground, it was only a matter of time before they began to grow tired of it. Burnout is never to be taken lightly, darling. Remember that~"
"Oh believe me, I'm aware," said Mabel with a wearied huff of laughter. "I've been trying to teach my brother that lesson for the last five years. Actually, for the last forever."
"Oh yes~ The boy gags at the mere thought of taking a break," chuckled Mettaton, before deciding to change the subject. "So, you said that Asgore found this beaten up stuffed toy next to the couch outside? And nobody has seen it prior to today? Sounds like the perfect premise for a B-list horror flick~"
"You mean a flick where the animation is stop-motion and the monsters are made of clay?"
"Well I wouldn't stoop to such shallow effects if I was directing that kind of movie. But yes~"
"Would I be the leading costume designer?!"
"You would splatter bright and loud colors on every single costume, for every single lead and ensemble member, and completely ruin the common color palette of horror movies," said Mettaton. "Of course you would be my leading costume designer~" he added with a smile of delight.
Just then, the dryer emitted a small *ding!* and the machine grew silent.
"Allow me~" said Mettaton, extending his arms to fetch the toy from the dryer without ever having to shift from where he was standing, eyes closed and a glamorous smirk donning his face, like he just finished juggling ten knives flawlessly.
Mabel giggled, rolling her eyes in a teasing manner, and took the bear from the proud robot's hand. "If I could be as glamorous as you are, I don't think my body would be able to handle it. My spirit would break free from this physical vessel and ascend to Glamour Heaven."
"Of course it would! Which is why I, a ghost in the vessel of a robot, am the only one capable of reaching such heights! Although... doing so would mean losing contact with my friends and family, so... I'm going to hold off on that for a while."
"Awwww that's really sweet of you to think of them!" said Mabel, squeezing her bear and swinging it from side to side while keeping it close to her chest.
"Thank you Mabel," said Mettaton, giving the young girl the most genuine smile she had ever seen from him.
Mabel beamed back, and lifted the bear to give it a proper look now that it had been cleaned.
Except for the sullen expression that remained on the toy's face, the bear looked much better. Its fur was radiant and smooth, and its cute beady eyes almost shined. The bear was still somewhat raggedy due to its lack of stuffing, but Mabel decided that she would address that on a later date. Knitting was one thing, but sewing a bear back up was a different beast. A beast she could easily vanquish, but the only weapon in her current arsenal that could slay the beast with was the Mystery Shack's old sewing machine. And that thing was loud. And given the typical luck of the twins, it was probably haunted too.
"I hope this new companion of yours does not spark envy from your pet pig," joked Mettaton, bringing Mabel back to reality.
"Naaah, Waddles is very understanding! Besides, he's lately been very occupied by playing around with Frisk's dog."
"Frisk doesn't own a dog though..."
Suddenly the door for the washing machine burst open, revealing a pig and a Samoyed dog, both sopping wet and smiling. They leaped out of the device, shook themselves clean, yipped and oinked with supposed satisfaction, and trotted out of the laundry room.
"Oh!" exclaimed Mettaton in understanding. "That dog!"
"Yeah, that's the fluff-ruff that I was talking about!" said Mabel, not appearing to be phased by the fact that both the puppy and Waddles managed to get inside an active washing machine and survive. She did know however that there was no collar around the puppy's neck.
"Yeah, he's a curious fellow," admitted Mettaton. "I don't think anybody I know has ownership of that particular puppy. Actually, he has this look in his eyes, like he believes he owns us."
"What, you think we are dealing with a possible puppy dog uprising?!" said Mabel, seeming more excited by the idea than intimidated by it.
"That would be headline-worthy indeed~ Don't let your guard down, my little maple leaf~" joked Mettaton, using the nickname that he had established for Mabel.
"Oh stop," replied Mabel, playfully elbowing Mettaton's leg, since that was as high as her elbow could reach.
"I should probably get going," continued Mabel. "Don't wish to keep you from your singing! Sounds great by the way! The next time I host a karaoke night, remind me to invite you!"
"No need to invite me! I am more than happy to crash your party~" proudly proclaimed Mettaton, which Mabel guessed was his way of expressing gratitude for being invited. "Now run along, darling~!"
When Frisk found Mabel again, it was in the parlor room. She was in a rocking chair, rocking back and forth excitedly, her arms extended forward and wiggling the bear in her hands.
"And I’m gonna call you Mr. SnuggleLots, and you'll be the honorary guest at my next tea party, and I'll introduce you to Waddles, ooh, OOH! And also I'm gonna find a way to get more stuffing for you so you can be all plushy again!! GO ME!!!"
"Hello again, Mabel," greeted Frisk.
"Frisk!" exclaimed an excited Mabel, her face lighting up when she saw them. She sprung out of the rocking chair, shoving the Teddy bear into Frisk's field of vision so it was the only thing that they could see. "Look at this sparkling clean little cub! Isn't he the cuuuuuuutest thing ever!?"
"I admit that he looks a little better now that he is clean," admitted Frisk, "but I'm still unnerved by how abandoned he looks."
"One step at a time, Frisko," soothed Mabel, patting Frisk on their shoulder. "I am going to put Mr. SnuggleLots through Mabel's Rehabiliteddy Program™!"
"Mabel's Rehabiliteddy Program™?" repeated Frisk, subconsciously surprised by their own curiosity. "What is that?"
"A list of steps I've made for abandoned Teddy bears that I find. I would have told you about this earlier if you joined me in the laundry room, but it's okay; I'm telling you now!"
"So what are the daily steps?"
"Day one is washing the bear. Day two is feeding the bear. Day three is a tea party for the bear. For Mr. SnuggleLots, I may need to add a fourth day for emergency surgery to take care of his unsatisfactory level of stuffing."
"Or to locate the owner of the bear," responded Frisk.
Hearing that, a thought crossed Mabel's mind.
"Yeah, but, here's the thing," said Mabel, beginning to lightly pace in a circle, "What if this bear has no owner?"
"What gave you that idea, Mabel?" asked Frisk, tilting their head and raising an eyebrow inquisitively.
"Mettaton and I encountered the white dog again. You know, the one that I saw in the cave full of ice crystals? Ooo that reminds me I still want to make a charm necklace with the crystal that you gave me BUT ANYWAY-! That dog? He had no owner!"
"So you believe we are dealing with a stray Teddy bear?" deduced Frisk, having followed Mabel's line of thinking after deciding that explaining the difference between stuffed animals and pets to her would be futile.
"I'm not saying we are," corrected Mabel, lightly poking Frisk in the center of their chest. "But I'm saying we could be."
"I see," said Frisk.
"So, if need be, day five will be dedicated to finding a home for this little tyke if we can't locate his original owner!" concluded Mabel, squishing the bear one more time before setting it down on the rocking chair. It said in a sitting position for a few seconds before the insufficient amount of stuffing caused it to slump over. "Day four will definitely be for stuffing him up again though."
"That sounds like a plan," concurred Frisk. "I have one more question though."
"Ask away!" said Mabel, folding her arms and taking a proud stance.
"Is there any downside to doing more than one step on the same day?" proposed Frisk.
"Not really..." said Mabel, beginning to gently pace in a circle as she contemplated Frisk's question. "It depends on how the bear is feeling. I can just tell from the fur and the face if they wish to speed up the process or not. But for Mr. SnuggleLots..." she glances to the slouched form of the thin bear, "I believe taking our time is crucial. As much as I don't wish to spread it out, it is better in the long run. Malnourished creatures can easily get sick if you try to take care of them all at once."
"You learned that from Dipper, didn't you?" said Frisk with a knowing smirk.
Mabel blushed slightly. "Yeah..." she admitted, "...but I'm the one who puts his knowledge to good use!" she added, regaining her honor.
"Well that's good," said Frisk, the smirk becoming a smile. Then they walked over to the bear and picked it up. "We should probably get this guy to our bedroom."
The rest of the day went by relatively quickly. Frisk and Mabel enjoyed dinner with the rest of the crew, though Dipper was absent, and Sans as well, strangely. All the while, Mr. SnuggleLots was sitting pretty and piper atop the nightstand that separated Dipper's bed from Mabel's. When Frisk and Mabel returned to the bedroom, Dipper was still fast asleep.
"Wanna draw a mustache on him???" asked Mabel with a devilish grin.
"It's best we don't test him," said Frisk, before adding with a sly smirk "Another time perhaps~"
Mabel giggled once more before stifling a yawn. "Goodnight Frisk."
"Goodnight Mabel," replied Frisk, sleeping into their sleeping bag.
Then the lights went off.
Just as Mabel suspected, the middle of the night had Dipper suddenly turning in his bed. But it wasn't because of how royally messed up his atomic clock was.
It was in fact because his face was being blasted with hot air that smelled like dog breath.
“mmmmf… mmmno… no I don’t need anymore candy… mm? chocolate taffy? Mmmmmy favorrriiiite…"
Then there was an audible "huff" and Dipper was wide awake.
And there, atop of Dipper's chest, face hovering over his...
Was a plum furred, hungry bear. One that was very much alive. And Drooling.
SKIP TO PART 3
NEXT CHAPTER (Coming Soon to the Mystery Shack!)
ONCE UPON A TIME...
TABLE OF CONTENTS
this was surprisingly hard because half of them I wanted to throw in f, but then felt guilty about it so here’s where we are. explanations under the cut to be nice (fair warning: I’m writing this while tipsy so this is a journey)
Old Fritz: look me in the eyes. look at me. are you looking? good. where else was I was going to put him? where? in C with the other losers? foolish. I am ruining my life for this man, I’m going to go into debt so I can be moderately qualified to write books on him so Tim Blanning and Christopher Clark don’t boo my off the stage. I sit here sometimes and I’m like ‘y’know, I would start a podcast to talk about his life’ as if I’m some straight white guy who thinks any of you want to listen to me for an hour. he’s a bastard, a smug bastard, and is the epitome of self-destructive tendencies. and, honestly, I wouldn’t mind if he wasn’t so fucking misogynistic all the time. ‘oh women aren’t fit to rule’ shut up Fritz before I time travel to fuck your wife and make her have one night where life feels worthwhile. but he’s funny, I enjoy how he does foreign policy, and he’s unfortunately relatable to me. cheers, Fritz. here’s to never being satisfied from one gay disaster with anger issues to another. may we burn in hell together
Friedrich iii: “Suzanne, he was only on the throne for 99 days!! how can he be this high up when some of these bastards refused to die?” I hear you, my friends, and I have answers. I’ll tell you two words you’ll be shocked to hear put together: liberal Hohenzollern. a rare breed, isn’t it? imagine, friends, a world where he got over his throat cancer because he listened to a doctor and we get through the 1910s, 20s, even the 30s without Wilhelm II Electric Boogaloo being in power. Prussia is still on the map, the Anglo-Prussian alliance is strong, and I live in peace. but no. this stupid man had to keep smoking. because he’s selfish and doesn’t care about my needs. you know, he actually loved his wife. rare in this family. loved her and wasn’t abusive. the bar is so low, guys. and his wife is amazing too, Victoria. the world would’ve been in competent hands if they’d been in power longer (and Bismarck would’ve been out of a job still but at least these guys are smart. their son inherited grandma Vicki’s IQ). I would sleep with both of them and would thank them for the honor (when it should always be the other way around, remember that)
Friedrich I: if your name is Friedrich and only Friedrich, we’re buds. that’s my rule. I have to give him credit where credit’s due. he was the first. while I agree with Fritz in his proscription that he was ‘small in big ways and big in small ways’ (I may have flipped that around), he wasn’t a bad guy. he just was born into the wrong job for him. I appreciate that he rode on his father’s coattails of proving useful to the Habsburgs and did a little himself to get that sweet, sweet kingship. smart move. I also like that he saw Louis XIV and said to himself “I stan, I kin, on God we’re gonna do that’ and tried. only for have his stupid, ungrateful, unclassy son to do away with that. I, too, am a woman of luxury and self-indulgance and if I had all the riches of Brandenburg and Prussia at the time (not much), I would spend them ridiculously on outfits and music and art. now, what did he do as king? what policy legacy did he leave behind? that’s a good one :)
Friedrich Wilhelm III: now as a king he sucks. and I stand by this because, you know, he lost to him *imagine me pretending to be short and saying ‘oui, oui’ in a bad french accent*. and as any proper Englishwoman I can’t support a monarch who goes around losing to the French unless their name is Mary I. but, he’s a pathetic little man. he really is. so indecisive, so unsure of himself. what are you doing little guy? you think because your last name is Hohenzollern, God thinks you’re a good king? well it is like 1805 and, while divine right isn’t really being used as much, it’s as good as any reason on why you’re the chosen one and my family is eating dirt in Sicily and on the Scottish border. he’s really just a dude, nothing extraordinary about him except that his wife was the only one with brains and was the first to establish that (sorry Wilhelm I). he cried when he found out that his children didn’t call him ‘papa’ and went into a deep depressive state when his wife suddenly died. he’s an average man, of average abilities, but of big heart. and the big heart is what bumps him up, for me, from his old place as an F to a C. though, his moralizing is tedious
Friedrich Wilhelm II: this man should have partied with Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. everyone’s got that one ruler whose all about sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll. for the US it’s JFK, for the UK it’s Margaret Thatcher Charles II, France has Louis XIV. Prussia has this guy and we should thank him. so many mistresses, so much sex, so much revelry and debauchery and sin! this guy’s personal life is like a treasure trove of political and sexual intrigue. if you’re into that - as I am as a town gossip - you’ll love him. I am constantly amazed by the fact that some STD didn’t kill him. syphilis, herpes, crabs. something, man, anything. but he didn’t. he’s a shit king though. absolutely horrible. all he did was whine that he didn’t get taught anything by Uncle Fritz and, yes, that’s not good if it’s true (but it’s not completely because the treatises are detailed but I guess he didn’t have time to read) but c’mon. actually apply yourself and learn on the job. I know that would’ve required him to not be balls deep somewhere, but unfortunately he’s not Dorian Gray. there’s work that needed to be done and he didn’t do it. boo!!
Wilhelm I: apparently he was a good guy, unlike the other 3 who populate the lowest rungs of Prussian kinghood. so I give him that and I can respect that. but what did he do? what were his own ideas? I thought about putting Bismarck as king instead because, really, he was. Bismarck was a minister who ran around the king’s back to set things up exactly as he liked and it fucking worked because he was the brains. his wife was intelligent too, but theirs wasn’t a wamr and loving marriage. and Bismarck worked to get Wilhelm to distrust her because she was liberal and the fact that Wilhelm would listen to Otto even if it meant allowing himself to be drowned in the Rhine is pathetic. fun party at Versailles though. hope it was worth the war reparations
F-tier (bastard time) I’m going in a different order because I want to go from the ones I hate least to most xoxo
Friedrich Wilhelm IV: “I won’t accept a crown from the gutter” then you won’t accept a crown at all, stupid idiot! god, the smugness. the authoritarian impulses. I know it was the cool thing in 1848 to put down any revolts/protests with as much force as possible, but man, at least the Habsburgs were transparent. homie was like “yeah guys lol I’ll make a constitution and it’ll be epic! you’ll have so many rights! xoxo gossip girl” and then...nope. and AND he wanted the Habsburgs in charge of things too! Mr. ‘I’m Nostalgic For When HRE Was Great And We Blew Austrian Dick!’ grow up man. it’s Prussia time buddy, Austria is beginning to fall apart. don’t look to the past, look to the future, but you didn’t have that vision did you?
Wilhelm II: *banging pots and pans* I blame this man for everything! now, intellectually, does Germany take all the blame for WWI? no, that’s foolish and propaganda of the Allies only. if you’re a European power in 1914, you get to share the blame (ex: why did UK need to make this a naval arms race? Austria should’ve declared war on Serbia sooner if that’s what it wished to do. Russia, please stay out of the Balkans then and forever). but does my irrational hatred of Wilhelm blind me to this truth when I see his stupid face and that ugly fucking mustache that I wish to yank off? my god, yes. I see him and Rule Britannia and The Yanks Are Coming start playing so loud in my head and I’m like ‘yeah, the kaiser’s gonna pay.’ I’m sorry that Bismarck’s ego was bigger than yours but did you have to prove him right by getting incompetent buffoons who were playing checkers when he set the board up for chess to replace him? Did you have to prove Freud right by displacing private problems onto public life with your little tit-for-tat with George IV (VI?) because his mummy loved you more? Why did you need to fuck every naval vessel you saw like an inferior of Peter the Great who believed he was Sir Francis Drake? but that’s just the first war and he lived to see things setting up for the second. wasn’t in convenient for you to be close with the [email protected]
when you thought they might want a king back on the throne and you could reclaim your little tyrant. like every goddamn Prussian conservative or Junker, you thought you could play the tyrannical cockroach. sure, you figured out earlier that he was no pal, but you still collaborated and you still allowed yourself to get played like the weak man of conscience you are. cheers!
Friedrich Wilhelm I: ladies and gentleman, the moment you’ve all been waiting for! the biggest bastard straight outta Berlin, FW1! and who doesn’t love an abusive father? who doesn’t love a man, so insecure and pathetic, that he needs to terrorize children to be able to look at himself and have a little pride. I understand that it was because he wanted his kids, specifically Fritz, to be best. but being best and perfect meant being miniature versions of him and aren’t we supposed to want our children to be better than a carbon-copy of a small man? honestly, I could live with the occasional smack for this time period. it’s within the norm and, while horrible, isn’t irreparably damaging. this guy really had to beat the shit out of Fritz and Wilhelmina and I’m sure Augustus and Henry and Amalia and all the others (so many kids) didn’t get spared either because if you hit one, you’ll hit ‘em all. and I judge them for their flaws all the same but, for some of them, it gets hard to. because what fighting chance did they have when their father was telling them how worthless they were and beating them senseless and threatening death and life imprisonment on some? I’m constantly impressed by Henry and Fritz and Wilhelmina for amounting to any semblance of maturity, even though it’s always fleeting, because this man didn’t give them the tools to be functioning adults. but each of them managed to be greater than their father, as did Amalia managing a really cool coup in Sweden. and what did FW1 get? he built up his army, had a tall guy fetish, increased the treasury, and made the cabinet and executive offices more efficient. there used to be this one guy on here that would argue that that was all a good king made and that this lowlife didn’t deserve the contempt he got by some on here (an obvious vague of me) for his behavior as a father. and maybe I’m a crackpot, but I believe the quality of a man outshines all those other achievements and that that’s meaningless to me, in my personal life. and when I get to hell, before I go to any of these other men, I’ll go to him and ask him how hell’s fires feel because, if his God was real, it would never love him. and that’s beautiful
thoughts on the new movie? :)
hi anon! i’m going to assume you mean the new little women movie bc it’s the last film i saw and also my url would indicate that it’s the only thing i currently and ever will care about (which is the correct thing to assume)
i honestly. loved it so much. which says a lot because my hopes were SO HIGH as i didn’t even have it in me to be skeptical about it bc i was so excited and yet it still exceeded all expectations. i openly wept throughout and like idk i have many thoughts idk if i can make them all coherent but i will damn well TRY.
the casting first of all was,,,,,, chef’s kiss. perfection.
i already knew saoirse was going to be the perfect jo and i had every faith in florence and eilza (more on that soon) but it was emma watson that really surprised me as meg. i guess i just didn’t really think it was inspired casting when i first heard about it but she’s literally perfect for the role and oh my god congrats to meg for marrying such a STONE COLD HOT NERD john ‘it’s a lovely greenhouse’ brooks you have my heart. also the cursed ringlets scene that continues to give me hives to this day? her ‘MARMEEEEE’ omg queen of comedy?
did i cry like i was trying to stop a drought during saoirse’s ‘woman have minds’ monologue? you bet i did!!!!!! this is going to be the clip they play when she gets her oscar nom isn’t it?? rightly so.
eliza scalen how dare you make me cry like that i was a convulsing sobbing mess thank u so much for reassuring me that my tear ducts still work. also her lil scene where she fed joanna when all the other girls were fighting. a pure bean.
FLORENCE PUGH GREATEST ACTRESS OF OUR GENERATION.
FLORENCE PUGH ACADEMY AWARD WHEN????
FLORENCE PUGH DUMP ZACH BRAFF AND DATE ME CHALLENGE (no fr i will forever have the most chilling and vivid memory of hearing they were a thing bc i had legit JUST been served nachos and just had to sit there pretending to enjoy my nachos with that knowledge fresh in my brain and i blame him for me going on a nachos hiatus)
anyway we know i love jo bc hi look at my url but this film solidified my status as an amy girl through and through. i’ve forever been a defender of amy re: manuscriptgate but this whole movie just did the best job of showing everyone else that she’s the GOAT of the march sisters. and florence is my favourite amy ever. i can swither over all my favourite interpretations of the other march girls but not. florence!amy is for life not just for christmas. the scene where she talked about her feet outside laurie’s house physically changed me as a person and i would like a personal oscar nom for miss florence’s phlegmy cry alone.
and that brings me to... timothee chalamet nation, you... are valid. maybe i stan lil timmy tim now. maybe his delivery of ‘I’M FINE’ did something to a girl. he did the perfect job of showing how much of a fuckboy laurie is but like. he’s my FAVOURITE fuckboy and i am forever grateful for the time and attention given to laurie and amy’s relationship throughout the movie instead of having it bookended in there with a shove and zero care. also this movie did such a good job of portraying laurie’s relationships with all the marches instead of just jo and amy which i LOVED. like when he danced with meg and how he was always putting his arm around beth and asking aunt march to dance at meg’s wedding. god bless.
laura dern as marmee... idk i have nothing to say because i’ll just CRY. please adopt me. that scene at the kitchen table DID ME THE FUCK IN HOW AM I EXPECTED TO RECOVER FROM THAT MAKE IT MAKE SENSE LUV I WAS A MESS.
and i’ll be totally honest. i’ve honestly never been a bhaer fan? idk i know that’s a little like sacrilege these days but all i feel is this emotional detachment from him and that was only furthered in this movie because of all the changes like him being french instead of german. i’ve never been a fan of like large age differences as well even tho yes yes i know different eras and his maturity is there to counteract jo’s attitude but idk maybe i liked that he was younger even though i know a lot of people are pissed about that so it’s... not something i’ll go into detail about because i just. don’t care about him. i’m SORRY. altho i liked meg and amy’s involvement in the umbrella scene.
i was also!!!! a little confused at first by greta’s choice to use flashbacks instead of telling the story in a linear way? but i really liked it because we’re used to seeing everything happen in chronological order through all the other adaptations so i liked the fresh spin on things and CAN YOU SAY LIGHTING. the warm colours for the flashbacks and the cold colours for how everything is for the march’s present day. AGAIN CHEF’S KISS.
this is honestly getting too long omg you probably just wanted me to say good or bad or something i’m sorry i just have so many feelings because this story is so important to me and i feel so lucky to have such a good adaptation of it god bless ahhhh anyway FIVE STARS GO SEE LITTLE WOMEN TELL FLORENCE PUGH I’M SINGLE
mamma mia here we go again (reacting to the marble hornets stream part 3)
so im starting off at season 3 part 1 or https://www.twitch.tv/videos/591336335 !! hfcdosihsdoh lets do this gaymers
first of all, gaymer tim wasn't something i necessarily thought i needed but its lowkey my new lifeline
and were already starting off with the cursed chat content
oh boy were under water??
were almost at entry 69-
"in real life i threw a wrench and almost lost it"
awe he ignored our 69 jokes :((
i miss the classic sideburns from season 1 honestly
they were even more iconic then the brian shirt-
oohhhh my boii got his polE!!!!
"were livin in the zone now bud, time isnt real!..i mean its always been fake but right now its extra fake"
oooo spooky time lads
the way tim pronounces "bud" is a whole aesthetic
uhhh hey buddy what are you doing with that piPE-
oh were he goin-
hoodie you aint sneaky your literally wearing a bright yellow jacket i-
HOW THE HELL IS ALEX DENSE ENOUGH TO N O T NOTICE HOODIE
THIS BITCH HAVE HIS GLASSES ON??
"we learned that lesson during the entry where joseph swats me while im peeing"
lets go film the dead body w h o o
oh shit these lads gucci??
well,,,,,,that dosent look very cash money bois
that does uhh not look cash money there buddy
i geniunely cannot tell if my headphones are breaking or thats just the audio affects-
this bitch needs a SNICKERS
correction, he need some milk
when was the last time jay showered
when was the last time anyone on this damn show showered
"i am the anti cinema sins"
in-show tim stands so w e i r d l y
"I guess i could have unbuttoned one more button....just to be saucy"
and the chat goes wild over tim unbuttoning his shirt
t i m a s m r
is that the mattress he was talking about in season 2??
my jumpscare senses are tingling
hoodie really said stay hydrated
is hoodie the only goddamn sensible person in this-
also,,does alex have a beard??
*joseph pretending to literally kill troy* "i guess i can see how people were nervous to approach him at cons n stuff"
"this is the one with the wOrds!!"
for some reason zim from invader zim vibes
"N I C E"
*tim, sassing in-show him* "would it have killed me to not wear such baggy ass pants all the time"
"i sound extra folxsy in this one"
"buddy aint you supposed to take those when you wake up??"
*jay calling tim out*
did literally everyone forget
"just guys being dudes"
hey buddy thats p r o b a b l y not n o t h i n g
tim is that A L K E E H O L
hes climbing up the structure thing and everybody in the chat is chanting "ASS SHOT" im crying
i dont think jays complaining tho-
"now that is some cinemetography folx"
tim: somebodys out there??
thefruitsaladking in the chat: tims ass cheeks clapped too loudly while climbing
tims ass singlehandedly destroyed everyone how did this happen
this entire entry is just pure fanservice
boyfriend down guys
the h o l e s
"thisonewa s dE eP"
HES ACTUALLY DOING THE ASMR IM GOING TO CRY HARDER
im going to actually sob this chat has gone completely haywire first it was tims scrumptious ass and now its his asmr with the entire chat yelling N U T this has sent me to a farther dimension
this entire damn entry is like a damn fanservice fanfic fuckin feverdream i love and hate it
oh boy were in a car yall know what this means
alex thats i l l e g a l
"isnt alex the nicest! hes so sweet~"
"u h o h"
"hes sO sWeEt y e t hes telling F I B S"
"slenderman is just alex's sidechick"-Rat_Lord420
spooky count: 500
[anxious breathing intensifies]
"Camera go brRRrrRRR"
DONT TRY TO REASON WITH THE D E M O N
*tim refusing to accept hes a boomer*
nice shoelaces alex
"this fella knows a thing or two about home renovation"
alex is jeleous
jay really just got a surprise vibe check lmao
and alex tries to kill somebody else.........a g a i n....
oh he sleepin
alex is such a shitty murderer yet gets away with AlL oF iT
and the gays are back for his kneecaps
"people like uS"
"doNt jiNx iT"
he opens doors weirdly-
whos house is this??
oooooo he knows
t e n s i o n
mr smart man tim
"did you bring a flashlight by any chance?" *FLASHBACKS*
"stay down!" *dosent stay down*
look jay no offense but your not exactly the brain cell holder between the two of you
i will bet my whole ass soul theirs something behind them
listen to your current boyfriend jay
"he keeps the eXtRa SaUcY shirt in his bag"
oh yeah hes definately there
when they turn to the window-
dont do it sHoRtY
together yall are like 5' chill
basement time its basement timeee
hhhhhhh im bracing mySELF
I FEEL LIKE SOMETHINGS ABOUT TO HAPPEN THAT I FORGOT AND ITS GOING TO SCARE THE SHIT OUTTA ME I KNOW IT AaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa
run?? whERE YA SUPPOSED TO GO??
also kinda called it kinda
tim really said Y E E T over that fence
dont leave your boyfriend to diE
you literally left him behind and now your wondering where he went?? maybe tim wasnt the one with the braincell ;-;
hes so desperate to find his boyfriend awe
THE COUGH DROPS-
"be a smoker for a couple years and you can fake cough with the best of them-dont actually do that tho"
"Tim Wright was patient zero"-EyelessA
THAT BITCH DEAD
oh my gawd i love this shot-
like i dont even have a quote or a joke its just a genuinely good piece of work
nevermind tims about to try and stab a literal demon in the name of his dead gay boyfriend
plot twist he dead
fellas is it gay to try and stab the thing that tried to kill your boyfriend even though you have the lungs of an 80 year old and own fashion monstrosities such as the yellow shirt from season 1
the most jam-fanservice entries are #69, #76 and #72 ;)
return of the mattress 3
THAT WAS NOT WHO I THOUGHT IT WAS S H I T
parkour boy hoodie
conveniently placed meds t i m
*takes random ass pills he finds on the floor*
okay so someone in the chat was like "does brian where the crusty ass jacket and pants or does he own multiple pairs" and tim was like "up to you guys" and now i have officially decided its canon that hoodie hasn't changed nor washed his clothes since season 1
how come literally no one questions the crusty man walking down the street in a crusty ass mask at like midnight
tim has a banjo? i stan
legend says that that one brick bunker tim lived on still is standing
tim teaching us economics!!
hoodie: N O P E
i love the tim quoting vines
s p r i n t
tim and the chat straight up share the same braincell lmao
there are 2 moods in marble hornets: the first is getting your head violently bashed in by alex kralie and the second is watching tim casually buy doritos
"look at that swoOp folx"
dorito man tim
"i didnt discover conditioner until like....2016"
"wives are essential to straight guy hygiene" tim thats why you and jay are too crusty dusty gay cowboys who share a singular braincell
your cough drops??
give this man,,,,an inahler,,,,maybe a,,a nap??
"dont share your meds, ESPECIALLY if their free"
tim's "bud" count: 8429903840239840384839848329048348490238
tim's assigned life essentials: beef jerky and NUTS
they watched space jam so WHOLESOME
jays and tims dinner date ft beef n nuts but 6 feet apart because we cant make this gay
almost every comment on 2:01:39 to 2:1:53 is cursed so im going to read off the best
"his meds were actually penis enlargement pills"-crisscrocs
"justin beiber haircut jay"-beelsasoftie
"They were anticonvulsants to make sure he doesn't dance on the floor"-randompheonix1306
"Jay got his prescription viagra"-bluughnme
i stan all of you
lets move on
"give him a whOOpin in the ass"
how come none of yall have a PLAN
"his sideburns are gone? his entire face is side burned! what are you talking about?"
tims hair was a solid block BET
i was gonna make a comment about how the h e l l you get your foot stuck in a ceiling but then i remembered thats totally something id do oop
spider tim returns
conspiracy theory tim sutton is a vampire
JAY STOP ZOOMING IN ON TIMS ASS
add,,,75 or 76 to the fanservice entries
im laughing so hard im actually about to shed a tear thats not a joke-
tim, reading off from the chat: "what if jay just wanted to film tims ass?" well, i mean who wouldnt?
damn, tim has some real speed lol
jay zoom on tim count: 3
W O A H T H E R E B U D D Y
is it just me or did jay just homoerotically pin tim against the wall? *checks chat* d e f i n a t e l y not just me
okay so i know yall cant see this w/ me but im at 02:10:12....between the angle in which the camera was dropped, tims noises, and the previous scenes.....this straight up just looks and sounds like p0rn
"woah jay at least buy him dinner first"-beeisasoftie
"the fic writes itself in this one"-bluughnme
*tim and jay fighting* "this would be more intimidating if you couldnt knock jay over with a strong wind"-lichsorcerer
"GO ON A FIRST DATE BEFORE DOING THAT DAAMN XD"-arcticwolf7587, and to that i say, they already have-
look jay my guy chill pls were worried
also sorry jay but your the scrawniest little rat man ive ever seen, tim could beat ur ass up no tea no shade no cap
see this proves my point you pale skinny stick man
hes quite literally picking up girls
what a gentlemen
"heck the police"
it has been confirmed tim does not like fun
Alex: S T O P YOU VIOLATED THE LAW
JESSICA IS A QUEEN AND A BADASS
where tf did alex even come from tho
headcannon: alex is colorblind
theyve comitted like 4 crimes irl while filming this and its only the first part of season 3
o o p
i swear you would have been better off with hoodie and masky then alex
hoodie didnt even tackle alex or throw a punch he just straight up SAT ON HIM
o h n o
f in the chat lads jessica got vibe checked
"thats the good stuff folx, thats what i call it! the good stuff"
no shit kralie
bitch you k n o w who it is-
it looks like a fuckin butter knife lmao
"tiIIIIIIIIIIiIiIiIIIIIIIiiIIiiIIIIMMm gIvE mE mY cAmErAaAAaaA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
tims all evil n shit till jay pisses on his floor and eats his cat while hes gone
tim is literally just a concerned boyfriend
o h n o
jay better not be naked again goddamit
hoodies like "i did NOT expect YOU to be here-"
your literally backing yourself into a corner jay
*hoodie tosses him the knife* oop
this just took a 180
and i like it-
look at this GENTLEMEN
did tim really expect jay to be there when he got out tho
i thought that was like a dude in the corner-
jay can have a little basic human rights, as a treat
"oH nOw YoU wAnT sOmE,,I sEe HoW iT iS"
woods, h u h ?
tim has not used a door ONCE why is he suddenly-
tim was a fucking theatre kid I KNEW IT
thats actually kinda a wholesome reference
thats all i have too sAy
that wall does n o t look very happy with that hoodie
THERE HE GOES
f l a n n e l
you are literally the most suspicious person ever jay
"the sutton strut"-FingerLickinz
chill guys hes just going to church
mission impossible but its just entry #77
i like his abott voice
god level flashlight that tim wielding huh
*CHAIRS FALLING OVER, LOUD BANGING, METAL AGAINST METAL, HEAVY BREATHING AND FOOTSTEPS* tim: wow im so alone in this completely empty building that has no one else in it and absolutely nothing is following me because im alone
the bloody w h a t n o w
i havent sat down and watched this whole thing in a good 2 or 3 years, so i know what happens,,but i dont at the same time and i am SCARED
also jay sitting towards the window is a mood
remain seated everyone it is time to CRY
THE CHATS GONNA RIOT
okay so we have like 7 more entries to go next season y e e t
hope yall like our commentary!! :D
-Tim, Alex, Toby, and BEN
Just to let you know, you’re one of the best bloggers I met in this thrice damned site and I admire you a lot. Honestly, you give me a lot of hope, and your metas are fucking amazing. Sometimes I come here if I want to calm my obsessions down and be rational. I’m the kind of person who ends up easily fixated on a character if I identify with them, so I end up focusing on them and daydreaming about em, and Timmy is my latest fixations which makes me gloss over his flaws pretty easily 1/2
2/2 so coming here and reading your analysis about him and seeing some of his flaws makes me more rational, ya know? Like, Timmy is a great character and pretty fucking badass but he’s still human. He makes mistakes, he judges, he has flaws and all that shit. And idealizing him and shitting on other characters, like I see some extreme stans, is pretty shitty. Honestly, shitting on any character is Shitty, tbh. Let people enjoy their stuff. Anyway, sorry for rant, I’m maniac so eh 🤷🏼♀️thnx!
As far as how I think, I feel as if that’s a perfectly normal thing to happen, at least to people that have a habit of getting hyperfixated. And even I had the problem for a little while.
When you feel so connected to something, it hurts that there could be any flaw about the character. You want to ignore it, bury it, pretend it’s not there.
But in my case I learned to realize that it would be very very boring without character’s having flaws. The mark of a good character isn’t in how little flaws they have, it’s about how well-written they are.
Timmy’s just a kid. While he’s smart, caring, naive, cute, dweebie, sensitive emotionally at least internally, things that make you really really like him (at least for 90s Tim who is my jam, later Tim feels like a total different character to me so I don’t quite like him). He still has flaws, he can be a little insensitive since he’s new and naive to the bigger world and how people can feel to the point it’s probably hurtful, he can be quite passive aggressive to people he’s not enjoying being around him at which ever moments he’s not enjoying it, can be way too trusting even (at least at the start), as well as have his temper come out when he’s completely overwhelmed.
He’s not a perfect person, but the way he and his world is set up, as well as his likable traits. If you’re into his type of character and world, you can’t help but love him. Because all good characters have something likable about them, and struggles and problems that make them feel real. Not being a perfect person given the fact he is just a kid and therefore is expected to not be Mr Maturity.
Sadly I think another great reason why people are so sensitive over their fav’s flaws is just how other people use it against them. I’ve seen a few people now use panels of Tim having a fit to act like as if his natural mode is being an angry shouter, when no, that isn’t the case, and it is very dumb to act otherwise.
It’s why I think, in another way, people just need to realize that character’s having flaws mean nothing. It’s the quality of the writing and especially at the least how you just like him that matters.
At this point it ends up in people making completely new character’s in the desire to keep them looking pure or at least have this nice shiny complexion. Just look at Damian or Steph, they’d have you believe they’re just sensitive and sweet people that only made simple harmless mistakes that they’re past now. When, if ya actually read and pay attention to their comics, is obviously not the case.
Steph had a whole few issues showing how emotionally abusive she could be, and it was all brushed aside because her creator that was still writing Robin at the time didn’t want her to look bad. Same stuff with Damian and Tomasi, or even Taylor at this point.
But in my eyes, it means nothing that they do such bad things, because that doesn’t make them bad characters, it’s how they’re written that makes them poor characters in my mind.
Jason had a bag full of decapitated heads one time in his best and most well-known story, you think that’s going to make him a bad character? That’s ridiculous, he was so well-written in that story. That story is why he’s still popular to this day, given so many people haven’t really liked any story he’s been in since. Look at his sales recently, they’re so garbage or mediocre at best for years now. Yet so many people still like him, because he was just so well-written at one point. Same for Tim, who has sold and has been written like garbage for years. His fanbase may not be as active anymore given how long his garbage writing been going on for, but when he was written well, he was so so popular.
Using character flaws, or using character flaws in a false context, to use as reasons to call a character bad is ridiculous. Or even just using their flaws to act like that’s the whole character. That makes no freaking sense to me. How awful media would be if every character was flawless? Where would the drama and character come from then? Now imagine if a character flaw that sometimes barely even happens represented their whole character or should be used to change your whole opinion despite how it’s not actually that bad in context. How depressing would that be.
It’s so bland.
Every character has their flaws, and everybody has their own opinion on those characters or relationships good or bad, and I feel we should be allowed to say them.
But people’s unwillingness to keep it rational and easy going has created this toxic unhealthy environment for people. I’m not happy with it one bit.
And also I’d like to thank you so so much for being an absolute sweetheart. Knowing that I’ve actually gained admiration and hope from someone gives me satisfaction that I never felt like I’d actually reach ever in life. It’s a little butterfly feeling in my stomach, but not in an anxious way, just a genuinely happy way just to here it. That little smile that pops up without you even meaning to do it.
Thank you so much. <3
More comic stan twitter bullshit, again. Living rent free.
So yeah, I might have just let my mouth run with the character created out of homophobia. I worded it badly sorry. I just felt that since Chuck Dixon was so homophobic and right wing that he pushed Tim to be straight, just like with Connor Hawke multiple times, cause he didn’t want any trace of homosexuality in comics:
I just felt it was at least a factor. Tim has had other gfs yes, but where are they now? And I literally don’t hate any of the others (Ari, Zoe, Tam, Cassie is a fav but that was just bad writing for both at the time). I either don’t care about them (Cause I have trouble with civilians compared to superheroes), or when I do I just don’t ship them and let them be. I just have issues with Steph cause she’s done problematic things to Tim and I’m allowed to not like a character if their personality doesn’t vibe with me. If she didn’t do them, she’d join the rest. I thought that was normal in fandom?
And I literally do have wlw complements, I have posts on CissieCassie and Harleyivy instead of the het counterparts. I just don’t focus on them cause wlw isn’t my identity and I don’t see many posts on them unless I go looking myself (note to self). You’re just generalizing me because I don’t like one female character or the ship she’s primarily attached to. That’s the reason why I didn’t give Steph an alternative like StephCass, cause why would I ship a fav with a least fav? I know some people do stuff like that which makes no sense.
But you go through my blog so you probably should know that, such as:
So yeah, you’re right. I mixed up Roy for Wally in a post FROM 2016
I didn’t even read NTT then, only small panels here and there, I didn’t read many outside-Gotham titles, but now I have been for a while. And now that I have read a lot of NTT by now, it is silly in retrospect. But how can you just dismiss my entire knowledge based on a confusion four years ago?
So this doesn’t matter, not including digital and single issues?:
So my entire special interest is a lie cause I didn’t read NTT before 2016 and confused two red heads in a random reblog (cause I didn’t think they’d include the same character twice). Do you not think I could’ve read more since then? Do you not think I could read more about Titans and know Dick and Roy have a stronger relationship, and adjust accordingly? I don’t even ship JayRoy anymore cause of RHATO, tbh I forgot that post existed.
Also how can I fetishise myself? I’m literally a gay guy, it’s impossible, which you should know since you went through my stuff. I was simply asking for positive rep that makes sense. I’ve seen the stuff that called me a yaoi-stan het girl. I swear, some of ya’ll just forget gay men are in fandom and just pretend we don’t want our own canon content, which is kinda offensive.
If you’re such a fan of me, so much so as to go through my shit when it was tagged accordingly, even back to 4 years ago when I was different then, why don’t you say your shit here instead of talking smack about me to your following on Twitter? Stop assuming the worst out of people and overreacting, I’ve explained myself enough and you’re mocking me for out of date stuff cause you’re just looking for something to hate. Just block me ffs if you don’t wanna see people not like your fav, I did it to you.
Dot paused, looking between Jason Todd and Damian Wayne. While the predicament wasn’t anything life threatening to the boys, it could be life threatening to other people in the Haushold if either of them walked away in a bad mood. And she was trying to diffuse the situation by... well, she didn’t know yet.
Damian wore his displeasure on his face, scrunched up in a way Dot’s only seen in his comics. It tickled the Mama Bear in her, wanting to squeeze that little face between her hands and coo over it. She’s been able to distract him like that before, Damian feeling a little too much like a Frenzy at first but eventually giving in to Dot’s squishy tenderness and sweetness. He was still a kid who hadn’t known the touch of a mother and Dot was always able to throw him off whenever she got all motherly with him. But he’s never turned her or the feeling away. He’d pretend it didn’t affect him, until it did. He’d squirm, wiggle, huff, but he’d never say an unkind word to her like he did with the others. Eventually, his shoulders would slack and his entire demeanor would relax. He’d slowly, hesitantly because he was unsure, wrap his arms around Dot’s waist and return the hug. Now, Damian expected her hugs and her mothering. She’d be the first he’d go to whenever he wanted to brag about how well he’d done out on patrol or the first to tell her whenever someone didn’t do exactly what she said.
Damian had surprised her by being a lot more receptive to her motherly side than anything honestly. He was always such a self-sufficient boy, tougher than he looked, but Dot still saw a little boy behind that facade. He impressed her from the first instance DC set foot in the house and in person, she was able to gauge all these people, take in their personalities, and realize “Well, holy fuck. I actually like these guys.”
And boy, did they like her back.
Jason Todd was just as “problematic” as Damian in the sense that these two were two peas in a pod. It figures since they were both Bruce Wayne’s son. Just as mouthy and full of attitude as Damian, these two butted heads a lot. He went through his troubled youth phase and somehow exchanged it for a troubled adult phase. He was hot-headed, brash, and not afraid to say what was on his mind. His ruthlessness was entirely opposite of Dick’s carefree personality and he was a lot more impatient than compared to Tim’s patience. However, unlike Damian, Jason’s acceptance of Dot’s motherly touch was a lot... different than how Damian accepted them.
For now, at least.
Jason had been attracted to Dot since the first moment he had walked through the Haus’s threshold. There was no getting used to a motherly figure because the man had developed a sick, twisted taboo sort of perverted fantasy with her almost immediately. Attraction, lust, desire. Jason was older than Damian thus a lot more experienced with life’s more pleasurable twists and turns. Things that shouldn’t be perverting a boy only thirteen years old.
But thirteen is still old enough to know that feelings for Mother weren’t the usual feelings a child should have for a mother. It went beyond incest, even if they weren’t related. Then, there developed the need to impress Mother that both boys shared. The two may not agree on a lot of things, if just for the sake of being difficult with each other, but they both knew they absolutely loved Mother.
That included going to her for any single dispute just to have her side with one of them and to get to throw that in the other’s face. Dot usually disapproved of things like this because she hated playing favorites. Getting used to Damian and Jason’s sort of clingy, obsessive need to impress her was a lot more overwhelming than she realized if only because she couldn’t handle what the boys thought of her.
“I--” Dot paused before she started up again, staring at both of the boys flanking her in her seat. Her back was pressed to it as both Damian and Jason sat crouched on their knees and leaned into her space. A little Red Hood toy sat on her lap, almost forgotten. “I mean... who had the toy first?”
“I did!” Damian answered almost immediately. “Then baldy over there took it.”
“That’s because you said you didn’t want it!” Jason retorted just as fast as Damian had answered Dot. “So, problem solved. I should get the toy, right, Ma?”
“It doesn’t belong to you!” Damian argued.
“You didn’t WANT IT.” Jason argued right back.
Dot’s mouth formed a small ‘o’ as her gaze shifted back and forth from the arguing boys. Oh boy. It wasn’t like she could pull a Solomon and cut the toy in half. They’d both be the one shouting “If I can’t have it, neither can he!” Her gaze wandered as the boys needlessly bickered. It was tough deciding who got the toy because for some dang reason, they both wanted it. And Dot didn’t think she could solve this in a way where everyone could turn out ha--oh. Maybe she could.
Their bickering stopped as Dot stood up from her seat, still clenching the little Red Hood action figure.
They both asked, watching as Dot moved towards her shelf of stuffed animals. Damian snided out of the corner of his mouth, “Good work, idiot. You made Mother upset.”
Jason just smacked his arm.
Damian smacked him back.
Dot grabbed two giraffes, looking over them with a smile before she turned back to the boys -- Jason stopped mid-smack as she spoke up. “How about you trade the toy for one of these?” she said. “Give it to me and I’ll give you Stan and Roger.”
The boys stood up to stand in front of her, looking at the other.
“...Well, I suppose that is fair.” Damian stated with a delicate sniff. As if he didn’t want his Mother’s possession.
“Yeah. That.” Jason said, eyeing the biggest giraffe. “Can I have that one?” he pointed.
Damian opened his mouth to begin to argue but Dot swiftly spoke up with a smile. “Jason, since you’re the oldest, you get Stan.” she said, holding out the bigger giraffe. “This reminds you of your duty to being a big brother to Damian.” Dot said as she turned to Damian now, holding out Roger, the smaller giraffe.
“Yeah,” Damian smirked as he took the giraffe from Mother. “your duty to me.” He looked proud of that but the look dropped as his face as he noticed Dot’s lightly scolding expression. “Sorry, Mother.”
She smiled, “Can you guys take care of Stan and Roger for me?”
Both Jason and Damian nodded as if taking on an important mission. She could tell they were going to take this seriously.
“Good, and I’ll keep hold of this.” she finished, holding up the little figure. “I’ll just take it as a present from you both.”
“But it came out of my meal box,” Damian murmured with that familiar little pout. “So, technically, it should have only come from me.” Dot’s heart squeezed and she placed the Red Hood aside on the shelf to reach forward, cupping Damian’s little face.
“I know, sweetheart, but it’d make me happy to know you both wanted to give it to me.”
Damian closed his eyes, enjoying Mother’s touch and at the moment, he’d just agree to anything she wished. However, Jason snapped him out of that reverie with a smirk and by opening his stupid, fat mouth.
“Yeah, the both of us. I’m here, too.” And he didn’t stop there, picking up Dot’s hand to place on his face, to nuzzle into the palm of her hand, with a mischievous spark in his eyes and the open desire of all those perverted fantasies to read on his expression. He enjoyed making Dot a touch uncomfortable by the intensity of that gaze.
But she never shied away from giving them the Motherly touched they desperately yearned for. She just cleared her throat, and gently caressed Jason’s cheek with her finger. “Y-Yeah, the both of you. Is that a fair trade?”
“Mother, you’re a genius.” Damian praised, opening his eyes and gazing up at her with nothing but proud affection that reflected his tone.
“Ain’t she?” Jason grinned, pressing a kiss to the center of her palm now.
Dot laughed, a touch shy at very two different things going on here. But the problem was fixed and the boys should stop fighting for the little toy that now sat on her shelf in place of two very prized stuffed giraffes now. She leaned down to give Damian a kiss on the cheek and followed suit to stand on her tippy-toes to give Jason one as well.
“Now that that’s settled, things can go back to normal!” she beamed.
“Not quite, Mother.” Damian pointed out. “You’re going to have to pick out stuffed animals for Dick, Tim, Duke and the girls if you think they’re not going to start bothering you for a couple after they see what we have.”
Dot’s eyes widened with realization. “Do you really think that’ll happen?”
Jason nodded and for once, he can agree with Damian on something. “No doubt, Ma.”
Now Dot had another predicament on her hands and that was picking out stuffed animals for all the Robins and Batgirls Jason and Damian had convinced her who would absolutely want something.
“After all, it belongs to you, Mother.”
But honestly, who was going to complain about that?
Ep. 1 - “I am THE Survivor Chick And I Am Here To Win It All!!” - Susan
I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!!!!! I don't know why I am, it's just another Survivor game but... I have be someone else kind of. So for this game I have to be "Maxyne" and I'm keeping my pronoun flexibility but I'm gonna be pushing the feminine side a bit more. Maxyne is actually my irl sister's middle name so it'll be easy for me to quickly become familiar with that name being used for me. I also know that Tim is gonna be in this game but idk who and I sure as hell don't wanna find out. Tim actually told me to apply cause they said that they were applying to but my dumbass did NOT know this was an alias game so now I'm fumbling around in the dark trying get into costume n shit not knowing what to do or what to expect. The only thing I have to cling onto my knowledge of Survivor ORGs and Jay's style of hosting. Which honestly don't do me well cause I haven't played Survivor in... months and I haven't been tuned into a Jay game in months too so I have no idea the ride I'm in for. One thing I did do is scroll through the rules, cause my experience always tells me that whenever there's a tumblr blog for an ORG, there's always something hidden somewhere there. Lo and behold, I was right so come 9 PM tonight I will be camping on the rules page updating and waiting for a clue, or someway to start my search. Cause every Survivor game i've played, the idol is found in less then 5 minutes and by the way I've formulated a thought about the idol, it's already long gone. So hopefully, I can pull a Merida and change my fate. Also there was a mention of One World rounds happening in this game??? UMMMM WTF??? PLEASE LET THAT BE A ONE TIME THING. Anyways, sorry for the word vomit, I usually have a lot of pre game jitters and thoughts so I figured I'd get a jump on my confessional count and start talking now. Let's hope I can pull through for this game and make it far. Or vote me out first, i'd rather not have responsibilities right now.
I’m looking forward to this.
I’m looking forward to people not remembering who I am. I’ve been out of this a year now, I’m well and ready to get first boot, but I’m curious to see how a better, matured me will play.
Probably badly, let’s be fuckin real.
Anyway I’ll check back in toward the middle of this round. We’ll see how all my sockpuppet counterparts compare against my impossible standards.
5 minutes before the game starts and mama we. Are. SCARED.
This time around I am going to go for a peppy, happy-go-lucky girl. Not all of my tribe mates are online atm which majorly sucks! Plus, not everyone has me added. I am going to wait till people add me before I add them. I'll give it the night into the morning for that to happen. Otherwise, I'll slowly add them one-by-one.
I want to do the slide puzzles because I know I am good at them. I'm going for a more hands-off approach when it comes to socializing so I need all the time I can get to set myself up in the tribe. If we can win the challenge then it'll be a great opportunity to really bond with my tribe mates.
Maxyne, Fae, and Erick seem to be the most active atm with Fae being the most social. I'll observe how far that socializing and activity goes on. It can either work to my benefit or I need to get rid of the ASAP.
Wanna start by saying that having a round button in this form is the smartest thing I’ve ever seen. Now onto my confessional: this tribe is alright, some people haven’t spoken yet I think and people seem nice and cooperative thus far. I’m so nosy so not knowing who everyone is is going to be a struggle for me. But I’m guessing Maynor is Gregg on the other tribe bc of the Sophie icon, but watch me be wrong. I’ll try to keep confessionals interesting, but then again I lie sometimes so womp.
So I am an hour into my first alias game and I’m already stressing the fuck out. I am so used to being able to go on call with people and get to know them. I wanna say one of my greatest strength is getting solid reads on people when I talk to them but that is only when I can go on call with them. This whole thing is gonna be a struggle
well we are an hour into this game and I have already fucked up my story. Guess I'm moving home now because I didn't think anything through. dear god. Why am I like this? guess moving my grandmother is going to turn into Me moving home lol. welp, lets see how this goes.
*googles How to stop oversharing*
Franco is a king we stan. Also I’m still laughing at worms name
Michele: Chosen one, will betray at f5
Worm: oh, worm?
Gregg: Dylan in disguise, watch me betray him again
Uhhh I’ll be back with the rest eventually first night is horrid
Idol hunt: OTTNNNNNNN10
So far im feeling good on my tribe! I'm getting along really well with Erick! We have a lot in common and match each others energy. I'm also talking well with Fae, who says they think we've played a game together!! So I'm trying to figure out who it might be! I'm a little worried about the people who haven't spoken yet, but hopefully I'll be able to get to know them!
I think I'm connecting well with Maxyne. Since we are both doing the same assignment, it allows for me to grow closer with them. I think I might make them my ride-or-die, but I want to see how well our connection lasts in the days to come. Van and I are making great conversation in the tribe chat. I hope they will want to work with me. Other than that, I have not chatted with anyone else on the tribe. The people who have contacted me I talk to sporadically. I hope this is enough to get me by as I do not want to be seen as a social threat later down the line. Also, like, why did so many people get a disadvantage? I am so disappointed in all of them, but I know we can pull through!
off to an interesting start! so far, I am enjoying my tribe. definitely more chill than my last one but only time will tell. people's true motives will come out soon and this time, I am trying to really pay attention to who is a leader and who is a follower.
Nera tribe has such good positive energies? There hasn't been any friction, everyone is joking with each other, and overall everyone is having a great time!!
Very honestly though I'm not sure what to make of everyone in a game and strategic sense. I've tried talking game with the majority of the tribe but most of it was still just like small talk and vague sentences. Im tryna play this fast and hard but I don't think anyone else is ):
I vibe really well with Michele, Eliza, and Rain. Michele and Rain are so fun and probably down to get messy, so they'd be great allies. And eliza just seems like a genuinely good person that I think I would get along with really nicely!!
I also REALLY want this reward challenge. Ive gotten three people at least who said that they would vote for me so!! Let's hope I win, at the very least itd be nice to prove to myself that I can have a good social game early on
On my very FIRST idol hunt of the SEASON I find?? A legacy advantage??? Im so??? Shook and excited. I just have a feeling that this is my game! Night 1 kinda sets the tone of the whole game and I had an AMAZING night 1.
I also uhhh am dumb and told Michele that i found it. My goal was to gain her trust so we could work together but? She kinda just didn't respond and changed the topic. Idk if that's a good sign so yikes!!
Honestly, I should resign myself to the fate that we will not win the next challenge. So, it is imperative that we win this challenge so that we do not go to tribal two times in a row. I hope my score of 85 is enough because I could not get it any higher than that. I am honestly very frustrated with my tribe at the moment, but I guess we shall see how things develop.
Maxyne and Erick getting the advantage is interesting only because it shows who has been the most social. I will either need to get in good with the both of them or take them out early. However, the most active and social people usually do not go home first. For now, I will just keep my eye on the two of them and see how they position themselves.
Erick giving the tribe the clue was definitely a strategic move. He wants to build trust and be transparent with everyone in order for them to like him. I see right through it. However, it is nice to get an edge on the hunt.
I FOUND THE IDOL!!!! Erick decided to share the clue and I FOUND IT!!!!
dear m’fucking diary...
Hey gays, this is a crack fest. I’m doing this confession rn so that I don’t have to do that fever dream of a puzzle. I got a bat to the face when I did the idol hunt, funnnnn. So, let’s recap! I’ve been connecting with a lot of people so far and that’s great, I love my tribe rn and I’m happy that Franco won the reward considering that I voted for them, so now I can at least get on Franco’s good side an maybe get some info👀. Because this is alias I probably will be playing a tad bit differently but I’m still going to be the social playing badass that y’all know and love! The worst part of this so far is that I can’t fucking say y’all, who the hell says y o u g u y s. I’m changing how I speak just a bit so that I don’t immediately get clocked, so basically I can’t use y’all and lmao in every sentence. The people I feel closest to right now are Franco, Michelle, tristin, rain, and worm. In that order, don’t get me wrong, I love everyone in the tribe, those are just the people I’ve been able to connect with the most. I’d love to move forward with that group but if that doesn’t happen well then whatever, I mean I talk to literally everyone so I’ll survive. Pretending to be interested romantically in men (sorry James Zachary) is horrible, but I think people are at least believing that I’m 20. Jay told me that all I have to do to be an adult is be excited about stupid boring shit, so I’m just gonna pretend that I’m happy about buying a new couch. Well I’ll check back in soon to update y’all about people and probably give an analysis about everyone. That’s it, much loveeeee
I just want to say how ironic it is that I decided to do the idol hunt in the challenge and in reality actually found an idol
Well. Im already overwhelmed and literally wanted out. (Jay knows why)
But im doing counting challenge and i hope another f4 counting challenge doesnt affect my perfermance for this one. I really want to help the tribe win. Honestly im not gunna bother trying to figure out who is who. Im just gunna play and think the people are the people and play normally. Trying to guess ppl is what gunna mess me up. So wont bother with it but some phrase some ppl have said. I feel like i know who they r.
I WON FIRST REWARD AHHH. I'm such a social legend? Look at me? I'm literally winning this game.
I kinda don't care about the clue because I already have a legacy advantage, AND half of a super idol (that I gotta give to somebody else, booooo), so I'm kinda??? Being chaotic and giving the clue to everyone who voted for me. It can give me an opportunity to gain more trust on the tribe
I know this is late and it's long but i fell asleep last night while this was uploading, so sorry https://youtu.be/mXmbL49orVI
Now that I have gotten to talk to everyone I can finally assess my tribe. I feel like I can be great allies with Maxyne. They voted for me in the reward which means we have a mutual good vibe from each other. Hopefully I can make them my ride-or-die. Fae and Van are really nice and I can get down with them. I think if I could choose a strong alliance of three I would pick them while having Maxyne as my real ride-or-die. Sasha seems to be the least social with me which means that they could be an easy target. I don't trust Erick or Cran because they just give me bad vibes. I do not think anything of Frank. They are probably with Sasha as one of the least social in the tribe. At least Sasha is being active within the tribe chat. Finally, I think Dusty is a sweetheart and could possibly be another one of my allies. At the very least, I know I was strong in the challenge and have at least been moderately social. This means I will not be the first boot if we were to go to tribal.
So now we've got an alliance in the works between me, Fae, Erick, and Elle. All in the name of working together to find the idol. I feel good about the group! Me and Erick are both each others closest ally. He won the reward challenge and in doing so he was able to will be half of a super idol! We don't know where the other half might be, but I'm really happy to see that Erick trusted me enough to will me a super idol!
So uh...I haven’t been super active because the world is burning around us. But I’m trying. So far I really enjoy the people I’m playing with!
Dusty asking me to work with Fae and Erick on finding the idol which works out well for me. This means I have already positioned myself into a sort of alliance which I hope will carry me in the future.
Fae confirmed with me the alliance that Dusty approached me with. However, there was no chat made. Also, Cranjes was added to the alliance by Erick and Fae which tells me that those those two are very social with him. These people are making their connections to obvious. Either way, with those people I have a 5-person majority. Hopefully these people will carry me through the pre-swap phase of the game, but I am getting pretty nervous in my seat. I do not trust Erick and Cranjes. I like Dusty and Fae, but I cannot get a read on the other two. Plus, if no chat has been made, how are we going to solidify the alliance? Hopefully my performance in the challenge will cover me for now, but I am getting pretty nervous at the moment.
elfranchele just started! it's an alliance chat with michele, franco, and eliza. excited to see where this goes!!
I can't tell if Susan is just super into her alias or if she really is old with her hubs
everyone seems nice. i guess. idk. i fell off a waterfall and fucked up my ankle for a fucking idol. but if anyone asks, it was sasha.
i have something against the name sasha bc peppermint should’ve won season 9 of drag race, not sasha velour
Soooo, there is now a chat for people to hell each other look for the idol. The idol I have...
YESSSSSSS!!! I’m not gonna be first boot. It’s a party even though I didn’t win my section. Eliza didn’t do their part on the other tribe and that’s a yikes (at least with a 2 hour time exactly that’s what I’m assuming). So like they’re probably going. I’m really happy I don’t have to worry about tribal tomorrow because my sister wants to drink and celebrate her birthday since plans went sour because of that quarantine life. But gamewise though, I want to talk to Erick tomorrow since they seem like someone I could work with, although based on reward I think multiple people think that. Gonna remember that. Gotta be social....but I’m me so it’ll be an uphill battle.
So, we lost immunity.
I could have seen that coming - but at least we weren’t totally destroyed.
I’m already thinking Susan as a name but uhhh we’ll see where it goes.
I’m pretty good with Franco, Michele and Eliza. I wouldn’t be shook if there was an alliance chat made at some point.
I like Tristan too! And Gregg. And Lenny.
....okay I like everyone but Susan. Susan I’m sorry I respect your character choice but it ain’t it, chief.
I feel like i might be good for this tribal. Only one name has been said which kinda worries me but im trying to stay positive. Susan is the target tonight and as long as it isnt me. Im okay with voting for whoever.
Franco did share the clue with me. It was a simple clue so idk if itll be helpful or not. Im looking at a certain spot and doing all the 4 spots in the section. So hopefully i can find something.
hi i have the eco fascist dream flu and i cannot move but cranjes is john and fae is birch confirmed, i fucked up the challenge but not to the extent that we lost so that’s nice. current alliance going with fae, elle, and dusty (dusty’s my fave). they elected to give me the idol clue and i got half of the super idol so i gave that to dusty as was required and then shared the clue with the group at large because i’m a communist
So we lost the first immunity challenge. It sucks but I'll get over it. The thing that worries me now is trying to get a read on everyone during the vote. Because I don't know who I'm playing with I'm struggling on getting a read on anyone. On the bright side though I think I'm doing pretty well socially. I've talked to Michele and Tristin and they seem to trust me so I'm happy about that. Also it seems like the tribe has come to a unanimous vote to getting rid of Susan. I feel bad about getting her out but she is firmly holding on to her character which I think is making it difficult for her to make connections with other people in the tribe. The only that has me worried about this whole thing is how easy this vote is going. My anxious head just wonders about how people behind the scenes could be plotting to get me out and I just don't know it. This also isn't helped by the reward challenge and Franco receiving 5 votes to get the clue. A couple votes wouldn't have made me suspicious but 5 just seems like a lot. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but all my anxiety is saying is that there is a majority alliance already formed in the first couple hours of the game and now I'm just playing from the bottom. Hopefully that isn't true but only time will tell.
I Am SO SO Excited To Be Here!! I am THE Survivor Chick And I Am Here To Win It All!!
Everyone So Far Has Been So Kind. I Love These Kids!! However, I Know My Age Will Make Me A Target. They Don't Believe This Ol' Hiney Can Keep Up With Them!! So, I Wanted To Make It Clear That I Am LOYAL To This Tribe And Its People!! When I Was Out Looking For The Idol, I Stumbled Upon The Other Tribe's Camp!! How AWKWARD!!
I Decided To Tell Franco - He's Popular, And The First One To Really See SUSAN For SUSAN. Hopefully I Can Buy His Trust, Because He Can Keep This Nanna Safe!!
It's Really Unfortunate We Lost...But It Was So Close!! We Won't Lose Again!! I Was Instantly Worried It Would Be Me, But Doing The Challenge With Tristin Bonded Us!! Together, We Decided That Gregg Would Be Our Target, And Now We Gotta Get Everyone ONBOARD!!
Im very very sad we have to go to tribal. Like i genuinely enjoy everyone on the tribe!! But it's the way the game goes, every time someone leaves it gets me one place closer to winning hehe.
I now have an official alliance with Michele and Eliza and??? We are going to SLAY this game. We all have our individual strengths and I think we could be a powerhouse.
Unless Susan has an idol, shes going tonight. Its sad because shes so fun but im not surprised. Everyone else on the tribe seems to have some sort of personal stake or investment in the game besides her.
Having immunity means that I can safely bond with my tribemates without the game hovering over our heads. I'm really vibing with everyone in the tribe chat. However, I do not want to go into PMs unless they want to talk to me because it is such a Raffy thing to do to talk to people in PMs. I will try to be as social as possible in the tribe chat to still have those bonds, but I do not want to be seen as some sort of social butterfly.
So we LOST the challenge and that sucks!! It appears that the majority of people want to vote out SUSAN and I hate it!! She’s super sweet and the older players always get voted out first! Maybe because she hasn’t been as social as everyone else! At least thats the explanation. I pretty much solidified working with Worm, Franco, and Eliza pretty much. Michele as well I think! But separately of course! I can’t wait for an alliance chat! Sorry to this Susan!!
It's strange to be playing in a game where I know there's people playing that I already know but I have no idea who they are. I've talked a little bit to each but not a ton. I don't have too many guesses as to who is who, though. That's it.
CHRISTIAN’S JURY SPEECH
Hullo friends. As some of y'all may or may not know, I tragically destroyed my tooth yesterday in a battle of General Tso's Chicken vs Tooth, and I'm currently popping various levels of pain pills to cope with the loss. Some or most of this is likely not to be coherent. That is just something we're all going to have to deal with, although it is sort of indicative of my game overall this season. Anyways, I know even the most die-hard Christian fan is not going to want to read a 3,000 word novel over a game that took over 2 months, so I have decided to condense the main points as much as possible. K? K.
-THE FINAL FOUR VOTE-
Let's be real, the only thing that a majority of you want to know about is what exactly happened with the Final 4 vote, so I've decided to not exactly go by chronological order and just get this out of the way now.
Question: "Christian, oml! Why on EARTH did you vote for Tim over Owen, don't you know that like Owen totally has a great chance of winning?!?!?"
Answer: Yes, I am not stupid. I know that Owen played a very good game that would likely appeal to a jury. However, I had to calculate my own odds of winning into the equation as well. Did I play a game that is likely going to get a majority of the jury votes? Without a doubt, no. Therefore, the best chance of me winning would be a plurality win and as Owen and Duncan's game were more similar than Tim's, I figured that having them in the FTC would give me the best odds of a split. With TWELVE people on the jury, I knew that a plurality winner was more than likely, so yes, that's what I aimed to achieve with my vote. I saw Tim and myself potentially splitting the support I did have, and that wasn't something I wanted to risk. Y'all can bash me for that, but I wasn't going to play for another 3rd place. I want the win, and let's be real, the only chance of that is a plurality. While y'all can say it's not the smart move on paper, after all the time I spent during the immunity challenge thinking on it, it's the one that I still believe gives me the best chance. I risked it for the biscuit. If I vote Owen out, it would just be seen as me making the "obvious move" and that doesn't garner me any merit. I went for the unorthodox approach, in exchange for a potentially unorthodox result, and I full-heartedly believe that was my personal, smartest move to make based on my game thus far. People can view it as self-sabotage, but all season long people have bashed me for seemingly playing for 3rd place. I made a move to risk a probable 2nd place (by voting out Owen) to get a chance at first. I'm not going to apologize for that.
-CHRISTIAN AS A SURVIVOR PLAYER-
I never came into this thinking I was some masterful Survivor player. I'm just your average 20 year old college student who signed up because my good friend Christopher needed a replacement and asked me to play. The last time I played Tumblr Survivor I also made it to FTC and got torn apart personally. Like I had to sit through a 2 hour live FTC and have pretty much every aspect of my game and personality torn apart, this wasn't exactly an experience I was telling all my close friends about. So I came back hesitant. I knew there were going to be people smarter than me, more sociable than me, and stronger physically. I wasn't aiming to be the next great Tumblr Survivor player. I just wanted to have a fun time after what happened last time. And for about three days, I had that feeling. Then I was blindsided on our original tribe and from that moment on, I never really felt safe. I told myself priority #1 was always to just survive. No matter what just make sure it wasn't me that was going home that night. And through it all, I did. I went to rocks for my closest (and really only at the time) ally and went to Bermuda. I fought my way back, and kept on surviving. Every attempt I made at having an alliance never panned out. Moves I made such as voting out Nick instead of RJ others took credit for. I did everything I could to try to prove to the Vets that I wanted to work with them, since I knew I was on the bottom of the Tengagers yet I was never trusted. I worked with what I had, which wasn't much. I didn't have the ability to flip on people every round like Duncan or a core alliance that would trust me no matter what like Owen. I had myself and I managed to make it work. When it came down to it, it was myself who fought for 26 hours to win that final immunity. It was myself who won my way back from Bermuda after I drew the purple rock. It was myself who convinced Jake to take out RJ with my extra vote. The ability of things I was able to do was severely limited by isolation, but I still managed. No one can say they dragged me here because if I hadn't put in the effort, I would've gone home at the Final 20, or I would've just gotten a score of 0 in the Final Immunity Challenge. Like I mentioned earlier, I had an unorthodox method to this game but I like to think of it like this. This game is basically a huge poker game, and everyone has their own starting hands. Some have really good cards, and some had really bad cards. I didn't have as good of hands as Owen and Duncan did. But I didn't fold, and I made sure that hand was enough to get me here. I am proud of myself for that. I was a last minute replacement both of my seasons, yet I made FTC in both of them. That's no small feat, and I know that in a typical Survivor-lense, I look like trash. But I'm not a normal Survivor player, I think my quirks speak for themselves, and I think that while it's easy to play a cookie-cutter game to win, it's not so easy to play how I did. I took the more difficult road and I still made it to the destination.
Ironically enough since I placed last or near last in a lot of the individual challenges, I had the most individual immunity wins out of all of us with three compared to Owen and Duncan's two. While 2048 and Mastermind weren't really much to write home about, the last challenge is where I really proved my grit in my opinion. I only got 26 because I was told I had won at that point. I was fully ready to go for 48 hours, 72, whatever it took to make sure that I had won that final challenge to ensure my spot at the Final Tribal Council. I had nailed my system to make sure I didn't mess up, and it really was tragic I never got to show how much more I could've gone for.
My voting record was so bad I sorta have to stan because I'm a messy person and I like messy things. From my calculations I voted 20 times throughout the season, and at those tribals, the person I voted for went home 8/20 of those times. Like LMAO? The person I voted for only went home 40% of the time and I STILL made it here, even though a majority of the correct votes for end-game votes. I'm sorry y'all can hate if you want, but I know if I was watching my messy ass on television I'd enjoy it, especially since it's on par with Survivor legends such as Keith Nale (4/11) and Jay Starrett (3/10). Things I did: #that!
So yeah, that's really about it LMAO. I feel for the cards I was dealt, the way I had to play them in order to survive was pretty good. I wasn't a great Survivor player in terms of how many people see as normal, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise. But from where I started on Day 1 to making it all the way to Final 3, I'm proud of myself. Y'all don't have to agree with me, but that's just my two cents. I tried being as honest as possible throughout the game, I tried to stick to what I felt was right, and ultimately that wound up with me in the Final 3.
I know I'm a heavily flawed person and player but I saw Survivor as a game of being able to well, survive. And it may have been an unorthodox way, but I did it. Like I said, I'm not the strongest, smartest, or most sociable person here, however, I do think I was able to play into my strengths to make it here. Some may see that as not playing to win, but a first impression is hard to shake, and people who were able to shake that negative first impression ended up on the jury instead. So I embraced it, and turned it into a 1/3 chance of winning this game. I didn't sheep to get here, I didn't self-vote to get here, and I'm proud of that.
So jury after that attempt at being concise that turned into a ramble, it is now up to you! Whatever y'all personally decide as criteria for winning is up to you, but I'm happy to answer any and all questions that'd make your lives easier.
Also thank you to all the hosts for making what this season is, and all the hard work y'all put in I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart <3
Good luck fellow finalists!
I used to like Stephanie Brown very much but honestly lately her fandom ruined the character for me. They want EVERYTHING to be about her, even when we are talking about a mlm ship they are like "pls don't erase Steph" and I am like??? And literally saying character flaws are not hating on a character, or most people just hating on her because seriously she is so different in comics and fandom, they need to chill the fuck out and not say everyone is misogynistic just because they don't like her
+ and everytime someone says "Cissie and Steph are best friends" just because the new cover of YJ... y'all forgetting Bart and Cassie were Cissie's best friends!!! Sorry I just hate when people force her into everything and then blame timkon fans for being misogynistic just because people don't want her to be on the team because she has no good relationships with the team, that's not misogyny everyone!!! I hate this fandom sometimes
I just want to ask why TimSteph stans are hating on Tim but still shipping him with their fav character? Literally every single TimSteph stan on their tag are posting anti Tim Drake posts, and talking shit about him, but when someone says something bad about Stephanie they are getting mad and acting like everyone is hating women because of other ships??? Can someone pls explain this to me I really want to know the reason
That’s the part of the fandom that I see sometimes and really brings my mood down a lot of the time, because they’re so caught up in their own world sometimes that it drives me nuts.
Before I disliked Damian because his writing is just freaking awful, I began to not like him just from the connotation of his fandom being so obsessed trying to make him something he’s not based off of just a few moments that aren’t even in-character.
With the toxic part of Steph’s fanbase they’re just so obsessed with trying to make her seem like more of this astonishing character. Not to even say she’s a bad character. I still think she’s a good character, but it’s just the limit the obsessive part of her fandom goes to, just to convince people she’s so great. Sometimes they just exaggerate stuff or just lie so much because they seem to be under the belief that if she’s not incredible as a person that she’s unlikable, but then, why do they like her.
I think that part of her fandom comes from people projecting on her so much that they begin to become defensive of everything she does to the point it feels obsessive.
“OH SHE HAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH BRUCE BECAUSE *says a very simple thing that they say in way too many words that give the complete wrong connotation of the actual events to make Stephanie seem more impressive*”
“SHE HAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH DAMIAN THAT NEEDS TO BE ADMIRED MORE BECAUSE completely ignores how Damian was a total pervert and a body shamer to ridicule her. Which isn’t a relationship to admire at all. Along with people constantly taking out of context some of the things she did with him, and how it was another case of a writer ignoring Damian’s problem to woobify him. Which makes the issue poorly written. But we must exaggerate it to make Steph seem like a saint apparently.”
This type of fandom stuff bugs me no matter the character.
I remember not that long ago I kept seeing posts that were exaggerating Tim so much, and it bugged the ever-living crap out of me.
Because sorry, but, I don’t care what Red Robin says. Tim could not beat up all those assassins.
I don’t even honestly believe Tim’s a master tactitian. He’s just smart and clever, he isn’t this war general figure.
I don’t care that a comic says that Tim could trick Bruce with a fake Uncle.
Given the way he was built up as a character, that stuff just doesn’t work. That wasn’t anything that was actually developed for his character. It was something they tacked on in what I assume was attempts to make Tim “cool”, because DC doesn’t like relatable characters.
Which is a bit rich because Sideways, a character written by Didio himself, just feels like a knock-off Ultimate Spider-Man with the tone and character-style.
So I don’t want to give the impression that I think everyone in the Stephanie Brown fandom is an obsessive loon, or toxic as could be, because I don’t believe that to be the case. The toxic part of her fandom is just something that has arisen. Something that happens in all fandoms at one point or another. Now is just Stephanie’s go at it I guess. Even if it seems to be from just a few over vocal people, that people gave too much attention because I guess they liked having their fav be overly praised.
The people that say you’re misogynistic if you don’t ship TimSteph are just stupid honestly. At least about that.
If you ship TimKon, it makes no sense to include Steph in posts about it. Unless it’s like, just mentioning how Tim used to date her. Which I don’t feel is a big enough reason to act like people are misogynistic, because, even if say I shipped Tim with another girl. Id be awkward to talk about Steph. We don’t need to shove Steph into everything.
I don’t say the word stupid like I think they’re stupid at everything.
I call myself stupid when it comes to a lot of stuff for an example, but the argument that you’re misogynistic if you think of Tim as gay is stupid, because there’s enough of Tim for so long were it’s easy to interrupt him as gay, and it’s not misogynistic.
You don’t hate women if you’re gay, or anything like that.
If you still think Tim is straight, congrats, I’m not upset. I’m not upset people ship TimSteph. One of my best friends ships TimSteph and she’s writing a wonderful fic.
I’m not even against TimSteph at all.
Just that stupid part of that fandom.
Like Stephanie Brown has flaws right? She flirted with Tim when she knew he had a girlfriend, even kissing him. Reckless as could be. Took things the wrong way. Made Tim straight up uncomfortable with her flirting sometimes. Had a problem with listening even when it was beneficial to her safety. She also had a trust problem when her and Tim’s relationship got into it.
Some of you are probably thinking “Well Tim has flaws too. She had her reasons.”
And you know what?
Because that’s how freaking characters work.
Tim’s sheltered childhood made him insensitive to certain situations. He was immature to the point of detriment to his relationship with Ariana in some situations. Too naive to understand some things. Even too bossy because he’s a cruddy leader and didn’t know how to communicate enough for that job.
He’s not a perfect human.
Characters can have flaws, and it’s okay, because that’s how we get interesting stories and dynamics between stuff. Just because Tim has flaws, doesn’t mean he’s not a good person. He’s kind, caring, heroic, despite his immaturity. Just because Tim couldn’t handle the topic of cheating and became immature doesn’t mean he didn’t step up to the plate and try to help Ariana when she was close to being sexually assaulted and she was a bit mentally unstable (that might be strong wordage, but I use those words for myself when a situation hits. So it’s not me talking down about her situation) for a bit.
When you were raised in a mad house, it’s understandable she’d grow up to be reckless. She grew up so independent at a young age, because her parents certainly weren’t taking care of her. It’s also understandable that she has trust issues, because if you’re dating someone with a second life, you would worry that they’re cheating on you.
This is just how characters work
So these posts that wanna pretend she doesn’t have flaws, bugs me, because they want to deny her character sometimes.
Then acting like she’d just be best friends with everyone is freaking delusional. It’s the kind of stuff where it’s done in the vein of “peppy fangirl”, but it just becomes a bit obsessive. I think that’s stuff were my theory on some of those types of fans projecting on her for their own good come in.
I can get, being like “I wonder if these characters would get along”, but getting so hyper and exaggatory is just wack.
I think Tim and Jon would get along and could be good friends now that Jon’s older, but if they were in a comic together I’m not gonna get myself worked up and pretend things are were they clearly aren’t.
Even in the case of Cissie and Steph, I actually feel like they would be pretty good friends together. I can easily see that. But just cuz they’re on a cover together doesn’t mean they’re best friends
And if somehow Steph brought Cissie out to be Arrowette, that’d just be stupid. I don’t know how Steph would even know who Cissie is, because I don’t know if she even knows Arrowettes name is Cissie, let alone in this timeline. Plus Cissie last seen wasn’t a hero. So that’d just be some super cheap and forced writing.
But given the write circumstances, that actually work and make sense, I wouldn’t be against that. If they became friends, I’d be totally cool with it.
It’s that weird obsessive “THEY’RE BEST FRIENDS OH MY GOSH” that’s just a bit unnerving. Like settle down.
Write some fan fics, I really don’t care, but it gives me the vibes of those boyband fandoms that wanna act like their fav is dating some hot chick cuz he looked at her.
It’s less worse than that, cuz those are real people, but it’s that obsessive vibe that I get from it.
I don’t like it.
As for TimSteph shippers that hate Tim. I think it’s because it’s for a similar reason some people make all those posts overexaggerating or lying about so much stuff about Steph.
It’s to get her attention.
They know that Steph’s almost always only gonna show up because writers attach her with Tim almost exclusively, and that may be the only way she’ll show up. So I think they’re doing that, to get some kind of attention so Steph will show up at least with Tim, cuz something is better than nothing.
Although personally, I root for Steph finally hanging out with other characters, because seeing her relegated to just “Tim’s girlfriend” is very annoying, cuz even in the 90s she was more than that. She wasn’t created just to date Tim. She was created to be her own dang character.