Anakin: I have one day to win this guy over. How long did it take for you guys to start liking me?
Obi-Wan: Couple weeks
Ahsoka: Six months
Rex: Jury's still out
Anakin: See? "Be myself." What kind of garbage advice is that?
75 notes
·
View notes
Bruce, helping Cassandra break up with Kon: I visited www.ladiesgoodhealthmag.com/sex-relationships/867599940/9432%20.htmi. Do you know that site?
Cassandra: No.
Bruce: Well apparently, it's less painful if you acknowledge the dumpee's feelings.
Cassandra: Ew.
Bruce: But don't worry, we'll practice. I'll be Kon. Go.
Cassandra: Kon. I think we should break up.
Bruce: That makes me feel sad. I am sad.
Cassandra: Your sadness is noted.
Bruce: I feel acknowledged. Thank you for breaking up with me. It will take me eight minutes to collect my things.
Cassandra:
Bruce: I think that went well.
Cassandra: Me too.
71 notes
·
View notes
Remus: I can't play favourites! You never did when you were my teacher.
McGonagall: Of course I did.
Remus: Really? I never got any special treatment...
McGonagall:
Remus:
McGonagall: I think you can do the math here.
Remus: Damn.
790 notes
·
View notes
Chat Noir (bitterly looking at Rena Rouge and Carapace): Please. They think they’re so great just ‘cause they know each other’s allergies? You know what I’m allergic to?
Ladybug: Yup. Them?
Chat Noir: Totally.
Chat Noir: And also bees. You should know that, if I got stung by a bee, I could die.
237 notes
·
View notes
Oluwande: I can't believe you’re literally from St. Augustine and you didn’t tell any of us
Jim: You people already know too much about me
Oluwande: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you’re from St. Augustine
739 notes
·
View notes
Death looking over at Puss: God, he's so stupid, I can't believe I'm going to have sex with him.
Princess Fiona: You know, you don't have to.
Death: No, I'm gonna.
86 notes
·
View notes
Chronos: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me
Cider: Okay, but in my defense, Zephyr bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.
Chronos: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!
23 notes
·
View notes
Phryne: If anything goes wrong, fake a heart attack.
Doc Mac: What are we thinking? The classic angina? Or something sexier, like a myocardial infarction?
Phryne: Just drop on the ground and wiggle.
76 notes
·
View notes
Sora: I've only known Duck Hunt Duo for a day, but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this game and then myself.
9 notes
·
View notes
Sirius: How much could I possibly owe you? Fifty/sixty galleons?
Remus: Two thousand, four hundred and thirty seven galleons.
Sirius: Galleons?! Wait, of course galleons. Why was that the part I was surprised by?
140 notes
·
View notes
Callum, about Parisa: She disrespected me. Now I'm gonna have to kill her.
_______
Libby, to Nico: You look happy. Let me guess, your egg sandwich fell on the floor and they gave it to you for free.
_______
Tristan: Don't gaslight me!
Callum: Gaslighting doesn't exist. You made it up because you're fucking crazy.
12 notes
·
View notes
Maxie, partway through a conversation: ... All right, you’re clearly not listening to me. I can say whatever I want.
Archie: Tell me about it.
Maxie: I murdered Matt and Shelly this weekend.
Archie: I feel you.
Maxie: Now that I have the taste for blood, I can’t stop murdering.
Archie: Been there.
160 notes
·
View notes
Holster: Sir, I'd like to request a new partner. I can't work with Ransom. We're not friends anymore.
Coach Hall: 'Friends?' I don't care if you're friends. This is not a playdate. This is your coach telling you to play your line.
Holster: Fine, but I hope you can live with the fact that you're forcing people to spend time together who would rather not.
Coach Hall: I'm fine with that.
8 notes
·
View notes
Remus: This is a defining moment for you, Wormtail.
James: Yeah, you can either obey rules for the rest of your life and make no impact on the world, or you can stand up to authority and pull this prank on McGonagall with us!
Peter: ...Is there a third option?
Sirius: Nervously tag along?
Peter: Great! I choose the nervously tag along option.
692 notes
·
View notes
Oh, Mr. Agreste, I didn't see you there. I thought you were an old leather chair.
Nino to Gabriel on multiple occasions
(submitted by @starrynighttime)
116 notes
·
View notes
Stede: Why is no one having a good time? I specifically requested it.
287 notes
·
View notes