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#source: how i met your mother
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Shinichi: If I’ve died under suspicious circumstances; Beware. Trust no one. Not even Miyano.
Shinichi:
Shinichi: Especially Miyano.
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hawkinsincorrect · 10 hours
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Jonathan, to Joyce: My mom has no idea we're high.
Joyce: You’re high?!
Jonathan: Oh, sorry.
Jonathan: *turns to Argyle*
Jonathan: My mom has no idea we're high.
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team-iceflower · 3 days
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Weiss: I'm such a mess. Why do you even like me?
Ruby: I guess... because you're almost as messed up as I am.
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incorrectbatfam · 1 year
Conversation
Jason, to Bruce: Bruce has no idea I’m high.
Bruce: You’re high?
Jason: Oh, sorry.
Jason: *turns to Dick*
Jason: Bruce has no idea I’m high.
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rxmqnova · 5 months
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Natasha: Y/N, you're not actually alergic to bacon. It's a lie Wanda came up with so that you'd eat healthier.
Y/N: It's not like that, Nat. I'm alergic to a lot of stuff. Bacon, donuts, Halloween candies, not saying 'thank you'
Y/N: ...
Y/N: Oh.
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James: So where are you from? Heaven?
Lily: That’s right I’m a ghost. I died fifteen years ago, kinda like that pick-up line.
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incorrectquotesmcu · 8 months
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Natasha: Can Y/N and I have some privacy, please?
Tony: Ha, they’re gonna do it.
Natasha: No, we’re gonna fight! … And then maybe afterwards we’ll do it.
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Vi: Well, what happens if someone sees you without your makeup on?
Caitlyn: I'm not wearing any makeup right now.
Vi: Holy crap, you're beautiful.
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waterfire1848 · 2 months
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[ Sokka tells everyone they have to go to a long meeting. ]
Katara: I can’t come.
Sokka: Why not?
Katara: I’ll be washing my hair.
Aang: I’ll be holding the towel.
Toph: I’ll be running the water.
Zuko: And I’ll be at home trying to get over the fact that nobody invited me to the big hair washing party.
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hoarder-of-dragons · 7 months
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[After Aziraphale comes back]
Crowley: Can Aziraphale and I have some privacy for fucks sake? Nina: Ha, they’re gonna do it. Crowley : No, we’re gonna fight!! Crowley: And then maybe afterwards we’ll do it.
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superiorsturgeon · 10 months
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Yang 101:
Yang: What the hell is this?!
Weiss: What?
Yang: *holds up notebook labeled “Dating Yang Lecture Notes with Professor Ruby”* This!! I found it under Blake’s pillow!
Yang: Ruby’s been giving Blake some kind of weird class on dating me! Isn’t that the worst?!
Weiss: Well…I mean…?
Yang: And it’s not even accurate! *flips through pages*
Weiss: *takes notebook from Yang* I don’t know, what about this one?
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Ruby: *wearing tweed suit with elbow patches* If Yang is upset at you, there are three subjects that can be used to distract her!
Blake: *taking notes*
Ruby: First, proper hair care and conditioning!
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Yang: …so OF COURSE you have to condition after shampooing to avoid split ends!! What kind of savage doesn’t know that?! It’s just common sense!!
Weiss: …
Weiss: *turns page*
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Ruby: …second, the heartwarming underdog story of the Mantle v. Atlas MMA championship!
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Yang: *ranting*…I mean, who WOULDN’T be thrilled to hear the legendary story of Mantle’s come-from-behind victory over Atlas’s “Man of Steel” Ironwood, despite the questionable refereeing and the advanced age of Mantle’s “Ferocious Faunus” boxer?!
Weiss: …uh…*flips page*
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Ruby: And, if all else fails…
Ruby: Sea Otters!
Blake: *looks up* …seriously?
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Yang: Did you know that sea otters wrap themselves in a blanket of kelp and even hold hands so they don’t drift apart when they sleep?! They’re the cutest little napping buddies! 🥰🦦❤️❤️❤️❤️
Yang: Wait, what were we talking about? 🤔
Weiss: …wow…
Weiss: Just…wow…
Bonus:
Yang: …I can’t believe you would teach a class about me!!
Yang: And why is Jaune here?!?!
Ruby: Well…he accidentally walked into the wrong classroom, so we used him for role playing!
Jaune: They made me wear a wig! It was very demeaning!
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dwobbitfromtheshire · 6 months
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Steve finds out his dad isn't his real dad, but he hasn't told his boyfriend yet. They're getting intimate in his bed room.
Steve: *smirking* Who's your daddy?
Eddie: Who's your daddy?
Steve: *paused and started sobbing* I don't know!
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hawkinsincorrect · 10 hours
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[ Joyce invites everyone to have dinner at Hopper's cabin. ]
Steve: I can’t come.
Joyce: Why not?
Steve: I’ll be washing my hair.
Robin: I’ll be holding the towel.
Nancy: I’ll be running the water.
Vickie: And I’ll be at home trying to get over the fact that nobody invited me to the big hair washing party.
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ouatsqincorrect · 4 months
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Zelena: Regina! You're forcing me to be the voice of reason here, and it's NOT a good look for me!
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incorrectbatfam · 9 months
Conversation
Dick: I feel like doing something stupid.
Wally: I'm something stupid. Do me.
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wearerandomlyyours · 11 months
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Maverick: *on the phone* We hate Cain now. Get on board or the sexting stops!
Iceman: Cain's a son of a bitch!
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