#source: john Mulaney

[chaoticace2005]

Hazbin Hotel characters as John Mulaney quotes part 3:

(Part 1 2 4)

Vox: I was hoping by now that I would look older. But it didn’t happen. I don’t look older I just look worse, I think. Honestly when I’m walking down the street nobody’s ever like “Hey, look at that man!” I think they’re just like “Woah! That tall child looks terrible! Get some rest tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends.”

Angel: Part of me was like whatever, you know? You know those days when you’re like “this might as well happen.”

Angel and Vaggie about their respective partners: I never knew relationships were supposed to make you feel better about yourself. That’s not really a joke that’s just a little sweet thing I like to say.

People watching the show: I think eventually everything is going to be okay. But I have no idea what’s gonna happen next.

Niffty: I know now I’m definitely never gonna be president. Not unless everyone gets real cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly.

Charlie, about Alastor: We started chanting, McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's! And my dad pulled into the drive-thru, and we started cheering and then he ordered one black coffee for himself and kept driving.

Any time literally any character’s backstory or internal issues is revealed: Now we don’t have time to unpack all of that.

#niffty 4 prez #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel memes #niffty #angel dust #angel dust hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel incorrect quotes #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #huskerdust #alastor #charlie morningstar #vox hazbin hotel #source: john mulaney

[uncorrectintamed]

Wen Yuan: I am very small, and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.

#mdzs #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #wen yuan #lan sizhui #incorrect quotes #source: john mulaney

[modernincorrectlotrhobbit]

Boromir: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Legolas: *grabs and drinks the entire bottle*

Boromir:

Legolas:

Legolas: It’s perfume.

#source: john mulaney #incorrect quotes #incorrect Hobbit quotes #incorrect lotr quotes #incorrect lord of the rings quotes #lord of the rings #lord of the rings characters #the hobbit #boromir #legolas #legolas greenleaf

[incorrect-piltover-quotes]

Ekko: *holding an antique bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?

Vi: *takes the bottle and chugs the whole thing*

Vi: It's perfume.

#incorrect piltover quotes #incorrect quotes #league of legends ekko #league of legends vi #ekko #vi #league of legends #riot games #submission #source: john mulaney

[thingsoverheardatua]

Amajiki: Mirio gives out a vibe right away of like ‘do not fuck with me’. Whereas my vibe is more like ‘you could pour soup in my lap and I’d apologize to you’.

#MiriTama #Tamaki Amajiki #Mirio Togata #Amajiki Tamaki #Togata Mirio #Togata #Amajiki #reused quote #source: John Mulaney

[tf2incorrectquotes]

Fritz: I’ll keep all of my emotions right here *gestures to chest* and then one day I’ll die.

#source: john mulaney #Emesis Blue #TF2 Medic #team fortress 2 #incorrect quotes

[incorrecthatchetfield]

Bill, holding an antique bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Ted: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle*

Ted:

Ted: It's perfume.

#submission #source: john mulaney #incorrect quotes #tgwdlm #starkid #incorrect starkid #the guy who didn't like musicals #hatchetfield #incorrect tgwdlm #incorrect hatchetfield #hatchetverse #bill woodward #ted spankoffski

[wisefoxluminary]

Allan: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Ken: *grabs the bottle and drinks all of it*

Ken: It’s perfume.

#barbie #ken #allan barbie #ken x allan #barbie 2023 #ryan gosling #michael cera #barbie incorrect quotes #source: john mulaney

[incorrecthungergamesquotes]

It’s fun to be married. I’ve never been supervised before. Now I’m supervised. Peeta studies what I do. Like an anthropologist. He’ll be like, “Sometimes, she will watch a movie on TV even though she already owns that movie on DVD. Pointing this out to her confuses and upsets her.”

Katniss Everdeen

#source: comedian #source: john mulaney #incorrect quotes #katniss everdeen #ship: everlark

[incorrectjokerout]

Bojan:I would never say that Kris is a bitch and I don't like him.

Bojan:That’s not true.

Bojan:Kris is a bitch,and I like him so much.

#joker out #incorrect quotes #incorrect joker out quotes #bokris #bojan x kris #bojan cvjetićanin #kris gustin #source: john mulaney

[chaoticace2005]

Hazbin Hotel characters as John Mulaney quotes part 2:

(Part 1 3 4)

Charlie: My vibe is like, ‘Hey, you could probably pour soup in my lap and I’ll apologize to you.’

Husk, about Angel: It’s like they’re under the impression that they’re like a celebrity. It’s like they all have this attitude of ‘Don’t you know who I am?! I’m Strawberry Alarm Clock!’ No, I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you. It’s just I don’t hang out in the one bar where you get free drinks.

Angel, returning home from work: I am now gross.

Adam, breaking Alastor’s cane: Now I’ve thrown him off his rhythm!

Lucifer: Hello, I’m Chip Mulaney, I’m your father.

Vox: Well then, let’s not see eachother for 8 months and it doesn’t matter at all.

Alastor: This is an on fire garbage can. Could be a nursery.

Narrator, about Charlie: Then it is revealed that she has no plan.

Valentino: I am damp all the time. I am damp now and I will be damp later.

Vaggie, about Adam: And I don’t like to speak ill of the dead, but he was a lousy guy right?

#husk you ARE the bar that gives Angel free drinks #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel memes #angel dust #angel dust hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel incorrect quotes #charlie morningstar #husk hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #lucifer hazbin hotel #vox hazbin hotel #valentino hazbin hotel #vaggie hazbin hotel #adam hazbin hotel #source: john mulaney

[incorrectdwpquotes]

Nigel: “Person of interest” is almost too flattering.

Nigel: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go “A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,” I’d be like, “Moi? Oh, do go on.”

#the devil wears prada #incorrect dwp quotes #nigel kipling #source: john mulaney

[uncorrectintamed]

Nie Huaisang: Ah numbers, the letters of math.

#source: john mulaney #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #nie huaisang #incorrect quotes

[welcomehomeincorrectquotes]

Eddie: My boyfriend is wonderful. I listen to everything Frank says. I don’t mean he bosses me around, I just listen to everything he says because before I had a boyfriend, I never had someone who’s always standing next to me and can just point out obvious things that are happening.

Eddie: Like we’ll be in a restaurant and Frank will be like, ‘You ordered your food an hour ago. It should be here by now.’ and I’m like *gasp* ‘Yeah, it should!’ It’s like having a lawyer for everyday life. He’ll be like, 'Those visitors shouldn’t talk to you in that way.’ And I’m like *gasp* 'No, they shouldn’t!’

Eddie: Before I had a boyfriend, I had no standard for how I should be treated as a human being. You could do anything to me!

#source: john mulaney #Eddie Dear #Frank Frankly #welcome home puppet show #incorrect quotes

[aprill-99]

EACH BRIDGERTON COUPLE AS JOHN MULANEY QUOTES:

Daphne & Simon:

Daphne: “A friend of mine asked me if I’d ever been given the sex talk, and the answer is yes… I think.”

Simon: “My father was COOOLD BLOODED.” + “Does my best friend hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?”

Kate & Anthony:

Anthony: “I’ll keep all my emotions right here and then one day, I’ll die.”

Kate: “Get out of here with your facts. Just because you’re accurate does not make you interesting.” + “I’m new in town, and it gets worse.”

Benedict & Sophie:

Benedict: “This is a healthy twenty-eight year old man trying his best.”

Sophie: “I was a maid for a while. I was treated well in my day. I worked for a variety of sirs.”

Colin & Penelope:

Colin: “My wife is a bitch and I like her soooooo much.”

Penelope: “We spend most of our time proving to people that we are who we say we are. Think about that for 10 seconds and tell me you don’t want to walk into the ocean.” + “People say crazy things all the time. And those things mean nothing to them, but they mean everything to me.”

Phillip & Eloise:

Eloise: “Thirteen year olds will make fun of you, but in an accurate way.”

Philip: “It was like, you know one of those days where you just go ‘this might as well happen.’”

Michael & Francesca:

Francesca: “I try to stay optimistic, but I will admit, things are getting pretty sticky.”

Michael: “We don’t get better than this. It’s just going to be worse versions of me from here on out.” + “And if you think I seem unlikable or out of control in that story, then just remember, that’s one I was willing to tell you.”

Hyacinth & Gareth:

Hyacinth: “Well none of us ever really know our fathers…… Anyway-”

Gareth: “I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.”

Lucy & Gregory:

Gregory: “I do hear you, and I also don’t want to be doing what I’m doing.”

Lucy: “In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroine.”

Lady Danbury & Lord Ledger:

Lady Danbury: “Shut up you’re all going to die! Street smarts!” + “It’s wrong to make fun of people, but it’s just so fun sometimes.”

Lord Ledger: “My vibe is like ‘hey you could pour soup in my lap and I’d probably apologize to you.’”

George & Charlotte:

King George: “it seems like everyone, everywhere, is super mad about everything, all the time.”

Queen Charlotte: “I simply do not give a shit what anybody thinks of me in any situation.”

Bonus:

Violet: “Putting a thirteen year old in charge of your younger kids is like getting a dog to babysit your horse. If something goes wrong, they can just maybe get help a little more quickly.”

#incorrect bridgerton quotes #long post #source: john mulaney #simon x daphne #anthony bridgerton #daphne bridgerton #bridgerton #benedict bridgerton #simon basset #kate x anthony #kate sharma #benedict x sophie #sophie beckett #colin bridgerton #colin x penelope #penelope bridgerton #michael x francesca #michael stirling #francesca bridgerton #eloise bridgerton #phillip crane #gareth st clair #hyacinth x gareth #hyacinth bridgerton #Lucy x Gregory #gregory bridgerton #queen charlotte #charlotte x george #lady danbury #lady danbury x lord ledger

[nerevar-quote-and-star]

Vivec, trying to read over Sotha Sil's shoulder: Ah numbers, the letters of math.

#vivec #sotha sil #almsivi #tribunal #nerevar queue and star #incorrect quotes #incorrect elder scrolls #incorrect morrowind quotes #tes #the elder scrolls #morrowind #the elder scrolls iii: morrowind #source: john mulaney