#source: Young Justice
(YJ fighting off an entire army of invading space alien chickens)
Tim: How we’re doing?
Conner: Things can’t get much worse…..
(Cue MASSIVE alien chicken appearing out of the sky)
Conner: The universe LOVES to prove me wrong doesn’t it?
Cassie: You make it to easy!
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Robin: (practicing Tae Kwan Do)
Superboy: (watching from afar) Whoa. I had no idea Tim could wreck me at any moment.
Superboy: (blushing) And why do I want him to?
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Bart: Ow! I got a paper cut on my finger!
Carol: Aw, I'll take care of it! (kisses his finger)
Bart: (blushing) W-what good does that do?
Carol: Well, whenever I got hurt, my mom would kiss the injury and it'd always make me feel better.
Bart: Huh... interesting...
The next day
Bart: (to Young Justice) Hey, guys, no time to explain, but I need one of you to punch me in the face.
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Impulse: (gushing about Carol for the millionth time) Carol's just so perfect. I love her so much, she could kill me and I'd thank her.
Superboy: (annoyed) Yeah, we'd thank her, too.
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dick: you know what they say: a little childhood trauma builds character.
dick: [finger guns]
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Tim Drake: For once in my life I want to get up without experiencing the seven stages of grief.
Bart Allen: What are the extra two stages?
Tim Drake: Denial 2 and Astral Projection.
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wally: caffeine no longer keeps me awake while i work, so i have artemis periodically text me “we need to talk, wally west :)”
wally: it gives me the right amount of fear and adrenaline i need to keep going
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Conner: Tim stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
Tim: I got a full house and four people died.
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Dick: If you take half a donut, you get all the calories. And the person who comes along later to take the other half gets none of the calories.
Roy: What happens if you take half a donut and then later decide you want the other half?
Dick: Then you actually get double the calories.
Roy: What if you split the donut and share it with someone right there?
Dick: Then both of you get all the calories.
Wally: Who's out here only eating half a donut?
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kaldur: you have to pick your battles, superboy
conner: i’m full of rage and picking all of them
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dinah: uh... why’s the kitchen on fire?
dick: m’gann’s teaching everyone how to cook.
[muffled clattering and cursing gets louder]
dick: it’s... uh... it’s not going so good.
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Impulse: Hey, Conner! Wanna hear a joke?
Superboy: (sigh) Sure.
Impulse: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Impulse: To talk to the little bitch.
Superboy: (ignores him and watches TV)
Impulse: Okay, one more. Knock-knock.
Superboy: (rolls his eyes) Who's there?
Impulse: The chicken!
Two minutes later
Robin: (talking to Wonder Girl) So I says to Mabel, I says-
Impulse: (running away) DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!
Superboy: (flying after him) GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE SHIT!
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zatanna: you remind me of the ocean
artemis: because i’m deep and mysterious?
zatanna: no because you’re full of salt and scare people
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Dick, to Wally: The hospital called earlier. Your test results came back positive.
Dick: You’re a stage five dumbass.
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Bart and Conner: [Hugging and crying after resolving a fight between them.]
Cassie, confused: Are- Are they in love?
Tim, who’s been dating Conner for months now: Yes, very much so.
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Interviewer: Life as a superhero can be lonely. Do you ever plan on settling down?
Tim: Sure, if I find the right person.
Interviewer [curious]: And if you don't?
Tim [shrugging]: I'll just marry Kon.
Interviewer: *nearly choking on air*
Interviewer: As in Superboy?
Interviewer: Doesn't he already have a girlfriend?
Tim [sips water]: She'll understand.
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Dick: What's the dumbest thing you've ever done?
Tim: I married and divorced Kon twice.
Dick: Excuse me, what?
Tim: Yeah, I don't know either. I was extremely drunk.
Dick [stunned]: Do I even want to know how you managed to do that in such a short time?
Tim [shrugging]: Like I said, extremely drunk.
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Bart: If you could shapeshift don’t even deny that you would shapeshift into a hotter version of yourself over time.
Conner: What if I’m already the hottest version of myself?
Tim: If I could shapeshift I’d be a dragon.
Cassie: If you really think about it, shapeshifting would be super useful. You could give yourself an extra arm, but only when you needed it, or eyes in the back of your head-
Conner: I’d be a dragon too.
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artemis: my hair’s getting too long.
dick: i could cut it for you!
artemis: you could?
dick: sure! i cut wally’s hair all the time.
wally: ...when do you ever cut my hair?
dick: you take a lot of naps.
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wally: remember that time you dared me to lick the swingset?
artemis: no, i said, "wally, don't lick the swingset," and you said, "don't tell me what to do," and then you licked the swingset.
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