Zen: Look, I thought V was a weirdo for having his three-year hiatus, but I get it now. He has a child. What happens to her if he gets hurt? I’ll have to take care of her.

Saeran: Or his partner, or other family, or his more mature friends, but interesting point.

Niko: We’re ten stories up, are you sure you can handle this?

Roman: Niko, I am not afraid of heights.

*both of them standing on a window ledge*

Roman: WE’RE GONNA DIE! WE’RE GONNA DIE! WE’RE GONNA DIE! WE’RE GONNA DIE WE’RE GONNA DIE WE’RE GONNA DIE WE’RE GONNA DIE-

*later*

Roman: ... I would appreciate if you didn’t tell anyone about my window ledge freakout.

Danse: I don't know that I deserve to be happy

Sole: Of course you do!

Danse: Huh. Wow. I never really thought about it that way. This changes everything!

Sole: ... I hadn't even finished my point.

*Victor and Jim chatting*

Victor: ..and if I run and leap at Andrew, he will most certainly catch me in his arms. :)

Victor: *starts running at Andrew who’s some feet away* Coming in!!

Andrew: NO!! I'm holding coffee!!— 

Andrew: *drops the coffee and catches Victor*

(Victor belongs to @authorchanlove)

Cinder: Hey guys. Guys, guys, Watts has a mason jar full of lemonade

Hazel: You called us in here to tell us that?

Cinder: No, I called you in here to change your lives! For you see, a mere five minutes ago, Tyrian introduced me to his new goldfish, who lives in… Wait for it… An identical mason jar!

Emerald: Oh, this isn’t going to end well

Cinder: There are two possible outcomes, and we’re gonna bet on which one happens first. So, will Tyrian put fish food in Watts’ lemonade, or will Watts drink Tyrian’s goldfish? Now, you would think that putting fish food into lemonade-

Neo, with a sign: Tyrian just drank his own fish

Cinder: WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Alison: Is your favourite artist really Taylor Swift?

Thomas: No.

Pat: Lie.

Thomas: Alright, fine. She is. She makes me feel things.

Pat: She makes ALL of us feel things!

Regina: Talk to him, that’s what friends do.

Zelena: Nope. I’m gonna wait ‘til I’m on my deathbed, get in the last word and then die immediately.

Regina: That’s your plan for dealing with this?

Zelena: That’s my plan to deal with everything. I have seventy-seven arguments I’m going to win that way.

christine: hey, chloe, you ready to get curb stomped?

jenna, confused: what?

chloe: at guitar.

christine: we have a weekly jam sesh. i’m teaching chloe to play. and she’s teaching me to trash talk. the doctor called. your test results came back positive. you’re a stage five dumbass.

chloe: oh! you have come so far.

Scott: Peter kept a fairly comprehensive diary.

Kurt: As a power journaler, I think we can hold off on using the word “comprehensive”.

*Stacks of Diaries on the table*

Kurt: oh damn that’s comprehensive.

Pre tlo:

Annabeth(to Percy): Your results came out.

Annabeth: you're a stage 5 dumbass.

Percy:....

After tlo:

Annabeth: you're a dumbass.

Percy: but I am your dumbass now.

Hera: Really, Zeus? That plan sounds a little underhanded.

Zeus: Well, desperate times call for desperate housewives

Hera:

Zeus: Measures. I said measures.

George: Just be yourself.

Fred: 'Be myself'? George, I have one day to win Hermione over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Lee: Couple weeks.

Angelina: Six months.

Harry: Jury's still out.

Fred: See, George? 'Be myself.' What kind of garbage advice is that?

Dick: It’s just that you can be a bit judgmental.

Bruce: What a stupid thing to say. Name one time when I have been judgmental.

Dick: Okay.

[flashback]

Bruce: What a stupid thing to say.

[flashback ends]

Bruce: Oh, I see. Mere seconds ago.

Rosa: the vulture really seem to hate us.

Gina: maybe he's homophobic

Rosa: we're not a couple gina

Gina: we're not?

Jake: you're not?

Jake and Rosa: Regularly say fuck

Amy: Has sworn off saying fuck but said it at some point

Terry: has not said fuck before, can do if desired

Holt: has not said fuck before and refuses to say it

Gina: says fuck only for the ✨drama✨

Hitchcock: says nothing but fuck

Scully: says fudge or duck instead

Charles: legally cannot say fuck

Rosa: *kicks the G off of a graveyard sign*

Rosa: let's get this party started

Bagel: Do you wanna know how I actually hurt my wrist?

Star: Yes.

Bagel: I was hula-hooping. Daniel and I attend a class for fitness and for fun.

Star: oh my god

Bagel: I’ve mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie doodle.

Star: Why are you telling me all this?

Bagel: Because no one will ever believe you.

Star: You sick, sick son of a bitch.

Sole: They’re not hostages. I prefer to call them ‘collateral friendships.’ I gave them 500 caps of my own money.

Charles on the phone with Peter: I’m coming back home, Maximoff.

*hangs up*

Peter: Oh no, he said “Maximoff”. It’s biblical.