#source: dane cook
There is nothing like a good lie! Especially when it just works on the first shot. You lie, the person accepts it completely, and you walk away going, ‘Lie accomplished. My work is done here.’
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Soga: Y’know what I gotta do? I gotta do a B&E! You know what that means? A breaking and entering! No, not bacon and eggs. Although I would love to go for some of that, that stuff’s delicious!
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Why Elizabeth is banned from monopoly
Elizabeth, throwing the board: FUCK THIS GAME!
Elizabeth, at Anne: It's four in the morning mom! YOU WIN!
Elizabeth: I'm sitting on Baltic with crap! I'm paying luxury tax out the ass!
Elizabeth, pointing at Catherine: And I hate when you're the banker! Where'd you get the pink 50s you cheating whore?!
Anna, trying to calm her down: Elizabeth, you need to calm down, it's just a game
Elizabeth, jerking away: Don't fucking touch me Anna, Catherine is a cheating whore! And I should cut your head off with this little doggy!
Cathy: Well... this is fun...
Mary, whispering: And people say I'm the angry sibling.
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Wee-miss-no one brought this to my attention and I ugly laughed so I’m putting it out for all of you
It’s a Dane Cook sketch
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I could grow crops with my tears.
- gerard way, probably
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There is nothing like a good lie! Especially when it just works on the first shot. You lie, the person accepts it completely, and you walk away going, 'Lie accomplished. My work is done here.'
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Hero: I had the weirdest dream last night…
Espurr: What was your dream?
Hero: Uh, I was being chased by a giant crab…
Espurr: DUDE, WHAT?! Hold on…
Hero: What are you doing?
Espurr, now holding a book: I have a Dream Book. I’m looking up 'crabs' to see what they represent…
[A moment later]
Espurr, astonished: Dude, you’re gay.
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Tyrion: Hey don’t tell me about how many beers I’m having, all right? I’m a little bit older and I’ve been around the block a couple of times, all right, pal? I’ve been around the block.
Bronn: That’s because you’re too fucking drunk to find the house, dumbass.
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Giroro: Hi sir, may I please take your order?
Kururu, whispering sensually: .......*inaudible* with pickles...... ??????????cheese. cheese pickles. extra cheese no pickles. cheese??????? extra pickles. pickely pickles?? ??? ? ? ? ??and some ????? ?? ? ? picklesnonono cheese. pickles
Giroro: W-What do you want?
Kururu: ????????????????????????????bun seeds lots of bun see?????? and some ? ??? ? ? ? ?no bun seeds!
Giroro: what do you want?!
Kururu: no... yes... nocheeeeeeeeese.........extra pickles and ?????? ? ? ? ? ??..... how much?cheese.......
Giroro: Sir I cant- Hello?
Kururu: PICKLES cheeseextra pickles! bun seeds ??? ? ? ???? ice. extra pickles um. and some extra pickely pickles cheese pickles.
Giroro: what are you saying?!
Kururu: c h i c k e n t e n d e r s
Kururu: Sweet n sour sauce on my p u s s y
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I Don’t Want To Wait, eighteen
rowaelin high school bff au
CW: Use of a LGBT+ slur
Based on the prompts:
“I assume I deserve this, but can you tell me why you’re mad at me right now?”
“What’s cooking, good looking?”
Aelin slid into the cab of Manon’s black truck, reached across a sweetly smiling Elide, and handed the blonde two crisp twenty dollar bills. Manon rolled her eyes and pushed the bills back into Aelin’s hand, the two of them warring back and forth until Elide groaned loudly and forced Manon to accept the money.
“How many times do I need to tell you that I don’t want your hard-earned money?” Manon asked, pocketing the bills in her own leather jacket and pulling out of Aelin’s driveway.
Aelin scoffed. “I wouldn’t say it was hard-earned.”
A small smile curled at Aelin’s lips at the thought of her new job, and how much she was enjoying it. She’d first taken it simply to pay Manon back – and maybe a few other reasons – but she found out she really enjoyed having a place to go after school. And getting a weekly paycheck was a nice bonus, too.
“The jacket was a gift,” Manon said, repeating their same weekly conversation since Aelin had found the jacket at the bottom of her shopping bags.
“A way too expensive gift!” Aelin laughed her usual reply. “El, please tell your girlfriend I will continue to pay her back until the jacket has been paid in full.”
Elide’s cheeks pooled with pink as she reached over and squeezed Manon’s free hand, and Aelin felt the smug smile tug at her mouth as Manon laced her fingers with the girl sitting between them. The label was extremely new between the pair, who had finally kissed last weekend. Aelin was happy for them. Especially since she’d spent every morning of the last month sitting in the small truck cab with them, the tension growing to unbearable levels.
“Yeah, girlfriend.” Manon smirked, never taking her golden eyes off the road ahead, but Aelin could feel Elide exhale beside her, leaning into the driver’s side gently. It was sweet, and not for the first time in the past few weeks, did Aelin ignore the soft lingering pain in her stomach.
“You guys are sickeningly happy,” Aelin said. “This is why I still hang out with Lorcan. I need someone in my life who’s as filled with loathing as I am.” Aelin paused. “I thought you would be that person, Man. What a disappointment you’ve turned out to be.” Her overly exaggerated tone of disgust caused Manon to roll her eyes and Elide to giggle loudly.
“What have I told you about sullying my beautiful truck with that disgusting man’s name?”
Aelin sighed. “Are you ever going to tell me what your problem is with him?”
Manon’s shoulders tensed. “Other than the fact that he’s a gross misogynist pig, who takes no responsibility for his terrible actions and enforces toxic norms and I would rather saw off my own arm than spend any time around him or his shitty parties? No.”
Aelin wanted to press her on it, but by the warning look on Elide’s face, Aelin knew to back off. The three of them sat in silence for the last leg of their trip to school, and Aelin felt bad that she’d wrecked the celebratory mood.
“Sorry,” she apologized to Manon quickly as she hopped out of the cab.
But Manon had already moved on, completely unfazed. She tugged the end of Aelin’s re-dyed hot pink ponytail. “You’ve gotta stop apologizing for your feelings,” Manon laughed. “It’s such a fucked up female thing.”
“Yeah, yeah, sorr—” Aelin cut herself off, catching the pointed look on Manon’s face.
Aelin looked away, annoyed at being called out and stalked away, heading into the school. She tugged her well-worn jacket tighter around her shoulders, protecting herself from the early October winds. She was about halfway across the parking lot when she heard someone cough under their breath.
Aelin’s head whipped around, trying to locate the source of the fake cough and who it was aimed at.
“Dyke!” The cough came again, louder, from within a group of senior boys, and Aelin was shocked to see that they were all laughing at her.
She’d been sure the word would have been thrown at the couple walking behind her, and ready to throw down for anyone attacking her friends, but the pair was still lingering by Manon’s truck, gathering their books.
Aelin’s brow furrowed, a rush of anger tunneling through her chest, and she stalked toward the group of boys, whose raucous laughter quieted at her approach.
“Excuse me?” she said, loudly asking the boys to clarify which one of them had thrown the offensive word her way. It hadn’t cut her the way they’d hoped, but her skin prickled for all the people who it would have.
It was clear that none of them thought that she’d ever approach them, and that they’d been getting away with harassing girls in the parking lot for a really long time with absolutely no one holding them accountable. A swarm of widened, terrified eyes peered back at her with a level of fear that warmed Aelin from the inside out.
“What did you just say to me?” Aelin asked, her voice steady and loud and starting to draw attention from the other students lingering before their first period classes. She was feeling feisty this morning, clearly. And she was absolutely finished not speaking her mind to boys who made her feel like shit. It was a skill she’d been cultivating since her best friend decided to ditch her for his new girlfriend. And she was strangely grateful to finally be able to put it to use.
“It was just a joke,” one of the boys said from the middle of the group. Aelin had never spoken with him before, but she’d seen him around at Lorcan’s parties. She was fairly certain he was on the football team and that his name was something generic, like Dane or Dirk or Duke.
“Well, it wasn’t a very funny one, since no one’s laughing,” Aelin assured him.
“Whatever you say…” He paused, his dark eyes flickering across her face as he debated his next word. She saw it forming before it was fully out of his mouth. “Dyke,” he finished just as Aelin wound up her arm and propelled it forward.
Before it could connect with the boy’s jaw, though, he jumped back, his eyes wild with panic. And Aelin felt a strong grasp grab at her wrist and pull her backwards
She tugged her hand out of his grasp and spun around. “Get off me, Rowan!”
“Are you insane?” he hissed at her. “Do you want to get suspended?”
“Maybe!” she shouted, turning back to the group of boys, but they’d already dispersed in their terror.
Rowan lowered his voice, his green eyes looking her over thoroughly in a way they hadn’t in weeks. Aelin tried to swallow, her throat suddenly feeling dry. “That’s Duke Perrington.” He paused, waiting for Aelin to recognize the weight of the name, but she didn’t. “Principal Havilliard’s best friend’s son? Starting QB?”
“And?” Aelin tapped her foot, annoyed that she was somehow getting a lecture on her behavior when the boy had just harassed her in public.
“And you decided to punch him…why?”
Aelin felt the urge to tell him, to unleash her inner thoughts about these awful senior boys, but she kept it to herself. She’d barely spoken with him in the last month – a proper slow fade out as he spent more time with Lyria and Aelin spent more without him – and she had to remind herself that he didn’t get to know everything about her anymore.
“You wouldn’t care,” she quipped, turning on her heel and heading into the school.
She could hear Rowan sigh behind her, his long gait jogging to keep up with her as he ran his fingers through his newly cropped hair. She didn’t fail to notice how good it looked.
“I assume I deserve this, but can you tell me why you’re mad at me right now?” he asked, his face pained, and Aelin almost laughed.
“You… what?” she gaped, not knowing what to say.
“You’re mad at me,” he grumbled. “Can you just tell me why?”
“I’m not mad at you,” Aelin insisted, though she wasn’t sure that was exactly the truth. “I haven’t spoken to you in a week, how could I be mad at you?”
Rowan’s eyes widened, his eyebrow shooting up to the middle of his forehead in that cartoonish way that drove her absolutely insane. “A week?” He gasped. “That… that can’t be true.”
Aelin shrugged. It was. And once Rowan realized it, she watched as his eyes became clouded with confusion, as if he hadn’t realized that Aelin had slowly but surely removed herself from his orbit. She’d done her job too well.
“It’s okay,” she said, forgiving him with a small smile, not sure of what his responding expression meant. She didn’t want to linger and think about it.
Luckily, she didn’t have much time to, because a large arm slung around her shoulder and pulled her tight against his burly side. “Babe,” the voice drawled, causing Aelin to be shaken out of her Rowan-induced chest pain. “Did I just see you throw a punch at Duke fucking Perrington?” Lorcan laughed loudly. “Is there no one you’re scared of?”
“Manon,” Aelin replied quickly, causing Lorcan to shudder.
“Fair.” He squeezed her shoulder as they made their way into the school, Rowan silently keeping step beside them. “So, you wanna tell me why you took that swing?”
“Babe,” Aelin replied, her natural way of ending a conversation with Lorcan, but he seemed too curious. He nudged her again. Aelin sighed, not really wanting to share but knowing that he wasn’t going to let it go until she told him. “He called me a name.”
“A name?” Rowan asked, his voice unnaturally high. “What kind of name?”
“It wasn’t a term of endearment, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Aelin sassed.
Lorcan barked out a laugh. “I think it finally spread that you turned down Archer Finn. You know they’re best friends, right? I’m sure he thought he was just doing his bestie a solid.”
Aelin frowned. “Boys are the worst.”
Rowan stumbled slightly. “Archer Finn asked you out?”
“Uh huh,” Lorcan answered for her. “I really thought I’d finally nailed that wingman shit,” he rambled. “Prettiest dude in school. Blonde hair, green eyes…but apparently that’s not her type?” He chuckled softly, looking between Aelin and Rowan. “Could have fooled me.”
Aelin elbowed Lorcan in the stomach, willing him to shut up. Especially since the blonde haired, green eyed boy who was her type was looking at her with a level of intensity she didn’t want to process today.
“Ow,” Lorcan laughed, rubbing his side as he finally stepped back and released Aelin’s shoulders. He waved as he peeled off, heading to his own locker. Aelin simply flicked him off.
“When?” Rowan asked, causing Aelin to turn her head toward him in confusion.
“When did he ask you out?” Rowan asked, his voice returning to his normal low gravelly tone.
“Like two weeks ago?” Aelin responded, heading toward her locker. She was surprised that Rowan trailed behind her, following her instead of making the turn to his own locker or Lyria’s. She wondered if the girl was out sick today, or something. Usually she would have attached herself to Rowan’s side by now. But the cheerleader was nowhere to be found. It was weird. She hadn’t spent this much time having a conversation with Rowan in weeks. She felt a little lost.
“And you said no?” Rowan asked, his brow furrowed.
She shrugged as she clicked her combination lock into place, opening the locker with a wide swing. As she unloaded her books into her locker, she noticed Rowan still hovering behind her. She looked over her shoulder and stared at his pronounced frown as he stared at her locker.
“What?” she asked, feeling annoyed with herself for still caring.
“You have no pictures in your locker,” he commented, and Aelin looked at her locker décor and nodded. Though her freshman and sophomore locker doors had been adorned with pictures of her and her friends, this year she decided against it. She couldn’t bring herself to just leave Rowan off her door – it would have been too obvious if everyone else had been present. So instead, she had Elide write out a bunch of her favorite lyrics in different handwriting. The artistically inclined girl was only too happy to get typography practice, and Aelin thought the word-collage looked pretty cool.
He let his finger trace across the lyrics that Aelin had been the most nervous about putting on the door, but she couldn’t not have them there. Couldn’t not have Rowan represented in some way.
we like our fun, and we never fight
you can’t dance and stay uptight
The two script lines were cocooned off by a dazzling crescent moon, shining onto the words so they cast a downward shadow behind them.
“I love this,” he said quietly. He flashed his eyes toward her, and Aelin inhaled sharply at the unfiltered emotion in his eyes. “Can I have it at the end of the year?”
“Sure,” she nodded back, trying to quell her racing pulse. “Just remind me.”
He smiled softly in return and took off for his locker, leaving Aelin feeling unnerved and shaken. It had been quite the eventful morning, and the first period bell hadn’t even rung yet.
As if on cue, it rang out overhead, and Aelin sighed, shaking off her residual feelings as she made her way to class.
. . .
The rest of the day ticked by in a rush. Apparently news travelled fast at Orynth High, because by last period, both Elide and Lysandra had heard about Aelin’s brush with Duke Perrington. As was want to do, the rumors had somehow spiraled out of control, and had Aelin at the scene punching him out and telling the senior to go fuck himself.
Aelin sighed. Last year she’d been a completely invisible entity at Orynth High, but somehow now everyone knew her name.
She was quick to correct her friends, and was grateful when the final bell rang for the day.
After school was now Aelin’s favorite part of the day.
She tucked her hands into her jacket and began her half hour walk home. While she’d first been resentful of the solo walk, she’d now grown to love it. Even as the last vestiges of summer had transformed into the crisp tendrils of autumn, Aelin relished her walk. It was the perfect time to decompress and shake off the day. Despite how angry she’d been at Rowan originally for ditching her, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. She’d have to reevaluate when the Orynth snows started, but for now, she was content with her alone time.
The bell overhead tinkled with a familiar jingle as she pushed open the door to Maeve’s.
“Sorry I’m late!” she breathed, redoing her ponytail to fix the strands that had escaped during her brisk walk.
Maeve popped out from the kitchen, brushing flour off her dark green apron and smiled. “You’re not late, you’re right on time. We’re just starting dinner prep.”
Aelin peeled off her jacket and draped it on the coat hanger by the front door and made her way behind the large counter and into the warm kitchen, already bustling. She laughed as Luca pulled her further into the kitchen, handing her a bowl of potatoes to peel as Aelin donned her favorite apron.
She inhaled the floury scent of the kitchen that had become so familiar to her over the last few weeks and exhaled her daily stress. When she’d first started looking for a job, it hadn’t even crossed her mind to work for Maeve – after all, she was trying to avoid Rowan, not run into him. But Maeve had assured her that Rowan was only working weekends for her. He’d apparently changed his running schedule to run the track after school instead of in the mornings and then spent each afternoon doing gods only knows with Lyria. Aelin didn’t want to think about it. Maeve had sounded so lonely and desperate for company that Aelin hadn’t thought twice about accepting the offer. And it turned out that cooking was something Aelin really loved, too. It was calming and therapeutic in a way she hadn’t anticipated.
“How was school?” Maeve asked, calling out to Aelin over the counter as she began her peeling.
“Ran into your nephew,” Aelin said with a shrug.
Maeve laughed loudly. “Oh, really? And how is he?”
“And that girlfriend of his?” Maeve asked, far too nonchalant for how Aelin suspected the woman felt about the cheerleader who had commandeered all her nephew’s time.
“Didn’t see her,” Aelin said.
“Probably staring into a mirror, asking who the fairest of them all is,” Maeve quipped, causing Aelin’s mouth to drop.
Maeve smiled secretively and winked at Aelin. “I don’t trust a girl who refuses to eat baked goods.” Aelin smiled in return, putting her fully peeled potato into the bowl of cold water beside her. “Which reminds me, I have a chocolate mousse for you to try. It’s a new recipe.”
“Yessss,” Aelin cheered, and Maeve crossed the counter and kissed the top of Aelin’s head lightly.
“And that’s why you’re my favorite,” she whispered. “Don’t tell Ro.”
“Don’t tell Ro what?”
Both women looked up, startled at Rowan’s voice so close to them. He stood, hovering over the counter, looking into the kitchen.
“That I’m Maeve’s favorite,” Aelin grinned unabashedly, causing Maeve to scold her.
“I could have told you that,” Rowan laughed.
“What’s cooking, good looking?” Maeve asked him, rounding the counter to give him a matching kiss on the top of his head to the one she’d just given Aelin.
His shoulders lifted up to his ears and sank again as the tips of his ears tinged pink. “Just waiting for Lyria to finish practice.” He looked over at Aelin. “What are you doing here? Cooking experiment?”
Maeve’s brow furrowed as she looked between the two, clearly former best friends. “I thought I told you,” Maeve said. “Aelin’s been working here every day after school.”
“You have?” Rowan asked.
His mouth opened and closed a few times, and Aelin forced herself to look away, focusing on the potato peeling she was meant to be doing. It seemed that Rowan was floundering today in his newfound knowledge of Aelin after weeks of being apart, but it only served to make Aelin feel more annoyed. After all, he hadn’t even realized they hadn’t been talking. He was too distracted with Lyria. It was his own fucking fault, and if he didn’t like it, well, then he could just deal with it.
“Easy there,” Luca laughed, pulling the mutilated potato from Aelin’s hand. She hadn’t even noticed how aggressively she was peeling. She watched as Luca tossed the potato into the trash, eyeing her carefully.
Aelin looked up again as the overhead bell jingled, and she heard the cloying tone of Lyria’s voice welcoming Rowan. She immediately looked back down at her peeling, not wanting to acknowledge the cheerleader.
“What do you want to do?” Rowan asked. Aelin focused on her peeling, dunking each finished potato into the waiting bowl of water as the couple debated what they’d be doing with their afternoon. But she froze as Lyria’s high voice pitched.
“Why don’t we just stay here?”
No no no no no. Aelin repeated over and over in her head.
“Sure,” Rowan replied too quickly, and Aelin couldn’t resist looking up as the pair found a small table against the wall.
She held her breath as Lyria leaned across the table and brushed her lips against Rowan’s, and found herself immediately looking down again. Her skin prickled with annoyance. This was her space. Not Lyria’s. She ignored them as they took out their books and began working on their homework together. It was a sight so familiar – one she’d done with Rowan hundreds of thousands of times, and she needed to get it out of her head.
So instead, she focused on dinner prep – moving from peeling potatoes to chopping onions to mixing spice rubs.
By the time the dinner rush actually started, Aelin was pleasantly exhausted. And pleasantly surprised to see Rowan eating alone at the table that had formerly been occupied by him and his girlfriend.
“Chocolate mousse,” Maeve said, interrupting her wandering thoughts and handing Aelin a small bowl and a spoon.
Aelin scooped the chocolate into her mouth and moaned loudly. “Oh my gods, so good,” she groaned around the spoon.
Maeve scooped some more into the bowl and winked. “You’re free to go whenever, by the way.” She smiled. “See you tomorrow.”
Aelin nodded and had planned to walk home, but today had been so weird, she wanted a moment alone. She decided to travel up to her special rooftop spot, mousse in hand.
She switched on the lights and turned on the small space heaters that warmed the space during the cooler months. She wriggled into her thick blanket pile and ate her mousse in piece, each chocolatey bite bringing her the perfect amount of satisfaction to shake off the weirdness of the day.
She was so entranced by the chocolate that she almost didn’t hear the knock at the thick door, until it knocked harder. Rowan poked his head out.
“Am I still invited up here?” he asked nervously, and Aelin nodded, wondering what he wanted. She’d seen him more today than in the last month.
“Always,” she said, and he sighed, relieved.
He ambled over to the pile of blankets and sank down next to her. He looked like he wanted to say something, so Aelin waited patiently for him to begin, but he never did.
“What’s up, buttercup?” she finally asked, causing him to look over at her and smile.
“I’m sorry,” Rowan began, and Aelin shrugged.
He took a deep breath, centering himself and stared seriously. “I didn’t think having a girlfriend and a girl best friend would be this hard,” he admitted. “We used to spend every minute of every day together,” he said wistfully. “I’ve been a really shitty friend.” He pinched the bridge of his nose.
Aelin shrugged again, not exactly sure what to say. She’d been complicit in removing herself from his life as well. It wasn’t exactly a one-sided situation, but it was clearly something he felt strongly about it.
“Things change,” she ultimately said, wanting to let him know that it was fine, but it just made him smile sadly.
Rowan paused and pulled at her hair. “You’ve changed.”
“…in a bad way?” she asked, suddenly feeling self-conscious and exposed.
“No!” he jumped in. “Just…” He shook his head, mostly to himself, as he continued. “I realized I don’t know this new Aelin that well. And that’s my fault.” He paused again. “She’s super brave. She stands up for herself and for her friends…” He laughed to himself again. “She’s way too cool to hang out with me,” he said. “I get it.” Aelin gulped as he looked over at her, his eyes lit up under the twinkling lights on the roof. “But I want to.” He cleared his throat. “Hang out with her.”
He let his fingers twiddle nervously, playing with each other as he awaited some kind of response. And Aelin realized in that moment that she couldn’t go back. She had to keep moving forward. She refused to relapse, to be pulled under by those mesmerizing emerald eyes and bashful smile.
“Maybe one day you’ll be lucky enough,” she laughed, ignoring the way Rowan’s face fell momentarily at her words. He breathed in softly and clapped his hand on her shoulder as he smiled at her again.
“Looking forward to it,” he said, getting up slowly.
As he made his way off the rooftop and back down to the restaurant, Aelin knew what she had to do. She pulled out her phone and sent out a group text to the people who had helped her find herself this month without Rowan.
Alright. It’s time to start dating. I’m ready. Do your worst.
It was time.
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4 fascinates me because how do you accidentally kiss someone, let's explore that. Alternately, 20, because that's just leveling the playing field.
From 50 types of kisses
20. Kissing in a stairwell, giving them an artificial height difference.
Middle-child!Kaiba from gloriously drunk returns in this ficlet 🥰. Enjoy, Dane!
Seto hated winter.
Correction—he loathed the cold.
Seto was blessed with many things in life—superior intelligence, good looks, and a loving boyfriend as of late, but good circulation and blood flow weren’t among them. His above-average height hardly helped matters. Even in his double-layered gloves, his fingers felt frozen and numb.
Now halfway down the stairs of Jounouchi's apartment building, he regretted agreeing to go out to dinner. Was it too late to drag his boyfriend back upstairs and into bed, burrow into the blankets with the space heater set to its highest setting? Jounouchi would make an excellent substitute for either a hot water bottle or an electric blanket.
He stopped short in the stairwell and spun on his heel in one fluid move, nothing to betray the shivers wracking his body under his long woolen coat. Above him, Jounouchi yelped in surprise and grabbed the banister to prevent himself from falling headlong down the steps. Their chests still collided softly. The impact was muffled by the layers of clothing between them. In a reversal of their usual situation, Jounouchi peered down at him with curious eyes.
"Something wrong?" his boyfriend asked.
Seto tugged his heavy scarf higher, stifling the next words that passed his frozen lips. "Nothing. Let's order in instead."
"Okonomiyaki's no good delivered. You gotta cook that stuff yourself," protested Jounouchi with the hint of a pout.
"Then let's order something else. Whatever you want. My treat," Seto gritted through his attempts to still his chattering teeth. Surely the best way to end this conversation ASAP was to tempt his black hole of a boyfriend with a carte blanc for food.
With one mittened hand still gripping the railing, Jounouchi bent forward, sending a warm and moist breath cascading over the planes of Seto's frigid face. Unbidden, Seto gravitated toward the source of warmth, despite how meager and inadequate it was.
"C'mon, what's really wrong? Is it cuz of the snow?"
The snow was a symptom of the problem. Seto wasn't a fan of any temperature condition that allowed for the possibility of snowfall, much less its accumulation along the roads and sidewalks. Although there was a charm to the stray flake that drifted into the stairwell and landed in Jounouchi's blond hair or caught in his eyelashes. But that novelty quickly vanished when another touched the tip of Seto's numb nose and melted into a dew that dripped down the bridge. The only acceptable place to be in the weather was inside!
Instead of saying any of that, Seto glowered at the other man. But in the end, his increased shivering gave him away.
"Oh, you're cold," laughed his boyfriend as he shook his head.
Seto gnashed his teeth as Jounouchi dug purposely into his pockets and pulled two small packets out. A quiet snap filled the stairwell before Jounouchi palmed a pack in each hand and clasped Seto's cheeks between his hands. This time, Seto jolted and gripped the banister to root himself against the gentle slap of Jounouchi's palms. They were more than warm. They felt blazing hot against Seto's icy skin.
Eyes rounded, he stared up into his boyfriend's laughing eyes, convinced his words had frozen inside his throat.
"Heat packs," explained Jounouchi with a broad smile on his ruby lips. "Available for 200 yen a piece at your local konbini counter."
Seto sank into his scarf and hunched his shoulders in a vain attempt to keep the blessed heat from escaping.
"I swear you're the most ridiculous man," muttered Jounouchi. "Just say something next time. I'm drowning in these packs."
Moderately warmed, Seto opened his mouth to retort but was cut short by the press of Jounouchi's lips to him. The fond affection warmed him almost as much as the gel packs cradled against his cheeks. Cautiously, Seto released the railing to wind his arms around Jounouchi's waist and pull him close. He ignored the chuckle that passed between their connected mouths and basked in the warm glow and the novelty of Jounouchi bending down to kiss him for once.
"Better?" asked Jounouchi when they parted, but their arms and hands continued to hold the other.
Nodding, Kaiba licked his lips, tasting a shock of peppermint chapstick. He metered his disappointment when Jounouchi removed his hands. The activated heat packs were carefully and gently tucked under Seto's gloves, returning feeling to his palm and his fingers' lower portion. Jounouchi rearranged his scarf with another fond smile and pulled it up to cover his nose, but not before planting another quick peck on its tips. Seto was grateful for the covering as he was sure he was now bright red, and it had little to do with the windchill.
"Now, can we get some grub? It's a ten-minute walk top. I swear," wheedled Jounouchi. "There'll be a warm grill, and you'll warm up in no time. I'll even sit next to you and hold your hand. And we'll go straight to bed when we get back with the space heater on full blast."
Seto was a grown man. He didn't need anyone to baby him, but that didn't change the fact that it felt nice to have someone occasionally and lovingly dote on him. He took Jounouchi's offered hand and nodded.
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You mentioned wanting to know the original source of the Karen "meme". Some people say it's from a joke by Dane Cook "the friend that nobody likes". But like, that joke is like 15 years old? So who knows. But I figured it could add to the pile of potentials.
that's the origin i've seen too, followed by some dudebros on reddit. if it was used before that to call out racist white women, there doesn't seem to be any evidence around now that that was the case. sure, some people were using it to punch up at entitled customers, but idk why everyone assumes it only became misogynistic later
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Scooby Doo Idea
Okay. The Gang were friends in high school, and while they all (with one notable exception. Stay tuned.) went to different colleges, they stayed in touch. They had had sort of an amateur investigative service running back in school, so when they all got out of their respective post-high-school obligations and realized that they all had no immediate plans (and privately, each of them realized that they all had emotional damage that made them reluctant to just go do adult life), they decided to take their investigative skills on the road, mostly as an excuse to semi-drop-out of society. Hey, it’s 1970. These things happen. But then, wherever they go they keep bumping into things that really do need solving. (“But where did they get the money for the van?” Daphne. “But all the food they have to buy--” Daphne. “But most people probably don’t pay them once their mystery gets solved--” Daphne. Daphne hasn’t even come into her inheritance proper yet, but her trust fund alone could buy Switzerland for cash.) Again, we are not trying to make this take on the series “modern” or “interesting” by having the characters constantly be at each other’s throats. They genuinely care about each other (and because this is me, will have settled into a full-on polycule before the series is over). It’s just that they all have, from various sources, considerable emotional damage that they need to do their best to work through. (But we’re gonna do our best not to let them be defined by their damage. They still have [variants on] the personalities we know and love from the old cartoons.)
Norville “Shaggy” Rogers: As high school came to a close, he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to major in at college...and then Uncle Sam called, and he never got a chance to decide, because it was 1966 and the war was hungry. After three years of Hell, he got shot in the shoulder just badly enough to qualify for a discharge home, where he spent the next year failing to shake it off. Luckily for him, he’s blessed with a fairly supportive, understanding family, but still, he’s been through things no teenager should have to, and he’s been left with scars far deeper than the one in his left shoulder. (Note to self: get as accurate a picture as possible of actual PTSD symptoms. Yes, he has nightmares, and yes, there may be the occasional flashback, but we need more than just those two cliché things. Let’s see, what do I already know? Well, he gets protective of people he cares about, he’s generally kind of nervous and jumpy [as is the standard for this character, but now with more of a concrete reason], his huge appetite may partially be a reaction to memories of starving in the jungle; now that food is plentiful, he eats, because he can’t entirely convince his subconscious that it’s going to stay plentiful. And for all his cowardice, when things get bad, I mean really bad, he slips into a sort of...detached competence. A fugue-like, hyper-focused calm in which he knows exactly what to do, and will put all his energy into seeing it done.) However, as I said, none of these people are entirely defined by their damage. When he’s calm, or at least comparatively calm (which sometimes comes with the help of pot) there shines through a caring, empathetic, gentle man with a surprisingly deep wisdom and a laid-back sense of humor. Also, in addition to his voracious appetite, he’s an excellent cook, and putting his energy into cooking is one of the things that can help calm him down after his symptoms get bad, and generally be a thing in his life that helps him heal. In addition to this, during his Year Of Failed Recovery, his uncle, who had a similarly hard time recovering after World War Two, suggested that he get a dog, advice which Shaggy took, which brings us to…
Scoobert “Scooby” Doo: What you need to understand about Scooby in this version is...he’s a dog. He’s very intelligent...for a dog. He’s very helpful in dangerous situations...for a dog. He’s surprisingly good at communicating with humans...for a dog. But he doesn’t talk, and he is not supernatural in any other way. He’s a dog. Nevertheless, he serves an important role in the group, not least of which is as Shaggy’s (though he’s never officially called this, as I believe the phenomenon was not a recognized as a medical phenomenon in 1970) emotional support dog. Like most dogs, he’s good at sensing what mood his people are in, and Shaggy is his people (and so are the others, eventually), so even though the actual training that emotional support animals get today didn’t exist for him to get, he can tell when Shaggy is in a particularly upset mood, and offer comfort. In addition, having an animal to care for gave Shaggy one more means of grounding. Plus, it doesn’t matter how well-planned your criminal scheme is, or how dedicated you are to it, if a big fuckoff Great Dane comes charging at you full-tilt, you’re gonna move. Most of his usual cowardice is probably gone in this version; in fact, if he feels that his people are in danger, he will not hesitate to square up and fight.
Frederick “Fred” “Freddie” Herman Jones: His father wanted a strong son; an athlete; the golden All-American boy...and he got it, by Hell or high water. Genuine interest in his son as a person? Willingness to support unconventional hobbies? Any affection given without Fred “earning” it by living up to one of the many standards of “manliness”? Naaaaaaaahhhh. Which was a problem, because Fred showed early on that he had little natural inclination towards what his father wanted him to be. His interests lay in painting, a particular breed of fashion, and mechanical things (and not the car kind.) Well, Papa Jones didn’t want any egghead or sissy for a son, and his efforts to “correct the problem” were, by most estimations, excessive. The man had a fast and furious temper. (And Mom died when Fred was very young, far too soon to do anything to counteract Dad’s influence) So Tiny Freddie learned to lie and suppress and play his part, and he played it so well that it couldn’t help become genuinely part of who he was (and, because children are children no matter what their parents are like, the praise he got when he finally lived up to his father’s standards warmed his little heart in a way he couldn’t control, even as he hated how much he had to hide), but through it all, he kept up his true self in secret, as much as he could, scheming and planning and hoping for the day when he could leave home and leave his father’s ideals behind. And he got into college (he got his father to accept an engineering major with only minimal cold disdain by pointing out all the possible connections to construction) and started trying to shed all of his father’s influence...only to find that he couldn’t, entirely. If you ask him point-blank, he will say that he knows his father was wrong and he’s not ashamed of his true self or his true interests, but getting out from under a lifetime of abuse is never that easy. After 18 years of being glared at and derided and shouted at and hit every time he did something “Poindextery” or “girly” or “weak”, the inner voice that does the same is something he has to face down and banish almost constantly. And as I said, some of the All-American Boy affect has just become part of who he is. His healthiest self, when he can find it, is the best of both worlds, with the gregarity and leadership skills of the Golden Boy combined with true embrace of the artist and inventor he is.
Velma Dace Dinkley: Her home life during childhood was just fine. The trouble came when those pesky peers showed up. She was short, and serious, and academic, and plain, and wore big thick glasses, and so she did not get along easily with the other children. She took things seriously, so when they teased, she took that very seriously, and lashed out, which only ostracized her more. Eventually, she buried the rage the only way she could: under layer upon layer of academia, forced apathy, and prickly snark. But underneath that, she was lonely. She didn’t feel lovable, or wanted, and she was frustrated by her inability to fix whatever it was that was wrong with her. Not that she was willing to admit any of this to herself, except in the dark and still of her bedroom at midnight. Who knows just how isolated she might have become if she hadn’t fallen in with the Gang during high school. As it is, she’s cynical, has a hard time dealing with or admitting to her own emotions, and is extremely distrustful of overt kindness or friendliness (the Gang get a pass on this because she knows them well, but if a stranger starts being noticeably nice to her, out come the quills.) She is, however, scary-smart. Smart enough to get PhDs in English and History in the time it took Fred and Daphne to get their Bachelors. And sometimes, when she’s around friends and feels safe, that clever, biting wit can be used for good, instead of to push people away “before they have a chance to hurt her”.
Daphne Anne Blake: What you have to understand is that the Blake family is rich. Wildly rich. Unimaginably rich. No, richer than you’re picturing. No, double that amount. No, on second thought, square it. The other thing you have to understand is that they have been this rich for slightly longer than America has existed as a political entity. So growing up a Blake certainly comes with privileges that most children can only dream of, but it also has its drawbacks, chief among which is that you will never, for one second, be allowed to forget that you are A Blake. And such was Daphne’s childhood. Grace, deportment, beauty, all the skills of a lady, perfection. Never a hair out of place, never a stain on that dress, never a sour note, never an uncouth word or gesture, don’t frown, dear, it wrinkles your forehead, but don’t laugh to hard, it puts lines around your mouth, and don’t you dare fall off that horse. After high school, she went on to Harvard for a B.A. in Psychology, because it’s important for even girls to be properly educated. And it’s all left her a scant hop skip and a jump away from being a nervous wreck. She needs everyone to like her all the time, she needs to look perfect, she needs to be perfect. But at least on some level, she doesn’t want to need to be perfect. She wanted to be able to relax, wanted to let her hair down, wanted to find an identity outside of being A Blake. Lucky for her, she’s the youngest of a large co-ed brood, and her parents suddenly decided that it was chic to have a child who was being slightly rebellious. So as long as she doesn’t get her name in the papers in a negative way, or overspend her allocated trust fund (which would be an impressive feat), they’re perfectly happy to titter at parties about how their youngest daughter is off roaming the country with her strange little friends. As to her quest to find herself outside of her family, it has and hasn’t succeeded. She’s mostly managed to reject generational snobbery and extend her gracious manners to one and all, but sometimes without thinking about it (or sometimes on purpose when they need it for a case) she slips into The Manner Born. And it’s been a long hard process puzzling out how much of the infinite lessons she can keep and use for good, and which she must discard. (For example, she’s certainly in no hurry to abandon her taste for the finer things in life, and if you’re going to make a life out of chasing down criminals, there are worse things than being a trained fencer.) No matter what she does, she’s always going to be a lady. She just hopes to become a true gentlewoman, rather than the paradoxical people-pleasing snob her parents were raising. Her biggest progress has come in the form of letting go of any residual feelings of superiority, and becoming less and less afraid to have and state her own thoughts and opinions, no matter who does and doesn’t agree with them. She’s working on that. Slowly.
So, like I said, the endgame here is a full-on, everybody x everybody else poly situation. But even though they (eventually) think of themselves as a foursome, with no one pairing getting any precedence but rather the four of them being a group, it is true that within that group, there are six pairs, and each individual pair is strong enough that (if I may be morbid) if any two of them died, the remaining two would stay together. So here is a summary of each of the pairs.
Fred/Daphne: Ah, the classic pair. It’s a cliché, perhaps, but they really do have plenty to bond over.They both struggle with the weight of parental expectations, they both have a flair for personal style, and heaven knows they look good together. They spend a lot of time talking to each other and helping each other with the problems that come from their parents’ respective demands, but they also have a lot of fun enjoying together the more “preppy” things that Shaggy and Velma don’t like so much.
Shaggy/Velma: The other cliché, mostly a result of pairing the spares. However, it has its legitimate reasons to exist as well. Their senses of humor complement each other; Shaggy’s more overt clowning works well with Velma’s snark. As the two more “alternative” members of the gang, they also make sense as a couple in public. Shaggy’s earnestness, empathy and sillieness can help get past Velma’s shell, and her no-nonsense practicality can often help to calm his nerves.
Daphne/Velma: The third most popular pairing (or possibly even the second, however much I might want to kid myself about the ubiquity of my childhood OTP). On some level, Velma may be put off by (and might also envy) Daphne’s beauty and grace, but she can’t help but also be drawn to it, and be constantly delighted to find the intelligence underneath. Daphne, for her part, loves Velma for her intelligence, and is amazed by her forthrightness and assertiveness. In addition, Daphne has decided that Velma’s low estimation of her own desirability is unacceptable, and has taken it upon herself to shower her with all the attention she should have been getting all these years. She’s been put on enough pedestals of her own to know how to construct one for someone else, and has thrown herself wholeheartedly into singing “Dulcinea” under Velma’s metaphorical window. Velma’s reaction to this is...complex (which is to say, she would like to just let herself enjoy it, but can’t entirely shut off her reflexive cynicism).
Fred/Shaggy: They don’t always talk very much, but that’s okay. They enjoy the quiet. Shaggy appreciates having a leader-type around, and Fred takes comfort in Shaggy’s utterly accepting nature.
Fred/Velma: In some ways, they can get competitive, but it’s never vitriolic. It’s just that she’s never been one to hide her light under a bushel, and Fred’s reaction to how impressed he is with her is to want to impress her by trying to match up to her, and she respects him enough to not talk down to him or slow up so he can catch up, and so it spirals. She shows more and more skill at investigating and figuring out who the culprit is; he refines his plans and traps more and more. That’s why it so often seems ambiguous whether Fred or Velma is the leader; they’re sparring over the title.
Daphne/Shaggy: Well, he can’t help but be a little awed that such an obvious princess is into a guy like him. And he’s so unlike the boys shes used to that she can’t get enough of him. Their differences only make them stronger. And with her Psychology degree, she may be the one most equipped to actually help him with his symptoms. No, she’s not a therapist, but at least she knows the technical terms for what’s happening, and may have a list of possible treatments. And she revels in how few expectations he has.
@scoobydooservicedog You’re getting tagged because part of this relates to what you do (and because you seem cool and I kinda want to know what you think)
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Zack: I called my friend Melissa cause I had to tell someone and I was like “Dude, I had the weirdest dream last night”
Melissa: “What was your dream?“
Zack: “I was being chased by a giant crab-
Melissa: “WHAT?! DUDE WHAT!? Hold on…”
Zack: and I hear pages flipping like-
Melissa: *flipping pages on a book* “ok” *flips more pages*
Zack: I go “Dude, what are you doing?” She goes-
Melissa: “I have a dream book. I’m looking up crabs to see what they represent. In my dream book.”
Zack: All the sudden she goes-
Melissa: “Dude crabs! Hold on crabs..*muttering* Dude, you’re gay”
Melissa: “That’s why you were running away, because the crab represents sexuality. And that’s why you ran away, you were running away from your gayness!”
Zack: “Well, what about the lightning?”
Melissa: “Lightning uh *reads her book* emphasizes the gayness. If there’s lightning around the crab, that means your super gay. Says it right here”
Source: Dane Cook
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Girls in Naruto & all the wasted potential
(Image source: Dane!! On WeHeartIt)
I just finished rewatching Naruto (excluding the tedious filler), and Shippuuden up until the Invasion of Pain arc. (The show is kind of dead to me once the Akatsuki are offed tbh) It’s always held a dear place in my heart, since I was so into it during the majority of my teenage years, but rewatching it now that I’m in my mid-twenties, alongside someone more sceptical than me gave me a lot of insight. And it made me realize how much I hate the way they write female characters in Naruto.
There is so much wasted potential in every single one of the girls (with very few exceptions), and their writing is by far the most inconsistent in the series, excluding the two powerhouse main characters. It just makes me so sad?? I love them so much but they get undermined so many times in comparison to their male teammates.
1. They did Ino real dirty. She starts off as sassy, one of the strongest kunoichi in her class, someone who already had a handle on her clan’s ninjutsu. They could have explored her rivalry with Sakura further, how they both evolved, how they took different paths. But no, she’s essentially reduced to a prop further on, and loses any semblance of spine. I don’t recall her even casting a single jutsu in the entirety of Shippuuden?
She was the perfect opportunity to build a solid femme fatale (and explore the themes of seduction missions, espionage - which her clan is proficient in, etc.), to be a force to be reckoned with, among others. But then, they somehow assumed she’d be better off on the battlefield as a medic? Taught by Sakura? It could’ve been used as a powerful moment of growth for the pinkhead, but that’s not even explored much. Their dynamic remains stagnant and shallow at best. It’s just such a waste.
2. Hinata is also pure wasted potential. Half her lines are just something about Naruto. Her arc in the chuunin exams highlighted just how strong and determined she could be, and thankfully, her strength is showcased later on, but never in any meaningful way. She’s always just been there to adore Naruto, and not much else. There was no major battle where she could show just how strong she’d become (and that confrontation with Pain was a beautiful display of love, yes, but she doesn’t get the chance to shine on her own).
I would’ve loved to see her stand up for herself more often, without needing to rely on Naruto.
3. Tenten is devoid of growth. It’s like they didn’t even try and just needed another girl for team Guy - so she’s essentially that one who just throws kunai around (weapons which are consistently shown as ridiculously inefficient during the whole show) and has perfect aim. But you never see her shine either, because so much of her fighting is not nearly as flashy as her teammate’s, and there’s rarely any battles she gets to win.
There’s so many interesting things they could’ve done, especially for a character with good aim. Tracking ninjas for example, which aren’t brought up at all for the rest of the show. Or you could’ve made her go down some darker route, involving assassination? Just throwing ideas out there.
4. Tsunade is strong, yes. And a character with interesting flaws/quirks. But can we talk about how many times they represent her just by her tits for a second?
5. Karin, another massive waste of potential. Ffs, we have enough characters fangirling about Sasuke as it is. We don’t need a reminder that he’s beautiful, great, etc. She could’ve kicked so much ass, could’ve gotten an interesting arc, but instead she’s stuck being bitten for, you guessed it, healing. Because you know, that’s all that women in Naruto are good for, right, haha?
6. Temari is someone who was actually written up pretty well. She was a breath of fresh air, and I love her, goddamn it.
7. Konan is a powerhouse, someone stoic and wise. Its unfortunate she was killed off so soon after she left the Akatsuki, because I would’ve loved to see her life post-war and seeing what became of her.
Unfortunately, she’s also mostly cast off to the side. Even during the childhood flashbacks, Jiraya compliments Nagato and Yahiko because of how much they’ve grown strong. But not Konan, because “she’ll grow into a real beauty”. Man, seriously? She’s shown working just as hard as the two. What is it with this blatant sexism?
8. And finally, my girl, Sakura. I leave her for last because they messed her up the worst. Starts off as a clearly flawed character, which is good, and teases the viewer with moments of growth (during Sakura blossoms, when she takes matters into her own hands). She grows more during her battle with Ino, and eventually asks Tsunade herself to train her. After that, you don’t see her for a while, and for the majority of Naruto, she’s just...there. She doesn’t train the way Naruto and Sasuke do, because they obviously have different ambitions and views of life, but it would’ve been awesome to see some more training arcs with her to show off some hard work. Alas, the damage is done, and for Naruto part 1, she’s doomed to be remembered as the annoying, useless one.
Then, at the start of shippuuden, her training seemingly pays off. Monstrous strength, mastery of medical ninjutsu, and even specific training centered around evasion. We’re treated to an insane battle with her and Chiyo against Sasori, one of the better battles of the show. She’d become an absolute beast who trained in all sorts of things, and came out on top. You’d think from now on, she’d be useful and stronger and more present during the show, but that is nowhere near the case.
The tenshi bridge arc that comes right after basically spits her right in the face. She doesn’t even bother to evade Naruto’s blow, that she could’ve basically sidestepped (you could argue the shock of him hitting her froze her but I don’t think that holds up), and is reduced to that one who fainted, that one who needed to be healed by the actual enemy, and who didn’t do a damn thing.
Later on, she’s also plain useless. Naruto’s training arc? All she does is cook for him. Heading out to support Shikamaru’s team against the zombie duo? Nah girl, just stand there and look good. Even during their pursuit of Sasuke, nothing at all.
During the invasion of Pain, at least, she gets to lead the hospital and show off some of that sweet medical prowess. But then, like the rest of the village, she has to cry out for Naruto to come help them. Yikes.
I remember something about her “confessing” her love to Naruto, which is seriously out of character too, no matter the reason.
Essentially, the biggest waste. I’m so bummed. And I’d ship her with anyone other than Sasuke in that universe, seriously. I love this show and its characters so much, but man, the writing kicks so many of them (and not just female characters) straight in the foot.
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Satisfied: cherry pies & cute guys
masterlist | prologue next chapter >>
Danica Foster was going to miss annoying the fuck out of Luke Danes. Besides singing and acting, it was her primary source of joy. And though he threatened to fire her many times, he just couldn't. Deep down, buried deep in that cynical little heart of his, he cared about her, and actually enjoyed her company.
But once the summer was over, she'd be moving. Not far, just about an hour away to Hamden, but she'd still miss seeing Luke, her mom, and the other strange inhabitants of Stars Hollow every day. She had gotten accepted to Quinnipiac, not wanting to move too far from home, and planned on majoring in Chemistry with a minor in Theater.
Despite being best friends with the town's golden girl, Danica tended to be treated as an outsider in the town. While most of this exclusion was her own fault, it was also due in part to her mother's own personality that greatly contrasted the overall atmosphere of the town. In fact, Marceline Foster and her bad attitude have been the subject of many town meetings, though she hasn't attended a single one since she was a child.
Like Luke, Danica's mother grew up to detest the ways of Stars Hollow. It was too suburban for her, with the people who always seemed happy, the fact that everyone knew each other, and the random events constantly going on. Their shared dislike for the town, and the fact that opposites attract, is what made Luke Danes and Marceline Foster best friends.
Though they had their similarities, their differences were more apparent. Where Luke came off as bitter and jaded, Celine was like a fiery ball of energy. Luke was content with living a quiet, simple life, and Marceline wanted to party all night....and all day.....and any time in between. If you asked Luke, he would say he only became friends with Celine to keep her in check, but they both know that they couldn't function without one another. They balanced each other out.
The diner owner's close relationship with her mom was probably what made Danica so attached to him. Even though Dani often called him "Uncle Luke", he became a sort of father figure to the girl. They did all the typical father-daughter things together. He was the one who taught her how to cook, who would (try to) help her with her homework when Celine couldn't, and even took her fishing on occasion. Danica hardly knew her real father, the man having run off to pursue "greater things" and leaving her and her mother behind when she was really young, but she knew he wasn't half the man that Luke Dane was.
"You're late, Dan."
Danica sent an apologetic smile to the man who was pouring coffee for a customer. Though he greeted her in a less than pleasant tone, he was secretly glad to see her. With him going on a cruise for most of the summer, he was hardly going to have time with her before she would be moving away to the dorms. He couldn't lie, he was going to miss her. Sure, she was a pain in the ass sometimes, but she was a great kid.
"Sorry, Lukey! Had to walk Mrs. Dabney's dog." She ran to put on her apron, ignoring the scowl he sent her at the nickname.
"Fine. Just wash your hands good, you're probably covered in dog funk."
"Ew. Please never say "dog funk" again." She frowns at him but does as he says, flicking the water at him once she was done.
"Oh, sorry. Didn't see you there." She shrugged with an innocent smirk, grabbing a pencil and notebook before going around to check on customers.
"I can't believe you're gonna be in charge while I'm gone," Luke grumbles as he passes by.
After much persuasion, Luke had decided to leave Danica in charge of the diner while he went on a cruise with his girlfriend, Nicole. Dani, having practically been raised in the diner, was most qualified out of anyone working there.
"Hey, it was either me or Caesar, and we both know I'm more responsible than him," Dani loudly whispered to the man, catching the attention of the aforementioned chef.
"Hey! I heard that!"
"No, you didn't, Caesar." She didn't even look at him as she grabbed the plates he'd just finished, moving to serve the customers.
Dani looked like a mad woman as she zoomed around the diner, pouring coffee and taking orders. The diner was always packed during lunch, and she's been struggling to deal with it since Jess left.
He never even said goodbye to her, a fact that made her extremely upset. Not mad, just disappointed. She thought they were friends, thought they were close, but he just disappeared without so much as leaving a note. She didn't even know why he left. She had tried asking Rory about it, but it seemed to be a sore subject for the girl. All she knew was he and Dean got into it at Kyle's party.
"Hey, Luke, have you heard from Jess?" she asked desperately, hoping the boy would talk to his uncle if not to her.
But the man let out a deep sigh as he shook his head, and her hopeful expression faded. He was just as worried about him as she was.
"No, I'm sorry. I'm sure he's fine though, kiddo," he ruffled her hair, hoping to cheer her up. He could tell how much Jess leaving has affected her, and it made him feel awful.
"Yeah...yeah, you're probably right. He's tough." She went back to work, trying to put the thought of the moody boy in the back of her mind.
Dani's head snaps up when she hears someone enter the diner, face instantly contorting into a scowl upon seeing it was Dean and his fiancee, Lindsay. She and Dean were still on okay terms, but his relationship with Lindsay started to drive a wedge between them. It was clear that the blonde girl didn't like her. Whether she saw her as a threat or didn't like her for another reason, she had no idea.
It wasn't exactly like Danica was the nicest to Lindsay either. After Dean broke up with Rory and started dating Jess, Dani tried getting over her crush on Jess by bringing back her old feelings for Dean. It didn't work, seeing as she then had a crush on both Jess and Dean. Then Dean had to go and ruin everything by getting with Lindsay, which kind of hurt her. She had been there for him since day one, being his first friend in the town, but it clearly never even crossed his mind to see her as anything other than a good friend.
"What?! Jesus...." He swatted at her as she kept poking him, trying to get his attention on her instead of the ketchup bottles he was refilling.
"I don't wanna take their order," she threw her head back and whined, discreetly pointing at the young couple who had sat themselves in the corner.
"Well, too bad. If you want to be in charge, you're going to have to deal with far more annoying people than two dumb teenagers."
"Shit, you right." She crossed her arms as she frowned in Dean and Lindsay's direction.
"Shut up," she grumbled before begrudgingly picking up her pencil and notepad and walking over to the table.
"Hey, guys! What can I get y'all today?" She put on a fake smile and greeted them in the happy and enthusiastic tone she was trained to.
Dean was about to respond when his fiancee cut him off, causing Danica to grit her teeth in irritation.
"We're gonna share a slice of cherry pie...you have cherry pie, don't you?" She asks with a tilt of her head, Dani resisting the urge to roll her eyes. The last time she had asked for cherry pie, Dani had to inform them they had just run out, causing the blonde girl to make a big deal about it and promptly leave the diner.
"Why of course, Linds! We made extra just for you." Danica responded in an overly enthusiastic tone, Dean slipping up and chuckling until Lindsay shot him a glare.
"Whatever. One slice of pie, root beer for him, and water for me. Got that?"
"Yup. Coming right up!" Turning around, Dani finally let her distaste show, Luke laughing at her expression as she got closer.
"See. That wasn't so bad, right?" He teasingly asked.
"God, I think I'd rather serve Taylor over that bitch."
Danica Foster was bored out of her mind. Luke had gone on his trip, she was pretty much avoiding Dean at this point, and Mrs. Kim had practically banned her from visiting Lane, claiming she was a bad influence on the girl. If she ever found out her daughter was in a freaking rock band, she'd probably blame Dani for that too.
For weeks she was forced to spend time with her mom, which normally wouldn't be a problem, but the woman was especially crabby due to the absence of her best friend, Luke. Dani found herself envious of the Gilmore girls, who seemed like they never ran out of fun things to do together. The Foster women have been surviving the summer by going out to movies and annoying Taylor Doose together, but even that gets old after a while.
"Bunny, let's go somewhere fun," her mother whined, desperate for entertainment.
Dani showed her distaste for the nickname, causing the older woman to laugh. After pulling one too many pranks on Taylor, he had threatened to call the police on her (though she thought that was a little extreme for just releasing frogs in his store) unless she agreed to be the Easter Bunny for their annual Easter egg hunt that year. It was so humiliating. She got teased at school for it, and the teasing didn't stop when she came home and Celine decided to call her by the embarrassing nickname.
"Ma, this is Stars Hollow. The most fun thing about this town is.......damn I can't think of anything."
"Hmm you're right.......Let's go to a club!"
".....Mother...I am eighteen. In case you forgot, the legal drinking age in this country is twenty one." She shook her head at her mom's flawed idea, settling back into the couch and flipping through channels.
"Yeah, but you have the fake ID. And don't even deny it! I found it when I was looking through your clothes one time." She cut her daughter off when she noticed the girl was going to deny the existence of her fake ID.
"Wait, what were you doing looking through my stuff?!"
"Looking for that shirt, the red lace v-neck one, that I know you stole." Marceline crossed her arms as she glared at her daughter, waiting for her to break and admit to her crimes.
"And did you find it?" Dani mirrored her mom's crossed arms, smirking when she noticed her expression falter.
"Well...no. But I know you have it!"
"Yeah, okay." Dani huffed and got off the couch, passing the remote to her mom on her way out.
"Hey, where are you going?"
"I'm getting the fake ID."
"Oh good. Bring me the shirt you stole too please?!"
It was times like this that made Danica realize why she and her mother were so often ostracized in Stars Hollow. If the townspeople of their quaint little town could see them now, Dani cheering on Celine as the woman danced on a table in a nightclub, they probably wouldn't hesitate to kick them out of the town altogether,
The Foster women didn't usually do anything this crazy together, but their mother-daughter relationship definitely wasn't a typical one. Mothers typically don't let their daughters get a Cookie Monster tramp stamp at age sixteen. Most mothers don't spend the weekends smoking weed and causing trouble with their daughter. The Gilmore girls could keep their movie nights, and eating their body weight in junk food. Dani thought it was way cooler that her mom was willing to take her to a nightclub. The best part is, the woman wasn't even drunk. She was completely sober and was still acting like a complete lunatic.
Dani helped her mother off the (surprisingly sturdy) table as the song ended, causing many of the patrons to let out cries of disappointment.
"Sorry, guys! Shows over." She high fived some strangers before they made their way back to their table. Some guy stopped her and gave her their number scribbled out on a napkin, but as soon as he left she crumpled it up and threw it over her shoulder.
"Have fun up there, Ma?" Dani giggled at the euphoric expression still on her mother's face.
"Oh, that was the BEST! Seriously, you gotta try it," Celine said, fanning herself since she was sweating a bit from the heat of the room and all the dancing.
"Yeah...no thanks. I much rather cheer you on from down here."
"Your loss." Celine shrugged her shoulders before downing the rest of her mocktail.
Their conversation was interrupted when a boy who looked around Danica's age confidently strutted up to their table, giving the Foster girls, mainly Celine, a flirtatious smirk.
"Well well well. You, my dear, were fabulous up there. The name's Finn." He smoothly took Celine's hand and kissed it, causing both women to hold back their laughter. "And what's your name, love?"
"Well, aren't you charming? I'm Celine, and this is my daughter, Dani," she responded, politely taking her hand back from the boy with the Australian accent.
Finn's eyes went wide, switching back and forth between the mother and daughter.
"Wait. That's your daughter?! I must say, you look like you could be sisters." Dani rolled her eyes as her mom smiled proudly at the compliment. "May I ask, how old are you, though?"
"Hmmm too old for you," Celine stated bluntly. She picked up her empty glass, turning to her daughter before pointing to the bar. "I'm getting another drink. You coming with me?" She glanced back at the boy who flirtatiously winked at her. He was clearly...strange, to say the least, but seemed relatively harmless.
"Nah, I think I'm good. If he tries anything, I'll use the pocket knife in my bag," she whispered the last part to her mother, gesturing discreetly to her purse.
"Good girl." She patted her daughter on the shoulder before sending the boy one more smile and making her way to the bar.
"So, daughter, how old are you? Because if you're a minor, tell me now and I'll back off."
"It's Dani, not 'daughter', and I'm eighteen, lucky for you."
"Lucky for me indeed." He sent her a wink, causing her cheeks to heat up, though she hoped he didn't notice.
"Finn, buddy there you are! We were wondering where you went after that redhead rejected you." Two boys walked up to them, the blond one who spoke throwing an arm around Finn.
"Well, I moved on to this lovely brunette."
"Actually, he moved on to a woman who is at least twenty five years older than him, so he settled for me," She admitted to his friends, causing them to laugh at him.
"Excuse our friend here. He goes after anything with a pulse. Hello, I'm Colin," The other brunette boy extends his hand, shaking hers normally instead of kissing it like Finn had previously done with her mother.
"And I'm Logan." The blond one reached out and shook her hand, sending her a smirk that wasn't quite as flirtatious as his friend's, but still made it clear that he was interested.
"Nice to meet you guys. I'm Dani."
"You have a boy's name," Colin bluntly stated, causing both Finn and Logan to hit him upside the head.
"It's short for Danica, actually, but thanks for your concern about my masculine sounding name." She sassily responded. He wasn't the first person to make a comment about her name, and at this point, she was so annoyed by it.
"Oh, feisty! I like this one."
"Thank you. I quite like myself as well." She sent Logan a proud smile, flipping her hair over her shoulder.
"Oh, and funny too? I gotta say, you're growing on me." The other boys rolled their eyes as they witnessed their friend start flirting with her, realizing they no longer stood a chance. "Let me buy you a drink?" He asked, though it came out as more of a statement.
"Uh, thanks, but I don't drink alcohol." She raised her Shirley Temple for the boy to see.
"I didn't say anything about alcohol." He smoothly responded, leaning on the table. "Look, you're almost empty. I'll buy you another one."
She was about to decline, not wanting this complete stranger to spend his money on her, when she took note of the fancy watch and shoes he had on. Clearly, he had money to spare.
"Uh...sure! Thank you." She sent him a grateful smile as he started walking to the bar.
"Please, it's my pleasure."
Once he was gone, her attention turned back to his friends who were still lingering at her table. Finn seemed to be looking around the room for someone, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by Dani.
"So...your mom. Do you think sh-"
"Not gonna happen, Aussie."
Danica ended up talking to Logan for a long time. Finn and Colin had gone off somewhere by the time Logan returned with her drink, another one in his other hand for himself. Her mom had briefly stopped by to check on her, surprised to find her with a new boy, but she ultimately decided he looked trustworthy enough and left the two young adults alone, though not straying far.
It turned out that they had lots in common, despite their vastly different socioeconomic statuses. Both were a bit mischievous, a bit irresponsible at times, but mature when necessary. Both struggled to find a place where they belonged. Neither were the most likeable, and both were also judged too quickly.
Dani had found out he attends Yale when she briefly mentioned that her friend was going there. He smoothly asked for her number when he learned they'd be going to schools not far from each other.
"There's no way I'm letting this be the last time I see your beautiful face."
"Hmmm and there's no way I'm letting this be the last time I let you excessively compliment me." She giggles as she leans her head on her hand.
"Oh, I'm just getting started. I think I could compliment you all day and not run out of compliments."
"Oh come on, you hardly know me."
"Well then, let's fix that. How about a date?" He bit his lip, waiting impatiently for her to make up her mind.
There was no denying it; Logan Huntzberger is a smooth talker. He was sweet, and funny, but seemed like a bit of a womanizer. The last thing Danica needed, as someone who crushes hard and fast, is to fall for a guy who couldn't commit. She knows what it feels like to not be treated like a priority, and she wasn't a fan.
"You...seem nice," she started.
"Uh oh. Why do I feel like there's a 'but' coming?" His cocky grin faltered a bit as he let out a nervous laugh.
"Because there is. Look, you seem nice, but I get the feeling you're the kind of guy that hooks up with a girl and then never calls her back."
"I can neither confirm nor deny that." His joking smile slides off his face when he notices her serious expression.
"I made a promise to myself this year, that I'd take charge of my love life. And the first step would be to find a guy who's as interested in me as I am in him."
"C'mon, at least give me a shot, will ya?" He hoped he didn't sound like he was begging, but he really wanted a chance with the girl.
They'd only just met, and he already felt a sort of connection. A real one. She was interested in him because she thought he was funny and sweet, and not just because of his family's wealth and status. She had absolutely no idea how much weight the Huntzberger name holds, and he found it refreshing.
"How about we hang out some more, get to know each other a little better, and then we'll see." She sighed out, giving in to his charming ways.
"Perfect! How about I invite you to my next party. That sound good?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that."
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I mean I’ve made it clear I don’t like the term Karen; the fact that news organizations will say things like “Male Karen” about men engaging in the same old harassment men have been guilty of forever means regardless of the origins and original intent of the term* it’s been appropriated/distorted beyond its usefulness.
But it’s extremely frustrating that the mere criticism of the term “Karen” sets off a bunch of people looking at a post that is primarily about real issues that women face and about misplaced blame on women and makes them think “the correct response to this isn’t to acknowledge this other misplaced blame on women but instead to jump to the defense of this term, which is itself frequently used to misplace blame onto women”. Like, you’re a Karen if you dare bring up that you have problems with the word Karen.
* I haven’t been able to find a definitive first source. It’s true there’s a history of names for racist white women that originated in the black community, like Miss Ann and Becky, but it’s pretty fuzzy as to whether Karen is actually one of them or if that’s a claim that’s been made so people feel better about using it. I’ve also seen arguments that it comes from a 2005 Dane Cook sketch, or from a subreddit started around 2017 called r/fuckyoukaren about a man’s ex-wife (not sure what the race of the originator, nor for that matter his wife, is), or from the “We Can’t All Be Neurotypical, Karen” meme which also dates back to at least 2017. None of those uses are about the woman being white, nor racist, merely entitled or annoying.
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Okay fam, which character would you want to be stuck in isolation with?
Jesus WHY do you keep DOING this to me lol. U G H.
Not Max Phillips bc while I am experienced at having doctors steal crap tons of blood from me frequently I have a feeling that even I could not survive being a vampire’s only food source for an indefinite period of time lol. Sorry bud.
Not Din bc listen, I love him, he’s soft and sweet and honorable and just a really stand up person but oh my actual god I think if I were stuck in a room without seeing his face OR speaking for weeks I would kill him and then myself. It would honestly be preferable to be quarantined alone lol.
Not Maxwell bc I have a sneaking suspicion that we have VASTLY different politics and if I’m going to be stuck with someone that’s gonna come up eventually and he doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who’s up for a little spirited debate.
Not Tovar bc frankly we would butt heads. Like he’s the talkative, grumbly kind of surly and I am the silent seething kind and I see that not ending well for either of us. We would either kill each other or spend the entire time having hate sex and frankly both of those options are likely to end in bloodshed so let’s just nip that in the bud lol.
Not Catfish I think bc I don’t see him being trapped indoors in one space very well. He strikes me as a kind of army Luke Danes and just. I am not normally really great at dealing with other people’s anxieties and stresses (tbf I have difficulty enough dealing with my own lol) and he really deserves someone who wouldn’t be constantly snapping at him to sit down and stop pacing.
Ok now we reach the really tough ones and the ones I seriously hate you for lol.
I would have FUN trapped with Whiskey ok. Like sex fun, normal fun, EVERY kind of fun. I bet you five dollars that he knows every kind of word game or road trip game and knows how to make ‘em dirty too. Boy is a cuddler so we could occupy quite a bit of time that way. I know that boy cooks and so do I do THAT would be fun- comparing recipes and what have you. Do not get me started on how much fun I would have just making him say stuff in that accent of his lol. And have I mentioned the sex? Bc there would be a lot of it and it would be Good. (Plus I would finally get to try on that fucking cowboy hat and just *shivers*) He also is sturdy enough to handle my moods and fits of pique- I can see him raising an eyebrow and asking calmly if I’m done.
Same with Ezra- he’d be fun too! He’s well spoken so I assume he’s well read, and I can have conversations about books for EVER. He also strikes me as the type to enjoy a good debate which I happen to love. An that man is a NAPPER which is probably my favorite activity only behind reading and MAYBE eating. (But honestly napping probably beats eating lol) Ezra also seems tough enough to handle me flying off the handle every once in a while, though I could see that sometimes his extra calm demeanor might make my temper worse. Plus also man has a dom streak a mile wide which I would ENJOY.
Ok honestly I’m having a hard time thinking of any reasons why Oberyn WOULDN’T be perfect. The man has been everywhere, done everything and everyone. It’s not like you would run out of things to discuss or ways to screw each other. My favorite part of college was literally just sitting in a lecture and having someone talk at me about something for hours and I think that is something he would most certainly be able to do well. Also he comes with Ellaria, so the sex would be doubly as fantastic- it can be imaginative with two but down right inventive with three you know? Ok hang on wait, no I’m crossing him out. This man would be worse than Fish about being cooped up, except I can see him turning a little vicious about it. And we would probably end up hating each other after. Ok he’s out too.
Javier and I are nearly identical in temperament which is why I can see this going with swimmingly or see us slaughter each other within the first three hours. We are both of the seething kind of surly temperament which means we at least won’t be muttering and getting on each other’s nerves that way. He would know that silence doesn’t always have to be broken. But also I can see him really getting into a screaming match and not take it personally- sometimes you just need to shout at someone and have them shout back. I mean it goes without saying that the sex would be baller and we both have a quiet need to cuddle and never acknowledge that that is what we are doing so that works out. I foresee problems with us sarcastically picking each other apart though- being the same isn’t always a good thing, it might be like being cooped up with a carbon copy of myself and honestly doesn’t that sound horrifying.
So we’re down to Ezra, Javi, and Whiskey. Alright, I’m eliminating Javi due to the potential for actual violence. And I think I’m going to eliminate Ezra purely for the fact that he’s a smart guy, we would be talking and debating and I have an unfortunate tendency towards competitiveness and I could see that streak in me getting VERY much out of hand when I came up against an opponent like him. So Whiskey. Finally, after much deliberation, I would like to be quarantined with Whiskey and I think you’re an awful friend that you would even ask me such a question lol
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Giroro: Sir that'll be 3.75 at the first window.
Taruru: where do I go?
Giroro: Where do you go?! You follow the one fucking road you're on to ME!
Giroro: Where do you- Ok sir you're gonna go to the Texaco station, take a right, go five and a half miles Southeast. You're gonna see a guy in a yellow poncho, his name is Kururu he'll take you to the Whopper lair. That's where you go, and you got ten minutes to get there, or we take your food!
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What are the weirdest takes and the hottest takes you've seen in this fandom?
OOF Finally getting back to this!!
Pretty much every weird take has to do with Eddie tbh.
Sonia isn’t abusive. I actually get livid with anyone who doesn’t think this - espec as someone who’s gone through severe emotional abuse and trauma. This is such a fucking dismissive take and I fully blame the movies for not making it more clear how awful Sonia is.
Myra isn’t toxic/abusive and EDDIE is - ya’ll can just admit you hate Eddie and fucking leave lol. Myra is a pretty horrible character and I genuinely have no idea why anyone wastes their breath on defending her. I realize Chp2 barely showed her and if all you ever bothered with is ItChp2 I guess it’s easy to see why you wouldn’t find her toxic/shitty but she is. Like idk. People probably shouldn’t talk at length about Myra if they never read the book because imo you have no clue what you’re talking about. You can’t compare a what- 10 second cameo in the movie to ACTUAL CONTEXT....Which is literally her being kind of a bad person! I think you could argue abuse/toxicity in pretty equal amounts and I think both perspectives are valid but either way it boils down to Myra Is Not a Good Person.
Myra physically grabs onto Eddie and TRIES TO PHYSICALLY restrain him from leaving and she literally makes him feel guilty for even trying to say no to her / stand up to her which is a fuckin iconic sign of emotional abuse/manipulation tactics. It’s cool if people don’t think she’s abusive and instead think she’s toxic - but regardless of your take Myra Kaspbrak is NOT meant to be empathized with and she’s NOT a good person for Eddie and she’s NOT meant to be defended. You are NOT meant to be like “Awwww Myra :c” She’s fucked up. Even if she’s not “abusive” as some people think she’s...not...a positive character.
Eddie is interested even remotely in women (bi/pan/straight) - - Chp2 is the sole reason I blame for this cause ever since ITs publication back in the eighties it’s been extremely common accepted reading that Eddie’s gay (or at the very least demisexual/asexual) considering the so much subtext within the book it’s RIDIC.. Applying queer theory analysis to IT is a field day because it’s literally so RICH with it queer coding and blatant signs. As I have mentioned before there’s more evidence to point him being sex-repulsed and how sourcing him as interested in women is legit problematic imo. Honestly if you want to headcanon him as bisexual that’s cool and all but for me personally all it reminds me of is..just..his....canonically awful experiences with women and how all his relationships with women have been abusive/toxic/nonconsenting....so idk...It rubs me the wrong way. People can do what they want but I’m gonna aggressively stay in my lane with this one thanks bye...I think you could argue demisexual/asexual Eddie very easily but idgi how he’s into women lol and I blame the movies on it cause they loaded him up with female-sex oriented jokes which he uhhh definitely does not make in the book.....So aye. Idk it’s a weird, new take that I feel only just got more leeway after Chp2? I’m not a fan. I kindly remove myself from that discourse. People can enjoy that on their own terms I’m just not bout that lifestyle fam.
Eddie and Richie adopting a Pomeranian after ITchp2 events: this one literally makes no sense to me. I GET the joke and all i totally do it’s funny and cute but like they legit would not adopt something that literally almost killed them. They’d adopt any dog I think and love the idea of them as dog parentts but I’m sorry as someone who has ptsd I CAN ASSURE YOU THEY WOULD NOT ADOPT THE ONE DOG BREED THEY’D DEFINITELY ASSOCIATE WITH THE DAY EDDIE ALMOST DIED LMAO.
This is at least a completely harmless take but I’m still always baffled by it. Tho don’t get me wrong u bet ur ass I still love fanart of them w a dog even if it’s a pommy.
Any of the Losers Having Kids: I don’t hate/dislike this take I just find it kind of weirdly contradictory to the ENTIRE part of the book that discusses how they literally can’t have kids lmfao. I also generally am personally not a big fan of post-canon families and made-up kids or whatever but I also personally really don’t want children and see zero appeal in having kids so to me I can’t really wrap my mind around why that’s the only way to have a “happy ending” for some people but I do understand other people feel real strongly about it so it’s not like...Something I HATE or anything I’m just always a little >> especially with like Richie since he canonically states he legit does not want kids lmao. As someone who doesn’t want kids it’s kind of sad to not have any characters in media just like...be allowed to kept not wanting kids at all...
I’m also just..not a kid person. So. Maybe this is just me. But there really is a whole ass section in the book about how the Losers can’t have kids/don’t want kids. If any of them did have kids it’d be adoption I guess but idk......I think the whole point of the story was that they like...didn’t have kids....IDK. PEOPLE CAN ENJOY THAT I just always am a little confused by Losers With Kids stuff. None of the Losers really strike me as the “kids” type anyway lol.
Bev............’s personality....??? Lol I’m so sorry but there are so many fan posts and depictions of Bev where I am just like .. . .. who the fuck is that even supposed to be ....It’s not even problematic I’m just puzzled and wondering where this character is. Like I saw some take about how Bev was as chaotic as Richie and I just ?????????????????????? for the longest time in the world lmao
Eddie smoking/using weed: This just cracks me up so much. He canonically is SO against smoking that this always just spins me on my fucking head. There’s like multiple times where Eddie comments on smoking his dad died of lung cancer like this kid is not gonna smoke anything I assure you even in his PEAK rebellion he isn’t gonna smoke lmfao. I also have some weed-repulsion so it might be partial bias since I love Eddie and am like “finally a character who canonically would hate weed as much as me” and then ppl are like “nah i want him to be a stoner” and I am like HOW HWERE???? Eddie just doesn’t strike me as someone who would ever use anything but prescription drugs & in clearly abusive ways & he for sure is from a generation of “weed is the devil’s lettuce” so I doubt he’d ever use medicinally either (cos someone always gotta bring up that argument .. . . .)
I don’t have as many of these I am realizing because I don’t see that many hot takes or if I do most of them are either things that are p generally known or not that interesting to me.
Stan and Eddie surviving: NEED I SAY MORE.....
That one post that goes around that’s like “Ya’lll act like Richie would be like John Mulaney but he literally is just Dane Cook” and I am like he really is. Pre-Eddie Richie’s humor is straight up misogynistic garbage & Eddie would need to work that shit out of him lmfao. That take is the honest most real take ever.
The PROPER ACKNOWLEDGEMENT that Mike and Stan are the real leaders of the Losers Club. Bill is just a figurehead leader.
Eddie and Richie being dog dads of SOMETHING other than a pom but definitely being huge dog dads in general and just really into having a dog as their child. Hottest take around this side of the internet.
Richie cries whenever he has sex with Eddie. This is some good tea honestly. I don’t care what you position him as dom/sub top/bottom whatever it doesn’t matter I definitely think Richie would get teary-eyed (I’m not saying he’d have to BAWL his eyes out here but) during his first time with Eddie and probably a few times after...or every time...That dude’s definitely someone who cries during sex and I love him.
Richie bein a total bear (I’m not a coward I will not use the straight language of ‘dad bod’) and Eddie worshiping every inch of it yes thanks.
God I can’t think of any more sorry this just wound up me bitching more than anything SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG...and was so unsatisfying. Oops. I blame my foggy sick brain maybe
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