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#source: dbz abridged
madman479r · 7 months
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Jaune: **In the Evernight castle, tied up in chair** You honestly think I'll talk? I'm already messed up in the head so psychological torture won't work, my aura basically makes me a tank and I get more joy out of denying you anything.
Cinder: **sitting across from him** Oh, you'll talk, but for now we wait for Salem.
**Salem walks into the room and wearing... glasses? With a clipboard in hand?**
Salem: Ah, I see we're ready to begin your first session. **Sits on chair**
Jaune: Session? What kind of session? The hell are you talking about?
Cinder: Wow. You're going to act like it's not a big deal? You worthless thankless ingrate! I can't believe i-!
Salem: Alright, let's calm it down. Take a deep breath... *inhales through nose* Good. Now Cinder, let's address the issue.
Cinder: The issue? The issue is that I spend days, weeks, months devising my nefarious plans, kill the people whose deaths would have the most psychological impact on him and what does he do? He goes and gets himself a new archnemesis !
Jaune: New archnemesis? What the fuck are you-
Salem: Mr. Arc, please, this is Cinder's turn. Now, how did that make you feel, Cinder?
Cinder: ...It made me feel hurt. It made me feel inadequate. Like I'm not bad enough, especially when I get replaced by some fairy tale cat.
Jaune: ...You gotta be fucking kidding me. The Curious Cat? That is what this is all about?!
Cinder: Hmph, seems like you still remember his name.
Jaune: I spent 20 years being mentally battered by that bastard cat, of course I'm gonna remember his fucking name!
Cinder: Oh? Only mentally? I attack you mentally, also emotionally and physically yet he just has to gaslight you a bit and he's your new archnemesis?! See? This is what I'm talking about!
Jaune: We literally fought one another as soon as we saw each other. You saw Ruby first and headed straight for me. It was literally on sight.
Cinder: Yeah, well, I bet you would have fought the Cat instead if he were there!
Jaune: Oh, for fu-
Salem: Alright , let's not get too off topic. Jaune, tell us: How was it that the Curious Cat became a person of intimate hatred in your eyes?
Jaune: I spent years in the Ever After and that little shit pretended to be my friend and guide, but in reality only wanted me for my body. He had me tell him my story and tried to gaslight me into remembering events and people differently to make me lose my mind. It got worse after Alyx-
Cinder: Oh, so now there's another girl involved?!
Salem: Cinder, please, this is Jaune's turn.
Cinder: But all that cat did was practically inconvenience Jaune compared to what I did to him!
Jaune: You know, Cardin wasn't like this when you came along.
Cinder: Oh! ...So that's what this is now, huh?
Salem: Now, Cinder. Nobody is saying you aren't Jaune's archnemesis anymore.
Cinder: No! I want to hear it from him!
Jaune:...
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Maul: You are too late! The entire population of Mandalore has been reduced to ash. Now no one shall interfere with my revenge!
Ahsoka: Actually, I’m pretty sure you only-
Bo-Katan: YES! The ENTIRE population!
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incorrect-hs-quotes · 6 months
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Tavros: dON’T DO THIS vRISKA, yOU’RE A GOOD GUY,,,
Vriska: Oh please, when in this entire session have I ever 8een a “good guy?”
Tavros: yOU CAME TO NEPETA’S BARBEQUE,,,
Vriska: And I 8rought pot8o salad!!!!!!!!
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totallyrwbyquotes · 6 months
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Raven: I would let this planet burn if it wasn't where I kept my stuff.
Qrow: What about your daughter?
Raven: I said my stuff!
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tf2incorrectquotes · 5 months
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What happens when Spy tries to be father to Scout, part 3:
Scout: *is depressed*
Spy: *watching Scout, panicking* Aw, God, stop- stop making that face!
Spy: *to himself* Okay, what would my father say in this situation?
Spy Senior: *in flashback* Hey, you... what was your name again?
Spy: Oh, yeah, that's right...
Spy: *sits next to Scout, also depressed*
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yeets-ix · 5 months
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*Super Surge exists* Tails: But how? I thought you had to have a pure heart to go Super using the Chaos Emeralds, like Sonic! Surge: Oh trust me, there's more than one way to realize the legend. *flashback* Surge, crying at the Chaos Emeralds: I WANNA! I WANNA GO SUPER! I WANNA! I WANNA I WANNAIWANNAIWANNAIWANNA!!! *end flashback* Surge: Push-ups, sit-ups, and plenty of juice.
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humaudrey · 10 months
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Mal: If I'm as evil as you say, then let Zeus strike me down where I stand.
*Mal suddenly gets hit by lightning, but it doesn't faze her*
Mal: Ha, nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game.
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Frank: SON OF A GUM-CHEWING FUNK MONSTER! WHY THE FRUIT DOES ALL THIS FUNNY STUFF HAPPEN TO ME?! FORGET MY LIFE! I’M ALWAYS SURROUNDED BY MISERABLE FAILING CLODS LIKE ALL OF HOME JUST WANTS TO BEND ME OVER AND FIND ME IN THE ALPS LIKE I’M SOME SORT OF SCHMUCK RECEPTACLE! WELL, AS FAR AS I CARE, THESE MISERABLE COWS CAN HAVE A FANCY BARBECUE WITH A GOGDARN OINKBEAST!!!
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bumpsyp1ains · 4 months
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surge: well well, if it ain’t the scrawny wolf!
whisper, muttering: i’m literally taller than you, but whatever
surge: what was that?!
whisper: i said i can’t hear you from down there
surge: SPEAK UP, BITCH, I CAN’T HEAR YOU FROM UP THERE
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kcuf-ad · 4 months
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During Goku vs Superman 3
Batman: Ah! Do you guys hear that?!
Piccolo: I can feel that!
Flash: I can taste that!
Vegeta: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL?!
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superiorsturgeon · 1 year
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Cinder: *gets wounded by Salem after dramatically switching sides for the final fight*
Cinder: *dragging herself toward Jaune* You…heal me…!
Jaune: I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of my partner’s blood on your hands.
Cinder: Oh, do NOT be that guy right now!
Jaune: Oh, I’m gonna be that guy right now.
Cinder: *coughs up blood* I’m literally about to die here!
Jaune: 😑 All right, I’ll heal you. But only on one condition!
Jaune: …say my name.
Cinder: …uh…
Jaune: 😒 …you don’t even know my name.
Cinder: No, no! I know it! It’s…uh…
Cinder: …vomit…boy? 😅
Jaune: …
Jaune: 🤣 AAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Jaune: No.
Jaune: It’s Jaune.
Jaune: Say “Jaune.”
Cinder: …Jaune.
Jaune: Say, “Please heal me, Jaune.”
Cinder: Please heal me, Jaune.
Jaune: Well, since you asked nicely…
Jaune: *runs away*
Cinder: *collapses from blood loss* Come back, magic man…
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the-travelers-hub · 11 months
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Dark Lord: Oh, come now. If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then let God strike me down where I stand.
*almost as if on command, a bolt of lightning hits the DL. It had no effect.*
DL: HA! Nice try, jackass. Next time give it your A-game!
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ssj2hindudude · 5 months
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Sleeper: Oh, come now! If I'm really as evil as you say I am
Sleeper: Then let God strike me down where I stand
*Indra launches a bolt that hits him but doesn't even phase him*
Sleeper: HA! NICE TRY, JACKASS! NEXT TIME, GIVE IT YOUR A-GAME!
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Tavros: wHY DO YOU KEEP ANTAGONIZING eRIDAN,,, yOU KNOW HE CAN KILL YOU,,,
Sollux: at thii2 poiint, iit'2 a game.
Sollux: iif he kiill2 me, i wiin. and he know2 that.
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tokufan400 · 5 months
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(Salem grabs Raven by her neck and hold her to her face) Salem: Some advice, Raven. For the future. Next time, why don't you remember your place like the rest of them? And wait for Ruby.
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thingsoverheardatua · 2 years
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Tokoyami: I need an adult.
Hawks: I am an adul-
Tokoyami: No. No you are not.
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