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#source: parks and rec
Klaus: Okay! Code names!
Diego: Oh no -
Klaus: I am Umbrella One.
Klaus: Ben is “Ben” There, Done That
Ben: *facepalms* Klaus -
Klaus: Diego is Currently Doing That *winks*
Diego: *bright red* Klaus -
Klaus: Allison is If I Had To Pick A Chick
Allison: *offended* Klaus -
Klaus: Luther is It Happened Once In A Dream
Luther: *chokes* Klaus -
Klaus: Vanya is When I Was Really High That One Time
Vanya: *hiding in her clothes* Klaus -
Klaus: Five is
Klaus: ... Umbrella Two.
Five: Oh thank fucking god.
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tf2-but-incorrect · a day ago
Engineer: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on here?!
Heavy: It's kinda complicated, but Medic-
Engineer: Got it. Forget I asked.
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Jeonghan: Ugh, whatever. The truth is stupid.
Jeonghan: I only tell the truth when it makes me sound like I'm lying.
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Luke: this is my boyfriend, Ezra, and this is Ezra’s girlfriend, Sabine, and this is Sabine’s girlfriend, Ketsu.
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westannatasharomanoff · 2 days ago
Natasha: I hate talking about myself.
Tony: Get over it. I talk about myself constantly. Everyone loves me for it. I really am amazing.
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"Wooh, sparks are flying! I may have to call the fire department. That’s a government joke."
Scarlet Valentine
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Mirage: It’s a white flag, and you may as well start waving it now, Ramya!
Rampart: The only thing I’ll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother.
Mirage: ...Good lord.
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just-incorrect-bnha · 8 months ago
Eri: Look, I made a marshmallow Eraserhead. See? His arms are crossed because he’s mad at all the other marshmallows for annoying him. Do you like it?
Aizawa, choking up: It's okay.
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incorrectquotesmcu · a month ago
Natasha, to the Avengers: Alright, listen up, you little shits.
Natasha: Not you, Wanda. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled to have you here.
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dc-incorrect-bats · 29 days ago
Harley: How do I fight back? Give me some options.
Selina: Do you... want me to seduce Batman?
Harley: How would that help?
Selina: I don't know. I just want to see if I can do it.
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incorrectlumityquotes · a month ago
Willow: Amity! What is the first rule of the "Luz the Human Emotional Support Guide?"
Amity: Don't let her get a tattoo.
Willow: And what the hell happened?
Amity: I couldn't help it. She's so cute when she's being self-destructive.
Willow: *sighs* Never send a girlfriend to do a best friend's job. Blight, walk it off.
Amity: Fine. *winks at Luz*
Willow: I saw that.
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underoooos · a month ago
Stephen, to Peter : Did you put glitter in the laundry detergent?
Peter: Oh yeah! We're experimenting with some new ideas. That one's called sparkle suds!
Stephen: *sighs*
Stephen, to Tony : Can you at least stop putting glitter on everything? There was glitter in the butter this morning too.
Tony : *shrieks in joy* Disco dairy: Spread the party!
Stephen: *sighs deeper*
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incorrectdcquotess · 7 months ago
Jason: When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.
Damian: That's a genius move.
Jason: Thank you.
Damian: You're welcome, Lester.
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htsghost · 2 months ago
strange: so... who opened the multiverse? i'm not mad. i just want to know.
peter: i did. i opened-
strange: no, no you didn't. wanda?
wanda: don't look at me. look at loki.
loki: what? i didn't opened.
wanda: huh. that's weird. how'd you even know it was open?
loki: because it's right in front of us and it's open.
wanda: suspicious.
thor: if it matters... probably not, but loki was the last one to use a tempad.
loki: liar! i don't even use that crap!
thor: oh, really? then what were you doing in lamentis earlier?
loki: i use it to find myself a girlfriend! everyone knows that, thor!
peter: ok, ok! let’s not fight! i opened, let me fix it.
strange: no! who opened?!
wanda: sylvie's been awfully quiet.
sylvie: REALLY??
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Cherry: It’s hard being the mom friend sometimes. But I love my friends and that’s what matters—
Reki: Cherry! Langa and I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and we broke everything!
Cherry: [deeply inhales]
Cherry: Thank you, Reki. I’ll be right there.
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