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#source: the good place
incorrectdragonage · a year ago
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(at the Winter Palace) Inquisitor: This room is filled with some of the most interesting people that ever lived. Chat them up, learn about their lives. Inquisitor: Then meet back here so we can make fun of them. Dorian: Inquisitor, I have been training for this day my entire life.
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overheard-at-hogwarts · a year ago
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Fred: Before you say anything...
Molly:
Fred:
George:
Molly: *raises eyebrows*
George: ...That's it. We just don't want you to say anything.
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incorrectbatfam · 2 years ago
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Stephanie: I scratched off the lottery ticket, and I won $18,000!
Jason: Wow.
Duke: That’s amazing!
Bruce: Better luck next time.
Stephanie, Duke, and Jason: ...
Bruce: Yes, sorry, from context, I see that is actually a large sum of money.
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overheard-at-hogwarts · a year ago
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Lily: Who are the "Marauders"?
Sirius: *points to himself* A pure-blood dirtbag...
Sirius: *points to Remus* A human turtleneck...
Sirius: *points to James* A narcissistic monster...
Sirius: *points to Peter* And literally the dumbest person I've ever met.
Peter: And who am I? Describe me now!
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Sigma: I saw… a trillion different realities folding onto each other, like thin sheets of metal forming a single blade…
Zenyatta: Yes, yes, the Time-Knife. We’ve all seen it.
Submitted by greeeenhand
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incorrectmcustuff · 2 years ago
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Drax: Gamora told me that instead of being sad, i should "go get it, girl." so i'm going to "go get it, girl."
Mantis: get what?
Drax: unclear. i'll get everything, just to be safe
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Symmetra: Lúcio told me that instead of being sad, I should "go get it, girl." So I’m going to go get it, girl.
Mei: Get what?
Symmetra: Unclear. I’ll get everything, just to be safe.
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Sirius: Remus isn't here. Right now, I'm the best student. I'm going to be the velociraptor.
McGonagall: Are you trying to say "valedictorian?"
Sirius: ...No.
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sariahsue · a year ago
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Adrien, during his wedding: Oh wow, I haven’t been this happy since...
Adrien: *sudden realization*
Adrien, thinking: ...........
Adrien: Oh wow, I’ve never been happy before.
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thinking-about-fiction · 3 months ago
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Percy Jackson: I'm too young to die, and too old to eat off the kids menu! What a stupid age I am!
Nico: HA! Sucks to be you. I'm both old enough to die AND young enough to eat off the kids menu.
Annabeth and Will:
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panlight · 2 years ago
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vegetarianism is a hard sell
Every red-eyed vampire: Being good is for suckers, what do you even get out of it?!
Carlisle: A feeling of fulfillment. In your soul.
Every red-eyed vampire: Gross. That's the grossest sentence I've ever heard.
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