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#source: tik tok
shichiro1995 · 17 hours ago
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Luz: Whenever I tell people me and Amity are dating, they're always like 'Luz, how'd you bag that cutie? How'd you bag that cutie girl-'
Luz: I didn't bag shit. Amity came up to me, picked me up by my neck, threw me over her shoulder and I've been there ever since.
Luz: *(hugs Amity)* And I don't plan on leaving any time soon.
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Eve: I've been asking Zuke to send our pedestrian friend Mayday to fix something in my apartment for about a week now, and I just found out today that he has, in fact, been sending her.
Eve: What she's been doing is walking up to my door, ringing my doorbell, and then when I don't answer, she leaves.
Eve: And the thing that she is coming to fix… is my freaking doorbell… which does not work.
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pizzaboat · 2 days ago
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"Even though I'm supposed to wear glasses, I don't. Because I've seen enough."
–Lilith for sure
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mischiefhasbeenmanaged · 19 days ago
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Sirius: *under invisibility cloak*
Remus: *getting under invisibility cloak with Sirius*
Sirius:*looking at Remus*
Remus: *looking at Sirius*
Sirius:
Remus:
Sirius: are we about to kiss right now
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Rouxls Kaard setting up his puzzles:
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sergeantvibraniumarm · 25 days ago
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tony: so the man who tried to kill you, what did he look like
y/n: he was so hot it was crazy
tony: okay but, what did he look like?
y/n: i mean, where should i start? he was tall, you know maybe 6'0, 6'1? uh, absolutely just jacked, but, not like scary, bodybuilder jacked. like, he was ripped but he still had a soft touch, like, you could totally fall asleep in his arms
tony: okay, but what did his face look like?
y/n: well uh, you know brad pitt?
tony: yeah?
y/n: forget brad pitt, this guy was hotter
peter: hotter than brad pitt?
y/n: hotter than bradley. joseph. pitt
peter: that's crazy
y/n: jeez, i would pay money to gaze into those eyes again
natasha: even after he tried to kill you?
y/n: i almost wish he stabbed me to death and took his time doing it, just so the last thing i saw could have been those ocean blue eyes
natasha: i'm getting a little hot off your description, so i can only imagine how it felt to be there
y/n: insane
peter: gosh i just can't believe he was hotter than brad pitt
y/n: hey, what did i say about brad pitt?
peter: oh shoot, i-i-im sorry
y/n: forget brad pitt
peter: done. forgotten. who is he? he doesn't exist. he's gone
tony: *rolls eyes*
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lesbian-deadpool · 4 months ago
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Peter: If your leg got cut off, would it hurt?
Y/N, rolls eyes: Duh!
Peter: How though?
Y/N, exasperated: Because your leg got cut off!!!!
Peter: Where would you feel the pain?
Y/N: In your le- *Realises*
Peter: Exactly! How would you feel the pain in your leg...
Peter and Y/N, in unison: If your leg got cut off?
Natasha: Their discussion is so high level, that it froze my brain.
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here-comes-the-moose · 11 months ago
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Anakin, over the loudspeaker: This is your general speaking. If you look to the right side of the aircraft you will notice the Negotiator challenging us to a race. I’m going to turn the fasten seatbelt sign back on because shit is about to get real.
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bisexual-chupacabra · 3 months ago
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*Natasha walks into the room laughing and talking to Steve*
Y/N: *gasp* oh my god
Peter: Are you okay?
Y/N: I think I'm having a heart attack.
Peter: Symptoms quick!
Y/N: tight chest, sweaty palms, nausea
Peter: Do you smell burnt toast?
*Natasha looks at Y/N and smiles*
Y/N: *disoriented noises*
Peter: and slurred speech. WebMD says you're either having a stroke or you're in love.
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incorrectquotesmcu · a month ago
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[Natasha walks by]
Y/N: Excuse me, boobs? I mean… Mommy
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Mayday: Attention, everyone. Zuke has informed me that he does not love me anymore.
Zuke: I didn’t say that, I said you couldn’t live off just chicken nuggets.
Mayday: That’s the same thing!
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incorrect-masseffect · 6 months ago
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Kelly, trying to do something therapeutic: Alright everyone, I have a box and we’re going to put everything we love in the box.
Tali: Can I put Shepard in the box?
Kelly: No.
Jack: Can I put Shepard in the box?
Kelly: No!
Garrus: Well, can I-
Kelly: Nobody is putting Shepard in the box!
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selfship-quotes · 2 months ago
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S/I: I'm insecure about my hip dips.
F/O: I don't- I don't understand, that's like- that's like the best part, I don't- I don't-
S/I: I'm also insecure about when my like thighs jiggle, or when I wear those thigh highs and it's like puffy at the top and-
F/O: That's like- That's like the best part tho, I- I don't understand, I like- I like that part.
S/I: Also when I wear jeans and my love handles and tummy spill over the sides.
F/O: THAT'S THE BEST PART I DON'T UNDERSTAND?!?!
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mischiefhasbeenmanaged · 4 months ago
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Andromeda: *packing her bags to run away and marry Ted*
Sirius: *walking into her room*
Andromeda: Hey Siri-
Sirius: *in Stitch voice* Ohana means family b&tch
Andromeda: *confused*
Sirius: *walking out*
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lesbian-deadpool · 6 months ago
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Stephen: Okay, we need to light five black candles at midnight in a salt circle with black crystals and say this incantation and maybe the spirit will leave. 
Wanda, banging pots and pans: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU UNDEAD MOTHERFUCKER!
Y/N: Two types of sorcerer's.
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