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trashlie · 2 years

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What are your thoughts on Episode 179? (Spoiler)

My heart ACHED reading Nol's monologue :( Though I honestly didn't expect that he pretended to be their friend at the beginning, I thought forming real friendships was part of what he wanted to do even if it wasn't meant to benefit him personally. Makes it all the more wholesome to see that those connections became real for him & that his act stopped being an act though.

Also! I'm giggling at the fact that Alyssa was not even once seen in his flashbacks, I think that indicates their relationship is one that started off fake and still remains fake - initially I believed he genuienely felt some sort of a spark before they got together but with that and him not even trying to keep her from Yui's claws? Seems like he only wanted to help her and entered this relationship because she wanted (like he mentioned at the formal), because if he thought he was doing something good pretending to be people's friend, why would it be any different with him pretending to be someone's boyfriend to bring them happiness? Now, the reason he doesn't do anything against Yui's claws on her I think is primarily because Alyssa isn't hurting from her influence - quite the opposite even: her career started off because of Yui. At the same time Alyssa also idolizes her - so unlike Shin-ae - Alyssa, despite being manipulated, isn't being hurt.

That aside! I absolutely LOVED to see the shift in Nol throughout his conversation with Shin-ae. At the beginning it was obvious he didn't want this interaction, he was so shocked to hear Shin-ae and immediately wanted to know if she heard what he said because he didn't want her to have heard all of that. It's sad really..to think he never planned on telling anyone this (Shin-ae did so well proving him wrong through pointing out the lack of logic in his thinking because it's true - Nol being out of the picture wouldn't protect her from Yui. She's right, he truly is an idiot! lol).

He didn't want to call her by first name too..To see the distance he put between himself and Shin-ae hurt so much :( Although he so wanted to close it. Touching the wall seperating them in such a longing way.."You're special to me too" "I didn't know you feel that way about me.." *touches the wall* he was so ready to close the distance after hearing everything she said😭 AND MAN THE LITTLE SCREAM I LET OUT WHEN I SAW HIS HAND ON THE RAILING! He's finally closing the distance and facing her! The jokes last week about them pulling a Romeo and Juliet were funny but seeing it actually play out? Damn, that suprised me😂 Probably because us Stalkyoo shippers know better than to get our hopes up after all this pain.

Next week's episode can't come soon enough

Sorry for taking so long to reply to this Nonny - I know I've been sitting on it for ages but I just haven't been in the headspace to give this the reply it deserves til now!

I hope everyone has their spoilers tags on because there's no way I can block the contents this ask if you don't lol Still I'll stick it under a read more because we all know I'm far too verbose!

I agree with you that it never crossed my mind that the relationships were all meant to be fake! I've been mulling over it a bit and I'd like to cobble together a post later about this that goes deeper into it, but it's definitely made me reconsider certain scenes. One such scene is the confrontation between Kousuke and Nol in episode 57 where Kousuke not-so-subtly implies that he thinks Nol is interested in Shinae/looks like he's cheating (lol?) and Nol closes his eyes when he delivers the line "What's it going to take for people to understand I'm only seeking something platonic?" This rides on the coattails of Shinae also accusing Nol of being a flirt and states that she doesn't want his girlfriend to have the wrong idea. We know that when characters close their eyes, they're masking in some manners. Sometimes that mask is a facade, sometimes that mask is a lie. This whole time, I believed something about his delivery was a lie - and again, following hotly on Shinae's accusations, it's easy to assume Nol was lying and that he was interested in Shinae. (There's a point I'd like to bring up in that aforementioned post about Shinae smiling and Nol's reaction, but that's an entirely other point lol.) I didn't think that was the case - though I guess it could have been that he was and didn't yet realize it - but now we know why. Nol wasn't even seeking anything platonic. He wasn't intentionally seeking anything!

That said, I do think the point in which Nol had begun to see his friendship with Shinae was real came earlier, though I'm not quite sure yet what point I think that was. Regardless, learning Nol's motives make it really interesting to look back on certain scenes and statements Nol made. Like you, I thought he was intentionally being the friend he wished he had to other people but believed he was undeserving of such friendships, and while clearly those feelings of undeserving still qualify here, there's something incredibly tragic to me, about Nol trying to repent for whatever sin he believes he carries, by helping people in the ways he can't be helped. That line about wanting to help someone and make their situation better, even if that can't be the same for him, was so sad. But yes, I agree that's what makes it so beautiful that those friendships blossomed and became real to him.

I've said this before but I think a major issue Nol deals with is obviously that he doesn't see himself the way others see him. He knows only the things about himself he hates and the things he thinks he can't change - whatever happened in the past that he believes himself at fault for overshadows everything else to such a degree that he certainly never expected he'd get attached to these people he was helping. But as we've seen with Shinae, the help he gives them comes back to him and I don't think he realized it would sway him so much and make turn them into such important people to him. That's the most beautiful thing to me, when he confesses how important they all are to him, how much they mean to him, that no he doesn't WANT to give them up he just feels like he must. Because even though the friendships were, to some degree, forged through a lie, it's the fact that they did ultimately mean anything to him that matters in the end. His motives weren't genuine but the relationships that came from them are.

That's why I don't even mind how long it took to get to this point. Almost thirty chapters of just absolute heartbreak and angst met with such a surprising reveal just gives so much more depth to it, I think. Nol struggled so hard and tried so hard but in the end, he can't resist these people, his friends, the few people he cares about. That's how important they all are to each other and GOD I'm eating it UP! I'd also like to point out how remarkable it is that even though Nol has known Dieter and Soushi longer (and presumably those relationships became long ago), Shinae only just entered the picture and Nol still was unable to resist forming that friendship with her, his charity help went so wildly out of control lol

And YES it did not miss me that Nol never mentioned Alyssa amongst the people he said are important to him and I don't think it's because she's separate to them - Alyssa used to part of his group with Dieter and Soushi! I think there's also a pointed divide drawn for us because it was while Nol was being a miserable grump with Alyssa that he found himself wishing he was elsewhere. I'm not going to say that I think being around her makes him miserable and given the chance he might even have invited her to the party but.... I do think there's a pointed message there. I think you are definitely right, too. I had always assumed that Nol just went along with it to try it or because he had hoped a friend turned girlfriend would be some kind of comfort for the loneliness he carries and how isolated he felt with his family and expected that maybe it meant there would be someone on his side, to whom he could open up. But, and I could be wrong, I get the feeling Nol has never opened up to Alyssa. At best, she seems aware of how his family treats him (he's told her that she knows he's invisible to his family) and yet she still speaks of Yui the way she does. While I feel that this might be a facade, and that Alyssa might have some feelings about Yui developing that are not favorable towards her, she still stays such nice things about her to Nol's face and thus I can't buy that Nol has opened up to her.

So longwinded lol yes I think Nol entered the "relationship" full well knowing that Alyssa wasn't interested in him and that feelings would never develop because it was his way of benefitting and helping her as he'd done with Soushi and Dieter before. That he'd seen her as a lonely girl who needed a friend like the others and it lead to the way she used him. I do still think he tried to make it real, maybe without realizing it the same way as the other relationships became real, because the hurt he demonstrates about Alyssa isn't nothing. He doesn't like being slighted by her, he seemed really bothered that she pays attention to other people and none to him, and yes this might be simply BECAUSE they were friends but I'm thinking it might be because formal put a lot of things in perspective for Nol. Whether or not he was aware of it before, I think it was the Kim formal that made him very aware that Shinae had become a real friend to him and not only was someone he'd grown to care about - but also cares about him. I think that's why he called her over to break up. Nol had realized that this relationship wasn't benefitting him the same way - that he was helping her career in hopes of alleviating his own guilt, but all it did was made him feel worse. Honestly I have to come back to this point in another post because I do have some Feelings about things and I'm already getting carried away lol but the bottom line is

Yes I think Nol has realized that his relationship with Alyssa isn't the same as his relationship with Shinae, Dieter, and Soushi.

But also yes to get to the rest of the point, Nol only shields Shinae from Yui because Shinae is aware of who Yui is and what she's capable of. Prior, he never tried to sway her opinion of Yui, or even tell her that Yui isn't HIS mom. It's only because Yui has tried to harm Shinae that Nol seems involved at all, so right, I don't think he would try to pull Alyssa away from her. Firstly, she seems to view Yui in a good light, secondly, Yui has basically propelled her career, so how would it look for him to go "hey by the way Yui is fuckin AWFUL" you know? That's the thing with abusers - to others, they don't look capable of what they do. Alyssa and Nol have so many issues that if he were to bring it up, I don't know how well it would even go. Would she even believe him?

Anyway! The other feelings and thoughts!!!!!! I'm over the moon with Nol literally closing the distance. All the time he was "chasing" Shinae with friendship, it was never authentic, and then she spent so much time chasing him so sincerely, so it's only right that after all the effort she's made, he's the one to make the effort. Earlier, when he started to go to her when she was Minhyuk, he told himself he'd regret it and we could tell he wasn't totally ready to go through with it, but the choice to freaking climb up to the rooftop was his conscious choice. Whether or not it means he's going to still pull away I'm not sure, but I think if he made that effort, it's because he's made up his mind.

At the beginning of the chapter, he talked like he was still ready to leave them, even though it was clear he didn't WANT to. Confessing their importance? HELLO! But yes, by having a conversation he never meant to have, by revealing things he meant to carry with him forever, he had to face a new decision. If these people are so important, you don't HAVE to leave. That whole exchange between him and Shinae at the end, throwing each other's words back at each other? "Did you really mean it?" "Every last word" Like, you know that's the moment he made up his mind. Why go to her otherwise, right? To say goodbye for real? No, I don't think so, and if that's his intention, I'll be so mad lol cos Shinae gave him the go ahead to leave with her closure. That exchange felt so much like making up and starting anew - admissions that yes you are an important friend to me, yes you mean so much to me, yes I care about you.

And YES it was so important to me!! That Shinae called him out on his dumb his way of thinking was. How is leaving going to protect her when she's already in Yui's clutches? Come on dude!

But yeah, I find it really sad that he never seemed to intend to say any of that to her. Nol has probably never opened up to anyone and just keeps everything locked inside, assuming people are better off distanced from him and unaware of what his situation is like. Between everything Shinae has learned from Kousuke and the truths Nol finally revealed, I think she definitely has a much better understanding even without Nol saying what he thinks he's atoning for. And I think that's also why she wasn't upset about the realization that their friendship DID start off fake - that he HADN'T meant they made a great team. It's not like she was actually eager to be his friend, either, and by the time she was comfortable with him, I think their friendship was real. In the same way that Nol won Shinae over, she won him over, and I think she's able to understand that. Even though he's hurt her, she cares about him enough that now that it's all cleared up, they can start fresh.

AND GOD IF THAT'S NOT SUCH A FACTOR IN THE STUPID WAY I SHIP THEM UGH. It's like... it would be so easy and valid for Shinae to be upset about Nol. For the lies, for starting friendships he didn't intend to follow through, for the fact that he really did intend to leave them, for the way she bared her heart to him and he just walked away, for the fact that she couldn't get him to tell HER these things and she had to overhear it when he broke. And YET! UGH I love them and I love them for finally being on the same level, for Nol taking a step to her. I hope in time he will open up to her more, or at least learn to lean on them and accept their love. But god what a beautiful start.

I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS UGH.

Nol and Shinae both are people who have spent so much time being so lonely which is what makes it so BEAUTIFUL that they formed this friendship - when BOTH of them tried to resist it, when neither one of them truly wanted to be friends lol he literally was just trying to help her and she was trying to resist it and NOW LOOK AT THEM. LOOK AT HOW THEY ARE STILL DRAWN TO EACH OTHER UGGH I LOVE IT. Nol's inability to fight off how much he's grown to care about his friends and how much they've grown to meant to each other. He's known Shinae MERE MONTHS and yet he was in the alley confessing his truths to her cat COME ON!!!!!!!

If nothing else this reveal reinforces what I've always strongly believed: Nol and Shinae make each other into better people. Nol's inability to fight his friendship becoming genuine, to resist growing to care about her, the way he can't truly stay away just really proves how deep that bond has already become in such a short time. Though he set out with selfish reasons, he still wanted to help everyone and made a point to do so, to reach through Shinae's mask and break the hard shell she was isolating herself in. That still comes from concern. They really just bring something important out of each other and GOD I love it. The fact that he tried to fight it but in the end, he couldn't: the friendships were real. UGH MY HEART ;A;

#I Love Yoo #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #ILY Brainrot #Shinae Yoo #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Alyssa Cho #Soushi #Dieter #I still can't quite articulate my feelings about that chapter but I AM WORKING ON IT LMAO i just clearly have a lot of feelings #esp about Nol and Shinae's friendship and how important it is!!!!!!#HOW MUCH IT MEANS!!!!!!!!!!#and god what a wonderful person Shinae is honestly she is too wonderful ;A;

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