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c00pswhore · 11 months

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Saturday Drink

A South Park Olympic (@spinthetags) Jimed (Jimbo x Ned) fanfic for @thecrowthatdraws!

Work Count: 4.6k

Plot: Jimbo and Ned were looking forward to their weekend, until an unexpected Randy moment ruins it, leading to an unintentional adventure! Will they ever get to pregame?

A/N: HAPPY PRIDE!! I feel like the end was a bit rushed as I was quickly approaching the word limit!! But hopefully you enjoy this fic :>, I'm hella excited for this event! Click on the plot line for a surprise! s/o to a moot for helping with a minor part in this fic! cw: a tad bit suggestive

“With a little love and some tenderness…”

It was currently 7:28AM on a Saturday morning and Jimbo’s phone was already ringing. “Oh Christ,” the older man mumbled, rolling on his side to ignore the call, putting his arm over a sleeping Ned, attempting to avoid the responsibilities that were currently harassing him. When the ringing continued nonstop for the next 15 minutes, Ned was the first to rise, groggily wiping his eyes and softly shaking the chubbier man. He responded with a sleepy grunt, Ned rolled his eyes and shook Jimbo again with more annoyance than urgency. Jimbo scooted closer to the skinny man in response, clearly attempting to sleep away the will of the person on the other side of the call.

The phone’s continued ringing led to Ned being unfortunately fully awake now; forcing him to climb out of bed and walk into the bathroom and turn on the shower, attempting to wake Jimbo with the noise of their day starting. Jimbo, now annoyed at the lack of warmth and ringing phone, groaned and finally rolled over to grab his cellphone, gracefully hitting the silent button before promptly turning back to sleep. Ned watched from the bathroom door, laughing silently at his boyfriend, endeared at the chubby man’s determination to not start their morning. The phone continued to vibrate obnoxiously and Jimbo still didn’t rise, causing a now annoyed Ned to loudly close their bathroom door, jolting the chubby man out of his deep sleep. Jimbo shot up at the noise, accidentally tangling himself within the sheets and rolling onto the floor, as a yelp of defeat accompanying him on the way down.

“FINE NED!” he shouts after a moment of silence, picking himself up off the floor mumbling a string of curses, while shooting a dirty look toward the bathroom door. Jimbo was very aware that his boyfriend was currently standing beside the door wordlessly laughing at his fall, as it was a very common prank for Ned to pull on Jimbo, especially when it was something Ned didn’t want to do. “You’re lucky you don’t have your voice box, fucker,” Jimbo chuckled, reaching for his phone to see who was harassing the couple so early on a Saturday morning. The contact read as Sharon, his phone’s notifications showing 52 missed calls from his sister and her husband Randy, causing Jimbo to wince a bit at his lack of urgency. He wasn’t too keen on answering his brother-in-law too often after he had caught COVID and was forced into bed rest at their farm, which was to protect Ned who had a compromised immune system. Somehow it led to Randy forcing him to smoke a joint that he had clearly come on.

The phone began to vibrate once more, Jimbo swiftly answered, putting the phone to his ear. “Hello?” Jimbo tiredly sighed into his phone waiting for a nonsense call from his brother-in-law. “Hey Jimmy,” a feminine voice said on the other side of the phone. “Sharon?” Jimbo asked with a hint of surprise in his voice. “Yeah,” Sharon apologetically replied, “Sorry for calling so early,” Jimbo released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He was glad it was his younger sister on the other end and not Randy. “No no, you’re fine, is everything ok?” Jimbo asked, standing up to sit on the edge of their bed. It was insanely early, but it was his sister, no matter how stupid her husband may be, he would do anything for her.

“Yes, everything is fine, it's just that…” Sharon trailed off, allowing Jimbo to assume the direction this call was going. His sister rarely called this early, let alone on the weekends. Sharon knew Saturdays were Ned and Jimbo’s pregame weekend, where the pair got ridiculously drunk (and very recently stoned), and recorded their former TV show’s podcast. She was very aware how much Ned and her older brother were excited for their weekend shenanigans, and Jimbo was very aware whenever she called on a Saturday it meant one thing. “Oh god Sharon,” Jimbo groaned, pinching his fingers on the bridge of his nose. “I know Jimmy, I’m sorry,” Sharon regretfully said, launching into a long-winded apology. Jimbo stood up while half-listening and walked toward their bathroom. Jimbo knew Ned was eavesdropping, he could see Ned’s shadow near the front of the door, as he always did when Sharon called in the mornings.

The burly man wanted to “exact his revenge” for his boyfriend waking him so abruptly by putting the phone on speaker. “Can you babysit Jimbo?” Sharon's voice echoed from the sudden volume change, after her long-winded apology ended. “Oh of course we can Sharon, but why?” Jimbo sang-song as he heard a small crash from inside the bathroom. “Shelly is acting out again and Randy,” Jimbo heard a hoarse hi from the man in the background, “Is overreacting again,” she finished sighing. Shelly and Randy were known to get into random fights, Shelly going through behavioral issues and teenage angst, while Randy was just a man-child. “What do you mean?” Jimbo asked, pressing his ear against their bathroom door, hearing Ned on the other side quickly shuffling, slamming cupboards as though he was frantically searching for something.

Jimbo knew Ned kept a spare voice box in their bathroom and Ned hated babysitting on the weekends, as it would take time away from their hunting podcast and well, other adult activities. “Randy finally got fed up with Shelly not doing her chores, no Randy I’m not calling it that,” Sharon said, as there was a small crash in the background of the call, “Let go Randy, RANDY!” Sharon yelled as the call randomly muted. “Shelly!” Randy shouted as the phone unmuted and re-muted itself again, causing Jimbo to giggle as the shuffling in the bathroom stopped. “Sorry Jimbo,” Sharon came back on the phone after a moment, “Randy is forcing us to go hiking to bond more but forgot he promised to take Stan and his friends ATV riding up in Boulder,” she finished, as the shuffling in the bathroom picked up again. “He already paid and rented everything, it’s just a matter of transportation and doing things.”

The bathroom door flung open, with a half naked Ned standing before Jimbo, who was holding his voice box very tightly. “Who’s that Jimbo,” Ned asked, barely hiding the agitation in his voice. Jimbo was too distracted by the very loose towel that hung just below Ned’s v-line, leaving the older man speechless. “Is that Ned?” Randy asked in the background of the call, his voice snapping Jimbo out of his trance. “Yea, i-it’s Ned,” Jimbo replied, his mind making an emergency crash landing from Ned-land. He watched the steam from the bathroom pour out of the door frame, paying very close attention to the flush that spread across Ned’s face and shoulders. Ned tends to flush out of anger, which Jimbo understood, but the steam wasn’t helping Jimbo in any way. It made the majority of Ned’s body flush a soft pink and the sweat that had accumulated from being in the hot room made his hair stick to his forehead. No, none of this was helping with the situation Jimbo had gotten himself in, and Jimbo was very aware of the plans his brother-in-law had just crashed.

“Hey Ned,” Sharon cheerily responded, whom Ned assumed was happily avoiding the topic of the emergency babysitting favor she had just dropped on them. “Randy and I are so thankful that you and Jimbo can take the boys for us,” Sharon gushed as the agitated look on Ned’s face lessened a little. “Y-yea Sharon, Jimbo and I are always glad to hang with Stan and his friends,” Ned’s robotic voice responded as Jimbo continued to stare thoughtfully at his body. This call was becoming absolutely pointless, as the tension between the two older men grew, causing an awkward silence between both parties. “W-well,” Sharon stuttered after a moment, “Stan had a sleepover at Eric's, so they won't be awake until 10, I’ll call Liane and let her know the change of plans,” she finished, snapping Jimbo out of his staring contest. “Yeah-Cartman’s,” Jimbo responded in a monotone voice, as Ned stared deeply into his soul. There was a small twitch coming from within his body, as his mind focused on finding a way to make up for the lost time that this call took.

“I’ll see you when you’re done,” Jimbo said, looking at his phone to hang up. Sharon said her goodbyes and the call ended with a click, which prompted Jimbo to toss his phone onto the bed. Ned was looking at his companion curiously, as Jimbo began to strip from his pajamas, and squeezed into the bathroom. “Mm, I thought you wanted to sleep in?” Ned teased, watching Jimbo close the bathroom door. “Haha, you’re hilarious,” Jimbo sarcastically replied, while pulling down his pants. “You act as if I could focus with the way you were just standing there,” he said, posing in his underwear for his companion. It was now Ned’s turn to lose all ability to focus as he stared at Jimbo’s burly frame, noticing the superman symbols on his boxers. Jimbo only laughed in response to Ned’s stunned silence before stripping down the last piece of fabric he had on. “Now, I believe Sharon said we had until 10?” Jimbo slyly said moving closer to the lean man, pressing his forehead against Ned’s, looking deeply into his blue eyes, while the pair felt each other’s labored breaths. Ned only smiled in response, grabbing Jimbo's muscular arm, and pulling him into the shower.

It was 10:54AM and only now were Kern-Gerblansky's red Hummer pulling into Cartman's driveway. The two grown men watched as the four boys jumped up from sitting on the doorstep, shouting cheers of excitement, grabbing their bags filled with supplies and slumber party items; and running toward their car. Ned got out and opened the trunk for the boys, with Cartman shoving the other 3 out of the way, in order to be the first to put his stuff in. An argument began as Ms. Cartman opened her front door smiling at the pair, held up a tray of her famous waffles and whipped cream, and walked up to Jimbo’s window.

“Uh, hello Liane,” Jimbo said uneasily, watching in the rearview mirror, as the argument between the four boys escalated, as Ned immediately shot the chubby man a look of help. “How have you been Jimbo?” Ms. Cartman cheerfully responded, giving him a strange look, while smiling. “YOUR FAG UNCLE IS LITERALLY AN HOUR LATE,” Cartman’s whiny voice screams over the noise the argument had caused. This makes Jimbo’s face drop, as he gives a look of concern to Liane, who seemingly heard nothing and was still cheerfully smiling. “FUCK YOU!” Kyle yells as their argument escalates in the background. “Uh, Liane,” Jimbo started, opening his door attempting to move past the single mother, and reach his poor boyfriend before things got any worse.

But Liane Cartman not only stood her ground, but pushed Jimbo back into his seat. She gives him a strained smile, handing him the plate of waffles, before she starts digging into her apron pocket. “ERIC,” she firmly projects toward the back end of the car, her hand deep in her apron now, effectively silencing any argument that was going on, “DON'T BE DIFFICULT,” Liane finished as a placid look took over her face. Everyone stayed in a shocked silence, as there was no argument, and the only thing that was heard were the birds soft chirps. She looked rather satisfied with herself, as her hand came back up, with a piece of cardboard in between her fingers. “We’ve missed you and Ned at the Peppermint Hippo,” she quietly said as the boys began to pack their belongings in the trunk. Jimbo’s ears turned a bright red, as the blush spread to his cheeks.

“Liane,” he muttered underneath his breath, “You know we’re-“ “Oh Jimbo, you weren’t saying that in our younger years,” Liane replied, cutting the chubby man off. Jimbo somehow became even redder, causing another look of satisfaction to show on the elder Cartman’s face, as she carefully placed the card right between the whipped cream, getting a tip of it on her index. Ned and the boys all began to pile into the car, as Ms. Cartman deeply looked the chubby man in the eyes, carefully licking up the white substance with her tongue. Ned looked at Jimbo in confusion as the chubby man began to sputter, fumbling the plate of waffles into his lap, as Ms. Cartman’s laugh was heard.

“Goodbye boys,” she said walking back toward the porch while waving, “You have my number if you need me!” She called with a hint of amusement in her voice. The group quickly reversed out onto the road, as Jimbo floored the gas pedal, heading toward South Park’s exit. “Mmm what happened Jimbo?” Ned asked, pulling out Ms. Cartman’s card from the waffles. “Put that away Ned,” Jimbo flushed, quickly snatching the card out his hand, while throwing it into the glove compartment. Ned and the boys give Jimbo a confused look that goes unanswered, the only response was the revving of the engine. Ned instinctively leaned over, lending Jimbo his good ear, waiting for a quiet response. “I understand where Eric gets it from now,” Jimbo responds in a low voice, slightly leaning into his boyfriend’s forehead. Ned let out a loud laugh, leaving the four younger boys to look at the older couple in confusion. Ned didn’t stop laughing for the rest of the drive.

“I’m confused,” Ned aggressively said into his voice box, all his cheer from the drive down gone, while leaning over the counter to stare at a dimly lit tablet. It was currently 2:33 PM, which would regularly be the time he and Jimbo would’ve been pre-gaming, in order to record their weekly podcast. The group of boys were currently standing within a cool brick building that was decorated with various ATV posters and specific hunting gear, in the middle of buck ass nowhere Boulder, Colorado. The teenage attendant stood behind the beige colored counter with a dead look in their eyes, slowly opening their mouth, while letting out a dramatic sigh.

“I don’t see a reservation under Randy Marsh, is there another name I can look for?” They dryly replied, raising a limp hand to lazily type a different name into the terminal before them. “Mmm there’s literally no other name it could be under,” Ned replied with the annoyance in his voice becoming louder. “Ugh, what’s taking so fucking long,” Cartman muttered underneath his breath, poking the hood of Kenny’s parka which was currently facing Stan, who was watching the raven haired boy lean his head onto Kyle’s shoulder, whose face was in his hands. Jimbo was adjacent to the four boys, pinching his nose in the signature style that the Marshes were known for, as he watched his boyfriend struggle with the teenager. It was obvious that Ned was close to jumping the counter to see the tablet himself or to strangle the employee with his one good hand, prompting the older man to enter the conversation. “Do you have a reservation under Sharon Marsh-Kern? Or Sharon Marsh? OR SHARON KERN?” Jimbo quickly interjected, struggling to hide his agitation with the employee. The group watched as the lethargic employee slowly typed in the variations, hearing a robotic beep for each one, signaling rejection. “Would you happen to have another-,”

“Try Karen Marsh,” Stan interrupted with an annoyed tone, lifting his head off of his best friend’s shoulder. Everyone looked at the younger boy in surprise, mainly for the unexpected turn in conversation, before Stan gave an agitated look with the lack of response. For the first time since the group had arrived, the teenage employee quickly typed into the terminal, as a positive sounding robotic beep came after the entry. “ID please?” the teenager said monotonically, their body on autopilot as their hand reached over the counter, expecting some piece of plastic to land. Jimbo happily fumbled for his wallet, pulling out his license and putting it in the attendant's hand, excited to finally get the main babysitting activity over, in hope of catching up on some of their Saturday. The teenager’s hand pulled back quickly, their dead eyes showing some signs of life, as they scanned over the key details. “Sorry, this says Jimbo Kern-Gerblansky, and in order for entry I need an exact form of ID,” they replied cheerily as they handed the license back. “Have a good day,” they replied with a hint of delight behind their voice. Ned dropped his voice box and began to climb over the counter to lunge at the attendant, gaining cheers of support from the four younger boys, as Jimbo dropped everything in order to stop the lean man from actually making it over.

The 4 younger boys stood in front of the building as they watched Jimbo bid the police a cheerful goodbye, with Ned dejectedly standing beside him. Things had quickly gone south and went the way one would expect if a veteran jumped the counter to fight a teenage employee. The situation had worsened as Cartman called Ned, Karen Kern, which turned the attack toward the chubby boy with Kyle, cheering the situation on. Even after all that, they were still denied access to the ATV course, and had been temporarily banned for 6 months by the attendant’s manager after things had been settled with the police. Jimbo hurriedly got Ned into the Hummer, as he went to retrieve the four boys, who were showing signs of disappointment on their faces.

“First,” Cartman whines as Jimbo guides them toward the car, “KYLE HAS to come to MY SLUMBER PARTY, because STAN can’t do SHIT without his FUCKING BOYFRIEND,” Cartman hissed toward Kyle, who stuck his tongue out in response. “THEN, Stan’s bitch of a sister, sets TOWELIE on fire,” he spat shooting Stan a nasty look, “Forcing his parents to send us, with his FAGGY uncles-” “You’re a bigger fag then the both of them put together,” Kenny interjects as the four of them climb into the back of the vehicle, causing Jimbo to sputter, failing to hide his laughter, as he climbed into the driver's seat. The arguments in the background grew as Jimbo turned the car on and rolled down the windows, pulling up the map’s app on his phone for directions back to South Park.

“Jimbo?” A deep voice called across the parking lot. Jimbo glanced up in confusion, his eyes scanning the very empty lot, before they landed on an older man. The older man was lanky and built, with long shaggy hair, and looked like an old hipster lumberjack that was leaving a dispensary down in Denver. He wore a long sleeve gray t-shirt that read ‘Jones and Company ATV Riding’, accompanied by denim jeans and steel toed work boots. He looked like an older male model off the cover of the magazines they sold at their store. “Davis Jones? What the hell are you doing here?!” Jimbo exclaimed, sending Davis a look of confusion. “I should be asking you that, Kern!” Davis laughed, walking toward the car. “It’s so nice to see you two again,” the lanky man said, giving the pair a winning smile.

“When was the last time we saw each other? What? ‘75?” He questioned looking into the car. “No,” Ned said, “Whenever Jenkins got so drunk at the reunion, he fell off a table,” causing the three men to erupt in laughter. “We got banned from that course over there,” Jimbo said, after the laughter died down, nodding his head toward the building. “Oh everyone has trouble with that teenage attendant, they’re the manager's kid,” Davis responded, chuckling at the disbelief on the group's faces. The two older men began to catch up with their veteran friend as the conversation landed on Davis’ weekend. “We actually had a private tour, but they canceled at the last minute leaving us with 5 extra ATVs,” the veteran responded, looking at the four excited boys in the back, giving them a toothy grin. “They paid for everything, so you could always take their spot,” Davis teased looking at the older gay couple.

“Mmm I don't know,” Ned said, sending his partner a tired look. Jimbo understood that his boyfriend was probably tired from their eventful day and probably just wanted to go home and have a beer. “Pleaase, Stan’s uncle Jimbo?” Cartman pleaded, giving the burly man puppy eyes. Jimbo tried to look away, but only caught a glimpse of his nephew and the rest of his friends following suit, softening his heart. It reminded Jimbo of a younger Sharon, who knew how to get her way, by always melting his soft heart. “Now that I think about it,” Davis said, tapping his finger on his chin, “You two are usually drunk out of your minds around this time,” allowing the four younger boys to look at the couple in astonishment. “If it makes it better Ned,” Davis continued, “We have some beer,” nodding his head toward a cooler on the back of his pickup, giving the slim man a cheery smile. “Mmm, why didn’t you say so earlier?” Ned replied, giving a mischievous grin back.

It was currently 5:04PM and the group had finally made it to the private touring area that Davis owned. The land was filled with beautiful green shrubs and tall shady trees, as the hilly escape showed perfect dirt roads from the ATVs that had trekked through before. It was beautiful enough to make a grown man cry. They had changed into their gear at a private residence Davis had built for personal use, and the four boys were bouncing with excitement, as Davis went over basic safety rules and how to properly use the ATV. “I'm so excited Kenny,” Stan excitedly whispers to the younger boy who hums in response, “I can’t wait to race you to the end,” Kenny's muffled voice responds after a moment. “I’m gonna go faster than you,” Cartman barely whispers, warranting a look from Jimbo. “Oh yeah fat-ass?” Kyle responds after making sure Jimbo wasn't looking. “Yeah, gonna leave your ass in the DUST,” Cartman teases, pushing Kyle’s arm. “In your fucking dreams dough boy,” Kyle snickers rolling his eyes. “Language,” Davis said looking at the two younger boys, with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Clearly, my lecture has been holding up your main event,” the older man teased, causing both Kyle and Cartman to flush. Davis only laughed at their reactions, clapping his hands loudly, and smiling at the group. “Let’s get this started,” he said, hopping onto his ATV.

“On your left you’ll see the historic...” Davis said over the microphone connected headset, as the four boys followed quickly behind. Stan and Kyle were riding beside each other, Cartman was close to ramming to Kyle’s bumper, and Kenny going a tad bit slower at a considerable distance. Right behind them were Ned and Jimbo, going slower than the rest of them, but close enough to stay in radio range. There weren’t enough ATVs for everyone to ride on their own but Jimbo and Ned were quick to pair up and deciding to ride together. Ned’s arm was tightly wrapped around Jimbo’s soft stomach and Jimbo was driving carefully to ensure his boyfriend felt safe enough behind him. The couple were closely paying attention to their surroundings and softly making comments to each other. “We should go hunting down here someday Ned,” Jimbo softly sighed as the tree branches passed them by. Jimbo felt his boyfriend nod his head as they went over a soft bump, passing the man-made lake Davis had just mentioned. “I heard Gerald’s kid and Eric talking about racing,” Jimbo sighed, resisting the urge to pinch his eyebrows. “I gotta stop telling Sharon yes, I’m tired of preventing those two from doing something insane,” Jimbo complained, feeling Ned’s body lightly bounce with silent laughter. “By the time we get back home, I’m gonna probably have to start drinking and driving to make up for lost time,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Come in love birds?” Davis’ voice rang over the comm. “Yeah Jones?” Jimbo responded, raising an eyebrow at the worried tone in his friend’s voice. “I’m gonna need some reinforcements,” Davis responded, the worry in his tone increasing. “The kid that looks like Dakota Fanning and that ginger kid are…” Davis trails off, leaving Jimbo to release a heavy sigh. “On our way,” he responded, wrapping Ned’s arm tighter around his torso, and speeding ahead.

By the time the two arrived, it was very obvious that Cartman and Kyle were racing, ignoring Davis’ instructions over the comm. Jimbo watched as the two began to speed off, heading toward a fork in the road. Kyle was considerably ahead of Cartman, before Cartman sped ahead and cut the ginger boy off. The two were headed toward the left side of the fork, missing the sign that said dead end. “Boys!” Jimbo yelled, speeding after them, worried about the possibility of them fucking up his friend’s ATV. “YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY,” Davis yelled, “THAT WAY LEADS TO A-” a very loud crash is heard off in the distance. The rest of them stopped a couple feet away from the fork, which gave time for Jimbo to pass out, leaving Ned to grip his torso as the burly man felt his wallet’s soul leave the premises.

By the time the group arrived, Kyle and Cartman were sitting on the side of a muddy ditch, both annoyed with each other, awaiting their punishment. Jimbo hopped off his vehicle and ran toward the ditch. “We’re ok Mr. Kern,” Kyle ashamedly said with Cartman grunting in agreement. “Like I give a shit about you two,” Jimbo bluntly responded, running up to the two ditched ATVs. They were perfectly fine, with little to no damage, which allowed Jimbo to sigh a breath of relief, as Davis arrived behind. “You’re not worried that they’ll say something to their mothers?” he questioned, wincing at the look Cartman was shooting at the chubbier man. “Like hell they’ll say anything,” Jimbo laughed rolling his eyes. “Their mothers will do way worse,” Ned finished shooting the two looks. The both of them sat up in fear, with looks of worry overtaking their agitation, as Stan and Kenny laughed at the pair’s predicament.

It was currently 6:58PM, the ATVs had taken a while to pull out of the mud and the tour took an extra half an hour to finish, due to the speed restrictions Davis had placed in interest of everyone’s safety. Kyle and Cartman’s parents had received a call, they reached the restriction in agreement, as a temporary punishment for the two. The tour ended with a beautiful view of the mountains as they reached the end, prompting Davis to make an announcement to the rest of the group. “We’ll head back in about fifteen minutes, so help yourself to some snacks and beer, and don't forget to take some pictures.” Davis said, walking away to set up the snacks. Jimbo and Ned got the four boys to line up without shoving, all of them giving the camera a toothy smile, showing the memories that were made today. Ned kissed Jimbo on the cheek, before pulling his phone out and taking a selfie of the two. “You gotta print that Ned,” Jimbo said, lovingly looking at his boyfriend. “Mmm I sure will Jimmy,” Ned responded, giving the burly man another kiss. “But first, I have a Saturday to start,” Ned said walking toward the cooler. Jimbo could only laugh in response, but agreed, it was finally time for a Saturday drink.

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