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[plungermusic]

“Desert Island Discs” to get a Blues makeover …

Rumours are rife that Radio 4 classic Desert Island Discs is scheduled for a new bluesier sound, following the arrival of national treasure, blues icon, and outspoken political firebrand Sir Ivan Kittiwake (OM, KCBE, ISMOTP) on the small Caribbean island of Cointreau. The tiny former slave trade staging post, best known as one of Oxfam’s Top Ten Tax Havens and home of the world’s largest open air brothel, can now add gritty, honest, truthful, blue-collar blues to its list of glittering attractions.

Listeners to the much-loved stalwart of BBC programming may notice a few changes: it is believed that instead of eight records, only one will be expected in the new ‘Blues’ format (since, let’s be honest, all blues songs sound the same). The ‘one book’ (plus the Bible and the collected works of Shakespeare) rule will still be there, although the updated show will now stipulate ‘eight luxury items or more’, because who can last anywhere without at least that many, darling?

UK bluesers needn’t fret that this will spell the end of Sir Ivan’s appearances here: Cointreau’s continuing status as a colonial possession of Ruritania guarantees free movement with the EU, so the regular visits for twelve-course banquets in swanky castles (in countries sanctioned by Brussels for various human rights violations) will be unhindered.

#youcouldntmakeitup #sowedidnt

[plungermusic]

East Cheam Giggity-gig-goers coming events ...

We are proud to announce the next exciting attraction at the ECG Club, and it’s one you’d be mad to miss: mighty stadium titans, Hammstein, who we all know well for their pounding industrial beats, astonishing stage shows and flamboyant flamethrower displays, will be gracing the club (normally held in the art supply cupboard of St Aloysius’ Primary School, just off Quarry Rise) at a secret, yet-to-be-disclosed, location (just off Quarry Rise) with a unique, never-to-be-repeated acoustic show next month.

Swapping electronic drums, electric guitars and towering banks of synthesizers for an upturned plastic pail, a Chad Valley Peppa Pig guitar and a Hohner melodica, the ‘German Juggernaut’ will bring a one-off chilled hush to their usual Teutonic bombast in the intimate club surroundings, as they croon their classic bleak tales of social alienation, capitalistic oppression and neo-fascist ultraviolence to the accompaniment of a spectacular light show specially laid on for the night (thanks to Trevor at Nonsuch Party Novelties for supplying the sparklers and 200 birthday cake candles) at what will be, we are sure, a night to live long in the memory.

(Tickets at own risk. Strictly no acrylic cagoules/nylon housecoats for this show.)

Coming soon: An evening of sporting greatness when we’ll be joined by the stunning talents of Liverpool FC and Barcelona for a mouthwatering display of 5-aside blow football; and for lovers of the golden age of the silver screen, the Penge Players bring their critically acclaimed two-hander adaptation of Ben Hur.

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