#sp >> the universe is the one with the problem !!!

[sapphire-writes]

Faking It ~ modern!Aemond x Reader

summary: You and Aemond decide to fake date in order to make your exes jealous.

word count: 4.8k

note: a request fulfilled for the lovely @oneeyedvisenya! Rae, I remember you were one of the first blogs I admired and I remember squealing with joy when you interacted and followed me and now we're bestie ilysm I'll cry rn. I hope you enjoy 🩷

rating: Explicit (see more descriptive warnings under the cut)

warnings: p in v, fingering, titty sucking, choking, degradation, slight praise

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” Aegon asks, frowning as you take your shot. 

You glare at him before signaling to the bartender you’d like another. You’re going to need a lot of tequila to get through tonight. You’d come to your favorite club after another horrible week. The world just seemed to be against you. 

“Don’t say panties to me, you sound like a pervert,” you tell him, causing Aegon to chuckle. 

“Your undergarments then,” Aegon decides, bumping his shoulder against yours, “your lingerie.”

“That’s even worse,” you tell him, sucking the juice from your lime. 

“It can’t be Qyle again, please,” Aegon says groaning.

You bite your lip. You hadn’t expected to see your ex-boyfriend out, he always used to tell you he hated going to bars or clubs. Yet, here he was with his mates for a night on the town, effectively ruining yours. 

“You need to get laid, I’m saying that as your friend,” Aegon tells you, clasping a hand on your shoulder.

“Very funny,” you tell him.

“I’m serious. I’m always down if you need a body, just as friends,” he teases.

You’ve hooked up with Aegon before. A long time ago in the grand scheme of things. You’ve always been better as best friends. You’d been nearly inseparable since your days at university. 

“You’re too kind,” you tell him, scrunching your nose at the offer.

“You’re a great shag,” he continues.

Aegon furrows his brow suddenly, placing a hand under his chin as though he’s lost in thought.

 “I still don’t know how you get your leg-”

“Aegon!” you say, putting your hand over his mouth to stop him from continuing. 

Aemond saddles up on the other side of Aegon, trying to get the bartender’s attention. He barely pays him any mind as he places another shot in front of you before moving to the other side of the bar to attend to other patrons. Aemond sighs, a low growl releasing from deep within his chest. 

Aegon’s frown deepens at his brother’s appearance.

“What’s your problem?” he asks his brother.

The bartender returns for Aemond’s order before dashing away to retrieve your shot. 

“Nothing,” Aemond says, though his sulking says otherwise. 

As the bartender returns with Aemond’s drink and your shot, you dash some salt on the back of your hand, licking it up before downing the tequila. Aegon glances between you and Aemond, as Aemond sips his old-fashioned and you squeeze the juice from your second lime onto your tongue, trying to get rid of the burn of cheap tequila spreading down your throat.

“Well, as much fun as you grumps are, I’m going to go see Jace,” Aegon says, clasping a hand on your back before moving to leave. 

You sigh running a hand through your hair before awkwardly glancing at Aemond. You’ve never really interacted with him much before. Sure, he was your best friend’s brother, but you’re in totally different social circles. Aemond meets your eye, glancing at you sideways. You both stay silent for a moment, unsure of what to do now that Aegon has left.

“So,” you both say simultaneously. 

You give him an awkward, nervous giggle. Aemond smiles tightly, nodding for you to continue. 

“So…what’s up?” you ask, nodding your head to the beat of the music that blares from the speakers. 

“Not much,” Aemond says, leaning against the bar, “What’s got you upset?”

“I’m not upset,” you answer a bit too quickly, a bit too defensively. 

Aemond raises an eyebrow at you, turning so his whole profile faces you. You try not to stare at the scar that runs down his face; through his eyebrow, split only by the sapphire blue prosthetic that sparkles in the low lights. You swallow the lump beginning to form in your throat.

“Sorry, yeah I’m a bit upset I guess,” you tell him, “My ex is here. We literally just broke up a couple of weeks ago and yet here he is, drowning in a sea of horny women.”

You click your tongue in annoyance at your confession. For some reason, you feel compelled to continue speaking. 

“I guess I shouldn’t be upset though, right? I mean we are broken up but it’s like, the principle of it I guess? We were together a while, you don’t see me just jumping onto someone-”

“Why not?” Aemond interrupts your rambling. 

Your lips part slightly, brows knitting together at his rude interruption. 

“Why not what?”

“Why not get with someone?” Aemond asks, sipping his drink.

“Did you miss the part where I just got out of a relationship?” you ask him, tilting your head to the side.

“Well that certainly doesn’t seem to matter to him,” Aemond tells you.

You frown, crossing your arms.

“Gee, thanks for that,” you tell him, before moving to leave the bar.

You’ve got to find Aegon, tell him what a shitdick his brother is. Aemond follows close behind as you begin to walk into the crowd. 

“Hey! Shit, wait, I’m sorry,” Aemond says to you.

You barely look back, before he tugs on your arm and you turn to face him. You roll your eyes as you do so. 

“See, look over there,” Aemond says, jutting his chin to the left.

You follow where he motioned, eyes landing on a beautiful dark-haired girl clad in a black bodycon dress, seated on the lap of some golden-haired guy. 

“That’s Floris, my ex-girlfriend,” Aemond tells you, leaning down so he can speak directly in your ear, “We just broke up a couple of months ago. I get it.”

You watch Floris laugh and twirl a strand of hair around a delicate finger. You wonder if Aemond feels the same pain you do when you’re watching Qyle with someone else. A glance at his expression answers your question.

“It’s rough,” you tell him, nodding.

“The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else,” Aemond muses.

You snort, shaking your head.

“You sound like Aegon,” you playfully accuse.

“Yeah, I’m quoting him,” he admits, causing you to laugh.

You continue giggling, a mixture of alcohol and the ridiculousness of your ex causing you to feel like your sanity is slowly slipping away from you. You groan loudly and Aemond tears his gaze from Floris, to look down at you.

“Fuck I don’t know how to do this anymore,” you groan, “I just wish there was a way to make him regret it, without actually having to begin tragically scouting dating apps again.”

You shake your head but an idea suddenly pops into Aemond’s head.

“Maybe there is a way,” he says suddenly.

“Don’t tempt me,” you tell him but he shakes his head.

“I mean it,” he tells you, “What if you and I pretend to date.”

“What?”

“C’mon, think about it,” Aemond says, leaning closer, “You and me, together. It’ll drive Floris up the wall, I know it. And Qyle too I bet.”

You raise an eyebrow at him. You give him a once over, eyes scanning past the planes of his chest, down his dark jeans. Aemond’s always dressed in black when you see him. His black t-shit hugs the lean muscles of his chest and arms, you can see the ripple of his biceps flexing. His silver chain catches the light as you drag your gaze back up to his face. 

“How do you know that?” you ask.

Aemond wets his lips, running a hand through his long silver hair. He shrugs, smugly pursing his lips. 

“She was always threatened by you,” he admits.

“Me?!” you ask, eyes widening, nearly popping out of your skull.

“Don’t act so surprised,” Aemond scolds, and you feel your cheeks blooming with blush.

How on Earth were you a threat to Floris Baratheon?

“She didn’t like that you were always around,” Aemond begins, “You’re Aegon’s best friend, you’re gorgeous-”

“Am I?” you ask, a sharp laugh escaping your lips, a smile playing on your face.

Aemond hums, downing the dregs of his drink. His violet eye flickers to your face and you hope he can’t see how flushed his comment made you in the low lights of the club. It’s not every day Aemond Targaryen dishes out compliments, especially to his brother’s best friend. 

“Of course you are,” he tells you, “Which is why it's perfect.”

You glance around the club, unconsciously looking for Qyle’s dark curls. You shake your head. You’re not sure what compels you to keep indulging Aemond. Maybe it’s the tequila. 

It’s cause he called you gorgeous, your inner thoughts tease. 

He’s simply stating facts, you tell yourself. You are gorgeous. And you would love to see Qyle squirm a bit. Even if you’re pretending. 

“Okay,” you tell him, “I’m in.”

Your plan goes swimmingly. 

It’s not hard to run into Floris and Qyle, you and Aemond make sure to stop by all of your favorite haunts. Aemond takes you to the bookstore downtown, with an adjoining cafe where you run into Floris and her sister Maris, who glares daggers at you the entire time you enjoy your brunch. 

You take Aemond to the Water Garden museum, which Qyle told you was one of his favorite places. Sure enough, you have an awkward encounter with your former beau as he’s sketching some lilies that float by on a lapis-colored reflection pool. 

Qyle’s smile falters when Aemond laces his fingers through yours, demanding you show him your favorite parts of the museum. You hate to admit it but you like the feeling of his hand in yours, how Aemond actually listens when you explain which exhibits are your favorite. He’s surprisingly easy to make conversation with and a great listener. You never felt like Qyle listened.

Your scheming pays off, both you and Aemond receive heated texts from your exes which you examine weeks later while hosting a party with the gang. The gang being Aegon, Jace, Sara, and Baela. Baela and you have been roomies since university, now sharing an apartment together. You cheers Aemond as he hands you your drink, knocking your red solo cup against his. 

“You and I make a fabulous pair, if I do say so myself,” you tell Aemond, taking a sip.

“Yeah, you’re alright I suppose,” he teases and you nudge him in the ribs with your elbow.

The doorbell rings and Baela rises from the couch eagerly. You frown at her. 

“You invited more people?” you ask.

Baela nods while heading toward the door.

“Just a few! Alyn from boxing and one of his friends!” she calls to you.

You roll your eyes at her. Baela loves a good party and she makes a good host. You find a seat on the couch, Aemond sitting next to you, watching as Aegon versus Sara in beer pong. When Baela reenters she’s joined by Alyn and another guy. 

“Guys, this is Alyn, and his friend Cregan,” Baela introduces.

You smile politely, and all introduce yourselves. Cregan is cute. Like, really cute. Ruggedly handsome, built like a total beefcake. When his brown eyes meet yours you glance away shyly. 

“Get wrecked, Sara!” Aegon cheers, successfully winning the game of pong.

“Whatever,” Sara says rolling her eyes. 

“Okay let’s do doubles now, Jacey boy be my second,” Aegon says, clapping his hands on Jace’s shoulders. 

Jace laughs but begins to reset the cups.

“Y/N, come on be Sara’s partner,” Aegon says, waving you over.

“Fuck you Egg, you’re a cheat I’m not playing again,” Sara says, huffing as she walks away.

She’s historically a sore loser, and she doesn’t budge even when Jace pouts and begs her to play. You stand in front of the table hands on your hips.

“It’s fine, I can take you both,” you tell them, causing Aegon to raise an eyebrow.

“Kinky bestie,” he teases and you throw the ball at his head. 

He ducks, dissolving into laughter as Jace blushes. 

“I’ll play,” Alyn's friend says suddenly, walking to stand next to you.

You glance at him, smiling softly which he returns with a smile of his own. 

“You should know, I’m pretty shit at this game,” he admits, and you giggle softly.

“No worries, I’ll carry us,” you tease, “But beware, that one is a cheater.”

You point at Aegon, and he opens his mouth dramatically, placing a hand on his heart. 

“That’s a pretty harsh accusation coming from the master of distraction,” he accuses.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you say, blinking innocently.

“Don’t let her fool you, Cregan,” Aegon says shaking his head and bouncing the ball against the table, “This one is known for flashing her tits if it means she can win.”

“Aegon!” you hiss, blushing furiously, “He’s lying.”

“Mhmm, we’ll see,” Aegon teases and the game begins. 

While Aemond enjoys watching you play, he decides rather quickly he does not like Alyn’s friend Cregan. Specifically, the way he stands so closely next to you, and the way he seems to be so hilarious. Every laugh he steals from your lips sends Aemond’s heart racing, his blood boiling in his veins. 

He stays seated on the couch for the entire game, eye never leaving you. Baela plops down next to him at one point, her gaze following his and landing on you. Aemond notices he’s being observed a second too late, tearing his gaze away and nonchalantly taking a sip of his drink.

“Mhmm,” Baela says, fighting a smile.

“Shut up,” he snaps at his cousin. 

The shenanigans continue late into the night, with Sara and Jace leaving first. You raise your eyebrows at Sara. They’re not technically together, but the sparks are there. You know Jace will have to make a move soon, he just needs to get a little braver. Aegon is picked up by Rhaenyra next, he’s too drunk to drive. He places a sloppy kiss on your cheek as you help Rhaenyra lift him into her red Cadillac.

“I love you so much, you’re my best friend,” Aegon slurs.

“I love you too, Egg,” you tell him, laughing at his ridiculousness.

He sits up in the backseat looking around.

“Is this Nyra’s car? Is Nyra here??” he asks loudly, eyes wide. 

“Yes you idiot, you called me!” Nyra says getting into the front seat.

“I’m so glad you’re here, my big sister!!” Aegon says, pressing his face against the leather seats, “Can we get McDonald's?”

For some reason, Aemond lingers behind as the party dies down, it's only you, Baela, Alyn, and Cregan left. As the hours get later, Alyn and Cregan finally decide to leave, but not before Cregan insists you take his number. 

You’ve started picking up cups and plates, not one to find sleep easily after a rager. Baela turned in for the night, you can hear her noise machine blaring even though her room’s on the second floor. You roomed with her in college, she can’t sleep in silence. Noise machine, fan on, and she’s out like a light. 

“You really got his number?” Aemond asks, from the couch across the room.

You glance at Aemond as he sits, legs splayed out, arms draped over the back of the couch. One of his large hands holds a now empty red solo cup. He taps a long finger against it. 

“Who?”

“Alyn’s friend,” Aemond says, not taking his eye off you.

“Oh...Craig?” you tell him. 

Shit, that is totally not that guy's name.

You frown, standing straight, a red solo cup dangling from your fingers. You put his name into your phone as an emoji of a wolf. It seemed funny at the time though you can’t remember why. 

“Or Connor? Something with a C I think,” you tell him, shrugging.

“What about us?” he asks.

“What about us?” you ask, placing a hand on your hip, “Aemond, we’re not really dating.”

You move closer to him, holding your hand out to take his empty cup. Your hand nearly wraps around it when Aemond pulls it out of your reach. You narrow your eyes playfully at him, reaching once more. Aemond’s free hand wraps around your thigh, pulling you closer. 

A blush creeps up your neck, heat floods your face as Aemond lets the cup fall, bringing his other hand to pull you completely onto his lap. Suddenly straddling him a gasp falls from your lips before Aemond swallows the noise by placing his lips against yours. 

Holy fuck.

Aemond Targaryen is a good kisser. You admit, you thought he must be with that perfect pout on his handsome face. As you whimper against him, Aemond slides his tongue into your mouth, hands gripping your waist as you roll your hips against him. 

You slide your hands around his neck, running your hands through the silky strands of his hair and letting your nails drag across the nape of his neck. He shivers against you and you do it again. Aemond’s hands slide underneath your shirt, dancing up your ribs leaving a trail of goosebumps behind at his surprisingly gentle touch. 

“What were you saying?” Aemond murmurs against your mouth.

“We…” your voice trails off as Aemond moves his lips from your mouth, ghosting them across your jawbone, down the column of your neck.

“Mhmm,” he murmurs, the vibrations tingling against your throat. 

Aemond nips at the skin of your neck before pressing hot, wet kisses along your throat. Gods you are so wet already, squirming anxiously in his lap as one of his large hands squeeze the swell of your ass, the other continuing its exploration under your shirt, over your breasts. 

“Aem-” you whimper as he palms your breast in his hand. 

Gods he feels good, just squeezing and kissing you, showering you with affection.

“You like that?” he murmurs, teeth scraping against your collarbone.

“Yes,” you breathe, rolling your hips against the growing hardness you feel between his legs.

He’s packing, you can tell by the way he’s pressed against you; hard and demanding. Though you suspected as much with how tall and lean he is, by the size of his hands. You’d been thinking about Aemond a lot actually. 

“What do you like?” Aemond asks between kisses, “Tell me.”

“Aemond please,” you moan, “Please keep touching me.”

“Where, baby?” he asks, pinching your nipple between his fingers. 

“Please touch my pussy,” you beg. 

Aemond grins wolfishly, bringing his hand to the hem of your shirt. You release your grip on his neck as he pulls your shirt over your head. You assist him, eager to keep going as you unclasp your bra and fling it across the room. 

Aemond’s eyes fall on your heaving breasts before he leans forward burying his face between them. Your head falls back with pleasure as he takes your nipple into his mouth, sucking harshly on the sensitive peak. He alternates his attention between both mounds, being shamelessly lewd with the wet sounds his mouth makes. You’re desperate at this point, breasts covered in red marks, nearly soaked from his mouth. 

“Aemond please,” you beg once more and he lets his hand trail up your thigh and under your skirt. 

His long fingers easily slip under your lace underwear, spreading your slick folds and swirling around your clit. 

“Fuck, you’re soaked,” Aemond murmurs, mouth still buried in your tits. 

Your head is spinning, ears ringing from pleasure as he sinks two fingers easily into your clenching center. You inhale a sharp breath as he crooks his fingers into the perfect ‘come hither’ position, determined to find your sweet spot. Which he does, with impressive speed as your eyes squeeze tightly shut, jaw slack with pleasure. 

“Eyes on me,” he demands, “Don’t be rude, look at who’s making you cum.”

You force your eyes open, staring at him as fingers you relentlessly, rubbing your inner walls while his thumb rolls even circles around your clit. Pleasure blooms in your abdomen, it tingles up your spine. Your imminent orgasm sends warmth spreading through your limbs, your pussy clenching around Aemond’s fingers, a vice-like grip. 

As you’re nearing the edge, breaths becoming desperate pants, Aemond slows his movements, swallowing your disappointed whine with a kiss.

“I know,” he sing-songs, so smugly, so condescendingly, “but you haven’t learned your lesson yet.”

He slowly removes his fingers from your dripping cunt and wraps his hands around your thighs pushing you off of him. You stand in front of him on shaky legs, and Aemond takes in the sight of you standing in your heels and skirt, topless and marked by him. 

“Take off your panties,” he softly commands.

There’s no need for him to ask you twice, you move to the buttons of your skirt, but he stops you. 

“Leave that on,” he tells you. 

Your hands move underneath your skirt, pulling your lace panties down slowly. Aemond moves his hands toward his belt buckle, releasing his cock as you do so. Your eyes widen, at the sight of him; fully erect, pink tip leaking with precum as he slowly runs his hand along his shaft. You can see every vein that runs along his pale cock, and you were right about him being well-endowed. He’s thick and long and your mouth nearly waters at the sight. 

Aemond’s mouth quirks into a smile at your staring, before he reaches out to pull you back onto his lap. He reaches for his wallet, but it's your turn to stop him.

“I’m on birth control,” you tell him, “And I was recently tested.”

“Me too,” Aemond says, “The tested, not the birth control.”

You giggle at his joke, and he grins.

“I want to feel you,” you tell him, a rosy blush blooming across your cheeks. 

Aemond pulls you into another bruising kiss, as you lift your hips. You can feel the fat head of his cock kissing your slick folds, and you shiver before lower your hips onto him, engulfing him fully in your tight, wet heat. Aemond lets out a shuddering moan as he bottoms out.  

Your pussy clenches around him, and you can feel him pulsating inside you like a second heartbeat as you gingerly roll your hips against him. Aemond’s jaw slacks, his violet eye blown black with lust as you begin to ride him. 

He lets you for a moment, before he wraps his hands around your waist, pressing you into the couch on your back. Aemond snaps his hips against you, pulling nearly all the way out until you can just feel the head of his cock, before slamming into you once more. 

Whimpers and moans fill the living room, along with skin slapping against the skin as he fucks you into the couch.

“I want you to call him,” Aemond growls in your ear, “Tell him you’re seeing someone.”

“I will,” you promise him, as he delivers another punishing thrust.

“Now.”

Your breathing stops, your heart pounding erratically in your chest. 

“Aemond, no,” you whimper, as his hand wraps around your throat. 

“Yes,” he tells you, kissing you sloppily eliciting another moan from you.

Thighs trembling, your pussy spasms around his thick cock and he slows his punishing pace suddenly. 

“If you want to cum tonight, you’ll call him now,” Aemond tells you.

You weigh your options for a moment.

“My phone,” you choke out, motioning to the side table. 

Aemond smirks, moving his hand to the back of your neck, reaching for your phone with his free hand. He hands it to you and you take it with a shaky hand. 

You scroll through your contacts to find wolf boy and press the call button as Aemond lets his hand run down your chest, between the valley of your breasts and lower to play with your clit. Your pussy clenches around his still cock, desperate for him to move. 

Please don’t pick up.

The phone keeps ringing, your orgasm building with each ring, each swirl of his dexterous fingers.

Please don’t pick up.

Aemond kisses your neck, your collarbone. Mumbles filthy words against your skin like a prayer.

“You like warming my cock, baby?”

Please don’t pick up.

He takes your nipple in his mouth, tugging on it with his lips, his teeth. Oh god you’re going to-

The sharp cut to wolf boy’s voicemailbox brings you back to reality. Aemond removes his fingers from your clit and you whimper with disappointment before the beep of the answering machine. 

“He-hey! Hello there,” you try to sound casual, “this is um this is Y/N from the party and I just-”

Aemond sinks his teeth into the junction where your shoulder meets your neck and your jaw drops. 

“I just wanted to tell you, I’m actually, um I’m-” your voice trails off, eyes fluttering shut as Aemond sucks harshly on your neck. 

Aemond pulls away, a wolfish grin on his face before he plucks your phone from your hand, pressing it to his ear. 

“She’s seeing someone, and she’s busy right now,” he says roughly, “Delete this number.”

Aemond hangs up, tossing your phone to the other end of the couch. Your eyes are wide as he spreads your legs wide, pressing them back into the cushions of the couch as he begins to pound into you. 

The sound of wet slaps fills the room and you’re thanking every deity you can think of that Baela is a heavy sleeper.

“You liked that didn’t you?” Aemond taunts, “Calling him with my cock inside you?”

Whimpers and moans leave you with every snap of Aemond’s hips. 

“Yes,” you admit, feeling a rush roll through you at his possessiveness.

“Naughty girl, you are,” he chastises, “I don’t think naughty girls deserve to cum.”

You let out a desperate whine and Aemond chuckles darkly at your disappointed reaction. You bite your lip, the delicious sting of your hamstrings paired with Aemond’s precise thrusts sending you closer and closer to the edge. 

“Please, Aemond,” you beg, eyes glassy with want, “Please make me cum, I want you to.”

“I bet you do,” Aemond tells you, bringing a hand to rest against your throat once more, “Needy sluts, always want to cum.”

“Aem, please,” you continue to beg, voice hoarse, “I’ll be so good.”

Aemond quirks an eyebrow at you.

“Will you now? That’s what I like to hear,” Aemond praises, “How?”

“I’ll be all yours, only yours,” you tell him, toes curling with the building pressure in your abdomen, “Fuck, I’m yours.”

“Hmmm that’s better,” Aemond tells you, “It’s you and me, baby.”

“You and me,” you repeat, nearly dumb with pleasure, “you and me.”

“That’s a good girl,” Aemond praises, releasing your throat and bringing his hand to play with your clit, “Cum for me, cum all over my cock.”

Your belly tightens and with a strangled cry, you’re clenching and coating Aemond’s cock and lower stomach with your release. Aemond continues to fuck your sensitive walls through your orgasm, as you run your nails down his back, holding him closer. He lets go of your legs and you wrap them around his waist.

“Cum inside me, please,” you whimper.

Aemond kisses you harshly, his thrusts becoming frantic as you feel him release deep inside of you. You whimper with pleasure, sinking your nails into his shoulder and keeping him inside you. Aemond kisses you again, more gently this time, and brushes some hair from your face. 

“Holy shit,” you manage to say, and Aemond smirks.

“I didn’t plan on that,” he tells you, “but seeing you with Cregan-”

“Cregan! That was his name,” you interrupt. 

Aemond furrows his brow.

“I fuck you that good?” he teases.

“I forgot his name before you fucked me,” you tell him.

“I can always try again,” he tells you.

“Maybe we can move it to my room this time?” you ask, “It is, three feet away after all.”

And that’s exactly what you do, leading Aemond into your room where he fucks you with his fingers, his cock, and his tongue until his name is the only one you can remember at all. 

“Y/N?” Baela calls from the living room the following morning.

You open your eyes and turn, greeted by a sleeping Aemond Targaryen. You put on his shirt and open the door to your room, peeking your head out. 

Baela stands, arms crossed, a knowing smile on her lips.

“Have fun last night?” she asks. 

“Yeah…” you answer slowly.

Baela’s eyes flicker across the room and you follow her gaze. Your eyes land on your monstera plant that rests in the corner of the room, and your cheeks begin to burn as you see your bra strung over the leaves. 

“Tell Aemond good morning,” Baela teases as you back into your room, and close the door. 

You pad back over to your bed, sinking down onto the mattress. Aemond groans before his hand wraps around your waist pulling you closer. 

“Good morning,” you whisper, bumping your nose against his.

note: HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT ILYSM

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[reverieaa]

The self, fufilled.

It might have taken me a while, but as I promised in my last poll, I will deliver what you all were most interested in hearing, my explanation of the self fufilled. Consider this a pt.2 of "a change of clothes".

Yes, I say the self fufilled. I thought this play of words is not only interesting to do but would bring light to a new perspective that may help you come to your own understanding.

Many don't sit to really understand what " no other cause to your thoughts other than you" really means to them, we know, but we don't understand.

How do I stop my doubtful thoughts? How do I manifest quickly? how do I feel my wish fufilled? How do I change my state? How do I feel free? How do I stop punishing myself?

Well for the last one, you can start by putting an end to all previous questions, searching with the intention of finding an outside answer.

The opposite of love is hate, as the opposite of to hurt is to heal.

And the opposite of attention is indifference. As Edward art himself said that indifference is truly the answer to all your doubts.

I don't want you to go through your day and force yourself to imagine, affirm, and re-read every post you've ever read again and again until it finally clicks, I don't want you to fight every thought and scold your mind for "going out of place" either.

All that I want you to do is all that is required for you to do, change the inner. We truly are fortunate when I tell you this good news because change is all we do, all we've ever done.

I'll tell you honestly, not to give you hope and neither to shatter it or delude you when I tell you that majority of your problems that sound so complicated as the universe itself, could be solved just through self identification and a rearrangement of the mind.

I don't say this to give comforting lies, false hope, and support because I don't want people with hopes and dreams in tough situations to feel bad and be a moral person, but because the truth is far more comforting than any of it.

I won't tell you to "keep going" when you feel like nothing is working and breaking down. If you feel the need to change something, then change should happen, and it shall as your word is logic to your world.

I want you to understand that you're not meant to fufill the thing itself, but yourself instead. It's not about your desired face, it's about you, it's not about your ideal relationship and sp, it's about you, it's not about imagining the perfect life, it's about you.

It's not about using yourself to fulfill the scenario/desire. It's about it fulfilling and changing YOU.

Right now, you have a bed, you are not imagining that you do, you're not checking to see if you have a bed, you probably didn't even look to see if you have one, it is a CLAIM within yourself. With the same conviction, you use it for your desires. Take this example with things you have in your life.

I don't think people realize that the whole reason why trying changing the outer reality does not work because there is no outer reality to begin with, I mean that literally.

It is crucial to understand when you imagine that you are not creating the desire or a new reality, but you can only conceptualize that version of you to begin with because it already exists.

Let the ego mind go, let the need for outer change go, both its worries and time-frame of your life so far and just sit there with what I'm trying to say when I tell you to feel the wish fulfilled. It is a CLAIM, not a process, a change of identification.

Once you identify yourself with who you actually are, the awareness/ pure consciousness and believe that you is all there is , you won't want to "manifest a df" just to decorate the outer man, but you'll want to manifest it bc it genuinely makes u happy for yourself, same for every manifestation.

It all comes down to a satisfying claim, a claim of your observation that you see as TRUTH and are currently seeing in your mind.

For those who are wondering what knowingness I'm talking abt, it's the same knowingness when someone asks your name, you know you are (name), you know you're (nr) years old.

And so the same way you know your name, you know you have your desired body, the same way you know how old you are, you know you have your dream car.

We identify as body and outer when the outer world itself is WITHIN us, you are the answer to everything as everything has it's root to you, and at the same, everything cam only live through ypir awareness, nothing greater and nothing to "get".

If i view myself as pure consciousness, then I do not care for the 5 senses to show me anything because I don't view myself as just body, and this doesn't mean you can't deal with things in the 3D, because working in the 3D and identifying with it are different things. Therefore, don't feel the need to commit all your 5 senses to your imaginal act.

This isn't a for you to tell yourself: " ok, I have to know I am pure consciousness/ the creator and work with it from there" this post is telling you that you ALREADY are it, skip emotions here, we have established that you are it right now and youvare becoming aware that you are in imagination.

All we do in life is make claims within ourselves about things we are aware of having in the mind. Say you have a red car, and you think about it in your head, you know it's yours, you don't need to check your own drivers license, you know you have a certain hair color, it is a aware claim, you aren't trying to get it, there is no rush to do so, you are at ease knowing it IS so and are just observing your life through that state on consciousness.

And since you are consciousness, and you can get/be anything you want just by being aware that you are it, what is it that you can't do or be in this world? You can't be satisfied going after the "object" itself bc the only way we can enjoy things in this world is through the awareness that we have it, it has no life of its own outaide your own consciousness.

#law of assumption #affirm and persist #manifesation #manifesting #neville goddard #3d #affirmations #loa methods #void state #loa blog #loa

[thefirstknife]

Something finally clicked for me irt Destiny YouTubers and how so many of them generate fake outrage for views.

some background context:

Earlier today I saw Tweet by one of the writers/desginers of Obsidian Games J.Sawyer & One of the writers of Night in The Woods S. Benson (Both involved with highly successful & critically beloved Single player games)

They were mocking some sentiment about how BG3 being successful is some how a threat to them and how that idea that ones success at telling a good story somehow puts them in a corner

Aztecross had a video about Baulder's Gate and was airing that exact sentiment with that annoying rant face YTbrs do. Like this is a game that's its own thing and isn't a Live Service and a nice sp rpg

and too somehow turn that news into some controversy and how other games are "scared bc now they have to put in effort " blah blah blah

like?!? that just shows the worst. that somehow every video even on games that have no connection to the Live Service (*cough*Destiny*cough*) side of the industry somehow is made to stir up negative sentiment about them

Like dude just play a game ans have fun and idk talk about what you like about it. And if that's not enough to keep viewers interested you have no one to blame but yourself bc you cultivated a base thats addicted t being mad

Yep, I've seen that whole "controversy." I have no clue why people are comparing a singleplayer RPG that's been in development for 6 years to live service games. Or other games in general. Like, these are not the same thing. They can never be the same thing and they never will. No one is being threatened. They're different parts of the market. Most people play both; they take a break from a live service to play a newly released singleplayer and then when they're done with it, they go back to the live service while they wait for something else.

The only "threat" here is gamers expecting two completely different types of games to be the same. Like expecting that a live service game that has to develop things in the span of six months in advance to have the same type of content as a game that's been developing for 6 years and is one and done on release.

If they want Destiny (or any live service game) to come close to something like this, they will have to come to terms with "content droughts" aka periods of months and even years where no new content is being put out because the developers are working on a massive release that will come out in 6 years. Which means that they don't want a live service game.

And that's fine! There are games being released that aren't live service games. Go play them! I don't know why they expect Destiny to stop being a live service game suddenly after being one for 9 years. Like, you knew what you were getting into when you decided to make Destiny your only game. It's always been a live service.

All in all, as usual, these people have massive addiction problems and burnout and need to literally NOT base their entire income on a single video game. Bungie isn't making a video game for streamers to build their career on, they're making a game for normal people who have plenty of stuff to do, sometimes even too much. They want a game like Baldur's Gate but that will continuously update with perfect quality content until the heat death of the universe. The only "threat" to the gaming industry is influential gaming "personalities" convincing people that this is normal to expect and possible to achieve.

#destiny 2 #bungie #ask

[cindysimblr]

Not Another College Mod: One Semester per Year University

I made a mod that limits university years to one semester. After completing the first semester of each year, Sims will just jump to the next year. Sims that are currently in the second semester when the mod is installed will finish that semester and then proceed to the first (and only) semester of the following year.

Pros:

Course requirements get harder each year, as maxis intended.

Sims can complete each year of University

College lasts 12 days, Sims may stay an additional 3 days after graduation - that's pretty much two Simweeks, which I decided is compatible with my rotational gameplay (one week in non-college households = two semesters in college households). This imho works well with Maxis ages, so the other Sims don't grow too old while young adults are in College.

Compatible with Faster University Education mod

Cons:

The second semester of each year is still visible, so don't get confused

Not compatible with Harder Grades - Term Paper Required, Three Year University Courses and Semester Changes (but can be made compatible with the former two, see below) or any mod that changes the BHAV (0x200C 'Function - Next Semester') in the Major semi-globals (group 0x7F17E3A4)

Made with all EPs and SPs installed.

Download

If you notice any errors or problems, please let me know.

The change I made was very simple, you can edit any college mod of your choice to merge it with the one semester college mod.

Open the college mod of your choice (Function - Next Semester) with SimPE, find the line [prim 0x0002] Expression (My person data 0x00AD (kEP1 - Semester Info Flags) Flag Set? flag# Const 0x2003:0x04 ("Good Completed?" Value: 0x0005)) copy the value in true target and paste it to false target.

Save and you're done :) That's all.

#ts2cc #s2cc #sims2download #sims2mod #university #sims2university #ts2 #simblr #sims 2 #mod

[diana-bluewolf]

MC profile

Some info about my MC Chris Mongrel. Profile is under the cut.

Name: Chris Mongrel

House: Slytherin

Birthday: 24th November

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Demisexual, demiromantic

Nationality: British

Residence: Oxford, Oxfordshire, England

Wand: Black Walnut Wood, Phoenix feather, 12 ½" Length, Rigid flexibility

Patronus: Dingo

PERSONALITY

MBTI: INTP

Enneagram: 5w4 sx/sp

Four temperaments: Phlegmatic-melancholic

Strengths:

logic

creativeness

resourcefulness

resilience

quick-thinking

he can be a good listener if he wants

loyalty

he can notice patterns in close people’s behaviour and figure out when they are not okay by small changes in it

Weaknesses:

disconnection and tendency to get easily lost in thoughts

low self-worth

adrenaline addictiveness

absolute recklessness regarding his safety

prone to self-isolation and melancholy

trust issues

insensitive at times, especially when he’s absorbed in a new project/puzzle

Hobbies:

drawing (he likes to do sketches of anything he finds fascinating)

experimenting with magic, whether forbidden for students or not (though he avoids Dark Magic), enchanting muggle artefacts (like making a fountain pen with everlasting ink, a self-sharpening pencil or a notebook with extension charm)

Amortentia (what he smells like to others):

cedar wood (smell of pencil shaving) due to his habit of making notes and sketches, and he finds muggle stuff more convenient for it

forest and fresh air (as a result of frequent flying and exploring Forbidden Forest)

wiggenweld potion (a side effect of being adrenaline addictive)

Favourite subjects:

Charms

Transfiguration

Study of Ancient Runes

Defense Against Dark Arts

Least favourite subjects:

Care for Magical Creatures (how can you deal with something that is, with rare exceptions, as far from being logical as it gets?) 

Herbology (it’s just boring)

History of Magic (nothing wrong with history itself, but, gosh, professor Binns’ lessons are such a waste of time! You can read everything you need to know in a book much faster)

Divination

When you are an adrenaline addictive introverted bookworm.

Childhood:

"Mongrel" isn't his real surname. When he was 11, Chris discovered himself at the doorway to a muggle charity school, a typical so-called bluecoat school in those times where orphans and kids from poor families lived and got educated (if they were lucky to get a place there). He didn't remember how he ended up there, how he got the fresh scar on his face, where he had lived before, who his parents were, not even his surname. 

A local boy passing by mentioned to Chris that weird kids with mental problems would never be accepted to any school, where there's not enough space even for "normal" children and the best place for them is living on the streets or in workhouses. Chris didn't know if it was true but decided not to reveal to anyone that he didn't remember anything, just in case. 

The school's headmaster, a man with a strange, absent-minded expression (he was under the Imperius Curse), expected the new student to arrive that day. When Chris was asked his full name, he made up his surname promptly, saying the first word that crossed his mind. It was from the phrase the boy had told him, "Y'know, nobody wanna deal with mental mongrels like you."

A bit later, Chris realised that some snippets of his childhood were still tucked away in his memory: the precious and warm moments with his father, a muggle professor at Oxford University. Nevertheless, Chris didn't remember his name or what had happened to him. 

Some facts:

★He struggles with insomnia and nightmares, especially the repetitive ones about an unfamiliar (or not?) boy with milky eyes. The dragon attack was, of course, a shocking experience for Chris, but when he first entered the Slytherin common room, he was even more stunned to meet a person who resembled the constant participant of his nightmares, though 5-6 years older.

★They didn't get along at first. Or, more precisely, Ominis was hostile towards the new fifth-year. So even when he had to mention Chris to Sebastian, for example, he called him anything but by name. He could say "that walking magnet for troubles", "your accomplice", "your new best friend" (with some extent of sarcasm in his voice) or "the neophyte". It took Ominis some time before he addressed Chris by name for the first time.

★Before Hogwarts, Chris had never participated in magic duels. In fact, he didn’t even know that magic existed, being very sceptical about it. But anyway, he had to hone his reflexes in the frequent scuffles at the charity school, full of boys with behaviour problems.

★No matter the weather, he often feels cold, which makes him favour sweaters. Like most of his belongings, his clothes are quite shabby due to his extreme lifestyle and orphanhood. Besides, even when he earns some money running errands for other people, from potions delivery to eliminating trolls, buying new clothes is his least priority. 

★Having all the extra assignments and schoolwork to catch up on, he always tries to push himself to the limit, sometimes neglecting to sleep. Due to his low self-worth, he feels he must do the maximum to prove to himself that he matters like others. He’s either the best or nothing. He doesn’t value his life at all, which, together with adrenaline addiction, makes risking it daily easier. 

★He can forget to sleep but tries not to miss meal times as he was often hungry in the charity school. Not a picky eater. 

★When he's nervous, he uses humour as a defence mechanism. While sometimes it helps to relieve difficult situations, it can also be not appropriate at all. 

★He can easily break the rules if he doesn't see any sense in it or if the pros might outweigh the cons. 

★He has claustrophobia.

★The Sorting Hat doubted whether to place him in Slytherin or Ravenclaw.

★He isn't the type of person who says "I love you." often, but even if he does, it may sound like, 

"I think I love you." 

"You…think?" 

"Well, all the symptoms confirm the diagnosis". 

★He was never good at emotions and feelings, mostly "postponing" them to process later and pulling on an overconfident mask. Still, the irony is that he was chosen by a black walnut wand, which doesn't like when its master practises any form of self-deception and misbehaves when it happens, which in the case of Chris' lifestyle can be fatal. So, he had to learn how to manage his feelings promptly, primarily by trial and error.

★Though he rarely shows emotion or affection, it doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of it, but it takes him much time to open up to someone.

★After school he plans to work as a Curse-Breaker or a researcher in St Mungo’s Hospital, focusing on ancient magic and its impact on dark curses.

#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy oc #hogwarts legacy male mc #oc profile #chris mongrel

[neotriobrainrot-reborn]

Another Small List of Peni Parker Headcanons

She shows most of her affection physically and through actions(like hugging, grabbing other's shoulders, touching, hand holding, etc)

She tends to not get much sleep, only functioning on caffeine & coffee. This problem has gotten exponentially worst since her canon event

They sleepwalk so often that Miguel has an entire procedure & list of instructions for every Spider to follow should they see her sleepwalking

She'll often help other Spiders with tech problems or situations they encounter. She even ended up helping the Spectacular Spidermen with an upgrade to his suit on one occasion

Before her canon event, she at one point ended up getting really close to Addy Brock

Their eyes glow in the dark, which caused some funny scenarios with other Spidermen accidentally getting scared whenever they see her working on a project in the dark

They have an addiction to recees sticks

They're ace & Lesbian

She's friends with Harry Osborn in her universe that will never go wrong :)

She hates Norman Osborn and only tolerates him because she basically has to work for him because he owns the SP//DR Program and, for Harry's sake. She just views Osborn as a means to help people with SP//DR

Check out my previous headcanon post about her for more Headcanons. I might do some other characters next!

#peni parker #atsv #across the spider verse #spider man: across the spider verse #spiderman: across the spiderverse #across the spiderverse

[cafe-au-lait-loa]

How I manifested 3P away & How I manifested 3P in the first place

Long time no see, I haven’t updated in a really long time. To be completely honest, I was having a hard time with my manifestations and I can completely understand why now.

🤍 So what happened since the last post?

I manifested so much shit, and I had to take accountability for it. When I made my first post, I was in a break up but still in full contact with my ex, our break up was caused by an external thing (which surprise surprise, I also manifested) but we were still on really good terms and telling each other daily that we loved each other. 

At that point, I made my first mistake : I thought that this was happening to me, I thought that I couldn’t change whatever was going on because it wasn’t caused by him or me. This led me into the feeling of not controlling whatever was going on and therefore, not even trying to change it.

When I moved back to my own country (we’re from different countries, met and dated in a third country), I started to freak out. I was constantly plagued with the idea that he was going to forget about me and that he was going to find someone else. Obviously, as I entertained these thoughts, they started to manifest into my own reality. He ended answering less and less, only for him to tell me that he had found someone else (someone I was weary of during our relationship even though he had absolutely no care about her at the time) and then ghosted me and removed me from all socials.

That was my second mistake : I indulged in those thoughts, let them consume me. Therefore, they had no choice but to manifest in my reality.

During this entire time, I followed internet gurus that were just not for me. Now, do I think that they are wrong about what they teach? Sometimes, yes. But my main problem was that I had successfully manifested an SP before, but those gurus told me that my way of doing was wrong and that I needed to do it differently. I followed those rules for almost 6 months, and in combination with mistake 2, it all went downhill for me. Now, why do I put mistake 2 and this mistake together? Well, it’s very easy, coaches were telling me that it was okay to feel whatever I was feeling, and that kept me in a place of indulging in my negative thoughts.

That’s mistake number three : I was following blindly, even when I knew something wasn’t for me.

🤍 How did I turn the situation in my favor?

Near the end of July, I decided that I was done following everyone's advice and I was going to go back to my roots : robotic affirming. That’s when I rediscovered Sammy Ingram. Now, I do think that Sammy, just like any LOA coach, doesn’t fit with everyone, and she didn’t fit with me the first time I discovered LOA. However, that time around, I was fed up with all the bullshit I had manifested, I was ready to get this done and I was ready for some harsh truth and tough love.

I created four affirmations that suited me and my situations. I tried to not think about 3P as much as I could and as soon as she would appear in my thoughts, I would just tell myself “This person does not exist in my universe or in SP’s life”. I was affirming as much as I could, I was sometimes daydreaming of my ideal life with SP and I was not letting the 3D fuck this up for me. Would I say that I was perfect all the time? No, no one is. But I was putting in the work and holding myself accountable.

About a week after starting this, I felt the urge to check the 3D, but keeping myself in this mindset, I didn’t let myself do it. Until I finally did. 3P and SP had removed their pictures together (their profile pictures), 3P had removed his city from her bio and nothing about the two of them being together ever reappeared. I was FLABBERGASTED. That’s it! I was back on my game! Three weeks later, SP suddenly followed me on tiktok, and then used my tiktok to follow me again on instagram. 

🤍 What has been happening since then?

Well, it’s been about a week since SP followed me again on socials, and it’s been a bit hard. Knowing that I can contact him anytime made it a lot harder for me, so I did my share of mistakes (sending him a reel and a message). But since yesterday, I’ve been back on track, focusing on me and my affirmations. I also started scripting again as it does make me feel good. I know that with persistence, SP will be back and he’ll obsess over me all over again. I’ll be sure to update you when he does. I also plan on posting about my manifestation story in general so you can learn a bit more from me.

🤍 🤍 🤍 Happy manifesting!

#loassumption #law of assumption #law of attraction #loa #loa blog #loa success #specific person #loa sp

[update-blog-bp9]

Request Rules Sheet (18+)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT !!! HEED THE RULES FOLKS !!! READ THEM CAREFULLY !!!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN FOR 2 WEEKS !!! (18th of March to 1st April) KEEP TO THE RULES !!! YOU CAN ASK ON ALL THREE BLOGS !!!

Main blog: @blackypanther9 SP blog: @skulduggery-pleasant-bp9

You can ask for (Fandoms):

MARVEL HAZBIN HOTEL (I mostly do Alastor there, but you can also request other Characters there !) FNAF (Game and Movie Universe) SCREAM (I only watched 1, 5 and 6, so please have mercy on me) SP AND DR (Skulduggery Pleasant x Demon Road) is also allowed.

And anything else that I ever wrote about, all masterlists are on the main one and it is pinned at the top of my blog and linked in my BIO, so take your pick ! You can also ask if I know any other Fandom and if yes, if I could write for them. I don't bite.

What I will write:

ANGST FLUFF WHOLESOMENESS SMUT HURT/COMFORT

What I allow to write as Relationship stuff:

PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS (Friends, friends turning to Family, like Siblings and stuff...Surrogate Brother/Sister if I am not mistaken we call such, tight ?) ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS (Nothing perverted ! Just you know Father - Son ralationship, Brother x Brother Relationship and all that stuff, Family relationships are NOT allowed to be SMUT !!!)

What I will NOT write:

INCEST STEPCEST PEDOPHILIA EXTREME, DARK SMUT (Light dark is okay, but not extreme. I'm just not ready to step back into it yet.)

What I MIGHT not write:

There are some kinks that I am not familiar or comfortable with, but I will let you know when I have a problem with them. I just know that I won't write a feet fetish as an example. I don't feel comfortable to write that.

What you CAN request (Gender like):

HETERO (Man x Woman) GAY (Man x Man) OR (Woman x Woman) INTERSEXUAL (People with BOTH genders) GENDERFLUID (Might be horribly explained, I ain't Genderfluid, but practically that is when you feel like a man one day and in five weeks you feel like a woman and dress and behave as such how you feel) TRANSGENDER (Man in a Woman's body or the other way around, Don't hate me I try to keep this short and simple here !!) ASEXUAL (Repulsed by the bare mention of the S word OR isn't repulsed by it, but isn't really intesrested in it (I think it is called Gray Ace...?) GENDERNEUTRAL/NON - BINARY (Which mostly means no Gender so They/Them I CAN'T USE THAT IN SMUT THOUGH IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME A SEX ON THE BODY !!! So tell me which they have !)

Character ships I will write for:

Any Character x Reader (Name a Gender though !) Also write Character x Character ( Like...Alastor x Rosie where they just gossip or Charlie and Vaggie with romance or smut)

(I also don't mind to Genderswap. So instead of Charlie being a Female, she is a Male or a different gender. You give me your thoughts and I will try to turn it into a Oneshot !)

Characters I will NOT write for:

The Vees (Hazbin Hotel) Adam (Hazbin Hotel) Lute (Hazbin Hotel) Sera (Hazbin Hotel) They can be mentioned or play a role but I don't do ANY ships with them and the Reader. They can be shipped with each other though, I suppose. And Vox can be friends with Reader, but no romantic shtick.

I am not up to date with Marvel, so I might have to reject some requests, if I get a Character I don't know, so please forgive me, but doing hours of research on any Character just to get a bare grasp on them, could take forever. TvT

TAGLIST because I think you might wanna know this !: @innerpiratefun @gayhopefullove @natashaxmarvelmen @buffymore @lovefanfiction01

#minors do not interact #no minors allowed #minors dni #mdni #male!reader #hazbin hotel #alastor the radio demon #fem!reader #Scream #fnaf x reader #fnaf movie #marvel #Marvel x Reader

[justalia]

Hello Alia!

I must express my admiration for your work here on social media. I like the way you are direct with conscious creation. You simplify everything to make it easy to understand! I'm seeking guidance in my situation because I don’t know what to do, or if I should even take action. I like how you come across things, so In asking for advice in here. This might be a bit lengthy, I apologize in advance.

How can I reset my manifesting journey?

I've been into manifesting since middle school, and now I’m in college. Most of my life, I’ve desired a life I could achieve most of the time. In middle school/high school, I wanted to be popular and admired (I was an insecure weird kid) and tried absurd methods like “writing letters to the Universe to get your SP” and things like that. Obviously, I didn’t achieve anything. When it came to partners, I became fixated, creating scenarios in my head to materialize (to get) things in my life

Of course, I spent years, YEARS, trying to obtain things. Not one thing specifically , it was me chasing the perfect idea of how my life should look like. Throughout those years, I discovered many manifestation teachers; Neville, Edward, etc., but none led me to a stable point, because I had this pattern of overconsumption and obsession.

I think it's pretty embarrassing to admit that I spent a lot of time in my teenage years desiring a life that I couldn’t have. I was always lost in my own mind. I was nothing. I yearned to be loved. I was imagining and hoping but nothing changed

It was a cycle of terrible punishment to myself because I couldn’t materialize what I wanted. I fell into a state of limerence and, for my own mental well-being, I sort of gave up trying to get things.

My life became normal, but deep down, a part of me desired that successful, wealthy, and fulfilled life. I've tried to return to this journey, but it seems like I'm so burned out that it isn’t (somehow) available to me anymore. It's like a blockage. I think I resent myself for putting myself through this.

I know manifesting works; there have been times in my life where I’ve imagined things and they just appeared, but it was never the things I wanted.

I'm crying while typing this because, sincerely: this makes me feel so pathetic. Tons of material, tons of information, and applied incorrectly causing a mental burnout for me. I know that I should apply it, but my brain doesn't let me. (I hope I'm explaining myself well) I'm really afraid that if I try to manifest something, I'll fall into this state of limerence and madness. When I say I'm burned out, I'm burned out. Every time I think about this topic, my head hurts. I seem to know everything about this but nothing.

The main problem is that sort of, this way of hoping trying to get things it’s so engraved in my mind that I can’t seem to even start to “manifest” small things without feeling like I’m manifesting them. I know you become one in imagination, but how can I make my brain understand this? 😔

What should I do? How can I reset? If not, what is the best that I can do?

Have a good day. Keep doing what you do. And thank u anyway.

hi!

i couldn’t leave this ask unanswered so i’m gonna try my best.

first of all thank you so much for your kind words and i’m glad you could find my words helpful and knowledgeable.

i really understand where you are coming from and my greatest advice would be to drop all the knowledge you have on this and look into non dualism. i advice you do it only when you feel like you can go into it with a completely open mind and without any expectations so that you can find yourself. the real Self.

non dualism has been for me a way of understanding the way the “world” actually operates better and look at “manifestation” in a completely different way.

when it comes to how you’re feeling regarding your journey i’d like to give you this insight: that was never you. the character you’ve built has been through so many trials and tribulations and it feels “pathetic” for that. that was never you. believe me when i tell you this. all the labels you put on yourself are simply that: labels.

find your true self, stop manifesting anything and realize who you are. really realize it and feel the peace coming with this realization.

let me add this: the thing you think you have to free yourself from never really happened.

[gauntletqueen]

Okay so! I saw Across The Spider-Verse. I wanna say some lil thoughts. First off, without spoilers:

I thought the first movie had prepared me for how visually captivating and groundbreaking this one would be and I was WRONG. They took it SO much further in this one and it is SPECTACULAR. The way they play much more with the art style depending on the spidey-person and the universe is incredibly fun to see and impressive to think about.

Now for a LOT of thoughts concerning spoilers:

I am SO glad that they used the fact that it's a two-parter to take the time with its story. Plenty of slower moments, room for talking, etc. I knew it was gonna be a To Be Continued, but was worried the movie would be at a break-neck speed to cram in as much story as possible like with the fuckin uuuh avengers movie with Purplo The Mean Man, and I am SO GLAD!!! That they didn't!!!

Next off I was never a fan of Peni's design in the first movie. It felt too much like that "trying to be anime" thing that western cartoons had going for a while, and I can now only imagine that the creators had planned from the start to have her grow into her comic book design between movies, which is VERY GOOD. (I had already assumed that SP//DR's design would be comic accurate in this movie after its destruction but it's nice to see :> )

On that topic, I do thing it's a bit of a shame that Peni, Noir and Ham didn't get to be in this movie, really. I understand why! Use this one to flesh out the new important characters (and they are very good especially Hobie) so it doesn't feel cluttered when you put them all together in the third one. But I was looking forward to seeing them...

Now let's have a little intermission. (it's relevant I promise) Please meet Carapace, my Spider-Sona, who I created after I had gone to see the first movie back in 2018:

I won't bore yall with the details, but basically she got her powers due to outside intervention causing a shift in her universe. Her getting these powers resulted in that universe's Peter Parker, the one who was supposed to be Spidey, to die. Carapace is characterized as sticking very closely to her own morals even if it might harm in the long run, even when people tell her and show her what she is doing is dangerous, and eventually this leads her actions, as well as her very existence to endanger the entire multiverse despite her best efforts.

So. you know. I thought that was interesting. Given. Yknow. The movie

Okay moving on. Spider-Gwen is the only spidey comic series I've actively read, so seeing her story and her artstyle explored more in this movie was a delight! It's also just really nice how she's more of a pivotal character this time around, given a lot more focus. I'm happy about that :> (also can't believe we now know why she has sneakers in fortnite wow)

The Spot! Was spoiled for me. But not like, in much detail? I had, after seeing fanart against my will, pieced together that he was the guy that got a bagel thrown at him in the first movie, and that he had something to do with "Canon". Now as someone who's read homestuck, and has consumed modern media in general, the use of the word Canon worried me. I was worried they'd break the fourth wall and get all annoyingly meta and stuff. BUT they didn't! They did get meta with it, talking about the canon events that make a spidey-person, but never broke the fourth wall. It was handled carefully and it works! Maybe that's why Ham isn't present in this movie... He'd definitely ruin that now that I think about it. As for The Spot, he's not the most compelling villain. He's funny! it's a funny concept for a villain origin. "Just take this one-off gag from the first movie and turn him into the main villain." But by doing that, by making him Funny and Pretty Dumb In Concept, and then turning him into an Actual Real Threat whose motive is that nobody takes him seriously, it WORKS. We the audience are PART OF THE PROBLEM kinda I dunno I thought it was neat.

Miguel is mean to Miles >:| Stoopid poopoo head >:| (but it's cool that he's like a parallel to Kingpin from the first movie)

As for the whole "different versions of the movie in different theaters" thing, that was spoiled for me, thoughI didn't know what was different heading in. Apparently it's like, Lyla doing some funny little bits? Whatever. I can only assume needing to re-animate perfectly good scenes for no reason other than "aah gotcha! Neat right??" is definitely something that contributed to the reported terrible working conditions and crunch during production. It's a fun reminder that even a film that is so strongly about art, about pushing back against conformity and those that want to control you, is still being made by a giant corporation, and according to that corporation, the workers don't matter, only the product's ability to money. I can only hope that the animators get enough time to work normally on Beyond the Spider-Verse, which I'm sure will be also a phenomenal movie despite the higher ups' demands, just like this one.

Also they said ASS and CRAP in it!! Wow!!!!

#across the spider-verse

[joyfuladorable]

do u think that peni mentioned oscrop 👀

or maybe if she had how the others wouldve reacted 👀

Think I’ve said before, but I imagine the moment Peni reveals that Oscorp, by proxy of Ben and May, had her become SP//dr at the age of NINE, some doors would get busted down, lol. Like, most Spideys have negative relationships concerning Oscorp anyways, so to hear their friend Actively works for them is gonna raise a Lot of Red Flags. They'll be like, could we see your work contract? What do you mean you don't have paperwork you've Never Asked??

Side comment from Peter B, "You'd think the year 3146 would've solved the child labor problem."

"Capitalism always finds a way," Hobie would sneer.

And Peni would be like, guys?? It's fine??? They help me be a hero and- oh okay where're we going?

Uncle Ben turns around when he hears a portal open and he just lowers his coffee cup from his mouth like "Uh, Peni? What have you got there?"

Peni glances back at the motley crew of murderous Spideys, one of whom has Spider on their shoulder. Someone has given the arachnid a tiny little nail bat to carry.

"Uh... friends???"

Whoever Norman Osborne is in this universe is gonna GET IT, LMAOOOOO

#spiderverse #peni parker #oscorp #I'm not tagging the other Spideys lol #wait do I still have to tag spoilers or am I like good since it's been a month since the premiere #I'll do it anyways!! #atsv #atsv spoilers #across the spider verse spoilers #across the spiderverse #sea rambles #Norman ain't getting out of his office without signing some Seriously Proofread Paperwork

[s0ckh3adstudios]

Curious, What’s ur beef with Miguel

you asked for it. slightly long post ahead i'm so sorry

WARNING: ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

i have spent the last several days ranting and raving about about Spiderverse related things and like. I have such a complicated relationship with this movie, but THAT'S FOR ANOTHER POST IF SOMEONE ASKS LMAO but Miguel. Miguel O'Hara. Miguel.

I HATE HIS HOLOGRAM SUIT WITH NOTHING UNDERNEATH ASSS HE'S SO. WAGHGGHGAGK Like I know a lot of people do like him and there's stuff to like but I just don't see the appeal, and I'm also slightly biased because I can't enter the Spiderverse tag without seeing unfiltered Miguel NSFW LMAO

The first thing I thought after watching the movie was that it felt like he wasn't like... built up to enough? Like, my writer brain never turns off, and from a writing perspective it felt kinda weird. A lot of things in the movie did, but to me it just felt like there wasn't enough intro to him. Like he's supposed to be important but we don't like. i dunno HEJGKHKFL it sort of felt like we were already supposed to know a lot about him. WHICH I GUESS IS FAIR MAYBE THEY EXPECT ACTUAL SPIDER FANS TO COME IN AND KNOW WHO HE IS and I'm only a Spiderverse fan.

Miguel does have really charming and funny moments! Like, in the beginning Gwen section of the movie, he's got pretty funny dialogue while still remaining stern. He's got kind of a flat charm to him. But for me he just. loses it. after that part of the movie. He's a lot more of an asshole, which yes he's supposed to be. But for me there's just not that much to like. and just. and. and

Okay, kiddies, get out of the pool, that was the formal discussion. Now I'm just gonna LOUD

THIS GUYYYYY. IS SUCH A DUMBASS!!!!! He is so obviously wrong about the entire canon event theory. At least he is mostly. THERE IS SO MUCH EVIDENCE POINTING TO HIM BEING WRONG. AND WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO BACK IT UP??? ONLY ONE PIECE OF EVIDENCE THAT HE EVER BRINGS UP IN THE MOVIE!! And that's when he was Stupid and took the place of himself in a universe where he died so he could be with his daughter! And when you think about it, he didn't necessarily break the canon event rule- That canon event already HAPPENED. He DIED. But I guess you could suggest that him coming back ruined it. But that's the problem; these multiverse rules and regulations and details are just so confusing. And they're supposed to be.

Miguel doesn't necessarily have the right to put himself in charge of protecting this and claiming these things to be true when he absolutely does not know the full scale of the multiverse- Nobody knows exactly how all this works!! And we have seen so many things to contradict him!! If what he says is true, the events of Into The Spiderverse would have absolutely shaken things up. But the everything's fine for the most part, isn't it? The events of that movie changed all the characters in different ways (except for Ham. Ham's ok. Ham didn't change LMAO). Peni's SP//DER bot was destroyed, Noir brought color to his universe in the shape of a rubiks cube, Gwen made a new friend. Peter B was inspired and fixed things with MJ and went onto have a daughter, a DAUGHTER WHO'S VERY EXISTENCE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! AND THAT'S BECAUSE OF MILES! And if what Miguel is saying is true, why is the fact that Miles is Spiderman now and everything he's done not severely messing things up? The 42 spider's corpse is still chilling in his universe, too.

I've seen people compare the Spider Society to like. a cult? And honestly I can see that- Unintentional by Miguel, I'm sure, but it does seem similar. He's gotten everyone to believe in his theory and have them acting upon it, even Gwen, Peter B, and Peni. (Noir and Ham we never saw in the Spider Society, likely because their VA's weren't available. But I also like to take this as like. These two would not join the Spider Society, no way in hell they would. The society is against a lot of what Noir fights for and Ham would see this as a joke LMAO) NOT TO MENTION THAT OH MY GODDD LIKE GWEN KNOWS NOW THAT IF SHE GOES BACK TO HER UNIVERSE, SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO EXPERIENCE THE CANON EVENT OF HER DAD DYING. AND MIGUEL AND THE OTHERS KNOW THAT TOO. AND THEY THREATEN HER WITH THE IDEA OF GOING HOME. THEY KNOW THAT. LIKE WTF?????

A detail I'm also obsessed with is that in Pavitr's universe, you see the damage and glitching before the Spider Society shows up. They call it a "quantum hole" or something, because that's what they believe it is. That's what it HAS to be, right? It can't be anything else. It has to be damage from the disruption of a canon event. But that is NOT what that is. That deep blackness- That's damage from The Spot. You can even hear it in the music, you can hear Spot's motif. It's probably also glitching because Spot is literally becoming some multidimensional being.

BUT MIGUEL IS SO DUMB AND SO UNLIKEABLE TO ME LIKE HE COULD HAVE AVOIDED THE WHOLE CONFLICT WITH MILES IN THE FIRST PLACE IF HE DIDN'T TELL HIM HIS DAD IS GOING TO DIE!! LIKE HE SCREWED HIMSELF OVER!! Sure, maybe he figured he should know what's going to happen, just accept it and join the club, but like. MAN.

BUT WHAT GETS ME. WHAT GETS ME THE MOST. WHICH MAKES ME ROLL MY EYES HARDER THAN ANYTHING.

"I'm this dimension's one and only Spiderman. Or, at least I was. But I'm not like the others. I don't always like what I have to do. But I know I have to be the one to do it. I've given up too much to stop now."

OH BOOOHOOOOOOOOO, CRY ME A RIVER. LIKE OH MY GODD. THIS IS LITERALLY ALL THE MOST CLICHE AND GENERIC QUOTES FOR A CHARACTER OF HIS TYPE. LIKE HOW DO YOU TAKE THAT SERIOUSLYYY I'VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE. OKAY DRAMATIC EDGY MCEDGE I GET IT. I DON'T FEEL BAD FOR YOU!! I HAVE NO REASON TO!!!

I can not WAIT for Beyond The Spiderverse to have Miguel be faced with the fact he's wrong. But he can't face that. Because if he knows he's wrong, he has to face the fact that he's done all of this for nothing. And when people learn the truth, they're likely going to be a bit pissed!!

This came out a little more disorganized and incomprehensible than I wanted, but I think I expelled all my energy yelling about him and stuff in DM's on Discord, so I'm just piecing together all the pieces I left scattered LMAO

Sorry Miguel fans,,,,, you may think he's hot but I do not. This is all just my opinions and thoughts, keep that in mind!!! No hate to anyone who likes him, I know a lot of people do!! I'm just not that big a fan

anyway if anyone wants to hear more of my thoughts on Spiderverse ermmm shoot me more asks :] I enjoy talking

#SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS GOT #i've just. been so insane about this movie #and i have a like/hate relationship with Miguel #he's an interesting character and good for the story but for some reason i just really don't like him #and i can't tell if that's the point HAHAHGJ #still a good movie though. thumbs up #sock talk #spiderverse #across the spiderverse #atsv #atsv spoilers #spiderverse spoilers #across the spiderverse spoilers #spiderman: across the spiderverse spoilers

[pigeonwit]

these two seemed like your vibes: pizza place au and magic au :3

URBAN FNATASY MY BEST FRIEND URBAN FANTASY

(gonna be clear - when i hear 'magic' my brain goes 'dnd' so this is very much a 'fantasy high' style universe.)

(also jupes how long did you spend on the randomizer trying to get a good combination. i know you're a perfectionist jupes there's no way you got those right away.)

Alright, here’s where we start – it’s been about a year or two since Race bought this stupid elemental-powered oven (on a whim) and this is the third time they’ve needed the fire elementals to be replaced. It seems like every couple of months, the fire spirits die down into flickers, and it takes a whole day to cook just one pizza all the way through.

Of course, Jack would rather die than hire the Delancey’s again – every time they’re in the shop, it’s like all his hair is on end. They only ever solve the problem, never fix it, and Jack can’t prove it, but he’s certain they’re scamming them. So, he goes to look up other mechanics who specialize in magical tech, and stumbles across Jacobs Artificers. Not much information about them – their website is awful, very ‘graphic design is my passion’, and it burns Jack’s eyes to look at it – but their reviews are great, and their evaluations are free, so it sounds like a decent idea.

Enter Davey, wearing cuffed jeans, a tank-top that was probably once white but has gone permanently grey with time, and a burned, bleach-stained, poison-damaged flannel. He’s skinny, weedy, and doesn’t look like any artificer Jack’s ever seen. He’s doubtful, to say the least.

oOo

“So…” Davey as he leans over the oven. “How long have these guys been acting up?”

“Since we got it.” Jack mutters, pointedly not looking at what those ratty jeans are doing to this scrawny wannabe-mechanic’s ass. “This is third time we’ve had to replace it in a year.”

Davey pops his head out of the oven like a rabbit – there’s already soot on his face, a little smear right on his nose, and Jack refuses to find it cute.

“For an elemental oven?”

“Fuckin’ rip off, what can I say?” Race shrugs. Davey frowns, nibbles his lip between his teeth.

“They really shouldn’t be acting up so much…”

He emerges with a tiny fire-spirit resting on his palm – although ‘fire’-spirit is probably too generous a term. The elemental’s mostly smoke and ember at this point, barely any bigger than a candle – and the mechanic’s jaw drops.

“What the hell have you been feeding these things?!” He snaps, rearing towards them like a wild animal. Race takes a panicked step back, holding his hands up in a weak surrender.

“I – pizza?” He squeaks. Davey’s face goes incredulously slack.

“Pizza?” He says incredulously. “I – that’s it, pizza? Just pizza? These spirits are emaciated, they’re dying-!”

“You don’t feed elementals!” Jack tries to protest. “They’re elementals. They feed when they burn, don’t they?”

“Feed when – but – I don’t…” Davey rakes a hand through his hair, rolling his eyes heavenwards as if in prayer over the sheer stupidity of the men before him. “Okay, let’s start over here – who told you that?”

“The Delan-” Jack’s eyes widen as he says it. He trails off, his whole body going stiff and fuming, and Davey’s fury seems to calm just slightly.

“The Delancey’s?” He asks tentatively.

Race nods, still hanging his head like a kid who got scolded. Davey sighs, looking just a little bit sorry for them.

“Okay.” He sighs. “Okay, so you – yeah. I see what the problem is now. One moment.”

He raises the fire elemental to his face and whispers something Jack can’t hear. The spirit coughs a little and bounces its flame as if nodding. Davey smiles, cups his gloved hands over the little candle-flame – and his eyes glow a bright, burning blue, like the center of a welding flame, as motes of fire lick over his leather gloves.

“Jesus-!” Race shrieks, leaping backwards, but Jack pays him no mind. He’s too lost in the fire in Davey’s eyes, the slight movements of his lips, as he holds the fire spirit between his hands.

(Perhaps Jack’s a romantic, but it looks almost like prayer.)

The fire flickers away. Tentatively, Davey walks to the oven and uncups his palms – he only needs to separate them an inch when a rocket of fire shoots into the oven, bouncing off the brick walls as flames spread to its smoking, flickering brethren – and soon, the entire oven is alight with roaring elementals.

Davey closes the door behind him, waving bashfully as the fire spirits chatter at him in a language of crackling embers – Jack can hear him whispering to them, bashful little “okay, yes – oh, you’re welcome – no, I have to go now, thank you – okay, bye, buh-bye-!” – until they’re closed behind the iron door.

Davey turns to where Jack and Race gape at him.

“Okay. I cannot emphasize this enough; you did not hear this from me.”

Jack and Race glance at each other, then nod sheepishly. Davey claps his hands together like a teacher.

“The Delancey’s-” he tips his hands forward- “are con-artists.”

oOo

According to Davey, the Delancey’s have made a business for themselves by catching rogue elementals, forcing them into cheap machinery unsuited to their magic, and then selling them at a high mark-up as genuine elemental-tech. Not only that, but they’ve also made a pretty successful side-hustle of allowing the elementals they sell to fizzle out over time so that they can be re-hired to replace them – they then take the elementals they’re replacing, load them up on just enough fuel to keep them going, and then wait until the next elementals fizzle out to replace them with the exact same elementals they already took out. The elementals that Jack and Race have in their oven – supposedly the third replacement lot of elementals they’ve had so far – are the same elementals they started out with.

oOo

Jack can only cover his ears as Race all but screams in what can only be described as a pile-up of about fifteen different curses.

“Oh, those little-!” He flaps his hands, paces a few steps in one direction, then the other, then rakes a hand through his hair. “Fucking God damn it- Jack, where’s the phone? Where’s the – there-!”

Jack lurches the phone over his head as Race lunges for it. He growls behind his teeth and makes a few leaps for it, like a dog jumping for its prize.

“Jesus, what’re you gonna do, Race, sue ‘em?!”

“I’ll tell ya what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna get DOME on their asses so quick-!”

 “Defense of Magical Entities?”

They both stop their squabbling long enough to realize that oh, yes, Davey is, in fact, still here. He’s watching them both with a quirked brow, a slight smile toying at his mouth. Jack swallows.

“You’re welcome to try, but I’m not sure it’ll do much good. I have a buddy, she’s pretty high up there – according to her, every case against them gets thrown out. I’m thinking they have someone in civil court, but-”

“We didn’t hear that from you.”

Davey shoots Race a finger-gun.

“Exactly.” He winks – Jack’s stomach flips. “Look, I have an old elemental-oven in my workshop – second hand, doesn’t cost too much, and you’ll get way more efficiency from your elementals. Y’know, as long as you feed ‘em.”

Race grits his teeth as Jack cringes a little, both still a little embarrassed that they’d been apparently starving their elementals for months.

“Um…” Race mumbles into his collar. “I dunno if we can afford that and elemental replacement…”

Davey cocks his head, a mop of dark curls tumbling over his brow. Jack can feel his wrist twirling at his side, mimicking how he might move his brush to capture those little flicks and corkscrews.

“Replacement?” Davey glances towards the elementals still roaring away in their oven. “There’s nothing to replace. These guys’ll do just fine.”

oOo

They settle the payment for the new oven, and Davey sets it up for them the following day. I could not be bothered to write this, since the ask game did specify ‘snippets’ and I’ve already written far too much for that.

oOo

“Uh…” Jack coughs into his fists, scuffing the toe of his boot along the tiled floors. “You’re, uh – you’re not gonna report us to DOME, are ya?”

Davey looks up from his work and smirks, wrinkling his nose playfully.

“Thought about it.” He shrugs. “But it does seem like an honest mistake. You were working off of misinformation, after all. And besides…” He shoots a glance at the pile of kiln-dried cedar logs stacked against the wall (because Race is nothing if not consistently irresponsible with Jack’s money-). “I think you’re making up for it.”

Jack sighs, his whole body sinking in relief.

“You’re a gem.”

Davey’s grip slips on one of the pipes he’s fastening – a little flicker of fire-elemental seeps out from the gap, which he lunges to catch with a strangled yelp.

“Um – speaking of DOME!” Davey laughs awkwardly as he stuffs the elemental back into its pipe. “My friend, the one I told you about? She’s trying to build a case on the Delancey’s, something ironclad that can’t just get dismissed – you mind if I send her your way?”

“Sure.” Jack shrugs. “What’s her name?”

“Saoirse Conlon – she goes by Spot sometimes? I-If I could just get a contact number-” Davey stiffens, his whole face going suddenly red. “I – not that I – y’know, just – an address works, I’ll just give her the address-!”

Jack hands him a business card, hoping Davey won’t notice the second one he’s tucked underneath until it’s too late.

oOo

Race absolutely rags on Jack for giving the hot artificer his number, but it’s okay – Jack gets his own back when Race becomes absolutely humiliatingly head-over-ass smitten with the hot beast-master ranger.

#i got. way too invested in this. this is so long #anywhore #newsies #uksies #livesies #javid #jack kelly #davey jacobs #david jacobs #pigeon scribbles #javey #ask #rebuke-me

[zealiketea]

Okokokokoko since we are mutuals now I’m guessing that gives me perms to infodump to you about… hmm lemme spin the wheel…

The Kimona ship from Scott Pilgrim, nice.

Oookokokokok so idk I’d you’ve ever engaged with SP but the premise isn’t too too important here, hell it actually hinders the ship. But what you do need to know are the two ship candidates.

Ramona Flowers: the archetype of the “magic pixie dream girl” flipped onto its head. She’s mysterious and weird and kinda flighty. Dyes her hair every week or so, and has seven vindictive “evil exes" who she kinda had a part in making evil. She is very troubled, having a complex and unpleasant past of flings and her abandoning people and shitty decisions. Chronically runs away from what she loves, always. At the first sign of hardship she picks it up and runs, almost never looking back. It’s kinda been her thing for years.

Kim Pine: Moody punk rock girl with a heavy attitude and a facade of rage and misanthropy. Ever since high school she’s been a fairly reserved and spiky person. That is until Scott Pilgrim built up trust and a friendship with her and through his pure endearing dorkiness was able to tear down her walls and get her to be true to her feelings. Eventually he got to be with her and was essentially her first boyfriend during high school. Though it all came crashing down, as he moved away without even telling her. She only found out about his move through a mutual friend. He left without another word to her, basically leaving her in the dust. And she has never gotten over that, every time she has tried to reach out and be open the universe has essentially punished her for it. Has deep abandonment issues STILL about the whole affair, girl hasn’t gotten over it in the last 7 years.

Now these two, put together, have incredible results. I hope you can see that from what I’ve told you about them. They of course both have baggage they need to unpack together, that’s obvious, but on a deeper level their traumas simaltaniously repell and attract one another. Kim is afraid of being ran away from again and hurt again, Ramona constantly runs away from her problems and from what she loves. In order for these two to be together, Kim needs to push herself to try and reach out and love someone again and Ramona needs to keep herself from running away or else Kim will just shatter into pieces. But for some reason, their personalities just mesh so well together that it works, as Ramona is the only person Kim ever feels like she can open up to ever. During the comics Kim opens up about her deepest feelings with Ramona, in the show she’s the only one that Kim tells about her dating Scott in high school. Kim just is always open with Ramona and Ramona always validates her feelings back. God these two!! I love them so much

Also in the comics they do this which is worth noting.

I love Scott pilgrim btw 10/10 ship

#zea og #ask

[cathkaesque]

actually i would be interested in your thoughts on hierarchies and hierarchical organising. i'm a communist myself but i keep also not settling into one kind of idea about hierarchies since I do agree about non-hierarchical organising not getting work done, have heard this from some organisers i know, but also I still need to do more reading around this and we've also had discussions on this in our group, so i do want to know more if you want to talk about this. ty!

Hiya! I have a lot of thoughts about this. I've had good and bad experiences of both. I am extremely delirious at the moment so this might not make sense, but

I think you've seen my post I just made on non-heirarchical organising and I'm really not a fan of horizontalism as both a practice and an outlook. A lot of these approaches stem from a very 2000s anti-globalisation movement idea of being the change you wanted to see in the world and creating the conditions for revolution by creating microcosms of total democracy. The result is that these organisations tend to have really weird, byzantine structures that only people who are well versed in the lingo can negotiate effectively. There was also a weird fixation on not having meeting chairs in the free education campaign I was on the periphery of, and these meetings tended to be pretty chaotic. Strange things about hand signals as well. There have been big moments in the last few years where organisations using these practices have suddenly swelled in ranks and then not being able to capitalise on this. Going back to the free education movement, there was a huge mass meeting at the start of the semester at my university, I think it was in 2012, hosted by the students' union which had been partially captured by people from the free education movement. Everyone wanted to get on with talking about how to take the campaign against the fee rises forward...but first we had to come up with a structure that wouldn't involve heirarchies. The discussions were long and boring and dominated by people who were into that approach and it ended up killing the whole thing. I think this practice has lost a lot of its explicit ideological appeal since the collapse of the social movements that emerged from the 2000s. A part of that collapse can be linked to these practices.

The issue with more hierarchical organisations is that work tends to end up concentrated among a very small number of people, who then end up dominating the group and/or burning out under the workload. Only a small number of people get the experience of carrying out the tasks of organisation. My experience of the SP was of an extremely heirarchical organisation, where political perspectives and activity were very much set by the viewpoint of the centre of the party and then translated to branches via the full time party workers. There was no way for the membership to replace or remove the leadership of the party (something that became a big issue when the 50 year long general secretary Peter Taaffe starting developing dementia) and the only input they had into policy was amendments to the perspectives document, which was essentially a discussion of what we thought was going to happen the following year. The document was written entirely by the central leadership and amendments were often diluted. This structure was unable to take on new initiatives or ideas from below, and when presented with a problem that it wasn't expecting (the SP had always thought that there was no way for leftists to take over the Labour Party, and then that happened with Corbyn) it wasn't able to easily come up with new approaches that fitted with the time. Increasingly the active part of the party was really the full time apparatus, with the membership as their foot soldiers whose role was essentially to fundraise to keep said apparatus solvent.

That being said, it did provide a good source of political education. The practice of weekly lead offs (short 20 min lectures followed by discussion). I developed as an activist while in the organisation, became a competent public speaker. However, every lead off ended with a response from the speaker where they integrated the questions that were raised into the established party line. When that line fell apart, there were diminishing returns.

I also don't really think organising based on command and control systems is appropriate to neoliberal societies. I remember hearing, I think this was discussed in an account of the Hong Kong uprising, of widespread distrust of "the stage" - people did not trust or want to listen to established political organisations. The issue we have today is our culture is hyperindividualised and people (rightfully) are suspicious of those who want to exert control over them or give them orders. People's political perspectives are totally disoriented and heterogenous. A lot of these opinions are also, frankly, stupid. So any appropriate structure would have to both be able to take into account these and facilitate the construction of consensus among participants, and crucially political education and not political education in the form of wrote learned Marx Engels Lenin, memorising quotes and dogmas rather than engaging with the thought as a living methodology, and an investigation on how the world works. The focus of any political organisation should be building the political capacities of participants in the organisation.

Generally a lot of my ideas for what a good structure would look like come from Walter Citrine's ABCs of Chairmanship. An organisation is based on a membership - people who have agreed with a fundamental set of positions and agreed to contribute to the running of the organisation (i.e. paying dues on a sliding scale based on employment status). Members are organised into local branches; functionary positions in this branch should, if the organisation is small, rotated between active participants so everyone can learn how to undertake these tasks, or directly elected at a regular general meeting if the organisation is larger (i.e. 50+ members say). National policy should be set at a national conference, where branches propose motions to be debate and voted on by elected delegates. A motion is passed at a branch level . It's a very bog standard organisational approach - but I would kill for their to be a radical left organisation that was based on member democracy rather than democratic centralism or horizontal consensus.

I do feel that issues with structure are a feature of political stagnation and disorientation rather than something inherent to one approach or another. A consensus based or top down structure that is made up of people who are engaged in good work, with a good idea of what they are doing, and believe in what they're doing, will always be healthier and more dynamic than an organisation with the perfect structure which is inert.

But yeah, I'm totally delirious with covid, so this is a stream of thought, but hopefully something made sense in there.

[airyairyaucontraire]

There's a delightful tale that, while listening to JRR Tolkien read aloud from his WIP The Lord of the Rings, at one point CS Lewis lost patience and burst out, "Oh no! Not another fucking elf!"

It's true but misattributed - it was another of Tolkien's Oxford colleagues, Hugo Dyson, according to this article. I think it should be some sort of measure of fantasy fiction (if it features elves at all) - at what point does the reader reach the state of "Not another fucking elf"? Sometimes the surplus elves are merely a minor irritant, sometimes they all blur together and you can safely ignore them, but sometimes the author is so excited to introduce yet another elf they thought of that they get in the way of the plot advancing, and you go through a repeated process of thinking the new elf will be significant so you should pay attention to them and then it turns out they're not, which can be tedious and frustrating.*

Last night I finished reading Dungeon Meshi, which is overall an excellent read which I recommend (as long as you can handle some gore and grotesque imagery) and after thinking over the whole story I would say that I reached "Not another fucking elf" point with the introduction of the Canaries. It is too many fucking elves at once (I think there are only two active elves, Marcille and Thistle, before the Canaries arrive en masse) and although they each have unique character designs it turns out only one of them is actually important or interesting. Mithrun with a couple of colleagues would have been one thing, but this repeats the problem I had with Shurou (sp?) showing up with a bunch of feudal henchwomen - there isn't time or space in the story for them to be developed as characters and the things they say and do could be shared by fewer characters, in my opinion, to better effect.

And it's strange because based on the Daydream Hour extras, it looks like the author had individual affection for them and distinct personalities in mind for each (like, one of them would wear Lisa Frank hoodies and hang out in front of convenience stores at night) but in the story itself they're just sort of there.

It is kind of cool when one turns out to be a werewolf as well, but that's it.

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*in non-elf-bearing fantasy or science fiction the same thing can happen with other magical races, e.g. Steven Universe towards the end had a bad case of "Not another fucking Gem"