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sleepy-bunbun-ace · 9 months

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twst incorrect quotes but it's just my various yuu ocs (plus twst ocs). just a warning, this'll be a long one.

yume asta:

Yume Asta: Hey, Ace? Can I get some dating advice? Ace: Just because I’m with Deuce doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

Yume Asta: If Ace and I were drowning, who would you save? Deuce: You two can’t swim? Ace: It’s a hypothetical question, Deuce! who would you save? Deuce: my time and effort.

*The group is getting into the car* Yume Asta: I’m driving. Alexander Goldenheart, out of view: Shotgun! Sue Times, turning to face Alexander G: Aww! But you had it on the way here- Everyone except Alexander G: WOAH- Alexander G, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

Yume Asta: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death? Alexander G: How am I supposed to know? Sue Times: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult. Alexander G: *sighs* Alexander G: You wouldn't be trapped.

Yume Asta, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him Riddle: You did WHAT– Epel: William Snakepeare

Yume Asta: HELP! I TOLD EPEL I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK! Riddle, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

-- (don't worry, yume can cook)

Yume Asta: In my defense, I was left unsupervised. Silver: Wasn't Sebek with you? Sebek: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Yume Asta: What do you think Silver will do for a distraction? Sebek: He’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do. *Building explodes and several car alarms go off* Sebek: ... or he could do that.

Yume Asta: It’s dark in here Kalim: Don’t worry dude I got this Kalim: *Stomps their feet* Kalim: *Skechers light up*

Yume Asta: Do you have any skeletons in your closet? Kalim: You mean literally or figuratively? Yume Asta: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...

---

yume rosalia:

Yume Rosalia: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB? Cater: Bold of you to assume I was born at all. Idia: I personally was created in a lab. Ortho: I just straight up spawned lol.

Yume Rosalia: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions? Cater: Put spaghetti in it. Yume Rosalia: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you. Idia: Put spaghetti in it. Yume Rosalia: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two. Ortho: Put spaghetti in it. Yume Rosalia: I'm no longer taking suggestions.

Yume Rosalia: Yo is Malleus sleeping or dead? Leona: Hopefully dead, I hated their guts. Azul: Yeah, so did I. Malleus: Okay first of all, fuck you-

Yume Rosalia: *Gently taps table* Leona: *Taps back* Azul: What are they doing? Malleus: Morse code. Yume Rosalia: *Aggressively taps table* Leona: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

Yume Rosalia: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness. Lilia: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you. Silver: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

Yume Rosalia, to Lilia: My life is in the hands of an idiot! Lilia, motioning to themself and Silver: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

Yume Rosalia: Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted murder? Malleus: Stop romanticizing the past.

Yume Rosalia: Malleus... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor? Malleus: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned. Yume Rosalia: Yume Rosalia: I wrote sanitize, Malleus.

---

silvester hatter:

Silvester Hatter: Is stabbing someone immoral? Grim: Not if they consent to it. Ace: Depends who you’re stabbing. Deuce: YES?!?

Silvester Hatter: Grim, I'm sad. Grim: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay. Ace: Deuce, I'm sad. Deuce, nodding: mood.

Silvester Hatter: God, give me patience. Harper Pendragon (TWST!Howl): I think you mean 'give me strength'. Silvester Hatter: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.

Silvester Hatter: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are. Harper Pendragon: It’s not a joke. Harper Pendragon: *sniffles* Harper Pendragon: I’m a legit snack.

Silvester Hatter: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Riddle? Riddle: … No. Trey: I do! Silvester Hatter: I know, Trey. Trey: I’m sad! Silvester Hatter: I know, Trey.

Silvester Hatter: Riddle and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us Trey: *Sighing* What did Riddle do? Silvester Hatter: He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and... Riddle: Who wants a steering wheel?

Silvester Hatter: If you had to choose between Idia and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose? Ortho: That depends, how much money are we taking about? Idia: Ortho! Silvester Hatter: 63 cents. Ortho: I'll take the money. Idia: ORTHO!!!

Silvester Hatter: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Idia does? I mean, what if they jumped off a cliff? Ortho: If Idia were to jump off a cliff, they would’ve done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Idia jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff. Silvester Hatter: You jump off a cliff! Ortho: Gladly. Provided Idia did first.

---

yuu:

Yuu, negotiating with Jamil: We have Ruggie. Give us ten thousand dollars and they will be returned to you unharmed Ruggie: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I’m only worth ten thousand dollars? Yuu: Ruggie: MAKE IT ONE MILLION– Yuu: RUGGIE STOP

Yuu: You have to apologize to Jamil Ruggie: Fine. Ruggie: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

Yuu: We need to get through this locked door. Jack, give me your credit card. Jack: Here. Yuu, pocketing it: Thanks. Ace, kick down the door.

Yuu: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it. Jack: Yuu no. Ace: Mistlefoe. Jack: Please stop encouraging them.

Yuu: I just ended a four year relationship. Epel: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Yuu: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship. *Vil and Rook fighting from across the room*

Yuu: *Screams* Epel: *Screams louder to assert dominance* Vil: Should we do something?! Rook, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.

Yuu: Why is Riddle so sad? Jade: They took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes Yuu: And...? Jade: She got Floyd.

Yuu, about Jack: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group. Deuce: Are we stealing them? Ace: New or used? Yuu: Wonderful responses, both of you.

Yuu: How did none of you hear what I just said? Jack: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Deuce: I got distracted about halfway through. Ace: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Yuu: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me. Grim: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you? Yuu: Yes! Ace: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

Yuu: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity? Grim: *turning to Ace* How tall are you?

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spadecentral · 4 months

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💘 Things They Take | First Years x Reader

>> requested: nope >> a/n: i can't stop depicting sebek as this softy !!! sue me !!!

>> masterlist: ramshackle (misc.) >> summary: the things that they take from you in a relationship >> reader prns: they/them >> warning(s): none

Ace Trappola likes to take your pens and pencils from your desk and bag when you aren't looking.

He feels needed when you don't have a pen and ask him for one. But, he doesn't recognize at first glance you've marked your initials on all of your writing utensils. So when he hands you one of the stolen pens, you notice almost right away. He does get a little sheepish about it when you inevitably catch him, but he can't help it. It makes him feel loved.

Deuce Spade has a collection of polaroid photos that he has taken of you in his room.

He snaps photos whenever he can; whether you're hard at work studying, or you're laying next to him—asleep—in a bed of flowers. If you happen to one day discover that collection, you could tease him with it for the rest of oblivion. But even so, he won't stop and collects as many polaroids of you as he can buy.

Jack Howl takes care of your dishes if you're dining in.

He doesn't usually let you set the table and clean up from eating, and will stand in the kitchen while doing the dishes. You'll stand or sit nearby him and the two of you will talk while he takes care of the chore. If he's distracted while doing the dishes, sometimes you can help clean up whatever small crumbs are left over at the table. But make sure to get the cleaning done quickly, because otherwise he'll be sure to return the 'favor'.

Epel Felmier takes your hand to hold within his own.

He likes the warmth that radiates between your palm and his. It calms him down sometimes when he's annoyed with conforming to Vil's standards. When you squeeze his hand he enjoys it, finding comfort in the feeling of being grounded to you.

Sebek Zigvolt takes your time from you.

He knows that being a guard for Malleus means he won't be able to be around as much when he grows older. But while the both of you are still in school, and while he is allowed a little more leniency with being on time, he's with you whenever he can be. He doesn't want to be apart from you for too long and without making as many memories as he can, so he does it then, and can look back on them when he's forced to stand still next to Malleus for days on end.

#ace trappola #deuce spade #jack howl #epel felmier #sebek zigvolt #twst #twisted wonderland #ace trappola x reader #deuce spade x reader #jack howl x reader #epel felmier x reader #sebek zigvolt x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst ace #twst deuce #twst jack #twst epel #twst sebek

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agendabymooner · 8 months

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✦ 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 !!! 𝐥𝐧𝟒 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐮 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 ✦

summary: hannah-sue ‘honey’ lewis is so much like her sideman brother with the exception of the fact that she didn’t watch formula one as much as she used to back when she had her crush on mercedes driver michael schumacher in 2010.

lando norris never considered anything a miracle, but when he found out that his youtuber crush was somewhere in his party on the verge of passing out, he couldn’t help but label this unfortunate event as a work of an angel.

content warning: social anxiety, mentions of alcohol + nicotine consumption, use of explicit language, humour (possibly more mature), formula one x sidemen content (HEAVY ON FORMULA ONE THAN YOUTUBE UK), chatfic + social media post. more content warning to be added.

(SET ON 2022)

masterlist

note: lemme cook for a little 😮‍💨 i watch a lot of sidemen and the fact that they know a lot of f1 (and willne’s literally friends with lando) just gave me hopes on a crossover

⎯ 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓 (𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰)

●•●•● 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐀𝐇-𝐒𝐔𝐄 𝐋𝐄𝐖𝐈𝐒 aka honey-sue: DISASTER SISTER. youtuber (50 million views in her crossbar challenge video against her brother — who had a 71 million views on his sidemen one) known for being the less problematic and funniest counterpart of wroetoshaw. had the fattest crush on michael schumacher back when he drove for mercedes now she has her eyes on his carbon copy (only for a short while). despite being funny and foul mouthed on her videos, she can’t help but dislike socializing and attending parties.

●•●•● 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐒 ⁴: DISASTER SIMP. has had a crush on honey sue since she started doing some youtube videos in 2018 with the sidemen. he isn’t being nice to get closer — he just didn’t want her to be uncomfortable around him and his friends. he should’ve ended the party as soon as the disaster happened.

●•●•● 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐒: DISASTER PROTECTIVE MEN. all of them have collaborated with honey-sue one way or another — but mostly under the main channel of sidemen.

●•●•● 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍

𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐋𝐄𝐖𝐈𝐒 aka wroetoshaw: only a year older than honey-sue. no, he loves him not in a guernsey way. stop making those jokes about them. he only means well.

𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐉𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐍𝐉𝐈 aka ksi: has made it a mission to buy honey-sue anything she wants after she confronted him about being called a sket in the wroetoshaw diss track. doesn’t even bother to fuck around and find out with her anymore.

●•●•● 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐅 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅: british youtubers willne, theburntchip, calfreezy, beta squad, yung filly, quadrant (ria bish + max fewtrell), nella rose, harry pinero, johnny carey

●•●•● 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐀 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒: DISASTER GRID AND SEBASTIAN VETTEL (SOME HAVE DISASTER STRATEGIES). everyone are set on making the girl feel welcomed and comfortable as they found out that lando is set on winning her heart. alex albon definitely knows who she is as he found a storage box full of her merch once in lando’s bedroom. lando just hopes they don’t fuck things up for him.

⎯ 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 (𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨)

every summertime ; niki

crush ; tessa violet

striptease ; carwash

late night talking ; harry styles

pretty lips ; winehouse

honey ; samia ft. maya hawke

you don’t have to be alone ; summerdrive

she way out ; the 1975

i’m in love with you ; the 1975

when i met you ; apo hiking society

loverboy ; a-wall

leaves ; ben&ben

bad texter ; ryan woods

last friday night (tgif) ; katy perry

why can’t we be friends ; the academic

hey barbara ; iv of spades

take a chance on me ; abba

she’s so high ; tal bachman

flight ; postcard boy

fall ; ben&ben

i broke my neck when i fell for you ; remy

sunkissed ; khai dreams

4ever ; lany

maybe the night ; ben&ben

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wmuquinnfabray · 2 months

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BRING IT ON! 🏆

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CHEERIO MANDATORY TRY OUTS @wmu-hub LOCATION: WMU Auditorium TIME: 8:00am

"Good morning Coach Sue. It's good to be here. I'll get right into it so I don't waist your time, I know you need to get through the rest of the team. If you'd like my reasoning for wanting to be on the Cheerios that's pretty simple. Sure the attentions nice, and I'd be lying if I said the uniform didn't look amazing on me. But at the end of the day those are only bonuses, and I could easily give those up if necessary. The real reason I want on this team is because I want to win. And not just at some local level, no I want to take this team to the National Championships. I want to dominate, to crush anyone in our way and watch our team stand miles above the competition because we're just that good."

"I was raised to be a winner Coach Sue. The Fabray's don't just do things because we feel like it, or because we think it looks fun. An exemplary work ethic was pounded into me from a young age, and the idea of being lazy isn't something I'm capable of. We understand the need to win, we have an inner ferocity and drive that comes ingrained in our competitive nature. We've got it in spades Coach Sue. I've got it in spades."

"I've been a cheerleader since my Freshman year of High School. I lead my High School team to victory four years in a row, earning State and National Championships back to back. Just last year I was on your winning team. So hearing I was cut was quite the shock, but understanding you as a Coach I know that there's a reason. You only want the best, you want a team who is eager and willing to do whatever it takes to stay on the team. That meant there was no time to get caught up in feelings. 30 second cry session not included. No I needed to strap in and get ready to prove myself. So I'm here to show you that I have what it takes."

Without a moments hesitation Quinn turned towards the wide floor of cheer matts. What would normally be blue roll mats were the schools iconic red color. As her stark white cheer shoes stepped onto the floor the upbeat music began to fill the auditorium with a heavy beat and an enthusiastic tempo. In an instant her body was moving, the motions like second nature to her as she began to perform an amalgamation of the previous years routine combined with some of her own choreography. The motions were sharp and clean, each movement seamless as she transitioned over the floor to her starting place in the corner for her tumbling pass.

She was determined to show Coach Sue her versatility and strengths when it came to all aspects of cheer. Taking a deep breathe to calm her nerves before taking off, her feet driving off the ground as she began her tumbling pass. A front handspring, step out, round of backhand spring, step out, round off front punch, back handspring, step out, punch front, layout to double full. Her movements carried her from one corner of the large competition floor to the opposite and back again. Each new addition to the pass made it harder and harder, her moment never slowing though as she used each pass to fuel the proceeding one until with a finality she landed in her starting position.

Turning her head to the side Quinn nods towards her stunt group who had been waiting for her que like the good soldiers she'd trained them to be. They moved in a tight clean across the floor before getting into position. Another blur of tumbling as she did a back handspring landing in a hand stand within the confines of her bases. From there they did a pop through to the top where she pulled a heel stretch. Leg extended high along her body, toe pointed to the sky before she was quickly popped switching legs and immediately transitioning into a Scorpion. With an added flourish of pulling the position even higher to emphasize her flexibility she gave a wink before being tossed into the air for a double down. Her bases catching her cleanly before popping her out right as the music came to an end.

Holding stock still for a beat longer she breathes steadily through her nose. Not making any move to relax until it's clear that she has finished her routine. Another beat passed and soon her bases have exited to the hallway to await their own auditions, meanwhile Quinn moved forward to approach the front of the floor to stand at attention for the Coach. She was just about ready to ask if there was anything else Coach Sue might like to see before a thought came to her. Before she could think better of it, she spoke up. "Oh and as for the Co-Head position, I'm ready to fight for that spot. So put me in the ring Coach. I'll take on anyone for that right, even my own Sister."

#wmu hub #READY? LET'S GO!#it's kinda rambly and long so yes i'm hiding it behind a read more #strike throughs are private thoughts

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 15 days

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Michael After Midnight: "Sir Psycho Sexy" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

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For April Fool’s 2024, I decided to do a bit inspired by Todd in the Shadows called Ford Analyzes Tunes And Song Stuff, or FATASS for short (a little nod to how Todd’s moniker can be shortened to TITS). Basically people would send me a song, and I would give some wacky analysis or review of the song that was probably the opposite of my actual, genuine opinion. For example, for Nickleback’s “Photoraph,” I claimed the entire song was actually a bittersweet gay romance. It was a fun exercise in crafting absurdity from even the most mundane or stupid lyrics. But it did leave me wanting to review a song for real… and what better than one of my favorite songs of all time?

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are a band that need no introduction, but I’ll do it in case some of you out there don’t listen to good music and/or hate California: RHCP is a funk/alternative rock band formed in 1982, though they didn’t really cement their status as one of the best bands around until their release of the alt rock classic Blood Sugar Sex Magik in 1991, an album that produced the personal and powerful “Under the Bridge,” the hard rocking “Suck My Kiss,” and the all-time banger “Give It Away.” It’s a fantastic album, one of the most influential of its time, and many regard it as RHCP’s best work—including the band’s bassist, Flea. I’m certainly inclined to agree; it’s a nice middle ground between their heavily funk-influenced early work and their later more radio-friendly rock tunes. Don’t get the wrong idea here—they were, and still are, a very good band—but I think in my opinion the 90s were the decade where they really stood out from the crowd as trailblazers in the rock scene.

With that out of the way, it’s time to single out my absolute favorite song on the album to talk about: An eight minute long track titled “Sir Psycho Sexy.” With a title like that and an impressive length to match, you know you’re in for something bonkers, and I’d say the song delivers in spades; it’s a funky rap rock epic that is hornier than almost any song before or since. The rizz the titular Sir Psycho Sexy of the song displays is beyond that of any mortal man, and it is simply glorious. This song is also a song that inspired one of my Ocs—Flynn Dangerfield from the Rhine City series my wife and I are working on. If you’re unfamiliar with the character (and you shouldn’t be, the rough drafts for the story are pinned at the top of my blog), this is like if Alex Hirsch said Dipper and Mable were actually inspired by Flowers in the Attic.

If you don’t believe me, then read on as I riff on one of my favorite songs and showcase the brilliant lyrical insanity of a 90s rock band that was likely high as a kite while writing this. Also, this is your warning: These lyrics are insanely NSFW. This isn’t nearly as bad as the last song I riffed on, “Pregnant Pussy,” but it’s up there. You’ve been warned.

So this song is sort of a story, and every story has a main character. And what a character we have here; Sir Psycho Sexy is his name, and getting pussy is his game. How does one introduce such a man?

A long, long, long, long time ago Before the wind, before the snow Lived a man, lived a man I know Lived a freak of nature named Sir Psycho

Not a bad way to start things. Lead singer Anthony Kiedis really sets up Sir Psycho as some ancient, powerful force of nature, a being who has existed as long as there were babes to fuck and who is so eternal he was there before wind or snow. Mind you, this is before we get into all of his insane sexual feats and astounding prowess with the ladies, so we have the coolest guy in the universe right here. Let’s see what else there is to say about him:

Sir Psycho Sexy that is me Sometimes I find I need to scream

Oh. Ok then. So Anthony Kiedis is Sir Psycho Sexy. This is either self-insert Mary Sue fanfiction, or it’s an autobiographical tale describing things that actually happened. Let’s be super duper charitable and call it the latter. At any rate, the fact he just likes to scream sometimes is universally relatable.

Still, you may not be convinced how good the song is from this opener, as it can come off as blatant wish fulfillment fantasy. Thankfully, the second verse opens with the greatest lyrics ever written by a human hand:

Deep inside the garden of Eden Standing there with my hard on bleedin' There's a devil in my dick and some demons in my semen Good God no that would be treason

This is absolutely blasphemous, disgusting, degenerate, explicit, and one of the funniest fucking set of lyrics to ever be in a song. “There’s a devil in my dick and some demons in my semen” is not a phrase you hear every day, and it certainly won’t leave your head after you hear it. And don’t worry; things only get better from here!

Believe me Eve she gave good reason Booty looking too good not to be squeezin' Creamy beaver hotter than a fever I'm a givin' 'cause she's the receiver I won't and I don't hang up until I please her Makin' her feel like an over achiever I take it away for a minute just to tease her Then I give it back a little bit deeper

So I don’t know what could be expected, but Sir Psycho plowing the Biblical Eve is probably not the sort of thing you could imagine when first popping in to listen to this song. When you take into account his ancient nature from the first verse and the fact he’s got his boner dripping blood in Eden in the first few lines of verse two, this is really the only logical next step though. The real question here is, is Sir Psycho supposed to be Adam, or has Sir Psycho tied up Adam to watch as he busts in Eve more times than should be humanly possible? If he’s “Makin’ her feel like an over achiever,” I’ve gotta imagine he’s not stopping after round one, two, or even three. I do like the detail that Sir Psycho won’t give up until he pleases her; it’s very cool and considerate that he cares enough about his lover to ensure her satisfaction too.

I got stopped by a lady cop In my automobile She said get out and spead your legs And then she tried to cop a feel

Verse three begins with an extremely sad case of police brutality and sexual assault. Poor Sir Psycho was just driving along, minding his own business, when he’s pulled over for no crime whatsoever; the cop just wanted to fondle him. These lyrics really say a lot about our society, and the state of the police force in America when even gorgeous immortal studs aren’t safe from the pigs.

That cop she was all dressed in blue Was she pretty? Boy I'm tellin' you She stuck my butt with her big black stick I said, "What's up?" now suck my dick

Some interesting tidbits of information here: Sir Psycho enjoys being pegged, and he has a death wish. What kind of absolute madman says that to a cop that has them at his mercy? Does he really think he can turn the tab--

Like a ram getting ready to jam the lamb She whimpered just a little when she felt my hand On her crotch so very warm I could feel her getting wet through her uniform Proppin' her up on the black and white Unzipped and slipped, "Ooh, that's tight" I swatted her like no swat team can Turned a cherry pie right into jam

Are we sure this man is Anthony Kiedis and not British Prime Minister David Cameron? Cuz he sure does like fucking pigs! Sir Psycho, with his ancient pornomancy powers, takes “fuck the police” to a whole new level, completely turning around whatever situation he’d gotten himself into.

And now we get a shift in the instrumentation, and the lyrics kind of mellow out and almost feel a little romantic(at least in a 90s funk rock way):

Hello young woman that I love Pretty punk rock mama that I'm thinking of Hold me naked if you will In your arms in your legs in your pussy I'd kill To be with you, to kiss with you, I do miss you I love you Lay me down, lay me down, lay me down, lay me down Lay me down, lay me down, lay me down, lay me down Descending waves of graceful pleasure For your love there is no measure Her curves they bend with subtle splendor

This part genuinely feels so tender and, while it is extremely horny, Sir Psycho seems especially reverent of this woman, this amazing “punk rock mama.” I kind of think this segment pulls the entire song together, giving us a brief respite from the more overt sexuality and into something that genuinely sounds sweet, albeit in a decidedly horny sort of way.

Of course, we soon get back to Sir Psycho’s usual escapades in the final verse:

Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the funk will make me freak If I should die before I waked Allow me Lord to rock out naked

And after this, we get kinky before wrapping up this song and heading to an extended instrumental outro:

Bored by the ordinary time to take a trip Calling up a little girl with a bull whip Lickety split go snap, snap Girl gettin' off all in my lap The tallest tree the sweetest sap Blowin' my ass right off the map Ooh and it's nice out here I think I'll stay for a while

So full disclosure, this really, genuinely is one of my favorite songs of all time, and perhaps my favorite RHCP song. It’s so audacious, in-your-face, and unabashedly horny, and in a day and age when people seem hellbent on removing sex from art, it’s nice to go back to a simpler, sluttier time and jam out. Is the length a bit excessive? Sure, probably, but length like this is all Sir Psycho is capable of.

The song is honestly not too dissimilar from the last song I reviewed, “Pregnant Pussy” by UGK… at least in terms of audacity. Where that song was trying to be as disgusting and depraved as possible to get a reaction from the listener, essentially being the nastiest troll song you’ll ever here, this song is just very upfront with its sheer horniness. It only barely eases you in, with the opening leading right into blasphemous boasting and dick blood, and it just never stops. It slows down a bit in a couple parts, but overall it really is just an unrelenting force. The song’s length isn’t something you ever really feel, because it just goes from one dirty lyric to the next.

But I think the most important thing the song does is remind us we all have a little Sir Psycho Sexy inside us, and we all have been standing the garden of Eden with our hard on’s bleeding while there were devils in our dick and demons in our semen. Maybe the real dick devils were the friends we made along the way.

#Youtube #michael after midnight #review #song review #red hot chili peppers #RHCP #sir psycho sexy #music

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chewyjellycable · 6 months

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[Cappu-or-Treat - CW: None]

"Trick-or-treat!" Rang the excited crowd outside of the prosecutor's door.

The sound of cheerful kids and adults out and about nearly made Cappuccino slam his head into the wall next to him. This was one of his only vacation days, yet he was spending it handing out cheap candy to people in shoddy costumes bought at the last minute. Heading to the door of his rental home, he'd grab the bowl he left on a small stand- accidentally knocking over a couple of empty cappuccino cups- and open the door.

Immediately, he was met with shrill cheers from a crowd of kids that made his head hurt worse than staying up this late already did. "Yea, yea- take your candy guys!" Though bitter, he'd still try to at least force a playful form of disdain, even if it was laced with too much of the real thing. "Happy Halloween, guys! Stay out of trouble, or I'll prosecute you personally!" This fact was only half-true. At this point, Cappu feels like he could sue for emotional distress against this entire holiday. Ugh… he does not want to think about all the hoops he'd have to jump through to sue a recognized holiday.

Closing the door behind him, Cappuccino wouldn't even make it halfway across the room before getting another knock at his door. It took nearly all the strength the prosecutor had in him not to just keep walking and ignore the knocking. Though, if he did, there would just be more knocks and more annoyances. And if the parents were stupid enough, Cappu himself would be taken to court for 'unfair treatment' in handing out candy. People these days will cause legal trouble for any reason imaginable. Turning back around and opening the door with a forced smile, the people on the other side of the door would strike fear into Cappuccino. A nearly perfect trio of costumes- a highly customized card set. Queen of hearts, king of clubs, ace of spades…

Langue de Chat… being the Ace with a Jack of Diamonds in their headpiece... with their parents. "Trick-or-treat!" The three of them would chime together. "Oh, right, uh-" Cappuccino reached over and grabbed the bowl he forgot he left back where it usually was. He was absolutely not presentable. Hair greasy and knotted, attire a far cry from what he'd wear in court. Hell, he wasn't even in costume! For someone who didn't really care much about this holiday, being presented like this in front of people so important made him entirely conscious of his lack of Halloween appeal.

And yet here Langue was, probably in a costume made by their family to match the three of them. They probably got to pick the theme and materials and everything… Slept so well at night knowing how well the costume would turn out. They likely even got to pick the best area to go trick-or-treating in, getting as much candy as-… Wait. Cappuccino would wind up staring Langue in the eyes as he handed out candy. "You know this is one of the worst places to go trick-or-treating at, right…? Most people around here can barely pay their rent." Unknowingly, he handed out a second piece to Langue… or was that on purpose?

"I know that! You think I didn't research into what places gave out the most candy before we came out here?" Langue would laugh, embarrassing the prosecutor more than his appearance being seen by their parents did. "I chose to come out here to see you. Once we're done trick-or-treating, I was hoping to spend some time with you…" Even while he looks like this? "I know it's sudden, and I had to beg my parents to let me stay so late, but… it's Halloween! I'm staying up late anyways, so may as well make the most of it, huh?" May as well… ha. This defense attorney doesn't know the meaning of 'staying up late' if they seem so happy about it. Even so, with a wobbly smile, the sleep-deprived mess would wind up agreeing.

"I'll clean my place up for you. I mean, it's-" Cappu glanced between the parents that stood behind Langue- "It's already fairly clean, I just need to put away some documents and do a little dusting! I'll, uh. I'll see you later, right?" "Yes! It should be in… about two hours? Trick-or-treating for this area only lasts three hours." That long? Cappuccino didn't want to deal with kids for two whole hours… But if he was to be rewarded with time with Langue de Chat of all people, how could he refuse a challenge like that? Maybe he'll be able to scrounge together a costume in that amount of time, too. "Oh, right, I also need to give you this." The prosecutor perked up, watching as Langue ever so delicately plucked the jack of diamonds from out of their hair and handed it over to him. "We were planning on having one of my cousins trick-or-treat with us, but they got too busy, so… Tomorrow, if you'd like, you can come with us to the other place we plan on going for candy collection. We'll have your costume set up and everything." "Oh! I- sure!" Cappuccino would flush at the offer, taking the card in hand and failing to hide how flattered he was at the offer. He cleared his throat, trying to keep his cool prosecutor demeanor to prevent himself from looking more like an embarrassment in front of the guardians in front of him. It was already too late, but he could at least try to clean up some of the mess. "We can discuss this more once you're done trick-or-treating. I don't want to hold you guys up for too long."

It was surprisingly easy to get the three to move along with that sentiment. The prosecutor would sigh and turn back, closing the door and looking to the card in his hand. Should he laminate this? This felt much more special than he was making it out to be, but… Having not celebrated Halloween for years, and finally being able to with someone so important to him… No, yeah, this is going in lamination. A little 'thunk' was enough to snap the prosecutor from his thoughts. Another cappuccino cup had fallen from somewhere. It was at this moment that Cappu realized that he REALLY needed to clean the place up. He needed to clean himself up, too. As much of a chore as it would be… this place should at least look livable for visitors. Especially if that visitor is Langue de Chat. Well… Cappuccino took a deep breath, setting the candy bowl down and turning off the porch light. Time to get to a different kind of work.

#chewy write #cappuccino cookie #langue de chat cookie #cr #cookie run #cookie run ovenbreak #crob #happy halloween #hello and welcome to a late halloween writing because I wanted to make something but I couldn't get the motivation until today #capchat #if you squint

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mudinyourshoes · 3 months

Text

Favorite things about Novoland Eagle Flag so far:

-Asule. That's it that's the entire post (jk)

-The actor who plays Asule! Young teen Asule and young adult Asule are played by the same grown adult man, but I did not need to be told that Asule was a kid when we first met him. Unlike so many other drama’s where they have to remind the audience that this is a kid! Don’t forget! Even though they’re being played by an adult! I did not need that and the drama did not do it. The actor is just a that good. The actors transformation from terrified kid to a young adult growing in his confidence was MASTERFUL.

-Asule the character. The way he manages to hang on to his softness and gentleness through violence and trauma. My god. I think his bio dad and I are on the same team here and that team is: “I’ve had Asule for 5min but if anything happened to him, I’d kill everyone here and then myself.”

-Asule’s bravery. I’m a believer in the saying “you can’t be brave unless you were afraid”. Asule freezes when confronted with violence. He does this over and over again. He freezes, he tries to run. And then he puts himself between the violence and someone he wants to protect because he is incredibly brave.

-Asule relationship with his dad! The gradual shift from Asule hating his dad and wanting to kill him to trusting and loving him. Their affection for each other breaths off the screen. It hasn’t been an easy relationship and the drama does a beautiful job of conveying it in remarkably few scenes and dialogue, given the emotional depth of the relationship and how profoundly it changed over time.

-The budget. Sue me, I’m shallow. I love it when a show - especially a fantasy type show - does beautiful, sweeping world building with scenery, costumes, and sets. Lord of the Rings was the first visual media that gave me a taste of this when I was a kid and I’ve never gotten over it. Novoland is delivering in spades.

-The meet cute between our three main characters. Scrappy young man and scrappy young lady are so focused on each other and their own problems that I don’t think either of them properly noticed Asule and how AMAZINGLY he handled that entire situation. It was extremely humorous (which I always love) and I think it’s indicative of how many characters are going to treat Asule, which is to say, they are going to overlook and underestimate him because he’s mild and soft spoken.

-If you can’t tell already, I’m an Asule simp

-The way the drama quickly establishes that the three main characters come from radically different walks of life. When Asule is dreaming of home and the people he’s lost, scrappy young lady is stopped from drawing on his face because he starts crying and she says “but I haven’t even drawn anything yet!” Young lady, your drawing on his face wouldn’t even register compared to his other problems… They are worlds apart in term of life experience. Meanwhile, scrappy young man is shown to come from an impoverished and abusive home. When asked why he wants to learn to fight, he says it’s because he doesn’t want to die a “nobody”. What a contrast to Asule answer to the same question! It marks their differences and the reasons for these differences so clearly.

#novoland eagle flag

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twistmusings · 2 years

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What's a weird thing that turns them on?

CW: NSFW, mentions of (consensual) exhibitionism, knifeplay, violence (not graphic), mentions of yelling (again, not graphic), pain kink, maybe possibly(?) some mentions of Canon x Canon ships if you really squint.

Note: All characters are portrayed as being in their mid to late twenties.

Heartslabyul

Riddle Rosehearts

Competence. He loves seeing someone fully confident in what they're doing. Even better if it's something academic that they're really focused on.

Ace Trappola

Having someone show him how to do something. Especially when they stand close or guide his hands.

Deuce Spade

Someone playing with his hair or touching his neck.

Trey Clover

Being nurtured. He's normally the person who is doing the nurturing and the domesticity just does something for him.

Cater Diamond

Having someone do his grooming for him. Washing his face, helping him comb his hair, doing his makeup, etc.

Savanaclaw

Leona Kingscholar

A bit of an exhibitionist/voyeur (consensually). He likes when he can see their nipples through their shirt and might touch their thighs suggestively in public and he likes being checked out just as much, truthfully.

Ruggie Bucchi

Money. That's not a joke, hand him a wad of money all for him and he will get hard.

Jack Howl

Being pursued. He actually really likes when someone is forward with him and flirts with him a lot even if it embarrasses the hell out of him.

Octavinelle

Azul Ashengrotto

Seeing someone with their sleeves rolled up and their forearms showing. Especially if they're just doing something domestic like washing dishes or cooking. It's kind of a fucking problem because he runs a lounge.

Jade Leech

Danger. Hold a knife to his throat or threaten to punch him and he's going to be a little giddy with it.

Floyd Leech

Getting his ass kicked. He simply would like someone to beat the hell out of him. Just actually fucking destroy him. He doesn't understand what about that is so shocking.

Scarabia

Kalim Al-Asim

Feeling small and safe. If someone picks him up and can carry him-- oooh it just does something to him.

Jamil Viper

Getting a full nights sleep.

Jk, it's pain. Not severe pain, ofc, but hearing someone like hiss after a paper cut or wince when they smack their elbow turns him on. He thinks it probably means he needs therapy but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Pomfiore

Vil Schoenheit

Heels. They just make legs look good and he is a simple man who likes calves.

Rook Hunt

RPF fanfiction... but like the slow burn enemies to friends to lovers kind because he's a romantic at heart. Sometimes life would just be better if they would kiss, he thinks.

Epel Felmier

Seeing someone caked in mud or with dirt smudged on their clothes. It's just kind of cute and also makes him desperately want to maybe wrestle and roll around in the dirt a little. Sue him.

Ignihyde

Idia Shroud

Sneezing. That's not a joke, either. He thinks it's unreasonably cute, especially when they have a high-pitched sneeze. It's probably something he picked up from anime but don't play armchair psychologist with him about it, please. (Not into like... colds or illness though.)

Diasomnia

Malleus Draconia

When people touch that little scaly bit on his forehead between his horns that's usually hidden under his bangs. It's deeply soothing and makes him very comfy. And also a little turned on if the right person does it.

Silver

Waking up with his head on someone's lap and their hand petting his hair. He will kiss you, don't tempt him.

Sebek Zigvolt

Getting yelled at. Like, told off and put in his place. Most people don't go toe to toe to him so it's kind of hot when they get pissed off enough to raise their voice at him.

Lilia Vanrouge

Sitting on someone's lap. It doesn't happen often but man, when it does he's gonna be a little squirmy and very, very turned on.

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learningtosmelltheroses · 4 months

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that specific section of zendaya stans want to protect z from how the media and general public tend to reduce a woman's persona to her romantic life (which is totally valid because that sucks and i actually agree with them on that part) but at the same time will overhype every single relationship she has with other men (in this case timothee but i'm sure it will be the same thing with all the men she will collaborate with in the future) just to prove that she can exists and be her own person without tom. and to be clear, she absolutely does, and i think it's actually healthy for people in a relationship to also have close bonds with people from the opposite sex and totally believe in friendship between men and women. but that's not what irks me

what irks me is that they will go through great lengths to actually despise her romantic life - and literally nothing points to the relationship being toxic or anything - and when they're being called out, they always use the same argument : they're against making everything z related about tom. but let's just call a spade a spade : it's not actually about that but it's about them hating tom so much they can even stand that she's with him.

and they have all the rights in the world to dislike him, that's not even an issue, BUT what's soooo hypocritical of them is using the feminism/girlboss card while simultaneously freaking tf out whenever z just look into timothée's direction or used to complain when tom visited the dune set because i quote "he was disrupting timdaya hangouts and ruining the vibe". you cannot be taken seriously after that. especially when you're desperately trying to link her up with a dude who did questionable things lately. so they can start becoming honest that would make everything more simple

straight up insulting tom for xyz reasons, i'm like okay it happens to anyone in the public eye (even tho it's weird because nothing he does deserves that treatment but anyway). on the other hand, whenever they're hiding behind those fake ass takes, that's when i roll my eyes

[sorry for the rant but i had to let it go after seeing the 1929338th tweets complaining about tomdaya stans and then look at the profile and see genocide joker front and center, ooohh this is just too much 😭]

My inbox is always open to rants anon! I agree with you.

And we never make her whole career and life about her relationship. We praise and are excited for their individual projects but sue us for being happy that she's in a happy loving relationship. That she found true love after being in such crappy relationships before. Cause she's a good person and sweet and she deserves someone who loves her and treats her like a queen. And the same goes for Tom.

I learned already you can't use logic with this people cause they don't know it. They want to live in their made up world with the narratives that feed into their craziness.

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spade-riddles · 6 months

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I was thinking...that it's really not easy now for T to include K in her life suddenly after the black out..like her life is so magnified now that every little thing she does is covered by media...if they start showing up together or become friends again.. kaylor will be in focus again..and out of curiosity..so many people will try to know what the matter is...if people start getting it...it can turn out pretty bad for T...like fans can blame her for lying or manupalation for all this year's..it's a possibility i think..😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️

This situation is really sad...like for how many years they will try to hide or be secretive..though secret relationships are the best🫣😂 the thrill,the adventure..uffff!

Or we all are wrong about Kaylor all these years and we need therapy 😂 or They both need therapy for all the easter eggs and koincidences they do till this date!! What do you think Spade?!😅

#TK #Kaylor

Well I am confident that we are not wrong. ☺️

As for lying and manipulation ... for those that understand reality, it was her way of giving herself equal footing in an era that would not have given grace for her truth. Some young people may not understand that, but hopefully they will be surrounded by people who do.

Fortunately times have changed. A good example of this ... Megan Rapinoe just retired from the national team. They had a celebration for her on the field at their last game. Her family and fiance, recently retired NBA star Sue Bird, were there. Megan and Sue kissed on the lips in front of the 25,000+ fans. I was not there, but I read that the crowd cheered the loudest when Megan and Sue kissed. 🥰

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janyxbeloved · 5 months

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I'm posting my silly headcanons

Here's an introduction to my genshin au, yes it's modern but I may have interpretated a few things, first of all, it's known as Modernized magic au (Acronym: MMAu)

Next hcs: Nationalities!

To start off, Venti, Zhongli, Ei & Makoto, Nahida, Furina, Murata, Tsaritsa and other god-like characters are all disguised as humans. (Makoto lives in this au)

The Fatui is the mafia for this au.

Sandrone and Dottore are related. (Uncle and niece) (Fun fact: Dottore got arrested for physical violence because he protected Sandrone)

Alrecchino and Eula are twin sisters.

Arlecchino has Spock/elf ears.

Xiangling, Xingqiu, Xu and Yelan are all siblings! (Xu is an npc but I gave him a vision, I see them as siblings)

Xiangling and Xingqiu are twins. (You cannot convince me to change this, I looked at their splasharts.)

Klee and Albedo are biological siblings. (Sue me.)

Sayu is 11 years old but she's in the eighth grade. (She's a smart kid/naturally gifted)

If there's a school play, you can always count on YunJin to operate it and it will always go according to plan.

Freminet had no friends, not until he was approached by Dori, who said she could pair him up with compatible people.

Lyney, Lynette and Freminet were all part of a travelling circus, which meant they were homeschooled by Caesar. (If you saw or played Lyney's story quest, you'd know who Caesar is, and yes, they're all biologically related in this au.)

Layla and Collei love to tease Bennett and Razor about their relationship.

Chongyun fell first but Xingqiu fell harder.

Aloy knows that Tartaglia's real job isn't a teacher. (They're siblings for a reason)

Aloy doesn't like being thrown in the dark, so when she was young, Tartaglia would often give her the attention she needs, despite the fact she was in elementary and he was in highschool, Teucer didn't mind anyway. (I feel bad for saying this since Aloy is neglected in game as well)

Furina(Focalors) had always loved Venti(Barbatos), after he "ascended" to Celestia, she believed she could never find him again... Well, she was wrong, she did find him.

Xinyan always thought why Lyney always had a face of guilt when they discuss about falling from high places. Maybe a bad memory?

HuTao watches over Qiqi since they're both adopted by Baizhu, HuTao always makes sure that Qiqi is close by or guarded by her best friends.

Kujou Sara is infertile so she adopted Bennett and YaoYao with Arataki Itto

Tsaritsa, Sucrose, Xiangling, Bennett, Dori and Diona are the student council.

Mika is a transmasc, he transitioned when he was young.

Freminet has a spade on his face as a birthmark, like his brother and sister.

Paimon, Lumine and Aether are all siblings. (I adore it when people give the three the sibling dynamic, they share a braincell.)

Chongyun has a yandere-ish side he won't show Xingqiu.

Tighnari adopted Collei and Razor before he married Cyno. (Cyno met Nari through Nilou, so technically, Cyno is a dad-dad, not stepdad.)

Nilou is the rich aunt and she places work before love so y'all know damn well she spoils her neice and nephew. (I love aroace Nilou)

Cyno and Nilou are siblings.

Arataki Itto and Kuku Shinobu are half-siblings. (Itto is about 4-5 years older than Shinobu. Itto's mom died so his dad remarried and then Shinobu came into the world, and Itto was protective of her during their highschool years)

Gaming and Chongyun are twin brothers. (Chongyun is the introvert and Gaming is the extrovert)

#genshin modern au #mondstadt #liyue #genshin inazuma #sumeru #fontaine #natlan #snezhnaya #my au #genshin impact #modernized magic au

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quinnharperwrites · 7 months

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The Isles of Blirrosia: Chapter Four (Full)

Taglist: @anonymousfoz, @kaiarchives, @awleeofficial, and @immortaladrien

Please let me know if you want to be added!

< Previous Chapter | Next Chapter >

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Saffron could faintly hear the rustling leaves from the trees outside. How peaceful. The wind didn’t usually start blowing on this side until the evening.

Saffron snuggled her head into her pillow. If only she could stay like this forever, or even for just one day. In the background, she could hear the familiar sounds of screeching tires and the city hustle-bustle. She cracked one eye open to look at the window. The sky was getting darker, but she could still see the light of the sun. It should be set in a few hours.

Wait…what?!

She jolted up from her bed and immediately leaned over to her bedside table for her phone, only to discover its absence.

“Oh, no. Where is it, where is it?”

After groggily groping around the bed and floor for an embarrassing amount of time, she found it under her bed (she didn’t even want to think about how it got there) and checked the time.

5:54. 5:54? Already?!

A wave of guilt washed Saffron over from head to toe. There was no point in showing up to the lecture now. She had missed her emotional control class. She always did her best to make that class because she felt bad for Professor Harley; no one showed up to his class on Mondays because most of them had a conflicting class specific to their aptitude—the rest usually didn’t show up. Aura manipulation is a pretty rare aptitude, so there wasn’t a teacher to instruct her. Her parents managed to find a private tutor a couple of years back who had an aptitude that enhanced his knowledge, so he was able to help her. She sees him about once or twice a week now, as opposed to every day like she did while growing up.

This day was like a roller coaster, but at least Saffron could see that the end was soon.

Saffron clambered back onto her bed and opened the news app. She didn’t want to go to the library and work on the project, but at least she could do this to pass the time. She clicked the ‘Hero Society’ tab, and after scrolling through a few headlines, she was starting to wish that she hadn’t.

Sensation Defeats an Amateur Villain at the Rosia Central City Bank!

Ace of Spades Releases his Custom Deck of Cards!

Water Jelly Surprises a Third-Grade Class on a Field Trip!

Saffron Solis Nearly DESTROYS a Mango Nectar Billboard!

Ginger Solis Spotted With Flowers! Has she Finally Rebounded from her Break-up?

Saffron checked the last two authors, and she wasn’t surprised by the names. Amelia Roberts of the Morning Star Chronicles and Larry McCarten of the Rosia Daily Express. Two rival reporters from two of the most successful news companies in all of Blirrosia.

Ms. Roberts was known for her extreme curiosity, but the way she satisfied it was pretty nosy. She seemed to have it out for Saffron, and everyone involved knew why.

When Saffron was in middle school, she caught Amelia staking out in a car outside the school like a weirdo, probably to get some pictures, judging by the size of her camera. Don’t ask her why, but Saffron decided it would be a good idea to listen to Lai when she said to mimic the auras of a handful of her classmates and creepily surround Ms. Roberts’ car. She had been looking down at something on her phone, but Saffron knew the moment she saw the auras from her scream. After that, the prank went horribly. Ms. Roberts had jumped up and hit her head on the roof of her car before passing out. At first, Saffron was worried that it was from the impact, but she later found out it was from the shock. Saffron’s parents had to reimburse her and were surprisingly able to convince her not to sue; Saffron had been suspended for a week for using her powers without permission.

After the altercation, Saffron’s name was perpetually on the news. First, it was about the incident. But after Ms. Roberts returned to her job, she would watch like a hawk for any time Saffron screwed up, then blow it out of proportion. Saffron had no clue how she still had her job, but by now, she’s learned to deal with it.

Larry McCarten on the other hand? He was a real piece of work. Despite the denials, he was a prominent member of the Anti-Hero Movement. Saffron thought that it couldn’t get much worse than Amelia Roberts, but for the past two or three years, Mr. McCarten proved her wrong. If Ms. Roberts was nosy, Larry McCarten was downright invasive. He was close to crossing the line to stalker behavior. He was constantly writing about scandals—most of them untrue. But Saffron hated him for personal reasons.

She was about to skim through the article written about her when she received a call. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw her best friend's caller ID pop up on her screen.

“Hey! How was your class?”

“I didn’t go.”

“Wha–? But you never miss class. We need to attend as many as we can so we can be the best! What happened?”

She let out a shaky breath. “Lai, you won’t even believe what happened today.”

Saffron doesn’t know why, but she never told Lai about the elevator.

They had to have been on the phone for at least an hour, maybe two; there were so many opportunities to say something, anything! But she chose to keep quiet.

The sun was barely peeking above the horizon at this point—hues of orange, pink, and purple perfused with the darkening blue sky. After Saffron ended the call, she decided to walk to Lizzie’s Twilight Diner, the best place to indulge in spicy, crispy chicken, fried calamari, and a strawberry milkshake. Just thinking about it made her mouth water.

As she was walking to the diner, Saffron had the familiar feeling of being watched. Her pale pink skin and gray birthmarks suddenly stuck out like a sore thumb. Seven, thin, gray rings appeared on her neck when she was thirteen years old—the press had gone crazy for a week or two, claiming that she had entered her rebellious stage. The point was, Saffron wasn’t exactly difficult to recognize. She was used to this; she had to be. This was her life–full of lingering looks and stares. She should be used to it by now.

So why…why was it so unnerving all of a sudden? This isn’t like her at all; this isn’t right. She was never this off guard. First the elevator incident, then more flowers, and now this? Today was a day full of disappointments, that’s for sure.

Before she knew it, she was in front of the diner. The white walls were grayed from age, but the red, orange, and yellow accents on the awnings and door made it appealing. The fluorescent sign with the name of the store flickered and a few letters didn’t light up at all, but it wasn’t creepy. The exterior was very inviting.

As Saffron pushed the door open, a bright bell signaled her arrival.

“Welcome!” A middle-aged woman called out as she was wiping a counter. She was wearing a floral shirt and a red apron.

“Good evening, Mrs. Lizzie,” Saffron responded, “how’s business?”

The woman looked up at her voice, eyes glowing. “Why, if it isn’t my pinkest customer! Everything’s dandy, just dandy! How’re you doing, love bud?”

Saffron couldn’t help but curve her lips at the familiarity. Everything had been so…different.

“I’m doing great, Mrs. Lizzie!”

“Don’t just stand there,” she scuttled behind Saffron and began to push her towards the front counter, “Have you eaten yet? Sit! Sit! Order something!”

Saffron smiled as she swung her feet on the swiveling barstool, teeming with excitement and nostalgia. She couldn’t remember the last time she indulged in fast food, but during middle and high school, she loved to secretly try different places—it was by luck that she stumbled upon this place, but oh it was so worth it. She tried not to eat so much (after all, a full stomach could slow her down while she was flying) but she couldn’t resist this diner.

“Are you eating well? Every time I see you, you look thinner. Here,” she slid over a menu.

Saffron gazed over the old letters behind the lamination. She licked her lips as she wondered what to ask for.

She was going to order the fried chicken for sure and the calamari was always a must; however, she was still debating on if she should get red velvet cheesecake or a strawberry milkshake. But eventually, she decided on the cheesecake because she had never had that flavor before, so she told Mrs. Lizzie her order.

“Coming right up, dear! But here,” she said as she placed a platter of ribs covered a dark red sauce, “Try these for me,” she asked.

Saffron’s mouth watered as she stared at the plate—they looked delicious, but she knew that adding this to her meal was crossing the line. Saffron would feel way too guilty eating all of this.

“Sorry, Mrs. Lizzie, but I don’t think I can finish all of this. Maybe just one or two…”

“Nonsense!” she replied. “You have one of the biggest appetites that I’ve ever seen! And when was the last time you ate something that wasn’t a salad or ice cubes?” she asked. After waiting a moment, she continued. “I can tell by your face that your answer won’t satisfy me. Eat!” As she walked back to the kitchen, Saffron could hear her mutter about how much these new generations loved to starve themselves as she stared at the plate of ribs in front of her.

She needed to build good habits for when she became a hero: after all, one bite of food could weigh her down when she was flying or running—that could cost a life. But on the other had, she was only a student, so maybe a break wouldn’t be such a bad thing, especially if she was benefiting Mrs. Lizzie. After every thing she did for Saffron, it was the least she could do in return.

This was officially one of the worst days of her entire life.

The food looked so good, but after taking a few bites of one of the ribs, she was starting to feel very nauseous. And now that all her food was staring back at her, she couldn’t help but notice how unhealthily greasy it looked. Just smelling the hot oil wafting off the chicken and calamari made her head hurt. The cheesecake looked so good in the picture, but the only thing she could eat were the berries; she tried the frosting and almost puked right then and there.

“Mrs. Lizzie, it’s getting kind of late and I have to get back to the dorms. Could you help me pack these things to go?”

“Why, of course, dear!” she responded, getting to-go boxes from a rack. “Be safe—I don’t care if you’re aptitude is Level 89 or whatever. And don’t forget to come back soon!”

As she stepped back onto the street, the pungent odor of oil, ulfur and carbon overwhelmed her all at once. A scarlet haze tightly enveloped her head as she was forced to rely on muscle memory to take her to the dorm.

She didn’t remember tripping on the way back.

She didn’t remember dropping the food somewhere along the way.

She didn’t remember entering her building.

She definitely remember how she couldn’t focus on anything other than how the stairwell smelled like bitter alcohol and smoke. Saffron couldn’t handle it, so she turned back to the courtyard and fell on the grass.

It wasn’t perfect, but the earthy smell cleared the haze and her mind.

Saffron felt like the same question repeated in her head over and over again today, but what in the world was going on?

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #writing #writerscommunity #writing community #writers #writblr #writers of tumblr #boost #fiction writing #on writing #creative writing #am writing #wip: isles of blirrosia #the isles of blirrosia #isles of blirrosia #IoB

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dilebe06 · 5 months

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BACK FROM THE BRINK

Altro giro, altra corsa, altro drama.

Devo dire che avevo messo in lista questa serie solo perché avevo beccato qualche immagine divertente che mi avevano fatto pensare che la serie fosse non troppo pesante. Che potesse essere leggero e divertente.

E così - almeno per la prima parte della serie - è stato.

Prima di tutto la trama:

Dopo il tradimento della sua amante, l'antico drago Tian Yao si ritrovò gravemente ferito e con il cuore spezzato. La donna che amava lo tradì smembrandolo, spogliandolo delle sue scaglie di drago e poi sigillando le sue parti del corpo in cinque punti. Solo la sua anima è scappata. Ora rinato, Tian Yao incontra Yan Hui, che giura di proteggerlo mentre recuperano assieme le sue parti mancanti. Lungo il viaggio, Tian Yao trova una parte del suo corpo e scopre anche che Yan Hui possiede la sua scaglia di drago e che quindi può rompere il sigillo che blocca le sue parti del corpo nascoste per il mondo. Tian Yao allora, usa Yan Hui per recuperare le parti del suo corpo rubate. La ragazza terrorizzata, pianifica la sua fuga solo per fallire e scoprire che la loro relazione si approfondisce durante il tempo passato assieme. Tian Yao ammira i ripetuti sforzi di Yan Hui per salvarlo, mentre Yan Hui apprezza il forte legame che hanno creato. I misteri abbonderanno man mano che Yan Hui scoprirà la sua vera origine.

(L'ultima frase la metto in grassetto perché sta roba dell'origine è una cazzata. Non solo non si scopre NULLA della sua origine ma ai fini della trama manco importa. Per dire.)

Dunque: la trama è interessante. C'è un drago innamorato che è stato tradito e ammazzato malissimo. C'è una donzella che trova il drago dopo anni ed formano una coppia che evolve tra alti e bassi. C'è un corpo da recuperare e tante altre cose...

Ammetto che ho iniziato questa serie perché ero curiosa di vedere come avrebbero gestito la parte di Tian Yao che usa Yan Hui: i personaggi grigi e ambigui saranno sempre la mia passione a quanto pare!

Ma prima di parlare dei personaggi, tornando alla trama, essa di evolve lungo la strada e verso la fine parlerà di tutt'altro. E' una storia epica, piena di personaggi e di tecniche magiche. E' una storia che riprende da un libro che, a quanto ho capito, mai e poi mai leggerò poiché col caiser che verrà mai tradotto in italiano!

Ma nonostante questo, la trama mi è piaciuto ed ho veramente annusato l'odore dell'epicità.

Ci stanno tutte le cose care ai drama wuxia: i temi del bianco e nero, cultori, tecniche proibite, oggetti con funzioni strane, roba con nomi lunghissimi... il solito insomma. Ma soprattutto ci stanno cose magiche che non spiegano mai, tecniche che certe volte funzionano e certe no, artefatti che vengono trovati ad minchiam... la cosa che mi fa sempre tagliare in queste serie, quando si parla della magia, è come i personaggi enuncino cose magiche, strumenti ecc ecc con una nonchalance e sicurezza come se anche lo spettatore sapesse di cosa stiano parlando. Cosa che non è vera!

" adesso useremo La Tecnica della Tigre Bianca per bloccare l'Energia Oscura dell'Elogio Spettrale, grazie al Sigillo Delle Nove Spade ecc ecc..."

Io comunque gli do ragione e accetto qualsiasi cosa per partito preso ma ammetto che metà cose di come funzioni la magia, me le sono perse.

Detto questo comunque, il problema più grave per me è stata la scenografia, fotografia e CGI che ho trovato barbinissime, davvero di bassa qualità. Ad esempio, la foresta dove i nostri sovente si recavano: gli alberi, i sassi e tutta l'ambientazione sembravano dei cartonati da recita di paese. Anche nel finale quando il male ormai corre lungo tutto il mondo, il "mondo" era costituito da 10 persone, forse 20 a stare larghe.

E' difficile farmi sentire la tensione, l'epicità del mondo in pericolo quando su schermo ci sono 4 tizi scarsi.

Di buono però c'è anche la storia è si epica, ma anche molto divertente. Soprattutto inizialmente: Yan Hui è spettacolare, divertente e tosta ed insieme a Tian Yao creano dei siparietti molto spassosi.

Veniamo ora ai personaggi. Ho adorato la protagonista Yan Hui sia come recitazione sia come caratterizzazione. Solare, entusiasta, avida, leale ma anche umana quando scappa da Tian Yao dopo quello che le ha fatto o quando quasi cede al lato oscuro. Zhou Ye tratteggia una protagonista forte e comica ma che sa anche commuoversi e far commuovere, rendendo Yan Hui realistica e credibile.

Al pari della lead, anche Bai Xiao Sheng - il second per intenderci - è meraviglioso. All'inizio grigio e sospetto piano piano s'affezionerà ai protagonisti, soprattutto a Yan Hui e mi regalerà una terribile sindrome da second lead che difficilmente andrà via. Ho infatti trovato l'innamoramento di Bai per la protagonista molto semplice ma funzionale e logico: quando tutti lo avevano abbandonato, Yan Hui è stata l'unica che è andata a cercarlo, mostrando di tenere a lui.

Inoltre Bai è interpretato da Riley Wang , attore bravissimo che regge lo schermo come pochi. Fluido, naturale, con una recitazione credile e vera che rende Bai quasi un personaggio in carne ed ossa.

Chi invece non ha questa grazia è Tian Yao. Se è vero che inizialmente il nostro protagonista usa Yan Hui per riprendersi il corpo, successivamente ritorna ad essere un esempio di santità e bontà. Chiesto scusa per il brutto comportamento verso la sua amata, Tian mostra tutta la sua virtù facendo sempre la cosa giusta, combattendo il male e colando miele di romanticismo pure dagli occhi.

Oltre a ciò, Neo Hou non mi ha convinto per niente. Ha reso Tian Yan troppo rigido e statico. Un pezzo di marmo. Bello sì. Ma ancora immobile come la pietra. E ho capito che impersonava un essere sovrannaturale e al di sopra di tutti i mortali e immortali ma la grazia e eleganza che doveva mostrare era davvero troppo asettica.

Veniamo poi alla storia d'amore. Come sempre, avendo il cuore in pietra lavica soprattutto per le storie che diventano facilmente melense, ad una certa ho skippato tutte le loro scene d'amore: alla quinquesima immagina di loro due che si professavano eterno amore, il mio cuore non ce l'ha fatta ed ho premuto "avanti 10 secondi" più volte.

Chiariamoci... la storia d'amore non ha nulla che non va. E' che tra la recitazione poco convincente del lead, il ti lascio e ti ripiglio ,ma ti amo e sposiamoci ,ma no, ma sì dai! la storia che andava avanti ed io che invece volevo sapere cosa era successo a Bai, ho davvero messo poco impegno nel seguire la vicenda amorosa.

Mi sono invece piaciute le altre coppie, come quella di Xian Ge e Feng Qian Shuo: ad esempio: una coppia semplice e normale che si faceva forza uno con l'altro. Lui poi innamoratissimo! Mi portava in scena sempre feels amorosi. <3

Altra cosa per me negativa è stata la resa delle relazioni, soprattutto quelle del lead. Alla notizia che il suo vecchio amico è in realtà il braccio destro del nemico, Tian Yan non dice bau. Niente. Nada. Manco in confronto, un conflitto, un espressione di dolore per il tradimento. Niente.

Oppure: Tian Yao è stato tradito, ammazzato e fatto a pezzi dalla sua presunta futura moglie. Presumo che lui l'abbia amata prima di questo, visto che l'ha chiesta in moglie. E per tutto il drama questa relazione d'amore non verrò mai affrontata. Mai. Anche quando i due si incontrano e scontrano non c'è un richiamo romantico alla loro vita assieme.

I personaggi parlano con Tian ma non c'è davvero una relazione amichevole e intima tra loro, rendendo tutto molto asettico tipo lista della spesa.

Detto questo, Back From the Brink non è stato male. Si vede l'impegno messo dagli autori nel creare la storia e tratteggiare i personaggi con il consueto " bianco e nero style alla the Untamed" con alcuni di loro che svettano come recitazione e caratterizzazione. Altri... svettano meno. Ma che sia il lead ha farlo è più grave secondo me.

Peccato per l'ambientazione e gli effetti speciali così come certe cose che sembrano state tirate via e raffazzonate, cosa che un drama "epico" serio non dovrebbe mai fare.

VOTO: 7.6

#back from the brink #cdrama #chinese drama #tian yao #yan hui #bai xiao sheng

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funky-sea-cryptid · 5 months

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basic information:

name: aelf [redacted]

age: UNKNOWN

birthday: march 16th

blood type: UNKNOWN

magic type: beast

current location: heart kingdom

occupation: heart kingdom defector, mage defense force

height: 1.8 meters (6')

background:

aelf is a very distant descendant of the daughter of tetia and licht. her family broke off from elysia a long time ago, and she was raised as an anarchist against any form of government whatsoever. she left home fairly early, and ended up doing a lot of self-discovery. the peace and prosperity of the heart kingdom just didn't appeal to her all that much, and she began to wander through grand neutral zones. the years she spent in the grand neutral zones helped her perfect her magic, as well as helped her increase the size of her grimoire.

when aelf was in the neutral zones, she met sue seafarth when spade began invading those zones. aelf roundly beat sue's ass, and ended up joining the spade forces to seek entertainment and a challenge. sue and aelf eventually began a relationship, and got married while within the defense force. after the tree of qliploth advent ritual, aelf and sue snuck back over the border to heart to live outside of spade's purview, as queen ciel wasn't a huge fan of those willingly working for the zogratis regieme.

#aelf #spadegays #black clover #bc oc #oc profile #she's deer themed guys

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nyxnightshade1332 · 7 months

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Expectations When Expecting (Prologue)

Chapter 11

Chapter 12:

Yuu arrived in time to see Ace running away from an increasingly pissed off cat. It would have been comical, had she not experienced first hand exactly how destructive the two were when fighting.

"No way are you gettin' out of this! You think I WANNA wash windows?" Grim spat, his dark gray fur bristling.

Ace rushed past her before promptly shoving some poor student to the side. "Outta my way!" He yelled, attempting to make a beeline for the mirrors.

"Hey! What gives?!" Cried the dark haired boy from the floor. Yuu quickly made her way to him, offering her hand to help him up.

"I'm so so sorry about those two..." She stated, tears of frustration suddenly threatening to pool in her eyes. Dammit. "I don't mean to be a bother, but... Please help us stop him!" She pleaded.

The boy seemed surprised at what she was asking of him, but did not question it much.

"You want me to cast a spell to stop him?" He asked, pausing to think. "Like, freeze his legs? Or bind them with a rope?" He suggested. "...Maybe I could... Hmm... No..." He muttered.

"I don't care how! Just do something! Anything!" Grim hissed urgently.

The boy, thankfully sensing the urgency, cried out. "Anything?! Anything, huh..." His blue eyes widened in realization before he nodded with newfound resolve.

"All right! Here goes anything!" He lifted a pen topped with a shining red stone. It sparkled beautifully in the lights of the hall of mirrors. "I summon thee... something heavy!" He called out, casting at a space directly above Ace.

As quickly as the boy had called it, a large, obsidian pot materialized out of thin air and was sent crashing down on the running body of Ace. The loud CLANG! It made as it landed was enough to snap her out of her daze, enough to hear the pained groans from the victim, and Grim's hysterical cackling.

"Look, Yuu, look! That Ace guy got crushed beneath a giant cauldron! It squashed him flat!" He pointed out, a mocking tone directed at the flattened ginger. "That's what you get!"

Yuu blinked once, then twice, completely silent.

"A cauldron?! I wasn't expecting that. I may have overdone it this time..." She heard the helper boy from beside her murmur.

"Yeah, just a bit." Her voice was squeaky from the shock. She looked over to Ace, who let out another groan of pain before squirming beneath the cauldron.

"What are you bothering me for? You guys coulda just banged out the work yourself!" He groaned, struggling.

The Lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bish- She snapped herself out of the shock, storming up to Ace's form.

"What the hell?! There's no 'banging out' a hundred windows!" She growled, eyes narrowed.

"You have to wash a hundred windows as punishment? What the heck did you do?!" Helper boy yelped from behind her.

"I was just screwing with that furball a little." Ace stated, dragging himself out from beneath the cauldron. "... and the statue of the Queen of Hearts got a teeny bit charred. Sue me."

"You did what?! You damaged a statue of the Great Seven?! No wonder he flew off the handle at you!" The dark haired boy remarked.

"You know damn well that it wasn't just 'a little'.'" She glared. "You also launched me across the damned courtyard!"

Her statement made the student's eyes widen. "Dude, what the heck?! After you managed to get into THIS school, how could you get in trouble on the very first day?!" He yelped, sending Ace a semi-accusatory look.

"Oh, shut up. Who are you, anyway?" Ace grumbled, returning the look with a glare.

The student straightened his posture, taking on more of a military-style pose. "My name is Deuce. Deuce Spade." He announced before relaxing his posture. "Don't you remember your own classmate? Uh..." He seemed to blank on Ace's name.

"You don't remember my name either, do you?" Ace smirked.

"That's not the point! You shouldn't try to shirk an order from the headmage!" Deuce explained, dismissing his previous blunder.

"Yeah, yeah, message received... Fine, let's bang out the windows already." Ace straightened his tie, and cuffs before stopping, noticing something.

Grim sure has been quiet... Oh."Don't tell me..." She grumbled, turning to look at the spot where the little furball was meant to be standing.

"The furball! He's gone!" Ace yelped. There was a loud, familiar cocky laugh that echoed from the halls.

"I'll let you two handle the rest! See ya, suckers!" Yuu felt anger swell in her chest like a hot air balloon.

"Gosh darn it Grim!" She growled. "You are so DEAD once I get my hands on you!"

"You caught me so YOU could run away yourself?!" Ace snarled, snapping his neck to look at Deuce.

"Hey! You there! Uh... Juice?" He hesitated.

"My name isn't 'Juice'. It's Deuce! With a D!" He retorted, glaring at Ace.

"This is partially your responsibility, you know! So help me catch that little furball!"

"How is this my responsibility?!"

The two bickered for a moment, Yuu's eyes welling with tears rapidly. She ignored them, opting to start running before she broke down in front of them. She refused to cry in front of them.

"Ugh! You know what?! I'm going to get his stupid ass!" She yelled, turning on her heel and taking off.

Please, my baby, please be okay. I know things are stressful... but I'll do my best... I'll keep you safe.

She felt the tears of frustration, fear, and grief pour down her cheeks as she ran, her vision quickly blurring. Soon enough, she'd lost vision of the boys and the cat monster. Why is everything collapsing so suddenly?! Her mind wailed, making her heart pound painfully. She ran blindly, unsure of where she'd directed herself.

It didn't take long before Yuu collided with a very strong figure.

"Oh! Est-ce que ça va?" The voice itself was deep and over the top, however it seemed genuine enough to her.

"I'm sorry." She attempted to clear her vision, feeling a careful hand guide her to sit.

"Are you alright?" The voice repeated, heavily accented.

"... Kind of? I don't know." She responded. "First, I end up here. Now, I've lost my stupid runaway cat." She rubbed her eyes, keeping her vision downcast."

"Oh! Non!" She heard the person cry. She saw tan hiking boots stop in front of her before the nice man kneeled. A gloved hand offering her a purple cloth, a handkerchief. "Use this!"

"O-oh. Thank you..." She responded, awkwardly taking the purple handkerchief. She felt bad at the idea of using it, so she clung to it, attempting to ground herself.

Surprisingly, not long after, the man in front of her did something completely strange. He lay down at her feet, facing her.

His face had nearly perfect skin (the kind that Yuu could only dream of having), perfect makeup, curious emerald eyes, and the smoothest looking bob she'd ever seen in her life. She floundered, her eyes wide in surprise.

"Bonjour." He gave her a playful smile, making her yelp and scramble backward. She heard his deep chuckle as he shot back up.

"I am Rook Hunt!" He gave a theatrical bow as soon as he was on his feet. "Enchanté!"

Yuu blinked. "Wow. Um... Nice to meet you too? My name is Yuu." She introduced herself, shaking off the strangeness of the meeting.

"Beauté! Your name is beautiful, monsieur!" She felt herself smile at his cheerful tomfoolery, picking up his handkerchief and placing it into her pocket.

"Hehe. Thank you." She offered him a tentative smile before her memory returned. "Oh shoot!" She cried, shooting to her feet, ignoring the dizzying feeling. "I have to find Grim!"

The young man took her side in an instant, noting her dizziness and helping her steady herself. "J'aiderai. I will help!" He offered. "May I ask what your 'Grim' looks like?"

She paused, considering his help for a moment. "He looks like an ordinary cat with dark gray fur and a white patch. He's got a forked tail and brilliant blue eyes. You'd be able to tell him apart from most because of his fiery ears." She informed Rook urgently.

His emerald eyes met hers and he gave her a nod. "Oui! Let us embark on a quest to find Monsieur Grim!"

Chapter 13

#disney twst #twisted wonderland #twst #twst fanfic #nyx nightshade #preg!mc #twst oc #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland prologue #twst rook

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