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(Tony is trying to get Peter out of the house after he gets injured)

Peter: I don’t want to go out there.
Tony: What? Don’t be silly. Of course you do.
Peter: I look stupid! People will stare.
Tony: Enjoy the attention, kid. Not everyone’s lucky enough to look stupid. I for one am cursed to look incredibly attractive…

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Morgan: ...Dad, didn't they invent Christmas tree lots so people don't have to drive way out to nowhere and waste a whole Saturday?
Tony: They invented 'em, Morgan, because people forgot how to have a fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. They're satisfied with scrawny, dead, overpriced trees with no special meaning.
Peter(while walking): My toes are numb...
Tony: ...This is what our forefathers did...
Peter: I can't feel my legs..!
Tony: ...They walked out into the woods, picked out that special tree, and they cut it down with their bare hands.
Peter: ...Pepper, I can't feel my hips!
Pepper: Tony?
Tony: Yes, honey?
Pepper: Peter's frozen from the waist down.
Tony: It's all part of the experience, honey...
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For those who haven’t realize it yet the story is set in the early 1990s
and for those who haven’t read the previous once check out the tag #single dad au

ENJOY READING!

************

They were eating what Rhodey brought for them while he was on the way to Tony’s apartment. Tony made a mini banshee screech before lounging to hug his best friend when he saw that Rhodey had brought him coffee. Rhodey really knows what Tony needs every time.

Suddenly a loud wail pierced both Tony and Rhodey’s ears making Rhodey choke a bit with his McMuffin. Rhodey smacked his chest while coughing out the squishy bit he choked on while Tony jumped out of his seat.

Tony scrambled towards the room to see his baby bawling out. He took him in his arms just to realize why his baby was having a fit. A smelly revelation.

“Uh….. Honeybear, I think we need to change the little guy” Tony scrunched his nose hoping the smell wouldn’t shove up to his nose.

“What do you mean ‘We’?” Rhodey was leaning by the door not daring to go anywhere near the crying baby. “I’m not his Dad. I ain’t going anywhere near the little guy and his bomb filled diaper” scrunching his face in disgust.

Keep reading

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Tony:…All those years that I prayed, that I begged on my hands and knees for God to make me more, give me more…make me better, make me stronger, make me saner, make all my dreams come true…I finally got an answer.

Peter: What?

Tony:…You. Right there in one person. All I’d ever wanted to be or do. And there you are.

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(Wade and Peter have a fight and Tony wants to help fix things between them)

Steve:…We are not getting involved! Stay out of it!

Tony(stares long and hard at Steve):…What do you want for lunch?

Steve(nervous):…Something that was prepared, cooked, packaged, and sealed at a separate location.

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(”Infinity War”- Peter/Spider-Man gets knocked to the ground by one of Thanos’s henchmen. Quill and Tony(in his Iron Man suit) rush over to him)

Tony(to Quill):…Is he breathing?

Quill: Yeah.

Tony: So he’s just unconscious then?

Quill: I think he’s gonna be OK, but it looks like it, yeah.

Tony: Good, then he won’t be able to hear this…

(Tony turns to the henchman who knocked Peter out and immediately starts beating on him and letting out a flurry of curse words while doing so)

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Tony:”…Pepper’s pregnant. We’re having a baby.”

Rhodey: “Dibs on Godfather….and Uncle Rhodey.”

Tony: “Who else would the kid call Uncle Rhodey…?!”

Tony: “I’m just sayin’, I know how you are with nicknames…and the only one I want that kid to have for me is ‘Uncle Rhodey’.”

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(seven months later, in the delivery room)

Doctor: “…It’s a boy!”

Tony: “Hello Peter…”

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(five years later)

Tony: “Are you making Daddy look nice for his photo shoot?”

Peter: “Yes, Daddy…but you looked better with the beard.”

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Tony: “…Say, Mrs. Stark, when the last time we had a proper date night?”

Peter: “MOMMY! DADDY! THERE’S A SCARY GOBLIN UNDER MY BED!”

Tony: “To be continued…”

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