How would you feel about a part 2 to "The Suit Stays on" where she figures out its Peter she's been hooking up with?
The Suit Stay's On
Word Count: 5.3k
Warnings: oral sex (reader receiving), unprotected sex, praising, swearing, fluff, angst, etc
Summary: After the rough sex Spiderman put you through, you are determined to figure out who the man behind the mask is.
Notes: Peter Parker x Female Reader
All characters in this story are 18+
After so many requests, I've finally finished writing this fucking story! It's a literal whirl-wind, but I'm so happy for you guys to finally read it. Thank you all for the love and support, and I hope you enjoy reading part two. :)
Read part one, here.
The aftermath of the mind-blowing sex in which you and Spiderman had, left you in unimaginable pain.
Your organs felt as though they were about to burst within you, your legs were incapable of walking, and your body was shaking uncontrollably.
Although he left you in a state of vulnerability, you couldn't help but allow yourself to fall even more in love with the masked superhero.
He lived up to your expectations, maybe even gave you more than what you expected from him.
Peter, on the other hand, was very much impressed by how you were able to take all of him, multiple times in one night.
But another part of Peter, the part that wasn't conflicted by the character he portrayed when becoming Spiderman, couldn't help but feel a bit remorseful about the pain that he left the body that he so greatly admired in.
He was a little concerned with how quick you were to fall asleep, how limp your body looked. But he could still sense your heartbeat and was relieved to discover that it was stable.
He left you a bottle of water and some ibuprofen at your bedside, along with a note that read
"Had fun princess. Rest up and take care of yourself. Hope to see you soon again."
Eyes fluttering as the early morning sunlight beamed on your face, golden rays covered your room as it chased away shadows lingering around.
Sitting up, you wince as you feel the tense pain in your lower body. Legs can barely move as you try to stretch, groans escaping your mouth.
Your sore muscles just reminded you of what happened last night. It was one of the things Spiderman left for you so he could be a constant reminder that lived in your brain.
The other was what he left on your bedside table.
Your heart fluttered to see what he had left you. A smile stained your lips when you saw the note he left as well.
Eyes scanning the note as you read it. Oddly, the writing looked familiar.
The way he wrote the ‘P’ made your stomach churn.
Where have I seen this handwriting before?
You tried to piece it together, remembering all the places you saw people write in front of you, trying to figure out who wrote like this.
“Fuck… WHO WROTE THIS?!” You scream, frustration washing over you.
After a while, you gave up. You kept the note, wanting to analyze it later. You took three ibuprofens and drank all your water, soon falling back to sleep.
Managing to lie to Tony Stark was easier than expected. Just a quick phone call and you were able to get two days off from work.
Although you had to go back tomorrow, you’ve spent the last few days taking warm baths, popping ibuprofen, and analyzing the note Spiderman left.
You’ve come up with plenty of theories to make your case, but none have made any sense.
The only thing was how familiar he seemed.
His kindness, generosity, and appreciation all held a special place in your heart. It was a place in which you cherished, a place where you were able to fixate on the idea of who the man behind the mask was.
Whoever he was, you were determined to find out.
Eating dinner while sitting in bed and watching your favorite television show was something that you happily enjoyed.
Well, partly enjoyed it. The bed was now leaning sideways thanks to how hard Spiderman fucked you.
As you were taking a bite out of your food, you heard knocks coming from your balcony door.
Heart pounding as you flipped around, wondering what made that loud sound.
You nearly dropped your plate when you saw spiderman himself, standing outside, waving at you.
Plate clattering on your nightstand as you immediately got out from bed, wobbling over to open the glass door.
“Spidy? What- what are you doing here?”
“Came to check up on my secret admirer. Although, I don’t think it’s a secret anymore since I’m sure everyone in the building heard how loud I made you scream on Saturday.”
Your eyes widened before you let out a laugh, admiring his cocky-ness.
“Yeah… I’m sure we traumatized some of them.”
He chuckled, leaning against the doorframe.
“How are you, princess? I hope I didn’t immobilize you for the first couple of days.”
“Oh, you did. I’m eating ibuprofens like candy right now.”
“Sorry… sometimes my super strength has its downsides.”
“It’s alright. It’s not like I didn’t enjoy it… we both know that.” You spoke with a smile at the end.
“Well, I’m glad to see you still alive. I thought I nearly killed you last time. I had to check your pulse to make sure you were still breathing.”
“Awe, how thoughtful…” you teased, “So, even though the city of New York needs their savior, Spiderman, you still came by to see me? Am I that special to you?”
“Don’t get it twisted. I was just in the area.” He replied, shooting down your question.
“Oh…” you spoke softly, heart feeling as if someone popped it.
He noticed your demeanor change, quickly feeling guilty.
“I- I’m just playing. Of course, you're special to me princess. I wouldn’t be here right now if you weren’t.” He professed, moving his hand to your waist, squeezing it lovingly.
You gazed up at him, eyes twinkling.
“You’ve been on my mind for a while now… you practically live there.”
“That makes two of us.”
He smiled under his mask, pulling you closer to him.
“How do you manage to get prettier every time I see you? I can’t help but drool each time you're near me.” He purred, finger caressing your chin.
“Oh, stop it…”
“It’s true! Today, I was apprehending these stupid college kids for grand theft auto, and I nearly forgot how to do my job because you were all up in my head. Even when I’m fighting crime, all I can think about is you…”
Blush flooded your cheeks as he spoke, ￼heart melting when his thumb brushed against your jawline.
The familiar wetness between your thighs came back, making you squeeze them together.
“Do you tell all your girls this?”
“You're the only girl I get to tell this to.”
You smiled, giggling like a child as you filled with immense joy.
Your smile was contagious, and Peter could help but catch it. He held you tighter, hand rubbing the small of your back.
Infatuation filled his veins as he watched you smile and laugh at his words.
Gosh, I am so in love with her.
“Hm… so you caught some college kids trying to steal a car today?” You asked, interested in his dangerous lifestyle.
“Yeah, they tried to steal a Mercedes down on fourth and seventh. I mean, a Mercedes? In the middle of rush hour? Stupid if you ask me.”
“I mean college is pretty expensive when you're not born with a silver spoon in your mouth. God knows how much debt I’m still in from college.” You replied.
“Tell me about it. I had to drop out of college. I couldn’t handle being a student and spiderman at the same time. I did it all through high school and I wasn’t really up for doing it again for another couple of years.”
“That’s understandable… you know, your someone with many responsibilities. Your life would be too stressful if you had to take on college, all that work, the annoying professors, and all that. Sometimes, you gotta focus on your priorities.” You explained.
He gazed at you.
“Thank you for understanding. And of course, I need to focus on my priorities… like you for example.” he admired.
You playfully rolled your eyes, lips perking up into another giddy smile.
“Your priorities are watching over all the citizens in the city. Not me.”
“You live in the city which automatically means I need to watch over you, which technically means your my priority, princess.”
You gazed at him, lashes batting as you basked in his presence, a sense of familiarity suddenly biting at you.
“Hm… you seem familiar, you know that? As if I’ve known you for quite some time. I dunno, you have some sort of spark to you.” You brought up as you touched his vibranium suit, finger sliding down his chest.
Peter’s body went cold, stomach feeling as if it dropped.
Suddenly, he started laughing nervously.
“What? What do you mean?” He asked frantically.
“I feel like I know you. You just have a personality that I just can’t ever forget.”
“Nah, I’m just a regular guy from Queens! What are you talking about?”
“Well, Spidy, I’d remember some regular guy from Queens…”
Peter stared at you, terrified at what just came out of your mouth.
He cleared his throat,
“Well Princess, I’m sorry to end this so soon, but I gotta go. There’s a robbery down in The Bronx that I gotta take care of. But I’ll see you soon, alright?”
“Yeah… go save the world for me.” You spoke with a wink at the end.
“Anything for you, princess. Stay safe.”
And off he went, jumping off your balcony with grace as he shot a web out, swinging away.
You were finally back at work.
You spent the entire day checking off itineraries, making appointments, running errands, and doing Odin know's what for Tony as usual.
Exhausted already, you sat down in the communal kitchen, putting your head down on the table as you took in what little time you had to rest your still sore legs.
“Hey Y/N…” you heard someone say.
You lifted your head to see a face who you surprisingly missed.
“You alright? You’ve been gone for two days.”
“I’m okay. Alcohol poisoning. Tequila and I don’t mix well.” You lied.
He chuckled, his chocolate eyes admiring you before he sat down.
“Alcohol poisoning… is that right?”
“Yeah… they gave me that um… that charcoal drink so my organs could get a cleanse.”
“Mhm… well I hope you're okay now.” He spoke contently.
“I’m fine. Thanks.”
“So, did your plan with Spiderman work?” Peter asked, not making eye contact with you.
You debated on whether you should tell him.
Sure, Peter was your work friend. He annoyed you sometimes, but you still stuck around him. He had some sort of spark to him which intrigued you.
But, should you tell him about your rendezvous night with Spiderman, himself?
You took a deep breath.
“Peter… promise me you won’t say a fucking word if I tell you this, okay?”
He gazed at you, eyes widening.
“I promise. I keep secrets, you know that.”
“You have a big mouth. We gossip all the time, but you cannot tell anyone this, alright? Pinky promise me.” You spoke, holding out your pinky across the table.
He glanced at your pinky before holding his up, intertwining his with yours.
“Pinky promise.” He spoke.
You stared into his eyes.
“I had sex with spiderman.” You confessed.
He gazed at you, demeanor unaltered.
You wondered why he wasn’t surprised, lashes batting at him.
“How was it?” That was what he said after.
“It was… it was good. He um… he has a fat cock.” You spoke with a laugh at the end.
A chuckle left his lips.
“We had sex three times! I- Peter… his cock tore me up! I didn’t get alcohol poisoning, I had to stay home because he fucking broke my entire body!” A smirk stained Peter’s face, “And it was literally the best sex ever. Yeah, he broke my bed- which I’m gonna make him pay for, but I honestly wouldn’t ask for anything else. I told him to fuck me, and he lived up to his word.” You explained, the filthy scenes from Saturday replaying in the back of your mind.
He smiled, leaning back in his seat with his arms crossed.
“Wow… you really did it. I didn’t think you could get him to end up in bed with you, to be honest. But, with a pretty face like yours, it shouldn’t be hard.” He flirted.
Your brows furrowed. Never has Peter talked to you like this, flirting, being cocky. It made you feel a certain way, your sticky arousal staining your panties.
Who is this and what did he do with Peter?!
But, If we’re being honest here… you liked what he said. You even wanted to hear more of it.
Your eyes stared at him, not knowing what to say. You were too far into your head to say anything.
He stared back, waiting for a response.
“Um… okay…” was all you could think of. The space started to feel uncomfortable. The two of you sat at the table looking like stick figures.
“I- I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to um… make you feel uncomfortable.” Peter apologized, losing all confidence.
“It’s okay. You- you have a pretty face too.” You replied, trying to make him feel better.
He gave you a small smile, eyes twinkling.
Shit, If only I had the mask on…
Lunch resumed, the awkwardness remaining a bit.
Suddenly, your mind wandered to the conversation you and Spiderman had when you first met at the party.
“Hey… Spiderman told me that someone had told him that I was his crush. I was just wondering if it was you?” You asked.
Peter's eyes widened.
“Uh… no. I didn’t. It w-would be weird to like tell a superhero that, especially since I work with him and all.”
You studied him.
“Hm… maybe it was Nat then.”
Waking up today without any pain between your legs and the absence of Tony felt like pure bliss.
Your boss had to go do some unexpected traveling so you were left with the whole weekend to yourself.
But, after a couple of hours, boredom seemed to overcome you.
You thought about what to do. You could go for a swim in the pool, go out to eat with some friends, call your parents… but all that seemed uninteresting.
Suddenly, a person popped up in your head.
You wondered what the nerd would be doing right about now.
Grabbing your phone, you dialed his number.
“Hello?” He spoke.
“Hi. I’m bored, you doing anything?”
“I’m uh- I’m at the lab.”
“You at the tower?” You asked.
“Yeah, working on some things for my- for the… for the person, I am working for…”
“Um okay… who are you working for?”
“Spiderman.” He replied.
Your eyes widened.
“I’m coming down.”
You wondered if you would see Spidy again, hoping if he was with Peter in the lab. Sadly once you got there, you just found your favorite dork.
“Hey, Pete! Anything I can help you with?”
He was working on some sort of device, looked like it projected something out of it.
“Hey Y/N. Could you pass me those tweezers?”
You handed him the item, curious as to what he was doing, working fastidiously.
“What is that?” You asked.
“Well, it’s a web shooter. Spiderman asked me to help fix them because the webs- look-see here…” he pointed to the core of the machine, you leaned forward, “the wires here are fried, I need to replace them so the accuracy and precision of how the webs shoot out are correct again. They were shooting out all weird and it wasn’t helping Spiderman do his job.”
Peter was getting sick of talking in the third person.
Meanwhile, you were practically drenching your panties as you listened to Peter talk about things you knew nothing about.
You wondered about Peter and Spiderman’s relationship, questioning if they got along or if they were just colleagues.
“You like Spidy?”
Peter blushed at the nickname, a small grin pricking his lips as his eyes tried focusing on his work.
“He’s alright. Cool guy.”
“He’s really nice. Smart.”
You wondered why he wasn’t being more detailed.
Something within you decided pry with Peter, figure him out.
“Hm… you got a girlfriend? Boyfriend?” You asked, grabbing a seat in one of those spinny chairs and rolling up to him.
He chuckled at you, watching as you spun around like a child.
“Uhh- no. I don’t. I’ve been single for a while now.”
He took a deep breath.
“I don’t have time.”
“Time? You have all the time in the world Parker, the thing is, how your gonna use it.”
He glanced at you, honey-brown eyes twinkling.
He took in your words, wondering about his own concept of time.
“What about you? You got a boyfriend? Girlfriend?” He asked, still continuing to toy with the web shooter.
“No. I’m still single.”
You tilted your head, mind wondering what compelled a grin from Peter.
“What? Why are you smiling?”
“It’s amusing how someone like you is still single.” He spoke, eyes now marked to yours.
Your brows furrowed.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I’m just wondering how nobody has yet to swoop you up yet…”
You chuckled, wondering the same.
“I’m wondering why you are still single Peter. I mean, your smart and kind and not ugly so…”
His eyes narrowed.
“Oh wow, thanks.”
“No- I mean your good-looking Peter. I hope you know that.”
“Me? I’m just a regular guy from Queens.”
You rolled your eyes, standing up from the chair.
“You got potential Pete. Don’t forget it.” You spoke with a grin.
He gazed at you, eyes softening.
Before his mind could wander in your eyes, he returned to work.
You took a glance at him before you started walking around his work area, taking interest in what he had displayed.
Random tools, his computer, notes, and more filled his desk, everything disorganized.
“Pete, do you ever clean up your desk?” You asked, immediately starting to put things back together.
“Uh… when I’m done with my work. And I’m never done so, no.”
You had nothing else to do so what better than to clean up his mess. You grabbed loose pencils and pens and placed them back into the holder, grabbed all his books and put them into his little bookshelf, threw wrappings and crumpled paper into the trash, and organized all his notes.
You found some sort of satisfaction cleaning up, making everything neat again.
As you were placing his notes into his designated binder, you were caught off guard when you took a glimpse at his handwriting.
Eyes narrowed, trailing down the crisp handwriting.
Suddenly, it was as if the whole world stopped moving, neck hairs standing on end as all the puzzles on the puzzle piece solved themselves.
“I’m just a regular guy from Queens.”
“Word got around that you like me. Said you wanted me inside you…”
“You weren’t nervous when you said that you’d be on your knees for me in a heartbeat…”
“Yeah, working on some things for my- for the… for the person, I am working for…”
“Well, Spidy, I’d remember some regular guy from Queens…”
Of course, you would remember some regular guy from Queens.
That’s why he’s so familiar, why he didn’t react when you told him you slept with Spiderman, how he already knew you liked him, why his P’s look the same…
You were almost certain that your heart had dropped, realization immediately punching you in the face.
You dropped the binder onto the desk, hands shaking, breathing staggered.
Peter instantly felt the shift of the room, eyes targeted on your anxious state.
“Y/N? Are you okay? What happened?” He stopped working and he came up to you, wondering why your heart rate skyrocketed.
You gazed at him, eyes filled with disbelief.
“Hey… what’s wrong?” He placed his hand softly on your waist.
There it was again, his familiar touch.
You realized that this entire time, all those months wondering who had saved you, who your heart had fallen for, who you thought about every single waking minute of the day, was standing right in front of you all along.
Peters face stood stone cold.
“Your Spiderman. It’s you. Oh my gosh… it’s you.”
Peter felt his brain go numb.
“It’s you! You- your Spiderman…”
“No, I'm not.”
“Yes, you are! You're the one who saved me!”
“What are you talking about?! I’m not Spiderman!”
You felt anger bite you. You grabbed his notes, shoving them in his face.
“Look at the way you write your P’s! It’s the same way you wrote princess when you left me that note after we fucked! You, Peter Parker, are Spiderman!”
His mouth was left wide open, eyes filled with complete shock.
He wondered if you would still love him after realizing his true self.
“Why didn’t… why didn’t you tell me? You… you had sex with me!”
“You are in love with Spiderman! You are not in love with me! You could never! Who would ever love Peter Parker? Some annoying, weird, anxiety-filled, nerd who only gains confidence when hiding behind a mask! Nobody, nobody could ever love someone like me. Everyone loves the man wearing the mask. The hero. New York’s savior. I couldn’t- I couldn’t tell you… I couldn’t disappoint you like that. Not- not after the night we had. Not after falling in love with, you…”
His eyes were pricked with tears.
She’ll never love me. Never.
You stood staring at him in complete shock, your mouth feeling empty.
He glared at you, salty tears trailing down his face.
“See? You're not even saying anything! You're disappointed. You- you expected someone else! Someone who-“ His degrading was paused by an earth-shattering kiss to his lips.
You both thought fireworks had exploded behind you, the instant spark of your lips touching felt like pure ecstasy. It was as if your lips were crafted for one another, tongues dancing as they moved in sync.
Peter’s heart has never heated this fast in his entire life.
His tears immediately faded as he kissed you, feeling like the only people in the world as you two finally got to experience your first kiss.
Your fingers ran through his soft brown curls, lips making sweet love.
He nearly wined when you parted away.
You took a moment to embrace his presence, feeling an intense devotion rush throughout your veins.
“Never say that nobody could ever love you, Peter. Never. Because I do. I love you so fucking much. I’ve always loved you. Since the first day, I met you. Not Spiderman, you. Since I met the fake intern, I’ve been in love. Your everything I’ve been expecting.”
A heart-throbbing smile-stained Peter's face, cheeks blushing as his doe eyes took in your love and affection.
“I love you too.” He whispered before he caught another kiss on your soft lips.
A couple more kisses and a very interesting conversation later, and you and Peter were back in your bedroom.
“You gotta fix my bed…” you spoke as you laid across, Peter placing his saccharine kisses across your bare chest.
“Later, princess. For now, we’ll just break the other side to make it even out…” His tongue wrapped around your hard bud, getting a needy groan from you.
Leaving love marks and kisses as his lips trailed down your body, making way to your candid core.
A devilish grin erupted on Peter's face once he saw the wet patch on your panties, mouth-watering as he inhaled your scent.
“Fuck… I did this to you?” Fingers hooking onto the thin straps, pealing them off with a groan once he caught sight of your slick folds.
“Damn right, Spidy.” Lips perking with a grin.
He chuckled, thumb circling your little bundle of nerves.
“I didn’t get to taste you last time,” tongue sliding down your leaking cunt, getting a taste of your nectar, “…mm, so fucking sweet.”
His licentious words felt like pure pleasure to your ears as each syllable vibrated against your skin.
You felt his tongue lapping in your juice, tastebuds savoring your rich ambrosia as he sucked and slurped your velvety folds.
Never has Peter tasted anything so luscious, so pure.
Your euphonious moans made his tongue dive deeper, lips circling your throbbing clit.
He needed to make you cum, needed to hear those pretty little whines from you as you drip onto his tastebuds.
“Pet- Peter- I- fuck…”
Your hands intertwined with his curls, gripping harshly each second, his tongue fucked you.
You were panting as Peter kept on devouring you, the jolts of the mattress near your feet soon informing you that he was humping it to relieve his strained cock.
You wondered when he was going to come back up for air, wanting a kiss on your needy lips.
Your soul nearly left your body as Peter's fingers dipped inside you, immediately caressing your heavenly core.
In under a second, your bedroom filled with cries, whimpers, mumbles, and Peter knew that soon you would crash.
Your veins filled with ecstasy, the string within you about to snap as all your nerve endings convulsed at once.
Your orgasm hit you before you could warn Peter, eyes rolling back as your body trembled, thighs locking in Peter as he kept working his magic on your swollen folds.
He missed how your moans sounded so exquisite and pornographic at the same time, missed the way you came so easily for him, how your pussy obeyed his every order.
At that moment, Peter knew that he was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you.
Meanwhile, Peter was admiring you, stars were dancing around you. It was as if time stopped, how marvelous your orgasm was.
Lost in your high, you didn’t even notice the tip of Peter's cock grazing your delicate folds.
You came back to earth when his lips caught a kiss to yours, a groan escaping from you when you tasted your own arousal on his tongue.
“You alright?” He asked, with a smile.
You nodded, sniffling as the tears from your last orgasm stained your face.
“You sure?” He wiped away the remains of the salty teardrops.
“Y-yeah. That was really… really good.”
“I could tell,” his lips placed tiny kisses on your neck, “…you nearly ripped my hair out when you came.” Soft words slipping into your ears.
He chuckled before another sweet kiss was placed on your lips.
“Do you have any idea how beautiful you look when you cum?” thumb caressing your jawline, “How precious your cries are? Do you?”
Your lashes batted at him, doe eyes filling with affection.
“If not, I’ll make sure you know…”
A gasp slipped from both your lips as Peter’s thick length slowly inserted inside you, pussy contently wrapping around his angry cock without effort.
He took a minute for your folds to mold around him before thrusting, moving steadily.
You missed how he filled you up, how you could feel him in every single cell in your body, how his cock was practically made for you.
Peter decided to take his time, remembering how you told him that he had all the time in the world. He was going to savor this point, take in every single piece of you, spare the way you felt.
Save the moment he fell in love with you again.
He thrust into you with much care, cherishing the build-up.
Your head jerked back, eyes closed as his tip grazed your cervix. He was so huge that even slow fucks led to his cock kissing every crevice inside you.
“Keep your eyes open, look at me, baby.” Hips moving with rhythm.
You forced yourself to look up at him, although the view was something you could stare at for eternity, the bliss of his sweet love prevented you from locking eyes with his chocolate orbs.
“Shit, Peter… oh gosh…” you mumbled.
“Feel so good princess, gosh I missed you.” He dived back in for another tender kiss.
“W-why are you being so gentle with me? I like it w-when you’re rough.”
Even though his steady thrusts left you stuttering, you missed how rough he was, how he used your body as a toy last time.
“I wanna take my time… take you in,” kisses stained your shoulders, “don't rush me, baby, I gotta take my time with you just like how you said.”
His cock shut you up once he started pounding your tight cunt again, he still went at his pace, but his hand trailed down to your already obliterated, sensitive bud, light circles sending you into a spiral.
You lifted your hips to him, serving the hint that you wanted him to speed up the pace. It was the sweetest torture, feeling him so deep, so huge, every thrust electrifying your aching body.
“My good girl… doing such a good job, milking my cock…”
Like clockwork, you felt all your muscles tighten, the feeling of the dam within you about to burst.
“You gonna cum for me, princess? Gonna let me feel you?”
Your walls clenched around his thick cock, “YES! PETER, YES!”
The coil inside you twisted, every single one of your nerve endings exploding with bone-shattering force.
Peter’s name played like a mantra on your lips, chanting like a prayer as white flashed behind your eyes. Hands gripped forcefully onto his shoulders, leaving crescent shapes on his soft skin.
It was the most earth-shattering orgasm you’ve felt in a while. He was right, taking his time with you just made everything feel a hundred times better.
Peter soon came after, your walls milking his cock as he filled you up, hot seed painting your insides like a canvas.
His eyes rolled back, movements slopped as he gave you his all.
He slowed to a halt only when your body went limp beneath him, heavy breathing circling you both.
You were covered in sweat, hair messy, tears staining your face, and yet… Peter thought you still looked like an angel.
“I fucking love you Y/N.” His lips smashed onto yours, teeth clashing, tongues dancing.
You couldn’t deny how madly you were in love with Peter.
He saved your life, you owe him the world. Your love. Anything. He deserved everything. And you were going to give it to him, no matter what.
Suddenly, a gasp tore the loving moment when you found someone standing in the middle of your bedroom.
“Wow… you finally realized it was him? Took you long enough.” Natasha spoke, arms crossed as she had a slick smile across her face.
You and Peter’s faces were held with shock and embarrassment, wondering why or how the hell Natasha was in here.
“NATASHA?! GET THE HELL OUT!” You yelled, trying to cover you and Peter’s bare bodies.
“I made a bet with Tony to see if you two would fuck yet. He gave me until the end of the week. It’s Friday, so I win.”
Peter started laughing as you were mortified at the fact that your co-worker and boss made a bet against your love life.
“ROMANOFF, PLEASE LEAVE!” You screamed again.
This woman has some serious fucking issues.
She let out a giggle, walking towards the door.
“Oh, and can you two keep it down? The whole building can hear your cheeks being clapped and I’m trying to do mission reports.” Natasha teased before she closed the bedroom door.
You and Peter gazed at each other before letting out a loud laugh, goofy smiles staining each of your faces.
“I seriously hate her…” you joked.
“I wonder how much they bet against us.”
“With Natasha, she probably bet him his entire company. She’s gonna be the new CEO.”
Another round of laughs filled the room, the two of you giggling like children.
Your eyes twinkled at Peter’s heart-warming smile, blush flooding your cheeks.
“I love you too, Peter. With all my heart, I love you.” You professed, hand caressing his cheek.
His never-ending smile stood as his big brown eyes filled with infatuation.
“You wanna go for round two? Piss Nat off so she doesn’t finish her reports?”
Copyright © of noobsquasher 2021
636 notes · View notes
invisible string: part 5 - missing your smile
pairing: soulmate!peter parker x reader
summary: peter steals ice cream from tony stark's kitchen, morgan learns a new word, ned has a date with betty, harry is a concerned mama hen™ and you should've kept your window locked
word count: 30.6k (what is wrong with me, i’m so sorry)
warning: typos, swearing, peter being a dumbass, mentions of sex, brief mention of uncle ben's death and funeral, kissing at the end (I'd rather call it making out) gwen
a/n: okay, this took a while. I've been feeling a little disconnected to the story, but I hope it doesn't affect my writing. thank you so much for waiting, please enjoy!! I am a hoe for feedback, I’d love to hear your thoughts! :))
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previous: part four - holding onto nothing
"Y/n is ignoring me," peter sniffled, itching his face over the mask, leaning back as he let his feet dangle off the side of the building, perched on the edge of the terrace, "again."
"I hate you," MJ grumbled, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she rolled in bed, the phone slipping from her hand, "go fuck yourself."
"I know you told me not to," peter ignored her, licking his lips as his eyes drifted back to your window, the curtains were pulled back, a low golden glow illuminating your glass window, "but I called her again–"
MJ let out a frustrated groan, picking up her phone, "peter–"
"–I think it was the fifth time but I don't know why y/n isn't picking up, man," he fumbled with his fingers, glancing up at the sky, the stars were barely visible in the night sky, "I thought we were okay now."
"Exactly, that's what I am wondering," he exclaimed, gripping the edge of the building, whining into his mask as he squinted at your window, "I thought we were cool, you know, after yesterday–I told you I spent the night at her place, we fell asleep on the couch while watching a movie–her hair is really soft, did I tell you that? It smells different too now, I think it's a new shampoo, I was playing with her hair while she was asleep, don't tell her that," he mumbled, the tips of his ears turning pink as he remembered your sleeping face resting in the crook of his neck, your breath hitting his sensitive skin as he pulled the blanket over the two of you, "and when she woke up, she kissed my cheek and smiled at me, god, she looks so cute when she is half asleep. anyway I thought we were okay now. I get it though, we still haven't talked about it, I haven't apologized properly yet but y/n seemed cool at school. I...I didn't think much of it but y/n did left with ned when she went back home, I told her that I'd walk her back but when I saw her leaving with him I just figured–"
"Why are you calling me at one in the morning, you sad fuck?" MJ yelled into her phone, slapping a hand over her face, rubbing her temples in frustration. "I was sleeping, you ass."
He paused, "well, okay grandma," he rolled his eyes, scoffing at her, "not all of us sleep at ten."
MJ grumbled under her breath, lowering her voice, "not all of us have insomnia either," the tiredness lingered in his words as Peter scrunched his nose, letting his eyes drift from your window towards the city.
"I want to sleep," she mumbled, rolling over and letting her phone rest on her ear as her eyes fluttered close, "I am hanging up–"
"MJ, wait–" he whined, narrowing his gaze even though she couldn't see him. He hopped off the border, turning around, he leaned against the wall and scoffed, "what happened to I'll always be there for you?"
"It only applies to 'omg, mj I got shot' or 'omg, mj aliens attacked new york and mr. stark is taking me to fucking space where I'll go and turn to fucking dust when a big purple grape will wipe out half of the world's population' and not you whining because y/n isn't talking to you because you're being a little bitch, just take a hint man, just be happy she unblocked you."
"You're mean," he gasped, leaning over the wall, gaze flickering to your room. He leaned further down, catching a glimpse of you on your desk, hair pulled up in a bun and your eyes focused on the textbook laying on the desk in front of you. He sniffled, "I even left her a voicemail. I know, I'm pathetic–"
"You are," MJ agreed. "My god, how desperate are you? It's not 1993, who leaves voicemails now, peter. Y/n doesn't even check her texts, you think she'll check her voice mail?"
"I know y/n won't check her voicemail," he pouted, adjusting the end of his mask as he tilted his head to the side, "I hope she doesn't actually, I got carried away and said a lot of things I shouldn't have."
"You are truly pathetic, for fuck's sake, calm down a little, maybe y/n is asleep." MJ shrugged, stretching her arms as Peter let out a bitter laugh.
"Y/n's not asleep," he scoffed, inhaling sharply as he narrowed his gaze at your window, "she's awake, studying I think, the phone is right next to her and yet she isn't picking up, I've asked karen to call her five fucking times–"
"How…" she breathed out, her eyes growing wide, "how do you know what she's doing right now?"
"I just…" Peter hesitated, "I just assumed."
"You're in front of her window," MJ scowled at him, a hollow laugh escaping her lips as peter parted his lips to protest but he couldn't get the words out, "you're stalking her."
"I'm not stalking her," he groaned, letting his face fall in his hands, heat rushing to his cheeks, "just keeping an eye on her," he said dumbly, blinking at the night sky when she fell silent, "honest! I'm spider-man, what if someone found out my identity and came for her or something? It doesn't hurt to be careful."
"You creep," she whistled, rolling her eyes, "don't flatter yourself, no one thinks peter parker can be spider-man, no one pays attention to you."
"Ouch," he blinked at the city below him, "it is possible, I just want to make sure she's alright–"
MJ hushed him, "fucking creep."
"I'm not a stalker!" He was not, he sat across your building, fumbling with words. He wanted to talk to you but he couldn't find the courage to go up to you, hold you to him and ask why you were suddenly leaving him behind. He hated not being able to be with you, you were his town but he'd been barred away in exile and the walls around you refused to crumble.
"Call Ned," MJ suggested, yawning as she sat up on her bed, "he is your guy in the chair, isn't he? I'm sure if you use that title at the right moment, he'd jump off a cliff for you so I don't think he'd mind listening to you."
"Ned would happily push me off that cliff if I disturbed him when he's sleeping," Peter scoffed, "he kicked me when I tried to wake him up once in middle school. I haven't tried after that. It's been years."
"Your boyfriend will be cranky all day if I disturb his beauty sleep."
"I don't mind," she shrugged, "I get to fuck the attitude out of him later on so really, it's a win-win for the both of us–"
"You both are so disgusting," Peter wrinkled his nose, frowning at her words and she threw her head back, letting out a loud laugh.
"You are disgusting too, parker."
"I barely kiss gwen around you," he protested, licking his chapped lips as he sucked in a breath, "hell, I barely kiss her when we are alone–"
"I wasn't talking about her," MJ cough, clearing her throat as the words left her lips, "I was talking about y/n."
He cocked an eyebrow at the mention of your name, "y/n?"
"You both are always all over each other," he stilled at her words, heart pounding in his chest as he gulped, "It's disgusting," her voice was uncharacteristically soft, "but I do think...it's kinda cute."
His cheeks warmed up at her words, "we are just affectionate."
"Or in love."
"MJ!" he scowled at her, struggling hard to drop the topic, "It's nothing like that," he clenched his fists, nose flaring, "I love her but I have a girlfriend, you ass–wait, I didn't mean the but, not like but but. It was not–"
"You are a stupid fucking idiot," MJ cackled, shaking her head with a grin, "you don't really wanna be with her."
"It's not like that," he stuttered, struggling to find words, "you're…you're–"
MJ raised an eyebrow, challenging him, "tell me I'm wrong."
"You're…" he hesitated, "you're wrong," he let the words slip in a hushed whisper, his heart clenching as the weight of the world settled in.
MJ clicked her tongue, "when did you start lying to us?" He stilled at her words, tension coating his features, trying to string words together in protest but he couldn't defend himself when he knew he was in the wrong, "when did you start lying to y/n?"
"Y/n has every right to avoid you," the words left her lips after a few beats of silence, peter couldn't get any words out in his defense, he stared at the city below him, his mind blank, "especially after what you did."
"I…" He clutched the edge of the wall, nails scratching against the wall as his mouth ran dry, "what did I do exactly?"
MJ fell silent, her lips pressed in a thin line as she screwed her eyes shut to calm herself, "you lied to her," her voice wavered, sucking in a breath when peter's words rang in her head, anger licking her is insides, "I'm sure you know what I'm talking about."
"I don't know why you would lie," her words were sharp, shitting him where he was vulnerable, "I have no idea what's going on with you but we are here, y/n's here for you. You need to talk to her, I don't know how long I can take this. It's stupid, you're both so fucking stupid and it can get better, you won't lose y/n if you stop lying."
He was at loss of words.
You have always been there for him when he was lost. You held his hand when he let himself fall into his thoughts. You laid beside him, holding him to yourself and grounding him to you. He wanted to forget the world when he was with you but he remembered the taste of your lips, your soft touch lingered on his skin. He could forget the entire world but not you.
He could never forget you.
You were engraved in his heart, the curl of your lip, the warmth that bloomed under your skin when he trailed his fingers down your neck, your warm and gentle smile that blossomed across your face, your laugh that he could recognize anywhere. He had all of you in his heart, locked away from the world.
Yet you were slipping away from his fingertips, walking away from him as each moment passed, leaving alone and broken like the cobblestones that scratched his skin when he let himself fall to his knees. It would've hurt less if you were ripped away from his grip in a moment but you were right there and he could feel you forget him like he used to feel you breathe.
As each moment passed, you slipped further away from his reaches and when he looked into your eyes, expecting to see all of him like always, but he found your eyes clouded with hesitation and he couldn't find himself even if he tried. He felt he lost himself, but it didn't hurt as much as the thought of losing you.
He tried to trace his steps back to you, back when he had you but he could feel losing a part of himself at the thought of you becoming a stranger to him, someone who knew all his secrets, who could pull apart his heart and break it. He didn't want to lose you to his lies, yet he could see himself watch your life in pictures like he used to watch you sleep.
"You really think I'm losing her," he whispered, his heart sinking and he felt sick to his stomach at the thought of you leaving him behind, "don't you?" His breath hitched, "does y/n hate me?"
"God, peter, we all know y/n can never hate you," MJ let out an exasperated sigh, her hold tightening on her phone, "that girl loves you with her whole heart."
"I…" he sniffled, tears pooling his vision, "I do too."
"Yet you continue to lie to her when you know all your lies will only break you more, you'd lose her but it will be on you, Peter," MJ said, her words stung, curling around his heart like a chain of thorns, "not her."
He looked back at the past weeks. You were slowly slipping through his fingertips and all he could do was watch. You were letting go off his hand and he was desperately trying to hold on to you. He sat by your window every night, hoping you would leave it open for once.
You never did.
His gaze flickered to your window, you slipped out of your chair, stepping towards the window. You pressed your nose against the glass, your head resting on it as you watched the city with wistful eyes. He desperately wanted to believe maybe, you were waiting for him but you weren't. You stepped back moments later, drawing the curtains, shielding yourself away from his eyes and the rest of the city.
"Are you still there?" MJ let out an exasperated sigh, "I swear to god if you fell asleep on top of some random building–"
"I have to go, end call," he whispered, hanging up on her as he sucked in a breath, blinking back tears brimming his eyes at the thought of you locking away your window and your heart away for him.
It hurt because you had promised to stay, he thought you two could make it out of the hole you've been falling in but it felt like he'd hit the ground and break because you've let go off him.
He shot a web to the edge of the nearest building, swinging back home.
He watched you from afar in school, you often missed lunch and he missed having you by his side. He glanced at your seat every now and then, only to be overwhelmed with disappointment when he found no trace of you.
He sometimes caught you near the library when you were supposed to sit by him during lunch. You broke into a fit of giggles, laughing along with flash over his stupid jokes. His chest ached at the sight, anger licked his insides, bubbling in his veins but it all dissipated when he caught you smiling.
He missed your smile.
He didn't have it in him to be mad at flash when you were smiling like that. Your smile was carefree, your face glowing brighter, your shoulders shaking as you giggled. He missed it, he thought of all the times when you smiled at him like that. He wanted you to smile at him, laugh with him but you found someone else and it hurt. It hurt because he wanted to be that someone, he was that someone and he fucked it up.
He didn't even know what he did and he was too afraid to ask. He didn't want to confront you, he didn't want to address how you've been growing distant lately because he was afraid if he ever brought it up, his words might break the dam of emotions that you've been holding in.You'd finally leave him.
At least for now he had the hesitant smiles you sent his way, the seconds long conversation that was able to keep up with. He had a few pieces of you, and held them close to his heart. He could handle any pain in the entire world but if he lost you, he wasn't sure he could handle it. You meant too much to him.
You were his everything.
You were all he could think about. He felt lost without you, he wanted you to be right by his side, like you've always been. He laid awake at night, dreaming with his eyes open about having you in his arms, to hear your laugh, to have you smile at him.
He was in a daze, completely consumed by the thoughts of you. You lingered in the back of his mind even when he was with Gwen, she was the only one he could forget all about his life. He didn't have to worry about what he might do that would make him lose you, he handled your heart with care, like it was glass, he did all he could to protect your heart and yet he managed to drop it.
He didn't need to worry about that when he was with her, he didn't need to worry about anything at all. He wanted to forget all about you for a few moments, about the world, the way he felt with you. He felt light whenever he was with you, because you were on his mind and the rest of the world didn't matter. He stole a few moments from his life when he was with you, where he could wrap himself up in a reality where he was just a kid.
He couldn't let himself be vulnerable when he was with her the way he did with you, but it was easier to just lay next to her when he was slowly breaking inside because she couldn't read him like you did. If he faked a smile, she'd go along with it, she didn't know him like you did and he liked that.
When he was with her he escaped his reality, and yet he couldn't escape you. Her touch reminded of your warm embrace, her laugh reminded him of your giggles, her kisses reminded him how you pressed soft kisses on his skin when you held him close to your chest on rough nights. He cherished them all. He slept next to her but dreamed of you all night long, where he met you in warm conversations and you smiled at him, only him.
He didn't know what he did for you to push him away. Maybe you finally had enough of him. You got sick of him, gave up on him as if he was a bad drug. He always expected everyone in his life to leave him. May was finally moving on with her life, focusing on her work, on her life, on Happy. And you–
You were walking away from him, and no matter how much he ran after you he could never cover the gap between you and him. He finally let himself fall to his knees, completely out of breath and you didn't even look back.
You left him behind.
He never expected anyone to stay with him, he tried to make them stay but they always somehow slipped through his fingertips, leaving him with empty hands and an aching heart. He knew everyone would leave eventually, but not you. For fuck's sake, not you.
You promised to stay.
He resisted the urge to look your way, your smile was enough to make him melt, your soft touch was enough for him to break down in your arms and let himself lean on you. He wanted to turn to you, to have you hold him to yourself and him forget about all his worries but he couldn't face you when he couldn't even face himself.
He sniffled, wiping his nose with the back of his hand as he tipped his head back, leaning his head against the foot of the bed, his sweaty curls falling on his eyes as he turned his head to the side. His shirt clung to him, making it hard for him to breathe, his hand reached up to loosen his tie, letting his eyes flutter shut.
He placed his palm on the floor, it was cold under his feet, cool tile biting into his skin as his feet dragged across the floor as he pulled his knees up to his chest. He sniffled, placing his head on his elbow that was resting on his knee, curling more into.himself as you settled beside him, your bare leg brushing against his feet, your warmth seeping into his through the material of his clothes.
"I," he hesitated, wiping his wet cheeks with the back of his hand as he turned his head away from you, his lips quivering as you turned to face him, your fingers reaching out for him, "I was just..."
"It's okay, peter," he focused on your hushed whisper, your fingers trailing up his neck, cupping his cheek and turning his head to face you, your eyes held his gaze, thumb brushing his rosy cheek. your eyes glistened with tears in the dim lit room, he could tell you were holding them back for his sake,"it's okay to cry…" you wiped his tears, "you need to, you can't keep it all in...ben wouldn't have wanted you to that."
At his name, his movements came to a halt, trembling fingers gripped the hem of his shirt, picking at the stray strings as all the events of the day came back to him in flashes. He couldn't forget holding may to him, your hand gripping as they lowered the casket into the ground.
May's muffled sniffles, false reassuring smile when his gaze flickered to her to check on her, her hand gripping his to make sure he was alright after losing the person she loved the most marked him like a bloodstain. He couldn't shake off the thoughts, the night when he lost Ben haunted him.
He couldn't remember how he lived before losing him, all he could think of was kneeling down on the pavement beside him, desperately holding on to him, hands stained in blood, so much blood. He couldn't forget that night, the memories clung to him, his last words repeating themselves in his brain like a broken record.
He couldn't make it stop.
"Is…" he hesitated, leaning into your touch and you caressed his face, your touch gentle and soft. He hated when treating him like glass, afraid to break him but he couldn't complain anymore, he was already broken, "is may alright...?"
"I–yeah," you said, smiling at him sweetly, trying to reassure him. He could see right through your pretense, you only smiled so he didn't have to, "may fell asleep, i tried to get her to eat something but she promised she'd have dinner with us so I let it go, which reminds me…" you held up a packet of chocolate in your hands, the wrapped crinkling in between your fingers, "I got you chocolate, mom hides all the chocolate whenever you come over but I found–"
He leaned his head on your shoulder, fingers gripping your arm as he nestled his face in the crook of your neck, eyes fluttering close, basking in your warmth. "I love you," he mumbled, turning his head to glance up at you, his curls tickling your neck, "so much."
Your hand found its home on his face, fingers caressing his soft skin as you turned your head to look at him, "I love you," you mumbled, pressing a soft kiss to the scar on his forehead, "so much more."
"I should…" he paused, heat rushing to his cheeks, he felt exposed under your gaze, your prying eyes tearing away all the walls he held up and baring his heart to you. He shifted, eyes drifting away from you and he glanced at the door, nuzzling in the crook of your neck as your fingers slipped down his neck, nails lightly scratching his skin, "I should go and check on may–"
"I think she needs to be alone for now," you said, latching onto his arm when he tried to push himself up on his feet, pulling him back down beside you. you wound your arm around his shoulder, turning him towards yourself, "we should leave her alone for a bit...I think we should wait."
"I–yeah, sorry" he breathed out, clutching your hand to him as you rested your head on top of his, focusing on your short breaths as your fingers tightened their grip on his, "I just need to make sure may is alright…" he whispered, his voice as small as he felt, "she's all I've got."
"May is going to be okay," you said, slipping your fingers out his hold, reaching for his face as you turned towards him, your feet knocking against his, "you...you've got me, I am here for you. I need you to let me be there for you, please, I know you are hurting and keeping it all in," you inhaled sharply, eyes holding his gaze, "I know you."
"I can handle myself," he turned his head away from you, pulling himself out of your grip and your arm fell limp by your side. He bared himself to you and showed you the places where others gave him scars, all the pieces of him that he held together but he couldn't now. He couldn't bring himself to see you the way he saw himself, he didn't want you to hate him the way he hated himself.
"peter," you reached for his arm, hurt lingering in your broken whisper, desperate for him to let you hold him, "you don't have to be okay around me, I know you can handle yourself but I want to be there for you,"
"y/n..." he pried your fingers off him, letting out a deep breath as he shifted away from you, cowering behind the pretense of his hard exterior.
"let me be there for you," you pressed, interlacing your fingers with his, placing soft kisses on his knuckles. you knew better than to push him, but you wanted to be there for him no matter what, you wanted to hold his hand in the daylight and if the sky darkened and wanted to stand by his side in the afterglow, "please."
He fell silent, fingers limp in your hold and you let go off his hand, a defeated sigh escaping your lips as you pressed a kiss on his head, forcing a smile as you patted his cheek, "I'll go get clothes you can change into." You pushed yourself up on your feet, standing up to your full height as you turned towards his closet, walking over to get him a change of clothes.
"It's my fault," his voice was small, and your movements came to a sudden halt and you squeezed your eyes shut. you knew he'd blame himself for that night, you wished he didn't but there was only so much you do.
You turned on your heels, your gaze flickering to him as you fell silent, suddenly aware of the chill in the room. you missed his warmth but you stood a few steps away from him, waiting for him to allow you to sit by him.
"it's my fault–uncle ben," his breath hitched, his head hung low as his eyes drifted away from you, "I could've saved him but I-I-l lied and I...I didn't s-stop him.I could've…" he let out a shaky breath, coughing as he hid his face in his arm, "but I didn't. I–uncle ben would be here if I didn't, if I..."
"peter," you rushed towards him, crouching down as your hand found its home on his shoulder, rubbing soothing circles on his arm, knowing it would calm him, "it's okay, breathe," you tightened your hold on him, tipping his chin up to look at him, "look at me, focus on my voice," he nodded hesitantly, sniffling,"yeah, breathe."
"You shouldn't be," you held him, your soft voice soothing his soul, your gentle touch keeping him grounded and he reached for you, desperately trying to hold onto something, hold onto you. "It's okay, I'm here for you, I'm here."
"I was at the store–the person who," he breathed out, fingers tightening around the hem of your dress, the material bunched up in between his fingers, "shot him...he was there–he stole money from the cashier," he cleared his throat, his head hung low, "the cashier asked me to stop him but I didn't and uncle ben tried to stop him because that's what he taught me." His words stung, like a salt rubbing on his open wound, "he tried to do something good and look where it got him, I–he shot him. He taught me to never let something bad happen if I had the power to stop it. I could've stopped it, it could've been me and not him."
"You're just a kid–"
"A kid who can stop a bus with his bare hands," he raised his voice, and you didn't fail to catch how his voice broke as he held your gaze, tears pooling his vision, blurring the world all around him. "I am not normal, y/n, you know that, we both do. I do have the power–I had the power to stop him and I didn't.
"If you do the things that I can do and you don't, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you. He could've...may needs him, y/n, I took him away from her. I am putting her through so much, it's not...it's not fair to her, she deserves so much better. May did so much for me and I did this to her–"
Your lips met his, eyes fluttering shut. His eyes were wide, glossed over with shock as your soft lips molded against his, the faint taste of strawberry on your lips. His words died on this tip of his tongue as you held the side of his face, his curls tickling your skin as your fingers trailed down his neck, cupping the back of his head. He whimpered, fingers clutching your arm as you opened your lips against his, nose brushing against his as you pulled back but his lips chased after you, connecting his lips with yours.
He let go of you as you whimpered when his lips met yours again, your fingers tangled in his curls as a blush blossomed across his cheeks. He shied away from you, pulling away from you, letting go off your arm but you were quick to pull him back to you, nails lightly scratching the side of his neck, holding the side of his face as you rested your forehead on his.
stumbling over his words, he tilted his head to the side, nose nudging yours as your intertwined your fingers with his, holding your interlocked hands on your lap, "why did you..." he hesitated as his eyes flickered to your lips, "why did you kiss me?"
"I had to...to get you stop saying that...that it should've been you, peter, I can't live without you, how can you..." you paused, gaze flickering to his eyes as he held back the tears brimming his eyes, you inhaled sharply, blinking away your tears, "you know may adores you, ben did too, we all love you, peter. it's not your fault, you couldn't have known–"
"y/n," he whispered, "you don't understand...I was there–"
"it's not your fault," you repeated, your hold tightening on his hand, eyes holding his gaze as he hesitated, parting his lips but you pressed your finger to his lips before he could get any words out, "peter, it's not your fault."
"I didn't even get to tell him how much he means to me," his words left his lips in a broken whisper, twisting a million daggers in your heart. Your fingers curled around the fabric of his shirt, bunching it up in your fingers as you pulled him closer, letting his face rest in the crook of your neck, lips brushing against your collarbone as he hesitantly reached for you.
"He knows," your hand trailed down his shoulder, rubbing soothing circles on his back as you peppered kisses on the side of his face. His fingers grasped your arm, letting out a whimper as he held you tighter. His head was pressed against your skin, shoulders shaking as his tears soaked your hair.
You held him to yourself, "I got you," you whispered, "I got you, peter."
He held you close until his tears dried out, letting your sweet whispers lull him to sleep. You picked up his head when he sniffled, fingers held his cheek. You wiped his wet cheeks, topping his chin up with a finger, gazing into his eyes, your fingers tracing his rosy cheeks.
"C'mon," you said, picking yourself up from the floor, standing up to your full height, the skirt of your dress fluttering as you bend forward, holding out a hand for him, "let's get you to bed."
He took your hand, pushing himself up from the floor as you helped him up. He winced, letting out a short huff as he tugged at his tie, and you stepped forward, reaching for his tie. Your fingers brushed against his and his eyes trailed down to you, eyeing you as you undid his tie, pulling it off.
He let his arms fall limp by his side as you worked on the buttons of his shirt, his eyes were heavy from sleep but he held himself up as you reached the lower buttons. He couldn't help but gaze at you intently, itching to brush the strands of your hair away from your face.
Wordlessly, you helped him out of his shirt, pushing it off his and discarding it on the floor. your eyes flickered to him, only to find his gaze fixated on you. you motioned towards his pants, your eyes asking him to take it off and you turned on your heels, making your way towards his closet.
By the time you returned with a soft sweater in your hands, grey sweatpants bunched up in your fingers, he had folded his clothes neatly and placed it on his study table.
"Here," you handed him his clothes, peering up at him with a soft, sweet smile as your fingers tugged at his arm, pulling him closer. you reached up to press your lips to the corner of his mouth, pressing his clothes to his chest, "I'll be back in a bit, yeah?
The touch of your lips lingered on him, his skin burning under your touch as you slipped out of the door with a reassuring smile that you'd come back to him. he knew if it weren't for you, he'd lock the memory of the night when he lost ben in his heart for the rest of his life. somehow, you always knew how to break down the walls he built up around his heart.
He couldn't turn to May, he had already hurt her enough and he didn't want to be the reason behind her tears anymore. He couldn't turn to you, to Ned or to MJ because he didn't want to burden anyone with his feelings. or that's what he told himself.
He didn't want anyone to hate him, most of all he didn't want you to hate him. He lost uncle Ben and he couldn't let himself grieve for him, how could he after what he had done?
Uncle ben left because of him, that night came back to him flashbacks and haunted him in his dreams. he didn't want you to know, he didn't want you to hate him but he couldn't stop the words when you held him to your chest, whispering how you wanted to be there for him.
You held his hand, pressed kisses to his knuckles, whispering how much you loved him, even insisting that it wasn't his fault. you had stayed. He always walked on eggshells around the people he loved, fearing the day they'd have enough of him and push him out of their lives. but you stayed, after knowing what he's done, you stayed.
You returned with a glass of water to find him dressed, his hands were rubbing his eyes as he let out a tired huff, sniffling as his eyes drifting to you when you shut the door behind yourself. he offered you a tight lipped smile, accepting glass from you and your gaze flickered to his bed, your hand reached for the blankets sitting at the end of his bed.
"c'mon," you nodded towards the bed, smiling at him and he inhaled sharply, setting the glass of water down on his bedside table, wiping the remnants of water droplets from his lips as he let you lead him to bed. he slipped under the covered and you tucked him in, crouching down to press a kiss on the crown of his head and he let his eyes flutter shut, "I'll be in the living room, mom said she'll come over with dinner later tonight. get some sleep until then, okay?"
You stood up to your full height, shooting him a smile as you turned on your heels but he reached forward, catching your wrist and your eyes trailed back to him, brows pulling up in a frown.
"stay," he whispered, fingers tightening their hold on your wrist, desperation lingering in his words, "please."
His words sunk in your heart, his bloodshot eyes searching for a reply in your eyes. You couldn't leave him when he needed you, it broke your heart when his croaked voice reached you and you pulled your bottom lip in between your teeth, biting down on your lip, blinking away your tears. He needed you and you couldn't let yourself break when you had to hold him up with you.
"I'll stay," you said, prying his fingers off you gently, turning on your heels, your feet carrying you to him, "I'll stay till you fall asleep."
He nodded, shifting towards the wall, making space for you on his small bed. You clutched the blanket in between your fingers, slipping under the covers, shuffling closer to him. Your bare legs washed pushed in between his legs as he reached for you, pulling you closer, letting you rest your head on his pillow.
Your eyes flickered to him, tracing his tear stained cheeks, the small scar on the top of his head that you've come to adore, the sweet lips you kissed a few moments ago. It made your flutter, his lips were soft and he kissed you as sweetly as he was. You've found a home in his arms, and your soul in his kisses, you've itched to brush your lips against his after you kissed him for the first time in your bed a few months ago but you've locked away your thoughts of him in your heart, too afraid to break what meant the world to you.
"I can't lose more people..." his fingers brushed the stray hair out of your eyes, the words tumbling from his lips and his heart sunk, tears glimmering in your eyes, "never leave me."
"I won't," you whispered against his lips, taking his hand in yours, pressing soft kisses to his knuckles, "I promise I won't, you'll always have me."
He licked his lips, the familiar taste of your strawberry chapstick stuck to his lips, and he shuffled closer to you, his cheeks pressed against your pillow, his eyes holding your gaze. His fingers curled around your wrist, placing your hand on his chest as he leaned his head against yours, "thank you."
Your fingers brushed against his rosy cheek, breathing him in as he slid his fingers in your hair, twirling your hair in between his fingers as your let your hand rest on his chest, his heart was racing in his chest and so was yours, his soft touch lingering on your skin as you nudged his nose with yours, "for what?"
"thank you for always being there for me," he whispered against your lips, his breath warm on your skin and you leaned in, brushing your lips against his. he clutched your wrist to his chest, losing himself in you as you pulled him in a soft kiss, completely blissed out, "thank you for holding my hand when I need you."
You were a light in his life, holding onto him when he found himself slipping into the darkness. He was letting himself sink in his misery, his guilt but you held out your hand, pulling him to you and into the daylight.
You were his anchor.
warmth blossomed in his chest as you curled your fingers around his shirt, pulling him closer to you, your feather-light touch trailing up his skin as he pulled away from you, but you chased after his lips, pressing a sweet kiss on the corner of his mouth and he smiled at you softly, "thank you for being you."
He fell asleep with your hand in his and your taste lingering on his lips.
He stumbled into his room, pulling off his mask and letting it fall to the floor as he shut the window, the creaking making him wince as he crawled towards the door. He breathed out, his hand letting go off the ceiling to shut the door.
May pushed open the door the moment he touched it, scrambling back and falling on his bed with a loud yelp. "Fuck, holy fucking shit," he groaned under his breath, holding his head in his hands as he pulled blankets to cover his suit from her eyes when she poked her head inside.
"I heard some noise," May blinked at him, the glasses sliding down her nose as her fingers curled around the door, gaze narrowing at him as shuffled underneath the blanket, peeking over the covers.
"I-I didn't?" He stammered, eyes growing wide as she stepped inside, shutting the door behind herself. He pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth, his suit clung to his skin, making it hard for him to breathe under her gaze, "you...you must have dreamed it, may, I'm sure it's nothin–"
"I can see your suit," she stated flatly, the mattress dipped as she sat on the edge of the bed, pinching the bridge of her nose as Peter pushed himself up, back against the wall as he smiled at her sheepishly.
May inhaled sharply, tilting her head to the side, "what did I say about staying out late?" He hesitated, struggling to find words and she adjusted her glasses, letting out a defeated sigh, "you have a life outside of spider-man, we talked about it, didn't we? Honey, I love you and I understand that you want to help but you can't let it–"
"I went to see y/n," he blurted out, heat rushing to his cheeks as many cocked an eyebrow at him, an amused smile replacing her worried expression as he fumbled with his fingers. He shifted under her gaze, the blanket sliding down his shoulders, pooling around his waist. "I-I was–"
"You went to see y/n," May smiled down at him warmly, carding her fingers through his hair, "wow, it's time you told me, I was tired of acting like I didn't know."
His eyes grew wide, "wait," he licked his lips, fingers curling around the blanket as he gaped at her, flabbergasted, "you knew I went to see her after you fell asleep?"
May broke into a fit of giggled, holding a hand to her lips to muffle her laughter, "of course I did, peter, I'm not stupid," she rolled her eyes at him, "you have that look in your eyes when you come home after spending the night with her, the look you always get when y/n's around. You smile at six in the morning while getting ready for school, on a monday. It's not hard to figure out you had a nice night, or maybe, you just really like school."
He blinked at her, "what…" he paused, sucking in a breath as his cheeks burned under her gaze, "what do you mean by a nice night?"
May laughed, biting her lip as she shrugged, a teasing look in her eyes, "you know, a nice night. I am not going to go into detail, I gave you your sex talk in ninth grade, unless you want me to–"
"No, please," he begged, shaking his head frantically as he screwed his eyes shut, "no thank you."
"–right, yeah," her grin widened, nudging his nose as the tips of his ears turned red, "I do hope, you both were safe, I can get you condoms if you need me too, I'm your cool aunt, you can ask for it, you shouldn't be embarrassed. I just need you to practice safe sex, though I found a box of spider-man condoms in your drawer so I'm guessing you don't need me to–"
"May!" He protested, letting his face fall in his hands, covering his face as he peeked at her from in between the gap of his fingers, his eyes wide in horror, "I didn't–y/n and I didn't do that, it's not like that–
"I am kidding, my god, peter," May puffed out a laugh, "y/n's mom said you both fall asleep together, watch movies and sometimes you raid her kitchen–"
"Her mom knows I sneak into her room at night," He whispered, squinting at her and she nodded, offering him a tight lipped smile. He let his hands fall in his lap, a pout replacing the frown on his face, "her mom always hides all the chocolates when I'm around."
"I don't think it's her fault," her fingers chopped his nose and he sucked in a breath, wrinkling his nose as he leaned back, "you always spend most of your time at her place, need I remind you of the time when you and y/n ate all the candies during christmas? We had to take you to a dentist."
"We were ten!"
May rolled her eyes, letting go off the topic, "so, why are you back so early?" she tilted her head to the side, fingers gripping the sheets as she leaned forward, "I thought you'd spend the night there, you haven't been over to her room in a while."
"I…" He exhaled sharply, sniffling as he hung his head low, "I went to see her but I didn't, I didn't see her," he lowered his voice, lips quivering as he avoided her gaze, "uh, y/n's mad at me."
"I thought you both were okay–"
"Yeah, that's what I thought but we aren't," He clenched his fists, eyes focused on his Interlaced fingers resting on his lap, "we are not okay, I don't know what I did, may."
"I think you do," May tipped his chin up, holding his gaze as he gulped, blinking at her as confusion etched over his face.
"You are blind to people's feelings," Her voice was hushed, her warm smile vanishing, a frown settling on her face, "to her feelings and to your own." He fell silent, struggling to find words and she let out a soft sigh, "peter, honey," her gaze flickered to the unfamiliar white hair tie sitting on his bedside table and he followed her gaze, gwen had left it at his place when she visited blast time, "you might've hurt her but you don't see it yet, you need to make it up to her."
His gaze remained on the hair tie, it was hers and yet he was thinking of you, pieces fell into place but he turned away, only one possible explanation plagued him but he couldn't believe it, it couldn't be real, "how do I make it up to her?"
May didn't say anything and pressed a kiss on the crown of his head, "sweet dreams, pete," her hand pushed a stubborn curl away from his eyes, "it's all going to be okay, y/n loves you, don't worry your pretty little mind, yeah?"
He curled up into himself, the blankets a tangled mess around his limbs as he watched her leave, shutting the door behind herself with a warm smile on her lips. He turned around, puffing out his breath as he glanced up, squinting at the ceiling in his dimly lit room.
He needed you, the thought of you walking away from him pulled underneath his old scars, leaving him an open wound in the dead of the night. He couldn't breathe under the weight of the guilt of his lies. He remembered the look in your eyes when you left him alone in the empty hallway after his lie escaped his lips. He hated lying to you but he had to. He had to lie to you to protect what he had with you, but he broke it instead.
He wanted nothing more than to crawl into your bed, have you hold him to yourself, kiss his bruised heart till the hurt faded into sweet, sweet love. He wanted to hold your hand, and have you squeeze reassurance and soothe his soul with your sweet words but he couldn't go to you, not when you couldn't bear to look at him.
You were his comfort, the one who broke his fall when he fell into his thoughts. He pushed you to the edge, but you were too polite to leave him. You were at last, leaving him behind and if he couldn't relate to you anymore then who was he related to?
He pushed himself up on the bed, pulling his bottom lip in between his teeth, nibbling on it hard enough to break skin. His fingers clutched around the blanket, he couldn't be alone with his thoughts and watch himself fall deeper into hole he dug for himself.
He stumbled out of bed, kicking the blankets aside as he inhaled sharply, sniffling as he carded his fingers through his curls. He leaned against his window, sucking in a breath as he screwed his eyes shut, contemplating his next step, a way to get his mind off you. He didn't want to burden May with his issues, or bother any of his friends but he needed someone, anyone to get his mind off you.
He grabbed his mask, shooting a web to the edge of the building as he swung out his window.
"What in the actual fuck are you doing in my kitchen at two in the morning, Parker?"
"I, uh, just," peter stepped back from the refrigerator door, letting the spoonful of ice cream fall back in the bowl, his warm fingers traced the edge of the freezing bowl as he raised an eyebrow at tony, squeaking out his next words, "...ice cream?"
Tony gaped at him, brows furrowed as he eyed him. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest as his eyes traced the red sweater he was wearing, it was Tony's old sweater that he gave away to Peter a couple years ago.
Heat rushed to Peter's cheeks under his gaze, eyes dropping to his sweater. He had found it in his room in the compound, he completely forgot he had it. He stayed over in his room during missions, or when he trained during summer break.
He changed into a pair of jeans and sweater when he sneaked into the compound through the window in his room, he hoped morgan was asleep but he couldn't risk her seeing him in his spider suit, she wasn't old enough to know his true identity so he kept it from her.
"What flavor is it?" Tony asked, stepping towards the refrigerator and Peter breathed out, eyes flickering to the bowl of ice cream in his hand.
"It's your kitchen, shouldn't you know what type of ice cream you have in your refrigerator?" He set the bowl down as he stepped further away from the refrigerator door.
Tony shot him a look.
"Right, sorry," he rolled his eyes, lips twitching up into a smirk as he took a bite from the ice cream, humming as he savored the taste, "its strawberry...wow, it's the expensive one, like, really expensive. Mr. Stark, do you need to buy expensive ice cream?"
"I don't need you to lecture me about how much I spend on ice cream at two in the morning," he held up his hand, walking to the refrigerator, fetching a carton of milk, the low glow of the light inside the fridge illuminating his face in the dark. "I need coffee."
"I bet it's the third cup of coffee after dinner," Peter sucked on the spoon, turning his head as Tony walked over to the kitchen counter, placing the carton down.
"Fifth," Tony shrugged, reaching for the cup.
"Mr. stark!" he protested, reaching for the carton, pulling it away from tony's grip, a stern look in his eyes, "yeah, no more coffee for you..." he stumbled back when tiny reached out for the carton and he held it up in the air, "I'd tell Ms. potts."
"I am not scared of her," he said, stepping away from the kitchen, "I didn't want coffee anyway..." Peter muffled his laughter behind his hand, biting back a smile, "what are you doing here?"
"I was," Peter hesitated, his arm falling limp by his side, "...bored."
Tony raised an eyebrow at him, wiping his hands on his shirt, "so you thought you'd break into my kitchen for ice cream?"
"No, of course not. I was here to see you...I thought we could work on my web shooters...didn't you say you wanted to update my suit? We could do that," he suggested, avoiding tony's eyes as he stepped back, shutting the door of the refrigerator, "you also said that you'd let me work on your iron man suit, I thought we could–"
"What if I was asleep?"
"You asleep at two in the morning?" He puffed out a laugh, "please, I knew you'd be in the lab, Ms. potts is in tokyo so of course, you'd put morgan to bed and stay in the lab, high on caffeine and–"
"Okay, alright," he held up his hand, narrowing his gaze at peter, "let's not get ahead of ourselves–"
"You are awake–"
"Yeah, okay, kid, one more word out your mouth and I'd take away your suit," he grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Of course, boss man," he grinned at tony, making his way towards the lab and tony trailed behind him, rolling his eyes as his gaze flickered to his wrist watch, "whatever you say."
"Okay," Tony said, leaning against the table while Peter's eyes darted around the lab, searching for the toolbox he kept in the lab, not paying much attention to him, "why are you really here?"
His gaze flickered to him, brows furrowing, "what do you mean?"
"I know you weren't just bored," Tony shrugged, poking his forehead and Peter cocked an eyebrow at him, peering up at Tony's finger poking his forehead, "something's going on up there."
He swatted his hand away, stepping away from his space as his gaze fell upon the toolbox, "nothing's going on," he waved him off dismissively, "I couldn't sleep...so I thought, I thought I'd–"
"C'mon kid, what's going on?" Tony called out, puffing out a breath as he leaned forward on the table, propped up on his elbows, "a girl? Or a boy? What is it? What is that you teenagers do these days–drugs? Is that it? You're doing drugs? Have you told May–? You know she is going to kill you, don't you? Though I am very happy you told me, it's nothing bad...I used to do a lot more bad things in my days but we can get you he–"
"Mr. Stark, I am not doing drugs," he grumbled, fingers curling around the handle of the toolbox, pulling it up and setting it down on the table.
"I know, I was just pulling your leg," tony puffed out a laugh and peter nodded along absentmindedly, a hollow laugh escaping his lips as he slid the tool box to the side, pulling up the sleeve of his sweater to take off the web shooters that he still had around his wrists.
"It's nothing...much," he mumbled as he placed the web shooters on the table, the web shooters were completely fine and he had stupidly used then as an excuse, he was sure tony would catch his bluff but he had caught on the minute he found him in the kitchen, there was nothing peter could do, "can you pass me the screwdriver?"
"Is it the nightmares?" Tony asked after a few beats of silence, passing over the screwdriver to him. Peter's eyes widened, head snapped towards him at his words and he couldn't grasp onto the screwdriver in time, letting it clatter on the floor.
"You know you can tell me if things are getting bad again," he urged, as casually he could but his tone was measured and words cautious. He was used to people walking on eggshells around him, but he hated every moment and Tony knew that.
He had a rough time when he returned from the blip, he had almost lost tony, then he had ran back to you when he couldn't find may. He found her eventually, but he had you close to him, afraid that you'd turn to dust in his arms and you didn't let go of him. He couldn't look at his suit without remembering tony.
It had taken two weeks for Tony to wake up after the battle, he cried into his shoulder that Tony often teased him about. It all only got worse and worse with every passing moment, he wouldn't let his guard down, not around tony, may, or even you. He couldn't sleep at night but you coaxed him to sleep for a few hours whenever you were around. In the end he had agreed to get help, therapy did help.
He was doing much better until he fucked it up and you started to drift away from him but he wasn't going to tell tony about his rough nights, he didn't want to bother him, or you. He didn't want to be a bother, a burden so he kept his mouth shut.
Tony placed a hand on his shoulder for comfort, squeezing it, "there's nothing wrong with that, if you need to go back to therapy–"
"I am fine," he snapped, eyes widened when the weight of his words settled in, he pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his sweater, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to raise my voice at you, I am sorry."
"It's okay, kid," Tony waved him off, eyes fixated on him and Peter felt uneasy under his gaze, "I know things get hard sometimes, but I am here for you, May is...Y/n and your friend...what was his name? Jed? And the scary girl you hang out with sometimes? She hates me."
"MJ doesn't hate you," Peter puffed out a light, rolling his eyes as crouched down to pick up the screwdriver, "it's just, I don't know...capitalism?"
"MJ hates all rich people–"
"Isn't she dating that osborn kid?" Tony cocked an eyebrow at him and Peter's lips pulled up in a smirk when he mentioned to him, "Jonathan?" He scoffed, "hypocrite."
Tony wasn't a big fan of Harry, especially after you let it slip to Tony that he used to like Peter in freshman year. He didn't like the idea of Peter associating himself with an osborn but it wasn't in his place to tell what Peter could and couldn't do so he let it slide.
"It's Harry," Peter grinned at him, nibbling on his bottom lip.
"Yeah whatever, we can talk about your little boyfriend later on," he mumbled when he noticed the smirk on Peter's face, "now, as I was saying," he adjusted his glasses, pointing at his head, "what's going on up there?"
He broke his gaze away from Tony, pinching the bridge of his nose as he let his head tip back, squinting at the ceiling as he leaned back against the wall, hands clasped behind his back. He couldn't keep it in anymore, he was tired of shouldering all the hurt all alone. He shifted under tony's gaze, he couldn't let him know what he felt–
–what he felt for you.
He had it all locked up tight in his heart, the key long forgotten in the godforsaken mess you turned him into. He broke when Tony placed a hand on his arm, he could let him in but he wouldn't let what felt for you slip past his lips.
"It's y/n," he breathed out, tension coating his features as he cautiously chose his next words, letting him in but not enough for tony to dig deeper into his the weight of his words, "...I think, I think she is–"
"It is a girl then?" Tony grinned, tension leaving his features as he heaved a dramatic sigh of relief, "gosh, for a moment I thought it was something serious."
"It is serious."
"Yeah, right," he nodded, motioning for him to keep going as he let go off his arm, "go on."
"Yeah," he pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth, his heart racing in his chest as he cast his eyes down, mind drifting to you, "I think y/n and I...we are drifting apart."
Tony nodded, brows furrowing, "and why do you think that?"
"I don't know..." peter whispered, hurt lingering in his words, "ever since gwen–"
"Wait, who's that?"
"My," he paused, blinking at Tony's dumbfounded expression, a frown settling on his face, "my girlfriend, Mr. stark."
"Wait..." tony wrinkled his nose, eyes narrowing at him as he stepped back, the crease on his forehead deepening, "I need beer for this, or coffee, I don't know I can't do this when I'm sober," he paused, frowning at peter, his voice raising before he could process peter's words, "gwen is your what now?"
He blinked at tony, "girlfriend...," he trailed off, cocking an eyebrow at him as he licked his lips, "like, holding hands, kissing–"
"You already do that with y/n," tony pointed out, sucking in a breath and peter's cheeks burned, the butter sweet memories of all the moments when he held your hand, kissed your soft skin and held you to him caught up to him, "when did you break up? I thought you were..."
"Break up?" peter gasped, his words only confusing him further as he stepped back, shaking his head frantically, "Mr. stark, we weren't–we were never together,"
"Um, are you sure?" He questioned, not entirely convinced by Peter's words, "the kissing and holding hands that you mentioned was a lot frequent with her when you were not together."
"Mr. stark," he protested, the thought him being with you made his stomach twist, the weight of his lies heavy on his tongue, "it's nothing like that, y/n's just my best friend–"
"I can't believe–that girl is not just your best friend...trust me on that, yeah?" he held up a hand, adjusting his glasses, "this is ridiculous, why didn't no one–why didn't you tell me you got a girlfriend?"
"I wanted to wait..." he gulped, eyes drifting to him, "until I was sure about her, about us."
"But you're sure about y/n."
"It isn't like that," he whined, letting his face fall in his hands, "honestly, I thought May would've told you, you both love to gossip."
"Well," tony clicked his tongue, "your aunt didn't mention it, the last time I called, pepper took my phone and they chatted for hours so no, I didn't get the chance–gosh, I can't believe y/n didn't tell me either, we talked last night."
"You talk to y/n?" Peter asked, not believing his words.
"Yeah," he nodded, like he wasn't using peter's best friend to spy on him, "kid sends me weird memes at night."
"I send you science memes," he grunted, annoyed at his mentor, "besides, I thought you only gave her your number for emergencies. What do you even talk about?"
"Me?" Peter blinked at him, scrunching his nose, "how am I an emergency to you?"
"Baby pictures..." tony smirked, wringing his hands, "the one's where you have braces, the one where you are wearing a skirt, it was y/n's, wasn't it? You both were playing dress up, that's what she told me at least. Y/n also sent me–"
"I don't want to hear anything about it," he held up his hands, screwing his eyes shut as his cheeks burned.
"–that picture where you're kissing her on the cheek, it was the day you met, wasn't it?" His lips twitched as Peter nodded, eyes lighting up at his words but he let it all fall behind his mask, pretending he couldn't remember, "pepper said you two were cute," he sucked in a breath at tony's words, "together."
He nodded hesitantly, "right," he avoided tony's eyes, letting his gaze drop to his fingers playing with the hem of his sweater, afraid if he held tony's gaze, he might see right through him, "but we are not together."
"Kid, you're smart" he clapped his shoulder, exhaling sharply as he shook his head in disappointment, "but so stupid at the same time."
"You said you two were drifting apart," he mumbled, fingers curling around the screwdriver as peter nodded, "...right after you got yourself a girlfriend," he rolled his eyes, leaning towards him, tapping the screwdriver on his forehead and peter fucked his head, wrinkling his nose, "is this empty?"
"I don't know what you are talking about." He shrugged and tony rubbed his temple, letting out a defeated sigh before his eyes twinkled and he picked his head up.
"F.R.I.D.A.Y," he called out, his glasses skipping down his nose as he glanced down, pinching the bridge of his nose, "mind pulling up the footage from spider-man's baby monitor–" his gaze flickered to peter, a lopsided grin breaking out on his face, "–from...third march?"
"Of course, boss."
"Mr. stark..." he broke his gaze away from him, letting it drift away to the screen, his eyes widening in horror as the image of you in your room pulled up on the screen, your fingers clasped around his suit clad arm. He suddenly remembered the day when he stumbled into your room at night after a rough patrol.
His head snapped towards Tony when he played the video, "Tony, what the hell are you doing?"
"Y/n," he breathed out your name, calling out to you as he stumbled in your room, fingers curling around the curtains to steady himself, "are you...are you sure...?" He asked, reaching out for you and you grasped his suit clad hand, your fingers trembling and eyes wide with fear, "I don't want to get blood on your bed."
"Peter, for fuck's sake," you scowled at him, your lips quivering and you struggled to keep your tears at bay as you led him to your bed, "get your ass on the bed and take your suit off."
You looked up at him with furrowed brows when he hesitated, not wanting to show you his injuries, "it's not time to be shy," you grumbled, pushing your blankets back, helping him sit down on the bed, cupping his cheek over the mask, "I've seen you in less now take the damn suit off."
He pushed the spider-man emblem at the center of his chest, the suit fell from his shoulders and he leaned back, not bothering to slide his arms out of the suit as your fingers traced the bruises on his chest and shoulders.
"Healed," he grunted and you pulled back your fingers, "most of the them are healed, hurts though," you smiled up at him apologetically, pulling the bottom of his mask up to reveal a cut on his lips, you cupped his face, letting your eyes flutter shut as you heaved a sigh of relief.
He leaned into your touch, fingers reaching out to curl around your wrist, squeezing it reassuringly, "sorry."
"No," you shook your head, cupping the back of his neck, fingers grazing the material of his mask, his curls tickling your skin, "don't apologies, I am just happy you're okay," you pulled him closer, resting your forehead on his as you breathed out, "you scared me."
"Idiot," you mumbled as you let go off him, tracing the cut on his lips with your eyes, you pulled yourself away from him, picking up the first aid kit on your bed as you planted your bare feet on the cool, marble floor.
He hissed when you pressed the cotton to his cut, cleaning it. You winced, pulling back as you tilted your head to the side, "sorry."
He hummed, "s'okay," his fingers reached out for you, curling the stray piece of your hair in between his fingers when you leaned closer to him, he let out a short huff, "you...you're an angel, always helping me when I need you."
You bit back a smile, pressing on the cut and he yelped, groaning when you pulled back, "shut up," you grumbled, tipping his chin up when he squirmed in his place, "wait, look up, don't move, peter, let me–" you let out a frustrated grunt, pinning his arm down as you settled down on his lap, "stop moving now," you chided, heat rushing to your cheek as you glanced down at his lap, "hurts?"
"In the best way possible," he beamed and you breathed out a laugh, shaking your head as you cleaned his cut, focusing on his soft breaths.
"It hurts..." he whined when you started to pull yourself up from his lap, you settled back down, worry etched over your face as you fussed over him.
"what–what hurts?" you asked, eyes darting around his figure, making sure you hadn't accidentally hurt him and he circled an arm around your waist and you grasped his other arm, looking up at him furrowed brows.
"My lips," he mumbled and you cocked an eyebrow at him.
"It's a small cut," you narrowed your gaze at him, tipping his chin up, "I cleaned it, I'll get a–"
"Kiss it better for me?" he whispered, a smile breaking out on his face and you rolled your eyes, letting your head drop on his shoulder in relief before you pulled back, landing a light smack on his arm, making sure not to hit any bruises.
"You're a dork," you grumbled against his lips, your eyes fluttered shut when you held onto his arm, pressing a chaste kiss on the cut, "better?"
Tony paused the video, turning his head towards Peter, his cheeks were a dark shade of red, he fiddled with his fingers, eyes fixated on the screen, "if that's how you treat your friends...then I don't want to know what you do with your girlfriend."
"Mr. stark, what the fuck, that's private," he protested, tearing his eyes away from the screen, his hand reached up to rub his face in frustration.
"Not my fault," tony defended himself, rolling his eyes at him, "I always check the footage from the baby monitor to make sure you're alright." He glanced at him, clearing his throat, "it's your fault, should've taken your mask off before...canoodling your friend."
"Fuck," a small voice startled him and he turned his head, fingers curled around the edge of the table, nails scratching against the wood when he found morgan standing near the door, peeking inside the lab.
"Morgan," he said, a smile broke out on his face and all the tension left him when she grinned, taking a tentative step forward, reaching out for Peter when he rushed to her side, picking her up in his arms, "you're awake."
"Hey," Tony chided, nudging her nose with his finger and she squirmed in Peter's arms, hiding her face in his chest as Tony's fingers poked her cheek, "we don't say that word."
"Fuck," morgan giggled and peter bounced her in his arms, pushing the stray hair out her face. He pulled a face, narrowing his eyes at her playfully.
"Mo," he sat her down on the table, adjusting her shirt, he pressed a kiss on her forehead and her fingers curled around his sweater, "that's...that's my word."
"I thought it was y/n's word..." Morgan tilted her head to the side, her brows furrowed and he looked up at Tony for help with pleading eyes but he shrugged, packing all the tools back in the toolbox.
"it's..it's ours," peter said dumbly, focusing back on her and she cocked an eyebrow at him, much too similar to her father, "we share it."
"Mommy told me we should share with the people we love," her eyes lit up and her fingers let go off his sweater and her eyes flickered towards tony, her face breaking out in a wide grin, "petey loves y/n so he lets her share his word!"
Tony puffed out a laugh, a teasing smirk making its way to his lips when his eyes flickered to peter, cheeks flushed from morgan's words, "yeah, you little demon," he agreed, tickling her stomach and she recoiled away from him, giggling, "what makes you think peter loves y/n?"
Her hands swatted away his fingers, pouting at him but it was replaced by a smile when her gaze flickered to Peter, "they sleep on the same bed," she said, clapping her hands, "they share a bed!"
Tony clicked his tongue, "same bed, huh?" he gazed up at peter, eyes narrowed at him as he blushed under his gaze, shifting from foot to foot, "why would you tell my four year daughter about that?"
"Uncle Sam told me," Morgan cheered, "they sleep on the same bed like you and mommy," Tony barked out a laugh, leaning back on the table as Peter groaned, letting his face fall in his hands the tips of his ears turned red.
He regretted all the times he had you over in his room at the compound, Sam walked in on him sleeping with you in his arms when you stayed over a while back. It was summer and Tony welcomed you with open arms in the compound, you whined for days because you couldn't see Peter anymore while he was training upstate. He was happy Tony agreed to have you over.
It came at a cost, though, he had to deal with Sam and Bucky teasing you and him to no end. He was sure he'd have to deal with it when he'd see them again.
"Daddy," morgan caught his attention, tony glanced at her, her fingers pointing at the screen, peter's eyes widened when he followed her gaze only to find the screen frozen, you on his lap and your fingers holding onto his suit clad arm, "is y/n with spider-man?"
"Yeah," Tony mumbled, not paying attention to her as he pulled out his face, squinting at the screen as the brightness illuminated his face.
Morgan hummed, her gaze fixed on the screen in awe and Peter's cheeks warmed up as he stared at the image along with her, the memories of that night running through his head, "what are they doing?"
"Kissing," Tony shrugged, casually letting it slip as he pushed his phone back in his pocket, frowning at Peter's horrified expression, cocking an eyebrow at him.
"Y/n is kissing spider-man?" Her voice raised, smiling faltering as her gaze flickered to Peter who held him up in defense, she didn't sound pleased with the idea of you kissing spider-man. She huffed, wrinkling her nose, "but she's supposed to kiss petey!"
Tony grimaced at her raised voice, reached forward to pick her up but she swatted his hands away from her and he let out a defeated sigh, rubbing his temple, "pepper's going to have my head if she found out morgan is awake."
"Isn't she in tokyo?" peter frowned, reaching for morgan and her finger curled around his ring finger, pulling him to her and he stumbled, eyes still focused on him, "she won't–"
Tony shook his head, "she got home last night," he gestured vaguely towards the hallway, their bedroom was three doors away from the lab, "she's asleep in the bedroom."
He pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth, "oh," he whispered, guilt washing over him as his eyes traced the dark circles under tony's eyes, the idea of waking him up when he was asleep made his stomach churn, he barely got any sleep, peter shouldn't have barged in uninvited at two in the morning. He inhaled sharply, Tony's tired smile didn't help his case, "were you actually sleeping when I got here?"
"Uh," he hesitated, waving his hand dismissively and turning his head to the side, "no–"
Morgan tugged at his finger, her other hand reaching for his sweater to gain his attention, "petey," she whined, "you kiss y/n-"
"I love you, mo," he tried to distract her, tapping at the bowl of ice cream that sat beside morgan on the table, nodding towards it, "and that's why I'll share my ice cream with you."
"But you, look," her eyes were focused on the screen and her finger pointed at the image, urging him to look at it when he didn't tear his gaze away from her, "its–you have to kiss y/n–"
He pulled his finger out of her grip, covering her eyes, ignoring the cry of protest he glanced at Tony with a blush coating his cheeks, "Mr. Stark, delete that, I swear to god–"
He flinched when the hinges of the door creaked, the words dying on his lips when he turned his head towards the door, his eyes went wide, jaw slacking as pepper stepped in, arms crossed over her chest, "what's going on here?"
Morgan's protest died down, her fingers gripped his wrist, tugging at it and he retracted his hands, letting his arms fall limp by his side as he stepped back, lips parting but he couldn't get the words out.
"Uh.." Tony cleared his throat, glancing at the bowl of ice cream sitting on the table right next to him and he held it up, cocking an eyebrow at her, "...ice cream?"
"Mommy," morgan looked up at her, hands outstretched to point at the screen and pepper cocked her hips to the side, hands resting on her hips, a tired look in her eyes, "spider-man and y/n are kissing–"
Tony clinked the spoon with the bowl, eyes darting towards pepper as his lips pulled up in a hesitant smile, "strawberry ice cream? anyone?"
"I am allergic, Tony," pepper muttered, rolling her eyes and he nodded, setting the bowl down on the table, motioning towards the bowl with distaste as he walked over to her.
"Right...I knew that, honey," he muttered, grasping her arm, he leaned closer and her palm pressed against his chest, pushing him back when her eyes flickered to peter and morgan, "of course I did, because I love you," he kissed her anyway.
"Peter, what are you doing here?" She turned to him, ignoring Tony's pleading eyes, "you have school tomorrow."
"I...uh, I was..."
"Are you okay?" Pepper asked, stepping forward as Tony led Morgan out of the lab, the bowl clutched in his hand.
"You take care of that one," tony piped in, rolling his eyes when peter glared at him, he shook his head subtly, pleading him to not leave him alone with pepper but tony shrugged, reaching out to pick up morgan, "I'll take care of this one."
"I am fine," he said, a little too quickly and her brows furrowed, catching the lie, "sorry...I didn't want to disturb you, I just needed to talk to someone and–"
"You don't need to apologize," she insisted, her fingers clutched the edge of the table as she leaned against it, turning her head towards him, "you can talk about it with me."
"I..." he pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth, head hung low as his cheeks burned under her gaze, "it's stupid."
"It's not," her tight lipped smile did anything but soothe his nerves like she was hoping it would, "It's important if it's bothering you."
"Y/n," he blurted out before he could stop himself, taking a moment to contemplate what to say next as pepper waited patiently for him to continue, "we...are are drifting apart," he breathed out, tension coating his features, "after I started dating gwen...I told you about her, the one that works in–"
"The Oscorp? Yeah, I remember her," she nodded and he fiddled with the hem of his sweater, after a moment passed, she spoke up, "I didn't know you had a girlfriend."
"Yeah, I..." he hesitated, "I wasn't ready to..."
"I get it," her smile reassured him, he was grateful he didn't have to explain himself because he was lost.
"Y/n's been...distant," he breathed out, shifting from foot to foot under her gaze, "I feel like, all we do now is fight or y/n just avoids me," he gulped, the weight of his words settling in, "I feel like shit, knowing that I hurt her but..."
"It all started when you started dating that girl?"
"Honey," pepper shook her head, turning her head towards him, holding his gaze as she cocked an eyebrow at him, "don't you see?"
He tilted his head to the side, brows furrowed as he peered up at her, dumbfounded, "see what?"
"You are a smart boy, peter," pepper teased, poking his head with her fingers and he nibbled on his bottom lip, "if you think hard enough, you'll understand."
"Y/n likes you," her voice was firm, eyes twinkling as she held his gaze, "y/n cares for you, you care for her too or you wouldn't be losing your mind over a friend distancing herself away from you. You both have been a big part of each other's life."
Her words led his heart to sink, fear curled around his heart, he couldn't find words to deny her. He felt exposed under her gaze, like she could see through him as if he was a shard of glass, peek at all the secrets he had locked away in his heart.
"I always thought you liked her," she nudged his shoulder with hers, smiling at him, "I knew about your puppy crush when you introduced me to her, I could tell y/n had you wrapped her fingers when you looked at her. If you're trying to hide it, then you need to do a better job, the way you look at her gives you away."
"it isn't like that," he let out a defeated sigh, shaking his head and her fingers clutched his shoulder, "y/n doesn't like me–"
"It's hard," her voice soft, her fingers pushing back a stubborn curl away from his eyes, "but lies...lying would never do you good. Y/n cares for you, but you might end up hurting her if you keep how you feel from her. I know it might be hard for you to tell her how you feel, I know you might keep it from her in fear of hurting her, hurting yourself but Peter, all lies do is break friendships...burn relationships until there's nothing left. You are all alone with your secrets."
Her words hit him hard, you and Peter's friendship was built on lies and he was at fault. He kept too many secrets for his good, he found himself lying to you every waking moment of his life because he had to pretend he wasn't in love with you, wasn't itching to kiss you all over, hold you close and call you his.
Years, he'd been lying to you for years, his soul ached for you. You were the reason he believed in fate, falling in love with you was written in the stars for him and yet when he reached for stardust, he found his hands dusted in ash.
"I never want to fall in love, peter," you clutched his shirt, curling your fingers in the material as he held you to him, tears pricking his eyes as you buried your face in his chest, your tears soaking his shirt.
His back was to the wall of your room, his arm circled around your waist, pulling you closer until you were laying on his lap, the chill of the marble floor underneath your bare feet seeped into your skin, making you shudder and he tightened his hold on you.
"I don't..." you breath hitched when he pressed a kiss on the crown of your head, picking your head up to look at him, "I don't see the point of falling in love when all it leads to is hurt. I don't get what's the point of soulmates if dad broke her heart, tossed her aside like she meant nothing to him."
He blinked away his tears, he couldn't help but cry for you, for himself. He didn't imagine himself holding you to him as you cried, fretting over not wanting to fall in love a few weeks later he fell hopelessly in love with you.
"It isn't supposed to be this way, they are soulmates, they are supposed to love each other till the end then why..." you cried, wiping your tears as he breathed out, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear as you turned your head to the side, "why did he leave her? why did he leave me?"
He couldn't do anything but to hold you, he couldn't agree with you, or convince you that they won't end up the way your parents did. He dreamed of you, the life you two would have and you didn't even know he lost himself in a fantasy that you thought to be a nightmare.
Heartbroken, he was heartbroken but he couldn't hold it against you. You needed him, he had to forget all about his worries and be there for you. He'd be your sacrifice if he couldn't be your love.
"It's all a lie."
"I'd only hurt myself if I let myself fall in love."
You won't, I'll love you more than life itself.
"It isn't real, the concept of soulmates is bullshit," you sniffled, inhaling sharply as you leaned your head on his shoulder, "it's all bullshit."
It's real, I've never felt something so real and my love for you is real.
"Yeah," his words stung but he'd do whatever you need him too, "you're right," he agreed, wiping your tears as he cupped your face, "it's all bullshit.
"You are with gwen but if you love someone else then it isn't fair to her," pepper's words pulled him out of his daze, fingers letting go off him, "It isn't fair to you and it isn't fair to y/n. I get it, love is complicated at your age but..." her voice dropped to a whisper, "but honey, we all try our best to not get hurt or hurt others."
"Kid, you're staying here for the night, you're too tired to go back home," tony poked his head inside, cocking an eyebrow when he found pepper's fingers clutching his shoulder with a small smile on her face, a touch of sadness in her eyes, he cleared his throat, "go, sleep in your room."
Tony walked over to him, clapping a hand on his back and peter groaned, hugging as he pulled away from pepper's grip, rolling his eyes at him, "shoot may a text that you're staying over, we don't want her worrying about you."
"Yeah, yeah," he drawled, rubbing his back as he eyed tony with a scowl on his face and tony gasped dramatically, placing a hand on his chest, faking hurt.
"I thought you had super strength."
"It still hurts–"
"C'mon, it's late, I'll put morgan to bed now," pepper smiled up at tony privately, reaching to tug at his shirt, he smiled at her, interlacing his fingers with her and pulled her closer to his side and peter felt an intruder in their space.
As if he had witnessed a private moment that they reserved for themselves behind closed doors and it reminded him of you and how he hated the prying eyes of the world when he held you to him in public.
He inhaled sharply when she turned to face peter, a warm smile replaced the private smile on her face, eyes twinkling with adoration when her gaze flickered to tony but her focus remained on peter, "think about what I said, peter."
He nodded as tony led her out of the room, he turned his head towards peter when pepper reached for morgan, chastising her about brushing her teeth before falling asleep and he nodded towards peter's room, a playful look in his eyes. He puffed out a laugh at Tony, nodding with a reassuring smile that he'd stay.
He turned around the corner of the hallway, pepper's words plagued him, he had never thought of that way. He was with Gwen but not for the sake of distracting himself from you, he did like her (or at least, that's what he convinced himself to believe) but that didn't compare to what he felt for you.
He broke his own heart by falling in love with you, he thought he was only hurting himself by being with someone he could never love the way he loved you. He didn't realize that he was hurting her, as much as he was hurting him. He was only leading her on, he knew they didn't have a future and yet he was with her.
He didn't know what he was supposed to do now, all he knew was he fucked up.
"Kiss it better for me?"
"You're a dork."
He found himself in the lab, replaying the video until he memorized all the words. He couldn't help but watch the footage that was saved up on the screen, all the moments he had spent with you played right before his eyes and he was lost.
He wanted to be with you, you were all he wanted and the only one he couldn't have. He loved and cherished you with all his heart, let himself fall for you knowing you'd never fall in love with him. He had been an open wound ever since he fell for you, it hurt but he wouldn't want it any other way because he had you, not in a way he wanted but he could hold you and that was enough for him.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket, leaning back on the chair as he scrolled through his contacts.
Peter [4:09 AM]
gwen, we need to talk
"You look like shit." MJ said, blinking at him with unamused eyes, her face was blank but he didn't fail to catch the annoyance in her monotonous tone.
He pulled on the strings of his hoodie, licking his dried lips, "thanks, MJ."
"He looks like he didn't sleep last night," Harry whistled, walking over to him. He slung his arm over his shoulders, pulling him in but Peter pushed him away gently, squinting at him.
"I didn't," he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose and Harry's brows knitted together in a frown and he pressed a hand on his forehead, checking Peter's temperature. "I'm not sick, you idiot," he mumbled, pushing his hand away.
"You look like you are," he crossed his arms over his chest, frowning at peter, "you should've stayed home if you didn't sleep, peter. It wouldn't kill you if you missed school for a day–"
"Calm your tits, mama hen," MJ rolled her eyes, placing a hand on his shoulder, "you start losing your shit when whenever any of us gets sick," she motioned towards Peter, "I'm sure your baby chicken will be fine."
"Have you seen y/n?" He asked, rolling his eyes and Harry let out a defeated sigh, leaning into MJ's side. He reached for her waist but she swatted his hands away and he groaned, scrunching his nose up.
"I get it, that's why you didn't want to miss school," Harry smirked, leaning against the locker as MJ put her books away in the locker. "I did see her, but I haven't seen her since PE."
He hadn't seen you since lunch. He saw you in your shared classes, longing for you but you didn't spare him a glance. He tried to talk to you, scribbling down how pretty you looked today on a note. He passed it on to you, but flash caught the note, he smirked at peter, opening the note and peter couldn't help but feel the urge to kick his neck into the ground but he controlled himself.
He couldn't do that in the middle of the class. Flash put the note in his mouth when you turned your head towards him, smiling at you awkwardly when you asked what was up with him. He didn't see the note leave his mouth, he was pretty sure he ate it just to hide the note from you. He didn't know how to feel about the whole situation but it definitely wasn't positive.
He had been nothing but a fucking nuisance, peter was sitting a few tables away from you and flash in the library during study hall, he could feel the tension between you, flash, himself and for some reason the librarian who seemed to be way too invested in your and his life.
Actually, a lot of people had come up to him, asking about what was going on with you and him, cindy moon had given him a look full of pity, mumbling something about how hard break ups could be that he didn't bother questioning before pressing candy in his hand, hoping it would cheer him up. It did cheer him up for a bit.
He liked candy.
He sat in the library, hiding behind a thick book that he wasn't paying much attention to, his fingers worked on the candy wrapper as quietly as possible, stealing glances at you. He couldn't tear his eyes away from you, you looked cute in your sweater, it was too big on you, the sleeves were tucked in between your fingers as you worked on your chemistry homework.
Your hair was pulled up in a ponytail, he could see your face better when you didn't have stray strands of your hair over your eyes, obstructing his view. Your lips glistened under the sunlight pouring in through the glass window that was right next to your table, and for a moment he could taste the strawberry chapstick on your lips.
He wanted to kiss your lips and he hated himself for it. He had put you through too much pain, you deserve someone better than him. He was too complicated, hard to deal with and he couldn't help but accept the truth. He understood why you wanted to be away from him, why you wanted him to not be in your life anymore.
Yet he was willing to try, he could be better for you, try and be someone that deserves to be with you if you gave him a chance. He could give you his sunshine and give you his best, but the rain would come no matter what if you were standing with him, cloaking you in darkness. He didn't want you to be in the dark with him, he couldn't steal the light from your eyes just because he wanted to be with you.
He could have sat there and admired you for hours but flash had the audacity to giggle to you how peter has been staring at you, of course, flash didn't know peter could hear him but peter did hear the words. Your head snapped up, heat rushed to your cheeks as you met his gaze and he hid behind the large book, groaning as he let his head rest on the table.
"I actually saw her," MJ piped in, gripping her locker, his gaze flickered to your locker, a picture of you, him and her was taped to the side. He has his arms around you, pressing a sloppy kiss on your cheek and you wrinkled your nose, your fingers grasping her hand to keep her close, her gaze was narrowed at the camera. He didn't know MJ had kept it, "I think after she left the library, she–"
"Hi," Ned walked up to him, shouldering his bag, smiling widely at MJ and Harry before his gaze flickered to him. His smile faltered, "wow, you look..."
MJ butted in, "like shit."
He hesitated, letting out a nervous laugh as peter inhaled sharply, "well, I wouldn't call it–"
MJ nodded, "–shit."
"–like shit, yeah, I get it," he waved his hand dismissively, rolling his eyes at him before he turned to MJ, "where did you see y/n–?"
"I have a study date with Betty," Ned blurted out, catching MJ's attention and Peter groaned inwardly, letting out a short huff but his annoyance melted away when he glanced at his best friend.
"I'm happy for you, dude," he offered him a tight lipped smile, before turning to MJ, "right, where did you–?"
"Hi!" Betty greeted them, her gaze flickered to peter and she smiled at him warmly, "hi, peter, I haven't seen you in a while, how have you been?"
He screwed his eyes shut, jaw clenched as he forced a smile. MJ shot him a pointed look, but he smiled down at Betty politely, "I'm okay, betty."
"It's good to hear that," betty smiled, "I know it must be hard, you and y/n are inseparable, it hurts my heart to see you two this way, I hope you work it all out soon."
"Yeah," he awkwardly nodded.
"I can take your bag bets," Ned offered and Harry cocked an eyebrow at the nickname, making him blush under her gaze as he reached for her bag.
"It really isn't necessary," she laughed, giving her bag to him anyway, "I don't think–"
"Has anyone seen y/n?" peter asked, his tired eyes peering at the group, waiting for a response as he tapped his foot impatiently.
"I saw her near the gate," betty said, smiling up at him warmly when his gaze flickered to her, relief washing over him and he smiled down at her gratefully, "I am not sure if she wants to see you, though," she offered him a tight lipped smile, pity in her eyes but he words didn't seem to have any effect on him, "but you can–"
He waved his hand at her dismissively, "thank you so much betty, you are a beautiful person, the only one who cared enough to help me," he stepped back, colour rushed to her cheeks and she smiled up at shyly, leaning towards ned's side but her focus remained on peter.
He shot Peter a pointed look, scrunching his nose as he nodded towards him and Betty, "dude!"
"You are a beautiful person too, Ned," Peter rolled his eyes, catching Ned's look, and screwing his eyes shut, shaking his head. Peter's brow raised in a silent question but he didn't wait for the answer, he pulled his hood down as he turned on his heels, shouldering his bag, "I'll see you later!"
"It's raining," Betty called after him, taking her bag from Ned's hands, clutching the strap between her fingers as she held it close to her chest, ignoring Ned's protests, "be careful, you'll get sick!"
He made his way out of the school gates, huffing when he saw you a few steps away from him, hand clasped around the handle of a black umbrella. Your back was turned to him, eyes focused on your phone's screen as you walked towards the exit.
He groaned when he stepped out of the building, under the pouring rain, "fucking shit," he breathed out, raindrops soaked him, he grunted, rolling his eyes at the sky. He finally caught up to you, reaching out for you but he retracted his hand, calling out your name instead.
"Y/n," you turned on your heels, eyes growing wide when you met his eyes, he coughed, wiping his forehead with his sleeve, "I was looking for you–"
You were quick to step in his space, holding the umbrella over him as your eyes traced his soaked clothes, your gaze flickered yo to meet his eyes, "what are you doing, peter? It's raining, you already look like you haven't slept in days, it wouldn't kill you to look after yourself. I'm not going to be around forever."
"I want you to be around forever," he said, his eyes holding your gaze as he stepped away from you, a smile tugging at his lips, a warm feeling bubbling in his chest when he got to hear your sweet voice, "I won't be around if you weren't by my side."
You tugged at the sleeve of his hoodie, pulling him under the umbrella along with you, "god, peter," you grumbled, pressing the handle of the umbrella in his hands, holding him still as your wiped his wet face with your sleeve, "you'll get sick if you stay out in the rain."
"I'd do anything for you," he blurted out, his cheeks warmed up under your gaze, his fingers caught your wrist, pressing your hand to his chest. You pulled your hand away from him, rolling your eyes as you took the handle of the umbrella from him, shuffling closer until you were leaning towards his side to make sure you didn't get wet from the raindrops.
He took your bag from him, clutching it to his chest despite your cry of protests, exclaiming you could carry it around yourself. You always complained to him about the ache in your shoulders when you kept your thick books in your bag, he didn't want you to be hurt, not if he could help it.
“I didn't get to tell you earlier, I tried to but you were, yeah well–” he paused, reaching for your hand, interlocking his fingers with yours hesitantly, “–you look really pretty today.”
Heat rushed to your cheeks as your gaze flickered to your linked hands, his hold tightened, eyes growing soft as you smiled under his gaze, tucking your hair behind your ear. His heart sunk when you remained silent and he tried not to let his disappointment show.
“Its your hair,” he blurted out, "you look cute," he reached to touch your face, pushing the stray hair out of your eyes as he held your cheek, holding your gaze, "you're really pretty, y/n/n," he whispered and you melted in his hold, leaning into his warm touch.
His fingers traced back to your hair tie, pulling it off and you gasped, eyes growing wide as you watched your hair tie scrunched in between his fingers. Your loose hair tumbled down your shoulders, cloaking your face as your glaze flickered to him, mouth running dry.
His eyes traced your features, he knew you liked the back of his hand and yet he didn't let the chance to admire you slip through his fingers. You squirmed under his gaze, he held your face, fingers brushing your warm cheeks. His thumb brushed over your bottom lip and you recoiled from his touch. His hand fell limp by his side and he stepped away from you.
"I-I am sorry," he said, he crossed the line. He stepped out from under the umbrella, letting the rain soak his hoodie as he coughed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He held up his hands, stuttering out his words, "I shouldn't have–I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable."
"It's fine," you grumbled, pulling him back under the umbrella, your short huff making his heart melt. Your hand instinctively reached up for your loose hair, running your fingers over the tips, letting it rest on your shoulders as you cast your eyes down, "I like it this way," you muttered, turning your head away from him, letting the wind play with your loose hair.
His face broke out into a warm smile, "I like it this way too," he whispered, reaching out for you when you turned your head to face you, your soft eyes peering at his raised hand, he brought it closer to your face, "can I touch you?"
You nodded hesitantly, his want breath hit your skin when he leaned closer, leading goosebumps to rise on your skin. He reached for a piece of your hair, tucking it behind your ear, his fingers brushing your earrings and you couldn't tear your gaze away from him.
"You look beautiful, y/n," he whispered, holding the side of your face, smiling down at you with tired eyes and you broke free of his touch, turning your head away from him and he fell silent, his heart sinking in his chest when you refused to meet his gaze.
He pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth, blinking at the sidewalk, rubbing his face in frustration, inwardly groaning. His gaze flickered to you and your finger curled around the chain around your neck, playing with the necklace. He sucked in a breath, he had seen it before but he couldn't put a finger on it.
He cleared his throat, "hey, where did you get the necklace–?"
"May called me last night," you said, eyes growing wide when you let the words slip the same time as him and he shook his head, motioning for you to continue and you nodded, your nails tapping against your phone that you slipped into your pocket a few moments ago, "you weren't home, and you weren't with me either like she thought, I got worried."
His eyes softened and his fingers clutched your backpack to his chest, lowering his voice, "I was with mr. stark."
You blinked at him, a small smile tugging at your lips, "that explains his texts," you puffed out a laugh, shaking your head, "he thought we were in love or something, then you broke my heart and slept with gwen."
"I didn't sleep with Gwen," he wrinkled his nose, he groaned and waved his hand dismissively, before running to his temples in frustration, "ask him to stay out of my life."
"He'll take your suit away," you shrugged, reaching for your bag but he inched back, holding your bag away from you and you frowned, snatching your bag away from his hands and he let out a cry of protest.
"He won't," he grumbled, eyeing you as you shouldered your bag, stepping into a puddle, water splashing around your foot and Peter squealed, groaning as he looked down at his wet socks. You offered him an apologetic smile.
"He texted me he'd take your suit away because you broke my heart," you said, slipping out your phone to show him the texts and Peter narrowed his gaze on the phone screen, not pleased by his mentor's behavior.
He laughed dryly as you slipped your phone back in your pocket, "that's stupid," he pointed out, "you are not in love with me, how I can break your heart if you don't love me?"
You cast your eyes down, the light in your eyes vanishing as the words hit you, "right," you shrugged, forcing out a laugh, "so stupid."
"Y/n," he mumbled cautiously after you fell silent and you peered up at him with questioning eyes, heart racing in your chest, "you've been avoiding me."
"I have," you nodded, turning your head away from him and Peter sniffled, carding his fingers through his curls, tugging at the roughly when the weight of your words settled in, turning his fears–that he thought to be in his head–real.
He exhaled sharply, turning to glance at you, he searched for your eyes but you refused to meet his gaze, "why?" he asked, letting out a defeated sigh.
"I was mad at you," you mumbled, turning your head towards him, his eyes holding your gaze as you swallowed the lump forming in your throat.
"You are talking to me now," he pointed out, his voice was soft, almost getting lost in the bustle of the city but you caught it, smiling at him softly.
"I am not mad anymore," you said, warm eyes held his gaze and he felt like he might burst into flames when you glanced at him.
He nodded, casting his eyes down as his skin buzzed with warmth, heart pounding in his chest, "thank you," he muttered dumbly, biting his lip when you giggled.
"I got your voicemail," you said, a teasing smile tugging at your lips when your gaze flickered to him, you tugged at the hem of your sweater, playing with the stray strings, your fingers curled around it, plucking it from the sweater.
You..." heat rushed to his cheeks at your words, "you checked."
"I did," you smiled, tilting your head to the side, fumbling with the hem of your sweater, "yeah, I did check."
"But," he protested, hiding his face in the hood of his hoodie, screwing his eyes shut, tugging at the straps of his bag, squirming under your gaze, "you don't check...ever."
"It's you peter, of course I checked," you giggled softly, and peter beamed at your laugh, his smile mirroring yours, "It was...interesting."
"please," he pleaded, letting his face fall in his hands as you threw your head back in laughter, the tension leaving his features at your hearty laugh, the crinkle of your eyes making his heart bubble up with love, he peeked at from in between the gaps of his fingers, "don't bring it up, please it was–ugh, I'm pretty sure I was rambling about–"
"Yeah," he smiled at you sheepishly, letting his arms fall limp by his side as he pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth, "in my defense it smelt different...sweeter, I think it was peach," he shook his head, growing flustered when you goggled at his words, "I think I was also rambling about your strawberry chapstick, about the time we–"
"–kissed," you finished for him, you grinned, puffing out a laugh when he hid his face behind his hands, shying away from you when you reached for him.
You giggled, falling into his side, nuzzling your face against his collar bone, your eyes crinkling as you smiled, your cheeks warm against his skin. He let his hand fall by his side, he was completely entranced by your sweet laugh, the way you held him, sharing your smile and laugh with him.
His breath got caught in his throat when your giggles died down, you hummed, leaning your head on his shoulder as he stiffened under you but you failed to notice. His eyes traced your lips glistening with strawberry chapstick, the curve of your mouth, the tendrils of your hair falling on your eyes. Your eyes crinkled as you rested your cheek on his arm, causing warmth to explode in your chest.
You were pretty.
You were really, really pretty.
He didn't want to look at anything else from the moment he saw you, he didn't want to think of anything else from the moment he thought of you. You have always been pretty, but in his eyes you effortlessly graced the world with your beauty with every step, leaving your mark on hearts just like his own.
You were the sound of a song that he couldn't get out of his head. You were a calm in a storm that was tearing him apart, and away from you but he was desperate to hold onto until he was in pieces. Your faithless love was the only hoax he believed in.
"I'm happy you were my first kiss," you smiled at him shyly, leaning towards him and he hesitantly wrapped an around your shoulder, heaving a sigh of relief when you leaned into his touch.
"I am too," he beamed at you, turning to hold your gaze as a shy smile tugged at his lips, it wasn't often when you talked about the moments when you crossed the line of friendship, "it was the best kiss, we made out for three minutes, I was on fire, baby."
You puffed out a laugh, rolling your eyes as you pushed at his chest, "I'm sure it was not the best, peter."
He cocked an eyebrow at you, "you kissed someone who was a better kisser than me?" He held his hand to his chest, faking hurt as he gasped, "who can be better at kissing then a fifteen year old, high school kid with braces and no experience?"
"I wasn't talking about me," you giggled, "I was talking about you," he peeked up, a frown settling on his face and you struggled to find words, "I mean...you have a girlfriend, I'm guessing you kiss her a lot, considering you were prancing around covered in hickies, like a few days ago but for me...well, you're the only one I've ever kissed so I don't know..."
"I..." he hesitated, "it only happened once, we...we barely kiss each other, I don't know...I don't like kissing her as much as I liked kissing y–"
You put a hand to his lips, face hardening, "don't say that."
"I'm sorry," he whispered back and you turned away from him, glancing at the sidewalk but not paying any attention to him. He kept crossing lines, but he couldn't find a point to stop himself when the lines have always been so blurry.
"Y/n," he called out, his movements came to a halt and you stopped, turned on your heels to face him, shuffling closer to keep the umbrella over his head, he sniffled, "I am sorry for whatever I did, you've been so distant and I-I hate it, I hate not talking to you, y/n, I hate not hearing your voice before I fall asleep, I hate not having you close to me and I don't know if I can live a life where you're not in it..." your eye grew soft and you reached forward to hold his hand, "I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to, I promise I'll be a better best friend but–"
"You shouldn't apologize," your voice was hushed, he barely caught it and you let go of his hand, stepping closer to him, "I'm sorry, peter. I heard the voicemail and I..." you gazed up at him, thunder crackling in the distance and he instinctively pulled you closer, "I realized..."
He held you closer, his voice dropping to a whisper, "realized what, y/n?"
"I'm sorry," you threw your arms around his neck and he stumbled back, a hand circling your waist, holding you to him as you buried your face in the crook of his neck, lips quivering as, "I'm sorry you can't trust me, peter."
"Y/n," he whispered, fingers trailing up your neck, cupping the back of your head as he pulled you back, tears brimming his eyes as his fingers trailed down your arm, holding your hand in his, "I do trust you, it isn't like that, sweetheart, I trust you with my life."
"You don't," you turned your head away from him, your hands holding his shoulders, you sniffled, screwing your eyes shut, "I was mad at you, angry at you for lying to me but I never stepped back to question myself why you lied to me," you breathed out, blinking at him, "it's your life, I have no right to pry, if you trusted me then you wouldn't hesitate to let me know what's going on with you. I'm sorry I pushed you to the point where you had to lie to me."
"I'm sorry," he whimpered, holding you to him, "I-I never wanted to make you feel like I didn't trust you, you are my everything, y/n, I love you more than anything–"
"You shouldn't apologize, I'm sorry I couldn't be your best friend, I tried so, so hard, I just–" you inhaled sharply, "–I just wanted to be your person, peter," you whispered, tucking your head under his chin, letting your forehead rest on his shoulder as the weight of your words settled in. He held you to him, screwing his eyes shut, for a moment he felt like he lost something he never had.
"I hope I'm not interrupting," you pulled away from him, letting your hands fall limp by your side when your eyes flickered to her.
He followed your gaze, Gwen was a few steps away from you, her grip tightening on the handle of her umbrella. You stepped away from him, taking your hair tie from his hand as he watched you run your fingers through your hair, tugging at it roughly, growing agitated under her gaze.
"I'm sorry," you said, your voice breaking as you turned to her, your gaze flickered to peter when he tugged at your arm, cocking an eyebrow at you but you recoiled from his touch, inhaling sharply, "I shouldn't have–"
"You have nothing to apologize for," Gwen smiled at you, her eyes grew soft as her gaze flickered between you and peter. "It's alright."
You nodded hesitantly, your heart sinking as you turned to him, your eyes soaking in his features, struggling not to reach forward and touch his face, "thank you for walking me home."
"I hope I get the chance to talk to you about that, y/n," he said, reaching forward for your hand, his hands held your hand in between them, his desperate eyes focused on you as he pressed a soft kiss on your knuckles, warmth spread under your skin like wildfire, heat rushing to your cheeks, "I do trust you–"
You let go of his hand, pressing your palm to his chest, "not now, Peter," you mumbled and he nodded, handing the umbrella to you, watching you step back with wistful eyes, "I'll see you later."
He pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth, "see you, sweetheart," he whispered to himself as you walked away from him, leaving him under the pouring rain. He turned on his heels, meeting her eyes.
"I need to talk to you, peter."
He was silent as he let her lead him to a place they could talk, her fingers fumbled with her charm bracelet that hung from her wrist, he had never seen her without it. He picked up on how her fingers always reached for the charms when she was nervous. Gwen tried to hide her nervousness behind her smile but her shallow breaths and racing heart gave her away.
He hadn't seen her at school, later in the day he found out she skipped school. He contemplated whether he should text her to check in on her or not, he wanted to but she hadn't replied to his last text, the one he sent her last night so he decided against it. He didn't want to bother her.
He cleared his throat when he found himself on his street, he turned his head to the side, blinking at his apartment window as a hand reached up to shield his eyes from the rain, "I didn't see you at school today," he muttered, turning his head towards her to meet her gaze.
"Yeah," her voice was soft, a hushed whisper he barely caught. He turned the corner of the alleyway right next to his apartment building, quirking an eyebrow at her in confusion, "I skipped school today, I had to take a day to myself to..." her gaze flickered to him, "to sort stuff out."
He nodded, "right, yeah, I-I hope it helped you," he motioned towards her, offering her a tight lipped smile as he shifted from foot to foot under her gaze, awkwardness seeping from his words.
"Yeah, it did," she said, adjusting her umbrella as she peered up at the sky, a look of melancholy crossing over her face. Gwen's gaze flickered to him and she smiled, a touch of sadness in her eyes, "that's why I'm here to talk to you."
"I–well," he cleared his throat, eyes flickering to the window of his apartment and he motioned towards it, "we can talk in my room, if you want. It'll be better, I guess, unless you want to–"
"It's fine," she held her hand up, "it's better this way, I've been thinking about it since I got your text. I just want to get over with it, there's no need to drag it out. I thought we could talk at your place, considering, well–" she motioned towards his drenched figure, letting out a dry laugh, "you can stand here with me," she held up her umbrella, "you don't need to stand in the rain."
"No, uh–it's fine," he politely declined, offering her tight lipped smile, "It's better this way, trust me."
"I don't know how to say this..." peter said after a few beats of silence, growing uneasy under her gaze, "I don't want to...I never meant to hurt you, I didn't but I-I realized how wrong it was of me to be with–" he inhaled sharply, squinting at her, "gwen, you have been...you are important to me, hurting you was never my intention but I-I can't do this-"
"I want to break up."
He blinked at her, his words dying on his lips, "uh what?"
Gwen met his gaze, turning her umbrella to the side, her grip tightening on the handle, "that's what you were going to say," she queried an eyebrow at him, "weren't you?"
"Yeah...yeah I was," he whispered, his shallow breaths turning into gasps under the weight of his guilt, he cast his eyes down, unable to meet her gaze, "I-I am sorry."
"You don't need to be," Gwen said, sucking in a breath as she blinked back tears brimming her eyes, letting out a hollow laugh as she turned her head away from him, staring straight ahead, "we were...we were never meant to be together."
He fell silent, struggling to string words together but he was at loss of words.
"I've been in love with you for years, peter," gwen scoffed to herself, her words laced with vexation, as if she couldn't believe her own words when she let them tumble from her lips and for a moment peter forgot how to breathe, guilt clawing at his heart.
"You love me?" he sniffled, sucking in a breath as he let his eyes drift from her, inhaling sharply, "I didn't know that...uh, I am not," he hesitated, rubbing his temple in frustration, "I didn't know, I am sorry, I wish I had known...I would've, we would've–"
"–would've what?" Gwen raised an eyebrow at him, peering up at him with questioning eyes, "tried to make this work?"
He parted his lips but couldn't get the words out, he couldn't say it to her face so he turned his head away from her, screwing his eyes shut.
"thought so," gwen scoffed, reaching for his hand and his gaze flickered down to her fingers lacing themselves with his and her eyes softened, "you helped me with my chemistry homework in the library when we were in ninth grade and I couldn't get you off my mind, you were all I could think about," she squeezed his hand, her head hung low as she blushed, "I always found ways to talk to you, always made sure to greet you in the morning so you would know who I am–"
"I knew who you were...you didn't have to do all that," peter said, his eyes focused on their linked hands, "you helped me with my book reports, you always greeted people with the brightest smile, you were friends with all the people in school, no one could beat your highest score in biology," he chuckled, eliciting a small giggle out of her, "you are such a good person, gwen. I have no idea how you do it, to smile at people even on your bad days, you never refuse to help people when they need you."
"It was never enough," gwen sniffled, "you know, that's why I started liking you, you always see the good in people, you always find parts that you can love..." she let go off his hand, "but you pretend that the parts that hurt you don't exist, I hurt you and yet here you are, counting all my good parts."
"You didn't hurt me," he muttered quietly, slipping his hand in his pocket.
"I did. I hurt you."
"I've hurt you the entire time I've been with you, I haven't been fair to you. I couldn't understand that you have a life of your own, people that you'd always care about more than me...I wanted to be on the top of your list but that was stupid of me, to expect so much from you.
"You had your own share of problems that you had to deal with, and yet I made it all about myself. I intervened where it wasn't my place to...I distanced your friends from you," her fingers gripped the handle of the umbrella and peter shook his head, "I wanted them to like me, but I don't know what I did to make them hate me but there must be a good reason they didn't want you to be with me."
"It wasn't like that," he tried to convince her, stepping towards her, "they don't hate you, I am sure they were just taking their time to warm up to you, you are a wonderful person and so easy to be friends with–"
"And yet you've never seen me with any close friends have you?" Gwen snapped at him and he stumbled back, hurt flashing through his eyes.
"I am not good at making friends..." she lowered her voice, offering him an apologetic smile, "I don't even have anyone to talk to, but then I had you. I didn't want you to leave and I did...all I could to keep you to myself. I realized what it meant to have someone so close to me, someone I could talk about anything and everything...I got to kiss you so I never learned the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone who cared about you."
"What..." he hesitated, tilting his head to the side as confusion etched over his face, "what do you mean?"
"I never loved you the way I thought I did," gwen admitted and peter felt like a weight had lifted from his chest, he heaved a sigh of relief, "I didn't understand why my string for you never turned red, you were a person, a puzzle piece who fit perfectly in my life. You are smart, nice and sweet, I couldn't ask for more. I was proud that I found someone like you, that's why I wanted you to meet my parents."
"I am really, really sorry about that," Peter croaked, peering down at her with pleading eyes and she nodded.
"it's fine, I shouldn't have pushed you," she said, waving her hand dismissively, "it was for the best anyway, if I truly loved you then I would have been connected to you...I would at least have a white string but I don't have that either because I was too busy in trying to make you fall in love with me which was stupid of me considering you were already in love with her."
"I..." his breath got caught in his throat, fear seized him, heart sinking as the weight of her words settled in, all the colour draining from his face. He coughed, denying her words, "I am not in love with her–anyone."
"You are in love with y/n," Gwen stated, holding her head high as the words left her lips, "you can't keep lying to yourself forever."
He pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth, biting down hard enough to break skin, the metallic taste of blood on his lips. It dropped it on his finger when he touched his lips, wiping away the blood on his jeans as he stepped back, peering up at the rain.
He couldn't hide he loved you, he thought he could. He thought he'd take his love for you to his grave, and love you where the spirit meets the bones. He had it all locked away in his heart for so long but he didn't do a great job hiding it. How could he?
How could he possibly hide how much he loved you?
His heart ached when he was with you, a pain he'd come to cherish. His heart could burst with love, the love he had for you. He couldn't breath when you looked at him, a simple glance had him gasping for breath because you didn't just look at him, you saw him. You saw him for what he was, all scars and cuts, all bruises and blood. You knew him and yet you loved him.
"I never lied to myself," he admitted, he never felt so alive and free when he was with you. He'd never felt so happy when he had your hand in his. He saw forever in your eyes and he felt okay when you smiled at him. "I know...I've always known that I am...I am in love with, y/n."
gwen smiled, her silence was louder than any words he could think of.
"Why did you kiss me?" He asked after a few moments passed, his lips quivering as he peered at her with questioning eyes, hurt lingering in his words as he sniffled, "If you knew I was in love with her then why did you kiss me?"
"I don't know, Peter," Gwen exhaled sharply, "I wanted to be with you, I knew you loved her but I still wanted to be with you. It's on me."
"It's not on you," he coughed, shuddering under the pouring rain as cold seeped into his bones, "I shouldn't have kissed back."
He shouldn't have kissed her back, he shouldn't let himself get lost in her when his heart was aching for you. He thought he could try and move on with her when you found your soulmate but he couldn't and he ended up hurting her and himself.
"I wasn't expecting you to kiss me back but you did and now we are here," gwen muttered, looking down at her fingers playing with her bracelet, "I didn't expect that I'd finally get to be with you...and when I did, it hurt more than it made me happy. I was stupid enough to think I could make you fall in love with me."
He glanced at her, not sure what to say.
"I hated the way you looked at her because I couldn't come close to what she was to you," she screwed her eyes shut, turning her head away from him, her words a hushed whisper, "I had you, peter, you were with me but your heart was with her."
"I-I never, we never..." he hesitated, heat rushing to his cheeks as he held up his hands, "I didn't do anything with her while I was with you–"
"I know you didn't," Gwen reassured him and he picked at his nails, "I know you wouldn't hurt me if it was in your control, I don't know why I tried to make something work that did nothing but hurt us."
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm sorry for everything," he reached for her hand, a comfort he felt compelled to provide after he had hurt her, "I liked you, not in a way I thought I did but I did like you, we worked so well together but not in the way you wanted us to work. I liked what we were but I couldn't be with you, y/n was always on my mind and I hated myself because I thought I was breaking your heart. I'm sorry, I just couldn't live with the guilt..."
"I get that," he let go off her hand and gwen nodded understandingly, "you couldn't be with me when you were in love with someone else," she inhaled sharply, meeting his gaze, "that's why I can't be with you, I hurt someone by being with you."
He blinked at her, "hurt someone...?"
"My, uh," her eyes drifted away from him and she stepped back, clearing her throat, "my soulmate."
"You," he paused, the weight of her words sinking in, "you found your soulmate?"
"I did," gwen looked down at her feet, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you...about him," her gaze flickered to him, "I didn't do anything behind your back, but we did...we did talk, we had to about what our string meant for us. I-I hurt him a lot, he knew about us...when I found him I realized that I was never in love with you, but I did love you...it was a schoolgirl crush that never understood what it takes to love someone."
"I..." he glanced at her, her word curled around his heart like a chain of thorns, he couldn't help but let himself feel hurt at the idea of her being with someone else while she was with. but, at the end, he couldn't hold her accountable for loving someone when she was with him when he loved you too, though you'd never love him back, "that's great...I am happy for you, it's a bit weird that you didn't believe in soulmate but-"
"-here I am," Gwen giggled softly.
"I am sorry," he said, motioning towards nothing in particular, "for everything."
"I am sorry too," she nibbled on her bottom lip, "I can't exactly be mad at you when I liked someone else the whole time I was with you as well, peter."
"We are pretty shitty people," he let out a short huff.
"I prefer that term complicated," Gwen grinned.
"You are sugarcoating the truth, babe," his eyes grew wide at the pet name, parting his lips to apologize but she held her hand up.
"I am going to him," Gwen said, eyes drifting away from her wrist watch, "I don't know if he'll want to talk to me but I am going to try," she smiled up at him, "you should talk to y/n."
"About what?" He asked, dumbfounded with furrowed brows.
"You love her," gwen suggested, tilting her head to the side, "why don't you start with that?"
"No, that's," he chuckled, throwing his head back as heat rushed to his cheeks, "that's not an option, I am not doing that."
He cleared his throat, his stomach twisting in knots, "because she is in love with someone else," he breathed out, clenching his jaw, "her soulmate-"
"You are–god, that's bullshit," Gwen dismissed, stepping forward as he watched her inch closer to him, "y/n is in love with you."
"Uh, no," he knitted his brows in confusion, his heart aching as he admitted, "no, she's not."
"Peter," Gwen's eyes softened, "y/n is in love with you, it's...it's right there, you have to be blind to not notice how much she loves you, it's coming from me, someone who liked you. you really think I wouldn't notice if someone was in love with my boyfriend?" she let out a laugh but it sounded bitter and Peter nibbled on his bottom lip, rubbing his face in frustration, "it's the way she looks at you, her eyes twinkle with love, peter. y/n thinks of you before herself, her face lights up whenever you come around. y/n cares for you, a lot and I've seen it. you would've believed me if you saw how devastated she was when she found out you lied to her about your red string, god, I've never seen her so hurt and betrayed–"
"Y/n knows–" he breathed out, eyes growing wide as he peered at her with questioning eyes, all the colour draining from his face, "wait, y/n knows that I lied to her about my red string?"
"I told her," Gwen nodded, stepping in his space and he hung his head low.
"You told her?" He winced, carding his fingers through his curls, tugging at them roughly as his mind circled back to his phone call with mj last night, "that's what MJ was talking about?" he whispered to himself, pulling his bottom lip in between his teeth, "fuck."
"Yeah," Gwen shrugged, reaching up to brush a stubborn curl away from his eyes and he suppressed the urge to recoil from her touch, "you need to go and fix this."
"Yeah," he breathed out, her fingers brushed against his curls and his breath hitched, eyes drifting away from her.
He sucked in a breath as her fingers traced his cheek, growing uneasy under her touch as she cupped his face, leaning up as her fingers trailed down his neck, gripping the neck of his hoodie, "can I kiss you for one last time?"
He gulped, head knocking against the umbrella as he leaned closer, nodding hesitantly, "y-yeah." He hurt her, at least, he could give her this. It was just a kiss, he could do that.
Her breath was hot against his lips and his mind drifted to you, circling back to the moments his lips met yours and he pulled back, his eyes screwed shut as the guilt weight down on his heart like a rock, "I'm sorry, I can't do this. I can't. I can't kiss you."
Her arm fell limp by her side, forcing a smile she stepped away from him, fingers curling around her bracelet as her gaze flickered towards the city, "goodbye, peter," she mumbled when her eyes drifted towards him and he let his eyes flutter open.
He nodded, stepping back to give her space to leave, wiping his nose with his sleeve as, "bye." He whispered, eyes cast down and head hung low. He squinted at his feet, as he sucked in a breath, fingers gripping the end of his sleeve as it all sunk in.
He hurt her, but Gwen was kind enough to let him go, because she knew he was in love with you. He couldn't imagine how hard it must be for her to watch him be in love with someone else when she liked him, actually he could.
He could imagine the pain, the hurt clawing at his heart but he hoped Gwen hadn't loved him the way he loved you. He didn't want to put her through the pain he had lived for years but, at least, she had someone to catch her when she fell.
Yet he needed to see you, have you hold him to your chest, run your fingers through his curls, pepper him in kisses, whisper sweet words to him all under the pretense of how heartbroken he was to lose her.
He wasn't, it didn't hurt when he watched her walk away but if he could bare his soul to you, all his scars and cuts that you had left on his heart and put her name on it, maybe he'd get to be close to you. You wouldn't let him be alone when he was hurt.
You wouldn't leave his heart aching.
He stood outside your window, hand raised towards your glass window as he breathed out, the chill of winter biting into his skin, his cold breath hit the window, blurring the glass. His gaze flickered to the slit in between your white curtains, he caught the glimpse of your hair as you stepped towards your bed, he placed a hand on your window, longing for you.
He leaned forward, resting his forehead on the glass as he let his eyes flutter shut, the glass cold against his skin, a chill spreading underneath his skin. His eyes trailed after you as you fell back on your bed, eyes facing the up, the plain white ceiling he had held you under.
He held you in his arms only a few moments ago, but he still yearned for your touch, for you because even though he held you to him, you felt distant. Your words closed their fist around his delicate heart, shattering it into pieces. Your eyes held a sadness underneath the false pretense of a smile, but your mask fell away underneath his gaze, he could hardly read you anymore but he could tell when you were hurting.
It hurt, to know that you believed he couldn't trust you but you weren't wrong. He held back a lot from you, hid how he couldn't get you off his mind, you were all over him, marking him like a bloodstain, how he couldn't breathe whenever you were around, how his heart stopped when you touched him and how he dreamed of you when he slept beside her all night long.
He knew he was fucked when he found himself smiling to the thought of you.
He didn't want to fall in love with you, he knew falling for you would be breaking his own heart but he gave himself to you knowing you'd break his heart into a million pieces. He let himself fall for you knowing he wouldn't be able to love someone else the way he loved you.
Your angelic smile ruined him for any other love he might find but he couldn't care less for a love written in the stars for him when you were in his arms. He wanted to love you till forever fell apart.
"Hi," he whispered, knuckles knocking on the glass window, catching your attention. Your eyes trailed towards the window, pushing yourself up from the bed, you made your way towards him.
"what's–" you glanced at him, wide eyed when you pushed the curtains aside, your eyes traced his drenched figure, brows furrowing as worry etched across your face, "what are you doing here?"
He offered you a tight lipped smile, eyes flickering to the lock of the window as your fingers unlocked it, sliding it up as your eyes traced his drenched figure. You held out your hand for him, stepping back as you helped him inside, he grunted when he knocked his head against the window and you held back a laugh as heat rushed to his cheeks.
"You're drenched," you said, pulling him further in your room as you shut the window, eyes darting around your room, glancing at your closet, "god, peter you should've kept the umbrella, I'll get you some clothes to change into–I really think you should take a shower," you rolled your eyes when he frowned at your words, "I don't want you to get sick, peter, c'mon."
"I have to talk to you," the words tumbled from his lips, fingers grasping yours as you nodded, not paying much attention to his words as you led him towards your bed.
"We can talk when you're changed into warm clothes," you smiled at him reassuringly, turning on your heels before he could stop you, the words dying on his lips when you turned back to him, a towel bunched up in between your fingers, "here," you held it out to him but he frowned.
"I need to tell you that I…" he hesitated, eyes drifting away from you to your closet, "that I, well, gwen and I...we broke–"
His words died in his throat when you threw the towel at him and he scrunched up his nose, barely catching it in his hands, he pressed his hand on your desk when he stumbled back, glancing up at you dumbfounded.
"Get changed," you pointed at your closet, "you can take my clothes...well your clothes," you shrugged, making your way towards the door, "I made hot chocolate...I'll get it for you while you change, mom will be back in an hour, I'd text her you're staying for dinner."
You left, shutting the door behind you with a light click and his eyes drifted away from the door to the pictures hung on your wall. It was the pictures he had found in his old camera, he had sent you a couple pictures of him and you when he stayed at your place for dinner after you got back from grocery shopping.
He stepped forward, fingers tracing over the glass of the wooden frames, it was an old frame, and you had changed the old picture of yourself on your seventh birthday to a picture of you and him. You had your tiny arms around him, cheeks pressed to his with a smile on your face as Peter huffed, with a blush coating his cheeks as he peered up at the camera.
It was a warm afternoon, you accompanied him to the playground with his uncle for him to take pictures. He squinted, noticing the handkerchief tied around his knee, he had tripped while he was chasing after a butterfly and you had tended to his scratches the best you could and to get him to stop crying, Ben had offered to take a picture of him and you.
He wiped away his tears, tugging at your arm to pull you closer when Ben held up the camera, you didn't like getting your pictures taken when you were younger so he always jumped on the chance to take pictures of you and you complied with his uncle and he was overjoyed. He held back a chuckle when his eyes traced the frown on his face, you teased him about being shorter than and he had taken it to heart.
He stepped back, eyes trailing to your bed, your walls, the string of lights that hung over your bed, the pictures taped over your mirror and closet. He had left his mark on your room, on you, it all reminded him of all the moments he had shared with you.
It all faded to nothing before his eyes when his mind drifted off to you, how you were slipping through his fingertips, how he barely knew what you wanted, what you were thinking. He could feel you forget him the way he used to feel you breathe.
Loving you came at a cost, falling in love with you was laced with pain and agony, he thought the pain would fade overtime but it never did, only tore him apart as each moment passed. And yet, your smile was enough to get him through the hurt that curled around his heart.
His heart ached for you, all the pieces of him that he held together longed for you, for your warm touch, for your love but you uncurled yourself from him, finding home in someone who broke your heart in a blink of an eye.
His gaze flickered to your drawer, he tugged at it, pulling it open, eyes tracing the picture of you and him that he kept in his wallet. His fingers reached for it, the picture familiar under his touch. He thought he lost it, he was all over the place, looking for the picture but he found it in your room, pressed between the pages of a book while you were asleep a few steps away from him.
He couldn't quite understand why you had taken the picture, he couldn't bring himself to ask you either. He asked you about the picture when he was looking for it but you had shrugged, pretending not to know what had happened to the picture and here it was, in your room. He didn't want to ask you, he might not like the answer so he convinced himself he was better off not knowing why you have taken it from him.
A polaroid of Gwen was tucked in his wallet later that night, he had spent the morning at her place, taking pictures of him and her with her polaroid camera. He had placed a cute polaroid of her in the slot in his wallet, it felt empty after you had taken away the picture of him and you. It reminded him of her whenever he was away, but the smile that made its way to his lips, carried a weight of guilt because he missed you whenever his glaced fell upon her picture in his wallet.
It didn't take him long to take her picture out, leaving the slot in his wallet empty.
"Hi," you peeked your head inside the room once he was dressed in his purple hoodie, and a pair of sweats,"I got hot chocolate for you."
He fell back on the bed, smiling up at you warmly with a touch of sadness in his eyes he hoped you didn't notice but you did and you leaned down, pressed the steaming cup of chocolate in his hand and planting a kiss on his nose. He giggled, throwing his head back as the bed dipped and you took a seat next to him, your shoulders brushing his.
Your gaze flickered to the towel placed on the foot of the bed and you shifted on the bed, pulling your feet up. You reached for the towel as he sipped on his hot chocolate, you shuffled back, sitting on your heels and brought the towel up to his hair, "c'mere, I'd dry your hair."
He hummed, letting you dry his hair without any protests, you knew he loved it yet you were surprised at the lack of protest but you didn't mind. You dried his hair with the towel, chuckling when he leaned into your touch.
He moaned when you massaged his scalp and you giggled, leaning forward to press a kiss on his cheek, heat rushed to his cheeks and he coughed, looking down. He frowned when his gaze flickered to his cup, "what about you?" He asked, craning his neck to glance up at you, "you love hot chocolate."
"I made that for myself," you said, turning his head to face forward, "but you were cold, you needed something warm–"
"I love you," he whispered, turning his head, his eyes searching for yours and you stilled, hands now placed firmly on his shoulder, towel bunched up around his neck.
"I love you too, peter," you tilted your head to the side, a warm smile on your face as you pressed your wet fingers to his cheek, thumb tracing his cheekbone and he blushed under your intense gaze.
"y/n, you...you don't get–" he let out an exasperated sigh, turning away from you, defeated, you shook your head, slipping the towel off him and placing it on the foot of the bed as you crawled away from him and his eyes trailed after you, "hey–"
You tucked your feet underneath yourself, sitting down on the bed and leaned towards his side, peering up at him. Your eyes were glossed over with hurt, with a touch of sadness that he remembered from a few hours ago when you were with him under the rain. He pulled the bottom lip in between his teeth, "can I ask you something?"
"Why didn't you tell me about your soulmate?" As soon as the words left his lips, you tensed, turning your body away from as a defeated sigh escaped your lips. You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut as you shifted away from him.
"peter…I can't do this right now," you nibbled on your bottom lip, hard enough to break skin and he reached forward but you held up a hand, fingers curling around the blanket that was sprawled on the edge of the bed, "please, I don't want to fight with you."
"I am not...not fighting with you, sweetheart," he said, regretting the words, he reached out for you, tugging at your arm. He pulled you to him, the blanket bunched up on your lap, "just wondering, why you didn't tell me about him...I don't even know what happened with him...I don't get why you hid him from me. I know every little thing about you but lately...it feels I know so little about you."
"I don't want to talk about him, or what happened with him...not right now. I am tired, Peter," you cast your eyes down, his feet brushing against yours as he leaned closer towards you and you rested your head on his shoulder, a small sigh escaping your lips. "I'll tell you...when it's the right time. I'll tell you all about him."
"You are in love with him," he whispered, the look in your eyes when you talked about him stung, his own words sunk in his heart like thorns and your fingers reached for his, his hand was limp in your but you interlaced your fingers together, holding onto him.
"Yeah, I am," you whispered back, squeezing his fingers and he breathed out, eyes flickering to you and you picked your head up, your eyes holding his gaze and he couldn't help but trace your features with his eyes, soaking in your furrowed brows, the small smile and warm eyes peering up at him.
You were like a flashback on a film reel, you were a movie that was always running on his mind. You were in his head, all the times he spent with you in his arms, holding you close to his chest, the feather-light kisses you pressed on his skin, the slender fingers that curled in the silk of his hair, the whispers that you shared with him, the laugh that echoed in his head whenever he thought of you.
He was losing his mind over you, all the shared kisses and gentle touches, hoping and wishing it meant something to you but it hadn't. It meant nothing to you, he meant nothing to you.
He couldn't handle it when you told him that your heart belonged to another, he held himself together when he was with you but he let himself fall apart when he was with gwen. He found himself in his arms, his lips on her and eyes searching for you in her. He searched for you wherever he went, and yet you were never there.
Her lips on his, tainted him, haunted him when he went home to you. He regretted losing himself in her when you crushed him with a couple words. He hoped you would hold him close to you, your lips on his, whispering that you loved him as much as he loved you but you smiled at the thought of him being with her.
It broke him and yet he didn't stop trying, he wished you'd stop him from kissing her, from holding her hand, from asking her to be his but you helped him pick out flowers for her, pick out clothes for dates, urged him to ask her to be his.
He meant nothing to you, all the kisses and whispers, it had all been a figment of his fantasy. He knew he'd never be able to have you completely to him, so he held all the scraps of you that he could get his hands on, hoping you'd give yourself to him someday but that day never came and he ended up breaking his own heart.
You were his past, a part of you was his past that he couldn't erase, you were the scars on his skin, the words on his lips that left but he could still taste. He didn't blame you for not falling for him, for not having him on your mind the way he had you on his.
It made him happy that you had stayed for so long, even though he could feel you slip through his fingertips. He loved you more than you'd ever love him because he wanted you to stay. He had to love you more than you loved him, no one loved him more than he loved them because if someone loved Peter more than he loved them then were they even using him the right way?
You found love in someone else and he wanted nothing more than you to be happy, it didn't matter if he'd have to hide his love for you from the prying eyes of the world. He could watch you fall for someone else, kiss someone else's lips as a part of him died if he could see you smile.
It stung, the thought of you in someone else's arms twisted daggers into his heart, he had tried to fall out of love with you time and time again but his love for you only grew like ivy until he was covered in you. His love for you rooted him down to you, the roots of the ivy circled his ankles and tightened around him like shackles, binding his soul to you.
He couldn't fall for someone after he gave his heart to you, he wanted you to be happy but if you'd let him, he wanted to be your happiness.
"You are in love with him," the words felt foreign on his lips, but it was finally sinking in, he wondered if he'd say them enough times for them to lose their meaning, "even after he broke your heart?"
"I don't mind getting my heart broken if it's him," you said, turning your head away from him, slipping your fingers out his grip but he was quick to reach out to you, his hand finding its home in yours, squeezing your fingers, earning a small smile from you.
"I don't like him," he huffed, holding your hand to his chest as he puffed out his cheek and you broke into a fit of giggles. He couldn't help but smile when you leaned into him, slipping your fingers out of his grip to hold onto his shirt.
"You're really cute," you giggled, poking his cheek as you leaned your head on his shoulder, nuzzling in the crook of his neck, "you know that?"
His cheeks turned red at your words, eyes drifting away from you under your scrutinizing gaze and he hid his face in your hair, clearing his throat as he tried to string words together, "MJ doesn't like him either, Harry hates him, we...we all want to protect you. I don't want you to...I don't want you to get yourself hurt over him," he picked up his head to look at you, "not after he broke your heart."
"It's not his fault…" you said, placing your hand on his as you pulled yourself away from him, your brows furrowed when he frowned at your words, "he didn't realize he hurt me...I don't like talking about him because I can never tell my story without making him the villain."
He clicked his tongue, tipping his head back as he rolled his eyes, "well, he's an asshole so I don't give a fuck."
You chuckled, letting go off his hand as you leaned back on the bed, supporting yourself on your hands, "my god, peter, it's not his fault, flash made a really big deal when he saw him with his girlfriend and I don't understand–"
"He knows who he is?" His bitter words cut you off, your eyes flickered to him and he frowned, hurt lingering on his words as he gripped the blankets in between his fingers, questioning eyes trained on you.
"...yeah," you hesitated, gaze flickering to him as your heart sunk, "yeah he does."
"You told him," he turned his head away from you, a bitter laugh escaping his lips when he picked himself up from the bed, standing up to his full height as his feet carried him away from you, "and yet you didn't tell me."
"peter…" you protested, reaching out for him but he held his hand up, leaning his head back on the window as he inhaled sharply, letting the weight of your words settle.
"I...you know what you said...about being sorry for not being someone I can trust," he said, his voice hollow. "I am sorry...I am so sorry, I don't know what I did to make you not trust me, I thought I was, I was your person, the one you turned to whenever you needed someone but I am not and I am sorry. I am sorry I couldn't be that for you."
"It's not that," you let out an exasperated sigh, motioning towards him frantically as anger licked your insides, bubbling in your veins, "you did nothing wrong…you don't, you don't get to say that to me when you can't trust me."
"I do trust you–"
"You lied to me," you let the words slip your lips, lips quivering as you tried to hold your ground, letting your head hang low, dejected, "you lied to me about Gwen being your soulmate."
"I-I know," he hesitated, desperation lingering on his words as he curled his fingers around the hem his shirt, sniffling as he glanced at you with tear-brimmed eyes, "that's what I wanted to talk to you about, that's why I am here."
You clutched the blankets in between your fingers, tears stinging your eyes as you squeeze your eyes shut, tipping your head back as you pushed the blankets away from your lap, "then why do you…," you pulled the bottom lip in between your teeth, breathing out as your eyes flickered to him, "you...you keep bringing it up. I can't talk to you about him, about soulmates, I can't do it because–"
"–you don't trust me," his words were final, he couldn't help himself but let the words escape his lips when he glanced at you and you let your head fall in your hands, a pained breath leaving your lips and for a moment he felt he lost it all in the blink of an eye, like a fire burning out in the night.
"Peter, you...you have gwen, you lied about her being your soulmate but you must've said that because you believe it will happen someday," you fingers curled around the hem of your shirt, words heavy on your tongue, "you're with her, and...and you have her, with you. you get to kiss her, hold her but I don't. I–i didn't get the chance to have that but with you, everything is perfect for you. It didn't work out for me, I told you–"
With an exasperated sigh, you pulled away from the warmth of your bed, your feet carrying you to him, "–many times that I didn't want to talk about it, that it was complicated and that should be enough for you, my word should be enough for you," you inhaled sharply, tilting your head to the side, "not everyone gets to live a perfect life like you. I am tired, okay? I'm hurt and I'm tired of fighting with my best friend when he should be there to comfort me!"
His heart clenched at the sight and he almost ran to you and wrapped you in his arms. He wanted to have you in his arms and shield you away from all your worries, your words twisted a million daggers into his heart–
The thought of you kissing someone else's lips made his heart skin, and yet all he wanted to do was be the thread to hold all your broken pieces together but the words escaped his lips before he could stop them, "I'm not the one fighting–you are. It's you who has been pushing me away, it's you who keep fighting over stupid shit, god, I love you, I really do and that's all I want to do, y/n. I don't want to fight, I need you, please."
"I need you," your broken whisper ignited a fire within him, his eyes fixated on you, completely and utterly enamored by you as you gazed into his eyes, "I need you more," more than the air I breathe, your heart chained your words before they left your lips. "I love you, Peter, and I want you back, I want to go back to when we had each other…" your words only added flame to the fire of his want, he wouldn't mind getting burnt if he could have you all to him, "...when we didn't keep secrets, when I could–"
His lips met yours before you could get the words out, he opened his lips against yours and you gasped, eyes wide, heart racing in your chest. His eyes were squeezed shut, his hands clutched your wrist to himself, pulling you closer as his other hand slid in your hair, cradling your head but you stood there, frozen.
His eyes fluttered open when you remained motionless in his arms, his eyes met yours and all his fears crawled their way to his heart. He broke away from you, your hand falling limp by your side, stumbling away from you he tried to string words together, an apology at the tip of his lips, "I-I am sorry, I didn't–I wasn't thinking–"
"I need…I need you to do that again," your words shocked you more than him, you couldn't quite wrap your head around what could happen if you had him for a night all to yourself and you didn't want to think about it at all. His touch was hot on your skin, you could still feel his lips on you, taste him and you wanted more and more of him.
He parted his lips, poking his tongue out to lick his lips as he stepped forward, hand reaching for you, hesitation lacing his movements. He shook his head as his eyes drifted away from you but your fingers curled around his collar, "kiss me."
"y/n," his soft whisper pulled you out of your daze, his eyes clearing out all hesitation clouding your movements. his eyes searched for hesitation in yours, but found you peering up at him with adoration and he let himself fall, he knew if he fell a little more in love he'd break but he didn't care anymore, "can I touch you?"
"yes, please, touch me," you mumbled against his lips and he drew you in, an arm circling around your waist, resting on the small of your back as he lifted you up and against him. His lips hovered over yours, and you gasped when his fingers trailed up your neck, he chased after your lips as you stumbled back, fingers clutching his shirt to steady yourself. He placed his palm against your cheek, and he kissed you.
He was kissing you.
His mouth was gentle, his soft lips molded against yours. He had you in his arms, and he let himself get lost in you, to be completely and utterly enamored by you. Your lips were soft against his and he couldn't help but think it to be a dream, a figment of his imagination, a fantasy that he weaved for himself where he held you to him.
A soft gasp left his lips when you opened your lips against his, he tightened his arm around your waist, his movement laced with hesitation as he kissed you carefully. His touch was tender, slender fingers treating you like glass, afraid to break you but his eyes held wild hunger, desperate hands held you to him, with no intention of ever letting go.
He pulled away, letting his arms fall limp by his side as your fingers let go off his wrinkled shirt. His cheeks were rosy, and eyes wide, he furrowed his brows as he inhaled sharply, tilting his head to the side when you released a short huff, falling back on your desk, hands gripping the edge to support your weight on your legs.
"y/n," he breathed out, "was that," he leaned closer, he couldn't stay away from you. His forehead brushed against yours and you pulled your bottom lip in between your teeth, tracing the curve of his mouth with your eyes, "was that okay?"
"please," you whispered, reaching forward for him, missing his touch. You knew if you asked him to stop he would, but it was the last thing you wanted. You were overcome by a sudden need, a sudden need of him. You wanted him to touch you all over, to kiss your lips, you wanted to pull him closer and feel him all over you, his body pressed into yours, lips dropping feather-light kisses down your neck.
It was a need that shielded that guilt of wanting his hands on you, your body burned hot at the thought of him all over you. It was a shameful power that coaxed your true feelings out of you, baring yourself completely to him. You needed him, and you didn't care about what was to come in the near future if you had him all to yourself for a night.
"please, peter," you whispered against his mouth and he didn't fail to catch the underlying desperation beneath your honey coated words, "please, kiss me."
"y/n…" his voice was sweet, dripping honey and laced with warmth, as his fingers trailed down your bare arm, pulling you closer, his warmth seeping into your skin, "oh, sweetheart." He reached for your face, brushing the hair out of your eyes, soaking in your features as his thumb brushed against your cheekbone.
He had you in his arms, handling you like a porcelain doll, you glanced up at him with wide eyes and his heart oozed love for you, you were the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen and he adored you.
Your fingers curled around the collar of his shirt, almost popping off the buttons when you pulled him closer with such urgency, surging forward to meet him halfway, his lips brushed against yours, his breath hot against your skin and you gasped. his hands were placed on either side of your waist, clutching you to him.
"peter…" you gasped when his hand trailed up your waist, fingers slipping under your shirt, brushing against your bare skin. His eyes were briefly closed, nose pressed against your cheek harshly, his eyes fluttered open and he broke free of the lies he believed, the curtain of false pretense that masked his true feelings fell away and he bared his soul to you.
You felt the warmth of his touch as you arched your back, pressing yourself up and against him. He was drunk on you, losing himself in your kisses, his fingers tugging at the hem of your thin shirt which could barely be called a barrier between you and him. He could feel you, all your curves and edges molding into him. You let your fingers tangle themselves in his black curls, pulling at it, eliciting a gasp from him.
He moaned against your lips, his touch hot on your bare skin, he trailed up his nimble fingers up your waist, and warmth bloomed under your skin like wildfire and you let the fire burn you down to ashes as you crushed your mouth against him.
the material of your shirt was bunched up in his fingers, clutching it to your back and you reeled back and he pressed you to the desk, the edge digging into your waist. He moaned against your lips, mumbling how you were the most beautiful thing in the world, how you were his as he lifted you up, settling you on the desk.
"y/n..." he breathed you in, arms curled around your waist, lips ghosting over yours as he parted your legs, stepping in between them. He trailed his kisses down your neck, the feather light touch making you shudder when he pressed his forehead against your shoulder, breathing in your intoxicating scent, "my y/n."
His words engraved themselves in your heart, a place where you could cherish them forever. Your breath hitched as he tightened his hold on you, nose pressed against the column of your throat, making you shudder under his hot breath. Your stomach twisted, your heart sinking as the weight of his words settled in. He had called you his but you weren't.
You weren't his.
He wasn't yours.
Yet here you were, tangled up in him, breathing him in, touching his bare skin and kissing his lips. He pulled away when your grip loosened on him, amber eyes glancing up at you hesitantly. Your fingers brushed the stubborn curls away from his face, your cold fingers tracing his soft skin.
He held your gaze, reaching down to pull your hands up, pressing your palm to his chest, over his heart. Your eyes trailed down to your hand clutched in his hold then back up to his eyes and you found yourself completely enamored by their beauty, the vulnerability drawing you in, closer and closer.
Your heart burned, for a fleeting moment you understood why they lost their minds and fought the wars. Love led to the downfall of millions, yet they never refrained themselves from falling in love. It hurt, but that's what turned it into a beautiful tale. It was cherished by the hearts that were suffered at the hands of love and the tragedy that followed.
If only you had felt the warmth of his touch on your skin, if only you had seen his rosy cheeks as pressed kisses to his lips, if only you had heard the sweet loving whispers that left his lips a little earlier, you would've known what you were living for all along. You felt like you have waited for him for a thousand years but you'd wait for a million more.
"you're so beautiful," you mumbled against his lips, tilting your head to the side as your fingers brushed against his rosy cheeks, "so pretty."
His blush deepened, creeping down his neck as goosebumps rose on his skin, and he shivered against you but not from the chill in the air. Your fingers trailed down his neck, toying with the collar of his shirt as he breathed out, his eyes flickering between your fingers working on his buttons and your lips.
You caught his eyes fixated on your fingers and you paused, letting out a short huff as you tipped up his chin, letting your palm rest on his chest, "are you okay..." you whispered, eyes dropping to your hand pressed to his chest, "are you okay with this?"
"touch me," he breathed out, his fingers trailing down her neck, "touch me...please," he moaned against your lips, his cheeks turning crimson under touch. you let your eyes flutter shut, reveling in his hushed words that soothed your soul, the whispers of love that looped you in its arms, enveloping you in its warm embrace. his fingers brushed against her bare neck, "you are the most beautiful thing in the entire world."
You gasped as you parted your lips, his mouth open and hot over yours. his fingers trailed up, cupping the back of your neck, he couldn't help himself but lean into you, deepening the kiss, tracing the shape of your mouth with his tongue.
His hand trailed up, fingers catching in the hem of your shirt as your fingers gripped his shoulder, pulling him impossibly closer to you. His hand cupped your breast, squeezing it softly and you whimpered against his lips, head rolling back against the wall.
His kisses trailed down your lips as you arched your back, threading your fingers in his hair. He mouthed hot kisses down your neck, pressing his lips to your collarbone, your skin warm under his touch, the taste of your strawberry chapstick lingering on his lips.
He held you close to him, soft gasps escaping your lips as his lips pressed sweet kisses on your skin. his curls tickled the skin of your neck as he dropped kisses on top of each swell of your breasts, making you whimper and tug harder on his hair.
"y/n," he breathed as he pulled himself up, holding your gaze as his hand slid into your hair, "I need you to know...I have always," he pulled you in. his lips gliding across yours, capturing you in a mind-reeling kiss, his desperation, hunger, frustration poured into the kiss and you gasped against him, fingers curling themselves in his curls, "always loved y–"
His words died on his lips when he heard jiggle of keys, the front door being pushed open and you let go off him, your mom called out your name, pulling you out of your daze, bursting the bubble in which you hid him away from the world, all your worries and the consequences of your actions.
Your eyes flickered to him, his eyes wide in horror and you felt a wave of nausea crashing over you. Your stomach twisted as your eyes traced his unbuttoned shirt, his swollen lips that you had been kissing just a few moments ago.
He was wrapped around you, his hands holding you to him, fingers tangled in your hair, your skin burned under his touch and you couldn't breathe anymore. You pushed him off you with trembling fingers, lips quivering at the thought of her.
Oh god, what have you done?
You betrayed her trust, you lost yourself in his kisses, in his touch, you lost yourself in him. His heart was promised to her, and yet he kissed you? Why? How could he? How could you–?
You couldn't make sense of what happened between the two of you, you couldn't, all you knew was that it was wrong. It was wrong of you to let yourself touch Peter when he was in love with someone else, he had someone waiting on him.
"I…we shouldn't have," you sniffled, picking your head up as you breathed out, tears pricked your eyes and the world blurred all around you, but you could see him, only you didn't want to look at him, "that...that was wrong."
His heart broke a little when you turned your head away from him, your fingers gripping the side of your arm as you curled into yourself, not wanting his eyes on you. He couldn't help himself but run to you when you breathed out, eyes glimmering with tears.
He held back his words when you held up your hand, blinking away your tears but your eyes were wet and all he wanted was to wipe away your tears, hold you to him. He wanted to be the one to make you smile, not the one who led you to look up at him with a tearful gaze.
"I-It wasn't right…" your lips quivered as the words escaped your lips and your gaze flickered to him, and all the love and adoration he believed to be in your eyes vanished in a flash, "that shouldn't have happened…how could you–how could you do that to me?"
He blinked at you, tears pricking his eyes as you held your eyes, your words burning into his skin, sinking into his heart. He parted his lips, but he didn't have any words to say to you, all he could gather from your words was that he hurt you.
He hurt you.
He feared if he ever bared his soul to you, let you see every little scar littering his heart that he got when he fell a little more in love with you as each moment passed, he'd fall apart. He fell in love with you, he lost himself in you but he never expected you to fall for him.
He knew you couldn't love him the way he loved you, you were too hurt, too broken to let yourself love him. He knew to love was to lose his mind but he didn't mind running through rose thorns for you when he had you in his arms at night, brushing your hair away from your eyes and holding onto you too tight.
It tore him apart to be in love with you every waking moment of his life when you came home to him with an aching heart. It hurt to know you could've let yourself fall for him but you gave away your delicate heart to someone only for him to shatter it into a million pieces.
He always held himself back, locked away his love for you in his heart but he couldn't himself when yours lips touched him. He let himself fall a little more in love with you, he lost himself in your kisses, your touch.
He let himself be in love with you without the fear of you breaking his heart into pieces holding him back. If he got to kiss you, hold you to him the way he did a few moments ago, feel your heart against his chest, heart your sweet, honey coated whispers for a lifetime, he'd let you break him little by little.
His heart sunk, blood rang in his years, and all his fears became real, pulling him out of the moments of magic he shared with you. He had you, only for a few moments but he had you all to himself. You were the most beautiful fantasy he ever dreamed of but it all turned to dust at your words.
"I think it's best if you leave," you said, eyes holding his gaze but he couldn't move, time didn't fly, as if he was paralyzed by it and he found himself frozen in the moment you turned away from him, "please, peter, leave."
He flinched at the bitterness in your words and you lowered your voice but the bitterness remained, you regretted what had happened between the two of you, you regretted him and he didn't think he could find a way back to you, "please go."
"I-I am," his voice was broken, desperate, trying to hold on to you, "I am sorry," he inhaled sharply, tears blurring his eyes as he stumbled back, towards the window, "I didn't mean to hurt you."
You looked away, words resting on your lips but you held yourself back, you wanted him to stay. You wanted him to hold you to him, kiss you until you forget the world and just remember him–his lips, his touch, his laugh, his taste but you couldn't, not after what you have done.
He wanted to run to you, hold you to him and fall to his knees and beg you to let him stay, to hold your hand and let him hold you to him. He didn't care for himself, he wanted you back, he wanted you to be by his side no matter if you kiss his lips or not. He didn't want your love, he just wanted you.
You two broke right before his eyes, he was in pieces and he needed you but every scrap of you was taken from him. He was connected to you, bound to your soul by a fragile thread but it couldn't hold you two together anymore.
He never thought he'd live long enough to see it break.
next: part six - wrapped around my fingers
a/n: the ending 🥰. this chapter was eventful, as I've said before. I did hurt you, but I'm pretty sure we all are happy about gwen and peter's relationship status. I want to thank @thefallenbibliophilequote because she helped me a lot when I was struggling with the chapter!! couldn't have done it without her.
only three chapters left omg!! I think the last two chapters are going to be shorter, but I'll see what happens when I get there. I know some of you are going to hate the way I ended it, mostly because y/n is going to be super pissed at peter and herself. but come and scream at me in my inbox!!! would love to know what you think of the chapter! thank you for being so patient lovies 💞
send an ask/comment/dm if you want to get tagged/dropped in the series!!!
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