sometimes i feel more like a house than a person with the way i decorate my body and my face to hide damaged walls and empty spaces; my heart is more like a door with changed locks because i've made multiple keys for people who walked all over me with filthy shoes, people who said they could live here, but they were just passing through. i hope my eyes are not windows, because i fear what the world might see—all of my flaws and insecurities on display like a coffee table or some shoddy love seat. sometimes i swear i left the oven on and forgot because my mind feels like a smoke detector with the way my apprehension never calms. i smell smoke, but i can't see it; i'm told things are never as bad as i make them, but every wildfire starts with a spark and it's easy to burn when you're a house made of straw.
- "house made of straw"
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"Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All the blood was never once beautiful it was just red."
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i never asked to grow up so fast
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“you will always know how healthy a connection is for you by how you feel after interactions. not just in the sweet moments, but in the rough too. energy lingers, but it also never lies.”
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I wish I was enough to make you stay.
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I wanted to feel loved without feeling like I was begging for it.
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Please don't criticize the way people smile, or sing or laugh with pure glee. For you it may not be appeasing, but for someone else, it's their entire reason to exist.
Never judge the way someone is expressing themselves, no-one gave you the right anyway.
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just me and my unconditional love for the moon against the world
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I can’t remember a time when I was genuinely happy, and I’m afraid that this is all I’m ever gonna be, angry and sad.
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i would like to remind you today that you are more than the reflection in the mirror. you are more than acne and a bad hair day. you are more than the things you wanted to do the day before, but didn't get to or couldn't finish. you are more than your body's limits. you are more than the food you didn't eat or ate too much of and of course, you are more than your weight. you are more than your past and any mistakes you relive in your head in the present. you are more than the things that have hurt you and if you've hurt others you can choose to be more than that, you can choose to grow beyond that and become better than that. you are more than likes on a picture, your beauty is not measured by the number and your art or your poems or your stories are still beautiful too, even if few see it, even if no one sees it. you are more than an illness, physical or mental or both. you are more than trauma and grief and your intrusive thoughts. the hardships, the flaws (self imposed or otherwise), the pain - they are PARTS of you, but understand, they are not ALL of you.
- a friendly affirmation
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do you ever feel like people around you are just tolerating you or like pretending to like you? Like in a study group or in a friend circle or any social set up? or maybe that you're just there and nobody would care if you weren't there? do you then chide yourself for overthinking and using that as a way to excuse yourself out of social commitments and stay in your bed and re-watch your favourite series for the 6th time? or do you force yourself to show up again, feel awkward, put on forced smiles that are too wide because you're trying to tell your brain you're happy so your body doesn't release tears. but your brain isn't like stupid? it does however cooperate with you for a bit and once you're alone it's like yeah I'm gonna let the tears out now. it is what it is. do you? or am I the only one?
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Absolutely beautiful 💖
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“be kind to the person you are now, even if that person isn’t who you necessarily want to be. you deserve patience and honey during every phase of your metamorphosis.”
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Just because you love me, doesn’t mean I feel loved by you.
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It hits me every time when I look around and see small pieces of you in everything I do.
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When it's 3 am and you can't sleep, open your window or step outside your house. Feel the crisp, cold air on your skin. Take a deep breath and watch as you create clouds when you breathe out. Look at the dark sky that sits above your head and marvel about how beautiful it is. Try to find the moon and the stars that guard the night sky. Whisper all your uncertainties out into the universe, it's okay if you let the stars carry the weight of your worries for a while.
When it's 3 am and you can't sleep, make a cup of tea, grab a pen and paper and write all the things you wish you could say in the form of a letter and address them to the people you wish you had the courage to tell. When you're done, seal them in an envelope and keep them in the drawer of your bedside table. Maybe one day you'll show them the words you wrote but for now, it's out in the world and that's all what matters.
When you start to shiver, step back inside. When your hand starts to cramp, stop writing. When you crawl back in bed and try to sleep, I hope you feel a little lighter.
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