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In your loneliness

You dreamed of princes who would strangle your neck,

Who forced you to believe that love was there.

You drowned in the same dream for fifteen years.

You wished you would never wake up.

Now the bells are tolling. The stillness breaks

Mornings morphing into midnights,

Near the warm orange light by the bed.

Everyone pushed you away

And now you colour in the hatred in their eyes

With the palette you could not leave behind

In a white cage, suspended in a timeless vacuum,

Where broken legacies rattle like bones against the window,

Where old blood, always running deep and thick, seethes and screams at your door.

But most of the time it’s just you and your princes.

The ones you will save and who in turn will save you.

The walls are slathered in silence

And you fill it with voices from your head.

In your loneliness, are you free now?

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“If our lives are thread, thin and silvery, it’s easy to imagine them entangled across the globe, sometimes parting, never to touch again, or else unexpectedly meeting, re-entwining.”

~Janice Pariat, Seahorse

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“I’ve always thought that people write, paint, compose music, for remembrance. Like what Philip Larkin said—that at the bottom of all art lies the impulse to preserve. Lest we forget. Works of art are beautiful scars.“

~Janice Pariat, Seahorse

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“The smallness of our small town, its bland familiarity and quiet, terrifying dullness.
Yet how are we to truly map others? To fully navigate the rooms they carve in their hearts. The whispers they alone understand. What is love to their ear? The crevice it fits into is different for each of us. We are separate worlds illuminated by strange suns, casting unrecognizable shadows.
In the end, we follow spirits only our eyes can spy.“

~Janice Pariat, Seahorse

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Third Time’s a Charm

The first time we were just kids,

There’s no way we could’ve possibly made it.

We had yet to overcome some of the greatest challenges of our lives,

All of which shaped us into who we are now.

We knew nothing of the world and even less about how to love.

We were destined to fail.

The second time was many years later,

Almost full adults who had seen how ugly the world could truly be.

We fell hard and fast,

And all too quickly became dependent on each other’s happiness.

As much as it destroyed me to lose you,

We were slowly killing ourselves.

Both mentally fucked and hurt from past heartache,

The love was real,

But it couldn’t work.

A broken person can’t put someone else back together.

And now,

Here in this moment.

After realizations and growth,

We have come together again.

They say third time’s a charm,

And now that we are in better headspaces and know we need to do better for ourselves,

I genuinely hope it’s true.

You bring light to my darkest thoughts,

Hope for my uncertain future,

A kind of love I thought I would never experience.

I want to make this last.

This will be our last chance,

I just hope it doesn’t go to waste.

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