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#spilled thoughts

bells will ring,

people sing,

I can’t feel a goddamn thing.


winter spice,

slip on ice,

think of death, not once, but twice.


mail a card,

lit up yard,

yet my heart is broken, scarred.


children smile,

empty aisle,

pushing past my life’s free trial.


same old song,

heart withdrawm,

maybe soon I’ll just be gone.


11/28/2020

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Sometimes it feels like the universe is playing with me for shits and giggles.

I just want to have the little things everyone else seems to have had for years. I’m not saying they’re without problems, but mine seem more fundamental in the sense that I just cannot have these things that make me happy.

I’m so scared of even admitting what I want, to say it out loud because I think as soon as the universe knows, something will happen to screw things up immediately. At least then my tears and disappointment don’t become entertainment or examples.

If you surrender defeat before the fight gets too intense then the actual defeat doesn’t hurt that much right?

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image

No te apagas al morir,
al contrario; brillas,

Brillas al salir el alba,
En el despertar de las flores,
En el gruñido del sol
En el bostezar de la luna,
Al abrir sus ojos las estrellas.

Se apaga la luz de tu cuerpo
Se riega tu voz por todo el universo,

Se vierte en el infinito
Toda la magia de tu alma.

Leslie Valle

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Wrapped

Gets lonely

I come up for air

Find less and less O2 to share

Amongst fewer people each dare

Drowse

Driven away

Dive down

Return a little deeper every day

Hale lungs

Orbital spun

Foster faster centrifugal winding

To the ocean’s floor

Rapt opining

Turns out I was on a string

This radius shortening

Each cast

Every wrap around the sun

__________________________

Maureen Armstrong @haikkun

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When the night feels too long again and I start drowning myself in chasms of emptiness; I’d think of you.

I’d think of you when it becomes hard to inhale and I’d think of you when the spirits dissappear into the thin air.

When the moon decides to fade away in the pale morning sky; my lungs would swell without my knowing.

And I’d whisper to your image in my head “Don’t feel no remorse”. Don’t feel no remorse; please.

“Please forgive me” you said.

I do.

I do, when the morning glories bloom and the birds start flying to the east; I do.

And likewise, almost out of routine, I’d run down the memory lane as I shut my eyes to sleep; and kiss you in my dreams.

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oh we burned years ago

but the ashes of that time

somehow fills my chest still.

should’ve swept

the crime scene,

rid all the traces of

what could’ve been

then i wouldn’t have had to worry

about how the ashes are

somehow burning,

now that you’re back again.


h.e.

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“The goosebumps you feel out of nowhere, are the work of the sweet angels silently carving the routes of your destiny across your skin. You gotta trace them to know where you belong to.”

— Alana Marroquim (esquizofrenesi)

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“i love you,” he said
“you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he said
“you’re the one for me,” he said

i only had to look into his eyes
to know that his words were genuine

i held his hand as he spoke
traced the curves of his face,
his neck,
his chest.
i pulled him closer,
kissed his cheek softly,
breathed him in
and held on to him with all i had

i created intimate moment after moment
but no matter what i did,
no matter how hard i tried,
i could not make myself feel the things he felt for me.

it was in these moments
that i realized i was clinging on
when i should have been letting go.

—————

“why are you doing this to me?,” he cried
“do you have any idea how much this hurts me?,” he cried
“but i love you!,” he cried
“do you know how much you mean to me?,” he cried
“you’re putting daggers in my heart,” he cried

“please,” i begged, “i just want you to be happy”
“i was happy with you!,” he cried.

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𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩…

❝𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩

𝐌𝐲 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠,

𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐦 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐬.

𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬,

𝐜𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬,

𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐭…

𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐆𝐨𝐝'𝐬 𝐜𝐫𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬

𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐮𝐧,

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞,

𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐧.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐆𝐨𝐝'𝐬 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞,

𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐇𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐦𝐞,

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐮𝐩,

𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐇𝐢𝐦, 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐲𝐦𝐧.

𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐡𝐲𝐦𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧,

𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐤𝐲,

𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐬, 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝

𝐠𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠.

𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐰,

𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧.

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡.❞

𝐁𝐲: 𝐦𝐞. 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬, 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐦𓄃.

image
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“You are a wish and your kisses are a dream with your smile dripping like everything that I need..”

I need a lot of you cuddling on the couch and your mouth on my neck - eUë

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