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#spilled words

Your past may be an affliction

But please refuse to be its definition

The world is quite writhen

Yet that is only a restriction

If you allow it to be your prison

Then you’ve been condemned

Before you have truly risin….

Amber D

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On a Shooting Star

I wish i didnt notice the glow in my chest everytime i smiled

I wish i didnt notice my unfamiliar laugh everytime something amused me

I wish i didnt try so hard to memorise the feeling of not feeling pain

I wish i wasnt so fucking aware of being happy

I wish i could just be

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image

This is my very first NaNoWriMo project & honestly I’m so excited. Just working on a short horror story, that I’m obsessed with. 360/10k words written ✅ I’m also hoping to get out of this creative block that I’ve been in for far too long!!

What’s your goals for Camp Nano?

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Long time ago, in between phrases and words I’ve written, I tried my best to convince myself that they were not about you. But deep down, I knew everything was about you ⁠— in my poems, in my 3ams, in my afternoons, and in wee of the night. Even in the random songs I’ve heard somewhere; even in any sad love stories I’ve read in books. Then time came, I’ve learned that you can never hide it.

When I said that I would never write about you again, I lied.

If you ask me if I still write about you, I would lie.

You see, I’m never a good writer; I’m just good at hiding things. Even if we play hide at seek, I’m sure you’ll never see even my shadow, even if I’m just two steps behind you ⁠— watching you looking for me until you found something else.

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I saw your face
        but it wasn’t you.
I saw your face
        in someone else
And I told myself
        that it had no part
In how I felt about
        them at all; that it
Was just a small
        coincidence or that
Maybe my mind
        was playing a trick.
But it wasn’t that
        because I saw you.
Not just your features,
        not just your eye color,
Not just your smile,
        not just any little thing.
I saw your face…
        but it wasn’t you.
And I guess by now
        I thought I’d be past
                wanting it to be true.
I guess my only solace
        is that I never said that
                I loved you.

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the labyrinth of sound orbits around the

nebula of your eyes shaped by moonlight

in the forest, time is nothing more than a

spectre and I am defined by my mortality

come through the portal with me.

your hand warm in my own and I’ll dream

into this world the remnants of a sacred

melody, the powerful embers of your soul

affecting gods and monsters of old

with the deep green dominion of the earth

senselessly invoking the stars

the affirmation of human affection

the paradise subliminal in all humanity

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When I realised it, I had come to that river side

Envisioning the sequel to the dream I had Yesterday

On that day you seemed so grown-up

Unable to even say goodbye, I hid under my umbrella

If we cross path again,… Oh please

That time, forget-me-not

Not like love, not like loving, not something that’s changing

It’s only you I like, and that’s how I think it will always be

Holding onto my aimless feelings, I look back as people often do

Stopping the scene were we chanced to meet from fading gently away

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Fall for me. Just give me a chance. Take the leap and I promise you won’t regret it. You won’t regret it as you wake up in my arms, while I’m still fast asleep. You won’t regret it when I’m cooking you dinner, and shoo you out of my workspace with a laugh. You won’t regret it when we argue, not cause we won’t but because we’ll talk. You won’t regret it because of all the things you won’t see, like how I look at you when you’re not paying attention. Studying every freckle, blemish and mark on your skin. Carving it into my memory. Looking and you and making a list of everything I want to make your body feel using my own. When I miss you despite having left you the same morning. You won’t regret it I promise. So please, fall in love with me?

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Autumn


Oh autumn leaves,

how lovely you are,

golden, sun stained, magnificent

and crisp leaves begins to fall from

almost bare October trees.


Oh October,

what a breathtaking month you are,

I love you just like how I love

Autumn; to quite give me the soft

rustles of autumn leaves as they

fall and was being lifted by your

winds that brought solemnity in me.


I started walking; through my naked

skin I could feel relief and warm

that brought solitude to my soul by

the soft, gentle hush melodies of

the autumn leaves.


I watched as it flew softly all over

me, silently listening to the soft

rustles, whispers and soothing

sounds that seems like a lullaby to

me as they slowly dropped to the

soft cushioned ground of October’s

month.


Oh beautiful Autumn leaves,

lovely shades of yellow, orange,

red and brown leaves that cracks to

the hustles of winds.


I let out a sigh;

Autumn is here and Summer’s gone,

soon the winter will comes and

you’ll be gone too, leaving memories

in desolate.


What a wonderful reminder of change,

just like how the October trees lose

the entirety of its leaves to face

the beautiful transition of autumn.


Such a lovely reminder that change

isn’t that bad, that it may takes

time through the process but soon

will bloom beautifully like trees

and flowers of spring.


Semjase 12: 58

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“You still love them, even if they no longer love you. There is bravery in letting go of a love you thought you knew. There is no shame in wanting someone who doesn’t want you back. But darling, you deserve someone who wants to love you just as much.”

- Courtney Peppernell, Pillow Thoughts II

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