I think, in your effort to love me I broke something within you.
You wanted me to accept you loved me so desperately.
Only I was incapable-
Critically limited when it came to being loved.
Yet you tried so bitterly.
Now I wonder if loving me was the most painful thing you have done.
- I do not regret knowing you, I regret making you love me.
- [i.r.] //[09.24.21]
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No One is Waiting For Me
As I come home with a heavy back
I don't see anyone waiting for me at the gates,
Only shadows of myself welcoming my fate.
The train line passes across my house
My bedroom resides in a dark corner
Pieces of blade grow from my palms
Each day, growing closer to my throat.
The gallows far away scare me to death.
- a quick nap is much needed.
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13 things i learned in 2020
nothing stays the same. without a moment's notice, everything can change and leave you wondering what the hell happened. living in the present and appreciating the small things is important because nothing else is guaranteed or permanent.
we humans are not as important as we believe ourselves to be. when the bee dies so do the flowers. when we die the flowers grow back. if we are to build a better future, we must give back to the planet by changing the ways we live on it.
time is not real. there is nothing in the laws of physics that can prove it is anything other than a human construct.
power of the people will always outweigh the people in power. the 1% are scared of us realising this and acting upon it.
home is more of a person than a place. the way i see my family has changed. all that other stuff i thought i wanted when the true treasure was here all along.
distance does not lessen the value or strength of true friendship.
self-care is by far the most important skill to learn in life. being aware of my needs, how things effect me, and eliminating harmful inputs has gone a long way in improving my physical and mental health.
social media does not offer an honest or healthy way in which to view the world. like a toxic friend, it uses our desires and insecurities in all sorts of manipulative ways. being able to take a step back and reconnect with the real physical world can be both invigorating and revelatory.
simple acts of kindness cost nothing but are as precious as gold dust.
eye contact has become a new form of communication. with masks hiding half of our faces we have no choice but to look at each other's souls. we see each other more now and we offer strangers in the street smiles from our eyes rather than our mouths.
being lonely doesn't mean we're alone. everyone is going through something. even if they don't show it.
laughter is the closest thing there is to magic. watery eyes, burning chests and aching ribs from laughing too much are the most wonderful feelings in the world.
i am much more resilient and capable than i thought i was.
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“Wow,” I say, “Olympians are really so far beyond the capabilities of a normal American person!”
You look up to see what amazing feat has been accomplished. It is Simone Biles, taking a responsible mental health break to prevent herself from getting injured for people who don’t care about her.
“What?” you say. You thought you’d be seeing something exceptional. “Shouldn’t that be normal and perfectly acceptable?”
In the corner, capitalism is sweating.
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