“March breaks in sunlight shining through thunderclouds.

Raindrops on the ground.

Flowers in our pockets.

The world rouses slowly from slumber.

Hope paints a tapestry of possibilities.”

This heat burning
through my skin,
this urgency
gripping us
pulling us under
as we take hold
of each other.
Sparks light up
every part of my body
and together we become
wildfire.

Hotel St Louis (24x28 print)

-

Let us

live our

lives as

vulnerable

metaphors;

magical

creatures,

forever

surrendering

ourselves

to the

universe.

bruised tender heart fluttering in my chest like a sparrow’s wings

“nobody wants to hear that; stop crying

what are you crying for? you’re too sensitive

you have nothing to cry about

you have a roof over your head

food in your belly

there are starving children all over the world

and you’re too spoiled to appreciate what you have

be quiet, i don’t want to hear your voice

don’t give me that flat affect”

bad daughter

too much

not enough

ungrateful

it all echoes through my mind like a frenetic snare drum line

“nobody wants to hear that”

i bite the inside of my cheek until it bleeds

slippery red copper

rubies that i swallow

the taste of rusted metal congealing on my tongue

infusing my tastebuds with that bitter tang

“stop crying”

like i can just tell the tears to retract

settle behind my eyes

tell my cheeks to stop glistening where they left a shiny snail-slick trail

“i don’t want to look at you

where are you going?

i’m not done talking to you”

i know i resemble a deer in the headlights

wide-eyed and frozen stiff

waiting for the impact

a shatter, like cracks in a tea cup

inevitable

inextricable

but that’s worse

“don’t look at me like that

you’re not a kicked puppy

don’t try to make me feel bad”

no way to win

like a rigged carnival game

the barker has a smile like a shark’s

can smell fresh blood from a mile away

i always have enough tickets to win a disappointing prize

i can’t get rid of them

can’t stop cashing them in

always more of the same

“i had it so much worse when i was your age

you’re lucky you have a mother who loves you”

i snort

my mind goes “cha-ching!”

like the winning sound that plays

at the game booth

another prize that i don’t want

“go to your room

get out of here”

if this is love

it’s not in a language i can understand

i try to learn the alphabet

the syllables snag on my teeth

tumble clumsily from my mouth

it’s never enough

doesn’t sound right

but i try

and i try

and i try

and i try

and i try.

i keep trying.

it buzzes in my ears

skitters in my brain

itching my skull

wrinkling my brows

dripping out my nose

it eludes me.

a mother’s love is the most powerful thing there is

it sews you together

makes up the difference when you aren’t strong enough

reinforces all your weak spots

why do i keep caving in?