17. “I’m with you, you know that.” Spirk
This time I went with TOS! Have Established Spirk with a sprinkling of the crew.
Knows Him Well - Kirk finds his husband knows him well when it comes to how to settle his nerves.
"I'm with you. You know that."
Kirk took a deep breath, his fingers itching to hold Spock's hand, as he went to the front of the auditorium. It was his first time teaching a group this large, really, and he was a bundle of nerves. This was highly illogical, he could almost hear Spock say in his head. He was not the type to get nervous.
And yet he was.
He made his way to the podium and then turned to face his audience...and he felt a sigh of relief escape him as he saw the familiar faces of his crew in the far back seating of the auditorium. Bones, Scotty, Sulu, Uhura, Chekov and his t'hy'la all had warm smiles on their faces. Scotty was even giving him a thumbs up.
This had to be Spock's doing. He felt himself relax, and then he gripped the podium and leaned forward so the microphone would catch his voice. "My name is Captain James T. Kirk, and I am the Captain of the USS Enterprise."
This lecture went well. There was a good amount of engagement between himself and the students, he got in some actual lessons along with the stories he told, and at the end he had his crew come down to share personal anecdotes. After the crowd dispersed he and his crew went to the nearest restaurant and crowded into a large booth.
"I don't think they believed me about the whales, but overall it went well," Kirk said, his formerly itchy hand firmly clasped in Spock's. Their fingers were intertwined and he could feel a hum of contentment running through Spock.
"Well, it does come off as a tall tale if you tell the whole story," Bones said, taking a taste of his mint julep.
"The things we've done as a crew," Uhura said, shaking her head. "I doubt half the stories would be believed."
"Aye, but we had a good Captain at the helm," Scotty said. He raised his pint glass of beer then. "To our Captain!"
"To our Captain!" the others said, joining in on the toast. Even Spock raised his glass of water with his spare hand. Kirk grinned at everyone, then turned to his husband.
"You got everybody in the room to calm my nerves, didn't you?" he asked.
Spock nodded. "It seemed the most appropriate way to alleviate your anxiety," he said. "And I admit, I wanted to see your lecture after listening to you practice it in the mirror."
Kirk leaned over and kissed his husband's cheek as he squeezed his hand. "And your thoughts on it?"
"It was quite good," Spock said. "I believe your subsequent lectures will be just as entertaining." The soft look in Spock's eye was all that was needed for a warm smile to be etched on his face as Sulu launched the group into a new topic of conversation, and he knew he'd be showing his husband just how happy he was when they were alone.
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Spock’s journey just gets me man. There was a little boy on Vulcan who didn’t get raised correctly despite being very loved and when he was old enough the belief “this can’t be all that existence is, this can’t be all I can find from life” was so great inside him that he was willing to defy his culture and his father to go and join Starfleet without knowing really anything about what that entailed, all he knew was he had to try something different from Vulcan.
And it wasn’t easy or what he thought it would be, but he stuck with it and ever so slowly... painfully... he found that humans grew on him and that human warmth from Jim and from others was what he had been missing and he felt a sense of belonging on the Enterprise that was worth dying over. But it came at a great cost- an almost insurmountable cost of feeling that he could either be Vulcan or Human. Once he got away from his home he found that he couldn’t just turn his back on that planet and his family and so he didn’t know how to accept the positive changes in his life, he didn’t know how to be himself, to honor both parts of him and this almost ruined everything for him. He almost underwent kolinahr, but that feeling he got from his relationship with James T Kirk it was too strong, it was too precious for him to just throw it away, so he doesn’t, he comes back even though he doesn’t know what to think or what he’s going to do and somehow with V’ger he figures it out. His euphoria during This Simple Feeling- he is happy and he knows who he is and he feels that he can be who he wants to be without guilt and it took him. Decades. To get there. But he got there. He got there. And he’s so happy and at peace for the rest of the movies it’s so wonderful to see bc he had such a hard time of it for so long.
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