#srsly though i will never say no to any interaction

[cookies-are-nice]

Catalyst

Author's note : Omg romance starts here😘😘 jkjk but srsly this is where my writing starts to pick up

Content : Mikey x Sachiko(OC), fight scene, Some light teasing (obv it's romance we're talking abt here)

Chapter 6 : A Fateful Encounter

-ˋˏ ❀* ‧₊˚* ੈ‧₊*❈꧁🥀꧂❈ * ੈ‧₊*. *₊°❀ ˎˊ-

Sneaking from bush to bush, from corner to corner, Rose was successfully tailing the leader of Toman. As she thought about how great she was at stalking people, Mikey took off. Realising he probably noticed her, she sighed in defeat.

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea," She mumbled to herself.

"What wasn't a good idea?"

The sudden voice of a stranger startled Rose, she turned around quickly and put her hands up in a defensive position, preparing to punch whoever it was behind her. But the leader of Toman was faster, he pinned both her hands above her head, rendering her defenseless.

"Let me rephrase it, why did you think following me was a good idea to begin with?" The boy asked in a playful voice, as if mocking Rose for her absurd actions. Though, she clearly didn't notice the tone in which he had because she was squirming like a maniac, trying to escape from his grasp, but it was no use. Accepting she couldn't wiggle her way out of this one, Rose flipped her hood back, revealing her signature pair of purple eyes.

"I'm the u-uhm..." Rose felt herself cringe at the name she was given. Hesitantly, she answered "Rose of Tokyo..."

The blond boy seemed to be surprised by the sudden mention of such a famous delinquent. He let go of her and took a step back.

"I'm sorry I didn't think you were...her." He hesitantly says that last part, silently telling Rose he felt the same way about her name.

"Just call me Rose, I didn't decide on the name, I know it's cringy."

The both of them awkwardly smiled at the comment.

"You still haven't answered my question."

"Ah, about that," Rose cleared her throat to ensure no voice cracks could sneak up on her during her conversation with the "Invincible Mikey".

"I was hoping to join your gang."

"Oh?" Mikey looked almost confused for a moment, then, he continued, "I hope you realise there aren't any girls in Toman."

"I'm aware," Rose cocks an eyebrow to emphasise the next words, "And what's the problem? You don't want girls joining your gang?"

"No, I only-" Mikey swiftly tries to defend himself.

"or is it because you think girls are weak?" Rose said confusing the boy with the new debate tactic she had recently read about.

"NO, it's just-" It proved to be effective, sending Mikey into panic.

For once, the leader was stuttering, trying to figure out how he wants this interaction to go. Of course, all of this was planned by Rose, hoping she could bend his will far enough to consider allowing a girl to join Toman.

Mikey took a moment to compose himself before continuing with a question. "Why do you wanna join?"

Rose decided her best action was to reveal her mission, to hide her identity. "I was sent to keep an eye on someone in your gang to make sure he doesn't get hurt."

"Who?"

"Sorry, can't tell."

The distrust and hesistance in his eyes were very apparent, so Rose racked her brain for a few moments and proposed a deal.

"Alright, I'll make you an offer: if I can defeat you in a fight, then you let me join ; If I can't, then we'll part ways as allies."

Testing his state of power, Mikey asked her. "And if I don't accept the deal?"

"Then we're gonna have some problems, Manjiro Sano." She threatened him, with venom laced in her voice.

Rose made eye contact with the gang leader, hoping she could seal the deal; Mikey seemed deep in thought.

After a moment of silence, he finally spoke up,"I swore to never put my hands on a girl."

"Can't you make an exception? Come on, just this once?"

He seemed as if he was in thought for awhile before saying, "Alright, let's do our best then."

Rose smirked at him giving off a confident persona, but in reality she was going through the 5 stages of grief on the inside.

"Very well, first one to surrender loses."

Mikey hummed in agreement and they both head to an abondoned parking lot nearby to start their fight.

"Ready?"

"Mhm."

They both look up, establishing eye contact.

"3,"

"2,"

"1. "

"1."

As soon as the countdown ended, Mikey delivered his signature kick, but Rose easily dodged it by diving into a spilt onto the ground. Then, she kicks her right foot and trips his remaining leg on the ground. Despite being caught off guard, the leader of Toman reacts at lightning speed and does a side flip to get back on his feet, so does his opponent.

Rose goes right back to attacking him with punches and kicks. Although the martial arts prodigy was disoriented, he did a good job blocking her attacks. Then, he caught her off guard by grabbing the girl's left wrist mid-attack and tripping her feet. The latter falls down and hits her head. Mikey stood above her, raising his heel and bringing it down swiftly. Not wasting even a second, Rose dodged and got a hold of his left foot. He lost his balance and fell. The girl quickly jumped up and took several steps back.

Taking a look around her surroundings, Rose thinks about what she can do, then an idea popped into her mind. She smirks and runs up to attack Mikey with a punch, he blocks it and tries to attack back, but fails to notice Rose's strategy just yet. She side-jumps off the nearby wall, granting her just enough momentum to spin around and wrap her left leg around the boy's neck, performing a rear triangle chokehold. He loses his balance due to Rose's momentum. But she forgot one thing, Manjiro still could move his legs.

Without hesitation, Mikey kicks straight up. That left the girl with no choice but to release him to escape the hit. She backs up to get some distance while her opponent is trying to catch his breath. Rose leaves him with no less than a second before confronting him again, this time, she sprints straight to him. The boy was expecting a front attack so he quickly prepares himself to block a front attack.

Rose smiles to herself and uses her momentum to swing behind the boy and holds his arms behind his back, making him fall to the ground once again. After that, she locks her legs with his and successfully traps him. He struggles the best he can but once he realised that she used the unbeatable hold on him.

"I s-surrender."

Rose immediately releases him. They both take a few moments to calm down from that intense fight. Well, at least Rose did(she was the one jumping around).

"Are you alright? I didn't go overboard, did I?"

Mikey doesn't reply he just stared at her in absolute awe.

"That was amazing!"

"Thank you, I've been learning karate ever since I was 6."

"How do you know to how to fight so well? Your experience and technique can't be taught just anywhere, y'know?"

"No idea, i guess I just picked them up from friends?"

<sure..."friends">

Rose put her hand out, silently hinting for Mikey to get up off the ground. He takes her hand and winces at the pain in his arm. She notices the microscopic reaction from the boy and checks his arm for any injuries.

"Manjiro, there's blood," His name sounded sweet when it came from her lips. "It's just a scratch I'm fine,"

Rose ignored his excuses and took out a bandage from her pocket to wrap his arm up.

"I usually don't hurt my opponents this bad, I'm sorry." She apologised with a worried tone, shocked by the damage she caused despite already holding back. Rose reached for his hand but Mikey swats it away.

"How do you win fights if you don't hurt your opponents?"

Once again, Rose attempts to get a hold of his hand but her attempts were in vain as Mikey was very persistant on avoiding her help.

"Tell me and I'll let you bandage me up."

With a sigh, Rose defeatedly explains.

"I guess i just study my opponent's fighting style and predict their moves, using that, I find a way to take them out. In your case, i know you are trained in karate, judo and jujutsu. With that info, i deducted some moves I knew you would use since those 3 martial arts have quite a lot in common. Plus, judging by your personality, you probably wouldn't try anything too risky or rough since I'm a girl," Rose realises her explanation was too detailed and tries to lighten up the mood with a joke. "Or best case scenario, my opponent doesn't know how to fight."

Mikey snorts at the outrageous statement.

"Will you let me wrap your arm up now?" Rose asked, reaching out for his hand.

"no." the boy refused, not keeping up his part of their deal.

"What?! You said you would!"

"no i didn't."

Rose throws the roll of cotton gauze at his forehead.

"OW!"

"Take it as a..thank you gift for letting me join Toman."

"Ah, how am I suppose to explain this to Ken-chin."

"Well, please come up with something good because if my identity is somehow revealed I don't know what I'll do."

She looked into Mikey's eyes with vulnerability and hope instead of the menacing and threatening look one would have when their social status is on the line.

"I won't let that happen, promise. "

The girl looked away and paused for a moment before replying.

"Y'know, you're much nicer than I thought you'd be."

"What did you think I was like?" Mikey asked.

"I thought you were a cocky, rude troublemaker who was ruthless and unempathetic."

"Wow." The boy faked an offended tone at her words.

"I mean, you are the strongest delinquent in Tokyo! What do you want from me?" Rose tried to defend herself, albeit pathetically. After exchanging contacts with her, Manjiro went over the rules and regulations of Toman with her.

"Hey, Rose?"

"Yea?"

"Mind if I walk you home?"

Rose felt her cheeks flush at his statement.

"I can't let you go home all by yourself, injured. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you."

"I uh..It's fine I can go by mysel-"

"Please?"

As Mikey looked at her with pleading eyes, she could feel all her morals flying away.

"Okay, fine. You can walk me home, but just drop me off close to my house. We wouldn't want you finding out where I live now, would we?"

"Don't think that'll be too bad, will it? "

Rose rolled her eyes and smiled at his teasing statement.

Mikey was first to rise up from his spot on the ground. He reached his hand out for Rose, opening up the opportunity for her to get up from the ground as well. Rose took his hand, as she tried to get up, the girl grimaced after realising how exhausted and hurt her body was after their fight.

"Yea okay let's go."

She grabs Manjiro's arm and tugs gently, urging him to prove that chivalry has yet to die. He happily obliges.

"By the way, can I call you something else? Other than Mikey?" Rose asks, testing the waters.

"You can call me Manjiro," Mikey suggested, "That's a privilage only for you, considering you won against me, sweetheart."

He teased the girl once again, causing her to transform into a tomato. "Okay I know for a fact you were holding back in that fight!" she finally addresses the concern.

"So were you!"

He's very ooc but idgaf it's nice

#mikey sano #sano mikey manjiro #tokyo revengers #manjiro sano #mikey x oc #mikey x reader #tokyo manji gang #tokyo revengers oc

[ncssian]

Me: *comments on every chapter of a favor on ao3 but is too scared to interact with you on tumblr*

i dare u to do it wimp 😤

#srsly though i will never say no to any interaction #esp if you're a regular commenter like get tf over here #ncssian asks

[junova]

↬ 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐧𝐞𝐭 | 𝐬. 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

abstract: the one where steve finds your love letters.

pairing: au!steve x fem!reader

word count: 3K+

warnings: cussing, fluff, angst, crying, slight self-deprecation.

[author’s note]: hey guys! i’m really new to the writing scene so kind words are appreciated! srsly just testing my writing style out and wanted to just post something to motivate me to keep writing. hope u like it. <3

also thank u ari for the inspo and that bomb ass album that saved twenty-twenty. now we just need biden to get elected.

ps. don’t forget to vote! <3

Stevie,

First and foremost, I want you to know how proud of you I am. You have become the man you’ve said you become, the one I always knew you would. You have finally seen what the rest of us see.

A good man.

The soul you carry within you shines brighter than I’ve ever seen. Just for that only, I’m thankful for the time we’ve spent together. Maybe one day, I’ll be brave enough to tell you this without hiding behind the comfort of this notebook. She won’t spill my secrets, fortunate for me.

Some days you have no idea how badly I want to tell you. I think it’s on the days I discover a new fleck of green in your eyes or maybe when you show up to class with a cup of coffee for me without request.

More. More. More.

More. More. More.

It’s selfish of me, that much I know. More days than not, I would say you give too much of yourself away. Always wanting to appease everyone, you, Steven Rogers, the bridge to making the people around you happier than they walked in. Even when Bucky drags you into his nonsense bullshit, you say yes without hesitation.

I’ve got not a a clue on how you continue on, how you still remain you when you tend to spread yourself so thin. Who watches out for you? Who cares for you? Who loves the almighty, selfless Rogers?

For me, it’s much easier to pretend you carry too much on your plate than to deal with the rejection I would receive from you. You’re just too good, more than I deserve. More than I would be willing to take. I know I couldn’t possibly give you what you deserve but, I hope that one day you might see me differently. You would see me more than the light I’ve painted myself in.

Even though the shade is lovely, I want to be deeper. Deeper into you on a level which only seems unattainable at this point.

A forever friend. To be in your life, just as a friend, is an reward in itself.

But someday I hope you would love me in the same way I do. It’s all a love struck girl could do. Hope for the best, bet be prepared for the downfall.

With much love, your forever friend.

Tearing the page away from the binding of the overfilled notebook, dispensing it in the first empty drawer you could find, you abandoned the feelings as soon as the pen’s ink bleed out dry.

“You know it would just be easier to tell him how you feel.” You peaked up at the sound of her voice, before realizing she was looming over you, watching your write the letter.

Your supposed, secret letter.

“Nat, please. No.” Opening the drawer, she grabbed the letter but was surprised with just how many she found.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. You’ve written about him multiple times?” You sank in the soft, plush material of your seat hoping that just maybe it would begin to swallow you whole. Hopefully, fast enough were you wouldn’t have to endure the rest of the conversation. One you had been trying to avoid, for the past three years.

“It’s nothing Nat, just forget it.” Just like a Romanov, she couldn’t leave it alone. Even if she tried it was laced in her blood to see any little thing through.

“You really shouldn’t wait so long. A window might close for you, much sooner than you think.” With a curious eyebrow lifted, you felt your breath leave you.

“What does that supposed to mean?” Steve certainly deserved the best and you knew it was only time for him to figure out you would never be enough for him.

“Peggy Carter.” Peggy.

The one girl of a sea of many who had been enamored by Steve. He never really seemed to spend anytime with the women who vied for his attention, but Peggy was surely different than the rest.

Even if Steve was oblivious when it came to the advances everyone would make on him, he saw Peggy. Considering she was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, she intimidated you. God, did she ever.

On numerous occasions she and Steve had gone out, and even though he assured you they were just friends you were starting to believe he was only trying to protect your feelings. As a friend.

He had never cancelled on you once for her and he would tell you if he had started to date someone, just like he had before.

Even though the entire three years you’d known him he only had one serious girlfriend and after eight months, the pair broke up and even now he still didn’t budge on why they broke up.

“Steve can do whatever he wants with her. He’s a single man. He’s gone out with her before and he’ll probably go with her again.” Then Sam was the next to speak up, dismissing the total bullshit spouting from your mouth.

“Can’t you see he doesn’t want to? The damn man follows you around like a goddamn puppy.” Okay, when did he even come in here?

“God, fuck, no he doesn’t. He would have said something by now, he’s had three years and it’s been nothing but radio silence.” With an all knowing smirk, Sam proposed a new concept into question.

“It has been three years. So, have you ever said anything to him?”

Shit. Fuck you, Wilson.

“W-Well, not exactly.” Sam didn’t have to say anything in response. You knew he was right and you hated it.

Your unwillingness still stood for you, there was just no way he actually would reciprocate your feelings.

“Listen, I think it would be really good for the both of you to air everything out. Peggy is sinking her claws in him and it isn’t too long before they get stuck. Just talk to him.” You nodded silently, but you weren’t sure if you’d ever have the courage to.

—

Emptiness.

It’s all you seemed to feel today. Following you around was a dark cloud, looming over you. Wishing you could be anywhere but your own body. Nothing in particular happened to make you deserve the feeling you were granted with. It just so happened to be one of those days.

From the moment you got out of bed — or rather stayed in bed until four in the afternoon, you felt like anything you would have done just didn’t feel enough. The feeling was fleeting, never staying for more than a day or so, but it made the day drag on. Never ending.

Your muscles sore, body aching from the lack of activity your presumed. Or maybe you had built it in your head too.

Thankfully for you, Nat was busy helping Bucky move into his new place the entire day. She asked if you wanted to help, but mentally you didn’t feel you would be useful for anyone. Simply, telling her you would hang back, claiming you had another an essay to write.

Which you did, you weren’t completely lying, but there was more than your sour mood to blame for your dismissal of social interaction.

You hated to be that girl, the one who needed the presence of men. Specifically, the company of one very beautiful, blue eyed one.

His absence in your life the past few weeks felt heavier on you than you thought it would. You knew from Sam’s intel he had been hanging out with Peggy more and more. He said the two of them were getting close, mercifully sparing you the details.

You hated it’s you’d become. A girl so damn struck over a boy who was giving his attention elsewhere. Upset you were though. Before even if he was busy between classes and his internship at the gallery, he would still text to check up on you.

Now, it was nothing but radio silence letting you draw conclusions on your own. Very, very dangerous territory for you to travel to.

Steve and you are just friends. Get. Over. It.

You thought you’d be alone the rest of the Saturday, especially since it was nearly midnight. Figuring Nat was staying over at Bucky’s and Wanda leaving earlier in early hours of the morning to see her boyfriend for the entire weekend.

Then, an incredibly drunk Steve stumbled into your quaint apartment, the thoughtfully sweetness in him blubbering out with the alcohol flooding through his system. It was like he was on overdrive. More than ready to crash at any given moment.

You had enough when Steve started shamelessly raiding your kitchen, but you remained on the couch attempting to maintain some distance between the two of you. He had a history of being incredibly handsy whenever he had bit too much to drink.

Stumbling his way over to you, almost tripping on the rug, until he was basically cuddling up to your side. His arms latched tightly around you, pulling you into him. Not spared a choice, not that you’d want one.

The security of being wrapped up to him wasn’t something you ever grew tired of. You don’t think there would ever be a time you would ever be capable of turning him away.

“I’ve missed you. It’s been too long.” His soft tone, penetrating the tiny resistance you held towards him. “Me too. I was starting to think you disappeared on me, bubba.”

“Never.” His iron grip holding so tight like he was afraid you’d slip right through.

“Is everything alright?” Trying to pull from him, but Steve seemed unable to let you go. You whispered in his ear, caressing his back.

“I think so.”

“Here, let me grab you cup of joe and some water. Okay? I’ll be right back.” Leaving him a kiss on the cheek, before heading him into the kitchen.

If you had been around him recently, perhaps you would be more in tune with how he was feeling. Then the guilt sept in.

“Sweetheart, do you know where the phone charger is? It’s not by the recliner.” You heard him shout, trying to stop your heart from hammering into your stomach.

Just make him some coffee, sober him up, until he crashes.

Steve always seemed to be a lightweight and somehow whenever he did decide to drink he always found himself routing his way into your home. You thought it was simply for accident alone. The bar he frequented at was only a few block from you.

The past few times he would just stumble into your bedroom, immediately passing out in your soft, silky sheet. Now, he seemed to have more pressing matters at hand.

“Check the drawers, Stevie. I think there’s one you left around here somewhere.” You grabbed the filters and the grounds out, brewing the coffee. Soon, with a black cup of coffee and a water bottle in hand you took note of just how quite he was being.

He was never this silent and it was freaking you out.

“Are you sure you’re o-”

Just like that.

Fuck.

Hunched over, practically on his knees, he read over the endless letters you wrote about him. Confessions never meant to be seen by him. You lost track of how many you had written over the past few years once realized how irrevocably in love with him you are.

He didn’t realize you had found him and you were suddenly paralyzed. Unaware of your presence he continued to read through them and his expression was unrecognizable. One you’d never seen from him before, and you didn’t quite know how to react.

No. He wasn’t grimacing nor did he seem to be elated either. He just stood there just like you, afraid what would happen next.

What did this mean for the two of you? Your entire relationship was purely riding on whatever happened next.

Softly, with a gentle hand, he sifted through them all like he was looking for something specifically. Steve let them fall to the hardwood floors as your shaking hands could no longer support the weight of the dainty coffee cup he had actually sculpted himself.

The glass shattering everywhere, several pieces making their way towards him, thankfully not fiercely enough to penetrate his skin.

Truly, you had never been more sorry than when he looked up at you with tears in his eyes. Threatening to spill over. Because of you.

You didn’t have to be told, you already knew.

Carefully, Steve stood up making his way over to you around the shattered mug. Still you couldn’t bring yourself to move. Simply just watching him until he was right in front of you — more silent than you’d ever seen him before.

“Those were about me. Weren’t they?” You nodded having no reason to lie other than to protect yourself from a rejection you been hoping to spare yourself from.

“I didn’t want you to find out like this. Or at all really.” Your resolve dropping instantly when Steve took a step further gripping by your hips, pulling you closer.

“Why not?” He questioned you, again. Almost like he needed a verbal affirmation of every secret he had just read.

Unintentionally, stealing your soul served for him on a silver platter.

“I know how you’d feel about me, Steve. It’s not how I want it to be and it’s okay.” You remove yourself from him, traveling to the other side of the living room. Suddenly, the apartment seemed suffocating with him in it. “I’m fine, Steve.”

Hearing him sigh in frustration only furthered your immense feeling of being a burden to him.

You’re just one more obstacle he has to deal with.

“One of them dated back for over two years ago. Two fucking years.” His harsh tone, piercing through you like a knife.

“I know. I should have told you.” You whispered, wishing you could disappear into any abyss that would take you. Deeply wishing you just didn’t have to endure for the rest of this conversation. Wishing you could have stopped him from opening that stupid drawer. “I tell you everything, but I just couldn’t bring myself to speak about this. Look at how you’re reacting? How could you blame me when every fear I have about this is justified?”

You really should have kept those elsewhere, not your open, public living room.

“Because it’s us. I’m always here for you.” He was still crying through broken words and you didn’t know why. Almost like you had shattered his resolve and his control leaving with it.

“Not lately. You’ve been otherwise occupied.” Suddenly find the plant in the corner of the room. It certainly weren’t trying to distract yourself from the insatiable cerulean eyes.

The breathtaking british woman wasn’t even here and as soon as she was brought up — there was a wall. Seperating, you from whatever was between the two of you.

“This isn’t my fault. You never said anything. How was I supposed to know you feel that way about me?” He tried to make his way towards you but you just stalked off in the other direction. Circling around the living room like a coward.

“It didn’t matter though, did it? You found someone perfect for you regardless of how you feel.” God, you wish he would just leave so you could let the dam break.

“No. You don’t get to do that. Since the moment I met you I only had eyes for you, but you never seemed like you were interested. So, I dropped it. Okay? You never left me a crumb to think you would ever want to be more than just friends.”

“You were my best friend. You still are. No matter how I felt, it could never outweigh the need I have for you to be in my life.” He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. Trying to figure out what was next for the both of you. Steve always had to initiate and this time was no different.

“Peggy told me tonight she wants to be exclusive.” His confession washing over you like a ton of bricks. Crushing you.

You really couldn’t have any ill feeling towards her, she was just doing what you lacked the courage and the tenacity to do.

“But I didn’t really know what to do.” He took quiet steps towards you, not wanting to spook you. He voice not no longer held the a warmth of teddy bear, but a man on a mission rather took over.

Steve kept quiet until he had you backed up into a corner, no escape route in vision for you.

“’Cause there’s this other beautiful woman, absolutely breathtaking — and I just I really needed to know how she felt. If I had known before,  I never would have gone anywhere else.” His hand caressing your soft, plump lips. Pulling on your bottom lip with his thumb, sending you into a frenzy.

“Then, I just wanted to forget about everything until Sam called me. Three beers deep, when he told me of a drawer filled with letters I should take a look at.” You could feel his breath on you, temple pressed against yours.

“I just need to hear you say it. Just once.” Taking it a step forward, intertwining your finger with his own.

“I love you.” It was all he needed as he sealed his own affirmation with a sweet kiss, inking your lips with all of his love.

#for the love of god let these tags work :/ #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x reader fluff #steve rogers x reader angst #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers angst #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers au #college!steve rogers #au #mcu #mcu fanfiction #fanfiction

[extravaguk]

santa&prada

part of my opposites attract! series. 

ksj / knj / myg / jhs / kth / jjk

pairing: rich!jimin x reader

summary: Yeah, Park Jimin most likely didn't even realize he was being a rude and disrespectful son of a bitch.

wordcount: 5k

genre: smut - angst(? - fluff (? idk u tell me

rated: m 

warnings: a christmas fic in late november, cursing, a huge misunderstanding lmao, i call jimin ‘park jimin’ too many times bc i felt like it, car sex, oral (f recieving), some good ole spanking, (kinda) rough and unprotected sex, a lil of dirty talk, spit kink. thats about it. just an excuse to write jimin fucking you in a car. jimin is not as bad as oc thinks srsly.

The first time you meet Park Jimin is through mutual friends. On a firday night on December, with white, red and green lights decorating the streets of New York, filled with the typical hustle of the masses doing last minute Christmas shopping, the freezing weather impacting your body temperature, cursing yourself for choosing tights, a skirt and heeled boots that are too pretty but too uncomfortable to wear.

You had never considered yourself a particular enthusiast of Christmas festivities. You guess discovering Santa Claus was, actually, your parents before the rest of the kids in your class was one of the many reasons that made you grow up too soon and therefore, not allowing you to fully enjoy the month of December. Or maybe it had nothing to do with Santa, and more to do with your parents deciding to get a divorce a day before Christmas Eve. A traumatic event for seven year old you, but completely forgotten and overcome by twenty-four year old present you.

Growing up each Christmas suffering the consecuences of a shared custody would have probably had a disastrous effect on anybody else, but not you. Although the separation was a tough reality to accept at first, fortunately your parents were always capable of raising you in an environment full of love and affection, just like any other kid. And you prided yourself on having moved on from those circumstances a long time ago (even if your therapist disagreed and blamed many of your behaviors on it. Whatever.)

To put it simply, December was just not the month for you. It was just another month, like the remaining eleven of the year, except Mariah Carey's voice was heard every five minutes everywhere you'd go and people gave each other presents as if it was only during that time of the year when they remembered their loved ones. 

The only thing you could thank Christmas for were the well deserved two weeks of holidays our work allowed until the new year's arrival. Fifteen days of rest, peace and baking those gingerbread cookies that Seokjin died for and that you sincerely denoted as nauseating.

You truly had no idea what exactly you did wrong that night. You don't know if it was something you said, or something you did, but what you did know was that Park Jimin pursued a silent and personal vendetta against you that continued nowadays.

"Here are your disgusting cookies, you filthy animal." it might have been that very first sentence you said when you entered the bar and reunited with your friends that didn't cause a good impression. "Shit, it's cold as fuck. My nipples are harder than my life." or maybe it was your selection of words while you waved every familiar face hello until you stopped to look at the only (pretty. too pretty, as well) one you had never seen before.

"_____, it's Chrismtas! Santa Clause will only bring you a lump of coal if you keep cursing like that!" Lisa laughed while she kissed your cheek and made space for you to sit next to her. "Oh, by the way, this is Jimin. A friend of Namjoon. He's a newbie!"

Park Jimin was stunning, you had no trouble admitting that. You weren't blind, you weren't stupid, and you could go as far as theorize that his dark eyes, his light and always immaculate styled hair, his sharp jawline and those plump lips as red as cherries must have been sculpted by Satan himself.

Fuck, you were even sure you'd be on your knees in front of Park Jimin in an alternative universe begging for his dick inside your mouth. But in the universe where you and the real Park Jimin reside, he would never come near you unless somebody was aiming a gun into his skull.

You're not precisely sure what it was, but a brief exchange of glances and an evasive and sligh shake of hands with Park Jimin was enough to make you feel ashamed and withdrawn for the rest of the night.

If Jimin wasn't even able to drop a polite "Nice to meet you", he sure as hell wasn't able to pretend you even existed.

Even the small talk you had tried to engaged with him about his shiny pair of shoes went terribly wrong.

"Oh, are those Dolce and Gabbana?"

"Dolce and Gabbana are homphobic, racist and sexist, so no" the grimace on his face should've been enough to make you regret speaking to him in the first place , but the snarky voice of his made you want to run away and hide from him until next Christmas.

In reality, you swore you didn't care. Seriously. Other's opinions were never something that could easily bother you or keep you awake at night. You had always turned a deaf ear to the cruel children that made fun of you due to your parent's divorce, you had always ignored the amount of men that never considered you "ladylike" enough (what the fuck did that even mean, anyway? what exactly made a lady and what didn't?), and you had always disregarded any envous comment surrounding you.

So, fuck Park Jimin! You had said to yourself. He's just a well mannered rich boy. Somebody who didn't resemble you in any aspect. A stupid, pretentious, spoiled boy who's had everything he's ever wanted in the palm of his hand, unlike you. Who the fuck cares what Park Jimin thinks? 

But apparently, you did. 

You would have never placed such importance to whatever it was that roamed inside Jimin's head if his appearances in your group of friends hadn't been so recurrent.

Because each time you were forced to see Jimin's face, you were also forced to experience a strange knot of discomfort and humilliation growing in your stomach in his mere presence. It's not like Jimin did anything specific to make you feel that way. He might not even do it on purpose, or his intentions might not be entirely evil. Maybe he simply didn't realize how he always avoided being by your side like the plague, or how his body immediately tensed and he balled his hands into fists everytime you were less than two feet away from him, or how he would look at you from the corner of his eye everytime you decided you speak, almost as if he was waiting for you to shut up to finally let out the air he was containing inside his lungs in relief.

Yeah, Park Jimin most likely didn't even realize he was being a rude and disrespectful son of a bitch.

And with time, you couldn't help but attribute that disdain and hostility that Park Jimin always directed at you to the many undeniable differences that constituted each of you. Park Jimin, with his impeccable and always well ironed Prada shirts, his spotless trousers, jewelry that probably costed more than three of your annual salaries, and always emanating that Givenchy fragance that screamed "wealth!" every rare occasion you could experiment his presence next to you. Exactly two years after that first meeting with Park Jimin, you hadn't been able to avoid reciprocating that feeling of contempt towards him. Not when you were the only victim of his arrogance. Everybody loved Park Jimin, and Park Jimin loved everyone. 

Except you.

Clinging to your glass of Don Pérignon and finishing the rest of the liquid in one go, you try to snap out of your own thoughts, reminding yourself to return to the conversation you're currently having with Taehyung about a pretty waitress that he's met during one of his art exhibitions (or at least that's what you think you caught him say) and forcing yourself by all means to stop observing the friendly and kind smiles that Park Jimin was shooting to those present from across the room and that you will never be able to achieve. 

"_____? Are you even listening to me, darling?" Taehyung's voice is what makes you finally look away from the dumb blond standing on the opposite side of the room, blinking a few times before clearing your throat. 

"Sorry, Tae." letting out a sigh, you try to brush back and put in place the strand of hair that escaped the intricate hairdo you had tried and so miserably failed to do yourself to try to fit in and hopefully impress such environment of preppy and privilaged people (ahem, Park Jimin)  falling on your forehead as best as you can. "Just been really stressed this week and I'm on another planet. You know how I feel about Christmas. I think I need a new flute of . Or five."

Taehyung sends you a look full of empathy and places one of his hands in your shoulder, squeezing lightly in a comforting way. "I'll get you another one. I'll be right back." You quickly interrupt him though, to prevent him from standing up before you.

"No, really. I'll go. I need some fresh air anyways, if you don't mind." And of course Taehyung doesn't mind, so you get on your feet as graceously as your tipsy state allowed you to (who told you it was a good idea to drink three glasses in less than thirty minutes of the extremely expensive champagne Taehyung had brought to the Christmas party he had organized and why did it convince you it would appease your anxiey?) and make your way towards the table where the rest of the bottles are. A table dangerously close to the conversation Jimin and that friend of Lisa (whose name you don't remember) were having.

Both are with their backs turned and, honestly, you take a silent moment to thank God or whatever is up there because the last thing you need right now is yet another awkward interaction with Jimin, so you try as best as you can to refill your glass of champagne to get out of there as soon as possible, praying to make your exit going unnoticed.

But no. Because the stars and the universe loved to align to make you suffer! They love to play with your karma and they love making you damn that one day you didn't help that lady cross the street. They love making you regret buying those plastic straws. They love making you feel guilty for hacking your neighbour's Wifi when you run out of money to pay for yours. Because the moment you try to take a hold of the bottle in your hands, it slips out of your grasp, and you're watching in slow motion how the sparkling berverage ends up spilling all over the extremely expensive (or so you assume. Balenciaga maybe) suit pants Park Jimin decided to wear that night.

Everything is kind of blurry and you can't even hear anything. You can only watch as Park Jimin turns around, lips parted and eyebrows furrowed, until his eyes find you, the bane of his existance and immediately recognizing the culprit of his now drenched piece of clothing. And you can watch as, once again, his gaze turns almost black and narrow lightly as to reprimend you for what you've caused. But of course he doesn't say a word. He has nothing to say. He doesn't even look surprised. No. Because obviously, Park Jimin knew that if there was somebody in this room willing to ruin his night, it would be you, and only you.

"Shit!" you're the first one to break the strained silence, but that only makes Jimin flinch. "Shit, shit, shit. I'm so fucking dumb! J-Jimin, I'm so sorry, let me just go grab a paper tow-"

"Don't." his voice cuts through you. Literally cuts through you. Because it's not often that Park Jimin decides to aim his words at you, but everytime he does it holds the same frigid tone. Like knives trying to painfully stab your being. "Just, don't."

In reality, you don't know a lot of things and you don't know what causes what happens next. You don't know if it's the specific time of the year, you don't know if it's your internal stress, or if it's Park Jimin, his voice, or the fact that he will never like you. But it's instant. They way something compresses your chest, and suddenly your eyes are not glaced by the alcohol but by something wet that threatens to flow. You would never admit to anyone they're tears.

So, shutting your mouth and swallowing the uncomfortable feeling of anguish in your throat, leaving your flute forgotten on the table and grabbing the bottle instead. Without saying a word, your feet start moving up the stairs of the ridiculously enourmous house Taehyung owns towards the first free and empty balcony you can find. Free of people and free of Park Jimin.

Closing the large window behind you, you allow yourself to close your eyes and take a deep breath; the icy temperature outside immediately welcoming you. Although the hairs on your arm stand up and you know you're probably going to catch a cold (because the dress you've chosen for the dinner is not at all appropiate for such winter climate), at least the tension in your body seems to disappear while oxygen keeps that ugly feeling in your heart at bay from continuing to choke you.

With shaky hands, you take a big gulp straight from the champagne bottle. Fuck Park Jimin. No man will ever have the power to make you feel what you're feeling right now.  Fuck Park Jimin. And fuck his beautiful face and his ability to make you tremble and fear looking like an idiot. Fuck his fancy clothes and his perfect manicured hands and his marvelous but frigthening presence. 

Knock knock.

The sound makes you jump back from the window, hand grasping your chest while you turn around, coming face to face with the man in question.  Your first instinct is to ignore him. But that thought is already out of the way when it's him the one who struggles with the window lock before opening and taking a step towards you. You step back as he steps in, raising your head up high and puffing your chest. Because your second instinct is to tell Park Jimin to go fuck himself.

"_____, I would like to-"

"You would like to what?" Jimin looks taken aback at your harshness. Alcohol has always been a weapon of mass destruction in your system, provoking words to flow too easily and without filter out of your mouth, more than they already do when you're sober. Especially when it's mixed with the frustration you've been harboring inside of you for two years. That's why when the words start to come out, they won't stop. "To make me feel like shit one more time? To look at me with that fucking conceited face trying to make me feel like you're better than me? Or would you like to ignore me once again as you always do everytime we're in the same fucking room to make sure I know you hate my mere existance, even if it's just the two of us right now?"

The steam leaving your lips due to the accelerated beat of your heart blurs his face for an instant while he looks at you dumbfounded. The silence and his expression makes you scoff, an acidic smile adorning your face while you take another sip of your drink because even with such a stupid face, he still looks delectable with his white shirt and ruined pants. You turn around, removing a tear that you hadn't even realized had fallen during your speech and that, frankly, you were hoping he hadn't either. You would blame it on the cold, anyway.

This time, a gust of wind running through you from head to toe, making you forget of Park Jimin's presence looming behind you, reminding you it's still December and the fabric of your dress is doing nothing to conceal you from the cold.

But before you can do anything about it and blame yourself for being dumb and not taking your coat with you before deciding to step into balcony, Park Jimin surprises you once again, this time by placing his navy blue blazer over the naked skin of your arms.

Your back straightens when you feel his warm breath caressing the back of your neck, at the same time that a voice you have never heard Park Jimin use with you echoes in your ears.

"I really don't hate you, _____. I..." Jimin wets his lips. His body trembles, but it's not due to lacking his own coat, while his brain hurriedly searches for words eloquent and adequate enough to explain voice his thoughts. "I like you very much, _____."

Scoffing again while you shake your head, you push down with all your inner strenght the incipent fluttering of butterflies in your stomach that Jimin has managed to cause in just a matter of seconds. It's probably the longest sentence you've heard from him in two years, and you don't exactly understand why your body is reacting the way it is. But you're also not willing to give Park Jimin the satisfaction of knowing that. He doesn't deserve it anyway. So with all the courage you can muster, you turn around with your hands clenching.

And even though being at such short distance from Jimin is a bit overwhelming and unexpected for you, the irritation still making your blood bubble is enough to not let a man as handsome as him derail you from your current circumstances.

"Well, fuck you Park Jimin. You certainly have a funny fucking way to sh-" his hands cradling your jaw that pull you closer to him and his lips that silent you roughly, but with surprising care. Only for a moment. A moment in which your body betrays you and make you melt into hir warmth. But his voice, low and sinfully husky, murmurs against your lips. 

"God, that mouth of yours..." he goes back to attacking your own lips, this time more firm than before, snatching a sigh from you. The sound has his tongue asking for permission into your mouth, and with your body betraying you once again, you part your lips to allow him in. It's him who whimpers this time, while one of his hand moving until it reaches the bottle in your hand and letting it drop carelessly onto the floor, ignoring the sound of glass shattering and the future scolding you'll get from Taehyung. Instead, he sneaks that same hand on your waist, pulling your body flush against his, fingers digging onto your skin. "It's been driving me crazy for two years. Two years, _____."

He mumbles between kisses and swipes his tongue against yours, while he stars walking the both of you until your back meets the nearest concrete wall. 

"Two years of having to hear the incessant filthy words that leave your mouth..." his own stop their movements and you catch yourself before begging him to reattaching his lips to yours, enjoying instead the path of wet kisses and bruises his lips traile from your chin to the pulse of your neck "...and trying my best to hide the painful boners I get whenever you're nearby." 

With your eyes shut, your hands are back in motion, ignoring the voice in your head reminding you he's still an asshole and finding their way between Jimin's soft golden strands of hair. He hums in appreciation, sending goosebumps all over your body. "So, s-so why not do anything about it sooner?" you say, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe properly.

You feel Jimin's body tensing before you and he ceases the movement of his lips against your neck. Breaking away, your heart stops, afraid you might have ruined the moment. But Jimin's in search of your eyes, eyebrows very lighlty raised, the intensity of his gaze pinning you in place. You don't know for how long you stare at each other until Jimin comes out of the trance, eyes descending over your flushed cheeks, the very same color as your lips and the soft flesh of your neck until they reach your cleavage, the glimmering fabric encasing your breasts, taunting him the same way they had been doing all night long.

"You scare me so much..." and then, one of his hands repeats the same journey his eyes just did, until he touches your shoulder, right under his own blazer. "Everytime I look at you, all I can think of why the hell a girl as real as you like you would even glance my way." he slides the strap of your dress slowly tentatively, just enough for you to stop his advances if you chose so. You don't. "You're smart in ways I could never compare, so funny it makes me jealous, and so pretty it leaves me speechless. You're...You're everything I'm not."

His voice resonates in the atmosphere, and you would love to blame it on the cold again for how your body has reacted, but your body heat has increased so much since he started kissing you that it would be stupid not to admit that it's just the effect that Park Jimin has on you tonight. You're sure he would've had the same effect if it had happened before.

Your now uncovered breast doesn't even has to suffer the consequences of the icy wind, because one of Jimin's arms quickly comes around you to hold your body against his, lifting you ever so slighty until your erect nipple is at the same level as his mouth and his lips are enveloping it in their warmth. You gasp his name, and that encourages his teeth to tug softly before his tongue stars moving in circes. 

"My God, you're so perfect." Your head spins while you hold onto his shoulders as tight as you can, the undeniable heat roaming all over your form, hips involuntarily rutting his incipent erection poking your abdomen. "Been thinking about this since that night we first met." Looking for relief, Jimin mirrors your movements without ceasing the administrations on your chest, as one of his hands lifts one of your thighs to wrap around his waist, closing the short gap remaining between the both of you. 

"Ohmygod! F-fuck, Jimin," trying to form coherent phrases is almost impossible, not with Jimin finding a slow and tortuous rythm with his hips, his clothed cock rubbing against your core. Something shifts in the air, because Jimin stops abusing your nipple with a loud pop, and shuts you up by pressing his mouth onto yours in an urgent, dirty and desperate kiss. You could almost hear him swearing, while his hand keeps your jaw in place.

"S-stop talking like that, ______." his voice, inaudible, and his face now hiding in the crook of your neck, the thrusting of his hips speeding up, more and more frantic this time. The hand not holding your thigh against his hipbone reveals your other breast, hand covering it and giving it a light squeeze before tugging at your unattended nipple between his forefinger and his thumb while his tongue and teeth mark the skin on your neck. 

"Hell, I've been dying to stuff your mouth with my cock to prevent you from such foul language," the soft whimpers leacving your mouth coax him into taking the hem of your dress and bunching the fabric until his fingers easily find the place in your body calling to him the most through the lace.  It's immediate, how his fingers dampen at the first touch, surprising the both of you, and how your body jolts and an embarrassing sob escapes your throat. "How-how are you this wet? Holy hell, I could just slide right in..."

And as he says that, one of his fingers pull aside the fabric of your underwear and glide into you, so easy. You insides burning while he fingers you, another finger being added with his thumb rubbing circles on your nub. And fuck, you're not sure if you're just too horny and Park Jimin is a magician with his hands, or maybe it's the way he keeps mouthing at your chest and whispering how soaked you are, but you don't think you've ever been so close to cumming in such a short period of time.

"W-whats stopping you?" you manage with a voice that doesn't even resembles yours, but before your hands can even make work of the zipper of his trousers, he pulls his finger out from your center, causing you to whine in protest.

Jimin licks his lips, eyebrows framing the dark expression that his eyes ooze. Although the desire in his eyes is more than evident, it is also evident the faint hesitation in them. Because Park Jimin doesn't do things this way. Park Jimin was raised in a world of correct manners and conservationism. A world that has taught him when and how to act. And as badly as he is dying to fuck you against the wall of Taehyung's ridiculously inmense house, he also wants to do the right thing. 

"Let me take you on a date." 

Park Jimin has been spoiled his whole life. Being born in a well-off family has always provided him of everything he had ever wanted and more. From the innecessary number of toys Santa Claus left under his Christmas tree every year since he was a baby, to his fisrt extravagant sports car at the age of eighteen. Park Jimin has never been a greedy or needy man. How could he, when he's had everything he's ever wished in the palm of his hands. He has never missed anything in his entire life. Hasn't missed a roof over his head, warm food on his plate or brand new designers clothes each week. 

It has taken him two years to control himself. He still remembers that night he first met you, just like he remembers every single time you both had coincided in the same place at the same time. He remembered your scent, had memorized your figure over your pieces of clothing and had tried as best as he could to keep a distance from you because he knew you would never give him the time of day. How could you? You probably despised everything he was because he was definitely nothing like you, and that thought intimidated the fuck out of him. He was a mess everytime you wear nearby. Never relied on his voice because he knew he would stutter if you ever spoke to him, could never trust his eyes because if he ever looked at you he was afraid he wouldn't be able to look away. 

And everytime you spoke, shit, that voice of yours always cursing here and there left him wondering how would you sound in a different setting and if you would still be that badmouthed. More specifically, between his sheets. So he did everything he could to minimize your interactions as much as possible. He just never thought he would come across as such a jerk. It was never his intention to hurt you, and seeing you cry that night (although you denied you did, over and over again) seriously made him realize he wanted to make things right. 

He was trying really, really hard to keep it in his pants, to be the same well composed and controled Park Jimin he had mastered himself to be. 

But that damn dress.

After seeing that little black dress hugging your figure when you started taking off your coat at the restaurant, the brief flash of thigh tights that you accidentaly (or not so accidentally) had blessed him with by crossing a leg over the other, that exposed collarbone calling his name and those heeled sandals with straps wrapping around your ankles, reminding him of the snake tempting Eve, Park Jimin was sure he needed to dig into that apple more than anything he has ever needed before.

That's why he surprises you right after you both finish the second course meal by telling the waitress you won't be having desert, at which you look at him somewhat indignant. But the look he shoots you is enough to make you understand if somebody was going to have desert tonight, it would be him. In his Mercedes. 

"I'm gonna-" you gasp, fingers tugging at the soft strands of his now ruined blond hair, his head between your thighs and your legs thrown over his shoulders. His hands have a grip of the meaty flesh of your ass, holding you firmly againt his mouth as it works wonders on your clit. You're sure it hasn't even been ten minutes since Jimin had opened your legs in the backseat of his car, not even bothering to take your underwear off, simply moving the fabric aside before diving in, and you already feel yourself on the edge of an orgasm.

"I know." voice vibrating right into your core, he slows down his administrations, tongue carefully and delicately lapping at your folds while he enjoys the feeling of your fingers loosening their grip and fondly brushing his hair back. You meet his eyes as he pushes a finger inside your core and your whole body twists in agony. 

"N-no!" 

Jimin stops immediately, lifting his head and focusing his concerned eyes on you. He's about to ask you if he's done anything wrong, but you're fast to roughly pull him up by his hair until his face is leveled with yours. You answer him by kissing him and he returns the kiss with the same eagerness, and now it's your hands that are looking for his cock, palming him through his pants.

"Your dick. Inside. Right Now." you punctuate each phrase with a kiss and he only stops kissing you to pout.

"But I wanted you to cum on my tongue." but still, he's putty in your hands when you undo the botton and the zipper. "Wouldn't you rather me fucking you in my bed, where we're more comfortable?" you notice the slight quivering of his voice when you slide his trousers and boxers down, just enough to pull him out. 

"You can eat me and fuck me as many times as you want tonight, tomorrow and whenever you'd like, but right now..." none of you contain the moan in unision that leaves each of your mouths when just the head of his lenght comes in contact with your entrance. "I really can't wait anymore." brushing your lips over his, you lower your voice. "Wanna get on my hands and knees for you."

Park Jimin has tried to do things the right and appropiate way throughout all his life. He's been a professional from a very young age on how to be in charge of his emotions, his desires and his impulses. Always well mannered and well composed. 

But it's in this moment that Jimin comes to the realization that the only thing that has ever made him lose his mind and self control, is you. Seeing you like this, ass up, grinding your drenched and still thong clad cunt all over his precum dripping lenght, he can't control the way his hand bunches the fabrick of that damn dress over your waist, then flies to your right cheek, a sharp sound of skin filling the air, tearing a gasp from your throat.

"God, I'm-I'm sorry. Couldn't help mys-"

"Do it again."

And he does, the palm of his hand now leaving a reddenning print on your flesh, making you jolt back involuntarily, aligning yourself to the head of his cock and like he had hoped, he slides right in. Not all the way, because Jimin is sure he would cream inside you too soon and he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he did. He wets his lips, clenching his jaw and dropping his palm one more time, hand more steady and purposeful. 

"You like it rough?" voice hoarse and a hand beside your head holding himself, your back to his chest, twitching beneath him as he soothes the sting with his free one. 

"I like you rough." turning your head slowly to peer at him from the corner of your eye, your hips moving on their own accord trying to take him deeper. Your head is suddenly pulled back harshly, Jimin's fingers tangling in your hair as his own hips close the remaining gap between your bodys in an abrupt thurst. You squeal, Jimin's cock finally filling you up to the hilt just like you wanted him to be, the pleasure making your arms wobble and finding it harder to mantain your balance. 

Jimin's breath fawns over your ear, his tongue darting out to suck on your skin sending chills down your spine. "You're such a dream." he groans, torturously sliding out of your core that's gripping around his shaft for dear life. A whine of protest escapes your lips and he tightens the hold on your hair in response, diving right back in. You fall forward, your arms' strenght betraying you as his thrusts find a new rhythm. With your eyes closed shut, you try to muffle the sound of your voice with the back of your hand as Jimin's lips place soft kisses to your exposed shoulder.

"Don't be quiet." he stands straight, the pull on your hair arching your back in such a enticing way it was Jimin look away for a second, cock buried inside of you and his hips faltering. "Been dying to have you like this for so long."

Another clap of his hand against your right cheek, and a particular stroke of his dick that has you mewling as your climax approached again. "S-so good, Jimin. Oh my god."

"You're gonna cum for me?" his fingertips leave bruises on your skin and the windows of his Mercedes are foggy, just like your mind. You can't concentrate on anything that's not Jimin's cock sliding in and out and how much you wished this had happened way sooner. "Gonna cum for me like a good slut?"

Park Jimin always takes his time. Always does things nice and slow to assure the best outcome possible. 

But he can't contain the acceleration of his hips against yours as your walls clench impossibly tight around his cock, your orgasm finally taking over . Can't contain himself from falling forward again, hand twisting your head in his direction and his mouth searching for yours in a fiery and messy kiss. And he most definitely can't barely contain himself from cumming when your you ask him to spit in your mouth. 

"You're gonna kill me." he breathes, removing himself off you and quickly maneuvering you on your back, his dick finding its way back inside you. Picking up right where he left off, skin slapping against skin in an obscene melody, he collects a considerate amount of saliva in his mouth before dropping it into your welcoming tongue, watching you swallow with a smile he hopes he'll be the only one to see in the future. 

And that's what has the last bit of his self restraint slipping from his fingers. He somehow manages to rip the top of your dress down, fabric tearing until your tits are free and his mouth is attacking your nipples, white strings of his release panting your walls, some of it them oozing out that he fucks back right into you. 

It's between ragged breaths, kisses and tender carresses that Jimin promises you more dates in the future and new dresses that he can't promise not to savage apart again.

#jimin #park jimin #jimin smut #park jimin smut #bts smut #bts #pjm #pjm smut #bad bunny is retiring like who the fuck does he think he is to decide when he gets to retire??? #nah bb WE decide when you retire

[chalkrevelations]

OK, Word of Honor, Episode 9, and I know last time I got deep in the weeds about symbolism, but this week, I’m getting back to basics and rambling on (and on) about what this show is really about: Zhou Zishou and Wen Kexing and their relationship.

First, though, the usual warning: SPOILERS. Not just for this episode, but potentially for the entire show, so drive past and circle back around later if you want to watch all 36.5 eps unspoiled.

Bear with me on this one, because this ep spends a LOT of time on ZZS and WKX, and I think a lot of that time is ZZS making some Monumental Life Decisions, including how he’s going to proceed in this relationship and how he’s going to approach his life moving forward. But I’m finding myself needing to work through it chronologically, and it’s. A Lot. Also, let’s face it, ZZS has been my ride-or-die at least since he dropped to his knees and started disrobing in the middle of the throne room in Ep 1, so a chance to wallow in his emotional journey is a chance I’m gonna take.

So, we do have a brief opener when we find out Dead Guy who the Yueyang disciple was shrieking about at the end of the last ep is Fang Buzhi, AKA the Nine Clawed Fox, the guy who lifted WKX’s (Danyang) Glazed Armor (along with some replicas). He got got by mysterious somebodies in the previous episode, and we find out now that he has three tiny needles in his neck, which ZZS recognizes as a Tian Chuang technique. This leads ZZS to 1) assume it must have been Han Ying who did it, so the (Danyang) Glazed Armor is now in the hands of Tian Chuang, and 2) realize that maybe this is not the best place for the former leader of Tian Chuang to be hanging out right now, so he makes their excuses, because he knows that Gao Chong must be VERY BUSY now that he’s got this corpse on his hands, so they’ll just BE GOING, thanks so much. Gao Chong hopes to see them at the Hero’s Conference, and WKX responds in a Significant Tone that of course he’ll be at the Hero’s Conference, and now ZZS has his Thinky Face on again, because WKX is not nearly as subtle as he seems to think he is when he’s making Pronouncements.

The ZZS/WKX Show really starts kicking into gear that night, at the Getting Lucky Good Luck Inn, where we open on ZZS wandering contemplatively around his room, looking beautiful in the soft light of evening (your FACE, Zhang Zhehan) and ruminating on Prince Jin’s motives for wanting the Glazed Armor, like he’s never met this power-hungry asshole before. Also, he thinks to himself, wtf was that, with Gao Chong keeping anybody from seeing Chengling in the last ep? There’s a knock on the door, which momentarily confuses him - understandably, because as we’ll see, WKX doesn’t generally get the concept of announcing yourself and waiting to be invited in by knocking first, preferring to dramatically bust open doors (at least to ZZS’s bedroom) and grace you with his presence, whatever your thoughts on the matter are. He’s accompanied by waiters and dinner, and ZZS realizes his senses are going, presumably because he can’t smell this spread that WKX has procured in an attempt to prove what a good provider he is (what did I say about food and bonding? ZZS fed him in the market, and now it’s his turn to feed ZZS). WKX tells us that life is just three hots and a cot - which gives away more about your life than you would likely be comfortable with us knowing, Lao Wen, given how close to the vest you’re holding your cards – and that everything else can wait if you can have a meal with someone you like. :coff: (Also, remember this, it will come around again.)

Cut to dinner by flickering candlelight, the better for soft lighting to caress ZZH’s exquisite face, but ZZS isn’t into it at all, staring into space instead of eating WKX’s proffered Courtship Delicacies. This earns what’s possibly WKX’s most hypocritical and amusing comment yet, which is to ask ZZS, “What is it that you can’t tell me?” ZZS - apparently - is still feeling soft about WKX’s help against Tian Chuang’s Chengling-kidnapping attempt - or maybe he’s thinking that a little bit of opening up on his part will soften up WKX - because he hardly has to have a spoon dug into his ribs at all to admit that he’s wondering if it was a mistake to bring Chengling to Five Lakes Alliance. My dude, just steal him back, then. WKX laughs at him and tells him he’s got such a handsome face (true) along with a kind and innocent heart (false, he’s a former government spook and assassin, a part-time ill-tempered gremlin, and a whole-ass troll), and therefore girls will clearly go crazy for him (true, just ask me). ANYWAY, A-Xu, (WKX continues) now that the requisite random no-homo boilerplate is out of the way, are you really thinking of taking on Chengling as a disciple, because now is apparently not too soon to have the adoption conversation about Our Son. I almost expect him to pull out the adoption papers then and there. Instead, he pulls out a story - which is awkwardly placed and kind of clunky, actually, despite being thematically important - of a dog he had once, given to him by Someone Very Important, although of course he’s not going to say who that was (:facepalm:), and his mother warning him that he’d have to take care of it for life, and then he betrayed it.

So, there’s a lot going on here. We’ll eventually find out that ZZS gave Zhen Yan a puppy, so will this story of a gift dog jog ZZS’s memory into realizing that WKX is Zhen Yan without WKX actually telling him, so that WKX can tell his Bundle of Neuroses that it’s not reeeaaallly WKX’s fault ZZS figured it out? Also, WKX sees ZZS being like this about Chengling, and in the Chengling = Zhen Yan equation we’ve already established, is it possible this will prime ZZS to remember another disciple/young boy he took responsibility for, at one point? Of course, on ZZS’s side of things, it’s possible that hearing about this dog that WKX failed is likely to remind him of the way he failed his own responsibility to all the other disciples of Siji Manor, so, excellent way to take a stab at his heart, WKX! However, ZZS breaks the miserable tone we’ve become mired in by smacking WKX, chiding him for comparing their son to a dog, and getting them drinking. See, here, Chengling is the dog. Earlier, the two sisters A-Xiang rescued were the dog. Later, A-Xiang will be the dog. Unfortunately, WKX is going to have a blind spot and never quite realize that, in the Ghost Valley schema he’s set up, the Department of the Unfaithful is also the dog, but we’ll get to that in later eps. For now, cut to later that night: After dinner and a washup, ZZS sits on his bed, and we get some special effects to indicate that his hearing is also giving him problems, so he deploys his special Nightly Nails Torment meditation pose, and then we get the second instance of WKX playing the xiao to help him meditate and rest. (Junjun, your hands on that xiao …) ANYWAY, we get a gorgeous little bit of physical acting from ZZH here that could easily have been overplayed but is nicely restrained and subtle, with just the slightest smile when ZZS realizes WKX is playing, and then his whole body visibly relaxing as he allows himself to sink into WKX’s now-familiar musical embrace the meditation. It is :chef’s kiss:

Cut to next AM, when ZZS is now a very cranky boy, and I get this, because I also am exceedingly irritated when people bust into the room where I’m sleeping with an abundance of cheerfulness and try to get me to interact and do things without at least half an hour to creep my way out of bed, two cups of coffee, and an hour of silence before any attempts to converse like a reasonable human being (I’m looking at YOU, mom), and I don’t even have the excuse of seven Nails pinning me. Also, when WKX whips off the blankets, we learn that ZZH dresses to the right. :hands: I’m just making an observation. So, WKX wants to go to Yuefan Tower like some kind of wide-eyed tourist, and despite some smacking and scowling and death threats, we then smash-cut to the Tower, where ZZS has apparently come to the conclusion that the only way to deal with the ADHD gremlin crawling into his bed is to humor him about this daytrip. I think you could have come up with some more creative ideas that didn’t involve leaving bed, but I guess you’re not the fast one in this relationship, Zhou-ge. Srsly, though, I’m sure WKX would have been happy to do all the work, my dude. (I don’t always have strong top-bottom preferences, but you probably aren’t going to have much luck convincing me that ZZS is not a pillow princess who wants to just lay back and be spoiled. “Aren’t you a very capable man?” indeed. WKX has to do ALL THE WORK, god. I don’t know if I’m swimming against the current here – god knows I was in Inception fandom, where I felt the same way about Eames - but here we are.) Also, I can’t believe WKX didn’t just sit in the bedroom and creep on A-Xu’s beautiful sleeping profile for at least the amount of time it would have taken to drink a pot of tea, another viable option if it was me in this scenario. Tch. What kind of stalker are you, Lao Wen?

ANYWAY, at Yuefang Tower, ZZS tells us about the Four Sages of Anji, a senior-citizen polycule of soulmates who are, conveniently, at this very moment, on a boat in the lake beside the tower, playing music and sword-dancing. This is the first time they’ve been seen in 10+ years, after they put down their various swords and ran off together to live like hippies off-the-grid in the woods, probably skipping around naked, drinking “tea,” and having lots of sex. ZZS sighs wistfully while recounting this tale and calls them “a breath of fresh air.” There’s some discussion and poetry quoting and literary references to soulmates, and somewhere in here we get a shot of ZZS and WKX from behind which makes it super-obvious how hard they’re working the costumes to make Gong Jun look as broad as possible. He’s got the power shoulders on this set of robes, compared to Laopo ZZS’s soft, unstructured, flowing robes, and with those shoulders tapering down to the belted waist, they’ve got Junjun seriously working the Chris Evans Dorito silhouette. Meanwhile, focus back on their conversation: ZZS thinks that “the world is not important, finding a soulmate is,” giving some MAJOR FORESHADOWING for the end of the show (which we are accepting as “Ep” 37 because WE ARE), when we get that icy separation from the rest of the world but they have each other. WKX gives him a yearning look. ZZS looks back … there’s really no other way to put this … coyly, not meeting WKX’s gaze directly. This offers WKX and us a chance to admire his profile once again, thank you, Laopo. ZZS waits until WKX looks back out at the lake before looking at him directly, and his face journey, y’all. He’s thinking that it might not be bad to spend his remaining time with this soulmate, I think he’s starting to re-think the slow suicide, and he’s also thisclose to just letting WKX have him. Y’all, he seriously wants WKX so bad, here. It may be the first time we’ve seen this level of interest from him - it may be the first time, in all that we’ve seen of him, that he allows himself to even have that kind of interest. I think this is the next big step from Ep 6, when he allowed himself to enjoy being desired - now he’s allowing himself to desire, to want something again, other than a chance to drink himself to death in the gutter. This, right here, is a crucial point when he makes the decision to spend whatever time he’s got left living rather than just dying, and I’m flailing on the couch. This is the face of a man who’s ready to Make Some Declarations while getting railed within an inch of his life. SOMEONE IS GETTING SOME TONIGHT. Or he would if he wasn’t going to turn out to be such a fuckup. FFS, WKX.

But first, we cut to a scene of them back at the marketplace, wandering through as WKX mocks various sects in town for the conference – including the Mount Hua boys, who apparently look like virgins make their first trip to a brothel – and ZZS supplies background info on them. WKX asks if ZZS can tell what sect WKX is from, and ZZS calls him a messy bitch before asking if WKX can please stop making him play guessing games about everything and just tell him what WKX so clearly wants ZZS to know. (I know, right? But no, because then WKX might get what he wants, and he’s way too terrified for that, so you have to guess. That way, it’s not his fault when you figure out who he is and reject him, as anyone clearly will do because he’s unlovable and unforgiveable and not even really human, A-Xu.) WKX immediately changes the subject to ramble about the Hero’s Conference and how laughable all the sects are for wanting to be seen as heroes, blah blah blah, rinse and repeat. ZZS comments that only inexperienced people want to be heroes, that experienced people know “every character of the word hero is written in blood,” and yes, the character they’re using for hero, “ying,” is still the same character used in Han Ying’s name (which is not, by the way, the “ying” used in Wei Ying’s name, to cross streams for a moment). ZZS says he’s too old to be a hero (I and my knees feel you, my dude), now he’s just a wanderer, and he asks if WKX wants to be a hero or a wanderer, and WKX says that as a wanderer, all he needs is ZZS, and I’m telling you, someone absolutely would be getting some tonight if only he wasn’t such a fuckup, Lao Wen.

I’m’a try to wrap this up soon, because it’s gotten v. long, but we then cut to that night at the Getting Lucky Inn, ZZS drinking in his room, WKX busting in with his usual dramatic flair, with wine, inviting ZZS up to the roof to drink and look at the moon. He clearly has ulterior motives, but unfortunately for everyone, we’re going to discover they’re not the ulterior motives ZZS is expecting. As they lean back on the roof together, hands almost-but-not-quite touching, a romantic tune playing, WKX tells ZZS that he’s like, really happy! Just super happy! So happy! Ask me why I’m so happy, A-Xu! Spoiler alert: It is, unfortunately, not because he’s getting ready to get some from his laopo. This is particularly unfortunate, because ZZS chooses this moment to take another big step in this relationship, telling WKX that he’s not going to ask about things WKX doesn’t want to tell him, that he’ll wait for whatever WKX wants to tell him. On the surface, this comes off a little bit like, I’m done with asking when you’re not going to answer anyway, but in context – particularly on the back of the earlier scene when ZZS watched WKX turn on a dime and immediately change the subject to avoid exposing anything when ZZS asked WKX to stop making him guess everything – this is as good as a declaration of going all-in. ZZS is committing to this relationship on faith, without having all – or even most – of the answers about WKX, and his approach is going to be to wait until WKX is ready to reveal whatever information he feels safe and comfortable revealing. In practice, he’s going to end up being better or worse at this, depending on the day, but what it reminds me of, already, is that moment in the 20s (Ep 21? 22?) when A-Xiang and Cao Weining are arguing about her killing the beggar guy, he approaches her, she yells at him and points to the ground to indicate exactly how close he’s allowed to get to her, and his respect of that boundary she lays down is instantaneous and absolute. That’s what ZZS is saying he’s going to at least try to do, here. It also reminds me of the way he’s going to respect WKX’s decision on whether or not WKX is going to claim his place as a disciple of Siji Manor, without it affecting their relationship, so we really are starting as ZZS means to go on, here.

Unfortunately, we then find out that what WKX is actually so happy about is that his plan to burn down the jianghu is starting its next big step, and their romantic evening is interrupted by a bunch of dudes fighting and killing each other over a bunch of fake Glazed Armor. WKX mentions that he’s so happy the show’s started; he’s alternately amused, satisfied, and smug as they watch various fights; he seems to be expecting ZZS to also be amused; and I feel like the implication is that this was his real motive for inviting ZZS out onto the roof, to be able to watch this show with him. ZZS – who’s spent enough time standing ankle-deep in blood for six lifetimes and was working hard just a few weeks ago at drinking himself to death to try to forget what that feels like - is displeased and horrified, rather than very proud of what WKX has accomplished; he pushes WKX away from him when WKX approaches him to ask if he doesn’t think it’s all so very amusing; and he calls WKX crazy, then turns his back on him and walks away. To make things worse, the next morning, after WKX brings breakfast to ZZS’s room and actually knocks, only to find that ZZS has left in the middle of the night, WKX will witness an angry mob gathered outside the house in the woods where the Four Sages of Anji are staying for the Hero’s Conference, demanding a piece of the Glazed Armor the Sages are supposedly holding for Gao Chong, and eventually leading to the deaths of all four of these peaceful aging hippies whose commune in the woods was ZZS’s ultimate dream, leaving WKX horrified by the fact that his actions have consequences, including some that are going to make his boyfriend even more pissed off at him.

SO. All that happened. There were some other people in the episode, too:

We see A-Xiang and Cao Weining having lunch. She asks him why he’s not eating, calls him fat and cute, then proceeds to tell him about Ghoul, who likes to eat the faces of pretty boys. Her conversation skills could still use some work. Cao Weining vows to kill the ghosts of Ghost Valley who would do such awful things. A-Xiang actually ignores this slander about the evil of the residents of the Ghost Valley in a way that she doesn’t usually – usually she looks kind of unhappy when the Evilness of the Evil Inhabitants of the Evil Ghost Valley comes up, going all the way back to ZZS’s comments in Ep 2. Right now, she’s too busy pumping Pooh Bear for information, asking about why the Ghost Valley would have left a pile of heads on Yueyang’s doorstep if the Five Lakes Alliance is so great, so what is Five Lakes going to maybe, perhaps, do about this? Cao-dage is suspicious … that A-Xiang might be scared, but don’t worry, he’ll protect her. Oh, sweetheart. I could eat you up with a spoon, right along with Ghoul. Also, it finally registers that A-Xiang called him cute, but she has to step away for a quick confab with a henchwoman.

We also have to watch Chengling get bullied some more by a Yueyang shixiong who I think is Gao Shan, who we’ll later see bullying some prisoners in the Yueyang dungeon as he admits that he’s doing it to relieve his own frustrations and make himself feel better -  fantastic disciples you’ve got there, Gao Chong, I’m super-impressed by the morality and ethics you’re instilling as a sect. Once again, I have to consider WKX’s position on the jianghu as a hive of scum and villainy. Anyway, once Bullying Hour is over, Chengling runs into A-Xiang, and he can’t manage to prevent the waterworks as he confesses that he thought he’d never see any of them again and that ZZS didn’t want him. UGH. Zhou Zishu, come and get your child back. He’s at least somewhat mollified by Xiang-jie telling him she’s been sent to take care of him, and god knows she’s managed to keep WKX fed and clothed this long, so she has some experience as a minder, as counterintuitive as that seems.

We get a quick shot of Han Ying (My Beloved) with two identical pieces of Glazed Armor, apparently realizing that there are fakes out there.

Deng Kuan shows up, beaten and stumbling, and nearly gets turned away at the front gates of his own sect as a beggar – have I mentioned how unimpressed I am by the Yueyang disciples? Deng Kuan appears to be the only one of them worth anything – before they realize who he is. He is put to bed and tenderly nursed by Gao Xiaolian, who cries over him as he won’t wake up.

Finally, Gao Chong, Shen Shen and Zhao Jing (uh-huh) are horrified to discover that there’s fake Glazed Armor fk’n everywhere in town, making Five Lakes Alliance look ridiculous, which is just fabulous as the Hero’s Conference is coming up, guys. Shen Shen, because everything is a nail, vows to kill anyone who makes problems. Later, Hei Zi, who plays Gao Chong, has an utterly fantastic moment after the deaths of the Four Sages (wow, I did not remember that we wrapped up their entire storyline within a single ep), when he’s haranguing Beggar Gang Chief and is literally all, “You want the Glazed Armor? :pulls a piece out of his robe: HERE. You want some more? :pulls another piece out of his robe: TAKE IT.” It’s a great acting moment, his delivery is perfection.

#zhou zishu #wen kexing #zhang chengling #gu xiang #cao weining #han ying #deng kuan #gao chong #word of honor #word of honor episode reax

[suseiseki]

why do people hate haru so much for things that are easily excusable / have good reasoning behind if u just payed attention to her backstory

first argument that shes a ‘slut’ is stupid because it’s explained to you in black and white she only sleeps around because it’s the only time she feels as if she’s treated as her real own person rather than a helpless creature who can’t do anything for themselves + she’s scared and too tired to say no, evident with legosi ‘first’ meeting that she doesn’t even think any man would genuinely want any kind of friendship with her anymore and that men only want her for quick sex . and imo that doesn’t make her a ‘slut’ 😭

second argument that she’s mean to legosi … 💀 i’ve read the whole manga once + reread most chapters a couple times + seen season 1 of beastars 7~9 times (…💀😭) and not Once have i ever felt that she was too mean to legosi (or even mean at all but u know) , she meets him thinking Oh great another guy who only wants me for my body ah well let’s get it over with and even though they never sleep together she still has perfectly valid reasons to be wary of him because he’s a carnivore (keep in mind her first real interaction with legosi was him almost murdering her aka the night before) and because he’s a man (only real experiences with men are being belittled and treated like she can’t do anything for herself and she needs a man to help her do everything or used for quick sex then only to be slut-shamed and bullied for it the next day) so i think any kind of rude or mean behaviour toward legosi has it’s reasons + it’s not like it upsets legosi like they work through it quite quickly

anyway beastars fandom realise these are reasons why haru is the best character

1- literally got extremely heavily bullied by the whole school and never pitied herself or sat wallowing in Sadness until she was literally abt to die

2- such a Chad (needs no explanation)

3- so cute

4- amazing facial expressions (sorry anime only)

5- amazing character development

6- best written character

7- literally perfect

8- emotional backstory (again sorry anime only, but srsly every time i reread the will chapter/s i shed a tear because it Evokes so much emotion in me)

9- So Great and amazing

10- really funny 😄

anyway stan haru (or else)

#rant #beastars #anyway

[one-abuse-survivor]

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!

#Ask #milky way anon #Abuse #Abuse tw #Abusive parents #Toxic parents #Ableism tw #I'm not from the US either so I have no idea what a sophomore is hahaha #Emotional neglect tw #childhood emotional neglect #panic attacks tw #Suicidal tw

[danicarosaline]

Just My Type | JJ Maybank x Kook!Reader | Ch. 3

Authors Note: This series will not be following the show!! Only a few things will be slightly different so bare with me please! 🥰✨

“What time did you come home last night?” Jolting up to the sound of your mother’s voice from where you laid comfortably in bed. Rubbing your tired eyes with your hands and yawning in the process.

“Uh.. dunno?” You replied groggily. You didn’t drink much so you weren’t exactly hungover, just completely exhausted. You blinked a few times trying to adjust to the new lighting of the room that you swore was once very dark just mere hours ago. Tiny specks of dust seemed to dance around in the shaft of afternoon sunlight that slanted through the windows of your room. Making you groan for forgetting to close the damn curtains.

You squint at your mother, eyes still not fully adjusting to the bright room and see her standing by your door with her arms crossed and eyebrows raised at your response. She sighs with a roll of her eyes, something she seems to be doing alot with you which you actually find quite funny.

“Well get dressed we’re going out to lunch” blowing you a little kiss as she walks out and leaving your door slightly open. Does anybody not know how to shut doors nowadays? Are you kidding me? With the click of your tongue, you bounce up from bed and walk lazily towards your door to shut it. Mumbling things under your breath with annoyance.

“The name’s JJ Maybank princess, its a pleasure to make your acquaintance” Oh how corny of him.

Suddenly looking back at all the moments you spent with the blond last night who you now have come to known as JJ Maybank, you feel all lively inside. You can’t help but melt as his perfect face had already imprinted itself into your brain. You can’t even sit still as thoughts of him constantly replay, taunting you of his beautiful existence every second and minute. Not that you come to mind though.

Smiling at yourself in the vanity mirror, you praise yourself for not making a fool out of yourself infront of the pogues and JJ at the kegger last night. You miss the group, already feeling so close with all of them. After applying finishing touches to your eyes with some expensive mascara, you start to make your way towards the door. Grabbing your Gucci purse on the way and smoothing out your yellow midi dress that was suited for casual days like these.

Halfway through lunch your mother bugs you about your love life. Mentioning some kook boys you’ve gotten to know these past months from parties and gatherings. This boy is handsome and funny, this boy is smart and a gentleman, this boy is tall and you both would look adorable together because of the height difference.

Rolling your eyes at the list of names that passed her lips. Kelce, Zac, Harry, Shawn, Jordan et cetera. All the young males living on the Figure 8. What made you roll your eyes is the lack of flavour, though you are no longer suprised at this.

You’re not sure why your mother insists on you dating a kook. Its not like she cares about statuses or how loaded someone is, your mother isn’t that kind of person to judge someone based on their wealth because she grew up without any of these fancy things at first. She used to live on the Cut.

So you begin to wonder. Why is your mother trying to set you up with all these boys who lacks personality if it has nothing to do with them being a kook? Is it because she reckons brunet males are superior?

Yeah it is in fact that reason and not because they are kooks. You know your mother could even care less if they were a touron.

“Its not all about their hair colour honey, you know that” she would say to defend herself when you ask but it doesn’t convince you. Its like theres a competition on which was better- “blonds or brunets?” and to her it being the latter.

She tells you that brunet males are just better looking than blonds so you shrug it off. Annoyed at her odd settlement and not bothering to stop her rambling about boys cause its not like she’d stop anyways.

“I just know you and Tom would be so cute together” making you choke on your pasta, she winks whilst taking a sip of her half empty champagne glass. Your step father humming in agreement at the mention of the said boy. You think back to when you first met Tom at a summer event hosted by his parents.

“Seriously mum? I met him once!”

He sure was charming though, handsome and fit with a deep british accent and a smile that could almost make your knees buckle. Almost.

It just doesn’t compare to JJ’s and his cute dimples.

The vibration of your phone buzzing on the table catches your attention. You glance down at it and see a text from your bestfriend, causing a smile to form on your face at the message.

Kiekie🌺: Come to the chateau boobear i made sandwiches and a fruit bowl so we can have a little picnic with the boys🥪🙇🏽‍♀️

Not being able to resist a picnic and food made by Kiara you text back almost immediately. Asking permission from your parents to let you go see Kie with a pout on your face, hoping it’ll be enough to convince them to let you go. The pout works everytime.

“Alright but come back before dinner and i mean it Y/N” your mother points at you sternly. You nod and give each of them a kiss on the cheek and head out. Opening the Uber app to get you to John B’s.

You: omw babygorl 👁👄👁

Kiekie🌺: srsly stop calling me that ):<

—————————————————————

Upon arriving at the Chateau you notice Pope and Kie first, hanging out by the hammock with a picnic blanket under them with plates, food and beers all set up nicely. No doubting that it was all Kie’s idea to organized it that neatly.

At first glance you would think that Pope and Kie were dating with how they look sitting together right now. Kie laughing at something Pope said and smacking his arm whilst Pope was peering at her with a soft look in his handsome features, almost like he was admiring the grinning girl. You know for a fact that if Kie was straight you’d be shipping the two friends together.

“Y/N hey!” Pope noticing you first and waving at you. Kiara getting up from her spot next to Pope to run over and engulf you in a hug. She pulls you down next to her and hands you some pineapple juice.

Pope offers you a sandwich which you decline kindly, telling him you already had lunch with your parents before you came here. Joining in on the previous conversation they had, you can’t help but drift off to where John B and JJ were at so you glance towards the house hoping to find either of them (more so the blond) in hopes you’ll catch one of them lingering around.

Kie nudges your shoulder with hers when she noticed your attention on the house and Pope explains that the two boys just stopped by the store to get more beers.

Then, as if on cue, the beat up van you recognised from last night pulls up and interrupts the conversation you trio had with its loud engine. You place a piece of hair behind your ears, something you do when your nervous about something and that something definitely has to do with the cute blond making his way over whilst carrying a small paper bag in his arm that he gently places down infront of you.

“Thought you’d enjoy these” the blond takes a seat next to you, giving you one of his signature dimpled smiles. The kind that instantly makes you melt. You tilt the paper bag towards you and you see three of your favourite snacks inside and if this sweet gesture doesn’t make you wanna kiss him right here, infront of the pogues than you don’t know what will at this point.

You let out a tiny gasp with a hand on your heart and turn your head towards the gorgeous blond beside you. You thank him shyly, feeling the heat rise up to your cheeks as he remembered your favourite snacks from all the times he’s delivered them to your house. He knows both your parents are crazy healthy, refusing to eat anything but salads or whatever protein foods there is.

He just guessed these snacks could only be wanted by you considering the snacks are only bought and ordered by other teens on Figure 8, no adult being interested to the very sweet snack. But the excitement decorating your pretty features makes his heart swell at the thought that he could make you this happy at something so little.

You both miss the way the other three exchange looks at the interaction. Too caught up in each other’s eyes to notice anything else around you. Pope coughs awkwardly, causing you to break eye contact with the blond.

“Uh JJ how do you know those are her favourites?” Kie eyes JJ, brows drawing together in confusion. He shrugs and says that he makes alot of deliveries to your house and just caught up on it. Kie’s eyes than lands on you and you just give her a nod, telling her that it was true.

She shrugs also and turns back to Pope to continue their previous conversation and thats when you caught John B staring at you with a smirk on his face, all he does is give you wink before joining in on the conversation with Kie and Pope.

You all spend the afternoon just eating, drinking and having a nice pleasant chat. But I’m not sure if you even considered this just chatting pleasantly. The group was loud and constantly talked over each other, interrupting each other mid sentence to change the subject. You found this amusing and appreciated that they never tried to do that when you joined in the conversation too.

The subtle touches from JJ here and there sends shivers down your spine as you try your best to not shy away from him when he caresses your thigh for a second when talking to you, or when he so gently cupped your face with his calloused hands when he tried to remove a ladybug that landed on your forehead. He’d smile cheekily at you when he catches you staring up at him innocently. Your heart could only handle so much of his attention being on you.

These touches don’t go unnoticed by the others, though they do not say anything about it. Only giving each other a look and snickering whenever they catch JJ placing one of his hands on you again. They find it adorable honestly.

“So Y/N whose escorting you to Midsummers?” You look up at Kie with raised brows, who in turn, is wiggling her own brows at you in a teasing manner.

“I unm.. i-“ you stutter out, not knowing what to say which makes her snort.

“Well what about you huh? Kie?” You shove her shoulders gently with a pout on your face feeling embarrassed all of a sudden.

“Hey! I was only asking silly girl, no need to be so shy” she pinches your left cheek, making you whine and the others laugh at you two. You feel JJ’s fingers gently caress your thigh again and you swore you felt butterflies in your stomach. You turn your head to look at him to see him already staring at you, admiring you.

You feel your cheeks heat up at the close proximity. When did he get so close? You swore you both weren’t sitting with your legs touching each other’s just mere minutes ago. You were about to start a conversation with JJ before Kie grabbed your hand, forcing your attention on her.

“Maybe ask Tom? I know he has a crush on you!”

You feel JJ’s fingers halt in his actions on your thigh and then slowly slip away. Your brows furrow at the loss of contact but still kept your eyes glued on Kie.

“Wait- Tom as in kook Tom or pogue mechanic Tom?”

John B quips, full of grapes in his mouth.

“Ew JB can you like, not talk with your mouth full?”

“Sorreh-“

“Yeah anyways, kook Tom!” Her hands still clasps around yours, beaming at you excitedly. She’s met Tom at the same party and she’s been shipping you both ever since the little chat you three had about using metal straws instead of plastic to save the turtles. Tom would have definitely been her type if she was straight, her words exactly.

“Ive talked to him a few times when i was out with dad making deliveries at his place and he’s actually really nice, i reckon go for it Y/n!”

Pope pipes up from where he was bending over in the ice cooler to grab a fruity drink for himself and throws you one too.

“Thanks Pope and also, i d-“

“JJ could escort you!!” you were suddenly cut off by John B’s loud voice, arms raised in the air as if he just came up with the most smartest plan ever.

You missed the way JJ’s head snaps towards his bestfriend with wide eyes. Cheeks starting to redden with every passing second. You crumble into a little ball when the blond takes his time to retort back.

You were about to tell JJ that he didn’t need to do that for you when a nervous chuckle leaves his lips and his hand placing itself back on your thigh stops you.

“That wouldn’t be a bad of an idea princess”

“You sure? You honestly don’t have to if you don’t wa-“

“And miss you being all pretty and dolled up? yeah don’t think so babe” he scoffs jokingly and sends a wink your way. You bite your bottom lip to supress a squeal, and thank him instead.

Kie then asks John B if he could escort her to Midsummers and Pope feigns hurt and she slaps him on his thigh, claiming that he’s gonna be there too, escorting some kook girl who practically forced him to be her partner.

As the others tease Pope, you turn to JJ and start planning on how you both can match each other for Midsummers, playing with each other’s hands as you both converse.

John B’s eyes falls on the girl and JJ’s almost interwining hands. He glances back up to look at his bestfriend and smiles at the sight of JJ looking so soft. Not once has John B seen JJ act this way towards a girl. A kook no less.

It was why he suggest JJ to escort you to Midsummers. The brunet knew JJ had a soft spot for you especially, having the blond mentioning a really pretty H/C kook girl that caught his eye months ago but never pursuing her because duh, your a kook and JJ hates kooks but with Kiara being the exception.

Who would have thought that kook girl would be the same Y/N Kie always talks about. What a small world John B thought.

Taglist: @alotbnouf @elhopqer @arthiriticcricket @eclecticpuppyhollywoodhumanoid @urlocalbrochure @cocoopalace @teamnick @lolitstiana @99sxuxii @styles-edward-harry @essencityv @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @i-ran-out-of-fanfics

If you see your @ crossed out, simply comment and I’ll fix it!! 💛

#fanfiction #jj maybank #jj maybank fanfic #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x reader #jj outer banks #jj x reader #jj x y/n #jj x you #john b routledge #pope hayward #kiara carrera #outer banks #sarah cameron #rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader #rudy obx

[aresrl]

I hihi I am!!! A little nervous w/ doing this bc I've never done this b4 so please bear🐻 w// me💦 May I request a match up? A vision, a romantic partner and maybe a friend and/or enemy? If that's too much feel free to just assign me a vision + partner, ehe/// Preferably male for a romantic match-up, but either gender is fine with a friend and enemy match-up^^ I tried to be as detailed as possible but I think I ended up just ranting, so im v v sorry if it's long! I sort of fluctuate when it comes to being an introvert/extroverted. W// strangers and irl, I'm very introverted and shy!! Rarely speak and if I do it's just the usual "Hi how are you? That's good. I'm good too, thank you for asking:)" yeayea I'm not too. Keen on social interaction irl. But I always do my best to be very nice!! I never wanna come off as mean bc wow what a bad first impression that would be. But with friends / ppl ik online?? Whew I am very very friendly n chatty ^^ Either very high energy or very chill, there's rarely any inbetween. Sometimes I like to jokingly tease my friends but I'd never go too far / make them uncomfortable!! And if I do I always apologize right away!! I like to say that I'm affectionate?? My strongest love language is def physical affection, if not quality time. Idk man there's just something about vibing with someone or hugging them that just aaaaa/// Although I usually display affection w// words of affection bc. Literally most of my friends are online friends so I can't actually hug them, sad times. Idk if this is needed/important info but I just remembered: I'm 5'6 around??? Need glasses bc. Whew i am blind (near sighted), I'm poc (specifically black) anndd, hm. Actually I think thats it for this section, aha. As you can see I'm, not really all that organized. Also I don't have the best attention span - while writing this I'm circling between 4 different apps - and I'm a bit of a mess. And also a little stupid. Just a smidge dumb. But I have my moments - I solved like. 2 puzzles in Inazuma by myself so I think that counts for something. I also find that I tend to talk a whole lot when I have an idea or smthn to say abt a thing I'm super interested in!! That's info-dumping. I info dump. Yes. I also really like to listen to other people talk abt things they like!!!! Its so nice :) I'm protective over people I care about!! I've never done it but 100% would bark at someone who messed with someone close to be. Arf arf yaknow. I tend to he impulsive. I'll do something, and be all "YEAH>:D" and then regret it later. And then I'll do it all over again in a fun little cycle :) I consider myself an optimist, but quickly turn into a pessimist whenever it concerns myself. Fun funfun. Should probably mention that I am. A very insecure person w/ dangerously low self esteem, which is super fun esp when you mix that with the fact that I'm rarely ever motivated to improve. Yayayay Also sort of a pushover?? Like most often than not I'll be convinced to do something, even if I'm not too keen on doing it. Also afraid of confrontation when it comes to my friends and strangers (that is, if it's concerning me!! I'll order smthn for my friend but if I need to order for myself?? uhh stutter time aha). I'm also a mega simp ahah! Srsly though if I fall for someone/get infatuated with someone I. Will be so obvious abt it even though I try very hard not to be. Would gush over that person probably. I don't really like mean people tbh. Like yes I'll be nice and civil with them but!!! I cannot stand!!! Rude people!!! Esp when they're mean for no reason like sir??? maam??? homie??? chill pls ty<3 People who aren't necessarily mean, but moreso have bastard energy and are just really "hehe>:D" but playfully are p poggers tho!!! I think I get along with kids!! I have a little sister,, around like. Nine? And we get along really well!! I also try and match a kid's energy whenever I'm tasked with looking after them. I take pride in the fact that kids like me >:].... even if they sometimes scare me-- Ok, interest time!!

I like art!! Quite a bit!! Less of a realistic artist and more of a cartoonist!! Idk there's just something fun abt drawing cartoons, hehe. I also like self ships - I have quite a bit of them, actually ! Idk its comforting drawings your fictional crushes loving you idkidk. I like writing too! Both original stories, and one-shots or personal fics that are associated with already created media!! Writing character backstories and personalities and stuff is also fun too! I've even made my own fictional world with a full fledged backstory n everything! It's very fun to think about. I'm a day dreamer!!! Yea remember when I said I write stories? I day dream abt potential stories even more. Mmm daydream world so nice so warm so fun I read aswell!! Mostly fantasy books, or stories where animals are the protagonists. Think Warrior Cats. But my favorite book series has got to be Guardians of Ga'Hoole. Fantasy owl books, anyway! X Readers are also things I enjoy reading :) Again, s I m p Also gaming!!! Is something fun I do sometimes!!! Although it's usually Genshin Impact, or Wii Sports/Resort w// my little sister. Oh, also pokemon! I rlly like Primarina, Vaporeon, Sylveon and Vulpix/Ninetails! I absolutely adore sweet foods, and baking is smthn I'm def interested in! Don't like foods w// weird textures though, like beans or mashed potatoes. Also I. Love spice so much. Mmm love it when my mouth burns so bad. Don't have a favorite animal but I've had three cats in my lifetime (btw not important but my current cat is named Sylvester and. He's my baby boy) so I am. A very big cat fan. Probably not needed but I really like sword and claymore characters. Literally all of the characters I main are either sword or claymore users. Although I did get Diona, so I miiight start forcing myself to learn how to aimmm. I see that I tend to like people/characters that are a little more extroverted than me. Upbeat, happy type beat!!! Nice sunshine babies, :) I think thats it! I hope this was good enough? Again, first time doing this (at 2am nonetheless) so forgive me if I got too rambly or did anything wrong ^^ Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this! And I hope your day is good / you had a good day, depending on when you read this, ehe!

Hey! Sorry if the wait has been long! I also love Warrior Cats (I promise myself, one day I'll finish it.)

You received... A Pyro vision! Optimistic, enthusiastic, impulsive, reckless, and a lot of energy are the general characteristics held by the Pyro vision. • I hesitated between the Pyro and Hydro vision, but your energy distinguishes you from the Hydro vision. • You said you were impulsive, always doing something you might regret later but still doing it. • You react quickly: as you said, if somebody hurt someone you love, you won't think twice before barking. Your partner would be... Xingqiu! “This feeling was unexpected.” • At first, you were just friends, and Xingqiu really loved to tease you. Actually, you both teased each other. But eventually, a feeling of love towards you grew into Xingqiu. And that was reciprocated. • Your relationship is filled with teases, jokes, and good/funny moments where you mostly share what you commonly appreciate. • He also knows when to get serious: for example, he does everything to support you during your moments of struggle concerning your self-esteem. Your friend would be... Childe! “Luckily, I'm here!” • You two also share funny moments, especially during situations where your “stupidity” is overtaken by his insight. • Sometimes, he finds you cute. • He likes the fact that you get along well with kids. It leads you to great moments with him and his siblings. • You're quite the opposite in terms of self-esteem. I think it's a good thing because it makes you complementary. Your enemy would be... Albedo! A misunderstanding. • You wouldn't hate each other, but I think Albedo wouldn't like the way you use your energy, and when you're more in a chill mood (meaning you're more available for him to talk), he could get pissed at how much times he'd have to repeat himself for you to understand something. • He's very patient, but he understood quickly that his interests would maybe not be within your reach. • You would just be too different. Worth to mention • You and Venti are like drama queens in Mondstadt. You are good friends. But you both know that you can't be more, as it would eventually both drag you down (because of similar problems). • Klee is also your best friend: both of you share decisions that you definitely will regret later. Or maybe not. • Hu tao and you are kinds of silently competing over who's the best tease, and she beats you. My goal is definitely not achieved. I hope I can catch up tomorrow. And don't worry, it was surprisingly good for a first description!

#genshin request #genshin matchups #genshin #genshin impact

[abysssanctum]

So about this prologue update. I understand why devs did that (though again, I think it is quite cheating when you change your story in hindsight), but I am sad that they decided to make balance between LIs not only by adding new scenes but also by removing old and loved ones (yes, I'm about The Pat Down scene, you're right. It was so vivid and we'll miss it so much T__T). And I really feel sorry about them replacing "sister's letter" scene with that new one with not-so-new joke (srsly, I'm sure that I saw that someone in fandom used that reference in their work, and I'm not sure saw that only once). But! I must admit that the whole Rowdy Raven scene looks more full, completed and sensible now. (And I headcanon now that Julian wrote his note to MC while he was quite drunk, like you know, people start to phone or text their ex when they are sotted? This it is. Except Julian is unique and accost not his ex (hmhmhm) but his future lmao. And after he send Malak he is like "I did whaaaat?? how the hell can I undo this? ugh. hope they will not come. hope this raven will lose his way. I need time machine, whatever it is") Julian really enlights his side of the story, and that looks much more pertinent in the displayed situation than abstract talks we saw in previous prologues.

On the other hand, Julians's first appearance in the shop became absolutelly illogical - he, fugitive accused for murder, secretly returned to the city, why the fuck does he need some random apprentice he never met before (not quite so, yeah, but a_m_n_e_s_i_a) to read his fortune in the middle of the night?? Not to speak about his attitude to all this magic shit and that he even not interested in listening the reading to the end after all (that was more or less expainable earlier, as it was not the thing he came for, but now it looks lame). The version "broke into the shop searching for the answers from Asra" seems more fitting to me. (Also I will be missing that underestimated pearl from dialog in *Negotiate* option in response of Julian's greetings. Something about "Master Asra is not here" - "Master? um.. *heavy blushing* ugh, well.. ok. I don't want to get into your personal affairs..." Oh sweet boy, do you have any other associations in your curly head?)

What I definetelly like in changings that is Muriel's part. Now his love line looks more vindicable (well for me at least). Because previously I always felt that MC is annoying him, he strongly doesn't want to interact with them and show it in a rather harsh way. So I was totally misguided by his personality and even didn't want to play his route (now it is my second favorite after Julian's). And now it is clear that he is tsundere withdrawn and shy and just cinnamonroll (but - unpopular opinion - I find his new CG too too much cute, it's a bit over the edge, looks sort of weird, sorry). Scenes with him is so warm and soft, you can feel what he cares and wants to protect MC, though he still doesn't want to let them get to close.

Also like how they made Nadia more soft and humane? I think that makes her route also more attractive to play. We can see her feelings and emotions now, not only her "wantings". And that previous payed choice "spoil me with riches"? Ugh, that was very uncomfortable. I wonder if someone chose it willingly, and not only for filling gaps in narration. For me, she is much more pleasable character to interacte now, and I am very glad with it.

And as said, I just love new Lucio's scenes. I so desperately needed them, lol. Well, I'm totally not impartial in this point, I just need more Lucio so I suppose I would be happy almost with every his appearance, but when I try to think with my brains and not my other parts, I still find his episodes very impressive. I like this haunted nightmarish dreams atmosphere that created (love that trope so much, right in kokoro!), I definetelly like this switching-between-forms flowing conversation, and I'm really glad that they left that moment with MC falling in his deathbed and breathing his ash (I'm sick bastard, but I find that very... thrilling and intimating), yet I know many people think that it is odd scene.

I feel a little strange that I can say about Portia's changings almost nothing. I just... feel that I know nothing new about her now? Unfortunately :( I even can say that her previous payed scene revealed us more details - for example about her interractions with other palace stuff that unveiled her personality. Now I feel that we have less such things. But we have new scene with Portia and Nadia, which is super nice and cozy and feelf almost like girls’ night out uwu (but I'm not sure whom that scene unveils more - Portia or Nadia)

Sorry Asra, but even less changes for you :( Almost only cutted scenes. But new warm domestic conversations in the very begining and the fact that Asra now speaks about Julian more kindly makes me pleased.

Aaaand. A small thing and may be just my imagination and wishful thinking but. Albeit Valerius is still the haughty asshole, he looks like... less humiliating to MC? I mean even the scene with him pouring his wine seems like an accident and not an offencive act. Maaaaaaybe just maybe that means that devs trying to make him more suitable as potential LI and we'll see his route one day? pretty please? *shrek_cat_eyes.jpg*

#the arcana #the arcana game #julian devorak #portia devorak #nadia satrinava #asra alnazar #muriel #count lucio #the arcana prologue #valerius #idk why i wrote this #what author wants to say #sorry for my english

[awfullyaster]

andrew and neil are switches, don’t you forget it

ok hi here for my (probably) daily aftg rant,,,,so i’m seeing that the majority of the fandom (as far as i’ve seen anyway)--or fics/fanart consisting of andreil doing the do--view neil as a power bottom ?

am i incorrect? are my resources false? idk bout u but so far i’ve only seen like one fic where neil is the top/penetrator (!mao is that even a real word idk but it sounds weird haha cute ok anyway)

and honestly, i have to disagree. i do. i’m not trying to push andrew’s boundaries by saying that neil could top, i’m just saying that y’all don’t give neil enough credit.

liek,,,,,bro,,,,,do you not see the amount of top energy neil mf josten radiates ???? like, yes, we know andrew takes the lead but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’d top forever ?????

( just a proposition, ofc but this is just my opinion based on observations--yet again ) 

( and tbh i had difficulty trying to figure who was the top and who was the bottom between them when i encountered the first hint of intimate growth in their relationship--to the point where i had to ask my best friend who hadn’t a clue what aftg was prior to (that’s when the aftg rants officially started/ignited) and it took some time/proper discussion/consideration but he first came up with the conclusion that andrew was a sub top and that neil was a power bottom )

as for yours truly, i came to the conclusion that they are both switches (some time after i finished reading).

i mean,,,,,,can you really just look at neil josten--wholly, like his entire personality, attitude (problem !), traits, &c and decide on the spot that he’s a bottom ??? how ??? how the hell do you come up with that ?????

and hear me out, i have evidence/reasons:

one) The Great Riko Roast™️. need i say more? 

(if elaboration is necessary:

keep in mind that neil (this literal fucking nobody) burned riko (supposedly the king of exy or whatever the fuck, who cares) to ground on the spot (no script, just his attitude problem (mwah i love him) and pure spite)

again, he burned him to the ground on live television, publicly humiliating riko with each and every word

idk bout u but i am so damn sure andrew found out right then n there that this bitch radiates top energy for fucking sure (or, in his words, isn’t spineless)

neil committing arson via verbal attacks is just---splendid. absolutely mesmerizing. flawless. truly inspiring. gamechanging. glorious. 

he’s so rude i love him

anyway )

two) neil can shut up andrew up without having to touch or kiss him. he can leave him speechless. with just his words. 

(yes, we know anybody & everybody knows better than to touch andrew but like i mean he wouldn’t have to fight him or whatever) (and he doesn’t have to kiss him to shut him up--though he definitely can--he doesn’t have to because that’s just how fucking powerful he is)

y’all,,,,,are you ready for one of the most amazing lines i believe we all know and love,,,,,

““You have a problem wherein you only invest your time and energy into worthless pursuits."

“This,” Neil flicked his finger to indicate the two of them, “isn’t worthless.”

“There is no ‘this’. This is nothing.”

“And I am nothing,” Neil prompted. When Andrew gestured confirmation, Neil said, “And as you’ve always said, you want nothing.”

Andrew stared stone-faced back at him.

[...andrew had his hand frozen mid-air...(i forgot the rest)]”

if this does not prove dominance to you, i don’t know what to tell you. (HE WAS MERELY SPEAKING AND ANDREW COULD NOT COME UP WITH ANYTHING-- A N Y T H I N G --TO SAY BACK BC IT’S A PERSONAL ATTACK AND HE DIDN’T SEE IT COMING AND THAT’S WHY HE SEES NEIL AS INTERESTING/WHY HE ‘HATES’ HIM SO MUCH BRO I)

hOweVeR

i know that dom bottoms exist (i think so, anyway) or bottoms that radiate top energy/the position (i.e. bottom,top) energy you radiate can be entirely different from what position you really are/are comfy with and that these are just words but that brings me to my following point,

three) (#1 insitgator, he, oh yes, neil josten, yes indeed) his unexpected (and to be frank, quite thrilling) acts of asserting dominance ?????? um ????

(when they were kith kithing next to the kitchen (next to kitchen) in neil’s dorm room) “[neil felt his phone buzz in his back pocket and against the wall it was obnoxiously loud. he already knew it was his daily countdown, but he already knew how much little time he had left. he didn’t need to reminded, especially now...andrew took it out of his back pocket and offered it to neil, pulling away from his mouth. neil took the phone from andrew’s hand and threw it across the living room, not taking his eyes off andrew. andrew watched as the phone bounced off the couch and onto the carpet. neil kissed his neck in attempt to distract him and was rewarded by a startled jolt which was enough reason to do it again. and even though andrew pushed his face away, they were close enough for neil to not miss how andrew shivered.]” 

b r o ,,,,,,,,,,,, bro,,,,,,it just--

(when they were alone in the bus otw to that one away game--belmonte, i think?) “[“i wonder when coach found out about this,” neil prompted. 

“there is no ‘this’.”

“i wonder when coach found out you only want to kill me ninety-three percent of the time.”

neil retraced his steps and had a moment of realization. before andrew left for easthaven, neil had told andrew to trust him and not ‘neil’. 

“it was before you left,” neil started... 

“coach doesn’t believe what other people want him to believe, he believes what he sees,” andrew replied...

“are you going to tell them?” neil was referring to the rest of the team, and this was up to him, whether they’ll be out or not. 

“i won’t have to. renee says the upperclassmen are betting on your sexuality.”

neil knew that matt mentioned that there were bets on about him, but he didn’t know it was about this.

“it’s a waste of time and money. they’ll all lose. i’ve said all year that i don’t swing and i meant it. kissing you doesn’t make me look any of them differently. the only one i’m interested in is you.”

“don’t say stupid things.”

“make me.” and with that, neil grabbed a fistful of andrew’s hair and pulled him in.]” 

dude,,,,,,,,,he can take control,,,,,he can,,,,he can lead, too, but he follows andrew’s because he’s a good boy and he knows how important it is. he improvises and uses what he has and takes control from there. dude. dude. 

three) honestly? i think andrew likes it. neil’s unexpected acts of confidence,,,kinda leaves him on the edge of his seat yk,, like doesn’t it increase his percentage? it does, right? cuz ik it did when andrew guided neil to touch his chest and neil emulated andrew’s words, “i won’t be like them. i won’t let you let me be.” (i love them bye) but liek,,,,yeah idk andrew liking neil’s neck kisses/fetish kinda tells me he likes it so maybe this isn’t concrete evidence particularly but i’m still including it because andrew’s a switch, idc what anyone says, 

four) i lost my train of thought but i ran out of reasons--on the spot, anyway--so i might come back to this if i do but just to make it clear:

andrew minyard is a switch. (it just takes time, like a lot, but it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily impossible/never gonna happen.)

neil josten is a switch. (he respects andrew’s boundaries and doesn’t push him, he’s fine being guided, but it doesn’t mean he can’t take the initiative himself (and i forgot to mention it but re: when he asked andrew if he doesn’t like to be touched in general or if it’s a trust thing + many more times, before & after their first kiss, i believe, my brain is just empty rn) and i just think that deserves more recognition)

so !! 

(this post is a mess, (i always am but today’s just worse) i know, and i’m sorry)

in conclusion,

let neil top andrew !! they deserve it !! 

(not that vice versa is bad, but this isn’t either, yk, just saying. also, i hope this isn’t too late to say in the post, but i do not, i repeat, i do not, intend to pressure any content creator--fic writers, fan artists, editors, &c--to create content this particular way only,,,,okay,,,gotta make that unequivocally clear. and i’m not saying andrew topping neil is bad or overrated, because i know that when it comes to them, sex in general would take some time, especially neil topping andrew, but i think they deserve that freedom, yk. again,,,,this is just my personal opinion. no insisting statements here, just wish for freedom to speak my mind, that is all. also feel free to interact if you agree/disagree or both !! i’m willing to hear anyone’s comments or thoughts or whatever !! i hope i’m talking to a brick wall here ahah) 

bro brain poop rn

anyway

tl/dr: bro let neil top (not necessarily on top, but that works, too--either/or--or both, if y’all dare ;DD (kill me) (but like srsly) (let neil top) (plz) :))

(also somewhat off topic but might anyone have access to some fics in which consist of neil first getting andrew off ??? i randomly remember it from ms. sakavic’s extra content page and i would like to see what the fandom offers, if y’all don’t mind)

im so mean and insistent on my aftg-related opinions now that i think about it

whoops

#so help me #let neil fucking top #please #it's the character development they deserve #the growth #theyve been through so much #together #please they mean so much to me #you cant just #leave me hanging yk #ok ill admit thats selfish of me but #seriously #let neil top #its not impossible #aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #trk #the raven king #tkm #the kings men #andreil #andrew and neil #andrew minyard #neil josten #andrew minyard and neil josten #neil and andrew #bottom andrew ???? #a concept

[persona-m4a]

This is just a personal theory, but I don't think Horikoshi just forgot about the traitor subplot. I think there never even WAS a traitor in the first place, and that it was just a red herring to throw us off. I just think I'd be funny that Horikoshi is just messing with us lmao but ya I srsly doubt that Horikoshi just forgot the plotpoint, it might come back later

I’ve seen a few people saying that Horikoshi himself said in a interview or somewhere that he forgot about it, though I personally don’t know where this info came from so I guess I should stay skeptical about it for the time being.

I do think there was suppose to be a traitor though, because in earlier chapters/season one and three of the anime they made it pretty clear that the timing and place of the league of villains attacks are too optimal that they must have someone who knows the school’s schedule working for them. This was also partially the reason why the students started living in dorms, so the school can keep a close eye on them.

So yeah, I personally think Horikoshi did intended there to be a traitor and he either forgot or intentionally hasn’t brought it up again so far. I feel like the latter is not as probable, because we all know how much he likes to drop hints (ie. the todoroki family) and it seems weird that the later villain attacks didn’t seem to have any inside info on UA or the pro heros, except for hawks but even then he didn’t give that much info away to the villains. Speaking of hawks, I feel like Horikoshi would’ve at least dropped some hints about the traitor when hawks was infiltrating if not have them interact with each other, since you know, for all the villains know they’re both traitors to the heros.

Those are just my thoughts. Seeing as how chaotic the in universe society has become and where the story is heading (I’m assuming some development for deku) I feel like the traitor plot line wouldn’t really be that relevant anymore. I would be extremely happy if Horikoshi does bring it back though, and I’ve seen some really good fan theories on YouTube so maybe he should take some notes lol.

#bnha spoilers #boku no hero academia

[hellswolfie]

The Mark of Athena Review

Ok so once again i continue reading “The Heroes of Olympus” and once again i need to vent so Tadaaaaa !!

So before I start, here is a  more general Review : I really REALLY liked this book. Favorite of the serie so far. Also, obviously, SPOILERS !!

THINGS I DIDNT LIKE : 

- The role of Frank : I can maybe forgive that, because with 7 main characters i  understand it’s difficult to give them all an important role in one single book. But I really loved him in “The Son of Neptune” and I really wanted to see more of him, and the most of what we got was him being the Jealous Boyfriend. It was kind of disappointing so I hope it’ll change in the next books. 

- Piper : it costs me a lot to put her there because I really really loved her in “The Lost Hero” but I have to admit I didn’t like one single chapter of hers in “The Mark of Athena”. Or at least not completely. In the first book there was the relationship with her dad, her culture, her dealing with the fact she was an Aphrodite children, the begining of a friendship with Annabeth and Leo... But in this book ? It’s only about Jason. Endlessly. And it’s so tiring and eyeroll worthy, especially when we compare her “issues” over JASON with the others’. And even without that, she was really not a great person in this book and not in the interesting way : she was ready to put the whole World in danger just so Jason wouldnt stay in New Rome, kept Charming Up her friends just for convenience (like srsly i know thats not supposed to be a Big Deal but thats still mind control so yikes), and when it came down to it, no matter what she said about how Leo is like her little brother or Annabeth is her BFF, she only gave a crap about Jason Jason Jason...There was barely a scene of her with the other two. And I find it frustrasting that it didn’t even feel like the plot during her chapters were about her, but more about Jason and her being a support for him, even though they were HER chapters !!

- Jasiper : Well I guess that’s not really a surprise lol. I never liked this pairing and this book didn’t change my mind on that at all. Piper keeps clinging to the three months THAT NEVER HAPPENED (and that apparently weren’t faithful to Jason’s character like srsly is she even really in love with HIM or the idea of him she had in her mind ?) instead of the 8 real months they spent together, thinks it’s a miracle when Jason appologizes (he’s a real catch huh ?) and is so so sure he’ll leave her to go to New Rome which first : wow you really have faith in this relationship huh ? But also second : why is this such a Big Deal ?? Even if he did go to New Rome she could still follow him (she made it pretty clear she’d leave all of her friends in Camp Half Blood to be with him), it’s not like he’s a whole new different person when he’s there !! And my baby Reyna was so hurt by that, like Jason was a reall asshole here, even if he was oblivious and didn’t realize her feelings for him she’s still supposed to be his friend and the first thing he asks after 8 months of disappearing is if he can spend alone time with his gf ? And I found it kind of frustrating that in the end, all the others left on their own to do their own things (yk, to save the fucking world ?) while literaly risking their life and Jasiper just...went on a date. Like seriously ? So yeah. Not a fan. 

- The whole Frank x Leo “rivalery” : Why make another older character be attracted to 13 years old ?? Can you stop that ??? Leo could also be a real ass sometimes, even tho I still love him and Frank well...I already talked about that. This book had enough pissing contests between guys as it is. 

- Percy apparently forgetting all the Hercules stuff  he learned in “The Titan Curse”. I know it might not seem like THAT much of a deal but it was a really important thing for his character ? That he learned how Heroes, especially Hercules, were real assholes too and that he had to learn to not be like them ? That Zoe, his friend who sacrificiced herself to save the world, was treated like shit by this guy but now he was still like “omg this is Hercules I SO want to meet this guy he seems great !!” ???. It was just one sentence but I hated it. 

- The focus on the Romantic relationships. Look I have nothing against romance and ships. I love romantic love in stories !! But I also love friendships and I really wish this book would have given us more of that instead of spending so much time on romantic relationships. I mean it is pretty well illustrated in the end of the book when they all separate : all the groups are romantic pairings. Percabeth, Jiper, and Frazel with Leo who has kind of a crush on Hazel. And as much as I love Frazel and Percabeth, where are the friendships ?? Percy and Jason’s relationship was supposed to be very important in this book so why didn’t we see more of that ?? What about the friendships that were already established like Percy with Frank and Hazel, Leo with Piper and Jason, Piper and Anabeth,...And all the new friendships that could have had more screen time like Annabeth and Frank or something !! So yeah that was disappointing. 

THINGS I LOVED : 

- the River God scene. Ok so yes I kind of lied : I enjoyed this chapter of Piper. Well this scene at least. And only kind off, because it is still a Jasiper moment but anyway. In my last review of “the Son of Neptune”, I mentionned how it always annoyed me that the heroes have a habit of always making the Good Moral Decision, without any hesitation, even if the fate of the world is in the balance. I was like “Give me morally conflicted characters damn it” !! And that’s what I got here. Piper having to lie to the God, taking his horn that was so important to him, even tho he was just a very tragic dude, to save Jason and the World, realizing that even if it is bad and she feels like shit after doing it, she still had to do it...YES !!! THANK YOU !! I LOVED THAT !!!

- The LEO X NICO INTERACTIONS !!!!!! After spending 2 books shipping them (they’d fit so well together i will die on this hill) they finally talked !!! Well once, and about the fact that Percabeth just fell into fucking Tartarus but like !!! TALKING !!!! And the first thing Nico tell him is to reassure him <3 (look I know it won’t be canon but the POTIENTIAL!!!)

- Annabeth’s chapters. I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t like them like we finally got her point of view people !!! And it was awesome !!! I loved seeing her on a quest, the way she thinks and sees the world, how she uses her intelligence,... Like she’s so brave and smart but also so sentimental even tho she’d never admit it (like getting emo about having lost the white hair because it was a connection with Percy ? My baby is so fucking precious). And obviously we already knew that but to actually be in her head ??? It was so fucking good !! And it really succeeded to make me feel so much for her, like she’s just a kid and her mother literaly sent her to her death and she was so scared but she still kept going (only to end up in Tartarus WHYYYYYY) and I’m so proud of her. I love this character so much !!

- Percabeth : The reunion !!!! FINALLY !!!! That’s my first ever OTP right there and they’re so in love !! They’re such a badass power couple and they love eachother so fucking much !! God i missed them X( I loved every Percabeth scenes, they were so adorable and beautiful. I loved how even tho they are differents and are not always in the same page, they still know eachother so well and the communication was just so cheff’s kiss. And omg their lasts scenes together ?? Chills !! Like when Percy almost begged the (kind of?) gods to let him stay just a few more moments with her because he was so scared of never seeing her again almost brought tears to my eyes and then of course their final scene when they fall together into Tartarus, because all that matter is that they’re together...MY HEART !!!

- Percy’s and Leo’s chapters. I put them together because I don’t have much  to say except that I love them so much and that I would literaly lay down my life for this two. Their chapters are always such joy to read, and after one whole book without him, I was really glad to get back with Leo. Probably the funniest chapters too. 

- The Crazy Dolphins scene. This scene was fucking hilarious. Pic comedy ^^

- The crumb of friendhips dynamics we got. So much potential I want to see more !! Like Percy x Jason, Annabeth x Frank (so much Hermione x Neville vibes), Leo x Frank, Hazel x Annabeth, Percy x Frank, Annabeth x Leo (Leo who is so scared of and impressed by her as he should lol),...That’s probably one of the reasons I was so bitter about the romantic relationships getting so much more time, like ALL the friendhships that were so interestings like come on !!

- Percy thinking about LUKE !!! hjfgjehgfjhsegf !!! The fact that he still considers Luke as his fighting teacher, still thinks about his training and his advices !!! Even going as far as thinking he totally understood where he came from for doing all this horrible things !!! That was so awesome !! And such a character development !!! And that makes Percy even more of an interesting character !!! Anyway I loved that ^^

- All the mythological aspect like Rick can be such a genius sometimes with how he uses them, managing to stay faithful to them while sill adapting them to a more modern setting and that works so well !! Well its there in every single one of the PJO series book, but I just wanted to put it out there so here. 

- Hazel story. Look I didn’t like the whole weird kind off “love triangle” thing with Leo and Frank. But I love Hazel and I LOVED knowing more about her and also knowing more about Leo’s ancestor (who was awesome btw). That was such an interesting story, how she discovered that her only friend back then and first love spent his whole life thinking her disappearence was his fault.  And the flackback was so cute too ^^ Also Loved her being so desperate finding her brother because that’s what Nico deserves and that was adorable. I really hope we’ll get to see more of their bond. 

- The end. Such an amazing cliffhanger. I could feel the tension in the scene, I could’t stop reading and then the last chapter were everyone was just so in chock but Nico still believed that Percy would come back out of it alive because he admires him so much. It was SO !!! FUCKING !!! GREAT !!! Amazing way to end this book.

And that’s also how I will end this review ^^ Feel free to comment on it (respectfully) in the comments if you want. 

#percy jackson #PJO #pjo series #heroes of olympus #hoo #mark of athena #MOA #percabeth

[hikari-writes]

Behind The Scene of Love At First Legend

A/N: I thought I need to tell you guys how exactly was Lafl made and i need to rant this out so uh....here we go! Contain SPOILER obviously so i don't recommend you reading this before you finish reading Lafl. But with that outta the way, here we go!

Before the making of it

Truthfully speaking, I didn't actually plan it out to be a shiggy x reader. So here's the thing, i wanted to do a smau and I only had thought of the title and the acronym and what it's about (aka shoto is a ghost enthusiast and wanted to share his knowledge of legend with y/n) I was literally STUCK on who to make this smau for. The main trio is obviously not a choice since they're friends of Y/N. At first i thought, well, maybe Kirishima? I even already MADE banners using him 😭😭😭 but then my smartass brain thought, hey, why don't we make it to have angst where the guy accidentally lashed out at her because he's afraid of her knowing about his feelings and then the trio (mainly katsuki) comforted her and told her that it was because of her that their friendship is still going (as shown in part 17)

But then i was like, NO! If we're using Kirishima, we can't use that idea! He's a precious sweetheart and he's not the type to lash out to someone he likes in order to hide his feelings! So i was like, okay, fine. Then who should we do for? My other suggestions included Tokoyami (rejected because i can't write him in a smau. He's gonna say many edgy things and i can't take him srsly if he did) and Kaminari (the same reasoning as kirishima, he's a precious babey qwq). And then i was like, okay, how about Monoma. But then i was like, ..no thanks...🙄🙄

And then, i suggested another;

Me: how about Shinso---

Also me: NO!!! There's already A BUNCH of shinsou smau and i don't really wanna feel like making him since myherowritings has done like 2 smaus of him. I'm afraid i might even feel like I'm plagiarising stuff.

This goes on for longer than I'd like to admit honestly. I was pretty adamant on keeping the "y/n get cheered up by her friends" thing so i really need to have someone who's a jerk to be the partner.

I wasn't too keen on making for any of the LoV members tbh. Mainly because, while this is a quirkless au, making the trio talk about LoV is abit....and mostly all the guys in LoV has quite big age gap with the trio so.... yeah it's a bit awkward. The closest to their age was shiggy and i was still pretty reluctant to use him. In the end, i managed to gave up and used him anyways.

During the making

I STRUGGLED A LOT, if you can't tell. I'm really not a person who plans ahead of things so thinking up ideas AS I'm writing it was hell. The only thing that i have thought ahead of time was the "shoto sharing his knowledge of legend to y/n". That was it. The legend of the rock at the shrine that can grant wishes about love was completely made on the spot as I'm writing it. 🤭🤭🤭

Things really got a lot messier than i thought and I struggled as I'm writing it. I had thought of creating more drama and making the "lashing out because i don't want you to know my feelings" part BUT as you already know, i didn't 😫😫

I also thought up y/n's past trauma and the reason for her social anxiety ON THE SPOT and after making shiggy comfort her, i realized, i couldn't make the "lashing out because i don't want you to know my feelings" part after all qwq. But i managed to insert the "bakugou telling y/n it's because of her that their friendship is still going on" so it's all good 😌😌

Dramas and Shiggy OOCness

I intended to insert MUCH more drama and angst but after writing her past, i realized that that's not possible 😔😔😔 and considering how much of an impatient and bratty he is in canon, it was actually perfect to insert more dramas

BUT THEN I REALIZED THAT THERE'S NOT ENOUGH SHIGGY/N MOMENTS TO MAKE THEIR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER STRONGER , and yet again, i panicked. So i made shiggy to be this super caring and understanding guy and helped y/n get over her past.

In the end, that's how he came to be so ooc and the only time he actually FELT like shiggy was when he was interacting with the LoV members and THAT WAS IT. I freaked out but after the part where shiggy comforted y/n, i was like, "idc anymore, since I've already made him ooc in this part, might as well continue making him like that"

A dick move i know 😔😔😔😔😢😢😢😢😢 so I'm super sorry that i made him so ooc and cringeeeeeeeeeee 😳😳😳😫😫😫😫

Shiggy as a whole

Shiggy wasn't my favourite character in the canon but after knowing his past from some spoilers on youtube vids that i watched, i really felt like i want to protect him so he falls more to the category of "babies that i want to protect" as a character. I'm still progressing through the manga so i believe that that feelings will change soon enough. (Like it did with *cough* bakugou *cough* 😳😳😳😳 because i at first put him in that category too but now I'm simping over him 😔😔😔👊👊👊👊💕💕💕)

That being said though, while writing this smau and all those cheesy parts came, i can honestly say that my love meter for him had increased 😳😳😳💕💕💕 i mean this smau isn't canon or anything but i can't help but to feel more attracted to him (send helpp qwq) so writing this smau has actually opened my eyes to the feelings i never thought i have for this guy 😳😳🤫🤫🤫💕💕

Things that didn't make it to the final cut

There were many things, and one of them is, as i stated above, the dramas which includes shiggy's impatience and childish personality.

Some others are;

-interaction between jiro and y/n (i really want to do this too smh 😢😢😢)

-a bit more insight on the model magazine shoto works for. As mentioned, he works for Hanrei Mag and if you saw Dabi's tweets on his profile during the shiggy crew introduction, you can see that Dabi said "Todoroki shoto refused to become the successor of Hannen Corp and became a model at Hanrei Mag instead."

If you don't know, shoto's quirk, half cold half hot, in japanese is called hanrei hannen. ("Han" meaning half and "rei" and "nen" meaning cold and hot respectively). I actually named the model mag shoto worked for Hanrei Mag to show how much he despises his father and refused to become the next CEO of the Hanrei Corp which is his father's company and became a model for Hanrei Mag instead. Just like in the canon where Shoto refused to use his father's flame side during the sports festival.

But in the end i didn't get to explain that part 😔😔😔😢😢😢

-i wanted to insert some moments where Y/N talks about how she ship Jiro with Kaminari. I even had a screenshot prepared for it 😫😫😫😫 but again, this didn't make it to the final cut 😭😭😭

-more memes and cracks

Trust me, I DO WANT TO INSERT MORE OF THIS ELEMENT!!!!! BUT...! But...! ....but...... 😢😢😢😢😭😭😭😭😭😭 I SUCK AT MAKING JOKES AND WRITING CRACK STUFF! I really respect those people that can make them so easily, i could never 😫😫😫 as you can see, I'm bad at making cracks and jokes and i only insert lil bits of memes. Crack and humour is just isn't my forte. 🤡🤡🤡🤡 can someone teach me how to be funnier??? The only joke that i was pretty proud of was the one where y/n thought shiggy said "How do you do?" When he said "what do you do?" At their first unofficial date. And even that, looking back on it, wasn't that good 😭😭😭

To sum it up, Love At First Legend (LAFL) wasn't intentionally made for Shigaraki at first but when I finished writing it, I realized that I actually enjoyed writing for him. Anyways, thank y'all so much for staying with me till the end! Love y'all and keep being awesome!!!!

#love at first legend #lafl #lafl behind the scenes

[messedupessy]

I saw ur opinion on soriel a while back on Twitter. And I wanted to say I feel the exact same way you do. I just don’t see two characters interacting always mean it’s romantic. Platonic love is great too and underrated. Finally someone who feels the same way about the ship

Ohhh I remember this, or well kinda I don’t fully remember where and how but I do recall I probably have gone off about söriel awhile back over on my twitter xD my memory is rly shitty lately pft!

But before I say more I just want to say while I do not like söriel like at all, so do I not care if you ship it, it’s your choice, all ships are valid and if you ship it I will respect the shit out of you and support you with all I have, because just because I do not vibe with it does not mean I got any say or right what you like, so ship away peeps all ships are flipping valid even when I personally do not like it!

So, yeah I am seriously not a big fan of söriel, especially for the reason you brought up that I have mentioned before, that just because a guy and a girl, or any characters rly, got a great relationship does not mean it always must be romantic! Like I do get where they are coming from, since I am a serious sucker for friends to lovers so I am been a bit hypocritical here I think, but Snas and Toriel got a really great friendship going on, I love their interactions they are so great! I personally just prefer them to stay just that, friends, as I can’t see them working out romantically at all xD or well I can see it but I just so do not vibe with it

Especially not when people who often ship it, not everyone though, considers it to be canon, that it’s a canon ship when it is so far from it! The only canon ship is Alphys and Undyne and formerly Asgore and Toriel, that’s it! 

There is no indication that they got any romantic feelings towards one another in the game or outside of it from canon stuff, like the alarm clock thing, or Deltarune even though DR is it’s like own au and technically does not count. But nowhere in canon does it say they got more than friendly feelings towards one another, and while I am completely fine and supportive when it comes to shipping söriel, but insisting it is canon when it is not is just driving me insane xD

Because unless they frikking kiss or something else very clear where they stand in the actual game of Undertale I will never see it as canon, and I think that’s like one of my biggest like griefs with the actual ship, alongside the fact that just bc a guy and a girl have a good friendship doesn’t mean they need to become more!

Yes Snas did make a “I fucked your mom joke” in DR but that’s seriously all that it was, a joke! And yet ppl saw that and went omg söriel is canon!

Putting the rest under a read more as I am getting srsly carried away here xD

But yes platonic ships and love are seriously underrated, I say who is such a massive multi shipper it hurts, but when it comes to these two I just don’t vibe with it, as I would rather they be best friends who do funny stuff together and are close than romantic. I can see why people see it as romantic but I just can’t, which is probably partly because of the fact I am so not a big fan of Toriel, and the fact whenever söriel be happening they almost always make Asgore completely ooc and make him a villain and the butt of the joke and like could you not? I know Asgore is Toriel’s ex husband, that he have done some stuff but she has too, but you don’t have to turn him into a flipping villain just to ship Toriel with Snas xD

I also overall just don’t think they would work, like I don’t think Toriel would be ready to even be in a relationship again or even be interested, she is busy with her school and taking care of Frisk in post pacifist alongside all her other issues and also her needing to face the fact that she is also to blame for things going to shit. 

And Snas while he is a really great and fun friend I don’t think he would be the best for her romance wise, especially considering that he lied to her and technically broke that promise she made him do, to protect the human. Because he didn’t do that at all, like yes he joked, showed the human a good time with his hangouts etc, but he didn’t protect them from getting killed or helped them in a way she herself would had done, and if she ever finds out he will be in serious frikking trouble xD as she would feel betrayed by it I feel, like here is the guy she befriended and who she made promise to protect any humans who came through the door, who she then believed he did, and then finding out he didn’t would hurt as fuck.

But yeah sorry for going off a bit there pft, couldn’t help myself xD but yes glad you agree with me tho! As just because two characters interact and have a good friendship does not always mean they need to be more, having them stay as friends is seriously great and underrated and I would love more of that, but as a shipper I get where ppl who ship söriel is coming from, and I support them! It’s just not the ship for me, and I will view them as platonic and best friends always, at least when it comes to canon, when it comes to au’s tho anything can happen if I like the dynamic and chemistry allot xD

But for you who do ship this ship, keep doing it! I will support you and cheer you on as fuck, because shipping is a wonderful and fun thing and while I don’t ship it, it doesn’t mean you can’t, and I respect that as fuck!

#söriel #not putting this in the main tags bc im not a frikking arse who does that shit #MessedUpEssy #Essy Answers #discourse #shipping discourse #i guess #just to be safe ye #i got very carried away here sorry for that anon #but i got allot of feelings about this #especially when ppl insists its canon #bc its srsly not #stop trying to force that on ppl #its fine if u think its canon urself but when u go screaming at ppl who don't then its not ok #same with päpyton #its not canon at all but yet ppl insist it is #i never seen snasby be said to be canon at all #which is nice #as its a ship i actually do ship but i would never consider it canon #they only speak like once in the actual game after all pft #doesn't mean i ship it any less #but it's not canon #long post

[outragedslime]

I'm not that anon and neither am I against meat Roxy but some people don't seem to like that iteration bc of the widely accepted reading of Roxy as a transfeminine character. Idk how much of it is canon-supported and how much is just hcs tho

I mean if ppl liked transfem roxy then go ahead but. I like transmasc roxy and making me tag my own art in a way that lets people blacklist my art out from my blog makes me Super uncomfy. Like?? If u dont like it just unfollow me or if u dont wanna see my art in the roxy tag u can block me its not that deep... idk how to phrase this well but ive so many thoughts abt this. Again ill say i woke up almost 22 hrs ago so im v sleepy so i might phrase things wrong but here we go (also sorry for rambling here but i rly wanna get this out bc its been bothering me for ages and im!! Upset! This big rant isnt specific @ u this is like in general i wanted to type it in a post anyway but i was scared but fuck it ykno.) Id do a read more but im on mobile ill edit it later

Like we all agree that its bad to erase canon gay charas right? So like...why is it g to erase canon trans characters. Like yeah it was a popular headcanon but like......?? Headcanons get deconfirmed sometimes it happens??? It makes me feel like having a woman hc for roxy is more important than having a transmasc canon, which is. A constant self doubt of mine like i worry people will see me as lesser bc im trans and ive also seen it happen! So thats not very nice! To see the fandom treat a canon trans character as "lesser" bc theyre not trans in the way they want!

Also roxy is literally the only positive transmasc character ive ever seen in any piece of media. Ever. So that adds to it. The amnt of ppl who i seen say shit like "give her back u dont deserve her" like? That shit hurts!! Im sorry but it does! Constantly being told that a character being revealed as transmasc is "not worth it" is one of the things that makes me wanna leave the hs fandom bc holy shit!! Thats so transphobic!

Roxy is also rly rly important to me bc ive never seen a canon nb character who uses he/him either and like! I never saw rep lile that! If ur srsly mad abt transmasc roxy and want to be able to filter him out bc u prefer a different hc pls take a step back and look at urself and see how that can be transphobic. Like u can recognise that a character was important to u and like... be mature enough that u dont make ppl feel like shit when they now vibe w that same character? I used to hc transmasc vriska and i drew a few super self indulgent drawings that i didnt post publically and it was a Super important hc to me but i wouldnt draw that again now that vriskas confirmed transfem bc im not an asshole? If u see a trans character and ur first thought is "theyre not trans in the Better way though so i hate this and will make it clear to the people who like this that i hate this" thats transphobic.

Do u have to like transmasc roxy? Fuck no! U dont have to do anything. But srsly @ that anon earlier: like if thats ur reasoning, why would you go to me when i clearly take a lot of comfort in this character (i even Said seratonin time like. I draw roxy and i get an instant boost of euphoria) and imply that u do not want to see it. Like if u do not want to see it u can just unfollow or block me. Instead u make me feel like shit if im being honest! Ik that wasnt the intention so i dont blame u ily n im sorry if im bein angry this has just been building up for a long time. Like "tag this Canon trans character u relate to and love so i dont have to see him" that..doesnt feel good. Pls be mindful of that h,,

Like if u hc roxy as transfem im not gonna stop you like you do you, im not saying this to bash at transfem hcs. But i literally mean it in the nicest way possible, u dont have to interact w my stuff if u dont like it or if it makes u feel bad. Instead of coming to me and making Me feel bad. U can just unfollow and thered be no hard feelings. I draw stuff to make me happy, and if that stuff doesnt make u happy u dont have to stay, but i dont want to post art of the only positive canon transmasc character i know that makes me feel euphoric and tag it deliberately knowing theres people out there who will actively blacklist that specific drawing. Im not saying its bad to blacklist it, u can blacklist it, but im personally rly uncomfortable w that happening w my art of this specific character so if u dont want to see it u can just. Unfollow. Like 100% no hard feelings im not trying to be cheeky i just think itd be most comfortable for everyone involved bc i dont wanna sacrifice my own comfort and euphoria for other ppl.

Sorry for writing so much and ty if u read this ✌

#sorry for big ol rant im just. LE TIRED. #UGUUGGHFHHHHGHH #long post #discourse #maybe