#stabby the roomba

[dashdotshows]

[start id: a black and white drawing cropped from p.29 of the Usborne Guide to Computer and Video Games (1982). The image shows a chessboard with lights and mechanical arm built in.

Image caption reads: "The robot arm on this chess-board makes all the computer's moves, and removes your pieces when the computer captures them. If the computer loses the game, it flings its arm about, flashes its lights and shrieks." end id.]

I assumed this emotionally dysregulated chess robot was just a 1980s fever dream, but apparently it exists, and glories in the name of "The Novag Robot Adversary":

Quoth the gorgeously Web 1.0 (but still updating in 2023?!) Chess Computer UK:

The Novag Robot Adversary is the most iconic of chess computers. There are several reasons. Firstly, for a product of 1982, its startling futuristic appearance. Secondly the robot arm which in terms of robotic character, comparative speed and range of movement is extraordinary for a consumer product. Thirdly the variety of functions - including autoplay, automatic setting up of the pieces for a new game, trace and review, best move, sound, lights, printer support, and not forgetting the tantrums produced by the ‘emotions’ button which involve waving of the arm, flashing lights and noisy sound. These functions all contribute towards a very impressive and entertaining machine, which was outstanding when it was first sold, and has not been bettered since.

That page also has videos of the machine in action, including this heart-rending footage of it losing its shit:

I am inordinately happy to learn about this.

#usborne #technology #history #gaming #gigantic mood #or something #original content #robit #my heart #murderbot #stabby the roomba #why was i programmed to feel pain #they're doing their best #i heart the internet #swears #no copyright intended

[mrcarriertheii]

I feel like Stabby the roomba is the pinnacle of comedy and the best representation of humanity.

Imagine this:

Alien: what the hell is this? Why is there a knife taped to the “Roomba”?

Human: oh it’s Mr Stabby!

Alien: you NAMED it?!

Human: watch out Stabby is gonna get you!

Alien: *backing away* so what you are telling me is you not only strapped a weapon to this Roomba, but also gave it a name?!

Human: well it wasn’t just me it was all of the humans on this ship who agreed to it.

Alien: why?!?!

Human: because it’s funny.

Alien: because it’s funny?! This could injure one of us! Then what would you say?!

Human: we would probably laugh at them because it’s a Roomba moving slower than walking speed.

Alien: …

Alien: well at least it won’t actively try to pursue people because it’s a cleaning robot.

Human: yea about that, one of the people who brought up the idea changed it’s programming to identify moving things as things to clean.

Alien: …

Alien: I swear… you humans will do anything to imprint yourself in onto anything…

Human: what do you mean?

Alien: this Roomba is now an incoherent, unpredictable and dangerous, and it is this way because “it would be funny”, does that sound familiar?

Human: …

Human: we get it you find us insane and dangerous.

Alien: you taped a knife to a Cleaning robot!

Human: what if I told you we have been taping knifes to Roombas for 70 years.

Alien: 70 YEARS?!?!

Human: we don’t plan to stop either.

Alien: if it wasn’t for your ability to do the jobs no sane being would ever do I would eject you all out of the ship right now.

TLDR: alien is not happy about mr stabby shenanigans.

#funny #humans are space orcs #alien and human #stabby the space roomba #stabby the roomba #humans are insane

[torpublishinggroup]

This advertisement is for In the Lives of Puppets by TJ Klune.

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Then, do we have the book for you! This is a book set in the distant future about a family made from spare parts, their token human, and the dangerous journey they must take to reunite. It toes the line between hilarious, heartwarming, and dark—the robots have won, and this is their world.

#in the lives of puppets #tj klune #team robot #knife roomba #science fiction #new books #booklr #tbr #sff #tor books #stabby the roomba

[nienna14]

Me: -Stabby receives the ranking of the most prominent person he stabs, so eventually he ends up as an admiral

Friend: that's because God's too scared to come down and face him

#stabby the roomba #humans are space orcs #space #gil chats #humans are weird #all hail stabby

[chaoticgouda]

in some alternate universe there’s a game where the player explores an abandoned cyberpunk world populated by highly evolved cats whilst playing as a small roomba with a knife strapped to it

#stray #stray game #krill rambles #stabby the roomba #the grimace gallery #1k

[twogeeseinatrenchcoat]

Stabby

This requires no context.

Alien: Human-Jeff, what is this... robot?

Jeff: Stabby the Space Roomba.

Alien: And... what does that mean... exactly..?

Jeff: My beloved.

Alien: It appears to be a circular vacuum robot with a... is that K'chra's kitchen knife?

Jeff: Don't tell her.

Alien: ...But why?

Jeff: Stabby.

Alien: ...

Alien: Agreed. I pledge allegiance to Stabby.

Jeff, muttering under his breath: ...to the United States of America. One nation, under god, someone help, why do I still remember this.

#space australia #humans are space australians #science fiction #stabby the space roomba #stabby the roomba #humans are space weirdos #Aliens are perpetually confused #Not the kitchen knife #K'chra was angry #She also pledged allegiance to the United States of Stabby #Everything turned out fine #Stabby runs the ship now

[marlynnofmany]

All right, what's on the ol' professional to-do list for this morning? Ah yes, a photoshoot with Stabby the Roomba. Naturally.

#gotta make the Patreon tiers look interesting #living the dream #I don't miss retail #and that's an understatement #'a book sale a day keeps the soul-sucking job away!' #crossing my fingers that all this is as promising as it looks #anyways I'm off to tape knives to my Roomba again #then work on editing other people's writing and do a bunch of other things #never a dull moment #Stabby the Roomba #Patreon #it should be coming back soon #stay tuned #and if the cat comes down to join the photoshoot in entertaining ways #I will be sure to share #writer life

[cantheykillmacbeth]

Could Stabby (the Roomba) kill Macbeth. If so, would it be invalidated if someone did not make the correct observation that he "failed to take Stabby countermeasures"

Yes, Stabby the Roomba from Tumblr Lore could kill Macbeth!

Since Stabby would not be controllable by a person after being set loose, Stabby wouldn't count as the murder weapon for our purposes, and therefore we will analyze Stabby itself instead of the person who made/put the knife on it.

Stabby is a manufactured robotic product, and generally does not have gendered pronouns. (I say "generally" due to the fact that Stabby is a character that has been written on Tumblr, so there's not exactly a strict "canon" to go off of, with several people contributing to the overall lore. For the purposes of this post, Stabby is referred to with it/its and taken to be genderless, and any instance of he/him pronouns that others have used to refer to Stabby will be assumed to just be people slapping he/him pronouns on something genderless, which happens a LOT for some reason. I'm looking at you, Pokemon fans.) While Stabby doesn't seem to have a consistent creator or manufacturer in-universe, it does still apply for the Gender Clause and Unconventional Birth Clause.

Thank you for your submission!

#asks #unconventional birth clause #gender clause #stabby the roomba #tumblr lore

[carionto]

It'll be "awesome", the Human said

(Continuation/conclusion to this)

____________________________

After the Coalition delegates had been mindblown enough, it was time for them to finally leave and have a nap. But Captain Knoslark had one more thing he desperately wanted to show them.

"So, like, we're a science vessel and we have three of the biggest reactors, right? Right. So, I wanna show you what we recently figured out we can do. C'mon, it'll be awesome."

Awesome - a word the rest of the Galaxy will soon learn to both admire and run for cover whenever a Human uses it.

With trepidation in their steps, and worry in their breaths, they followed the all too eager Captain, who was almost skipping and humming down the halls, dramatically pointing the way. His crew continued to not give him the satisfaction of ever acknowledging his theatrics.

"Once the reactors are in good enough sync, we'll reconfigure the Radiant Dusk to a circular shape and begin!"

Oh. Yeah. Of course their ships can also transform. Why not. The delegates have given up thinking there are things Human engineering can't accomplish. Also, good enough?

"Eh, don't worry about it, we overbuild everything, so a 1 or 2 percent margin of error is fine, most of the time."

They could not imagine themselves to be more worried. At least not until a few minutes from now.

"Captain, she's ready," Chief Engineer Tameki's tone changed to a total blank deadpan for the next words, "to transform. and. roll. out."

With childlike glee, Captain Knoslark tapped the big red button, specifically designed for his pad only, to begin the sequence.

Distant creaking of metal, anguish at the prospect of bending in ways nature never intended, and the unmistakable jolt of mechanical movement, despite the artificial gravity maintaining the same down throughout, once more instilled primal anxiety for the delegates.

The reactors wound up, turning the almost-buzz like feeling beneath their feet to a true all encompassing sense of absolute power. Three small stars at equidistant points along the now 4km in diameter vessel created a singular feeling of something imminent that should never have been possible. The Universe itself wanted to reject this possibility.

"We tried copying your mass field generators from way back when you did the barrier thing. Wanted to see if we could get close to Black Hole levels, there were some theories that time travels was possible with that kinda pull."

I don't think anyone would be surprised if they had succeeded, but, for once during their entire visit, the Humans said they couldn't get time travel to work. Celebration! Then the Captain kept talking.

"So what happened instead is we accidentally tore a hole in time-space, creating a sort of warp gate." He said with both joy and disappointment.

Then the Universe shrieked. A massive distortion in reality now struggled and failed to restore normality between the ring-shaped ship. Swirling coils of matter flickered in and out, ghostly visages of detonations on a solar scale. A sight never intended to be witnessed.

"Still gotta figure out how to set a destination to anywhere. Right now the only stable connection we can get is with massive gravity wells, so any celestial body with enough mass, smallest one is a red dwarf. Problem is the connection steers towards the center, so not really practical right now."

"If we try to point at empty space the gate just kinda wiggles and you end up getting spaghetti-fied on the other end. Still, once we get enough ships like this one around the galaxy, we'll solve that whole trips taking more than a few hours thing we got with the hyper drives."

At this point the delegates decided to be escorted away, as most had became a crying mess. One stumbled onto a automated cleaning unit and at this the Captain, whose mood had soured a bit now that his time as tour guide was over, rose back to heights unseen before. With his most official sounding, yet at the same time most joy filled tone ever, he declared:

"Sergeant Ying Zhao, issue an official notice. Today at 20:30 ship time there will be a grand ceremony for the promotion of Captain Stabicus to Special Envoy of the Galactic Coalition. Ready all relevant paperwork, and his new badge, and inform the chef to prepare a feast. We have done much today for the sake of Human-Coalition relationships, and so much more for the Radiant Dusk at Everest and her crew and staff. Tonight, we celebrate!"

#humans are deathworlders #humans are space oddities #humans are space australians #humans are space orcs #humanity fuck yeah #carionto #story #stabby the roomba

[madcaphat]

Stabby the space roomba with its flock of Stablets traversing a ship on its annual revolution to scan for changes in the ships structure becoming a holiday and the Stablets each getting decorated by a different department. Ships send videos of their Stabby day parade and brag about their ships "flock" achievements.

"COMMANDER Stabbys engineering department Stablet has just taken the rank of head engineer after getting in a sneak attack with a mounted toothpick during coffee break. We're all so proud"

Brags get a little out of hand. Stabby day begins to be celebrated beyond just one fleet. Flags are made, people take half days at work to watch the parade. Aliens are more confused than ever.

#humans are space orcs #stabby the roomba #what even are humans #stabby #flock of stabblets #any holiday we can make #stabby day parade #stabby day

[jelenina]

Vega: there is....a tiny cleaning robot in the Fortress of Doom? I am unsure of how it got there??

Doom Slayer: ',:/

Slayer: :o

Slayer: >:D

*a knife and some duct tape later*

Hayden, exasperated: Slayer, why the fuck have you taped a knife to a fucking cleaning robot

Slayer: >:(

Slayer, signing: his name is sergeant stabby >:(

Vega, amused and in the mood to piss Hayden off: updating character profile for the Sergeant. The sergeant is currently requesting permission to go patrol, should i grant it?

Slayer, signing: yes :)

Stabby: *a few beeps, before spinning in a circle and zooming off in the direction of the door, bonking off the frame before zipping away*

Hayden: ....why are you both like this

#doom #doomguy #doom slayer #vega #VEGA #dr samuel hayden #hayden #stabby the roomba #stabby the space roomba

[kingarthurtournament]

Round 2 Side A Poll 3

Stabby the Roomba

"A roomba with a knife taped to it. Subject of much lore about humans in space and their ability to bond with anything"

Fjord Stone

"Paladin of the Wildmother, Fjord wields the legendary sword the Star Razor to kill evil and save the kingdom. He doesn’t get to rule it afterwards, but he does get the lady love and his wizard advisor. He pretended to be Texan for a while but the British community is considering forgiving him"

#king arthur tournament #bracket #round 2 #poll #stabby the roomba #fjord stone #critical role

[where-s-all-blue]

Sanji: I'm back from the st- what is that?

Law: A roomba with a knife called "Stabby"

Sanji: Who taped my knife to it

Law: No clue, I've tried to figure it out too, but so far I've only managed to find out that it was Strawhat-ya who named it

Sanji: Yeah that makes sense

Law:

Sanji:

Law: Do you have any ideas who might’ve done this?

Sanji: If the culprit isn't Luffy or Usopp, then we'll have a lot harder time finding it out

#one piece #onepiece #one piece conversation #incorrect one piece quotes #one piece au #trafalgar law #one piece law #one piece trafalgar law #trafalgar d. water law #black foot sanji #one piece sanji #black leg sanji #vinsmoke sanji #sanji vinsmoke #blackleg sanji #sanji #stabby #stabby the roomba

[hellsite-detective]

Beloved detective, can you find the original stabby the Roomba post? I'm in the mood for some humans are space orcs and can't do it without my faithful companion stabby. Thank you kindly

this is one i had seen ages ago, long before i had ever joined tumblr myself. so, knowin' this post had some history behind it, i decided to take a stab at it. headin' over to the Search Bar, i asked Google for "stabby the roomba tumblr" i was pretty quickly handed a screenshot which gave me an address to go off of. from there, i rummaged around, filterin' specifically for stabby, when i came across a post that this individual had made linkin' me to the post i needed. i followed that link and filed it away.

here you go! Stabby the Roomba in all it's glory! have a great day!

Post Case: Closed

#i love stabby #what a precious little fella #stabby the roomba #stabby the space roomba #ask #hellsite detective #post case closed

[apex-bull-shark]

You Know I’m Wondering

Where Did The Famous

“Vice Admiral Stabby The Roomba” Come From?

Edit: I’m Not asking what is the meme about I’m asking where did Stabby First appear like was it on a tumblr HASO post or on a different website ya get what I mean

#humans are space badgers #humans are space raccoons #humans are confusing #humans are space orcs #stabby the roomba #the legend of stabby #stabby the space roomba #humans are space australians #humans are deathworlders #humans are space oddities #humans are space fae #humans are space capybaras

[zalia]

Are the space roombas in Bray Exoscience now Wrathborn? Is Xivu Arath even now sitting in her Throne World, with an angry roomba, to which she has strapped a knife, in her lap?

#destiny 2 #destiny the game #season of the seraph #xivu arath #stabby #stabby the roomba