#stabby the space roomba

[mrcarriertheii]

I feel like Stabby the roomba is the pinnacle of comedy and the best representation of humanity.

Imagine this:

Alien: what the hell is this? Why is there a knife taped to the “Roomba”?

Human: oh it’s Mr Stabby!

Alien: you NAMED it?!

Human: watch out Stabby is gonna get you!

Alien: *backing away* so what you are telling me is you not only strapped a weapon to this Roomba, but also gave it a name?!

Human: well it wasn’t just me it was all of the humans on this ship who agreed to it.

Alien: why?!?!

Human: because it’s funny.

Alien: because it’s funny?! This could injure one of us! Then what would you say?!

Human: we would probably laugh at them because it’s a Roomba moving slower than walking speed.

Alien: …

Alien: well at least it won’t actively try to pursue people because it’s a cleaning robot.

Human: yea about that, one of the people who brought up the idea changed it’s programming to identify moving things as things to clean.

Alien: …

Alien: I swear… you humans will do anything to imprint yourself in onto anything…

Human: what do you mean?

Alien: this Roomba is now an incoherent, unpredictable and dangerous, and it is this way because “it would be funny”, does that sound familiar?

Human: …

Human: we get it you find us insane and dangerous.

Alien: you taped a knife to a Cleaning robot!

Human: what if I told you we have been taping knifes to Roombas for 70 years.

Alien: 70 YEARS?!?!

Human: we don’t plan to stop either.

Alien: if it wasn’t for your ability to do the jobs no sane being would ever do I would eject you all out of the ship right now.

TLDR: alien is not happy about mr stabby shenanigans.

#funny #humans are space orcs #alien and human #stabby the space roomba #stabby the roomba #humans are insane

[twogeeseinatrenchcoat]

Stabby

This requires no context.

Alien: Human-Jeff, what is this... robot?

Jeff: Stabby the Space Roomba.

Alien: And... what does that mean... exactly..?

Jeff: My beloved.

Alien: It appears to be a circular vacuum robot with a... is that K'chra's kitchen knife?

Jeff: Don't tell her.

Alien: ...But why?

Jeff: Stabby.

Alien: ...

Alien: Agreed. I pledge allegiance to Stabby.

Jeff, muttering under his breath: ...to the United States of America. One nation, under god, someone help, why do I still remember this.

#space australia #humans are space australians #science fiction #stabby the space roomba #stabby the roomba #humans are space weirdos #Aliens are perpetually confused #Not the kitchen knife #K'chra was angry #She also pledged allegiance to the United States of Stabby #Everything turned out fine #Stabby runs the ship now

[marlynnofmany]

Stabby the One and Only

“Oh no, there are more of you,” Zhee said drily.

I grinned. “Zhee, this is Captain Parker of the good ship Hold My Beer.”

“A pleasure,” said Captain Parker, smiling with bright teeth in a dark face. A twitch of his arm said he’d been about to go for a handshake, then fully noticed Zhee’s pincher arms. He bowed instead.

“Yes, good greetings,” Zhee said, bending his front legs briefly to lower his eye level in a similar bow. “Is your ship all humans, or do you have someone else to keep you in line? With a name like that, I have my guesses.”

“All human!” Captain Parker said. “We’re just stopping by for fuel on our way to Basal Station.” He waved back towards the sporty silver cruiser that was easily the classiest thing at this out-of-the-way spaceport.

“Oh hey, us too!” I told him. “Our ship is the little lemon-looking dealie over there.”

“Nice, nice,” he said once he’d spotted it. “Solar sails, always a classic. What species’ model is that? I don’t think I’ve seen it before.”

“Uh, Strongarm?” I guessed with a look to Zhee. “Right? It’s the same as Kamm’s ship, and seemed like a family thing.”

Zhee tipped his head at what would be an extreme angle on a human. “Who can keep track?” he said. “It is fuel-efficient and spacious enough, and that is all that matters.”

“We’re doing courier work,” I told Captain Parker. “Delivering some art right now for a big to-do on Basal.”

“We’re headed to our own to-do,” he said with pride. “In the sports sector.”

“Oh cool, what sport?”

He was about to tell me when a lumpy golden monstrosity of a warship roared to the ground, barely clearing the other nearby ships. Repulsor engines blasted a gust of wind that threw spaceport grit into everyone’s eyes and nearly bowled over those standing too close. That included a handful of humans carrying supplies onto their own ship, every one of whom yelled about it.

The ship was silent for a moment, long enough for two of the humans to run over to their captain, and for many other bystanders to cast disapproving looks. That sort of landing seemed deliberately rude. Had they meant it that way?

Oh yeah, they had.

“HUMANS!” bellowed a voice from the ship’s speakers. “Hand over your mascot. You have one chance before we open fire from orbit.” Various gunports flashed weaponry.

Bystanders panicked and ran, some for ships and some for the nearby buildings. No security forces emerged, because this little port wasn’t up to dealing with that degree of threat. The golden ship had picked a smart place for a shakedown.

Paint raced out of a building to wave us toward our ship, worried and fidgety in a blur of orange scales. “Let’s go!” she urged.

I was about to object that we hadn’t gotten fuel yet when Captain Parker shouted back. “What mascot do you mean?”

“Don’t play games, human,” the loudspeaker replied. “Your stabbing droid. Bring it out now.”

“Oh, that mascot,” said Captain Parker with deceptive calm. “Just a minute.” He huddled with the pair who’d come to see him.

Paint tugged at my arm, but I dragged my feet, wanting to know their answer.

The huddle separated. “Okay, you can have him,” Captain Parker yelled. “But come out and get him yourself, you cowards.”

Zhee hissed behind me and Paint squeaked. Angry growls sounded over the loudspeaker, then a hatch opened to admit a half-dozen pissed off dinosaurs.

Not dinosaurs, I thought. Armorlites. Bipedal, toothy, and widely known for not playing well with others. Their entire culture seemed to revolve around strength and superiority. I couldn’t think of a time when I’d seen one NOT act like a bully.

They also called themselves The Mighty, but no one else did. “Armorlite” was the best they were going to get, a reference to the thin scales that did nothing to protect the muscles they were so proud of.

“Hand it over!” bellowed the tall one in front, aiming a gun across the spaceport at Captain Parker.

“Yeah yeah, just a second,” he replied, the very picture of calm and collected. He waved toward his own ship. Someone appeared at the hatch, carrying an inert cleaning droid with a knife strapped to it. “Let me just say goodbye to him.”

Paint stopped pulling abruptly. “Wait, is that the one all the stories are about?” she asked. “That is an icon! A treasure to your people! And they’re just going to give it away?”

“Hang on,” I whispered. “I think he’s got a plan.”

Captain Parker was making a show of it, saluting dramatically and declaring at length what an honor it had been to travel with such a legend. The woman holding the legend in question stood ramrod-straight, and turned to make the delivery with all solemnity. Other humans lined up in front of their ship to salute. A wordless but inspiring song was suddenly playing on the loudspeakers. It was an over-the-top production.

And the Armorlites were loving it. They swaggered forward to accept their prize, with the leader handing his gun to an underling so he could snatch the droid from the human, who retreated in silence.

“Take good care of him,” Captain Parker said in a strained voice. “Make sure you keep his battery charged.”

The Armorlite held his prize up and sneered at the human, launching into a description of everything he was going to do with the precious human mascot. None of it was good.

“…Peel off another section of its casing each day!” he raved. “All will fear The Mighty, who have claimed Stabby the Roomba for their own!”

They weren’t looking at the human ship, but I sure was. The saluting crew all stepped to the side as a whole fleet of cleaning droids trundled down the ramp, silent under cover of the music. Each one wore a knife in stabbing position: right at ankle height.

Armorlite ankle scales are especially weak.

The first Armorlite to get shanked made a squeal of surprise, flailing with his gun rather than shooting it. The others didn’t react quickly enough to avoid the same fate: they looked to their companion’s face for answers, only to be attacked from below. The leader avoided it the longest, dodging to the side and yelling at his crew to fight back, but the droids had circled around him, and it was only a matter of time.

Just as he bellowed in pain, a precision laser unfolded from the human ship and zapped each gun in turn.

The leader dropped the Roomba to crack loudly on the pavement.

He snarled down at it, at the menacing droids, at the humans, and at the laser aimed at his head. Then he pushed past his underlings to limp back to the ship, a fleet of droids in slow pursuit. The Armorlites all made it onboard and shut the door. In moments, the captain was shouting from the loudspeaker about his plans to rain destruction from above. The ship blasted skyward with another gust of hot air.

I opened my eyes once the dust cloud was past to see Captain Parker still standing there. “Aren’t you going to stop him?” I asked, worried.

“Already did,” he told me. “Jenkins snuck Stabby’s cousin Blasty onboard when they weren’t looking. Told him to find the engine room.”

A muffled explosion sounded from the upper atmosphere. I looked up to see the golden ship veering sideways, trailing smoke.

Captain Parker saluted. “Farewell, Blasty Number Thirty-Two. You went out like a champ.” He stepped forward to pick up the cracked droid while the Armorlite ship disappeared across the horizon, not managing to fire a single weapon.

Paint and Zhee moved closer. “Your poor mascot,” Paint said. “Can it be repaired?”

“What, this?” Captain Parker asked. “This doesn’t even have a battery. It’s just spare parts.”

“Oh!” Paint said, perking up.

Zhee cocked his head. “Do you have the real one, or were they wrong about that?”

Captain Parker waved a hand at the fleet of droids that were currently getting rounded up by his crew. “We have LOTS of real ones! We’re on our way to the droid jousting league championships.”

I laughed. “Did they hear some of that and think you had the Single One And Only Human Mascot Stabby?”

“Yup! Sure looks that way.”

Paint was amazed. “I didn’t know there were so many!”

Zhee angled his pinchers in exasperation. “Of course there’s not just one. That’s expecting too much sanity and good sense from humans in general.”

“To be fair,” I said, “I don’t think there was ever just one. Sure, the famous one may have had more adventures than most, but the jury’s out on how many of those adventures were even the same Stabby.”

Captain Parker nodded. “And what fun is good sense?”

“Exactly!” I said.

Zhee stuck his bug eyes up close to my face. “No, you can’t have one.”

“I wasn’t going to suggest it!” I said, grinning at the frowny-eyebrow slant of his antennae.

“Oh here, how about this?” Captain Parker dug something from his pocket and handed it to me. “The knife is rubber. We make ‘em for the kids; that’s our team logo.”

“I love it,” I told him, gazing at the palm-sized minidroid with the red chili pepper sticker.

“That had better not end up in my quarters,” Zhee declared while Paint got a good look at it. “I promise nothing in regards to stepping on it.”

“Yes, yes,” I said. “You have so many legs; how could you possibly keep track of them all?”

Zhee made a disparaging noise and clicked off toward the ship.

“Well, I should be going,” Captain Parker said as someone called for him. “See you at Basal Station, maybe!”

“Yeah, maybe!” I said. We waved our goodbyes as he rejoined his crew.

Paint was thinking hard as we turned to follow Zhee. “Do you think Captain Sunlight would be okay with a detour after we make our delivery?” she asked. “I want to see what that championship looks like.”

“It can’t hurt to ask!” I said, holding up my new minidroid. “Just don’t tell Zhee. At least not until she says yes.”

~~~

The ongoing adventures in backstory for this book. More to come!

#my writing #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #haso #hfy #Stabby the Roomba #Stabby the space Roomba #the Token Human

[jelenina]

Vega: there is....a tiny cleaning robot in the Fortress of Doom? I am unsure of how it got there??

Doom Slayer: ',:/

Slayer: :o

Slayer: >:D

*a knife and some duct tape later*

Hayden, exasperated: Slayer, why the fuck have you taped a knife to a fucking cleaning robot

Slayer: >:(

Slayer, signing: his name is sergeant stabby >:(

Vega, amused and in the mood to piss Hayden off: updating character profile for the Sergeant. The sergeant is currently requesting permission to go patrol, should i grant it?

Slayer, signing: yes :)

Stabby: *a few beeps, before spinning in a circle and zooming off in the direction of the door, bonking off the frame before zipping away*

Hayden: ....why are you both like this

#doom #doomguy #doom slayer #vega #VEGA #dr samuel hayden #hayden #stabby the roomba #stabby the space roomba

[where-s-all-blue]

Law, bursting through the door: Who did it.

Zoro: Elaborate. We've been doing a lot of things.

Law: You know exactly what I'm talking about, the roomba with a knife taped to it.

Usopp: Ohh, you mean Stabby.

Law: So you do know about i- "Stabby"?

Usopp: Luffy named it, dunno who did that tho

Law: Stabby

Zoro: Yes, that's its name, good that you caught it.

#roomba #roomba with a knife #stabby the space roomba #stabby #one piece conversation #onepiece #incorrect one piece quotes #one piece #trafalgar law #one piece trafalgar law #monkey d. luffy #ronoroa zoro #sogeking usopp #god usopp #one piece usopp #usopp #sniper king usopp #one piece zoro

[hellsite-detective]

Beloved detective, can you find the original stabby the Roomba post? I'm in the mood for some humans are space orcs and can't do it without my faithful companion stabby. Thank you kindly

this is one i had seen ages ago, long before i had ever joined tumblr myself. so, knowin' this post had some history behind it, i decided to take a stab at it. headin' over to the Search Bar, i asked Google for "stabby the roomba tumblr" i was pretty quickly handed a screenshot which gave me an address to go off of. from there, i rummaged around, filterin' specifically for stabby, when i came across a post that this individual had made linkin' me to the post i needed. i followed that link and filed it away.

here you go! Stabby the Roomba in all it's glory! have a great day!

Post Case: Closed

#i love stabby #what a precious little fella #stabby the roomba #stabby the space roomba #ask #hellsite detective #post case closed

[apex-bull-shark]

You Know I’m Wondering

Where Did The Famous

“Vice Admiral Stabby The Roomba” Come From?

Edit: I’m Not asking what is the meme about I’m asking where did Stabby First appear like was it on a tumblr HASO post or on a different website ya get what I mean

#humans are space badgers #humans are space raccoons #humans are confusing #humans are space orcs #stabby the roomba #the legend of stabby #stabby the space roomba #humans are space australians #humans are deathworlders #humans are space oddities #humans are space fae #humans are space capybaras

[carionto]

I have discovered a neat fake text message site, oh the possibilities!

#stabby #humans are space orcs #stabby the roomba #stabby the space roomba #carionto

[mazamba]

Optimus: Sari. What is that? Sari: A roomba with a knife duct taped to it. Optimus: Why did you let it loose on the ship? Omega says it itches. Sari: I had to fulfill the prophecy

#transformers animated #sari sumdac #optimus prime #omega supreme #stabby the space roomba

[tachyon-at-rest]

You better take what Stabby brings you

#stabby #stabby the space roomba #My posts

[best-bot-tournament-2023]

Qualifying Poll - Miscellaneous (No Theme)

Which one would you most like to see in the tournament?

#r daneel olivaw #k 9 #stabby the space roomba #goddard #thanatos jrwi #carl mtr #johnny 5 #holo pearl #ben treasure planet #frank #qualifying poll #tumblr poll #poll #polls #tumblr polls

[katsen13]

I just saw a video on Facebook of some kind of party game or something that involved putting a knife and a pile of money on a Roomba. Stabby has made it y’all.

#humans are the weird ones #humans and aliens #stabby the roomba #stabby the space roomba

[justhellacesome]

BATTLE BOTS

ILLEGAL FIGHTING AND BETTING RING FOR BATTLE BOTS IN THE SUPPORT DEPARTMENT WHICH IS NOT EXACTLY ILLEGAL CUZ NEZU ACTUALLY WATCHES THE CAMS AND ACTUALLY ATTENDS, BUT THE ORIGINAL AND BEGINNING OF IT WAS AIZAWA GEN WITH TAJIMA AND EVEN MIC WAS A THE FIRST COMENTATOR FOR IT. ITS A GREAT TIME! ITS LIKE AN OPEN SECERET TO EVERYONE INVOLVED BUT GRAND RUMORS TO EVERYONE UNINVOLVED, I FEEL LIKE UA WOULD ALSO HAVE A VERSION OF DARK WEB ONLY UA STUDENTS CAN ACCESS AND FELLOW ADMIN AND ALUMNI, AND PUT IN THE ILLEGAL BUSINESS STUDENTS ACTIVITIES ANDTHERE IS A WHOLE UNDERGROUND SOCIETY THAT STARTS IN UA AND IN OUTSIDE SOCIETY THAT NEZU LEADS NYAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA AND THEN have an AU WHERE IZUKU STUMBLES UPON THE DARK WEB ON HIS OWN OR THROUGH MEI OR EVEN THROUGH NEZU HIMSELF AND BEING NEZUS HEIR TO THE THRONE NYAHHAHHAHHAHA

Imagine an semi annual alumni reunion in one of the ua arena underground or even one of the city simulations for students and alumni, its very strange to find the city what used to be an abandoned training ground turn into a bustling city filled with inventions and business majors, maybe heroes here and there and general course student, because its the support departments time to shine and the hero student always did tend to have a world of their own. The city is bustling and its great all for the chance to see robots DESTROY and chaos to reign, its a great way to advertise, practice, showcase, and just release some frustration, petty revenge, decades old rivalry, and many other opportunities. ITS AN AWESOME IDEA, The city is bustling, and money ain't the term of trade but credits, information, materials, loot, favors that works for all ua students alumni and still going. HOW EXCITING NYAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

#BNHA #mha #bnha #bnha support department #bnha business department #battle bots #illegal gambling #illegal betting #mei hatsume #tajima yuuichirou #nezu nezu #izuku midoriya #bnha headcannon #bnha fanfiction #bnha au #stabby the space roomba #shall prevail

[marlynnofmany]

Captain Stabby says buy the book

Obey your captain or get shanked in the ankles.

#tumblr blaze #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #Stabby the space Roomba #pinned post

[ruitethewingedfox]

randomly had A Thought

so, Copper-9 was colonized by JcJenson, right? and JcJenson was The Robot Guys, right? so that means they must've had some sort of cleaner drone, possibly some sort of high-tech roomba,

where am i going with this?

stabby the space roomba: murder drones edition.

#murder drones #stabby the space roomba

[alexafaie-wtf-is-this]

One thing that interests me is that noone seems to be talking about how the crew who taped a knife to a roomba and named it Stabby were referencing Ice Pick Joe and Stabby's rapid rise up through the ranks is a direct parallel to Ice Pick Joe's own path.

#goncharov #ice pick joe #stabby the space roomba