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star-girl69 · 2 months

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Because Of You

Clarisse La Rue x Fem!AphroditeCabin!Reader

—-

synopsis: years after your rite of passage, the boy who’s heart you broke just won’t leave you alone. clarisse, your girlfriend, quickly decides she’s not a fan.

a/n: should i stop procrastinating and then forcing myself to write shitty fics quickly? probably. but not today!! this is kinda just like an au of dont delete the kisses but… you guessed it… IDC!!!!!!!! from this ask

thank you all so much for patiently waiting i love y’all soooooo muuccchhhhhh 🫶🫶💋 as i mentioned on my acc i have the next week off from school, pls expect more content then!!

Because Of You - Lana Del Rey (Unreleased)

warnings: NOT PROOFREAD, this sucks so bad y’all sorry lolllll, y/n is a year round camper!, starts out very background heavy but i really don’t care 😭, creepy men UGH, ugly bitches not being able to let shit go, im gonna say sexual harassment just incase, swearing, usual demigod stuff y’all know what you’re getting into, jealous!clarisse YESSS, possessive!clarisse ik i screamed!!, protective!clarisse too, slightly graphic makeout scene, i think that’s all, tell me if i missed anything!!

—-

When you were young, you were thrilled by the thought of love.

The idea of belonging not only with someone- bodies fitting together like puzzles pieces- but belonging to someone- wrapping around you like a warm blanket.

Later, your half-siblings would describe mostly similar experiences to yours- an overwhelming desire to be loved, wanted, needed. Ever since you ran into camp with a monster hot on your heels and satyr shouting encouragement next to you- everyone’s stared at you. They poke and prod, they act like they’ve never seen a daughter of Aphrodite before.

It’s annoying, but it makes you feel good- but not quite.

Until Alek came along.

You were both 13, you still believed in soulmates, and you wanted nothing more than to be with each other for the rest of your lives.

You were 13, and he felt like the only one for you.

And when you had to break up with him to fulfill your rite of passage- it felt like the world was ending. You cried for days and begged your sister Phoebe to say it wasn’t a true, it was just a mean, mean prank.

But she couldn’t tell you that, and there were more types of love that romantic.

While you longed to hold someone, to be held- you also craved your mother’s approval like you were starving. You wanted her love, you wanted her to visit you in your dreams, you wanted gifts from her, you wanted everything and anything she could give you.

So, it hurt like you had never known hurt before, but you did it. Alek seemed entirely indifferent to it, almost ignoring you and pretending you hadn’t said it- but you felt a warmness around you, a dove flew between trees, you knew your mother was there and she approved.

Breaking up with Alek felt like the sun had exploded on top of you.

Being with Clarisse felt like the sun was wrapped around you.

—-

After Alek’s initial denial, he went through all the other stages of grief, mourned your relationship like you did, and you came out on the other side with a one-sided agreement to forget it ever happened.

Alek got stuck. Or went back. He started to believe that you were still meant to be, that much you could tell.

Until that day at the training fields when your hand slipped at archery and you almost shot Clarisse in the head- and she had glared at you so harshly while you ran over and examined her head, gushing out apologies and fretting over her.

She pushed you away, hand lingering for a second, eyes softening before she quickly looked away.

“Just… be more careful,” she had said, almost like a question, like she wasn’t sure the words were coming out of her mouth.

And, Gods, were you terrified it was all some secret plan. Make you think it was alright only to corner you in the woods and probably kill you, or something.

And when she asked the next day to teach you how to shoot a bow, you agreed with tears in your eyes, knowing of her reputation, and it took a lot of trust and a lot of swapped secrets for her to prove to you it wasn’t all some elaborate plan.

But even if her plan was to kill you the entire time, you fell in love over her fixing your stance, hands brushing as you accidentally grabbed the same arrow, stolen looks across the pavilion.

It wasn’t until a random kid bumped into you, making you fall and twist your ankle. Clarisse had this look in her eyes that was so genuine, so full of love and care for you, softly caressing your leg after she had punched the other kid in the face.

And you realize as she said you were doing great, limping while she helped you to the infirmary, that this was something.

And as much as you hated the violence being committed over you, it was the hottest thing you’ve ever seen, and the warmth in your chest was all you had ever wanted. This was what it was like to belong with someone, to someone, with her, to her.

This was what it was like to be admired. Loved. Wanted. Needed.

And when she softly told you goodbye, you had kissed the corner of her lips and thanked her- turning to walk into your cabin, ankle already feeling better thanks to the ambrosia.

She grabbed you by the wrist and turned you around, pulling you against her tightly and kissing you so harshly like she had just found the secret to the world in her lips on yours, her hands on your hips.

And when she finally pulled away, embarrassing strings of spit connecting your lips, she said she was sorry. Probably the first time she had ever said that to someone, and you smiled.

“Sorry. It’s just… once your lips were on mine, I don’t think I can ever stop. I don’t wanna stop.”

And she kissed you again and it was all you ever wanted out of this life- to love and be loved, to hold and to be held, and it was all because of her.

—-

The welcome back campfire is your favorite time of year.

It’s when the camp comes alive, when the Gods themselves seem to return to this place- even Mr. D is a bit more lively with all the pure infectious energy running through the first few days of camp. Everyone’s getting settled, classes haven’t started quite yet, and the year round campers get a much needed break.

As much as you and Clarisse wanted to keep things private, when she punches someone in the middle of the pavilion for accidentally bumping into you, it’s not hard to figure out Clarisse cares for you more than she does anyone else.

And after one of your younger siblings, Cara, a 12-year-old notorious for staying up late, saw you and Clarisse kissing that first night- it spread like wildfire.

But it was the winter, so it still felt secret, until summer rolled around and Clarisse kept getting more and more annoyed by every camper who entered the gates. She would grab at you in the middle of meals, drag you into her bed, even kiss you in public- do all these things that seemed so out of character for her, but she was a different person when she was with you.

Everyone had been looking at you oddly all night, shocked, confused, even Clarisse has cracked a genuine smile at someone who dropped their drink- squeezing your hand.

Maybe they had all heard the rumors. Maybe they didn’t believe them.

But it’s all cleared up when Clarisse leads you to the best seat, the log not too far from the fire but not too close, wrapping her arms around you and kissing your temple.

Your cheeks heat up, only because Clarisse is never this touchy in public, and never around this many people before.

All of the eyes on you feel weird- they feel so judging.

And you’re not used to that, however vain it may be.

“Everyone’s staring at us,” you mumble, shuffling closer to Clarisse so your legs are pressed together.

She leans her head against your shoulder. “‘S okay. Don’t worry about ‘em, baby.”

You huff. “Did no one ever teach them it’s rude to stare, though? Like… c’mon.”

She sighs dramatically, lifting her head from your shoulder.

“Stop fuckin’ staring,” she says. Not quiet shouting, but her voice is loud and forceful. Her voice carries weight.

And eventually, at the risk of Clarisse’s wrath, all the wandering eyes stop.

A few of Clarisse’s siblings laugh from around you, commenting that the stares were getting a bit ridiculous, everyone just grateful that you all might get a little reprieve from the overwhelming stares and whispers.

But, you still feel uneasy. Clarisse kisses your shoulder.

And while you look around at the faces very pointedly not staring at you, there’s one person who still is. You roll your eyes, open your mouth to comment on it- but your mouth quickly snaps close at the sight of Alek.

—-

You don’t mention it to Clarisse. Maybe because breaking his heart haunts you, maybe what could have been haunts you.

You try not to think of Alek or that night, you try not to think of the entire age of 13. You always knew that Alek never quite let you go. He still sort of believed that the two of you would come back together- subscribing to some abstract belief soulmates.

You don’t think about Alek. Everything you do is because of her, because of Clarisse.

Sometimes, knowing you have secret admirers makes you feel all happy, but now that Clarisse sneaks you into her cabin every night- it makes you feel weird. You really don’t want anyone except for Clarisse, the idea of even being near someone else kinda disgusts you.

But, you choose to believe that maybe he was just shocked, and he’ll get over it in a few days.

You spend your days in the summer sun with Clarisse, holding her hand on walks through the strawberry fields, still using your archery lessons to spend time together, staring at each other from across the pavilion at meals, dreaming about a future together when it gets dark and you’re forced to whisper softly.

Alek is just always lurking. Is it coincidence? Is he stalking you? Every time you’re with Clarisse, trying to enjoy a nice date, he’s there- staring at you like a lovesick puppy.

And if it wasn’t because of her, you would probably be flattered. But you have Clarisse, you’ve moved on, you’re in love and happy.

It’s the late afternoon, you’re trying to enjoy a long moment with her, breathe in the sweet smell and just feel how happy you are, know it’s because of her.

The fields are still crowded with kids who pushed off their chores until the end of the day, so you and Clarisse stay on the outskirts. Not too far into the woods that’s filled with satyrs and nymphs who have grown very hostile towards any two campers who make their way into the woods. But not too close.

You don’t even register that other people are there. You’re going on about your annoying half-brother, she’s pretending to listen intently- but it’s just enough to be here with her, and at least she’s listening to the sound of your voice. At least that brings her some comfort, and that makes you feel good.

“And then, he said-” you trail off, feeling like something’s crawling all over you, practically being able to feel the anger in the air.

“Hm, what?” Clarisse asks, snapping out of her reverie at your silence.

Alek is glaring at you, of course. It just feels so juvenile. You had received letters from him for years- ones that he didn’t sign- but you knew. He said that the two of you had so much more to give together, that a second chance was all he needed to make you forget about the rite of passage, about pleasing your mother.

Clarisse squeezes your hand, leaning closer to you.

You used to like the feeling of getting those letters, of knowing you were loved and wanted. But now, with Clarisse, because of her- it feels wrong.

She follows your eye line and Alek quickly looks away, back down at the strawberries he’s supposed to be picking.

Clarisse’s hand tightens around yours.

“Who the hell is that?” she huffs.

You suck in a breath. “Alek.”

“Al-huh?”

You smile, despite how uneasy you feel.

“Alek, Clarisse. From my rite of passage?”

“Oh,” she nods, nose scrunching ever so slightly. “The one who left you those creepy letters? Has he left anymore?”

“No, no,” you say, risking one more glance at his back- just to assure yourself. Maybe you’re just making it all up. “Not since last summer. I mean, he was staring at us the night of the bonfire too, he’s always around on all our dates- it’s just creepy, at this point.”

“Sounds like the fucker has a death wish,” she drawls. “I’d be happy to help him with it.”

You bump her shoulder with yours. “Yeah, yeah Miss Violence.”

She smiles back, but she searches her eyes and you can tell she doesn’t like what she sees.

“Hey, c’mon. I’ll kill him if he pulls some shit again.”

“Clarisse.”

“Beat him up?”

“Clarisse.”

“Physically threaten him?”

“Clar-”

She smacks her hand over your mouth. “Shhh,” she smiles. “Don’t stress. I’ll take care of it.”

“Clarisse!” you shout, laughing, but her hand is still pressed tight over your moth.

“Oh, sorry, baby, I can’t hear you!”

“Bitch,” you hiss, and she frowns.

“Mean.”

—-

Clarisse, unfortunately, is true to her word.

Alek finally leaves you a note. It’s simple, unsigned, but obviously him. You recognize his chicken scratch scrawl.

All it says is:

I miss you, we could be something

She writes him a note back, a long one- first talking about all of her accomplishments as a daughter of Ares, then detailing all the ways she’ll make him regret thinking about you.

She tells you now, whispers in her bed, she laughs and your mouth hangs open.

“Clarisse!” you gasp, scolding her with a soft hit to her shoulder.

She rolls her eyes and moves closer to you.

“What else was I supposed to do? Ignore it? You don’t know me if you think I could just ignore some random dude flirting with my girlfriend. He’s a fuckin’ weirdo, and hopefully that note will teach him somethin’.”

“I mean. I doubt it will,” you mumble after a moment.

She smiles, your heart squeezes- because her smile is so beautiful- and because Clarisse never smiles like this. It’s bloodthirsty. It’s almost inhuman. It’s Godly.

“Then I’ll have to teach him in… other terms.”

—-

Dinner this evening is slow and relaxed. It’s Friday, so you’ve all made it to the end of the first official week of camp. Chiron let’s the rules fade away tonight, cabin tables have been abandoned and everyone sits where they want.

A few Hermes kids volunteered to start a fire, Mr D is busy trying to get the new kids to sneak him some alcohol- but he’s hard pressed to find ones who haven’t already been warned not to.

The energy in the air is infectious. The promise of a late wake up tomorrow, a fun night, the feeling of the moon and the fire, warmth on your skin- it’s a recipe for lowered inhibitions, for everything to come a little easier.

Clarisse sits next to you a table in the pavilion. You’re surrounded by Silena and Beckendorf, a few Hermes kids, a few Ares kids- a big mosh of random campers squeezed together at this one table- but it works, for whatever reason.

There’s nothing like laughing at someone’s shitty joke and feeling Clarisse laugh with you, pressed close to her so you can feel her chest rumble, feel her arm squeeze around you.

“He did what?!” Silena screeches, looking at you with wide eyes.

You laugh at her shock, at the audacity of Alek.

She sneaks a quick glance at Clarisse, who seems entirely engrossed in her siblings’ arm wresting tournament at the next table over.

“Yeah,” you sigh, feeling sort of complacent with it now. It’s not like anything will change. You’re here because of her, because of Clarisse. Everything you do is because of her.

Breathing, eating, sleeping. Basic human functions and the need to survive has only strengthened with the motivation of staying alive for her.

“Anyways,” you smile. “Clarisse left him back this big, long note. All about how she’s the strongest girl at camp,” you roll your eyes, but you’re smiling too big to be anything but joking. Besides, everyone knows she’s probably right. “And then threatened him a whole bunch. So, hopefully, he’ll just get his head out of his ass and then everything will be good again.”

You breathe out at the end of your small rant, and Silena smiles sympathetically.

“Hopefully,” she echoes.

But, because of Clarisse, because of her arms around you, you don’t feel anything but peace.

—-

Of course, life is not straightforward for demigods.

At the end of the day, you’re doomed to fall in your parents footsteps- except there is no immortality for you to fall back on. You’re vain and you’re proud, just like your parents, and you step too far, jump too high, and you’re as left dust on the floor.

Even though the same path had been left out for you to repeat, doomed footsteps to follow in, you step where they stepped and expect a different end.

The night is pitch black, besides for the brilliant stars and the bright, bright moon. It makes everything feel so private and secret. It makes Clarisse relax, makes her hold you closer but looser.

It feels good to feel her arm loose around you. She’s not afraid of you disappearing, because she knows of someone dragged you away you would rise up from the waves and straight back into her, into her arms.

The Apollo kids are playing music, voices hum along, the night is on fire with the crackles and the rising smoke, on fire with the peace, the content.

It feels like nothing can hurt you here.

But you’re a demigod, and life is not that easy.

The seat next to you is abandoned, and you barely even take notice as it’s quickly filled again- but you take notice of the eyes on you, of the body leaning forward to speak softly to you.

The fact that he’s here, the fact that he blatantly didn’t listen- you suppose you could have felt some sympathy for before, craving a life that wasn’t his anymore. Living off of memories made him too hungry.

Your mouth presses into a thin line as you recognize the voice in your ear.

“Y/N, I jus’ wanna talk.”

The rest of the table has fallen silent, and you realize everyone had almost immediately taken notice of his entrance- and you could tell by the way Clarisse’s body was tense against yours- he would regret ever coming over here.

“Clarisse,” you mumble, shifting closer to her.

She hooks her head over her shoulder, shifting completely so she’s straddling the bench, pressed up against your back.

Her tone is genuinely confused.

“Are you, like, okay in the head?”

The table, previously silent with fear, now bubbles with forced laughter.

“It’s not of your business,” Alek says, staring directly into your eyes. You feel like a deer caught in headlights, just completely shocked, too scared to move like it will all become real.

Clarisse puts her hand on your forehead and floats it down across your face, and your eyes voluntarily flutter shut.

“You’re not even worthy of being looked at by her,” and you can hear the smile on her voice. She confidence seeping from her pores- you can feel it all with the way she’s protectively wrapped around you.

“Y/N,” he says again, ignoring her through gritted teeth. “I just want to talk.”

“If you say one more fuckin’ word to my girlfriend I’m gonna kill you.”

There’s no smile on her voice, no edge of a joke. Not even angry. She’s deathly calm. She’s focused, like a 20 pound weight sinking to the bottom of the sea. She cuts through whatever she has to and everything else knows to avoid her.

You don’t know why the hell Alek just can’t let the 13 year old version of you go, why he’s looking something where there’s nothing, and you’re just so done with all of this.

You open your eyes, sitting up, letting Clarisse’s arms fall around you in confusion.

“Alek,” you start, softly. “We dated for a month when we were 13. That’s all it was, that’s all it’s ever gonna be. It’s over, okay?”

“Exactly,” he breathes. “A month when we were 13- and we were that good together? We could do so much more now, I wanna show you.”

“Okay, I’m done,” you mumble, standing up.

And without you in between, Alek finally gets a good look at the daughter of war. She’s pure, streamlined muscle. Every inch of her body has been meticulously trained to kill monsters- Alek knows that killing him would be easy.

Clarisse cracks her knuckles and you almost laugh at how cinematic it is.

—-

You hum as you run the alcohol pad over her split knuckles. Clarisse likes to leave the scars like this, the small ones, let them heal on her own. Even though she winces at the feeling, you know she’ll be walking around, proudly showing off her scabs until they finally fade away. She’ll cross her fingers and hope they scar, probably.

Clarisse watches you with admiration, admiring your movements, your voice, even though you’re really not doing anything special. But, to her, everything you do is special.

“Did you see how bad his face was?” she asks, trying to remain calm, but eagerness slips into her voice.

“I did,” you laugh. “It was real bad, baby. Good job.”

She huffs, as if it’s common knowledge.

“I always do a good job, just matters what level of good I’m on. I think this was one of my best works though, huh?”

She admires her split knuckles and you roll your eyes, finally starting to put some bandaids on the clean wounds.

“You’re crazy,” you mutter.

She shrugs. “You’re the one who let me. You’re the one who loves me.”

“Yeah,” you mumble after a moment, not really wanting to lie to her, tease her right now. She smiles soft and sweet, placing her fingertips against your jawline and leaning forward.

“Did you like watching me?” she breathes, her low voice hitting you right in the stomach, breath against your lips.

You circle her biceps with your hands and run them up and down the tense muscle.

“You know I did.”

“Three months no dessert,” she smiles.

“Three months of sharing with you,” you laugh. She smiles wider before finally, mercifully, putting her lips on yours.

Everything you do is because of Clarisse. It feels so good to be close to her like this- practically in her lap- fo feel how strong she is, to know what she did for you today.

It feels so good to know she loves you.

When you pull away, trying to chase her, she dodges you and kisses your jawline, your neck, and you throw your head back and release the most unladylike sounds as she leaves hickies on your neck, seemingly determined to make them as dark as possible, as easy to see. And a lot of them.

“Jealous?” you say, biting your lip to keep in a moan.

“Just want everyone to know you’re my girl. Want everyone to know who makes you feel good, feel loved, huh?”

You stomach twists and your mind goes blank.

“Huh?” she repeats, sticking her face in your neck to breathe in and out, catching her breath. “Why you feelin’ like this, baby?”

“Because of you,” you breathe. “Because of you, Clarisse.”

—-

y/n walking around the next day looking like she got attacked by a vampire

silena trying to be happy for y’all but also concerned for your health

clarisse just being proud as hell

—-

this was small so idk if y’all picked it up but clarisse was jealous before alek even came along- jealous that there were more campers coming! like? she just doesn’t like unworthy losers looking at her girl 🙄

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possessive!clarisse i love you so much baby

—-

taglist:

@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme @mar2ss @restellsss @ravisinghs-wife @marsconer @evangelinexo @randomhoex @luvrrish @rebecca37 @saltair-and-palemoonlight @ace-spades-1

#clarisse la rue #clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse la rue x y/n #clarisse la rue x you #pjo tv show #pjo x reader

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haknom · 5 months

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BLOSSOM — YANG JUNGWON

pairing: enemy to crush-prince!jungwon x fem!reader

synopsis: wanting to confess to your enemy was never easy, especially when you both were too embarrassed to do so.

note: this was written like last month but i just never thought it was good 😭 // blossom by wei >>>

wordcount: 699 words // warnings: fluff, angst, and they’re both cowards and mean to each other.

LIVING IN THE SAME PALACE AS YANG JUNGWON, THE PRINCE OF THE FAMILY YOUR MOTHER ASSISTED, WAS NEVER EASY.

He never failed to irk your soul even if he was only breathing. Everything about him was aggravating, mainly his personality. The two of you didn’t get along at the start of your stay in the palace in the first place—he hated the thought of living with so-called peasants.

He was a stuck-up brat who only cared about wealth and what his friends would think. They all went to a prestigious school with high standards. You did too, but you didn’t fit in—not one bit.

Every time you walked down the halls, you were given dirty looks or something even worse. Still, that didn’t bother you. You were never phased by the opinions of others. Only your thoughts about yourself mattered.

That also could be the reason why Jungwon began to like you—4 years later. Yes, he was annoyed by the thought of having to spend every day with you under the same roof as him but maturing was all he needed.

Constantly teasing you and making you feel as though he didn’t care for you was only stage one of the five stages of grief—denial.

He sat on the grassy floor in their garden while picking at the newly bloomed flowers. Growing up, he loved the garden. He loved watching everything grow from a seed into something beautiful.

So, of course, he thought that could distract him and his constant thoughts of you but it didn’t. Here he was picking flowers for a bouquet to give to someone who wouldn’t leave his mind.

Stage two—anger. He was angry. He wanted to forget about you and his feelings, he really did, but he couldn’t. Seeing you every day only made things even harder. His face flushed even at the sound of your name. You had him head over heels for you and you didn’t even know.

He was too distracted to even notice the sudden figure that joined him in his flower picking. So, maybe the distraction did work?

“Hey,” you greeted, tired of waiting for Jungwon to notice you first. “What do you want?” He asked in his usual harsh tone. You rolled your eyes, shrugging it off. “Are these the ones you planted a few weeks ago?” You asked, delicately caressing the flower petals.

“Why do you ask?” He questioned while dusting off the soil from the flower stems in his hands. “Just curious.” You carefully removed your hands from the petals, too afraid to damage anything, and brought your knees to your chest.

“What’s the occasion?” You asked once again as you stared at the progress of the bouquet in his hold. “Please, is that a gift for someone?” You teased, earning a glare from Jungwon.

“Don’t get too giddy, it’s not for you.” Lies. It was definitely for you. There was nobody else who made his head spin or made him experience feelings of butterflies in his stomach like the way you did.

“You must be crazy. I wasn’t looking forward to any gift from you. With that snotty little attitude, I’m sure nobody from school was looking forward to it either.” You spat. Another lie.

After at least a year or two with the Yangs, you began to feel different around Jungwon. It was an odd feeling, not one that many would experience so easily but somehow, you did. It wasn’t the best feeling.

Not being able to think straight or avoid fumbling over your words when you’re around a certain someone you previously claimed to hate wasn’t the best feeling either.

It was quite embarrassing, to say the least. Yet, it still happened to you. Not being able to maintain your composure when arguing with Jungwon sucked. He always felt a little bit of pride and a ton of guilt after your banters were over but couldn’t bring himself to apologize.

Why? The reason was mutual; you were both too embarrassed. You didn’t want to admit you were wrong about anything, you always had to be right. The same went for Jungwon.

No wonder you two couldn’t bring yourselves to confess to each other.

PERM TAGLIST: @soov @redm4ri @ox1-lovesick @urszn @hanniluvi @dakkisz @dimplewonie @ddeonudepressions @xiaoderrrr @ja4hyvn @mmaplepastries @essmarye @w3bqrl @jennaissantes @yenqa @yeokii @yyunari @wvnkoi @strwberrydinosaur @gibbysupremeacyisreal @rikizm @teddywonss @simp4jongseong @whoschr @forjungwons @yizhoutv @yuviqik @itsactuallylina @hermitanatta

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eroguron0nsense · 3 months

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Garp Rant #11543

Because I'm something of a Certified Garp Hater/extremely obsessed with this man, and because Tumblr people seem to like my Garp takes and/or find them extremely pain-inducing, here's another one for funsies! Again, Garp is an incredibly written character and I massively enjoy his moral failings and human shortcomings, hence why I won't shut up about how much he sucks. So we all remember Garp crying in front of Ace during his imprisonment and awaiting his execution, lamenting the fact that his son and grandson could have maybe avoided this horrible horrible fate that awaits them at Marineford if they'd just become good marines like he'd tried to press them into. Every time he says it, he sounds more desperate, sadder, and angrier, like he's experiencing the stages of grief and going through denial, anger bargaining all at once, lashing out at his grandkids for supposedly causing him grief by defying his wishes, or maybe praying or wishing for a world where they could have followed in his footsteps and lived happily ever after. And when Ace hears that again at Impel Down, he says this:

Here's the thing though: Ace is unequivocally correct Garp should, by all rights, know this. He lived through the fallout of Roger's execution. He knew long before that exactly what would happen to Roger's loved ones and anyone the government could get their hands on who'd ever associated with him. Even before they started committing femicides/infanticides in Baterilla trying to end Roger's bloodline, he knew that the Marines were going to target completely innocent people in the name of purging the bloodline and cementing their "victory" over the greatest threat they'd ever faced. He specifically had to smuggle Rouge out of there so she could give birth to Ace, and all the while dozens of families were being brutalized by his peers and having their lives torn apart. That was the cost the Marines were willing to incur to kill a hypothetical infant, and years later, when that very same child is set to be executed, Sengoku goes on a remorseless public tirade about the necessity of killing babies and the horrible trickery and audacity Rouge displayed by dying so that they wouldn't kill her baby too.

Garp knows every single piece of this information in painful, excruciating detail. He's so horrified by it he feels the need to fulfill this wish of Roger's because he knows blameless people will die. He has Ace raised in secret to protect him from Marines who are figuratively and literally out for his blood. And yet, throughout this boy's childhood, he clings to the notion that maybe, just maybe, the people he knows regularly commit atrocities, who have carried out at least 3 genocides that we know of in Garp's lifetime, who were willing to commit mass infanticide for a woman and child they hadn't verified the existence or identity of at the time, would have accepted him within their ranks and turned a blind eye to that information when it eventually, inevitably surfaced. That Ace can find salvation from the people who stole every loved one he ever had before he was even born, who slaughtered his mother's community and pushed her to her death, and were slavering at the opportunity to kill her. That even though Ace was born in direct opposition to them, has had a target trained on him before he was born, these people who tried so goddamn hard to kill him would surely welcome his presence and not murder him the second they found out if he could just be a compliant model soldier and make himself useful. It's hammered home pretty effectively–especially in the manga– and One Piece has never been known to be subtle in its messaging, but I swear to God I see so many people echoing the notion that Garp's attempts to force his grandchildren into serving the Evil Empire was done because he knew was their only shot at safety from the WG, and I fucking despise this take. Ace saying that he could never be a marine here in Impel Down isn't some young man's rationalization for his (beyond valid) desire not to subscribe to the preset path Garp laid out for him; it's literally the only logical conclusion if you know literally anything about the circumstances of his birth and upbringing, and Garp only thinks that the leopards wouldn't eat Ace's face because he's fucking delusional This in and of itself is extremely telling of how horribly warped Garp's perception of the Navy is, and how deeply he's willing to buy into the Marines and their warped propaganda no matter how many glaring examples he sees throughout his life that counter his worldview, but let's not forget that this applies to Luffy too. This is slightly hairier, in that if Luffy was a) the sort of person who could willingly accept a career in the marines and b) managed to cling really, really tightly to his grandfather's coattails and legacy, there might have been a very, infinitesimally small chance that he could have joined the Navy. The higher ups know that Dragon is Garp's son and therefore Luffy is Dragon's by logical inference, but I could see some AU where Luffy is a fundamentally different person and manages to build himself up in the Navy if not for two things I think warrant examination. It's pretty evident, and Dragon explicitly confirms, that Luffy being known as his son would have put him in incredible danger, only feeling comfortable with acknowledging it and the possibility of actually reuniting with his child after Luffy was both publicly recognized due to factors beyond his control, and proved that he was more than capable of holding his own. But I want to draw attention to this one otherwise pretty silly little gag moment between Garp and Sengoku when they learn that Luffy's broken into Impel Down, and present a theory that's kind of a reach but also not really

Now the phrasing here kind of interests me, in that it ties back to earlier demonstrated patterns that the Navy uses repeatedly in collective punishment for the families and loved ones of their primary targets. Rouge and Ace barely escaped the mass murders intended for them because of their connection, but Tom was also originally sentenced to death for having had a connection to Roger, and ultimately chose that as the offence he wanted to be sentenced for at Enies Lobby. Law, as a child survivor of Flevance, has multiple hospitals try and turn him in to the World Government to be killed when Cora tries to find someone to treat him because their policy is to pull out the roots and salt the earth whenever they deem a person or population politically inconvenient. Robin's flashback shows us Akainu blowing up a refugee boat on the off chance that one of those people that they were planning to evacuate might have gotten past their initial screening for archaeologists/poneglyph readers. At Marineford, Akainu specifically targets Luffy not because of his prior offences or even his attempt to rescue Ace, but because he's Dragon's son and his and Roger's bloodlines need to be eradicated. This is not an institution that is in any way reluctant to destroy anyone tangentially affiliated to a designated enemy, and Luffy being the son of the worst criminal in history seems to put him right in line with all of those other cases. In light of this, and Garp's massive blind spots and wishful thinking regarding his peers and employers, it's not that much of a stretch to assume that the only reason Garp's exempt from being targeted like Dragon is because of his popularity/symbolic importance/utility, and that Luffy likely wouldn't have been safe even if he weren't a pirate. Garp's circle of confidantes/friends in high places is powerful, but clearly there are factions (Akainu, Ryokugyu etc) that would be substantially less willing and who are given preferential treatment by the Elders and Celestial Dragons. There might be something to read into based on the fact that Garp is the only known person from a D bloodline who's achieved massive success in service to the World Government and not defected from the Navy after realizing its true nature (props to Saul), and therefore he might project the fact that he's been rewarded by the system despite being a "sworn enemy of the Gods" onto his family, but that still doesn't account for the massive, delusional arrogance he displays in insisting that, despite everything–especially, especially the murders committed in pursuit of Ace, that robbed him of his birth mother and community–the Navy is the best and safest place for either of those boys. TLDR Garp not wanting his grandsons to have a bounties on their heads is one thing, but it says a lot that in spite of everything he knows, he's willing/determined to put Ace and Luffy in an environment that's extremely dangerous for them –and in Ace's case 100%, unquestionably fatal– because he's so convinced that compliance and the platonic ideals of "justice" and military service/hard work being rewarded by the system could supersede all of that.

#monkey d luffy #one piece #portgas d ace #marineford #trafalgar law #trafalgardwaterlaw #nico robin #monkey d garp #monkey d dragon #sengoku the buddha #akainu sakazuki #admiral akainu #portgas d rouge #marineford arc #one piece spoilers #op spoilers #jaguar d. saul

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taylorswiftstylequestions · 12 days

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The bargaining playlist really is incredible (and incredibly painful). Opening with The Great War which has the lyric “My hand was the one you reached for all throughout the great war.” And closing with Renegade and “then you squeeze my hand as I'm about to leave.” Ugh the push and pull of trying to make something work that isn’t working. The other person pulling you back in. When squeezing a hand 3 times in the back of a taxi is both sweet yet also carries a heavy weight and you feel stuck.

I really find for me personally the most amount of anguish I experienced listening to the playlists was actually bargaining. The rest of the playlists make total sense to me (denial roughly being about revisiting happier times [and tbh more intimate times when you tried to find one another through sex], the uncomplicated nail-on-head feelings of anger and depression, and the messy bittersweet coming to terms with acceptance).

But it's the bargaining that really truly undoes me and I think is where we'll find ourselves a lot on this album because I can imagine that was mentally where she spent the longest length of time. The back and forth. The trying so hard. All the other stages of grief feel easier to digest for me but in bargaining there's just so much to unpack in the feverish, earnest, desperate, scrabbling, trying to grasp smoke in your hands.

It's the choking down things you want to say but don't want to start a fight so you do your best to be small and easy and manageable. It's the showing up in every way that you can because you've always been the overachieving Type A eldest daughter. It's the recovering perfectionist wanting everything to be right and perfect. It's the self-conscious part of you that thinks you're broken and unloveable and here's someone who supposedly loves you and it's somehow not working anymore so it must be because you're not trying hard enough and if it doesn't work out it has to be because of something you did or didn't do. It's the desolate, hail Mary begging to "say something babe, do something" and wanting them more than anything to choose you and to try as hard as you are. It's feeling pathetic that you have to ask.

It's EVERYTHING and it SUCKS and I truly just ACHE thinking about it.

#i truly feel so @____________@ ill dizzy sad bleak thinking it

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limerenceheart · 7 months

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thoughts on yandere jing yuan??!!! what would be his preferred method to ensnare his darling?

hello anon! I feel like Jing Yuan would goes through the stage of denial from the five stages of grief till their beloved does something unacceptable. Also, I feel like his approach would derived from his history with Jingliu so I'm jotting further details down below.

a/n - i accept requests so please some in since i enjoy doing them and my inbox is practically empty.

The general never wanted to mingle anything relating in love.

The closet form he ever came across as love was pure admiration towards his mentor till that fateful day of vanquishing Jingliu forever.

Learnt lesson, never again but his young blonde mentee knocked everything out of balance.

If it wasn't for the young boy, he would never met the newest recruit to the knight clouds.

"Oh, (y/n) saw me dropped my tailsman and returned it to me but she have no idea who she was back then so she was super friendly."

Jing Yuan shouldn't had asked for more details but seeing her smile couldn't snuff out the spark of curiosity.

The general used the fact that she would never treated him normally if she found out his identity so he deliberately walked past her with other knight clouds in the bustling streets.

"General, what is the next move?"

It worked considering Jing Yuan could feel her lingering stare on his back.

The silver haired man should been relived but only a sense of disappointment lingered behind.

Why did he feel this? but he rather not know.

Y/N should disappear from his mind but a few weeks later, he found out his blond lieutenant have assigned her to another unit specialises in exploring the planet.

The idea of her leaving brought out another side of him.

"Yanqing, you are the subordinate, not the other way around." The general snapped at him and the blond was lucky that there were other cloud knights witnessing the exchange because Jing Yuan was sure he might have hit him out of rage.

The general couldn't stopped the incident from spreading but he didn't care since no one could over ride him.

Unfortunately, Jing Yuan knew this too well and (y/n) shortly found out that her new role is being the personal assistant of the mighty general.

The other cloud knights congratulated her with jealously hidden in their voices but seeing the evaluating look that Jing Yuan gave her on the first day made her feel like something was off.

"(y/n), do you have any questions?"

The question brought her back to earth and she stuttered on her reply.

"No, sir."

"No need for such formalities, just call by my name."

(y/n) should feel honoured to have that privilege but seeing the unnerving smile of Jing Yuan just seem like a red flag.

(y/n) could only keep it to herself so she sucked it up and decided to play the role till the very end.

The weeks passed but (y/n) gradually noticed a change towards how others treated her especially the male cloud knights along with Jing Yuan assigning her more tasks that required her to do it alone while he was away on his duties.

"Um lieutenant, is this how general Jing Yuan treated his past assistants?"

"I don't know, you're the only one that I met." And with that, Yanqing waved off her concerns.

(y/n) felt like screaming inside at the possibility that she may be his first one.

why?

(y/n) couldn't get her answer without it backfiring so once again, she accepted her fate and just did whatever Jing Yuan wanted like an obedient doll.

The general accidentally revealed his intentions when he found his adorable assistant slumped over his desk in his private study since he have been working her to the bone lately.

Jing Yuan should have stopped considering he have driven her exhaustion but he much prefer her to feel burnout than mingling with others.

The slight guilt still didn't stopped him from approaching the desk to swing his jacket across her shoulders but he took it to another step along with pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"You're all mine, (y/n)."

(y/n) eyes shot open and she automatically spring out of the chair to create distance from the enstranged man.

"General, what do you mean by that?" The girl may been shooting him a fierce look but her voice slightly trembled.

Jing Yuan could knocked her out and returned her to her sleeping quarters to play it off as a bad nigh-

ah, fuck it. (y/n) would connect the dots one day.

with that in mind, the general closed the gap between them and grasped her face to make her look him in the eye.

"I meant exactly what I said, you can never leave me."

(y/n) let out a gulp at the sinister look in his eyes along with his deadly tone.

but Jing Yuan prefer it this way and (y/n) would eventually warm up to his one day.

at least this way, she would never end up like his mentor since Jing Yuan would chain her to him side.

#honkai star rail #yandere honkai star rail #yandere hsr #yandere jing yuan #jing yuan x reader #yandere jing yuan x reader #general jing yuan #hsr #yanqing #jing yuan

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ganseyenthusiast · 1 year

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anyways since the theme of post-TRK seems to be that every single character ignores any development they had and gets worse, I'm listing everything out here + with a rating of how likely I, the authority of everything ever, think it was. greywaren spoilers obviously

1. Declan: Decides Dad was good all along, disregards real actual emotional abuse and parentification as "misremembering" how great Niall was. 6/10. CDTHEU Declan is a very different character to TRK Declan, I still think he's been too self aware throughout to suddenly walk it back THIS severely. I predict a severe breakdown for him age 30 since I've never witnessed someone do Denial as their last stage of grief.. it’s gonna be explosive

2. Ronan: Disregards his family for the majority of his arc, is worse to them than in TRC. does not call gansey for months. finds a new FP instead of a therapist. emotionally worse off. does find himself via terrorism I guess? 9/10. pretty on brand for Ronan to go scorched earth and suffer zero consequences. I do wish he was made aware of his birth circumstances and displayed the same love/grief for aurora/niall that he's shown in every book except greywaren. are you telling me he can look at the New Fenian and be OKAY?????

3. Adam: ‘Reinvents’ himself, suffers, lies, suffers again. Does not call gansey. Suffers in the VoidSpace, apparently with no lasting consequences. becomes a narc. 7/10. I was hoping for a more self aware adam post TRK but him choosing to pull a Henry Cheng is also pretty on brand. wish he'd actually broken up with Ronan for at least a week. him becoming a narc is unfortunately pretty accurate to character but government jobs are not famously well paying so it really does feel random? the only thing he’s done that’s close to sleuthing is inventing pedo murder charges for his teacher/keeping with the bryde stuff. plus he's still not utilizing his magic skill so this just feels like a continuation of the Harvard arc for the rest of his life which is REALLY baffling when u compare how many times TRK insists he's a magician and will remain a magician/psychic despite everything. seems he's growing MORE disconnected with himself. i’m all for negative development but it’s really being framed as a happy ending which is baffling ngl

4. Gansey: has a sociology degree + is only associated with blue (and nobody else) in the 4-5 years since TRK. Completely reversed his stance on henrietta being home, on "I'd take all of you anywhere with me", on his dedication to history/archeology. does not seem too concerned about Ronan going insane, still odd despite the time he's had to get used to it. 5/10. horrible representation of gansey but I DO like that he's focusing on himself instead of raising pynch. as i say this i remember the ring thing and grit my teeth. complete ignorance of Henry AFTER his whole "friends forever and ewer" TRK thing gives me a good playground to make things worse so I like it but it's definitely weird. how did being a teenager specifically suck for you king because I think Being Dead trauma is unrelated to age

5. Matthew: nearly found independence + love in the abrasive way that lynches give it, then was disregarded emotionally and still not given an apology for the Everything from declan. 8/10. extremely on brand for the lynches to not hold each other accountable. Matthew seems to have improved somewhat + Declan is less overbearing about him, so I like it, I'll take it

6. Henry: went into Seondeok's black market low level mob business, got divorced?, does not speak to bluesey. 10/10. it’s so bad. absolutely off brand for the entire theme of him rejecting the Orders his mother who Literally Forced him to come to henrietta gave him (did not begin this game looking for a friend etc). refutes the entire "find your own something more" theme, refutes the "three of us" theme, refutes the "im going to make something great" motives. and I love it. TRULY my worst ending for Henry is becoming yet another fairy market nepotism casualty. he will Literally never escape and it’s FANTASTIC it is so much fun. Ha Ha You Have Become Your Mother

7. Fenian/Mor: live at the fucking barns now. 1/10. you are telling me a series whose entire THING is based on growing up/overcoming grief/moving on ends with THE FUCKING LYNCH FAMILY BACK AT THE BARNS?????????? WHAT THE HELL???? WHY IS EVERYONE OKAY WITH ANY OF THIS??????????????????????????????????????????????????

#mostly i want to reference this and see if my eventual reread changes my opinions #greywaren #dreamer trilogy #cdtheu #mstief

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crying-in-converse · 9 months

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stages of grief for going back to school

denial- summer is gonna last forever! i don't have to think about school for a very long time

anger- i am NOT going back to school. everything SUcks

bargaining- i'll drop out. i should just drop out of school, then it can be like summer forever

depression- i dont want to go back. i dont want to go back. i dont want to go back. i dont want to go back. i dont want to go back.

acceptance- school is approaching soon. summer will come in nine months, i can look forward to then.

#summer doesn't last forever i guess #noromo35 talks #school

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professionalspoonie · 5 months

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Rising From Your Ashes

When you are disabled, you witness your body transform from a familiar companion to a stranger, and then a hostile force. The sense of safety within your own skin diminishes, and certain parts of you will never be the same. A piece of you feels lost, and it's crucial to give yourself the space to grieve. The five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—become woven into the fabric of your experience with disability.

You could start by feeling angry—why did this happen to me! I hate this! Then slip into denial, pushing your body without any aid because you won’t acknowledge the illness. Then, when that inevitably causes a flare-up, you become depressed. Then, yet again, bargain with your body saying, “I’ll just push a little this time,” and again you flare up. In all likelihood, you will bounce from emotion to emotion, and it is okay to feel all of these things.

When you are chronically ill, you are often told to avoid negative emotions and stress because it can trigger flare-ups, and this is true. However, to heal, you need to feel the negativity. Because guess what? THIS SUCKS! You're entitled to feelings of betrayal, hurt, sadness, and pain. There is no timeline for healing for how long this will last, but you can make it easier by surrounding yourself with people who care and taking care of yourself when you really don’t feel like it—I know you don’t want to take those meds or do those stupid exercises.

Choosing to support yourself in these ways is an act of love. I understand that it can be challenging to find love for a body that feels like it's turned against you, but you deserve to fight for yourself. Allow yourself to hurt, and from that pain, let yourself rise from the ashes. You are constantly evolving, transforming into a new version of yourself. Embrace each iteration, love yourself through it all, and eventually, acceptance will become a part of your journey.

For those wrestling with the tumultuous emotions of disability, you might not feel strong now, but in time, you'll look back and recognize your greatness.

#chronic illness #chronically ill #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #disabled #fibro problems #fibromyalgia #disability #disabilties #greif #greiving

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versegm · 1 year

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Castoria & Oberon: Hey you know it's important to go through the five stages of grief so you can heal from your trauma and eventually be happy. Rage is not evil in itself depression is not evil in itself these stages suck yes but you do need to go through them to process what happened to you.

Guda, holding onto denial like it's a lifeline: Wow guys this is so interesting good thing I don't have any trauma that would warrant going through these stages in the first place.

#fate #lostbelt 6

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still-quite-messy · 7 months

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TMA: A study of grief.

So I got my twin to start listening to the Magnus Archives, which I'm very Neurotypical about (this is a lie). As he was going through the very first episodes, and his reaction to MAG 011 - Dreamer was this:

And my own off-hand answer actually got me thinking?

Granted, S2 and S3 required some mental gymnastics, but I'm also a proper beast at shifting my own perspective, so I made it work anyway.

Ever noticed how there are 5 stages of grief and 5 seasons? Now, it only works to a degree (like most things), and it was also pointed out to me that technically, grief doesn't always go through the sages in order. I'll take their word for it, considering my own grieving process has always been very textbook-order.

Anyway, here's the conclusion:

S1 - Denial: Jon does not want to acknowledge. The spooks do not exist.

S2 - Anger: The spooks exist, and something is after him, he's frantic, and he lashes out.

S3 - Bargaining: Eldritch bitches suck. Jon hates everything. But maybe if he spins it just right he can actually use it to help people.

S4 - Depression: We lost Tim. We lost Daisy. Martin's gone. Jon is alone and he will keep trying but really, it feels like he can't achieve anything and he feels like the monster the new archival team sees him as.

S5: Acceptance: The world has ended. It has new rules Jon must accept and play to in order to keep those he loves safe. Everything hurts. But it's alright. He's not alone.

If someone ends up finding this post (I have no illusions, it's pretty unlikely), feel free to add your spin/understanding or debunk my idiot words! :D

#tma #the magnus archives #grief #analogy #headcanons

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talzane · 2 years

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I just realized that the pattern of Jack and Maddie’s acceptance of Danny is literally just the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Denial: Ja-ack, Danny’s not a ghost. Anger: Impersonate our son, will he? I’m gonna rip that Phantom-punk apart molecule by molecule! Bargaining: If we just remove the ghost from him, he’ll be back to normal! We’ll have our boy back, Jack! Depression: We killed him, Jack; we killed our son! Acceptance: Don’t think you can use invisibility to hide from me, young man! It’s still your turn to do the dishes! Also, this made me realize that as much as them trying to rip the ghost from him is a fun story and all, how come we never write them as becoming super-helicopter parents? They’re ghost experts and would have the ability to helicopter like no parent ever has. Set up a system for remotely monitoring every minor change to Danny’s ecto-signature (theoretically, it would fluctuate with his health)? Check. Monitor all of his grades and give him mandatory tutoring to help him pass now that they know what the problem is? Check. Create something to force him to not fight ghosts during school? Check. Torture any and all ghosts that attempt to bother him during school, including his friends? Check. Force him to train his powers and fighting abilities until they’ve sucked all the joy out of ghost fighting? Check. Daily medical check-ups to monitor the development of his ghost-half? Check. Sleep study to see if he’s having any trouble sleeping due to his ghost-half (besides the obvious)? Check. Obsessive attention to his diet? Check. They could be the worst best parents ever, just think of all the problems Danny will have trying to talk them down when they’re legitimately helping him!

#danny phantom #jack and maddie #angst

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sea-owl · 2 years

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What was yandere Colin's reaction to finding out that Penelope is Lady Whistledown?

Yandere Colin went through four of the five stages of grief the day he found out his Penelope was Lady Whistledown.

First it started with denial

"Oh my god," Colin whispered as he read over the letter. "Oh my god."

His Pen, his nymph. She couldn't be. She couldn't be Whistledown.

But Whistledown did always seemed to know more than anyone else. Some information his precious nymph would somehow know too before the papers would come out.

But here she was, with an unpublished Whistledown column, in the same handwriting.

Next was anger

"Get up." Colin told her. Grabbing hold of Penelope's arm he lead her to his carriage. "Take the long way home," he instructed the driver.

They at first sat in silence, Penelope coldly staring out the window.

"You know what I am deciding?" He asked her.

Penelope only glanced at him.

"I'm trying to decide what I am most angry at you for. The fact that you came down here in a hired hack-"

Penelope scoffed. "I've been down here hundreds of times in hired hacks. It's not like I can take one of our's."

Colin's vision began to tint red. His precious nymph was Lady Whistledown, and she had been putting her life at risk running around the city.

"And another thing, what the hell is this?!"

Then bargaining

"Penelope," Colin sighed at his nymph. "You've angered a lot if people over the years. Cressida would've solved that issue, let her take the fall."

Penelope snapped towards him. "I rather see that bitch dead than taking credit for my life's work!"

I can make that happen for you my nymph, but I have to protect you.

Finally, acceptance

Fine then, if you must foolishly continue to put yourself endangered then you will do so with my protection and the protection of the Bridgerton name, Colin thought to himself as silenced his Pen's moans with kisses.

Normally he would have preferred to do this in a bed, especially for their first time, but he would not leave any room for Penelope to back out of a marriage with him. If he must ruin her, to create life in her womb, then so be it.

His hands trace up her thighs, pausing at the belts around them, but then contined on his mission to trapping his nymph with him forever.

"Colin," Penelope moaned as she brought him closer, one hand leaving scratches down his back.

Good, mark me as your's, Coin thought as he sucked another mark onto her breast. I belong to only you, as you belong to me.

#still debating if colin and the rest of the bridgertons ever find out that the other spouses knew in this universe #yandere bridgertons au #yandere colin bridgerton #yandere penelope featherington #bridgerton #polin #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington

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dreamsclock · 1 year

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c!Endersmile and the seven stages of grief

major character death, grieving process, depression, illness/infection, one graphic mention of torture

Stage 1: Shock.

Dream does not allow himself to think about the moment when Sam’s sword plunges through Ranboo’s chest, carving its way through his apprentice’s heart. Yes, he acknowledges it: Punz, who he’s fighting, must notice the tremor in his hand, and the sudden fever he fights with. But Dream does not focus on the body crumpling behind him or the cry of Techno from in front of him or the feeling of something shattering deep inside him. Instead, he nods at Punz, vaults onto a horse, and he runs.

Stage 2: Denial.

“Ran—” Dream’s voice stutters in the emptiness of their base.

Punz is nowhere to be found: Dream urges him to constantly make himself scarce, uneasy about the two of them being discovered together, while their horses are being given a clean by Techno and the Syndicate. Dream is half asleep himself, bare-foot and maskless, blinking grit out of his eyes and Ranboo’s name out of his mouth as he slides to alertness.

Ranboo is not here. On a very rational day, he knows this.

Deeper down, at night, however…

Dream’s hands fist round themselves, looking for the fabric of a cloak he knows is gone. Ranboo is not here, he tells his hands, and they don’t believe him — they reach out for the chair his friend had always sat in, searching for proof, searching for confirmation of Ranboo’s existence.

They find dust. A crumpled cushion, from where Ranboo had moved in a hurry.

Ranboo is not here. And yet the room is suffocating him. Dream sucks in a stilted breath through broken teeth and closes his eyes.

He’ll pretend for a second. Just for a second, he’ll give himself the luxury of imagining a simpler happy ending.

Stage 3: Anger.

He meets Sam in prison — in his home — and finds with a horrified disgust that the feeling dominating him is not fear, or contempt, or betrayal. It’s not even bitter resignation.

It’s anger. White hot, blistering. Dream blinks, and swears he can see the scars on his limbs from the lava and burning obsidian burst open, weep their rage and hatred down his skin. He blinks again, vision billowy in the seeping heat, and the scars become scars again, and Ranboo is still gone.

Rage is new. He hasn’t felt it in a while. He doesn’t quite know what to do with it, either: wearing it as a second layer is stifling, oppressive, but he’s viciously proud of how well he hides it. Sam and him talk of morality and life and death and prison, while Dream’s heart sings a song of blood and anger and grief he can’t quite feel.

When he slams a blade through Sam’s eye and leaves him to walk back through the prison himself, Dream thinks of Ranboo, and how close they’d been to escaping before Sam had killed them.

Sam does not speak when he comes back. Not until he gets to the nether portal, standing there timidly, bright eyes fixed on him. They’d been friends, once, Dream remembers fleetingly, friends, maybe even family.

“I’m sorry about Ranboo,” Sam murmurs, as particles pull him away, “if you’d listened to me—”

Dream lunges for him, but Sam is gone before he can scream.

Stage 4: Bargaining

“You’ll give me him back,” Dream demands, asks, pleads.

XD stares at him. A blossoming shower of iridescent stars tumble from the sky behind It.

Dream knows how gods work, by now. Making deals with one is worse than shaking hands with the devil. But he hasn’t slept in four days and Punz is off in his tower and he’s jittery, anxious, newly escaped from Quackity and Sam’s newest trap and feeling almost entirely alone in the world.

And when he’d told Techno that he didn’t sleep, it hadn’t been entirely true. He sleeps, sometimes. But he doesn’t ever dream. This is the first dream he’s had in months and months and Dream’s not even sure it’s real: all he can see is the god in front of him and the showering of stars and the moon, that glistens and gloats untouched far above them both.

You’re the one that can bring back the dead, XD tells him. The words scorch Dream’s throat. Or have you forgotten already?

Dream swallows. “I can’t.” It comes as bitter as poison. “I can’t do it. I don’t— I mean, it won’t work. I don’t know why it won’t work. I don’t know how.”

XD turns as a comet whizzes by with a howl. Dream is bowled away by his own insignificance: how many times, he thinks, will he have to die to understand this place?

You aren’t supposed to be here. It’s time to send you back.

“Wait,” Dream blurts out, “wait, I need—”

He wakes up in a clatter of armour and with a fever Punz is coaxing him through. Infection in one of his wounds, apparently. Dream doesn’t say, but he remembers Quackity driving his shears into that wound. Peeling the skin off like dried glue. Laughing at the shrieks.

“You were mumbling pretty badly back then,” Punz says, voice shrewd. His gloved hand cards through his sweat-soaked hair and Dream’s eyelids flutter. “You okay?”

Dream does not reply. He just closes his eyes, and prays for sleep.

Stage 5: Depression.

Sleep comes. He doesn’t move from his bed for days. At one point he thinks he sees Ranboo standing on one block in the middle of a raging ocean, but he’s lost track in this sickness of what is real and what is not.

Stage 6: Acceptance.

Dream takes his first steps on trembling legs after his fever of nine nights, just as snow begins to tumble lazily from the sky.

He gets Punz to sleep under that open sky with him that night, even though his friend complains and grouches about the cold and the wet. Dream rolls his eyes, jabs a bony elbow into his ribs and makes Punz yelp in pain. They’re not friends, not exactly, but it helps soothe the ache in the hollow of Dream’s chest.

Ranboo had listened once when Dream had explained the stars to him, mad on coffee he hated and preparing for the finale of the disk war, and so Dream explains them to Punz now. It’s different, obviously: Punz quips where Ranboo had been quiet, Punz is silent where Ranboo had asked questions. It’s okay, though: Dream is different too. He talks until his voice goes hoarse and Punz forces his hands around a mug of hot chocolate, and then they drift off to sleep together.

The morning brings winter flowers and sneezing pitifully in the snow-turned-slush. When they show up at the Syndicate, Techno cackles at them.

Dream places new flowers on Ranboo’s grave and for the first time breathes easy.

Stage 6.5: Hope.

When Dream breathes for the last time, and wakes up in an iridescent friend with a blonde boy squawking, the first thought in his head is of an Enderchild beaming uncertainly at him.

He asks Tommy if he knows any half-Enderians, and Tommy shrugs, spitting out a bone from the chicken he’d been eating. They’ve set up camp near a river, and Tommy is good company: Dream just remembers something, someone, and feels lonely.

“Don’t think so,” Tommy says, “but we can look. Lotta world here. There’s got to be one somewhere.”

Dream shoots him a soft grateful smile, and begins to map.

Stage 7: Processing.

When he finds Ranboo, Dream does not cry.

But he does hug him, tightly. In this world, he has nothing to fear and nothing to hide, no armour to drown in and no plans to self destruct. He breathes, deep, and the familiar scent of End-particles and earth fills his head.

“I waited for you.” Ranboo’s voice is muffled and small. “I waited for you for so long. You didn’t come.”

Dream’s hands tighten around the cloak. “I know,” he replies, “I’m— I should’ve come. You have every right to be mad at me.”

But Ranboo only pulls him closer, scoffing, and Dream feels warm again.

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#> c!endersmile #> memory boy #> that one clock guy #> sparrow’s writing !!

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