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goldengoddess44 · 4 years

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Its April 20th, 2020 - Monday

I am in Porto Portugal still, and who would have honestly thought.

I left so much behind, and I’m not entirely sure I mean what you think I mean when you hear that. But of course, ignoring all the amazing people and perks I had from living in Canada can never be disregarded. There are negative and positive sides to everything.

But lets just say that I was leaving a place that was my home, and was also a very amazing environment. I wont necessarily say that it was because of the people or the way of life there. It was actually my way of life that I carved out for myself over the few years.

You have to do a lot of things you don’t really want to do when you’re young. You have to go to school at least until you’re 22 at least, and do a bunch of other things you never planned on doing. I remember constantly dreaming of the time where all my responsibilities to other people would cease to be, and I would finally be free to make all of my own choices. And when that day came, let me tell you. I designed a life that I was completely in love with.

I only got out of bed when I felt FULLY rested. I only worked when and where I wanted to. I would do what I wanted when I wanted, which was a bunch of fun and magical stuff. God I really did have the best time ever. And the amazing thing is, is that I still do, even though the entire scenery has changed.

It’s safe to say that I wasn’t running away from anything when I came here. I had endured even the worst things of my surroundings and made the best of it! I didn’t care! Nothing was going to ruin the amazing days that I lived out in my home town. Following my bliss took me on the most incredible adventures. If I told you some of thing you wouldn’t be able to deny how movie like and beyond they are.

Thinking back to it now, I really never could have said that someone could leave such a beautiful life that they had set up for themselves to something completely new and it not have effects on them. I mean, how could you leave such a perfect set up to begin with really? I really had everything I wanted at that time.

There was a point in the limbo of waiting to fly over to this country, where I completely freaked out as reality hit me. I would be leaving all of this?! My freedom to never have to worry about money? The freedom to be submerged in nature with my dog and my car and my family. Surrounded by what I know so well. No more nature walks down my massive country road with my dog at 2 in the morning underneath the starlit sky, surrounded by an enchanted forest and as free as a Staleon. Free to dance as intense as I wanted to to my music, or bike ride to new places. I had the perfect life for me.

But after two days of doing all those things I loved. All those things that I had done countless times and enjoyed thoroughly each time. I realized, I was ready. I was full. I had taken my time and done what I needed more than enough. My cup was full AND over flowing times three.... or twenty. I was ready to see what was next.

Mind you, for the first time in my life I really didn’t predict a ‘’next’’. I was so happy and fulfilled that really I only imagined my life staying the same with additions coming along with me. But I have to be honest here. Change is the theme of my life, and I am not talking about out of control change. I am talking about me walking right through those doors of change, knowingly and willingly. Nothing excites me more, and although many might look at me and assume that I’m sensitive and fragile even, I’m actually incredibly strong, so taking the hit of change not being all that great or positive never made me afraid to take that chance again and again.

You know those crazy things you hear about in the movies, like two people meeting on vacation and then the woman or man flies over to their foreign country because of how in love they are? Or anything else out of this world and more? Yeah those are the kinds of things that happen in my life. I was that girl, and I was only 16 when I flew to England, by myself and paid for it by myself.

But, as I said. Everything in my life for those few years after I got out of University, was perfectly designed and in my control. I had it all. And yet, life was just waiting for me to be ready to take the next step.

After I broke up with my former boyfriend. I was really done with it all in the love area of my life. I always knew that I would be with the love of my life from a very young age. I don’t know why it was always the most important thing to me, even before I even knew how amazing being in love was and felt for me. I always feel the most myself when I am in love. It was my biggest desire really. Everything else would come and will come later. I didn’t really care because I knew from a very young age that outer things in life like career and success and money don’t make you truly happy unless you really are truly happy. I also always knew that all those things would and even should come from you and your love’s life that you create together.

But after this break up, I truly was done. I had just had it you know? I had had it with the breaking up part of it. I hate the brokenheartedness that both people now have to go through when it doesn’t work out, and I’ve always been someone who always knows deep within me. I’ll admit, sometimes I knew how I felt about someone and so it was a sure thing for me, but it wasn’t returned, and I had to deal with that. But with experience now, you really do know how a person feels about you. You know because they will show you and it wont take that long to see.

After we broke up I finally gave up looking. I never wanted to do that dance again unless it was forsure the real thing. I had done my exploring and I had played all the games with x amount of people. I mean, if its there its there. Lets stop wasting each others times with the I like you 75 percent and up. Hell, at this point, even if it was at a 99 percent, I wasn’t doing it anymore. I want my 100, and he will find me when the time is right, and until then I am not going to worry about it!

It was the first time I gave up something that meant everything to me to the universe to take care of. I had no doubts that it was only a matter of time, and for real, I was focusing on enjoying everything but! AND IT WAS AWESOME! UGH so much stress was taken off my hands haha. It’s like I finally put faith and used my divine assistant to do what they do best, ASSIST!

I had foreseen a new unfolding plan to my life. I mean, I just thought that I was thinking logically about how things were likely to play out. Now with all this free time on my hands, clearly I was going to get my career and money started and set up before that area of my life would come in. I even logically thought I would have my own house and life too! Oh, how off I was!

It literally took the universe four whole months to put me and my soul together. When I say my soul, I am talking about my husband, there’s just not better way to describe him. And who would have thought that things would have happened the way they did.

I mean for one, he lived in a completely different culture and country than me, across the Atlantic Ocean. Also, the fact that we even met each other is so fucking slim I can’t even describe it as slim. I just did not see this coming at all.

And now, fast forward to where we are now. And that is why I said, that looking back now, I never would have been able to understand that although I had thought that I had everything I wanted- to the point where I really couldn’t see me leaving it all behind for the new- I still had so much more ahead of me that I didn’t even realize I needed and wanted.

Being with my husband now, I can’t ever imagine not being with him. We really complete each other and not being with him is insanity to me. Sometimes I wonder how we even did it without each other! I mean the amount of love and fun we have! It makes everything feel so small compared.

He and our love really is the reason why everything I had before could be dropped just like that. I had never had love like this so honestly I wouldn’t have been able to even think about this as a possibility. All the happiness I had wasn’t even close to what I have and feel now. What we have together and what life has become and is becoming because of us and our joined forces. I mean my god! It’s just so much fun and so perfect for us it’s crazy. And the funny thing is, its like we’re not even the ones in control of our flow that we have. Everything just feels like the easiest most natural choice for us as we create our life together.

So yes, as I said, it is April 20th, 2020 - Monday. And I am so blessed and grateful for everything I have and have ever been through. It is 7:44am and my angel of a husband is at work right now. Judging by the time, I would say he is just about to arrive at his destination and see what he will be doing today!

He is currently working in construction right now. Might I just say that he is so multitalented that its really kept his life wide open in terms of new things and experiences. He’s able to always find something new in his life because of this and I am so damn proud of him and the person he is. He is my biggest inspiration.

It’s crazy. Him and I are very positive and some would say lucky people. We just always remain positive and life returns that to us. Right now, there’s a pandemic going on, and while so much of the world isn’t going to work, we find more work. While so many can’t get a pay check, we literally get one delivered to our hands. So I say thank you universe, thank you so much.

I’m happy for us and I am happy for him. He gets to get out of the house and to top it off he is safe and also with his two friends! One of whom is considered to be one of his best friends and the other a really good friend he has known half of his life. So, I am happy that work will be very pleasent for him, which makes me so thrilled. I am grateful that he is out there doing this for us.

It really all is for us and our life. Everything we do is to build our beautiful life together. I mean I can’t lie, it seems like a lot of things just get handed to us with a smile. Our living arrangement, money, bills, support, family, friends, love, everything really. And on top of all the blessing we get handed without really asking it seems, there are still things that we strive for.

Right now we have a few things in the works. We are creating a Tattoo world and empire together. I will be the Tattoo Artist, and he will be the master at everything else. I will be managing and he will be managing but he will also have his fun things that he likes to do and wants to persue as well. Who knows what it will be!

We also want to buy our own house together :) Which will be very possible with our career in the Tattoo world, so it is all very exciting.

Anyways, I don’t know how long I have been here typing but it is now time for me to move onto the next new thing of my day. Stay well and stay safe in these times.

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