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scarletserena · 3 years

Text

the 1 - [Corpse Husband x Reader]

By: @scarletserena

summary: " you are his ex, now. looking back you should have known from the start. you really think it would have been fun if you would have been it for him too. "

Warning: Heart break, bitterness, letting go is hard but needed, reminiscence of what doesn't come back, they don't end up together on this, this is fiction and DOES NOT depicts how Corpse Husband is.

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To be in love with the idea of love.

What a blessing to be alive.

What a curse to have feelings.

What a look we had when we first saw each other.

I was in awe. Your face was covered but your eyes cricked on the corners as you smiled politely when we first met.

Was I so naive at the time that I just didn’t notice the strain it took on you to be that calm and collected in a space, where I later learned that distressed you, or was I just ignorant?

How do you perceive me now?

But how did you perceive me then?

Do you despise me, Corpse? Did you see red flags when I offered you a smile alongside your coffee order?

I still remember it being a mild coffee compared to the orders from the other patrons in the café. Does it mean that it was just your preferences or was it because you wanted, without giving much thought to, preserve your voice?

The unconscious things we do daily, right?

I gather my bearings one more time and I feel myself stranded.

I’m still a barista at the same café.

I still smile politely to this day at every client, hoping it has a good reflection through my eyes but I am definitely grateful to be wearing a mask and having no one notice how different and small my lips stretching are now.

Your hair was soft under my fingertips and I enjoyed a lot coursing through the locks and untangling the knots in your curls.

The way your eyes closed, relaxed, was a given I didn’t wanna face myself without but, on the day I found that I didn’t have it anymore I got to see my being on a new level of scrutiny that I couldn’t understand why.

I figured it out later.

I wasn’t only mine, anymore.

I wasn’t yours either but because you wouldn’t have me.

I fucking missed you and when I called you on the phone and a she picked up I pulled myself apart and untangled myself of the things I could, that still reminded me of you — I deleted your number right away.

But looking back, I could never let go of something that everyone thought they had heard the intricacies of but I always knew that when you were with me it had a tingle and timbre only mine and that was what I held myself onto.

For the hope that it wouldn’t just be a memory and a recording in my phone but become a phone call once again and a calling at my doorstep that announced you so close and trusting to me.

I couldn’t bring you to me one more time and, despite myself, I couldn’t let go of the recordings nor my subscription on your channel.

Dumbly, I sent, for a short while, some messages on the so-called superchat. They were inoffensive enough if not for being stamped with my name on them and that, that tainted it and you always ignored them until I stopped.

You never called nor did you show in some way that I still mattered in some important sense to you.

That might just be what did it at the time, but seeing and hearing you interact with her through lives, months later, definitely did the deed.

I remember how it all felt back then.

If only you knew (but you don’t’)

How badly I wanted to question:

How do your eyes shine when you look at her?

The smell of rain still calmed me then.

Perhaps just a consequence of your admiration towards it and the comfort it provided you in the toughest times, which I knew were more common than the precipitation around your house.

I keep looking back and I can’t help but toy with the thought that you really do not have the time if someone isn’t right beside you — and right after letting myself think like that I feel guilty because, liking it or not, for the worse of for the better, I knew you and I know of your struggles and minimize them for me to feel less responsible in the fiasco that we both were in each other lives is more selfish than I should allow myself to feel over something we both were at fault.

I can feel the connection you have with her and I didn’t even bother going to her channel to check what I knew would be so clear to everyone who was a little bit in the intimate part of you.

I had no doubts in my mind that just as her smile should cover her entire face in happiness you would do everything to keep her voice free of worries and her path with no bothersome obstacles — because that's how you are to the ones you really care for.

I was once one of them.

I wouldn’t put it past you in any moment going to her as soon as she felt comfortable with you just as I never put it behind you to get your hand drowning in red when you thought needed.

I always had this fear that you would meet someone great(er) on the internet and that this person would swap you off your feet but, I hadn’t considered that we wouldn’t be a we anymore on the so near future and my daily dose of you just wouldn’t be mine no more — but hers — and, above it all, different.

I knew your voice and I knew your hands and I knew your small smiles but she knew hugs that must have the feeling of a home, sweet and warm and that belongs, and laughs that course free through the screen of my laptop when she enters a discord call unannounced and much more that was never mine — to see, to touch, to keep — while I once knew stiffness and the fear of trying to hold something not made nor meant to be on hands as weak as mine.

We were something, don’t you think so? But as the saying goes: once you fuck me over, no do-overs, we don’t play.

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Hello there! Did you enjoy it? Let me know down below, please, I will love to hear about what you thought of it and if there was anything I could have done better <3

I really wanted to write something like that, even if it's really short, because all the — amazing — stories I have seen around here of Corpse is of them getting together but never of a perspective of a relationship that really went downhill.

Again, this piece of work DO NOT depicts how Corpse is or how any of his exes might be or something like this, it's only fiction, okay?

If you would like to send me an ask so I can write your idea for you, please, send it! You just have to click on 'Talk The Talk Serena' on my tumblr! I only ask of you not to send anything NSFW, because I won't be writing it.

It was a pleasure to have you here! Thank you so much for reading!

My writing works will be under the tag #writerserena

#corpse husband #corpse husband x you #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband x y/n #corpse x you #corpsehusband #corpse fanfic #corpse fic #corpse imagines #corpse husband fanfic #fanfic #angst #break up #heartbreak #letting go #ex girlfriend #they're not together and they won't get together at the end #bless your ears with corpse voice folks #stan corpse husband for clear skin and a great soothing voice #corpse_husband #Spotify #writerserena

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