Absolutely probably not true stardew headcanons. Aka Stardew headcanons on crack probably
Shane is the Wizard’s secret child. How else was he able to make BLUE chickens? 🐓Magic obviously. It’s also why his hair is purple
Jas begged to have her hair dyed purple to match Shane because she looks up to him and it’s her favorite color
Mr Qi’s skin is blue because he drank too much Joja bluu. His hair is purple because he drank too much iridium snake milk
Mr Qi is always actively evading the authorities
Y’know what, maybe Shane just fed his chickens too much Joja Bluu and that’s why they’re blue
In that case, Joja Co is suing Shane for the misuse of the color Joja Blue
The hat mouse made Mr Qi’s first hat and now he considers them like his adopted child
The Hat Mouse is immortal™️ and purposely commits tax evasion, but it’s ok because they’re too cute to arrest 🐭
Mr Qi sends the Adventurer’s Guild letters on how many of what monsters the farmer has killed and that’s how they know for their monster slayer quests
Marlon broke the bus to Calico Desert because all his adventurers were dying in the Skull Caverns
Mr Qi and Marlon were once in a very brief relationship and now prefer not to talk about it 👍
Marlon has accidentally committed arson with the napalm ring before and Gil has banned him from using that ring
The reason why you can’t wear more than two rings at once is because you are legally only allowed to wear rings on your ring fingers, and wearing two on one ring finger will jam the effects
Emily is able to possess an increased effect just by holding a gemstone, like one that you would get from wearing a gem ring, except she’s just holding it
Emily constantly wears a ring of Yoba
Popular to contrary belief, Harvey doesn’t sleep
And he owns a hot java ring ☕️
Sebastian is secretly just a pile of frogs in an emo trenchcoat
Maru is singlehandedly going to start the robot revolution
So y’know how every bachelor has an unobtainable weapon except Shane and Emily because they were made bachelors later on?
So basically Shane’s weapon is “Shane’s Basket of Eggs” and Emily’s is “Emily’s Parrot Perch”
The farmer is just straight up a cryptid with no concerns for their health 👌
Warp and Rain totems only work because some magical being looked at the gremlin of a farmer and was like “Yeah, we should give that kind of power”
The Wizard accidentally killed the farmer with tree poisoning from the drink he gave them because he forgot mortals were allergic to trees, and then he had to quickly revive them before anyone got suspicious… And that’s why the farmer can see ghosts in the mines and Skull Caverns 👻
The farmer is too powerful. They can kill ghosts??? Also are all the ghosts they encounter just adventurers who died terrible deaths and are now just trapped in the mortal plane destined to die again? Is Grandpa trapped in the mortal plane too?? Can you kill Grandpa??? More at 12- 👉👉
That thing that escaped from the Strange Capsule now works for Joja
The truck driver and orange haired cashier at the local Joja live there and don’t have their own names. They are known as the Cashier and Truck Driver employees. No one remembers their old names because Morris stole them
Morris is currently trying to steal Shane and Sam’s names like he did with the other employees but it’s very tricky to do when they don’t work there 24/7 (yet)
Mayor Lewis takes a tax off of everything you put in the shipping bin without telling you
The old mariner that gives you the Mermaid’s pendant died on a rainy day 🌧
The cloaked figure at the Night Market that sells you a farm warp totem warps to your farm at night and dances around after 2pm whenever they visit the Valley
Harvey is gonna propose soon to the Night Market coffee man probably maybe not…… (with the hot Java ring too-)
Slimes are the polar opposites of Junimos
Whenever a tomato enters the valley, they are immediately declassified from being fruits from the sheer power of Robin’s tomato fruit salad hating carpentry aura 🍅
Why does Mr Qi have his own currency, gems, and fruit? Narcissism 🔵👉👉
The entire Valley and everyone who lives in it is cursed to be stuck in a year long (four month?) time loop where no one can age after reaching a certain point and its been going on for so long that everyone is just very tired, and that’s why they let the community center die out and why Morris moved in
Y’know that squeak sound Junimo’s make when they’re jumping and whatnot? That’s them saying Qi because they’re essentially like pokemon and so…
Theory that Mr Qi is just a blue Junimo who gained a lot of power and prestige, got into gambling, learned English, and grew up/evolved 😊👍
The Calico Desert is named so because it’s dry of cats
The farmer is somewhat immune to radiation
Cucumbers don’t exist in the valley solely to spite pickle makers
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Thank you for the tags today @shrekgogurt, @palimpsessed, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @chen-chen-chen-again-chen, @takitalks, @confused-bi-queer, and @artsyunderstudy ❤️
Slowly, slowly, I'm making progress on ch 4 of More than Friends. Baz chapters ARE SO MUCH LONGER. His mental gymnastics are so long-winded.
Putting the not-quite-six sentences below the cut for mild spice, so I'll tag folks first: @moodandmist, @captain-aralias, @technetiumai, @ivelovedhimthroughworse, @basiltonbutliketheherb, @larkral, @cutestkilla, @bookish-bogwitch, @aristocratic-otter, @facewithoutheart, and @martsonmars.
Baz
I stare at the ceiling and all I see is his blue eyes gone dark, his face flush, his sure hands. Is he like that with everyone? Warm breath on their skin. Solid body pressed over theirs. Cock leaking.
In a sudden, childish outburst, I whine and kick at the sheets as the jealousy and anger and arousal and longing and regret and spite and affection and hatred and fear and confusion become too much to contain. A tantrum in its purest, most disdainful form, one that ends as abruptly as it started.
Thank you to all the people subscribing to this fic 😭 I apologize for how long it takes to update but I hope to make it worth it in the end 💕 And while it is taking a hot minute, I'm having fun playing around with this smutty little writing project.
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