#starship prototype | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leopardcoffee · 1 year

Text

Ashayam, I despise you

Captain Solok/Reader

🫧Warnings: None

🫧Notes: Reader is Female, but is mostly referred to in the 2nd person, possible typos

Captain Solok could say with confidence that he hated deep space nine. The fact that he had to dock the T’Kumbra here for repairs was loathsome. The station was full of humans, including Captain Sisko, with whom he had a personal conviction.

As...displeasing as Sisko’s presence on the station was, there was a human here he despised even more. Years ago, he had challenged her to a wrestling match in an attempt to replicate his findings from his match with Sisko, and she had declined his offer. To this day, her audacity stuck with him, and he was nothing if not determined to prove to his fellow Vulcans that humans had no right to such audacity.

The incessant beeping from his PADD dragged him from his thoughts, and Solok started towards the maintenance bay, he would oversee his ship’s repairs himself. He dodged humans as he walked, determined to keep his distance. Internally, he grimaced. The Vulcan-run station was more than 50 light years away, which meant he was forced to let humans repair his precious ship. It didn’t help that deep space nine was absolutely teeming with them and other species alike. He hadn’t been giving it any attention, but he had seen a klingon and several ferengi as well.

He weaved through DS9’s hall’s, keeping his eyes trained on his PADD. He had pulled up her updated starfleet profile. Y/N L/N, rank: Captain, command: USS Resurgent- prototype model. The fact that she had command of a more advanced starship than him irked him to no end. He had 2 Christopher Pike medals of valor, it should be him in the captain’s chair, not some foolish human. It was only logical that a superior being should command a superior ship, but starfleet command’s decisions were seldom logical.

He reached the maintenance bay, intent on speaking with the chief engineer, or whoever was overseeing his ship’s repairs. Solok handed his PADD to a human in yellow, who took it silently to another officer.

At least some of them are tolerable.

He stuck around for a few more minutes, satisfied his ship was being treated well, and was preparing to leave when he stopped dead in his tracks. She was unmistakable, everyone knew who she was, so naturally he did as well. Solok felt himself tense as she turned to face him. She had been speaking with another engineer about something or other, their laughter would have annoyed him, had he not been Vulcan.

He hadn’t seen her in many years, not since she’d gotten her new command. Her face flashed with surprise, before settling into a smirk. After all these years it still amazed him just how quickly humans changed emotions. She placed her PADD in the hands of some ensign and started towards him. He turned and started walking in the other direction, hoping to get away from her before any confrontation could take place.

“Solok! Long time no see, eh? How have you been?” She called after him, and Solok knew his escape was for nought. Breathing deeply, he turned to face her, she had always tested his composure.

“Captain L/N, it is agreeable to see you. I understand you are in command of the Resurgent, are you not?”

She strolled up to him and leaned obnoxiously on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I am, ‘heard we were up for the same promotion too, pity. She really is impressive, holds steady at warp 9.95.” She grinned innocently up at him, the smugness in her voice made his hands shake.

“Yes, it really is a fine ship, however I am fine with my command on the T’Kumbra at present.” He started walking, to where he wasn’t sure, but she followed.

“Are you though? From what I heard you were ecstatic to be up for a promotion to the Resurgent, or were you just saying that to make me mad?” She trailed after him.

Solok felt a muscle under his eye twitch, because of course she knew that he had wanted that command. He was certain it was his, her arrogance tested his patience.

“I was not ‘ecstatic’, unlike you simple humans, I am not handicapped by such unsightly emotions. Your hubris is not becoming of a starfleet individual, much less a captain. With your frivolity and natural inclination towards the unimportant and meaningless, not to mention how erratic you can be, i’m astonished you were even given command of a starship. Honestly, starfleet command’s decision to promote you was foolish at best, and a fatal mistake at worst. A prototype model with a human in command? A project destined to fail. Not to mention it’s you, starfleet will be lucky if they even get the Resurgent back in one piece. Such a tragic waste of an incredible ship, it had such potential. I could have made Resurgent Starfleet's greatest accomplishment since the NX-01, but alas as you humans say, some things just aren’t meant to be. You’re right, it is a pity such a magnificent ship has to go to waste before you finally get demoted, humans have no place in the captain’s chair.”

He turned to her when she didn’t respond, and found her clenching her fists, eyes trained on the ground.

“Solok,” she said, her voice quiet. When she looked up at him he barely caught himself from doing a double take. If looks could kill, he’d have been disintegrated- he’d struck a cord.

“I know you wanted that promotion, I know you think I don’t deserve it, I know you believe humans are a foolish waste of air, but I never wanted it to be hostile between us.” She paused, he could tell she was shaking. “I was going to ask if you might like to come tour the Resurgent, even accompany us briefly while your ship was under repair, but clearly I bore you to death with my very presence in this system.” She sighed, and unclenched her fists, her whole body going slack.

“Well I won’t take up any more of your morning, clearly you have more important things to do than waste your precious time with me. Good day.” She walked past him without so much as a glance, brushing past him and disappearing around a corner, and left Solok standing by himself.

He straightened himself, trying to ignore the feelings in the pit of his stomach.

It’s nothing, you’re being illogical, control yourself. Her feelings are obsolete.

He started back down the hall, towards his quarters. L/N’s reaction had not been what he expected. Had he not been a Vulcan, he would have felt almost… guilty about what he’d said. They’d verbally sparred many times before, and traded their fair share of insults, but clearly he had gone too far this time, she might even go so far as to report him to starfleet command. He needed to meditate, and maybe have a drink.

Y/N dodged people as she made her way back to her quarters. She has authorized shore leave for her crew and docked the Resurgent for a warp core overhaul and weapons diagnostic. She’d hoped to find Captain Solok here, she’d heard he had docked the T’Kumbra here for repairs and had gotten here as fast as she could.

You had genuinely wanted to take Solok with you out on the Resurgent, you knew how disappointed he’d been when you had gotten the promotion instead of him.Your feet carried you to your door, and you stepped inside. You’d been given captain’s quarters, naturally. You glanced around the spacious room, before choosing the bed to collapse on.

Of course Solok was just as standoffish as he’d always been, what reason did you have to believe he’s changed? You felt your throat close up and your eyes water, you hadn’t wanted it to be like this. You closed your eyes to keep the tears from falling.

You’d known Solok for years, and naturally you’d heard all about his Vulcan supremacy papers. Poor Captain Sisko, you couldn’t imagine how humiliating it must have been to be the primary subject of so many of them.

You sighed, staring up at the ceiling. Solok and you had met when you were both recalled to Earth for some briefing or another- you couldn’t remember. He’d seemed friendly enough for a Vulcan, so you’d thought nothing of his indifferent demeanor. The two of you had spoken a few times over the few days you’d been there, and he’d seemed agreeable enough, not to mention you’d been physically attracted to him. He was everything you desired in a man, intelligent, reasonable, quiet, in him you saw no flaws.

The wonderful illusion had been shattered when a fellow officer had seen you talking with him and pulled you aside, and told you all about his stance on Vulcan supremacy.

You’d gone back to your quarters that night in disbelief. You’d read his papers, disgusted with Solok and with yourself for being so interested in him. He’d challenged you to a wrestling match later that week, and you remembered the paper he’d written on a match he’d had with Sisko. You had declined him, and left shaking. ‘Emotionally handicapped’ he’d called him in his paper. He truly believed Vulcans were superior to every other race, you cringed just thinking about it.

The two of you had had several run-ins since then, and each time you were left shuddering in his wake, your feelings growing harder and harder to ignore. He’d insulted you, disrespected you, belittled your entire species, and yet, you still found yourself returning to your quarters and collapsing into bed, your feelings for him overwhelming.

You flung yourself upwards, done with thinking about him for now, he’d tormented your mind for years, no sense in letting him have any more of your time- you were too good for him. That rotten Vulcan, if he thought his species was so above engaging with simple-minded humans, he had the nerve to bar any from serving on his ship.

Two can play at that game

Solok’s eyes snapped open, he was sick of meditating. It clearly wasn’t helping and he had other things to be doing. L/N had been in his thoughts since their encounter earlier. His… quarrels with her had always left him disoriented, and he supposed it didn’t help that she was aesthetically pleasing to him. In all their past encounters, never had he truly regretted anything he had said. Perhaps he had been too brash with her, after all, humans were known to be fragile.

Solok had known Y/N for years, they’d met shortly after his match with Sisko, and in her he’d seen an opportunity to advance his studies in humans and their frivolous nature. Despite her emotional tendencies, she’d never irked him like the other humans did, not until she had denied his challenge as though she thought herself better than him. He’d spent the better part of a week or so regularly conversing with her during a briefing at starfleet command, and had found her surprisingly agreeable. They’d bumped into each other several times after that on various occasions, and each time she piqued his interest. As disgusted with himself as he was, over the years he’d found himself almost looking forward to their encounters. She tested his patience, his wit, sometimes even his intelligence. After spending months in space, their occasional verbal spar always left him feeling invigorated.

Y/N L/N was intriguing to him to say the least. As much as he’d wanted the Resurgent for himself, he’d rather she have it than any of the other flailing humans up for the promotion. If it had to be given to anyone other than him, she was unfortunately the most logical choice for the post. An experienced captain despite her humanity; Agreeable, for the most part, intelligent, logical even. Good at managing her crew, a brilliant strategist, an excellent negotiator, in his eyes she was the most adequate human the Vulcans had ever come across.

Astute, well-informed, articulate, cooperative… sharp, eloquent,…beautiful...

His thoughts were illogical, his lack of meditation was affecting his thought process, that was it. His opinion on L/N’s physical appearance was of no consequence. He stood up and found his PADD, again pulling up her starfleet profile. He scrolled past all her basic information and found her accomplishments. What he found threatened to break his control. He clenched his fist hard enough to draw blood.

She had two Christopher Pike medals of valor as well. A human was as decorated as he was? And for what? What worth did his medals hold if humans held them too? He felt devalued, like he had been lowered to fit a standard unbecoming of him.

Solok could have smashed is PADD. Among her many accomplishments, including a frankly obnoxious number of awards, titles, and medals, he found that she had graduated from the academy in the 96th percentile and published several papers on everything from human psychology to abstract warp theory. After skimming several, he was unsettled with the conclusion that her intelligence and accomplishments matched his own.

But how? I am in control, with logic I can succeed, emotions are a disadvantage. How can she be an equal to me? Humans are stunted by their emotional nature, it prevents growth, prevents success. And yet, she has me matched in every category, beaten me in promotion and made a name for herself as captain of starfleet’s most powerful prototype. She accomplished all that, despite existing with her emotions. So is it possible that...no, logic is the only path to success.

Solok’s PADD beeped and he was drawn from his thoughts. For the best he assumed, the path they were following was dangerous. He furrowed his brows at what he saw, a transfer notice.

Dear Captain Solok, Since you clearly can’t stand humans, I figured one of my bridge officers couldn’t either, I'm sure he’ll be pleased to be posted aboard your ship. File attached: Ensign T’Lok

Oh she wasn’t serious. Having a problem with him warranted transferring a Vulcan ensign from her ship? She had no right to do so, and he would take it up with her personally.

You strolled onto the bridge of the Resurgent, you had never seen it this empty. Most of the crew was on shore leave, but you had left a small skeleton crew in rotation to oversee repairs. You located ensign T’Lok, still riding on your bitterness from earlier.

“Ensign.”

T’Lok stood up from his station. “Captain, can I assist you with anything?” You could have almost mistaken his tone of voice for surprise. You hadn’t interacted with him individually at all since he’d been posted as your comm officer, it wasn’t any wonder he was curious as to why his captain had gone out of her way to come and see him.

“At ease Ensign, I have some news for you.”

“Captain?”

“You’re being transferred. The T’Kumbra is stationed here for repairs, Captain Solok will be your commanding officer. Since he’s so sure you Vulcans just can’t bear to be around us feeble minded humans, i’m certain he’ll be happy to have you there.” You handed him a PADD with his transfer information. He took it hesitantly.

“But Captain, I didn’t put in for a transfer request, has my work been unsatisfactory?”

“No, your work has been exceptional and frankly I’d like to keep you, but it seems your Vulcan counterparts have other ideas about where you’ll be most useful. Your transfer should be completed by the end of the week, effective immediately.”

“But Captain-” He protested.

“No buts T’Lok, immediately.”

“Yes, Captain, but if I may ask, why?”

“Because I need to prove a point to someone, I’ll get you back from him, don’t worry.”

With that you left, you had no reason to oversee a warp core overhaul, and you couldn’t wait to rub it in Solok’s smarmy face that you’d transferred a Vulcan off your ship.

It doesn’t feel good, but it’s payback for all the humans he had transferred, he deserves it.

With your revenge solidified, you couldn’t help but feel bad for T’Lok. You hadn’t been lying when you said you’d like to keep him, he was a good comm officer with an ear for new languages, but you needed to prove a point.

Solok had been combing DS9 all day looking for you, and was getting a little more than fed up with the results. He couldn’t believe her nerve, transferring the only Vulcan officer on her ship off because he had merely pointed out that it should be a Vulcan in command? She’d never get away with this. But nonetheless, it was late and after his failure of a meditation earlier, he would need extra time to prepare himself for whatever atrocities awaited him tomorrow.

As soon as he got back to his quarters, he swapped his captain’s uniform for a meditation robe and placed his PADD as far away from him as possible, lest she contact him. He lit his meditation candles and sat down, ready to purge his mind of the day’s events.

As much as he attempted to focus, for the second night in a row he failed to quiet his mind, even with the extra hour or so he had for himself. His thoughts were erratic, emotions too close to the surface, he kept replaying the arguments he’d had with Y/N over the past few days, and again he felt that awful feeling curling in his stomach.

Guilt.

He’d never felt guilty about telling off humans before, after all, he’d written several papers on why Sisko was the prime example of humanity’s inferiority, but he had never felt bad about it before. Upon reflection, his displeasure with her transferring the Vulcan off her ship, how unfair it felt for her to single out a crewman who had nothing to do with their feud and punish him, must be how the humans felt when they read his papers, heard his remarks, got his transfer notices. It dawned on him that of course they were upset, he’d automatically assumed from one isolated incident that an entire species was beneath his own.

That’s not very logical, more data would be required to draw that conclusion, and Ms. Y/N certainly does not support that conclusion. I have interacted with her several times, and I have never found her to be irrational. She may be emotional, impulsive, quarrelsome, but evidently she is sound enough to command a starfleet prototype. So naturally, the only logical conclusion is that my initial assessment of humans was...incorrect.

Solok opened his eyes. He was no fool, even Vulcans could be wrong about some things. Humans still puzzled him, but perhaps he should have given them another chance to prove themselves. He supposed they had no reason to do so, a human proposed the idea of the thriving federation his people now belonged to. Even if he didn’t understand them, he had several apologies he believed he owed.

He glanced at the clock, it was far too late to hunt down both Y/N and Sisko, he’d have to deal with it tomorrow, perhaps he could convince Y/N to commute T’Lok’s transfer. Or maybe neither of them would believe him, he was well aware that once trust with a human is broken, action is required to regain that trust. He would find her first thing tomorrow and rectify the situation, but for now he needed sleep.

Solok got up and blew out his meditation candles, feeling his exhaustion with every step he took. He collapsed rather unceremoniously into bed and immediately fell asleep. - He opened his eyes, smiling at who he saw lying next to him. Y/n smiled and brushed his hair from his face. She looked even more radiant than when he had seen her earlier, he hadn't thought that was possible. He reached for her and pulled her into his arms, and she put her arms around him. He pressed his face into her neck and grinned.

“Awww, are you smiling honey?”

“No, certainly not, what gave you that idea?”

She threw her head back and laughed. “I thought Vulcans never lied!”

“We do not.”

“Yes, you do.”

He sighed and pulled her closer. “Ashayam a’ duna, I always tell the truth.” -

Solok shot up in bed, breathing hard. Ashayam a’ duna, one did not say those words lightly. Beloved wife. He had no right to have such thoughts about one of his colleagues, much less a human. And yet, he found himself replaying his dream in his head, over and over. He closed his eyes, he would like for her to be his wife, but that was both impossible and illogical, he was too established as a Vulcan supremacist to take a human for a wife, it would be best for him to go back to sleep.

He acknowledged that thought, and got up anyway.

“Computer, lights 50%”

He looked in his closet for something other than his captain’s uniform or sleepwear. He hadn’t exactly anticipated needing civilian clothing, but he had brought some anyway, a traditional vulcan robe would do for now.

Solok reached for his PADD and found several reports waiting for him, he would find somewhere quiet to sit and work on them, he just needed to be out of his quarters. His mind was unsettled, some quiet work time would rectify that, he figured.

You leaned back in your desk chair, finally finished with your reports for the evening. You rubbed your eyes, it was late, and you were restless. You still felt guilty for what you’d done to T’Lok, and all to prove a point to someone who couldn’t care less about what you thought.

And yet I still try to prove myself to him. He’ll never care what I think, much less care for me the way I care for him.

The clock on your desk chimed, signaling it was two in the morning. With a sigh, you got up from your desk and stretched. The options for things to do at this time of night were slim, anyone on the station with a shred of sense was likely asleep.

You opted to swap your captain's uniform for a pair of pants and a knit sweater, hopefully none of your crewmembers would run into you dressed like this, how unbecoming. But oh well, you guessed it didn’t really matter if you did, and you really needed to stretch your legs, so it was worth the risk. You looked at the book on your desk, Pride and Prejudice, you’d been meaning to finish it, so you took it with you.

You opened the door to your quarters and looked both ways before slipping down the hall, satisfied no one had seen you. Book in hand, you made your way promenade, in search of somewhere quiet to work.

Upon finding a table to sit at, you removed your bookmark and resumed your reading. The words on the pages started to blur together as your mind wandered.

Mr. Darcy was in many ways reminiscent of Solok. A prejudiced man with a frigid exterior and you hoped, a heart of gold buried inside. If Solok was as akin to Mr. Darcy as you imagined he was, then perhaps there was a chance he could find it in himself to move beyond his prejudice and allow you to help him. But alas, Mr. Darcy was the pinnacle of finery, elegance, and class. Solok was someone who deserved only the best, an equal to him in every way, and you were no Elizabeth Bennet.

Solok walked down the promenade, making a short mental note of in what order he would do his reports. He had rounded a corner and was surprised to see Y/N, out of uniform and reading by herself, looking rather forlorn. He stalled momentarily, unsure if his presence would be welcome after what he had said, but decided now was as good a time as any to set things right between them.

He stared at her for a moment longer, almost content to just stand and look at her forever, Her hair brushed past her shoulders and her reading glasses rested on the edge of her face, her skin glowed in the dim light and she looked like how he imagined an Earth angel. She was yet to notice him, as assumed.

With a deep breath, he walked over to her as silently as possible.

“Ms. Y/N.” He said quietly.

She jumped, clearly not expecting anyone else to be around. He observed her cheeks darken when she noticed it was him.

“Solok, sorry, I wasn’t expecting to see anyone. What keeps you up so late.” She gestured to the chair opposite her, any of the sadness or resentment she had expressed earlier seemingly forgotten.

He sat down and placed his PADD on the table.

“I apologize for disturbing you, I had hoped to work on some of my reports, but I'm afraid I won’t be very useful this evening.”

She sighed and bookmarked her page. “Well, I’m not really paying any attention to this anyway. Have you heard of it? Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen, a classic really, it’s a crying shame no one reads anymore.”

Solok raised an eyebrow, he’d heard of this human novel before, but had forgone reading it because it was a human work.

“I have, but I have never found the time to read it before. Would you... mind telling me the premise?”

At this she looked surprised, but happily obliged him.

“Well, it’s about a woman named Elizabeth Bennet, and a man named Mr. Darcy moves into his estate in their town. Mr. Darcy’s friend, Mr. Bingley, takes a liking to Elizabeth’s sister, Jane. He comes around to see her and brings Darcy with him. Elizabeth thinks Darcy is a rich, entitled, prideful snob, and Darcy thinks Elizabeth is a headstrong, emotional, prejudiced peasant.”

She looks up at him, and he signals her to continue. He was surprised, in truth it didn’t sound all that bad, had he read it he might have even enjoyed it.

“Darcy eventually realizes he doesn’t hate Elizabeth, he loves her. She matches his dry wit and his sharp tongue. He tells her so, and she is appalled. She still hates him, and is thoroughly shocked with what he said. Elizabeth’s other sister elopes with another man, and Darcy pays for the wedding despite the fact that he hates the groom, as a discreet act of kindness towards Elizabeth, because even after her rejection he still loves her. Elizabeth begins to question her feelings, and eventually realizes she is in love with him as well. However, her sister married the man he hates, and Elizabeth is now certain that he could never love her. Mr. Bingley proposes to Jane, and Darcy pulls Elizabeth aside and asks her to marry him.”

She pauses and smiles, “I’m not sure if you’ve heard of this, but it’s where the line, ‘Yes! Yes! A Thousand times yes!’ comes from. Anyway, they end up living happily ever after once they learn to put aside their differences.”

She stops and stares at him. Solok can feel his heartbeat and an unfamiliar coiling in the pit of his stomach. The story she had described, perhaps meant little other than an interesting narrative to her, but to him was a wonderful figment of a scenario between them that could never be.

“Y/N, I am aware you have no reason to believe me, but...I apologize for what I said to you yesterday. Upon reflection and seeing your transfer notice for Ensign T’Lok, I've had some time to reflect on my opinions. Perhaps, Humans and Vulcans aren’t as different as I once thought them to be. Clearly, there are ways to exist in tandem with emotions, and maybe I am just unable to fully comprehend it yet.” He looked to her, unsure if what he had intended had come out correctly.

She looked astonished with what he had said, almost as if she was unable to process that what was happening was real. He noticed tears well up in the corners of her eyes, and felt an uncharacteristic spark of panic, humans cried when they were in pain.

“Ms. Y/N, are you alright, should I contact Dr. Bashir?” He stood and made his over to her and reached for her arm. She grasped at his arm and pulled herself up to face him.

“That’s all i’ve ever wanted to hear from you.” She said quietly. She took his hand.

Solok felt his heartbeat increase, surely she knew what a touch of hands meant to him? If she continued like this his feelings might be exposed, and he’d never live it down. Everyone would know; the famed anti-Human Vulcan, in love with a human? Blasphemous. He’d keep his job in starfleet, but he’d never be able to show his face of Vulcan again. Not to mention what Y/N might think, he had just begun to mend things with her, if she found out…

No, he could never tell her. After all, what reason did he have to believe she’d ever return his feelings. She’d just forgiven, he couldn’t risk it. But oh, he did want to tell her, so badly. He wanted to tell her he thought about her every waking moment, dreamt of her when he slept, longed for her with all his heart.

Y/N was brilliant, compassionet, a great captain, better than he could ever be. She was perfection personified, what had he done to deserve her forgiveness?

She placed her hand on his face.

“I knew you had a golden heart buried in there somewhere.”

“I confess, my emotions have always been close to the surface.”

She smiled. “Well, you’ve fooled me, so you must be pretty good at getting people to think otherwise.”

“...Thank you, mastery of one’s emotions, no matter how close to the surface they might be, is seen as a sign of strength in Vulcan culture.”

“Wait, you’re telling me Vulcans have feelings? Correct me if i’m wrong, but you’re all so secretive that the general consensus is that you just don’t have any feelings.”

“No, that isn’t true. The teachings of Surak help us repress our emotions, not eliminate them. You may have heard of kolinahr however, which is the elimination of feeling, but most choose not to undergo that ritual.”

“Oh, I guess I never asked and just assumed you had no feelings, I'm sorry if i’ve ever hurt yours.” She moved to drop her hand from his cheek, but he caught her wrist.

“I believe it is I who should be apologizing.”

She blushed. ‘But, you already apologized earlier, what else do you have to apologize for?”

He paused, and remembered a human expression. ‘It’s now or never.’

“I-i, when we met, I found you to be rather tolerable for a human. I thought your incessant need to converse with me could perhaps be the subject of my next paper on human psychology. I instead decided to use you in an experiment to replicate my findings from my match with commander Sisko. Needless to say, when you declined me, I was struck by your audacity. I left that day with the conclusion that you were surely to be a worthy adversary for me. As the years passed, I began to find our occasional verbal sparring matches to be gratifying,our quarrels something I awaited, an excellent and unpredictable test for myself. In that time I developed a...fondness for your company, but I was already too committed to my stance on Humans to admit that to you. When you got command of the Resurgent, I was comforted by the fact that the ship would be in your capable hands, a ship near perfection deserves a captain just the same. Upon my arrival to the station, I was both pleased and abhorred to find you here. My feelings of admiration have become...less than acceptable in a professional setting.”

Solok removed her wrist from his face and stepped back from her. He didn’t need to tell her outright, she must be disgusted with him. He turned away from her, he was ashamed of himself for letting his feelings become so, unprofessional.

“I understand that you are reasonably upset with me, after all, I have done nothing but discriminate against your species since the moment we met. You have no reason to be accommodating of my feelings, a blunt rejection will be a suitable ground on which I can begin eliminating them. Let us have a strictly professional relationship, if that is what you want of course.”

“Wait, Solok. Stop, just stop for a second. Are you saying what I think you’re saying, what I...hope you’re saying?”

He paused for a minute, if he didn’t say it now, he knew he never would.

“I am saying that I love you.”

What on earth were you supposed to say to that? Solok, Solok, loved you. There must be something in the water here, there was no way. And yet, here he was, dressed down and confessing his feelings to you at 2 in the morning on some nowhere space station you both just happened to be on at the same time.

“I can’t believe it.”

“You are disappointed?”

“No, no! Of course I'm not, I'm just surprised, that’s all.”

The two of you lapsed into silence as you frantically tried to process what had just happened.

“May I...assume my feelings are unrequited?”

Why had he said that, why had he done that? He’d ruined himself, and likely her too. It had been foolish of him, a decision made on a whim that would derail his entire life. How could he ever face her again? What would his colleagues think? His fellow Vulcans? Starfleet command? A few simple words, spoken without thinking, was all it had taken to ruin everything.

He took her silence as the answer to his question, and turned to walk back to his quarters. There was no sense in bothering her any further, better to leave her be and meditate on what might have been. The ground blurred beneath his feet as he rounded a corner. He stopped when he felt something hit his hand, a single tear.

Solok allowed himself a single moment of weakness, and leaned heavily against the wall. He had heard many stories Humans had told about heartbreak, but he had never imagined it would be as unbearable as they said it was. This was agonizing.

He placed a hand over his mouth to muffle his sobs. He watched everything blur around him as more tears joined the first one. He couldn’t believe himself, this was so pathetic, what kind of Vulcan was he? Crying in empty hallways over lost love is not something esteemed starfleet captains did.

What had ever made him think that he had the right to judge humans for their emotions when he couldn’t even control his own? Humans lived in harmony with their emotions, and here he was completely losing his grasp on his own over nothing.

But it’s not nothing, she means so much to me. Why is it so wrong to admit we have feelings too?

Solok was so deep in his own head he almost didn’t hear her come up behind him. Y/N placed her hand on his back and he jumped. He was so embarrassed to be caught crying, and by the woman he loved, no less.

She was out of breath, like she’d run a great distance to get to him. She noticed his tears and her face became serious.

“Solok, are you alright, are you hurt? Did something happen?”

He sniffed and a tear rolled down his cheek, he almost could have laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“No, I am unharmed. Forgive me, this is humiliating.” He felt his eyes begin to sting with new tears. How un-vulcan.

“Need a minute? I get it, take your time.” She turned away from him and Solok took a breath and began to collect himself. Once he was sure the tears were contained for the time being, he turned to her.

She was pressed up against the window, eyes wide with wonder as she gazed up at the stars. She noticed him staring and beckoned him over.

“Look.”

“I am looking, however I am unsure of what for.”

“The stars.” She answered matter-of-factly, as if he had been slow to catch on to something obvious.

Solok raised an eyebrow. “What about them?”

She sighed dreamily. “Look at them, aren’t they beautiful? Sometimes I almost regret not becoming a full time scientist.” Y/N turned her head and stepped closer to him.

Solok shifted on his feet, all the memories of what had happened moments ago rushing back to him. He felt her hand on his face, she was looking at him with that piercing gaze of hers. She could have spoken, and he could have too, but there was nothing left to be said on either of their parts. She leaned in closer to him, their faces barely parted. He felt his eyelids flutter closed as he leaned in to kiss her. Her lips were just as soft as he imagined they would, he’d dreamt of this moment. Her fingers trailed down his arm before reaching his hand and connecting their fingers in the Ohz'esta.

After a long moment she slowly pulled away and looked up at him.

“I love you.”

He allowed himself a slow smile. “Ashau nash-veh tu.”

She pressed her forehead against his and hummed. “I hope you said you love me too.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist. “Naturally, Ashayam.”

“And what does that mean?”

“It means beloved, unless you would rather have me call you ashayam a’ duna?”

“Which is?”

He rested his chin on the top of her head. “Beloved wife." He felt her arms wrap around him and her chin rest on his shoulder.

“I’d like that.”

- fin

#captain solok #solok #Solok/reader #star trek ds9 #star trek #st ds9 #Deep Space 9 #Star Trek Deep Space 9

35 notes · View notes