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prettycottagequeer · 1 month

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ok maybe I'm a little late to this BUT I'm gonna do a to-do list motivation thingy because I've had the worst two weeks since I started college :)

SO these I should start on asap:

50 I make the snack I really want but I haven't had the motivation to make

100 I clean my dorm. another thing I've been meaning to do for a week

150 I do the presentation about mid-victorian fashion I've been putting off (due Monday)

200 I start memorizing the monologue that was due a week ago (now due Tuesday)

these can wait longer:

300 I spend time outside. It's so nice but I'm getting stuck scrolling because I feel like shit. vicious cycle ect

500 I start setting a better weekend routine (aka getting up before noon)

1k I start working out again. I was doing a routine to get more masc and build muscle and I liked it but life hit me like Crowley driving the Bentley and I've missed like 3 weeks

2k I buy my first binder. I've been coping with sports bras for almost a year now and I haven't been able to justify spending $50+ on a binder even though I know I'd love it and use it everyday.

Do I tag people? I don't know but I'm going to. @the-globe-theatre-maggot @weirdly-specific-but-ok @howmanyholesinswisscheese

here's just some context if you want to read, feel free to skip. some of this I've talked about in the maggot server, some I haven't, but I really just need a place for this to go that's out of my head. tw homophobia, transphobia, car crash(??)

How I Have Been Run Over By The Bentley Going 90 In Central London What Feels Like 50 Times In The Last Two Weeks

I'm going to college about 4 hours away from my parents, and it's been really nice. They.. suck, to say the least. transphobic/homophobic ect, super traditional conservative catholic, racist, all of it. so i tried to move somewhere where I wouldn't have to think about them and I could be myself and do what I can to be happy. March 1st was the start of my spring break, which meant going home because the dorms close. I was already not excited, but I was prepared. the problem with being away from home is I forget just how bad they are. My optimism gets the better of me and I think maybe this time they'll be better. so I decided to not hide my septum piercing.

that was a mistake. it starts a whole fight where they say we know you're trans, you're actually a girl and you always will be, we have the bones argument, they think I'm being influenced by demons or something (if only they knew about crowley) because I want to change my name, and they tell me that going on t will completely ruin my body and give me cancer and other things. They're also mad about my dyed hair, septum, and general style, and say I'm setting a terrible example for my (5) younger siblings and make it a point to tell me just how much of a disappointment I am. I think I'm pretty cute and fun but y'know, whatever. very fun time. I lie so much, don't give them any more details about my identity, and say I'm not planning to go on t to save my ass. which is all on instinct which makes me feel worse because if I'm really trans I should be able to stand up for that, right? maybe I'm faking the dysphoria.

the next morning I wake up really sick, and spend the rest of the week sick and feeling like shit because I'm home and back in the same place and situation I was a year ago that I thought I escaped. at one point I pretty much lose my voice but also kind of get gender euphoria from it. it's weird.

On Friday it's time for me to drive back 4 hours to school, and I make it about 3/4 of the way when google maps takes me on a random gravel road and I crash my car, really crash my car, like sideways-in-a-ditch-windows-broken-crawling-up-out-the-door crash it in the middle of nowhere. (I was fully paying attention to the road, it was raining and super slick) I call my parents because I have no one else to call and I sit in a Subway for 3 hours while they drive to get my car. when they get there they're (understandably) really mad, and they tell me that I'm not mature enough to be going to school so far away and I need to get my shit together and stop depending on them. which. is probably true. but made me feel even more stupid about the fact that I crashed my car. I get back to school and I'm still Very Sick with no energy or motivation to do anything. So I've spent the last week trying to get better and honestly to do anything. it hasn't really worked. I'm a lot better health-wise (Not emotionally), still sick but I have a lot of work due, so I really need a push to get started

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omegalomania · 2 years

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Wait why does everyone hate brendon urie again?

i was tempted to just say "google it" but honestly panic's pr team is working doubletime to sanitize this bastard so here's a quick primer for those who are out of the loop.

this got long so i’m putting it under a cut. as a warning, this is going to have discussions and screenshots of people saying and doing extremely morally reprehensible shit, including racist, homophobic, and transphobic language, sexual harassment of minors, and more. tread with caution.

i'm also going to top this off with the caveat that brendon has a history of saying generally stupid and casually shitty things that a lot of people have noticed and called attention to, but these were largely unremarkable in the sense that they were the sort of things that i was not surprised to hear a privileged cis dude say. so while that's definitely a factor - the guy has said very shitty, openly racist, gross things, etc., numerous times and on numerous platforms and i do not want to overlook that - i also don't want to pretend like that’s the only thing going on here because there is a lot of other heinous shit at work.

i’m also not going to go into the intricacies of song meanings or lyrics and the like aside from a couple touchstone examples. it’s pretty public knowledge by now that i don’t know how but they found me (henceforth referred to as idkhow, fronted by dallon weekes, who worked/toured with panic for a good eight years as its bassist) has quite a few numbers that take implicit and explicit aim at panic, most prominently the video for their single “do it all the time,” which featured dallon setting fire to all the suits he used to wear on tour with the band. it’s an open secret that dallon was not treated very well during his time with panic, but we’ll get to that. the point here is that i don’t want to focus on conjecture of speculation when we have a wealth of very hard evidence at our disposal.

so let’s get into it.

the real Poop started up late 2019 iirc, when numerous panic fans started passing around stories about zack hall, panic's bodyguard and security guy who had been with the band since the fever era. as the only person who had actually been with the band as long as brendon himself, zack had a fair amount of sway with the fans and was notably very very close with brendon. as more and more people spoke up, it became apparent that zack had done a whole lot of things that i would term as "incredibly fucked up" over the years with people being generally afraid to say anything. it’s been pointed out to me that these accusations only picked up traction around that time; fans have been raising flags about zack’s behavior for years without any reaction from panic’s management.

around this time, discussion began circulating that brendon himself had sexually harassed/assaulted multiple fans (many of them minors at the time). some of these accusations, such as his attempt to solicit nudes from fans, have proven to be way muddier to and harder to confirm, seeing as brendon was allegedly not in charge of his socials for some of this time and one of the people using his handles to solicit fans for nudes was reportedly a former stalker of his, chelsey lynn.

i think it is worth noting that brendon has brought up his history with “stage gay” with founding member, guitarist, composer, and lyricist ryan ross and mentioned that brendon’s attempts to get handsy on stage were not always taken kindly (emphasis mine):

For our first headline tour I would go up to Ryan our guitar player, and like kiss him on the neck or kiss him on the mouth and he would be so mad. I was like, I just want to kiss you bro.

(that’s also the interview where brendon tried to both-sides the issue of roseanne being a hideous fucking racist. so, fun stuff.)

in any case, it took brendon four months to respond to any of the accusations leveled at him and zack. he ended up doing so by filming a two-minute apology on his twitch account (which was locked to subscribers only, meaning it was essentially monetized) [twitter thread summary for those who can't stomach it], only to say that he was just too anxious to say anything and that while zack had been removed from his position, he and brendon would remain close friends. he did not respond to any of the allegations against himself, and proceeded to basically go completely radio silent on all social media until reemerging in 2022 to promote viva las vengeance.

(contrast to this to how speedily he fired touring guitarist kenny harris in 2018 when multiple allegations arose that he was soliciting underage girls. he was removed from the tour in less than twenty-four hours. while the expediency of this was praised at the time, it retroactively raises a lot of questions as to how much brendon and/or zack knew about this behavior beforehand and were simply waiting for a good PR call to do something about it.)

brendon seeing no issues with zack’s behavior and only doing something about it when backed into a corner is very much not a good look, and is suggestive of the possibility that he’s complicit in or at the very least tolerant of this kind of fuckery.

but wait. theres more.

beyond the genuine fucked up behavior, brendon also has a history of severely mistreating his bandmates. we could get into the politics of the infamous schism that split founding member ryan ross (along with bassist jon walker) from brendon and the band’s drummer, spencer smith, but that is its own bag of worms and this post is long enough already. that drama is very well-covered. however, i think it’s worth noting that out of every single member of the band that has come through it, both creative contributor and touring member, the only former member to depart the band amiably was spencer, who took his leave because of struggles with alcoholism. he’s the only one who remains on good terms with brendon to this day, but he’s also technically brendon’s boss at this point since he helps manage the label dcd2, of which panic at the disco is a part.

most apparent and well-documented of brendon’s spotty history with his own bandmates is his treatment of dallon weekes and his wife, breezy weekes, while the former was writing and touring with the band. in that little zack hall clusterfuck above you can see places where breezy talked about being repeatedly harassed but electing to keep quiet so that dallon wouldn't risk losing his job. reportedly they both went to panic's management to put a stop to it, but the bad behavior continued, with both zack hall and brendon’s wife, sarah urie, as propagators. there was public outcry as people insisted that dallon and breezy were making this up for attention. however, eventually former touring guitarist (from 2009-2012) ian crawford (along with his sister), both spoke up to corroborate that zack's behavior (and brendon's enabling of it) were very much recurring issues and were part of the reason that ian left panic in the first place. ian's twitter is no longer active, so all i have are screenshots on tumblr for this one.

dallon has not spoken of his time spent with panic with much fondness. he replaced bassist jon walker in 2009 and contributed creatively on both vices and virtues (2011) and too weird to live, too rare to die (2013). for the former, he was responsible for the concept and album art. for the latter, he got writing credit for all but two of the tracks (casual affair and end of all things), and you can even find an early version of "far too young to die" that was originally penned for one of dallon's earlier projects, the brobecks. the controversial track "girls/girls/boys" (as well as “all the boys”) from too weird was written for dallon's wife, breezy, as a celebration for her pansexuality. the finished product would end up being about an alleged threesome brendon had.

in 2015 dallon stated that he would no longer be involved in panic’s writing process but would continue to serve as touring bassist before departing officially in 2017 and focusing all his efforts on the aforementioned idkhow along with former falling in reverse drummer (and former fellow brobecks bandmate) ryan seaman. while dallon has remained relatively cagey about his time with panic (as is entirely within his rights), he has on occasion commented that he often felt bullied and belittled in the workplace, and once referred to zack hall as "the actual worst person [he had] ever met."

breezy has been more frank about what dallon had to deal with during his time with the band and over time, dallon has been more up front about this as well. turns out dallon was underpaid to the point where he had to take up a second job cleaning carpets while touring with panic, and working side jobs and donating plasma for gas money between tours. this continued well into 2010 and possibly for longer. the ratio was reportedly something like $400 a night compared to brendon's $15k paycheck, so take that as you will.

that's most of what i can remember. i tried to sauce everything i could but please let me know if i missed anything. i also tried to embed the images but doing so kept breaking the damn post cause this is a webbed site so you only get links SORRY

tldr brendon urie is self-absorbed prick who hoards credit, mistreats his musicians, shelters predators, and may very well be a predator himself. fuck him.

also, while i definitely don't want to downplay the severity of just how horrendous a lot of this shit is, in the interests of not wrapping this on a totally down note i do want to mention that people were writing brendon and panic out of the "emo trinity" legacy as early as mid-2019 because everyone hated pray for the wicked that fucking much. after having to endure the musical travesty that is high hopes innumerable times during every single 20-minute grocery store run i was ready to chalk up my dislike of him to sheer annoyance so you can imagine my surprise when i learned that not only was this annoyance justified i wasn't actually hating him nearly enough.

#panic at the disco #brendon urie #yeah whatever ill maintag this just in case people arent aware #also yes you can reblog this as a general rule i never put something on this blog im not ok w people reblogging #have fun go wild whatever but people looking to pick a fight WILL be blocked #i was watching a lot of this going down in real time but there arent a lot of useful consolidations of all this information #and i'd like to stress that this is a fraction of a fraction of whats out there #theres also a lot of discussion on tiktok reportedly?? idk i dont have a tiktok and never will #if anyone feels like adding anything feel free but do please source it #i have had to fight off TOO many intrepid discoursers with a pointy stick to deal with unsauced claims currently #askin hours #anon #SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG also i have been drinking quite a bit at this point hopefully this is all coherent lol

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chaifootsteps · 4 months

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Hey I saw someone on Twitter saying you’re transphobic because it said in your Twitter bio “IDW Arcee is still a guy” even though the character is canonically trans. What’s your take on that? I’m not attacking you or anything I just genuinely want to know the context of all that.

Oh boy. Strap yourselves in kids; time for Chai's villain origin story.

So basically, IDW Arcee made his debut under the pen of Simon Furman, the dude who created Arcee in the first place. Simon Furman has a small massive chip on his shoulder over the notion of girl robots, but we're going to be talking in mostly Watsonian terms for now. IDW Arcee as he comes on the scene in Spotlight Arcee is the victim of a nonconsensual forced sex reassignment, we see right off the bat that this destroyed his life.

He's wracked with trauma and dysphoria over this, on a do-or-die quest to take out the mad scientist who did it (he succeeds and tortures said scientist for seven years straight), and is implied to suffer chronic pain.

This got a lot of criticism, but Simon Furman insisted it wasn't meant to be transphobic, just the opposite. When someone pointed out that this was a story about how traumatic it was to be assigned a gender you didn't feel was the one you should have, Furman agreed with this take.

Eventually Furman was shooed out and John Barber was brought in as writer, and nobody seemed to know how to deal with Arcee's backstory. So they just kind of...didn't. They wrote around it for eight whole years, never really acknowledging it, but frequently alluding to how traumatized he was from it. The only person to ever roll up their sleeves and tackle it head on was Mairghread Scott, the only person IMO to ever do justice to IDW Arcee.

By the way, this panel made me weep. This issue also includes a fleeting, but notable moment where someone refers to Arcee with they/them pronouns, and at the time, I was extremely excited for this.

Shortly after this however, the comic came to an end and John Barber decided -- in the very last issue -- to bring in an expert. And by this, I mean he found some trans lady on Twitter and let her write Arcee. The last issue has Arcee concluding that the whole sex change was consensual and the violent murder spree was the result of, I quote, "bad meds."

Yeah, basically Arcee killed all those people because the Spiro was a little off.

I got into a lot of internet fights with people over this back in the day, criticizing it for being worse than what we started with, but also frequently pointing out that it wasn't Twitter lady's fault, as she wasn't the editor-in-chief at IDW and that there's a very good reason professional writers aren't supposed to do this sort of thing. In return, I got accused of hating trans women and still get some real ugly things in the inbox about it to this day. It was the first taste, bitter as wormwood, of what I as a trans man could expect from my own community.

Regardless of all that, Arcee is probably the most important fictional character to ever enter my life. He helped me realize I was trans, got me through some dark days, got me through heartbreak and top surgery. He saved my life a few times, and every so often he continues to. I owe so much to him.

If writing a very gentle fix-it fic where Arcee has a long talk with Anode (one of the trans lesbian bots from the vastly superior sister series James Roberts wrote) makes me a transphobe in these peoples' eyes, so be it. I don't care what they think. They never reached out to baby trans Chai and held his hand and kept him breathing.

Arcee did.

#Anonymous #Arcee #Transformers #IDW Arcee #transandrophobia #actual blog post

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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AITA for laughing at my conservative uncle?

This is an incident that made half of my family go no/low contact with each other, and some still think I was an asshole for it (I think I wasn't), but I wanna get tumblr's perspective. I was 24(F) when this happened, my uncle was 58.

Thanksgiving 2021 my family wanted a big weekend long get together after not being able to do Thanksgiving in 2020 due to lockdowns. Family members took time off work and drove in from out of state so we could all hang out from Thursday to Sunday.

We all have that one uncle who spends every family event saying the most out there racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic/whatever shit, and mine I feel is worse than most. He has some truly shitty takes like "It should be legal to hunt the homeless for sport", and "If a woman doesn't wanna get raped she should get married at like 16 and never go anywhere without her husband," and "If I ever saw a man pretending to be a woman I would kill him with my bare hands, and most of this nation would agree with me". Truly a piece of shit. Meanwhile my family knows I am extremely progressive, so they do their best to keep me and my uncle separate during family events or else it could (and has in the past) lead to shouting matches.

But here's the thing: I would happily avoid him and not talk to him during get togethers, but he loves arguing. He seeks me out. He'll follow me to the bathroom and bring up transphobic things happening in the news. He'll get up from the dinner table to walk over to me and shove an news article about Trump in my face. If he sees me enter the room he'll start talking LOUDLY about his political opinions. He WANTS to argue with me, and the family considers it my duty to ignore him and calls me an asshole when I engage, because that's just giving him what he wants. But he somehow never gets called out for hounding me, because "that's just how he is".

So it's Thanksgiving 2021. And maybe it's because of the therapy, or maybe it's just because I'm getting tired of avoiding him, or maybe it's the lockdowns that eroded my social graces, but I see him spot me from across the room and get that "ohhh I'm gonna make her sooooo mad" little glint in his eye and start to make his way over, and I don't find it infuriating anymore. I find it deeply funny that this divorced, no job, no bitches, deadbeat dad, that everyone secretly hates, has decided the only way he can get a drop of serotonin in his sad miserable life that HE ruined all by himself, is to turn to reactionary politics in a desperate attempt to get a rise out of his niece.

He starts in on the regular vile transphobic shit (I don't need to repeat it we've heard it all before, imagine the worst anti-trans rhetoric you've ever heard and yup. That's what he was saying) and I don't try to counter his points like I usually do. I just laugh. He keeps going, looking more and more puzzled, and I keep laughing.

He thinks I didn't hear him right. No no, I heard it all, and it was funny. He decides I must be too triggered to speak. No I promise, I'm having the time of my life. He guesses I'm not as smart as I think I am then, if I can't come up with a good counterpoint. Oh I'm plenty smart, and you're plenty hilarious.

Long story short he gets madder and madder that I won't engage until he's red faced and yelling. Family members are trying to calm him down and telling me to stop. I don't. I'm not mad that they're again blaming me for the interaction when I was just standing there and HE came up to ME, it's just really funny at that point. Really funny that the entire family walks on eggshells to protect his precious feelings when they could just laugh in his face like I am. My uncle punches a hole in my grandmother's wall and storms off cussing. The mood of the entire Thanksgiving weekend is ruined, and even my most left leaning family members think I'm an asshole because I KNOW how he is and I should have just walked away.

Should I have just walked away to save everyone's Thanksgiving weekend?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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rott1ngbra1n · 4 days

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First off! I wanna go ahead and drop some fun art stuff I’ve been doing as I’ve been watching Dragons Rising season 2, which I’ve been loving!

I did a version of Arin before but it wasn’t my favorite so a redo! More AlleyCat stuff and obligatory Cole, because I love him.

I do have more Ninjago Art I want to do (Still need to finish that Cole and Morro friend piece-) and I have some other fandom art I also want to do, but I’ll explain more under the cut as well as why I’ve been gone or a bit less active everywhere. This is optional you do not have to read under the cut!

TW// Transphobia

For those unaware I am a trans man, I go by a different name: both online and IRL (online for privacy’s sake), I also work as a barista due to being a college student and needing to save money for moving away from my own transphobic parents. That’s a whole other story. But at work there was a coworker of mine who was consistently transphobic towards me whenever we worked together. It had been going on since June of last year (The irony of it starting during pride month made me and my friends laugh) but it escalated after I returned from New York, so much so I had to go to management.

Myself. Management had been informed by my best friend (who also works with me) about it and was told it was “gossip”. Ok. Sure- So I informed management of the new incidents and was told I had options, the first being to have a meeting with me, the transphobe, and my manager to discuss the issues. I said no so my manager went to the DM to find another solution. To give even more context, the transphobe couldn’t even be transphobic to my face most times it was always told behind my back to my best friend.

That’s how I knew my manager talked to the transphobe one on one, cause the transphobe right after the meeting went to said best friend. Telling her “not to tell me as she didn’t want to start drama” Cool, I feel so cool. I was very mad, went back to my manager with it, had that meeting with myself, the transphobe, and manager. Where my emotions were downplayed and the transphobe said she had “never interacted with a trans person before and didn’t know what she said was wrong.” OK.

SURE.

After that we assumed it was over, my manager made an incident report, but it didn’t stop the transphobe still kept talking behind my back to others. Despite me talking respectfully of her. More context all the talking behind my back happened at work while on the clock. After a while I just went about my day, then Ethics and Compliance called. They spoke to everyone involved, including me and I relayed more about my testimony. They said they would be investigating and I assumed it would take a while, then finally. I was informed that the transphobe was in fact fired.

This whole situation, along with other personal stuff going on with me, caused so much stress. To the point I tended to fallback into habits I had thought I fixed, mainly regarding my physical health. Even at points hating myself for just existing and having been born wrong.

I’m thankfully doing so much better now and have recently gotten diagnosed with Autism, something I knew I had but didn’t fully understand for a while. I’ve been getting better existing in a world knowing the people that are my blood hate me, knowing that eventually, I will never be able to be loved by my parents or sister. I have friends and coworkers who support me and I want to support other people in this community.

With that said I’m back to making more art! I’m building a portfolio for animation and to intern next year, I also will be trying to post more animations to here when I finish them! I also will still be active in the Ninjago fandom, I’ve loved this show since it came out in 2011 y’all can pry it from my cold dead hands-

But I do want to make more original work, I want to do more Star Wars work, QSMP art and animations, and more Musical Theater art whether it be Broadway or Indie productions. I hope people enjoy what I make, especially some of my original characters as I’ve gotten to work on Cybernetic more thanks to my animation class. You’ll see more of it as we go!

Thank you if you’ve read this and thank you for supporting me!

#art #my art #digital art #fanart #lego ninjago #lego ninjago fanart #lego ninjago lloyd #lego ninjago morro #ninjago #lego ninjago cole #ninjago fanart #ninjago cole #ninjago lloyd #ninjago dragons rising #ninjago dragons rising fanart #dragons rising #ninjago arin #life update

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ztarduzted · 17 days

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So like the Illymation drama????

vile take I support illy like fully I don’t get the people who don’t rn

So like ok ok don’t get me wrong, illy isn’t like perfect 100% by any means but who is??? That one carrot and chocolate thing she said in her video could have been worded better but cmon, it’s really not that big of a deal, for the most part you out understand what she was saying. The video that TBYS posted wasn’t “criticism” the way that people are trying to say it was. People are trying to play it off as just a normal constructive criticism video, but if your “constructive criticism” includes like two whole minutes of making fun of someone’s appearance for no reason, I’m concerned. Illy’s response was a bit immature, but I understand where she’s coming from. She said not to send hate and to just take down that one video, not his whole platform, because it was damaging her reputation and mental health because TBYS never even tried to make a statement telling people not to harass illy and she got sent hate for it. People are blowing it way out of proportion saying she was trying to “deplatform him” when she just wanted one video taken down because it was causing her to be deplatformed, and she never even talked about it to her actual YouTube audience, just the small community on tumblr, then TBYS made two more hate filled videos and people just kept dog piling on her. If your gonna get mad at someone for “deplatforming” a known homophobe and transphobe, maybe practice what you preach. And alongside that, I know that some sources were shown in TBYS’s original videos, but there were no links in the descriptions, and absolutely nothing in any of the response videos I’ve seen. There was one video I saw just speculating that all of her doctors were dumb and lied to her, and TBYS also said that most doctors that specialize and make money from being good at nutrition were just wrong. Also, that one response video I mentioned tried to claim gym bros were better at health than licensed professionals???????? It just feels like this is all a massive, overblown hate campaign to a creator because of mistakes. There’s a difference between constructive criticism and just making fun of someone, and while some things that TBYS said were understandable, he made a point to straight up make fun of illy in the middle of his video, not even attempt to stop his fans from harassing illy, then when she replied (and barley received any backlash mind you), he blew up making more videos sending more and more hate and trying to ruin illy’s career. I know illy could have clarified that one point in her video and acted more maturely about the situation, but people are entirely overlooking the fact that TBYS was no where near “perfect” in this situation. (Also, final note, yes, you can absolutely be fat and healthy, saying otherwise is just wrong and makes no sense. Do your research before making half hour long videos making fun of someone)

I assume this drama will just die eventually and people will move on, but either way, I’m going to continue watching and supporting Illy no matter what. She’s a fantastic content creator, and when that video first came out (and there wasn’t some dude bro on the internet telling me it was bad) I absolutely loved at and had a great time watching it. It made me feel really good about myself (since I’ve been exercising daily and been working on myself a lot, but I’ve seen little to no weight loss despite eating healthy and going on a calorie deficit and working hard. It turns out I have something up with my thyroid, and along with that, part of it is just genetics.) I’d started feeling really bad and was trying to eat the bare minimum and it was making it harder to work out and I was feeling sick all the time. One day I was staying home because I felt sick, and I watched illy’s video. It’s not like one video is going to fix my relationship with food, but it has helped. I’m still not losing weight, but I’m getting stronger, feeling better, and eating healthier. Despite all this drama, illy’s videos have helped me feel more comfortable being myself and I will continue supporting her. And Illy, if you’re (somehow) seeing this, just know that there are some people that want to see you fail, but there are so so many more people that love you and your content.

#illymation #drama #youtube drama #rant #tw fatphobia

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pezpenser205 · 18 days

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ngl i feel like ever since i came out as a trans dude irl everyone around me has gone further out of their way to infantilize me or just stopped trying to hide that they do. i was already an awkward autistic girl so i was used to this already, but it is So Much Worse Now. its gotten better online specifically since i got on T but irl its the exact same. its as if in their mind emasculating me or putting me down is putting me in my "rightful place" or valiantly contradicting my "delusion" in some way. its like people feel obligated to "humor me" or something like you would a kid saying theyre an animal while playing pretend. or they just stopped trying to hide that they were doing these things in the first place. people still dismiss my ideas and my voice and cut me off and talk over me like they would before when i identified as a woman but dont feel the need to hide that its misogynistically driven anymore because its somehow okay now because i dont identify as a woman so they can just be as blatantly awful as they want without it being a problem. and obviously me getting mad at people who are doing this is just cute or funny to the people who do it and always has been. my emotions are a joke to the people who provoke them. and my family wonders why i dont have any irl friends anymore when at the start of my transition when i was finally gaining confidence in myself and talking to people first both online and irl i was persistently subliminally told to shut the fuck up unless i wanted to be laughed at even when i was just trying to make friends and make friendly conversation.

its disgusting and dehumanizing and ive even had other trans people do it and im tired. like yeah i dont think women should be talked over and infantilized either obviously but people dont even try to hide when theyre doing it to trans dudes like they do for cis women. they do the same thing they did before i transitioned but shamelessly and nobody cares. they would literally just come out and make fun of my voice when i was sad or upset and say i sounded like a 9 year old when they Never Did That for anyone else.

just as an example, the one experience i had where i came into a support discord just wanting to talk and make friends after a suicide attempt when i was around 15 or 16 and immediately got made fun of and harassed and had my problems dismissed and had my buttons pushed and pushed until i cursed at them and got banned was traumatizing just on its own and just because i sound different now because of hormones and dont get that shit from people online anymore doesnt mean those few years pre T didnt wreck any solid confidence i had in speaking to other people completely. i still have to hype myself up before talking to people or joining vcs.

if a guy youre talking to has a "childish" voice and your first instinct is to make fun of him or take him less seriously youre transphobic and a bit of an asshole and you need to reflect on why you do this and how many people youve potentially indirectly told by doing this that their voice and their input is a joke and doesnt deserve to be listened to. Please. not because you should feel bad but because nobody else around you deserves to.

#op

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weabooweedwitch · 6 months

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Most women your age are getting married and starting their families and you've never even had a bf 🤡 it's so over for you better get used to coping with ur crippling loneliness with maladaptive daydreaming, yandere asmr videos, drugs and self-insert fanfic because that's all you'll ever have now. Your youth is gone and you're still fat af even after you lost weight (probably gained it all back by now lmao). You could have made something of urself whem you were 20 by losing weight and going to college but instead you laid around and wasted all of your youth and now it's too late. No man will ever want to deal with your baggage of being poor, old, unwanted, uneducated (lmao how do I have more education than you and I'm 10 years younger? dumbass doesnt even have her GED), cringey age-inappropriate hobbies, mentally ill and not even having the decency to go to therapy and take meds, fat, ugly face, loser and loner with no irl friends, crazy family, looking old for your age, whored yourself out on a sugar daddy website, rotten teeth due to your own laziness, thinning frizzy hair and gross bulky glasses, drug addicted alcoholic who's probably going to be homeless for the majority of her life, mean person attacking minor aged rape victims like jesus christ you're so fucking worthless SO many red flags so much baggage no-one will ever want to deal with that. You don't even know how worthless you are

You know, every time you send me a message like this, I think of the person from your friend group who came forward a while back. You know, the one you don't like to acknowledge tried to apologize on your behalf. Anyways, every time you insult my appearance I just think of what your friend said

So i get it sweetie, youre mad at mommy and daddy and you're lashing out. That's why half the time you're repeating things i previously said back to me and parroting shallow insults with a very small vocabulary. The second i call you fatherless, you call me fatherless. I use thw word maladaptive and, suddenly you know that word too and juat HAVE to use it as well. I get it. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

You're honestly just making yourself look so pitiable. You realize you've already painted yourself as such a dumb jackass that every single time you do this I basically just laugh and ignore you, and then people who know me and are friends or WANT TO be friends with me see how you treat me publicly and they all say "yeah wow who's this absolutely demonic little cunt acting like this without any reason". Like. What is the end goal here. Making yourself look as petty and stupid as possible. Meanwhile, what did someone else in your friend group say? The ones you lied to? Including Callie, the actual victim whose trauma you're basically trying to appropriate for yourself

Anyways yeah I just wanted to like show you the actual screenshots of the conversation I had with your friend back in June, which also to everyone else, yeah June, that's when she lied to her own friends and said she would stop doing this. She lied to her friends because all of them told her this was making them massively uncomfortable, so now she's. Being an internet troll in secret behind their backs 😂 they were going to tattle on you to your mom so you lied so they wouldn't check tumblr anymore because you're such a weird angry little freak that this has become a hobby for you

I'm sad? I'M sad? I don't even know your fucking name meanwhile you've scrolled through all of my blogs repeatedly for months cataloging details about me for the sheer purpose of trying to poorly insult me.

Like genuinely 90% of the reason I'm answering this is to basically wave a flag saying "hey everyone if you've ever seen or received weird asks of photoshopped porn of me or pictures of my actual family taken from their facebooks or saw the transphobic racist fake dating profile she made with one of my selfies or you ever received a bitch lasagna or Zalgo text, it was this cringey little lolcow right here"

But I also wanted to show you screenshot proof that you make your own friends super uncomfortable and that they started talking about your personal business to defend me over you. So. Yeah I guess that stings huh?

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my-castles-crumbling · 3 months

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I made a huge mistake almost a whole year ago and I still think about it all of the time.

I was working with this new staff member… and I did the worst thing anyone could do and assumed their pronouns… I was using the wrong pronouns for weeks until my sister told me that they go by they/them. When she told me that my entire heart shattered. I felt like the biggest asshole ever. How could I, a member of the lgbtqia+ community fuck up that badly. I felt horrible and of course I still do.! (No one knows I’m queer so I also feel like now they think I’m transphobic and/or homophobic)

I wanted to apologise but then I felt like I’d be making up excuses for myself and I’m also like really socially awkward so I didn’t end up saying anything.

The thing is, I still feel so horrible about it and I guess that’s a good thing bc at least I know that I care about being respectful but it just really sucks that I was misgendering someone for so long and didn’t realise the harm I could have been causing them.

I’m so sorry to be ranting to you at 2am but I genuinely don’t think I’ll ever get over this and I just needed to speak about it to someone.

Ps- I am the agender questioning anon and so thank you so much for helping me with that… I think I’m starting to understand myself so much more now!

So much love to you Cas, I hope you have the most amazing day! 🫶🏼

Hi love!

woah woah woah. Take a breath <3

Here's the thing. Yeah, it sucks to be misgendered. and yeah, in a perfect world, we should ask people for their pronouns every time we meet them.

But here's the thing: that's not reality. Why?

It's not always safe to ask for/share pronouns. There are many situations where I, myself, don't feel comfortable asking someone's pronouns or sharing my own. So I assume. And unfortunately, that means I get misgendered and so do other people. But my safety and the safety of others is first and foremost.

Also, it's a habit to get into, to ask people for their pronouns, even when they might present in a way that makes you assume. Habits are difficult to form, and sometimes a mistake like this helps you become more eager to form them.

And here's the thing: you did the EXACT RIGHT THING by not making a big deal of it when you found out and (I'm assuming) just using the right pronouns from then on. You didn't put that person in a weird situation and now they're being gendered correctly.

Let me give you an example that will hopefully make you feel better:

I have been wearing a pin on my lanyard at work for five months now with my pronouns. I work with about a hundred adults. Guess how many people use my pronouns? ONE.

Until the other day.

All of a sudden, my coworker started referring to me with my pronouns. And I was SO EXCITED! She didn't have to give an apology. She just needed to start respecting my identity.

All this to say: yes, it sucks to be misgendered, and in a perfect world we should never assume. But you're still LEARNING and if you've corrected yourself and do your best to do better from now on then, as long as this coworker is a decent person, they aren't mad. I promise!

Sending you lots of love and also maybe some forgiveness for yourself. <333

#ask #asks #ask cas

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m0rbidm3rcy · 3 months

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Since yall wanna be on that high school drama bs n call us supporters of rape and incest lets get some things straight:

All of you are taking Max’s post out of context. Instead of commenting on shit blindly, please know your facts beforehand. This user named miumiya (her account is now taken down RIGHTFULLY SO) was coming for our friend irrationally because of the dark content contained in her fics. It was dumb and petty unnecessary drama, and everyone was basically responding with the same thing, which was: If it bothers you so much, block and move on. Separate fiction from reality, and so forth.

Anyways, unfortunately things did not die down, and Miu only escalated the situation childishly. She girl called our friend a rapist, a pedo, sent her death threats and told us to unalive ourselves (which we didn’t take seriously, because if you’re that mad it’s just embarrassing like lmao be for real). Not to mention, others sent our friend death threats and RACIAL SLURS. Our friend is a literal victim and is being told all this ON TOP OF being told she’s lying about being a victim. Like, do you know how awful that is? If you have to go so far as to pull made-up shit out of your ass to make a point, it’s ridiculous.

Our friend makes various fics with dark themes. The issues, according to Miu and others, lies mostly within the rape and incest part. Now, let me say this loud for those in the back, WE DO NOT CONDONE IRL RAPE AND INCEST, since you are all so convinced that we do. Our point is that people are allowed to write about whatever the fuck they want as long as it doesn’t hurt them or others. And before anyone starts on that ‘you’re sexualizing/fetishizing’ it shit, no we are not, and those claims alone lead me to believe that you all just saw the words ‘rape’ and ‘incest’ in Max’s post and ran with it. We’re not going to argue any further, because all of this happened days ago, and it was regarding the resident evil fandom, so I don’t know how other people even found it. LMAO Max’s post was not for you.

Also, regarding the replies on Max’s post, everything can be taken out of context because Miu got her blog taken down. Trust, she was saying considerably more awful things than us. We can reclaim literally everything we said, and if it bothers you, block because we’re not gonna change the way we speak just because some strangers on the internet got triggered by it. Miu was sending death threats, was being borderline racist, and invalidating victims. I don’t know about you, but at that point we were not gonna take any of her shit seriously, hence our replies. Because if you’re going to be childish talking about a serious topic, so are we.

In conclusion? It’s not that serious, we don’t care. Stop lying and assuming the stupidest shit. It’s like y'all say some bs and run with it without thinking. ALSO, Max isn’t trans, so being transphobic towards him in his replies is BAFFLING and gross. Like atp, you’re a weirdo. You don’t have a free pass to be a freak because you think you’re in the right. We’re going to keep posting, regardless of whatever accusations are out there. But if you all want to keep yapping about it, go ahead babes. <3

Screenshots of some of the things Miu said:

Already invalidating victims (Resident Evil does have rape btw. LMAO)

Admitting that she herself is NOT a victim. Max is a victim himself, so because he writes about dark topics, that invalidates him as a victim? Are you all going to call victims sick and twisted because they like to cope in different ways from the norm? That’s gross.

Death threats. Like, imagine being that mad? LMAO. And the pedo accusations are ridiculous. False allegations can get you into legal trouble, especially ones as serious as this.

More death threats! The awareness she was spreading was just calling victims pedos and freaks.

“Timeskips”. If you’re going to call a person a pedo for writing fics with of age characters, you should follow your own advice. (blocking out my friend’s user because she’s been through enough already. We don’t need more brainless freaks harassing others)

Also if you want more evidence check out this blog post ->

#discorse #dark content #fan fic related

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ihatepeoplesomuchuwu · 10 months

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@abyssleaves GIRL I FUCKING LOVE YOU HOLY SHIT. You dropped this queen 👑

This person right here, you have said it so perfectly and have inspired me to say something. I will also probably get hate but you know what? That's fine at this point 😎

This carnivorekitty situation? I'M SO OVER IT!!! I don't even 100% agree with tom but, most of you guys are getting upset at OPINIONS AND DARK HUMOR LIKE HOLY SHIT. I want you all to think about this. What part of it is beliefs? The belief of not understanding neopronouns? No no no he didn't say "hate." he said he didn't agree with them and wasn't going to hate people for using them. But nah, instead of maybe sitting down with a cup of tea, you all jumped the gun and said, "THE NERVE?! HE DOESN'T AGREE WITH ME?!". Pssst hey lean in close...... I don't understand them either 😐 If you approached me, though, and told me your pronouns, I would never hate you for using them. It is YOUR life and I will respect/use your pronouns(I use any pronouns btw UwU) and I can't tell you what to do, and as long as you're not hurting anyone, who cares right? But don't demand me to understand or get why because I don't want to, and I'm just too stupid to care.

ANYWAY TO THE TRANSPHOBIC TOPIC!! Okay, this confused me for so long on why people called him transphobic because even I understood that people of the lgbtq+ have different opinions on things and deal with stuff differently. Him saying that kids/teens having medication and surgeries are life changing and then most definitely are. Most medications are safe, but did you know that their was a birth control that was FDA approved and it worked for a long time! Until women started having babies missing limbs and parts of them. Medical stuff can happen at anytime, it being safe of not it can still happen. And the surgeries? I agree that people shouldn't have surgeries until they are 18. Why? Because you have jackasses that aren't trans/have medical needs who take advantage of that for their own benefits and you have people who find out that they are not trans/non-binary/so on later in life and detransition.

Also, can no one like dark humor anymore??? A trans person likes a dark humored trans meme it's end shattering, but people still adore famous people making 9/11 jokes? Yeah, okay, love you guys ❤️ and don't get me started on the nazi shit because WOW WE GOING FOR IT WITH THAT ONE!!! Did anyone read the post Tom made at all? Hm? He said, and I quote, "I don't see anything on how he's a nazi however, that seems like a stretch. However, if anyone can provide actual proof of these claims, you can let me know." He ASKED for proof and said he doesn't agree with all of his posts, yet all of you jumped on him instantly calling him a "nazi sympathizer"? I literally saw one, FUCKING ONE PERSON show him the proof of it instead of jumping him like zombies 🧟‍♂️ 🧟‍♀️

My last take is the pride parade stuff which is just silly to get mad about?? As a person who has basically raised my siblings as my own children and wanting kids of my own some day, I can understand about the not wanting children to see half naked people and honestly who would? What I get is that it is a pride parade and they are mostly known for people doing that, they usually make a flyer or post saying if it's going to happen orr not so please look first. What pisses me off is when people defend that and call them something-phobic for not agreeing 😑 "Agree to disagree" is perfectly put for this, People can have opinions on this without being hateful. You guys come OOON

That is all I have to say for this, I would touch on the racism aspect but I must say out of that whole thing I could understand why people were mad/hurt and I am a pale ass white-irish person who has never experienced racism(only the "HA HA YOU'RE AN ALCOHOLIC" jokes due to me being irish 🤣)so I have no right to say anything in that.

Anyway, I'm gonna just rant here, so feel free to hate on me in my inbox because I could honestly just chill with anyone even if they scream at me UwU

#carnivorekitty #lurking for love #l4l #lfl #jacob alden #just ranting #niwinoodle

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you-can-call-me-fangs · 1 year

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It’s cool that your talking requests! So, can I have illumin with a sick reader or we meet illumins family or something like that we would be dating him to. Preferably male reader but gn is good to.

Also can I be 🧀-anon?

Thank you for being my first request 🧀 anon! 💛💛

Also I'm sorry if this ended up being a little too self indulgent for me but I can't help it I had too much fun coming up with headcannons for the Zoldyck family because they're so...themselves, ya know? They're fun to build headcannon ideas off of

Meeting/Being Apart of the Zoldyck Family

When the adults in the Zoldyck family first met you, well they didn't like you, it's not that you did anything wrong you're just an outsider and they can't help but be wary of you especially when your being introduced as Illumi's boyfriend

I mean if the Zoldyck family can be transphobic is it really a stretch to think their a liiittle homophobic too?

Silva is just straight up in denial

He refuses to call you Illumi's boyfriend, instead he'll call you "Illumi's friend"

You and Illumi will call him out on this but he'll keep on "messing up" (you know damn well he's doing it on purpose)

Kikyo is bit more excepting, but not of you, she doesn't think anyone is good enough for her precious son though

It doesnt help that she believes every gay stereotype she's ever heard, she will honestly pull up on you with something like, "I thought you people wore rainbow colored clothes?" and will be genuinely confused if you aren't wearing rainbow colored clothing

Zeno just thinks Illumi is going through a phase by dating you

In conclusion you being Illumi's boyfriend makes the adults in the Zoldyck family confused and uncomfortable and I take pure joy in this thought

The kids are a different story, none of them care too much about you being there as Illumi's boyfriend

I actually headcannon that Illumi can get along pretty well with all his siblings he just doesn't see them enough

At first Killua isn't too fond of you and even actively avoids you, it's his way of being cautious around you, even if Alluka likes you (which she most definitely does, who doesn't Alluka like?) he still tries to be careful

Like, you're willingly dating Illumi how stable could you be?

However once he realises that you're a pretty cool dude he'll actually start hanging out with you a lot, he'll damn there latch himself onto you

You'll go skateboarding together, pull pranks on people together, hang out with the rest of Killua's friends, and so on and so on, you'll even start to have your own inside jokes

You and Killua call each other step-bro in front of the adults (mostly Silva) to try an get a rouse out of them

Illumi will lightly reprimand the two of you but he will never do anything too serious cause he secretly thinks it's funny too he just can't show it in front of his parents

Basically you and Killua have a lot fun together and are known to also cause a little chaos

Illumi will never flat out tell you that he's jealous about the all the time you get to spend with Killua, but he is, you can tell because after you and Killua hang out Illumi will ask you everything he can about Kil

Was he having fun? Was he smiling? What were some of the things that he liked? Did he ask about him?

You've tried to ask Killua to go out Illumi more often but he will refuse, you did find a loophole though, Killua will hang out with Illumi as long as you're there

You try to do this as much as possible so Illumi can actually see Kil for once without him being mad or scared of him

Milluki hates playing video games with Illumi because he always miraculously wins, has never played a game in his life but will still get a W and then be like "oh, I won"

Milluki just sees this as a massive insult to his skills so he'll play against you next to boost his ego, he is still a pro gamer after all, this boy spends way too much time on his computer to not be one

When Milluki was younger and it was just him and Illumi, Mil was the type of younger brother to hide behind his older brother and talk shit from there because nobody would mess with him with his tall scary looking bro standing right there, right?

This changed somewhat since Illumi puts more of his time and focus into Killua now so Milluki switched all of that energy to you

Now Milluki will get behind you and shit talk from there, Mil sees you like a brother so that's cool

Has that "don't make me call my older brothers to come down here and whoop your ass!" type energy

I think Kalluto and Illumi already get along surprisingly well

Kalluto will follow you and Illumi around the same way he does with his mother

Kalluto will randomly gift you little paper cut outs or paper origamis he made while you're at the house, it's his way of showing he likes you

Illumi and Kalluto can both be so quiet and keep to themselves so much that being around the two of them can be one of the few times in the Zoldyck house where you can have some peace and quiet

Similar to Killua hanging out with Illumi, for Illumi to hang out with Alluka you'll have to be there

Cause Illumi is under this weird impression that Alluka isn't apart of the family or something (which we all know is bullshit) so you have to be there so he'll have a reason to stay

You definitely have to correct him several times on Alluka's pronouns, don't worry he'll get used to it he just needs some practice

Also Illumi truly enjoys playing with Alluka, they get along very well

Alluka is child like in a way Illumi probably never got to be so being around Alluka and kind of playing in her world helps Illumi be a little childish too, which he likes

Alluka would be trying to play dolls with the both of you, braid your guys (mostly Illumi's) hair, play dress up, etc.

The other Zoldyck siblings will go to you and Illumi first before their parents when they have a problem

For instance, if they're arguing and they need an adult to help them tell the other to stop bothering them or if one of them has a nightmare and they want to sleep with someone else they go to you and Illumi

#🧀 anon #i love my dysfunctional step family!#i headcannon that Kikyo is a bitch but in a comical way #Illumi is an amazing older brother to ALL his siblings and i won't hear anymore about it #illumi zoldyck x reader #illumi x reader #illumi x male reader #hxh x male reader #hxh x reader #hxh #hunter x hunter x reader #hunter x hunter

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noxitsnox · 6 months

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We know Sanji's family, they wouldn't be chill about her being trans so she has always repressed this part of her, she rejected all feminine things and shit. But once, when she's about 15, at the Baratie starts working a new waiter (who's name will be John). John doesn't work there for much, but Sanji will always remember him as a hero. Those few weeks with John really helped her accepting herself. There's this one night,for example, that Sanji will never forget.

More under the cut. (Tw: poor writing, slightly transphobics undertones on Sanji's side (she's in denial), way too long)

It was late night, the restaurant was closed and only members of the staff were on the ship, each one in their room. Sanji was walking towards hers when something caught her attention. John's door was open, the lights were on. She got near the door, trying to spy what was happening inside. John was sitting at his desk and he was... doing his make-up? Now she was confused, wasn't he a boy? Why would he ever even think about make-up? That's a girl thing, she thought. Sanji knew that what she was doing was wrong, observe an unaware person like that, but something wouldn't let her move. John saw her and invited her inside, he asked if there was something wrong. She wanted to run away, but instead she entered the room and asked

"what are you doing?" A soft laughed escaped the man in front of her, John shook his head, shrugging. "What do you think I'm doing? I'm getting ready dor the night." "Yes but you are- I am?- you're putting on lipstick!" Sanji looked away, slightly embarrassed, she didn't mean to scream. John laughed again. "Well yeah, your eyes works fine, amazing." Sanji rolled her eyes and pulled out a cigarette. She brought it to her lips only to find out she didn't have a lighter with her. "Yes, no but I mean, you're a man..? You shouldn't... be wearing lipstick," Sanji tried to explain herself. John took something from the desk in front of him and gave it to her. It was a lighter, she smiled and whispered a soft thanks. "And you shouldn't be smoking. Aren't you like 15?" Sanji glared as he light on the cigarette. She gave him back the lighter just as he continued talking. "But don't you think that's some kind of limiting thought to have?" She looked at him confused. "How is it limiting?" "Well, you are limiting your self expression." John got up and sat on the bed behind him, taking his shoes from under it.

Sanji enter even further in the room, getting near the desk, observing all of the make-up products on it. Something inside her craved those very same products, to see how she would look like when wearing them. At the same time there was a small voice telling her that her feelings were wrong, that she should be rejecting them. It was a strange feeling. Strange, but not new. She felt John's gaze on her back. Hesitantly she asked a further question. "When... when did you start wearing this things?" The man sighed. "I don't know... at 13? 14 maybe? I don't know." He stopped for a moment. "Have you ever tried it on?" "No." Sanji answered without thinking. John just looked at her in silence. "Actually... yes. My mother's blush. Once. When I was 7. I... I still have it with me here." She didn't know why she was being that honest with him, but there was something in John that mads him feel safe. She sighed. John was still looking at her. "Sit down." "What?" "Sit down for a moment."

And Sanji did it. She sat on the chair by the desk. John went to get something from it. A reassuring smile on his face when he showed her a lipstick. Its packaging was golden. John grabbed her chin. Sanji gripped the fabric of his pants in his hands as the man applied the lipstick on her lips. After he was done she looked at herself in the mirror in front of the desk. The lipstick was dark red, bourdaux. She smiled. It suited her.

John's voice brought her back to reality. "I have to go now, but you can keep this." He winked whike handing her the lipstick. Quickly he exited the room. Sanji sat there for little more, looking at the lipstick in her hands. There was a small cursive text on the bottom of the packaging, something she didn't notice earlier.

"Kissproof. André 047."

#and of course she kept it #she considers that lipstick one of the most precious things she owns #trans sanji #mtf sanji #one piece #one piece ff #vinsmoke sanji #i lover her so much its unbesrable

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kell-eramis · 8 months

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🔥talk some mad shit on taao

OOOH ok this is gonna take a while and i'm writing this in many places--on campus, after school, on the bus, so forgive me if anything doesn't make sense.

Topics: windblade, starscream, elita, combaticons, combiners, and bumblebee

Windblade:

Disclaimer, I *love* Windblade and I love what she represents (and this could be it’s own mini essay).

However, I don’t think M Scott had those ideas particularly in mind when writing Windblade. Retroactively knowing she intended Windblade and Starscream to have a r*ylo dynamic, paints both of them and their dynamic in a completely different light: Windblade is now no longer her own character, but a tool to redeem Starscream, and becomes a “blank slate or self insert” for this dynamic and purpose. As a result, she’s not really given the opportunity to grow from flaws, and she’s not really punished for mistakes (it’s moreso Starscream paying for her choice to have Optimus Prime reveal himself as the “true Prime” to Caminus, and this is almost always framed as Optimus being in the good and Starscream being in the wrong), it’s moreso that we’re told that Windblade is “tempted by Starscream’s ways/by power, but triumphs over this because she is Good, and is able to redeem Starscream in the process.” We also see others taking the fall for her mistakes, as Chromia takes the fall for the cover up—there is no repercussions on Windblade’s part in terms of trust of Cybertron. (This also serves to take Chromia out of the picture and focus on Windblade and Starscream over any potential chromeblade narratives that could (and did) arise).

I think if I were to fix this, I would look at how the war that affects everyone on Cybertron also affects her, one of the first Camien immigrants. Like… living in this new environment that is *so* traumatized, and you, yourself are traumatized too but in a completely different way. (And this is especially obvious in the first Windblade run, with both her and Chromia’s arcs.) Not the idea that Starscream/Cybertronian politics “corrupts” Windblade, but the idea that living in this environment that has barely started to heal will inevitably rub off on her—in both good and bad ways. And she, being someone on the outside coming in, can see how the factions are flawed and how everyone needs to come together to make Cybertron more of a home than it has ever been. I don’t know if I worded this completely right, but I hope I’m getting my point across.

Starscream:

OOOOH. I could go on and on for days on end. I think the way M Scott handled Starscream’s dysphoria is very transphobic and concluded in a way that’s like “if I were not dysphoric, I would not be evil.” That’s… not what dysphoria does. Starscream would be Starscream no matter if he were cold constructed or forged—maybe just with different problems. Nurture over nature and all that. Another problem I have is due to the established windblade and starscream dynamic, starscream is often portrayed as evil—often to the point of irrationality. While Starscream might not be the best leader, she’s smarter than sending badgeless after random cons and inciting further violence as a result. We get a lot of “tell and doesn’t show” with Starscream’s tactics (and Onslaught’s, as well), and while it would make sense for Starscream to be paranoid (hence the distrust of Windblade) and to try to prepare for a second coming of the war (even if she doesn’t realize that’s what he’s doing by amassing combiner and titan power), some of the actions Starscream takes are outright irrationally evil, just to put that dichotomy between her and Windblade and incite the redemption. Other characters become tools either to show how evil Starscream is (the Combaticons, Rattrap, etc) or to redeem Starscream (Windblade, Bumblebee). I could go on and on about this but I will end it here (for now).

Elita-One:

Again, a case of “tell and don’t show”. We’re told that she’s “another Megatron” but there’s nothing to back that up—why is she another Megatron? What has she done to imply that? She’s traumatized from being hypervigilant over being the one in charge of Carcer (wherein Vigilem and Liege Maximo are incarcerated), and that shows in how she interacts with Cybertron. I don’t think she’d be a good leader for Cybertron—for the same reason neither Bumblebee nor Starscream (nor Optimus or Megatron) could be the right leader for Cybertron. They’re too stuck in the war, though it is possible to move on from it with time and effort. I do think, however, that she’s not this grand villain that M Scott paints her out to be. God forbid women do anything.

The Combaticons:

I could also talk at length about them for days. I think that they have the issue of becoming a tool to show how evil Starscream is, rather than their own characters with their own arcs. Which is a shame, as I think all of their individual arcs and as a whole gestalt could be *so* interesting.

With Blast Off and Onslaught:

We see Onslaught being extremely stuck in the war--he *wants* it to come back because he *wants* that purpose--what does a tactician do when there's no battles to be a tactician for? And Blast Off, who loves Onslaught (and his group), wants peace. Wants rest. Wants that peace and rest for Onslaught most of all. TAAO contextualizes what Blast Off does as a *selfish* thing—he does what he does because he wants that relationship. But that’s *not* what it is. She does what she does because she wants to see Onslaught heal from the war. He (as well as Starscream) knows this can’t happen unless Onslaught is given something new to obsess over—without that something, he’ll go back to the war and vengeance. So Blast Off, in a way, offers herself to be that. This isn’t selfish, in my opinion, because he knows that the relationship is doomed if she does that. Onslaught will find out, and when that happens, any possibility of a relationship will cease to be. It’s a sacrifice Blast Off makes to save Onslaught and the other Combaticons.

Brawl:

Now, I love the part where Brawl goes to Windblade and says he can’t have the war come back. He goes behind Onslaught’s and Starscream’s backs to do so. However, I wish this transition was shown more. He willingly chose to go with Galvatron and continue the war. He’s with Onslaught and Vortex when they want to make Cybertron burn. What changes? He says it’s “feeling what it’s like to die”, but beyond a few moments in Issue #4 and the annual, we don’t *see* this. No feelings of uncertainty at post war or relief when it comes to just staying Starscream’s bodyguard, just a comic relief along with Vortex.

Vortex:

Which brings me to Vortex. He’s reduced to a comic relief character. However, we know he’s an interrogator. I think we should have seen him interrogating bots for information on Swindle, searching it out. And then I think we should have also seen the ramifications of such a violent combination on him, too. (Though that could be said about all the Combaticons).

Swindle:

And that brings me to Swindle. I think Swindle, (and I also think Bumblebee should, too, but that’s a different argument) should be more present in the narrative even when she’s dead. While this is arguably present in the first arc, she’s moreso used as a catalyst for Onslaught’s grudge with Starscream turning into something more, but I think he’s used moreso as an excuse for why Onslaught’s doing all this more than an actual reason. Then Swindle is brought back in an *incredibly* traumatic and violent way. What does this mean for how she feels about the new Cybertron? How the gestalt and combination intimately affects her in ways it doesn’t affect the others? How this —frankly, violation— of her mind and memories for Onslaught’s purposes affects her and his relationship with the other Combaticons? Ooooh the things I wish TAAO went more in depth about. Then, there’s also the fact that he had helped Windblade. How does this affect the relationship between them, especially now that Chromia’s gone? How does this affect Swindle’s relationship with Blurr???

Combiners in general:

This is a problem I have with phase 2 in general, but I wish combiners were used more. They’re A Thing now that the enigma of combination is a prominent artifact. But they’re only really seen as temporary threats. We don’t go into the reason why Starscream wants one, and when that reason fulfills itself, they’re NOT used. We could have used combiners in Titan’s Return, for example!!!

I also think that IDW writers in general don’t really know what they might symbolize. Are they abject? Are they holy? Unholy? A monstrosity or a beauty?

If I was writing a continuity, I would look at combiners as the closest one could go to “being one in the allspark” without being dead. I could go into Augustinian philosophy and theology here, but I won’t (for now). However, they change the members of the gestalt in irreversible and abject ways! They blend together with the other members—they are no longer inherently individual. They are bound to each other.

Bumblebee:

Same as Swindle, really. I wish he was more present in the narrative as haunting it. Their death is the catalyst for many things and adds to others. However, M Scott only really uses Bumblebee as a passive advisor for Starscream. I think TAAO and starbee could be a significantly more impactful narrative if Bumblebee’s ideology and perceptions of things such as factions and power also moved in a way that was more towards Starscream’s perspective, rather than just Starscream becoming more “good”. It would also give us a chance to actually highlight the flaws of the autobot faction without being like “optimus is shitty, prowl is shitty, the primes were shitty, insert cartoonishly evil villains that happen to also be autobots to show how flawed they are”.

Okay, I’m finished. This was not at all all of my opinions and ideas but with a topic as broad as all of TAAO, how could I choose?

#pls feel free to ask me to elaborate or ask more questions or whatever #i literally love literary analysis and putting the stuff I’m learning in my degree into transformers #combaticon

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fallouttboy · 8 months

Text

re: my trans sam supernatural agenda.

sometimes you’re a boy in a girls body and then you go to college and meet a hot bi girl and get top surgery some fucking how (you’re broke and come from an even more broke family) (i like the idea of him getting dean to do it for him someday. and his scars are mad insane and jagged. but dean got him the good gas from a dentists office run by vampires that he raided with john and rubbed numbing cream on his whole torso for safe measure) and then you’re happy but then your hot bi gf goes up in flames like your mom.

and you have the maternal trauma but for a brief 20 years following the death of your gf, you always wonder if the burning of your mother and girlfriend was a higher being shunning you for being queer, lifting your loves to the heavens (ceiling) and burning them alive (hell fire)

and so you sit shotgun with a shotgun next to your traumatized bi brother in the car your homophobic transphobic father had. driving the country. meeting demons who remind you a lot of yourself and angels you begin to hate more than worship. and you wonder again if a higher being is sending you messages.

and then the visions start back up again, the visions you so carefully forgot about, bundled up and shoved deep in the caverns of your mind. visions…prophecy. have you been right this whole time?

surely there is not a god, a god who so loves the world would not run a world like this, right? if jesus loves me this i know, why do his followers want my guts on their dining table and my body crucified upside down?

all while facing the horrors. i am too soft around the edges to pass as male and too sharp around the corners to pass as female. i can alter my body however i please but i will never be man enough for you (dad). i will never be the son you so wanted me to be. i will be the son that i am which is never enough.

and when lucifer takes my vessel it all feels right, like everything is finally in place, as it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be. the damned brother. of course i would say yes. lucifer is the closest thing i had to a father figure anyways.

#mine #spn #w #trans sam winchester #i think the w shall be my (rarely used) writing tag!#so jasper what do you think about?#oh you know. normal things. religious imagery in queerness.

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