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lemonandlime22 · 9 months

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No place like home...

Word count: 2.2k

Warning(s): Slight B6 spoilers, angst, believed character death?, slight gore mentioned in like one sentence

A/N: Based on this post, I've been wanting to write this for so long and I finally remembered lol. Don't ask abt the title just made sense in my head and im not changing it

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The sky was dark, it was early afternoon but no one would have been able to tell due to the thick dark grey clouds that covered every inch of the sky above this prestigious school. The sun seemed long gone with not a single ray making it through those clouds. The only source of light for the students and staff was the large overbloted beast with a mane of blue fire right in the middle of what used to be the prestigious Night Raven Collage.

Everything was in rubble, a mess with every step you took, and large fires that were scattered all throughout. It looked like a war zone, and might as well have been. Most of the student body had been evacuated to the other side of Sage Island long ago, and most of the staff stayed behind to take care of the destructive beast. A handful of students refused to leave, most insisting they could help.

Among these students was a first-year friend group, one of which was the magicless student that had lived in the abandoned dorm with the once small fiery beast.

Most of the first years earnestly instructed Yuu to evacuate with the rest of the students to RSA, but they refused, Grim was their closest friend if not family. They'd be damned if they were going to leave him when he was like this. Their friends soon gave up, they knew there was no point trying to change Yuu's mind when they had it set on something. But they made sure to keep them close so they'd be protected.

So many people were on the ground injured, all covered in bruises and burns from either being swatted at by the beast or just nearly dodging its fire. The more of those people Yuu recognized the bigger that feeling of dread and fear grew in their gut.

They saw so many upperclassmen just scattered around, like Cater that had been staying in the back but went just close enough to be able to cast a spell, but was hit with Grim's fire before he could do a thing and was knocked out when he hit the ground. Yuu could identify a few more people, they saw Ruggie's ear twitch as he laid face down, they couldn't tell if it was Jade or Floyd but they saw bright teal hair peeking out from the other side of some rubble.

Yuu knew they couldn't fight, they were basically useless in this battle, and like all the other overblots, a burden. They decided to make themself useful by trying to get as many of the injured somewhere safe as they could. They might not be the strongest but they are still capable of carrying someone.

"Epel! Come with me!"

"W-what!? I'm kinda in the middle of somethin' here!"

"Just come here, you're going to help me get these guys to a safer place!" Though the two were barely 15 feet apart they could hardly hear the others voiceover the beast's constant cries whether it was of pain or rage was unbeknownst to any.

But Epel understood what Yuu was getting at as they tried to pull Ruggie's unconscious out from some rubble and onto their shoulders. He soon followed his friend's lead and started using his unique magic to help carry more people at once. Neither Epel nor Yuu could see each much other, mutually agreeing to spread out so the injured could get to safety faster.

Yuu searched just off to the side in between two larger pieces of rubble, it was hard to see much of anything while inside. It was far darker than they had expected, Yuu could barely see an inch in front of them let alone the stray fireball coming straight for the pieces of concrete that leaned up against each other.

The magicless prefect only had a moment to realize what was happening and what was going to happen, just long enough to realize they wouldn't be able to avoid it. But it was still just a moment, a moment that was soon over and replaced with pitch-black darkness. The sounds of Grim's powerful roars, spells being cast, and orders being barked, quickly came to halt only to be replaced with... an alarm...?

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep*

Yuu shot up, nearly falling off their bed. Wait- bed!? Why would they be in their bed? Is- is this some type of afterlife or something? They turned the alarm off and sat on what on what they weren't to sure was their actual bed for what felt like hours before slowly sliding off it, weary of whatever had happened. They slowing began to feel around the room to see if this was truly real or just some sad dream. When they finished, they stumbled back, very unsettled by the acracy, they didn't want it to be real. No wait- yes, yes they did want this.

But if so then why was there such a deep pit in their stomach? They pushed that thought to the back of their head, they needed to focus on building the courage to walk out the door. What if their family was there? How would they face them after they had been gone for so long? Or did any time pass at all? Yuu's room looked the same so maybe..?

Yuu scanned the room once more just to make sure, and sure enough, everything was just how they left it. The clothes they had absentmindedly tossed around the room just hours before they were thrown into Twisted Wonderland were still scattered all around, and in the same condition they were before they left. Nothing had gotten substantially more dusty or anything that would show being abandoned for a year. Then again their family could have kept it clean...

As they thought of the possibilities a dreadful thought came to mind, what if it was a dream? A painfully realistic dream. Yuu had heard of baby/family dreams before which are dreams where you build a whole life and family years into the future. Could Twisted Wonderland just have been one of those? But- no... that- that can't be it... can it? Can all the relationships they built and the trauma they went through really just be a realistic dream!?

Yuu began to panic at the thought and quickly began to search their body for any proof that the past year was real. They needed it, it had to have been real! They had woken up in their pajamas so there was no chance there was any material possessions were on them. Any one of the many scraps and scars from their time in that school would be more then enough.

But... there was nothing... they looked over and over but still... nothing. No scars no scrapes. Nothing. Tears of frustration and desperation bleared Yuu's vision, they didn't know what to think.

Was it really all just a dream...?

The smoke slowly began to clear as the small fires were put out. The sky could almost be seen again, but it had grown a darker blue since the last time anyone on Sage Island had seen it. The battle had ended just barely an hour ago, the injured were being treated and those who were well enough were helping where they could. Grim miraculously survived his overblot, though he was unconscious and heavily injured. The staff of both NRC and RSA began discussing what should be done with him once he is well enough. Most of the uninjured were helping with the rubble and looking for more people.

Among these uninjured were some first years, but they were looking for one person in particular, the magicless Ramshackle prefect. Jack did his best to keep everyone calm but they were all quite frantic a worried, you were magicless and had no means of protecting yourself during this disaster. Epel was possibly the most frantic having been the last to have seen them. Eventually as the hours past, Yuu was the only person unaccounted for and many had joined the search. Luckily there hadn’t been any casualties so far but many were starting to worry that would change.

Riddle was the one that came across the tattered scolded piece of ceremonial robes that stuck out from under a large piece of rubble that lay flat on the ground with another large piece leaning on it as if they had been leaning up on each other before they fell. Riddle began to panic and called others around over for help to lift up the two pieces of concreate.

He had hoped it was just a ripped piece of the robes, but to his and the other's deep dismay, it was the full outfit with small splatters of blood lingering on it. Leona, one of the others that came to help lift the rubble, was very confused. This was way too little blood for someone who was crushed, actually, there was no viscera of any sort, save for the small spatters that could be easily explained away by getting scrapped or having a nosebleed. He was far from the only confused one either, after a moment of panic Riddle quickly realized the same, along with the others that helped.

So they continued the search, and for days as they cleaned and repaired the school they kept a keen eye out for the missing student. But no, not a thing.

The only thing left of Yuu was the robes, which Crowley cast a spell to concurred that it was in fact the prefects clothes. Everyone was confused, it was as if Yuu had just disappeared inro thin air.

Ace and Deuce refused to accept any answer other than Yuu being alive somewhere in Twisted Wonderland. Even going so far as to say the Mirror was wrong and that they did have magic and they used teleportation magic or something! And other very outlandish explanations like that. Epel, Jack, and Sebek were far more reasonable than the Heartslabyul duo but still had many questions and were shocked by how quickly the situation changed. First, they had to worry about how to stop and save Grim, then how they were going to stop Yuu from fiercely protecting Grim from whatever punishment he would receive from the headmasters. Then... how they would have to explain to the fiery beast that his dear friend Yuu might be dead.

And now, well they haven’t told him anything about what was happening since he woke up 4 days after the incident. Thankfully he woke up with zero memories of what happened. The first years refuse to allow anyone to even mention his overblot to him, at least not until they get any kind of answers or are able to find Yuu.

And until that time comes, if it ever will, Ace, Deuce, Jack, Epel, and Sebek all do their damnedest to keep both headmasters and the possible authorities off Grim’s back. Ace insists that Yuu knew Grim the best and should be here to defend him before any type of legal action is taken.

Eventually, too much time passes with no sign of the prefect there is no other way to take it than the passing of the young student. And Grim... he inevitably found out what had happened, his overblot and Yuu’s disappearance, or possible death.

I’d be lying straight through my teeth if I said he took it well, how could he have? His closest friend and only family was probably dead and just cause he didn’t want them to leave him!

Grim wasted no time running away, whether to find Yuu or just escape the headmasters and authorities no one knows. . .

Yuu’s family was worried, Yuu was perfectly fine, acting normal one day, then acting weird and out of it the next. But not just the next, they were acting like that for weeks. They would talk to and spend time with their friends and family but it never seemed like they were actually there, as if they were constantly off in another world. Every time someone asked what happened they would just brush them off saying everything was fine. Yuu began buying strange things, old warn books in Latin and other seemingly ancient languages, but also, so.. So many mirrors. That's all you could see in their room, just so many mirrors ranging in so many different sizes and shapes. Some had even been smashed, but Yuu refused to throw any of them away.

There was one mirror that they recently got ahold of though, it seemed to have enthralled them. They barley said a word anymore, let alone leave their room. The mirror was a large classic oval mirror, just over half the size of Yuu. It had a gold rim with intricate snake designs around each of the sides and a crown at the top. Truly nothing too special, you could find it at almost any antique store, but it was all Yuu cared about anymore.

All they did, day in and day out, was stair at the mirror as they cried. Sometimes Yuu’s family could hear faint begging coming from the teen’s room.

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bigmusclenm · 2 months

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Size of Love - Valentine's Day Special

On Valentine’s Day, Lucas tried to relax alone on his couch while watching TV and eating a snack. Sadly, Valentine’s Day content was all over the channels. Movies, shows, commercials, and even cartoons were related to love, couples, and Cupid, which Lucas hated. His once-happy and loving spirit was filled with sorrow and frustration, contrasting with the sweet atmosphere everywhere else.

Lucas groaned as he saw another fake couple kissing on screen, apparently enjoying their happily ever after. “Yeah, that won’t last. He’ll change you out for a smaller version in about a year,” Lucas said, turning the TV off and rolling his eyes for the millionth time that day. “Fuck, I can’t believe I used to enjoy this crap,” Lucas bitterly muttered.

Lucas sighed because he never expected to hate Valentine’s Day so much, but love seemed too much to ask for a guy like him. He had recently broken up with his boyfriend of two years after he found out there was another guy in the mix. Finding out that his boyfriend had an affair with a mutual friend had hurt Lucas very much, and the reasons the boyfriend had given Lucas to justify his cheating had made it all worse. Lucas ended up feeling like a freak or a monster who didn’t deserve to be loved.

Lucas’ mind wandered back to the painful memory of the moment his boyfriend had finally confessed to cheating on him. The hurtful words echoed in his ears, stabbing his heart like a thousand tiny knives. “I’m sorry, Lucas. It’s not you, it’s me. I have needs, and you can’t make me stay if you can’t satisfy those needs,” his boyfriend had said. “It’s been almost a year since the last time we had sex, and I just... couldn’t handle it anymore. Who am I kidding? You’re the problem. You’re too big, and you just can’t expect me to stay with a freak like you.”

Part of him thought his boyfriend had been right; he couldn’t satisfy his needs, but for Lucas, love should be stronger than personal needs. However, these recent events left him doubtful about the existence of true love. If something as simple as being “too big” was enough to break his heart, he was bound to die alone.

Lucas looked down at his naked body and sighed again, knowing that it was difficult to find a guy who wouldn’t be scared of his assets. He had always been a big guy, which had always made him feel proud, but when his body started growing beyond regular proportions a bit over a year ago, he thought his boyfriend would love the changes. However, when his size became “too much” for his boyfriend, their relationship went into crisis and ended in a painful breakup that destroyed Lucas’ heart.

Even though his ex-boyfriend had said it was too much, Lucas couldn’t deny he felt good with how his body had developed. As he looked down at his nicely sculpted body, he moved his hands to his huge pectorals and massaged them, feeling how full they were and how heavy they had become. All his muscles bulged nicely, but his pectorals had grown to huge proportions, sticking out several inches from the rest of his body. His nipples had also grown and were permanently engorged. There was constant pressure within his pecs, and even though the massage felt good, Lucas knew there was only one way to ease up that pressure.

Then, Lucas’ hands moved to his dick and balls. With one hand, he stroked his massive dick as best he could, and with the other, fondled his massive balls. His huge dick, the main reason why his ex-boyfriend had cheated on him, had always been big at 10 inches long. However, Lucas had lost track of how big it had gotten. When it grew beyond a foot in length, Lucas’ ex-boyfriend started rejecting him, claiming it was “too big.” Due to this issue, they stopped having sex, and the passion between them died.

Everything was a problem for him, and the more Lucas insisted, the more distant the ex-boyfriend became, resulting in the affair that destroyed their relationship. Lucas had initially considered it as a gift that any guy would like—having a huge dick and massive balls—but it looked more like a curse that left him with a broken heart.

Even then, Lucas tried to stay optimistic about finding a nice guy who would be interested in a guy with a massive dick. He thought it would be easy to find a kinky guy who would fall for him, but his attempts were unsuccessful.

Turning his attention to his phone, Lucas sighed as he scrolled through a dating app he had reluctantly downloaded in desperation to find a date for Valentine’s Day. He had added a quick description of himself and a picture of him showing his assets, but the profile remained untouched. It seemed like most guys were scared of his dick, just like his ex-boyfriend.

“Not a single match,” he muttered as he swiped through the endless sea of faces, each one seemingly uninterested in what he had to offer. “I can’t be surprised; I’m a freak, and who would like to have a date with a freak? It’s almost evening. I better delete this stupid app. It’s not like I’ll be getting a date anyway.” Disappointment was evident in Lucas’ voice as he held his finger against the screed to uninstall the app.

Suddenly, his phone buzzed, and a notification from the dating app appeared on the screen. Lucas’ heart skipped a beat as he eagerly opened the message, scanning the words with growing excitement.

“Hey there, Lucas. The app said we’re a match, and I couldn’t help but notice your profile, and I must say, I’m intrigued,” the message read, and Lucas read it out loud several times in complete disbelief. “Your profile said you wanted a date for Valentine’s Day, so... I’d love to be your Valentine if you’re still available, big guy.” Another message from the same guy, Dane, and Lucas’ heart started beating fast.

Before replying, Lucas checked the profile, and his eyes shone bright when he saw the handsome young man in the profile pic. Everything seemed to be perfect about him, and the fact that he was interested in Lucas despite the size of his dick was definitely a good indication. As his mind focused on Dane’s information, the painful memory of the ex-boyfriend started to fade away.

“Okay, Lucas, calm down. You’re not a horny teenager anymore. Just breathe and type something nice,” Lucas whispered as he opened the message again and started typing. “Hey, Dane. I’m definitely available, and I’d love to have a date with a handsome guy like you.”

As soon as Lucas sent the message, he saw that Dane was replying. “Cool. Do you know any nice places for us to go? I just moved to the city, and I only know my building, the coffee shop next to it, and my office, which happens to be across the street,” Dane replied.

“Well, I don’t go out often, and I’d love to do something special for a cute guy like you. What if you come over and I cook for you? I promise I won’t kidnap you or something,” Lucas replied, worried that this invitation would scare Dane, but he was just telling the truth. Due to the size of his dick and balls, he didn’t go out that often unless it was necessary. “Or… well, if you prefer a restaurant, I’ll gladly sneak into a suit to meet you there.”

“Hahaha. Dinner at your place sounds nice. I know someone your size would have trouble fitting into some places. Send me the address, and I’ll be there at 7:00,” Dane replied, and a broad smile spread across Lucas’ face.

Extremely happy, Lucas immediately sent Dane his address, setting everything up for the date. “I can’t believe I have a date, and... damn, he’s cute,” Lucas said, his heart swelling with a whole different feeling than the one stuck in it for the last few weeks. “But I still have to cook and find something nice to wear. I have 5 hours, more than enough time,” Lucas said as he slowly stood from the couch.

Standing on his feet while fully naked represented a few tiny challenges for Lucas, even though he was almost used to his new size. His pecs obscured the lower part of his view, so he had to be careful with his steps. His balls were so huge and so heavy that they sloshed around and hit his thighs really hard with every step he took. His massive, hard dick was also on the way, but it didn’t represent such a big challenge.

Lucas was really nervous about his date because, even with his ex-boyfriend, they rarely went out for several reasons. However, Lucas was a sucker for romance, so he wanted to do something special for Dane. So, he immediately went to the kitchen, put on an apron, and started looking for all the ingredients for a delicious dinner.

Lucas prepared a Caprese Salad for the appetizer, slicing tomatoes and mozzarella cheese, arranging them artfully on a platter with basil leaves, and finally adding a drizzle of balsamic glaze and a sprinkle of salt. As he worked, Lucas couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride wash over him, his excitement for the evening ahead growing with each passing moment.

For the main course, Lucas cooked a mouthwatering chicken marsala. Using plump chicken breasts, which were his favorite part of a chicken, he seasoned them with herbs and spices before searing them to golden in a hot skillet. Then, adding rich Marsala wine, garlic, and mushrooms to the pan, the kitchen filled with a delicious scent that made Lucas smile even bigger. He was determined to impress Dane.

Finally, Lucas had chosen to make a chocolate lava cake for dessert. He melted dark chocolate and butter together, whisking them until smooth before folding in a mixture of flour, sugar, and eggs. Everything looked perfect when Lucas slid the ramekins into the oven, giving him time to put on a nice decoration on the table. The decoration was simple, but with candles and napkins, he turned his dining table into a romantic corner.

By the time Lucas had everything ready, he noticed he only had an hour left before Dane’s arrival. Lucas was excited but still had to find something nice to wear. He didn’t know why he was so enthusiastic about Dane, but something inside him was pushing him to make his best effort to impress the handsome guy. Lucas had loved his ex very much but had never felt what Dane was making him feel. As he walked from the kitchen to his room, he wondered if love at first sight existed. He had never believed in that, but he felt different about Dane.

After taking a detailed shower, Lucas started looking through his wardrobe, which consisted of oversized tank tops, sweatpants, and jockstraps with ridiculously large pouches. Considering he preferred to stay indoors most of the time, he didn’t have many other options. Shirts often strained at the seams in most places, and the buttons around his pecs were almost impossible to get done. Pants struggled to contain his muscular thighs and glutes and made it impossible for him to fit his dick and balls in them.

“Ugh, why is it so hard to find something to wear?” Lucas muttered to himself, frowning as he surveyed his options. He pulled out shirt after shirt, each one falling short of his expectations to cover his pecs. “I just need something that makes me feel confident and comfortable,” he added, pulling out a stretchy button-down shirt in a deep shade of navy blue that he used to wear before his body grew.

The shirt hugged his arms and torso very nicely, like a second skin, but the stretchy material was just enough to cover his pecs. His nipples were seen through the fabric, but at least they were covered. “This’ll do,” he said, nodding to himself in approval. “I just can’t take deep breaths,” Lucas said, chuckling and causing one of the buttons around his pecs to open. “Or laugh, but it’ll be fine.”

The next step was finding pants to wear, but there weren’t any options in that case. Lucas’ old pants couldn’t handle his massive dick and balls, so he had to put on his regular jockstrap, which was incredibly tight and uncomfortable, and then put on dark sweatpants that resembled dressing pants as much as possible. Lucas felt like he was about to burst out of his clothes, but at least he was ready.

Looking at his reflection in the mirror, he chuckled, causing the same button to snap again. “Maybe I should show off a little,” he mused, a mischievous grin spreading across his face as he unbuttoned the rest of the buttons to just below his pecs, leaving the deep valley between them fully exposed. “Much better, and I still look good.”

Right after those words came out of Lucas’ mouth, he heard a knock at the door. It was 7:00 PM, so he knew it was Dane. With his outfit finally sorted, Lucas made his way to the door, his heart pounding with excitement at the prospect of seeing Dane. He had great expectations, and when he opened the door, he became speechless as Dane looked even better than he ever imagined.

Standing before Lucas was a vision of masculine beauty—a tall, blonde man with piercing green eyes that sparkled with warmth and charisma. Like Lucas, Dane was built like a Greek god but with an off-season appearance to contrast with Lucas’ more chiseled physique. Dane was dressed in a tight electric blue button-down shirt that strained against his bulging pecs, with the top buttons left open to reveal a sexy cleavage. He wore dark sweatpants, just like Lucas, that hugged his muscular thighs and accentuated his wide hips and big ass. Also, Dane had a pretty big bulge, making Lucas’ mouth water.

“Wow, you look incredible,” Lucas said, still standing at the door. “I’m sorry, I’m just... surprised. I’m Lucas. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Please come in.”

“I’m Dane, and you’re not looking too bad yourself,” Dane replied, his voice smooth and confident. “I’m kidding. You look stunning, but I hoped you’d wait for me with fewer clothes on. I told you I knew it would be difficult for you to squeeze your big body into clothes,” Dane said as he walked into Lucas’ apartment.

“Oh, well, I can always fix that, but before we get to that point, please let me offer you a delicious dinner I prepared for this special occasion,” Lucas said, staring at Dane’s massive ass and losing his mind for a second. “I… Oh yeah, dinner. Follow me to our table, sir.”

Dane was impressed by how nice the place looked, but he was even more impressed by how hot Lucas looked. Apart from that, Lucas was a true gentleman. Each of his moves was thought to make Dane feel nice, and they were working just fine. As they settled into their seats, Dane couldn’t help but feel a sense of warmth and connection blossoming between them.

Before starting with dinner, their conversation flowed effortlessly, filled with laughter and sharing stories about the struggles each one had with their big bodies, which deepened their bond. Lucas felt like he had known Dane for years, and the guy was so sweet that any remaining memory of his ex that was still in Lucas’ mind just disappeared. Lucas could even feel his heart beating fast due to his excitement about the date.

Minutes later, while Lucas presented Dane with the first course—the vibrant Caprese Salad—they couldn’t stop smiling. As they savored each mouthful, their eyes met across the table, the unspoken chemistry between them igniting like a flame in the darkness. The conversation never stopped, as they realized they had many things in common. They talked and laughed, and they felt as if time had stopped. Nothing else mattered but the two of them at that table.

Next came the main course—the chicken marsala that melted into their mouths with each tender bite. Dane was impressed by Lucas’ culinary skills. Everything was perfect, and Dane couldn’t help but feel attracted to Lucas on a deeper level. It wasn’t just how the big guy looked, but his sweetness, attention, and the fact that he cooked so well made Dane realize that Lucas was simply perfect.

By the time Lucas served the dessert, they weren’t trying to hide their mutual attraction. They shared spoonfuls of the chocolate lava cakes, with their eyes locked into each other’s. The entire world disappeared around them, and time stopped. Lucas only cared about Dane, and Dane only cared about Lucas.

As they finished the Chocolate Lava Cakes, Dane had some melted chocolate running down his chin, and Lucas carefully wiped it off with his fingers. This simple touch sent jolts of passion through their bodies, prompting Lucas to quickly move his chair closer to Dane’s and pull the blonde guy’s head into a long and passionate kiss.

“I’ve been waiting for this kiss since the moment I arrived at this apartment,” Dane said, kissing Lucas back with the same intensity. “Maybe we could... go to a more comfortable place?” Dane asked, and Lucas nodded.

Without much problem, Lucas took Dane in his arms, honeymoon style, and carried Dane through the apartment to his bed. However, the effort caused Lucas’ muscles to bulge, and his shirt gave up, ripping at the seams of his biceps and back. The ripping sounds made Dane giggle as he felt Lucas’ thick pecs tightly pressing against his own. Dane was in love with Lucas’ body, but the guy’s sweetness was driving him crazy.

“Sorry about that, but you said you wanted me with fewer clothes,” Lucas said as he entered his bedroom and carefully placed Dane on his bed. “I was planning on taking it off anyway.”

“Take it all off, please. I saw your massive bulge when I arrived, and I felt that beast throbbing in your pants while you carried me,” Dane said, starting to unbutton the rest of his shirt. “I have a few surprises for you if you treat me right.”

“Well, you need to know that... I’m kind of big down there, and I don’t want you to get scared. We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Lucas said, clearly nervous, but Dane just smiled at him.

“I’m counting on you being very, very well endowed,” Dane replied, opening the front of his shirt to reveal his bulging pecs, with nipples even more engorged than Lucas’. “Believe me, you won’t scare me.”

Dane took the rest of his shirt off, leaving Lucas speechless. Dane looked huge but soft in some spots. Even his pecs looked juicier than Lucas’, and the nipples looked somewhat damp. Then Dane removed his pants and underwear, and Lucas’ eyes shone bright. Dane’s hard dick was a bit over 14 inches long, with big balls too. Something that caught Lucas’ attention was Dane’s meaty hips since seeing them on full display before his eyes made Lucas want to knead the fat on them.

Lucas slowly took the rest of his clothes off as well, and Dane’s hands started running all over the big guy’s muscles. When Lucas freed his massive dick and balls, Dane couldn’t resist the urge to stroke such a magnificent cock and leaned forward to tease the dick slit with his tongue. Lucas was surprised Dane didn’t show any fear about the massive dick, expressing fascination and lust instead.

“The dinner was delicious, and everything was amazing. What do you say if you charge me for dinner? Well, you know what I mean.” Dane winked at Lucas and spread his legs wide open. “All yours, and believe me... There is no need to worry about long preparations. I’m ready.”

“What? Are you crazy? As much as I��d love to, I just can’t. My dick won’t fit,” Lucas said as his body shook due to Dane stroking his dick and teasing his slit. “Dude… You’re making me feel weak.”

“I promise I’ll be fine. I told you I have some surprises for you if you treat me right,” Dane replied, moving his hands to Lucas’ massive pecs to rub around his nipples. “But we can play with other parts of your body first. I had some space left, and I think you can provide me with a... snack.” Dane started using his fingers to pinch Lucas’ nipples.

“Wait! What are you doing? How do you know?” Lucas asked in confusion, but then he felt his nipples release a strong stream of muscle milk, making him moan in pleasure. “How did you know, and how did you get the milk flowing so fast?” Lucas asked again as his nipples continued shooting muscle milk all over Dane’s body.

“I’ve learned some tricks with my own body,” Dane said, getting his hands on his own pecs to squeeze them, and a rush of milk came out of his nipples immediately. “I don’t have a lot of information, but as soon as I saw your picture, I knew we were meant to be together.”

Lucas was speechless, and Dane looked so hot beneath him while milking his pecs that he could only lean forward and kiss Dane passionately. With their pecs tightly squeezed between them, even more milk came out of their nipples, coating them entirely in seconds.

Simultaneously, Lucas lifted Dane’s legs in the air, fully believing what the guy had said, and lined his large dick with Dane’s hole. Lucas hesitated for a few seconds, scared that he might hurt Dane. However, the making-out session was getting so intense that with a quick movement, Lucas fitted the big head of his dick into Dane’s tight hole, making Dane moan out loud and reach for Lucas’ powerful shoulders for support.

Even though Dane was sure Lucas’ dick could fit in his hole from the beginning, he never expected the sensation to be that intense. He moaned louder as Lucas pushed more and more of his dick into the stretchy hole, forming a giant bulge in Dane’s abdomen and making him feel full to the brim already.

For Lucas, the sensation was indescribable. It had been so long since the last time he had fit his dick inside someone that it felt as if it was the first time. It was actually the first time he did it with his huge dick, and he was almost passing out on pleasure by only pushing his dick into Dean’s hole pretty slowly. It was a tight fit, but he was surprised that Dean was even able to take what he knew was the biggest dick around.

“Are you okay?” Lucas asked when his dick was ¾ inside Dane’s hole.

“I am. It’s bigger than I thought, but I’ll survive. Fuck, you’re so big,” Dane said between loud moans.

“Well, I still have a few inches left, but I can stop if you want,” Lucas said, pulling about three inches of his dick out of Dane’s hole.

“No, no, no. Push it all inside. I want to have you whole inside me. Don’t save even a single inch, big guy,” Dane said, wrapping his legs around Lucas’ waist.

Without warning, Lucas pushed his hips forward until his entire dick slid inside Dane in an instant. Dane moaned louder than before and was gasping for air. However, a broad smile adorned his face. “I think you deserve your surprise. This date is already better than I ever expected. But fuck me, please. I need it.”

Lucas smiled, and his hips started moving, taking at least half of his dick out of Dane before ramming it back inside. Lucas’ massive balls smacked loudly against Dane’s plump ass, and the sounds of sex grew louder as Lucas intensified the fucking.

Then something kicked in within Lucas; a tingling sensation started in his groin and quickly spread all over his body. The tingling was familiar, but it had never been that intense before. Lucas wasn’t sure if he should continue, but he enjoyed Dane’s hole too much to miss the chance to keep going.

All along, Dane moaned out loud and sank his fingers deeper into Lucas’ bulging deltoids. He could barely breathe due to pleasure, and the harder and faster Lucas fucked him, the more he wanted. Lucas’ dick was the best Dane had ever experienced before, and yet Dane knew there was something else coming. He didn’t know much about his “condition,” but he didn’t care about the details anymore. With Lucas fucking him so nicely, he only cared about staying with the big guy for as long as possible.

Suddenly, Dane’s mind went blank, and his moans grew louder. His pecs started shooting muscle milk out like fountains as they grew and filled up even more. Then Dane’s muscles started expanding, still covered by a layer of fat in most places. His shoulders grew broader, and his arms looked stronger. His thighs thickened, and so did his wide hips. His dick grew a few inches in just a few seconds, and his balls inflated rapidly.

Dane’s growth was pretty fast, but Lucas immediately realized something was happening when he felt Dane’s ass getting plumper around his dick. Also, Dane’s balls grew so much that Lucas felt them getting squeezed between their bodies. Even then, Lucas didn’t stop. Instead, he started thrusting faster and harder into a blank-minded Dane, whose body was still expanding but slower than before.

While Lucas pounded faster, he felt something changing in his own body. His pecs expanded in a blink to almost double their size. His arms thickened so much that they looked similar to a bodybuilder’s thighs. He couldn’t see much past his pecs, but he also felt his dick growing enormous inside Dane and making the hole feel even tighter. Lucas’ body expanded rapidly, and his need to fuck Dane grew even stronger.

Lucas’ balls expanded and filled up with an enormous amount of cum, making them rest heavily on the mattress. Lucas had experienced similar growth spurts before but had never grown that much. His entire frame was getting so big and so broad that he cast a looming shadow over Dane’s body, who was still high on pleasure, and his body still grew to accommodate Lucas’ dick.

“Oh fuck… I’m so close,” Lucas moaned out as he felt his massive balls getting ready to burst. “I need to cum.”

“Do it. Just do it,” Dane managed to say between moans, and not even a second later felt a powerful stream of Lucas’ cum entering his guts and filling him up like a balloon.

Lucas’ load was so big that Dane’s belly started swelling rapidly, causing the rest of his body to expand even more. Dane’s pecs grew beyond Lucas’ pec size, and his nipples started shooting even more milk out like geysers. His muscles grew even more, but he was still smaller than Lucas. However, Dane’s hips and ass ballooned up the most, even locking Lucas’ dick inside him. Dane’s belly expanded a lot, forcing Lucas to move slightly to the side to give the belly space to grow.

Then, as he orgasmed like never before, Lucas fixed his eyes on one of Dane’s nipples that were shooting milk, and out of curiosity, he started sucking on it as his life depended on it. Lucas felt the warm, fresh milk going down his throat and filling his stomach to the brim in seconds. The warm sensation spread all over his body, and his growth intensified. His muscles exploded with size, and he quickly surpassed the size of the biggest bodybuilders he had seen. Both were getting so big and heavy that Lucas’ king-sized bed was creaking under their combined weight.

The more muscle milk Lucas drank from Dane’s pecs, the bigger he became, and the more he came inside the Dane. And the more cum entered Dane’s body, the bigger and faster his body grew, and the more milk he provided Lucas. It was such a perfect cycle that neither of them wanted to make it stop.

“You’re perfect for me, Lucas. I’ve never felt like this before with anyone. I want to make this work. You’re perfect, Lucas,” Dane said between moans as he heard the bed creak even more. His body easily surpassed 400 pounds of combined muscle, fat, milk, and cum.

“I want to make this work. I think we’re meant to be together,” Lucas said, moving his lips from Dane’s nipples to his lips to kiss him. “Happy Valentine’s Day. That app was right; we’re a perfect match,” Lucas added as he restarted drinking Dane’s muscle milk, and his dick continued shooting gallons of cum into Dane’s hole. Lucas’ body had grown so much that he was close to reaching 700 pounds of pure muscle mass, enormous dick, and colossal balls that looked bigger than beach balls.

Neither of them was surprised when Lucas’ bed collapsed under the increasing weight and size of their love.

The End?

#muscle growth story

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eatmangoesnekkid · 3 months

Text

My Second Belly Dance Teacher and Friend

I am compassionately twirling out of Germany on the train making my way back to Amsterdam to see my 2nd belly dance teacher. Yes I am blessed to have 2 teachers because each one teaches differently and I get to develop a more dynamic practice. I had homework to do on my side belly waves and shimmies 🧘🏿‍♀️🌊 and she will test me this evening. Germany is definitely not my country🤣🤣 but I love giving love and care, one of the prime roles of a lover archetype in practice. Being a lover isn’t just about dancing, playing, art, music, sex, nature, animals, or loving your way through this reality, it is a real care practice, as I see all of the above as ways we care for others. I do believe that an embodied belly dancer could dance and her sacred dance would bring back the eyesight of a blind person who gets to witness her, to feel her…in their heart. Feeling is always key. In my travels, I sense how she could journey around the world and heal ailments in the bodies of weaker or compromised people through her belly waves and breast rotations—that pure kundalini innocence. Because when a person sees/feels/perceives a beautiful, lighthearted, open-hearted woman (one who is holding pain/hurt in her heart/spirit) and interacts with her in the slightest way, their body naturally releases chemicals called “endorphins” that cause them really feel good and even healthier and more powerful or capable. These lost forbidden arts I hope to revive and reclaim in my lifetime and I see myself getting to that place in my heart one day. When people think of Oshun, they tend to omit two of her most important skills-her ability to care for the sick and her warrior aspects, but we must remember that it's either all of it or none of it. ☀️

I do believe that it’s important as you learn these medicinal arts that are not only medicine for others, but medicine for your own mind, body, and spirit—whether you learn on YouTube or with a teacher, you 'womb' yourself and don’t blast on social media right away. I see women do this as well when they start a new work out program. Embody your practice first then share or you may find that you dilute your progress and become stagnant because social media tends to take us away from our heart and its purity of passion to embark on a new skill or habit imperfectly, and drown us in our ego and its need for constant approval and addiction to comparing and contrasting. This was a big learning for me that the ancestral mothers whispered. Much of social media emanates a frequency of disembodiment —pretending to be embodied. Some of the most vibrant, brilliant, and embodied artists, dancers, writers, and singers I adore like Sade and Tracy Chapman don’t have a social media presence. They lead private lives and create in the dark, in mystery and silent ritual. They aren't under the constant bombardment of notifications, distractions, or stress nor operate with the common "text-neck" which malnourishes the female body and blocks the lymphatic pathways from detoxifying the face, upper back, and shoulders, the death-grip to more wrinkles (however beautiful, merely sharing for Aunties who buy toxic anti-aging cremes), and neck, shoulder, and back inflammation/pain. More than the fact that these women are aging backwards as a result of their private lifestyles and the accompanying incontrovertible power, there is benevolent advanced intelligence in the quiet, whether you are creating books or music or dilating your hips in a new dance practice or abductor workout regiment. While in the learning curve or creative process, discretion and care are needed.

Having an audience occasionally cheer on your progress can be a nice feeling due to the quick dopamine hit but it can easily become like a drug and it matters more that you see yourself and believe in you. “Giving birth” is multidimensional, multidisciplinary, and not something that everyone should be privy to seeing. Eventually you openheartedly share your gift, but not in the early or mid-developmental stages. And yes feeling stronger in your body from the discipline (and sometimes discomfort of) working out is also a gift that you give to this world.

This life is so temporary and we all asked to be here so be here fully grounded in your feet, legs, and hips and overflowing in your gifts. Embody the art. Midwife the dancer. Share the baby when it’s time. Mm, One loveliness 🫀🫀🫀🫀

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theyareexperiments · 4 days

Text

Can you see me?

Leo was afraid of only one thing. From his earliest childhood, he was afraid that he would be left alone. It was painful to watch children being taken away from his group all the time. The children were leaving. The children came. Only Leonardo stayed. There were no longer even the children who had been with him from the very beginning. The boy really tried not to even think about it. There were still children around him, with whom he easily found a common language. He was still surrounded by people.

When he was informed that they were taking him to the laboratory, Leo hoped that he would not be alone. Fortunately, there was another boy in the room. Donnie. Almost a mirror image of himself. He just didn't have the same cool stripes as Leonardo. Even that didn't stop the boys from starting to be called twins. Now he was not alone at all. His twin was always with him now.

The fear of being left alone lurked deep in his soul until he was pulled out again.

Leonardo stood in front of the scientists and couldn't move. They didn't see him. Only by grabbing his hand did one of the lab technicians look directly at him. They were happy about it, although they were saying something. Leo didn't hear that. There was a noise in my ears from the constantly repeated words: “No one will see you now. You're nothing now. Now you'll be alone forever. Now there is only you.” The boy did not even immediately realize that he was taken back to the room.

“Leo! What happened? Why did you stop dead in your tracks?”, although Donnie spoke rather angrily, a note of concern easily slipped through the words. He felt it (maybe it was a telepathic connection that they hadn't figured out yet). “Answer me!”

It was only when Leonardo focused on the guy in front of him that he noticed that Donnie was looking right at him. And he didn't touch it. He looked directly into his eyes, and not through them, like many other laboratory assistants.

"Do you... see me?" Leo asked worriedly, not quite believing it.

"Shouldn't I?" Dee snorted, and then frowned, "Wait. What did they do?”

Leo laughed and threw himself at his twin, hugging and squeezing with all his might. He wasn't going to respond normally. Right now, there was only joy in the fact that he wasn't really alone. How could he forget that he has the best twin in the world.

"God," Donatello hugs back, "Whatever happens, but know this. I will always see you and find you wherever you are. I will never leave you alone. Did you remember?”

Leo smiled contentedly and nodded. He can believe these words. Now he really will never be alone.

“Don't forget, too, that I will never leave you alone! We are together until the very end!”

“Yes, Leo, what did you want?”, Donnie doesn't even turn to Leo.

Unfortunately, Leo Dee has never been able to scare unexpectedly. Leo tried constantly, but each time he managed to notice him.

In fact, they have long since figured out the reason. It was even too simple. Due to the constant connection to technology, Donatello had background vision through them, and Leo just couldn't fool it all.

“No, nothing”, Leo snorts, and then the door slams.

---

“Leo, I want to rest”, Dee doesn't even open his eyes, and Leo grumbles and falls down next to him.

“Yes, how do you do it?!”

“Well, I'm sorry that I have such eyesight”, Donnie turns to him and looks closely at the disgruntled twin.

---

Leo abruptly hugs Donnie with a scream from behind. A smile spreads across his face…

“Oh, banana pancakes. Leo! You scared me!”, Donnie says, trying to put as much emotion into his words as possible. Leo immediately knocks his head against his shoulder in displeasure.

“You saw it, didn't you?”, The twin immediately asks and understands by the tensed shoulders that he has hit the nail on the head. Dee was a terrible liar. Even if he didn't speak, his body gave it away completely.

“Don't do that.”, After a while, Leonardo began to speak calmly. “I'm not offended that you see me. Conversely.”, The hug gets a little tighter, “ It's just like a test for me. Try to outsmart you. Honestly and without pretense. Especially one so stupid. Mikey scares me all the time, so you don't have to be scared of me on purpose. Agreed? ”

“Affirmative. “, Dee exhales calmly and gently ruffles her brother's hair.

---

Leo was coughing. Looking around, he tried to find a familiar crown in the smoke. He avoided the explosion, but it landed right where Donnie was sitting.

This was supposed to be a routine information gathering operation. Simple, ordinary and not at all complicated. Just getting information about new samples. It was necessary to know this in advance in order to understand who would have to fight.

For example, like now with the guy from the third trial. Leo hadn't seen his mark yet, but he fit it perfectly. Only he did not expect that along with the fire there would also be explosions. It's good that it turned out to be neutralized immediately. Now all that remained was to find Donatello and get out of here as soon as possible.

Except Dee didn't even respond. Not in reality, nor telepathically. Leo was worried that he couldn't even feel his emotions. Something had happened and it was something serious. It didn't look like his twin.

It was difficult to see anything through the smoke, and because of this, the search was lengthened. Soon, a familiar crown appeared. Lee immediately rushed to him, hugging him from behind. Only Donnie started violently and turned sharply to him.

“I'm sorry.… I seem to have blacked out for a while because of the explosion. “, The twin pressed his hands to his eyes and exhaled heavily.

"Wait... didn't you notice me?" Leo was looking at him intently. It was weird and... bad. The thought quickly flashed through his mind that he had finally been able to scare him. Except he didn't want it to happen like this. Donnie got hurt. Donnie couldn't be disconnected from everything.

“Stop it. “, Dee slapped him sharply on the shoulder and forced him to look into his eyes, “ There's just no technology left around that I can connect to. That's all. Calm down. I'm a little disoriented, but overall I'm fine. I saved some information, but…”

“I don't care. We need to get out of here now. “ Leo squeezed his hand and scooped him up in his arms. He would deal with it faster, and then they would deal with everything that today's failed mission would bring them.

Лео боялся только одного. С самого раннего детства он боялся, что останется один. Смотреть как из его группы постоянно забирают детей было больно. Дети уходили. Дети приходили. Только вот Леонардо оставался. Уже не было даже детей, которые были с ним с самого начала. Мальчик и правда старался даже не думать об этом. Вокруг него все равно продолжали быть дети, с которыми он с легкостью находил общий язык. Он все ещё был окружен людьми.

Когда ему сообщили, что забирают в лабораторию, то Лео надеялся, что не окажется один. К его счастью в комнате оказался ещё один мальчик. Донни. Почти зеркальное отражение его самого. У него просто не было таких же крутых полосок как у Леонардо. даже это не помешало мальчикам начать называться близнецами. Теперь он не был одинок совсем. Рядом с ним теперь всегда был его близнец.

Страх остаться одному затаился глубоко в душе, пока его не выдернули вновь.

Леонардо стоял перед учеными и не мог пошевелиться. Они не видели его. Только схватив за руку один из лаборантов посмотрел прямо на него. Они радовались этим, хотя приговаривали что-то. Лео не слышал этого. В ушах стоял шум из постоянно повторяющихся слов: “Теперь тебя никто не увидет. Ты теперь ничто. Теперь ты навсегда останешься один. Теперь есть только ты” Мальчик даже не сразу понял, что его отвели обратно в комнату.

— Лео! Что случилось? Ты чего встал как вкопанный? — Хоть Донни и говорил довольно зло, но сквозь слова легко проскальзывали нотки беспокойства. Он чувствовал это (может это работала телепатическая связь с которой они ещё не разобрались). — Ответь мне!

Только сфокусировавшись на парне перед собой, Леонардо заметил, что Донни смотрел прямо на него. И он не прикасался к нему. Смотрел прямо в его глаза, а не сквозь, как многие другие лаборанты.

— Ты… видишь меня? — Обеспокоенно спросил ��ео не до конца веря в это.

— А не должен? — Ди фыркнул, а потом нахмурился, — Подожди. Что они сделали?

Лео рассмеялся и накинулся на своего близнеца обнимая, сжимая из всех сил. Он не собирался отвечать нормально. Сейчас была только радость от того, что он на самом деле не один. Как же он мог забыть, что у него есть самый лучший близнец в мире.

— Боже, — Донателло обнимает в ответ, — Что бы там не произошло, но знай. Я всегда тебя увижу и найду где бы ты не был. Я никогда не оставлю тебя одного. Запомнил?

Лео довольно улыбнулся и кивнул. Он может поверить в эти слова. Теперь он и правда никогда не останется один.

— Ты тоже не забывай, что я никогда не отстану от тебя! Мы вместе до самого конца!

---

— Да, Лео, что ты хотел? — Донни даже даже не поворачивается к Лео.

К несчастью, Лео Ди никогда не получалось неожиданно напугать. Лео пытался постоянно, но каждый раз тот успевал заметить его.

На самом деле они уже давно выяснили причину. Она была даже слишком проста. Из-за постоянного подключение к технологиям Донателло имел фоновое зрение через них, а Лео просто не мог обмануть все это.

— Нет, ничего, — Лео фыркает, а следом слышится хлопок двери.

---

— Лео, я хочу отдохнуть. — Ди даже не открывает глаза, а Лео недовольно бурчит и падает рядом с ним.

— Да, как ты это делаешь?!

— Ну уж прости, что у меня такое зрение, — Донни поворачивается к нему и внимательно смотрит на недовольного близнеца.

---

Лео резко обнимает Донни с криком со спины. На его лице расплывается улыбка…

— О, бананоные блинчики. Лео! Ты меня напугал! — Проговаривает Донни старается вложить в свои слова как можно больше эмоций. Лео сразу же недовольно стучит головой о его плечо.

— Ты же видел? — Сразу же спрашивает близнец и по напрягшимся плечам понимает, что попал в точку. Ди был ужасным лжецом. Если даже он не говорил, но его тело выдавало полностью.

— Не делай так. — Через время Леонардо начал спокойно говорить. — Я не обижаюсь на то, что ты видишь меня. Наоборот. — Объятие становится чуть теснее, — Просто это как испытание для меня. Попробовать перехитрить тебя. Честно и без притворства. Особенно такого глупого. Меня и так постоянно пугается Майки, так что не нужно пугаться меня нарочно. Договорились?

— Утвердительно. — Ди спокойно выдыхает и аккуратно треплет по волосам брата.

---

Лео кашлял. Оглядываясь он пытался найти в дыму знакомую макушку. Он избежал взрыва, но он пришёлся прямо туда где сидел Донни.

Это должна была быть обычная операция по сбору информации. Простая, обычная и совсем не сложная. Просто добыча информации про новые пробы. Это было необходимо знать заранее, чтобы понимать с кем придётся бороться.

Например, как сейчас с парнем из третей пробы. Лео ещё не видел его метки, но он полностью подходил под неё. Только он не ожидал что вместе с огнём будут ещё и взрывы. Хорошо, что вышло его сразу нейтрализовать. Сейчас оставалось найти Донаттело и сбегать поскорее отсюда.

Только вот Ди даже не отзывался. Не в реальности, ни телепатически. Лео переживал, что не чувствовал даже его эмоции. Что-то произошло и это что-то было чем-то серьёзным. Это не было похоже на его близнеца.

Сквозь дым было трудно что-то заметить и из-за этого поиски удлинились. Вскоре все таки появилась знакомая макушка. Ли сразу бросился к нему, обнимая со спины. Только Донни резко вздрогнул и резко обернулся к нему.

— Прости… Я похоже отключился на время из-за взрыва. — Близнец прижал руки к глазам и выдохнул тяжело.

— Подожди… ты не заметил меня? - Лео внимательно смотрел на него. Это было странно и… Плохо. В мыслях быстро проскочила мысль, что он наконец-то смог его напугать. Только вот он не хотел, чтобы это произошло вот так. Донни пострадал. Донни не мог быть отключён от всего.

— Прекрати. — Ди резко ударил его по плечу и заставил посмотреть себе в глаза, — Просто вокруг не осталось техники к которой я могу подключится. Вот и все. Успокойся. Я немного дезорентрован, но в целом в порядке. Информацию какую-то сохранил, но…

— Плевать. Нам сейчас надо убираться отсюда. — Лео сжал его руку и подхватил на руки. Он быстрее справится с этим, а потом они разберутся со всем, что принесёт им сегодняшняя проваленная миссия.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #tmnt #rottmnt tae #tae #rottmnt au #rottmnt human au #disaster twins #rise donatello #tmnt donatello #Donatello #tmnt leonardo #rise leonardo #Leonardo #Эволюция черепашек ниндзя #русский текст #русский блог

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gougarfem · 3 months

Note

I want to transition so bad

I agree with radical feminism and all but theory cant relieve the sex dysmorphia. I wish you the best of luck!

Question tho: the health related risks are a large part of whats kept me from transitioning. Are you planning to start taking testosterone? If you are how do you plan on doing it in a way that poses the least risks to your health? If you’re not then in what ways can a woman transition to a trans man without hormone therapy?

Thanks!

Signed, lookupmedicalmisogyny

(Which is not my main, hence the anon)

i would naturally urge you not to transition, as i believe the vast majority of dysphoria is treatable. if you can be happy without transition, it is a much better life. better for your health, better to know you always have the support of other women, better to find comfort in the same body you've spent your whole life with. some feel the need to have some sort of medical alteration without transitioning fully or adopting the male gender role - again i advise against this, but if you really have no other option and it helps you to find comfort in your sex it is a route some go down. anything is better than spending a lifetime fighting your biological reality and adapting to living as a member of a different sex category.

i am on testosterone, and have been for several weeks - i was on it for nearly a year in the past. health for me is very much different to most people, so i don't feel qualified to give advice there. i have a chronic illness which nearly killed me multiple times and took years of my life away, so risking my health is a huge huge concern of mine and absolutely terrifying. i am under medical supervision, taking the dose i took in the past which did not seem to have immediate adverse effects (although in the future i will likely need a hysterectomy, but have wanted one for years anyway due to a very severe menstrual disorder), having regular blood tests and on constant guard for any signs of changes to my health. personally, i have found the increase in muscle mass reduces my chronic pain and leaves me more energised, but this is achievable by other means such as bodybuilding.

the reality is that testosterone is never truly safe. the effects on females have not been studied properly, and there are many anecdotal reports of the damage it can do by detrans women. i will most likely need a hysterectomy - this is not a concern for me personally, but nobody should unnecessarily remove a vital organ. vaginal atrophy, hair loss, and blood disorders are risks i have had to come to terms with. there are worse risks, and there are unknown risks. i am willing to go through this only because i am certain i can't keep living with dysphoria this severe, and have experienced it since early childhood. nobody should go through this if they have another option.

i would suggest lifting weights to build a more muscular and potentially masculine physique. feeling stronger in general can reduce dysphoria, and exercise is brilliant for your mental health, especially weightlifting as it's an instant rush rather than a more drawn-out activity where you can get lost in your thoughts. cut your hair, dress however you want, break the barriers your female socialisation imposed on you. be loud, angry, confident and outspoken. take up space. all of these things are possible as a woman, even though society says otherwise.

i would urge you to also consider the following: - when did your dysphoria start? was it impacted by factors like puberty, trauma, the realisation of gender roles?

- are you uncomfortable with the idea of being a masculine woman? how does your current expression impact your dysphoria? what about sexuality?

- can you see yourself growing old as an old man? can you see yourself growing old as an old woman? in 60 years, how do you think you'll consider gender? can you picture the future at all?

- do you experience 'gender envy'? is your identity tied to appearance, or the people you're around? is the idea of being a masculine twink with female friends more appealing than being a fully biological male? do you value your femaleness in any way, such as a sense of community, familiarity, connections with female relatives?

- if you woke up on a desert island, would you still want to transition? do you want a male body, or do you crave the male social role?

- what do you associate with womanhood? what does being a woman mean to you?

these are questions you can't answer in a day. it may take months, years, or a lifetime. but please consider them before trying to transition. if nothing else, you'll have a deeper understanding of yourself and the feelings that led you to this point.

i hope this wasn't too rambly and made some sense. i'm always open to dm if you want to discuss things further or just chat to someone who gets it.

take care <3

@lookupmedicalmisogyny

#lav.txt #asks #transition #retransition #dysphoria

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none-shall-caricature-me · 2 years

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Why Yosano Half - Kills To Heal, Why She Dislikes 'Weak Men', and How These are Interconnected

(TW suicide Mention and

Manga Spoilers for Chapter 65 onwards)

(I explain her ability after explaining her dislike of 'weak men', because these are inter-dependent. People have analyzed this topic, and several of my points are the same as theirs, but my ultimate interpretation is different )

I always wondered why Yosano's profile lists 'weak men' as a dislike when no other character's does. I thought, her job literally involves saving helpless people much, much weaker and less competent than her, so what does she mean by 'weak men' ?

I thought of a possible in - universe explanation : as a wartime healer, she is shown admonishing the soldiers to not be weaklings who get hurt so easily and to go the fuck back to battle, but it seems in a good - natured and concerned 'tough love' way, an attempt to maintain discipline, morale and fighting spirit probably.

So theres no actual loathing of weak men here for it to be a specific dislike. After all, she slowly realizes that her healing is turning them into constant cannon fodder to eventually die for real, and that it restores their bodies but the severe incurable PTSD, depression and mania ruins them. Instead of being a war fanatic 'weak man - hater' who keeps doing her job or forces them to push through and keep fighting, she begs Mori to not use her ability and even after Mori tells her that their nation will fall without her ability, she basically says it's okay for their side to lose its advantage and lose the war as long as her soldiers suffer less.

So why the current clearly marked dislike of weak men ? I believe that it's because of the suicide of the soldier she was especially attached to (let's abbreviate him as TachiBro). TachiBro consoled her when she thought that she was cheapening soldiers' lives, told her that she's actually keeping them alive and giving them hope. Thanks to TachiBro, she didn't break down completely (her eyes show she was already deeply traumatized at that point). She cries tears of relief when he tells her this.

But then TachiBro realized he'd probably never escape the trauma and torture of war thanks to (Mori forcing her to use) her ability. So he lost all hope, his opinion of Yosano turned decidedly negative, and he killed himself. In his note he calls her 'too correct', thus basically blaming her for not being able to save him.

After this incident, Yosano's eyes turn pitch black since this shatters her self - esteem, makes her believe she's responsible for a whole troop's / regiment's / division's suffering. She becomes deeply depressed.

She starts hating 'weak men' after this - she hates that the soldiers ruined themselves by losing hope for any improvement in their lives and became suicidal or depressed. She hates how she was emotionally destroyed due to their 'weakness'. She never wants a repeat of that.

As others have also said, you will notice that in her war healer era, there is no mention of her injuring soldiers till half - death to heal them. But this explicitly happens when she joins the ADA.

Abilities reflect the soul. Again as others have also said, now her ability changes - she has to half - kill people before healing them, because it's her way of making them experience the magnitude of suffering the soldiers underwent, and then she heals them - to show that there's always hope for suffering to end, no matter how torturous one's life. So instead of being 'weak' and succumbing to sorrow and hopelessness, one should endure it keeping in mind that improvements can come anytime.

I don't think this method avoids 'cheapening lives', since people who can tolerate the pain and biological damage, as another analysis said, can still be healed and used as cannon fodder again and again. They'll personally not want the pain and avoid inviting it, sure, but if someone powerful like Mori forces them to do so in urgent situations then it will still cheapen their lives. Idealists like Kunikida will risk / accept death and suffering when they've made up their minds to do something or are manipulated into believing they have to.

Also if you keep doing this sadism shit then people will rightfully start hating you, or have enough and start avoiding your painful treatments, instead opting for actual normal people to treat them.

It's a dumb fucking strategy. I cannot agree with 'she does it to avoid cheapening lives' analyses.

(DON'T DARE TO PLAGIARIZE / REPOST REUPLOAD. OKAY TO REBLOG)

#bsd yosano #bsd akiko #yosano akiko #akiko yosano #bsd ability analysis #bsd abilities #bsd analysis #bsd meta #bsd yosano akiko #bsd headcanons #bsd theory #bsd theories #my post #don't repost

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tallowandport · 2 months

Text

Here's the start of my very own mlp Infection au! Here's part 1 and part 3

Some basic info about the stages of infection, with lil traditionally drawn concepts to accompany them. I apologise if my handwriting is hard to read at points, lol.

I will put it under this cut because I've drawn some monsterish-body horror stuff and a lil bit of blood, so if you don't want to see it, don't read more.

(Edit: I will also write a transcript describing what's written under the cut for accessibility, smh can't believe I forgot something so simple.)

[transcript:]

Stage 1: Victim experiences a sudden and drastic growth spurt regardless of age.

Growing pains are persistent and severe.

"It feels like things are growing out of my bones" - a quote from the victim.

"There is something itching under my skin." - another quote from the victim.

[pictured below is a nervous looking pony that is now almost twice the size of its original state.]

Stage 2: The growth spurt has developed into a far more worrying mutation, as it has continued to grow and lengthen the victims bones; to the point where their skin has become taut and strained.

Reduced movement as a result.

Small cuts have appeared all over the victims body, though the victim swears they don't remember getting hurt.

Victim is also experiencing mental fog, and sleepwalking has developed.

[pictured below is a haggard looking pony that appears to be suffering from dehydration and malnutrition, but in actuality it looks like that because its skin has become so taut and stretched thin its basically being shrink wrapped. It has also grown even taller and more spindly. the cuts on its body look like cat scratches.]

Stage 3: The victim is hostile.

Brain function has deteriorated, and victim has ceased any identifiable efforts to communicate.

Bone growth has not only worsened, but ligaments and joints have begun to fail- leading to dislocations and visible disfigurements.

The cuts observed on the victim in stage 2 have grown and begun to swell.

Taut skin has begun to tear due to victims now violent movements.

Strange shapes are forming under their skin.

Mane and fur loss.

[pictured below is a creature only resembling the general structure of a pony. it is bald, its jaw has dislocated and hangs limply from its head, it's eyes are wide and bloodshot, the cuts on its body now resemble pustules. Looks almost entirely skin and bones except for the few places where the skin has torn and hangs limp like the skin of an old popped balloon, muscle and bone exposed underneath.]

Stage 4: The victim can no longer be recognised as a pony.

It has been twisted into a new shape.

Its skin now hangs of f of it in torn rags, wrinkled and sagging from the constant strain.

Sharp and jagged bones protrude randomly from its body.

It has gaping dark holes littering its body.

The "cuts" from previous stages have split open and revealed themselves as hundreds of new, bloodshot, eyes; always rapidly looking around.

Its jaw bone fell out, and now it just swallows its prey whole.

It's hunger never seems to be sated.

[pictured below is a monster. the stage 4 report describes it mostly. but it does also now stand entirely using its exposed leg bones. its hooves appearing to have fallen off at some point. And it's mouth has split vertically all the way down its neck.]

#mlp infection au #mlp infected au #infection au #mlp fim infection au #infection au mlp #my little pony infection au

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annakenziesworld · 3 months

Text

What's gonna happen to Lunar?

this post will include spoilers and mentions of child abuse, sibling abuse, Stockholm syndrome, kidnapping, and manipulation!

Due to the things moon had said about how Lunar is with eclipse still despite them not trusting Eclipse and being horrified of him to a point merely hearing his name gives him a panic attack. I feel like if he is kidnapped, it could create a holt on the ability to use star power at free will due to his fear in a similar manner as when his bodies appearance changed after eclipse spoke to him through the computer. I also feel like due to the abuser and victim dynamic between eclipse and lunar I could see some sort of brotherly Stockholm syndrome happening by eclipse manipulating Lunar. Reason I predict that is because if Eclipse is to get his hands on Lunar he'd need to make Lunar use his power which would have to be done in two ways 1. Torturing him with pain and various things to make him purposely lose control 2. Manipulate him into trusting him or believing eclipse actually cares about lunar, which could be done through means of something such as love bombing.

This would be done by eclipse giving Lunar positive brotherly attention but the moment Lunar does something 'wrong' he retracts the attention from Lunar as some sort of punishment and an act of disappointment. Which psychologically once someone starts receiving all that positive attention and its taken away he's likely to try to chase after Eclipse to try and get the previous attentions back since now that Lunar is in that situation the natural need to feel wanted and needed would be being played around with. Which would inevitably lead into Lunar re-entering a state of dependency on Eclipse. Because despite Lunar constantly having the tough guy act and preaching about how he hates Eclipse which of course he does. After all eclipse abused him mentally and physically and even killed him. But when you also keep in mind the fact that manipulation victims can easily be put back into those situations if pushed hard enough, and when you consider the fact Lunar is in constant refusal and denial to cope with his problems? It also makes him more vulnerable to eclipse. I believe that Lunar also could be put into a weaker role since even though Lunar was repaired his coding was never changed merely fixed.

However this is all possible if Eclipse gets to Lunar before Solar and Moons security guard is done, and with how often earth and monty are spending together without Lunar I can see it leading to Lunar being put into a vulnerable situation due to being alone more often. The risks are even greater due to the fact Pollux and Castor are not aloud or required to meddle with such problems unless something bad happens that could affect the astrals.

If anyone has a theory or a question they'd likes an opinion on feel free to ask or comment and I'll make a post on it!

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rayar32 · 5 months

Note

I'm so normal about your OCs I haven't finished the series yet so I don't understand some limited things, but that will change soon! Anyways your OCs are fucking awesome and I would love an info dump on them if you have time

oh boy, an opportunity to not shut up about about my OCs! is it already Christmas??? (not but actually thank you for being interested in my dumb kids)

there's a lot to say about them, since I can't stop myself from thinking about em', so I'll do a bunch of fun facts:

- Luiza's main inspiration is Denji from Chainsaw Man; it's very telling with her feral smiles and uh, vulgar way of speech let's say (there's also the constant search for love by literally anyone but the funnies are more important)

- Luiza has self-taught herself in martial arts: her speciality is the Open Hand Technique, a fighting style that incorporates strong and fast slaps using the whole body.

(also yes she can slap so hard it creates a pressure wave)

- Luiza's favorite musical genre is rock in any variation, her favorites being popular songs from the 2010's. She is a certified MCR head and isn't ashamed to admit it.

- Luiza and Helena are twins: their birthday is on June 1st and they're both Geminis (which was totally intentional and not a happy coincidence thanks to a random number generator)

- Luiza is a flaming bisexual, Helena is trans and aroace, Milia is a lesbian and Rebeca is the token straight friend of the group while Six is Six (genderfluid and extremely pan)

(there's a lot more below but I'm hiding it as to not flood people's dashboards!)

- I have a pretty clear character arc for Luiza planned in a (completely delusional) season 1: Luiza starts out as a doormat due to years of having to take care of Helena during her depressive episodes and constantly failing to argue her down from very self-destructive and hateful thoughts; all of this makes Luiza consistently disregard her own opinions and thoughts for whatever her family thinks. She very much starts the "show" off being someone that burns herself for others and that has a very low opinion of herself. That of course changes when she finds Milia, someone that grows to unabashedly care for her and everything she stands for, making Luiza finally realize that yes, she has an innate worth as an individual even if she can't be useful to people. Also she finally grows a backbone specifically to stand up for herself and Milia.

- I think I already told this through a comic, but the reason they both have white locks of hair is trauma, though the irl reason for it is because white/grey are colors associated with wolves and I felt the need to be extremely obvious they're lycanthropes.

- Helena was the second sister to be made irl, but honestly both of their designs and Kallas' just, came to me suddenly one day. Their final designs are quite literally their first iteration, with a few changes over the months because that just happens when you draw the same characters over and over again-

- on the topic of Helena, she doesn't have a main inspiration as much as she is loosely based on the "mean goth girl" archetype; I say loosely based because Helena is also a theater kid in spirit and a huge nerdy loser under all that black leather-

- Helena's arc for season 1 starts out rough: she believes herself to be a monster and will do anything to keep her family safe. While Luiza wants to cure herself of her curse and interact with people, Helena wants to harness it further and never ever feel pain again. Whenever Luiza brings up her dreams of having friends and going to school, Helena shuts it down by saying it's unrealistic and she should stop thinking about it because they're monsters and it's all they'll ever be. Of course all of this vitriol comes from the sister's years of trying and failing to integrate in society, coupled with Helena's own mental issues warping her view of herself. By the end of season 1, through meeting Milia and Luiza finally having the guts to stand against her sister's ideas while still understanding why she thinks that way, Helena abandons her idea of harnessing her curse and starts to open up more to her family.

- Milia's main inspiration is very obviously Suletta Mercury from the Witch from Mercury; if the round eyebrows and generally anxious personality wasn't enough, like Suletta she grows to be confident and lead the charge for her friends (there's even more parallels but I would be spoiling the shit out of WfM-)

- Milia's birthday is on November 5th, making her a Scorpio (which is mildly funny if you're into astrology)

- her vampire form ripping away human skin to reveal a bat-like monster below it comes from an old concept I had involving vampires. I think it actually comes from somewhere else but I literally can't remember it-

- Milia is cold to the touch and barely feels pain; when first learning to cook Milia constantly cut herself and did not realize she did until she saw blood pouring out of her wounds

- Milia's season 1 arc is considerably simple compared to the twins: she starts out scared and alone and, through the Petroniuses compassion, learns to love and be loved. She learns to value herself, stand up for herself and let go of being scared of everything and everyone. She not only mirrors the sister's arcs, but also inspires them into developing through her honest and kind nature. For that reason in post season 1 Milia grows to be the leader of the Bootleg Gear Gang.

- The Angrvadall, Rati and Ukonvasara were all based on the Babr-e Bayan, Milia's relic. The three Symphogears are actually a testbed for a mass produced type of phonic armor development through alchemy; while they can reach the same insane power level that the canon girls do, the Bootleg Gear Gang aren't put in world ending situations and thus don't reach a power level higher than somewhere around GX and AXZ (though they get XV style Gears because I think they're neat-)

- Rebeca and Six are very much like siblings; though they were forced together into a single body, after years of working through it they became nearly inseparable. They both care for and respect each other's autonomy and personal limits, which is why they both wear gender neutral clothes (since Six is uncomfortable wearing traditionally feminine clothing)

- Rebeca was born August 25th making her a Virgo. Six can't remember his birthday, so they make their implant date, July 14th, their birthday. That makes Six's sign Cancer.

- Rebeca/Six were originally planned to be Milia's older siblings; this is still technically true since Six was part of the same undeath experiments that birthed Milia so... yeah! The idea of them inhabiting the same body came from a shower thought that simply stuck around because I really liked it (and also because it's a Gundam 00 reference-)

- also, they're both the strongest Symphogear wielders of the group; Luiza and Helena are stronger when singing in unison, but Rebeca/Six have a unique advantage with being able to switch from two completely different fighting styles on the fly. Additionally Rebeca's brain is simply built different and she constantly pushes her side of Ukonvasara to do increasingly stupid shit like calling down lighting, throwing thunder and eventually using magnetism and electrokinesis. She's very Maria-like when it comes to having an extremely versatile Symphogear and constantly pulling shit out of her ass-

#senki zesshou symphogear #symphogear #symphogear oc #luiza petronius #helena petronius #milia polidori #rebeca/six #my art #i think that's enough fun facts for a single post-#absolutely went off the rails there but oh well #i have many thoughts about my ocs-

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lrdvyke · 4 months

Text

so in the want to figure out a way of life for escaped vyke should the cure prove too impossible to get ( it is 😭 ), i started to look for ways to help deal with the madness build up. it's going to always be there, it doesn't just go away be it through plucking out the eyes or the three fingers dying. from the clues that the game gives, the madness itself seems more physical in the way of what one may call a disease of sort. sometimes even just due to the fact that one's mind is not capable enough to continue caring for the body, but i'm digressing a little.

so i looked at the clarifying boluses for the biggest tell, as they are meant to get rid of the buildup of madness before it gets too much in the person's body / system:

Madness accumulates slowly, inflicting heavy damage and reducing FP once the threshold is reached. Take one of these in timely fashion to avoid such events.

the ingredients to make these are as follows: eye of yelough, crystal cave moss, and dewkissed herba, but the main one i want to touch on first is the eye of yelough due to the fact that it says more as to what kind of help it provides aside from the typical "medicinal" just by the item description alone:

Grown in lands afflicted by frenzy, it's used for its pain-relieving properties… Though it's also known to be a dangerous intoxicant.

when i say madness is more physical, i mean it in the sense that the body is in constant pain at all times. with taking the name "frenzied flame", from the looks of the people affected by madness and how their eye sockets hold a little glowing flame within them, along with the fact that the burn wounds never heal on your tarnished, i have reason to believe that in gaining the madness, there is a small source of flame inside of you that is constantly in a steady burn that brings with it a continuous amount of pain within the afflicted. also hyetta's words to you: ( which granted, she says this because you have become the lord of chaos, but it also tells of the other afflicted. you just take in the main source, being the vessel of the outer god, while the others afflicted have only an offshoot, if that makes sense )

Ahhh, the flame of chaos has nestled within you.

with the crystal cave moss and dewkissed herba, my guess is that it's included because of possible infection as they are both ingredients for preserving ( scarlet rot ) and rejuvenating ( death blight ) boluses. but i think it does something extra for the clarifying boluses because once madness effects you, your focus is punished as well as your health. focus is necessary for spells, to which the crystal cave moss is within crystal caves that are being mined by the academy. dewkissed herba is noted as being "soaked in arcane dew" and in the ingredients list for glowstones; thus sources of magic that push for a larger focus and in doing so, clearing a mind beset by madness.

ok but besides pain and infection, there is another: not eating. or in hyetta's words:

They rest their trembling hands upon me. Howling wordlessly, they gently stroke my eyes. Their frail fingers, emaciated... Yet still, they give me the grapes. But you...seem somehow...firmer.

there is no ability to undertake that demand. they waste away from the pain, the sickness, the inability to speak without screaming, a mind that can no longer focus enough for the afflicted to take care of the body. but there is a promise that the lord of chaos would take it from them, so that they may live happily again.

tl;dr life for vyke could be possible under the right circumstances should no cure come to him. it would just be impossible to do it alone, as he would have no mind to do anything let alone making the boluses, eating, or even treating the burns upon his body. he would simply act like the frenzied flame villagers: immovable in their pain until forced into violence.

#— study.#god i hope this makes sense. i feel like i started rambling towards the end bc i have so many thoughts about thishgkjsg #death in general in this game i still do not understand nor do i think i will ever lol #but given how many bodies there are in the church!! and how they are... i go back and forth in the camp of are they actually dead #or are they alive just unable to move due to the pain and madness ? ???#they are all dried out eyeless husks. practically skeletons with skin #but there are some you can still target. some don't even attack unless you attack first too #anyway im going off on another tangent hjfksdhgkj #in er fashion realistically will vyke live at all? no #but in max fashion who likes to find other ways for a story can vyke live? yes. but it will be difficult and he is forever changed #which is the meat and potatoes of this-- ok i'll shut up nowhgkjshfgk #ok another thing: allegory for grief. just think biggest depression spell of your life #ok im done im prommy

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k-s-morgan · 1 year

Text

Those Gentle Slopes that Lead to Hell: Snippet 1

Here’s a small snippet with our favorite idiot demon struggling with attachment and plotting the ways to get rid of it :D

------------------

It took Sebastian a day to conclude that attachment was the most degrading feeling a demon could experience. It took another one to decide that he needed to rip it out of his chest or to risk losing his sanity.

The consistent malfunctioning of his body. The illogical thoughts that plagued his mind. The reactions and instincts that he couldn’t begin to comprehend — all of these were the symptoms of his malady, and he wanted to be rid of it.

To begin with, he had to understand what was causing it. What aspect of Ciel Phantomhive’s existence had placed this simmering sensation inside him? Why did it happen now yet never before? Sebastian had served thousands of humans. What made this one different? The soul, yes, but it was to become his meal. Liking the soul did not mean being attached to a person, so there had to be something else at play.

His first thought was beauty. His current lord stood out from the rest in terms of physical appearance. It was curious that Sebastian hadn’t realised it from the start — when they first made their contract, he considered the boy a scrawny, unimpressive little thing, formidable only due to how proudly he held himself despite the pain and because of the unique, contradictory brilliance of his soul.

His earlier inobservance appalled him. He was always drawn to beauty, whether it was displayed through art, architecture, or appearance, so how he could miss the delicate features, the bluest eyes, and all that inviting hair was beyond him.

The clothing he’d been choosing for his Master didn’t help matters, so this was what Sebastian chose to change first. He spent an hour selecting the most boring, bland, and unappealing pieces from the boy’s wardrobe. Then he stared at the results critically.

The combination of grey and brown dulled the sharpness of Ciel Phantomhive’s looks, but only to an extent. He remained startling, and Sebastian still felt that disturbing jolt of emotions when he looked at him.

Perhaps the key lied in making him look ridiculous, but this plan was complicated by his lord himself. He might have been indifferent to clothes, but even he suspected something was wrong when Sebastian found a pompous yellow suit and tried to put it on him.

“Where did you find this atrocity?” the boy stared at it warily. He didn’t make a move to let Sebastian put the shirt on him, so Sebastian let out an exasperated sigh.

“This is a current trend in Victorian society,” he said. “This suit will emphasise your status.”

He believed his words were convincing. He wasn’t going to let his lord enter any public places like this, but maybe seeing him walk around the manor in such clothes would be enough to kill whatever weed of fondness developed in him.

Unfortunately, Young Master only frowned at him, crossing his arms against his chest.

“I don’t recall seeing people dressed like clowns,” he said darkly. “A purple shirt and a yellow suit? This is ridiculous. I’m not wearing it.”

“Since when did you start paying attention to clothes?” Sebastian snapped in annoyance, and his lord’s eyebrows climbed up his forehead.

“Watch your tone,” he warned. “And I don’t need to pay attention to clothes to know that this suit is an abomination. I think I’d remember London society adopting the looks of exotic parrots!”

They glared at one another. Despite the irritation and disappointment hissing in Sebastian, he decided against arguing any longer. With a sour expression, he put the suit away, bringing out the more typical blue-and-black combination.

It was irrelevant, he soothed himself. The whole plan was imperfect from the start — making his lord look stupid could work only if he managed to secure his success by making it constant, and there was no way to achieve this. Even someone as indifferent to fashion as Ciel Phantomhive would protest, just as he had now, and showing himself as an incompetent butler verged into the territory Sebastian wasn’t comfortable with.

He needed something more permanent. The clothes were merely an attribute, so perhaps disfiguring the Young Master could bring him the results he wanted.

Sebastian spent the rest of the day wondering about it. His entire being rebelled against the idea, but wasn’t it evidence that this was exactly what he needed? He was certain that the reluctance came from the attached side of him that he was trying to destroy. It was natural for it to fight against something that would finally bring it to its end.

#my fics #black butler #kuroshitsuji #sebaciel #sebastian michaelis

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amirsirwrites · 1 year

Note

Hey-hey! I got a request!! (Hope you’re feeling well!)

So.. Spy x Male!Reader oneshot, where the reader bottles up his emotions and hides his negative feelings. Then one day he breaks and starts crying in front of Spy..

Hey-hey, anon! I'm feeling well, thank you. I've finally finished your request, sorry for the long wait. I hope you enjoy it. :)

Spy comforts you ❤️

Requested

Spy x M!reader

------

Death and killing comes with the job of being a mercenary. Most mercs are completely fine with it. In fact, most enjoy it and make a game out of it.

However, there are exceptions to everything and in this case, you are the exception.

Seeing people get shot and torn apart almost every single day of your life has been taking a toll on you.

During some of the battles, you'll freeze and stare at the dead bodies on the ground as your breathing gets heavy and uneven. You know that they'll be fine and wake up in their Respawn point a few minutes later but still.. It doesn't take the pain of seeing them die in front of your eyes away.

One of the other mercs, more specifically your darling, Spy, often notices you doing this. He’s asked you on all occasions if everything is alright. You always wave him off and say you’re fine but until now, he’s not convinced.

Worrying that he might make you uncomfortable, Spy doesn’t try to push any further after that question. However, he’s also noticed that it’s getting worse every single day to the point that it affects you even outside the battlefield, and because of this, he feels that he’ll need to confront you about this issue very soon.

~~~~~~

It’s another day at Gorge. BLU took a huge beating and you won with ease. You were put off the entire time as usual. Everyone was doing their own thing while Heavy and Medic packed all their equipment into the van.

Scout and Soldier were chasing each other.

“Get back here, maggot! I’ll make you regret the day you were born!” Soldier screamed at the top of his lungs, waving his shovel around like a madman. Scout just laughed and pulled a face, pissing him off even more.

Nearby, Demoman, Sniper and Engineer were having a friendly chat together over a couple of beers that Demo had brought along (despite Medic very clearly telling him to try and lay off the alcohol). Pyro was there as well but they were focused on playing with their favourite brand of matchsticks.

Somewhere closeby, you were seated on the ground, knees to your chest, deep in thought. Your eyes were fixated on the blood-stained grass in front of you. It quickly made you feel sick, reminding you of the unpleasant battle earlier. You closed your eyes, trying to think of something more pleasant.

Just then, Spy sat down beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and giving you a kiss on your temple.

“Salut, mon beau. You seem bothered. What’s wrong?” he asked you in a gentle tone.

You looked to him, meeting his eyes.

You really wanted to tell him what was going on but you felt so ashamed. Everyone else was fine with all the killings, why weren’t you? You don’t want to appear silly to Spy or the others so you always bottle up your negative feelings and just do your job.

You thought that you’d get used to it eventually but you were dead wrong. It’s been eating away at you. Most nights, you struggle to fall asleep and even stay asleep due to recurring nightmares. The lack of proper sleep has given you bags under your eyes and constant headaches throughout the day.

During mealtimes, you picked at your food and ate very little, having lost your appetite to the disturbing images that are stuck in your mind - bloody, beaten bodies with lifeless eyes. It made you feel like throwing up your guts.

“I..” you bit your lip, turning away from Spy’s gaze, “It’s nothing, darling.”

You felt his hand on your shoulder tighten a little.

He gently guided your face back to look at him with a hand, “You always say that. I don’t believe you, mon cœur. Please.. tell me the truth. I’m not going to judge you, I swear on my heart.”

He smiled at you encouragingly. You felt so vulnerable beneath his gaze.

Before you had a chance to speak, Medic called out, “Time to go home, everyone. Get in the van!”

The other mercs started to head to the van from their respective places and you quickly took that chance to escape the conversation you were having with Spy, getting up and following them.

Spy sighed as he watched you scurry away. He would have to ask you another time.

The drive back was uncomfortable for you and Spy. The air between you two was tense. The other mercs didn’t seem to notice, chatting away as usual.

You tried to run off to your room as soon as you arrived back at base but Spy pulled you to the side.

“Y/n, please. Just tell me what’s going on. I’m really worried about you.”

You shook your head, “I- I really need to go.”

Then you made your escape to the safety of your room.

~~~~~~

You decided to just skip dinner later on, partly because you couldn’t work up any appetite as usual and partly because you didn’t want to see Spy right now. Perhaps you’ll eventually tell him the truth of what’s going on with you, but for now, you just wanted to be alone.

Wrapping yourself in the warm covers of your bed, you closed your eyes and drifted into an uneasy sleep.

…

You awoke with a start around a few hours later after a particularly bad nightmare. It was one of the terrible ones - back in the battle field, surrounded by dead bodies while you drown in your own guilt and remorse.

Clutching your shirt, you desperately tried to control your frantic breathing. Your chest and throat felt painfully tight as tears slowly ran down your face. Your hand went to the bedside table to grab your phone.

You brought it to your face, ‘2:48 a.m.’

You dropped your phone down beside you and rubbed your face, staying like that for a few minutes. The terrible sinking feeling in your chest wouldn’t fade away though.

Your mind drifted to the only person you knew could make you feel better - Spy. Knowing that he was most likely going to press you to tell him the truth, you hesitated going to his smoking room where you know he’ll be.

That didn’t matter anymore though. You just wanted to be in the comfort of your boyfriend’s arms.

Making sure to be quiet, you made your way to Spy’s smoking room. All the other mercs are asleep by this time, it’s usually just Spy who’s burning the midnight oil, reading and sipping on a glass of his favourite wine.

When you reached his door, you slowly brought your hand up and knocked.

Inside, Spy paused his reading and looked up towards the door. No one has ever come to his room this late and so he thought he might have imagined it for a second but he decided to call out just in case, “Who is it?”

You replied back, your voice hoarse from earlier, “Hey, it’s me..”

Spy already knew about your bad sleeping schedule so he was extra worried to find that you’re awake at this hour. He got up from his seat and rushed to the door to greet you. He pulled you into his arms the second he saw you.

Withdrawing a bit, he cupped your face in your hands and kissed your forehead.

“Did something happen, Y/n?”

You let out a small laugh of self-pity, “Just.. a nightmare.”

Without a word, he stepped out of his room fully and closed the door behind him. He took your hand into his and led you down the hallway to his bedroom. Inside, he took off his coat and shoes and laid down on his bed, signalling for you to come over and lie beside him by patting the empty spot beside him.

You climbed into it and sank into Spy’s open arms, sighing deeply when you felt his arms wrap around you tightly.

You two shifted into a comfortable position - both lying on your sides, facing each other with you buried in his embrace, snuggling your face into the crook of his neck.

He stroked your back comfortingly, allowing you to fully relax before he asked what was on his mind.

“So, Y/n,” he paused, making sure he had your attention, “It’s time to tell the truth.”

You winced at his sentence, knowing that he was right. It’s time you told someone what was going on instead of suffering in silence.

Whispering softly, you asked him, “Promise you won’t judge?”

Spy pressed a light kiss to your lips, “You know I won’t.”

A few more minutes of warm silence passed as you silently built up the courage to finally talk to Spy.

“I.. I really don’t want to kill people anymore, Spy. I know I said that I was completely fine with all the bloodshed and everything during my very first mission but I-”

You had to stop to let yourself breathe. Tears started running down your face once more, accompanied by sharp and painful breaths. Spy guided your head against his chest, letting your tears soak his shirt, still holding you close.

He finished your sentence from earlier, “But you lied, didn’t you?”

You spoke again, your voice rushed and raw with emotion, “I- I can’t stand it anymore! I hate it, I hate having to kill people! I go to sleep and all I can see is their lifeless eyes and blood, I’m sick of it!”

Your chest burned with shame, terrified of what Spy was going to say to you. You thought he might think you’re being ridiculous or stupid.

But no.

He just continued to hold you, rubbing your back soothingly and whispering sweet nothings into your ears. All the emotions you had bottled up over the past few months were flowing out now through pained sobs.

Once you had calmed down a bit, Spy spoke in a soft tone, “Don’t worry. You won’t have to anymore, okay? I’ll have a talk with Ms Pauling and the Administrator and we’ll find another way for you to help.”

You sighed in relief at his words.

You wanted to thank Spy, apologise to him for not telling him earlier, tell him you love him, but he shushed you, “Just rest, mon chéri. You can speak to me tomorrow when you have regained your energy. Je t'aime.”

Spy gave you a kiss on the head and with that, you drifted off to the most pleasant sleep you’ve had in a while, glad that everything would finally be okay.

------

'Salut, mon beau' - Hello, my handsome. (French)

'Mon cœur' - My heart (French)

'Mon chéri' - My darling (French)

'Je t'aime' - I love you (French)

#spy x reader #tf2 spy #one shot #spy tf2 #male reader #slight angst #team fortress 2

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blot-squisher · 8 months

Text

It's nice to see Evan getting some love ❤️ Thank you @ninthsheep and @theamazingfire1 ❤️

SFW Alphabet Ask Meme for Surviving the Game the Trapper

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) It's very hard for Evan to show affection in a non-aggressive way. Generally any kind of soft displays are kept private or are quickly followed by more of the same gruff attitude. Generally, he'll give the person he cares about a nickname that only he's allowed to use. Anyone else tries that and something's getting broken.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) Evan is an... interesting person to be friends with. There's only one person in the Realm he really considers a friend, and it's not Danny. He'll still snap and snarl, but he's usually not as harsh as he is towards people he doesn't like. Which is generally everyone...

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?) In constant pain from the shrapnel embedded in his bones, it makes cuddling difficult. Not to mention he was raised to believe such displays were a sign of weakness... That being said, if he can find a way to cuddle his partner comfortably, he will. But only in private.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) Evan has never been the settling down type. He was raised to run a business with an iron hand. That took up all his time, and finding a wife was... out of the question. He can cook pretty well but usually doesn't. He tends to eat on the go and if that means gnawing on a raw deer leg, so be it. Despite his outer appearance, Evan is a clean freak. Obviously mining and hunting is dirty work, but that shit stays outside.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) Bluntly. The man is not subtle at all.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?) Evan has avoided marriage like the plague. A wife was a burden he knew would out him, and a husband was something he knew he couldn't have (at the time). Now days, he's content to know he does have someone he loves, that loves him back. That's good enough.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) Gentle was beaten out of him before he could walk. Learning how to be gentle now is a long and oftentimes difficult thing, but he's trying. He's not always good at it, especially with words, but he's doing his best.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) Evan is not a hugger. Much like cuddling, it's hard for him to touch people due to the constant pain in his body. It doesn't help that physical affection was simply not allowed growing up. On the rare occasions he does hug someone, it's like being grabbed by a grizzly bear. Is he going to rip your head off, or just hold you? Guess you'll find out!

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) It'll take a while. Affection, physically or verbally, wasn't something he was used to giving or receiving for most of his life. Once he's sure you have is genuine, he'll say it. He won't say it often, but when he does you'll know he means it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?) Evan isn't generally a jealous person. It's a weak man's emotion, and he was taught to be better than that. If he wants something, he works hard for it. Better to earn what he has then envy another.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss their partner? Where do they like to be kissed?) He prefers to bite. Hard. If he can draw blood, he will. When he does kiss, it's aggressive and demanding. Now that he has you, he plans to keep you.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?) If they're old enough to walk, they're old enough to work. Children are good for getting into small spaces, but that's about it. He's not fond of them, really.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) Up early. There's work to be done and if you aren't up before the sun, you're a lazy bastard and a boot in the ass is going to be your wake up call.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) Once the work is done, it's time to get cleaned up and get dinner. Lately things have been a bit more lax, with no mine to run or Trials to keep up with and he's started allowing himself to take some time to unwind and relax.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) If it becomes relevant, he'll talk about it. Otherwise, he's not one to share about himself. He values his privacy, but he'll still talk about things if you're respectful and don't pester him about it. (looking at you, Danny...)

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?) The man has a hair trigger. You breathe wrong and he's going to snap.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about their partner? Do they remember every little detail they mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?) If he finds something interesting, he'll remember it. If he likes you enough to so much as consider you a friend, he'll remember.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in their relationship?) Realizing there was someone who could actually love him. Who could see past the person he was and help him become a better person.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect their partner? How would they like to be protected?) Like many Slashers, he'd fight god for his partner. He knows he's capable of great violence and acts of brutality have never bothered him, rather, he enjoys it in most cases. Evan doesn't feel the need to be protected, and would probably find it rather amusing if you tried. As long as you didn't get hurt, he'd probably be kind of proud of you for trying in the end.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) It would take him a while to realize those dates are actually important. He never actually celebrated his birthday and almost forgot when it was... For his partner, he'd probably ask them point blank what they'd like or if they wanted him to do anything, because he genuinely has no idea how to go about that kind of thing.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?) He can be very demanding, expecting people to do as they're told without really considering how his tone or wording comes across.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) Although he often quietly laments the loss of his hair, he's accepted himself and his looks for what they are. He worked in a mine. Vanity had no place there.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without their partner?) Although he never thought the answer would be yes and it would be incredibly difficult to get him to admit it... Yes. Yes he would.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.) Evan actually has terrible eyesight, which is part of why the Entity heightened his senses of smell and hearing.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?) Disobedience, laziness, uncleanliness, and disrespecting someone in their home/being disrespected in his own home.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?) Evan barely sleeps, especially when he's alone. It's hard to do when he's constantly in pain and can only sleep on his back or one side. He's destroyed too many mattresses to count by sleeping on the wrong side...

#sfw alphabet #surviving the game fic #evan macmillan #dbd the trapper #writing thoughts #ask meme

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