#station 19 4x12 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

englishstrawbie · 1 year

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Serendipity (41/45)

Fandom: Station 19, Grey’s Anatomy

Characters: Maya Bishop & Carina DeLuca

Summary: A chance meeting at a bar leads to these two idiots falling in love. Follows canon and fills in the gaps of their relationship that we didn’t get to see on screen.

Note: This chapter leads into episode 4x12. There will be some themes from 4x12 picked up in some of what is to come, but no specific chapter for it. Episode 4x13 is mostly Ben and Dean floating in water, so that means we're skipping ahead slightly in episodes (but not in storytelling) to episode 4x14 for the next chapter. I’ve said before that this fic ends at the wedding, which means 3 episodes and (if I stick to my chapter outlines) 4 chapters left. Thank you for sticking with this fic! I appreciate your time, comments, likes and reblogs so much. 😊

Also @ AO3.

* * * * * * * * * *

We’ll Be Okay

I love our story. I love it so much because in every chapter you make me fall in love with you all over again. - Jewel E. Ann

Carina straightens her blouse and rolls her shoulders, taking a deep breath before knocking on the door sharply three times.

“Come in!”

She steps inside the Chief’s office to find Bailey sat at her desk, shoes off and feet resting on the edge of the table, reading through some sort of report. She looks up and smiles when she sees her visitor.

“Carina!”

In normal times, she would feel compelled to give her a hug – even though Miranda Bailey is not really the hugging type – but she is respectful of Covid protocols. Instead, she drops her feet to the floor and swivels her chair to face her, gesturing at the chair on the opposite side of her desk.

“I’m sorry to come by unexpectedly,” Carina says as she sits down, but Bailey waves it away.

“You’re welcome here any time,” Bailey says. Her eyes light up. “Does this mean you’re ready to come back to work?”

Carina takes a shaky breath. “Actually, no,” she says. “I, uh, I came tell you that I’m leaving.”

“The hospital?”

“Seattle,” Carina says.

Bailey looks confused, furrowing her brow and shaking her head a little.

“My visa is expiring and I have to go back to Italy,” Carina explains.

Bailey looks at her blankly. “Can’t you just… get another visa?”

Carina can’t help but smile. If only it were that simple.

“No. The immigration office is closed and I can’t get a new visa until they reopen.”

Bailey opens her mouth and Carina knows she is about to offer to talk to the hospital’s lawyers, to do whatever it takes to keep her here, but she cuts her off first.

“And I want to go back,” Carina says. “It means I get to go back and see my family. And I can take a piece of Andrea back to our childhood home.”

Tears pool in the corners of Bailey’s eyes at the mention of her brother and she blinks them away quickly.

“When?”

“Three weeks,” Carina says.

Technically, nineteen days. She has been counting down in her head.

“How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

“It’s hard to know,” Carina says. “My lawyer thinks it will be at least a couple of months.”

Bailey’s face falls at the news. “What about Bishop?”

“She’s talking about coming with me, if we can make it work,” Carina says. They both know it is a long shot; even if McAllister agrees to her leave of absence, they have to convince the Italian authorities to let her into the country.

She also knows that Maya is up against it at work, a combination of the pandemic and the feud with the police department. She comes home exhausted after every shift, sometimes cheerful but more recently frustrated by work politics. She is trying to hold it together for her team at work, and trying to hold it together for Carina at home, and sometimes Carina worries that no-one is holding her together. It is a lot to ask her to come to Italy with her, as much as she wants her to – and she really does want her to; but she knows that the reality is that it will be hard to make it work with everything else going on.

Bailey leans back in her seat. “I still remember the day you walked into this office,” she says. “All ‘let me get women to masturbate in your MRI machine’.”

She puts on a terrible Italian accent that makes Carina laugh.

“You know, that day, I was wearing the most ridiculous pair of high heels and so fed up with the patriarchy. Webber, Hunt, they got to wear their boring old shoes – but me? I was stuck in four-inch heels that hurt like a son-of-a…”

She trails off, suddenly remembering where she is and who she is talking to. Carina is looking at her with a look of amusement on her face.

“Anyway, it’s what made me say yes – and I’m really glad I did.”

“Me too,” Carina says. “I’m so grateful to you, Doctor Bailey. You’ve given me a home here. And because of you, I got to stay here in Seattle, I got to spend time with Andrea and see him get better.” Her expression turns solemn. “And I got to be there when he died, when it mattered the most.”

“You know, that young man,” Bailey says with a shake of her head, “…made me so damn proud. You both did, that day at his intervention. Watching him get the help he needed to get better, seeing him come back stronger. He was a wonderful doctor and an even better human being.”

Tears fall down Carina’s cheeks now and she doesn’t bother to wipe them away. She has learned that there is no shame in her grief.

“He really was.”

“You know, I…” Bailey stumbles over her words, getting choked up as the tears return to her eyes. “I look at Tuck and Joey, and I’m glad they have each other. It makes it a hell of a lot easier knowing that those two boys have each other’s back – just like you and Andrew.”

Carina shoulders shake as she tries to control her emotions. Bailey smiles kindly at her.

“You’ll come back.”

It is a statement rather than a question, and Carina realises how easy it is to say yes.

“If you’ll have me,” Carina says.

Bailey smiles. “You’re always welcome here. I mean that. Your job is yours for as long as you want it.”

“Thank you. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”

Bailey wipes the tears from her cheeks as she composes herself. “I do.”

Carina tips her head and looks curious.

“Is there any chance you can come back and work a few shifts before you leave? I know it’s asking a lot but if we’re gonna lose you for a while, I need to know that the doctors you leave behind are gonna be at least half as good as you.”

Despite the compliment, Carina feels her chest tighten. It was one thing to come back in a few months’ time, once she has said her final farewells to her brother, but now? She knows she is stronger now, more in control of her grief, and she feels indebted to Bailey and the hospital for all they have done for her. With a deep breath, she nods slowly.

“Okay.”

They make small talk for a while. Carina had not expected the meeting to be so emotional; she thought Bailey would be mad, not upset, and it has taken her by surprise. Still, Andrew was right about this place feeling like family and she has felt all the love from her friends and colleagues since Andrew’s death. She walks through the halls of the hospital afterwards in a slight daze. She sees some familiar faces on her way out – Teddy and Owen and Maggie, all who check in on her and express their sorrow when she tells them her news.

She promises to return, and means it. Once she is back in her car, her heart tells her to go to the station and see Maya, for the comfort she craves and to have the difficult conversation she knows they need to have about her trip to Italy.

* * * * * * * * * *

Maya sits in the passenger seat of the fire engine, trying to focus on writing her notes for her incident report while the team chat around her. She doesn’t participate in their conversation, just listens to their usual banter. She guesses Theo is the name of the guy Vic met on her run a couple of months ago, back when Carina was moving into her apartment. Their apartment. She tries not to think too much about everything that has happened in such a short space of time, because she can’t wrap her head around it, but she knows how good it feels to come home every day to Carina. To see her belongings mixed up with hers. To smell the lingering scent of her perfume. To taste the baked treats she leaves in the kitchen. It might have taken some time to get used to it, but now Maya can’t imagine her not being there.

It is why it hurts so much to think about Carina going back to Italy and why her heart is pulling her to go with her, even though her head is telling her to stay and deal with everything going on at work. Dean’s lawsuit against the police department is giving her no end of headaches, Battalion Chief Gregory keeps turning up unexpectedly on scene and she really didn’t appreciate the visit from Dixon this morning.

She lifts her hand to her head where she rubs the back of her neck for a moment. His comment about her hair cut irritates her, even though she knows better than to let that vile little man under her skin.

She is aware of Sullivan sat in the back of the truck. She has to remember that he is married to her best friend to stop herself from wanting to take his smug smile off his face, because he made it pretty clear today that he is gunning for a promotion. He might phrase it like he wants to do her a favour but she recognises the ambition in him. It’s the same ambition she has herself.

“Probie,” she calls out, using his rank to subtly put him in his place. “Good call today.”

She has to give credit where it is due. There was something joyful about watching her team skate around the ice and put out the moving fire. It was unusual, that’s for sure.

Five minutes later and they pull up outside the station. The doors to the barn are closed, which is odd because Vic radioed ahead to let them know they were on their way back.

“Is something going on?” Vic wonders out loud.

“I don’t know,” Maya muses.

They head into the station via the main door, finding the reception desk empty, and heading into the barn where they find Carina and Ben tending to a pregnant patient on the hard floor.

“One more big push, Nancy, okay?” she hears Carina say.

“What the…” Sullivan exclaims.

“Did Bailey kick you out of the hospital mid-delivery?” Maya says, learning quickly that Carina isn’t in the mood for jokes.

“Maya, I need you; and everyone else, clear the area and stand by.”

“Is Wayne okay?” the woman on the floor asks.

“Who’s Wayne?” Travis asks.

“The husband,” Ben tells him.

Maya kneels down beside them and pulls on a pair of surgical gloves. “And where is he?”

“Hospital.”

“Shouldn’t she be there?” Vic points out.

“Okay, if you're not gonna help, get the hell out of here!” Carina snaps at them. “Thank you!”

Knowing that their presence isn’t needed or wanted, Vic, Travis and Sullivan retreat out of the barn.

Carina turns her attention back to her patient “Okay, you got this. You got this, Nancy.”

Nancy moans through her contraction.

“Good, give me one more.”

“You got this, Nancy,” Ben encourages her. “Come on.”

“One more, Nancy.”

Nancy lets out one, long guttural cry and Maya watches in awe as the small baby slips into Carina’s hands. She remembers how terrified she had been when she had delivered Pru, on the floor of the shower room, yet Carina makes it look so easy.

The barn is filled with the sound of a newborn’s cries.

“You did it!” Carina cheers, holding the little girl up to show her off to her mama, before handing her to Ben.

Nancy cries and laughs with delight and exhaustion, her head dropping back on to the pillow that supports her.

“Good Nancy,” Carina says as she wipes the baby clean from the muck and mucus that covers her. “Okay, now let’s cut the cord.”

“Hey, little girl,” Ben says softly. “Welcome to station nineteen.”

Nancy lifts her head as far as she is able. "Girl?”

Carina smiles behind her mask and nods, as Ben answers with a simple, “yeah”, the baby crying in his hands. He looks at Maya who, now wrapped up in a gown, holds her hands out to take the baby from him so that he can help Carina with the last step.

This is the first time, she realises, that she has got to see Carina at work. She watches how methodical and careful she is, doing everything with such ease and tenderness. Her focus is on the medicine, but she makes sure her patient is comfortable and relaxed as she works.

“We’re almost there,” Carina says gently. “Maya, why don’t you take the baby up to Nancy so that she can hold her in a minute.”

Maya nods and stands, cradling the newborn in her arms. She is so small and light compared to some of the other deliveries she has been involved in, her little fists curling into a ball. Her eyes are closed, her face still squished from the delivery, but she is cute as hell.

“And we're done, the placenta is out. And uh…” Carina pauses and Maya looks down at her, noticing the small crinkle in her forehead.

“Okay, sorry. I need to do one more thing,” Carina says.

Tired and weary, Nancy reacts with frustration. “I thought you said you were done.”

“I know, but there is some bleeding, so I need to do some fundal massage,” Carina explains.

Maya doesn’t like the sound of that, and she has no idea what fundal massage is, but Carina remains calm and in control, which leaves Maya feeling confident that any risk to the patient currently giving birth on the floor of the barn is manageable.

“No, please, don't do that,” Nancy begs, squirming under Carina’s touch. “I just want to hold my little girl.”

“I know,” Carina sympathises. “We've gotten this far, Nancy. We just need to stop the bleeding so you can hold your baby girl forever.”

Tears are flowing down Nancy’s cheeks by this point and Maya holds the baby closer to her chest, wanting to protect the little girl from her mother’s cries.

“Please stop it!”

“You got this,” Carina says, having no choice but to persevere through her patient’s protestations.

“Please! Stop it!”

“Hey, Nancy, Nancy,” Ben tries to get her attention. “We need your uterus to contract so that it can clamp down on the blood vessels. Now, you can do this. Just hang on.”

Nancy whimpers as Carina puts pressure on her stomach.

“Good, Nancy, you've got this.”

There is no sign of panic or concern on Carina’s face as she works quickly, massaging the belly until she feels the uterus contracting under her touch.

“Okay, good, good, good, good, good,” Carina says. “Good! You got this! Good, good, good, good! Okay!”

Carina moves and checks for more bleeding.

“Okay, I don't see any major lacerations, so we're good.”

She turns and looks up at Maya, giving her a nod, telling her that it is okay to take the baby to her mama.

“Hey Nancy,” Ben says, pointing his thumb towards where Maya approaches with the newborn in her arms.

Maya kneels down beside her and places the baby on Nancy’s chest, smiling as the new mom gets to really see her for the first time. The baby gurgles happily, knowing she has been reunited with her mama.

“Wayne, please be okay,” Nancy prays out loud.

“All right, Nancy, let's get you up,” Ben says.

Ben lifts Nancy’s shoulders so that Maya can place another pillow underneath her, propping her up. Nancy looks at her surroundings, taking it all in.

“Wait, did I walk into a fire station in labour with two doctors?”

“Yes, and I'm an OB,” Carina says, placing a blanket over Nancy’s legs.

“Well, I guess sometimes the crises, they come to us,” Ben says.

Maya catches Carina’s eyes and stares lovingly at her. She can’t help it. She lucked out the day Carina walked into Joe’s and found her sitting alone at the bar, with only a glass of whisky for company. She thought she had seen every part of Carina – the fierce side, the gentle side, the protective side, the loving side, the grieving side, the angry side. Today, she got to see the doctor part of her. It is impressive and inspiring – and kinda sexy, she can’t deny that.

“Is the aid car on its way back?” Ben asks, interrupting her thoughts.

“I’ll go check.”

With one last glance at Carina, Maya strips herself of her gown and gloves, then heads into her office and grabs her radio, calling through to the aid car. Andy answers within a few seconds to let her know that she’s on her way back from Central Seattle Hospital.

“Andy’s five minutes away,” Maya says when she walks back into the barn. “Wayne’s at Central Seattle, she’ll take Nancy there too.”

She looks Carina, in case she wants Nancy to go to her team at Grey Sloan. Carina nods.

“I know Doctor Peters there, she’s one of the best,” Carina says, then looks at Nancy. “She’ll take good care of you two, I promise.”

“Thank you, thank you,” Nancy says, holding out her hand.

Carina takes it and squeezes it with a smile. “You’re welcome, Nancy.”

“Why don’t you go and get cleaned up,” Ben suggests. “I’ll stay with Nancy until the aid car gets here.”

“Are you sure?”

Ben nods. “You’ve done your job, I’ve got it from here.”

“You’ve both done a great job,” Maya says. “I’ll get Cutler to clean up this mess.”

Once she has tracked down Cutler and set him to work in the barn, Maya heads into the shower room, where Carina is washing her hands in the sink. They share a smile in the mirror as Maya closes the door behind her and comes up beside her.

“Watching you bring that life into the world like it was nothing, like it was just another day – which, I guess, for you it is… I think I fell in love with you all over again.”

Maya takes a step closer, her hand resting on the bottom of Carina’s back, with a telling smile on her face.

Carina grins back. “Hmm, you did?”

“Mmm hmm.”

Their lips meeting a quick, soft kiss. When they part, Maya leans back against the counter.

“How'd it go with Bailey?”

Carina sighs. “She made me cry,” she says, drying her hands on some paper towels and walking around Maya to put them in the trashcan. “The good kind.”

Maya takes a deep breath, nervous suddenly about doing something that might make Carina cry again – and she doesn’t want to be the cause of any more tears, but she knows they need to talk about it.

“Carina, with everything going on here, with the tension with PD and…”

Before she can continue, Carina interrupts her. “I know.”

Maya looks up at her in surprise.

“You have to stay. Your whole country’s in crisis, you can't leave when there's such a desperate need.”

Maya looks guiltily at her, but Carina won’t let her feel bad about it.

“It's okay. It's one of the many reasons I love you.”

“I really wanted to go, I promise,” Maya says, shaking her head with frustration. “I just keep thinking of Chief McCallister looking at my request to leave and thinking that this is why we don't put women in positions of power.”

“Right, because she will run off with her lady lover,” Carina says sardonically.

Maya drops her head. Carina’s understanding does nothing to ease her guilt.

“We'll be okay,” Carina assures her. “I'll be back before you know it.”

Maya looks up with a sad look on her face and Carina steps closer, a teasing smile on her face, trying to raise a smile on her face.

“I'll be back.”

She leans in closer.

“Promise?”

Carina nods before curling her hand around her neck and drawing her in for another kiss, lingering this time. Maya melts into her embrace, sliding a hand around her waist and grasping her blouse, hugging her tight against her body.

“Mmm, what am I gonna do without your kisses while you’re gone?” Maya murmurs.

Carina smiles and traces her lips along Maya’s jawline until they find her neck, where she sucks gently.

“Hey,” Maya scolds her lightly, although she doesn’t pull back right away. “You’re gonna get me in trouble.”

Carina simply grins at her and Maya loves to see her smile, despite the decision they have made together.

“Will you stay for dinner?”

“Are you sure? I don’t want everyone to start thinking I spend too much time here,” Carina says.

“They won’t,” Maya says. “They love having you around.”

Carina looks sceptical – especially after how bossy she was at the testing drive last week. She is astute enough to know that she was unbearable at times that day, even if she had good reasons.

“Besides,” Maya continues, “I want to spend as much time with you as I can before you go.”

Carina can’t say no to that, so she nods. “Okay.”

“I need to go write up my reports, I think the rest of the team are up in the break room if you want to go chill?”

“I’d rather spend my time with you,” Carina says sweetly.

Maya laughs. “Watching me write up reports?”

Carina shrugs. “I can help you with your report on Nancy and Wayne.” She leans in with a small smile on your face. “Maybe give you a back rub to loosen your muscles.”

Leaving the suggestion hanging, Carina kisses her once more, light and quick, before turning on her heel and walking out into the locker room. Maya follows and they make their way towards her office.

“Uh, Captain?”

Maya turns just as Jack walks down the stairs. His face is ashen and he chews his bottom lip, and Maya’s instinct tells her he is not about to delivery good news.

“You might wanna look at this.”

Maya takes the cell phone from his outstretched hand and presses play on the video on the screen. For the next eight minutes and forty-six seconds, Maya and Carina watch as the Minneapolis police department murder a black man.

“Oh mio Dio,” Carina says softly.

Maya’s mind goes to the day, not long ago, when the Seattle police department tackled Dean to the ground by her feet, pressing down on his back as they handcuffed him. She sees Sullivan’s face, standing in the middle of a circle of cops, all pointing their guns at him. Her stomach churns with anger and despair.

“Where is everyone?”

“Upstairs in the break room,” Jack says.

Maya sighs. She knows she should go and speak to them, but has no idea what she is going to say.

“I should go,” Carina says.

Maya turns and opens her mouth to object, but Carina cuts her off.

“It’s not the right time for me to be here, bambina.”

Maya knows she is right. “I’ll call you later?”

Carina leans down and kisses her cheek – a far cry from the seductive kisses she was enjoying just a few moments ago. With a heavy sigh, Maya makes her way upstairs, with Jack in tow. The television now off, the team sits dumbstruck in the break room.

“Are you okay?” Maya asks, only to be met with silence. “Sorry, stupid question.”

No-one reacts to her.

“Do you wanna go home? I can call in back-up to cover the rest of the shift,” she offers.

There are a few shakes of the head, rejecting her offer.

“Well, the offer’s there, if you want it. Don’t worry about your chores, just… get some rest, if you can.”

The rest of the shift passes quietly. The team are sombre, choosing to spend the evening in their own bunk rooms. Maya takes charge of making dinner, wanting to stay visible. She thinks about ordering them to eat, to bring them together, but no-one is hungry and she isn’t about to berate them for that.

The aid car gets called out just before midnight, and Andy and Dean disappear into the dark night. When they return an hour later, they barely acknowledge her presence as they pass her the paperwork and head to their bunks.

Maya doesn’t sleep. She leaves her office door open in case someone wants to find her – but no-one does. It is not like she can offer them any words of comfort right now anyway. She writes up her reports and does some of the forgotten chores. Ben joins her at one point and together they clean the fire engine. It takes a couple of hours since it is only the two of them and they don’t speak for the entire time.

Maya wants to ask him if he is okay, if he wants to talk, but she doesn’t because she has no idea what she will say next.

An emergency call comes in just before five o’clock and, despite their obvious grief, the team pick themselves up and jump into action. It is a fire at a home five blocks to the east, parents and their three children trapped in a bedroom at the front of the house. They work quickly and efficiently as they always do. Dean and Travis use the ladder truck to bring the family to safety, while the rest of the team point their hoses at the flames to put out the fire.

There is no celebrating when their job is done and everyone is safe. The engine and ladder truck stay silent on the way back to the station. They tidy their gear away, only talking when they need to, staying polite with a ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when needed.

They leave as soon as it turns eight o’clock, a wave goodbye as they pass her office. Maya is about to pack her bag and leave when her phone pings – a message from her mom, telling her that she is outside and ready to talk.

Maya sighs. She has been trying to speak to her mom ever since she got her message telling her that she was moving back in with her dad, but keeps getting the brush off. Katherine Bishop really knows how to pick the wrong time. Feeling weary after a sleepless night, Maya makes her way outside and throws her bag into the trunk of her car, before walking over to where her mom is waiting nearby.

“Hey Mom,” she greets her fondly.

“Hi love,” Katherine says.

The confident woman who had met her for lunch a couple of months ago is gone, and the small, meek woman that Maya grew up with is back, and Maya’s heart aches for her.

“I’m happy to see you,” Maya says. “Are you okay?”

When Katherine doesn’t answer straight away, Maya tips her head towards the sidewalk and starts to walk. Katherine falls into step beside her. They make it a couple of blocks before she starts to talk.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“You do?”

Katherine sighs. “That I’m crazy to have gone back to your father.”

“Maybe – a little,” Maya says after a pause.

She runs her hand absentmindedly through her short locks. She never told her mom the story of why she cut her hair and she is pretty sure that her dad won’t have told her – or, if he did, it would be his version of the truth, which wouldn’t be very truthful at all. She wonders what her mom would think if she told him, what excuses she would make for him this time.

“After everything he did – to you, to me, to Mason. After all it took for you to leave him, why would you go back to him?”

“He’s changed,” Katherine says. She sees Maya roll her eyes. “I know you don’t believe it.”

“I don’t,” Maya interjects.

“But it’s scary out there right now, sweetheart, and your dad promised to take care of me.”

‘At what cost?’ Maya thinks to herself, although she doesn’t say it out loud.

“If it’s about money…”

“It’s not,” Katherine says. “Your dad has his faults…”

Maya scoffs at that.

“…but he loves me. We’ve both made mistakes and we’ve forgiven each other for them.”

Maya stops and spins to look at her mom, her face aghast. It is happening again and she can’t let it. She needs to do more this time.

“Mom, you did nothing that needs forgiveness. Nothing. Can’t you see what he’s doing?”

“Maya, it’s more complicated than that,” Katherine says. “Your dad and I, we have thirty-five years of history, of loving each other, of raising you kids.”

Maya shakes her head. “I don’t trust him.”

“Then trust me,” Katherine says, reaching out and squeezing her hand.

It doesn’t sit well with Maya but she can see that her mom’s mind is made up. Her shoulders sag under yet another weight – her girlfriend going to Italy for God-knows how long, her team in distress, her station at war with the police department.

“Will you promise me something?”

Katherine looks at her hesitantly, expecting to be berated again.

“If he does anything, if he yells or throws things or touches you, then please – please – call me? I don’t care what time of day it is, I will come and pick you up.”

It is the first time that she sees her mom waver, her eyes blinking at double speed. Eventually, she nods.

“Okay, I promise.”

They keep walking. Maya talks a little bit about work, but leaves out the stressful parts, not wanting her mom to worry. She tells her about Carina’s brother and her visa expiring, and how she has to go back to Italy for a while. The sadness must be written all over her face because she feels her mom’s hand on the small of her back.

“I’m sorry, love,” Katherine says.

“We’ll be fine,” Maya says, as much for herself as for her mom. “It’s not forever.”

She just wishes she knew how long they would be apart.

They walk for a little over an hour, arriving back at the station just before nine-thirty.

“Take care of yourself, okay?” Maya says.

“I will, sweetheart,” Katherine says. “You too.”

Maya watches as she gets into her car and drives away, feeling despondent. There is a part of her that wants to follow her, to check that she really is okay, to persuade her to leave him again. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t have the energy to fight her father right now. All she can do is hope that her mom doesn’t end up regretting her decision.

She makes the short journey home and ignores the elevator, taking the stairs up to their apartment, her legs burning at the strain.

She can hear the soft lull of Italian music playing from outside and it makes her smile. When she steps inside, Carina is curled up on the couch, a blanket over her legs and a magazine in her hands. She looks up when she hears Maya coming through the front door.

“Buongiorno.”

“Good morning,” Maya says. She drops her bag onto the floor and walks over to the couch to greet her girlfriend with a kiss.

“Did you get caught up at work?” Carina says, noticing the time.

With everything that has been going on, Maya hasn’t told her yet about her mom moving back in with her dad. It never feels like the right time, bringing in her own family drama when Carina is grieving so heavily. She doesn’t have the energy to talk about it right now so she buries it for another day.

“Just making sure everything is in order.”

Carina doesn’t pick up on her lie. “How was last night?” she asks, closing her magazine and dropping it on to the table.

“Awful,” Maya says. “I didn’t really know what to say to them, so I said nothing – which felt cowardly.”

She kicks off her sneakers and hangs her jacket up, then takes a seat on the couch by Carina’s legs.

“I don’t know what to do,” she admits. “I don’t know how to help them. I don’t even know if they want my help, if it’s my place.”

“I don’t think avoiding the conversation will help,” Carina says gently.

Maya sighs. “I know.”

“Can’t the department help?” Carina asks.

“You think someone like McAllister is going to care?” Maya says. “Although…”

Her words fall away as her mind starts working.

“What?” Carina prompts her.

“I do know someone who might be able to help,” Maya says slowly. “The psychologist who came in to talk to us after Rigo died, Diane? She stopped by a while ago to see how everyone was doing during the pandemic.” She scrunches her face. “Is that a terrible idea? Calling in a therapist?”

“I don’t know,” Carina says. “Maybe you should talk to Diane about it, she what she thinks?”

As she muses the idea, Maya looks down and notices the medical journal that Carina was reading.

“You doing some research?”

“Just catching up on what I’ve missed,” Carina says. “I told Doctor Bailey that I’d work a few shifts at the hospital before I go to Italy.”

She looks a little apprehensive and Maya places a comforting hand on her leg.

“How do you feel about that?”

“Nervous,” Carina admits. “But okay, I think. It’s just a few shifts, maybe it’ll do me some good to go back there and face it. Bailey said there would be a job waiting for me when I get back and I do want to work there again.”

When she gets back.

She hasn’t even gone yet and Maya is already waiting for that day to come.

She shifts her body and manoeuvres her way in between Carina’s legs, resting her head on her chest. Carina wraps her arms around her, dropping a kiss on her head. Maya thinks about her mom and how she doesn’t get to have this, how she doesn’t get to have someone who loves and cares for her like she deserves.

The lack of sleep catches up with her and her eyes start to droop, the warmth of Carina’s embrace lulling her into a slumber. She is almost asleep when something on the sideboard catches her eye.

“What’s that?” she asks sleepily.

“Hmm?”

“The vase on the side there.”

She feels a slight shift in Carina’s mood underneath her.

“Oh. It’s an urn, not a vase,” Carina says. “Andrea’s ashes got delivered yesterday.”

The urn looks small – too small for the large presence that he was.

“I need to fill out some paperwork so that I can take some of it with me on the plane.”

Maya lifts her head just enough to look at her. “Only some of it?”

“I thought I’d scatter some up at Hamilton Viewpoint, and maybe take some to Wisconsin too, when I can,” Carina says. “Leave him in the places he loved the most.”

Maya thinks back to their conversation yesterday. “You said that you wanted to take him to a beach in Italy, where you spent time with your mom?”

“Si, in San Lorenzo,” Carina says.

“Will you tell me about it? Tell me your memories?”

Carina smiles as Maya rests her head on her chest once more, waiting for her story.

“Mama used to take us there when we were little, for at least two weeks every summer. I was seven, I think, the first time. Andrea was three.”

“Did your dad ever go with you?”

“Sometimes. Not very often,” Carina says. “Most of the time, he would stay behind and work, and it would just be the three of us. We’d swim in the sea and make sandcastles and eat all the different flavours of gelato we could.”

“They sound like happy memories,” Maya says.

“They are,” Carina says. She starts to laugh. “There was this one time, when Andrea was six, maybe seven, he was being such a little brat. Mama had gone to find us lunch, so I suggested we play a game where I built a sandcastle around him. I ended up burying him in the sand, really deep, so he couldn’t get out. He was so cross, his little face turned red while he was trying to escape.”

Maya laughs with her. “And I thought you were the lovely big sister.”

“Most of the time,” Carina says. “Mama came back and I was waiting for her to yell at me, but she laughed – and that made Andrea even more cross.”

“How long did you leave him in the sand?”

“Not long,” Carina says. “Maybe thirty minutes?”

“Carina!”

Carina laughs again. “He didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day.”

“He forgave you eventually though,” Maya says.

“Yeah, he did.” Carina sighs. “I miss him.”

“I know you do. I wish I could be there when you scatter his ashes,” Maya says. “I’m sorry.”

Carina can hear the guilt in her voice. “Maya,” she says, poking her ribs gently until she looks up at her. “You’ve been there for everything, since the second he died. Don’t feel guilty for missing this part. It’s just one part, I can do it by myself.” She smiles. “But I do want to take you there one day, to meet my family and see the places in my stories. I want to share it all with you one day. Andrea wanted it too.”

“He did?”

“Si, he did,” Carina says.

Maya smiles and shuffles up Carina’s body to kiss her.

“Well, I was his favourite.”

Carina chuckles and rolls her eyes playfully, snuggling back into the cushions as Maya drops her head again.

“You’re never going to let me forget that, are you?”

“Nope,” Maya says, smiling when she feels Carina’s arms tighten around her.

She sighs against her chest.

“It’s going to be okay, bella,” Carina says. “You’re an amazing captain. You’re smart and resilient and you care so much. You’ll figure it out, you always do.”

“What am I going to do without all your affirmations?” Maya says.

‘What am I going to do without you?’ she thinks.

#station 19 #grey's anatomy #maya bishop #carina deluca #station 19 fanfiction #serendipity #my fanfiction

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