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albionscastle · 1 year

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I Will Carry You

One shot! Ray Levine from Stay Close x Reader

You are Ray’s best friend and have been in love with him for years. When Cassie comes back into his life you realize you can’t watch him destroy himself any longer.

I may have gotten a tad carried away.

*NSFW

Fic Masterlist

I Will Carry You by Ruelle

“So anyway, this arsehole had the gall to expect me to pay for his meal because I wasn't ‘what was advertised,’ you grumbled, taking a swig of your beer. What the fuck does that even mean?”

There was no reply from either of the men at the bar. Both Ray and Fester were completely in a world of their own, even though it was Ray who had suggested you go for a drink after your disastrous date.

"And then I thought that later, I might take off all my clothes and walk down to the boardwalk to go skinny-dipping.”

A chuckle from Fester, but nothing from Ray.

"What's wrong with him?' you whispered.

“Cassie's back.”

You felt a cold chill run down your spine, and your chest tightened like a vice. That was the absolute last thing you had been expecting. Just a few weeks ago Fester had told Ray that Cassie was dead, which ended with you half carrying Ray home, drunk as a skunk and sobbing into the cushions of his couch. The absolute devastation in his voice as he had called out her name had broken your heart. Thankfully he had passed out quickly and as you had laid a blanket over him and left his flat, you cursed the Bitch.

“The fuck do you mean, Cassie's back? I thought she was dead, you told us she was dead.” you hissed, looking over to Ray who was still off in his own little world.

You watched as he swallowed down a whole bottle, swaying on the barstool, barely keeping himself upright. He looked completely defeated, what little wind he’d had in his sails had left him and only a shell of a man was left. He signaled for another drink, the only clue that he still resided in the real world.

“Nah mate, you’re done.”

Ray narrowed his eyes at his friend, trying to intimidate him into giving in. You were honestly surprised he could even see straight, the state he was in.

“Fine then,” he growled. “I’m going home, at least I can get a fucking drink there.”

“You do you mate, I’ll call you an Uber.”

“Whatever.” Ray didn’t even bother to pay before he stumbled out the door.

“Do you think he’ll be alright?” you asked, wondering if you should make sure he got home ok.

“Tonight? Yup, I called the ride thirty minutes ago, it's already waiting out there. Other than that I don’t know, I mean he hasn't been ok for a really long time.”

“And now she’s back to fuck him over some more?”

“She wants nothing to do with him, actually. She’s only come to light now because of Green and those other guys that went missing from Vipers.”

“Isn’t that where she used to dance?” you couldn’t disguise your derision at the mere mention of her.

“Yup, and apparently she’s some kind of soccer mum now, kids, house in the suburbs, fiance and all. Turns out she was only living two towns away all these years. She’s somehow involved with the disappearance of this Stewart fellow from way back, mainly because she was involved with the man.”

“At the same time she was involved with Ray?” you felt sick when Fester nodded.

“Why did you tell him she was dead?”

“Because I wanted him to move the fuck on, I mean look at him. He’s a fucking mess because of what that bitch did to him and he just can’t get past it.”

You couldn’t disagree with his logic, you had seen the mess that was Ray Levine many, many times for yourself.

“Listen love, I’m going to offer you some advice.”

You glared at Fester, knowing what was coming next. You had heard it all before, and you wouldn’t admit to it even now. Denial had been key for the past decade.

“He’s likely never going to see past Cassie, darlin. I know you’re just ‘friends’.” The air quotes pissed you off. “You deserve better than dating assholes while you wait for Ray to get a clue.”

For the first time you really couldn’t fault Fester’s words. While it was 100% true that you and Ray had never been more than friends, it wasn’t for a lack of hoping on your part. Fester had always known, but he was nice enough to never call you out on it, at least until now. Ray, of course, was completely oblivious. With a sigh you paid your tab and Ray’s and turned to leave.

“I’ll give it some serious thought.” you nodded and walked out into the night.

It was the first time you had admitted, in a way, that Fester’s suspicion might be true. You had gotten so good at hiding it that you were certain he had forgotten, but Fester noticed and remembered everything, he would have been brilliant working for MI5, if he wasn’t a self-admitted sloth. But what he really was, to you, was a good man and a true friend.

Deep down you also knew he was right. Ray was never going to move past Cassie, she was an obsession now. You wished she really had died, at least then he might be forced to at least accept that she was never coming back to him. In that situation, at least, you knew that you didn’t have to be the same. You could have a life where you didn’t have the weight of him on your shoulders. It wasn’t as though he would notice either way, you thought bitterly.

Opening the door to your flat you threw your keys on to the kitchen table and flopped down on your couch, screaming into the pillow in frustration. You were smarter than this, always swearing you would never be one of those women you lost themselves over an inaccessible man. It was pathetic, and yet here you were, all your good intentions flying out the window the day you met Ray Levine. Bastard. Even if it wasn’t his fault, you were still angry at him. Sipping on a coffee you thought back to that day when this whole shitshow had started for you.

It had been ten years ago and you had arranged a lesson for a couple of your art students who had expressed an interest in photography. You were familiar with his work then, even having his book on your coffee table, which you flipped through often. His work had been atmospheric and evocative. He was a brilliant photojournalist and when you had found out he was local and taught classes, you had jumped on it. You found him to be an engaging and hands on teacher, responding eagerly to your students and they to him. The shaggy hair, beanie and tattoos you had not been expecting, and they clashed with the images you had seen of him in Iraq. But by the end of the first class the whole grunge rock thing he had going on was growing on you. When he had taken your hand to shake, a tingle had run down your spine and when he flashed that smile you were a goner.

You should have walked away right then. Instead, you booked more classes and once a week you allowed yourself the luxury of watching him at work. He towered over all the students, his presence easily filling the entire space, but he was never really aware. The kids were his only focus during those times, and they ate him up. For your part, you just tried not to react every time he accidentally brushed past you. In those early days you had only seen him in the context of lessons, still seeing only the Pulitzer winning photographer. Glimpses of the man he used to be. You were starry-eyed, giddy as a teenager and half in love with just the idea of him within weeks. So, when you started to talk outside the lessons, it seemed like such a natural progression of things. If you only talked about you, you didn't really notice, at least not for a while. When school was out you simply sat on the boardwalk feeding the gulls and discussing shit like politics and global warming.

Your first glimpse of the real Ray Levine came after a few months of you waiting for him to make a move. Sitting at Festers bar, you and Ray were having a great time and you thought for sure it would be then. He'd had his hand on your knee half the night and kept leaning in to whisper nonsense in your ear. Then in a heartbeat it had all changed. Someone in the bar had called the name 'Cassie' to greet a friend and you had never seen Ray whip around that fast. The brief look of hope in his eyes had baffled you and when he turned back to the bar the Ray you thought you knew was gone. The apologetic look Fester had shot you had said it all.

That night was the first time you had taken drunk Ray home to his couch. When he grabbed your wrist and pulled you to sit beside him a tiny spark of hope had ignited. That spark died as it all spilled out of him, Cassie, Vipers, the missing man. How he had proposed and she had walked away without a word. It was as he put his head on your lap and wept that you realized it was too late. You were already in love with him.

As dawn broke through your kitchen window you decided Fester was right. This had to stop.

For a month you made sure to see Ray only during the weekly lessons. He was distracted and disheveled, barely even noticing you were there. Fester kept you appraised, he'd seen Cassie again, she still had the plastic ring, she had kissed him. You felt sick. Then he was questioned, a suspect. Arrested for murder. He only wanted to see Cassie, it was as if you had never existed. After that, it was easy to make your decision. You applied for a teaching job in Edinburgh, receiving a positive reply within a week.

Ray was innocent of murder, you'd never doubted that for a second, but what he had admitted to had shaken you to the core. The Ray you now knew was a drunk, yes, but he was also the most gentle person you had ever known. The kids over the years had never heard a negative word or a raised voice from him. He had been there with a shoulder to cry on after every bad date, when your sister had died. You called him your gentle giant and he laughed every time. Not one time had he ever put his hands on you in anger, even when you were drunk and unreasonable. Not even when you slugged him after a particularly dickish dig at your lack of a love life.

You decided to go and see him, to tell him yourself that you were leaving. No way you would walk out on him the way Cassie had, that would be the cruelest thing you could ever do. Just as you wouldn't disappear from his life, you would stay in touch, you just needed space and time to get over him.

The moment he opened the door to his flat and looked at you with so much relief in his eyes, you knew this was going to be harder than you had hoped. He looked like shit, his hair unwashed and straggly, eyes red and swollen, face drawn and pale, it was as though he had aged ten years since you last saw him. Glancing down at the coffee table, you saw the empty vodka bottle sitting among half empty take-out containers, beer bottles and dirty clothing.

"Are you drunk Ray?"

"Not as drunk as you think." He smiled that lopsided smile you loved so much and put his arms around you for a hug.

For just a moment you let yourself sink into him, taking a deep breath and...

“Christ Ray! You smell like a brewery. you pushed him away, moving to stand in front of the window.

“I'm sorry." he mumbled, looking at you like a puppy you'd just kicked. I'll go get cleaned up, don't go away.”

“I'm not going anywhere, we need to talk.”

You didn't acknowledge the way his shoulders slumped when you spoke, you had to be strong enough to get through this without feeling guilt. It wasn't his fault you felt the way you did, he had never encouraged you after that night. It was all on you and even though you knew you had to do this, you still felt like shit for leaving him. He was a broken man and you would be willing to spend the rest of your life fixing all those broken pieces. That was why you had to go.

Ray came back into the room, freshly showered by the looks of things, looking a little more human than he had. He still took your breath away when you looked at him, even after every way he'd hurt you. Taking a deep breath, you locked the part of you that wanted to stay and fixed him with a stern look.

“How much have you had to drink today?"

"Probably too much." he shrugged.

You stomped into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee, not willing to have a proper conversation until he was at least a little sober.

"Are you afraid of me now?? he asked softly, flopping onto the couch, watching you over the rim of his mug.

“Of course not.” You sighed, sitting down beside him.

He looked truly worried.

“Ray. Look me in the eyes.” You waited until he looked up, his blue eyes red, watery and full of uncertainty. “There is no scenario on this planet that could ever make me afraid of you. Understand?”

You cupped his cheeks in your hands, forcing him to look at you when he tried to look away.

“Understand?”

“Yeah.” He whispered.

His skin was rough under your hands, he desperately needed to shave, but then you had always liked him with the scruff. Mainly because you had never seen him any other way. He was still looking at you, almost strangely, his eyes flaring and he made no effort to pull away. In response you gazed at him, subconsciously committing every part of face to memory. You were going to miss him.

He moved before you even had a chance to react, his mouth pressing against yours firmly, hands coming up to tangle in your hair. Before you could tell yourself that this was a very bad idea you leaned in, opening for him with a sigh. Ray was ferocious in his response, hauling you over to straddle his lap, his lips bruising yours, tongue sliding over your teeth.

Electricity coursed through your body, and you ground against him as years of longing came down to this moment. You couldn’t get enough of him, couldn’t get close enough to him. You wanted every part of him, ached for his hands on your skin, for your hands on his. He obliged, his arm wrapping around your back so he could flip you beneath him on the couch. Alarm bells started ringing in your ears, but you ignored them, tugging his shirt out of his jeans and sliding your fingers beneath to touch the warm skin of his back.

Ray’s fingers were under your sweater, leaving you shivering as he traced patterns over your skin, wedging his hips between your thighs. Moaning into each other’s mouths you moved together. He was rock hard and you arched up to meet him for every grind of his hips, a low growl escaping his lips.

“Cassie.”

You went still for a moment, not believing what you had just heard. Then it hit you like a bucket of icy water and you shoved him off you with all the force you could muster, leaping from the couch.

“I don’t fucking believe this.” you muttered to yourself, pacing the room.

“What’s happening?” Ray honestly looked confused. “I thought we were having a…thing?”

He gulped as your eyes flashed with anger. You hoped that he couldn’t see past that to the hurt that was cutting you deeply.

“God, you really have no idea, do you?” Tears stung your eyes.

“I don’t, please tell me what’s wrong.”

He looked lost and for a split second you just wanted to hug him. Until his whisper replayed in your head.

“You said her name!” You couldn’t stop the tears now. “Her name, Ray, you were thinking of her when you were with me. I’m some fucking consolation prize that you can pretend is someone else.”

Understanding dawned and he looked horrified.

“It was just a reflex, with everything that’s happened recently, it just popped out. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“That’s horse shit Ray and you know it. You never stop thinking about her, that’s the problem.”

“I don’t! I swear I don’t.” He reached out to you.

“Don’t touch me Ray.” his hands drew back as if you had slapped them. It's bad enough you did it, don’t make it worse by denying it.

He put his hands in his lap, looking contrite.

“How could I have been so stupid?” You wiped at your eyes furiously. “I actually thought…”

Taking a long deep breath you forced yourself to calm down so you could say what you came here to say.

“For ten years Ray, I’ve watched you destroy yourself over that woman and for what? She left you, let you wonder for 17 years! And she didn’t spare you another thought, did she? She just fucked off and got herself a whole new life. You disposed of a human being for that bitch! Then she’s back, and you’re dancing like a puppet again, just the way she wants you to.”

Ray started to protest, but you shut him down with a look.

“You’re doing it now! You can’t see past your own misery to see how she’s manipulated you. She didn’t care about you enough to even check to make sure you were ok, did she? Who was it who dragged your drunk ass home? Night after night, who cleaned you up when you threw up on yourself, helped you to bed? I stayed every time you begged me to, listened while you sobbed for hours about how much you loved her, missed her. She was never here, Ray, never. She never cared. I did! You couldn't see past her, you never saw anyone but her. The woman destroyed your life and you just let her.”

You sucked in a breath, needing to get to the point. He was at least looking at you while you talked.

"Do you even know how I feel about you? Not even an inkling? I love you!

That made him pay attention.

“I never expected you to love me back, never asked anything of you. I realized, when she reappeared, that I would never compete. So I made a decision to leave."

“Wait, what? “

“I'm moving away, Ray. I took a job in Edinburgh, I leave tonight”

'You can't!"

"Yes I can Ray, and I will. I came over today to say goodbye, and so you knew I would never just up and leave you the way she did. Then, for a moment I thought that... But you said her name not mine, and that's broken my heart. So I won't change my mind.”

Taking a step toward him you leaned down, brushing his lips gently.

"I really hope you can let yourself be happy one day, Ray.” You whispered.

Without giving him a chance to respond you turned away and walked out the door.

Later that night and completely sober, Ray sat at the bar and told Fester everything that had happened. If he was expecting a sympathetic ear, he was sorely mistaken.

“I've known for weeks that she was leaving, Ray. You didn't even notice that she hasn't been around?"

"I was a little busy.' Ray muttered.

"Yeah, that's the problem mate. You were always a little busy.”

Ray didn't like the way he was feeling, after so many years of abject misery, guilt was an unwelcome new companion. He knew he'd fucked up, he never should have kissed you in the first place, but he wasn't in his right state of mind. The whole thing with Cassie finally unraveling, the whole fucked up mess had left him feeling vulnerable and more lost than ever. Now he had hurt his friend, and royally screwed up the only good thing he had in his life.

Rubbing his face with his hand, he tried to make sense of it all. He was so tired, fed up and ashamed. “ I honestly had no idea mate.' he sighed. "She never said anything."

“Why would she? You always made it perfectly clear that you only cared about Cassie, it's not like you returned the sentiment. Right?”

That was it there. He didn't know. Admittedly he liked having you around, you were always so comforting. But did he feel anything else? Was he even capable of it? Fuck, he was so confused. He did know that the moment you told him you were leaving, a cold stab of fear had run through his body. The one thing he hadn't thought of at that moment was Cassie. Why he had said her name when he was kissing you, he honestly didn't know.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?"

“That's a conversation that would take all night. But, in a nutshell, you're a self-loathing, obsessive drunk who didn't see what was good for him, even when it was right in front of him.”

"Tell me how you really feel, why don't you?”

"How about this, then? Tell me the first thing that comes to mind, yeah?”

Fester sounded suspiciously like a therapist, but the smile on his face showed just how much he was enjoying Ray's misery.

“What were you thinking when you kissed her?"

"Relief, I guess. I wasn't really thinking.”

“So your immediate subconscious reaction to her telling you she wasn't afraid of you, was to kiss her?"

“Ray shrugged.

“Ok then, your immediate gut reaction when she told you she was leaving? Go!”

Fear, betrayal, loss, agony. His chest had tightened, he'd felt like he couldn't breathe.

"And what about when she said she loved you."

Hope.

“I've really screwed things up, haven't I?” Ray's head was in his hands.

"You called the woman who loves you, by another woman's name while you were making out with her. A woman who, I might add, abandoned you, used you, tried to sell you out for murder, manipulated you and didn't think about you for 17 years.”

“Yeah.”

'Why?”

“I don't know, I feel sick about it.”

"You don't even love Cassie, you know.” Ray's head snapped up. "Think about it, you loved her back then, but for years it hasn't been that at all. You just couldn't separate what you'd had from what you did. Think about it Ray, you destroyed yourself for and because of this woman. Then you go and do this. You need help, mate, professional help.”

Ray wanted to be angry, wanted to defend his love for Cassie, but he couldn't. Deep down he knew Fester was right. It had stopped being love the moment he threw the body in the river. He equated his feelings for Cassie with betrayal, fear, self-loathing and obsession. They had overwhelmed him, especially when he dreamed. He had started drinking so he could sleep without dreaming and from there he had spiraled out of control. He couldn't believe he had missed his own true feelings. Now sober and coming to terms with all that had happened, things were a lot clearer. His feelings for you were so different than he had realized, affection, security, tenderness, warmth. With you there were moments that had been close to happiness. There was heat too, if that morning was anything to go by. He had been completely blind.

"How the hell am I going to fix this?” he sighed.

"Get yourself clean for starters and get some fucking therapy. And only when you are 100% sure that Cassie is cut out of your life forever do you go anywhere near that girl. If you can't do that, then leave her alone and let her get over you.”

Ray had a lot of soul-searching to do.

Six months later.

You unlocked the front door to your flat and managed to get in just before the sky opened up. With the rain came the damp cold and you shivered as you walked through to your bedroom to change. Edinburgh was a beautiful city, but it really did rain a lot. Still, the job made it worthwhile and you really did love it here. Checking your email, you saw a message from Fester and smiled. You made sure you kept him appraised of how you were doing, and he had agreed to never talk about Ray.

The process of getting over him had been a lot harder than you had anticipated. You thought about him every day and your heart didn't ache any less for it. Fester would have told you if there had been any trouble so you knew he was ok. But you missed him, so much it still hurt. You even missed the nights where you dragged him home. It had only mattered to you that you were with him. You guessed that made you pretty pathetic in the eyes of others.

It didn't matter anymore, anyway, you had to move on or you would end up just like Ray.

It was dark early, thunder booming as the rain poured and you started a fire in the fireplace, choosing not to turn on the main lights. Some nights you just needed to brood a bit and try to convince yourself that you would eventually get over Ray Levine.

A knock at the door startled you from your thoughts. Who on earth would be here at this time of the night? Shuffling to the door, you made sure the chain was on before opening the door a crack.

"What the hell?”

Ray stood there, looking nervous, his small umbrella barely keeping him dry.

Stunned at the sight of him you could only stand and gape for a few moments.

“Umm, would it be ok if I came in for a moment?”

His voice startled you back into reality.

“Oh my God! I'm sorry, Ray. Of course you can come in.” Stepping aside, you took off the chain, took his umbrella and closed the front door behind him.

He took off his shoes and coat and stood, silently, looking as awkward as you felt. Motioning him into the living room to sit, you stood in front of the fireplace, waiting. Your heart was hammering in your chest, your hands were shaking. Proof positive that after six months, you were not an iota less in love with him. It was taking everything in you not to jump over and wrap your arms around him.

“Why are you here, Ray?” You made your tone as flat as possible, not wanting him to hear the agitation you were feeling.

He swallowed hard and looked at you with eyes clearer than you had ever seen them.

“I wanted to say I'm sorry.”

You didn't say a word, waiting for him to continue.

“I'm sorry that I hurt you. I honestly didn't mean to, and I have no excuse for it.”

"Ok.” You sighed, sitting down on the coffee table to hide the way your knees were trembling. 'Is that all?”

'No.'" he took a deep breath. “I stopped drinking. Actually I stopped that day. Umm.”

You nodded to let him know you knew exactly what day he meant. Keeping your face an expressionless mask you felt your heart swell with pride that he had taken such a huge step.

“I was fucked up, love, I still am if you want the truth of it. Fester says I'm a work in progress.” he smiled wryly. “But, I've been going to therapy and AA meetings, I… It took you walking away to wake me up to the damage that Cassie had done, and the hurt I caused.”

His fingers were fidgeting with a fray in his jeans, you could see he was struggling with what to say next.

"I didn't realize how important you are to me until you left me. I know it's a fucking cliche and I sound just like any other asshole male.”

You smirked. He wasn't wrong.

He leaned forward, reaching for your hand and looking into your eyes intently.

"I was so caught up in myself that I was blind to everything going on around me, especially you. When I said her name, I wasn't thinking about her, for the first time in years I wasn't. It was a reflex and I'm not making excuses, but that's all it was. I was just so happy that you were still my friend despite everything I did. When I was in that room with Cassie, she looked at me as though I was nothing, she believed I had committed murder for her and she still looked at me like that. It was that moment that I started to realize how completely fucked up everything was. It took a pretty intense talking to from Fester to see what was really there in front of me.”

He paused, searching for the words he needed. You could feel your eyes filling and you blinked before he could see you cry.

“Once I removed my ridiculous obsession with Cassie out of the picture everything was so much clearer. I let it go, it was killing me, and then I started to rebuild. And there you were. You were always there and I was too blind to see it."

His thumb grazed over the back of your hand. You forced yourself to stay still and breathe, needing him to say everything, hope taking hold and blooming in your heart.

'I'm not stupid enough to expect you to forgive me after everything I've done. But I needed you to know, I'm clean and sober, in therapy, starting new work, and I love you. I knew it the moment I realized I was more upset about you leaving than I was about anything to do with Cassie. With her it was all about self-pity, I ruined myself over her. But with you, it felt like someone had taken a vice to my heart, I couldn't breathe and instead of wallowing, all I wanted to do was become the man you deserved.”

Tears spilled down your cheeks unchecked, you could see the truth of his words in his blue eyes. A wry, half smile appeared on his face.

´It's my own fault, I know, All of this. Even when I was at my worst, I never wanted to hurt you, and I'm so sorry that I was. I should have known, why else would you have stayed my friend all these years if you didn't love me? I destroyed all that, and I’ll regret that for the rest of my life, but I won't ever go back to the man I was, I promise you that..."

'Ray?' you interrupted him before he could go on.

You had already forgiven him everything a long time ago. The moment he had said he loved you, you knew you weren’t going to let him go.

"Shit, you're crying! Dammit I never wanted to make you cry.” he sounded angry at himself as he instinctively cupped your face, his thumbs wiping the tears away.

“Stop, Ray.” your fingers wrapped around his wrists. “Please, stop talking.”

Oh God his face was that of a rejected puppy. Pain was etched deeply in his features. You couldn't stand it.

"I need you to listen to me for a moment." you said softly.

His pulse sped up under your fingers and you watched him visibly prepare himself for your rejection.

"You did hurt me, Ray. You called me another woman's name while you were on top of me. I was angry, hurt and sad, when I left. I know that you never intentionally hurt me, I do. You need to know that I understood. I just couldn't watch you slowly kill yourself any longer, because I couldn't help you. And honestly Ray, that broke my heart. Nothing you could have would have stopped me from loving you, nothing. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?”

There was a spark of hope in his eyes when he looked at you and you saw the moment when realization dawned and you smiled softly.

"You love me?'

“Yes. Ray. I do love you, I never stopped. I tried, I really did, but I guess you're a little difficult to get over.” you said, reaching out to run your fingers along his jaw. With a sigh, he leaned into your touch, turning his head until he could press his lips against your palm. You shivered slightly, your breathing turning ragged. Time had only made your want of him stronger and more acute. He dropped to his knees in front of you, hands on either side of where you sat. Your breath caught us he leaned forward, eyes open to rest his forehead against yours. He rubbed his nose against yours, nuzzling your face, his mouth a whisper away from yours, his breath warm on your skin.

"Ray." you whispered his name in a quiet breath.

Time slowed down to a crawl and the rest of the world disappeared until there was nothing that existed but your heart pounding in your ears and the feather-light brush of his lips against yours. Your blood sang in your veins as he tilted his head, his mouth covering yours firmly, his large hands cupping your head to hold you against him. He growled deep in his throat, your name the sound that passed his lips. The sound of it sent a shiver from your scalp to your toes and he took advantage of your sigh to slide his tongue past your lips and against your own. Your arms wrapped tightly around his torso, pulling him closer, parting your legs to accommodate him. You didn't care about breathing, you just never wanted him to stop kissing you. He pulled away and you whimpered at the loss of him, sliding as close to his body as was physically possible.

His eyes, dark now with blown out pupils, took you in, from your heaving breaths, hooded, heavy eyes, to your flushed cheeks and swollen lips. Your fingers moved to tangle in his hair, pulling him back to you, his whispered ‘I love you’, washing over you as you both dove in. His teeth worried your bottom lip, his tongue smoothing the sting before filling your mouth. Your legs wrapped around his waist, causing you both to hiss as your core pressed against his hardness.

Without taking his mouth off yours, Ray pulled you up to stand, palms sliding down your back to your rear to hold you against him. He carried you as though you were weightless, grunting as each step he took brushed you against his erection. You managed to pull off your jumper while he carried you, tossing it somewhere in the dark. Passing through your bedroom door you reached out to flip on the light, leaning back against the frame and giving him an eyeful of your breasts, covered in nothing, but thin delicate lace. He twitched against you, groaning as he steadied you against the wall. His eyes were fixed on your chest as his fingers traced the outline of your bra, your eyes watching him lick his lips as he slid the straps off your shoulders. Your hands went to the zipper of his red hoodie, opening it so you could slide it and his flannel shirt off his shoulders. Using his hips he pinned you to the wall, freeing his hands to shrug off his garments, pulling his t-shirt off over his head as well. You barely had a moment to take in the view of his broad, muscular chest before he clutched you against him, plundering your mouth with his tongue, his fingers deftly undoing your bra and sliding it off your body.

Gasping into his mouth as your nipples grazed the hair on his chest, you couldn't think straight. All you wanted now was his mouth and hands on you, his cock buried inside you, everything you had ached for, for ten long years. Desperation was rising in you both, his hips rolling between your thighs, your kisses now messy, rough and demanding, your hands touching every available inch of bare skin on one other that you could reach. Hefting you higher, he latched onto you, sucking your nipple into his mouth, flicking the tip of his tongue over it, smiling around you as you threw back your head, a cry escaping your throat, a hot sting of pleasure shooting from his mouth to between your thighs where it settled in a wet, throbbing ache. You needed him, now.

'Ray.' you were panting his name as he switched from side to side, alternating between licking, sucking and biting, each sending almost overwhelming pleasure coursing through your blood.

He hummed around you, his hands sliding under your upper thighs, fingers meeting in the middle, tracing over your core through your thin pants. Your fingers tugged on his hair, your body shuddering and jerking, your hips rolling against his touch, wanting more.

"Ray, please.” you gasped as his thumb found your clit and began a frustratingly slow rhythm.

He pulled his mouth off you with a pop, hissing as you tugged a little too hard on his hair. Your head fell forward, his face lifting up so he could kiss you again, his fingers still causing havoc between your legs. You unwrapped your legs from around him, forcing him to let you slide down his body to stand. Biting his lip, your hands moved to impatiently work at his belt buckle, slithering it through the loops of his jeans until it fell with a clunk onto the floor. He grinned against your lips as you made short work of his button and zipper, your palms sliding down his hips pushing his jeans down. Ray wiggled his legs and stepped out of them, kicking them to the side. He growled low in his throat as you reached between you to cup his erection through his boxer briefs. It was his turn to shudder as you stroked him through the cotton, dragging your tongue along his in unison. His hands furiously pulled down your pants and underwear to also be kicked aside, as well as his briefs, a pile of discarded clothing forgotten on the floor. Without breaking your kiss he hoisted you up again, pressing you against the wall, his fingers moving immediately to drag through your wet folds.

You whimpered against his tongue, your own fingers tracing featherlight over his balls feeling them twitch and draw up, his body shivering. He actually cried out, shaking when your hand wrapped around him, stroking his length with just enough speed and pressure to drive him mad. Your thumb dragged through the liquid leaking from the tip of him, the way he rocked his hips against you making you very much look forward to repeating your touches with your mouth later on.

Two long fingers sliding into you made you lose your train of thought as a wave of pure lust took you over. He hissed us your hand tightened around his shaft, making you repeat the gesture with each push of his fingers inside you. You were so close, you could feel your body tightening like a bowstring. He pulled his mouth from yours, pulling back to look down with a groan between your bodies. Doing the same you could see his cock sliding through your fingers, his fingers disappearing between your legs, his thumb sinking between your folds, stroking you.

Ray's breath was hot in your ear, his voice low and rough as he spoke.

"Tell me what you want, what you need right now."

“I want you.” you panted, your body trembling.

"You already have me.” he purred, twisting his fingers, stretching you open.

“God dammit Ray you know what I mean.” you moaned loudly, bearing down on his fingers as he found that magical spot inside you.

To think this man had been hiding under all that drunken misery. The thought flew through your mind, leaving you wondering for a brief second how the fuck Cassie could have left this man behind.

You arched your back, letting go of him as you jerked, his hand going still.

"I want to hear it, I need to hear it.” he caught your eyes, and beneath the desire burning there you saw the vulnerable Ray, the one who was afraid that you wouldn't want him, just like Cassie hadn't.

You allowed all the love you had for him to shine in your eyes, looking at him as though you needed to memorize every line, every feature of his face, each more beautiful to you than the last. You had never been good about vocalizing during sex, always feeling ridiculously self conscious. But for Ray, you would push through it, even though your cheeks flamed and you found it hard to meet his eyes. You clasped your hands around the back of his neck, grunting in his ear as your muscles clenched around his fingers, his length twitching against your thigh as you whispered hoarsely.

“I've wanted to feel you inside me for ten years, Ray. Please don't make me wait any longer and just fuck me.”

You couldn't believe the words that had come out of your mouth, not that they weren't true, but they certainly had the desired effect. Ray's teeth were on your neck, his fingers sliding out of you, replaced by the heated, blunt head of his cock, bearing down minutely at your entrance.

“Open your eyes and look at me. Please.” he begged, circling his hips, enhancing the desperation you felt for him to just push into you.

You did as he asked, watched his face as his mouth moved around the shape of your name. A strangled whisper as he surged forward, impaling you on his length, the air pushed out your lungs, as his body pinned you against the wall. He was still for a moment, forehead resting against yours as you panted heavily into one another's mouths. He felt almost impossibly large as you stretched around him, your every nerve ending focused solely between your thighs. Your body trembled as you tentatively squeezed yourself around him, drawing a long moan from his lips. His body shook from the effort of holding himself back, one hand gripping your hip tightly, the other on the wall beside your head.

“Ray.” his name was barely a whisper on your lips, but it was enough. With a low, long growl he pulled back, leaving you aching at the loss of him, then with a grunt he filled you again. He felt incredible as he quickly set a ferocious rhythm, you saw stars every time he pounded into you. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, nails scratching over his back as they grasped for purchase on his sweat- slickened skin. There was only hunger and desperate lust as his body slammed yours against the wall over and over. He grunted with each thrust, rutting like an animal and sending you closer and closer to the edge.

You cried out as he pounded harder, faster, every scrape of his length against your walls sending arrow shots of pleasure from your core, through your body and back again. You could feel your orgasm building, could hear only his grunts and the sound of wet skin slapping as he fucked your harder than anyone ever had before. It was almost too much to handle.

“So close.” you managed, barely able to breathe.

Ray groaned, pulling back far enough to slide his hand between your bodies, the rough pad of his thumb sliding your clit, your body jerking from the added sensation.

“Good girl, let me feel you come around me.”

He growled your name with every thrust of his hips, tilting you slightly so he could sink that little bit deeper inside you. That was all you needed, you felt yourself start to ripple around him as he stilled, your orgasm catching you off guard with its intensity. You felt as though your body had exploded into stardust as burning pleasure radiated through you. The feeling of him steel hard in you, as your muscles clenched, took your breath away. You writhed on him, hips rolling, fucking yourself on him, prolonging your pleasure, his name screamed into the air. There was no chance to come down, his thumb rubbing you kept you flying as he started pounding into you again.

His name was a litany chanted as your head rolled against the wall, pleasure bursting like fireworks in your blood with every thrust.

“God! I'm almost there. You feel you fucking good, so tight.” he grunted and groaned, his movements becoming more erratic the closer he got.

Then with a roar he slammed hard into you, holding you still against him as he twitched and jerked, his whole body shaking as he spilled into you. The knowledge and sensation of him coming inside of you was enough to send you over the edge again, shuddering and gasping as your body clamped around him tightly, causing him to let out a strangled moan as he spurted one last time, your body milking him as you both tried to breathe.

His legs must have given out as you slid down the wall until you were sitting on his thighs, trembling and shaking. Ray's lips moved over your shoulder, gently kissing and nibbling your wet skin. Your arms were wrapped tightly around each other, neither of you wanting to pull away. He whispered endearments as his lips traveled up your neck, telling you he loved you, making sure to speak your name over and over so you knew you were the only one he was thinking of. Then he kissed you with the sweetest kiss you had ever experienced, his tongue barely touching the tip of yours before he pulled it back. Finally, he leaned back enough to look at you, your chest still heaving and red with a flush that traveled all the way to your scalp. He was red from exertion, his eyes full of satisfaction and affection. He looked proud of himself and you figured he had every right to, no man had ever made you come like that. In fact, until this moment and this man, you had been more content with toys than a real man. Ray had just changed all that, you were never going to stop wanting him and your heart soared as your fingers traced the planes of his face and love shone from his eyes.

"I love you, Ray Levine.”

He smiled sweetly, leaning in to kiss you, softly.

You knew you would never leave him again.

#richard armitage #richard armitage fanfiction #stay close #ray levine #ray levine fanfiction #*nsfw

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shiinata-library · 1 year

Text

Photography lessons [1/3]

Relationships: Ray Levine x fem!Reader

Summary: You ask Ray to teach you how to develop an old camera film because you have a crush on you.

On AO3

Chapter 1

Your sister is a single mother, and you often suggest your help if she needs it. As she often works late, she asked for you to pick up her son from a photography lesson in which some of his friends are participating. And that's how you met Ray Levine, your nephew’s handsome teacher.

You always thought love at first sight was for others or that never existed, but the first time you saw him, your heart raced and your cheek blushed immediately. His sad eyes seemed searching for comfort while his behaviour showed a certain authority and kindness with kids. You have never been so glad to be in winter to hide your red cheeks, leaving him guessing it was because of the cold wind.

Weeks after weeks, you have made sure to be the last person to pick up your nephew so you could have a little chat with Mr Levine, who quickly told you to call him Ray. After some short discussions, you found he was kind and fun. You had already heard some rumours about him, and you didn't seek to know the truth. Everyone has their past and their issues.

Despite all your chats, his behaviour never shows any interest in you, but not the opposite either. He is quite hard to read. So one day, you decide to go for it.

“Ray, do you do lessons on developing film photos? I have some old cameras from my grandfather, but I don’t know how to use and develop them,” you tell him in front of his door as you came to pick your nephew. “I always want to know how to do it from the start to the end, but I didn’t know where to learn it. Even if I would be with children, it doesn’t bother me.”

It’s true, but it’s also a good excuse to spend time with him, alone or in a group. Making your best smile, you look at him, waiting for an answer. He seems hesitant, scratching his light beard. Maybe even with your best smile, it’s not enough.

“Don’t worry if you can’t,” you resume as you see your nephew becoming impatient to go home. “I must take him back. I'll let you think about it and you can give me your answer later, even if you can’t. I come back here every week anyway.”

Your little joke makes him laugh. Oh, it’s so pleasant to hear him laughing. He should do it more often. Your nephew pulls on your sleeve and you’re about to leave when Ray speaks quickly.

“No, it’s ok! I just need to organise a few things before we start. Hm, I need to find all the materials, but of course I can give you lessons on that. Just give me some time. Can you give me your phone number? I'll call you as soon as it's ready.”

He could have told you when you’ll pick up your nephew but he wants your phone's number! It takes a few seconds before you pull yourself together and take out your phone to get his number as well.

First lesson: How to use an old film camera?

On the first lesson, you come on Tuesday after work with your own cameras, three that you found in your grandparent’s attic when you cleaned it. It’s the first time you enter Ray’s home and you’re surprised by all the photos hanging everywhere. As you remove your coat, you stare at his wall, mesmerised, wondering if the photos are randomly arranged or if it's deliberate that they look so good. Ray takes your coat and hangs it at the entrance.

“This autumn is pretty cold, do you want a coffee or a tea before we start?” he asks, walking to the kitchen corner before adding in a laugh. “Or a beer?”

“I'll pass on the beer. I need to be focused for the lesson,” you laugh as you’re still looking at the wall. “Maybe another time.”

After you tell him what warm drink you want and he makes it, he walks to you and gives your warm drink. He leaves you to watch the photos for a while, then he puts his own drink on his desk.

“Before beginning the lesson, choose your favourite photo on the wall,” he says as he comes up behind you, looking at the photos too.

You’re glad he gives you a warm drink otherwise you couldn’t contain silvers at the thought of him very close behind you. As the silence makes you uncomfortable, you decide to focus on the photos and find one you like. After showing him, he takes it off the wall for you to look closer.

“It’s a really good photo. Well, I find it really good,” you smile as you give it back. “And what about you? What is your favourite photo?”

It was a simple question but it seemed to bother him. Maybe it’s something you should ask for a photograph, especially the first day of a lesson.

“I’m sorry if I shouldn’t–”

“No, it’s okay,” he sadly smiles, scratching the back of his head. “It’s just a complicated question, and the lesson isn’t for me but for you, so let’s start.”

After that, you both sit next to his desk and you show your cameras. Ray takes his time to look at them and it seems the three don’t work anymore. You are clearly disappointed and Ray chuckles at your pouty face as he stands up and comes back with an old camera.

“Don’t worry, I was prepared for your cameras not to work. I'll lend you one,” he says as he sits back next to you, giving you the camera. “This is an old Canon film camera. It doesn't have many options but that's what makes it interesting!”

“Are you sure I can use it? I mean, won't the photos be blurred or, over or underexposed?” you ask nervously as you turn the old camera in your hands. “I don’t want to waste your time and develop, how much did you say, 24 shots.”

“You won't waste my time since you pay me to teach you, so don’t worry about it. You’re here to learn, right?” he says as he stands up to rummage in his drawers and boxes. “Alright, I have several films anyway. I’ll show you how to put it inside, but don’t remove it yourself when you finish the 24 shots, ok?”

“Hm, ok,” you repeat, focused on his hands on the camera.

Oh, you never notice he is wearing dark rings, bracelets, and he has strong hands. But let’s focus on the camera!

First, he shows you how to install the film. It’s quite simple in fact. Then, he explains to you how to use the camera in such an enthusiastic voice that you couldn’t help to find him cute and smiling all along.

His explanation is clear and interesting. You touch his fingers several times as you exchange the camera and even though you manage to hide it well, a shiver runs through your body each time.

At some point, you raise your eyes to him and he is closer than you thought. Oh, his blue eyes are mesmerising, but let's focus on the camera!

Hoping he doesn't see your embarrassment, you turn your eyes back to the camera. He didn’t have the time to see your cheeks flush, right?

Oh, and he smells good. Did he have a shower before you arrived? Come on, let’s focus on that damn camera!

“Hold it steady,” he says as he stands up with the camera, showing you to do the same before giving it to you. “Then, you know where to look. It’s simple. Just don’t move and it’ll be ok.”

“Alright,” you say as you look in the camera, feeling Ray coming behind you.

“Stand up straight or your pictures won't be straight,” you hear almost in your ear as his hands place your arms correctly.

“Al-alright,” you stammer, trying to stay calm as you stand up straight. “I think I understand it.”

Even though his hands on you don’t bother you at all, you lower the camera and turn to him with a smile. Your heart is beating too fast to stay so close to him. He looks at you before looking down to the camera, as if he wanted to avoid your eyes.

“Is there anything else I need to know in general about photography except from putting film in this camera?” you ask, still smiling.

“Yes, of course. The lesson is not finished yet. Sit down where you were and I’ll show you the bases.”

His eyes finally turn to you with a smile as he also sits on his chair to continue the lesson.

Your first lesson lasted two hours, but it’s like you stayed a few minutes. As you put on your coat, Ray wonders when was the last time a woman had stayed in his flat as long as you did. He can’t help but smile when he closes the door behind you, hoping you enjoyed your lesson because he truly enjoyed it himself.

As a long sigh escapes his lips, his hand runs on his face as he remembers your warm back almost touching his chest, or your soft fingers under his. He never noticed you smell that good when you came to pick up your nephew. But the worst part is when you’re smiling.

How will he be able to keep himself from touching those seductive lips that stretch into a smile? And you smile every time you look at him! The future lesson will be a torture, but he will endure it. You come only for the lessons. Who would want a guy like him with such a past anyway? You surely deserve better than him, and there are a lot of men better than him…

Chapter 2 >

#stay close #fanfic #ray levine #ray levine x reader

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