#stay strong camren shippers

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Although everything seems dark today, it won't be forever, folks. Be patient and stay strong.

Love you all that still believe and decide to be here.

#stay strong camren shippers #love you all

[camrensrealbish]

I just want to be honest with everyone here. I don't see the woman I looked up to anymore, this PR has made me view a different side of her. I looked up a strong independent woman, a woman that didn't need a man to be successful and the way she handles her body image made me feel so good about myself after being bodyshamed so many times by people.

Seeing camila now just makes me feel so much pain and sadness. As a black person when I saw that clip of camila in Shawn's documentary looking all happy and jolly after her racist past was exposed, it hurt me deeply and I just asked myself if that's the type of person she really is. After the apology I took it upon myself to leave the past in the past and focus on her positive change which motivated me so much to be a better person. Her body positivity made me stronger and more confident in the way I viewed my body.

But seeing her now being consumed with the attention of publicity and in the shadow of another artists just turned me off. And after yesterday it hit it's breaking point and for the first time since stanning Camila in 2018 I unfollowed her on all platform. It was a tough decision knowing how much I looked up to her but it was a decision to protect my inner circle. For someone I have looked up too for so long, that gave me hope in times of pain, it hurts so much to see the type of image they have presented to the general public about her.

I cried writing all of this but I just wanted to say to every solo Stan standing by camila till today here including the Camren shippers, I hope you all are doing okay and protecting your mental health at all cost. Your health and heart means so much than a celebrity that knows nothing about you in real life.

I hope u stay safe and protect your health and make the right choices. Have a great day you all 🤎.

(Old ask) Thank you for sharing this. I understand and it's good you want to protect your heart and energy. This is such an important message for all of us. Take care and hopefully you can come back soon ❤

[5hfanfiction]

Hotel Ceiling (Camren)

Camila stepped out of the car and breathed in the fresh air. She had been sitting in this car since her driver picked her up from the airport, which she couldn’t enjoy at all, but she knew she didn’t have a choice, considering that teleporting wasn’t an option. She took off her sunglasses and it didn’t take long till she could hear the first fans screaming her name. She forced herself to smile, what wasn’t easy at all. She loved her fans but with the lack of sleep she had, it wasn’t possible to act like that. She probably hadn’t slept for two days by now but she couldn’t let this out on her fans so she smiled for the pics, gave them hugs and wrote cute messages on their things like they asked her to. A few minutes later her manager, Steve, helped her out and told everyone that she had to go inside because they had important things to do before her concert tomorrow. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either.

When they went into the lobby, of the hotel, Camila stayed the night in, it was much calmer and Camila let out a relaxed sigh. While Steve got her room key, she took a seat and checked her social media. It was the usual stuff. Fans that told her how much they love her, haters that told her how much they hate her and not to ignore the shippers, who made assumptions every time she got seen with someone in public. It was ridiculous but after everything she had been through because of Camren she got hardened and easily brushed it off. She scrolled a little through her tags and could already find some pictures of her today. Her eyes widened a little, she shouldn’t have taken off these sunglasses, she looked like a zombie, without realizing it. Before she could read any tweets from her now worried fans Steve came back and gave her the keys to her room. He also gave her all the details for tomorrow and told her to sleep after. Sometimes it felt like Steve was her babysitter, which was fine, as long as he wouldn’t exaggerate.

She wasn’t surprised when all her things already stood in front of her room. She rolled her eyes at Steve’s carelessness, it was not like everyone could see her things and just steal them, but maybe she just overreacted because people who were allowed to enter this hotel didn’t have it necessary, to steal anyone’s things. She opened the door and looked around. It wasn’t the first time she was here but it still felt strange to come in. She missed coming home in moments like these but the Europe tour for her new album just began so she shouldn’t be thinking about it. She banished the thoughts and took her things inside. She didn’t bother to pack them out since she wasn’t here for long. She just took out a couple of things she needed for the night and jumped into the shower. She let the hot water ran down her body and enjoyed the burning feeling on her skin. When she stepped out of the shower she took a look at herself in the mirror and saw how red her body was from the heat. The look in her own eyes saddened her, so she took a towel and hung it over the mirror before she dried her body, and she slipped into her pyjamas. She layed down on the uncomfortable bed and looked at the white ceiling, not thinking about anything and just getting lost in her own little world. A few minutes later she found herself closing her eyes, waiting for sleep to come through. But it didn’t come, not even hours later. Her body was so exhausted but she couldn’t let go.

She let out an annoyed huff and grabbed her phone from the nightstand, so that she could have a look at the time. It had already been 11 pm here but only 5 pm in Miami so maybe that was the problem. No, that wasn’t the problem, she hadn’t slept for two days so the timezones shouldn’t be the problem. The problem was her mind playing stupid games with her, telling her all the things she didn’t need to hear. It was like she was going crazy and maybe she was. She had always been an anxious person and traveling around the world couldn’t make things better but everyone had to pay a price to live their dreams and this was Camila’s. She chose this life and didn’t regret it once. Sometimes she regretted the way she came here because she had to let too many people behind and probably broke more hearts than she ever wanted to, but life wasn’t fair so she had to adapt.

She gave up any hope of getting sleep tonight and stopped staring at the ceiling like an insane person. She got up and searched an old sweater jacket in her suitcase and feared that she forgot it at home, when she visited her sister last week, but let out a sigh of relief when she found it on the bottom of her suitcase. She put it on and went out of the room, making sure to be quiet on her way. She hadn’t been here since she started her solo career, but she could still remember how she came to the roof. Watching the stars sounded better than looking at a white hotel ceiling all night. She walked to the elevator and thought about the last time she was here. It was their first stay in London and she was so excited but moreover, she was scared. Big shows had always made her feel like this and it never changed, she could even say it got worse. When she was still with the girls they always helped her to calm down before every concert started. This was a special night though, some things happened that she would never forget, it wasn’t the best night of her life but it was close to it, what was the reason why she didn’t think about staying here twice when Steve asked her where she wanted to stay. When she pressed the button for the elevator it didn’t take long till the doors opened with a bip but instead of entering it her body froze and her stomach started twisting. It felt like someone took her breath away from her, but not just anyone because too familiar green eyes pierced right through her.

For a second she thought she was dreaming but she wasn’t, because if she was dreaming then those eyes wouldn’t glare at her. In her dream, Lauren would smile and come up to her, take her in her arms, hold her tight and she wouldn’t let go till Camila woke up again. But this was the reality, the reality where Lauren hated her and that for a good reason. Camila’s stomach still didn’t stop twisting and she didn’t know what to do. Her mind told her to turn around and run, her heart told her to step inside and talk to the green-eyed girl. To ask what she was doing here, if the girls were with her and she wanted to know how Lauren had been since the last time they talked. Of course, she read what all the newspapers said, but she knew better than to believe everything they say. Before she could make her own decision, fate made it for her and the doors closed again. What she didn’t expect was that the doors would open again, because Lauren put her hand in between them. Camila looked surprised at her and noticed that she wasn’t glaring anymore, the glare was just replaced with a neutral look but it made Camila feel a little better. Maybe there was a little chance that she didn’t hate her.

“Didn’t you wanna use the elevator?” Lauren raised an eyebrow.

“I- I. Yes” Camila could barely talk but now it was too late to turn back around. She was strong, she could do this, she told herself but it was easier said than done. She stepped inside and her mind started running in all these different places while her body couldn’t hold still, and she started bouncing up and down.

“Which floor?” Lauren asked next to her and Camila could feel that she was looking at her. It was like she got an extra sense for this, she could always feel when Lauren was looking at her. It should’ve been a bonus for all these interviews, where they weren’t allowed to look in each others direction, but it didn’t hold Camila up from looking back, the opposite actually, it made her wanna look at Lauren even more, then looking in those eyes was priceless.

“Eh, the last” Camila just couldn’t hide her nervousness but it was not like she could ever hide something in front of Lauren. They knew each other too good back then and Camila hoped that they still knew each other, at least a little. Camila tried to get herself together and ask Lauren at least how she had been, it wasn’t much and Lauren deserved to know that Camila still cared. It was just one question. “How-”

Before Camila could finish her sentence Lauren cut her off. “Please don’t.” She pleaded and now Camila had to look her in the face. She couldn’t read her anymore and it broke Camila’s heart, if she was being honest with herself, it wasn’t fair but it was true. It seemed like Lauren was sad but her eyes seemed angry though, what confused Camila.

“I just wanted to ask-”

Lauren cut her off again. “You just wanted to ask how I’ve been, I know. But please don’t.”

Camila didn’t say anything else, too scared that Lauren would cut her off again so she just nodded and looked at her feet afterwards. Camila didn’t even realize that the elevator was moving until the doors opened again. She looked up and saw that it was the last floor but also noticed that Lauren was still next to her. “You sleep on the last floor?” She asked when they both stepped outside.

In the corner of her eyes, she could see how Lauren shook her head. “No, I’ve got the same plans as you.”

“Oh,” Camila simple said as they both walked next to each other to the end of the floor. It had already been past midnight so the lights were dimmed and the whole floor was silent. The only thing Camila could hear was Lauren’s breath and her own heartbeat. Seeing Lauren again made Camila’s heart go crazy, but she could feel that it slowly got better.

They came to the door that led to the roof and were surprised when it had already been open. The last time they had to break it open, which gave Camila a little drill back then, but it wasn’t the right time to think about the past. It already hurt enough without Lauren next to her, she could go back to the past when she was all alone by herself. Camila gave Lauren the lead and followed her only a few steps behind. When they stood on the edge Camila couldn’t hide her smile. London might not be the prettiest city at daytime but at night it was breathtaking. Standing on this roof Camila could see the city in all its glory. Both of them sat down, with legs hanging over the edge, enjoying the cool air. Camila didn’t like the silence between them, there was a time where it felt natural and comfortable but now that was over. She couldn’t say anything though because she knew how Lauren would react, she just had to wait till Lauren would make a first step. She knew it would happen eventually, the question was just when.

Camila waited patiently for what felt like centuries but she was right, Lauren made the first step. “When was the last time we saw each other?” She wanted to know and Camila didn’t have to search for the answer.

“December the 18th in 2016, the day I left the band” Camila answered but when she looked in Lauren’s face it was obvious that she knew the answer.

“Exactly, that was over three years ago” Lauren whispered quietly. “Over three years where you didn’t even try to contact one of us, not even Dinah.”

“I had my reasons…” Camila said with a low voice.

Lauren turned her face to Camila and it seemed as if this answer wasn’t enough for her. “What were those reasons? What is enough of a reason to leave your best friends behind, without returning back? To cut them out of your life, without any explanation…”

“Don’t make me out as the bad guy.” Camila took a deep breath and tried to come up with a way to not let this end in a mess. She didn’t wanna start a fight with Lauren, because she was wrong earlier today, she wasn’t strong. Once again Lauren made her feel weak with those simple words. When she wrote her first solo album ‘The hurting. The healing. The loving’ she didn’t expect to get stuck in phase one for years. Getting over someone should be easier, that was what she always told herself. But how would she know, Lauren was her first love and maybe she had to get used to the fact that she was the love of her life and she lost her. “You knew it would happen eventually and you didn’t seem to mind.”

“Are you kidding me?” The green-eyed girl asked and sounded a little angry. “Of course I did mind. You were my best friend and-”

“Wow okay.” Camila laughed but her laugh couldn’t hide that she was hurt. “Your best friend, right. Do you still remember the first time we were here?”

Lauren nodded and thought about the memories they shared here, not just in this hotel but also on this roof.

“Camz, what are you doing?” Lauren giggled when Camila pressed the wrong button in the elevator. “Our room is on another floor” She reminded her and Camila grinned at her. “Okay, next time you won’t drink so much.”

“You’re no fun.” The smaller girl rolled her eyes. “I just wanna go to the roof.” She slurred a little, but Lauren thought it was cute.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She looked concerned and Camila shook her head disappointed.

“Ugh, and that’s why you are no fun. Why did I get you as a roommate? Dinah wouldn’t even think about it. I’m pretty sure even Ally would’ve gone with me, just to see the view.”

“If I remember correctly, we’re roommates because you begged me to share a room with you, I think you even said you can’t sleep without my cuddles.” Lauren reminded her with a cocky smile. Camila didn’t like cocky people but it was not like she could take them seriously anyways.

“Okay, maybe, just maybe, I asked you kindly but I didn’t beg though.” She defended herself but Lauren was right, she did indeed beg and she would do it again. Of course, she could sleep without Lauren’s cuddles, but she didn’t want to. “Are you coming now or…”

Camila had to wave her hand in front of Lauren’s face because she was too busy with staring at the other girl, to realize the elevator doors opened again. “Fine, but not for long.”

“We weren’t best friends anymore ever since that night,” Camila told Lauren but she couldn’t hear her, because she was too busy thinking back to the night Camila was talking about.

“Camila.” Lauren said with a tired voice. “Give up, the door is locked. And besides, how do you even know that’s the right way?”

Camila shrugged. “Twan told me. Do you have a barrette?”

“Who’s Twan?” Lauren asked and searched for a barrette in her hair.

“The receptionist.” She simply said and held out her hand so that Lauren could give her the barrette. She took it and tried to break the door open. “It looks so much easier in all these movies,” Camila said to herself and Lauren chuckled quietly behind her.

“You mean the guy that looked at you like you’re some piece of meat?” Camila could swear she could hear jealousy in Lauren’s voice, but it was ridiculous so she just brushed it off.

“He didn’t look at me like I’m some piece of meat. He just thought I’m pretty.”

Lauren crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. “And you know that because…?”

“He told me and asked me for my number,” Camila said it as if it was obvious. “Before you give me a lecture, no, I didn’t give him my number. I told him I’m not interested and asked how I’d come on the roof.”

Lauren was relieved to hear that but now she had new questions. “Really? You aren’t interested? Why, I mean he was a handsome guy.”

“Maybe, but he isn’t my type,”

Camila had never talked about these things, so Lauren didn’t even know what her type was and she had never asked, because she didn’t know if she wanted to hear the answer. It was obvious that Camila didn’t like talking about her love life, Lauren didn’t even know who her first kiss was. Maybe it was Austin. Lauren knew it was a PR relationship but it could’ve been that they were curious and wanted to test the waters. Suddenly Lauren wanted to know this, but before she could ask Camila she heard the door break open and Camila cheered.

“It was damn time.” She smiled and opened the door completely before she turned to Lauren. “Lady’s first,” She said and Lauren shook her head grinning while going first. They just had to climb up a few stairs and open another door when Lauren could see the view for the first time, she stopped in her tracks and her mouth opened wide. Camila didn’t notice and ran right into her back, but it didn’t bring Lauren back to reality. She walked closer to the edge and the view just got better.

“Lauren?” Camila called out. “Lauren!” She called again this time loud enough for Lauren to hear. The older girl turned around and looked at her expectantly. “I need your beanie!”

“What? Why?” Lauren asked confused.

Camila rolled her eyes. “Just give it to me.” Lauren rolled her eyes as well and Camila had to smile. Lauren had always done that because she couldn’t stand when Camila rolled her eyes at her.

Camila caught Lauren’s beanie when she tried to throw it in Camila’s face and stuck out her tongue. “Nice try, but we both know you suck at this.” She teased Lauren and laid the beanie between door and door frame so it wouldn’t close completely.

“What the hell are you doing?” Lauren asked with wide eyes.

“Calm down, okay? I don’t wanna get stuck on this roof so I put your beanie between the door.” She explained. “Did you never see awkward?”

“No, Camila, I didn’t.” She laughed. “I swear to god if your paranoid ass ruined my favorite beanie…”

“Then what?” This time it was Camila with a cocky smile, who took a few steps closer to Lauren.

They stared in each others eyes and Lauren could feel how her heart started beating faster. “Okay, we both know I can’t get mad at you,” she quickly said before Camila could get too close.

“That’s what I thought.” Without saying anything else she walked past Lauren and sat down on the edge. She turned back to Lauren and smiled happily. “Are you coming?”

Lauren nodded but didn’t move at first. The sight in front of her was beautiful, especially with Camila smiling at her. She never wanted to forget this moment and she knew she wouldn’t so she sat down next to Camila and put her arms around the smaller girl’s shoulder, pulling her closer to her own body. They didn’t say anything and just enjoyed the moment, listening to the city at night.

“Uh hey, Camz,” Lauren broke the silence, sounding unsure. “You said Twan isn’t your type earlier and well I started asking myself what your type is then. I mean, it’s not the first time I’m curious about it, but you know, it’s just that I don’t know anything about your love life. You don’t talk about it, you haven’t even told me about your first kiss yet, so maybe now is the right time to talk about it?” The little rant was more of a question than a statement.

Camila started laughing next to her and grabbed Lauren’s hand. “I love when you talk so fast, that you forget to breathe,” She told her. “At first you talk in a normal pace and then your words get faster and faster. Did you ever realize that?”

“Yes,” Lauren said, not knowing where this was going.

“People tend to do that when they’re nervous. I do that too. But Lauren,” Camila laid her hand on Lauren’s cheeks and turned it so that she could look into her eyes, when she said the next words. “You never have to be nervous around me, it’s cute but not necessary. Anyway,” Camila took a breath before she continued. “I don’t talk about it because it doesn’t exist. And I never talked with you about my first kiss because, well, I haven’t had my first kiss yet.” She admitted and turned her face away because she was ashamed. What girl hadn’t had her first kiss yet by the age of 18 she thought to herself.

“Oh, I thought…” Lauren didn’t know what to say, and she didn’t know why Camila looked ashamed, it made her feel bad because she was so relieved when Camila said it. “What I thought doesn’t matter. You don’t have to be ashamed. You’re amazing, Camz. Whether you ever kissed anyone in your life or not. Then you’re waiting for someone special, and? It’s only your business and everyone who tells you something else can fuck off.”

“I found someone special,” Camila said out of nowhere, looking at Lauren’s lips, so that it was obvious who she meant.

“Camila, I-”

She cut her off, while she got slowly closer. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed that I like you, it’s so obvious that I’ve liked you since the day we met.” The space between them got smaller and smaller but Lauren didn’t do anything so Camila didn’t bother to move away, it was her chance, if she didn’t do it now she’d never do it. Their lips were only inches away from each others, when she whispered: “Maybe you don’t like me back, but you’re still special to me, so please give me this one moment.” Before Lauren could say how wrong this was their lips touched and she forgot about everything.

When Camila looked in Lauren’s eyes only seconds before they kissed they seemed greener than ever before. Looking in those sparkling eyes made her feel like she was running through a forest in spring and the only way out was to connect their lips. Lauren’s lips had a sweet taste she couldn’t compare to anything but it soon became her favorite taste. Both of them felt how the electricity went through their bodies from head to toe and it was an addicting feeling. While Lauren started feeling paralyzed, Camila tried to take the lead by moving her lips in a slow rhythm. It felt like their kiss stopped time, so none of them knew, how long they kissed when they released each other’s lips again to get some air.

“I’m sorry,” Camila said and quickly stood up, she came back to reality and even though she enjoyed every second of the kiss, she knew she had to deny it before Lauren could.

“For what?” The other girl asked and stood up as well.

“It was stupid to just kiss you and-” This time it was Lauren who didn’t give Camila the chance to say something, because she pressed her lips on Camila’s. It wasn’t like the first kiss but it felt amazing though and Lauren hoped it was enough to show Camila that she didn’t mind getting kissed by her. This time their moves were fast and less passionate but still full of emotions.

“I don’t know if you noticed,” Lauren broke the kiss, “but I like you too. I like you a lot.”

Camila couldn’t believe her words at first, but Lauren’s eyes told her she was telling the truth and she couldn’t help but grin. She would never forget this moment.

“Lauren, are you even listening?” Camila angrily waved her hand in front of Lauren’s face.

Lauren shook her head to get her thoughts together. “Sorry, what?”

“Of course, you didn’t listen” Camila huffed. “I said we weren’t best friends, ever since that night. We were more. Maybe you can deny us in front of the world, but you can’t deny us in front of me, not if I ever meant something to you.”

“What do you want me to say? You know we had to deny it, you were there too. You know why I did what I did and I still have to do because some people won’t let go of us.” Lauren defended herself but it wasn’t what Camila wanted to hear.

“You’re a fucking asshole, do you know that?” Camila stood up and brushed the dirt from her pants. “I hate you!” Saying those words hurt Camila, but if it meant she hurt Lauren too then it was alright. It was a pathetic attempt to make Lauren feel the same. “Go and fuck whoever you want in front of the world and keep denying someone, who had always been there for you no matter what.” This were her last words before she turned around and ignored Lauren calling her name.

When she came to the first door she feared that it was closed, and she was stuck up here, but she was relieved to see that Lauren had put something in between it. When they were in another situation she’d probably smile because Lauren remembered how paranoid she was about those things like getting stuck in a room or even worse on a roof but she couldn’t smile now. Instead she didn’t waste no time and walked with fast steps down the stairs. She was lucky that she didn’t trip but she didn’t slow down either, when she went to the elevator. Once inside, she turned around and could see how Lauren went after her, but she kept pressing the button to her floor and the doors closed before Lauren was close enough. She let out a whimper and let the tears she had to hold back on her way here flow. She didn’t mean to say that she hated Lauren, and it wasn’t even true. Her chest had felt heavy since the words left her mouth, but she couldn’t take it back, it was too late.

The doors opened and Camila stepped outside, suddenly everything felt so close, too close. She felt cramped and her breathing got faster because she was scared, that someone would take the air she breathed, and she could barely carry herself to the door of her room. When she stood in front of it she bit harshly down on her lip and punched the wall next to it, because she couldn’t believe she forgot her stupid keys. It hurt but it felt so good. It was an indescribable pain that helped her to let go of some pressure. It felt so good that she did it again and again, until she could see a red spot on the wall. She looked at her hand and only now realized how bruised it was. She laughed at herself and broke down onto the floor. She pulled her knees up to her body and laid her head on it, crying for the next hour. She just cried until she couldn’t anymore because there were no tears left. And when she couldn’t cry anymore she started thinking. Thinking about today and thinking about the past, she didn’t like to look back, but she had no choice. She thought about it, till she came up with something she had to tell Lauren immediately.

She stood up and went to the lobby so that she could ask in which room Lauren slept in. The receptionist was stubborn at first but after annoying him for while he gave in. Camila kept thinking about everything, till she knocked at Lauren’s door, feeling the pain in her hand from punching the wall earlier. No one opened the door at first, so Camila tried it again, knocking harder this time. After knocking for a few more minutes she heard steps behind the door and a sleepy Lauren opened it.

“I forgot my keys in the room and I had to sit in front of it for at least an hour.” She laughed dryly. “So I had a lot of time to think about things…” She continued, getting serious again. “I’m sorry, okay. I’m sorry that I chose this hotel and you had to see me again, I’m sorry that people still bother you because of me, I’m sorry that I’m the reason for everything you’ve been through, because of me, I’m sorry that I had to be a part of your life and I’m sorry that I had ruined this part of your life. I’m sorry, because it wasn’t easy for me to go but staying would’ve been worse. I loved you, Lauren, with all my heart and I still do. But staying would’ve meant that I had to watch how you denied us over and over again, what I could’ve accepted because it was not only your will, but it also would’ve meant that I should’ve continued to watch how you moved on with other people, first with Lucy, then with Ty.”

Camila had to catch her breath after her rant and Lauren wanted to take the chance. “Camila-” This time it was Camila who cut off Lauren.

“No, please let me get this out of my head” Camila begged. “I know that when I left the band, you felt like I left you too, but that’s not fair. I couldn’t leave you because you left me a long time ago. You were the one who gave up on us, you told me it wouldn’t work, not in this life. I tried so hard to move on but you were always there and it felt like a punch in the face. Like 'Ha, I’m there but you can’t have me, you aren’t good enough’.” Camila could see that Lauren wanted to say something but she held her hand up as a sign not to and Lauren stayed quiet. “I know, you never would’ve said it like that, but it felt like it. Do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep just because you weren’t there? I’m sorry that I broke your heart and I’m sorry that you had to break mine. I’m sorry for saying that I hate you, because I didn’t mean it. And I’m sorry that I belong to these people, who can’t let go of us because I know we deserve better than this. Because I know we deserve an us.”

Lauren took Camila’s hand and pulled her into her room. “I missed you so much,” She said and kissed her. It was confusing until Camila could taste the alcohol on Lauren’s lips.

She pushed her off and looked angry at her. “You can’t just do this!” She yelled. “Don’t play with my feelings just because you feel like it. I apologized for everything and you, you just gave me a drunk kiss.”

“I’m not drunk!” Lauren yelled back. “I wanted to get drunk, but I didn’t because I knew how it would end so I just went to bed, till you knocked at my door.” She explained and Camila believed her. Lauren did many things to her but lying was never one of them.

“Why did you kiss me?” She asked with sadness in her voice. Camila and Lauren had a great last kiss but now Lauren ruined the memories of it.

“I miss you,” She said again as if it was reason enough.

Lauren got closer again and Camila knew it wasn’t a good idea to let this happen. “What happened to your hand?” Lauren asked and took it in her own.

“Nothing,” Camila lied and tried to free her hand from Lauren’s grip but she failed.

“Bullshit.” Lauren said. “It didn’t look like that earlier.” Camila stayed quiet and Lauren accepted the fact that Camila wouldn’t tell her what happened. Instead, she gave each bruised knuckle a soft kiss. “I’m sorry.” She whispered and started again.

Camila didn’t know how to feel. All the butterflies she felt at the start of their relationship came back and although she knew it couldn’t end good she let it happen.

“What’s going on Camz?” She asked the smaller girl, using her old nickname on purpose. “I can see that you’re not okay. I can see it in your eyes. When was the last time you slept?” Camila shrugged her shoulders, trying to act like she didn’t know the right answer. “One day?” The other girl guessed, but saw that she was wrong when Camila’s eyes flickered with guilt. “At least two, right?”

Camila nodded and without saying anything else Lauren took her in her arms and held her close. Camila got goosebumps all over her whole skin, when she felt Lauren’s breath against her neck for the first time in years. “Stay here for the night.” She whispered and Camila felt the tears welling in her eyes once again.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” She said honestly but she doubted she could say no, when Lauren asked her a second time.

“It’s just one night. I can see how tired you are, your eyes can’t lie to me so please do yourself a favor and let me help you.”

Both of them didn’t have to say anything else, because they both knew Camila couldn’t say no. Lauren let go of their embrace and let Camila to her bed, where they laid down and just looked at each other for a while. Neither of them knew what to do because there was a weird tension between them, so the only thing Lauren was able to try was getting closer to Camila, by carefully stroking her cheek.

“Do you remember what you asked years ago on the roof?” Lauren stopped and looked at Camila who didn’t know what exactly she meant. “You asked me to give you this one moment and now I’m asking you, please give me this one moment,” Lauren begged with her voice and eyes, so that it was impossible for Camila to say no.

She knew it was a mistake but it was a mistake she had to make. Maybe it was a mistake she needed to let go, or maybe it was just a mistake to feel alive for one moment. But whatever it was Camila grabbed Lauren’s face and pulled her in for a kiss. They didn’t waste time till their lips perfectly moved together, they kissed for what felt like hours but could’ve only been minutes. It was time to stop but neither of them could, instead they got so lost in the kiss.

“Can I just sleep next to you for tonight, I think that’s what I need right now.” Camila broke the kiss and as an answer, Lauren put her arm around the girl and cuddled closer again.

“Goodnight, Camz.” She said, giving her a light kiss on the temple and before they both knew it, they were fast asleep in each other’s arms.

Camila felt weird when she woke up the following morning, it was the first time since she could remember that it felt like she got enough sleep for the day. It took some time till she noticed the warm body next to her, arms hanging over her own, but the memories came back and she had to smile sadly because the moment was over. She looked at the white hotel ceiling searching for an answer to a question she didn’t know. It seemed like fate wanted them back together for one night, but it didn’t change things between them. Waking up was the worst that could happen to Camila, because now she had to leave Lauren. It was easier for her, since Lauren was still asleep, regardless it broke her heart. It was the only way because deep inside she knew nothing had changed, they still lived in two different worlds like they always did. They had to deny everything they had, although it hurt them so much. Maybe someday things would be different but this wasn’t their someday.

Camila made sure not to wake Lauren up when she got up and looked at Lauren’s sleeping figure for the last time. She smiled to herself before she searched for a pen and a piece of paper. She hoped Lauren wouldn’t hate her when she woke up and read Camila’s words. She kissed Lauren’s forehead and laid the paper next to her on the bed, before she left the room without turning back around.

I’m sorry, I still love you

A/N

I hope, you enjoyed this and I’m sorry for any mistakes, English isn’t my native language. Also, you can find this and other stuff on Wattpad @Wuskripa :)

#UPDATE #one shot #non AU #camren #angst drama #submission #Hotel Ceiling

[iittssyybbeeee]

Stay strong camren shippers!!! We'll get through this. 😂😂😂

#tyren #camren #camren shippers #lauren jauregui #camila cabello

[njbbbbbb-blog]

OT5 READ!!!!! Not just OT5 but all of you!!!

Guys we all need to just chill. Camila unfollowing the girls are just part of their so called plan because they want OT5 and Camren Shippers die. Us OT5 won't let that happen right? We need to stay together and be strong and we won't let drama break OT5 and Camren shippers apart. So OT5 grab your popcorns or snacks because more drama will come I REAPET MORE DRAMA IS COMING because what's happening right now is just the beginning so we need to stay back and eat our popcorns and watch it pass by. All I can say is even though the girls don't follow one it doesn't matter because we know that they're not just the one who's holding their accounts and it's also part on how to kill OT5 and CS. The girls don't hate each other. They support each other to every solo endeavors they have/had and They also support Camila. You can't see that because the management/label doesn't want you to see it they pick what they want you to see (always put that in mind ot5) also..... Camren Is Real 👀🙊 and OT5 is alive than ever So guys Love Only ❤️😘 -njbbbbbb

#karla camila cabello #camila cabello #lauren michelle jauregui #lauren jauregui #dinah jane #normani kordei #normani hamilton #ally brooke #fifth harmony #ot5 forever #ot5 #camilizers #harmonizers #spreadthisguys

[legalmargamind]

I'm a 25yr old marine here in the US and I was thinking yesterday that my squad has 7 proud camren shippers and we carry big guns! 😊 I'm not completely out yet but I love your tumblr. Stay strong Camren shippers! ✊🏻

Awww! Daz so cute! 💪💪💪 I love the US marines! More power to ya'll! 😎 and thanks. 🌚

[camrenstarrynight]

Lately I've been thinking how strong is the feeling that Camren has on ppl. Like one would assume that shippers are fans who knew them or 5H from the 2012-2014 period but I think it's quite amazing that even now with everything that has happen there are new CS. Another impressive fact is the amount of ppl that became fans of 5H bc of Camren. Ppl just sense that special connection between them.

Their connection is undeniable and it make sense that people are so obsessed with camren, because it's a symbol of hope and love and no harm is meant by it. I also hope the new cs came for camren and stayed for Fifth Harmony because Camren is dead and 5H+CC need support and can't have people leaving the fan base of U standing because Camila left and Camren is over.

[problematic-camren]

Marami palang pilipino dito na Camren Shipper ba? Hai 👋 mga 👋 kaberks!!! Just Hold On There. We will get through this together! STAY STRONG 🐔🐔🐔 OT5💪💪💪💪💪👄💋

🇵🇭

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Can we talk about Camila’s sad eyes?

I don’t like to see her this melancholic but her eyes are beautiful at the same time. I know that what’s coming will be hard for us folks but this girl deserves all the love in the world.

#camila cabello #sad eyes beautiful #stay strong camren shippers #i love her

[camrensrealbish]

I thought I should share this information with y'all because I adore u all Camren shippers and love your dedication and love towards both Lauren and Camila aside from the ship ❤️❤️❤️.

So I was talking to Gaia the tarot reader yesterday and she told me Camila is getting that glow back in her eyes, she said she's finding a new vision and taking decisions step by step. She also pointed out that the prince reminds Camila of her fun side, the old dorky Camila and she is still trying to get herself back because in her relationship with Shawn she lost herself and now she's finding herself again. She said now that Camila is active and working again she's getting herself back bit by bit and hanging out with the Cinderella cast especially the prince will definitely help get her back on track and distancing herself from things that holds her down will do her so much good. She pointed out that even though we're getting this dorky and fun side back we shouldn't be to excited because something is going on in the background but we all should support her and just be there for her. She's going through so much and she's fighting through it all don't let the dorkiness deceive you she's going to through a lot. I hope y'all like what I shared. Stay strong love u guys💙❤️❤️❤️.

I'm always a little sceptical when it comes to tarot readers and stuff like that, but from what she said, that seems reasonable from my observations and predictions 👍

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

I mean how are Camren shippers this gifted. Literally with the tiktoks, videos and photos almost all of them feels so real and the videos as such raw emotions that I literally connect to every single time. If this doesn't lay some form of Camren memories on Lauren and Camila then I don't know what will. Y'all deserve a big award for most outstanding ship and to top it all of y'all are still keeping this ship alife for so many years y'all are so fucking gifted and no fake ass ship can tell me otherwise. Maybe y'all can teach Roger and his pr team how to edit photos because ur tanlets is just top notch 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥❣️. And y'all shouldn't give a single fuck on what haters say, they say y'all are delusional yeah we all are because that's what makes us Camren shippers. Stay strong y'all ❣️❣️❣️ kudos to u stuck and every Camren bloggers on here y'all are amazing ❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️.

Thank you so much for this kind message my dear anon. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

So I heard that when Shitmila circus end, Lauren has to involve in another Pr? Well, I thought about it lately and I wonder many things. Like why she has to play for it, what the precise reason? If it is for promotion I swear that is stupid, lazy and disgusting idea from her team, so many ways to promote artists away from Pr, let your brain work hard, bitches. If she involves in Pr with famous partner, it is easy for us to debunk it, because they have to do stunt. If she involves in Pr with unknown or less famous partner, it not help for her but her partner. I really hope Lauren stay strong enough to away from bullshit, please let music speak itself. If you has to act, Lauren, please act for masterpiece (in film or tv series) not for bullshit Lauren. You may not got billion dollars or so much much fame but at least you can sleep in peace, or eat with taste. Comparing your net worth with many people in the world, this your money can make you have a happy and peaceful life, so please don’t let devil people take advantages on you anymore Lauren. If she involves in Pr to cover Camren I swear that it also a stupid idea, they never can kill Camren (let see after many years L and C in many Pr and Camren still alive), so many intelligent Camren shippers they can’t mess up with. Like you better not make Lauren upset, they also better don’t make Cs upset. Why L and C can’t be single at the same time? If they’re both single can cause to suspicion, lol even when they’re in Pr they also can’t kill suspicions or theory or Cs. So just chill Lauren, Camila, just chill. Let people think what they want to think, you don’t need to explain anything. If you get caught kiss each other or hold hand in public or anything by paparazzi, so then just say it’s a fun dude, lol, as I say you don’t own anyone for any gossip. It’s your private life. And about C come out, I prefer she not come out, don’t get me wrong, I say that not because she is not brave, just bc she DOSEN’T OWN anybody for her private life. Just love each other, and someday, L and C marry each other, people will know what they want to know, that’s it.

First of all, anon. How in the hell have you been able to write a sooo long ask? because I can't do it xD Second: It is well known that although we do not like the fucking industry promotes music and the work of artists with circus PRs, those who signed up once to do PRs will have to continue doing PRs until they meet a quota of three to five, or so is what I knew. Lauren has had two very public PRs which have been Laucy and Tyren. If she signed for three, she would have one left to do. If she's signed for more, you know what's next, but yeah, they have to do PRs because that was Lauren's backstory for LJ1. A clear example of PRs is Harry Styles and Olivia Wilde. Harry will be a protagonist of the movie that Olivia is going to direct, the best way to promote all that? A PR of which it is mentioned that there is commitment that is coming. With girls it has always worked the same way. Lauren's PR may be more low-key, but she'll be there when Showmila ends because they can't be single publicly or at the same time. And that's the funniest part of the story, right? If Lauren has said "I was queer, she was not" and "We are not friends anymore" they shouldn't have PRs. If they are nothing of today, why bother to make such a fuss with circus PRs? I think the question answers itself, anon. And what you raise about Camila seems easy to say on the surface but it is not. The industry does not sell music or artists to the LGBT + community, only to heterosexuals. And the big reason for that is because of the people who are related to the artists and who are powerful and who have business contracts with them and require them to maintain a heterosexual image. Camila lost out because they always wanted a straight princess or rather, they forced the straight princess and locked Gaymila in a box because she did not suit business. It's gross, obnoxious, and disastrous, but that's how the shithole works. But sometimes, PRs are really necessary when artists, like our girls, want complete privacy in their relationship. You've seen what PRs do, anon. We would never want Camren to turn into a circus. For the sake of both their emotional and mental stability, Camren had better remain private. Perhaps over the years, they can bring the whole story to light, but in the meantime, we must continue to support them. It's the only thing that we as fans can do.

[5hfanfiction]

Too Close To Home - Chapter 6

So I decided to do what I could only think of at that moment, I called Lucy.

The phone is ringing but Lucy hasn’t answered. I checked the time and realized that it’s still 6am, maybe I should wait until it’s actually acceptable to call an ex’s current fiancé.

Alright, 8am it is.

I decided to call Ashlee instead, knowing she’ll answer immediately. I asked her if she wants to eat a super early breakfast with me, in which she accepted without thinking twice. She’s the type of friend you could depend on, which is why I love her a lot.

I told the driver to go to the hotel where Ashlee is staying. Once we were there, I could see her waiting in front of the entrance door, wearing her black leather jacket and jeans.

The driver stopped the car in front of her to let her go in, only to be directed to another place where there’s a diner that opens early.

***

We are now sat at a booth near the window, with she sitting in front of me. I ordered pancakes and a strong coffee since I didn’t really sleep last night.

Once we finished ordering, Ashlee immediately asks, “So, what’s happened?”

“What do you mean?” I questioned back.

“Well, you don’t usually wake up this early, so what’s up?”

I chuckle, “People change Ash”

“Well, yeah. But they don’t change overnight. Just two days ago, you made death threats after I woke  you up. And that was at 12 in the afternoon,” she says with a laugh. She makes a good point.

“Fine,” I sigh, knowing that there aren’t any escape before adding, “Roger called me late at night to talk about the thing that’s been happening on the media lately. They’re accusing that Lauren and I have dated in the past.”

“You have though,” Ashlee says with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, but the public aren’t supposed to know that. Although it’s still a just a rumor now, who’s to say that it’ll still be that in the future? And from what I read, it’s pretty accurate already.”

“So what are you gonna do?”

“I haven’t thought of that yet. I just found out 6 hours ago, Roger probably wants to see me later.”

“Okay then. Now, what’s the actual reason you called me?”

I just raise my eyebrow, questioning her without actually talking. Didn’t I just tell her about the rumor?

“Oh come on, you wouldn’t give two shits of the rumors that went around. So why now? Besides, when you called me, I could hear the wind blowing, so you were already out by that time.”

“Well yeah, I was outside the hotel building.”

“Lies Cabello. One, your hotel is in the middle of other large buildings, how could there be a strong wind blowing when the other buildings are blocking the wind. Two, you’re pretty transparent, you can’t lie to save your life.” She concluded. Fuck, she’s right again. Should’ve said I was on the roof or something. She added, “Now enough wasting time and actually tell me what’s wrong?”

“God, I hate you sometimes,” I playfully grunt, “Okay well, after the whole rumor bullshit, Lauren called me.”

“Then?”

“Uh- she asked me to go to the beach with her.”

“You didn’t, did you?” Obviously she knows the answer to that, but I think she was hoping I wouldn’t.

“I did,” I affirmed, receiving a gasp from her. She knows what happened to me and Lauren, not because I told her, but because she’s too smart for her own good. She pretty much put the puzzle together when she was our guitarist for the 7/27 tour.

“But nothing happened, at least not the way you would think.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“We just had a, uh- little disagreement.”

“Typical Camren. But why now?” I flinched when she said the word, it made me recall so many memories.

—

I’m checking up on all of my social medias as the tour bus’ engine was roaring through my ear softly, the vibration between the engine and the the bumpy road making my phone fall to my face a few times already.

We’re having our first ever European tour right now, and as excited as I am for it, I couldn’t help but be glad that we actually have a break for 3 days before we have to perform again.

I do love the singing, the dancing and most certainly the fans, but we have been performing non-stop this year and sleep has definitely taken a toll on me.

But now that the bumpy road has woken me up from my slumber, I decided to just check my phone instead of twisting and turning, trying to find the comfort of the claustrophobic bunk, I should just kill time by stalking people.

We had just wrapped our concert in Amsterdam yesterday. The fans were so contagiously energetic that we couldn’t help but release all of our energy at that concert. That’s why I could hear them snoring a few feet away from me.

As I was scrolling through my instagram feed, I came across Lauren’s video, or rather a gif, of white dots falling in a dark background. The caption was, ‘Twinkle twinkle little star, Camden is just where you are.’

That wasn’t the thing that caught my eye though, it was the comment she replied to her commenters.

I should explain, the comments that was on the photo were mostly, 'Oh… I thought you said Camren’ or 'Camren*’

Although I understand that it does get annoying at times- because the fans have no boundaries, I can’t help but feel the hurt spreading through my body from her comment.

We are dating, so why can’t she just ignore the comments?

Has she even consider how I would feel about this? Why does she try so hard to deny us dating, especially when they’re not exactly wrong? Why does she put the energy on trying to hide it when the camren shippers were just harmlessly shipping us together?

This isn’t even the first one. Ever since the prank people did by writing that she’s bisexual on Wikipedia back in 2013, Lauren has been putting boundaries on our interactions on in front of the camera. I understood at that time, because we weren’t dating and she didn’t know that I liked her romantically.

But when 2014 came and we got together, Lauren pushed the idea of us together in public more. She became quite sad and didn’t interact much with us in front of the public eye. And although she was normal behind closed doors, I couldn’t help but feel like she is ashamed of me.

I didn’t say anything at that time, simply because we just got together and I didn’t want to lose her before we even had anything serious.

But now that we hit the 1 year mark, we’ve been arguing about it more than you would call normal. It became problematic and it pretty much spread to petty stuffs- like about the fact that I forgot to close the dressing room door because she HATES open doors.

We started arguing more after I released my single with Shawn for 'I Know What You Did Last Summer.’ Lauren never really outright told me how she felt about the idea of me releasing that song but I felt like she didn’t genuinely like it, she basically directed it onto different things about me that annoys her.

If she didn’t like it, I wouldn’t have recorded that song in the first place because even if I liked it, Lauren came first. But now that it’s out there in the open, what was I supposed to do?

—

“Camila!” Ashlee exclaimed, waking me up from the daze.

“Huh? Uh- what?”

“I asked you why you guys fought,”

“Oh yeah, right,” I fix my composure by sitting straight before continuing, “She and Lucy had a fight, then she called me to go to this place we used to go back when we were together. I went there and she asked me to help find Lucy with her.” I say immediately.

“Right? The question of the day is..” she lightly hits the table climatically with her hands as a dramatic sound effect, “why did you go there in the first place?”

“What do you mean? She asked me to,” I said, did she not hear me?

“But you didn’t have to go, did she force you?”

“Well, no- but she didn’t give me time to turn down either.”

“Would that matter? You would’ve still go there.”

“Well-” I stop, not knowing what to say next because it’s true.

“So here’s what I think, I think you weren’t pissed at Lauren for the right reasons, I think you were pissed because you feel like she’s choosing Lucy over you, I think you’re pissed because she’s not considering how you would feel, and even if it’s valid, it basically means that you haven’t moved on from her.” She ends with a smirk, so sure of herself, only making me want to wipe her smug face off.

“No, I’ve moved on. It’s been more than a year since we’ve broken up Ash.”

“Look Camila, it’s pretty obvious that you haven’t quite moved on. The song, the emotional performance, the way you look back repeatedly when we were in the AMAs. You haven’t even dated anyone after Lauren. Shawn, Kelly and Zedd have already asked you out, what’s stopping you?”

“Uhh,” I say incredulously, “maybe the fact that they have a dick? I’m gay, remember?”

“Camila, please, you’re bi and you know it. You’re just as interested in guys as you are with girls. Every month, you would call me just to fangirl about Ryan Gosling, and from what I’ve heard, he has a huge one.”

I look at her, my head spinning from the revelation, not because of the fact that Ryan Gosling might have a huge dick but because of the fact that I do like both boys and girls. She’s right, yet again. But I’m not gonna accept it just easily.

“Yeah, but I love him because of The Notebook, not because of what he has inside those pants.”

“My point exactly. You don’t care about gender. You fall for people regardless of their sex, you fall for them because of their personality. Shawn is nice and I know you enjoy hanging with him. You just don’t want him because you’ve haven’t moved on from Lauren.”

I look at her in disbelief. Has she thought about it before? She has some crazy analytical skills.

I sigh in defeat, too tired to contradict her statements. What good would it do when even I know she’s right.

The food came a few minutes after that and we ate silently. My mind was reeling from what she’s been saying. I look back and realized that even if I scoff or glare at Lauren, I haven’t exactly turn her down when she asks for something, like the hug and the beach. Not only that, if I already did move on, I wouldn’t have minded to help her find Lucy.

I guess I haven’t really moved on.

***

After we finished eating, we started talking about random things, not mentioning about Lauren and all those heavy stuffs- much to my relief.

She knows me that I wouldn’t have liked it if she overwhelmed me. She knows that I need time to think about it. I’m internally grateful for it.

When the clock struck half past eight, my phone rang. I checked it and saw Lucy’s name across the screen, causing my hand to get clammy and my heart beating rapidly.

I just knew an hour ago that I haven’t moved on from Lauren, I wanted to call her to justify what Lauren did. But now, I don’t know what to do.

Should I tell her I still love Lauren or should I help Lucy patch things up with Lauren?

#UPDATE #series #non AU #camren #angst drama #submission #Too Close To Home

[5hfanfiction]

coming out (5/?) ⇾ camren

a/n: things aren’t gonna make sense for a quick second because im doing a time jump in light of the recent events with fifth harmony. this is after the break up. keep this in mind as you read. enjoy, ily xxx.

also, i know i said i’d stop writing camren fan fiction but just because camila has left doesn’t mean i should stop. its what i love to do. in all honesty, i am completely aware of the fact that laucy may be much realer than camren ever was and i respect that relationship and am so glad lucy is making lauren as happy as she seems lately but camren will always be apart of me and i’ll keep writing about it.

to my fellow camren shippers, i know living in your own fantasy may seem nice but please respect the fact that there is an extremely strong possibility that lauren and lucy are dating. it may not be camila but understand that lucy makes lauren happy and at the end of the day, that’s what all of us harmonizers should strive for; our girls and their happiness. who we want them to be with isn’t always who they are meant to be with.

as much as we hate to admit it, they are grown adults who are perfectly capable of making their own choices and know themselves way more than we know them so please in simple respect, stop with the conspiracy theories and just be glad and grateful that our girl has someone special in her life.

when she’s sad, angry, or simply needs a hug and reassurance, keep in mind that lucy may be that person constantly there for her and not camila. camren may have felt/feel real to us but our imagination differs from actual reality. again, keep that in mind when you choose to go to lucy’s page to comment hate towards her. if she’s making lauren smile and feel confident within herself, then she’s doing her fucking job and you are nobody to come in between that.

with that being said, enjoy this chapter and stop being heartless assholes.

Lauren|

A dry chuckle fell from her lips. Her green eyes turning stone cold, she ripped her hand out of her former bandmate’s hold. “You don’t even get it!” She shouted. Her body shook with anger and sadness as she started to walk away before being pulled back by the brunette.

“Then let me in Lauren,” sadness swam in the brown orbs as they pleaded with green ones. “You never let me in anymore. Please let me in…” she whispered.

Backing away from the girl, Lauren shook her head. “Camz…”

“Please,” she whispered.

*24 Hours Earlier*

She loved the beach. It was her safe place… where she went to when the world failed her. The sand comforted her, the waters spoke to her, and the wind, oh the wind was like her best friend. The beach was where she came to when she needed to get away. When she needed to escape the hell they called life.

Pulling her feet up on the bench and bringing her knees up to her chest, she looked out into the distance. All she wanted was to be happy. But it was almost as if happiness was afraid of her.

Her eyes clouded with tears as she thought over the last couple months. Things were so good… her life was literally perfect. She had her dream girl, she had just come out and Fifth Harmony was skyrocketing. Why’d she have to ruin it?

Her heart ached as she thought back to the final spilt that happened that morning. Their label had promised the fans exciting news only for everyone to receive the most dreadful. Dinah found it hard to stay in the group after Camila’s departure. Especially after winning their People’s Choice Award and Camila not being able to come up with them. As Dinah announced her leave, Normani couldn’t find it within her to stay when her heart and soul had just left. The second oldest decided to leave alongside Dinah, pretty much destroying any means of continuing their previously undying but now dying success.

Lately she’s been going over the last four years, wondering if it was even worth it to begin with. Was it worth missing out on being a normal teenager? Was it worth passing up college? Was it worth leaving her brother and sister behind? She always knew Fifth Harmony would break up at some point but she definitely did not think they’d end everything before Little Mix. Her heart felt heavy in her chest as she thought about the British group now being the biggest girl group in the world. That use to be them.

Her mind drifted toward her long time girlfriend whom she hasn’t been able to face since the final break up of Fifth Harmony. Lucy has always been there for Lauren but for some reason she couldn’t even face her. How could she? The Colombian had such high hopes for her. Wanted her and the other girls to be so successful and its almost as if she’d let everyone down.

Her and Ally, being the only two left that had wanted to continue Fifth Harmony were forced to terminate their contract as a group, leaving only their solo contracts. Lauren couldn’t even find any form of motivation within her to continue pursuing music. She always had a reason when her girls were by her side but now… everything was numb. She didn’t want to sing or perform ever again.

She didn’t even realize when the tears had started to flow. They just came, and she couldn’t stop them even if she tried. She didn’t care for the stares of concern she got or the group of teenage girls huddled around not far from her snapping photos. She didn’t care for anything. Her heart hurt. She felt like she couldn’t breathe.

She gave up everything. Her family, her education, her normalcy. And for what exactly? To continue a group that wouldn’t even make it to its fifth year? She was suppose to be living the dream right now. Traveling with her best friends doing what they loved; performing. She was suppose to be trying new fancy foods at European restaurants and meeting the fans who always seemed to make the fire in her heart light up in flames. She was suppose to be happy. But nope. Here she was, crying in a random Miami beach wishing to go back to the good old days.

Stressed out by Twenty One Pilots came to mind. “Wish we could turn back time… to the good old days,” she whispered to herself.

Standing up, she decided to leave before she ended up on the cover of some rehab magazine with a crazy headline from the paparazzi. The walk to her car felt like centuries. Her feet felt like stone as they moved slowly across the concrete sidewalk. She just wanted to get home and apologize to her girlfriend while cuddling up to her and wishing things would go back to normal.

***

“Babe, you gotta get up,” someone had waken her up from her sleep. Someone as in Lucy.

Opening one eye, she saw her girlfriends soft eyes staring back at her. She grumbled to herself as she turned on her side and brought the blanket up further over her head. Waking up was the last thing on her mind. She wanted to sleep into a coma where no one would ever hurt her again. Fuck the world. It didn’t treat her kindly anyway. “Go away,” she mumbled into the pillow.

She heard Lucy sigh as she got out of bed. “Okay,” she whispered softly. “Just… come to the kitchen whenever you’re up for it.”

Opening her eyes, her shoulder shrunk back at the sound of her girlfriends voice. “Babe… wait,” she called out. Coming out from her cocoon of blankets, she held out her arms with a sad pout. Turning around, Lucy rose an eyebrow. Lauren huffed as she sat all the way up. “I’m sorry,” she muttered out after a few moments.

Lucy shrugged, “It’s okay. You can go back to bed,” she replied, getting ready to leave again.

“Thats the thing Luce, its not,” her heart thumped in her chest loudly as she ran a tired hand through her hair. Not understanding, Lucy slowly made her way back over to the green eyed and sat at the foot of the bed. Lauren gulped lightly, “It’s not okay.”

“What’s not okay?”

Throwing her hands up in exasperation, she sighed loudly. “Everything,” she cursed herself when she felt her voice crack. “Everything is just so fucked up Lucy. Can you believe all that’s happened in the last few months? I was suppose to be the glue that held everyone together and… I failed a simple fucking job,” she beat herself up. It was an awful habit but she couldn’t help it. “Maybe if I was kinder to Camila she wouldn’t have left,” she thought. “Maybe if I wasn’t such an asshole to her all those months, she wouldn’t have left. If i was just kinder she’d still be here, so will Dinah, Normani and Ally. We’d still be a group… we’d still be sister.”

Lucy sighed softly as she reached over to pull her girlfriend in for a much needed hug. “Listen to be Laur,” she spoke softly near her ear. “No matter what you would’ve done, Camila still would have left. This is not your fault. She was working on solo music since Late January of 2016. That’s way back last year. Her goal was to fuck you guys over. She didn’t even show up to any of the meetings Simon arranged before the final spilt,” Lucy paused as she attempted to gather her thoughts. “Dinah, well you know wherever Camila goes, she’ll follow like a lost puppy. Normani would follow Dinah to the fucking moon. Fifth Harmony died when Camila started keeping secrets and that is not your fault nor will it ever be baby girl. I promise.”

Lauren stayed silent for awhile. She wanted to defend Camila, give her the benefit of the doubt. Hope that Lucy may just have a bad impression with her but deep down she knew it was pretty much true. Her chest felt tight as she thought about it. She tried to hold it in… really, she did. But it just came ripping through her. Her body shook slightly as the first sob escaped her lips. She hated crying, especially over something like this. It was over. Done. So why did it still hurt so much?

Why did she even care? Camila left knowing Lauren hated her. Why was it such a big deal now? Why was she blaming herself for Camila’s own selfishness? She needed to get her shit together; fast.

***

Fresh air. That’s what she needed. Her body felt calm and relaxed as she walked through the streets of Miami. For the first time in awhile, the tight aching in her chest had subsided and a small ounce of contentment took over. A faint smile graced her lips as she finally felt herself for a little while.

Counting each palm tree she passed by in her head, a smile formed on her face. Its been awhile since she smiled. Who knew something as small as walking could make her day.

Looking up, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She probably looked crazy with a dopey grin on her lips while staring up at the sky with her eyes closed but she was happy. Nothing was going to ruin this once in a life time moment for her.

Okay, maybe one thing was. Maybe walking with her head titled up and eyes closed wasn’t the best idea. Her bliss instantly vanished and embarrassment took over as she bumped into someone.

Quickly bringing her head back down and opening her eyes, she got ready to apologize but the words got stuck in her throat as she looked at the person before her. Well, people, before her. One of them caught her eye and the other she’s obviously seen through the media that went even crazier than when she had come out.

Before her stood her former bandmate and her supposed girlfriend Lola McKatie who looked an awful lot like her. Previous contentment and happiness got replaced by anger and sadness. She struggled to speak as her eyes stayed glued on the girl who had dyed her hair an ashy brown color. Her brown eyes popped with the new color and her tan skin looked amazing but Lauren was never going to say that out loud. Or anything for that matter.

Shaking her head, she started to walk around the couple when she felt someone grab her arm and call out her name. Someone as in Camila fucking Cabello.

“Lauren, wait,” her voice sounded almost pleading like.

A sarcastic chuckle fell from her lips as she ripped her arm away, “Don’t fucking touch me again,” she growled out with her back still turned to them.

“Laur-”

“Don’t talk to her like that!”

Turning around, Lauren faced Camila’s new girlfriend. She looked her up and down before chuckling to herself. “Yeah, okay. When you stop looking like a human animation of a Bratz Doll.”

The obvious offense in the girls features amused Lauren. Sighing to herself, she spared Camila and her new girl toy one last glance before walking away. A small wave of relief crashed over her when Camila didn’t try to stop her again.

Taking a deep breath to compose herself, she willed the anger to dissolve. Camila wasn’t worth it; pun intended.

Her heart raced in her chest, her stomach feeling queasy as she thought back to just a few moments ago. It feels like its been so long since she’s last seen her but it was merely a few months. She remembered how her chest contracted when she made eye contact with the former band member. How she almost froze. She never understood why and or how Camila was able to make so many emotions cloud her at once by simply doing nothing. It overwhelmed her.

She just needed to get home and forget that encounter. But of course the universe hated her and stopped at nothing to make her life hell.

“Lauren!” Her body froze at the voice.

Stopping in her tracks, she forced her breathing to even out. Why must you hate me God, she thought to herself.

She had half a mind to continue walking but she knew Camila Cabello did not and will not stop. She felt the anxiety creeping up as she turned around to face the girl who seemed to be alone now.

Brown eyes appeared to be on guard as she slowly approached. Lauren watched as Camila visibly gulped harshly before stopping in front of Lauren.

A small awkward silence passed by as the two former bandmates just stared at each other. Sighing, Lauren spoke, “What do you want Camila?”

“Long time no see I guess,” the small Latina mumbled with a small awkward giggle. When Lauren kept her stone like expression, the giggle died off into awkward silence. “I just uh was around and saw you. How are you?”

“Fine,” Lauren answered shortly. Sighing again, she rubbed her forehead in exhaustion. “Again, what do you want Camila?”

“I just wanted to say hi,” she said quietly.

“Well you’ve said it. Bye,” she turned to walk away again when Camila grabbed her arm for the second time that day. Her body went up in flames as the shaky hand took hold of her arm.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out suddenly. Brown orbs swam with anxiety as they darted back and forth. “For-for leaving like that. Please don’t hate me anymore.”

A dry chuckle fell from her lips. Her green eyes turning stone cold, she ripped her hand out of her former bandmate’s hold. “You don’t even get it!” She shouted. Her body shook with anger and sadness as she started to walk away before being pulled back by the brunette.

“Then let me in Lauren,” sadness swam in the brown orbs as they pleaded with green ones. “You never let me in anymore. Please let me in…” she whispered.

Backing away from the girl, Lauren shook her head. “Camz…”

“Please,” she whispered.

Looking down, Lauren shook her head. “I stopped letting you in when you started shutting me out,” she said softly.

Prying Camila’s hand off her, she walked away.

***

a/n: fuck, this was so hard for me to write. i hope you guys liked it. sorry for the long break, i just needed to understand where i stood since the news and everything. i hope y'all are still with me. what did you think of this chapter? let me know in the comments and don’t forget to vote.

for my tumblr readers, my wattpad is wthbello and you can comment and vote on this story there too if you’d like. also a bomb ass cover ;) follow me there and check out this story there.

thanks so much for reading all of you.

SORRY I DIDNT EDIT!

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#UPDATE #series #non AU #AU #slash #camren #angst drama #romance fluff #submission #coming out