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ashoss · 4 months

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the rest of the flock :)

part 2 to this

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marshmallow---pillow · 12 days

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Murderer: Run if you want to live

Literally any Batkid: *starts sprinting*

Murderer: Like not towards me tho

#jason todd #dick grayson #tim drake #damian wayne #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #duke thomas #They're in civies btw #for people who're running low on imagination #dc #batfam #Kay's funnies

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lustwithoutlore · 2 months

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Stephanie, clearly upset: I just spent $30 at the grocery store and all I got was eggs, mayonnaise, fruit, and pop.

Tim: Oh so prices have gone down, that’s good.

Stephanie: …. I really hate you sometimes, Tim. Really hate you.

Tim: Isn’t $30 for all that cheap?

Stephanie, calling Jason: I need an immediate extraction I’m about to kill Tim.

Jason: … And you need the extraction, why?

#steph: *cocks gun* time to eat the fucking rich #tim: thank god if I get killed I can finally rest #steph: *lowers gun* uh…. you good bro?#batfamily #batman #jason todd #red hood #batfam #tim drake #stephanie brown #batgirl #red robin #dc comics #dc comics funny #incorrect batfamily quotes

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pinkiemachine · 5 months

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Wonder Mom Part 4… not long later…

#fan art #art #funny #dc #bat family #dc comics #batman #fan comic #Wonder Woman #Diana prince #diana of themyscira #Bruce wayne #robin #Stephanie brown

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februarys-wednesday · 1 year

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i like the idea that bruce just shows up to league meetings with his birds with absolutely no explanation offered

i mean this man frequently stalks his coworkers and knows everything that's happening in their personal lives and i think he'd forget that HE is the weird one for doing it and not everybody automatically knows when he's acquired a new child

so he just shows up at the watchtower with a new bird and literally says nothing about it . just sits at his chair with the latest robin standing next to him and literally doesn't acknowledge that anything is different and it gets even more confusing when they change their costumes and names 😭

like

20-something bruce: and containing this may be a matter of-flash did you have a question

barry: uh. yeah. sorry, what is that?

20-something bruce: (glancing at 9 yr old dick who has been next to him for 45 minutes) that's robin. obviously. as i was saying,

-

early 30s bruce, who hasn't shown up with a robin for a few years, entering with a nightwing and a jason todd robin:

barry:

diana:

hal:

j'onn:

bruce: what.

hal:

hal: do you like clone them or

-

mid 30s bruce, quietly talking with a clearly-not-sixteen-years-old robin in the corner after being without one for two years:

hal:

diana:

barry:

j'onn:

clark:

bruce:

tim:

bruce: this one followed me

-

late 30s bruce zeta-beaming in with a nightwing, a slightly older robin, and an absolutely BUILT man in a red hood:

barry: did you hire a bodyguard

bruce: no.

barry: whos mr red over there

bruce: you don't remember my second one???

barry:

hal:

diana:

j'onn:

clark:

barry: did. did that one not die

jason: got better

-

later 30s bruce, quietly showing around a blonde robin:

hal:

bruce: don't ask.

hal: i didn't say anything

-

40 yr old bruce, making intense, unbroken eye contact with a black shadow:

clark, leaning over to talk to tim: what are they doing

tim, not looking up from his fancy ipad: do i look like i know that

-

red robin popping in unnanounced in the middle of a league meeting: batman is alive.

barry: who the FUCK are you???

-

batman, some minutes later, trailed by what is CLEARLY a new robin: did red robin happen to pass through here????

barry: i have several questions

-

no-longer-lost-in-the-time-stream bruce, talking to batgirl, black bat, and the signal:

hal: did you get three more.

bruce: no. just one.

hal: i shouldn't have asked, my bad

-

mid 40s bruce wayne, stepping out of the zeta tube: sorry i'm late

diana: not to worry. let's get start-

bruce: i have a few more coming behind me

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

jason: hi

cass: 👋

diana:

diana: ok should we st-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

dick, holding damian like a scowling, sopping wet cat: bruce he's not feeling polite today

damian: HISSS

bruce: okay does he need to go back?

dick: he said he's fine but hes just not feeling polite

diana:

diana: is that the las-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

steph: b i need a hair tie

diana:

diana: so can-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

duke: b did i miss rolecall

diana: no, signal, you did not. let's-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

tim: b alf is mad at you

bruce: why

hal: it's like a fucking clown car

steph: you didn't eat breakfast

tim: you didn't eat breakfast either

steph: shut.

damian: HISSSS

jason: wing. if you do not keep that brat quiet-

dick: hes a BABY!!!!!

duke: you didn't eat breakfast either, timothy

jason: hes a BITCH!!!!!

tim: who the fuck told you????

cass: :)

hal: (storming off, in tears), YOU HAVE TOO MANY CHILDREN.

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shyjusticewarrior · 10 days

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Jason: Has Bernard always looked at you like that, and if so how did you think he was straight?

Tim, to Steph: Stop telling Jason things.

Steph, ignoring Tim: I took Tim's gaydar cause he's not worthy.

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ktkat99 · 9 months

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Dick, Jason, Tim, and Steph are taking a lesson from Batman on how to patch bullet wounds

Jason- Can't we just use tampons to plug the hole? I feel like they'd take up less space in our utility belts

Steph- What???

Tim- Yeah, I heard somewhere that that's what they were originally invented for

Steph, blinking slowly- Are you being serious right now? Or are you joking?

Jason- What? Why wouldn't that work?

Steph, pulling out a water bottle and pointing to the top- Bullet wound

Steph, pulling out a tampon- Tampon

Steph, inserting the tampon into the water bottle, the boys watch in horror as it expands- Jason, here. Pull it out and pretend it's your leg. Then tell me this is a good idea

Batman, still holding the laser pointer at the PowerPoint he'd spent all night making- I wanted kids. I wanted to be a father. I signed up for this. Why didn't Alfred stop me?

#batman #batfam funny #batfam incorrect quotes #batfam #batfamily #tim drake #dick greyson #jason todd #nightwing #red hood #red robin #dick grayson #stephanie brown #spoiler

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queenofthequillandink · 5 months

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Steph's new roommate's little brother was absolutely a meta.

The two of them weren't really trying particularly hard to hide it, but they weren't mentioning it either, so Steph just... followed their lead. Especially because Jazz, while a little neurotic, was a pretty good roommate and new some truly innovative things to make in the microwave with whatever was in their dorm fridge.

But anyway, back to the meta thing. Steph could totally back it up.

Jazz was from the Midwest somewhere, one of the "I" states. (Indiana? Illinois? Iowa? Steph could never keep them straight.) From the way Jazz talked about her parents and the things she said to Danny, Steph could tell that the Fentons still lived there and Danny with them. Yet at least four nights out of seven, without fail, Steph would come home from a long night studying or vigilante-ing to find Danny in their dorm room, usually passed out on the futon. As though Gotham wasn't halfway across the country from Indiana or Illinois or Iowa.

"Our parents are pretty loud," Jazz explained with a quiet grimace, the first time it happened. "Like 'keep you awake at all hours of the night' loud. I told Danny he could sleep here when he needs to, is that okay? Tucker's parents are great, but they'll kick him out eventually."

"As a sleep-deprived college kid, I wholeheartedly support sleeping wherever you can get it," Steph whispered back. "As long as he doesn't eat my half of the food, I'm not gonna tattle to the RA."

"Thank you thank you thank you!" Jazz squealed, flapping her hands. Steph darted a glance at the teenager passed out on their futon, but he didn't even twitch. "Oh, don't worry, you have to be loud enough to wake the dead to get Danny up," Jazz said with a smirk.

"Alright. Makes things easier, I suppose," Steph said with a shrug, moving to sling her backpack onto her bunk. "He gonna be here in the morning?"

Jazz narrowed her eyes as though Elder Sister Glare could penetrate dreams. Hell, maybe it could. "He'll be at school before you wake up, if he knows what's good for him."

School. Which should be halfway across the country. Sure. Well, Steph could recognize a topic that Simply Wasn't Spoken About and unlike the rest of the Bats, she actually respected her roommate's personal privacy. "Cool."

So. Definitely a meta. Teleportation, maybe? Or superspeed or flying, she supposed. Whatever it was, the kid was clearly only using it to get a good night's rest in a safe space, so it wasn't really Steph's business.

At least neither of them had noticed she was a vigilante. It was an impressive secret to keep in such close quarters, if Steph did say so herself.

~*~

Jazz had clocked that Stephanie was Spoiler in a week and a half. And it only took her that long because she was distracted by orientation. The girl wasn't exactly subtle. Especially not with her injuries. Jazz had three years of experience watching someone come home injured and try to hide it, and while she was better than Danny, it still wasn't good enough.

Still, Steph wasn't making a big deal of Danny portalling into their dorm half of every week. And, like she had with Danny, Jazz wanted Steph to trust her enough to tell her herself.

And if this meant that Jazz spent a good portion of her first semester figuring out the rest of the Bats' identities based on Steph's friends and acquaintances, well. That was between her and Steph's scary-but-sweet girlfriend who read her like a book as soon as their eyes met.

#dpxdc #danny phantom #jazz fenton #danny fenton #dc comics #batman #stephanie brown #spoiler #i just think it would be funny for jazz and steph to be roommates #and jazz to know exactly what's happening #and steph to have a pretty good idea #and they just Never Fucking Talk About It #my writing #original

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cryptar · 1 year

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au where ALL the batkids inherit bruces adopting problem, but it's for kids that remind them of themselves

When a hyper-intelligent juvenile figures out his identity and starts following him around on patrol the only thing Tim can think is that this is karma

Steph sees any spunky kid with a villain parent and a hunger for justice and goes 'mine.'

An angry, bitter kid shows up at the police station and Dick immediately starts teaching them how to juggle

Jason reiterates to himself that he's not anything like bruce while collecting crime alley kids like pokemon cards

The little redheaded techie from Barbaras workplace accidently calls her mom and she nearly cries

When a mute youth with a truly horrible father needs a place to call home, Cass doesn't hesitate when inviting them into hers.

it only makes sense for Duke to take the new meta-vigilante under his wing, right? right??

Damian doesn't realise he's mentally adopted the small, scruffy assassin sent after him until he's reading them a bedtime story.

none of them tell eachother until there's a family reunion and then it's just

#alfred thinks its funny and bruce is so smug #alfreds alive btw that man will outlive all of us #batman #batfam #batkids #cassandra cain #barbara gordon #stephanie brown #dick grayson #damian wayne #duke thomas #jason todd #tim drake #ill legit make fankid ocs for this au istg i love it #edit: im glad people are enjoying the spiderman meme #i worked hard on that >:]#prompt #cryptic ramblings

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oifaaa · 6 months

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Wait who is Tims assigned youtuber?????

Well

#ask #anon #dc #dc comics #tim drake #jason todd #stephanie brown #batman #matpat #funny story #i already had this comic saved to my phone #like this is from months ago #i think it was a wee gag i put into a discord server

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your-dad-the-fag · 17 days

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I think they should let Stephanie be Batman, even if it’s just for a few minutes so she can have a go at every Mantel that tends to be passed down

Also I think it would be hilarious for like one night a year batman is a blonde woman who’s robin changes every year (they all play rock-paper-scissors for the position)

#I think it would be funny tho #let Stephanie brown be the best batman ever #Steph has everyone as robin at some point (including Bruce)#And I think crime would go down loads if batman started making jokes from the shadows #batman #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #jason todd #barbara gordon #batfamily #Bruce Wayne #Damian Wayne #dick Grayson

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frownyalfred · 13 days

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Stephanie: oh so you really think you know everything? you’ve traveled everywhere and done everything, so none of us can ever have a novel experience? last night I walked home barefoot from the club because my heels hurt so bad. and the frozen ground felt AMAZING. I didn’t even realize I was bleeding until I got home. That’s how good it felt!

Bruce, who just asked Stephanie how her night was and accidentally made an agreeing noise when she said “bad”:

#late night thoughts #is this funny to anyone else but me #bruce wayne #batman #dc #stephanie brown #batfamily #Bruce to himself later: she’s stronger than 3/4 of the men I met in the LoA

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lustwithoutlore · 2 months

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Damian, walking into the Batcave: I require assistance.

Dick: Sure, Dami! What can I help you with?

Damian: Not from you.

Bruce, thinking: Damian... Damian needs... father's help? MY help?

Bruce, being way too fucking smug: Ah, well, Dick, don't be sad. Sometimes a boy just needs his father. How can I help you, son?

Damian: Not from you, either. I require assistance from Stephanie.

Stephanie: HA! SUCK IT, BRUCE!