My mother, in our year of the lord 2024: I’ve just started watching Teen Wolf and…like, I think I’m going crazy because does Derek and…oh, what’s his name again?
Me, strangled: Stiles?
Mum: Yes! Stiles! Do they get together?
Me:
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Friendly reminder that Stiles Stilinksi is canonically the person who mellowed out Derek Hale. Lots of talk about how Derek went from hard-edged angry bad boy to loving, soft dilf, but let’s give credit where it’s due. It was physically impossible for Derek to not be angry since it was his anchor at the start of the show. That is canon. If he ever stopped being angry, he would lose control of his wolf. But then, oh but then, he met Stiles Stilinksi, and he became his anchor. That is also canon. There for, the reason Derek softened, is canonically Stiles Stilisnki.
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If you listen hard enough you can hear the click clack of thousands of laptop keys as Sterek fic writers draft their fix-it fics and mutter to themselves, “I cannot believe I am still cleaning up this man’s messes…”
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A Real, Legitimate Summary of the Teen Wolf Movie's Plot:
(I'm not joking, but you're going to think I am)
also, spoilers obviously...
Scott McCall works as a rescue dog saving victims from building collapses in LA
Mr. Harris, the long DEAD biology teacher for school somehow magically comes back from the dead and decides to get his revenge on Scott
Mr. Harris flies to Japan and robs a ramen shop that Liam & Fake-Kira Hikari own, because they decide to keep the nogitsune locked in a spice jar on a spice rack
The nogitsune brings Allison back to life, who has been dead for 15 years, and uses the oni to kidnap everybody to hold them hostage in a magic spirit realm located underneath the lacrosse field while scott & eli play a lacrosse game
The nogitsune's plan is to make the entire pack watch Allison shoot Scott in the heart and kill him, so that everybody will be sad and he can drink their sadness to become more powerful
Scott pretends to die, so the Nogitsune gets made and turns into a WEREWOLF-NOGITSUNE HYBRID MONSTER and attacks
The pack decides that the only way to kill the nogitsune (even tho the nogitsune was previously established to literally be unkillable) is to have Parrish hug him and set him on fire to death
For some reason, the werewolf-nogitsune hybrid monster won't stand still to die, so derek decides to literally SACRIFICE HIMSELF by holding down the werewolf-nogitusne and letting Parrish burn BOTH derek and the nogitsune to death
Derek literally burns himself to death right in front of eli and orphans him
Scott and Allison decide to adopt Eli and run a dog shelter in LA
The End.
(no, i'm not joking.....this actually happened. this was the movie. some of the worst fanfiction that I ever read watched in my life)
P.S the only good part of this really bad fanfic movie is that for the whole movie derek keeps saying that he hates stiles' jeep (and he doesn't explain why) and then at the end of the movie at derek's funeral, sheriff stilinski gives Eli the jeep and says that derek secretly didn't hate the jeep.
then he explains that after Stiles left it behind, Derek towed it back to his auto shop (because derek is a mechanic now btw????) and fixed up stiles' jeep literally so he could keep it for himself. and I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be some metaphor for derek not realizing he's in love with stiles until after stiles moves away and now all that he has left is the jeep????
so, canon!sterek yay!
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If I had a nickel for every time Dylan O'Brian ends up in a ship where:
1) the love interest slams him against the walls
2) the love interest chases him when Dylan's character runs into danger
3) he holds up his love interest and helps him escape from danger
4) he ends up with the love interest hurt and with black veins from of a not natural "poison"
5) he and the other actor go along with the idea of the ship
6) the ship is not officially canon but still it's the most famous ship of the show (despite his being in a canon straight relationship)
I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice
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[After the pack runs into one of Derek's ex's from his time in New York]
Stiles: Oh my god, that girl was gorgeous! I mean, did you guys see her?!
The pack:
Stiles: Why on Earth would Derek ever break up with someone so beautiful? What was he even thinking?!
The pack:
Stiles: I know if I ever landed someone like that, I'd probably never let them go.
The pack:
Stiles: Aw shoot, I gotta get going or I'm gonna be late. See you later guys!
The pack:
The pack:
Malia: So, are we all still pretending Derek's ex-girlfriend didn't just look like Stiles in a wig?
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