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destieltropecollection · 11 months

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DESTIEL TROPE COLLECTION 2023 | DAY 31 | Fake Dating

Made up, like my fiancé | @blanketforcas

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2,834 Main Tags/Warnings: Fluff, First Kiss, Touch-Starved Dean Winchester, make-up date Summary: Cas and Dean find out how much they like make-up (and each other)

under covers | @demonmary

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 6,588 Main Tags/Warnings: AU: No Supernatural, Federal Agents, Undercover as Married , Co-workers , Flirting , Smut , Older Castiel (Supernatural) Summary: inspired by an episode of NCIS, Dean and Cas go undercover for some good ol' fashioned fake dating.

We were always meant to say goodbye (please don't go) | @readingprofoundbonds

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 8,210 Main Tags/Warnings: Misunderstandings, Second Chances Summary: When Castiel hears that Dean Smith will date anyone who asks him out for exactly one week, he's curious. He tests the waters and sees if 'anyone' will include male co-workers from Accounting.

Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love | @aishitara

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 14,882 Main Tags/Warnings: Idiots to lovers, mutual pining, best friends to lovers, but they were roommates!, pretend relationship, misunderstanding, mild angst with a happy ending. Summary: Dean clears his throat and says, “I have an idea for how to deal with your mom.” He looks away as he takes a long swallow of beer. “But you’re probably not gonna like it.” Castiel grunts. “Tell me anyway. You’ve got one idea more than me.” Huffing a small laugh, Dean says, “Yeah, well, we’ll see.” He looks over at Castiel, lower lip caught between his teeth. “I’ll go with you,” he says earnestly. “To Thanksgiving.” Castiel stares at Dean blankly, not following. “Y’know,” Dean says, suddenly interested in removing the label from his beer. “As your boyfriend.”

swing with you for the fences | @fifthstiel

Rating: Mature Word Count: 27,637 Main Tags/Warnings: canon divergence (season 14), de-aging, kid jack, fake relationship, pining, getting together, case fic Summary: With elementary school parents falling mysteriously ill in Pennsylvania, a little magical aid allows a de-aged Jack and devoted single father Cas to play the perfect bait. However, a misunderstanding shortly after arriving leaves Dean reluctantly saddled with undercover parenthood right along with Cas. Now Dean has to survive the petty drama of suburbia while trying to track down whatever’s responsible for targeting parents in the community - and navigating his feelings about the family he didn’t think he’d ever get to have.

Lavender Pines | @thisisapaige

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 30,609 Main Tags/Warnings: Fake/Pretend Relationship (Platonic Cas & Rowena), Secret Relationship (Sam/Rowena), Idiots to Lovers (Cas/Dean), Case Fic, Post-Episode: s12e11 Regarding Dean Summary: Rowena calls Sam, asking for help. Her former lover, the powerful witch Leon O'Leary, has something of hers and she wants it back. When Sam agrees to help, the last thing he expects is for her to pull out a ring and propose. To Cas. Cas and Rowena move into the wealthy suburb of Lavender Pines and work to become the most well-liked newlywed couple on the block. Sam and Dean support them from the bunker. It’s a milk run of a case. Simple. Easy. It’s not.

#destiel trope collection #destiel trope collection 2023 #destiel #fanfic #fake dating #day 31

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ms-fandomgirl · 1 year

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Violet Petrichor: Two Years Later

Pairing: Shinsou Hitoshi x Reader

Words: 5,245 total (oneshot + epilogue)

Summary: When Shinsou Hitoshi was first born, his world was filled with magic and fantasy. When Shinsou Hitoshi was born a second time, he was plunged into a society of heroes, villains, and quirks. Now, on a hot summer’s day in a modern and very mundane world, Shinsou Hitoshi only had one goal in his third life: To meet you once again.

Genre: Modern AU (mentions of Fantasy AU and Pro Hero AU), Reincarnation AU, fluff, meet cute, Shinsou being in love, just a tiny bit of angst

Links: Oneshot | Masterlist | Ao3

“Ironically, the term ‘falling in love’ is wholly inaccurate. When your brain recognizes the first rush of initial attraction, it creates a high for your body by releasing oxytocin, phenethylamine, and dopamine. This combination makes the human body especially alert and excited, aiding in communication that becomes the basis of a relationship. Therefore, a far more correct term might be ‘high on love.’”

Chuckles echoed throughout the classroom, and Shinsou paced over to the dry-erase board, grabbing a worn purple marker from the tray. Drawing a large triangle, he faced the class. “Can anyone help me fill in the points of Sternberg’s triangular theory of love?”

At first, no one moved a muscle. Finally, a hand slowly raised into the air, belonging to a girl with silver hair and red eyes sitting on the second row.

“Yes, Eri?” Shinsou called, gesturing in her direction.

“Intimacy is the top point, sir,” she began, “it refers to the closeness of the two people in love, like how strong of a bond they have.”

Shinsou nodded, writing it down in a messy scrawl. “You're absolutely right, in both term and definition. It is also referred to as the ‘warmth’ in a relationship.”

He moved his hand down to the bottom left point, once again turning to the class. “Does anyone know what this point is?”

This time there was no hesitation in answer. A boy in the back wearing a red cap shot his hand into the air, waving it for attention in order to beat Eri’s hand beginning to rise again.

“Passion,” the boy drawled, not waiting for Shinsou to call on him, “meaning arousal, sexual attraction, lust.”

The girls sitting next to him broke out into a fit of giggles, and Eri whipped around in her seat to give him a scathing glare.

“Thank you for that, Kota,” Shinsou replied, writing the new term on the board, “although I would appreciate it if you were able to contain yourself until called on. Surely your passion is able to last a few seconds longer?”

More giggles, and Kota sank into his chair, properly chastened. With a sharp look, the class quickly quieted down, and Shinou pointed to the bottom right of the triangle which was still left blank.

“We’re running short on time, so I’ll help you out,” he told the class. “The final point is commitment, referring to the conscious decision to remain by your love’s side. Short-term, it is the declaration that you love your partner. Long-term, it is the act of choosing your partner again and again, reinforcing and maintaining that love.

“These three components are interactive with each other and can result in eight different types of love depending on the weight, combination, and absence of the components. These will be discussed in the next class, so be sure to read the chapter if you haven’t already and write a short blurb on each type.”

Multiple groans erupted throughout the classroom, and Shinsou responded with a wicked grin. “Since you are all so excited, I think a pop quiz might be in order for the next class, so I can be sure that you’ve retained all of the vital information about the most highly requested topic in the class.”

A heavy gloom entered the classroom, but no one dared to speak out again. “However, with the nature of pop quizzes being a surprise, it defeats the purpose if I were to tell you the dates of them. I guess it just depends on my mood.”

Shinsou knew he wasn’t going to give the class a pop quiz, mainly because he didn’t want to grade an extra set of papers, but they didn’t need to know that. He now understood why his mentor enjoyed terrorizing his students so much.

“But that’s Monday’s problem. Get out of here and enjoy the rest of the day,” he dismissed, and the students quickly fled the classroom. Sure, he liked to give them a hard time, but he wasn’t quite that sadistic. Yet.

Shoving a stack of papers into his briefcase, he made his way up a flight of stairs and into his office. He threw his coat haphazardly onto the small leather chair in the corner of the room next to a large, fake potted palm, collapsing at his desk and stirring up a small cloud of dust. Outside of obligatory office hours, he tried to be in his office as little as possible, instead preferring to work at Serendipity Bookshop or at home. Opening the small minifridge next to his desk, he groaned as he realized that he had forgotten his lunch: leftover curry rice from last night’s dinner. You were trying out a new recipe, and it was delicious.

Now in a considerably worse mood, he decided he might as well try to grade some essays before his next class, opting to get a late afternoon snack after his class instead of a meal. He was about three papers in when there was a knock on his door, disturbing his peace.

“Come in,” he called without looking up. It was most likely Aizawa or Midoriya: the only two teachers who ever visited him anyway.

The door opened, and a sweet voice floated through the room, erasing Shinsou’s grouchiness instantly, “Is Professor Shinsou free?”

Shinsou leaned back in his chair as you stood at the entrance, taking in your pretty form like a breath of fresh spring air and noting the small package you were carrying.

“That depends, who’s asking?” he teased, motioning you to walk in.

You pretended to think, drawing closer. “How about Mrs. Shinsou?”

At this, Shinsou smiled fully, knowing he looked like a love-struck fool but not caring in the slightest. He would never grow tired of hearing such a title fall from your lips.

“Mrs. Shinsou is always allowed to visit me, free or busy,” he proclaimed, standing to meet you halfway.

Wrapping you in his arms, he gave you a quick kiss before grabbing the bundle in your hands and setting it on the desk. He pressed himself closer in the empty space that was created, leaning down so his forehead touched yours. You sighed in contentment, letting your now empty hands wander up to his neck.

Your friends and family had called his relationship with you a “whirlwind romance” filled with passion and a love so grand that it had previously only been seen on the big screen. Some worried that it was just a passing phase, that the flame would extinguish in a month or two, but Shinsou knew better. This was a love so sacred that it transcended time, and if he were to label what you had together, he would simply call it “a long time in coming.”

“Thank you for bringing me lunch,” he murmured.

You tilted your head to give him a small peck on his cheek. “What would you do without me, huh?”

Shinsou shook his head, dropping his chin to bury his face in your neck. “I don’t even want to begin to think about a life without you.”

You, rushing to him with teary eyes as you told him that you were being shipped off across the sea to wed some barbaric king for peace, and him, begging you not to go but having the decency to not utter empty promises you both knew he couldn’t keep.

Shinsou, powerless to save you from your fate, vowing that next time he could be the hero you both needed, especially when he saw driftwood and the tattered remains of the royal flag wash up on the kingdom’s shores a week before you were charted to arrive at your new home.

You, staring sightlessly up at the sky you loved to soar through, blood pooling in a warm puddle underneath your head and seeping into Shinsou’s pants from where he had cradled you against his thighs, screams and explosions echoing around him as the battle raged on regardless to the lives it took along the way.

Shinsou, the ring he had carried with him for the past six months heavy in his pocket, cursing heroes and villains and a society where they existed, wishing for a simpler life and above all, for more time.

You, grinning contentedly at him, hands which were running through his unruly hair now drifting down to softly cup his cheeks, wedding band creating a pleasant contrast against the warmth of your skin on his.

Shinsou, tightening his hold on your hips, giving you a languid kiss which proved he had exactly nowhere to be except in your arms, right here in this moment, and confident that he would never want anything more than what he already has.

A/N: Thanks for reading! I was obsessed with the idea of Professor Shinsou, so I had to write this epilogue. Personally, I think that he works at UA part time while you help him run the bookstore! He really gets the best of both worlds that way. Reblogs are appreciated, but please do not repost!

#ms fandomgirl writes #shinsou hitoshi x reader #shinsou x reader #shinsou hitoshi #shinso x reader #shinso hitoshi #my hero x reader #my hero academia #shinsou x you #bnha x reader #shinso hitoshi x reader #shinsou fluff

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elainsweetcobalt · 1 year

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Feysand/Nessian/Elriel analysis triangular theory of love

Disclaimer: This is a post, Pro Elriel, AntiElucien/AntiGwynriel

Disclaimer #2: This post is long and written in somewhat technical language if you have any questions you are more than welcome to ask as long as you are kind.

This theory was proposed by the psychologist Robert Sternberg (1986) describes the different elements that make up love, as well as the possible combinations of these elements when forming different types of relationships.

Robert Sternberg is an American psychologist, professor at Yale University, widely recognized for his research, not only has he been interested in love, but intelligence or creativity have also been objects of interest in his research, his contributions in the field of intelligence study are well known and accepted.

For Sternberg, love is made up of 3 qualities that are manifested in any love relationship: intimacy, passion and commitment. These elements, in practice, are intermingled with each other, but knowing how to distinguish them in a theoretical framework helps us to understand the phenomenon of love and to better recognize its nuances and details.

Intimacy: Intimacy refers to the feeling of closeness, the bond between the two people who are part of the love story, the trust between them, friendship and affection. Passion: This component is the emotion or energy of the relationship. Feeling of physical attraction and wanting or needing to be with the other person and be sexually intimate. Commitment: It refers to the decision and willingness to maintain the relationship, together with the feeling of responsibility.

The possible combinations or types of love According to the possible combinations, Sternberg affirms that there are different ways of loving.

These ways of loving can be heard in isolation or as stages:

Liking/friendship Affection refers to true friendship. There is only intimacy, but there is no passion or commitment. Members of the relationship feel close and trust each other, but there is no desire for intimacy or commitment as a couple.

Infatuated love In this way of loving there is a lot of passion, however, there is neither intimacy nor commitment, which makes this type of relationship superficial. It would be a kind of romance but ending soon or the beginning of a relationship, where there is a lot of desire to be intimate but not enough trust and commitment.

Empty love There is the commitment to be together, but the passion and intimacy have died. They do not feel anything for each other, but there is a feeling of respect and reciprocity. In arranged marriages, relationships often begin with empty love, It also usually manifests itself in long-term relationships.

Romantic love Romantic love is a way of loving in which the members of the relationship feel attraction and excitement, and also have trust and closeness. If this stage continues with great experiences together, it will end up provoking commitment.

Companionate love It usually occurs in long-term relationships. There is intimacy and commitment, but no passion. It is the type of love that can manifest itself when the couple lacks desire and excitement towards the other person, but living together, children and experiences together keep them together. This relationship may seem satisfying to the members and last a long time.

Fatuous love In fatuous love, passion and commitment predominate, but there is no intimacy. Fatuous love can occur because the members of the couple want to be together, since there is a desire and excitement to live intimate experiences, however, they do not have much in common.

Consummate love This is complete love. It is made up of the three elements of Sternberg's pyramid theory. Consummated love is the main love archetype, it is the ideal love and is also called mature love.

With an author like SJM it should come as no surprise that in fact most of his romantic partners always end in consummate love, all going through different stages but ending up the same with all three components present in their relationship.

Let's start by looking at the evolution of Feysand.

Liking/friendship: This relationship began with intimacy that led them to understand each other and have moments of empathy and acceptance.

Romantic Love:Feyre and Rhys begin to have moments of sexual attraction but these are accompanied by affection and mutual appreciation, they understand each other they have affection and security (Intimacy + passion)

Consummate love Feyre accepts Rhysand and they decide to commit to their relationship, we saw how they went from understanding each other to understanding and accepting, they also have sexual chemistry and intimate desires with each other and finally there is an acceptance of being a couple and building a relationship. (Intimacy + Passion + Commitment )

Let's see the romantic evolution of Nessian

Infatuated love: Nesian there is first a lot of desire to have intimate relationships but there is not enough trust or commitment. (Passion)

Romantic Love: We can see how Cassian and Nesta's relationship evolved to the point of understanding each other, appreciating each other's presence and what Cassian can bring to Nesta and vice versa (Passion + Intimacy )

Consummate Love: We know how difficult it was for Nesta to let go of control and committing to a relationship requires giving a bit of control to the partner, we see how Nesta evolved to feel good about commitment. (Passion + Intimacy + Commitment)

Let's see the evolution of Elriel

Liking/friendship: We see how Elain and Azriel's relationship in a certain way always remained on pleasant terms since they met, they felt comfortable enough to question each other as the books progress we see how little by little their relationship grows to understand each other enough to notice specific details in the other and enjoy mutual company (intimacy)

Romantic love: is a way of loving in which the members of the relationship feel attraction and excitement, and, in addition, they have trust and closeness, they can often understand each other without words since they know, perceive and notice each other so much that they discover what they think, there is a physical attraction on the part of BOTH ELAIN AND AZRIEL and an emotional attraction.

He needed to know what the skin of her neck tasted like. What those perfect lips tasted like. Her breasts. Her sex. He needed her coming on his tongue-

Azriel’s cock strained behind his pants, aching so fiercely that he could hardly think. He prayed she didn’t peer down. Prayed she didn’t understand the shift in his scent.

“Yes,” he said, his thumb sweeping in long strokes along the side of her throat.

Her arousal drifted up to him, and his eyes nearly rolled back in his head at the sweet scent. He’d beg on his knees for a chance to taste it. But Azriel just stroked her neck again.

For Sarah's favorite archetype Elain and Azriel need to have the commitment factor, we know that will be the plot of the Elriel book.

Now let's see where Elucien would fit into these categories.

Empty love: We see on several occasions how the only thing that unites Elain and Lucien is a bond mate with which they both feel uncomfortable so they are currently in "this kind of love"

In this relationship there is no "intimacy" they do not understand each other, they do not know each other, they do not enjoy each other's company, we have not seen signs that they desire each other sexually other than those of the bond when we enter Lucien's mind

Could a relationship like this be the key for intimacy and passion to grow? YES AND NO, intimacy could develop but it would be a product of commitment, not mutual trust and passion could occur but the same would happen, it would be a product of the need to commitment. A small reminder this type of relationship is the most unsatisfactory for those involved.

Let's see where Gwynriel falls into this category.

Well, actually, Gwynriel is in a very special type. Sternberg introduces non-love, which is when none of the three components of love are present in a relationship.

There will be people who argue that Azriel and Gwyn are friends but that is not true. Azriel does not think of Gwyn as a friend, also in his conversation he wanted to avoid her and it seems that he stayed alone so as not to seem rude.

How are the books right now that is the romantic relationship that couples have based on this theory.

This post was written thanks to my bestie @nitecourtfairytail I talked to her for hours before I dared to make a post, we also spent until dawn trying to find NESSIAN's first romantic moment haha Thanks friend ❤️

Here you can check the information: Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological review

#pro elriel #elriel #elain archeron #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #nessian #feysand #I'll put these tags because I'm talking about these couples #if it's an inconvenience let me know or just block me #anti gw*nriel #anti el*cien #It's 4am so if there are any typos please let me know tomorrow

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cosmic-muses · 5 months

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from a psychology pov: do you believe in soulmates and true love?

No. This is actually rather well timed because the Psychology of Love and Relationships is one of my current units of study. Even without that, though? No. Let's address that one at a time, though.

First: Soulmates

That's a diddly damned Bold Claim, my friend, not just in the context of psychology, but in general? To claim that there is a soul from the lens of any scientific study? That's not something you can do without evidence, of which we have none. From a spiritual lense? Maybe you could claim it, but from a psychological lense...? Not happenin', at least no claim on the presence of matching souls.

I'll give you some wiggle room, though.

What about the jdea that two people may be perfect matches, from a romance perspective? This would be unrelated to souls, potentially allowing multiple matches to exist just due to the immensity of our population, but still gives me some room to apply that psychological perspective.

The answer is still no, in my belief. You can be pretty damn good for someone. You can click and have all the chemistry in the world. They are not some psychological whole, though. One can achieve self-actualization without love, one will always have flaws, and just because two people may get alone well doesn't mean they have any kind of psychological resonance.

Second: True Love.

Oh boy. This one is going to be a little bit longer, because the answer is... yes and no.

Or rather: No—at least not in the way you're imagining it.

You see, "True Love" isn't just some pop-culture phenomenon, but it still is a cultural belief. Something that's romanticized and glorified by fiction and media to be considered the end-all-be-all of everything. It's a sensation that people hold upon some kind of pedestal—and guess what? Fairy-tale true love doesn't exist. Love at first sight? Yeah. Pure love? Yeah. I'll get to those later. However, a lot of our ideas about "true love" are just what Andreas wrote in a book once without doing any research and went "welp, this is the Art of Love." People become obsessed with this idea of true love because they want someone who magically makes everything better, who completes them. The idea of true love is just a different flavor of manic pixie dream girl.

Even what most people consider "True Love" isn't actually... that True. The phenomenon most commonly mistaken for or even outright associated with the idea of "True Love" or being "In Love" is called Passionate Love, at least by Sternberg's theories.

This Passionate Love? It isn't "True" or "Pure" at all. It comes in quickly, leading to the idea of "Love at first sight," and it also dies quickly. It's more lust and passion than acrjal love, simply fused with a mixture of intense elated emotions and an idealized distortion of the relationship and partner. This makes the relationship seem "magical" and sex oriented. Full of Passion. It"s explosive, fickle, and doesn't last long. Yet people treat this as the ideal form of love, when it's not.

Most strong and healthy relationships don't have this Passion that lasts for ever. Instead, a strong relationship ends up with what is called Consumate Love. This is about as close as you'll get to a "pure" love but even then, it's not that simple. Consumate Love is a state when your relationship with another includes a balanced amount of Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. These are the three key components of the emotion "love" under Sternberg's theories, which is what I'm using to base my discussion here. Any disbalance and the love is skewed. You end up with Passionate Love or Companionate Love or Infatuation, etc. A strong mix is Consumate, and tends to grow stronger over time. This is about as close as you'll get to a Pure Love—but no one ever realizes this because it's not the "fiery, intense, and highly emotional" experience that Passionate Love is.

Granted, this is all very introductory level stuff on the topic, as I'm not informed enough to provide any stronger arguments. However, within psychology, the general consensus seems to be "No.:

#asks #nova's answers #psychology stuff

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mirime-kisarrastine · 3 months

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Simon and Daphne - types of love

This is a repost of three metas I wrote on Reddit about how there are different philosophical and psychological approaches for categorizing love and how they might apply to Simon and Daphne's relationship. It gets long, hence the read more.

Triangular theory of love as applied to Simon and Daphne's relationship

The triangular theory of love was developed by the psychologist Robert Sternberg and published in 1986. PDF paper Wikipedia article Summary paper

TLDR, according to this theory, there are three main components in relationships - intimacy, passion and commitment. How many of them are present and in what combination they are determines the type of relationship two people can have.

Intimacy in this context is the sense of regard for the other person, wishing them well and valuing them - this is quite typical for friendships and fits well with the beginning stages of Simon and Daphne's relationship in episodes 1 and 2.

Passion is the prevalently physical attraction and often, though not always, the sexual drive in the relationship - the increasing attraction between Simon and Daphne as shown in episode 3 and culminating in episode 4 in the Trowbridge's garden.

Commitment is self-evident, a decision to commit to and stay with a partner - Daphne deciding to marry Simon despite the children issue but also Simon's "if you are pregnant, I will stay and do my duty" in episode 7.

Combinations of the above can include:

Romantic love (intimacy and passion) is not actually present much in Simon and Daphne's relationship. There are hints of it in their encounter in the Trowbridge garden but since their relationship quickly moves to include commitment, it doesn't play a big role. You could also argue that their early episode 7 interlude on the stairs fall under this, too.

Fatuous love (passion and commitment) is basically the honeymoon period, both in general and also in Simon and Daphne's case in particular. It's the most clear-cut example of this grouping.

Companionate love (intimacy and commitment) was more obvious in their book counterpart, especially the pre-wedding talk when Simon gave Daphne the ring and they agreed to try and retain their friendship as a married couple. Show-wise, I would say the closest they got to this one is when they are putting on the show for the Ton in episode 7 and their pre-ball talk in episode 8.

When all three components are present, the relationship and love is consummate. It's the strongest the relationship can be, the partners are devoted to each other, the sex life is great even years down the line, they overcome their difficulties, accept each other fully and work on keeping their relationship strong. This is how the epilogue's (both show and book) Simon and Daphne's relationship is portrayed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Colour wheel theory of love as applied to Simon and Daphne's relationship

Welcome to the next installment of this rabbit hole that is "love as seen by various philosophies/psychologists and how I analyze the Saphne relationship according to them."

Let's look at Colour wheel theory of love. First introduced by John Alan Lee in 1973, it describes six main styles of love - three primary and three secondary. The words he uses to name these styles are well-defined and used outside of his theory but he assigns them slightly different meanings within the theory itself.

Wikipedia Short summary paper

For the primary styles:

Eros is a passionate, romantic, sexual love. It evokes a very strong sexual and emotional connection between partners rather quickly.

Ludus is a playful love but in Lee's interpretation, it's one where the relationship itself is a game to be played and there is a lack of commitment between partners.

Storge means a familial love but Lee uses the word to mean a slow-built, friendship-based love. The relationship is developed gradually and friendship is an integral part of it.

Secondary styles are:

Mania as used in this context is an obsessive/possessive, jealous, intense love. The relationship is likely to be riddled with problems and unhinged behaviour on the part of the partners.

Pragma is a business-like love. The relationship is built on convenience and rationality. Partners define and agree on their expectations, have very clear vision of what they want in a partner and work together towards a common goal. Stable, if not always exciting.

Agape is a self-sacrificial love. The partner's happiness is put first and there is a lot more forgiveness and tolerance for the partner's faults and mistakes.

In mid-1980's, psychologists Clyde and Susan Hendricks developed a questionnaire to determine which style of love a person is inclined to. A shortened version is below. A respondent is to say how he agrees or disagrees with a statement on a scale of 1 to 5, where 1 is Strongly agree and 5 Strongly disagree. The numbers are the averaged. The closer to 1 it gets, the stronger the inclination to that love type.

Eros

My lover and I were attracted to each other immediately after we first met.

My lover and I have the right physical "chemistry" between us.

Our lovemaking is very intense and satisfying.

I feel that my lover and I were meant for each other.

My lover and I became physically involved very quickly. (My lover and I became emotionally involved rather quickly.)

My lover and I really understand each other.

My lover fits my ideal standards of physical beauty/handsomeness.

Ludus

8. I try to keep my lover a little uncertain about my commitment to him/her.

9. I believe that what my lover doesn't know about me won't hurt him/her.

10. I have sometimes had to keep two of my lovers from finding out about each other.

11. I can get over love affairs pretty easily and quickly.

12. My lover would get upset if he/she knew of some of the things I've done with other people.

13. When my lover gets too dependent on me, I want to back off a little.

14. I enjoy playing the "game of love" with a number of different partners.

Storge

15. I did not realize that I was in love until I actually had been for some time. (It is hard to say exactly where friendship ends and love begins.)

16. I cannot love unless I first had caring for awhile. (Genuine love first requires caring for awhile.)

17. I still have good friendships with almost everyone with whom I have ever been involved in a love relationship. (I expect to always be friends with the one I love.)

18. The best kind of love grows out of a long friendship.

19. It is hard to say exactly when my lover and I fell in love. (Our friendship merged gradually into love over time.)

20. Love is really a deep friendship, not a mysterious, mystical emotion.

21. My most satisfying love relationships have developed from good friendships.

Pragma

22. I consider what a person is going to become in life before I commit myself to him/her.

23. I try to plan my life carefully before choosing a lover.

24. It is best to love someone with a similar background.

25. A main consideration in choosing a lover is how he/she reflects on my family.

26. An important factor in choosing a partner is whether or not he/she will be a good parent.

27. One consideration in choosing a partner is how he/she will reflect on my career.

28. Before getting very involved with anyone, I try to figure out how compatible his/her hereditary background is with mine in case we ever have children.

Mania

29. When things aren't right with my lover and me, my stomach gets upset.

30. When my love affairs break up, I get so depressed that I have even thought of suicide.

31. Sometimes I get so excited about being in love that I can't sleep.

32. When my lover doesn't pay attention to me, I feel sick all over.

33. When I am in love, I have trouble concentrating on anything else.

34. I cannot relax if I suspect that my lover is with someone else.

35. If my lover ignores me for a while, I sometimes do stupid things to get his/ her attention back.

Agape

36. I try to use my own strength to help my lover through difficult times. (I try to always help my lover through difficult times).

37. I would rather suffer myself than let my lover suffer.

38. I cannot be happy unless I place my lover's happiness before my own.

39. I am usually willing to sacrifice my own wishes to let my lover achieve his/hers.

40. Whatever I own is my lover's to use as he/ she chooses.

41. When my lover gets angry with me, I still love him/her fully and unconditionally.

42. I would endure all things for the sake of my lover.

If Simon and Daphne were to take the above tests, Eros and Storge would be their strongest styles, with Agape coming in third. One or two questions from Ludus, Pragma and Mania also fit for some specific events in their life but overall, the dominant love styles are clear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Greek words for love as applied to Simon and Daphne's relationship

If you read my two previous posts on the subject of love, you will find a lot of the terms familiar. Greek concepts and philosophical treatises underpin a lot of Western philosophy and academia, after all. If you poke around the internet enough, you will find that there are several lists of Greek words for love. The one on Wikipedia lists six of them, other pages have seven or eight words, some only five, some have six but different from the Wiki ones. Four of those words, however, are on nearly every list.

Eros. Philia. Storge. Agape.

Eros, the passionate, primarily sexual love. It begins with an attraction, a spark that will lit up a bonfire. Sometimes it burns out if it's too focused on the physical side only but if the attraction is to both body and mind, it can endure because the passion doesn't decline with physicality. This one is fairly obvious in the Simon and Daphne's relationship.

Philia, the affectionate, friendly love. Born of shared interests, values, experiences and more. It's a love that is chosen, loyal and trusting. Philia will inspire feelings of well-wishing. A true friendship means that you want the other person to be and live well. Again, an obvious one for Simon and Daphne.

Storge, the belonging, familial love. It's the love that is most commonly shared between family but in a wider scope can also apply to things like city or country or even a sports club. It's based on the feeling of kinship, of belonging to a group, a unit, which is why the most common occurrence is between a parent and a child. But it's also found in marriage when, for example, the couple present a united front and mutual support in public. This is the kind of love Daphne grew up with and that Simon mostly lacked until they got married. After that, there was no escaping the family love.

Agape, the giving, sacrificial love. It's unconditional, selfless and divine. It's an ideal which is near impossible to reach in full but it's possible to reach it in part. Giving without expecting anything in return. Being willing to give up something you want for the sake of the other person. Accepting the partner with all their flaws and shortcomings. Simon and Daphne at the duel, with him willing to die not to steal her dream of children and her giving up that same dream to save his life, that was one form of agape.

As mentioned before, the four words above are the most common ones to be on the lists of love types. There are several other words - xenia, a hospitality love (treating strangers with kindness); epithumia, a liking love (a surface level type of love); pragma and ludus, which I talked about in previous posts. But the one I want to talk about is philautia.

Philautia, the self-love. While it can cheekily refer to masturbation, the real meaning is the act of loving and accepting one's own self. In a way, this type of love was the most important for Simon to learn. Once he realized he didn't need to be perfect to be worthy of love, things started to fall into place.

One common thread throughout these posts is that there is not one single love that fits a relationship perfectly but rather that a combination of them makes up various facets of the said relationship and makes it all the better for it.

#saphne #daphne bridgerton #simon basset #bridgerton #meta #long post

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profoundbondfanfic · 1 year

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I hope you get to enjoy this winter holiday chill with some hot cup of cocoa, your favorite blanket, your dear pet, and maybe... some fics to keep you warm and happy. Happy Holidays, everyone, here are a few fics that feature the holiday spirit.🎄

‘tis the damn season by thelostbrontesister [Teen, 21k words]

“Do you think we’ll ever see each other again?” Dean asks, filling out the check and leaving a tip for the waitress. She was the same year as him; she didn’t graduate either. Of course we will. We’re best friends; we’ll always keep in touch. That’s what normal people say. But Castiel was never normal. He contemplates the question and answers truthfully, “I don’t know.”

A Date for The Holidays by WaywardAF67 [Explicit, 37k words]

Castiel would never have considered hiring an escort on his own. But when his friend and personal assistant, Charlie suggested he use the service for the upcoming holidays, Cas warmed to the idea. Having a companion to help him through his mother’s never-ending relationship questions, and the family drama that was sure to unfold was enough to push Cas to book a date with Succubus Escort service. He just wanted help getting through the holidays, but with Dean Winchester, Castiel Novak ended up with so much more.

Christmas in July by followyourenergy [Mature, 28k words]

When Dean Winchester follows a service dog who won’t leave him alone, he finds Cas Novak, passed out in a stairwell with a Christmas tree on top of him. A Christmas tree? In July? Who does that? Turns out that Cas does that. And once he gets to know the snarky, independent, handsome man, Dean can’t help but fall for him. A story about being seen.

Holidate by Kitmistry [Teen, 34k words]

Dean and Castiel hate the holidays! Their enduring singledom leaves them subject to the judgment of their meddling family members or stuck with clingy, awkward dates on each festive occasion. When these two meet, they pledge to be each other’s plus-ones for each holiday celebration over the course of the year.

Holiday Love by Castielslostwings [Explicit, 31k words]

Popular podcast host Castiel Novak has a secret. While his listeners see him as an expert on romance and the magic of the holidays, Castiel has never truly experienced any of that for himself. This year, that’s about to change, and the timing couldn’t be more perfect. As Castiel is preparing to embark on a whirlwind promotional tour for his new book, he stops by his hometown to celebrate Christmas with his family. Unexpectedly, sparks ignite between him and beloved local jack-of-all-trades, Dean Winchester. This year, Castiel might be forced to learn what “Holiday Love” is really all about—but can he put his cynicism aside enough to let Dean in?

Let Me Come Home by prosopopeya [Explicit, 163k words]

It would be very inconvenient for Castiel to get a crush on Claire’s foster parent.

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love by aishitara [Explicit, 14k words]

Dean clears his throat and says, “I have an idea for how to deal with your mom.” He looks away as he takes a long swallow of beer. “But you’re probably not gonna like it.” Castiel grunts. “Tell me anyway. You’ve got one idea more than me.” Huffing a small laugh, Dean says, “Yeah, well, we’ll see.” He looks over at Castiel, lower lip caught between his teeth. “I’ll go with you,” he says earnestly. “To Thanksgiving.” Castiel stares at Dean blankly, not following. “Y’know,” Dean says, suddenly interested in removing the label from his beer. “As your boyfriend.”

The Little Things by followyourenergy [Teen, 11k words]

Dean Winchester made a New Year’s resolution to tell his best friend, Cas Novak, that he loves him. He’s almost out of time. So he devises a series of big, romantic ways to do it over the holidays. Of course, nothing goes to plan, and Dean is left morose…until Cas reminds him of something.

#group rec #holidays

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ahundredtimesover · 2 years

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This is gonna be a bit long.. So actually this is my friend's assumption, I shared your fics to her a long time ago and she told me "I think Mimi was/is a Psychology student" (my friend is a psy student).

She told me that in Inevitable, Jungwon's type of toys and the way he communicates is in accordance to his developmental stages. You wrote perfectly how JK's relationship with his dad contributed a lot to how JK treated Jungwon, how environmental factors (Tae, Namjoon) affects how OC raised and molded Jungwon's personality. OC's grieving process is clear and you wrote well about how a healthy relationship dynamic works.

She also said that you might've used Sternberg's Triangular Theory in Please Love Me, but you simplified it into trust, love and respect. You also described JK's frustration and guilt and how he coped with them very clearly.

There were a lot more of her analysis and those were just some of them. She said that if she were your professor she would give you an A+ 😂😂

Anyway, both of us read a lot of JK fanfic but you're still our favorite author 💕 But the question remains: Were you or were you not majored in Psychology?? 😂

OMGGG ANON?? Definitely one of my fave asks ever 🥹🥹 I am honored to be hypothetically given an A+ from your friend! And I absolutely get giddy when readers give me their analyses of the stories huhu and those of your friend’s are A+ 😉 but to answer your question…. No, I’m not a psych major. I wish I was! I considered shifting in college and even taking it for post-grad but I’m actually a political science major; took masters in global politics, too 😅

I work in a child welfare NGO though, and we run parenting programs and learn about developmental stages of children so much of how I wrote Jungwon, including healthy dynamics between parents and those around a child, are based on what I learned from work. 😊 As for PLM, I’ve never actually heard of Sternberg’s Triangular Theory… I just based the ideas off having a boyfriend for 10 years 🙈🙈

But Omg this is amazing! Thank you so much for dropping by and analyzing my stories! I’m so happy you do that bc I do, too hehe would love to hear what those other analyses are someday 😉🥰🥰

Send an ask about an assumption you have of me and I’ll tell you if it’s true or false!

#mimianswers #mimi things #💌

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stay-with-eunhae · 2 years

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Hello everyone! I originally want to translate the article on the triangular theory of love by Robert Jeffrey Sternberg on Eunhae first. However, I realised that if not translating another post talking about skinship scientifically, it would be hard to understand the ‘passion’ part in the theory. Hence, please wait me a bit on this and I will translate these two articles one by one! Thank you!!

P.S. please vote for super junior on fannstar for global fannstar category (I’m working on it), preorder super junior albums if you can afford and also support their pre-release Don’t Wait on 29/6 and comeback on 12/7!

#donghae #eunhae #eunhyuk #kpop #kpop ships #super junior #super junior d&e #super junior donghae #super junior eunhyuk #super junior eunhae

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predskazanje · 1 year

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i was tagged by lovey @poemwithoutahero for 9 books i plan to read in 2023! most of these are the ones i started but didn’t finish or had for a while, so i hope i’ll get to finish them this year ✨

from left to right, top to bottom: at night all blood is black by david diop; tell the wolves i'm home by carol rifka brunt; all the names by josé saramago; love is a story: a new theory of relationships by robert sternberg; the little friend by donna tartt; the year of magical thinking by joan didion; the end of days by jenny erpenbeck; extraterrestrial languages by daniel oberhaus; brave new world by aldous huxley

#diary

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alemanastory · 3 months

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The Triangular Theory of Love (Teori cinta) dari Sternberg

Oleh: Belinda Andelia., S.Psi., M.Psi., Psikolog

Cinta adalah sesuatu yang misterius, namun memberikan perasaan hangat pada yang sedang merasakannya. Tak jarang banyak orang yang menanti dirinya merasakan perasaan cinta bersama orang lain. Perasaan cinta terkadang mudah diucapkan, namun sulit diartikan dan memiliki arti yang berbeda pada setiap orang. Cara seseorang dalam mengespresikan cinta juga bisa jadi berbeda.

Pada kesempatan kali ini kita akan membahas tentang teori segitiga cinta dari Sternberg yang disebut " The Trianggular The Theory of Love". Teori ini disebut "The Trianggular The Theory of Love", karena terdapat tiga komponen yang mendasari sebuah cinta. Tiga komponen tersebut adalah intimacy, Passion, dan decision/ commitment. Ketiga komponen ini yang menjadi penentu panjang dan pendeknya waktu dalam mencintai seseorang. Sekarang mari kita bahas masing-masing komponen tadi :

Intimacy merupakan perasaan dekat dan memiliki personal boundaries yang tipis dengan orang lain. Intimacy juga memberikan perasaan yang hangat dalam menjalin hubungan dengan orang lain. Intimacy juga ditemukan pada perasaan cinta ibu, ayah, saudara kandung, sahabat dan kekasih.

Passion merupakan komponen yang mendorong kedalaman suatu hubungan dan erat kaitannya dengan ketertarikan fisik dan seksual. Passion sebagian besar ditemukan pada perasaan cinta hubungan kekasih.

Decision/ commitment merupakan komponen yang menentukan waktu hubungan cinta panjang atau pendek, dan perkembangan perasaan cinta. Pada komponen ini juga ditemukan rasa tanggung jawab terhadap orang yang dicintai. Commitment ditemukan pada hubungan cinta dengan keluarga inti (ayah, ibu dan saudara kandung) dan kekasih.

Tipe – Tipe Cinta Menurut Stenberg

Kemudian, dari teori cinta Sternberg diatas, maka dapat disimpulkan tipe-tipe cinta menurut Sternberg seperti berikut ini :

1. Non-Love (Tidak Ada Cinta)

Pada kondisi ini tidak terdapat tiga unsur dari teori cinta Sternberg. Contohnya pada hubungan perkenalan atau hubungan dengan orang-orang biasa (casual interaction).

2. Liking (Menyukai)

Kondisi dimana yang mendominasi adalah unsur intimacy (perasaan menyukai) tanpa adanya passion dan decision/ commitment . Contohnya : hubungan persahabatan yang tidak menimbulkan gairah. Bahkan ketika passion itu muncul, maka seketika salah satu pihak akan merasakan kehilangan.

3. Infatuation (Cinta Gila)

Kondisi dimana gairah yang mendominasi kuat, namun tidak ada hasrat dan komitmen. Contohnya cinta saat pertama kali melihat seseorang (love at first sight). Perasaan ini juga ditunjukkan dengan jantung yang berdebar, dan reaksi sekresi hormonal.

4. Empty Love (Cinta Kosong)

Kondisi dimana dalam suatu hubungan komitmen tanpa ada kedekatan dan hasrat. Contohnya : Pada pernikahan paksa dan hubungan yang stagnan yang telah berlangsung bertahun-tahun.

5. Romantic Love (Cinta Romantis)

Sebaliknya, hubungan ini didominasi oleh hasrat dan kedekatan tanpa adanya komitmen. Contohnya, cinta lokasi antara dua individu yang bisa saja berakhir ketika keduanya sudah tidak berada pada lokasi/lingkungan bersama.

6. Companionate Love (Cinta Persahabatan)

Hubungan ini berisi komponen kedekatan dan hasrat. Contoh dari hubungan ini adalah hubungan persahabatan yang keduanya saling menjaga untuk waktu yang lama.

7. Fatuous Love (Cinta Bodoh)

Hubungan ini berisi komponen komitmen dan hasrat, namun tidak diiringi kedekatan. Contohnya ada pada pernikahan yang terjadi dengan cepat atas pertimbangan passion.

8. Consummate Love (Cinta Sempurna)

Ini adalah puncak cinta dari sebuah hubungan yang diidamkan oleh semua orang. Hubungan ini memiliki keseimbangan antara intimacy, passion dan commitment. Meskipun Sternberg sendiri menyatakan bahwa kondisi yang seperti ini sulit dan membutuhkan kecerdasan dari pasangan tersebut dalam rangka mempertahankannya.

Berikut tabel yang menggambarkan 8 tipe cinta berdasarkan 3 komponen cinta :

Wujud Cinta Menurut Stenberg

Sternberg & Grajek, 1984 menjelaskan Perasaan cinta biasanya tidak dialami secara mandiri, sebaliknya perasaan cinta dialami sebagai perasaan yang menyeluruh. Namun setidaknya perasaan cinta dapat terurai dalam perilaku yang sebagai berikut :

a. Keinginan untuk meningkatkan kesejahteraan orang yang dicintai

b. Merasakan kebahagian bersama orang yang dicintai

c. Rasa hormat yang tinggi terhadap orang yang dicintai

d. Mampu mengandalkan orang yang dicintai pada waktu dibutuhkan

e. Saling pengertian dengan orang yang dicintai

f. Berbagi tentang diri sendiri dan tentang orang lain

g. Menerima dukungan emosional dari orang yang dicintai

h. Pemberian dukungan emosional kepada orang yang dicinta

i. Komunikasi intim dengan orang yang dicintai

j. Menghargai orang yang dicintai dalam kehidupan

Setelah penjelasan diatas terkait teori cinta dari Sternberg, maka tulisan kali ini kita tutup dengan Kata menarik tentang cinta dari Pakar Psikologi lainnya yaitu Froom (2005) yang mengatakan Cinta adalah suatu seni dan sama seperti seni lainnya , jika mau mempelajarinya kita perlu belajar bagaimana mencintai. Cinta tidak sekedar ketertarikan, falling in love (jatuh cinta) yang secara sepontan muncul saat kita bertemu dengan seseorang yang kita anggap menarik. Mencintai membutuhkan proses, dimulai dengan mempelajari teori dan memperaktikkannya sehingga cinta menjadi intuisi. Agar menjadi master dalam mencintai, mencintai harus menjadi tujuan tertinggi.

Nyata cinta bukan hanya kata tapi ia juga terwujud dalam Tindakan dan Perasaan yang nyata… Ia juga perlu dirawat agar berkembang menjadi lebih erat … Semoga cinta menjadi penghagat kehidupan disetiap insan … Karena tanpa Cinta dunia terasa kurang lengkap…

… Sekian ...

References:

Hedayati, M. (2020). Love as Caring Maturity: A Criticism of the Love Triangle Theory and Presenting a New Approach to Love in Couple’s Relationships. Retrieved from: https://www.dpublication. com /wp content/uploads/2020/01/856HPS.pdf

Sternberg RJ. A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review. 1986;93(2):119 135. doi:10.1037/0033-295x.93.2.119

Sternberg, R. J. (1988) The Triangle of Love: Intimacy, Passion, Commitment,Basic Books (ISBN 0465087469)

Adapted information available from wikipedia on the triangular theory of love.

https://kanal.psikologi.ugm.ac.id/cinta-ada-teorinya-triangular-theory-of-love-robert-sternberg/

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devisaufayardha · 5 months

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[Tentang Rasa Cinta]

Kalau membahas tentang yang satu ini sepertinya cukup menyita perhatian dan keseruan. Terkadang rasanya bikin deg degan, adakalanya membuat senyum-senyum malu merekah bahagia, tapi katanya ada juga yang sedih berpatah hati karenanya.

Cinta... Bagaimana makna dan definisi terbaik tentangnya? Kira kira demikian tanya yang terlontar dari seorang kawan.

Aku teringat kembali diri ini pun pernah bertanya-tanya tentang hal yang sama. Tepatnya saat telah memasuki usia menjelang dewasa. Ketertarikan dengan lawan jenis tentu ada sebagai fitrah yang natural adanya. Tapi apakah ini benar cinta?

Aku mendapat jawaban yang masih kuingat hingga kini dari kakak tertuaku. Beliau menjawab tentang definisi cinta itu hanya dengan tiga kata, yaitu : Passion, Intimacy, dan Commitment. Itulah cinta. Definisi ini diungkapkan oleh seorang tokoh psikologi bernama Robert Sternberg yang dikenal dengan Triangular Theory of Love.

Aku sepakat dengan teori segitiga cinta ini. Bukan cinta segitiga lho ya #huft. Sepakat karena menurutku teori ini menyampaikan poin-poin kunci yang merepresentasikan makna cinta secara konkret.

Mari kita telusuri setiap makna dari ketiga hal yang menyusun segitiga cinta.

Pertama, passion. Passion dapat diartikan sebagai gairah, kesenangan, sesuatu yang membangkitkan semangat. Passion berlaku pada orang yang jatuh cinta. Setiap kali melihat atau bertemu dengan orang yang dicinta, maka akan timbul rasa tertarik, senang, penasaran, dan bersemangat untuk mendapat perhatian dan dekat dengannya.

Selanjutnya setelah passion, kita akan memasuki fase intimacy. Intimacy dapat diartikan sebagai masa dimana kita semakin tertarik dan ingin mengenal dan menjadi akrab, menjadi lebih dekat dengan orang yang kita cinta. Intimacy merujuk pada adanya kebersamaan yang intens dan kedekatan yang hangat.

Terakhir dan inilah yang menurutku paling menentukan kebenaran dan kesejatian sang cinta. Hoho. Yup, yaitu fase Commitment. Disini nih pembuktian cinta yang sesungguhnya. Commitment dapat dimaknai sebagai suatu sikap, tindakan, dan keputusan untuk mengambil tanggungjawab dan berkomitmen dalam ikatan yang lebih agung dan suci. Jadi bukan sekedar suka-sukaan, pendekatan-pendekatan alias PDKT an tanpa kejelasan dan kepastian. Cinta tak cukup dibuktikan hanya dengan ketertarikan, kedekatan, perhatian, obrolan, kenyamanan, dan hubungan yang mengalir gitu aja tanpa jelas rencana muaranya.

Maka perhatikanlah wahai pemuda pemudi yang beriman dan belum menikah, bahwa jika kalian bertanya-tanya tentang siapa sosok terbaik yang akan menjadi pelabuhan cintamu, teruntuk perempuan, lihatlah siapa sosok lelaki yang dengan kebaikan iman dan akhlaknya, kemauannya berusaha memperoleh nafkah, dan bersedia mendatangi walimu untuk mengambil peran tanggungjawab atas diri dan dunia akhiratmu, maka boleh jadi dan kemungkinan besar ia adalah cinta sejatimu. Begitupula teruntuk laki-laki, lihatlah jika ada seorang perempuan yang menjaga diri dalam kebaikan iman dan akhlak yang terbalut oleh rasa malu serta menutup aurat sesuai syariat, dan ia bersedia menerima segala keadaan dirimu beserta niat baikmu untuk menjadi imam dunia akhiratnya, maka mudah mudahan ia adalah cinta sejatimu #modeceramah.

Jadi, rasa cinta yang sejati itu pada akhirnya memang menuntut pembuktian dan komitmen. Jangan percaya kalau ada orang bilang cinta, tapi tak bersedia memperjuangkan #ups.

Mengutip sebuah pesan yang menurutku relevan dari kajian Ustadz Syafiq Riza Basalamah, semoga Allah senantiasa merahmati beliau dan keluarga. Bahwa kita tidak akan pernah tahu siapa jodoh kita sampai setelah akad nikah terlaksana. Jadi, sebelum menikah sebaiknya tak terjebak dan menghindari hubungan berlarut-berlarut yang belum jelas arahnya, belum jelas kepastiannya, belum jelas kesediaan untuk saling berkomitmen dalam ikatan yang suci.

#day9 #30dwcjilid44

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