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zbase1 · 9 months

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kisses with zerobaseone

genre: fluff

warnings: kithing (mwAh), swearing (buckle up lads), slightly suggestive in zhang hao and matthew's sections

author's note: this is my first fic on this blog 😳 hope you guys like it hehe

jiwoong

— confident king 😼😼

— knows how to make you swoon with his expeessions

— i mean, he didn't take all those acting lessons for nothing

— makes it super dramatic every time he wants to kiss you

— "my lips are lonely, mind if they meet yours?"

— "jiwoong is that really necessary"

— smiles throughout kisses AHHHH

— likes to give you forehead kisses before you go to sleep

zhang hao

— i am a firm believer that zhang hao's love language is physical touch 🗣️

— approaches you from behind with a back hug whenever you're cooking

— and he just starts lightly kissing your neck hello?????

— so you turn the stove on a lower setting before turning around to face him with your hands on your hips

— "what do you think you're doing hao?"

— "what i'm just showing my affection" 🤷🏻‍♀️

— but then zhang hao does NOT break eye contact with you and takes a step towards you which makes you very flustered

— he likes to put his hands on your shoulders so he can pull you closer to his body FHJSKDBSK

— i think kisses with hao would be very gentle and romantic

hanbin

— so so so sweet

— always asks for your permission to kiss you and makes sure you are comfortable

— it's also tradition of hanbin's to drive you back home and then kiss you before you get out of the car

— likes to hold both of your hands while kissing you

— holds you so gently honestly you forget your hands are in his

— hanbin's lips would feel so soft

— kissing him would feel like you're floating on a fluffy cloud during a pink and orange sunset

— "y/n you have really pretty eyes"

— "i could say the same about you, hanbin"

— overall so sweet and wholesome im screaming what a gentleman !!!

matthew

— you and matthew would be on a picnic date in this cute little park

— he's cronching on some green grapes obnoxiously (endearingly) loud

— "matthew chill brah you're gonna fucking choke on a grape sooner or later"

— "nuh uh" ☝🏻

— you guys would be lying down next to each other on the picnic blanket, cloud watching

— you feel a pair of eyes watching you instead of at the sky, so you turn your head and matthew's face was RIGHT THERE (jumpscare)

— he just giggles at your reaction and places a hand under your chin and kisses you

— will melt if you play with his hair

— also bonus i think matthew would enjoy french kissing (do what you want with this information)

taerae

— gives you a huge smile every time you guys are about to kiss

— his dimples oh my god

— we must stay focused brothers ‼️

— your favorite thing to do is to distract taerae while he's playing pubg

— "what y/n i'm trying to heal my teammate right now"

— you'd say nothing but just wrap your arms around him and his gaming chair from behind and steal a kiss on his cheek and run away

— taerae would calmly turn around, remove his headset, and bolt after you like a man on a mission

— "GET BACK HERE you made me lose !!"

— i'm sorry but i think out of the members taerae would have the crustiest lips (i say this out of love)

ricky

— ricky is usually too shy to make the first move, but when it came to your first kiss with him, oh boy

— it was the evening before prom and he had a sudden surge of confidence

— you would be getting ready and helping him tie his tie

— naturally, the distance between you two became closer

— you see ricky's eyes staring at your lips

— so you close your eyes, expecting him to kiss you

— until he doesn't.....

— "you know, they call me rizzard of oz"

— "stfu and kiss me ricky"

— also !! ricky thinks it's so cute how you have to tiptoe to reach his height !!

— pro tip: wear strawberry lip balm and he will literally gravitate towards you 🏃🏻‍♂️💨

gyuvin

— blushy baby omg

— loves when you kiss his cheek

— but the first time yall kissed, it was a disaster 😟

— bc the mf accidentally bOnked his head into yours while leaning in

— "oW gyuvin why you gotta be so damn tall"

— "and why you gotta be so short, y/n?? you're closer to hell than i am"

— despite the bickering and Hard fumble, it was a good kiss regardless

— that night, gyuvin giggled to himself and kicked his feet while laying in his bed trying to fall asleep, but he can only think about you

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allkinds-oftrash · 3 years

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Ya girl is watching the latest HSM series ep and Imma live blog it hshshs and will add my reactions under the cut so it doesn't end up a long post. Anyways, let's goo:

AHHHH THE MORNING SHOW WITH GINA AND EJ WE LOVE TO SEE IT

They really said we're gonna let life imitate art with Nini and Olivia huh

Ricky was SUPPORTIVE??? Damnn I really thought we gonna get a classic Ricky tantrum....

But also wow sir that sounds salty and should definitely talk to someone abt how you're feeling...A therapist maybe 👀

I know we needed to contextualise how Ricky felt abt the song but I really wanted to see Nini's interview in full!!

Sebby you're so cute I do wanna see yall do DEH

Shjshshs not the rights not being available for another 5 years 😭😭

I dunno how they're in great shape and closer to the Menkies Gold after not having a single proper rehearsal, but go off Miss Jenn

Omg honestly Kourt's costumes are always amazing and on point Imma excited to see it

Kourt is such a simp we love to see it

Carlos is so pissy this episode we love to see it shshhs

Also love the way Seb calms him down and keeps him nice it's such a funny dynamic

"We had 20 people make our Belle dress over 50 hours" Okay North High shut the fuck up

I'm calling it now the reason North High knows so much is cos Howie is the leak and Kourt has been unwittingly telling him. The way her phone keeps going off as they discuss how North High knows everything is really good foreshadowing if my prediction is right

Also like her phone went off just as Carlos said "How did they know that?" THAT'S PEAK FORESHADOWING

If Howie ain't in North High, I dunno what Tim is doing

GSJAGSHAH KOURTNEY MAKING ABS FOR EJ I CANNOT

"I have abs" We know sweetie

"I PADDED THE THUSH FOR YOU" "AWW THANKS KOURT I NEEDED THAT" THIS INTERACTION IS EVERYTHING THAT WAS SO FUNNY!! I love that it is now canon that EJ has abs but no butt love that for him

Okay but like damn these costumes are great!! North High can fuck right off with its high end ones I just wanna see lowkey homemade costumes by students; I'd watch a Broadway show if I wanted to see professional costumes okay

Damn Carlos has killer eyesight clocking in that mask in the trunk

GINA BBY DON'T SAY THAT AND HAHSGSH NINI NUDGING HER WAS SO FUNNY

Nini's little look over at Gina was like "Omg you guys my girlfriend is so cute and dumb" GINI STANS HOW WE FEELING?

Miss Jenn don't be that naive, your boyfriend probably put them up to it

That Insta page is prophetic with their timing tbh; all the info is a leak obviously looking at your Howie but like the timing of it all. Those kiddos don't know that they are discussing the stolen mask at this exact moment (Kourt has put down her phone after Carlos snapped at her so Howie doesn't know they are talking abt it rn)

"We don't dance with the enemy" *cuts to her dancing with Zackey later*

SEBBY WEARING THE TEACUP COSTUME OMG HE'S GOING MAKE SUCH A CUTE CHIP (yes I am still mad Seb/Joe was robbed but Imma fangirl over the costume anyway)

Wtf why does North High look so expensive - they are literally in the same district as East High right??? How did they get this much funding

North High is a very artsy and rich for a public school; they should have had Nini go here instead of YAC tbh (like this campus feels like what YAC should have been) NOW THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN INTERESTING STORYLINE

Seblos' dynamic IS ON POINT THIS EP I really love my bois so much and their back and forth is hilarious

Shhshs DIANE who loves volleyball and North High okay I totally believe it

WHY ARE RED AND ASHLYN SO KINKY EVERY DAMN EPISODE TIM THESE ARE UNDERAGED CHARACTERS STOP IT

Shshsh we love Gina knowing herself and practicing self control by volunteering to be the lookout

Omg yall listen to Carlos and stfu they are so lucky no one saw or heard them yelling Wildcats

Oh no no no no no Miss Jenn you gonna get sucked in; this is gonna be so messy

Omg I saw someone post about this scene before I watched the ep YALL ARE RIGHT THAT BOI HITTING ON GINA IS SO FINE Babes go for that one, not EJ

NOT THEM FAKE DATING UGH E W TIM STOP MAKING ROMANTIC PORTWELL A T H I N G I honestly do not understand how some of yall can ship it romantically knowing Sofia is a whole underaged babey and Matty is a whole ass grown man - like I get the appeal of the Wonderstudies getting together and they do have chemistry but the irl age gap is creepy and outweighs the appeal of shipping them romantically

As I always say; Portwell/Wonderstudies should be a BROTP not an OTP

Ugh Brotp Portwell would have clocked Lily right away; romantic Portwell making googly eyes at each other isn't helping anyone

Living for Nini getting the recognition she deserves - I really like her solo arc this season she's so much more interesting without Ricky tbh

Aww Kourt you simp I love her and I'm so happy she's happy I wanna be wrong about Howie being a North High kid

Where is the mask??

OHMYGOD THESE KIDS COMING IN LIKE A HORROR MOVIE

Lily really wishes she was Jesse St. James huh; you could never Lily so stop

Andrew Barth Feldman and his cute little French accent I love him so much

Hnng Miss Jenn gonna get manipulated by this hoe. Omg wowow Zackey really is a hoe, making out with another girl before the show THE AUDACITY OF HIM SAYING MISS JENN WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH I WILL THROW HANDS WITH THIS MOFO

Wait the kids didn't steal it BUT WHAT IF ZACKEY DID

Ssjsgfajhdfg I CANNOT WITH ANDREW'S ACCENT but I can't tell if its really bad or really good but I'm also confused why didn't they just cast a French person as Antonie shshhs Antoine is adorableee and a little shit the best type of character

Lily is so annoying b y e sis bye and Olivia Keegan is talented I just wish they didn't make her character such a cartoony villain type

"How about if we bop to the top" SEBBY I LOVE YOU AND NEVER STOP BEING SO CUTE I SWEAR and Awww Carlos called him Honey I am s o f t

Hnng why do these fools are really gonna give into North High calling them chickens

OHHH NO SHE DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT ABOUT ASHLYN FUCK A DANCE OFF I AM ABOUT TO THROW HANDS WITH A 16 YEAR OLD

"She told us not to dance with the enemy. She's better than this" No Sebby, she's not *cuts to her dancing with Zackey* AND OMG THE WAY I SAW THIS EDIT COMING BEFORE IT CAME

Ooooh I like this song wayyy more whatever the mess The Mob Song became (when I first heard it drop on Spotify yesterday) Around You is such a great song musically and lyrically very relevant to these two and gosh I love their voices together

They have so much chemistry damn, go home Mike (well he technically has oop) and Mr. Mazzara

YES YOU DO MISS JENN YOU ALWAYS HAD IT

Oh god this is the scene from the trailer; she's gonna make a move on Ricky isn't she?? Leave him alone Lily he doesn't need a 3rd girl to be confused about he needs a therapist

Lily shut the fuck up with quasi; STOP TRYING TO MAKE QUASI HAPPEN

"I love Nini's song" Sure, Jan.

...Okay yes you should have called him out but don't bait him LIKE THAT oop there's the scene from the trailer

Ohmygod is Andrew Barth Feldman gonna hit on Ashlyn

Okay this is so cute but also I am VERY annoyed with the way this show handles its characters like they aren't relevant or important unless they get into a relationship or a love triangle?? That's such a shitty way to give out screentime and arcs to characters. Is it not enough to develop the characters on their own and strengthen their friendship???

HUH TIM why you so obsessed with compulsory heterosexuality??(well also homosexuality for Seblos but they are the only ones I'm not annoyed with their relationship cos its a hella big step for Disney to have a gay couple and their relationship isn't in our faces or overshadows the plot and its just spinkles of cuteness every time they interact - they are honestly who Rini wishes they were; besties in love. They are a couple that Tim should be taking notes from; leave the relationship drama in the background, focus on the theatre and friendship aspect of everything)

My mini rant aside; this is a very adorable interaction between Ashlyn and Antoine.

"TOM HOLLAND ON STILTS" GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT COMPARISON I AM SCREAMING ANTOINE THAT'S SO FUNNY

This is so funny he keeps picking out the hottest guys of the group; as if he himself isn't the French version of Big Red they look super alike ngl shshsh

WHY YOU RUIN IT WITH THAT ANTOINE I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU

Drama between Antoine and Red is already spicing up shshsh I cannot

Why are you so dramatic with the shuffle Lily gtfo of here...also this doesn't make sense?? She wasn't even on a BATB playlist; what if a non BATB song came on ahahah

Good to know they aren't big fans of The Mob Song like I am Awww EJ you cutie, okay I will appreciate the OG Mob Song just for you

OH WAIT HE PROLLY LIKES IT COS ITS A GASTON LED SONG TIM GIMME THE EJ SOLO I DESERVE IN THIS NUMBER

I'm being robbed of Gaston for the last 7 eps I at least deserve an EJ solo for compensation

The way the set looks straight out of Broadway but also like omg the blue lighting and fancy stage gave me intense flashbacks to that Glee episode where Vocal Adrenaline sang Bohemian Rhapsody

RICKY STOP BEING SALTY AND ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

OMG THE SUBTITLES SAID ITS HOWIE SINGING AS THE BEAST I FUCKING CALLED IT

Howie you hoe you gonna break my girl Kourtney's heart

Yeah...still not a fan of Antoine's Dance Remix

Yall know Gina would kill the dance number if she wasn't wearing that fit

Okay but it's Gaston led song WHY DOES EVERYONE BUT EJ HAVE A SOLO IN THIS SONG??

First the Beasts led it (Howie sounded better than Ricky ngl), then the Lumieres (their voices worked hella well together; I always forget what a talented singer Frankie is THEY NEED TO GIVE HIM A SOLO SONG) and now the Belles are going at it (Ashlyn's voice is superior)

BIG RED BEING JEALOUS AND SALTY IS SO FUNNY ITS LIKE A PUPPY BEING ANGRY I CRI

...Did anyone really win, Lily??? STFU

CARLOS IS RIGHT AND HE SHOULD SAY IT

Oooh I did see someone talk about this when the Rose Song dropped last week, apparently its illegal to add songs to a musical you're doing for a school play; I really thought the show would brush past that irl rule but I guess they are playing into it

THE WAY EVERYONE TURNED TO EJ FOR THE SPORTS METAPHOR I AM D Y I N G AND HIS FACE WAS GOLDEN! ITS LIKE THAT LISA SIMPSON MEME SHHSHSH

Okay Nini is being a little pissy about leaving her song out of the show and its a little selfish to wanna keep it at the risk of being disqualified but I also understand why she's hurt

Everyone is dog piling on her right now being against her idea and it feels like they are being against her song and her herself instead of them not wanting to be disqualified. Also like she poured her heart and soul into the song after Miss Jenn lowkey rushed her to write it. So I can see why this feels like a rejection of her and her song and why she's so hurt rather than her seeing the big picture right now

It doesn't help that Ricky said the final blow causing her to walk off

Okay maybe Zackey gets some rights for being chill and wanting the kids to be peers

THIS MOTHERFUCKER I KNEW HE WAS SHADY Also the way I gasped even though I predicted he stole the mask halfway through this ep shshsh

Stab him Miss Jenn STAB HIM

Bitch why you so threatened by East High if yall have such a Broadway-esque show planned??? They honestly should have stuck to the Little Mermaid; I really wanted to see the aquarium

"It's just a song Ricky" "A song can mean everything" Do you get deja vu? Anyone else getting intense flashbacks to Jan when DL first dropped and all the drama happened 👀

YES PLEASE STAY CO ANCHORS Gosh I love them so much esp once you take the romantic connotations out of their interactions

ROUGE GRAND I'M SCREAMING

I love this long take of checking in with everyone's relationship status (still hate how romantically focused this show has become but still a cool shot)

I K N E W IT I WAS RIGHT

Okay but like looking at Kourtney's face I have never wanted to be wrong so bad GOD I HATE IT HERE I really think he likes her and I hope they work it out

Nini setting up her own music acc feels like when Olivia rebranded her whole IG to be just for her music stuff - love this for both of them

AHHHHH SHE'S NINA NOW YALL

I know everyone loves her as Nini but like I have always loved the name Nina and it really suits her to be honest also shows how she's growing up now and kind of leans into the lyric "I won't be confined to your point of view" from The Rose Song because Nini is the nickname Ricky gave her so it shows that she's outgrowing him too and I love that for her!

Overall thoughts; they really crammed all the North High drama into one ep huh. Personally would have liked it if all of this was spread out throughout the last few episodes; like different hijinks for every episode. I'm just a big fan of properly setting up the overall arc over the season instead of patching it together closer to the climax/end of the show. Cos now it lowkey feels like two different seasons - 2A felt like The Rini/Rina Show esp with YAC storyline and whatever was going on with Rina and now 2B is finally feeling like what this season should have been all this time

#hsmtmts season 2 #hsmtmts #hsmtmts spoilers #nina salazar roberts #gina porter #EJ Caswell #Ricky Bowen #Kourtney Green #Ashlyn Caswell #Seb Matthew Smith #carlos rodriguez #Big Red

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dreamiehrs · 4 years

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nct dream and what games they would play on Roblox

I think I’m pretty certified to say this bc I have been playing Roblox with my lovely friend every morning for almost a week or 2 straight so... yeah. also, someone has probably done this before and I just wanted to say that this is my own original ideas and thoughts about what games they would play in Roblox :) anyways, let’s get into it losers.

[also, big thanks to my amazing wonderful good friend ren aka @dreamzenct for making this adorable header for me!! love u lots also u guys need to check out her blog she is... amazing at writing <3 mwah :D]

mark lee ↬ story game and/or silent assassin

yes, I can see mark playing some dumb ass story game like cruise, vacation, break in, etc.

him and jaem would just spend hours mocking how silly the story games can be sometimes, and even though they criticize the games sometimes, they can’t help but to feel drawn to how silly they were LMAO

would get upset when he would die from something ridiculous in the game... also calling it now that mark is also terrible at parkour. idk I just... feel like he would mess up the momentum of jumping onto stuff or would cut the jump short.

jaemin would literally just laugh at how bad mark is. “mark... I hate to say it, but you utterly SUCK at video games. you’re even worse when you play fps games.”

“yah jaemin... u don’t want me to buy you dinner tonight?”

yeah that gets jaemin to shut up right away LMAOO.

going onto why he would play silent assassin... yeah hyuck would force him to play this wbk this would happen eventually.

would be a not so great assassin at first, but I feel like after a few hours of playing, he would get the hang of it. however, whenever he would be the target he would be killed RIGHT AWAY by whoever the assassin is... in conclusion: mark has no idea what he’s doing most of the time while playing that game SAHDJSADJASHJ

hyuck would troll him so hard about it, too, saying stuff like: “omg learn the controls next time!!” “man, you absolutely suck at getting the briefcases like??? THEY’RE MARKED FOR U DUMBO! HAHA, GET IT? UR NAME IS MARK AND I JUST SAID MARKED- okay I’ll stop now.”

yeah mark would def just end up banning hyuck after he trolls him 500 times and goes back to playing cute but silly story games with jaem.

huang renjun ↬ murder mystery

yes I am still on my renjun detective agenda bullshit!!!!

but honestly I can see renjun rocking everyone’s shit when he’s the guard and absolutely OBLITERATES the murderer.

would probably get angry when he yells at everyone else that the murder is in a room somewhere and no one ends up listening to him.

“GUYS HE’S IN THE GUARD OFFICE!!!” also yes he types in all caps at all times this is renjun we’re talking about here.

then he would end up getting killed by the murderer and would spectate everyone and just yells in chat about how stupid everyone was being.

“GUYS I SAID HE’S IN THE GUARD OFFICE!!! TF ARE U GUYS STUPID???”

also he would be a part of the troll trio containing him, hyuck, and lele. these 3 would be UNSTOPPABLE trolls on roblox and just any games they played on roblox in general.

he would get frustrated when hyuck would just run around him in murder mystery and end up distracting him as he tries to figure out where the murderer is. chenle would just shoot blindly and would end up running off somewhere alone to get killed by the murderer himself.

and yes, he would get on the other players for being terrible murderers and not having any technique for killing ppl on the game. “you guys suck!! do you guys even have a certain technique/strategy on how to kill ppl without getting caught on this game?!”

chenle and hyuck would just laugh their asses off on how serious renjun was about this game like... chill man it’s not that deep LMAO.

I can even see the younger members just pissing him off and teasing him so that eventually renjun just rage quits AHJDDHJAS. chenle would end up just screaming in renjun’s ear and renjun would slam his fist down on the desk in front of him and would just LEAP at chenle irl.

the other members wouldn’t be concerned when they hear a crash come from renjun’s room. they were used to hearing stuff like that from renjun’s room as he’ll occasionally want to just wrestle someone (mainly hyuck or chenle).

but yes, wbk that renjun would EXCEL at murder mystery and just mystery games in general in roblox.

lee jeno ↬ adventure games and/or flee the facility

I feel like jeno would love adventure games so much like??? idk he just seems to be into that type of stuff.

I don’t see him as a rage quitter tbh? like I feel like he’d be so chill with everything going on that he wouldn’t get as angry as renjun does while gaming LMAO

he would just listen to some chill lofi music and just finish quests left and right in his own little world. I can see hyuck just being a little meanie head and creeping up on jeno without him knowing, and yes, jeno would almost spill all of his water onto his laptop when donghyuck does so.

however.... I can TOTALLY see him playing flee the facility with the rest of the dreamies. I feel like he’d especially play it with jaemin bc the 2 of them would be RELENTLESS when they become the beast omg LMAOO

jeno would be all giggly just having a good time and then BOOM jaemin destroys him with his hammer and just drags jeno to one of his freezing capsules LMAOO

jaemin would just be like “jeno~? where are you~?” all creepy like and jeno would just be in a room somewhere using his AMAZING hacking skills to escape (yeah no he messes up at hacking a lot... SAHJDSADJ)

meanwhile, jeno as the beast would act all scary but it wouldn’t intimidate jaemin at all LMAO jaem would be like “HAHA COME AND GET ME LOSER!! OH WAIT, U CANT BC U CAN’T CRAWL UNDER STUFF HAHAAHA- oh shit wait he got me HELP!!”

even though jaem tries to act all tough, he ends up getting killed by the beast, aka jeno, every time jeno is the beast. yes, jeno is just too good at being the beast for his own good.

jaemin would do good, too, but I can see him being better at hacking than jeno. omg just imagine jaemin hacking something and he’s almost done and then SUDDENLY he’s boped on the head by jeno’s hammer and it scares him so badly.

however, I feel like jeno would rope jaemin into playing more adventure games with him and jaemin would def just complain the whole time about how long it takes to walk to get the items for quests. wbk jaem is a huge complainer, I mean, have you heard how much he complains about jisung not wanting to accept his love? LMAO

jeno would just be vibing, though, not even paying attention to jaemin’s complaining and just working on his quests in his time. we love a chill king.

lee donghyuck ↬ silent assassin

again... do I even have to explain my reasoning behind this?

hyuck literally plays Overwatch 24/7 until it’s almost 2 or 3 am at night... so why wouldn’t he do the same but with silent assassin on roblox instead??

I can see him just getting upset when he only gets 4th place in the free for all game mode. he’d be like “dammit not again!! ugh this guy just stole all my kills what the heck!?!”

obviously he would get better at the game bc he would play the shit out of it. he would probably play it 24/7 like he does with Overwatch and would hit level 40 in a few days.

I can see it now, his desk littered with empty redbull bottles as he tells himself he’ll only play one more round of silent assasin... yeah no that was a lie he ends up playing until he’s ready to pass out in his bed.

and ofc johnny would be like “bro wtf why are u so addicted to this game?? get some rest man.”

“no.... I need to... upgrade my weapons more.... I need... MONEY!”

I can also see him forcing mark to play this game with him but lemme tell you something... mark would absolutely suck at this game. I mean, ofc he would get better as time passed but he wouldn’t be as good as hyuck.

when he first was assigned assassin I can just hear him being like “omg how do I move?!?! WHAT SOMEONE JUST KILLED ME!!’

hyuck would just sigh and type in the chat “you suck man learn the controls next time 🙄”

“stfu troll u can’t say anything until u learn the controls for pubg” mark would say back and would accidentally get banned or something for his swearing SAHDASHDJA.

I feel like hyuck would get banned too bc I can DEF see him as a troll alongside chenle. would probably scream dramatically when someone would kill him on the game too and would be an AMAZING assassin.

he would def ambush mark any second he got to as he was the assassin and would probably get the most kills in every game mode. mark would end up rage quitting and then hyuck would say something about mark being such a pansy. (and yes, that’s how hyuck gets banned LMAO mark bans his trolling ass)

na jaemin ↬ where’s the baby and/or daycare

okay so I can def see jaemin forcing jisung to play where’s the baby with him just bc he considers jisung his child... yes jaem loves jisung so much that he’s convinced that he birthed him HJSADHADJ

jisung would always want to be the adult bc he REFUSES to be the baby (mainly bc jaem wants him to be the baby on the game every time)

jaemin would be like “omg lemme take care of u jisung!! omg NO DON’T CHOP OFF MY ARM WTF SUNGIE!?”

jisung would be ruthless while playing with jaemin... he would just want to kill jaemin all the time and jaemin would be frowning about it the entire time.

“you know what, sungie? I’ll let you kill me on this game bc of how much I love you 😚“

“ew no nvm I’m leaving 🤮”

however, I feel like jaemin would be good at the hide and seek mode for where’s the baby. he’d find jisung within SECONDS. I can just imagine jisung hiding in the bush or something and jaemin would just immediately KNOW that jisung would be in the bush like... idk maybe it’s his seventh sense (😏)

also, his sixth sense is that he knows when jisung is hungry, sad, angry, annoyed, all of the above man. yes, he can just sense those things and honestly none of the other members in nct dream understand HOW he can do that. (renjun is convinced that jaem is from a completely different planet and is only here to baby jisung... I mean, he’s not wrong though??? LMAO)

for the reason why he plays daycare... yeah maybe it’s just an excuse to scare jisung with that creepy demon character LMAO. he knows how much of a scaredy cat jisung is, and just loves hearing jisung scream when the demon always spawns near him SHJDASJDH

jaemin knows all the ins and outs of daycare and just abt story games in general... and yes, jisung def eats the poisonous apple and ends up dying right after they escape the daycare SADJASHDJH

I can see jaemin and mark playing story games in their free time, and when one of the younger members join them, they just know it’s gonna be fun when they have no idea what’s going on :D (and when they eat something poisonous)

zhong chenle ↬ tycoon and/or a horror game

so wbk that this nerd would play a tycoon to make even more money than he has right now.

to be specific, he would probably be the richest person on the server and just taunt people with how much money he has.

“oh you guys want this??? a million dollars??? well.... okay I’ll give it to you... SIKE BITCH U THOUGHT!”

he would be the biggest troll ever I’m calling it now.

he would probably end up getting banned for laughing at another user crying about not having enough money on the tycoon game.

“awhhhh you don’t have as much money as me??? haha oh well not my problem 😎😎“ (yes chenle is an avid user of this emoji)

he would have to end up making a new roblox account bc of how he was banned and the guy who he made fun of would end up just chuckling behind his screen about it. (chenle wouldn’t care though LMAO he would still come back and rock that kid’s shit and be the richest person on the server)

I can also see him playing some scary game and roping jisung into it just to scare him shitless.

“OMG JISUNG WATCH OUT THERE’S A DEMON BEHIND U!!! HAHA MADE U LOOK!!!”

cue jisung flinching like a madman to just realize no one was behind him. “lele ur such an ass!!”

however, chenle would also just scream when anything remotely scary happens just to scare jisung even more. jisung would end up rage quiting at this and saying that he’s gonna go to bed instead.

and yes chenle would wake jisung up at 3 am just to scare him with an image from the horror game they played on roblox earlier. you remember how they scared him by setting a cockroach as his home & lock screen on his iPad that one time? yeah just imagine that but with a demon face from a horror game SHDASJDJ.

park jisung ↬ bee swarm simulator

do I even have to explain this???

he would end up getting addicted to the game after chenle had shown it to him one day.

“OMG CHENLE LOOK AT THIS LEGENDARY BEE I JUST GOT OMG OMG!!!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE KING BEETLE JUST KILLED ME THIS IS UNFAIRRRRRR!” chenle would just frantically scream into jisung’s ears and jisung swore that one day he would become deaf bc of his best friend.

chenle would show jisung all the tips and tricks on how to be better at the game and next thing u know jisung plays the game almost every day. he also freaks out when his bees get sad bc of the field they’re in and immediately goes back to his hive to feed them and make them feel better.

also jisung’s favorite bee would def be the demon bee.... no I will not elaborate on this.

jisung would treat his bees like his own children, making sure they’re all fed and happy. he would scream whenever he would get a royal jelly and would be obsessed with just hatching random bees all the time.

would def do the most just to upgrade all of his items but he’d do that just so he can fly everywhere and move faster. yes he would want to use his glider everywhere even when he doesn’t need to use it he uses it.

would probably end up getting stuck somewhere on the map and chenle would have to help him LMAOO

he would def complain about how much pollen he would have to collect and then would get distracted by how cute his bees are 5 minutes later. probably ends up playing the game for 4 hours straight without noticing until chenle yells at him to get off so the two of them could eat lunch together. (and dw, ofc he eats well after playing for so long he’s a growing boy <3)

#dreamwritersnet #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct dream blurb #nct dream drabble #nct dream headcanon #nct dream fluff #nct dream crack #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct blurb #nct drabble #nct headcanon #nct fluff #nct crack

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prettygirlseat · 5 years

Text

TW.

Guys for anyone who follows me with disordered eating habits, anyone who’s in recovery, or anyone who may be triggered by this, i want to first put out a warning. i will be talking about eating disorders, binging, food, calories, and other diet-related topics. please read at your own risk.

So. I finally watched Shane Dawson’s “The Return of Eugenia Cooney”, and... wow. First, I had never heard of her before his video; I may have seen pictures here and there on Tumblr or other sites but I never knew who she really was.

At first I was incredibly triggered, and within 3 minutes into the actual video, I had to pause it and catch my breath because I (not expecting to see what I was seeing) was not mentally prepared to watch a video like this. That being said, the video was very good, but that’s not why I’m making this post.

If you’ve been following me since BEFORE I was even in recover and I was a thinspo account, you’d know that, mentally, I was incredibly sick. I remember seeing one of my old posts a few months ago where I documented what I ate that day, and I only had eaten 500calories. At the darkest part of my eating disorder, which has yet to be professionally diagnosed (for reasons I’ll get into in a second), I struggled to eat, my hair would fall out in large clumps, I’d have bruises everywhere from lack of iron, my skin would be dry and flakey, and I would be cold in 80 degree weather.

I suffered from disordered eating habits my whole life. Blame it on partly my problem with certain foods (food aversion & sensory processing, which led me to eat a very little variety of foods), growing up poor and not being able to afford the luxury of some foods, my mom’s lack of knowledge about nutrition, and other mental factors like family life and other mental illnesses. However, things got progressively worse for me when I was in 7th grade (about 10 or 11 years old); that’s when I first noticed I was beginning to purposely eat less and less food OR I’d easily eat an entire tub of cheese balls in the span of 2 or 3 days.

When I got to high school, I started doing cheerleading, and this was a problem because cheerleading is the type of sport (yes sport, stfu) where certain things are dictated by your “size” aka how much you weigh. If you were lighter/smaller, you’d be a flyer, which meant you’d be the girl in the air. If you were heavier/bigger, you’d be the girls holding the flyer in the air, etc. Well, ever since I could remember, I wanted to be a flyer so bad, but I was never small enough. I wanted to be thin so that I could be the girl in the air. Not to mention the small uniforms with the tiny skirt and little top made it harder as well because I wanted to look good, I wanted to feel cute and “small” in my uniform.

When I turned 15, though, that’s when things peaked for me, in terms of my eating disorder’s severity. I had begun losing a lot of weight, I was in love with a boy at the time who didn’t love me back, and my sick brain convinced me that if I was thinner, maybe he’d like me. *spoiler alert: he didnt* So yeah, I was losing weight, going to the gym everyday, binge every few days, and I even created what I called a “thinspo” diary to keep track of what I was doing. AND. I made a thinspo account on Tumblr. hence how this account was originally born.

The more weight I started to lose, the more compliments I received, which motivated me to lose even more weight. However, by the time I was 17, I had met a girl that had just moved to my school and was a “friend of a friend”. She was also suffering from an eating disorder, and she was in the process of getting help. With her encouragement and the encouragement of recovery blogs on Tumblr and my own desire to escape the hell of my ED, I finally went into self-recovery (because, keep in mind, I had never been properly diagnosed by a doctor and since no one in my family knew what was going on).

Self-recovery, first off, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done (and still fight with every single day). If you or someone you know is in self-recovery give yourself/them some love and encouragement because truly I feel like no one understands how hard it is to pull yourself out of the pits of hell all on your own. With that being said, I was struggling for awhile with my recovery at this point. Now, fast forward to February 2018 (I was a senior in high school), I had caught the flu. Left me unable to hold down food or water for 2 days. I was sent to the hospital because I had thrown up 7 times in 10 hours, which doesn’t seem like a lot maybe but let me tell you that was the worst physical illness I had to endure, and I was sick for 2 weeks.

During these 2 weeks, I could eat maybe a sleeve of crackers and a can of coke if I was lucky. I was at a very low place mentally, and overall I was just miserable. I had been attempting recovery for a few months at this point, and I was seriously struggling. So, like any logical person would do, I tried to reach out to people for help. I decided it was finally time I come clean to my mom about my illness. I was laying in bed and I had gotten up to go talk to my mom, who was doing dishes in the kitchen. I walk up to her and, meekly (which is something I’m NOT in the slightest) tell her I might be sick with an eating disorder, and that I thought I needed help. She, who worked as an Emergency Room technician and had treated patients with stabbings and gun shot wounds, told me that 1. I was not thin enough to have an eating disorder (because technically I was at an average weight for my height) and 2. she knows me well enough to know when I’m sick and that I’m not actually sick.

As someone who struggles with any mental illness, but especially an eating disorder, all you want is someone to recognize you, validate you, and give you reassurance. In this moment, I knew I would never get any of those things from my mom about my illness. And this may sound dramatic to some people, but I think a part of myself died that night. Because that wasn’t the first time I had gone to my mother for help, and time and time again she had either outright denied my need for assistance or had said she’d get me help and just never did. And I still remember how devastated I felt in that moment, and I know there will permanently be rift in her and I’s relationship. It’s something I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive her for; when I was at the absolute worst and practically begging for someone to give a fuck, she turned her back on me and left me to basically fend for myself.

I’m finally happy to report, that as of July 2019, I am the happiest and most at peace I’ve ever been in my whole life. I’m recovering/recovered, I’m physically healthy, I have recently met some of the greatest people that are now in my life, and I finally feel like I got away from the grips of my ED. I’m not sure why I made this post, to be honest, but I’ve been struggling a little bit wit body dismorphia, positivity, self love, and everything else. After watching Shane Dawson’s video on Eugenia Cloony, it really put things into perspective of my own journey and how far I’ve come and how genuinely happy I am. I, like every other person on the planet, have many things I could improve upon, but I am so proud of where I am now. Shane’s video was triggering, but I needed to watch it to remind myself that: 1. I don’t want to die 2. I don’t want to be skeletal 3. I don’t want the people around me to fear for my life 4. I want to enjoy life, enjoy food, and just be happy 5. I am so much more than this body. I have passions, dreams, fears, goals, just like any other person.

If you think you can handle it, I recommend watching Shane’s video because it does shed a little light into the mind of someone with an eating disorder and how they can twist your life and perception. If you read all the way through this, thank you so much. Maybe this helped you, I’m not sure. But I’m glad I have this outlet to share my feelings and personal accounts, if for nothing else, than to just get these feelings off my chest; I don’t even care if no one reads this. But anyway, please know that my messages are always open if you’re struggling or you wanna talk or you need advice or even you just wanna send memes and gifs. I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your day.

#personal #me #tw death #tw thinspo #tw eating disorders #food tw #food #tw calories #calories #recovery #shane dawson #eugenia cooney #binge tw #tw body image #tw body dysmorphia #tw weight #tw hospital

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nikatyler · 5 years

Photo

Technically I still want to stay on a break but also...yesterday was the worst and I basically needed to come back here to feel better. Did it help? Not really, but fuck real life, who needs it anyway, ya know? Sims are never gonna give me up, never gonna let me down, all that good stuff.

God, what a mood. I should shut up. Instead I’m gonna do the replies, yay!

alfalfalegacy replied to your photo “Screenshot Folder I did something very unlike me this week: I deleted...”

Must resist the urge to grab and edit all the Sammy shots ��

Go for it!

Side note, yesterday I added so many new screenshots to the folder. Some of them are really old and no one would ever possibly go and think “this one screenshot with really bad lighting? yup, gonna edit that one”. Unedited screenshots folder? More like a literal archive because simmeronnie is a freak for keeping things organized and in one place

simlovinggirl replied to your photoset “Yeah sure. Into the fire!”

That seems healthy. lolol

He scares me, to be honest. He looks like he’s the gift from heavens but I have a feeling he’s the exact opposite

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “Sunset: “Dad, guess what I want for my birthday.” Ross: “A dog. I’ve...”

Maybe there's hope for him yet!

Yes! He’s slowly but surely getting better. Kind of. We can’t call it a redemption arc but he’s getting better for sure.

green-productivitea replied to your photoset “One day, you’ll go to space, Sunset. I know you will. Keep dreaming...”

Oh, i'm melting

I’m weak for all the moments he shows he cares for her tbh

simlovinggirl replied to your post “tumblr you fucked up, just saying in case no one has told you yet I’ve...”

i just saw this too, i just requested like 50 posts from like 3 different stories, so we'll see how effed up my blog is now. Sorry your having issues too :(

elisabettasims replied to your post “tumblr you fucked up, just saying in case no one has told you yet I’ve...”

Almost nobody remembers when this happened before. It got straightened out but I had so many posts marked sensitive then. As, usual, they went too far. Also the new guidelines have gone too far, too.

Here’s a few things I remember getting flagged:

Sunset. Loads of posts with Sunset in it. Rude. What has she ever done to you, tumblr?

Ross and Valentine teasing each other (well, actually it was Valentine teasing Ross but still)

Why create this “female-presenting nipples” nonsense when the algorithm can’t tell so called female-presenting and male-presenting nipples apart

Basically sims in swimsuits are a big no

Sims travelling around the world? Sorry Ezra and Carrie, it’s dirty :/

Gen 2 of Raven Legacy was sooooo nsfw y’all. Maaaany posts were flagged

For some reason the algorithm doesn’t like Zoey??

My gen 4 pose dump got flagged as well

I have like two posts with sims kissing in bed in their underwear (Tyler and Sharon in the extras tag and then Miracle and Adam in the legacy) and they both were flagged DESPITE THE LACK OF FEMALE-PRESENTING NIPPLES YOU STUPID ALGORITHM THE GIRLS HAD BRAS FFS

Sorry that was aggressive. Wow.

The bras were really nice by the way. My bras are ugly compared to theirs

Did someone say big mood?

Also since it apparently picks the posts by colour as well, posts with a lot of orange/yellow/pink in them were often flagged as well

Surprisingly, only my posts from 2017 and 2018 were affected. The super super old stuff from 2016 wasn’t flagged at all.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Marika: “You’re still as stupid as I remember you.” Ross: “I’m stupid?...”

Oh fuck /off/, Marika

Me whenever I see her in the game

Also, fun fact, all of Ross’s lovers got married by MCCC later. Marika was the only one who remained single. Guess Ross has to pass up that “the Worst” title to her, huh?

jackssims replied to your photoset “Marika: “Anyway…how is my daughter? She’s going to be thirteen, isn’t...”

That ship has sailed? You just straight up left her? Bye ��

Y E S

I want to say something else but spoiler alert, those would be the exact same words Sunset says later, so I’ll just shut up here. Wait for Sunset to say it in a few weeks.

kupari replied to your photoset “Ross: “She has a family. This conversation is over.” Marika: “You...”

I'm glad I'm not the only Marika around heh

It’s a pretty name! Also I’m sorry that my Marika is a bit of a bitch D:

elisabettasims replied to your photoset “I don’t go upstairs to December and Kieran’s bedroom anymore…and this...”

LOL

I’m editing them out of the holiday for sure. They freak me out.

elisabettasims replied to your photoset “I should’ve told her about Marika, I know…but I just couldn’t do it....”

Eh, in this case, I don't think waiting a day or two will hurt.

I mean yeah, it took her years to change her mind too.

dandylion240 replied to your post “Not leaving, might be taking a break”

I agree its not the same right now. I think everyone is just waiting to see what happens.

elisabettasims replied to your post “Not leaving, might be taking a break”

I had to turn off seeing reblogs to get some peace from the anxiety and, frankly, dramatics coming out of this. LOL

I feel like things have calmed down a little bit? Which means I guess I can come back but also, I still have a lot of homework and it would really be for the best if I stayed away...but let’s be real I don’t have the willpower to stay away.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Wait nevermind…are you okay??”

I don’t wanna put the 👀 emoji bc he could just be legitimately sick, but I’m gonna go with the 👀 emoji anyway

👀

elisabettasims replied to your photoset “Caleb: My daughter has a girlfriend. That’s…that’s…I’m happy for her...”

Like any other mature, centuries old adult. You be happy for her.

He is gonna be happy once he’s over the surprise lol. He’s just too shocked to think straight right now.

jackssims replied to your photoset “I failed to get a good screenshot so here’s Sunset looking pretty much...”

Oh god what a mood

Me last year during my birthday party when I realized all my relatives had given me money to get a driving license when I’m in fact terrified of driving (to this day I still don’t have a driving license and I’m not planning on getting it unless I really have to get it)

Me this year...oh wait I’m not having a birthday party with my family this year, nice. And the only thing that was close to a birthday party got cancelled because my friend bailed on me. Really nice I love my life

stfu ron stop being so bitter literally no one cares

jackssims replied to your photoset “Lilith: “I’m surprised you finally decided to show up. What brings you...”

👀

👀 the only acceptable emoji when it comes to this generation

idk what I just tried to tell by that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#replies #alfalfalegacy #simlovinggirl #dandylion240 #green-productivitea #elisabettasims #jackssims #kupari

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southsidestory · 6 years

Text

#across the stars (a wank wars story)

SUMMARY: Across the Stars dramatizes the story of the real life Skywalker clan, and fans of the show have built a legion of fractured followers across social media. Ben Solo goes by @mynameiskyloren, and his dealings with Rey, aka his rival fandom leader @jakkujunkrat, bring more than his true identity to light.

NOTES: This is the Star Wars social media fic that absolutely no one asked for. At best I can call this romantic crack with a dose of seriousness, and at worst the result of my brain weasels. Either way, it’s somewhat of an ode to tumblr and its crazy. If this isn’t a dumpster fire, please let me know! (PS my awesome husband helped me brainstorm for this, the evil genius.)

—

a long time ago in a fandom far, far away...

WANK

WARS

EPISODE VIII

ACROSS THE STARS

It is a period of civil war. Fans of popular historical holodrama ACROSS THE STARS squee over the Skywalker family legacy. The show’s three arcs, Republic, Rebellion, and Resistance, have earned critical acclaim and a legion of followers. In the wait between Seasons 7 and 8, WANK WARS fueled by boredom have gripped the fandom as they never have before.

The FIRST ORDER disparages AtS for its failure to dramatize the real Skywalkers' lives with historical accuracy after Season 3. @thesupremeleader, a BNF known only as Snoke, instigates drama whenever the fandom threatens to settle down.

But @mynameiskyloren, Snoke’s loyal devotee, is keeping his true identity hidden from the fandom. It’s only a matter of time before his dealings with @jakkujunkrat draw him away from the First Order, and he makes enemies of his former friends...

—

15 days before the Season 8 premiere

jakkujunkrat

Look @mynameiskyloren I really don’t care about the historical accuracy of seasons 4-7. Most of us are here to have fun, to write fic and make art and shitpost about our favorite characters. You and your anti brigade need to get off your high tauntauns and face facts: Across the Stars prioritizes good storytelling over everything else. If you can’t accept that maybe you should move your ass along to another fandom instead of harassing the people who are here to celebrate something we love. I mean, this is a holodrama. Don’t you have anything better to do than fight over a piece of fiction???

#ats #wank wars #first order bs #fuck you very much

mynameiskyloren

You’re a hypocrite @jakkujunkrat. You’re arguing over a holodrama too, so you must not have anything better to do either.

And in case you haven’t noticed, this isn’t just fiction. These are real people’s lives being portrayed for mass consumption. Seasons 1-3 dealt in facts, and it still managed to draw all of us in, so don’t feed me that shit line that following real events doesn’t make for a good story.

Just be honest: you’re here to ship Han and Leia, and you don’t care what their marriage is like irl as long as you get their perfect love story in AtS. Maybe YOU should gtfo and find somewhere else to fangirl.

Or you know, just stick to scavenging, since that’s probably all you’re good at.

#ats #hanleia shippers are the worst #and jakkujunkrat is their queen #fuck you too sweetheart

fn-1337

Calm down, mynameisasshole. Dragging Rey’s real life into a fandom fight is a dick move. Especially since your privileged ass probably doesn’t know the first thing about the kind of hard work Rey does every day. So sit down and shut up.

#wank wars #first order bs #leave my friend alone

—

14 days before the Season 8 premiere

jakkujunkrat

unpopular opinion: Yav Korren is a good-looking man and a great actor, but he is not as hot as the real Ben Solo.

#ben solo #my husband #apologies to yav #but otherwise sorrynotsorry #all these candids of ben cropping up on my dash are fucking me up #han and leia made the best looking son #they have good genes

starfleet-ace

lmao someone is thirsty. that’s an unpopular opinion for a reason, rey. you know i love you, but we’re gonna have to agree to disagree on that one. back me up @fn-1337

#yav korren is almost as hot as my boyfriend

fn-1337

Sorry baby, no can do. I’m with Rey on this one.

#<3 #ily poe

jakkujunkrat

Ben Solo is boyfriend goals. Fight me.

#we appreciate ben solo in this house #don’t come on my lawn and disparage my man #ben solo

themaidofstarkiller

Sorry @jakkujunkrat, it’s gross enough to ship real people, but openly talking about a 19-year-old celebrity child like he’s a piece of meat takes it to the next level. You’re really something else. Am I right, or am I right @therealhux @mynameiskyloren

#RPF is the stuff of nightmares #creeping on a real kid is even worse

therealhux

100% correct, Phasma. I couldn’t agree more.

mynameiskyloren

I hate to ever support @jakkujunkrat, but I don’t think it’s fair to criticize her just for having a celebrity crush. Who the hell doesn’t?

And she’s right about Ben Solo. Definitely better looking than Yav Korren.

jakkujunkrat

@themaidofstarkiller I’m 18, which I have plastered across the top of my blog. You stalk me too much not to already know that, so you can stfu with pulling Ben Solo’s age like it’s a receipt.

and kylo… did you just defend me??

#is the sky falling?

mynameiskyloren

Don’t get used to it, junkrat.

—

13 days before the Season 8 premiere

thesupremeleader

Just a reminder to the First Order that I have a zero tolerance policy for talking to Resistance fans.

I’m not going to call you out, but you know who you are.

#stay away from the resistance #if you want to keep your place on the right side of this fandom

therealhux

There’s no accounting for taste these days.

#not that I would expect better from the fan in question #he has so much trouble following the rules #like a toddler

mynameiskyloren

@therealhux if you have something to say to me, go ahead and say it.

#vagueposts are for cowards

therealhux

I just did. Or did you miss it with that goldfish attention span of yours?

#don’t see you calling thesupremeleader a coward

mynameiskyloren

Fuck you.

therealhux

So eloquent.

thesupremeleader

I don’t think you have room to further alienate your allies right now, Kylo. You’re on thin ice.

#get it together

mynameiskyloren

sorry @thesupremeleader

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

jakkujunkrat: finn, are you seeing this?

fn-1337: you mean mynameisasshole taking heat from the first order BNFs? yeah i’m seeing it, and it tastes like sweet sweet comeuppance.

jakkujunkrat: i know i shouldn’t, but i feel kind of bad for him. he’s getting roasted by snoke and hux just for being nice to me. do you think i should say something?

fn-1337: rey. are you kidding me? this is the guy who’s been giving you hell for *four* years. remember that time he left a nasty review on your post-canon fic? he called it what… “repetitive and trite”?

jakkujunkrat: okay. good point. he can fend for himself.

—

12 days before the Season 8 premiere

jakkujunkrat

This is the worst selfie in the world, but here you go. My sunburned face in all its glory.

#it me #forgive me for dirtying your dash with this

themaidofstarkiller

You should change your handle to jakkuleatherface. Or buy some sunscreen.

#she’s going to look 50 when she’s 30 #jakkujunkrat

therealhux

No wonder you’re single @jakkujunkrat

#I knew that someone that bitchy couldn’t be pretty

fn-1337

Don’t listen to a word these shitheads are saying, Rey. You’re beautiful.

#say one more word and i will drag you guys to hell and back

starfleet-ace

hux: i don’t think your pasty ginger ass gets to talk about anyone else’s looks

phasma: you’re as pretty on the outside as you are on the inside. which is to say ugly af

rey: you’re stunning, and they’re just jealous.

#you guys are really reaching here

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

fn-1337: Rey? You okay?

jakkujunkrat: yeah. i’m fine. just don’t really wanna talk right now.

fn-1337: all right, peanut. let me know if you need me. i’m here all night.

—

JAKKUJUNKRAT INBOX - ask me whatever as long as it’s nice

Anonymous

Hey. I’m really sorry to see all the hate you’re getting about your selfie. I hope this isn’t creepy coming from anon, but… I just want you to know that you’re really pretty, and those guys are being assholes. It’s got nothing to do with the way you look. They’d say the same thing to any Resistance fan.

jakkujunkrat

Thanks, nonny. I really needed to hear that.

And thank you @starfleet-ace and @fn-1337 for being awesome. You guys are the best friends a girl could ask for.

—

11 days before the Season 8 premiere

jakkujunkrat

I need to take a break from fandom for a little while. Real life is catching up with me, and the rig I’ve put together to even get a slow shitty connection to the holonet is breaking down. I need to put my scavenger hat on and do some maintenance.

See you guys in a few days.

#it’s just a brief hiatus #i promise i’m not ghosting #personal

fn-1337

Take care, peanut. <3

#best friend #see you soon rey

therealhux

Maybe with the queen gone the peasants will settle down.

bee-bee-ate

I have a finger to point at you @therealhux. Here is a clue: it is not the index or the pinky, or the ring or the thumb. It’s the one you put up when you don’t give a fuck. :D

#choke bitch

—

10 days before the Season 8 premiere

fn-1337

Look, all I’m saying is that old!Han and old!Leia’s actors absolutely killed it in Season 7, and I can’t wait to see what they do in Season 8.

#my dash is flooded with promo photos of my OTP #and all I want to do is write HanLeia #ONLY TEN MORE DAYS

mynameiskyloren

Newsflash: your OTP is separated irl. Kills the romance a little doesn’t it?

If Season 8 is full of the same used romantic tropes that 4-7 was full of idk if I’m even going to stick around for it.

#god i hate this fandom #fuck the resistance

fn-1337

I’ve never prayed harder for used romantic tropes in my life.

#mynameisasshole strikes again #and for the record i only ship HanLeia in AtS #not irl #wank wars #first order bs

—

9 days before the Season 8 premiere

JAKKUJUNKRAT INBOX - ask me anything mean and you’ll be blocked

Anonymous

Hi. I know you said you were going to be gone for a little while, but I was just wondering if there’s an ETA on when you might be back? The fandom is pretty boring without you, junkrat.

—

PRIVATE MESSAGING

jakkujunkrat: ...did you send me that anon?

mynameiskyloren: no. if i have something to say to you i’ll say it to your face

jakkujunkrat: come off it, kylo. nobody calls me just “junkrat” but you. i’m “rey” to everybody in the resistance, and first order idiots would never send me anything that nice.

jakkujunkrat: kylo? you there?

mynameiskyloren: i’m here

jakkujunkrat: well. you sent it, right?

mynameiskyloren: yeah i did. but i can explain

jakkujunkrat: explain being decent to me? yeah that’s gonna require a fucking thesis.

jakkujunkrat: you’ve done nothing but harass me since i got involved in this fandom

mynameiskyloren: give me a break, rey

jakkujunkrat: i’m not giving you anything

mynameiskyloren: fine then there’s no point in having this conversation

jakkujunkrat: just be honest. why’d you send me that ask?

mynameiskyloren: because you seem all right. i still disagree with you about pretty much everything AtS related but… i don’t know. i’m starting to think that’s not a good enough reason to give you hell

mynameiskyloren: i think if i’d met you irl we could have gotten along. you have to admit that we keep up with each other pretty well.

mynameiskyloren: rey? say something

jakkujunkrat: i have to go

—

8 days before the Season 8 premiere

therealhux

Attention, all First Order fans: one of our own has been fraternizing with the resistance. And what’s more, he’s been stringing us along from day one.

@mynameiskyloren has lied about his age, where he lives, and who he is. He also has a relationship with the Across the Stars cast and their real life counterparts, which he’s been hiding for seven years.

Kylo Ren is actually Ben Solo, and if you don’t believe me I’ve got receipts and all of his personal information below the cut.

[Read More]

#payback is a bitch #mynameisalie

themaidofstarkiller

Hux. Is this some kind of joke??

starfleet-ace

@therealhux did you seriously just doxx one of your own??? wow you’re a piece of shit

fn-1337

Why isn’t anyone commenting on the fact that one of the biggest antis in this fandom is BEN FUCKING SOLO?!! ACTUAL SON OF THE REAL HAN AND LEIA!

#holy shit #it explains a lot at least #oh god i’ve been shipping his parents’ characters

fn-1337

@jakkujunkrat REEEEYYYYYYY

bee-bee-ate

This is gross. Real life identities should be protected, not revealed. Shame on you @therealhux

a-new-rose

Wow. This is crazy. I just got to this fandom and it’s kind of exploding…

#this guy can’t really be ben solo tho right?

thesupremeleader

I don’t think it needs to be said, but if anyone hasn’t put it together yet: mynameiskyloren is no longer welcome in this fandom.

#that’s what you get for lying

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

jakkujunkrat: kylo? is it true?

sorry, this blog does not exist

—

7 days before the Season 8 premiere

mynameisbensolo

Hi everyone. This is the former mynameiskyloren here. There’s been a lot of stuff said about me in the last twenty-four hours, and I want to clear it up.

1) @therealhux did doxx me, which is low even for him.

2) I was talking to someone from the resistance, and the reason why is that I’m coming to see the damage that anti behavior can cause. I’ll make a more detailed post on that later, but in short, it’s going to involve a lot of apologizing.

3) In case you hadn’t guessed from my new handle: yes, I am Ben Solo.

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

starfleet-ace: REY where are you?? finn is flipping out and i can’t handle a fanboy meltdown this big on my own

starfleet-ace: Rey?

—

JAKKUJUNKRAT ACTIVITY FEED

mynameisbensolo is following you

—

JAKKUJUNKRAT INBOX - don’t ask me anything about ben solo

Anonymous

HOLY HELL!! mynameiskyloren is Ben Solo?!! pls tell me what you think about all of this Rey

Anonymous

ok i can see that u don’t want to be asked about ben solo, buuuut… you know we’re all dying to hear from you, right? i mean, you made that post about ben solo being hot, and then he turns out to be kylo!! come on Rey, throw us a bone here!

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

fn-1337: rey, i know this has gotta be pretty weird, but i’m starting to get worried about you. can you please come online long enough to let me know you’re all right?

jakkujunkrat: hey finn. i’m sorry for disappearing. this is all just… a lot.

fn-1337: yeah, i guess it would be.

fn-1337: can i ask you a question?

jakkujunkrat: always

fn-1337: are you the one he was talking to?

jakkujunkrat: yep. and he followed me this morning. idk what to do, finn.

fn-1337: you don’t have to do anything. you don’t owe him shit just because he decided to finally act like a human being. not after the way he’s treated all of us.

jakkujunkrat: i know that. really, i do.

fn-1337: then what’s the problem?

jakkujunkrat: the problem is that i think i was starting to like him. and now he’s… he’s ben solo. how am i supposed to talk to ben solo?

fn-1337: he’s just a person, peanut. an asshole, but a person.

—

6 days before the Season 8 premiere

jakkujunkrat

Guys. I know you’re interested in what I think about the Kylo Ren / Ben Solo thing, but I would really appreciate it if you’d stop sending me messages about it. I’ve turned off anon for now. All of you have a nice day.

#sorry #this is getting to be a bit much

therealhux

So are you guys running off into the sunset together yet?

#you don’t have anyone fooled

jakkujunkrat

It looks like you can’t read: I’m not talking about Ben.

#your name should be therealilliterate

themaidofstarkiller

Our resident pathological liar certainly has the money to fly to Jakku. You two fucking yet?

#jakkuleatherface

this post has been deleted

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

mynameisbensolo: Rey? I understand if you don’t want to talk to me, but if you can, let me know

—

5 days before the Season 8 premiere

fn-1337

It seems like this fandom has forgotten why we’re really here. Season 8 starts in FIVE DAYS, so can we please forget about doxxing drama and focus on the fun?

#damn #ats #ats season 8 #FIVE DAYS in case i didn’t say it loud enough for the people in the back

bee-bee-ate

I am with you @fn-1337!

a-new-rose

Am I the only one that thinks @bee-bee-ate is some kind of resistance bot?

—

starfleet-ace

in entirely unrelated news, is anyone else sick of Snoke’s stupidly detailed metas with a list of citations longer than his arm? we really don’t care how many degrees you have, man. it’s just a holodrama and you’re treating fandom like a history test you have to pass.

thesupremeleader

I think it’s safe to say that you wouldn’t know much about passing history tests @starfleet-ace.

—

FN-1337 INBOX - don’t bother with hate

bee-bee-ate

Are you going to roast Snoke for calling your boyfriend stupid?

fn-1337

You bet your ass I am.

#bring it you supreme idiot #i’m about to rip you apart

—

4 days before the Season 8 premiere

PRIVATE MESSAGES

jakkujunkrat: Ben? I’m here

mynameisbensolo: Damn. It’s really nice to be called by my real name lol

jakkujunkrat: lol I guess so

mynameisbenolo: Rey, I know it probably doesn’t mean much, but I’m sorry for everything I did to you. I hurt you and I bothered the hell out of you, and if I could take it back I would.

jakkujunkrat: It’s not okay, but I believe you. And I guess I can see now why you were so sensitive about the show. It must be weird to see yourself represented on screen like that.

mynameisbensolo: lol yeah. Especially when the popular opinion is that Yav Korren is a lot better looking than me :/

jakkujunkrat: Well. Not to me. But I guess you know that.

jakkujunkrat: this is so embarrassing.

mynameisbensolo: i saw that you deleted everything you had tagged with my name

jakkujunkrat: what, you went looking through it? That’s not narcissistic at all.

mynameisbensolo: better than tagging a stranger #my husband

jakkujunkrat: i don’t know why i thought i could talk to you. i don’t care who you are, you’re still awful

mynameisbensolo: wait i’m sorry rey don’t go

mynameisbensolo: please

jakkujunkrat: why shouldn’t i?

mynameisbensolo: i wasn’t trying to be mean

jakkujunkrat: and yet

mynameisbensolo: Stop it. Stop acting like you don’t feel this too.

jakkujunkrat: i don’t know what you’re talking about.

mynameisbensolo: Then I’ll be more explicit. I like you. I think you’re gorgeous and funny and smart, and I’ve wanted to kiss you for awhile. Long before I had any idea what you looked like.

mynameisbensolo: Still don’t know what I’m talking about, sweetheart?

jakkujunkrat: i can’t do this right now. i have to work if I want to eat. Literally.

mynameisbensolo: please don’t disappear again

—

3 days before the Season 8 premiere

fn-1337

If one more person sends @jakkujunkrat another message or hijacks her posts with questions about Ben Solo I will personally escort them to the nearest burn unit.

#not kidding #not even a little bit #leave my friend alone #sologate

starfleet-ace

get these thugs, finn.

bee-bee-ate

I support this action.

#protect our scavenger queen

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

jakkujunkrat: all right. let’s talk.

mynameisbensolo: I’m really glad you said that. Because… okay don’t be mad. Please.

jakkujunkrat: ...why would I be mad?

mynameisbensolo: I’m kind of. Here.

jakkujunkrat: what do you mean “here”?

mynameisbensolo: as in, on Jakku. I’m at Niima Outpost right now. I’ve tried getting directions from about ten different people but they either don’t speak Basic or have no idea where you live.

jakkujunkrat: you’ve got to be joking. are you joking?

mynameisbensolo: Depends on how angry you’ll be if I say “no”

jakkujunkrat: You have to leave. Right now.

mynameisbensolo: Oh. Okay.

mynameisbensolo: I’m really sorry, Rey I don’t know what I was thinking. I just knew you were here, and I wanted to have a chance to talk to you in person. But if you want me to go, I’ll go.

jakkujunkrat: then get out of here

—

mynameisbensolo

Please forgive me.

#do not reblog

—

2 days before the Season 8 premiere

therealhux

All I’m going to say is that you got what was coming to you.

#no i don’t regret doxxing him #stop asking

themaidofstarkiller

^^^

#lol #revenge is delicious

mitakahere

Do you think they’re broken up? Or were they ever together?

#forgive him rey!! #i don’t know what he did #but pls forgive him

fn-1337

Full offense @mitakahere but this is none of your business.

#leave my friend alone #i’m getting really tired of tagging that

themaidofstarkiller

Resistance morons aren’t welcome on this thread @fn-1337

Get the hell off Hux’s post.

#they’re just everywhere aren’t they? #but finn is the worst

bee-bee-ate

@themaidofstarkiller you have a bad dye job and a worse attitude. Perhaps you should consider a personality recalibration.

#i could help with that! :D

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

jakkujunkrat: Ben?

mynameisbensolo: yes?

jakkujunkrat: where are you?

mynameisbensolo: on Hosnian Prime. Why?

jakkujunkrat: please come back to Jakku

mynameisbensolo: really? You’re not messing with me, are you?

jakkujunkrat: really. I’ve never had a visitor before, and you surprised me by just showing up unannounced. which wasn’t all right by the way.

mynameisbensolo: I know. I won’t do it again.

jakkujunkrat: stop messaging me and get on a ship.

mynameisbensolo: as you wish, sweetheart.

—

1 day before the Season 8 premiere

starfleet-ace

okay i think that no matter where you stand in this fandom, we can all agree that tomorrow is gonna be awesome. we’ve been waiting a year for this! don’t let us down, Rian!

fn-1337

You can say that again, love.

#ONE DAY #ONE MORE DAY #THAT’S IT #23 HOURS AND 14 MINUTES TO BE EXACT

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

fn-1337: Rey??? Where r u? I need someone to celebrate with.

jakkujunkrat: sorry finn, i’m busy.

fn-1337: what are you doing that makes you too busy to cheer with me?!

jakkujunkrat: ...you wouldn’t believe me if i told you. catch you later!

fn-1337: oh come on, you can’t do this to me

fn-1337: REYYYY

—

Season 8 premiere of Across the Stars

—

fn-1337

DID YOU SEE THAT? @starfleet-ace?!

#i’m fucking dying #this is the most amazing day of my life #well except for when poe agreed to go out with me #STILL #it’s great #ats season 8 #ats

starfleet-ace

yeah i saw it! best season premiere ever.

#love you finn

therealhux

I can’t believe we can agree on something.

#this is a novel experience #ats season 8 #if they keep this up the show might actually become worthwhile again

bee-bee-ate

The astromech droid is my favorite character.

#so relatable

mitakahere

Where the hell is Rey?! @jakkujunkrat

#come back our scavenger queen #we miss you

—

MYNAMEISBENSOLO INBOX

Anonymous

Did it really happen like this? Please you have to tell us!!

—

PRIVATE MESSAGES

mynameisbensolo: are you seeing this?

jakkujunkrat: of course :)

jakkujunkrat: watching Yav is pretty weird now that i’ve met you

mynameisbensolo: still think i’m the better looking one now that you’ve seen me up close?

jakkujunkrat: you know i do. at least i really hope so after last night.

mynameisbensolo: are you doing okay? you seemed upset afterward

jakkujunkrat: i’m fine

mynameisbensolo: Rey. I think we’re a little past lying to each other at this point. What’s wrong?

mynameisbensolo: was I bad?

jakkujunkrat: no! no. please don’t think that. it was wonderful, Ben, really. you were wonderful.

mynameisbensolo: so were you. and i really hope it wasn’t the last time i see you. i’d like to come back. Or bring you to Hosnian Prime with me.

jakkujunkrat: I can’t. I can’t leave. That’s why I was upset. My family left me here, and I’m waiting for them to come back for me and I can’t leave. I want to but I can’t and I probably sound really stupid right now but I’ve been waiting all my life and I don’t want it to be for nothing.

mynameisbensolo: it’s all right. You don’t have to go anywhere you’re not ready to go, sweetheart.

mynameisbensolo: And I can wait. If that’s something you want.

jakkujunkrat: It’s not easy. Waiting.

mynameisbensolo: That’s okay. You’re worth it.

—

#reylo #reylo fanfic #social media fic #background stormpilot #reylo crack #with a dash of serious #across the stars a wank wars story #my fanfiction #it's basically tumblr in space

64 notes · View notes

dave-meowstaine · 6 years

Note

All of the asks

Knew this was coming!

1. What is you middle name? - Alistair, after my dad

2. How old are you? - I am currently 19

3. What is your birthday? - 27th of September

4. What is your zodiac sign? - Libra!

5. What is your favorite color? - My favourite colour is red. I would say black, but people get picky about black not being a colour so…

6. What’s your lucky number? - 7. Very generic, but I like it

7. Do you have any pets? - I have a dog named Jesse, and two cats called Mossy and Jasmine

8. Where are you from? - I was born in London

9. How tall are you? - I haven’t measured myself in a while, but last time I was around 6ft

10. What shoe size are you? - Size 6

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? - Two: pair of black Dr. Martens, and a pair of black Converses. The converses are pretty beat up and have a hole in the side where I’ve been skateboarding.

12. What was your last dream about? - I was in America with Lizzie and we were chilling watching movies and stuff and for some reason my dad was there in her apartment as well. It was weird lol. Reality felt really distorted for some reason but then I woke up

13. What talents do��you have? - Guitar, bass, and video games

14. Are you psychic in any way? - I can always tell how Lizzie is feeling, even if we aren’t talking or anything. I can always just tell

15. Favorite song? - This changes all the time. At the moment, probably STFU by Pink Guy lol

16. Favorite movie? - John Carpenter’s The Thing. Lizzie bought me a print of the original film poster signed by John Carpenter himself for Christmas and if that doesn’t show you how fucking perfect she is and how well she knows me, I dunno what will

17. Who would be your ideal partner? - Lizzie

18. Do you want children? - I didn’t use to for the longest time but then I met Lizzie and… yeah

19. Do you want a church wedding? - Nope, Lizzie and I are planning a castle wedding!

20. Are you religious? - Nope

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? - I mean, for injections and stuff when I was a kid, but never for anything serious

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? - No. I’ve been threatened to have the cops called on me and shit, but nothing serious

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? - I’ve met a lot of famous band members but never any like “celebrities” that I can remember

24. Baths or showers? - Definitely showers, although a nice bath is very relaxing

25. What color socks are you wearing? - Black with the see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil monkey emojis on. They’re cute af

26. Have you ever been famous? - I mean, literally everyone knew who I was in my old school because of my hair and stuff. I did a performance in our school’s battle of the bands sort of thing and I headbanged my ass off and I was known as jellyfish boy for months after because of the way my hair bobbed up and down. It was great

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? - I don’t think so. I would like to be well known for the right reasons, but I wouldn’t want to be a big celebrity

28. What type of music do you like? - I honestly like a bit of everything. I’m very diverse, although my blog doesn’t show that at all

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? - Not that I can remember

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? - I have a double bed so four, two on either side

31. What position do you usually sleep in? - On my right side but sometimes on my left side

32. How big is your house? - It’s average size. It used to be a lot smaller but we had an extension done about 10 years ago

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? - Either just toast, or a full cooked breakfast

34. Have you ever fired a gun? - Not a real gun but air rifles and stuff

35. Have you ever tried archery? - I did once when I was a lot younger and didn’t know what I was doing

36. Favorite clean word? - Don’t have one. Does Lizzie’s name count?

37. Favorite swear word? - Definitely cunt. It’s just so satisfying and fun to say

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? - Like over 48 hours but not over 72 hours. Somewhere between there

39. Do you have any scars? - Yeah, I have a shit ton of self harm scars to be honest

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? - I’ve had many

41. Are you a good liar? - I wouldn’t like to think so, but I’m sure I could lie and get away with it if I really needed to

42. Are you a good judge of character? - For the most part, I would say so

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? - Eh not really. Not seriously, anyway

44. Do you have a strong accent? - Lizzie says she would say so but I’m not so sure

45. What is your favorite accent? - Don’t have one. I do really like Irish, though

46. What is your personality type? - INFP

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? - I really don’t know. Probably my Dr. Martens

48. Can you curl your tongue? - I can

49. Are you an innie or an outie? - Innie

50. Left or right handed? - Right handed

51. Are you scared of spiders? - Nope, I love spiders!

52. Favorite food? - I love loads of different food, but probably pizza tbh

53. Favorite foreign food? - I have no idea

54. Are you a clean or messy person? - Messy and my OCD fucking hates it

55. Most used phrased? - I say “lol rip” a lot when something goes bad haha

56. Most used word? - Legit when I agree with stuff

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? - If I take a shower and then get ready, probably around 30 minutes. If I just need to get ready to head out, then around 10

58. Do you have much of an ego? - The biggest in the building lol

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? - Suck then bite towards the end

60. Do you talk to yourself? - All the time

61. Do you sing to yourself? - All the time

62. Are you a good singer? - People say I am but I dunno

63. Biggest Fear? - Being truly alone. Never being loved

64. Are you a gossip? - Not actively, but I won’t pass up the opportunity to hear some good shit lol

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? - I have no idea

66. Do you like long or short hair? - I like both, but for a partner then long hair

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? - If I sat down and really thought about it, then probably

68. Favorite school subject? - I’m taking a level 3 IT BTEC but music was my shit back in the day. I miss it a lot

69. Extrovert or Introvert? - Ambivert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? - I haven’t but would love to, especially with sharks

71. What makes you nervous? - When people are like “we need to talk”. NOPENOPENOPE

72. Are you scared of the dark? - It unsettles me, but I’m not scared of it

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? - If I think it needs correcting or they could learn from it. I’m not an asshole who corrects everyone for the sake of being right

74. Are you ticklish? - Yeah but not as much as I used to be

75. Have you ever started a rumor? - Not that I cam remember but honestly I probably have

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? - I used to be a school counsellor at my old school

77. Have you ever drank underage? - Yep

78. Have you ever done drugs? - Yeah but nothing hardcore

79. Who was your first real crush? - Can’t remember

80. How many piercings do you have? - I have three in my left earlobe and my septum

81. Can you roll your Rs?“ - I can. Lizzie loves it

82. How fast can you type? - Pretty damn fast. People get pissed at me in class because all they can hear is a high speed “CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK”

83. How fast can you run? - Again, pretty damn fast. I haven’t ran in a long time but I used to compete and shit

84. What color is your hair? - Dirty blonde

85. What color is your eyes? - Dark blue

86. What are you allergic to? - Nothing that I know of

87. Do you keep a journal? - Nope. I used to record my thoughts on memos on my phone but not anymore

88. What do your parents do? - My mum is a teacher and my dad is a border security dude at the airport

89. Do you like your age? - I mean, it’s my age. Not sure what to like or dislike about it

90. What makes you angry? - Ignorance and hypocrisy

91. Do you like your own name? - Yeah, it’s rather unique. Don’t know too many Tylers

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? - Nova Lynn, Lara Mileena, Anri Sophia, Raiden Alden, and Furion Axel

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? - I want both

94. What are your strengths? - Hard working, good at multitasking, intelligent, compassionate, loving, kind, caring, and I’m sure plenty more (Lizzie agreed with these so I’m allowed to say them)

95. What are your weaknesses? - None I’m perfect (Lizzie also agreed with this lol)

96. How did you get your name? - I’m sure there is a story behind it but I can’t remember it

97. Were your ancestors royalty? - Not that I know of

98. Do you have any scars? - This question was already on here lol

99. Color of your bedspread? - Grey and blue

100. Color of your room? - Mostly white with one light blue wall

Thank you for all of the asks! Sorry for any mistakes, it’s currently 2am

#asks #anon

1 note · View note

shooting-the-walls · 4 years

Text

The Empty Hearse: my inner monologue because I like writing these

I would just like to point out before we get going that I was rather a latecomer to this fandom. I got into it just as Season 4 was released, so early 2017. When this episode was released in 2014 I was only 10 years old!!! Still probably my favourite fandom though, the one I always find myself returning to.

Anyways, on with my crazy monologue!!

• We stan a quick rundown of the Depression of the Century

• #creepymaskmuch

• Molly be like "oh damn"

• Uno reverse bitches!!!

• Molly be like "YAAAAS"

• I'm sorry can we just acknowledge how hot the window jump is

• Bet John wished he could be Molly in that sitch XD

• DERREN BROWN MOTHERFUCKERS

• Still feel so sorry for John :(

• "BOLLOCKS"

• Greg is so fucking done with Anderson's theories XD

• "You're a guilty lil bitch Anderson, stfu": Lestrade 2k14

• "I BelIEVe iN sHErloCK HOLmeS"

• Eyyyyyyy Sherlock is not guilty!!!! (Obvs)

• When depression hits, get a (terrible) moustache bitches

• WE DON'T TRUST YOU MARY, DON'T ACT ALL NICEY NICE

• Ooooo helicopters and running, Mission Impossible style

• When you just..... give the fuck up

• When you can't stand that screaming so you just turn your music up

• I mean torture is pretty harsh man

• Of course Sherlock would deduce his way out XD

• When Mycroft just doesn't give a Single Shit

• WE STAN THE THEME TUNNNEEEEE

• John be like "nah imma just stare at this wall"

• Mycroft's got a fancy fucking office guys

• John stop tryna be Sherlock with your terrible imitation coat and scarf

• Mrs Hudson always cares for her adoptive sons, but she does with high sarcasm and sass

• Mycroft, why does your office look like a torture chamber??

• Benedict is HOT Jesus

• "Definitely. Enjoying it.": You! Don't! Appreciate! Your! Brother!

• 2 HOURS TO LEARN A BLOODY LANGUAGE!?!?! JESUS FUCK I DID 7 YEARS OF FRENCH AND I CAN BARELY HOLD A CONVERSATION

• Anthea prefers Sherlock to Mycroft, they have bitch sessions about him pass it on lol

• Mrs Hudson is so sassy and honest XD

• John you fucking liar you're not sorry

• Mycroft is so Done with his little brother XD

• Sherlock, stop personifying London dude

• "Yes, we meet up every Friday for fish and chips": Mycroft, the sarcasm is not needed

• MYCROFT TELL YOUR BROTHER WHAT HE FUCKING DID TO JOHN

• Mrs Hudson is such a fucking Queen

• "What's his name?"

• "Sherlock was not my boyfriend": YES HE FUCKING WAS SHUT UP

• "I AM NOT GAY": wow, denial is high there John

• Mrs Hudson ships Johnlock more than the rest of the fandom combined XD

• Mycroft: "oh yeah but the other wine is like so much better. Anyways, your bff hates you now byeeeee"

• I LOVE THE MUSIC IN THE RESTAURANT SCENE GEEEEZ

• Sherlock is such a fucking little twat when he wants to be lol

• "Would I suggest you look at this menus, it's... completely identical"

• THE ACCENT. THE FUCKING ACCENT. I'M WHEEZING

• The way he's just tryna be like "look at meeeeeeee" and John gives not a single fuck

• "Surprise me" "certainly endeavouring to, sir"

• Awwwwwww hey Mary

• John is such an awkward lil hedgehog

• Mary: I agree I'm the best thing that could have happened to you

John: bitch you're not Sherlock

• SHERLOCK FUCK OFF

• Oh damn. OH DAMN.

• John just having a mini mental breakdown here

• "Short version. Not dead."

• John looks like he's about to kill someone (preferably Sherlock)

• "Oh God" "Not quite"

• SHERLOCK STOP MAKING BAD JOKES ABOUT THE MOUSTACHE SITCH

• The look in Sherlock's eyes when he realises that John isn't happy to see him

• #deflectiontechniques

• HE LOOKS IN SO MUCH PAIN ON THE FLOOR BABBBBYYYYYY

• In the cafe, Sherlock just looks like a kid that's like 2 hours late home

• "You know for a genius you can be remarkably thick"

• "That's a little more difficult to explain" "I've got all night bitch"

• "Just your brother, Molly and a hundred tramps"

• I love that they end up in a chip shop XD

• John, your moustache is terrible. Accept it lol

• "One word to let me know that you were alive"

• Mary just laughing her head off in the corner XD

• Sherlock: BITCH STFU IT'S A SECRET (whilst entire chip shop is listening in)

• *headbutt*

• "I said sorry, isn't that what you're supposed to do?"

• Mary knows what's up BUT SHE A LIAR

• SHERLOCK LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO CRY WHAT A SWEETIE

• Honestly don't know why Mollie looks so shocked, like she knew he was alive

• Greg is just like a proud Papa

• "Oo you bastard!"

• Sherlock being vaguely confused/irritated by a hug XD

• BBC, can we talk about the random shot of the back of Una Stubbs' throat?

• THEY EVEN GOT ONE IN FOR THE SHERIARTY SHIPPERS, HAVE THEY JUST COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT JOHNLOCK :(:(:(

• Anderson just doesn't ship Sheriarty XD

• Think the Chip Shop Argument got spilled lol

• Mary is having the time of her life reading the blog XD

• Mary really ships the boys right from the start lol

• "I don't shave for Sherlock Holmes" "You should put that on a t-shirt"

• "SHERLOCK HOLMES GET DOWN FROM THAT SOFA OR SO HELP ME GOD--": Mrs Holmes 1983-present

• The terror alert is on critical and these bitches are just playing chess

• Ngl, missed the burgundy dressing gown

• "Oh bugger!"

• WE STAN THE BROTHERS PLAYING OPERATION

• SHERLOCK'S IMITATION THO

• Mycroft be so defensive

• "Both of us thought you were an idiot, Sherlock. We had nothing else to go on until we met other children" "Oh yes, that was a mistake" "ghastly. What were they thinking of?" "Probably something about making friends": I feel SO sorry for the Holmes parents XD

• Mycroft, I think your brother is trying to set you up with a lil someone (

• "Change the subject. Now"

• Mrs Hudson: :)

• "He's pleased to see you underneath all that--" "Which of us??" "Both of you"

• PLAY DEDUCTIONS WITH YOUR BROTHER MYC

• Sherlock straight in there with the gender equality

• Sherlock: Icelandic sheep wool bitch

Mrs Hudson: ah yes, because the world need a blog on that -_-

• THE CURLS ARE AT A PEAK GUYS

• "I'm not lonely": yes you are stfu

• I love the wink to Mrs Hudson :)

• Mrs Hudson really wants her boys back lol

• Loving the use of transitions to show how much of a dick John is being to Sherlock lol

• "Have dinner?" "Solve crimes?"

• Molly knows she's replacing John really

• "Weight loss, hair dye, botox, affair, lawyer. Next!"

• Sherlock is so gentle with the poor woman :)

• I LOVE THE OLD GUY SO MUCH LOL

• John is so fucking convinced he's right, but it's kinda sad that he doesn't think Sherlock will respect his personal space (because he never has before): JOHN SUBCONSCIOUSLY WANTS SHERLOCK THERE

• Can we just agree that Sherlock is such a sweetie and that it is heartbreaking that John is now his awful internal monologue because he's convinced he hates him after how he reacted once he returned?

• Lestrade just being a concerned dad in the background

• Molly and Lestrade are both just so spooked out

• *dramatically blows dust off book*

• HE WANTS JOHN BACK SO BAD awwwwwwwwwwwwww

• Quick aside, but I have a friend who is a train fanatic (he's coming to prom on a steam thingy) and the train dude reminds me of him lol

• WE LOVE A LIL BIT OF MIND PALACE WORK

• "Excuse you": JOHN YOU SASSY QUEEN

• John: Makin' my way downtown, walkin' fast, getting kidnapped and I fall down

• "Did you get him off a murder charge" "Nope helped him put up some shelves"

• "Do you fancy chips?": HANG ON A MOMENT. In S4E2 Sherlock states that "You're suicidal you're allowed chips. Trust me I should know". Does that mean..... oh Jesus, Sherlock, you little sweetie, you need to talk to someone

• ON PRINCIPLE I HATE SHERLOLLY BUT IT'S ALSO SO SWEEEEEEEEEEET

• *when you wake up after a night out and you don't know where the fuck you are*

• Sherlock is just immediately alert like: wtf is wrong with my John

• The chips just... don't matter, okay

• When you steal a motorbike to help your bff

• I'M SORRY BUT CAN YOU IMAGINE LIKE A 16 YEAR OLD SHERLOCK ROARING AROUND SUSSEX ON HIS LITTLE MOPED AND HIS MOTHER YELLING AT HIM FROM DOWN THE ROAD TELLING HIM SHE'S GOING TO KILL HIM IF HE DOESN'T GET HOME RIGHT NOW XD

• Ngl having the little kid right at the front is real creepy

• But like can you imagine Sherlock and John going to bonfire nights with Rosie when she's a bit older and both of them being dead tense as they watch the bonfire being lit?

• LISTEN TO YOUR DAUGHTER BITCH

• The fact Sherlock figures it out JUST as the bonfire lights up: PERFECT

• Sherlock, with a complete disregard for his own safety: *jumps into a fire and drags John out before tearfully begging him to be okay*

Hetero shippers: ah yes, what a good male friendship

• I LOVE THE HOLMES PARENTS SO MUCH

• I love Sherlock's face lol: he is SO done

• Sherlock totally resembles his mother in terms of personality

• I think the fact this is Benedict's parents makes that scene a million times better: do you think that's how he wants to act during the small talk sometimes XD

• Mr Holmes just looks so Done, and Mrs Holmes is just like "fuck it I'm used to this"

• "She worries!": well of course she bloody does, one son is the British Government, the other is a recovering drug addict who solves crimes as an alternative to getting high and her daughter is locked up in a secret facility

• "Promise?" "...promise": HE LOVES HIS MUM AND DAD REALLY

• Tbf John, you couldn't expect the poor guy to lead his parents on like that, really

• John stop making bad puns

• "Is it to get to you through me?": JOHN KNOWS WHAT'S UP

• Awwwwww he's got his John back and he's just so happy

• Aw c'mon, you've gotta admit that a bit of Sherlock's massive concern is for his brother being in parliament that night

• I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T HELP THINKING OF THE PARENTLOCK EDIT OF THE FACETIME BIT

• "Illegal!" "A bit": yeah, like this is anything new tho John XD

• "I don't understand" "well that's a first": JOHN LIVES ARE AT STAKE STOP BEING A SASSY BITCH

• *sudden flashback to the great game and the painting*

• I actually love the scene in the train carriage so much, because even though it ends up with Sherlock being a little bastard to get John to admit his feelings, I like how it demonstrates that everyone expects Sherlock to know everything all the time, and that's a very unrealistic expectation: despite the fact he hates it, he is only human, and I think this scene nicely acknowledges that

• Two bros, chilling in a tube train, trying not to freak out cos they might die!

• Sherlock: ooooopppsss, John, might have just set off this fucking bomb :/

• "Mind palace!"

• "You think I've just got how to diffuse a bomb tucked away in there!?" "YES!" "...maybe"

• Sherlock may be a little bitch but you have to admit he's a bloody good actor

• John, the whole way through the tube scene: wtf wtf wtf wtf

• "I wanted you not to be dead!" "Well, be careful what you wish for": Sherlock, sweetie, it almost sounds like you wish you were dead.....

• AWWW HE FORGIVES HIM GUYS

• I wanna know what that information Mycroft gave Moriarty was

• "His death wish": yeah, let's be honest Moriarty was just like "I crave heckety heck death"

• How difficult do you thunk Sherlock found it up on that roof, having to tell John all of that??

• You've gotta admit that it was a pretty good plan

• You can bet that all the conspiracy theories were on Anderson's wall XD

• THE GIGGLING JESUS

• "You COCK"

• "You said such nice things, I never knew you cared :)"

• "I will kill you if you EVER-" "scouts honour" "BREATHE A WORD OF THIS ANYONE"

• "Terrorists can get into a lot of trouble if they don't have an off switch"

• "Oh please, killing me. That was so 2 years ago": WE STAN

• Mycroft is just so desperate to get out of Les Mis: "but the pain. The HORROR"

• Lestrade just seems a little disappointed

• John tryna act surprised at Tom XD

• SHERLOCK'S FACE (the memeeeessss lol)

• WE STAN OUR TWO FAVE BOYS TALKING ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS

• Sherlock is just so determined

• Sherlock: oh yeah heard your graveside speech btw, super sweet

• YES THE HAT BITCHES: OUR FAVOURITE DETECTIVE IS BACK

• OOOO CREEPY MAGNUSSEN NUGGET AT THE END THERE

#sherlocks3 #sherlock #s3ep1 the empty hearse #wtf brain #brain dump

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andy-clutterbuck · 7 years

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ktbeh replied to your post: How did u become an Andy fan? Was it because of...

Now I want the long version…

Aha. I’m not lying, it’s not fun. I’ll put it under a cut so you can choose if you want to be subjected to it. The Dumpster Origin Story:

About 5 years ago when I was in college I had a really bad period of depression. The likes of which have not returned, thankfully, but it was a very ugly time. I mean walking to class on the sidewalk and thinking how much easier it would be to just step into traffic, ugly. I started watching TWD and I don’t remember how long it took but I then started to become interested in Andy outside of the show. So you start the usual “watch all the things! look at all the pictures! read all the interviews!” and Andy just quickly became a source of happiness for me. I actually used to have pictures of him on the bulletin board in my dorm room so he’d be the first thing I saw when I got back for the night. Like if you want to be dramatic the dude stopped me from thinking about stepping into traffic. He may have saved my life. Like I said my depression hasn’t been that bad since then but it’s still here and Andy’s still a very important source of happiness for me. Hence my blog. I was having a bad couple of days a week or so ago and pictures of him smiling had me in tears. He makes me happy, other people loving him makes me happy. That’s why I want everyone to drink the kool-aid. I think that’s why I’m so damn “protective” of him. It goes beyond “Hey that’s my fave can you not talk shit about them?” It’s kind of involuntary for me to get upset and livid at this point. It’s “Hey that dude helped save my life can you stfu?” Also that’s probably why I’ve stuck with him for so long. Being an Andy fan isn’t easy, the man is Bigfoot and you’re not going to be getting new stuff very often so if you need to be constantly “fed” he’s not for you. Normally that’s me. I’ve never had a famous interest for more than a year, maybe a year and a half tops then I move on. Andy’s been with me for 5 years and I still screech when a new fan pic randomly pops up. I feel pretty certain that he’s going to be stuck for life.

All of this is why, assuming he doesn’t catch malaria and not come, I’m terrified that I’m going to cry on him when I meet him at WSC in October :|

#ktbeh #uh there you have it?#i guess #eww this is so feels-y

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kimyumbin · 7 years

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Get to know me tag

Was tagged by @hyungnu and @wonholypeach <3

1.)

Name: Karina Nicknames: Kari, Noodle, Giraffe, the list goes on Gender: female Star sign: Gemini Height: 5′11″ (179) Age: 22 Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw Favorite color(s): Purple, Yellow, Burgundy Time rn: 6:12pm Hours of sleep: I could sleep forever tbh Lucky number(s): 7, 13 Last thing I googled: SF9′s comeback showcase Favorite fictional character: Tina (bobs burgers) Blankets I sleep with: 1 Favorite artists: SF9, MONSTA X, BIGFLO, KNK, omfg theres too many Dream trip: Backpacking all over the world. Dream job: Hairstylist Follower count: 1,675 Posts: 16, 465 I never stfu lmfao What do I post about: kpop, mostly SF9 and Monsta x

Most active followers: There’s so many?! When did your blog reach it’s peak: i dont know, i think it was back in like August. Why did you make your blog: Because, I entered the dark hole that is kpop and now i cant get out. Do I get asks on a daily basis: nope, i get no love </3 Why did I choose my url: Because youngbin ruined my freaking life.

2.)

Countries I’ve lived in: Mexico, Canada, England AND Scotland. Favorite fandom: Monbebe/Fantasy Languages I speak: English, Spanish, Italian and know/can understand a bit of korean. Favorite film of 2016: FINDING DORY Last article I read: SHINee coming to vancouver T_T Last thing I bought online: SF9S new album Last person I dreamt of: #GUN A recurring dream:Omfg, of me getting left behind in very dangerous situations. How would my friends describe me: Crazy, Dramatic, laid back, a bit of an idiot at times lmfao If I had $$$ to spend what would I buy first: Travelling, :D

Shuffle your song library and list the first 3 songs that play:

1. SHUP UP ‘N’ LEMME GO - SF9 2. Blind - MONSTA X 3.Runaway - TOPP DOGG

I tag @sf9 @fnc17 @fluffyjihun @hobiandthe95z @bureureung @sf9fantasy and anyone who wants to do it :D

#tags

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elvesofnoldor · 7 years

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So i legit reblogged 12 pages of star wars (well mostly tfa and rogue one) content on my blog in the last two weeks or so, while I have reblogged only 17 pages in an entire year lol--most of them happened within 3 months around the time tfa came out. I didn’t even have ANY star wars content before (epi 7) tfa’s trailer came out (that was 2015, two years ago).

Even though by comparison, I got tens and thousands of spn content on my blog, there is still a bit more sw posts on my blog than usual, obviously. It does seem like ppl r unfollowing me because of that (not complaining, just observing lol). I didn’t count the number but I’ve got to lost at least 100 followers in the last 1-2 weeks, and didn’t gain nearly enough to hide this drop.

I notice that all the mutuals I’ve been following r slowly hopping off the spn boat , or becoming inactive--kind of like me for months now (my” last 3 days” note counts went below 100 from 2k since the beginning of 2016, and it only went back to 1k couple of days ago bc i have been way more active than usual). So since I haven’t been a little shit lately--actually i barely talk anymore, I can only deduce that the recent drop is mainly caused by

A. ppl deleting their blogs, ditching spn altogether and thinking i reblog too much spn for them, and

B. people feeling that I don’t reblog nearly enough spn content for them.

Here’s the thing, man, I don’t like losing followers lol, esp since I have gained thousands of them over the past 3 years, most of them came from the first 2 years. i know me losing followers right now is mainly caused by me having trouble figuring this blog out atm, but um, the recent dip tells me that i gotta figure my blog out soon lol. I changed my mobile blog pic--it’s a fanart of Charlie (beloved canon lesbian character in supernatural), wearing a jacket (A Gay Thing), with “Star Wars” written in Chinese on her shirt. Keywords: wlw, gay aesthetic, supernatural, star wars, Chinese, and I think these keywords really sum up my blog and esp the current state of my blog and who i am as a person kinda nicely. Lmao. I also changed my update bar and my about pages a little bit, and I’m currently trying to make a new tags page to better reflect current state of my blog, and um, I don’t actually want my content to be all over the place.

Now, in regards to lack of spn content, I can technically follow more spn blogs to have more spn content on my dash, but um, frankly I dont wanna lol. The amount of spn I have on my blog on a regular basis is the maximum I can allow. Maybe I will generate some spn related content soon....idk....when the season comes back i guess. I have a few gifs and graphic ideas that I need to do anyways. Obviously I can’t and don’t want to have too much spn content on my blog anyways, so, lol. The other other thing is, I’m not sure i’m gonna be in the star wars fandom yet, as matter of fact, I have been trying to find a new fandom to be in since the beginning of 2016 and have failed to do that this whole time. Star Wars series is probably the closest thing to a new fandom to me--Steven Universe being the 2nd closest lol. I’ve got a new ship to be invested in (yet another non-canon gay ship smh), but most importantly a new character to be invested in (not a female character or--i hate to admit it--canonically lgbt, but he’s at least a character of color). However, I know i’m definitely not in the sw fandom right now since I haven’t even generated ANY sw related content (I HAVE IDEAS THOUGH). i just couldn’t stfu in the tags, and I don’t know any sw bloggers either. Also, I really need to re-watch original series and prequels and extended universe content (like the tv series that’s going on right now), and to get myself familiar with all these and maybe fall in love with these, before I can actually be in the fandom ok. Yet I’m more interested in reading the Poe Dameron comic right now than re-watching the prequels and original series again, since I’m more invested in SW franchise’s future, than...its past.

i’ve never actually jump dramatically from fandoms to fandom before, it’s always been supernatural for me, so I have no idea what to do to actually feel free to put content I’m passionate about on my blog but doesn’t lose too much followers at the same time. (I tried my hardest not to spam people with star wars content by liking these posts first and storing them in my likes as long as possible, and it’s a really tiring process to look for posts in my likes ALL THE TIME, ok, lol, I don’t wanna do that forever ok!! lol!!) As a wlw person of color who’s less and less interested in the spn’s general vibe of...idk....White Americana (with its US centric narrative, sea of white American faces and imagery etc), and more and more disappointed with its continuous and seemingly permanent lack of poc and lgbt characters, I’m losing hope and interest in this show and its characters and even my OTP. Idk what to do with my blog bc of my increased loss of interest in spn tbh, maybe I should just make a star war sideblog? Last time I made a sideblog, I neglect it for 6 months and I’m still neglecting it lol. So starting anew on tumblr doesnt seem to be what i’m good at. At this point, i’m rly hoping to weed out the ones that switched out of spn fandom completely and the spn bloggers that are unsatisfied with the amount of spn content on my blog, while getting more multifandom blogs to follow me by um...generating multifandom content. Maybe instead of refreshing my dash over and over again, I should just use my drawing pad again, or use my photoshop to make a graphic or edit again, or write a fic make some headcanons, or not procrastinate and finalize my grad school applications and prepare for the next semester.

#yolanda talks #me for ts #not spn #long post for ts

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welcometohurt · 7 years

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Welcome to hurt.

Even though probably nobody will ever read this, give a fuck, or even see this, I decided to start this “Diary Blog” anyways.

In case anyone ever does read this, I will remain anonymous. Maybe that will change one day, maybe it won’t, for now, I’m nothing. Literally, call me nothing. \\

Hello, I’m Nothing. Nice to meet you. Not that we are actually meeting, because I don’t ever leave my fucking house to actually meet people. I’m not really sure why I decided to start this blog, I am hoping it will let me vent and maybe it will help others... I mean I doubt it but who knows?

ANYWAYS.

About 6 years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Yes, really diagnosed by a real doctor dude and not one of those 15 year old self diagnoses “OMG I AM SO SAAD AND CAN’T HANDLE LIFE WAAAH PAY ATTENTION TO ME “ kind of shit. (Side note, if you are one of those people, see a doctor or stfu?)

I’m not really sure WHY I got all this shit. Life for my was going great, I had the best friends, I was going out every night, I never got into drugs or alcohol, I just had fun. I do however have a hunch. The summer of 2011 was when my life went to shit. Stick with me, it’s going to be hard to follow.

The summer of 2011 started of great. I had a new boyfriend of a few months who was 2 years older then me, and a couple of his friends were going out with my best friends so it was literally perfect, we all hung out all the time. It happened to be his graduating year, so that meant he had prom. When we started going out prom tickets had already been bought and prom was coming and it was just too late for me to be his date which I was totally okay with, he was just going with his buddies. A couple of months went by, prom came and gone and it was now July. My boyfriend and I have been dating 3 months.

One day in July my dad had a stroke, we didn’t think he was going to make it. He forgot he had a family and had the mind of a 12 year old. I used my friends and boyfriend to vent and I was terrified I would be losing my dad by the time the week was over. 2 days go by my dad wakes up one morning i hospital and was totally and completely back to normal. The doctors were not really sure how, but they say it was a miracle. My dad was okay and back home the next day.

The morning after my dad came home I got a call from my boyfriend from work... I was still down about everything. still worries, but I was okay. I thought my boyfriend was calling to give me a little cheer up. No, he wasn’t. He called in a panic and I thought something bad happened. It did, but not to him... just to me. He explained to me that he has been keeping something from me since prom and it was killing him. He told me a girl came up to him at prom and kissed him. I start laughing as I though it was cute he was so worried about that, and said as long as you didn’t kiss her back! He went quiet and said he did, and he didn’t stop. They just kept going. My boyfriend cheated on me at prom. Now I was 16 at the time, it was my first love... I didn’t want it to end so soon. I was crushed, but I was stupid and forgave him. His friends knew about it, and now my friends knew about it... some of them came over that day to cheer me up. They didn’t think I should stay with him but I did. We all hung out and by that night i WAS OKAY, it was okay... life went on. No one except those few people knows about that even 6 years later.

I didn’t think that after that week of events my whole life would change for the worse.

Literally the next day I woke up feeling sick.( FUN FACT ABOUT ME: Ever since I can remember I have had a severe fear of throwing up. It’s controlled a few thigns in my life and it’s horrible but I get over it.. but when I feel sick I get pretty dramatic about it) Anyways, I woke up feeling sick and was worried I was catching the flu so I didn’t eat or go out that day. The next day, I still didn’t feel well, my boyfriend wanted to see me I declined and said I wasn’t well, my friends as well and I said the same thing. I stayed home and didn’t eat. The next day... the same thing... and the next day... the next... my mom started to notice. I went from a food loving girl who went out everyday to not eating or seeing people. She took me to the doctors and they say, they don’t know what’s wrong and they will do some tests. A MONTH goes by, I havent seen my friends. My boyfriend comes over every so often to see me and that’s it. September comes around and I wasn’t able to go to school. I keep getting tests done and nothing had been found out. Finally it’s November and I haven’t been to my grade 11 year yet... I am down to 85lbs and I found out rumors about me are starting at school.

Long story kind of short... I finally found out that I simply had anxiety this whole time. I started seeing help, put on pills... started eating... going out more... I wasn’t my old self but was better. It went on like that for a year or two. During those 2 years the pills I was on made me to start gaining weight. I started then getting depressed. Highschool didn’t help with that as I when I was sick and away the rumors about me never did stop. I won’t go into detail but just think of a random rumor and I probably heard it.

When I started getting depressed I started going backwards... I started not really going out again... my boyfriend (the same one) started then getting frustrated and more angry with me. I lost most of my friends because I just didn’t see them.

Before I knew it highschool was over. I had to go back for a year because I didn’t have enough credits because of lack of attending school due to being sick. My boyfriend I was with was a smart person, always on top of school and work.. by this time he was done college and had a full time job. He was disappointed to be witha girl that had to repeat a year in highschool... but he stayed with me.

I finally finished and got my highschool diploma. I then got accepted to college... but I was also gettign worse again, and bigger, and going out less and less. I then developed a routine... in order for me to leave the house when I did I had to go through a 3 hour routine... and that got my boyfriend frustrated. I use to think he was the best boyfriend at the time.. I use to think wow he so awesome he helps me through everything. He really didn’t.. he would just get mad and I would just let him because I knew I was nothing and I was also just so in love. The year of college was tough. It was a 1 year course and I missed a lot of classes. I would leave a lot of classes when I got anxiety attacks.. I also gained more weight. My boyfriend decided he wanted to be a cbsa officer.. he had to go away for 3 months for training. I was so proud of him and told him I would support him through everything. I did. He went away which made me more depressed. I ate more. gained more. He saw pictures of me and began to comment on my weight... I though nothing of it and I said it wass bad angles... etc... he made me send picture to him to prove I wasn’t gaining weight. I did and I never sucked in my stomach so much. I didn’t think anything of it,... he was just worried right?

College ended and didn’t graduate. I got more depressed. My boyfriend was mad. But, i did land a job for the summer I always wanted... working at a pet store! I loved it , it made me happy and made my confidence go up and I was feeling better.

July came and my boyfriend was coming home from training and I was so excited... when I saw him he seemed kid of excited.. he must have just been tired. A week or two passed and i lost my job at the pet store. They said they over hired. My boyfriend was upset. I got sad again. I wasn’t going out again. October of 2015 I promised I would get up and go to the movies for a date. I tried my hardest and I did it. My boyfriend was not very impressed... on the ride home he seemed sad... the saying “forever and always” was our thing and we would say it to eachother. So i said it to make happy.. he was quiet... then I told him I loved him... he told me “you need to get better.. this is hrd to handle” I said I will but forever and always right? Still no response and I started to tear up... I said you want to break up dont you? He just nodded... and just started saying yes.

That was it. We were it. After almost 5 years, after being eachothers basically first everything, that was it.

The next few months were hell. I turned into a fuck it kind of girl. I got a rebound. wanted to die. hated myself. I got a job though? I hated myself.

I started working at a restaurant... it helped me a lot... I slowly started to get over my break up. I started losing weight... I started going out more... I went out on dates.... none were potential boyfriends but iwas still fun.

February 2016, I ran into my ex at the store. He was suprised to see me out and said hello... and then asked me to coffee.. coffee landed into making out which made me happy to have him again. He said he wanted to try again.. and offered to take me out on a date. I said yes of course.

The next day I texted him to plan the date and he said ... this was a bad idea... i changed my mind. Who the fuck knew my heart could break again so quickly? I went backwards again. I didn’t go out again.

A couple months went by again... i still had my job at the restaurant. I started getting okay again. There was a group of kitchen guys that always talked to me and made me happy and we would always laugh non stop together. One of them, was so nice and sweet to me. I never knew why.. but he always invited me out with them. I always built up the stregth to go... and when I did he was always right there. I started to like him a lot. One day late at work, almost closing time he walks up to me... and asks me out. My whole life changed that day. We went on a date and haven’t stopped seeing eahother since. He made me the happiest. I told him my story and he understood as he went through similar problems as me.

He helped me through anxiety attack and encouraged me to take on my problems. the november of 2016 he encouraged me to apply to my dream job... one I thought I’d never have. I did I got it and I quit the restaurant. He has never gotten mad at me for my illness he has made me realize what I wsas missing my past relationship. He spoils me and makes me so happy.

2017 I started to fall backwards again and I don’t know why. It’s now July 2017 and I am the worst I have been since I can remember. I only leave my house to go to work or to very quickly pick things up at the store. I started cutting myself to stop thoughts of me hating myself and I thing about ending my life everyday. I am still with the love of my life, we have been together over a year now. I would be dead without him. He is one of the hardest workers I know, he is in training to be a paramedic. He just graduated university after 4 years and now has a degree in medical science. He is going back to school to be a paramedic in september and is a volunteer paramedic in the meantime.

I worry everyday that I don’t make him happy cause I can’t do things with him. I worry everyday he will realize that he deserves so much better. I don’t know why my mental illness is getting worse again. I have everything. I don’t know why. I have someone that sticks with my and helps me through everything so why is it getting worse? What if/ when will he realize he deserves so much more?

I am not really sure why my mental illness started. But here I am.

Welcome to my blog.

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