#still gotta read bell jar tho

[cabin-13]

u said self indulgent nico hcs?? 👀👀

ajkdsjkkj when I say self-indulgent, it’s Self-Indulgent and i pretty much ignore richard’s canon / haven't reread the books from either series in a long time nor have i read toa but if ur really interested... (long post ahead, sorry!)

nb nico is top tier 

goes by he/they pronouns 

touristcore aesthetic that’s slowly encroaching into e-person territory

he’s The Blueprint

likes thorn from the hex girls (even the reboot ver.) but digs dusk’s look more

how is this related u may ask?

yeah, i answer

idc abt canon so he and drew are bitchy friends and drew rags on his appearance constantly while brushing his hair but throws in self-care tips btwn loving insults

nico: you know im not a boy right

drew: doesnt change the fact you look like a wet rat, sweetie <3

i will forever stand by reynico being (platonic) soulmates and im gonna b extra self-indulgent and say they were friends in previous lives too and that’s why they vibed w each other so well <3 

speaking of previous lives, well.... heh..

(no but really, this hc is kinda embarassing but , if u want elaboration uhhhhhhhhhh)

i know nico only has like. a 5th grade education but i like to think he would be a good student ... if anything i think hades would at least homeschool him with the ghosts of (famous) teachers ??? he seems to be naturally curious and he’s kind of a smart ass (not in a mean way) in canon idk

polyglot nico! polyglot nico! polyglot nico!!!! he becomes the go-to translator at camp ( like he isn't already sjkjskjdk) 

yes he would know asl. why? bc i said so and rick needs to include include some hoh/deaf characters within the greek/roman pantheon <3 (if there is, not counting hearthstone from mcga)

leo finds out abt nico knowing spanish bc he once snorted at a joke he said and now leo won’t stop telling him shit like “¿cuál es la fruta que más se ríe? .... la naranja, ja, ja, ja --”

ironically has the best hair at chb (rick once said the di angelos had silky hair in the titan’s curse i think + reyna said something abt his hair too in boo ?? i'll have to check...) once he cleans up and the aphrodite kids are seething

nico’s hair starting to gray at a young age is also an interesting concept ! i think tumblr user fuocogo drew something ft that and it stuck with me

really self indulgent but he’s roman at heart (maybe even Literally. i read somewhere that an italian fan said the di angelos fit the desc. of modern day romans better than venicians ?? if i find it, i’ll link it >>>)

 i like to think his family are legacies of victoria seeing as he’s always one of the key pieces / an important informant for winning both wars ... plus his grandpa was a diplomat and uhhh idk where I was going w this ngl

speaking of family, I need to know if the di angelo bloodline no longer exists assuming maria was an only child and there was no mention of any other di angelos aside from her parents ..? i like the idea of nico finding out that he has more family tho !!

also I would love it if rick cleared up where and when he met maria pls and thank u <3

I MISS BABY NICO’S PERSONALITY SM ... which is why i propose that whenever one of his friend’s see his eyes sparkling and arms waving while he babbles abt whatever topic, they think it’s really cute !!!! like !! keep talking !! 

 he gets embarrassed when he sees his friends smiling at him but it kinda makes him a bit teary eyed bc it’s been so long since he was able to talk abt his interests without being shut down / forcing himself to keep quiet because he felt like he was being too childish/annoying

what im saying is that he should be able to act like a kid bc he is one !!!! he's 14 !!!!!

he either has the cutest laugh or the weirdest laugh and it strictly depends on who ur asking

i feel like he sneezes like a kitten...............he sneezes and everyone whips their head around to look at him and he’s never wanted to dig a hole and put himself in it more than now

i like the imagery of tinkling bells being associated with him so im gonna sayyy he would have a necklace with a little bell (something like this kinda ??) and yes, leo would’ve made it for him as a joke kinda but not really

valdangelo (either as a friendship or nah) is underrated

like ur telling me this kid has a metal dragon and builds the coolest things ever and nico doesn't even think it’s a little bit cool ?? nah. rr did them dirty.

the kids at camp love him and i won't take no for an answer

he brings out ye ol’ mythomagic figurines to explain/show them the monsters and gods of the greek pantheon

it’s a win-win situation bc he gets to babble abt his hyperfixation and the kids get to learn abt what they're gonna get into in a way that’s better than the camp orientation film (since nico’s literally the only one who’s seen it ((but i think the stolls wanted to check it out too ??)) )

they give him a “camp’s best counselor <3333” mug and he cries abt it to reyna and hazel

yes he’s wearing an unusual amount of friendship bracelets no he's not gonna take them off shut up

unfortunately im team short!nico bc i want 2 see him get engulfed by the hugs his sisters (yes this includes reyna) and friends give him !!! 

he wears demonia platform sneakers / doc martens (and converse but that’s p much a given) thank you <3

piper/nico friendship ... I Need It

they borrow each other’s clothes constantly

leo and them clown on jason  and jason is Suffering but he loves them all so it’s ok 

piper could probably carry nico 

nico stress bakes 

yeah

he and clovis become good friends and hang out in the dream world and u know what, im gonna say they’re cuddle buddies too. clovis seems like he would give nice hugs !

im a sucker for nico having friends from different pantheons too !!! also becoming sort-of friends with gods/immortals of different pantheons !!

the underworld demigod discord gc is cursed; one moment they're all talking abt how they're pretty much fated to stay in the underworld while they're both living and after they die but the next moment someone says they want a hug and a chorus of “yeah...”’s follows.

nico was a momma’s boy most definitely 

speaking of which, i like to think that while him and bianca looked like their dad and mom respectively, it would’ve switched when they got older ?? idk

autistic nico ..... rick make it canon and not btwn the lines......

idk how to explain this one bc it’s just Plain Weird but . i feel like . nico would like?? hang out under his bed ??? maybe i’ll draw a pic or something and edit this later sjjdjkddk

this is just me projecting but he hates looking at mirrors / seeing himself in photos bc the person he sees doesn't match the person he sees in his head ?? if that makes sense ??? like he doesn't look like the nico he used to be bc of how much his appearance changed ? idk

uhhh he sometimes hallucinates, esp when he was in tartarus and in the month after coming out of the jar

maybe i’ll elaborate on this later ..

i need more annabeth and nico friendship pls...... both of them like/liked percy and now he can't stop getting clowned 

HOWEVER.... if I see one more “not his/my type” joke im going to delete my tumblr

speaking of which, i have a conspiracy theory abt Things, but i don't wanna get my ass sniped into next tuesday

introvert leo forcing himself to be the group comedian even though he’d much rather be with machines and extrovert nico who pushes ppl away so he doesn't get hurt but desiring the company of another type vibes. im not gonna elaborate.

his latest hyperfixation is pokemon and his favorite pokemon are gengar and skitty, but jirachi and mimikyuu are close seconds

has a crush on N Harmonia  and a bunch of the male gym leaders no im not gonna elaborate

this isn't a hc but. rick u really gotta stop writing abt ppl automatically distrusting nico because of his appearance / godly parent (although some were kinda warranted based of their personal history even though nico still pulled through in the end)  im getting tired of reading abt ppl wanting to like. hurt him or Actually hurting him for stuff he didn't have control of sjkjsjkdsjkdk (like wtf happened with frank when hazel got poisoned?? I thought frank actually liked nico ahjkjsjkf) 

uhhhhh that’s p much it ??????  sorry for the long ass post .. maybe i’ll write abt him more if ppl really want me to...

#nico di angelo #pjo #please tell me to shut the fuck up #im mortified #null.txt

[imagine-lovebug]

hey can i get a blurb where peter gets webshooter liquid in your hair and starts to get embarrassed and apologizes all flustered?

(A/N) - im so sorry it’s taking me so long to write these. But I’m having fun! Maybe I’ll make these a permanent thing and then do longer fics on the side?

You’re doodling in your notebook at the back of Mr. Cobbwell’s chemistry classroom when your phone buzzes beside you. You flip your phone over to see who messaged you, to see an Instagram message from p.parker.

You lift your eyes from your phone screen and scan the classroom, only to see none other than Peter Parker looking your way from a couple lab tables to your right. He motions you his phone under the table and you grab yours, going to check his message. You’ve never talked to him before, so you’re confused on why he’s trying to talk to you now, in the middle of Mr. Cobbwell’s lecture. Instagram loads the DM page to show his text.

p.parker: Could you do me a favour?

You’re even more confused now. 

(Y/N): Um, maybe. Depends. What’s up? 

p.parker: You’re sitting closest to the chemical cabinet. Could you try and get me some Salicylic Acid?

You glance at the front of the room to see the teacher working with the Bohr Model on the board before looking to the cabinet beside you. Why the fuck would Peter need some weird acid you’ve never used in class before? How does he even know it exists? Your eyes scan over the dark glass bottles, reading the names of different chemicals, trying to find the right one. 

p.parker: It might be labelled C7H6O3

You huff, turning to him and typing 

(Y/N): Why can’t you just come over here and get it yourself? I doubt he’d see you.

Peter shrugs his shoulders and just gestures for you to keep looking. After a minute or two, out of the corner of your eye, you see a bottle on the second shelf behind a few other compounds. The label isn’t completely visible, obscured by the glass containers before it, but you can see ‘Acid’ written on the end of the label, so you go for it. You stand up from your seat as sneakily as you can to unhook the cabinet doors, reach for the acid, and grab it before anyone, other than Peter, sees you. You click the cabinet closed and put the glass jar on the seat beside you right before Mr. Cobbwell turns around to lecture to the class. 

(Y/N): Okay, I have it. Salicylic Acid. How tf am I meant to get this to you tho?

p.parker: Just toss it to me

You look at him incredulously before responding

(Y/N): Dude, its in a glass bottle. And I don’t have a good throw.

p.parker: Don’t worry. Trust me, I’ll catch it.

You are worrying. And you do not trust him to catch it. But, after glancing at the front to see if the coast was clear, you turn back to him with the bottle in hand and throw it in his direction. Well, you’d definitely underestimated how much power you had to use because the dark bottle is approaching the floor by Peter’s backpack fast. Before the glass shatters against the linoleum, however, Peter leans across in his seat and wraps his hand around the neck of the bottle, saving it. Your eyebrows furrow, eyes widen, and mouth drops in shock of how he caught that and he chuckles at your expression. 

p.parker: Told you I have a good catch. Thanks for getting that for me.

You like his message and flip your phone over again, trying to refocus on what’s happening at the front of the room. Almost an hour later, the bell rings and the lunch period is starting, but you don’t exit the classroom as quickly as you usually do. You decide to pack up slowly and walk over to Peter, who is still working at his lab table, the acid you’d retrieved for him sitting in the open desk drawer beside him.

“Uh, hey,” you say, hesitantly. He looks up at you and smiles. “Hey, (Y/N). Thanks for helping me earlier, I really needed it.” You nod and send a smile back his way, rocking back and forth on your feet. You peer into the drawer to see a bubbling white substance in a beaker balanced on a hot plate. “Um, so, what are you making? I thought we weren’t allowed to make stuff without Cobbwell’s assistance,” you question. 

“Uhhh, it’s just an experiment. Mr. Cobbwell lets me do experiments after school all the time by myself, but I really needed to make this today and I’m busy this afternoon,” he stops talking momentarily, taking the time to stir the weird experiment. When he pulls the stirrer out, the substance sticks to it and creates a long, spindly chain that doesn’t disconnect even when he keeps pulling. 

“Shit!” He exclaimed, plunging the stirrer, and the long polymer chain connected to it, back into the beaker before pouring some clear liquid from another beaker into it.  “So, this one,” he gestures to the clear stuff he just added, “is a binding agent that will make the… experiment… more pliable.” You hum, completely confused by what he is doing, but somewhat mesmerized as well. You take a moment to look up at Peter’s face, eyes covered by the plastic goggles, and you take in his appearance and you realize that, actually, he’s pretty cute. He looks up at you, his eyes meeting yours, and smiles. A blush spreads over your cheeks and you look away from him towards the door to the hallway.

Then something hits the side of your head, clinging to your hair and a little to your cheek. You look back at the beaker, which has bubbled over, and Peter’s running his hands through his hair.

“Shit, (Y/N), I’m so sorry. I wasn’t looking and it just… splattered everywhere! It’s never done that before! I’m so so sorry!” He keeps apologising as you raise your hand to your hair, pulling it away with the warm, sticky, web-like substance stuck to your face, hair, and hand now. You try to wipe it off with your other hand and your fingers get stuck together.

“Peter, what the fuck is this?! Get it off me!” He starts rummaging through his backpack and eventually pulls out a squirty water bottle with a piece of masking tape on it labelled ‘web dissolvent’. “I’m so sorry,” he repeats, “please put your hands out.” Once you do, he squirts the dissolvent onto your skin. “Just rub your hands together and it’ll ball up like a putty.” You do as he says as he squirts the liquid onto his hand. He raises his hand to your cheek, holding your jaw gently and using his thumb to manipulate the webbing on your cheek. The scarlet blush on your cheeks deepens and spreads further down your neck, but you don’t stop him. 

Eventually, you’re completely de-webbed and Peter is standing in front of you awkwardly. “Sorry about that,” he apologises, for probably the millionth time. “It’s fine. It was kind of funny, to be honest. I’m just glad we got it all off.” He smiles sweetly at you before spotting a tiny bit more on your cheek. 

“Actually, um, you still have… a little bit…” he gestures to your cheek, “there.” You wipe your hand across your cheek but obviously didn’t get it. He chuckles a little and steps closer to you, his chest almost pressing against yours, and reaches his hand up to pluck the tiny bit of webbing off your cheek. “There you go,” he says quietly, but doesn’t step away. You look up at him, biting your lower lip, and he looks down at you, his hand still on your cheek. You go to press yourself up on the balls of your feet to kiss him, his hand already travelling from your cheek to your jaw to pull your lips to his, but before you can Ned pops his head through the door.

“Pet– Oh. I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?” You pull yourself away from Peter reluctantly, grabbing and fiddling with the straps of your backpack out of awkwardness. “Uh, no, you’re good Ned. I gotta get going anyway,” you say and head towards the door. Before you step out, however, you turn around to look at Peter.

“Uh, message me, K?” you say, before basically running down the hallway.

Send in Blurb requests

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker blurb #tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland imagine

[thedappleddragon]

Things about valka in no particular order as I think of them

- despite growing up on a Viking ship she doesn’t curse like a sailor

- She can have the manners of one tho lol

- Her father wants her to take over the fleet but she’s conflicted about leaving behind land and the people she loves (like her mom)

- Both parents are alive and well and love her a lot even if her dad doesn’t show it as much

- Big of heart. Dumb of ass, but only a little bit.

- Generally tries to be kind but can be a bit of a brute just because she doesn’t pick up on social cues too well since she grew up with Vikings

- Very agile n sturdy. Got a good pair of sea legs.

- On the ship she would climb up the mast and sit in the crow’s nest for hours

- She used to be really clumsy, but her dad trained that out of her because you can’t just keep sending lifeboats out to retrieve your dumbass child who fell off the side of the boat aGAIN GODDAMMIT

- Confident in herself

- Higher energy than Osi

- Has probably tried to coax Osi into singing for her because she loves her and doesn’t want her to be ashamed of that part of herself

- If she succeeds in doing that she would immediately be enchanted/drawn in by the siren song lmao

- That would probably scare Osi away from singing even more tho 😔 but for different reasons. Instead of ✨racism✨ now it’s ✨manipulation✨ too

- Doesn’t think things through

- Says whatever she’s thinking, not much of a filter, and that can sometimes lead to hurt feelings

- She’s a very tactile person. If she went to ikea it would be a disaster, you could never stop her from touching all the rugs

- On that note, she likes physical touch a lot too. If she and Osi or any close friend are just hanging out chances are she’ll absentmindedly wrap her tail around your ankle.

- The first time she did this to Osi it probably caused her to trip and fall

- She also wraps her tail around stuff when she’s nervous or there’s a possible danger

- To Osi: I WILL carry you and there’s NOTHING you can do to stop me

- Btw with any interaction with Osi its with her older design (even tho in the campaign I’m using her younger one) because otherwise that’s ✨gross✨

- She’s bing on hand holding. Not like walking together holding hands but like if she and Osi are sitting together she’ll just grab her hand and play with her fingers while paying attention to whatever they’re watching

- Likes when she does the thumb thing on the back of her hand

- Idle hand holding is boring, you gotta do SOMETHING

- Big spoon

- She gets to have hand-eye coordination because I dont and she deserves it

- Can’t spell

- Not easily frightened as an adult

- I’m also blessing her with the ability to watch scary movies and eat spicy food because I have to do SOMETHING to keep her from just being very specific parts of me but tall and buff and a goat

- Have fun reading through these and guessing whats me and what’s some extra flavor >:)

- Would cry over nature documentaries

- Animal planet narrator: but unbeknownst to the mother duck, these are crocodile infested waters, and these ducklings make for an easy meal. Valka, trying very hard not to straight up bawl: NOOO NOT THE BABIESSSS Osi, secretly rooting for the croc: ._.

- Doesn’t hurt bugs but will straight up hunt down a whale. Still feels bad about it tho.

- Knows a lot about constellations and stellar navigation n stuff

- Celebrates a Viking winter holiday where the skies are the clearest and the waters are the calmest and the winds are the most merciful and they thank some moon/ocean/wind god with a big feast and stories about the stars

- When she first gets back on land, she’s disappointed about how much dimmer the stars are

- Sentimental about random objects

- CAN flirt but is kinda cheesy about it

- Likes making Osi flustered, since she’s so tough around everyone else, but she often gets flustered right back lmao

- Valka probably initiates their first kiss

- Osi was being a pussy about it

- Very likely to hear a word, roughly guess what it means through context, start using it, and then find out through someone else that it’s a bad/inappropriate word. She proceeds to slam her head into a wall out of embarrassment

- When she (or her horns) hit her growth spurt, she probably hit her head on EVERYTHING for a solid month and a half

- Big cuddler

- Doesn’t like complete silence, it drives her mad

- Not used to having a ton of attention, since she grew up as a scrappy little kid on a crowded boat. Sometimes struggles with the thought that she’s in the way or an inconvenience.

- Her hands are big and strong and with smoothed-over callouses

- Between her and Osi they have never struggled to open a pickle jar

- Although one or two had to be opened with... unconventional methods (cough cough smash it open on the ground cough)

- Low food standards. Oh the milk expired two days ago? Probably fine. Would definitely be halfway though a can of spaghettios and realize it’s 3 years out of date but eat it anyway (she has a high-ass constitution it’s fine)

- picked up some wierd-ass habits that she thinks are totally mundane and no one knows how to approach her about it.

- Would eat the wax around a baby bell cheese because no one told her otherwise

- She emotes a lot with her ears

- Gullible

- Can speak basic conversational fish speak, picked up from trading with various sea folk

- When she shows this off to Osi she makes a face of disgust at how bad her accent is, but it’s cute that she tries

- when Osi yawns and shows off all her sharp teeth Valka’s big dumb lesbian brain just explodes and stops working

- Snorts when she laughs

- Wakes up first in the morning

- Doesn’t understand pranks

#this is the thing i mentioned earlier #thanks for coming to my ted talk #valka

[hollandbliss]

i can’t save us (2) / tom holland.

word count: 1,258 pairing: tom holland x reader. warnings: idk maybe underage drinking? kind of depends where you are in the world tho.  summary: you thought you and tom had something. but that quickly crumbles as you see him with another girl. high school au. a/n: since people were so nice and seemed to like my part 1, then of course i will make a part 2! listening to atlantis by seafret, hence why the name of this whole thing. hope u like this part 2! 

read part 1 here. 

a week had passed since you last talked to tom after you had seen him kissing another girl. he had tried to call you at least a million times but you couldn’t stand to hear his voice because you knew you would break in tears. so every time his picture showed up on your phone screen, you declined. 

and you tried to shut everyone out as you didn’t want to talk about it with anyone. the best thing would be if you could just forget all about him, but of course it wasn’t that easy. but your two best friends wouldn’t let you go that easy, they wanted to know what had happened. so you told him. and a part of you felt bad for doing so because your friends were tom’s friends as well. things were certainly awkward at school as your group of friends had divided into two.

and all of them told you to talk to him. maybe something else had happened but you didn’t care. when you had seen him kiss the other girl, your heart had shattered into pieces. how were you supposed to trust him again after something like that? so you kept on ignoring him.  

tom had been looking at you from a far in the hallway and in class, but you pretended like you didn’t see him. and your last class of the day were no different. after your teacher had given showed your new assignment and the bell rang, you quickly gathered up your things and went through the door. tom had been giving you space since it happened, except from the phone calls, but now he couldn’t hold his tongue anymore. 

he pulled you to the side by the lockers, “are you gonna ignore me forever? i can’t stand not talking to you, please y/n.” he pleaded to you. a sigh escaped your lips before you replied, “what if i don’t wanna talk tom? i got the memo and there’s nothing more to talk about.” your voice was low as you spoke, not wanting to make a scene in the hallway where everyone could hear.

before either of you could say anything else, you heard one of your friends call out your name behind you. “i gotta go.” you said, looking up to meet his gaze for a second. those brown eyes that you had fallen so hard for, who once had been home to you. but you turned around and walked away from him, once again. 

–––––– ☁️ ––––––

you told everyone that you were fine but tom never really left your thoughts. sometimes you bawled you eyes out and sometimes you felt like screaming because you were that mad at him. and sometimes when you saw him in class you wanted to run into his arms again, for him to tell you that everything would be okay again. 

the whole had been talking about a party on friday, which you first declined to go to. but if you were going to move on slightly from what had happened, you had to do stuff and go back to your normal friends. your friends would be there, probably the whole school. and probably tom. but who cared? you weren’t going to show him how big of a mess you had been for the last week. 

you and your girl friends all got ready together with your cute dresses on and hair curled. and pre drinks was already in your system as you got to the party.  and for a couple of hours you could actually forget about tom. you were dancing with your friends, laughing and having a really good time. and there was no sight of tom, which made it so much easier for you to let loose. 

but as the party had been going on for a couple of hours, tom made his entrance. and he looked good as he always did, dressed casually in jeans and a fitted black t-shirt. and it didn’t take long for everyone to notice him, including you. suddenly you became more aware of what you were doing and the drinks kept on flowing. and neither of you talked to each other, just watching each other across the room when they thought the other wasn’t looking. 

and it was fine. you both did kept to your side of the room, but you almost lost it when you saw the same girl from before walk up to tom. and your blood just started to boil. where they a thing now? but you couldn’t stand around to see it, you wouldn’t. so with your vodka drink in your hand you walked off, going through the door and out on the patio to get some fresh air. away from tom and that girl. 

you took a sip of your drink when you heard footsteps, thinking it was one of your friends you turned around. but it was tom. you rolled your eyes at him before turning away from him again. “i don’t care if you don’t wanna talk. i’m gonna tell you what happened. there’s not anything going on between me and that girl!” 

“tom, i saw you! remember? you can’t tell me it’s nothing.” you snapped, the alcohol making you say more than you probably should. “i caught you make out with her and now you seem to be the best of pals. that sure is something!” he threw his head back slightly in defeat before opening his mouth to speak again, “yes she kissed me. she didn’t know about us, but i told her after it happened. i’m not trying to get with her... you’re the only one for me.”

those words made your heart stop for a second, but still you couldn’t get over it. “so? both of you flirted with each other and she thought she could go for it. in the cafeteria you were being very friendly with her, so i don’t blame her for thinking you were free.” 

“you know why i was being friendly with her?” tom yelled at you. your argument getting more and more heated. “she’s a friend to the family. my parents know her’s well and they wanted us to get to know each other more! we were just hanging out, there was nothing more than that.” he inhaled slowly before continuing, “i’m sorry. i know i should’ve been more clear with her but c’mon y/n... you can’t actually believe that i would do that to you?”

“i don’t know what to think tom.” you said as you looked up at him, noticing just now how close he was to you. your mind was blurry both because of alcohol and his words echoing in your head. 

“you’re the only one that i want y/n. no one else can ever replace you.” and before you could even react to what he was saying, his lips were pressed against yours. the familiar feeling felt good, something you had missed so much. without even thinking, you deepened the kiss as your hands found his body. but then you realized what you were doing, was it too fast? had you even made up?

you pulled back from him, your hands dropping to your sides as you looked him. fuck, you loved him so much but could you believe what he was saying? or was he just saying it because he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar? 

“tom...” was all you could push out, as you stood in shock in front of him...

#tom holland x reader #tom holland smut #tom holland au #tom holland #tom holland x y/n #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker au #peter parker x y/n

[rassasassalin]

Kane, Kane I love you, but I don't want to see you fight Brock.  It'll be the worst kind of trainwreck.  I don't even really wanna see Braun fight Brock again, just because I don't trust them to do right and have him beat mister dickchest.

...Kurt, really?  Jfc.  I guess it'll bring the casual fans in.  Fuck me, I'm just so tired of Brock.  Love Heyman, hate seeing that dumb purple face and penis tattoo.

Joe Rollins... Yeah, that'll be a good match, but it doesn't quite get the gross lesner taste outta my mouth.

Don't call Seth bad, Cole, he's trying to redeem himse- JORDAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING PLEASE STOP I REALLY LEGITIMATELY WANT TO LIKE YOU AND YOU ARE MAKING IT VERY HARD TO DO. Fuckin Seth's face, tho, like "who the hell is this child and who let him in my ring???"  Man is lucky that Dean hasn't dropped down from the ceiling to try and brutalize him.

Ah Joe, you know you're always the bell of any ball that matters.

Not sure Seth's one to talk about Daddy issues considering his history with Trips and Steph, but  ok, you a face now, we'll politely ignore the things you did as a heel.

Things I would not actually be surprised should they happen: Joe ends up kind of adopting Jason Jordan as his pupil/understudy for the purpose of annoying the shit out of Kurt as Jordan goes through his rebellious stage.

...A WWF commercial on the WWE is really weirding me out.  I mean, hell yeah, let's stop tiger poaching, but like... 's'weird.

I don't like that noise Seth made when he was rammed into the barricade, if he could never make that noise again that'd be great. Is the crowd chanting boring?  People have no appreciation for ring psychology anymore.  I know you guys don't like Jordan, but let him try to murder Seth's back jfc it makes sense, let the boy live. Wow, yeah, that probably should have been Jordan's win, wow.  Also, nice to see American Alpha on the same super cool suplexing lane.  I can dig it.

Pffff, Love Tap.  It's just a lil' love tap.  Love Booker T.

Whoever in the crowd is chanting boring needs to shut the fuck GULAK YES PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW HOW DREW IS FEELING AFTER LAST WEEK IS HE GOING TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE OR WILL HE BE TOTALLY DESPONDENT OR JUST VERY CONFLICTED?  GIVE ME MY CRUISERWEIGHTS NOW PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

ALSO IF THEY COULD DELETE THE SKITTLES POX COMMERCIAL THAT WOULD ALSO BE FANTASTIC I FUCKING HATE IT SO MUCH JUST MAKE IT GO AWAY IT'S SO GROSS.

Dean called Sheamus and Cesaro the Europeans.  AND HE CAN'T TEAM WITH A FACE LIKE JORDAN'S.  DEANO.  Deano please.  I can't.

...I also can't deal with bwoken matt please oh my god i just want bray to be taken seriously and also want matt to do ridiculously stupid backyard wrestling shit and i'm just not sure i can get both at the same time.

BRAY PLEASE STAHP WITH THE FACES

Things I am honestly surprised by: The fact that nobody has found a way to get the chant "Oooo-ver" into Finn's theme song.  Or just, chanting Over at him any time he's in the ring.

Book, come on dude, give m'boys a chance before you say their strategy aint workin, the match only just started. Oops, someone's bleedin. Oh boyos, boooo, why you gotta be like that, come on that's not HOLY SHIT HIDEO!  I was NOT expecting him tonight!!!

...is... are they thinking of moving Finn over to 205 live?  Hideo's already there, and Vince has a habit of purposefully putting people that he doesn't think has what it takes in no win situations just so he can say he was right all along.  Well, joke's on fucking you McMahon, because those of us who actually watch the cruiserweights are totally aware of how amazing their in ring work and story telling is, and if you bring Finn over, all you're going to do is get more people to watch them and come to the same realization.  Bringing Finn over might very well make 205 a serious contender against NXT as far as loyal and slightly rabid fanbases go. ...Also did Cole say something about the Zo Train and then Drew Gulak as a separate entity from said train of Enzo???  Should I be reading into that?

That's my dude, Cedric.  Glad you know better than to underestimate Drew.

...Wheeeeeeen will I get my UK boys on their own shooooooooow?????????

Oh my god, here we go, I'm not ready, Drew bby pls Fucking yes those cheers were for Drew thank you for noticing Enzo. ...Hmm... I think they're doing the thin DREEEEEEWW FUCKLNDF KILL ME RIGHT NOW BABY NO HOW DARE YOU FUCKING JAR JAR I'M GONNA DIE I CAN"T FUCKING PLEASE STOP ALSO HE"S NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU FUCKING THANK YOU CEDRIC ...Where is Enzo going?  How is going to help Drew cheat from up there?  Also I just noticed Drew's Trunks I think I like them but might also kind of hate thhem they somehow look kinda skimpier than his black ones and I'm not sure how or why Zulak.  Eheheh.  Zuul motherfucker. Okay, so, typing this out while having my eyes glued on the screen so will probably have a number of interjections when exciting things happen, but I'm thinking maybe to explain this whole coming out like Drew didn't do nothing wrong- Drew holy shit, don't flip over the top rope like that, thanks- might be because they're doing that thing where they act like nothing happened on tuesday because they assume that the regular audience didn't bother to watch, which is like... I sort of understand but it also really pisses me off.  Wrestling fans in general aren't actually that stupid, and fun fact, Drew Gulak and Enzo Amore are in fact good enough story tellers to say through a few words, and show through their actions, that shit went down.  That's kind of the great thing about wrestling.  It's a soap opera in the way that you can stop watching for years and years and years, and come back- Sweet baby jesus another WWF commercial what the hell is happening here- to basically any show and pretty much have a pretty good idea of what's going on, storyline wise. -Look, if Cedric wasn't on the top rope, he couldn't be tossed off it, let's be real.  ALSO AMORE YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH AND STOP THREATENING MY DREW AND STOP CALLING HIM GABBY GOO GOO I DON'T APPROVE but I do approve Drew working the wings and back like how beautiful i do legitimately love technical wrestling- Just given the action of the "actors" we can tell who's a good guy, who's a baddy, who's got beef with who, and anything that can't be super easily explained, we got video packages for. I'm kind of seriously worried that they're going to do a- FUCKING BEAUTIFUL TIE HIM UP DREW I LOVE HIM SO MUCH SHUT THE FUCK ENZO  FUCK ME THAT FIGHTING FOR THE BOTTOM ROPE WAS FUCKING AMAZING  AND where the fuck is Zo going????  Drew, no, come on, don't get distrac- fuck.  Too late.  Drew is... is Drew bleeding he IS Fuck me, okay, kinda figured that's how this'll beeeee Nia no why???

Shit, okay, thought I was having- Enzo's going to get used and abused, by his train and by Nia probably until the only one he has left is Drew, who is lame and a dweeb and a fucking square but you know what unlike everyone else he's been a true friend despite everything that Enzo has put him through and so, through Drew's good dork heart, he helps mends Enzo so he stops being so jaded and hurt after what Cas did to him.  Or not.  Probably not, at all, but it's a road that they could go down should they choose to.

Mmmkay, Asuka win, unsurprising, slightly surprised that Absolution hasn't come back out to fuck with her again.  Like, if I was eventually going to be going up against Asuka, I'd be playing mindgames and beating her down to give myself a weakpoint to target later on every chance I got.

Shhhiiiiiit, I remember that countdown, it was Ammmaaaaaazing~  I popped as hard as an 8yo could pop and I didn't quite understand what was happening but I knew that I would never be the same Ageen.  Good times.  Good fucking times.

Ah yes, and here come *in Ambrose Voice* The Europeans.  I'm sorry, I'm never going to get over it, it makes me want to both laugh and cry, Deano has a gift on the mic truly.

Not to be a grammarnazi, but it's you'RE a stupid idiot, not your.

Calling it now- Jason is gonna get in Dean's way/ knocked into him or Seth, and Ambrose is going to get distracted enough with beating the shit out of him that it somehow causes him and Seth to lose the match, either because Seth'll go for the tag and no one will be there, or someone's gonna get ambushed and then pinned real quick.  That, or Dean tries to push Jordan out of the way, and so Jordan jumps in to fight back and they lose because of that.

Woooooooow, Jordan.  Slow your damn roll. I mean, I don't think I'd have started with Seth either, because he's obviously still feeling that earlier fight, but still.  You don't go at it that way.  C'mon man. Ahahahaa omg what the hell was that slide across the ring by Cesaro that was the oddest looking thing I've seen in ages.  I mean, I appreciate the blueballing against a hot tag, but like, ehehe I want to be mad but I'm just giggling. Dean, I appreciate you putting Seth back in the ring but why didn't you put him back in closer to your corner??? Shit, Dean, are you okay???  Fuck, shit, that better be a work, jesus, oh no, ohhhh no please come on oh shit I don't like that ending it was awkward as fuck fuuuuuuuck deano....

...No, wait, uh, uhhhh, they setting up for a turn?  I mean, Dean's the obvious one to make a heel turn on the Shield right now.  Personally, I'd go with Roman, because it'd be less expected and unfortunately people are going to go back to booing him as soon as the Shield isn't around anymore so you might as well give the crowds a REASON to boo him, but I know Dean's the lunatic so...  Christ I really hope this is a work and he's not actually hurt...

Limo???  Oh!  Oh, Steph's home!  Nice!

...Matt, omg.  I'd watch Matt fight a fish.  ...Woken Warriors.  Matt, please stop. ...Fuck me, they're going to go back to crossdressing Bray again.  Please, let's not do that again. I like that Corey is a Woken Warrior.  I shouldn't, but I do.

Okay, okay, they're showing Dean getting hurt alot, so... maybe yes a work???  YES, Okay, attack backstage means work, definitely work.  Or like, Dean does have issues with his arm so he needs time off to get it fixed.   They used to do this all the time to let the wrestlers have Kayfabe reasons to not be around for a couple of months.  But like... they're pretty upfront about when a guy or gal does get injured now, so...  I have no idea what's going on.

Fuck yeah, welcome back Revival.  Missed you boys.  Who's their first victims then?  Oh, Heath and Rhyno.  Awww.  Well, makes sense.  At least they're getting tv timmmmmmm what is Dana Wearing???  Why???????  BOOKER MY DUDE NO PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT DANA COUNTING CALORIES THAT'S NOT COOL.

KURT DON'T YOU FIRE MY HEATH HE'S GOT KIDS!!!  oh god what is rhyno gonna put heath through????

Hello Elias. ...I love Elias. please go caroling at me. Man fuck Goodell. I- what?  Sasha???  What are you doing?  Oh my god.  Are the girls gonna beat up Elias?  I mean, not that I'm super against it or anything, but like, why?  Is there a reason for this?  Has he done something?  Oh, it's because it's time for their match, right?  He's eating up their time.... Oh no that one buddy, that's so sad, but it was a good try Bailey. Bye, Elias.  Dude...  You can't not hug Bailey.

...Why HASN'T Nia been more involved with fighting Absolution.  She's a huge threat.  You'd think they'd try to take her out early. ...Dana changed her clothes. Well, hello there Boss Lady. Paige looks like she knows she's about to be grounded but is trying to play it cool.

I'd like to point out that if there was a big ol' fella rumble going on and an Dude McMahon came out, they wouldn't have stopped fighting.  But the Ladies know when toooooooooo YESSSSS PLEASE STEPHANIE I WANT A FUCKING WOMEN'S RUMBLE YEP YEP YEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#wwe raw #monday night raw #sassin about rasslin