Do you realize that from Beau’s point of view, Mollymauk died for her? His last spoken words were literally, “Fuck it. If you’re in for Lorenzo, I’m going for Lorenzo.”
They barely knew each other, had only just begun to work towards a kind of kinship. And then he went and died for her, leaving Beau with absolutely no way to repay him.
Except to make damn sure that if another sacrifice was ever needed, it would be her.
Beau already had troubles with self worth before meeting the Nein, sure. Who wouldn’t, after the life she had?
But she got that tattoo in Molly’s memory, months later, and shortly thereafter tried to exchange her chance at family and at happiness for Veth’s. She is the first to put herself in risky situations for her family despite being proud of being a survivor. Molly’s death left devastation in its wake, but it also left her with a purpose.
Beauregard doesn’t have a death wish. She has a debt to repay. And I wonder, held up by the throat in front of her family for execution, whether there was some part of her that looked into those red eyes and saw the scales balance.
hello i wrote a song inspired by the gays in the wild tweet. it’s called ‘public displays of affection’ or as i like to call it ‘PDGay.’ Lyrics below the cut
i want to hold your hand in the city
walk down the street with our fingers entwined
i want to feel the life all around me,
the mid-summer dry heat, with you by my side
with you by my side
i want to rest my head on your shoulder
as you pull me closer when the train starts to move
i want to steal one half of your headphones
and when the wheels slow i’ll be tangled in you
i want to let everyone see that we are so happy
we figured it out against all the odds
we swallowed our doubt, pushed the demons right out
we fought through the teeth and the claws
i want to kiss your cheek in the cafe
i want to wipe all the foam from your lips
and never care what anyone has to say
they’ll talk about god, they say think of the kids
i want to let everyone see that you can be happy
you can stand in the sun, feel the wind’s gentle breeze
wrapped around someone who’s laugh makes your heart run
you can feel the light warm up your cheeks
all these things that i want to believe
i want to bury my fears deep inside me
i want to shrink them to nothing at all
i want to live and treat the world kindly
and never have reasons to throw up my guard
i want to be happy
always be happy
this is random and idk if you've already talked about it, but what do you think of stray kids' cover of my house by 2pm? i come back to it every once in a while because i like it as a song but i always thought the performance was so... emotionless. and impersonal. and i think part of that is because of the fact that they're lipsyncing. ik it's not their song and 4th gen already lip syncs as it is, and the chances for that are even higher when you're covering a song and don't want to mess it up out of respect i suppose (and even more so if it's actually your company senior.)
BUT!! even aside from that, i've noticed that like half of them look down at some point, like they're so concentrated on not messing up the moves or something, so aware that they're on stage, that it's a bit uncomfortable. i know it was during last year's award season which had no audience, but still. i much like it when an artist keeps it nice even when they're not center. i'm also aware that they might not have had the longest time to prepare for this, they performed for every award show i think so it's only natural that they were a bit worried.
surprisingly for me, my favorites in that stage are lee know and changbin, and lee know especially is not a member i pay too much attention to. but they're giving off at least some attitude. lee know's seems much too fabricated, so to speak, but changbin, especially in the beginning of his rap, seems very natural.
i have not talked about this stage actually! i don't remember watching it during the end of year shows but i was pretty laser focused on the wild shit that taemin was doing so that's not surprising. i think rookie groups of the big three have it rough when it comes to covering their seniors songs, because usually they have really fucking big shoes to fill. i can imagine that yea, skz were probably nervous as all hell to cover my house because hello, it's my house. i agree with most of your points here, i do think they probably didn't have the most amount of time to learn it, but other than nerves and unfamiliarity, i think the two biggest factors in this stage looking unnatural for them is 1) they're young and 2) it's pretty far outside of their wheelhouse. i've mentioned this a a couple of times before, both in relation to skz and to 4th gen groups as a whole, but they haven't really learned how to put on a stage persona in the same way that 2nd gen groups have. this makes it especially difficult for them to cover 2nd gen songs because the premise of 2nd gen songs is that the ridiculousness is geniune, not ironic. not that my house is that particularly ridiculous for a 2nd gen song since it came out in 2015, but the performances are still motivated from that place. the reason why lee know and changbin manage to look the most comfortable is lee know is the main (i think? one of at least) dancer and has a lot of dance training, so he's probably the most familiar with stage personas, and changbin is covering ok 'famous-for-not-giving-a-shit' taecyeon's part, which is the least stage-y and most naturalistic part in the song. and even if that were not an issue, skz is like five years too young for the vibe of this song. 2pm were already SEVEN years into their career when my house was released; the youngest members were 25 and jun.k was 27, vs bang chan who was barely scraping 23 at time of recording. for further elabouration on this point, see my previously posted response about men post-25 and how they are always hotter.
my second point of my house being outside of skz's usual repertoire is not really that deep, but i think it bears mentioning because it's connected to the other two points that i brought up, and also some things i've mentioned before. there isn't a whole lot of nuance within skz's title tracks. and i mean performance/choreographic nuance, not emotional nuance. their style tips more towards loud and brassy, with a lot of big, complex, and fast movements. my house is not that. in fact it's probably close to the polar opposite of that, which requires a diffferent set of skills that they just don't have the experience in right now. i think if skz came back in five years and did a cover again we'd be saying different things, but they were definitely punching above their pay grade here lol.
Censored cause uh, y’all don’t need to know what clinic I go to lol.
But I’m upset. So upset I cried in the car lmao. I’m not happy.
I was on Category A for the last year but because SO is making $400 more a month (because his job is overworking him and running on a skeleton crew, this isn’t a permanent arrangement), suddenly I shoot up all the way to Category C. I was struggling to pay for my own care under Cat A and now I don’t know wtf I’m gonna do.
My thing is... going off of SO’s income isn’t right? Like even if you take his income it’s not like we don’t have bills to pay. Also just because we live together and he’s my partner it doesn’t automatically make his money my money?? Like yes he supports me but like that doesn’t mean he should be obligated/liable to pay for my care? Like what if he flat out didn’t want to help me pay for care? I still gotta come up with money I don’t have just cause he lives with me??? That’s fucking dumb.
Anyways my goal was to pay for my own care because I’d like to feel more independent and responsible but this is gonna make it next to impossible.
I've made some progress on unpacking. My office desk is now completely cleaned, my monitors and laptop dock are set up and working, and I've placed a little snake plant on the corner of my desk. It's the only thing I got done today, but I did it!
the deep - "mysterious" "i love you, but i genuinely know nothing about you"
hdfg fair!! ily2 and if you ever wanna chat more you can always message me or ask for my discord 💖
soup!! - "lovely!!" "talented as heck" "you put up with so much bullshit and i admire you for it"
it always feels weird being called "talented" bc like. what does that mean?? any skill that can be called a "talent" is probably something that took years of practice to hone, does the work "talent" discredit that? or is it just a compliment to take as appreciation of a well-made product? idk but either way it is nice to hear!!
candyfloss - "your aesthetic is wonderful!" "drop your spotify bestie" "i would die for you"
everyone who keeps asking me about/mentioning my spotify or music tastes...i really don't know how much a mixture of opera, math rock, and cello drones actually interest you but ilyall anyway 😭
song recommendation of the day: Pash Rash by Jeff Rosenstock
My trajectory is crystal clear / I can see it in the stars / That frame the shame above my neck / That frame the shame above my neck
Pash Rash is a wonderfully upbeat and very short punk rock anthem released by Jeff Rosenstock, who I personally think is one of the most important artists of the modern punk scene. The song is awesome if you want a quick pick-me-up in mood, and if you’re a drummer it’s an entertaining one to learn (since the rhythm changes slightly every 10 or so seconds). I personally listen to this before any big outing or in the mornings before busy days to get myself feeling good. It’s also easy to memorise and chant along to.
If you’re into punk rock or power pop, check out the rest of his album, WORRY, which is a silly but brilliant mish-mash of synths, fun drum lines, provocative lyrics and pop-punk chants. As the title suggests, the album takes on different sources of worry in Rosenstock’s life, especially tackling financial anxiety and the fear of figuring out how to survive the future. It was really hard for me to actually pick a song out of the album to recommend since all of them are gems (especially Festival Song, We Begged 2 Explode, HELLLLHOOOLE and Wave Goodnight To Me imo).
If you liked this rec, feel free to check my others with the #srotd tag :]
tried taking my car out for a drive today and while i was turning and after i’ve turned, the car wouldn’t respond to me pressing the gas pedal. i’d be pressing it hard and after a few seconds it’d finally respond as if i suddenly slammed my foot on the gas. my mom and i tried taking it around the neighborhood to see if it got better or worse and it just kept happening
Why, in the midst of a modern Panopticon, are so-called ‘scientists’ relying on self-reported data for anything? I have had it with this. It’s not a ‘study.’ At best, it’s a compendium of delusions and it’s often just outright lies.
following people who have the same tagging system as u do (or at least have a few tags in common) so u can just copy their track tags is like when you're doing moment summation and you choose a place that has loads of variables interacting w its lines of action so u can eliminate some of them and u dont have to do so much math