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anika-ann · 4 years

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Think Again (When You Stop Freaking Out) - Pt.6

Mirror and Mirage

Pairing: None Word count: 2012

Warnings: language, hella lot confusion, attempt at humour, medical drug use… irony and sass? ;)

Summary: Matt and Steve bond over superpowers and strange yet amazing friends. Tony Stark does what he wants. The usual.

Story Masterlist

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Matt had a suspicion that Tony Stark liked to show off his wealth. He also thought that Bruce Banner definitely was more of a good host than anyone would expect from a man turning into a huge green monster (not that Matt could tell the colour).

With these two things combined, they ended up in what seemed to be a living room for all the Avengers, cups of coffee in front of themselves, Bruce talking in hushed voice with the other genius.

Foggy – after making sure it was okay for what could be four times – excused himself to the balcony so he could admire the marvellous view from the Tower. Matt was frankly sure he took a selfie. And Thor disappear god knew where, no pun intended.

Which left the captain and Matt alone, each of them sitting on a different couch. The silence wasn’t particularly awkward, but neither it was comfortable.

It made Matt realize that he was probably the only one to perceive silence in this situation. Which was really, really weird.

“How you’re holding up, Captain?” he addressed Steve hesitantly and the man in question raised his head to him immediately.

He was still glasses-free, which meant Matt had his emotions served on a silver plate. It dawned to him that while for him personally the glasses shielded people from the uncomfortable sight of his unseeing eyes, they had much more important function. Matt wasn’t sure if it was a Steve Rogers thing or Matt Murdock’s face thing, but boy, thank god for the red lenses. They were a mask on their own.

“I’m fairly sure we can drop the titles, Mr. Murdock.”

“Matt.”

Steve extended his hand Matt’s general direction. “Steve.”

Matt chuckled as the absurdity and accepted the hand, this time trying to be wary of using too much force. To be honest, he was surprised how well was Steve coping. The supersoldier had been blinded and given terribly strong senses; he was holding up incredibly well.

“You seem to be doing really well, Steve. How are you really?”

Matt was met with a sight of himself shrugging, his face once again revealing more than the simple gesture. It’s not easy, the expression said. I’m fine, the gesture hinted. Strange dichotomy. Was it like this with him all the time?

“Well, I’m trying. It’s… overwhelming.”

Matt laughed humourlessly. “That’s one way to say it.”

“But… the Tower seems to muffle the noise of the city pretty well, rooms seemed rather soundproof. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you to live like this all the time…” he hesitated, as if he was reluctant to say more. “I… I think that… the body remembers a way to cope though. When Foggy came to the apartment… the world fell silent. Not completely, just… it… he grounded me.”

Matt watched him struggling to explain the feelings, the soft note of awe and admiration in his voice, and couldn’t help but relate – to the struggle, not the admiration. That part was just… unexpected. He wasn’t used to people acting like this. Foggy could never understand, no matter how much he tried; and everyone else… it was just waves and waves of pity washing over him whenever he mentioned things weren’t always easy; so as a rule, he tried his best not to.

But Steve seemed simply astonished. Matt wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Well, I guess there’s something true about that. I… people help with that. If I can focus on something or someone, it gets easier. Foggy… he is a good thing to focus on. Just… please don’t mention it in front of him.”

Steve looked like he was considering the pros and cons for a minute – lying and keeping secrets versus the consequences of telling the truth – , and then nodded.

“Well, I’m just grateful. It’s none of my business.”

Lots of things aren’t, Matt heard despite no more words spoken.

He smiled at Steve with relief and gratitude even though he knew the man couldn’t see it. “Thanks, Steve.”

The soft smile was thrown right back at him.

“What about you? How you’re holding up? I’m not exactly… great at interpreting all the info I’m being offered…”

Matt huffed. “To be honest, I think I understand what you mean by the muscle memory thing. I knew Doctor Banner was a friend of some sort when he approached me. It’s all… weird.”

Matt knew he didn’t need to say that he meant mainly the ability to see – Steve read between the lines.

“Imagine that,” Steve hummed vaguely, lowering his sightless gaze.

“I guess I just want this to be over with,” Matt admitted, feeling the tiredness settle in his – Steve’s – bones.

At that, Steve raised his head again, his eyes somewhat searching. Curious, but not noisy. Compassionate, but not pitying. Understanding, Matt realized.

Steve opened his mouth several times without a sound coming out and then spoke in soft reluctant voice.

“I was given this opportunity to… to serve my country despite being sick most of my life and I…, finally be able to fight for what I believed was right was all I could want. I had something I could never hope to have. And after the transformation… I had this recurrent dream, almost every night – still have it sometimes. I dream that wake up and… I’m back to my old self. It only gets worse with time. The longer I live like this… the worse the dream about relapsing is becoming. And it’s not the fact itself that I’m small and helpless… it’s that I am small and helpless again.”

Matt’s lips parted, releasing a shaky exhale under Steve’s genuine eyes – well, his own, whatever. His heart was hammering in his ribcage, the world swaying off its place slightly.

How… how was he able to get to the very core of the problem? How— how could he know exactly the worst part? Because he knows it, a tiny voice whispered in Matt’s head. He knows it.

Matt had no doubt Steve was telling the truth – and he finally understood what Foggy meant when saying that Matt was a terrible liar, seriously, Matt Murdock’s face screamed truth right now and it wasn’t hard to imagine that lie would be just as clear.

Matt fought against the lump in his throat, swallowing loudly.

“Yeah,” he rasped, watching the corner of Steve’s lips rise in a lopsided sad smile. “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.”

Or once, Matt was sure of his own feelings. He didn’t hate the ability to see. He was in peace with not seeing too, for most part.

But he despised the limited period he was given the great opportunity, only to be robbed of it. Again.

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“So, I have an idea.”

“That can’t be good,” Matt murmured under his breath, making Steve chuckle silently. In response, Matt’s heart skipped a beat, probably not expecting to be heard.

Tony was oblivious to the note, so Steve assumed Matt truly spoke too low for anyone to hear it. Except for a guy with superhearing, who was now in the position of being surprise surprised by being heard. Steve thought that maybe, one day he would be able to truly laugh at that.

“It’s very scientifically advanced so I’m gonna say it in plain English…” Foggy, Steve and Matt all held their breaths, while Bruce… Steve was pretty sure he rolled his eyes, even though he had no way of knowing that. “You should go to sleep.”

“I beg your pardon?” Matt blurted out.

Yeah, what he said. When had Steve zoned out enough to ignore Bruce and Tony talking anyway?

“Hey, I don’t want to explain it in science talk-“

“There’s zero ‘science talk’. We just think that if the artefact affected you in sleep, it might activate again when your consciousness is in the same state as it was during the first exchange,” Bruce cut him off and Steve could feel the shuffle of air as Tony gave his friend an annoyed look.

“Now you’re just oversimplifying-“

“Tony, that was a thinking of a five year old reading enough fairy tales-“

“I don’t think I can fall asleep now and like this,” Matt sighed, interrupting the bicker.

“I kinda agree,” Steve confirmed hesitantly.

“Yeah, well, in this century, we have those things called sleeping-pills,” Tony informed them sassily and Steve crossed his arms on his chest. Yeah, sure, except he would need a dose for an elephant. Or, well, Matt would need it. Steve’s actual body would. Whatever.

“I don’t like drugs.”

“Yeah, drugs are bad,” Foggy stated and Steve knew he crossed his arms as well. “I mean… he really doesn’t like it.”

“It messes with me for days. Call it oversensitivity…” Matt explained reluctantly, his voice sheepish and clearly uncomfortable.

“Yeah, well…”

Too late, Steve smelled something that set all alarm bells in his head off. It was a strange smell, artificial, making his stomach turn up. Before he could locate the source, he felt a sting on his neck. His hand immediately went to cover the place, strange warmth spreading through his body.

“HEY!” three voices protested loudly and Steve’s world swayed. His fingers touched a small object sticking from his skin, pulling it out with another sting.

With mind cloudy and his limbs swimming, he identified it painfully slowly. A tranquillizer arrow.

Tony had never meant to ask them if they wanted to go to sleep. Of course he hadn’t.

Steve didn’t even manage to curse. The world turned upside down and the last words he heard were ‘sorry pal, you’ll need like ten of these.’

And then the world went silent.

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“When I wake up – if I’m gonna wake up like myself again –, I‘m gonna ask someone to punch you,” Matt growled, watching his own body crumbled on the couch. That son of a bitch-

Tony Stark didn’t even have the decency to look guilty and shrugged.

“Sure thing, DD. Or MMM? Gotta love these alliterations. Anyway, you might wanna sit down again. It sucks to drag Cap’s body somewhere. Lots of muscles. Which is why we need to give you so much. Fast metabolism and shit.”

“Matt, I volunteer,” Foggy informed him stiffly and it took Matt a moment to realize what ‘call to arms’ Foggy was responding to.

“I think I’ll just find him when my senses are back too normal and hit him myself. It would be more satisfying,” Matt hissed, but sat down on the couch, getting ready to be dosed with what would probably be enough medication to bring down a horse. Or an elephant. Or the whole herd of elephants.

“Kinky.”

“Tony, please…” Doctor Banner cooled down his sassy friend, his hand massaging the bridge of his nose. “Just… do it, since you already set the plan in motion without, you know, asking for permission.”

“Non-consensual drug use. You’re drugging him against his will. Matt, you can have the punch. I’ll just sue his ass off.”

Despite the annoyance and anger, Matt couldn’t help but grin at his best friend’s note.

“You just got yourself a deal, counsellor.”

“Cute. Now sweet dreams, Cinderella.”

“I’m pretty sure that was Sleeping Beauty…” Matt murmured and it was the last coherent sentence he was able to say, because next thing he knew, he felt several stings, warmth enveloped him in a blanket and his eyelids started feeling too heavy. He couldn’t fight the natural response of Steve’s body and his own – it didn’t want to yield.

On the other hand, the amount of drugs that had just been pumped into him was way too much to handle.

Foggy was kind enough to hover over him; so it was him what Matt potentially saw as the last thing and not the smirk on Tony Stark’s face.

And then… darkness greeted him like an old friend, painting everything in black.

Still, he could hear the annoying voice of the billionaire. “Well, at least he admitted he was a princess…”

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Part 7

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Tags: @mermaidxatxheart

@igobypoet

#marvel #fanfiction #mcu #steve rogers #matt murdock #captain america #daredevil #bodyswap #steve rogers fanfiction #matt murdock fanfiction #think again when you stop freaking out #anika ann

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startwreck · 6 years

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WizardWorld Chicago 2018

“I’ll never fly to a con.”

That was my self-imposed rule. See, I live in the Northeast US, so there are lots of major cities within driving/busing distance, and thus lots of cons, and other fandom-adjacent events, happen within a reasonable distance of me. (I realize this is a privilege, and one I’m quite grateful for.) Anyway, when I got into the X-Files fandom a couple of years ago, I was interested in meeting Phile Phriends / Tumblr Pals in real life, and in participating in fandom or fandom-adjacent events, which I have done (and have spent money on), but I told myself that there was no need to ever fly anywhere just for a con: the cost of airfare is too much of an investment, the talent’s schedules can change, and besides, there are a disproportionate amount of options that I don’t have to make the investment to fly to. So I thought.

When DD & GA were announced for WizardWorld Chicago, I had already committed to plans for the con weekend. I was a little bummed, but thought that it was probably for the best that I already had plans, because otherwise, I would have been very tempted to fly to it. Then, just a few weeks prior to the con, after hanging up the phone call in which my last weekend in August plans were postponed, I saw a note from Kristin @kateyes224 alluding to her intention to go to the con. She informed me that @sunflowerseedsandscience, who I had been hoping to meet earlier in the summer, would also be flying in for the occasion. I took this influx of information as a sign that I should get myself to Chicago for that weekend. I justified the cost by using airline and hotel points to subside the expense. I was going to fly to a con. The next few weeks were a whirlwind of madness at work, so I was very grateful to have the aforementioned pals, plus Carrie @carrie11 who would be joining us for her first con, in my pocket to countdown to the weekend with.

I flew to Chicago on the morning Friday, August 24, laughing internally at the absurdity of the situation all the way. I made my way to Rosemont, my eyes going wide when I caught my first glimpse of the convention center, and settled myself into the hotel room before heading downtown on the train to meet Carrie. There was a food truck festival right by the L station that I emerged from, and I realized that all I had consumed only an iced coffee so far in the day, so I remedied that. Carrie was nice enough to indulge in my desire to be a tourist, since I hadn’t been to Chicago proper in years. I had never made it to the Willis Sears Tower, so we did that, and she took some fun pics of Puppet Mulder. I think this is my fav:

We then did a bit of walking -- Grant Park, Lake Shore Drive path, Millenium Park, and the Chicago River, before the rest of the crew arrived and it was finally pizza time! Soon after Carrie and I secured a table at Giordano’s, Kristin, @sunflowerseedsandscience, and Amanda @all-these-ghosts arrived. I greeted them on the patio and had an epic reunion hug with Kristin in which we made a total scene and squeezed each other so tight while squealing that I choked on some of her hair. The five us then had a wonderful dinner that I don’t remember much about except that the pizza was amazing, the company was even better, and I’m pretty sure I was just still in awe that this was all happening. After dinner, we went to grab drinks down the street. There was Shiner Bock on the menu, so Puppet Mulder joined us and confused many of the staff. Amanda especially was tickled by Puppet Mulder, while I was fangirling over her (she wrote Then The Bomb, people!!!) Truly, the con could have been cancelled and the trip still would have been worth it for just hanging out with this crew:

Saturday morning, Kristin procured Starbucks and we all readied ourselves to be presentable for photo ops in the late morning. We met Carrie, Clarice @contrivedcoincidences6, and @albanyparkavenue in the lobby and headed to the convention center. The security line coming from the hotels was long but moved fast. At this point, I had only pre-purchased a dual photo op (and Saturday ticket) but while we were in line I accidentally-but-it-was-bound-to-happen-anyway purchased GA & DD autographs on the ticketing app on my phone. Oops! Once we got in and procured our wristbands, it was already time for those of us with dual photo ops to get in line, so we did. In the midst of a lot of line waiting, Kristin perfected Puppet Mulder’s hair (we decided on Season 4 / Paper Hearts classic floops aka Backstreet Bangs). Puppet Mulder also made friends with a tiny Supergirl, which Carrie captured in a couple pics, and my day was made. Soon, it was go time. I was to go first so that Kristin could do last looks on Puppet Mulder’s hair immediately before the photo. As we approached the final holding area, I situated Puppet Mulder on my right arm and was prepared to pose him in an arms-spread position using the armrods in my left hand (we had been practicing in line.) When it was my turn, I approached, and I was told by those in line behind me that Gillian gave an exasperated “Ohhhhhhhhh boy” while I announced “Puppet Mulder is here!” in an attempt to preemptively stave off any questions about who he was and prevent myself from having to make any awkward hand gestures like I did in Montreal. As we were getting in position I asked, “Can he get in between you? I don’t know that I want to be in it” since I didn’t really care about my face being in it, but also didn’t want to crouch down without warning and confuse everyone. But David insisted, “Ah, no, you gotta be in it!” to which I conceded “I do? Ok.” and stayed put. With that, the photo was taken, I said thanks, and moved out of the way. As the rest of the crew emerged from the Tunnel of Love Anxiety, we went around the corner to retrieve our photos, and I think everyone in the group was pleased with the results! I was pleasantly surprised by mine (even if Gillian is doing her nervous hands.)

I even bought a photo protector sheet after being called out by DD in Montreal for not treating our photo with the utmost respect and bending it a bit. After this ordeal, we realized that we needed drinks and to regroup, so we acquired alcohol (beer is a reasonable lunch, right?) and found a path of floor outside the main hall to make our own. We were joined by some more pals including @dahlia-ships, @observeroftheuniverse, and @perplexistan.

After this recovery period, it was time for Gillian’s autograph session. I had the pleasure of being behind Natalie for this and got to listen to Natalie give the most eloquent, heartfelt litany of thanks to one of her favs. Also, somehow margaritas came up and Natalie and I were like “Yesss we just drank before this!” so clearly my 20 seconds were much less profound, but here’s the rough transcript after that:

Me: Thanks for putting up with us. GA: This was one of my favorite photos of the day. Me: Aww, really?! GA: Yeah, it’s between this one and maybe one other. Me: Oh, what was that? GA: Someone had an alien. Me: Oh yeah, the big blow up thing? [Had spotted this in front of us in the photo op line.] GA: Yeah. Me: *nods* Thanks!

When I emerged from her booth and realized she inscribed “My favorite photo of the day” on the photo, I was both heart-eyed and in awe. See, I am a terrible multi-tasker and thus continually in awe of Gillian’s ability to have a conversation while simultaneously making a non-robotic inscription. Like, yeah, she’s pretty good at acting and contributes to humanitarian causes, but I’d like to give her an award for speaking and writing at the same time. Was this talent born from some crazy avant-garde theatre warm-up? Is this some kind of Mom superpower? Really what I’m asking is: Is there hope for me yet to learn this skill?

Anyway, after the crew got their Gillian autographs, some more drinks were procured, and then we decided to go wait in line for the panel (which was actually a solid 9 minute walk from the main hall.) At this point, I started bothering Kristin to come get a DD autograph with me before the panel, because I’m a bad influence like that. She was unprepared with what she would have him sign though, so we started brainstorming, and landed on possibly The X-Files: Earth Children Are Weird picture book that I had brought a copy of so that Kristin could do a dramatic reading. Since that was back in the hotel room, a few of us darted back to grab it (and to grab our leftover deep dish, which my growling stomach was very grateful for.) We brought the remaining pizza to the line-sitters, and at around 4pm, I successfully convinced Kristin to come grab a DD autograph with me. Shayla @thatredhead00 joined us and her tale of a DD interaction earlier in the day made me howl with laughter. We made friends with a couple of local guys in line, and I connected with a woman I recognized from a previous event, which was funny. Anyway, DD made it back from his afternoon break, the signing session began, and soon enough, Kristin went first with the picture book, and I globbed on to her convo. Here’s the rough transcript:

DD: [signing on the title page] What am I signing? K: The X-Files picture book! DD: [Turns to the front cover] Aww, it’s cute! [Genuinely, high-pitched] DD: What happens in it? K: They go camping in the woods. Me: And Scully’s parents are aliens. Me: Whoops, I gave away the twist ending. DD: Yeah, you ruined it for me. Me: Yeah, it was gonna take you so long to read… Me: Thanks so much!

For those keeping score at home, this brings my record of accidentally-but-lovingly making fun of DD to his face at con autograph sessions to an even 2-0. Interestingly enough, I’ve been to two of his book signings and complimented him (well, his writing) at both of those. Not sure what gives.

Anyway, we decided that we needed more drinks before the panel so grabbed those and then made the journey back to where that was. Our pals were already seated, and the question line had already started forming, so Kristin and Shayla hopped in that while I took a seat with the crew. The panel was perfectly fine in person. Per usual, a few cringey questions (thanks Natalie for letting me squeeze your arm through these), but also a few great questions and responses. Kristin got to ask her question (and, as predicted, Gillian couldn’t remember specifics, and the morgue scene in “Ghouli” was David’s answer, but it was still nice to hear it.) Other highlights included a thoughtful question and response from Gillian on how the show might have been different if written from a more feminist perspective. Also, there was a fleeting moment when I thought the tell-all book was going to be spoiled, plus the infamous “Who tops?” question. All in all, not bad at all, though this was the first panel I’ve attended with just the two of them, so I admittedly don’t have any equal comparison points. Soon enough, it was over, and it was time to drink (more!) with Philes. All of the aforementioned crew from the day joined, plus Amanda, @datanullyx, @redscully, @xfilesgeekery, and @anicepieceofash. We started in the hotel bar but, in the interest of cost savings, eventually procured liquor and ordered (more) pizza and moved to our hotel room. There were lots of hugs and snuggles, lots of loudly wondering “What is my life?”, platonic handholding, one human/puppet makeout session, an impressive demonstration of Kristin’s ability to sleep through anything, and some amazing cheesecake brownies . As the evening got late, Puppet Mulder even changed into his red Speedo (and put on his to-scale legs.) Needless to say, it was a night both wonderful and strange. Here’s some of the crew at the after-after party:

I feel so lucky to have gotten to spend time with everyone I met or re-met this weekend, and if I start calling out the specifics of why you’re all so great, I’ll make myself cry, so I’m going to stop here. If you’ve read all of this rambling (whether you were present or not), I’m very impressed. Thanks to everyone who shared in this weekend with me from both near and far, and thanks to Gillian and David for giving us an excuse to meetup.

I said I’d never fly to a con, but I’m so glad I did.

Author's note: I always hate writing these because a) it means it’s over, and b) I can never fully capture the awesomeness that is meeting up with fandom friends. Also, I have a shit memory, but jotted down notes about stuff right after it happened on Saturday, so hopefully I’m not misconstruing anything too terribly. If you were present, feel free to correct me!

#wizardworld chicago 2018 #wizardworld #x files #david duchovny #gillian anderson #conventions #over a week belated but I finally finished!#long post #in case the readmore fails #also I hope tagging folks works #what a great weekend #I love you all #puppet mulder #chicago #I'll never fly to a con #<-- famous last words #personal

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eyes-of-dominance · 6 years

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@lil-deviousbrat for asking me to answer all the questions.

1. what is your biggest kink?

Spanking; it’s been my thing since before I had any idea what sex was, and it’s what led me to the rest of my kinks. However, any form of domestic discipline kinda applies here as well. I just have a thing for naughty girls learning their lesson.

2. describe your go-to masturbation fantasy

I have a few, but my most common is surprisingly a low-key bed time or otherwise domestic spanking. The girl being punished is usually dressed in sweatpants or cute pajama bottoms. She’s led to the edge of my bed as we talk about the offense; usually she gets very whiny and apprehensive about what’s about to happen, begging me not to, but to no avail. I then lower her bottoms, put her over my knee, and give her an exceptionally hard spanking with multiple implements until her ass is cherry red, tears are flowing, and her apologies and cries fill the room. After a post spanking lecture, it then usually leads to sex or an edging session for her. There’s a couple variations; sometimes she’s gagged for mouthing off or tied up for not cooperating, a lot of times I imagine her doing corner time beforehand, admiring her cute bottom before the main event, the implements used often change based off what I’ve been excited about recently, though the hairbrush usually features in some capacity. I sometimes find it weird that the majority of my sexual fantasies are kinda low-key and domestic in nature, but I guess I just like to fantasize about the kind of life and relationship I want more than something a little more conventionally sexy or scenario based. Even in my other more specific fantasies, the roots often trace themselves back to this core scenario.

3. do you play a more dominant or submissive role?

If it wasn’t clear by now, dominant.

4. describe a roleplay scenario you would enjoy

I’m not terribly big on roleplay; as stated earlier a lot of my fantasies are more domestic in nature, and that dynamic covers a lot of what I enjoy. That being said, there’s some things I can see myself having fun with. The classics of teacher/unruly student, coach/lazy player, boss/secretary, preplanned forced sex, all sound fun and enjoyable in their own way.

The main one that sticks with me in came from the internet. I read it awhile ago, so the details are fuzzy, but there was a scenario where the Dominant acts as an interrogator trying to get a piece of information from the submissive, given to her before the scene. The Dominant, within limits of course, then tries to extract that information from the submissive in any way he can, spanking, bondage, clamps, edging, until the submissive can’t take it anymore any gives it up. Perhaps a reward can be given to the submissive if she successfully keeps the secret within a time limit, so there are some stakes. Sounds like a really fun way to assume a character and have fun with it while still giving it some meaning as well.

5. what’s a kink that you’re not into but would do for a partner?

I’m very sexually adventurous, in that I really don’t have much that I couldn’t get into to some degree or wouldn’t try for a partner. I guess the easiest answer for something I’m not innately interested in would be the more overt aspects of ageplay. I’m not really into paci’s and diapers and all that; I’m much more naturally attracted to middles in that regard, but if I liked the girl enough I could see myself giving it a shot.

6. what was the best orgasm you ever had?

I mean, that’s a hard thing to keep track of. One that stands out in my mind is when I was writing a story. I was trying to plan it out in my head before I actually began to write it, and I absentmindedly just began stroking as I thought about it. Wasn’t very vigorous, just enough to keep me hard and in the mood. At least an hour passed, probably more thinking back to it, where I was just stroking myself thinking about all the things I’d do to this brat, and by the time I started going at it in earnest and reached the edge, it became overwhelming. The orgasm lasted a fair bit longer than usual, was extremely intense, and I came far, far more than I normally do, which was a sensation in itself. The funny part is, I can’t remember what story it was even for, because my mind ended up drifting off the original course.

7. do you have any kinks you’re ashamed to admit to?

Not that I can think of. As a kid/young teen I didn’t really understand why I was different in my desires, and I’m not exactly out telling everyone about my dominant feelings everyday, but I have come to terms with my kinks/fetishes and see them as much a part of me as any other, if not more so. There’s pretty much nothing I’m into that a close friend wouldn’t be able to ask about.

8. what’s a kink you enjoy in fantasy but wouldn’t really want to try?

There’s a few that there’s too many issues with. The first is a very public spanking. Now, I have little qualms about spanking a naughty brat in front of her/my friends, or in a place that it could potentially/likely be seen or heard by someone else. But the kind of fantasy you sometimes see in stories about a Dom turning his submissive over his knee in the parking lot of a crowded store, the bathroom of a mall, or otherwise around a ton of strangers? It’s hot to think about, that she gets her punishment wherever and whenever, no matter who’s around, but involving other non consenting people in my kink isn’t sexy, I’m sure it’d be way too much anxiety for both her and me, and I’d rather not have to explain D/s to a crowd of randos.

The second is really, really long term denial. Like the several months to a year kind. As hot as it is to read stories about, there’s one major problem; I love to see girls cum. Particularly a girl I’m involved with. The only person a several month denial period would be harder on than me is the poor girl subjected to it. I still love denial as both a punishment and as a power dynamic, but I’d likely stick to the shorter term variants.

Also, hardcore bondage. Can look very sexy in porn and in photos, but I’m not exactly looking to wrap my girl from head to toe and hang her from the ceiling any time soon.

9. would you say you’re sexually adventurous?

I would, especially within the realm of my kink. My main hard limits are knife/blood play, and stuff like scat. Pretty much everything else within the dynamic I am open to try.

10. tell us about the kinkiest sex you’ve ever had OR if you haven’t had sex, your kinkiest masturbation session

Well, one of my single greatest regrets is that the one time I’ve had sex it wasn’t kinkier. So that leaves masturbation, which raises the question, kinkiest way I’ve masturbated or kinkiest thing I’ve masturbated to? I don’t really know how to respond to the former; aside from switching up techniques and adding some different stimulation, I’m not sure what constitutes as kinky or not. For the latter, I’ll go with fantasies, not like videos I’ve seen since that’d be too hard to track down. The kinkiest thing I’ve fantasied about would probably be the ‘sex doll for a day’ style fantasy. Where the submissive is gagged, blindfolded, earplugged, and tied up extensively, and spends a prolonged period of time being an ass to spank and a set of holes to fuck. Completely impractical and arguably dangerous in real life, but it’s hot to think of a consenting girl being put in such a position that you have complete and utter sexual control over her for a prolonged period, where she has no idea when or in what manner she’ll be used, only that she’s going to be there quite a long time.

11. has a scene in mainstream media ever tripped your kinks really hard?

Quite a few times. I love Tangled for so many reasons that aren’t sexual, but the bondage potential for Rapunzel’s hair is quite endless, and any time she is especially adorable trips my daddy side quite hard. I never really watched the show, but I remember my friend once reblogged a gifset of Jade from Victorious being put in time out; that did a lot to me. Any scene in which a cute female character is mildly embarrassed or put in a compromising position tends to trigger the sadist in me. I actually have to give this one a little more thought, since I’m sure there’s a ton more but I’m kinda drawing a blank at the moment.

12. how did you discover one of/some of your biggest kink(s)?

There’s not really a huge moment of self discovery for most of them. I was interested in spanking as long as I can remember. My first developing sexual thoughts were about spanking pretty classmates and girls I knew rather than touching breasts or normal adolescent thoughts. That developed into my love of domestic discipline and traditional D/s in all its shapes and forms over the years. I will say that Realspankings helped shape a lot of my sexual preferences, and I started learning a lot about spanking and discipline in general from reading Michael Masterson’s old blog. I didn’t really get into the more broad world of BDSM until late adolescence, and specifically the DD/lg side of things until I came to Tumblr, and more specifically met @lil-deviousbrat. All the other stuff has just fallen into place over time.

13. are you into [send a kink]?

The brat that asked to to answer all the questions neglected to give me a kink to answer this one. Until she gets back to me with one, this will remain blank.

[Updated: The kink is suspension rope play]

Rope play in general is something that I’m curious about, but am somewhat apprehensive to get involved with, as I have learned that I am very much a novice at it. It definitely can be hot, and if I ever get better at it I think my interest may increase, but for the moment it’s a fantasy only type thing, until I can get reasonably good at restraining a non-airborne girl.

14. do your real life friends know about your kinks?

A few do. My brother and a close friend know explicitly. My brother’s girlfriend/fiance used to joke about me being DD/lg a lot, but I’ve never responded to it and she to my knowledge doesn’t know any specifics beyond that. I assume my mother kind of knows, but we’ve never discussed it outright. Outside of that, I tend to make jokes that hint at the fact with my close friends, but I doubt any of them know beyond a suspicion at best.

15. what is the weirdest situation that has ever turned you on?

I’m not sure about weird, I’d have to ruminate on that one a bit, but I’ve had a few unexpected/sudden ones that kind of count. I remember I was in the pool with my friend that I had a gigantic crush on. We had a slide right next to the pool, that occasionally we would jump off (maybe 7-8 feet up) into the deep end. I remember that she went to climb it, put her foot on the edge, and stalled for a second. I, somewhat worried for her safety, told her jokingly that she better not jump. She mock responded something to the effect of “what, you’re gonna come and get me?” So I got out the pool, walked over to the ladder, and started to climb it briefly considering how to bring her down from the ladder. I ended up letting her jump, but the D/s part of me was instantly and massively triggered by the whole event. Another one is when she tried to tickle me, and as we wrestled for control I ended up with her pinned over my knee with both hands behind her back. To say I was aroused would be an understatement. Not very weird, but was definitely a “0 to 100″ moment.

In general, the “weird” things that turn me on tend to be innocent phrases or scenarios that relate back to D/s. I will also say that I get intensely turned on by expressions. Some make sense, like a girl rolling her eyes or flushing with embarrassment, but there will be times where I have no idea why it turned me on at all. Some might consider that weird.

2 notes · View notes

sequoiann · 7 years

Text

❧ j.ww | saturation

pairing; seventeen wonwoo x reader

genre; fluff, soulmate!wonwoo

synopsis; in which one won’t be able to see color until s/he meets his/her soulmate

word count; 3.1k

notes; finally got to this request !! i’ve been meaning to write it since forever but i never got inspiration for it ahaa but it’s f ina lly done :DD

You stood in front of the vending machine, your fingertips lightly grazing past the glass surface which displayed the different drinks available.

“Hey, which do you want?” you asked your friend, Sura, who was on the phone. When she didn’t reply and continued chattering away to whoever is on the other side of the line --- presumably her boyfriend, you nudged her.

“Quick, we gotta get to class soon,” you told her. You managed to catch her attention, and she brings her phone away from her ear for a moment.

“Sorry! The green one, please!” she said, before putting the phone back to her ear.

“Hey, I’m hanging up, I’ll talk to you later,” she mutters into the phone before ending the call.

She looks to you, who had your arms crossed around your chest, your feet lightly tapping on the ground in mock annoyance.

“Green?” you asked her incredulously. “Might as well tell me the shade of grey that I see.”

Sura widens her eyes slightly, biting in her lips. “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! I forgot!”

You laugh, breaking the tension. “It’s alright.”

Sura quickly puts in her own coins into the machine and presses on the apparently green-canned drink.

You lived in a world of complete black and white --- and so did everyone else, until they meet their significant other; their soulmate. Sura, of course, had found hers. Her soulmate was from a different school, though, so they only met on weekends --- but their bond was unbreakable. Most of the kids your age could already see color, but you weren’t a part of that group. It wasn’t pleasant. Everything felt monotonously dull, and you just couldn’t feel or see the life in anything. It was almost as if everything was dead.

But you’ve grown up with this for the past 19 years, so it wasn’t like you were not used to it. You just felt unsettled whenever you saw someone gasp upon receiving a bouquet of roses, exclaiming things like “it’s so pretty!”. To you, you just questioned it. What is pretty? It’s just a dark, grey mob.

Even people simply speaking about colors, you couldn’t help but feel left out from the community. But you never mentioned that. You knew that it was inevitable to talk about colors the moment you could see them.

But no matter how edgy you felt whenever you heard about it, you clung onto your friends’ descriptions about colors for dear life. The way they described how yellow was like the bright sun; how it was pretty much the brightest color, and how red was just warm and fiery. The crippling realization that you may never meet your soulmate and may never be in the world of colors had you thinking a lot.

“Y/N! Are you listening to what I’m saying?” Sura spoke, elbowing your side as you two walked down the hall. You snapped out of your thoughts, shaking your head.

“Huh? What?” you asked. Sura raises an eyebrow and you chuckle sheepishly. “Sorry. I must’ve zoned out.”

“I was asking if you wanna go to the party after finals,” Sura repeated herself.

“The tradition’s still going, huh?” you smiled, and Sura grins, playfully, hitting you with her shoulder.

“Of course! It’ll never die. It’s the only thing that motivates us to get through the year, isn’t it?” she says, wiggling her eyebrows, resulting in you lightly slapping her across her cheek, laughing at her comical face.

“Stop doing that,” you laughed.

Sura quickly regains her composure. “Okay, so you up for it, right?”

You furrowed your eyebrows together falsely, stroking your chin with your thumb and index finger. “I don’t know, am I?”

Sura widens her eyes and shoves you, making you bump into a random student, the both of you stumbling.

“Watch where you’re going!” the student scolds, and you immediately apologize. Sura just snickers in the background.

“Look what you did!” you said in a hushed voice after you passed the student, and Sura just shrugs innocently.

“You’re going. I have no one else to go with,” Sura said, practically forcing you on the matter. “Please?”

“Fine,” you relented. “It’s not like I’ll let you go have fun all by yourself anyway.”

Sura lets out an excited squeal, making you smile like a mother would at her child. “Yes!”

“But we’ve gotta study for finals first! It’s next week, and it’s Friday already,” you reminded her.

“Yes mom,” Sura says in a dull voice, taking a 360-degree change, and you chuckled.

Just at that moment, the bell rings for the start of the next class.

“Shit,” you cursed under your breath, and both you and Sura made a sprint to the lecture hall.

The weeks of finals went by pretty slowly for you. It was a long and mentally-strenuous process of every student having to sit on the plastic chair while their brain fights the urge to walk --- no, run the hell --- out of the door. But no one does, of course; no one can. We all just sit and write the test, but when your mind was on full freak-out mode it’s hard to remember the little details of what you have been studying overnight for.

You constantly flexed your numbing hand from writing pages after pages of essay scripts, feeling the pain of your nails digging into the skin of your clammy palms. You didn’t know if it was you, but whenever it was the examination period, the examination halls’ and/or classrooms’ air were stale, sometimes tinctured with bleach. Was it bleach? You weren’t sure.

But whatever it is, the 2 weeks passed. The school air cleared undoubtedly, for you at least, and your body easily started unwinding --- the tension that was in you dissolving like dust.

“FINALLY!” someone shouted from across the classroom after the last paper ended, making everyone smile, some laughing. “LET’S ALL PARTY TONIGHT!”

Choruses of hyped-up ‘yeah’s were heard.

“Whose house is it this time?” Sura asks to no one in particular, but loud enough for everyone in the classroom to hear.

“Mingyu’s!” someone replies, and louder cheers erupted.

You smiled. The finals after-party was held at Mingyu’s place two years back, and it was the best yet. His house was big, but not too big that you’d get lost, but big. Really. Bigger than your average household, of course. Mingyu is dubbed as the ��rich kid’ of the cohort, but he’s nice and friendly, not much like typical rich kids.

“Don’t mess it up too much!” Mingyu calls out jokingly from his seat, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. You scoffed lightheartedly. What kind of party wouldn’t be messy?

“We definitely will!” Soonyoung, the class joker, replies, resulting in Mingyu sticking his tongue out at him before leaving the classroom. It made you chuckle.

“Hey, let’s go over to my dorm room. I’ve got clothes for you for tonight,” Sura said, her books piling up in her arms. “Needa’ visit the locker to dump these first, though.”

“Sure.” You laughed, slinging your dull, green backpack over your shoulder before taking half the stack of books from Sura, grunting a little at the weight. “Why’d you bring so many books today? It’s the last day.”

Sura sighs, the two of you walking to the locker hall. “I had to do some last-minute revision. I left out an entire chapter. But luckily only one question on it was tested.” She smirks, seemingly quite proud.

You scrunched up your nose in disgust. “Ugh. Not fair.”

Sura shakes her shoulders mockingly, and you laugh. She’s such a child.

You two arrived at her locker, and she opens it, dumping all her books inside --- literally.

“You’re just gonna throw them in there?” you asked, widening your eyes.

“Yeah. I don’t need them anymore,” Sura said decidedly, eyeing her pile of books in your hands, and nodding towards the dump in her locker. You chuckled and threw the pile in there, too. Sura quickly shuts the metallic locker door, locking it, and the two of you made your way over to Sura’s dorm.

Sura had her dorm all to herself, since her roommate had migrated a while back. Lucky her. The dorm was decently big, and being the only one living in it was a luxury.

Sura plonks down on her own bed, and you did so on the other empty, unoccupied bed. You sometimes sneaked in after roll-call to bunk with Sura, so this room was pretty much like your own. Your own roommate never told on you.

“What’s the dress code for tonight?” you asked. Each year was different; to spice it up a bit and make it more significant. There was one year where they jokingly made the dress code to be ball attires, and it was horrendous. The ladies came wearing huge, puffy ball gowns, and there was barely any space to walk. Everyone kept complaining about their dress being stepped on, too. The entire party got cancelled in the end, you heard. You and Sura didn’t go that year, purely because the idea of wearing gowns in this modern era sounded ridiculous to you two. The both of you weren’t the type to use these kind of chances to flaunt. Apparently, no one else in the school had the same mindset at the two of you. It was funny hearing stories about it, actually.

“Casual,” Sura said, grinning. You pursed your lips in a self-satisfied smile, too.

“I’m calling on dibs on your hoodie,” you said quickly, running to Sura’s closet.

“Which?” she asked.

“I don’t know, the really comfy one?” you said, pushing aside her hanged clothes. You finally spotted the hoodie you were looking for, and pulled it out.

“This one!” you said, waving it in the air. Sura was about to argue for it, but stopped herself.

“Fine, you take that one, I’ll take the other... um, army green one...” she trailed off, hopping off her bed and walking over to you. She rummages through her closet, before pulling out a hoodie which was simply of a dark grey shade to your eyes. You couldn’t help but run your hands across the fabric.

“Army green,” you said, letting the words roll of your tongue. “Must be pretty dark.”

Sura smiles. “It is,” she confirms. “Pair it with jeans?”

You nod. “Casual and cute.”

The both of you laugh. Hoodies paired with skinny jeans were your most commonly worn set of clothes. Sura and you were pretty much the same height and size, so clothes were exchanged all the time. She pulls out a pair of ripped light-colored jeans --- you didn’t even know the color of denim --- and you just pull it on, together with the hoodie you had taken out.

Yes, you were that close with Sura that you two would even change in front of each other.

“Time check!” you called, fixing your hood.

“We’ve got... 1 more hour till the party starts,” Sura said.

You pulled a face. “That’s long.”

“Not if we make a trip to Starbucks outside campus,” Sura said, grinning. You returned the grin and the both of you dashed out. Your campus oddly didn’t have a coffee store, unlike most of others, but the other facilities easily made up for it.

You still needed your daily dose of caffeine, though. The both of you made a super quick trip to Starbucks, before heading for the party.

You and Sura arrived at Mingyu’s house 15 minutes past the starting time, aka 7:15 pm. It was already packed, as you expected, and would fill up more over the next half an hour of so. It’s like that every year.

Sura spots her boyfriend in the middle of the sea of humans, and nudges you excitedly. You smiled and let her go over. Her boyfriend was one of the ‘special’ recognized guests allowed into the annual parties.

You squeeze through the dark crowd, trying not to trip over feet or knock over anyone’s party cups. Spotting Mingyu at a corner, you waved to him.

“Hey, Mingyu!” you called out. Mingyu turns his attention away from his group of friends to you.

“You’re here!” he walks over, handing you his cup of drink --- which you gladly take. You and Mingyu were pretty close; you two always studied together for upcoming tests.

You hummed as you downed the unknown liquid hungrily. You hissed a little as the bitter substance burned your throat slightly.

“Vodka?” you questioned.

Mingyu shrugs. “There’s punch in the back, if you want.”

You laughed, hitting him lightly. “No thanks.”

“By the way,” Mingyu said, slightly cautious of his words.

“Yeah?”

“...Still black and white, right?” he asks, and you nod, emotionless.

“Someone transferred to our school, and he’s starting next week,” Mingyu told you. “He skipped the finals. And he’s coming today.”

You raised an eyebrow. “So?”

Mingyu pursed his lips together. “I mean, I talked to him beforehand. He’s really nice. And you could be lucky this time.”

You huffed. “I can only wish.”

You grabbed another cup of vodka from the counter top, sipping on it. You didn’t want to get tipsy too quickly.

Mingyu’s phone rings in his pocket, and you were surprised that you could actually hear it above the loud music that was being blasted over huge speakers.

Mingyu checks his cell, and smiles. “He’s here.”

“Go ahead,” you said, and Mingyu stands up from leaning on the wall.

“Be right back.”

You started to wander around the place, with only your half-full cup in hand. It wasn’t easy to get around, of course, with everyone everywhere, but once you managed to escape the crowd, the back of the house was pretty empty. Except for a few people who were just all over the opposite sex. You escaped that too, of course. You didn’t need to see where they were gonna take it to.

You realized that there were random groups of cups of vodka on almost every table you passed, and you took that to your advantage, grabbing a cup whenever you finished yours. You knew you could hold your liquor pretty well, so you didn’t think much about it.

“Y/N! Wonwoo’s here,” you heard someone call from behind. You turned around, and something just suddenly seemed to blind you.

The man named Wonwoo, who standing beside Mingyu, was practically glowing. He wasn’t in black and white --- the only shades you have been seeing since forever. It was as if the saturation meter got turned up to its highest setting. His hair was of a certain dark shade, closely resembling the shade of the bark of oak trees, his sweater of a hue that was warm but vivid and vibrant, his jeans in the pigmentation of denim. He was in color.

When your eyes met, the colors didn’t spread calmly like you had expected all along. Everything around you seemed to slow down as the colors burst from him, swirling like oils and dyeing every other bit of whatever was in your field of vision.

There was a moment where both of your faces were simply washed blank with confusion, like your brain cogs could not turn fast enough to take in the sight before your very eyes. Every muscle in your body froze, and you could only hear and feel the hard palpitation of your heart against your chest.

Your other half obviously recovered from the stupefaction faster than you did. A wide grin spread across Wonwoo’s face as he took 2 large strides towards you. He wrapped you in a warm swaddle of his arms and his chest, and pulled you close. Despite the temporary heaviness in your stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of your body pressed against his.

“I--- You--- That’s---” you stuttered, making Wonwoo chuckle as he hugged you just a little tighter. He didn’t want to let you go.

“Yes, that’s color,” he said, his voice low and comforting to your ears. “I see it.”

Your eyes couldn’t help but dart around the room, observing every single thing. So this was what they called pretty. It was, indeed.

You pulled away from Wonwoo, and you unconsciously held onto his arms as you looked up at him, into his eyes.

“Your eyes,” you said softly. It was sparkling. It wasn’t the usual dull, soulless eyes that you’ve been looking into, in others, for the past nineteen years.

“Brown,” Wonwoo said, smiling gently. “My friends told me it’s brown.”

You broke out in a wider smile, your hand caressing his cheek lightly. You were amazed, really. But more than that, you felt a odd feeling in you. Something that seemed to knot in your stomach, but made you feel light.

“I told you!” Mingyu exclaimed from the background, breaking the atmosphere. You look over to him, who seemed more excited than yourself, laughing.

“Get lost!” you said, and Mingyu holds both hands up in defense.

“I will, to let you two have your own catch-up time,” Mingyu said, winking before walking away.

You didn’t know that Wonwoo hadn’t gotten his eyes off you yet. When you turned back to him, he abruptly closed the distance between the two of you, pressing his soft lips onto yours. You were taken aback for a moment, but Wonwoo’s arm on your lower back gently pulled you closer, and you let yourself melt into the kiss.

You never felt more fulfilled in your life.

“Hey, I’ve got to go find Wonwoo. That ass said he’ll teach me Math today,” you said. You two said your goodbyes on the phone and hung up.

“What did you call me?”

You whipped your head around, surprised to see the mentioned person behind you.

“Oh, hi Wonwoo!” you quickly said, smiling sweetly. Wonwoo mimics your smile exaggeratedly, then returns to his expressionless face.

“I asked, what did you call me?” he repeats lowly, making you want to burst out laughing.

“An ass!” you sputter, before running down the hallway in a giggly mess. Wonwoo laughs and runs after you, easily catching up and wrapping his arms around your waist from the back.

“More like the love of your life,” he teases.

“Wonwoo, we’re in the middle of the hallway!” you laugh, trying to wiggle out of his grasp.

“So?” he said, chuckling. His embrace loosens and you turn around to face him, and he plants a light peck on your nose. You scrunched up your features cutely, making Wonwoo chuckle.

“Cuddle night?” he asks, and you excitedly nod.

“I’m up for that anytime.”

#seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seventeen au #seventeen fluff #seventeen wonwoo #wonwoo #jeon wonwoo

211 notes · View notes

bwicblog · 7 years

Text

SA: i have never seen a small troll so happy in my life.

SA: I bought them ice cream.

TT: what flavor TT: if you say smTh like vanilla you are going To a(\/)Tually die

SA: why do you hate vanilla so much?

SA: I bought them what they liked best.

SA: it was butter pecan.

ID: guess what chat, i'm bored and bitchy so someone should give me a reason not to be.

ID: or a reason to be more bitchy. that works too.

DD: i think i would prefer to give you a reason to be less bitchy

DD: and in light of that it might be worth asking what you are feeling bitchy about!

DD: you can think of it as talking about your problems but also lets be real gossip is fun and bitching about yout bitchy feelings is cathartic

ID: pff well at least you're honest about why you're concerned. =:P i'm just bitchy because of some stuff that happened that i'm not about to share on the chat. for fear of the wrong eyes seeing.

ID: so sorry, no gossip!

DD: well thats unfortunate clearly i have no reason to keep talking to you DD: im joking of course i am sorry that bad things happened the fun part of gossip is getting together with friends to trash talk the people you dislike not the nature of the suffering itself DD: in the end it is my overall preference that my friends do not feel shitty DD: and as we have totally established we are at least on the first tier of friendship >:D

ID: you a trash talking pro then there daz? =:P i'll have to remember not to upset you. so you can't drag my good name through the mud.

ID: the first step of a long climb, you gotta be dedicated to this friendship.

DD: well okay to be honest i am not usually the one doing the trash talking unless it is in respect to my mechanical equipment some of which has developed an attitude as a result of the artificial intelligence frames i have installed to assist me with my work but that is more affectionate trashtalking like one might perform when calling their pet cuttlefish fat DD: mostly it is my friend trash talking but when i have issues i have to acknowledge usually it is me messing up like it was earlier with prisma and in those cases i just kind of go be by myself a bit because trash talking is fun but me crying to someone is significantly less so

DD: and of course i am dedicated or well as dedicated as i have reason to be which is to say you are fun to talk to and i can see myself doing so for the forseeable future but i am afraid i am not yet ready to lay down my life for you no matter how much colorful claw varnish you introduce me to

ID: man can you type. or is this a talk to text program. either way you're fast. and wordy.

ID: not saying its bad.

ID: before you get offended.

DD: i type very quickly but i am told i talk very quickly as well it is sometimes a problem but unfortunately i have a hard time telling when it is appropriate to stop because really i want to say all of the things that are relevant and i think theyre all important DD: also i am not offended dont worry you are only saying the truth

ID: and you should trash talk more, it's great.

DD: i dont really have anybody to trash talk though!

DD: except maybe the people on team jaycob

DD: they have awful taste that is quite worthy of trashing

ID: so far i don't think we've seen any of them around.

DD: the problem remains! 😦

DD: to clarify that is a sarcastic smiley i am not actually that torn up over the issue of not having a fight to pick with people and i am afraid i have been coming of as sufficiently ditzy lately that that may be unclear

ID: hahah, well. if it makes you feel better chat rooms are hard to guage that sort of shit.

ID: though some people put /s at the end of sarcastic remarks to indicate sarcasm.

DD: i feel like thats a little bit too on the nose sometimes

ID: also the colorful claw varnish is the best and you're really missing out by not going out and purchasing some that changes color.

DD: but its still probably better than a long paragraph explaining my intentions so i will keep it in mind!

ID: it's hella fun to run under different temperatured water.

ID: just use it when you reallllyyyy don't want someone to get offended.

DD: and oh dear well that is what we are going shopping for later isnt it! DD: there is not very much of anything at all to buy here in such a small town though admittedly the local burgers are delicious and its always more fun to buy that sort of thing in person with friends than just ordering it online for drone delivery

ID: because when they're already het up a long explanation can make it worse.

DD: why would people be offended?

ID: also yeah you probably went to the same burger place as i did with gliese and they had some fantastic burgers.

ID: because it can come off as...

ID: what's the word.

ID: that means you're talking down to a troll because you think they're dumb.

DD: condescending!

ID: that.

DD: and oh dear that makes sense DD: i think that was the issue with my apology explanation earlier as well DD: i was worried that i might be misrepresenting myself and i did not want prisma to think i was acting out of malice but really it came off like i thought he was dumb

DD: that sucks 😦

ID: yeah, it's a slippery slope of being understood and coming off as a prick.

ID: slipperier for you since you're a fish.

DD: !!

DD: what do you mean

ID: ....look, you know how stereotypes work right.

ID: the biggest stereotype for a fish for us lowbloods is that every troll with fins is a jerk.

DD: i have had little experience with socializing with large numbers of people DD: i have had much experience with watching tv

DD: and oh dear

DD: ... i guess i knew that i just didnt really think about it or how it might apply to me

ID: yeahhh. see you're in a position where you can just. not apply things to yourself and be safe doing it.

ID: where us lowerbloods have to be more wary and careful.

ID: better to assume a highblood is gonna mess you up. rather than trust one and get fucked up. y'know?

DD: ... yeah

DD: that makes sense DD: D:

DD: ... do i maybe come off like a person that would mess somebody else up though like generally stereotypes aside

ID: well i mean.

ID: if you were really devoted.

ID: some fish like to play the long con.

DD: the long con??

DD: i mean i understand what you mean i just dont understand why that would be something that you might be concerned about somebody else doing

ID: ...because i like living.

ID: and am also maybe a little paranoid.

DD: hm! DD: i am just asking because i mean yes i understand that i am a seadweller and this means i am sturdier than most lowbloods but also there are other seadwellers fully capable of hurting me too both physically emotionally socially and financially and in fact i have recently narrowly escaped an assassination attempt but i suppose i still do not see that much reason to be consistently concerned about somebody playing a long con on me DD: thought maybe that is why somebody tried to cull me so you may have a point in that respect

ID: hahah why did they try to assassinate you...? =:/

ID: is that what happened to your horns.

DD: yes!

DD: and i suppose it is because i am one of the two chief executives of a very rapidly successful starship tech company and there are some issues with you know brand competition

DD: and resentment because the field thus far has been dominated primarily by long-standing memebers of it an i am fairly young as well as the issue that well

iD: oh. yeah. cut-throat business, they don't like the new fish muscling in on things. i get it. i mean it's shitty but i understand.

DD: one of the other recent entrants into the field of helmstechnology development is qpin and they are uniquely known for their ruthless competitiveness though of course i cant strictly say that they were behind it

DD: though my co-ceo says it was likely them because the queenpin is the head and she has a lot of trouble in terms of competitiveness on account of being a jadeblood

DD: but all of that is politics and i am afraid that i am not particularly great at it and i have no idea who it was

ID: ...also jeesh i guess i should have. expected you to be working on helm shit since you're at the helm station. i'm kinda glad you're not allowed to talk about what you're developing now.

ID: but congrats on not dying.

ID: or becoming too maimed to continue working.

ID: sorry about the horns though.

DD: thank you!!

DD: i appreciate your celebration of my narrow avoidance of death : P

DD: also what is wrong with as you phrased it helm shit?

DD: i will refrain from talking about it if it makes you uncomfortable but i am afraid i dont understand

ID: you're the only person who is apparently willing to chat tonight so i'm glad you survived long enough to chat. =:P

ID: i don't like helm shit. it's like.

ID: the text version of claws on a chalkboard for me.

DD: truly high accolades

SA: nobody asked if they wanted me in the chat :/

DD: and oh my goodness well i will keep that in mind

DD: umm

ID: pris! sorry, i assumed you were napping.

SA: i'm teasing.

DD: i think maybe the assumption was that you were not present on account of earlier hads said-

DD: oh

DD: oops

ID: =:P

ID: 💚

DD: 💜 >:D

DD: do you maybe have anything that you would like to trash talk about because we have recently arrived at the conclusion that it is a worthwhile endeavor but i have nobody to trash talk and hads is being very secretive about the source of his miffedness

ID: yeah pris, give us some trash talk. =:P

SA: oh.

SA: um.

SA: ...

SA: this is. rather hard.

DD: unless of course you would like to join hads in the club of secretiveness which i assume is alternatively titled the club of the subjects of the trash talking being potentially present in the chatroom at a later date?

SA: no, I have no secret salt. I have made most of it known.

ID: yeah pris is a pretty honest guy.

DD: oh in that case what is difficult?

SA: I do not tend to hold on to animosity for extreme periods of time.

SA: It takes energy I do not have.

SA: I would rather reserve it for stopping hadean from getting into a bonus fight after Ashley.

SA: let me think.

ID: =:PPPP

DD: oh dear DD: see that statement there sounds a little bit like salt though maybe perhaps not the sort that is meant to be a source of amusement

ID: i need a post-victory fight tho pris!

SA: i think that it's very stupid that high bloods become very offended when I enter their space.

SA: they can't stand the idea i have as much money as them.

SA: that is sufficiently salty.

DD: also i think i understand that i tend to not hold onto angry feelings for very long but i in general am a lot more inclined to be sad rather than mad

ID: i'll take it! that's some salt. fuck them for getting snooty.

DD: and i appreciate the pun there though i am not sure what you mean DD: i dont find you offensive to be around at all

ID: the stereotypical fish daz.

DD: oh this is about stereotypes again

SA: it must be hard to live life with such a fragile ego that because someone is well-tailored and capable of pulling several thousand out of their wallet in cash, you must threaten them as much as possible to feel powerful again.

ID: do i gotta punch someone for you pris?

SA: you do not need a post victory fight you need a post-victory ice cream and bandaids.

ID: =:PPPP

SA: also dazzle I am regularly somewhat salty at Hadean. it is the spice of our friendship.

DD: yes seconding hads though more in spirit of concern rather than desire to actually punch anybody what i mean is that it sounds like you recently had a bad experience

DD: is that why hads is the saltlick

SA: yes but taht's also because he's salty anyways.

SA: ❤

ID: is salt a spice now.

ID: 💚

DD: <3< ??

ID: what.

SA: i did not recently have one, no. It just happens when I leave the loft. I live in West Haven, which is majority high-bloods.

ID: no. definitely no.

DD: platonic spade i suppose but i cannot find it in blue

DD: or purple or green

SA: oh no. It's not like that at all.

SA: I thought salt was a spice... is something only a spice if it grows?

ID: idk.

ID: daz is salt a spice.

DD: i am going to say yes though mostly out of convenience for the sake of making puns and less because i actually know

SA: oh.

SA: well that's as good of an answer as any.

DD: although on the topic of growing i can at least say acid is often used to spice food underwater so

DD: there is at least that

SA: that sounds like. hell.

SA: but i suppose i won't judge i eat scorpions.

ID: ...how does. acid food taste...?

ID: does acid impart a flavor?

SA: is it citrus-y, dazzle

DD: that depends on the acid you use i suppose sometimes it is bitter and other times it is more sour and unfortunately i cannot tell you if it is citrusy on account of i have never had a citrus fruit though it does not taste much like orange candies if that helps

DD: also it is often used to cook food not just season it

ID: huh.

ID: weird.

SA: you should try an orange sometime. they are wonderful

DD: more weird than eating scorpions?? :{

DD: and apparently also squirrels

ID: i like berries the best out of fruit. but they're usually more expensive.

SA: I do not eat rodents.

ID: since they spoil quicker.

ID: i eat squirrels. =:P

SA: horrid.

ID: any port in a storm pris.

DD: i will have to try both oranges and berries in that case maybe even a smoothie consisting of both 😄

SA: do not do that.

SA: Orange is a very particular flavor.

DD: i am taking this landdweller food thing step by step

DD: oh

DD: interesting

SA: citrus pairs well with other citrus.

ID: try orange juice.

ID: that's easy to find.

SA: lemon and lime, for example. Or Mango and orange.

SA: yes.

SA: orange juice.

ID: mango is a citrus? =:????

SA: ,...I always thought it was.

SA: "While both citrus and tropical fruits are grown in warm climates, citrus fruits refer specifically to the genus of flowering fruits in the Rutaceae family, which include oranges, grapefruits and lemons as well as certain other species and hybrids such as the pomelo, key lime and citron. Mango is not a citrus"

SA: now I'm mad at Hadean for telling me mango is not a citrus.

DD: i think i will just buy a pile of fruit

DD: and see which ones i enjoy

SA: and ruining sweeps of disbelief.

ID: ...i mean. mangos are too sweet for a citrus.

ID: was my logic.

SA: are... are oranges not sweet to you.

ID: not as sweet as a mango!

ID: oranges have that citrus taste!

SA: make sure you learn how to prepare them, Dazzle.

DD: you mean you cant eat them raw??

ID: yeah but some of them you don't eat the outsides.

ID: like citrus fruits.

DD: maybe i can go to a fruit restaurant

SA: just putting a mango in your mouthi s not the most brilliant idea.

ID: but you can eat the outside of a mango can't you?

SA: no.

SA: you also can't eat the outside of a banana.

SA: or.

SA: You can but it will make you very sad.

SA: I learned this the hard way.

SA: It was unfortunate.

ID: 'Answer: Although the pit of a mango isn't considered edible, some people do eat the mango skin. The skin is bitter-tasting, but the peel contains several healthful chemical compounds, including powerful antioxidants mangiferin, norathyriol, and resveratrol.'

ID: i have no idea what any of those words mean.

SA: so the short version is it will make you sad.

SA: healthy.

SA :but sad.

DD: i need to be healthier i think but i do not want to be more sad

DD: but maybe the health will be making up for it because honestly most of my sadness as of late has come from my health

SA: are you of poor constitution?

ID: i'll be honest and admit i've never eaten a mango. so i was guessing on eating the skin.

DD: not usually!!!

DD: i am just

ID; adjusting to being on land?

DD: not used to living on the land and everything is very dry and my gills hurt a lot and everything tastes weird so i am also hungry all the time

DD: and also everything is very hot

SA: you would probably be happier in a bay area.

SA: why they let you move to a desert

SA: Is beyond me.

ID: because of the station pris.

SA: yes, but... why put it there.

ID: close to a lowblood settlement.

DD: because it is a remote location where i am unlikely to be found again by the person who previously attempted to assassinate me and also because there is a psionic training station that is located in the area on account of it being a lowblood locale with a high psionic concentration

SA: oh so abducting.

DD: and that is very useful for my research

ID: easy to lure them away from a shitty town to be experimented on.

DD: i mean i am

DD: unsure i would phrase it that way

DD: ... the luring not the town thing the town is pretty shitty

ID: good thing i did it for you.

DD: oh dear

ID: you're poor and life sucks and maybe your lusus is dead and you're scared.

ID: some highblood offering you candy if you come to his station sounds pretty good.

DD: actually i believe most of the recruiting is done through online means

SA: a more polite way of saying it would be that it is often easier to accept being an pet and know you are cared for than it is to be free and struggle.

ID: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ my point remains.

DD: and the payment tends to be in caegars and i know that is not what you mean i simply think you maybe are not representing it very accurately

ID: it's still sucky to do.

ID: most of those trolls have to choose between that and death.

DD: i mean it is also kind of sucky to work public service at a cafe but

ID: ...i mean a cafe doesn't screw things in to you.

SA: being a living experiment and test subject is very different from being subject to a screaming indigo about how their latte was not enough foam.

ID: you can leave a shitty cafe job.

SA: ...do they foam lattes...

SA: I dont know.

SA: I have the all the time, and I have never thought about it.

ID: and you're probably less likely to die in a cafe job.

ID: or fry your psi.

ID: and probably get culled for that.

DD: well i mean first of all the only test subjects are the two cerulean trolls i believe and also the people that volunteer to help me out but that part is not mandatory the main purpose of this station is to prepare trolls that have been conscripted for helmservice for an easier transition upon ascension and also accept anybody that would like to volunteer for the service without conscription not

DD: testing things really

ID: yeah well i bet if you asked a lot of wrigglers why they volunteered.

ID: you'd get a lot of 'i didn't have any other option' answers.

DD: hm

DD: i guess i do not know

SA: does it not

SA; unsettle you.

ID: you sure don't! but the first step is realizing you don't know.

SA: that our ships are using an archiac biotechnical method of power when we could built a technical system or a disocnnecting system for them.

SA: My pilot training used my inhibitor to join and disconnect me from a ship without hurting me in the slightest.

SA: and yet this isn't the norm.

ID: man you also hear those stories about them chopping a helms' fronds off.

ID: since they don't need them for anything.

DD: well as a starship technician i kind of have to argue your useage of the word archaic because the biotech we have developed is currently eons ahead of our purely mechanical methods of transportation which are heavily limited by both fuel systems and speed and also i am not sure that you are hearing accurate stories about limb removal that is definitely not a standard practice and would probably be actively detrimental to the process and helmsman adjustment and biowire integration DD: as would be constantly placing the pilot into painful situations upon connect and reconnect though maybe that may be the case withoutdated systems??? DD: the point of helmsman system design is to ensure a fluid and efficient connection

ID: ...huh.

ID: i mean tbh i never really paid attention to schoolfeeding about helms since. you gotta figure that stuff is just propaganda to make you think it's great.

DD: a decent amount of it probably is but that is the case with all fleet propaganda!! which is not necessarily a bad thing to be honest if you ask me personally because focusing on the negative aspects of a situation is never going to motivate anybody when you think about it regardless of what the job it

ID: i mean the ratio of cons to pros of some jobs are a lot easier to swallow than others. =:P

DD: that is very true DD: i would not want to be a garbage person i am not ashamed to admit this

ID: and i like walking.

DD: or a fighter like sipara i am fairly sturdy but i do not like being attacked

ID: if you could not tell by my adventurer lifestyle.

ID: and you can say that i can explore wayyyy more stuff in a ship but i'm pretty sure it is soooo not the same.

DD: haha yes that is true i suppose i do not consider it much considering i am both very fond of swimming over walking and also my experience on starships as a nonpsionic troll involves not very much walking anyways

DD: partially because i am stuck in my coon trying to adjust to orbit but also primarily because there is also not much room to walk

ID: ...i guess since i've already dived in to this ball of squick i might as well ask since you'd know best.

ID: does like. your kind of psi make you better or worse or not usable for a helm?

DD: yes very much so!

DD: there is a psionic ranking system of course in terms of the amount of raw power available but also the type of psionics make a difference for example cerulean psychics and indigos are not functional for ship powering at all and varieties among lowbloods that exhibit nonphysical properties such as clairvoyance are typically not high enough on the actual kinetic energy production to be able to power a ship with any efficiency as conversion to a useable power source is often very inefficient and also takes up energy in the process which rather defeats the point

DD: for example telekinetic type psionics tend to be the most effective for helming while more psychically oriented powers are not

SA: sometimes hybridization allows multifaceted psionics but it's also very rare in natural occurance.

SA: i can pilot a starfighter with my telekinesis as long as the ship and my inhibitor are programmed to allow the link through.

Sa: But an entire ship wuld be beyond me.

SA; and for the most part starfighters rely on a psion's ability to generate shields and manipulate other variables for a quicker reactions time, but not flight itself.

DD: there are also augments that assist with that!

ID: hahahah okay can this be enough helms talk now.

ID: i've exceeded my comfort zone.

DD: that is part of what the psionic training facility that i am part of helps with-

DD: oh dear my apologies

DD: i will stop!

SA: 😃

ID: i mean i asked so it's fine.

ID: just. new convo now plzkthx.

ID: ...i mean i should volunteer a new subject huh.

ID: pris did you have dinner?

ID: both of you for that matter.

ID: miss hungry because i don't eat.

SA: ...

SA: maybe.

ID: =>:I the ice cream you had earlier isn't dinner btw.

SA: i had a fruit salad.

DD: dinner??

DD: ...

DD: oh dear

DD: i am afraid i lost track of time

DD: i was going to say i did have dinner but that feels as though it was a long time ago and it occurs to me that that may have been dinner yesternight and it is possible that part of my discomfort with my health is because i am actually very hungry

ID: i'm gonna make you both set alarms to eat. =>:(

ID: a fruit salad and ice cream isn't enough for a night pris.

SA: mrmrm.

SA: I'll be back in a bit.

ID: if you get lonely while eating call sips' mobile and i'll steal it to vid chat. =:P

SA: well I may as well call it now then.

SA: i am.

SA: go find it.

ID: woofbesat, fetch. i see how it is. =:PPP

DD: i unfortunately tend to not notice my alarms it has been somewhat detrimental my friend used to ahve somebody come pull me away from my work and i thought it was sillybut now i am realizing it was probably very necessary

ID: get one of those bracelets that vibrate as an alarm.

ID: they might work better.

DD: but also that is my cue to go find food before i keel over and die so goodbye it was lovely talking to you and also that is a good idea i should find one of those

ID: ...damnit now the chat is empty again. =>:(

VC: Not quite.

VC: I'm taking a rrest on a courrierr trip, what's everryone else up to?

ID: uh i sent all the hungry skeletons off to eat because they all forget or think that a fruit salad is a meal.

ID: so they're doing that. and i'm just sitting here twiddling ym thumbs and watching pris eat on vid-chat on another mobile.

ID: ....is it rude to text someone while watching another troll in a vid chat.

SA: i'm talking.

SA: asshole.

SA: that. that wasn't serious

VC: Oh, I don't think I've met you before, SA.

SA: Hello.

SA: I am prisma.

ID: =:P i can multitask pris!

VC: I'm Cennef. And you and Hadean apparently know each other well, I take it?

ID: yeah we're buds.

ID: pris is cool, so be nice to him. =:P

SA: cennef. it's nice to meet you.

VC: He's yellow, what reason do I have to _not_ be civil?

VC: It's not like he's one of this room's silly highbloods.

VC: You seem well-mannerrred, so I agrree in turrn.

ID: he can speak kinda highblood-y sometimes but it was just how he was raised so don't pick on him. =:P

VC: Mannerrs and phrrassing of some things isn't an exclusive highblood trrait. I harrdly would.

VC: Pherrres talks like he's trrrying to sound cerrulean sometimes and that doesn't botherr me.

ID: i mean glad you understand that. some lowbloods get so offended when you use a 'highblood' term!

ID: like saying tub is gonna turn you blue.

VC: Ha. I may not carre forr highbloods, but - oh _rreally_

VC: Using theirr language isn't exactly a sin.

VC: That's rridiculous.

ID: you've never met a lowblood who got all snooty with you over it?

ID: the 'uhm, did you mean ABLUTION TRAP?' types?

VC: I suppose I have now that I think of it, but they arren't exactly trrolls I spent a lot of time arround.

VC: My ex quads werren't like that at all, norr arre any of my currrent frriends.

ID: wise move. there's having a grudge against highbloods and then there's overcull.

VC: I rreally only have a grrrudge against _one_ highblood, but I do lack fondness forr them in generral.

SA: i overcull teal bloods.

VC: Though perrhaps it might be prrrudent to stop talking about it in case any of them do come in.

SA: they have always patronized me.

SA: 😉

VC: Pfft, what

VC: I know you'rre joking, but I don't rreally get it

ID: hahah, it's a chat thing. we joke that teals are the worst because they're in the middle so they lash out more.

VC: Ohhhh

VC: To be honest, I have only met one tealblood outside of deliverries, which don't rreally count.

VC: He was...verrry odd.

ID: that's a tealblood for you.

VC: Well, he wasn't a lawtroll orr anything. He was some sorrt of perrforrmer.

ID: ...huh. was it the dumpster troll.

ID: ...do you know what i'm talking about. probably not.

VC: ...he cerrtainly _belonged_ in a dumpsterr but otherrwise no, I do not.

VC: Mine talked like some sorrt of flowerrry idiot and called himself barrd.

VC: Is that what this dumpsterr trroll did.

ID: yes!

VC: Oh my god.

SA: why is there a known dumpster dweller.

ID: he got ceruleans mad about historical bulge piercings.

SA; what dessert should I get?

VC: _Oh my god._

ID: and they threw him in a dumpster.

ID: ...the fluffy one.

VC: For once. I am on the bluebloods' side.

VC: _What is wrong with him._

VC: Correction.

VC: How many things arrre wrrong with him.

ID: and then he started dueling them in the dumpster.

VC: Though I'd probably be -

VC: _Highbloods._

ID: until someone came and rescued his hide.

ID: it was hilarious.

VC: That's completely rrridiculous.

ID: it was. but that made it hilarious.

ID: so what are you delivering...?

VC: Sorry, I was getting back on the road. I have my phone on talk-to-text now. It's some sorrrt of book collection for this olive.

ID: you're fine. how are you traveling? and that sounds. boring.

VC: Haha, I have no clue. They could be about stunning adventurrres, for all I know. I don't usually get told the details of what I deliverrr, unless they'rre imporrtant forr trransit.

VC: I rrride my lusus.

VC: She's not exactly a hoofbeast orr anything, but she can go at a decent pace with a trroll as small as I am.

ID: heyy a troll after my own pumper. though my lusus is a variety of hoofbeast.

VC: Ohh, what kind?

ID: antelope kind. but one of the big ones. he can carry me and my stuff no problem. and we have similar rocking racks.

VC: Pfft. Do you now.

VC: I have decently sized horns myself.

ID: about time. like this chat is mostly nubhorn central.

VC: I can prrrove I am not nubhorned.

VC: Ignorre the goofy exprression, this is just what I had on frrond. Also unforrrtunately I should pay attention to the terrrain now, it's getting rrough.

ID: huh. sorry i've not got an image right on hand to share. and i'm not in the prettiest shape for selfies, so you'll just have to take me at my word. =:P

VC: Haha

VC: Well I fully expect one laterrr

VC: But underrstandable - ow

VC: I rreally _should_ stop talking, dammit

ID: your lusus bad at navigating?

SA: the fluffy one

SA: that didn't tell me anything...

ID: point the camera at the menu for me.

SA: there...

ID: uhhh. the lemon tart thingy. since you said you like citrus.

SA: okay.

SA: delicious...

ID: you're welcome. =:P

#c:cennef #c:dazzle #c:hadean #c:prisma

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hoonface · 7 years

Text

Tag Games?

Thank you for tagging me!! @s-lay-ing I ACTUALLY REALLY LOVE YOUR BLOG AKDHSKASJDH THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I’m not sure which ones I was supposed to do? So I just did all of them XD I would like to taaag ( Rules: Answer the questions and tag amazing followers you would like to get to know better!) IS THAT THE RULE IM NOT SURE IM SO CLUELESS PLEASE FORGIVE ME :| anyywaaay @wonuthewhale @healinghoshi i see carmen is already tagged so no jisoosmeoli then @jisoominghao @jeongjarsofhannie and @zeungkwan !! Optional of course, and anyone else who’d like to do this is absolutely welcomed!!

Name: I prefer to be called Camilla online for personal reasons 😃 I hope you all understand!

Nicknames: not much tbh?

Zodiac Sign: Libra

Height: I actually don’t know? Around 155-157? Short af =-=

Orientation: …pardon? As in introduction? WAIT IM GONNA GOOGLE THIS: it says something but I don’t get it um so it says basic attitudes? I like to not badmouth about anyone? I’m sorry I can’t do this one TT-TT

Ethnicity: I’m from Hong Kong 😃

Favorite Fruit: …I actually don’t know um I like cherry tomatoes cut in half with cooking salt on them? I’m strange yes.

Favorite Season: Autumn

Favorite Book: this question is asking too much of me I LOVE READING MY FAVOURITE SERIES WOULD EITHER BE THE LAND OF STORIES, OR THE HUNGER GAMES 1, CAUSE TWO AND THREE WERE CONFUSING AF.

Favorite Flower: Jeonghan’s sunflower: Minghao XD

Favorite Scent: food? In general?

Favorite Colour: I like soft orange kind of?

Favorite Animal: Your domestic house pets, but I am open to new animals 😃

Favorite Beverage: …soda? Until the carbon goes up your nose and it hurts like hell :DD

Average Sleep Hours: Depends if I’m in exam period or not? Usually around 7-4??

Favorite Fictional Character: …I um. Don’t know? Sorry :|

Number of blankets you sleep with: this is so random what XD around one or two. Depends on season.

Dream Trip: The Maldives and Italy, after that I’m up for everything

Blog Created: Ooooh… September 2016?

Hogwarts House: I haven’t Harry Pottered don’t kill me pls

Time Right Now: 7 something pm

Lucky Number: 5?

Last Thing I Googled: define “orientation” as reference to ^^^^^

Favorite Bands/groups: I don’t really have a favourite group outside Seventeen, cause before kpop I listened to a variety? BUT HELL YEAH SEVENTEEN!

Favorite Solo Artist: I’m not sure heheh…

Song stuck in my head: From Now On, Kim Min Seung, THAT CUTE CUTE CUTE OST FROM WEIGHTLIFTING FAIRY

Last movie watched: in the cinemas? SAO’s Ordinal Scale.

Last TV show watched: let’s just say weightlifting fairy for this

What are you wearing right now: pyjamas?

Dream job: I don’t really have my mind set yet, but my mother suggested an editor? If I’m good enough at English that is XD

Following: um let me check…361 as of today!

Posts: 2169 holy crap

Do you get asks regularly: no TT-TT please feel free to make my day and drop in!

Do you have any other blogs: nope XD I came to Tumblr to get to know Seventeen better WHEN I CRASHED AND BURNED INTO DIAMOND LIFE AFTER MANSAE MV OK I GOT SO ALSDLASDKJ

What I Post About: I don’t post that much, but when I do its usually kpop? And occasionally personal, if you see a full stop and the tags will be me ranting or talking to myself/

Why you chose your url: I suck at puns so yeah. It used to be seventeenismyhealing and I miss that url…

When Did My Blog Reach it’s Peak: HOW DO I CHECK THIS? I am sorry I don’t know how to check this…

Second game: AM I ALLOWED TO DO THIS?

rules: bold the statements that apply to you!

appearance:

i am 5′7″ or taller

i wear glasses

i have at least one piercing

i have blonde hair

i have brown eyes

i have short hair

my abs are at least somewhat defined

i have or have had braces

there is something i would change about the way i look

personality:

my hogwarts house is: gryffindor hufflepuff ravenclaw slytherin

i am an introvert

i like meeting new people

people tell me that i’m funny

helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

i enjoy physical challenges (depends of the challenge obvi)

i enjoy mental challenges

i’m playfully rude with people i know well

i started saying something ironically and now i can’t stop saying it

there is something i would change about my personality

ability:

i can sing well

i can play an instrument

i can do over 30 pushups without stopping

i’m a fast runner

i can draw well

i have a good memory I am the human dory. I don’t remember the stuff I’m meant to remember but I remember all the things I don’t need to help.

i’m good at doing math in my head

i can hold my breath underwater for over a minute

i have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

i know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

i know how to throw a proper punch

hobbies:

i enjoy playing sports

i’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

i’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else

i have learned a new song in the past week

i work out at least once a week

i’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

i have drawn something in the past month – I DREW AN EAGLE IN ART TODAY IT LOOKS BAD LOL

i enjoy writing (yet I don’t do it :p)

fandoms are my #1 passion

i do or have done martial arts

experiences:

i have had my first kiss

i have had alcohol

i have scored the winning goal in a sports game I play basketball the points add up I don’t know who scores the winning basket XD

i have watched an entire season of a tv show in one sitting in a day?

i have been at an overnight event

i have been in a taxi

i have been in the hospital or er in the past year

i have beaten a video game in one day

i have visited another country

i have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts

relationship:

i’m in a relationship

i have a celebrity crush

i have a crush on someone i know

i have been in at least 3 relationships

i have never been in a relationship

i have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

i get crushes easily

i have had a crush on someone for over a year

i have been in a relationship for at least a year

i have had feelings for a friend FRIENDZONEED lol jks were like best friends now

my life:

i have at least one person i consider a “best friend”

i live close to my school (I used to but I don’t go to school/uni anymore)

my parents are still together

i have at least one sibling

i live in the united states

there is snow right now where i live

i have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month we don’t go to the same school anymoreeee

i have a smartphone

i have at least 15 cds

i share my room with someone

random shit:

i have breakdanced

i know a person named jamie

i have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

i have dyed my hair

i’m listening to one song on repeat right now (bruh holy shit I have monsta x’s beautiful on repeat right as we speak)

i have punched someone in the past week NOT REALLY JUST LIGHT PUNCH I THINK

i know someone who has gone to jail

i have broken a bone

i have eaten a waffle today

i know what i want to do with my life

i speak at least 2 languages fluently

i have made a new friend in the past year

#thank you for tagging me in this!!#tagged #mentions #game stuff lol #text

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sumergosuigeneris · 5 years

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April 27, 2019

Yesterday was eh. I’m feeling anxious about the changes happening at work. Relieved and frustrated that DD is staying. Worried and hurt/insulted for J team. And also, a few people, including work friend seem to optimistic to me, and I worry for them even more. But most of them are Chinese, so there’s the possiblity of cultural issues in my interpretation of how they’re feeling and preparing. I hope my pessimism is proven incorrect, but the problem for all of them/us is the uncertainty. Really from the dean down, this whole situation has been handled poorly and unprofessionally.

I also discoved that one of the j team, the one that’s a problem from time to time, has thought all this time that I was working part time and going to school part time. When she found out I was working fulltime and going to school, she actually appreciated how hard it can be for some people.

I found it hard to concentrate or get much done. I’m worried about how my job will or won’t change. I’m jealous(?) of one of the ladies who I wanted to be friends with when I started is gonna get a promotion. But at the same time, I want her to get the promotion. Like, she deserves it. But. For a group of about 40 people before the breakup, we have 5 managers. So, yeah...if we could hire more people, to give her her own team though, that would be amazing, I think, for many reasons - it would signal confidence in the group, and I think maybe she’d be a good manager. Maybe. But this reminds me I was gonna do some work this weekend.

I’m hoping I’ll get my certificates done and be able to sign up for the PM test before the hammer comes down on expenditures. I have to remember that no one at location2 is to be trusted.

Boss1 ignored me again until he was gone for the day. I wanted to go home, but I made myself go to the game. I’m glad. I found a spot closer to park, and I found a place even closer to park the next game. I pre-gamed. Those budaritas are some powerful juju. One gets me effed up. So I hid the vodkagaterade (I was unimaginative) and hoped it would be there when I left. It was.

I discovered one of the places to eat is a great view. Had a nice waitress, looked like patty lupone. However, she clocked my age pretty close to accurate which was insulting. I hope it’s because I was sitting low and she could see all of my grays in their glory.

I wondered yesterday - the aging I’m seeing in myself is around the time I gave up on life. It probably has nothing to do with it, but I do wonder.

Anyway, sat next to some drunk middleaged bottle blonds. We somehow became friends for 5 minutes lol. Baseball teams bring people together (and tears them apart). Then I went and tried to slip into a good seat. I got one! It was a great view, and I was able to stay engaged for 4 or 5 innings. It felt so good to be so focused and enjoying it. I did leave early though. Even when they move fast, games are long as hell. And I’d forgotten my inhaler at home and had been having some breathing problems all day.

Today, I caught the notification that my thyroid med was ready and got there before they closed! I’m working on declogging my bathtub drain. The weather is nasty, so I didn’t do anything else outside. I napped. I watched some tv. It’s amazing to me that when they rebooted voltron they did 7 or 8 seasons AT ONCE! Fascinating to me. I discovered a new show, Gentleman Jack, which lead to all sorts of googling about the real life person it’s based on. Truthfully, I’ve been wondering about myself - am I really, truly queer? But this research led me to understand that even though I consider it an umbrella term as I should, I saw the umbrella as much smaller than it really is. And so, I’m reaffirmed I guess. Though just like other parts of my identity, there are many who would say I don’t belong.

And I finally started s2 of discovery. It’s an odd show. It doesn’t really hold up to any kind of scrutiny whatsoever at all. But I do love it. Obviously if it was more true to life/the star trek credo Michael wouldn’t be allowed the way she is, and I really see little evidence of Vulcan influence on her, but I am very fond. And of course all the others. However, I’m confused and insulted that after all that, they didn’t make Suru the captain. The only thing I can think of is maybe there weren’t enough ships? IDK. And while he’s different from TOS Pike, I do love this Pike. He’s interesting, and a super cutie. And as only the second captain of the Enterprise (April was the first), I always wanted more of him. But this whole backstory bullshit with Michael and Spock is so weird. And while it’s only one episode plus last season, it seems obvious as hell that Sarek and possibly Amanda favored Michael over Spock. I’m also starting to see the actress more as amanda and less as that pox from that other show, the ell word.

Also, it’s so fucking hard watching tv without access to closed captioning. I feel like I could even use some cc in real life.

I reached out to old acquaintance that I’d started, and saw while I’ve been in my own little increasingly narrow prison of getting by day by day, everyone else has gone on and not noticed I’d slipped away or even missed me. Really I didn’t have many close relationships, but I miss even the superficial ones. Also, I think one of my old classmates when I was taking those other classes not relate to my interests - I think he’s rich, or makes a shit ton of money. I think he lives in an apartment that has a gas fire place! I should ask. Say hi. But....my anxiety over talking to people AT ALL is so high.

The kitty came and sat on my lap today for a bit, and let me pet her. That’s my favorite. I hate when she’s away from me, and love when she’s close to me, but love love love when she touches me, or sits on my legs or my lap. It’s the best.

I know I wasted the day, and hope I’ll be more productive tomorrow, but I’m still happy at the little chores I accomplished, and even crossing some tv off the list counts for that lol. And I did reach out to other humans even if it’s just two and tiny. And me getting that med instead of saying eh and I’ll get it Monday, that’s something that wouldn’t happen normally (feeling bad is the normal). And well, I think I’ve got a stress period, and those always knock me out. So really upon reflection, I think today was good.

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kokoronopikuseru · 7 years

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NPF2017

I took a leap of faith 3 months back to get an air ticket to Japan.

In the pen spinning world, cross community interaction is really limited, mainly dude to the lack of sponsored trips or offline events. I’m really fortunate enough to be able to travel to korea, china, hong kong and taiwan, to meet spinners in real life. The face to face interaction made me learn so much about each and every community’s culture.

I was really lucky that my llul period in army matches the date of NPF. I have been watching JEB pen spinning for years, and it meant a lot to me to be able to meet the spinners that have been inspiring since I started. It was worth it. And it was insane.

Day 1 (Levi’s Gathering)

After settling at tigres’ place, we went out to pick up i.suk and vampire which were both somewhere around shinjuku. It was kinda funny how we both betted that I.suk was spinning a pen mod when we meet up with him. Vampire was really cool. Our conversations didn't have much depth, but we spent most of the time laughing about shit we see. Trying to see the upskirt of the anime girl in the train poster. Amazing guy.

We crashed the saizerya meet up where a few spinners got together before the actual event. I was still on adrenaline because of my lack of sleep. I “hajime-mashita" all of them. There were pretty shocked since, well, it's seldom you’ll see such an act in a really reserved japanese culture. I'm glad to hear that it was positively received later on. And yes, isuk is 24 years old. 本当に？？

We had time. I mentioned about how my friend bought me a tenga egg the last time they came to Japan. I, too, was pretty interested to know how it is like to visit a sex shop. So, uh, yeah we went. I thought we were going to enter a dedicated shop. NOPE. They brought me to don quijote which is a huge shop selling everything under the sun. We strolled to the section. There's a cool selection, and it isn't too expensive either. After quite a bit of laughter, I chose two. It's amazing to see how shopping for such products were really normal. Cute girls just pass by and take them off the shelves as if they were just shopping for groceries. The cashier didn't react to the fact that borderline legal kids were buying a couple of onaholes. Wow, Japan is great. Was really nice that vampire paid for it, as a gift for me. One of those were supposed to be isuk’s but well, he vehemently rejected the offer. Haha. It was golden.

We arrived at the venue. It was a small place at the 4th or 5th floor of a shop house. Everyone was waiting by the streets before entering. I was a lil intimidated, since, I do recognise a number of them, and also there was quite a number of them. I had a brief exchange with beige. Interesting. As usual, the language barrier hindered the depth of our conversation. Ehven arrived afterwards, and I was really glad that he told me that he liked my spinning and was supporting me as a PWT judge. I love that dude, easy to talk with too. Don't think he knows I recall him for the guy that posts weird half naked clips in a number of vacation CV videos. Hahaha.

The room was small for 55 people. But it's still cozy. There were many cushion chairs. We settled down, and mixed with everyone. It's hard to talk at first, because everyone's kinda in groups already. After finding my way around, it's nice to know a number of spinners still remember my spinning, really honoured to be acknowledged.

And then the bingo happened. Towards the end, they hosted this activity to give out some prizes donated by +spin and Tez. When a person had bingo, they could play the lucky dip to get a prize. Initially I had pretty bad luck with the numbers. I had only one punched in after maybe the 6th call? Vampire, laku and tigres were helping me with the number especially when my numbers were pretty bad and I can’t interpret the names read out in japanese that easily. The crowd was really entertaining. They were all cheering for the “monami pens” as it represented that they still had a chance for the grand prize. Ponkotu had the worst luck x)

And in the end, I won it. The grand prize was like the first JEB pen case created. I felt really embarrassed since they lost the most prized possession to a 外人. Even so, they made me feel I deserved it. 嬉しい.

As the day come to an end, we got vacated and we ended up moving to the streets. Reminds me quite a lot about most gatherings I go where all the dedicated people who love pen spinning have difficulty leaving. I chatted with coco_A and cseo. They're a big inspiration to me, to be so active in the community even after their time has passed. They opened up to me and we had a good talk.

Laluteskal had a good laugh when I told him I remembered him for being the leader of All Highlights. What a friendly dude :DD

Day 2 (NPF)

I honestly did not expect that many spinners. I recognise a number of spinners since (I secretly study every NPF baton CV).

It was really weird at first because I was on my own with mango to roam around the place. Tigres was with some of his friends, and vampire was preparing for the competition. Subsequently, I went around tried really hard to open up to them, with whatever broken japanese I have at my disposal. I MET TOO MANY SPINNERS. I didn’t even eat lunch that day, and could barely even go around talking to everyone of them and getting their signatures.

I spent quite a bit of time just sitting down learning linkages from spinners - laluteskal, slofis, rhetoric, ponkotu, etc. They all had their own speciality link or trick. I’m certain its way harder than how it looks, especially ponkotu’s ones.

Greeting each other were fun. I’m honestly surprised how some spinners actually knew who I was. I’m just a small fry from and unknown community and have more shit videos than good videos. Thank god for PWT. I wanted to just say hi to miyana, didn’t expect him to be like wooaaaaaaaaaaaah pixels san. I was probably more excited to see him. IM A JEB FANBOY. Noel too. Most of my interactions were really just expressing that we were glad to meet each other. Nonetheless, its humbling to be able to see my idols in the flesh.

I managed to meet FouR and Malimo. I’m a huge fan of those two. Glad that me and FouR were both motivations for each other to spin. Great that he did enjoy participating in all my CVs. Lotus told me about he watched liked my calligraphy and how pixelophobia was really cool. For a CV editor as great as him, it meant the world to me to receive those compliments.

Siva attached wheels to his pen case. LOL that was hella fun. Thinking of doing it to one of my unused ones too hahahaha. That guy has endless creativity.

Ponkotu showed me his f3000 pen. Jesus Christ. The paint on the pen is fully scraped off. THE BODY HAS SOME CONCAVE AREAS BECAUSE HE DID TOO MANY TAPS. That’s some hardcore pen spinning dedication in one pen.

I also managed to see Ease’ Dr Grip. Oh man. I thought that fading a dr grip pen to white was terrifying. His pen is yellowing, the tip has many little spots from the countless drops, the grip is really soft and fully opaque. I’m honoured to be given the opportunity to try these spinners’ weapon of choice. Fuckin’ terrifying. Para was pretty amused with my expression towards seeing them.

I.suk’s tournament combo was insane. They told him to do a short warm up. He did tons of SS and FL shit, the crowd was cheering even before the video camera started recording. He’s such a crowd pleaser haha.

The 3 sec trick showcase was really fun. JEB spinners do have such a psychotic sense of humour. Kicoviola fuckin swallowed an anyball grip on his mx, and washed it down with ocha. Ehven reenacted his vacation video, landed the pen in his pants on the first try. Rhetoric was supposed to do penspinning, but spun himself instead. His halos were clean af.

Too many things happened in a single day. Craziest day of my life. I wished I could explain everything in detail.

Day 3

I woke up late since tigres and me went to send vampire off really early in the morning. I previously contacted mey that I wanted to meet since he was only able to come to Tokyo after NPF. He messaged me to say he was at the naranja juggling shop. I quickly packed my stuff and rushed off to itabashi.

Luckily, there was a YouTube video with the instructions to walk to the naranja shop, Otherwise, I will probably never find it.

He was with other spinners too - Julia, Altema, airi, CeNti, Akiza, Merry, Watto. I have met most of them the previous day, but since I was really busy going around, I didn't manage to spend too much time with this bunch. Mannnnn. They are a fun bunch to be with.

Julia was rocking the SPSF shirt he bought from me. Made it instantly much cooler. For some reason, his green rushon feels amazing to spin. Why is mine so crap???? Found out he's the editor for Japen13th. Probably really stressed out, but i’m sure he’ll do a great job.

Watto. I can’t help but notice that he really looks quite similar to takeru satoh. Maybe thats why his twitter icon is battosai.

I didn't manage to talk to Merry much for the past two days. He was pretty approachable that day. He even rennacted ryo’s TV clip and laughed at the くるくるですわ and the すごいkid.

Altema really looked like the quiet ones. But dang, this dude always gave me a mischievous smile and tells me something weird :’). Taught me how to play with the spinning plate.

Spent quite a while talking to airi. His pink mx is pretty tattered. If I did wipers with it, the grip would definitely snap. やばい. He shared his perspective and knowledge about the community. “Simplicity is the best”. I kinda wished that more spinners could think like him. He's looks pretty huggable too.

CeNti is great at diablo. Fingers look even more beautiful in real life. Really nice dude too. He showed me the pet bottle fake double and some of his personal linkages. Much harder than it looks :’)

Akiza has a fukin’ insane style. The speed and everything. I tried his g3 mod, it was actually pretty damn good. AND HE TOLD ME HE LIKED MY KT. YEBOOIIIIII. He was gave me a yellow hyperjell, pretty sweet dude.

And wow, mey’s hands are like really buff? I thought I had thick fingers. I was really happy to meet him. He’s one of the rare japanese spinners that would talk to me when I created twitter for the first time. His english is pretty good too. I gave him my PWT R3 mod (Baton), he was really happy to receive it. And I was really happy that he would treasure it probably much more than I would. All of them were pretty happy to receive some of my personal SPSF prints and get their name written by me. \(^^

End

I loved everything about that place. I didn’t do much sightseeing as I originally planned. But it felt so great just being able to roam around the city with locals and just being able to “live” here for a couple of days. I really hope that there will be a chance for me to go back. Maybe NPF2018.

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dreamingofangelicflight · 7 years

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Z, Y, S and G for the angelic ask meme?

AWWW thank you so much for asking me! :D Another one! Three people in one day! Omfg am I blessed, is this a miracle? o.o IDK but I’m gonna enjoy it! :DD *HUGS*

Sorry for the LONG post btw. D: I got very wordy and surprised myself, LOL!

Z - What do you embody or represent, and how do you feel humans in general are handling/treating it?

Let’s see… when I was an archangel, I was the Archangel of Inspiration, Imagination, and Creativity. :)

I had to drop that job because my other higher-level job was taking up too much time and focus for me, so I handed it off to someone else to take care of the prayers from the inhabitants of different worlds wanting help with those things.

I feel humans in general are… very stymied and stuck. I have to look up what other books have done in order to write books myself in this lifetime and I keep coming into the same old tired tropes, done extremely bigotedly and abusively without regard to how many groups it negatively affects. I keep seeing the same old love of DRAMAAAAAAAA over actual realistic conflict like what you’d find in actual lives.

I keep hitting my head against the wall whenever a book with good promise and some great ideas… turn onto the SAME. OLD. ROAD. and butcher any characterization in the process because EVERYBODY and their dog has done this same old thing, and it’s not just boring but incredibly disheartening and sad seeing such promise …. forgotten.

I think the emphasis on quantity over quality is really biting creativity and media over all in the ass. Yeah sure do it many times to get good at working on it and practicing it. But if you just do the same old thing many, many times… you practice nothing but the same old thing and find it incredibly difficult to branch out and try something new.

I have novels worth of rants and venting about all sorts of areas in the writing industry, media, publishing, etc. But to sum it all up, I think humans direly need the extra help to really get out of their comfort zone and consider maybe some other ways of writing a story, figuring out a plot, and giving actual subtle nuanced conflict over melodrama more than a half-heated try.

In short: I’m very disappointed, and alternate between horrified, weirded out, shocked, sad, enraged, and rather morose depending on what I just came across and saw for the ten thousandth time with all its problematic baggage attached to it.

Y - A completely random thing that reminds you of something Angelic.

Oh geeze where do I start? XD You want random and unexpected random or do you just want the first thing off the top of my head? XD

I’d give a bunch of different ones… skydiving and looking out the window of a cross-country flight to study the far away thunderclouds remind me of flying. xD Certain songs sound enough like some singers I know back at home so I like to listen to them a lot. xD The song “Learning to Fly” by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers makes me think of being a young angel and exploring my home world. Honey and cinnamon I adore the taste and smell of and use a honey and cinnamon soap bar in my shower. xD Wearing cloaks make me think I have wings. Beautiful pics of the night sky make me remember what the night skies looked like back at home.

And that’s just a random bunch of things. xD

S - Advice you’d give to someone just starting to awaken?

Take it slow. :) It’s okay not to remember your name, who you were, or anything. It’s okay not to have images, or anything but a vague feeling. We were all there once. :) I still remember being clueless about everything 6 years ago but I thought I had it all figured out with some of the memories I had gotten of other incarnated lives.

NOPE!

I had one HECK of a curve ball thrown into my face by life and the rapid spiritual awakening that happened when I finally met with and talked with someone who had come from the same home world as me - though we both didn’t realize it at the time.

Then several years followed of the most rapid expansion and remembering that I’ve ever been through and my mind was shattered many times.

Now that we’ve gotten to a quiet period here where we’re just slowly remembering more but at our own pace, and at a pace where we can actually balance our physical lives with our spirit lives?

I prefer this pace WAY better.

I mean the rapid awakening was fun at points, exciting as all hell, and like a rabid rollercoaster… but it was utterly exhausting and draining. I still have PTSD from some of the spirit attacks there. In the end, it’s not fun at all!

So what I say is, don’t be afraid to take it slow. :)

Trust me, the human brain can’t handle that much. Taking it slow means you can give yourself plenty of time to adjust, process what’s going on, and integrate that into your worldview so you don’t feel like you’re breaking your poor brain into tiny pieces over and over and over again with no recuperation break. That’s just a recipe for a monster migraine, trust me. It’s not worth it.

You can get the same information in a slower and longer period of time with MUCH less pain and exhaustion to deal with over all.

Also… don’t just take what someone else says about you as the gospel truth just because you don’t remember yourself.

I was told many times by many different people that I was many different things. Interestingly enough, each thing I was said to be… was the thing that other person was. They were literally saying “OH you must be like ME!” …but something in my chest said “No. I am not.”

I had to listen to myself, that thing in my chest that said “No. I am different. I am not this.” and eventually I found out who and what I really am.

YOU know the best. :) Trust yourself. The truth will come out eventually, and it will be far wilder than you could ever believe or dream of. :) Isn’t that the best thing anyways?

G - An Angelic confession?

Geeze about what? XD

All of this is sort of a confession anyways. XD

Um…. I’m REALLY GAY for my lovely and wonderful and sexy demonkin boyfriend who was/is my demon husband back at home?? XD Well he’s half angel, half demon, but uses the demon side more and identifies with that side more so that’s why I refer to him as such. XD He’s my awesome main mate.

I have multiple mates at times back at home, so yes polyamorous angels ARE indeed a thing. XD

That’s all I can think of! If you wanted a different kind of confession then PLEASE ask me for that kind. XDD

#long post #angelkin inspiration #angels are different #angel culture #answering asks #ask meme #thank you!#sharing my memories #my personal experiences #my confessional #helping others

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startwreck · 7 years

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I’m going to attempt to recap Duchovny in Boston day (February 22, 2017.) Warning: this could get long and sappy because it’s 3 AM and I’m just brain dumping. Under a cut...

Woke up this morning think I would only go to the Bucky F*cking Dent reading/signing event. Had a ticket and I loved the book (read it / Audible’d it last spring) and thought secondhand embarrassment would be minimal in that setting. Great. Planned to cut out of work for a couple hours to go. As I’m walking to the venue, Jen @snowvitamins texted me, and through the magic of distinctive scarves, we were able to make our acquaintance. She was with Mer @damselindistressmya. Fun fact: In the course of trying to find each other, Mer was described as wearing “a Mulder season 10 jacket.” In my anxious and distracted state, I took this to mean that Mer was wearing a jacket with a likeness of Mulder in Season 10 on it (I pictured a varsity jacket, you know, with a leather torso and felted sleeves? and then just a giant Mulder head on the back of it.) Needless to say, I momentarily pondered hiding my scarf-marker. Luckily, I’m an idiot and Mer was wearing an Army jacket similar to the one Mulder wore in Season 10:

So the reading doesn’t happen. Not sure if this was due to the size of the turnout (we wouldn’t have all fit where they do their readings), time constraints, voice preservation, a rogue edible, or what (file under: none of my business.) I was excited to hear David read a chapter so I was briefly disappointed, but totally understand, would still follow the Booksmith and/or DD to the end of the earth.

Stand in line for a while and then it’s my turn. Give him the book with the post-it with my name in it. He pronounces my name correctly (as if I didn’t love him enough already) and I give a smile and say “yep.” He starts doing the inscription. My brain then says “fuck it; we’ll do it live” and I say “I really like the line, ‘Eighty-six years, a long and lucky life’” and tell him how my grandfather, a lifelong Red Sox fan, lived almost exactly those eighty-six years that he’s referring to, born in 1918 and passed in early 2005. I must have been looking down at the table/book when I said most of this, because when I return my gaze up to his face partway through this, he was giving me that Intense Eye Contact (TM), clearly flattered that someone quoted his own words to him. It was a solid looking-into-your-soul kind of stare, like he was trying to decipher who I was in a five second period (and I gladly would have given him my entire family’s social security numbers in that moment.) The man knows how to connect with an audience, that’s for sure (#ACTING.) At that point, either DD or the manager dude standing there (I blacked out so not sure who it was) says, “So he got to see them win.” Downer that I am, I reply bluntly, “Well he had Alzheimer’s at the end so we’re not sure that he really knew.” Manager dude said something like “I’m sure he did” (aka “stop talking, crazy.”) I say “thank you” and make my exit.

Now, had my Day of Duchovny ended there, my day still would have been made. But what happened over the course of the rest of the day was something special. It was a beautiful much-needed reminder of how the arts can connect pseudo-strangers in a magical way and how there is still goodness in humanity.

Over lunch with @snowvitamins, @damselindistressmya, and @myassbrokethefall, we all come back down the earth. I learned that @myassbrokethefall almost accidentally had David sign a book about sheep herding and @damselindistressmya had a lover’s quarrel with him over basketball. We exchange details about “real life” and also discuss topics of fandom and Tumblr politics. It is lovely. They’re all going to the concert, I want to hang out with them more, and they promise I can hide behind them if I’m embarrassed, so I buy a concert ticket on my phone as we’re finishing lunch. It’s mezzanine-level so I can always sneak out or hide behind a seat, right?

I go back to work for literally two hours. I catch up on email but also flail to @dangerscully and @crossedbeams, my transatlantic support team. Yes, you guys are a part of this story. Thank you for your support and sweet messages. Can’t wait til we unite. Let’s just meet halfway into the Atlantic, shall we? I’ll start paddling now...

After a solid two hours of work, it’s time to get our drink on. @stellagibsonisalifeforce and @x-files-behind-the-scenes joined the lunch crew for dinner/drinks pre-concert and they’re awesome too. Seriously, reminder that if you ever have the opportunity to meet Tumblr friends in “real life,” do it. I only have a couple drinks and I’m getting nervous that it won’t be enough to combat secondhand embarrassment. But I’m in it now. It’s happening.

Thanks to @snowvitamins, @damselindistressmya, and @stellagibsonisalifeforce, I actually end up on the floor rather than up in the mezzanine. Go big or go home, right? We’re very close to the stage, just two or three rows of people in front of us. Pat, local boy from Watertown (”Wahtahtown” - DD) who’s in the band, opens. There’s a little break to reset the stage, and then the band comes on stage. I have my ear plugs in my hand, ready to go as DD joins them to wild applause. I’m pretty sure I said “ohgodohgodohgod” half under my breath for the first 1-2 songs. But then I realize something. He’s actually...good?...in person. Err, better. But his stage (and floor) presence, enthusiasm, give-no-fucks attitude, and ability to connect with the audience -- sometimes through Intense Eye Contact (TM) -- more than make up for the occasional flawed pitch. I imploded about two thirds of the way through when I experienced Intense Eye Contact (TM) via the Duchovs for the second time that day. It was during the a song that I had definitely never heard. I was listening and our eyes just met and he sang holding his gaze there for more than 10 seconds. It was seriously transformative. While his eye contact while signing said “Who are you?”, this look said “I know who you are.” Truly a religious experience (TM by @kateyes224.) Update three days later: I finally figured out what song this happened during. All I remembered was that the song had “can’t” in it and that one of the words during the Intense Eye Contact (TM) was “love.” After doing some detective work and familiarizing myself with the album, I have determined that it was “Another Day” in which my Intense Eye Contact (TM) occurred, around the end of the first verse and beginning of the first chorus:

Another home Some other love Another guy sent high above Some other lie, we tell ourselves Passing time before the bell

I can't live long enough To bring you around

After this moment that briefly made me believe that romantic love was a possibility for me, he moved on to work another area of the crowd (I saw a review that said he was really an equal-opportunity crowd-worker and I couldn’t agree more, though he won’t engage with you if you are chronically camera phone-ing -- which I love.) I turned around and briefly freaked out to @damselindistressmya (”that was directed at me”) before returning my attention to the stage and really getting into singing along with the “Ooh oohs” since I didn’t know any of the other words. Not that I’m biased by that experience or anything, but after listening to the album for a couple days (trying to relive the memories), “Another Day”

My other favorite moment came when David came off the stage onto the floor during one song. We’re all dancing up a storm but @damselindistressmya was closest to the action so I gave her a friendly push into the splash zone and stay on the perimeter (apparently crowd control is a secret talent of mine?) I can’t see what’s going on exactly, but a few seconds later, Mer emerges, walking/dancing/shimmying backwards towards the stage, followed by David, who’s doing the same moves, but facing forward, towards the stage. In other words, they are face to face having a dance-off right in front of me. After a few steps of their impromptu tango, Mer somehow has the wherewithal to peel off to the side gracefully to allow David a path back up on stage. It was seriously a work of art. I'm not sure how Mer survived because I’m still not sure how I did, and I was merely a witness. I can’t draw for shit but I felt the need to produce an artist’s rendering of what unfolded before me (style inspired by @jamofappreciation):

Other concert highlights:

@stellagibsonisalifeforce and @snowvitamins’ love of band member Jeff (that eventually we all got in on.) He did have a great blazer (not quite as awesome as DD’s hooded number though. Good work, Nancy.)

Making new friends between Pat opening and the main event. New friends = Alexa & Scott, I think?

David dedicating a song to band member (and opener) Pat’s grandfather, who was there at 80-something years old. They pointed him out and he stood out and everyone clapped for him. Adorable!

Singing Happy Birthday to band member Colin. We were terribly out of tune. I’d like to think this put DD at ease because he realized we were also pitch-impaired.

David showcasing each of the band members individually during one song (”Sweet Jane,” maybe?), going over to each one individually and putting a hand on their shoulder while they played and just being the sweetest father-figure-esque thing ever

Dad dancing for days. I tried to mirror all his moves. Ended up sweating nearly as much as him and my calves hurt for two days after.

David talking about the best political songs are the ones that aren’t political until they suddenly are / need to be

They recorded the album in Boston and many (all?) of the band members are from Berklee, so it’s special for them

Intro’ing his new song “Half-Life” as “It has science in it”

Boston-accenting “Stars” to “Stahs”

Discussing the merits of traveling by train (very Biden-esque and I loved it)

A lot of sweat. At one point I noticed a bead a sweat drip off his face onto the floor. I wanted to live inside that moment forever.

Full band in pussy hats for the encore

Everyone singing along to “The Weight”

Everyone singing along to the chorus of “Hell or Highwater” (I said I’d love you forever, come hell or highwater / Well, babe the flood’s in)

Lots of genuine gratitude (holding his hand to his chest), especially during the closing “Thank you”

Also got to wave to @thattimetheykissed before the concert and say hi after the concert. Great to meet you!

Special thanks to @campaignofmisinformation for starting the Sunday night re-watches that brought so many of us together. The entire day was just the embodiment of @ihavefeministbones’ recent A+ character development post. Seriously, we were quoting it at every turn. Thanks to everyone who made this day unexpectedly great! I’m off to sleep for probably three hours and then will wake up thinking this was all a dream. Please pinch me tomorrow (err, later today.)

#david duchovny #david duchovny music #hell or highwater tour #duchovny in concert #February 22 2017 #duchovny in boston 2017 #personal #fandom #friends #I love you all #it's 4am #I'll proofread later #update: finally proofread and updated three days later #text post #long post #this is way too much information #but it's for the memories #so deal with it #personal fav

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