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#still thinking abt that tbh like. thats. god. GOD.
perenlop · 21 days
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i think the primary reason i wanna change noe's character is because rereading wc has made me realize how much i actually hate it when mean and unpleasant characters are in a position of power over others and have it played off as a bit or endearing character trait. and i don't want noe to fall into that
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robitherat · 11 months
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No I'm literally so mad. I blasted frank iero and screamed the whole way home. Not even along with the songs I just screamed.
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fiovske · 2 years
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yeah I'm afraid it's just going to turn into the mcu with a million things coming out in one year and everything's connected and shit :/ it's like. the best star wars movie hands down was rogue one and it was essentially stand-alone (as stand-alone as it can be with it leading directly into a new hope and having cameos)
god I think that's it ykno the "everything's connected" bs that makes me sick. the mcu has gone on for far too long like that shit needs to end. its the secrets™ and no spoilers policy whatever and no union cgi outsourcing and everything it's just... unbearable. and oh this just reminded me that She-Hulk is also gonna be out on disney+ soon too like. god.. exhausting. see what I mean by 'there is no breathing room'?
terrifies me that not even half of these are good tv it's just. non-stop tv. and their ability to keep an average viewers eyes glued to their screen constantly so like ur brain is Nothing but disney in the end. you come back from their movies and they are on ur tv, you watch a new show everything is connected etc etc it's everywhere it's incessant. its sickening.
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almost played through the entirety of the game in one day this is what a hyperfixation does to a mf
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chisatowo · 2 years
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N. NEW BANDORI BAND???????
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astrxealis · 2 years
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i was planning on reading akira x reader fics rn but like. ive read a lot of alrdy n like iehfksndksnd i will one day soon rb the ones i have in my drafts as recs n all !! suddenly in the mood to read for fe3h ogkwn
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polaraffect · 12 days
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venting in the tags yippeee
#damien.txt#gender talk time 🤪✌️#....................................................................................#screaming crying throwing up rolling around on the ground <- said completely deadpan#uhm. as always. thinking abt gender. and questioning. my whole life. bc. i cant stop doing that#soooooo like. my big thing. abt gender. is as much as im like. he/they-ing it here and irl. its kind of... complicated?#as ive gone on ive realized more and more that i dont. really. feeling Anything towards those pronouns#neither do i she/her. or they/them.#and just generally the whole Concepts of male/female? so like. im always like hmm. whats happening here#and other completely incoherent statements djbdhdbf sorrry anyways#i keep having these moments where im like. hmm. maybe. im leaning too hard into the masc. maybe i am not. he at all.#but ive like. really full committed to the bit yknow? like esp irl. all the ppl ive introduced myself to in the last 2 years have known me#as 'he'. and as someone who wears mostly masc clothing and generally attempts to present masc#and like. i bought a skirt a while ago and i was trying it on today and i was like oh. wait.#and before u @ me i KNOW!! clothing does not equal gender!! but there was just something abt it#and recently (the past like. year lmao) ive really been contemplating like. what i actually want out of transitioning or whatever#bc like. increasingly its become more obvious how... fucking difficult that is.#and the more i think abt it the more im like. bro its not even worth it for me? tbh? also like. sometimes i look in the mirror and am like#hmm. this does not feel better than it did when i hadnt transitioned at all. yknow?#like the last 10+ years ive been existing in this state w my body where im basically just. tolerating it. ignoring it. even.#and that hasn't... changed. after t. and ik thats not like the fix-all but its got me wondering if some of it/a lot of it#is just body dysmorphia? rather than dysphoria? bc like. god knows i have that too.#and just. idk. i feel Really Really anti-gender most of the time. would in fact. not like to be conceived of at all.#but on some level im trying to think abt it practically bc if that ^ is my thoughts on gender fr. i have to decide whats worth it#and like. i miss cool clothes. god men's clothing is so fucking boring. holy fuck.#and AGAIN i KNOW gender doesnt equal clothes but also like. i am Aware to the wider world it still works like that#and truly if i rocked up to work/class in a skirt everyone would be like What The Fuck#and i kind of want to!! but im also scared of that reaction lol#AHHHH why must gender be so complicated. i want to lay on the floor#lol there was literally more but i ran out of tags LMAOO sorry everyone. gender complicated. peace ✌️
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caruliaa · 7 months
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omitb spoilerss but before the season 3 finale i want to say and get out there tht i think tobert is involved in the murder some way, i do think tht donna(or maybe cliff) was involved but i also think tobert is part of it either the murder itself or covering it up
#omtib spoilers#ALSO WHEN IT COMES OUT DONT TELL ME WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS UNTIL I WATCH ITT UHH#but i mean okay like unless im remebering wrong the biggest suspect he pointed out was jonathan which did end up#being a red herring in some way and like i mean like. he is suspicious !!#ik he said he doesnt want to do that again but i cant stop thinking abt the elephant thing. like he said himself tht like.#a documentry on it wld be huge. but idk maybe thats too close to what happened last season#but i feel like hes invloved somehow even if it was the producers roping him into covering up what happened#idk. the main reason ill be hoenst abt is that i dont rly like him. but like the thing is also tht i have kinda nothing to worry abt#bc every love interest theyve given mabel so far has been gone tht next season#which is good news for me bc it means regardless tobert will hopefully be gone lmao#tbh in terms of potential love interests she def has a lot of chemistry with theo tho i also if shes gonna get another love interest#i do want it to be another woman sorry . but i also like. the thing w theo is thts hes a recuring character#so a romance wld be something focused on more by the shows than the romances shown os far and i kinda dont want tht#idk if they cld keep the relationship low key enough to not overshadow like. the friendship thts the actual core of the show#anyway im so of track. r we even gonna get a season 4 god i hope we do#can the hollywood execs get over themselves nd meet SAG -AFTRAs demands before it leads to good shows like this one getting cancelled pleas#idek how likely tht is to happen i just looked it up and theres things saying the show might be delayed by the strikes but not cancelled#but im still worried for some reason lol. also abt abbot elementry. tht show deserves to go on a little bit too long#like every other sitcom out there okay !! not actually but i mean like. if it ends now ill be fucking pissed !!#anyway what as i saying. i think he did it but i just cant prove it.......#flappy rambles#omitb
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toastsnaffler · 10 months
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i will ALWAYS be salty abt the ed-sheeranification of one ok rock (one of my fave personality-building anecdotes i explain at parties to ppl getting to know me) but the fact is that takas voice is soooo hot he could sing the words on the back of a milk carton to the tune of a t*ylor sw*ft song + id probably still listen to him. sorry
#well actually that isnt true bc i very rarely ever listen to oor anymore. theyve made so much terrible music its tainted their good shit#but like twice a year i go back thru their discography and reminisce over niche syndrome.....a guy can dream#whenever they release new stuff i always get my hopes up theyre gonna go back to their roots and they never do. saaad#but i have this weird grandmotherly love for taka whenever i see him in music videos for his new stuff im like aww how Nice :^)#wish he hadnt outgrown his emo phase but thats ok im glad hes enjoying himself and the band seems to be popular still#.diaries#i do have a big old soft spot for ambitions era even if its kinda mid. its associated w a lot of nice memories i have of my ex#if nothing else i appreciate how earnest their music was around then.... god listening now and i still know All The Lyrics lmfao#still mad they replaced the japanese vers with an english rerecord for release outside of japan tho. that was unnecessary 😐#maaann my ex had VERY different music taste to me but its sweet how many bands are rose tinted for me bc of them#like theres some stuff i would never have voluntarily listened to. but listening to them talk excitedly carved a niche in my ears#they made me a bunch of playlists for things they found that they thought id like.. i still have some of them saved/backed up#im surprised some of the ogs still exist tbh bc they unfollowed me on spotify + privated/deleted a ton of shit like a year ago#but a couple r still standing.. idk id like to think maybe they left them bc they had some nice memories too. i could never hate them man#SORRY FOR TALKING ABT MY EX AGAIN this music just takes me right back. im v glad we're not dating or in each others lives anymore#but also u cant be that close w someone for that long without them having a lifelong impact on u. or at least i cant anyway#and its nice to remember them fondly sometimes even if we were both cunts to each other. hope theyre doing alright wherever they are#god i need to start dating again its so fun i miss it so much. once im settled in the new place + i have a secure job....#i mean ik who id LIKE to date but im pretty sure that aint happening lmaooo. ill get over it i love meeting new ppl anyway#okay enough rambling im gonna go make lunch if ur reading this far ily hope ur having a nice day XOXO aaaaand post
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shimenawas · 2 years
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i will never be able to create a pronouns.page for the sole reason that i have absolutely no idea of what i prefer to be called and whatnot
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netscapenavigaytor · 2 years
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im gonna go rb the stuff i saved in my likes to reblog later so my condolences to anyones dash who may get destroyed (actually your dashes may not get destroyed i dont remember how much i had in my likes. well we will see)
#error 0#i am feeling physically not great but i am like SUPER restless and rambly rn lmao#why do i go into lurker mode on tumblr so much? Uhhhhhh I Dunno#well actually thats a lie the main reason is bc reblogging stuff on mobile is annoying#so i go into weird slumps of not reblogging anything#and then i for some reason think that because i stopped reblogging for a while i need to STAY not reblogging#i dont get it either#oh btw i have a twitter now (ill make a post abt that later probably)#and i must say. going back to tumblr and being able to talk as long as i want in the tags is such a breath of fresh air actually#my twitter threads when i make them get so long because i do not know how to keep things concise and frankly i dont like to#here i can be annoying as i want..... and it doesnt even have to be rebloggable.#tumblr tags my beloved.#actually didyou know it feels like. so LONELY posting art on twitter too#because i keep getting these retweets but nobody SAYS anything!!!!!#i understand ifeveryones feeling too shy to like reply directly because thats like. Talking Directly to the artist#i feel shy about that too. and also if anyones doing the ''lrt'' thing i wouldnt see it unfortunately#tumblr tags really are such an underrated form of communication tbh..........#it is so hard to adjust to twitter's forms of communication.#oh my god im still talking in the tags and not reblogging shit like i made this post to announce in the first place#i guess i did not need to TELL yall that im feeling rambly LOL ^^;
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kaisfruit · 5 months
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Hiiii loved your first first about kai!
Could I request a one shot or headcanon about each of the ninja and how they would pleasure a fem!reader pls?
How they pleasure you | All ninja x fem!reader headcanons
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a/n: omg tysm for my first ask <3 this is like,,one of the few times ive ever written nsfw so!! i hope its okay :3 also im gonna leave out lloyd cuz ik technically he's an adult but idk it's still a bit weird imo warnings: nsfw under the cut (duh),cunnilingus (cole, zane, nya) , slight size kink mention in cole's part, degradation in kai's part, inappropriate usage of elemental ability (jay), umm thats all i can think of im srry if i missed anything ^^
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Cole
Ugh idec he's a big guy. is that a collective hc that the whole fandom can agree on? i think so
def uses that size to his advantage when y'all are alone together
I'm talking like MANHANDLING
only if u ask tho cuz cmon we all know he is such a caring guy he would always take your wants and boundaries into account
okay, my horrible down bad size kink out of the way-
mans has a big appetite (wink wink)
goes down on you like no other. like, he treats your pussy like it's breakfast, lunch, dinner, AND DESSERT babes
there would be no breaks with him. i cant say this enough, but he is eating you out like a man starved
overstimulation bound to happen srry i dont make the rules
he would NOT ask for anything in return
this man is the biggest giver when it comes to sex oh my lorddd
you're in charge but like he is if you know what i mean?
like he does what he knows you love, but on his own terms
ur in the bed and he's just instantly pinning you down yk using that strength of his, spreading your legs as far as the can go, and boom diving in head first
srry i could fill up like 3 posts of just cole eating you out im that passionate abt this topic
Kai
Plays with your pleasure like it's a damn toy
This man is the biggest tease ever
Though, his teasing does lean a bit towards minor body worshipping bc he's just everywhere
Marking you up with hickeys wherever he can get his damn mouth
Hands? can barely keep track of their movements. One second they're playing with your tits the next he's two fingers deep in your pussy
Let's just say he's taking his time here just to make the actual sex feel absolutely amazing on your end
But rlly it gets him going seeing you all whiny beneath him at his never ending touches
it's a win-win if you think about it
THAT DAMN MOUTH.
kai is not the guy for u if ur not down for a bit of degradation because DAMN
he has to come second place to jay in the yapping awards bc he's always saying smthn during the act
he pays attention though. listens or feels your reactions to every filthy thing he whispers to you.
absolutely ruins u for anyone else. gl w this man yall <3
Zane
He is so damn PRECISE??
Like, how does he know exactly how to touch you in that spot in order to get that reaction?
LOVES i mean like absolutely LOVES fingering you
being able to watch you come undone on just his fingers? god it is everything to him
will also add his tongue into the mix bc even tho hes a robot he cannot get enough of ur taste
just so calculated w every movement
bro made sex into a science 😭😭
tells you how good you're doing for him, how perfect you look, etc.
loves praising you bc it's the honest truth of how he feels about you
tbh 50% of the pleasure he gives u is from the pure love u can feel with every slight touch, every kiss, everything
soft dom vibes iykwim
REFUSES to even try to get himself off if he hasnt attended to you first
also an extreme giver like
he would get rid of entire body parts if it meant making u feel even better during sex
okay thats hyperbole but like
this nindroid has so much love in his robot heart for u and he needs u to KNOWWWW
Nya
A GIRL'S GIRL U ALREADY KNOW WHAT IT IS
she has all of these boys BEAT when it comes to pleasuring u bc of her same gender advantage
her head will stay in between your legs until you are absolutely SCREAMING her name
that fact fills her with immense amounts of pride btw
i see her as giving u a good mix of gentle and rough touches that like come together to make the most intense feeling ever??? if that makes sense
she's so good w her mouth like,,,everywhere
her favorite place to have her mouth is on ur pussy ofc, but she could also give a vampire a run for their money with how attached to ur neck she is
marks litter your neck
she's so good at finding that one little sweet spot that makes your body squirm
tends to multitask as well
like if she's currently a knuckle deep in your hole then you can also probably find her mouth licking and sucking at one of your nipples
everything she does to you is just so confusing in the best way possible
Jay
everything with him is just so fast-paced
he barely gives you any time to catch your breath in between anything
just one thing after another with jay
it mostly comes from his overzealous nature
your body makes him feel like a kid in a candy store im not even gonna lie. there's so much he could be doing he doesn't even know where to start
constantly talking. what did you expect from the motormouth himself?
half of it's mumbles of how gorgeous or how breathtaking you are and the other half is just downright filthy
honestly that second part would be such a turn on cuz u wouldn't have expected it from jay
the first time he used his element on you it was an accident
he didn't even realized it happened at first. he felt you jolt at the sensation and his first instinct was to apologize instantly, but he never even had a chance as he felt how you clenched down on his fingers and the moan u let out would forever be ingrained in his brain
from that point on, he's constantly looking for the best opportunity to let the smallest current just give a little tingle to your skin
jay really knows how to keep things interesting <3
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HOLY FUCKING SHIT HAZBIN WAS SO FUCKING GOOD IM GOING INSANE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKENFKCMKWJRKFNSMSMDMSMDN-
Okay. Okay deep breaths. Time for some cool and collected comentary. Okay.
Putting it under the cut so ppl can avoid spoilers :)
HUSK USED TO BE AN OVERLORD!?!?!?!?!? HELLO!?!?!?!?!? FUCKIN PLOTTWIST OF THE CENTURY WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?
Huskerdust my beloved
SIR PENTIOUS MY BELOVED
Vox was great. I love him he's so fucking cool-
If Vox wasn't already a Tumblr sexyman he's definitely gonna be one now. He's so fucking Onceler coded it's insane.
Velvette was amazing too. It's so funny that she's British lmao I was not expecting that
Velvette is also very Anne Boelyne(like from SIX not from Real Life) coded it's wild. Her part in that song with Carmila was giving so much Don't Lose Your Head
I swear I'll stop comparing them to other characters I SWEAR
Okay but me and my brother are working on a Hazbin Hotel swap AU where we swap the main cast with the overlords and in that AU we swapped Husk and Vox. The Husk used to be an overlord reveal is gonna make that AU soooooo much easier lmao
ADAM IS REALLY GOOD I promised I would stop comparing to other characters but he was giving SO MUCH Hades from Disney's Hercules like its insane
I think we should let Alex Brightman sing rocj and roll more often that song was such a fucking BANGER
SPEAKING OF THE SONGS- oh my god I love the soundtrack so fucking much-
Stayed Gone was a lil less hype then I was expecting but thats okay cuz it was still a banger and I loved the visuals
That song battle between Carmilla and Velvette????? Oh my god??????
Carmilla and Vaggie's song was also amazing but I think I know why they didn't have Stephanie Beatriz sing her own song in Elena of Avalor y'know, girl cannot hold a character voice while singing
LOSER WAS SO FUCKING GOOD- I love Huskerdust so much. I love Keith David so much. Blake Roman is such a phenomenal Angel Dust.
SPEAKING OF all the voice actors are amazing. Blake Roman, Brightman as Pentious and Joel Perez were the ones I was the most worried abt but I loved all their preformances so much it was fucking fantastic
Valentino can go die in a fucking hole <3
The other Vees are cool and fun to watch but I hope Valentino fucking dies
Okay to be fair he's also fun to watch when he's not in the same room as Angel Dust but tHAT DOESNT SUPERSEID MY HATRED FUCK 👏 THAT 👏 GUY 👏👏👏👏
Speaking of the Vees tho I do love their dynamic
My favorite episode was probably Radio Killed the Video Star bcuz of mY BOYS PENTIOUS AND VOX!!!!!!!!
And the most painful episode to watch was- no surprise- Masquerade
That episode was a fucking rollercoaster Jesus fucking Christ...
Those scenes with Angel and Valentino where so fucking visceral... like. Who the fuck wrote that. Who are you. Are you okay. Do you need help-
Tho I'm not sure abt how they're handling the ah- more serious bits of Angel's character. It is WAYYYYYY to early to tell and I think Loser wasn't like. Trying to downplay the situation. But the writers better have been careful moving foreward bcuz I can def see a world where Angel's arc goes very wrong very fast-
Also while we're criticizing: wasn't a fan of the pacing. Especially in episode two. Like I can look past it, but the way they breeze past some plot points kinda bugged me
Otherwise it was sooooooo fucking good man oh my god
THE HUMOR WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN PPL MAKE IT OUT TO BEEEEEE PPL NEED TO STOP SHITTING ON THE COMEDY IN THESE SHOWS MAN-
The gag where Niffty just fucking stopped thinking every time the camera turned on was so fucking good
Niffty in general was really fuckin funny
Alastor was a lot less prominent of a character then I thought he would be but tbh I think that's for the best. He's like Discord from My Little Pony, fun in small doses but if you don't set perameters for how often he appears and when he's willing to help it kinda breaks the show
Chaggie is adorable and I love them <3
I think this show does a really good job balancing the focus on the whole cast! These first 4 episodes seem to be pretty Charlie, Angel and kind of Vaggie heavy but everybody still gets their fair share of attention!
THE ANIMATIOJ OH MY GOD- IT WAS FUCKING PHENOMENAL IM LOSING MY M I N D
Im going feral IM GOING FERAL THIS EXCEEDED MY EXPECTATIONS AKFNVKKENFEKFNDN
I love comedy. I love musicals. I love drama. I love silly characters. I LOVE ANIMATION!!!!!!!
It's like the South Park movie but longer and better animated and IVE BEEN WAITING FOUR FUCKING YEARS-
Just. So excited overall. Can't wait to see where it goes. May make more posts abt my thoughts in tbe future.
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silliest-heartaches · 6 months
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Ohh my god DRINKKK!! Dude I love them sooo muchhh. I just love imagining them being head over heels for each other yet constantly denying their feelings, because of how they view themselves, yet still finding comfort and solace with each other. They are so. YES. PERFECT. AUGH.
SHARE MORE ABOUT THEM PLEASE!!!
And I love how you use they/them for Ink and she/her for Dream!!
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GOD YEAH I LIKE THEM SO INCREDIBLY MUCH... tbh the main reason i started liking them was bc i was thinking abt them and how doomed yuri coded they were and. The worms Wormed in from there,,,,
I actually use he/they and she/they for ink and dream respectively but!!!!!! I love all hcs and interpretations of them for REAL. nonbinary people who are gay as fuck for real,, very inherrently queer ship regardless of how u see either of them i think...heart seeing them as t4t transmasc and transfem forever personally though so thats what i see em as hehe,, also in my head theyre both aroacespec (though the specifc kind varies from au to au though i do consistently see ink as ace and dream as demiaro :>>)
Im not sure how long these will be so...hcs under the cut lol
- okay well while in my mind while error is technically the First Entity ink sees that isnt just a normal entity, dream is like their First. Friend. you know. Like when error first saw him he was screaming and crying for the hills bc it was also his first time seeing another outcode so. that reaction BUT with dream she was more filled with gentle confusion... this is a bit after she unstoned in the apple incident but still was new to au hopping and naive to most danger so they became friends!!! Questionably so.
-to elaborate, when they first meet dream is still stuck on the ideals of toxic positivity and pushing through hardship no matter what... i think this is something they eventually grow out of and dream will eventually learn to see the need for balance eventually but one of their first disputes happens when ink is running low on ink and most of whats left are the Negative Emotions within him alongside the especially strong panic that he usually feels when they get like this... dream would try to comfort him and try to say that itll work out in the end no matter what and that they just need to push through and that itll be okay like normal comforting words because dream is an empath and can sense feelings right,,i feel like its comforting in some cases but when things get Really Bad and especially when the main reserves of feelings that ink has are Negative, they heavily override his normal sense of self and i imagine they get a lot more. Snappy.... theres also the additional hc thingy of ink also really overexaggerating his feelings and overplaying them a lot for the sake of trying to feel more intensely (doesnt work, just drains him faster and will never truly feel natural to him...personally think that ink feels a lot of disconnect from his feelings) which could be considerably offputting to dream (though before adding swap to the group she thought it wass normal because she had only seen the fake pretend nice joy of the village influenced by her aura and not Genuine Feelings)
I think eventually through the years they would learn a lot from eachother...like with ink learning to be more naturally charismatic and dream learning to see past toxic positivity and have his perception on emotions change for the better (ie in learning that having different emotions are okay, so long as there is a balance)
id do alot more hcs but tbh what it boils down to is: toxic codependent yuri. intensely up and down relationship where theres an insane amount of love and attachment but also a lack of self from the both of them because they are only able to see themselves as a Thing to the other. Also exes who turned out to be besties. Thry got together and broke up wayyy before blue (they casually tell him stories about it and for the parts that he does know about he is horrified for.) Oh and they share hobbies and do parallel play alot. dream is more music oriented and can play the cello and flute. ink can play the ukelele but hes more familiar with drawing and painting duh. Also they have a garden. they love growing flowers but their favourites are sunflowers. Also have writing sessions together. Also may/may not also have beautiful princess disorder. (The both of them)
im so sorry this is so incoherrent but erm. yeah im very normal abt them (half of this stuff comes from oc projection the other half is like. Mental illness while in the shower tbh)
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obihoe · 7 months
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tbh i think madara's masochism, as funny as it is, is also quite .. meaningful? like i think it might say smth abt him feeling uncomfortable with his own power. in the sense of he doesnt actually want to be the one with the most power bc it means he will have to carry responsibility for everyone. we know that he wasnt feeling comfortable being clan-leader and he didnt feel like he's up to the task of becoming hokage either. when hashirama suggests he become hokage and he will immortalize him by carving his face into the hills he seems almost .. embarrassed at the notion yknow. which might just be abt the part with the face on the hill but he also immediately questions his ability for this task and mentions how he failed to protect his brethren as clan-leader prior to this. i think the god savior responsibility is easier/more convenient to take for him bc he doesnt have to trust or cooperate with anyone in order to fill it. i know he cooperates with obito on his way there but only bc obito becomes what he thinks is an extension of his own self/his will and the final position isnt meant to be shared, its supposed to be his task .. alone. and so thats why he's drawn to this and like .. feels more up to the task of doing it that way as opposed to what he tried doing before (as a clan-leader and potentially later as hokage). however. i Still feel like madara is driven towards this by some feelings of duty. madara feels its his duty to become the world's savior bc he's so strong. only he can successfully do this bc he's so strong. i've talked abt this before but i think madara in the end comes to desire godhood bc he cant get anything else that will give him fulfillment or happiness. he cant get the connection and closeness from hashirama that he wants, their bond is never as intimate as he wants it to be. so he gives up on connection, pursues power instead and comes to believe that this is what will make him happy. its what he means here in this scene i think:
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madara "interprets it differently" by NOT going the way of cooperation like the stone tablet apparently said but by doing the opposite. fusing all power (specifically hashirama's and his power) within himself and just doing it all on his own. reach his fulfillment and happiness all on his own. but i feel like deep down, maybe he is aware that this will not work. maybe as much as he desires to distance himself from his humanity, he knows or can feel that embracing his humanity will feel so much better than godhood. he tries to embrace his humanity thru battle.
but coming back to the point at the start, it might be that madara isnt just a battle freak and a bit of a pain enjoyer, maybe he also just wants someone to finally take all that power away from him. madara's power being taken away will mean two things: 1) a much greater sense of vulnerability towards the person who does it (which, to me, is inherently connected to being human bc u can only share a connection w another human if u allow some form of vulnerability) and 2). he's resolved of his duty. if he isnt the strongest anymore, he loses his capability of becoming the god savior, he loses his right to fill that position but he also is relieved of his responsibility to do so. he doesnt Have to do it anymore is what i mean. i think masochism .. it often revolves around wanting to give up control. and i think madara does want to give up control. in other words, madara is drawn to the god savior position bc it promises unlimited control to him. he doesnt have to depend on anyone who could betray him, all he needs is his power and neither does he have to trust that humanity will manage to remain peaceful by itself either bc he will just decide what everyone's lives (dreams) will be like from now on. the control-part is thus what madara aims to gain personally from this, its what makes this attractive to him. BUT. he still seeks out battle with hashirama during the war arc (yknow hashirama, who is stronger than him and who according to madara's own words would be capable of stopping him), he doesnt enjoy himself when he's fighting the 5 kage bc theyre inferior to him so we know there's not actually all that much joy to be gained here for him from the superiority of his own power. we do see him enjoy himself during his battle with gai tho who almost kills him (and would have, if madara didnt have extraordinary self-healing powers here) and he enjoys himself also with hashirama. only stronger opponents who can actually get to him and are capable of hurting him are enjoyable as a partner in fights for him.
so to conclude this, madara aims to achieve godhood and power bc he is fearful of getting betrayed and thus thinks it is safer to just do all the work on his own, he cant get the connection to other people he longs for but he isnt a god, he's a human. the only way to connect to other people he knows and feels safe with is violence and the only premise under which he will show vulnerability is if he's forced into it. so i think it is natural for him to seek out conflict with stronger opponents bc only then can he show himself human (or feel human) and only then can he feel some kind of connection to others. hashirama here has an obviously very special position bc he is BOTH stronger than him, has successfully taken him down several times prior to this, and he's also the only one there that madara has had a touch of connection with prior to this. a connection that madara still has a desire for. the power/control is only a substitute for what he actually wants bc he's a human. not a god. he wants to connect with others, he doesnt want to be all on his own. but giving up the control is scary. he's done that before in his first life and it didnt end well for him. madara will not give up his power voluntarily, he cant, its too scary! but he's looking for somebody else who will do that for him and thats why he tries goading hashirama into another battle during the war, not despite, but Because he is capable of taking him down. madara accepts his defeat after kaguya has been taken down ... he feels at peace as he enters the afterlife bc finally, he experiences a true and unhindered connection with the person he wants that connection with most and he's also relieved of his duty to solve the world's problems.
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