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orbmanson7 · 9 months

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Let's do a quick analysis of this new short video "The Sides Need a Nice Day" which is clearly meant to be mostly for fun, but there's definitely some hints and easter eggs to pay attention to that I'd like to explore a little further.

I'll address this in three parts in separate posts, the first for Patton and Logan, the next for Virgil and Roman, and the last for Janus and Remus.

Let's start with the first part, about Patton and Logan.

Patton's initial approach, as we can see, was flawed despite his good intentions. He wants to do something nice for Logan, he thinks out ideas based on what he knows Logan enjoys, and he likes to see Logan actually having fun. These are all very emotion-based notions and motivations, which we can expect from Patton. He's inspired by his own emotions in response to seeing the videos online, and takes matters into his own hands to give Logan in particular a special day.

Why Logan? Because Patton's very in tune with emotions and can recognize that Logan has been having a tough time lately. He empathizes with this a lot (considering it's kind of his thing) so he wants to do something that he'd like someone to do for him if he was having a bad day - do something to cheer him up!

This is very sweet and he clearly puts a lot of thought into this idea...but it's not an immediate success because he only really puts the emotional concept and vision into it, and didn't think practically or make his decisions with logic in mind.

Wonder who could have helped with something like that...

First, he approached Logan about making a quick decision, which is not something Logan is ever known to do. Logan resists this right away by questioning him for clarification and is already annoyed to start because Patton is being vague and trying to get Logan to play along without giving consideration to Logan's need to understand a situation and weigh his options before deciding anything. Logan takes no action lightly and always thinks his actions through first, as opposed to Patton, who prefers gut instincts and impulsive action. He doesn't bother to offer Logan the information and time to make a more informed decision, all because he wants to hurry up and get to the fun part!

Patton (like Roman) is someone who is able to envision what he wants, but Logan is someone who actually figures out the steps needed to make that a reality. Without the steps, that vision is but a dream, and without the vision, the steps are just work with no purpose.

These sides need to learn to work together to accomplish goals, not just do things on their own, and this part of the episode gives us a hint towards that notion.

The peculiar way that Patton then explains the situation to Logan is also interesting, as he states that whichever option Logan chooses will be something Patton wants to do, and because Patton wants to do it, Thomas will want to do it, meaning Logan gets to do it, too.

This, by itself, is such an alarming concept to drop into this video, especially with Patton saying it so cheerfully.

In case it's not clear, Patton is implying that he has so much power and sway over Thomas' decision-making process that he can have Thomas do something just because he, Patton, wants to do it. None of the sides should have that level of influence over Thomas, but Patton not only has that power but also knows that he does.

(And to clear up any confusion, this is not the same as Janus saying during his part of the video that he's convinced Thomas to lean into certain thoughts for the day. Patton is suggesting that if he wants something, Thomas will do it, as if it's automatic and doesn't require convincing. That may be Patton oversimplifying it a bit, but it's still indicating his status above others in that sense.)

In this case, he's using it to give Logan a nice day by doing (read: permitting Thomas to do) things he knows Logan would enjoy...but in other context, that's a very dangerous situation, especially since Patton has been shown to make bad or skewed judgement calls in the past due to his biases as well as making some very impulsive, emotionally-driven decisions.

But he recognizes this status that he holds and is attempting to use it for good, so at least there's that?

The next and more obvious part of this section shows that Patton is rushing Logan through the activities chosen, talking over him or cutting him off when Logan questions Patton about this, and Logan grows more annoyed by this as time goes on.

He is not quick to anger, even when he was initially forced into deciding something with very little information, and it takes a few times of being pushed and talked over before he even shows his frustration at all.

It's important to notice this because Logan's anger is not just born of nothing. It's valid because it's a natural reaction to the situation he's in not being properly catered to him.

This is something we see in episodes of the series a lot, and when it comes to the specific moments where Logan has truly gotten angry enough to show it, it's never out of nowhere, even if it may seem that way. If you are properly paying attention, you will see the gradual buildup, where Logan keeps holding himself back, staying calm and collected as long as he can, before the emotion bursts out and he acts rashly (and then regrets it).

Logan's anger has been shown to appear after moments where he is repeatedly cut off, spoken over, and ignored or disregarded completely. Being silenced and skipped over so often, it's a wonder Logan keeps trying at all, but he does. At some point, the last line is crossed, and he explodes with that anger.

While the resulting behavior may be inappropriate or rude, the feelings motivating that behavior are extremely valid, because he's being pushed to this breaking point by others. Anger serves the purpose of making it known when someone's boundaries have been crossed and when they have been wronged, so it makes sense for Logan to experience it at these times.

So, in this short video, Patton is trying to do something nice for him, and Logan can recognize and appreciate Patton's intention, but the execution is filled with the same mannerisms that build Logan's anger - being cut off, spoken over, ignored. It's not that he doesn't enjoy these activities, either, but he's not being given the chance to enjoy them with the way Patton is presenting them to him. It's a recipe for disaster because Logan's needs and boundaries aren't being respected despite the whole point being to do something nice for him.

This is also a tough situation for someone to oppose, by the way! When someone does something nice for you but you honestly hate it, how do you begin to tell them that? You don't want to hurt their feelings because you know they were trying to be nice and meant no harm, but if you don't speak up about the issues you had with it, your boundaries could wind up violated over and over again and the other party would be none the wiser.

Logan must voice his frustration. He has to explain why he's upset. And, thankfully, in this section of the video, he does!

He starts by stopping Patton directly, hand out and everything. He speaks calmly and clearly, using the same tone he used when speaking to the others during DwIT to get them to chill out and not be so impulsive. Logan is using what he knows to work to make his case here, and he tells Patton that he appreciates what he's trying to do. But then, he raises his voice and informs Patton what's annoying him about it, that he can't enjoy these activities because he's being rushed through them. This is a direct communication of the issue at hand and why it's bothering him.

Patton then pauses, reflects, realizes his mistake and where he had messed up, and then alters his behavior to fix the issue.

It's so simple and succinct that Logan, while still annoyed, seems confused that Patton actually listened to him and by how easy it was to find that resolution.

And I think that's our next piece of foreshadowing, as well.

Logan has been holding back about his genuine anger and frustration over how he's treated by the other sides and Thomas. He feels ignored and only utilized as a tool, as if he were a book rather than a person (or the metaphysical manifestation of one, at least).

These are not feelings that have only sprung up recently, either - this has been happening for a very long time without Logan ever addressing it.

Until he does, the others won't realize the impact their words and actions truly have on him. He needs to speak up and the others need to listen and adjust accordingly.

With the way Patton responded in this part, though, perhaps this shows that they may have an easier, calmer solution in store than one might initially anticipate, but we shall see.

Speaking of foreshadowing, during the times Logan is shown in the library throughout this part, he is reading a book titled A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles. Knowing past easter eggs and hints, it's likely this is not a coincidence.

Having read the book myself, I think it's very possible this is a potential nod to something that may occur soon within Logan's upcoming arc (whenever that may happen), as the book happens to deal a lot with the concept of imprisonment and finding ways to live through adversity.

In the book, the main character is put on house arrest in a bustling hotel in the city, but he's relegated to a cramped attic space and had left all of his books away from home so he cannot access them, because if he dares to leave the hotel, he'll be shot dead. So he stays inside, and he self-reflects because he now has a lot of time to think. He gets to know the people who work and live in the hotel, how their lives are so different than his own had been and continues to be. For quite some time, he feels the true punishment of his stay there, how the whole world outside is moving on so fast, but he is stuck inside, removed from it. He becomes effectively useless, unable to be or do anything for others (outside of giving amazing wine pairings for meals, of course), but he stays true to himself despite it all. He remains his charming and intelligent self, he makes new friends, he finds ways to be happy despite being trapped there.

The most popular quote from the book is one that says, "if a man does not master his circumstances then he is bound to be mastered by them." And while the main character in that story manages to make the best of his life and circumstances, we know that Logan is still struggling with his fate right now, being trapped within Thomas' mind as someone who cannot fully explore his own interests, who has less and less purpose since Thomas left college, and feels less respected and listened to every day.

Logan has to find a way to obtain happiness despite his circumstances, because he can't change his situation, but he can change how he responds to it.

This book may be a clue as to how he finally figures out how to do that.

The outcome of this part of the video with Logan and Patton is a satisfying one. Logan expressed his frustration, Patton listened and was able to correct the issue, and Logan was able to have a nice day after all, which is what Patton had set out to accomplish. There were quite a few bumps along the way, but it was successful in the end!

Now, onto the next part...

#sanders sides #sanders sides analysis #patton sanders #logan sanders #ts spoilers #long post #orbs thought bubbles #I'm posting part one for now and I'll post part two and three later on because i have two jobs back to back today and tomorrow so I'm busy #pfft but i won't make anyone wait for too long i promise

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lumosinlove · 4 months

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Christmas Eve Will Find Me

Five: Finn

Church Ruin

Athens, Greece

Finn couldn’t look away. He had bundled Logan in both of their coats, one unzipped and pulled up higher to cushion his head against the rough stone of the wall. He’d used one of Leo’s alcohol packets to clean his face. Everything was the same. The brush of his long eyelashes against his cheek, the tilt of his head against the wall and the soft curl of his fingers into his palm. The warm olive of his skin. The sound of his breathing in his sleep—or whatever this was. If Finn blinked, Logan was going to disappear again.

He kept choking up. Kept crying, silent, and then wiping at his cheeks when the wind chilled his tears. He kept touching Logan, careful to let him rest but needed to feel his warm skin. He wanted to crawl inside those doubled coats, press his cheek against his chest, listen to his heartbeat.

“Anything new?”

Finn sniffed from the cold as Leo crouched down beside him. He shook his head. “No. Just this.”

Leo made a sympathetic sound. “It’s good that you’re staying close to him. But I wanted to tell you, the boys think we should head to one of the islands. Hide out until we can figure out how to reach Remus. We can’t lie low here very well, not in a city.”

“But how…” The fear seized him again, his throat constricting. “Leo, what if he doesn’t wake up?”

“He will,” Leo said.

“What if he doesn’t know me when he does?”

“I hope he will.”

“What if he needs a doctor? What if he dies?”

“No,” Leo said. “I won’t let him.”

“You’re not a doctor. You’re a lot of things but you’re not that.”

“Don’t I know it, but they’ll be watching the hospitals, Finn. We can’t.”

Finn looked over at him. Leo’s face was taut, blue eyes taking Logan in. His eyes, his mouth, his hair, his hands. Finn liked that. He liked watching Leo look at Logan like that. Like he understood how precious Logan was. Logan could come across as a little rude, a little quiet, a little harsh. Sometimes Finn felt alone at the occasional faculty party Logan made it to. Like no one would ever understand how wonderful Logan was. His colleagues would clear their throat a little, taken aback after the initial attractive charm of how handsome Logan was. But Leo looked like he knew. Leo did know.

“I never thought I’d see him again,” Leo said in a small voice.

Finn nodded. He couldn’t speak, but he reached out and put his hand over Leo’s. Leo looked down at it. Slowly, he turned his hand around so that their palms fit together and their fingers laced. Finn squeezed hard, knowing they were both only trying to make sense of it all. It felt good to have something to hold onto.

“You know those notes,” Leo said, still looking down. “Your notes, in the hall at home? I mean, at your flat?”

Finn nodded again. He’d hardly been able to look at them but he hadn’t been able to take them down, either. Logan had framed them as a present after their wedding. Their little love confessions. Finn joked that they had said it more officially than that. Whispered into each other’s mouths after two years of knowing each other, wanting each other, kissing and kissing and kissing for the first time in the dark third floor of a Harvard library. He’d woken up the next morning, peaked just one eye open, to find Logan balancing a note on his bedside table against his water glass before sneaking out for his eight AM. He’d closed his eye in time to feel Logan, thinking he was still asleep, press the most tender kiss to his forehead.

“I don’t like that he doesn’t know they’re there,” Leo said.

Finn realized his eyes had closed, the ghost of the kiss laying over him like snow.

Framed love. In the lonely apartment. He had a photo of Logan somewhere, grinning crookedly as he put the nails in the walls, fresh off their honeymoon, tanned from the beach, hair honey highlighted by the sun. Sentimental. So sentimental.

Leo’s silhouette standing in the hallway, usually taking his coat off or putting it back on, was just as clear an image. Logan’s voice from the kitchen. Leo—Lay-oh, the way he said it. Finn loved every fucking sound out of his mouth—Leo, I’m burning your instructions, this water won’t boil. Leo, in no hurry, re-reading every word. Sometimes Finn wondered if he could tell what sentence, which frame, he was reading from just by the tilt of his head. Logan’s I’m sorry it took me so long. I’m yours now, or his own, I’ve loved you for so long, baby. So long.

“I know,” Finn whispered. He squeezed Leo’s hand again. He thought of Leo pressed all along his back after realizing that Logan was alive and had no idea who he was. “Hopefully…Hopefully we’ll all get to go home soon and all of this will just be a memory.” He sighed, watching Logan breathe. “One that we all remember and can all let fade.”

Leo’s thumb brushed over Finn’s knuckles. “Finn?”

“Hm?” Finn reached out again, pushing the top of the coat zipper away from Logan’s cheek. The metal would be cold. Logan was perfectly still. Finn looked up, though, when Leo stayed quiet. He had watched the gesture. “Yeah?”

Leo blinked. Shook his head. “Never mind. Um.” He pulled his hand away from Finn’s. “Fuck, okay, look.” Leo reached into his jacket and took out a gun. It was small, smaller than the ones Finn watched Leo and the others strap to their hips and backs.

“Whoa,” Finn said.

“I want you to take this,” Leo said.

Finn stared at the pistol. “Leo, I wouldn’t know the first thing about how to shoot that.”

Leo frowned. His eyes darted to Logan. “I always thought Logan might teach you.”

Finn shook his head. “No. I mean, we tossed the idea around, but we never…You know.” Finn shrugged one shoulder. “I was his break from it all.”

“Well, not anymore. Not after Jack. Take it now.” Leo put the gun into Finn’s hand. “Look. This is the safety. Keep that on at all times. And this—”

In the next moment, there was a tight pressure around his neck and Finn found the air knocked from his lungs as he was yanked backwards. For the second time that day, the mouth of the gun was pressed against him. His temple this time.

“Move and I kill him,” Logan’s voice said from behind him, right next to his ear.

“Lo,” Finn gasped out, clutching at Logan’s arm. Blood rushed in his ears at the pressure against his throat. He doesn’t know you. He doesn’t know you, he doesn’t know you. “Lo, please—”

“You,” Logan said, and Leo’s blue eyes widened, his hands raised away from his weapons. “What do you want from me?”

“We don’t want to hurt you, Logan,” Leo said and Finn was surprised by how even his voice came out. “Please don’t hurt him. Please, you don’t want to hurt him.” Leo’s eyes flicked nervously to Finn’s, and Finn clutched harder at Logan’s arm, coughing.

Holding onto Logan’s arm so tight, the music beginning. Trying not to watch his mom dabbing at her eyes. Logan’s soft smile when they faced each other at the top of the aisle. “You don’t have to hold on so tight, Rouge. I’m not going anywhere. Not ever.”

“Tell me who you are,” Logan said. The cold metal dug into Finn’s cheek. “Tell me. Why are they after me?”

“We’re your friends, Logan. Your teammates. We’re trying to figure that out, too,” Leo said. “You’re not alone. They’re after Remus, too. Do you know Remus?”

“Non,” Logan said.

Leo tried again, hesitantly. “Pascal?”

Finn badly wished he could see Logan’s face. All he could stare at was Leo’s blue eyes. Leo shook his head softly. “No? That’s alright.”

“Non. I…I don’t know—I don’t know anything,” Logan said, and Finn’s chest ached.

“We’ll help you,” Finn managed to say, and it was so stupid to feel relieved to be settled against Logan’s chest even with a gun to his head, but he was. “Logan, we’ll help you—”

But then he was being shoved forward, momentarily on his side before Logan had thrown a leg over his hips, pinning him to the ground with the gun right over his heart.

“You’re the one trying to get close,” Logan said. God, how many times had Logan looked down at him just like this, how many times had he been a weight over Finn, just like this…but not like this at all. “My husband. I don’t even know I was—”

Gay, was perhaps what he was about to say. Or, in younger Logan fashion, like that. Finn felt like he’d been slammed back nine years. Back to the very beginning. A reluctant Logan. A confused Logan. A young Logan, scared to admit to all the different ways he wanted Finn. Logan’s mouth pressed into a thin line, keeping the word in just like he used to. Finn had spent a good two years watching as Logan began to smile while using it—or at least, something like that word.

All I know is that I want a Finn O’Hara, Logan had laughed into his mouth that perfect summer. New York City. Burning sunset and dinner on a boat, humidity curling Logan’s hair and after dinner drinks on a rooftop. Before the agency had spotted Logan. Before any of it. And a Finn O’Hara wants me.

He still wants you, Finn wished he could say. I still want you. Do you still want me?

“My phone,” Finn whispered. “My phone, in my pocket.” He moved his eyes down to his left. “Right there.”

Logan looked, and Finn took the instant to look back at Leo, upside-down, and give his head a small shake. He won’t hurt me. Finn knew it in his bones. He can’t hurt me.

“You can’t trick me with—”

“You don’t have to open it,” Leo said. “Just look at the screensaver.”

That was better, Finn thought. He was going to have Logan look at pictures of their wedding, but this was better. It felt raw. Finn loved that photo. He hoped Logan could somehow feel that. Or even remember it. What had he done before? How had he broken through and why had it caused so much pain?

Logan, without moving the gun, dug into Finn’s pocket for the phone. Finn felt his hands search for weapons, too, briefly. Logan’s eyes caught on his when he found him completely unarmed. Finn couldn’t see the screen, but he could see Logan’s face as he took it in: Himself, soft as sunset. His brows drew together and he stared, and stared. When the screen went black, he tapped it to see the photo again.

“That’s you,” Finn said. “It’s you.”

Tentatively, Finn tried to sit up. It was a mistake. Logan flinched hard, renewing the angle of the gun, which had drifted some in distraction. He dropped the phone and pinned Finn’s hands above his head. He looked more panicked than before.

“Why don’t I know you? I should know you if that’s real—”

“It is,” Finn pleaded. He tried to free his hands. If he could just touch him. “Please, Lo, it’s me. It’s Finn.”

Logan was fighting him, gun digging in, hand back around Finn’s throat, but Finn didn’t care. He didn’t care.

“Finn.” Leo’s voice sounded far away. Panicked, but far away. “Stop. Stop it.”

“Harvard,” Finn choked out. He kept his eyes locked on Logan’s green ones. “Harvard, the third floor of the library.”

“What?” Logan said. “Who are you—” But he’d winced. Finn saw it, he winced.

Finn let out a low noise and renewed his efforts, settling all the strength he could find into keeping himself from shaking. The fact that it was a gun was beginning to settle in. Mostly though, he was afraid for Logan. Afraid he would do something that, if he ever came back to himself, he would regret.

“We don’t want to hurt you,” Leo pleaded. “And you’re not our captive. Just let him talk to you, Logan—”

But Finn knew better than that. Logan was stubborn. When he had something set in his mind, it took months to undo it—sometimes years. Not minutes, especially not on such uneven ground as this. Finn would have to try and trip his wires again, jump him right back into himself, even if only for a few more seconds.

“The hot chocolate machine,” Finn said. “Third floor. Harvard. Library. You love it, I think it’s disgusting but you loved it and I brought you some while I was helping you study. The English was hard for you back then.”

Logan squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them wide again, like he had double vision.

“You know,” Finn said. You know. It’s in there. “Before you could speak ten languages.”

“Finn,” Leo said. “This isn’t the way. It’s hurting him.”

“I don’t speak ten languages,” Logan bit out.

Leo said something fast in a language Finn couldn’t even begin to identify. Russian? Logan’s eyes snapped up. He’d understood.

“I know it’s confusing,” Leo began to say, but then Logan was looking at Finn again.

“The library,” Logan repeated.

“Yes.” Finn wrapped his fingers around Logan’s wrist, the hand on his neck. He realized he was nodding, almost frantically. He could see them in that memory. Standing close together in the tiny, freezing corner with the vending machine. The flimsy paper cup filled with steaming, powdery hot chocolate. “I said, that’s too fucking sweet. I said that I didn’t know how you could stand it…And you said—”

“I’m—” Logan began, and then cut off. His eyes were wide, searching Finn’s face. It wasn’t the recognition that he’d seen before, not the real knowing, but it was something. It was finishing Finn’s sentence.

I’m sweet. I’m sweet.

And then Finn had kissed him for the first time. Terrified. Not sure Logan even wanted him to. But they had spent what felt like an eternity kissing in that freezing corner, alone on the library’s third floor. So long that all of the censored lights shut off and thrown them into blissful darkness—was that the same darkness at the edges of his vision now? Finn tried to blink the spots away. Air. He needed air.

Logan’s eyes fell shut, lips pulling back to reveal teeth grit in pain. He dropped his forehead to Finn’s chest. Finn realized he was sweating, they both were, despite the chill in the air.

And then Logan was gone. His weight, the warmth, the gun, the hand around his throat.

Finn coughed hard. Bitter bile in his throat, something rushing in his ears. His pulse maybe. His blood. Leo knelt beside him, tumbling against his side.

“Finn—” Leo began to say, but Finn was already pushing himself up, terrified, terrified that Logan would already be running. His back hurt. His head throbbed where it had hit against the stone, and Logan, Logan, Logan, gone again gone—

But he wasn’t. Logan had pressed himself back into the stone corner where he had been sleeping. He looked feverish, but he was looking at Finn so carefully that Finn didn’t dare move.

“Logan?” Finn whispered.

“What’s happening to me?” Logan looked down at the gun, like he had forgotten he was holding it.

“You’re memory, it’s been—wiped? Or something,” Leo said gently. “It’s not your fault. Logan, it isn’t your fault. You and Remus, we thought you both were dead. We only just found you.” Leo let out a shaky sigh. “We’re trying to figure out what happened, too.”

Logan just stared at Leo. “I can see the library. But I don’t remember…I don’t understand.”

“Me neither,” said a voice from behind them, and both Leo and Finn whipped around. It was like seeing ghosts. With the stone and the sea and the crumbling church, it was right out of a novel.

Remus was standing there, leaning against a far wall on the sea-side of the church. The wind coming off the water beat at his tawny hair and the brown, old looking jacket he wore.

“Remus,” Leo breathed.

“How do you know my name,” Remus said. He held no weapon that Finn could see, but the very sight of him held both Leo and Finn in place well enough, “but I don’t know yours?”

#winterfic 2023 lumosinlove #Christmas Eve will find me lumosinlove #finnlo #sunfish #lionfish #lelo #remus lupin #wolfstar #sirius black #James potter #Jily #spy au #amnesia au #ficmas

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 3 months

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Not a Bad Holiday Season

Hey! I hope you had a great holiday season! I was wondering if you could write something sweet about Virgil and Logan after the secret Santa episode. No pressure ofc, Thank you you’re the best <3 – lapassemirrior

Read on Ao3

Pairings: none

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1225

“No, but that doesn’t work within the context of the other clues…”

Virgil smiles as he ambles down the hallway, listening to the soft mutterings on the other side of Logan’s door. From the sounds of it, Logan’s hardly stopped to breathe since he figured out that the newspaper wasn’t just a newspaper. He hesitates for a moment, just a moment, before knocking on the door.

“Come in?”

“Hey,” he says as he steps through, “wanted to check if you—whoa.”

He thinks he can be forgiven for truly coming to a dead stop when he sees the fucking conspiracy board Logan’s got where his whiteboard usually is. The original newspaper is still on his desk, the eye in the hurricane of notebooks, pens, and paper strewn about, but he’s made copies of certain parts and pinned them to a corkboard. Fucking hell, he’s even got bits of red string connecting picture to picture—if he didn’t know any better, he’d ask if Logan were working with Roman or Remus on some film noir idea.

“Virgil?”

He snaps himself out of it. “Sorry, I, uh, I guess I’m glad you’re having fun?”

Logan’s face splits into an almost manic grin—shit, maybe he really has been spending too much time with Remus. “This is incredible, Virgil, I can’t properly express my gratitude until I’ve completed your puzzle. I have to ask: did you do all of this truly by yourself?”

Virgil scratches the back of his head. “Eh. I may have gotten Princey to help with some of it.”

Logan frowns. “Roman?”

“Well, yeah, he is Creativity too. And he’s—okay, I’m not gonna spoil it ‘cause it’s his idea, but he has this thing he’s doing right now that’s gonna be really, really cool when he gets around to showing it off, so—“

He trails off when he sees Logan still frowning at his desk. He takes a step closer, nudging him with an elbow.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, nothing.”

“Uh-huh.”

“It really is nothing,” he says, “I suppose I’m surprised that Roman would be willing to…help you with such a thing.”

Virgil frowns. The irritation that Logan had expressed when he’d first looked at the newspaper, the almost resignation he’d had when he’d immediately moved on, it’s starting to show in his face right now.

“L,” he says, trying to get his attention, “why is it surprising?”

“Well,” Logan huffs, adjusting his tie, “you know.”

”I don’t. Can you tell me?”

“It’s Roman.”

“Yeah. Creativity. Making things. Doing stuff for us.”

“For you,” Logan corrects, still not meeting his gaze, “not necessarily for me.”

That’s funny. As Virgil remembers it, Roman had been hesitant to help him at all until he’d told him it was for Logan. Then he was practically climbing all over him to help out.

“But perhaps in the spirit of the holiday, then—“

“Logan.”

Logan stops. He takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath. Virgil lets him, waiting until he’s put his glasses back on and sat down. He leans against the edge of the desk and waits.

”That was unfair of me to say,” he mumbles, “wasn’t it?”

“Maybe a bit.”

“I…didn’t mean it to be spiteful.”

“You sure?”

“…maybe slightly.”

Virgil chuckles, rubbing his shoulder. “It’s okay. I know you and Princey have your moments.”

“But I have those with everyone,” Logan continues, staring off into space, “even—even with you. When I didn’t realize what your gift was at first, I…”

“Hey,” Virgil murmurs when Logan’s breath hitches just a bit too much for his liking, “you’re okay. It’s—look, the holidays are a stressful time for everyone, it’s not fair of me to hold it against you.”

“Thank you.”

“And, uh, I think any ARG that loudly screams hey, look at me, I’m a big fucking puzzle kinda fails at being an entertaining ARG—“ Logan snorts— “so I don’t blame you for taking a second to get it either.”

Logan hums, leaning against Virgil’s side. His glasses squish slightly into his ribs and he turns to fix it. “You’re right.”

“And hey, you really look like you’re enjoying it.” He gestures to the board. “You got your red string out and everything.”

“Well, I realized that I could take notes on my computer or in the notebook, but…” He can hear the moment the smile curls up his face. “I decided I might as well have fun with it.”

“That’s the whole point.”

“Thank you,” he says, softer now, turning to look up at him, “I really do like the present.”

Virgil chuckles. “I got that. Glad you’re having fun. What part are you at?”

“Part?”

“How much of it have you solved already?”

“I’ve just gotten to the QR code you managed to hide inside the picture—how did you do that, by the way? No, no—“ Logan holds up a hand as Virgil starts to explain— “don’t tell me just yet, I’ll make a list to ask you once I’ve finished everything.”

Virgil just grins and holds up his hands, stepping back as he watches Logan get up and start working on something again. He wanders over to the board after a moment, looking at all the pieces. Shit, he knew Logan would be good at this, but Janus would pop up if he said he’s a little disappointed that some of the puzzles didn’t take him longer.

Though, he notices with a grin, it doesn’t look like Logan’s cracked the big one yet. That’ll be something to look forward too.

“But enough about that,” Logan says, “did you come here for anything specific?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Pat and Princey are making a fucking feast for dinner and they’ve asked the rest of us to put together a movie marathon. If you, uh, if you’re willing to step away for a sec?”

“Certainly. Give me one moment…” Logan scribbles something else down on the piece of paper and pins it to the board—damnit, he got that one too, he really is good at this, maybe he should’ve made it harder— “there. Alright, what is everyone thinking? There are a few generic thrillers that have come out recently, Remus was talking about a disaster movie—“

“Wait, they made another one?”

Logan rolls his eyes as they head out to the hall. “It’s quite a profitable genre, despite the rampant suspension of disbelief that’s necessary for full immersion, so yes, I’m sure they did.”

“I don’t know about you, but I think not having to think too much sounds like a good thing.”

Logan chuckles. “Yes, well, you’ve been kind enough to give me quite the puzzle to keep me entertained for a while.”

“I really am glad you like it, L.”

“May I be honest?” Virgil nods and Logan glances around, leaning a bit closer. “Even if it had just been a newspaper, I still would have appreciated it as it came from you.”

Well. Shit. Now he’s blushing. And Logan’s looking at him like that and yep, they’re going to find the others right now.

All in all, not such a bad holiday season.

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl

#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #logan sanders #virgil sanders #fic

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multi-fandomedfreak · 10 months

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Sanders Sides - How they would comfort you during a panic attack

Authors note: I miss my favorite boys and got motivation to write for some reason so lets gooo. I just wrote the core four so if you want Remus and Janus feel free to leave a comment.

⚠TW!⚠: Mentions of panic attacks, fluff, prob a little angst ig if you squint

👑Roman👑

-Roman would be his dramatic self (bc of course he would be) but at the same time would think up of ideas on the fly on how to help as you have your panic attack

-Would probably BOMBARED you with questions as he tries to figure out his best on how to help until he figures out that you wont be able to answer all too well in your panicked state

-If you indicate that you want to be held, he will hold you against his chest firmly so you can hear the comforting sound of his heart beating

-If not, he will simply sit and/or lay next to you until your panic attack is over, affirming you that he’s there for you

-Afterward, he will shower you with all sorts of comforting words -in both english and spanish- and shower you with acts of service (Bringing you some comfort items, making sure you’re comfortable, ect.)

-If you like physical affection, he will cuddle with you and pepper kiss all over you. Your face, your hands, your neck, your arms, your shoulders, ect.

-Like, literally no part of your body is safe from his onslought of kisses if you let him

-Don’t like physical affection? No worries he will simply keep you company but that won’t stop him from complimenting you every chance he gets

-He will compliment your eyes, your laugh, your humor, literally anything and everything he can think of. Which is a lot considering he’s creativity

-If it makes you feel better, Roman will bring you to his mind palace and create stuff specifically for you

💙Logan💙

-Being that he is the most logical side and doesn’t do well with emotions, he will obviously try to go about it the logical way

-Will most likely know what to do already since he has helped many of Thomas’ friends from panic attacks and has helped Virgil before in the past

-Logans definitely the kind of person to just sit close to you while trying to give you space at the same time, not wanting to overwhelm you even more

-If you ask to be held, know its gonna be kind of a stiff hug at first since Logan isn’t used to physical affection (Patton tries to surprise hug him from time to time due to that reason)

-After a while though, seeing that it’s helping you calm down from the panic attack, he definitely melts into the hug. Even after you’ve calmed down he still won’t let go (someone give him a hug please he needs it)

-If you don’t like physical affection or just don’t like hugs, he’ll probably hold your hand through your panic attack as he guides you through breathing excersises

-You’ll both just sit or lay in silence, enjoying each others presence for a while before one of you breaks the silence and you both just talk about random things

-Just small, light hearted things to lift the mood. “You’re so cute.” “Objectively, I’m actually considered average looking.” “You call yourself ‘average looking’ one more time and I’ll put salt instead of sugar in your coffee.” “....” “Exactly.” (this is so cute omg i’m about to implode)

🍪Patton🍪

-Omg Patton goes into full on DAD MODE the minute he knows your having a panic attack. He might be able to see if before it even happens bc he just has that kind of, caring-for-others-more-than-himself-mode built in him.

-Kind of like Roman and Logan put into one because he will ask if theres anything he can do to help and sort of knows how to deal with a panic attack but isn’t too sure

-Sooo, he just looks it up on his phone real quick. Once he understands what to do, he will help you through it with a kind and comforting voice

-I feel like his voice will definitely help ground you more than anything because its just so cute the way that he says “everythings ok” and “I’m here for you, kiddo” and just things like that

-If you want to be held, BOY YOU BETTER BE READY FOR SOME REAL GOOD HUGS/CUDDLES

-Patton literally gives the best cuddles I dunno what to tell you other than you will most likely fall asleep if you cuddle each other

-And will most definitely give you forehead kisses

-Don’t like to be touched? No problemo because he WILL make you something to eat and drink, especially if its your favorite/comfort food. I’m not even joking he will probably start baking a cake right there and then if thats your favorite treat

-He just loves to show you his love through his food overall

-Once you’ve calmed down he talks rambles about anything that will make you feel better once you’re all calmed down

💜Virgil💜

-My poor emo boy definitely knows how to handle a panic attack but has only ever dealt with panic attacks by himself so when he sees you having one

-He kind of freezes.

-Once he snaps out of it though, he’s definitely panicking a little bit too with you as he attempts to think of everything he can to help you

-He’s kind of a guy who hesitates before doing anything because he just really isn’t sure but starts to calm down after seeing you calm down too

-If you indicate that you want to be held through your panic attack, he will be a little stiff at first but not in the way Logan is stiff

-Stiff as in he’s not sure if he’s doing this right and hopes that this actually comforts you

-Dont wanna be held? He’ll just offer you some comforting items kind of like a crow and its so cute that it really helps you calm down

-Once you calm down, he will constantly be checking up on you to make sure you’re ok

-”You comfortabe?” “ Need anything else?” “I can get something for you if you want.”

-He’ll probably offer you his sweater too and once you put it on its smells so much like him and its absolute heaven

-You’ll def make him blush if you take a deep breathe of his scent on his sweater

-He’ll put on your favorite movie and chill with you in the living room for a while to make you feel better

#virgil #virgil sanders #thomas sanders #thomas sanders sides #patton #patton sanders #roman sanders #roman #logan #logan sanders #sanders sides x reader #sanders sides #sanders sides headcanon

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rose-thorn · 8 months

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tma!sanders sides au bc i’ve been brainrotting over this for the past several days

(@wobblystrawberry helped a lot with this [hiiii])

Remus:

- The Corruption

- the bastard that made me start this whole thing (wanted to make The Stinky Trash Bastard Man, Stinky Trash Bastard Man Squared and it sorta just went from there)

- known as The Duke of The Crawling Rot

- raided the magnus institute with Jane Prentiss (where he meets Logan, they probably start dating sometime in the AU) (both Remus and Prentiss wore raggedy red dresses and Roman got pissy about Remus stealing his color)

- dating Janus and living with him + Annabelle Cane (more on her later)

Roman:

- The Desolation

- known as The Prince of Total Desolation/The Prince of Devastation

- was The Lightless Flame’s attempt to salvage the idea of having a Messiah and all the work that was put into that (a failed attempt at that)

- a lot of “he hurts everyone close to him because of the intensity of his love for them (“also he can’t touch anyone without burning them alive)” going on with him

- him and Jude Perry are lesbian/gay hostility (also Jude pretty much HATES Roman because he’s quite literally the “replacement” for the woman she loved) but sometimes have their moments of coexistence

- him and Virgil have something going on but it isn’t clear to anyone (including me) what exactly it is

speaking of…

Virgil:

- The Dark

- it was close between The Dark and The End but ultimately I went for The Dark

- ascended to Avatar-hood earliest out of everyone else (at like something between 14-17 idk)

- much more on the human-ish end of the spectrum (main thing is his eyes, i’ll drop the design soon i promise)

- Janus (who’ll i get to next) was like a mentor/older sibling figure for him, and tried to get him to become an avatar of The Web (is still trying to do so) which is why 1) Virgil is still closely tied to spiders, and 2) mostly why Virgil Does Not Like Janus

- Virgil still has a pet tarantula that Janus had given him, he’s tried to muster up the will to kill her or get rid of her more times than he can count now, to cut off his ties with The Web, but he just can’t bring himself to do it

- him and gerry (who i’ve decided doesn’t die in this au and instead becomes a fully realized Beholding Avatar) are close friends and most of their interactions go something like:

“You fell in love with the fucking personification of insanity and lies" "big talk for a guy with a crush on the biggest bitch of a fancy dumpster fire" "fuck you" "fuck you" "so you're trying to tell me you didn't name yourself after gerard way?" "i didnt" "bullshit, i bet you heard 'mama' and immediately took his name" (gerry’s trans in this, i make the rules)

- Virgil used to be friends with Julia Montauk before someone got jealous and tipped her off that Virgil’s an avatar (they get less toxic later i promise okay?)

- also he’s sorta friends with oliver banks, they have these “oh hey, it’s you” acquaintances and sometimes sit down to catch up like:

“how’s it going with your vast boyfriend? (mike crew)” “oh yeah a Hunter cop shot him he had to pretend to be dead while Buried for a bit but he’s doing better now, tea?” “how’s your bf in the red?” “my what.” “y’know the Lightless Flame’s Messiah 2.0?” “MOTHERFUCKING ROMAN??”

Janus:

- The Web

- okay yes The Spiral is literally the fear of deception, and yes Janus is literally called “Deceit” but this fits him better imo

- he/she Janus because fuck it

- as i said, tried to get Virgil to become a Web Avatar, still trying, how well this is working out for her is up for debate

- he is pulling all the strings possible to keep Virgil far away from The People’s Church of The Divine Host as possible (whether this is out of genuine care and fear for how being in a literal cult would affect Virgil’s wellbeing or a want to keep Virgil’s connection to The Dark as possible… that’s also up for debate)

- has severe scarring on the entire right side of her face, how did that happen? basically, Mary Keay wanted to test to make sure the Leitner skin book was real, so she hired janus (who also brought Virgil, and that’s how gerry and Virgil met) to help with that, long story short, she then backstabbed him and tried to skin him alive. janus got away but let’s just say she’s pretty damn lucky Virgil was there to get him to a hospital

- dating Remus (and eventually Logan) and lives with Remus + Annabelle Cane

- Speaking of Annabelle Cane, one day while Remus and Janus were just cuddling on the couch, Annabelle just walked in, said “We’re a colony now”, and set up in the spare bedroom s5 style and Janus + Remus were just like “oh-kay?” and went on with their day

- if you’ve ever seen that one “passive aggressive roommate” song on youtube, that’s Janus and Annabelle. both are the passive aggressive roommate.

- spider limbs from his back as well as the several hands thing because why the hell not, it works

Patton:

- The Eye

- mainly the being judged/having your secrets exposed aspects (because in sander sides he is literally the judge over thomas’ morality, his job is to watch over thomas’ actions and tell him whether or not he’s a good person)

- certain people make eye contact with with him and Know that he Knows all the bad things they’ve done, and feel the compulsion to spill their guts, once they start, they cannot stop no matter how hard they try

- after the fact, his victims find a teddy bear sitting on their bed that always seems to be Watching them no matter where they go

- works at The Magnus Institute, where he meets Logan, who, during his transition to becoming an avatar, was one of his biggest supports, since he was going through the same thing, they start dating after a while, and by the time of the Prentiss + Remus attack, they’re engaged (they both fully ascend only a few months after their wedding)

- [insert patton having a moral crisis because he doesn’t want to be a monster that feeds off of people’s fear but he has to and part of him likes it wow this is reminding me of a certain other Beholding Avatar]

- idk how it happens but he still becomes a father figure for Virgil somehow, i’ll figure out specifics eventually

Logan:

- The Vast

- while i absolutely love Beholding!Logan hear me out. the fear of insignificance works so well here.

- he started working at The Magnus Institute a year or two before Patton (and five or six years before the Prentiss + Remus attack)

- i cannot overstate how everyone in the au thinks he’s Beholding: Jon thinks he’s Beholding, Gertrude thought he was Beholding, Gerry, who canonically has an ability to tell if people are marked by an avatar and who, for the purposes of this au is an avatar of The Eye, thinks he’s Beholding, motherfucking Elias/Jonah thinks he’s Beholding, Virgil, Janus, Annabelle, everyone thinks he’s Beholding EXCEPT Remus, who just knows for some reason (at one point when Patton and Logan got engaged Remus was like “damn patton you’re so committed to the eye, wouldn’t have figured you’d marry a vast avatar.” “a what”)

- to be fair, he was like 0.5 seconds away from becoming an Eye Avatar then BOOM BITCH VAST JUMPSCARE (The Eye is immensely bitter) and is partially Eye-aligned

- when Patton and Logan started dating, Logan just kinda assumed that Patton knew he was a Vast avatar

- after Patton learns, the convo goes something like “but- you work with the institute? how are you an avatar of the vast?” “i still need to eat, patton, and rent in central london is not cheap.”“huh.”

- Logan has a tie that Patton got him after learning he was a Vast avatar, the tie has a blue sky that fades into a deeper blue at the top, has some clouds and birds scattered around, and has a colorful sunset at the bottom, he wore that to their wedding and every day after

- there is healthy communication between all parties when Logan starts dating Remus and Janus as well

- probably levitates elias/jonah over the edge of a building for threatening/traumatizing Patton at some point, Elias had no clue that Logan was a Vast avatar until that moment (self-made blind spot, like the one he had around Martin being a threat)

- Jon and Logan would be friends. they just would.

- Logan’s probably the one who convinces Virgil to go to therapy

that’s most of what i have right now, i will probably continue to talk about these bastards + post the designs

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runningonadhd · 2 months

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The Sides and Their Vocal Ranges

Ok I don’t know what this is going to be, but I wanted to make this because it’s something that really interests me. And since there are going to be SIX SONGS in the finale, it’s sorta relevant.

Please note I am not a professional, I work with a professional on vocals but I am in no way qualified to judge anyone’s singing. I’m just being silly and talking about where the sides ranges sit. Idk if I had to make that note but whateves. Pls call me out if I said something stupid

Thomas himself is very talented in both voice acting and singing. In several songs he has gone from a tenor range to a borderline bass. Not even borderline, now that I think about it. In the crofters song that tenors could only hit in their dreams. I can’t completely speak on the matter but I feel he usually sounds most comfortable in a low tenor/high baritone range.

Whoooo, Roman. I really, really wanna pin him as an fboy tenor, but that wouldn’t be truthful to his range or his character. As I’m writing this, I’m listening to Incomplete, which honestly isn’t the best example because it’s a lot of sing-talking, which there’s nothing wrong with that, it just doesn’t really help with figuring out where each of the sides sit, which is unfortunate because it’s currently the only song they’re all in (minus J+R, but we’ll get to them later). The best example of Roman is the Crofters song, where he hit some high notes, specifically at the the beginning and end, but based on all of him that we’ve heard and remembering to check in his accent, as it to an extent effects how high or low he could go, I’m pretty confident in saying he sits comfortably at a high baritone range, not unlike Thomas, but the accent definitely separates Roman from his normal singing voice. Idk if I’m explaining this right.

We all know the stigma around baritones only being villains or dads, but thankfully Patton doesn’t follow this trend. I actually think with the way he talks and the slight…. Accent? I think? He has?? Like when he goes “oh well pushing people down stairs doesn’t sound very nice Janus!” Like did it do the thing in your head too??? Anyway he has a very high speaking voice, which obviously means he sings higher then the others. He, at the moment, is the only side to sit at a completely tenor range, if a lower tenor range.

With Logan, I am completely blinded by headcanons, but I will try to keep this truthful. Logan hits some moderately high notes to really high notes for Thomas’ range, specifically the “Even I-I-I-I-I” but he talks in a much lower range. My hypothesis is that Logan COULD possibly be a high bass as much as he could be a low tenor. He talks very flatly normally, which seems to weigh his voice down a bit itself, and you can hear that better in Incomplete with the talk-singing (hey, I lied! It WAS helpful!) anyway Logan as a bass 2024 I need it

Not unlike Logan, Virgil speaks in a lower range, even lower then Logan, I think. His best singing examples are Lies and Incomplete (see? I keep proving myself wrong!) I’m too lazy to look up the Lies video and then click on the video and then watch the video until they start singing, so let’s focus on Incomplete. When I say it’s one of his best singing examples, I’m referring to “you’re lost, it’s okay, I was lost once to but thanks to all of you life sucks less now” Virgil actually seems to sing higher then he talks, if not by very much because you can still feel the gravity in his voice, and it’s very apparent here, where he’s singing very light and airy, but it also sounds a bit like he’s hitting his limit, so Virgil is sorta able to go high, but we’re focusing on where he can sing comfortably. I sentence him to Thomas’ Low tenor/high baritone, but his emo accent(???) and slightly lower range set him apart from Thomas’ normal singing

You know how I said I wanted Roman to be a fboy tenor? I was wrong, because Remus is the real fboy tenor (/baritone). Like Pat, he has a very high speaking voice, to the the point where his voice is constantly breaking, which isn’t exactly a bad thing, especially for his character. Remus is one of only two sides to have his own full song at the moment I’m writing this, so obviously his best example is Forbidden Fruit. Like his speech, Remus’ singing is high, uneven, and chaotic. This doesn’t mean it sounds bad, I listen to midwestern emo for the same reason, but he there are some belting parts where Thomas loses the accent, which is again not a bad thing. Belting is hard, especially when doing accents (I have personal experience, personal experience being Santa Fe. Damn you Santa Fe.) overall, you’d think this would have something to do with the outcome, but I only wrote all of that to make it sound like I know what I’m doing. He’s a tenor/high baritone, that’s the point I’m trying to make

Janus is quite a special case, him being the second to have his own song (despite that it was a cover, but it still counts). His performance sounds most like Thomas’ normal singing voice, but that might just be because it’s not an original song. He goes pretty high at some points, and I have a little more insight because I worked on Into The Unknown with my vocal coach because of Janus. It’s not a particularly hard song to sing, but it’s nothing that doesn’t require some work, and Thomas did an amazing job. Again, what does this have to do with his range. Nothing, I just like talking about myself. Because Janus’ voice was so similar to Thomas’ the one time we heard him sing, I’m gonna place him in low tenor/high baritone.

Idk if I should post this because to me it looks like a heaping pile of garbage, but I’ll probably post it anyway just to make the world a little worse.

Thx if u read that all Ik most of it prolly doesn’t make sense

Oh, and orange is a soprano, obvi

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #orange sanders #orange side #thatsthat24 #ts orange side #ts patton #ts virgil #ts janus #ts remus #ts thomas #ts sanders sides #ts roman #ts theories #ts logan #ts essay

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fangirltothefullest · 1 year

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Saw a few people saying the sides getting mad at each other is uncharacteristic of them considering how much progress they've made (particularly virgil's anide comment about oattin giving thomas permission). I don't think it is uncharacteristic though....... I think it's perfectly natural because Thomas himself is sitting there with inner turmoil berating himself and having conflicting feelings. If he ain't getting better on his own it's cause the lad needs

!!☆~THERAPY~☆!!

Remus had a point- Logan can't fix Thomas alone. All his sides need to be on the same page and currently they absolutely aren't! Big divides in many places for many topics!

We have Roman's ego insecurities causing him to try and be kinder but continuing to be punished for doing what he's been told is supposed to be the right thing.

We have Patton trying to let go of control while doing whatever he can to try and reassure Thomas but that's causing him to be more open and its making some of the others not trust his judgement.

We have Logan never being listened to and dismissed and the boiling frustration that keeps building in him is just screaming to get out because he is reason and logic and everything stifling him is a Big Problem.

Janus is finally being listened to but only in fucking baby steps because he is still fighting to figure out a good way to get them to hear him without mistrusting him.

Remus Knows What's Up but also he is Remus so rhe chaos is fun. He was fucking right in the episode with Logan and the orange eyes and he's definitely communicating deeply subconscious messages and fears that Thomas doesn't want to think about. He needs to be listened to as well.

Virgil is ao fucking insecure. All the fears of everyone else around him and he's also worried about what Thomas will think of him and he's lashing out at Patton because he doesn't trust Janus because they and Remus obviously have a history so it's distracting him.

I am craving the 4 part episode so in the meantime I will talk about it.

Somebody please come talk to me about sanders sides.

#sanders sides

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rosepetalgold · 9 months

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Not to add angst to a delightfully fluffy little episode but I'm thinking about how the pairings in TSNAND illustrate the current (not good!) state of things in the mindscape and the rampant tension between all the sides. Because really, despite all the possible duos, I think the pairings we got were the only pairings that were feasible so that all six of them got to have an enjoyable day.

Janus and Remus are probably the easiest two to pair off because of the general animosity between them and the others—Virgil clearly doesn't get along with either of them, Roman might maybe tolerate Remus but probably wouldn't have a good time and would definitely rather dropkick Janus out of a window than try to spend a nice day with him, and Logan is presumably still upset at both Janus for yanking him out of POF and Remus for interfering with Thomas' schedule in WTIT. I could see Patton actually getting along mostly fine with Janus, but that would leave Remus without a buddy.

So Remus and Janus it is, which leaves us with the light sides.

And these four bring with them their own set of problems. Roman, for example, could be paired up with Patton, Logan, or Virgil and theoretically any of them should be fine because they're the light sides! They're famILY! They all (mostly) get along! But there's still major unresolved issues between him and Patton from the whole POF debacle, so that leaves Logan and Virgil as potential partners in crime for a fun day. He and Logan would likely have a nice time together considering there's not really any drama between the two at the moment, but that would result in Virgil and Patton being paired up with one another, and from the endcard of WTIT there also seems to be unresolved tension between those two, at least from Virgil's side.

Which just leaves Roman to be paired up with Virgil and Patton with Logan, which obviously is exactly how things worked out in TSNAND.

But my point is that there shouldn't have to be mental gymnastics to figure out how to pair everyone up so that they can all have a nice day; they don't all have to be best friends by any means, but ideally they should all at least get along well enough that randomly mixing and matching everyone would still result in each of them having a good time doing their little activities. That there seems to be One Way and One Way Only to currently pair them up without any major issues speaks volumes about the bigger problems lurking underneath the surface, the sheer amount of tension between all of them, and the untenable strain their relationships with each other are under.

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typically-untypical · 9 months

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Their Emotions

Per @amateurmasksmith's request!

AU: Canon divergent

CW: None that I know of

WC: 1937

Date: August 11th, 2023

Janus pulled the gloves securely around his hands, lingering as he looked down at the yellow fabric. Yes he liked the aesthetic but that wasn't the predominant reason he wore the constrictive fabric. In fact, Janus didn't dress the way he did purely because the dark and mysterious vibe was a fun persona to play, rather his touch was a beautiful and dangerous thing. He doubted others were affected by his power, they had their own things to deal with. Thomas was a whole person, but they were fragments, pieces, and with that came certain quirks. Patton could literally starve if he wasn't touched; Logan turned into a statue when Thomas had brain freeze, and when he was younger, Virgil had wings as a part of the whole "Fight or flight" mantra. Not all of their quirks were tied to idioms, some of them were just because of how Thomas viewed the world, or how he wanted the world to be. Janus assumed that was how he turned out to be an empath, something along the lines of deceitful people being the most in tune to other people's emotions. Fortunately, it was only when he had skin to skin contact. He could hide behind his layers of clothing and be spared the other's feelings. It was overwhelming.

Back when Janus was still Self-Preservation, when he wasn't seen as a villain, his small hands would reach for Patton's. Emotions gave off such beautiful feelings, love and care that filled the sense in every way. Holding Patton's hand was like being encompassed by home, the smell of dinner cooking, the hum of happy melodies. Janus had loved holding tightly to Patton and that feeling. The gloves hadn't become a staple to his ensemble until they were in elementary school. Love didn't last, and the warmth turned to disappointment as Janus reached for Patton's hand. It burned worse than anything he had ever felt; it was a stabbing pain through his heart and he had pulled his hand away like he had touched fire. Patton's disappointment grew on his face. Janus and Remus were pushed away from Thomas shortly after that, and Janus wore gloves to keep him from reaching out for a comfort that would never come.

Long sleeves came next, a heated fight with Virgil turned nearly violent as the anxious side grabbed his arm.

"I need you to listen to me!" Virgil had screamed, but all Janus could feel was fear, pain, and anger. He had yanked his arm away, putting on his most deceitful smile as he fought to catch his breath. He had known about Virgil's pain but he had never understood the depths of it. He wish he could help the anxious side; he wished he could explain why they needed to hide, why they couldn't tell anyone about their feelings.

"Thomas isn't ready to know that much about himself, and it will only cause him pain in the end." He knew Virgil needed more of an explanation than that, but he was so focused on the pain of lying that he couldn't see the monsters around them, the way their life could fall apart if they told the truth. All Virgil knew was the pressure to be good, to share everything, the pressure not to lie. His fear lingered in Janus' heart, beating rapidly as he questioned his own decision.

Virgil looked at him disgusted, sneering "you're nothing but a liar" before walking away. That was when he started being called Deceit. No longer was he the side that wanted to protect Thomas, that was Virgil's job. Virgil was looking out for Thomas, trying to protect him from the world. Janus was just... deceit. That was also the day he stopped leaving his arms vulnerable to touch. Virgil's fingers left lingering prickles of panic. He never really figured how to get rid of the feeling, but it was fine. Janus donned a black shirt that covered his arms, a color Virgil favored, and everything was fine.

The capelet was next, a memory he chose not to focus on as pushed away the feeling of fingers on his throat. Anger was such an unpleasant feeling to experience second hand. He hated the idea that anyone could force him to lose sight of his job. Anger burned, anger consumed. It choked him with its smoke and fire as Nisus held onto his throat. Janus had spent so long pushing down his anger, pushing down the frustration and pain but Nisus had pulled it out with a single touch. The destructive path he left behind had scared even Remus.

Never again.

He didn't need to know what the others felt. He didn't want to know. He could no longer pull up the memories of Patton's love and care. Touch only brought pain, and so Janus stayed covered.

He pulled himself out of his thoughts as he walked into the common area.

"Morning Janus!" Patton was the first to greet him, disappointment had faded into pity, much the same way Patton had pitied Virgil in the beginning. It was a step in the right direction, but it was a far cry from the love Janus' heart remembered.

"Good Morning," He responded smoothly, walking over to his seat and surveying the others. He knew how they all felt about him. There was no need to brush his fingers against their arms, to feel the thrum of their emotions in his own heart.

Roman was discussing something with Virgil who was listening, but just barely.

Contempt. Betrayal.

Logan was reading a book, curled up in a posture he would yell at anyone else for having.

Nothing. That almost hurt worse.

Patton was walking over to him.

Pity.

"Hey Jannie, it's been hot the past few days so we were all thinking of going to the imagination to go swimming."

Swimming required a swimsuit, which typically required fewer layers. He could put on a wetsuit but the idea of wet clothes against his scales was completely unappealing. He typically loved the beach, curling up in the warm sand, allowing the salty water to occasionally spray him and cool him down. He didn't want to say no to a family excursion when they were all beginning to get along, but he couldn't risk touching them. He didn't want to know. He wasn't afraid... hesitant was a better word. "If I do join you I will most likely stay on the beach, I'm not a fan of swimming." He could stay in his full outfit and it wouldn't be a problem.

"I know you're supposed to be the lord of the lies," Remus chimed in from the air grate, sticking his head out. They had reinforced the air ducts for exactly this reason. "One of your favorite activities is laying on a rock in the sun while the cool waves brush against you. You won't even let me make the rock poisonous or anything like that."

Janus hissed at Remus who disappeared back into the HVAC system, giggling manically. Janus had taken years to be comfortable being dressed down in front of Remus, almost a decade even, but he was immediately beginning to regret that decision as the others looked at him. The problem was now, whether or not he told the truth they'd have their suspicions. He cautioned on another lie.

"Apologies, the truth is embarrassing which is why I didn't lead with that. I don't like being less than fully covered in front of others."

This time it was Virgil who snorted and chimed in. "You weren't always that way. You used to love showing off your arms and-" Virgil cut himself off and Janus knew they had both had the same thought. That was before Virgil and him were arguing, before Janus became a snake. Honestly, being part snake didn't bother Janus, but he was happy for Virgil to make that assumption.

"As I said, I'd be happy to attend, but I will remain on the beach." He tilted his head to the side, doing his best to give off an unassuming smile. He didn't focus on the way Roman rolled his eyes, or on the way Virgil glared at him like he was a puzzle.

"Well, if that will make you the happiest, kiddo." Patton chimed, his own voice strained and Janus was debating backing out entirely.

"I will also stay on the beach. I have a few books I would like to finish, but getting out in the pseudo fresh air should be good for all of us." Logan had set down his book and was looking at all of the others. The idea that Janus wouldn't be alone on the beach seemed to relax Patton.

"I'll prepare a picnic," he clamored, making his way toward the kitchen.

The four remaining sides sat in awkward silence. Logan looked like he had something to say. Roman was obviously trying to avoid looking at Janus. He still argued that things were getting better, but they certainly weren't anywhere near pleasant.

"Roman, don't you need Virgil to help you pick out your outfit for the beach?"

"What? I would-" His dramatic statement was cut off as Logan looked at him. The logical side wasn't being subtle but maybe he wasn't trying to be. That wasn't his strong suit.

"Right, of course, come on Virgil." Virgil looked between Logan and Janus before sighing.

"Yeah, okay, whatever."

Soon it was just Janus and Logan in the room, and Logan took a seat again, this time a little closer to Janus. "I don't understand what has you hesitant to be loosely clothed in front of us, but know we will respect your needs... at least, I will."

Janus snorted and gently shook his head. "That was never in doubt for me Logan, you are respectful to a fault."

"A fault?" His eyebrow quirked in question.

"Sometimes it would benefit you to be more selfish and demand your own needs be met."

"Although I don't necessarily disagree with you, I believe the conversation was supposed to be about your needs and wants and not my own."

"Do you truly believe I am not taking care of my needs?" Janus asked, putting his hand to his chest. "I am Thomas' sense of self-preservation."

Logan stared at him with a deadpan look. "And Virgil is Thomas' anxiety. He enjoys giving anxiety but also gets anxiety, we are facsimiles of people. We are complex."

It was kind for him to care, though, strange. "I stand by my earlier statement. You care more than you should." Janus shook his head. "By sitting on the beach I will be taking care of my needs. I will be able to remain fully clothed while continuing to build the bonds which will suit all of us and Thomas far more than our current situation does."

The other side continued to look at him with that quirked eyebrow but eventually relented. "If you would like to talk about the reason you are adverse to showing us your skin and scales, I am here to listen." Logan stood up. "I should also get ready. Patton will be wanting to leave the moment he is done in the kitchen."

As soon as Logan left, Janus let out a soft sigh. He knew how they all felt. He was sure he did... then why did his fingers tingle to reach out for Logan, to see if there was truth in his statement? Janus looked down at his gloved hands. One day. Maybe one day he would be able to reach out to one of them.

Tag List: @simplestoryteller @fantasticfangirl21 @joylessnightsky @glacierruler

#sanders side fic #fanfic #sanders sides #logan sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #Janus Sanders #Janus angst #hurt/comfort #mildly unresolved

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thatonelesbianfander · 3 months

Text

The Ghost and the Reaper Chapter 2

Fandom// Sanders Sides

TW// Panic Attack, Strong Emotions, Crying, Yelling, Screaming, Funeral, Nightmare, Fire, Death mention, Storms, Swearing, Weapon

Word count// 2161

Description// Janus is one of the many grim reapers whose job it is to reap the souls of the dead and help them ascend to the afterlife. After one assignment, the spirit they reaped, a 23-year-old nonbinary person named Remus, refused to ascend. Now, Janus is stuck with them following it around wherever they go.

Characters// Remus Sanders, Janus Sanders, Roman Sanders, C!Thomas Sanders, Logan Sanders, Virgil Sanders

Pairings// None

AUs// Found/chosen family Creativitwins & C!Thomas, human!sides, they/them Remus, it/they Janus, he/she Roman

Masterpost // Previous // Next

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Janus stood alone in their kitchen, drinking their cup of coffee while staring off into the distance. Remus appeared in front of them, looking around.

”Oh, you’re back,” Janus said, putting its coffee mug on the counter.

”Yeah…” Remus said, refusing to make eye contact with Janus.

”What do you have?” Janus asked, noticing the rose in Remus’s hand.

”A fucking nuclear missle. What does it look like, dumbass?” Remus said sarcastically.

“I’m sorry about yesterday, okay?! Is that what you wanted to hear?!” Janus yelled.

”Yes,” Remus said, looking off into the distance.

”Okay, well I have afternoon duty, today. I’m off duty for the morning,” Janus said, pouring more coffee into its mug.

”Hm…” Remus thought. Janus looked over to them.

”So, what do you want to do?” Janus asked.

”Well, there isn’t really anything to do… I was just thinking I would just go fuck around in one of those abandoned places,” Remus said, “You know, a good old classic haunt.”

”What place were you thinking about?” Janus asked, intrigued.

”Well, there’s an old church near the graveyard, but the old school next to that bakery might also be good,” Remus suggested.

”Eh… Those places get boring after a while…” Janus replied.

”Alright, then. You don’t need to join. I’ll just go by myself,” Remus said.

”Alright. Be back by noon,” Janus said, waving Remus off. Remus faded out of view, reappearing in front of the old church. They walked inside, immediately jumping off the ground and hanging upside down on the chandelier. The chandelier rocked back and forth, Remus swaying with it. They fell back down on the floor, walking up the aisle of pews to the front of the church. Visions flashed in their eye as they saw a casket being rolled up the aisle. People sat in the pews, all being dressed in black. Remus looked around, seeing their father and sibling in one of the front pews. Remus stumbled back, lifting the casket lid up to see themself in it. They backed up as the people in the pews stared directly at them. The people in the pews all stood up, walking over to Remus and surrounding them. The sounds of whispers erupted from everyone as they surrounded Remus. Remus couldn’t make out any of the words but they heard one word loud and clear. One word they were terrified of.

”Anti-christ,” the figure of Roman said, pointing at Remus. Remus started to panic. They pushed through the crowd, running to the doors of the church. They banged on the doors, desperately trying to get them open as they were surrounded again. Fire started to build up as they banged on the doors. They turned around, finding their father and sibling right behind them. They clung onto their father’s clothes, falling to their knees.

”PA, HELP ME, PLEASE! I’M NOT THE ANTICHRIST! I DON’T WANT TO BE! PLEASE!” Remus pleaded with their father, their father just standing there with a vacant expression. Remus sobbed as the flames engulfed them, scared and alone.

“Oi! Remus,” Janus said. Remus startled awake, finding themself back in the graveyard. They looked over to Janus.

”Oh, hey there, Jan,” Remus said, putting the rose they had in their hands down.

”Are you good? It’s 10:03, and you were still asleep when I got here,” Janus asked.

”I was?” Remus replied.

”Yeah…?” Janus said.

”Must have overslept by accident. Anyways, what are we doing, today?” Remus asked.

”Well, I already got through a bunch of my tasks before coming here. I just have 2 more spirits to reap, and I also have to have a meeting with my manager so that should be fun…” Janus replied.

”Ugh, do we really have to meet with that guy? He’s a bastard,” Remus said.

”I know you don’t like him, but I don’t really have a choice,” Janus said.

”Then, let’s get that out of the way first. Save the better thing for last,” Remus suggested.

”Alright, then. Also… I’m sorry about last night… I wasn’t thinking and I should have worded what I was saying better…” Janus said.

”Don’t sweat it, man. It’s fine. Come on, let’s go,” Remus said, fading out of sight. Janus followed suit, the two reappearing in an office-like room. A man sat at a desk. His face was darkened with only his mouth visible. He wore an outfit reminiscent of a stereotypical grim reaper with the hooded robe and everything.

”Oh, hello, Janus! And… you…” the manager said, Remus flipping him off.

”You wanted to meet with me, sir?” Janus asked.

”Yes, yes. Sit, I’ll make you something to drink. Tea or coffee?” the manager said, standing up.

”Just black coffee, please,” Janus said, talking a seat. Remus hovered in the corner, leaning back against the wall and grabbing a notepad and pencil from a nearby table.

”So… why did you call me here?” Janus asked.

”Oh, it’s nothing serious! You’re just a little bit behind on your quota for spirits this week and I was wondering what was going on,” the manager said, handing Janus a mug of coffee.

”Shit, I’m sorry, I thought I was ahead on quota this month…” Janus replied.

”It’s fine, it’s no big deal. I’ll just need you to pick up the pace a little. Maybe even take a few nights of work,” the manager said.

”How much am I behind by?” Janus asked.

”Just 10. It’s no big deal. You could probably get it done in a night if you take the whole night,” the manager replied.

”Okay, then I’ll do that,” Janus said, standing up as it finished their coffee, “Have a good day.”

”You too,” the manager said. Janus shook the manager’s hand, turning to Remus.

”Come on, let’s go,” Janus said. Remus ripped the page they had been drawing on out of the notepad, putting the notepad back down on the table. The two faded out of view together, Janus waving goodbye to the manager.

The two reappeared in a room together, Janus walking over to the two bodies that laid together on the ground. It took out its scythe, swiping at the bodies. The two spirits rose up, stumbling back a little before regaining their balance.

”Ugh, what happened…” the one spirit asked.

”You died,” Janus said, pulling up a screen and swiping through it.

”Fuck, we did?” the other spirit asked.

”Yup…” Janus said, pulling up a profile, “Your name is Virgil Blackheart, correct?”

”Yes,” Virgil responded. Janus printed out a little slip, handing it to Virgil.

”You do have one unfinished task before you can ascend, so I would get to it as quickly as possible. And you are Logan Croftberry, correct?” Janus said.

”Yes,” Logan replied. Janus printed out another slip, handing that one to Logan.

”You also have an unfinished task, so I’ll let you get to it. If you need any help, my name is on that slip. Just call it and I’ll be on my way to assist you when I can,” Janus said, putting the screen away.

”Okay…” Virgil said.

”Any questions?” Janus asked.

”Who’s that?” Logan asked, pointing towards Remus who floated behind Janus.

”That’s no one. Just ignore them,” Janus said, pushing Remus away.

”Rude! I have feelings too!” Remus said, dramatically falling back.

”So, who are you?” Logan asked.

”Remus Sanders-Kingstone! Nice to meet you!” Remus said, holding their hand out.

”Logan Croftberry, please to make your acquaintance as well!” Logan said, shaking Remus’s hand.

”Alright, we better get going now,” Janus said, pulling Remus away, “Any important information about afterlife living including rules and stuff can be found on that slip. If you ever need me for whatever reason, call me. Good luck with your ascending,” Janus said, fading out of view while waving. The two reappeared in Janus’s apartment, Remus floating over to the couch.

”Alright, I’m going to go catch up on my quota,” Janus said, grabbing a new scythe.

”Ooo! Can I come?” Remus asked.

”No. You are going to stay here and not get in my way, so I can do my job and not be distracted,” Janus replied.

”Aww, you’re no fun,” Remus responded.

”That doesn’t matter. I need this job,” Janus said.

”Whatever,” Remus said. Janus went into his room, putting his hat away and grabbing a cloak. He put the cloak on, pulling the hood up over his head. Remus looked to Janus, confused.

”What’s with the stereotypical reaper outfit?” Remus asked.

”The night time reapers have a strict uniform to follow. I need to put this on so they know I’m working,” Janus said.

”Alright, then. You go have fun without me,” Remus said, putting a hand to his head and falling back dramatically.

”Don’t be dramatic. I’ll be back in a few hours, don’t go anywhere,” Janus said, fading out of view. Remus looked around the apartment, checking to make sure Janus was gone before fading out of view as well.

Remus reappeared in a living room, finding it empty. They walked around a little, finding someone in the kitchen. They peaked in the kitchen to find their father cleaning the dishes. Music played over a little speaker, playing Remus’s favorite song. They sat on the kitchen counter, watching as Thomas cleaned the dishes.

”I love this song,” Remus said, kicking their feet against the cabinets below. Thomas continued to wash the dishes, oblivious to the fact that someone was there. Roman entered the room, his hair wet and messy from the shower. Thomas looked over to Roman, smiling. He walked over, hugging Roman. Roman hugged back.

”Hey, buddy. Ready for movie night?” Thomas asked, putting a hand on Roman’s shoulder.

”Yeah, I guess…” Roman replied.

”Awesome! Just let me finish these last few dishes and I’ll be out,” Thomas said. Roman nodded, exiting the kitchen and going to the living room. Remus followed, sitting on an empty chair. Roman sat on the couch, turning on his phone and scrolling through photos. Thomas came out of the kitchen.

”I’ll be right back, I just need to put this towel away,” Thomas said. Roman nodded again, Thomas going upstairs and putting the towel into a laundry basket. Thomas put the laundry basket on top of the dryer, going back downstairs and sitting on the couch. He turned on the TV, going to Netflix and clicking through the movies.

”So, what do you want to watch, tonight?” Thomas asked.

”Mulan,” Roman replied. Thomas smiled, turning the movie on and putting the remote down on the table in front of him. Roman leaned his head on Thomas’s shoulder, curling up in a blanket. Thomas put his arms around Roman, holding him close as the movie played. Remus sat on the edge of their seat, enticed by the movie. Roman looked over towards the chair where Remus sat, tears coming to her eyes.

”That was their favorite chair for movie night…” Roman said. Thomas frowned, looking over to Roman. He wiped the tears from Roman’s eyes.

”Buddy…” Thomas said, “You know it’s not your fault.”

”It is though… If I hadn’t said all that horrible stuff to them…” Roman said, starting to cry. Thomas pulled Roman closer, comforting him as she cried. Remus perked up, looking over to the other two. Remus frowned, getting up and walking over to the two. Remus reached their hand out to Roman, about to touch her before remembering what Janus had said yesterday. They pulled their hand back sadly, walking back over to their chair and sitting back down. They watched the movie as Thomas and Roman sat on the couch together. Halfway through the movie, the lights in the house started to flicker as a storm started up. Thomas stood up, locking the door and closing the windows as Roman sat on the couch.

”Welp… So much for a calm night,” Thomas said, coming back to the couch. He grabbed a blanket that was on the arm of the couch, bundling up in the blanket and sitting back down next to Roman. He pulled Roman closer to him, Roman’s eyes darting around anxiously.

”I hate when it storms,” Roman said.

”I know, buddy. I know. It’s okay,” Thomas said. Roman leaned in closer to Thomas, closing his eyes as Thomas held him. Remus got up from their chair, looking at the two. They smiled softly.

”I love you two…” Remus said, to no reply. They faded from view as Roman and Thomas fell asleep on the couch. Remus reappeared in the apartment, laying down on the couch and falling asleep as well.

Masterpost // Previous // Next

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tstwitterupdates · 1 year

Note

I don’t really go into TS criticism too much, because it’s a good way to attract hate, but there’s a lot I need to say.

See the thing is, the orange side hype would be a lot more… hype if Thomas weren’t being so open about it. It’s like teasing at a characters death quietly, saying “I hope nothing bad happens” and then just like continuously posting that same line under every post regarding the character. Little bits of hinting, like adding more orange to Thomas’s wardrobe when he films updates, or using orange emojis in his tweets like pumpkins or something, would be a lot better.

While Thomas’s content itself is great with foreshadowing imho, like Virgil’s dark side reveal being built up but not explicitly stated before he says it, Thomas himself isn’t. You can’t add subtle foreshadowing in your show and then turn around and spoil the script, which is a hair away from what he’s doing with Orange hype and the series itself. Thomas isn’t flawless, nobody is, but this is getting insane.

And as for the lack of updates on development, he could definitely be less vague. We want clearer updates on how soon the episode should be up, not explicitly telling us about the biggest plot twist in the show. Thomas needs to get his priorities sorted out. Why avoid telling us how long it should be until the next episode instead of “sometime this year”? Even if he says it’s going to be really far from now, like say, November, or something, then at least we get a better idea. We’d all appreciate a more direct response as to how much longer it’ll be until the plot twist he (and Joan) have already given away finally shows up. He’s being too vague about things we need clarity on, and being too upfront about things that should stay back.

right like it was cool when it was just us piecing together that the rainbow was still missing a color and also looking at some merch you’d see things in each color of the sides plus an orange one. and that thing some people caught about there being orange light from upstairs when Logan threw the paper ball, or the orange hue of the whole shot of Thomas arriving home after the wedding. that’s all very cool and smooth enough! and even all together it still leaves you with just the tiny smallest bit of uncertainty, enough to get hyped and want to know if your theory is true.

like. with the Virgil being a Dark Side thing everyone on tumblr did call it and had accepted it for a while but i guess it didn’t take three whole years for it to become canon and it also came in an unexpected way, and we still weren’t totally sure what Deceit and Remus were teasing Virgil about before, so the reveal was still exciting!

but with Orange it’s been so long that everyone has been convinced that this thing that is strictly still is theory is actually just. accepted. because it’s been so long and the hints have gotten so explicit that we just accept it. and then Thomas and co know we’ve figured it out and moved on from the uncertainty so they try to renew hype by adding more hints going like “hey you know this thing that you know is coming? well! it’s coming!!” like… uuuh. okay. thanks… i guess.

and about the lack of updates well. i don’t know. i know thomas and joan gave up on setting deadlines because it was too hard to stick to them and even harder to feel like they disappointed the fans when they said the video wouldn’t be ready on time. which i understand. but years after that there’s no more deadlines, more money, more staff, and probably even more stress so i don’t know what’s wrong.

#ts criticism #ask #not a tweet #posting these later at night to avoid disturbing people’s dashes or notifs too much

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orbmanson7 · 4 months

Text

Mm, there's so many things I want to say about the new asides episode, mainly because it was so obviously based on the secret santa scenario from the patreon livestream a little while back...

The only thing Thomas really changed was Logan being the organizer instead of Janus and then Patton's gift to Remus. Most of the chat said he'd get Remus an octopus plushie or a slime stim toy, but I agree with the change because it works really well and rounds out the message at the end, too.

Something that the chat had also been insistent on was giving Logan a Perfect gift, and since Logan was the character hosting the stream, he kept insisting that while Virgil knows his interests, it probably wouldn't be something perfect (pretty sure we decided on a space-themed Lego set that was definitely not specifically my own idea I had put out there or anything 👀), so it was fantastic having that turned around into a fun little puzzle which not only got us some tasteful angst but also gave Logan an interesting and unique present that he would absolutely enjoy, which is exactly what we all wanted!

Again, all the other presents were more or less the same, with maybe less gore involved in Remus' present to Virgil, and with about the same responses, too, which was great! Patton genuinely enjoying his present even though it was meant to be a joke, Janus actually getting a second real present that benefits him, Roman not immediately on board with his gift because it's not extravagant but then realizing the freedom and flexibility that comes with it is its own reward... It was all wonderful.

It also, as with the last little asides episode, gives us a great idea of where everyone stands (I guess both literally in Thomas' mindspace as well as, you know, narratively).

It feels significant that Logan insists that Janus and Remus be included in their activities, but acknowledges that they are traveling there, implying the dark sides don't just hang around or anything, they come and go, which makes sense.

Virgil still vehemently hates Janus but isn't making barbs about his inclusion like he has in the past, and Roman still seems uncomfortable with his brother being around while Remus just seems delighted to be included at all. Roman still has animosity with Janus, understandably, but he's already kind of begrudgingly making his way towards acceptance with him.

Now for the more interesting details - first, Janus and Remus purposefully trying to egg on Logan's anger. Not the first time, but they seem more excited about it here rather than teasing him about it as they have before, which definitely implies confidence that it's not only prevalent but also definitely plot-relevant for the future, not that that was even a question at this point.

Next, it's interesting that Janus and Remus seem to be able to bounce off each other even with how very different they are, but the light sides are so full of discontent that there's a natural discourse with their gifts until there's a chance to explain... It shows that the light sides do not have natural trust in each other, which should be obvious but here it's on display in front of the dark sides, too. They are so clearly at odds (even if they can eventually come around) when the dark sides seem to have figured their shit out.

Also, it's nice to see Patton's gift did, in a way, emulate Virgil's gift from the first Christmas episode, as it also kind of implies Janus' acceptance in that way.

I was actually quite delighted to see that Logan's gift to Roman wasn't just the joke from the livestream, but that it showed Logan did genuinely put thought into the gift but realized he wasn't going to be able to meet the expectations of someone with a limitless imagination and instead played into that fact rather than try to war against it, using something not only practical but unconventional to someone like Roman, something he wouldn't expect but would be able to appreciate with time... And also something that technically takes the decision-making tension away from Logan and makes it Roman's problem instead, though Roman wouldn't be one to overthink and view it as a problem, so it works out extremely well. Finding balance and all that.

And then, of course, the end card scene being really adorable and sweet - that Thomas was thinking about gift-giving because he'd wanted to get something perfect for Nico, and I will agree that he did a great job, adding a tiny bit of (somewhat fresh) nostalgia and catering to Nico's interests...but then wanting to make what is usually perceived as a Big step in what is still a budding relationship, ooh boy... That's definitely some plot setup right there!

Overall, a fantastic episode, based on a lot of ideas from a wonderful livestream - I genuinely loved this. It makes me very hopeful for the season finale, whenever we do eventually get it!

#sanders sides #sanders asides #spoilers #sanders sides spoilers #orbs thought bubbles #long post #this wasnt meant to go on this long whoops

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lumosinlove · 4 months

Text

Christmas Eve Will Find Me

(cw in tags if you wish)

Five: Sirius

Athens, Greece

Sirius wasn’t reckless. He thought before he did—probably too much sometimes. He kept himself in line. Maybe it was a product of a strict upbringing. A smack on the cheek or hand at one wrong move. He used to think it was what made him so good for the agency. Salazar liked strict. They liked obedient. James, therefore, hadn’t quite made sense to Sirius as a candidate, at least not in the beginning. Not until he showed Sirius that it wasn’t just about following orders. It was about heart, too. Camaraderie. Remus had shown him that, too. Still, Sirius couldn’t always shake that rule-following kid.

But if Remus was on the rooftops getting shot at by Jack Archer, who had just been holding a gun to Logan and Finn’s heads, all bets were off.

Jack was smart though. He took Sirius right through the now bustling Christmas market. Small children strapped the the chests of fathers. Women in groups laughing and catching up over coffee. Carolers by a central fountain. Sirius caught glimpses of alarmed eyes as he ran, always keeping the back of Jack’s head just in sight. He tried not to add to the mess on the street, narrowly avoiding the cart Jack had carelessly rolled into his path. He sprinted past the pissed vendor. He knew he should hide his gun. Lights blurred beside him and the sun came out from behind a cloud, then went again. His feet pounded the pavement. The streets narrowed. Jack stumbled on the stones in front of a cafe, sending cups shattering to the cobblestones and making a shop owner run out and shout at him. For a second, Sirius thought he was going to catch up. He swiped forward at the fabric of Jack’s shirt, but Jack rolled and then was up on his feet again. Sirius lunged. He didn’t care who was watching. He didn’t care if they saw his gun. His arms wrapped around Jack’s waist and they both hit the cobblestones hard, rolling into another table. Sirius felt something hot splash against his neck, something sharp dig into the skin of his wrist.

Jack was up again in a moment, using a hard kick to Sirius’ ribs to knock the wind out of him. Sirius gasped, coughing as he scrambled up from the ground and away from the alarmed onlookers. He yanked the shard of ceramic out of his arm. Jack slipped around a bend in the street—but this was one Sirius recognized. He’d chased Remus—or the ghost of Remus—right into this corner.

When he held his gun up on Jack, Jack’s hands were around the bars of the very gate Sirius had run into their first day here.

“Dead end, Archer,” Sirius said. “Now tell me why you’re here.”

Jack at least knew when he’d been caught. His shoulders moved quickly, breathing hard as he rested his forehead against the gate.

“Did you know?” Sirius could hardly say the words. “Did you know they were alive?”

“Sirius—”

“Get the fuck down,” Sirius said, striding closer until they were both hidden in the alleyway. He risked a glance behind him. “On your knees.”

Jack went, knocking the damp hair out of his face with a jerk of his head. Sirius could see both of their breath fogging between them. “We didn’t know. Not until Leo found Remus.”

“And you want them dead.”

Jack’s mouth formed a thin line.

Sirius didn’t have time for this. His mind kept skipping back, trying to figure out who had been shooting from the roof. RemusRemusRemus.

“Why?” Sirius asked. “Why do you want them dead? They’re our own, what changed? And I swear to God, answer me, or I’ll bring you to James.”

James was sweet. James was funny. James was relaxed and kind and easy-going.

James could also get information out of anyone. He was their top interrogator, had been since the academy. How do you do it? Sirius had once asked. Sirius had never liked seeing terrified faces up close. James had gotten a sad, faraway look on his face. I pretend they have Lily. And Harry. And then I don’t feel so guilty. I just want them to talk. I make them talk.

Jack seemed to have heard the rumors because he paled. “Listen. This is Salazar. You’re here to find them and bring them in. That’s all I’m here for, too.”

Sirius thought briefly of telling Jack about Logan’s memory, but Remus’ careful hazel eyes filled his mind. Unsure. Untrusting.

“Why pull the gun?”

Jack’s eyebrow arched. “Tremblay was holding a gun on his own husband. Who, by the way…” Jack made a scornful sound. “Should not be here.”

It was Sirius’ turn to stay silent. It was a sensible response, but that didn’t mean Sirius believed him.

“What,” Jack laughed a little. “You think we wouldn’t know?”

“I couldn’t stop him.”

“Liar.”

“That makes two of us, then,” Sirius said. “Why are you here?”

“Is he turned?” Jack asked in a hushed voice, eyes dark. “Is Lupin?”

“Turned where? By who?”

Jack shook his head slowly. “Liar.”

“I’m not.” Sirius swallowed over a dry throat. At least, not entirely. Pascal. Pascal, whoever he was.

“You don’t want to get on our bad side, Black,” Jack said. His hand twitched, maybe towards a knife, and Sirius stretched his gun forward. Jack’s smile was tight. “I think Tremblay’s enough proof of that.”

Sirius stared at him. “What the hell does that mean?”

Jack opened his mouth to answer, but stopped as though his words had frozen in his mouth. He snapped his lips shut, then a strained cough escaped. A twitch went through his body, almost like a pulse of electricity, and he sat back against his heels. Sirius hesitated, watching Jack blink fast at the cobblestones before raising his eyes to Sirius.

“Who the hell are you?” Jack asked, eyes darting between the two guns. He scrambled backwards, the gate rattling when it hit his back. “What the hell?”

Sirius froze. He clicked the safety off on his own gun. “Don’t bullshit me, Archer.”

Jack blinked at him, eyes unfocused. “I…”

Another twitch, a strange pulse through his body. Jack gasped. A thin trickle of blood ran from his nose. He swayed where he was, and his hands went to his head. “Ah—” Sirius watched his face screw up in pain. Jack stared up at him. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Jack—” Sirius began to say, but then Jack fell against the pavement, as suddenly as if someone had pushed him, with a harsh thud.

Sirius felt something cold squeeze around his throat. Dread, maybe. Adrenaline. Slowly, he lowered the guns, tucking one into his belt and swinging the other behind him, doing a quick scan of what little of the street he could see. He raised it up towards the roofs, then crouched in front of Jack.

His eyes were open, lips parted, blood quickly drying on his skin. He was dead.

“Jesus,” Sirius whispered. “Jesus, fuck—” His hand went for his radio, and then he paused. It was Salazar’s radio.

If anyone had told Sirius just a week ago that that would make him pause, he would have laughed.

Sirius checked Jack’s pulse—nothing—and then cursed as he heaved his body up against the wall as best he could. There was no point in trying to move him, not with the city waking up. Someone would have to find him like this. Sirius turned Jack’s collar up, closed his eyes, and took the wires off of him. He took his knives—all the ones he could feel anyway—and the second, small gun he found tucked into his boot.

He walked in the opposite direction of the cafes, towards the still mostly sleeping residential streets. There had been no blood, not that much anyway, but Sirius checked his hands and front before calling out to a man sweeping the steps in front of his house with a cigarette between his teeth.

The man didn’t put up much of a fight, just handed Sirius his cellphone before waving him off and going back to the chore.

The line picked up immediately.

“Lion den,” Sirius said into the tone. It was their secure line. If Salazar knew about it, they’d be dead, but Finn’s tracker wasn’t the first illegal backup Leo had set up. James hadn’t seen the point, hadn’t seen what they’d ever have to hide any comms, but Leo had insisted. Now, Sirius was glad. After Archer and Remus and Logan, he didn’t know who to trust. A headache was building at the back of his skull.

“We’re not at the house,” Leo said instead of hello. “After Archer, I didn’t think we should go back there.”

“He’s dead,” Sirius said.

He heard Leo’s sharp inhale. “Sirius—”

“It wasn’t me,” Sirius said. “We were running, I got him. And then he didn’t recognize me all of a sudden. A minute later, he was dead.”

Sirius’ heart was going so hard he had to press a hand there. The sweeping man didn’t even look up. The gray light hurt his eyes.

“Where are you?” Sirius asked. “Leo. Are you all together?”

“He’s dead?” Leo asked. “But—how? And what do you mean he didn’t recognize you?”

“I don’t know, I thought he was fucking with me, because maybe he knew Logan—but how would he know Logan couldn’t remember? I…” Sirius pressed at his eyes. It was as though someone was shining a spotlight right in his eyes. It ached. “I don’t know, Le. Where are you? Where are you?”

“Sirius,” Leo said. “I can’t find—I can’t find you.”

“What?”

“I can’t find you—Jesus, here, I’m dropping this number our coordinates—but Sirius, your tracker’s offline.”

Sirius felt the phone vibrate with the incoming text. He looked, memorizing quickly. It would disappear entirely in a minute, erasing itself.

“He didn’t recognize you?” Leo asked. “He didn’t…”

“Leo,” Sirius said, and then dropped to a knee. God, his very bones ached. His skull.

“Oh God,” Leo said faintly, and then, a little farther away from the phone, he shouted. “James!”

Sirius ducked away from the gray light. The cold wind. His head was killing him. “Fuck.”

“Eh!” The man stopped sweeping, looking at him. He said something fast in Greek, but Sirius was hopeless to translate just then.

“Sirius,” Leo said, voice closer now. “You’re tracker. Cut it out right now.”

“What?” Sirius asked.

“Cut out your tracker right now,” Leo shouted. “You said Jack forgot and then he was dead, there’s nothing that would cause that except—” Leo cut off with a short cry.

“Leo?” Sirius said.

He heard Finn’s voice in the background. Leo! Oh my God—

Then Leo’s. Cut it out, Finn. Right there, remember, feel it? Finn, stop fucking staring, do it, do it, it’s going to kill me and James—

“Finish?” the man asked him, alarmed. He was holding out his hand for his phone, but didn’t look like he wanted to get much closer to Sirius. “Hey, finish? Finish?”

“Help,” Sirius said. “Please—” He pulled the Greek out but he didn’t know how. Autopilot, maybe. “Sir, please may I use your bathroom? It’s life or death.”

The man began to shake his head, but Sirius didn’t have time—he shouldn’t have even asked. The man shouted as Sirius hauled himself up and stumbled past him. He shouldered through the small, wooden door and found himself in a living room—tidy and smelling of cinnamon and coffee. It connected right with the kitchen, not unlike their safe house. The dim lamp by the sofa stung his eyes, glaring as if it were a sun. Sirius blinked hard, looking for something sharp, anything.

“Hey!” The man tried to grab his shoulder, but Sirius shook him off easily. There was a knife, small, laying beside a sliced lemon. Sirius grabbed it and all but fell against the sink. A small vase on the window sill above slipped and shattered into the basin.

The man’s protests was no more than a ringing in Sirius’ ear as he groped at the back of his own neck. What the hell are you doing? Are you insane? Are you sick? Hey, my wife and children will be back soon, come on, brother, don’t scare them. Put the knife down, put the knife down—

There. Sirius felt the bump. Was he imagining that it was hot to the touch? It didn’t matter.

He didn’t even feel the pain of the blade. His adrenaline was so high that it felt like nothing at all. Butter. A slip. Only the red on his hands let him know that he had succeeded. That, and the small, pill-like chip clutched between his fingers.

The pain evaporated and Sirius drew in a ragged breath.

No sooner had he dropped the tracker into the sink than did it let out a high-pitched sound and crack itself in half.

His hearing returned. He blinked his vision back to normal. He worked the pressure out of his jaw. The tracker released a thin trail of smoke.

Sirius, he tested. Sirius Black. He knew himself. He knew the coordinates.

When he turned, breathing hard and sweating, he grabbed an old, dirty looking cloth and pressed it to his neck. It didn’t look like anyone would miss it. The man was simply staring at him, eyes darting between his face and the device in the sink.

“Thank you.” Sirius breathed the words out. Greek, or at least half way there. “I am sorry. I am sorry.”

Without another word, Sirius raced out the door.

+++

The coordinates were an abandoned building right on the coast. Sirius could smell the salt. The cold air was made colder by damp. He had stopped the bleeding of his neck and turned up his collar to keep the rag in place. Everything felt wet and slippery now. Recent rain on the rocks beneath his feet as he walked up an old pathway.

There was nothing inside, it was merely a somewhat reasonable roof of their heads. Shelter, nothing more. Just broken down boards and stone walls now.

To anyone else, it looked empty.

Sirius whistled two notes.

Two notes returned from his left where the sea and horizon bled into each other, framed by a still standing window. It could have been a painting. A TV.

James appeared in front of it, wild hair haloed by the light.

“Fuck,” James said, and then they were hugging. Sirius face ended up near a slightly pink bandage on James’ neck, and he sighed his relief all over again.

“Fuck me, we had a bomb in our head the whole time, Si.” James reached up and brushed the bandage with light fingers. “Just an average day on the job.” His eyes went to Sirius’ neck. “What did you do it with?”

“Fucking kitchen knife, man. You?”

James’ laugh was shaky. “One of my daggers on Leo and I. Finn did it. Think he’s a little freaked, but he did it.”

“Oh Jesus, I should have…” Sirius shook his head. He had his own and he had Jack’s. “Didn’t have to traumatize this…God, never mind. I fucking broke into someone’s house.”

James laughed again, but he looked pale. “It’ll be fine. I was so scared I didn’t even feel it.”

“Same.”

James raised his eyebrows. “Jack?”

“I left him,” Sirius said. “Took everything off him. People will think…I don’t know. But there’s nothing to lead back to Salazar or us.”

James nodded, taking that in. “Salazar’ll be looking for us now that they can’t find us.”

Sirius nodded. “I know… I know they will. We have to move.” They began walking towards the sea window. “How did you end up here? Where are the others?”

“Finn and Leo are with Logan.”

Logan. God, Sirius hadn’t forgotten, of course he hadn’t forgotten, but what a strange thing to hear. After all these months, just a simple Finn and Leo are with Logan.

No sooner had James said it than did the Leo appear. He had an identical bandage to James and held one out to Sirius, along with an alcohol packet.

“Clean that,” Leo said.

Sirius tossed the bloody rag away. “Did yours smoke, too?”

“Yeah,” Leo said. “The second I started to get a headache—Finn said that’s what happened to Logan, too. Said he fell down in pain. But…” Leo frowned in the way he did when he was thinking something over, when something was so entirely perplexing to him that he was sure to pull an all nighter. Sirius had seen him many times after those. Blond hair a mess, coffee mugs lined up besides the water and the electrolyte packets.

“Where…” Sirius began to say. He’d only gotten a glimpse of Logan and it was beginning to feel more like a dream. His slack face. There had been blood? Hadn’t there?

Leo moved aside, revealing a half-collapsed hallway. No, it was more like an nave. Sirius looked up and realized that the remnant of a vaulted ceiling remained, stone and precarious. This had been a church.

Wind whistled through, a high note off the sea, when Sirius saw them. Finn and Logan were at the other end, a corner mostly intact and protected from the cold. Finn was awake, staring down at Logan’s face like he couldn’t stand to look away, not even for a moment. Logan was—asleep?

“Knocked out.” Leo filled in his thoughts. “Finn said he remembered him in the alley, but he’s been out ever since.”

“And his tracker?”

“It’s gone,” Leo said. “I checked.”

“But if Salazar wanted him dead…”

Leo nodded, already there. “Then whoever took it out probably saved his life."

“But he can’t remember us,” Sirius said.

Leo rubbed a hand through his hair, then pressed his fingers to his mouth, thinking. There was blood beneath his nails still, a crust of red even smeared along his jaw. Sirius had the sudden urge to wipe it away for him.

“You said Jack forgot who you were a second before he was killed,” Leo said. “I’m guessing—and this is only a guess—that this is some sort of…kill code put into place in Salazar’s tracker hardware. A memory wipe in case we get captured, and then a kill switch if there’s no hope or if we might crack and tell all.”

“Jesus,” James whispered.

“I’m guessing whoever took out Logan’s didn’t do it in time to prevent the memory wipe. And that’s calling it real close, I don’t know…”

Remus. Sirius could hardly breathe. If he hadn’t seen that footage for himself, he’d be on his knees all over again, desperate and afraid.

“Can you reverse it?” James asked. He was chewing on a thumbnail, looking down the hall. “God, please say you can Leo.”

Leo let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know.” He looked down the stone archways towards Finn. As the three of them watched, Finn reached out a hand and brushed Logan’s hair back from his eyes gently. “I don’t know.”

#cw: minor character death #cw: blood/wound mention #Christmas Eve will find me Lumosinlove #winterfic lumosinlove 2023 #wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #amnesia au #spy au #ficmas #Leo knut #finn o'hara #Logan tremblay #o'knutzy #finnlo #lelo #lionfish #sunfish

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 2 months

Text

Green Kitty Cat

Le Request: some Remus and c!Thomas hurt/comfort. Thomas hugs Remus, and because the rat boi is repressed and a bit touch-starved, he kinda has a breakdown while Thomathy hugs him. I mean, this boy is sobbing and clinging to Thommy Salami, and he just isn't sure if this is real or some cruel dream. Maybe it's like Thomas accepting Remus for who he is, including his part in being Creativity? Perhaps a dash of abandonment issues from the Octo Boy 'cause yeah, haha. – oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat

Read on Ao3

Warnings: abandonment issues

Pairings: gen

Word Count: 1720

It’s a strange thing, honestly, having movie nights with several different parts of yourself that happen to be color-coordinated, but all in all, it’s actually not the weirdest thing that could have happened tonight.

The movie ended about half an hour ago, and the Sides had sunk back into the Mindscape to do whatever it is they do when they’re not helping Thomas work through something.

Read: arguing.

Who knows, maybe they argue during their free time as well, but from the sounds of it, there’s a fair amount of adventuring that happens that they don’t deign to share with Thomas. Which is…probably overall a good thing. If he knew every square inch of what happened in his mind all the time, he’d probably go insane. As Janus was fond of saying, it isn’t the mind’s job to figure itself out. No matter how much Logan wants it to be.

He winces slightly at the memory of that conversation. It had ended up with the rest of them awkwardly watching as Logan and Janus traded barbs and counterpoints. Remus even made popcorn for all of them.

Thomas frowns. Speaking of Remus…

Had it been his imagination—heh—or had Remus seemed…a little off tonight? Sure, trying to gauge what Remus’s ‘normal’ was is a challenge in and of itself, but there hadn’t been any spectacularly disgusting or violent things happening tonight. He’d even come wearing pajamas: these green and black fuzzy socks, Spirited Away sleep pants, and a plain black T-shirt. Granted, the shirt had been stained with what Thomas is going to assume is paint, but he’d just sat in the corner of the room quietly while the movie played. Thomas had snuck glances at him every now and then, just to make sure he was still, you know, watching the movie and not plotting to eviscerate Patton’s stuffed animal with a screwdriver again, but every time, he was just sitting there. Very quietly.

It was…unsettling.

Not in the way Remus is normally unsettling, not in the way Remus likes to be unsettling, but he was just…so still. So quiet. So normal.

So something’s wrong.

Was it the movie? They’d picked a pretty unobjectionable one, even by Patton’s standards, and it wasn’t like it was particularly violent or anything. There were snacks, there were drinks, there were blankets and pillows and everything. Hell, Janus made himself a throne of them until Roman picked up the ‘arm’ and it dissolved into a heap. A smile comes to his face at the memory of the two of them playfully fighting over the pillow before Logan snatched it for himself.

That’s right…Logan and Patton had sat next to each other, Virgil sprawled across the floor between them. Roman had perched on the corner of the couch. Janus sat at the base so he could lean against it. Thomas had sat sort of in the middle of everyone, and Remus…

Remus had been alone.

Did…is that what he’d wanted? Did he want to be all by himself? Maybe, but that doesn’t sound particularly like Remus, so maybe…

He’s jolted out of his thoughts as he walks into the bedroom. On the far side of the bed, beneath the lamp, a shadow stretches out from the foot. It looks like a rock, sort of, a boulder that someone put on the floor. He frowns, taking a step closer, only for his eyes to widen as he hears the soft noises.

Ah.

Oh, dear.

“Remus,” he calls quietly, and the sobs choke off, “Remus, buddy, you okay over there?”

Remus’s shadow twitches. Thomas waits by the door, not willing to move, until he sees part of it that must be Remus’s head moving slowly back and forth.

“Can I come over there?”

He waits a little longer, just until the shadow nods, and he walks over to crouch by the bed. He peers over and his chest clenches at the sight of Remus there, still in his pajamas, contorted into a ball so tight he wonders if it doesn’t hurt. Then, of course, he wonders if that’s the point. That it hurts.

“Hey,” he says, trying to make his voice as non-threatening as possible, “what’s going on, buddy? What can I do?”

Remus sniffles and shakes his head. Thomas eases his way properly onto the floor and holds out and hand. Remus eyes it like it’s going to bite him.

“I’m not gonna hurt you. I promise. Just…I’m here, okay? If you need someone to be here, I’m right here.”

”You won’t stay.”

“What do you mean?”

“You won’t stay,” Remus repeats in that thin, reedy voice, “you never stay. No one does.”

“I’ll stay,” he says, “I’m bout going anywhere, see?”

Remus just shakes his head. “No. You won’t. No one ever wants to stay with me.”

The way he spits it out, like it’s the vilest curse he can think of, makes Thomas scoot a little closer. “Why doesn’t anyone stay?”

“Because I’m too much. I’m too gross. I’m too—I’m too—“ he scrubs a hand under his nose. “I’m too me.”

Before Thomas can say anything, he barks out a laugh, cruel and humorless.

“And when I wake up this is gonna hurt so fucking much.”

Thomas frowns. “What do you mean, when you wake up?”

“This is a dream, dumbass,” Remus mutters, “so yeah, when I wake up, you’ll be gone.”

Oh.

Oh, no.

“Remus,” Thomas says very softly, as though he’s talking to a skittish animal, “you’re not dreaming.”

“Yeah, right.”

“You’re not,” he says again, “you’re in my room. You’re awake. I’m really here.”

“No, you’re not. Thomas can’t come into the Mindscape.”

“We’re not in the Mindscape.” Remus raises his head to glare doubtfully out at him with one eye. “Check.”

Remus does…something, which is good because Thomas really was just hoping there was some way to check, but then his eyes are widening and he’s scrambling back like Thomas is going to strike him.

“Shit, shit, fuck, I’m sorry, I thought—I’ll go, I’ll go—“

“Whoa, whoa, hey, hey.” Thomas reaches out for him. “Don’t do that, it’s okay, I’m not mad, see? Just—take a second, you’re okay. Okay? Everything’s okay.”

Remus, still panting like he’s run a hundred miles, stares at him with wide eyes. Thomas moves slowly towards him, trying not to block him in and crowd him against the bed, until he can take him by the shoulder. An honest-to-God whimper comes out of Remus and he quickly shushes it. His eyes are still giant, his breathing still choppy.

“Hey,” he says, still speaking softly, “can I give you a cuddle?”

Remus just stares at him.

“Do you want a cuddle?” When another one of those soft little needy noises comes out, he leans forward and scoops Remus into his arms. “There, how’s that?”

Poor Remus is shuddering and shaking like a cat that’s just come in from the freezing rain. Thomas rubs his back, rocking him back and forth, as Remus clings to his shoulders and whimpers into the crook of his neck. Closing his eyes, he tries to focus on breathing deep and even, inhaling and exhaling, creating a gentle guide for Remus to follow. It takes a few tries. Alright, many tries. But eventually, Remus starts to follow with hitching, unsteady breaths.

”Hey, buddy,” Thomas says quietly, “you wanna move to the bed? It might be more comfortable than the floor.”

Remus nods, but makes no move to get up off his lap. Thomas takes a quick breath, hopes those workouts he did…however long ago still have some impact, and lifts Remus up as best he can to deposit him on the bed.

“I’m not leaving,” he says, hushing the frightened keen, “I’m just moving so I can pull the covers down, okay? Come get underneath the blankets, that’s gonna feel better, okay? Come on, there you go…”

It really is like herding a feral cat, he thinks as he coaxes a wide-eyed Remus into the bed, a fuzzy, green, man-shaped cat.

He’s also not sure he would’ve ever described Remus as ‘cute’ before, but seeing him like this now, with the covers pulled up to his chin and his little hands peeping out from underneath, he thinks it might not be the worst word to describe him. Of course, he’s still mostly worried about what made Remus into this, so he quickly turns off the big lights and gets under the covers, letting Remus latch back onto him like a kitten afraid of the dad. Again, surprisingly cute.

“What’s going on,” he asks softly, running his fingers through Remus’s hair, “can you tell me?”

Remus shakes his head, burying his head into the crook of his shoulder. Thomas tangles his fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck.

“You just feeling a little lonely?” A nod and he lets out a sympathetic noise, pulling Remus closer. “You can stay with me, if you want. I can help. I won’t leave.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Remus, you can stay. Do you want—I know Roman’s your usual cuddle buddy, I can see if he—“

“No,” Remus mumbles, “this…this is good.”

Thomas chuckles, ruffling Remus’s hair. “Alright, then. You wanna try and get some sleep?”

“Yeah.”

Thomas closes his eyes, Remus snuggling into him. The two of them begin to drift slowly off to sleep, and he has a dream about a small black cat in an alleyway, in a cardboard box, eagerly looking for someone to take him home.

He dreams he gets the cat a little green collar and as many pillows to tear apart as its little claws can handle, and wakes up smiling to the echoes of its joyful yelps.

#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #fic #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #thomas sanders

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icecoldflames · 1 year

Text

It Hurts to Love You (Sanders Sides)

Happy holidays @candied-peach! I had never heard of the hanahaki disease before so this was my first time writing it; it was very fun! (@sanderssidesgiftxchange)

Word Count: 5386

AO3 Link

Prompt: hanahaki disease (with a happy ending) (preferably with one of the dark sides)

~~~

Summer

It hurt to breathe.

Virgil's chest stuttered whenever he exhaled too deeply and, every so often, he’d cough up a daffodil petal. It sat bright yellow against Virgil’s purple, almost black, bed sheets before he'd sweep it away into the thin space between his bed and the wall.

His older brother, Patton, offered to take his shifts at their family’s flower shop and, only after Virgil hacked up another petal, did Virgil finally relent.

So here he was, propped up in bed, scrolling through Tumblr, and trying to ignore the heaviness of his chest. His room smelled even more floral than usual, and that was saying something considering he lived above a flower shop. The extra sweetness in the air probably wouldn't be noticed by most people, but Virgil could sense the slight change. It made his head spin.

There was a familiar, sharp, rap at the door. "Virgil? Can I come in?"

"Yeah," Virgil said, voice strained.

Logan pushed open the door, wearing a blue button up, brown hair a little tousled, and his gaze took in the entire room before finally settling on Virgil. "Patton said you weren't feeling well. Something about the flu?" He walked over to the single window in the room, spidery curtains keeping the room in relative darkness. "You should let some fresh air in," Logan said, brushing the curtains aside and opening the window.

"Ugh," Virgil groaned, putting his arm up to shield himself from the sunlight. "Shouldn't you be at the library?" He asked, eyeing the name tag on Logan's shirt.

Logan came to sit at the foot of the bed. He shrugged, "I asked Valerie if I could take the rest of the day off. With Roman and Remus still in school, and Patton taking over your shifts, I thought you might be a little lonely."

Virgil felt his throat seize up as another petal forced its way up his windpipe. His body bent forward as it scraped his insides and he let out a barking cough, scrambling to grab the dishcloth he had brought with him to cough into. The petal landed safely inside the material.

Logan watched, worried, but didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary and Virgil sighed in relief. He couldn't let Logan figure out what was really wrong with him. He knew Logan would blame himself for everything that would eventually happen as Virgil's condition worsened.

Virgil flopped back up against his pillows. "I hate being sick," he grumbled.

"Do you know who might have given it to you?" Logan asked, idly beginning to fold up a stray hoodie on the floor. "You went to that concert last Saturday, didn't you? Someone probably had the flu and didn't want to miss it." Logan shook his head and clicked his tongue, "Irresponsible, if you ask me."

"Okay, mom," Virgil said with a roll of his eyes. "I would've gone to the concert if I had been sick too. Practically cost me an arm and a leg to buy a ticket in the nosebleed section. I wasn't about to throw money down the toilet."

Besides, Virgil hadn't gotten his sickness from the concert he had attended over the weekend. The smaller symptoms had started nearly a year before; the day Virgil had realized he loved his best friend, Logan.

They had been laying together on a picnic table, stargazing and waiting for the predicted meteor shower to start. Sharing a wool blanket, Virgil had felt Logan's body heat and realized just how close together they were.

And, as the meteor shower began streaking light across the dark sky, Logan reverted to what he always did when he couldn't find the words to express himself: he used someone else's. "Ah, Moon—and Star! / You are very far— / But were no one / Farther than you— / Do you think I’d stop / For a Firmament— / Or a Cubit—or so?"

"William Wordsworth?" Virgil had asked, one out of three poets he could list off the top of his head.

"Emily Dickinson."

Poetry had never really been Virgil's strongpoint, unless you counted all the cringy, angsty, poems he had written in junior high when he was just realizing he was gay. But the way Logan had recited the lines, almost in a dream-like trance, Virgil had the epiphany that he loved Logan.

The discovery had come crashing into him—like a piece of space rock falling from the sky and smacking him in the chest.

The day after they had stargazed together, Virgil's chest had had a weird heaviness to it that was nearly impossible to notice unless he sat or stood up too quickly or exercised too much.

Being a hypochondriac, Virgil had internally panicked but eventually rationalized that having a slightly heavier chest than normal was hardly a medical emergency. So, he ignored it. Dealt with it. Pretended he was fine because fake it 'till you make it, amiright?

And, for a year, everything was pretty much okay. At least, health- and chest-wise it was.

Then, just yesterday, Virgil was introduced to Janus Ekans. Logan's new boyfriend. Logan had had boyfriends before, but none of them had really seemed all that serious. None of whom Virgil had liked (not that Virgil would say anything to Logan about it).

But Janus seemed like a stand-up guy. He even made Logan laugh. He understood Logan's literary references. And that was the thing: Virgil didn't have anything bad to say about Janus. Virgil fully knew that he was just jealous, but he couldn't very well explain that to Logan without profoundly embarrassing himself.

It had been utter pain to third wheel as Janus and Logan made dove-eyes across the coffee table at one another, Virgil knowing full well that Logan would never look at him that way. Virgil was firmly in the friendzone and there was nothing he could do about it.

And that was when Virgil had coughed up the first daffodil petal, heaving into a coffee shop toilet.

Virgil had come home that evening and, while watching Beauty and the Beast with Patton and the twins, was unable to explain away the petal that had managed to escape his mouth and land in the popcorn bowl.

Patton had been noticeably upset and understandably disturbed as Roman explained the condition Virgil had come down with. "The hanahaki disease," his younger brother had said, a closeup of Gaston's face frozen onto the TV screen behind him. "When a person suffers from unrequited love, they cough up flower petals. It worsens and worsens until the victim starts coughing up whole flowers."

"But why don't all people who experience unrequited love get the disease?" Patton had asked, wringing his hands in his lap, worrying his bottom lip.

"It's still a rare condition," Roman had said, and glanced over at Virgil before bringing his attention back to Patton. Virgil hadn't known how Roman knew about the hanahaki disease, and decided he'd take Roman's word for it rather than search it up himself because he knew he'd fall down the rabbit hole.

A wrinkle had formed in-between Patton's eyebrows. "And nothing can be done?"

"It goes away if the person who Virgil loves loves him back. And, well, if not, you can get surgery, but then the feelings for the person are eliminated along with the disease."

"No! You can't do that—I don't want to go through any surgery!" Virgil had said, suddenly sitting upright, a wild look in his eyes. He couldn't have his feelings removed like it was just a diseased organ.

"Virge—" Patton had said with a sigh.

Virgil remembered cutting in with, "—Roman, how long do I have?"

"A good couple of years, at least," Roman had replied with, and Virgil could see the visible relief rush into everyone's faces. "It only gets bad when you start coughing up whole flowers."

Remus, ever the comedian, had tried to lighten the mood. "So, when are we going bungee jumping? Gotta start crossing things off that bucket list sooner rather than later."

Autumn

Virgil sat across from Logan in a study room in the university library. Plenty of natural light filtered in from the large window, nearly taking up the entire wall. Almost too much light, if you asked Virgil. He wished there were blinds.

Now that school was back in session, Virgil hardly saw Logan anymore. The only times he could were between classes when Logan holed himself up in a library to work on essays or make notes on required readings. (Virgil had once asked Logan why he'd willingly hang out in a library if he worked in one, to which Logan had responded, "The anticipation in my heart / All those books—another world—just waiting / At my fingertips." Virgil had asked, "Shakespeare?" and was only met with a snort.)

The one thing Virgil had to promise when keeping Logan company as he studied was to keep the conversation to a minimum. It had been hard before, but now Virgil was grateful for it. If he talked too much, he'd eventually cough up another daffodil petal. Or, rather, multiple petals. Two weeks ago, he had started coughing up two or three petals at a time, red flos adonis petals mixing in with the bright yellow of the daffodils.

Virgil didn't mind just sitting in the vicinity of Logan, anyway. His time was limited; any moment with his best friend was one to be cherished. It was kind of odd, to be honest. Knowing that he was going to die in a couple years almost made it easier to swallow the idea that he was going to die in general. Of course, he wasn't looking forward to it, and he wasn't about to lose all his anxiety because of it. But it was almost…comforting knowing he could do nothing to stop his imminent death.

Logan and Janus were still going strong, and it physically hurt to see them be so content together. Virgil couldn't be around the two of them for long without running off to the bathroom to flush flower petals down the toilet. Whoever said that time healed all wounds had clearly never loved someone who didn't love them back.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked, cutting through the silence, and Virgil snapped his head around to look at his friend. Logan's eyes were still trained on his computer screen, typing something out but, at a pause, he finally locked eyes with Virgil. "You seem…awfully quiet today."

"Just thinking about life," Virgil said, which wasn't a lie. "I guess I'm in a little bit of a funk." Understatement of the century, but it would have to do. Coming up with lies on the spot had never been Virgil's strong point.

The space between Logan's eyebrows wrinkled, and he frowned. "Have you been exercising and eating regularly? Sleeping well? Do you need to make an extra appointment with your therapist?" Logan pushed Virgil's metal water bottle towards him. "Drink some water."

Virgil let out a hacking cough which led to a coughing fit, petals climbing up his throat, tickling and chafing his insides. He grabbed the opaque, purple, water bottle and pretended to take a drink as he spat out four soft petals into the water. Virgil couldn't believe something that soft could feel like metal in his mouth.

Virgil wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and twisted the cover of the water bottle back on.

Logan was still watching him intently, his mouth pursed together. "You should get that cough checked out. It looks painful."

"It's not that big of a deal," Virgil said, waving his hand away, not meeting Logan's eye. He suddenly wished he'd stayed at home, curled up in his dark bedroom and watching The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Logan's eyebrows furrowed even more. "Virgil, this isn't like you at all." His voice was coated with worry. "You can tell me anything, you know that right? I know I don't understand a lot of feeling-type things, but I'm always here to listen and learn."

"I—I…" Virgil began, feeling his eyes starting to sting from unshed tears. Why did Logan have to be so understanding? Logan was being such a thoughtful person. Why couldn't he be ruder about everything? Say, "That's cool," and dig his head back into his computer, never to bring it up again.

The study door creaked open, and Janus slipped through, wearing a black hoodie and yellow Doc Martens. He was holding a coffee cup in his hand. "Hey," he greeted, as he shut the door behind him. He settled into a rolly chair next to Logan and handed him the coffee before looking over at Virgil apologetically, "Sorry, Virgil, I had no idea you'd be here today or I would've asked if you wanted anything."

Virgil wanted to scream and shake Janus by the shoulders, wanting to know who he should blame for giving Logan such a good boyfriend and making Virgil fall desperately in love with his taken best friend. The Fates? Aphrodite? God? Someone was having a good laugh at him from above.

"It's fine, really," Virgil said instead. "I'm more of a tea drinker anyway."

"Me too!" Janus exclaimed, both his blue and brown eye lighting up. Virgil sometimes had the silly thought that Janus faked his heterochromia with contacts, but Virgil knew fully well he was just making things up to hate about the other man. "Coffee makes me nauseous."

Logan stared at Virgil for a little longer, clearly having trouble dropping their previous conversation. "Thanks, Jan," he finally said, picking up the coffee cup and taking a little sip. "How are your applications?"

"Oh, you know," Janus said, giving a stressed smile to no one in particular, "It's been painful trying to get people to respond to my emails asking for references."

"What are you applying for?" Virgil asked curiously—maybe a job in rural Nunavut, far, far away?

Janus grinned, "I'm running away to join the circus. Specifically, as an acrobat. I'm hoping to find a place here in Florida but I'm also going to widen my horizons and apply out of state. Who knows what'll happen?"

Virgil nodded, honestly curious. He hadn't known Janus to be an acrobat. Then again, Janus hadn't been doing great feats of acrobatics on Logan's kitchen table. "What kind of acrobatics? Like, doing stuff on a big ring? On a long piece of fabric? Or like Zac Efron and Zendaya in The Greatest Showman?"

"If you're going to be conversing, you can do so out of the study room. I've got a 3000-word paper due in three days," Logan piped up, in his usual Logan-y way that didn't indicate hostility. "You can wait outside—I've only booked this room for another thirty minutes."

Virgil and Janus exited the study room, exchanging small smiles. Virgil could see him and Janus becoming great friends in a different timeline; years down the line, they could share inside jokes with one another or hang out with no troubles. If only that timeline was this one.

Winter

Virgil supposed the one good thing to come out of having the hanahaki disease was that his brothers were actually nice and helpful for a change. The four of them even had movie nights twice a week where they piled onto the couch and popped ungodly amounts of popcorn with extra butter. Can't die of a heart-attack if you're about to die soon anyway.

"What if you sold your petals?" Remus asked on one of these nights in February. The credits for Gnomeo and Juliet were running in the background. "Join Patton's wedding planning troupe and sell all the stuff you cough up. Little kids could chuck them down the aisle. You'd make a killing."

"I doubt people want flower petals that come out of my mouth," Virgil said, dubiously.

"Well, you don't have to tell them that."

"Virge," Patton said, who had been oddly silent all evening. "Why don't you just tell Logan about this? Communication is key, right? Maybe he does have feelings for you, he just hasn't realized it yet."

Virgil vehemently shook his head. "Absolutely not. He's in a happy relationship with Janus; telling Logan wouldn't be fair to either of them. I don't want them to break up because of me and I don't want Logan to feel like he has to love me—" Virgil's sentence was cut short as his chest stuttered as he breathed in. He clamped a hand over his mouth as he went into a coughing fit, new petals making their way up his throat. Remus slid the popcorn bowl away. When Virgil could feel that all the petals were in his mouth, he gestured for Patton to pass him the metal bucket before coughing the petals out into it. The familiar red and yellow petals softly landed among the other petals.

"It could also accelerate the disease," Roman piped up, his eyes not leaving the bucket of petals. "If Virgil tells Logan, and Logan rejects him, that is."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Virgil said, the talk about his hanahaki disease beginning to grate on his nerves. "Let's watch another movie."

And, because Virgil was going to die soon, everyone let him pick what they'd watch next.

~~~

The next week was Logan and Janus' six-month anniversary since getting together. Virgil, because he just loved to put himself through even more pain than what he was already going through, texted Logan the afternoon before.

Are you planning to do anything tomorrow for your six months?

Logan was never one for big gestures, but that didn't mean he wasn't thoughtful. For Janus' birthday, Logan had gifted his boyfriend a gift card for the local pet shop so Janus could buy pet food for his hamster, Sacagawea.

Not even five minutes after Virgil sent the text, Virgil's phone lit up with a video call from Logan.

"Logan?" Virgil asked after he accepted the call.

Logan's face took a moment to appear on Virgil's screen and, when he did, Logan's glasses were askew, and his face looked like he had just run a marathon. "Do couples actually celebrate their six months or are you just being facetious?"

Virgil blinked twice. "Uh, no." And, after another pause, "Wait, Logan, are you serious?"

"Unfortunately, I am," Logan said, and ran a hand through his hair. "I even completely forgot tomorrow's our six months—I wrote down the initial day we got together but I changed my calendar for the new year. I think I only marked down our one-year anniversary. I didn't think people actually celebrated months being together."

Virgil had never heard Logan sound this stressful; not even exams worried him this much. "Okay, this is fine," Virgil said automatically. "You've still got half a day to figure this out. You've got plenty of time."

Logan straightened his glasses and put his face into his hands. "I am quite possibly the worst boyfriend."

"Hey, that's not true," Virgil said, and he was highly aware that the two of them had switched roles. Usually, it was Logan talking Virgil off the brink, not the other way around. "This is a simple mistake Janus doesn't even have to know about. And hey! You were great at getting stuff weeks early for Valentine's Day. Apparently, our flower shop was full of boyfriends buying roses the day of."

"That's because Valentine's Day automatically comes printed on my calendar."

"Breathe, Logan," Virgil prompted and, as soon as he said so, noticed the irony of the sentence. "This is less important than a birthday. Just get some reservations at a nice restaurant or buy him something nice. That's legit all you have to do."

Logan didn't say anything for a second, taking Virgil's advice to take three deep breaths. Finally, he said, "Can you come with me to find something to buy for him?"

"What?"

"I don't want to get him just another gift card. I've heard that it may be just a little impersonal."

"Where did you hear that?" Virgil asked. While not unnecessarily false, Logan giving gift cards for special occasions was as a part of him as sheep growing wool. "Did Janus tell you that?"

"Of course not!" Logan said, looking offended that Virgil would even say such a thing. "I was listening to a podcast where they were discussing Christmas gifts. But we're getting off topic now; will you come help me pick something out?"

Virgil didn't think he could and, frankly, he didn't want to. Following Logan around while he was searching for the perfect anniversary gift for Janus? Virgil now regretted even reminding Logan of the date. Helping Logan come up with a strategy was fine—Virgil didn't want to ruin Logan and Janus' relationship completely—but Virgil being a part of the strategy and helping out? Out of the question. Virgil didn't want anything to do with it.

It was such a hard balance in loving Logan and wanting to be with him while also wanting Logan to be happy, even if that wasn't with Virgil. Maybe Virgil was being illogical with this decision, but love did that to a person.

"No, I can't do that," Virgil said, voice coming out shaky despite himself. He knew this wasn't like him at all. "I'm sorry, you'll have to do this yourself." And he quickly ended the voice call, already feeling flowers forming in his lungs, threatening to ascend.

~~~

Logan came over a week later, claiming he had a surprise that couldn't be told over the phone. Virgil was hesitant because Logan didn't bring up last week at all, which was unlike Logan who was usually straight to the point and didn't let things linger.

"Guess," Logan told him once he sat himself on the edge of Virgil's bed, his blue eyes alight with excitement.

Warily, Virgil said, "Give me a hint." He could feel anxiety swirling around in his chest, which was not helping his current situation in his lungs. Something told him this was not good news for him.

Logan thought for a moment before reciting, "In a blazing brick and plated show / Not far away a 'villa' gleams, / And here a family few may know, / With book and pencil, viol and bow, / Lead inner lives of dreams. Thomas Hardy."

When Virgil didn't say anything, Logan just came out with it. "Janus and I are thinking of moving in together."

Something large formed in Virgil's windpipe. He bent over quickly, letting out a hacking cough to try and push it up. It grated against the walls of his trachea. He let out rough, dry coughs, feeling the thing slowly but surely making its way to his mouth. Every time he breathed in, the thing fluttered and allowed small bits of air down into his lungs.

"Virgil? Virge?" Logan asked, surely about to execute the Heimlich maneuver but was quickly pushed to the side by Roman, home sick from school, who suddenly burst into the room, shoving Logan out into the hallway, telling him to go home.

Roman pounded on Virgil's back for a good three minutes before the thing finally plopped onto Virgil's bed, its petals unfurling like a monstrous octopus extending its tentacles.

A green carnation.

"A full flower," Roman whispered, his eyes wide with fear as he stared at its bright, toxic, green.

Virgil gulped, a bead of sweat sliding down his forehead. "Get Patton."

Spring

Sleeping was now the only refuge from the flowers. He couldn't remember the last time he dreamed. Every time he would awake, he only knew he had fallen asleep due to the fact time had passed. The rare times he was awake, he saw the green carnations, daffodils, and red flos adonis' littering his bedroom floor. He felt like he was living in Isebela's bedroom from Encanto.

Now that the snow was melting, Patton kept Virgil's bedroom window open and a fan always on to get the scent of flowers out of the room.

On a Wednesday in April, Virgil awoke to Logan's voice, coming from the kitchen.

"You have to bring him to the hospital; he can't stay here." Logan's voice was tense and slightly pushy. "If you could just tell me what's wrong with him—"

"—Listen, Logan, I appreciate your worry but there's nothing we can do about it. Virgil doesn't want medical help." Patton just sounded exhausted. "Believe me, if there was something that could be done, we would do it in an instant."

"There truly is nothing that can be done about it?"

There was then silence, the only noise coming from the blowing of the fan in Virgil's room. He strained his ears to listen, wincing when he noticed the roughness of his throat as if he had a cold.

"Pretty much," was all Patton answered with.

~~~

Virgil had heard of out-of-body experiences before, but only because Logan had written an essay on them in high school. They often occurred when a person was near-death. Virgil had always wondered what having an out-of-body experience would be like.

Two weeks later, Virgil didn't have to wonder anymore.

He had just closed his eyes for a midday nap when his eyes flashed open, and Virgil found himself floating above his own bed like a ghost. Someone had swept away most of the flowers, leaving a single green carnation on Virgil's bedside table.

Virgil himself was curled up in bed, head dug into his pillow and arms wrapped around his torso. Virgil had seen himself plenty of times in the mirror but hovering above his physical body was just plain weird.

Virgil's bedroom door creaked open and Roman and Remus rushed inside, closing the door behind them.

"Where's Patton? I thought he was supposed to be manning the shop downstairs!" Remus whisper-shouted.

"Gone to therapy. Don't you remember? Today's the second Saturday of the month," Roman said in a similar fashion. "Logan must have come up the back entrance. What do we say? Tell him to go away?"

Remus glanced over at Virgil, asleep in bed. "He hasn't awoken since yesterday afternoon," he muttered, changing the subject, and sounding the most serious Virgil had ever heard him. "He needs to eat. Maybe we should have brought him to the hospital; then they could have tube fed him."

Roman sighed and rubbed his temples. "I think we should tell Logan."

Both Remus and Virgil's eyes went large.

"We can't! Virgil doesn't want us to!" Remus exclaimed.

"No, listen," Roman said, frowning deeply. "We'd just tell Logan that Virgil has the hanahaki disease. We wouldn't tell him who Virgil loves. But I think Logan ought to know at this point. They're friends. Maybe it'll put Logan a bit at ease knowing there is legitimately nothing to be done because, at this point, I don't think Logan believes us when we say we can't do anything more for Virgil."

"Except for Logan returning Virgil's feelings."

"Exactly," Roman said with a slow nod. "Okay, well, I'll bring him in. We'll let Logan have a short visit before sending him back home."

Virgil waited with bated breath as he heard the twins returning with Logan. While he was a little stressed about Logan finally learning what was ailing Virgil, it didn't feel nearly as bad as Virgil thought. Maybe it was being out of his own body or perhaps just the fact that Logan still wouldn't know he was the person Virgil loved.

"—He's still asleep," Roman was saying as he, Remus, and Logan entered Virgil's bedroom. "But we think you should know what's really going on. I don't think Virgil has much time left, if I'm really going to be honest with you."

Logan's spine visibly straightened, and he turned to look at Roman. "Okay," he said slowly. "Tell me."

And so Roman told him. About the hanahaki disease, and how Virgil's symptoms had sped up uncommonly fast that day when Logan had told Virgil he was planning to move in with Janus. Remus slowly made his way behind Logan to brush the green carnation off the bedside table.

Logan didn't say anything for a long time afterwards. When he did, his voice came out hoarse. "Unrequited love?"

Roman nodded, lips pursed.

Logan looked over at Virgil's sleeping body, and Virgil could practically see him putting the pieces together. Virgil held his non-existent breath. He knew this was a bad idea, why did Roman and Remus decide to tell Logan this? It was stupid, utterly stupid—

"It's Janus, isn't it?" Logan said, face looking pained.

Behind Logan's back, Remus face palmed.

Roman managed to hold it together, but Virgil could tell by his face that Roman was utterly bewildered by Logan's statement. "What do you mean?"

"His symptoms started showing after Janus and I got together, and then it got serious when I told him we were planning to move in together. Oh my—" Logan couldn't finish his sentence. He sat down right on the floor and put his head in his hands. "He loves Janus."

You idiot, Virgil wanted to say, although a part of him was grateful Logan still didn't know. You loveable idiot.

Roman bent down slowly. "Logan—" Roman began, and Virgil's vision went completely white.

Virgil let out a halting breath, back in his own body. He could feel a flower halfway up his windpipe, but Virgil breathed shallowly; he didn't want the others to know he was awake. He needed to hear what was going to happen next.

"Janus is gone," Logan said, his voice small. "He got accepted to a circus in England the day after I told Virgil we were planning to move in together. His flight was March twentieth."

Virgil didn't move a muscle, but he opened his eyes to just slits, allowing himself to get accustomed to the light. Janus was gone? He had been gone since February? Virgil suddenly felt bad for not being there for Logan even though there was no possible way for Virgil to have known.

"If only I had known earlier—I could have set something up between the two of them," Logan continued, voice muffled. He was still sitting on the floor, his knees pulled up.

"You'd be willing to let Janus go to maybe save Virgil?" Remus asked, dubiously, standing awkwardly to the side.

There was a sniff from Logan. "We broke up."

"You broke up?" Roman exclaimed, echoing Virgil's own screaming thoughts. The flower was now nearly unbearable to hold down. It was going to force itself up soon, whether Virgil liked it or not.

"Long distance…it's hard for me. Having Janus live on a whole other continent across the ocean would be difficult. So, we decided to break up. It was mutual."

"No other reason?" Remus prompted, to which Roman smacked his twin brother's arm.

Logan's gaze shifted to Virgil, who snapped his eyes shut once again. Virgil didn't think he could hold the flower much longer. He needed to cough it up.

"I…I think I love him." Logan's voice was so quiet Virgil wasn't sure if he heard right.

"You love…who?" Roman asked, unable to keep a little bit of excitement out of his voice. "Who are you talking about?"

Virgil tentatively opened his eyes once again to see that Logan was staring at the ground, his Adam's apple bobbing. Finally, Logan whispered, "I love Virgil."

Virgil's heart nearly exploded, and he let out the most hacking cough yet, a green carnation flying out of his mouth and smacking Logan right in the side of the head. And then…nothing. Virgil felt no more flowers trying to make their way up his windpipe. His chest felt lighter than it had in years.

Logan's head shot up to stare at Virgil. "You're…you're okay. I thought you were about to die…" His words faded off as the realization struck. "Not Janus."

Both Roman and Remus slipped out of the bedroom, matching grins on their faces.

Virgil shook his head with a small smile. "No, not Janus." After Logan didn't say anything, just stared at Virgil, slack-jawed, Virgil said, "Well, are you going to recite any love poems to me?"

"I think I'd rather use my own words at this moment," Logan said. "I love you."

Virgil grinned. He didn't think he would ever tire from those words coming from Logan's mouth. "I love you too."

And Virgil breathed.

#sanders sides #sandersxchange22 #sanders sides fanfiction #analogical #logan sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides fanfic

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