#stop deleting my shit

[altar-ov-plagues]

This could be us but i'm not a 30 inch demon but you're playing

#stop deleting my shit #me #balaclava man returns

[acrylic-user]

I’m going to cry and kill myself and die forever why is my phone so garbage

I just typed out a whole fucking post and it deleted cause my phone kicked me off the app again. I HATE. Fuck. It does this sometimes :((((

#stop deleting my shit #it makes me sad #I was proud of it too #fuck

[inkskinned]

im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:

videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.

and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.

this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.

there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.

there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.

for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.

i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.

here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."

eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.

we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.

"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"

thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.

it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.

an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.

and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."

#and there's something else in there about like .... #tbh once i got over something like 1k followers #i stopped being specific about my ED for a REASON. #yes on ur personal locked blog that u use like a diary go ahead etc #but we are OBVIOUSLY not talking about that. we're talking about the sheer NUMBER of people i could be talking about #in that one paragraph. that you and i probably were thinking about 2 different influencers #bc they get to say that they're just posting FITNESS and if it's FITNESS it's OKAY and im like #jesus christ lord almighty #every person in recovery from an ED: this is incredibly dangerous holy shit do you know how much this would have triggered me #each of these ppl: how dare you!!!!!!!!! i am only harming those who WANT to engage with my content!!!!! #their followers: leave them alone !!! they can't help that they make an hours-long choice to frame their disorder as if it was #fucking cottagecore !!!! #like girlie this person needs THERAPY #again! i didn't even have that large of a following before i IMMEDIATELY deleted any specific mention of calories food etc #bc i recognize responsibility and i didnt EVER want to even ACCIDENTALLY encourage this #and im not even GETTING PAID FOR THIS!!! #aND THEY ARE!!! #something something something they know this content makes them money #they don't give a SHIT about u babe

[squuote]

real thing that happened to me today while i was spiraling super badly. thank you branch brozone trolls

#crows art #scribbles #comfort character #i was literally crying and he popped in n said this and i immediatly just stopped. crazy shit #i have a hard time accepting the fact that i do have people in my life rn that i can count on #its hard to remember that. but im learning. #might delete this later if i feel too silly bout it guhhh.

[joskippy]

There is such a big racism and antisemitism problem in the nightvale fandom that its fucking crazy

#jontalks #wtnv #ill main tag this what fucking ever im gonna delete this immediately anyway #stop drawing carlos tan with brown hair stop depicting him as a dead beat lying predatory sex pest #stop fucking demonizing him for his character flaws you wouldnt be calling him some of the shit you people call him if he was white #ive seen the biggest artist in this fandom say they wish cecil got put in a cage and expiremented on in the year 11 arc like that #isnt revolting to say about a jewish character #ive seen the same people dissapointed that did not happen like the two writers arent jewish and would write something as disgusting as that #ive seen an artist draw a white character fantasize about brutalizing a brown character #and no one gives people shit for it and they still fucking do disgusting shit with these characters #ive seen people mad carlos didnt do something awwful to lubelle to give her reason to hate him like #the whole point of that wasnt that lubelle was a privilege white women jealous of a brown gay mans success #you people are so fucking aggravating and disgusting #and you need to start giving people shit when they are fucking weird about these marginalized characters #because some of you do not think when you depict carlos. a dark brown latino gay man as a predatory sex pest who is a dead beat #and treat cecil who people either draw lighter than or white as this perfect angel who has done nothing wrong #you would not be calling carlos a impulsive lier and a piece of shit for just being written as a emotionally closed off character #if he was white or if he was a paler latino man #it just fucking boggles my mind this is still an issue in this space and that it ALWAYS has been #its not surprising to me at all that this is the same fanbase in the early days that were refusing to see carlos as a dark skinned man and #that people who didnt want to depict him as such were fucking defended #this is the same fanbase that started shaking in their boots when people were questioning why everyone defaults to white for cecil its like #some of yall are very racist and you need to revaluate the bs you say about #a cast of majorily marginalized characters #and why you demonize the brown character for the same shit the one that is aracial in podcast and you draw as white as a perfect sweet ange #lol

[project-sekai-facts]

i know the people saying this kind of thing on twitter almost definitely are not on here but can we get a clarification for the people in the back that anhane is NOT toxic 💀💀💀💀

PEOPLE ARE SAYING WHAT NOW?

(Okay I went and found the tweet)

Of course they’re emotionally attached, they’re partners. Their communication issues don’t make it toxic. They’re close and affectionate and love each other. There’s a huge emphasis put on the fact that they want to be the best partner for the other, one the other can be proud of. They’re working to make themselves better and support their partner. There’s nothing wrong with that, in fact, that’s a good thing.

Is the relationship perfect? No, not by any means. But you’ve gotta remember that they are 16, this is the first time either of them have had a bond this deep with someone. There are some things that could be improved, as the tweeter pointed out, their communication isn’t always great. But it’s a developing relationship. Hell, even Akito and Toya who have been partners for a few years still had some communication issues earlier on in the game. The fact they have room to grow is intentional, if their relationship was perfect and had no flaws whatsoever and never changed then it would quickly become stale. It’s basic writing.

Even then, the fact that they don’t tell each other everything isn’t toxic?? Yes they are things that they should communicate, but they still love each other, there’s no selfish or malicious intent. They just don’t know how to open up, especially when the issue regards the other. That’s a normal thing. And they’re not going to notice everything the other feels but doesn’t say out loud because they don’t have years worth of a close relationship behind them.

In conclusion, no their relationship is not toxic. Prsktwt please learn what the words you use actually mean and also get better reading comprehension while you’re at it.

#tumblr deleted my response like four times i hope it actually posts this time #mod talks #asks #i have beef with prsktwt like i wish they would stop trying to say that they have the best media literacy in the fandom #when they pull shit like this every week. this was one person and most people disagreed but stuff like this happens so often #and it gets to a point where you question if they even like the character/ship or just the version of it in their head #that usually removes all the things that aren’t 100% perfect and wholesome and not flawed #because god forbid characters be flawed it’s not as if that’s basic character writing

[storiesofsvu]

Requests are CLOSED!!!

There is too much shit going on, i’m busy enough in real life, I have more than enough requests to work on along with multiple series to start plotting out and to be completely honest? Some of y’all have been pretty fucking annoying & demanding recently, so everyone has lost the opportunity.

#update #writing update #personal update #the amount of shit ive had to delete from my inbox without answering has been UBSURD #stop trying to get attention through my ask box/starting drama #im blocking people left & right #yet the same person keeps coming back #fuck off

[pianta]

please just respect the artists’ wishes and dont be a dick. we are already sharing our art online for free, so dont be a dick.

#delete later #im tired #all my art get reposted on shit like pinterest and its NOT helping me!!!!!!! #stop it! #wish i got paid every time my art got reposted #maybe then i'd be happy

[peevishpants]

u kno u have a very potent crush on someone when they say the absolute most wacky-banal shit like I Have A Spreadsheet For Tracking People I've Met Because I Keep Forgetting Who They Are When I See Them Again and ur rose tinted glasses are SO thick that ur genuine response is like wow... that's the coolest thing ever :3c tilde tilde tilde sparkle emoji sparkle emoji wobbly eyes emoji heart with sparkles emoji

#they said wow i cant believe u remembered [small detail about them] #and i almost laughed out loud. HEY PAL I REMEMBER EVERYTHING i replay every single conversation in my head at least once a day #if u are reading this and u are The Person Im Talking About. log the fuck off! stop lookin at my shit! this isnt about you #delete later #points at self: DELETE THIS LATER #WHEN YOU WAKE UP FROM THIS LIGMA FUGUE STATE

[mochiwrites]

.

#delete later #hi I need to scream into the void again #that ask couldn’t have come at a worse time jfc #I am. tired man #socialization is hard #burnout is kicking my ass #I can’t connect with people #at this point I just want to waddle around to different friend groups and ask to be adopted /srs #but I would feel guilty if I did so I just don’t #but I really want to #would anyone even want to drag me into their group #;-; #between the month I’ve had and the day today has been #and that ask I’m just #*lays on the floor* #I want to stop existing thanks #I’m sad and lonely and no matter how hard I try to fix that nothing works #I’m so close to just giving up man #2024 has been pure shit so far #and I hate it

[the-crimson]

I’m not sure how to word my sadness while scrolling through the qsmp tag this morning. There was only one person that I saw (well I saw other people mentioning them as id blocked them about a week ago lmao) stiring the pot and being negative/racist while most others were either reacting to the cesspool that is Twitter or that one person which was kind of creating an echo chamber of worry/negativity.

Unfortunately there isn’t really anything we can do about the assholes other than block and move on. Don’t engage with them as they are looking for that. They want outrage and drama.

The only thing we can do is be extra positive towards the ccs. Encourage them, make more fan content supporting their rp choices, engage in the fandom in a positive way to drown out the negative.

The qsmp is very special. Don’t let the ass holes ruin it for you. Take a break from Twitter if you need to. Block people and report them for hate speech if need be. Be a positive force to counter the negativity

Forever and Cellbit were talking about cross banning everyone shitting on Bagerah and I think that is the best way we can also proceed. Don’t give the assholes any attention. Don’t argue with them. Just block and move on/continue supporting the ccs.

Please don’t let this fandom turn into the dsmp fandom

#qsmp #crimson speaks #discourse #dsmp mention #we’ve already lost a few Spanish ccs to the hate #let’s try not to lose others #I’d say just stop using twitter #but that’s where most of the ccs are #and if the positive fandom stopped using Twitter the ccs would only see the negative #:/ #I’ve never used Twitter #that shit would be terrible for my mental health #I kinda wanna delete and rewrite my post about the forever Leo situation #cuz I wrote it when it was three in the morning #and I don’t think I worded myself properly/it came off more negative than I intended #I love all the choices cc!forever has made #his character is fascinating and not perfect #like every character #and that’s a good thing

[orphetoon]

maybe i should get back into drawing totk

#specifically roleswap #idk it was just like #a lot of the comments n shit i was getting on my totk comics #is what made me want to stop drawing it. really #still have gripes with the game but its still like. 8/10 or 8.5 #maybe i’ll finally draw my sage yona idea #or that really dumb mind sage comic idea lok #delete later

[hishoukoku]

.

#I feel like I'm bothering ppl with my bullshit and i can't shake the feeling that everyone is fed up with me #I wish i could go live in a cave by myself sometimes #.....(let it be the 10k gods cave at least T.T)...... #no but for every hour of intense serotonin i get from things i love...I feel like a worthless trash the next few hours #Almost like i don't deserve it because even saying HELLO sometimes makes me feel like a bother #and that's to ppl /I/ consider friends #ive lost the ability to even realize who considers me a 'friend back' #not that i have anything to offer #plus i have to do some shit at work that i dont like #and it's taking a bigger toll on my brain than i thoguht it would #but its fineeeee cause I have the ability to bury myself in the things I adore to stop even the slighest real world thought from occuring #hyperfixations ftw #'cept SOMEtimes like now when im overwhelmed that i feel like i dont do them justice #I'll delete this later I'm just.. Tired.. #Ishidarambles #Personal shit #ranting in the tags like an OG tumblr user

[andorerso]

sorry but comparing whether Jyn or Cassian suffered more in their life like it's the fucking trauma Olympics is fucking ridiculous

they both suffered the same and it's literally not a competition, hope this helps <3

#let's see they both lost their parents around the same age #cassian was kidnapped and lost his sister #jyn was a child soldier #(and so was cassian if you wanna go by his original backstory but i digress) #both had an unstable childhood #both had to watch their parent die actually (lyra and clem) #jyn was abandoned by saw cassian was in juvie #both went to labour camp #they literally both went through the same things but please tell me how cassian had it so much easier than her i'd like to hear #again it's not a competition anyway #but it's ridiculous to even compare when they went through pretty much the same shit lmao #im fucking tired of this narrative #i swear some of y'all don't even like cassian lmao #shut up sissi #discourse #maybe i'll delete this later #im just fucking tired #stop pitting jyn and cassian against each other #they're equals that's the best part about them!! my god #anyway this is a cassian andor defense account #don't talk to me if you don't like him

[sapphire-heart-tippy]

Me: I'm some kind of trans masc nonbinary/genderqueer/androgyne person

Person: So I use "she" for you because you're one of those quirky girls

Me: no, I'm a trans masculine androgyne person

Person: Oh so you're a fully transitioned trans man with a big beard who looks cis and passes fully

Me: Uh no, I haven't medically transitioned yet and the only thing I want done is top surgery

Person: So you're still just one of those quirky lesbian girls?

Me: Actually I'm only attracted to men and other masc-

Person: Oh so a straight girl

Me: I'm not a man or a woman. I'm outside of the binary. Nonbinary, think of me as a nonbinary person

Person: So a quirky girl, I already said that

Me:

#light vent #ooooh my god oh my god stop thinking nonbinary is just diet woman holy shit #video #tw video #video tw #why the hell do people either think I'm a ~qUiRkY gUrL xD~ or a biker dude with a big beard? is that the 2 genders you all are talking about #creaturessent person here- wahoo! #I'm a nonbinary genderqueer androgyne boycreature with a cinnamon twist and all that- #vent #tw vent #vent tw #ask to tag #also please never use -girl- when referring to me. no feminine language at all please even as a joke- i really do not like it... #might delete later so it doesn't take up space

[malleleothreesome]

I just wrote a scenario so dramatic, I had to come here and contemplate my life choices in a diary-like manner. So that's what this is. Don't mind me.

I have to break Malleus' heart for this sake of this super steamy, sexy Leona smut I'm writing. I mean, technically I didn't have to break Malleus' heart just to force the reader into sex with a jealous, angry Leona. But I wanted to up the stakes of Leona's jealousy and anger by having him directly interact with Malleus and reader prior to the smut.

And now that I've had the three of them interact... well... tensions are high and someone might die and Malleus needs to be let down gently, alright??? Because he's precious to me.

It was supposed to be a humorous scene. Leona was supposed to have some really funny dialogue teasing Malleus and calling him mocking nicknames. I mean, the "funny" dialogue is still there but now it's surrounded by the intensity of Malleus' wrath in realizing that not only is he unable to be with the one he is pining for, but the guy who does is literally standing there mocking him... oh, what have I done? I'm at 4.4k words already.

Like someone comes up to me and they're like: Hey Erica. Write reader getting fucked by a jealous, angry Leona.

And instead of being like: 📝 [Jealous Angry Leona Sex] ✅ complete

I'm like: 📝 [Establishing reader and Leona's flirtationship with lots of paragraphs explaining how horny they are for each other, trying to set a smutty mood. A little mental foreplay to prepare the reader for the actual smut scenes, if you will]

📝 [Announcer voice: We interrupt your horniness to bring you a dramatic showdown between two furious, powerful, possessive Princes who will stop at nothing to have you (oh but Leona is also lowkey groping you because we have to try to keep some semblance of smut)]

POV: You're Erica and your penchant for the dramatics causes you to create the most extreme emotional responses in every scenario, while also pushing characters to act in a canon complicit way. So now you've allowed Leona to egg Malleus on to the point where like, Malleus wouldn't even hesitate to smite Leona where he stands (except for the fact that Tsunotarou probably doesn't want to traumatize his beloved child of man. Probably.) Also because you're Erica, you love Malleus dearly and you can't just walk away and let Leona fuck reader without writing some sort of dialogue that makes Malleus feel a bit less hurt. Thus, continuing to delay the smut—you know, the entire point of this request.

📝 [Projecting and writing in extreme detail how sympathetic reader is to Malleus' loneliness (Leona voice: *shocked gasp* in MY smutfic? the audacity.) Realizing that I can let Malleus down gently while ALSO sticking with the plot because Leona's gonna be like, why tf are you being so nice to him when you literally chose me??? You don't owe him anything??? Come inside and pay attention to meeeee (Reader: It's because I don't want you to DIE, dumbass.)]

📝 [Jealous Angry Leona Sex???? Like is there anyone still horny at this point?????]

The worst is that, as a smut consumer, I'm the type of person who wants to get STRAIGHT TO THE SMUT. I'm a porn without plot ENTHUSIAST. I'm a hypocrite!!!

But as a writer, I am a no plot holes, all scenarios completely fleshed out, smut completely established before starting. Or I can't sleep at night.

#‧͙+ ̊*・༓☾ i just be saying shit ☽༓・* ̊+‧͙ #late night thoughts torture me so much i had to stop writing just to contemplate the monster i created in Malleus #PROBABLY DELETE LATER IM SO EMBARRASSED TO POST THIS BUT IT FELT GOOD TO WRITE OUT MY THOUGHTS