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Based on a request from an anon | 1102 Words | TWs/CWs: mention of death, smoking

I’m relieved when today’s performance is over. As much as I love working at the carnival, I’m exhausted. More so than usual. Today was just not my day. My magic felt off and I have no idea why. I’ve felt horrible since this morning and when I did my tricks during the show, I had to fight to control every last one. I nearly burned off a performer’s hair and just about made another one vanish. It was such a mess.

The dressing room brings me some relief. Even though, as a ghost, I’m stuck in the clothes I died in and don’t have to undress or take off makeup like the other girls, I still find being in the room comforting. The bright bulbs surrounding the mirror, the smell of heavy makeup, the haze of chatter as my fellow performers make plans and discuss the performance; it all brings me some degree of solace from the day. With a yawn, I plop down in an unoccupied chair.

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That one time when I was at my lowest but nobody knew


My 18th birthday. Am not really used to celebrating my birthday with a party. Most of my birthdays it was just usually me, my family and some of my close friends.


I had a lot going on in my life that time. And the only thing I was looking forward to was my birthday. I invited some of my close friends to a samgyupsal place near UST. I was physically and emotionally drained that day. But I was really happy to have some dinner with my favourite people.


Some cancelled on the last minute. I thought they were coming but suddenly on the day of my birthday they had their excuses. I invited 16 people but only 8 of them was able to join me celebrate my birthday.


I think birthdays are overrated really. But that time, I was so empty that I hoped to be at peace with the people I love. I guess they had other plans that day. We were able to celebrate my birthday though, I was happy. But the moment my back touched my bed, I burst into tears.


The lenght I would go to for those people, but I realised they won’t do the same for me. I know they have their own life and other things to do that day. But was I too much when I ask them to have a dinner with me? I was my birthday after all.


I tried to be rational and think about them. But that day, I was deeply hurt. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that day. Drained from the days before my birthday, happy because of the people who was there for me, and crying the night after.


Here’s to my next birthday, may I be genuinely happy.

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Profile: zed

age:16

height:6'4

strange occurrences riddle the land, things the populace wouldnt notice… but deep behind it all lays an organisation, a cult with supreme power and influence over the king. their goals, unknown, their means, unknown and yet those few who know of them fear them so much that one may ask…what do they desire.

zed, son of a travelling businessman finds himself back in his natal land, and yet he recognises nothing of it which sends him on a journey to learn what’s behind it all,

eikopool
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25 NOVEMBRE.


Ero piccola, poco più di una ragazzina, frequentavo ancora la scuola media, quando la sera in tv davano “Amore criminale” e restavo a guardarlo. Fidanzati, mariti, violenti che abusavano delle loro compagne e spesso anche dei loro figli. Vedevo tutto quello dall’esterno e mi sembrava così assurdo. Come può una persona che ti ama farti tutto questo? E le donne Perché non se ne rendono conto? Perché non scappano e si mettono in salvo? Dovrebbero dirlo a qualcuno, decidere di andarsene e voltare pagina.

Mi chiedevo questo. Era un programma che guardavo spesso, perché nei confronti di quell’argomento avevo troppi interrogativi.

Tuttavia ero piccola, e molti aspetti non riuscivo a coglierli.

Sei piccolo, ingenuo, vedi certe situazioni dall’esterno, e le vedi così lontane da te, come se non potessero mai toccarti.




Era un sabato sera di metà marzo, del 2016. Io e quello che era il mio attuale fidanzato stavamo discutendo. Il motivo? Avevo evidenziato che un suo comportamento non mi era piaciuto. Nonostante mi fossi rivolta a lui con alcun tono marcato, o atteggiamento forte, la discussione andava avanti da ore. Parole forte, toni di voce alti, e alla fine, per la prima volta mi diede uno schiaffo.

Mi sorprese quel gesto, e stupì anche lui. Mi disse che mai aveva alzato in dito su nessuno, ed ero stata io farlo arrabbiare così tanto da fargli perdere il controllo. Io, e le mie discussioni inutili, lo avevano esasperato e portato a darmi uno schiaffo.

Eravamo insieme da un anno, e non era mai accaduto. Si, discutevamo, e spesso, per giorni e giorni, ma mai aveva alzato un dito su di me. La discussione era durata un bel po’ in effetti, forse ho davvero esagerato pensai.

Diedi poca importanza alla cosa, del resto era stato solo uno schiaffo. La cosa non costituiva nessun problema, e non sarebbe più successo.



Passarono settimane, mesi, e mi resi conto che quello era solo l’inizio.

Accadeva, sempre più frequentemente, in modo sempre più violento.

Ogni piccolo battibecco, poteva portare a quello. Il motivo più più stupido, tra tutti? Una volta abbiamo cominciato una discussione perché non gli piaceva come avevo abbinato una t-shirt, su un pantaloncino, per andare a fare una passeggiata al centro commerciale. Ogni litigio si svolgeva sempre allo stesso modo, e si concludeva sempre con la solita promessa; non accadrà più. La colpa era sempre attribuita a me. Io che mi arrabbiavo, che avevo da ridire sui suoi comportamenti, e lo innervosivo al punto tale da fargli perdere la calma.

“Te lo meriti tutto questo!”

“E’ colpa tua, con gli altri non succede. Tu mi fai diventare così!”

Quante volte mi sono state ripetute queste frasi!

Mi veniva spesso detto che non sapevo ragionare. “Lascia stare, inutile parlare con te, non capisci nulla.”

Ricordo l’aria di sufficienza con cui mi guardava, la superiorità e l’arroganza. Ricordo la sua voce che si alzava sempre più, i suoi occhi pieni di disprezzo. I suoi tentativi di zittirmi in ogni modo; con gli insulti, con i toni, con quell’atteggiamento, con quelle mani intorno al collo.

Ricordo le sue mani intorno al collo, i colpi sempre più forti, e le mie urla che soffocava.

Ricordo quella volta in cui non si fermava, e io ho avuto davvero paura, più del solito. Quando ho deciso di urlare per chiedere aiuto, nella speranza che qualcuno sentisse, è stato peggio. Tutte quelle lacrime versate, quei segni da coprire e nascondere. Quelle sere in cui non vedevo l’ora di arrivare a casa, per sentirmi finalmente al sicuro, e quelle notti passate a piangere silenziosamente.

Ricordo perfettamente tutte le volte che mi è stato detto che ero sbagliata, che non capivo nulla. Per tutte quelle volte che sono stata paragonata alle altre, sminuita e non rispettata. Quegli insulti su di me, sulla mia famiglia. Le volte in cui non veniva tenuta in considerazione la mia opinione, o una mia richiesta. Quegli apprezzamenti fuori luogo fatti sulle altre ragazze, per evidenziare quanto non gli andassi bene. Tutte le mancanze, tutte le occasioni importanti passate a discutere e macchiate dalla violenza. Le piccole cose di cui sono stata privata, le occasioni sottratte, gli amici che ho dovuto perdere. Anni della mia adolescenza che non potrò più riavere, momenti di spensieratezza che non potrà rivivere.

Ricordo molte occasioni, momenti importanti che sono stati rovinati.

Come Quella volta, dopo una competizione importante e una meritata medaglia, mi ritrovai a tornare a casa

Con un livido enorme sul braccio, e allora fui costretta a tenere le maniche lunghe a maggio, fingendo di stare poco bene.

Come quella volta che ritornai a casa con un segno marcato sulla fronte, la sera prima del mio esame di maturità, e inventai che ero scivolata nello spogliatoio della palestra. il litigio la sera prima del mio 18esimo. Il mio 21esimo compleanno rovinato.

Ho centinaia di ricordi, ricordi orrendi a riguardo. Ho tentato di rimuoverli, ma non ci sono riuscita. Sono cose accadute, e non possono essere cancellate.

Nel corso del tempo, mi sono resa conto che la violenza non è solo fisica. Non è fatta solo di schiaffi, e pugni. La violenza, è anche non essere liberi di parlare, sentirsi dire di valere nulla, di meritare il peggio, ed essere guardati con aria di disprezzo. È sentirsi in Gabbia, e sapere che chi dice di amarti, ne ha le chiavi. La violenza ha tante sfumature, e chi è violento lo sarà sempre. Ed è inutile provare a sottolineare loro quanto questo sia sbagliato, perché saranno sempre convinti che sia tutto normale, e continueranno ad avere la propria visione delle cose. L’unica cosa da fare è andarsene, e voltare pagina.

Non lasciate correre, non permettete a nessuno di mancarvi di rispetto, impedirvi qualcosa, e non permettere a nessuno di oltrepassare i limiti che voi stesse imponete. Non sentitevi colpevoli, o responsabili di quanto vi è accaduto o vi sta accadendo. Non siete sbagliate.

Non è colpa vostra, anche se vi diranno il contrario. Nessuna di voi merita di sentirsi una nullità, trascorrere la sera prima dell’esame di maturità a coprire i lividi, per non dare spiegazioni il giorno seguente. Nessuno merita di essere spintonata in pubblico davanti a decine di persone, con la frase “te lo meriti” che ti rimbomba nella testa, nè tanto meno sentire le mani al collo che stringono, e occhi che ti guardano pieni di disprezzo.

Nessuno merita ciò, e la violenza va fermata. Non abbiate paura, siate coraggiose, e risollevatevi. Fermateli, e liberatevene.

DENUNCIARE è SOLO UN ATTO DI CORRAGGIO, E DI AMORE, VERSO SE STESSI E LA PROPRIA VITA.Donne, denunciate!

Prendete le distanze, allontanatevi da tutto ciò che è nocivo per voi. Eliminate dalla vostra vita chi vi causa problemi, chi vi priva della vostra serenità e tranquillità, chi vi porta via i sogni, vi impone divieti, e stabilisce vincoli. Non avete bisogno di una persona che vi da per scontate, vi sminuisce e vi zittisce, senza tenere a cuore i vostri pensieri, i vostri desideri, e i vostri obiettivi. Tutto questo non è amore, l’amore è un’altra cosa.


Non ho mai detto nulla a nessuno, ho tenuto per anni questo segreto per me. l’ho raccontato solo ad una persona, ed è stata quella che mi ha salvata.

Se sentite di non riuscire a reagire da sole, confidatevi, lasciatevi salvare.


Sono Angela, e sono stata VITTIMA DI VIOLENZA!

Dopo anni, riesco ad ammetterlo.

Io ne sono uscita, e ho ripreso in mano la mia vita. Se l’ho fatto io, potete farlo anche voi!

Non sarà facile, ma giorno dopo giorno vi sentirete più leggere, più libere. Prenderete le distanze, e vi renderete conto di quanto è bello amarsi!

Concedetevi quest’occasione di tornare a sorridere, a vivere, a conoscervi.

Voltate pagina, e innamoratevi di voi stesse e della vostra vita!

Siete straordinarie, dotate di una forza immensa.

Donne, DISOBBEDITE!


E voi uomini, abbiate l’eleganza necessaria a saper ascoltare, capire e valorizzare la vostra compagna. Siate suoi complici, sognate con lei!

Sappiate accarezzare l’anima della vostra donna, e abbiatene cura. Questo vi rende estremamente eleganti!


Chiedo a tutti coloro che hanno letto, di condividere questa storia vera. Se anche solo una ragazza leggendo questo post riuscirà a ribellarsi, allora saró riuscita nel mio intento!

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Pregnant

Joshua x Reader

image

Author:YeontanIsMyPresident

Summary:Your boyfriend notices you’re pregnant before you.

Pairing:Joshua(Svt) x Reader

Gene:Fluff,Pregnancy,cute

Rating:General Audiences

Word Count:1360


-Pregnant-


It was a Saturday, a day off for the boys, when you woke up at nine in the morning. You were cuddled up next to Joshua in his bed at the dorms, staring at his sleeping face. He looked so peaceful and at ease that you didn’t want to wake him up, but your stomach had other ideas.Not even half an hour had passed when you started feeling nauseous You ran to the bathroom, emptying your stomach’s contents. Joshua had heard you from the bed and sat up.


“Y/n? Are you okay?” he called out to you as he came to hold your hair out of the way. He rubbed your back as you continued to lean over the toilet.


Getting up and flushing the toilet you turned towards your concerned boyfriend, “Yeah I’m fine, just got sick a little is all. Don’t worry.” You grabbed the toothbrush you leave here for when you stay and start to brush your teeth. You could brush all of the sickness off, but Joshua on the other hand was getting increasingly worried. He wasn’t afraid to voice it either, “Baby this is the third day in a row that you’ve thrown up.” He followed you as you walked to the living room, seeing only Wonwoo and Dino up.


The smell of bacon cooking made you feel sick to the stomach and you tried to hold the feeling in. Yet your attempt at acting like everything was fine failed when once again you were rushing towards the bathroom. Joshua sighed as he went to make sure you were okay. He hated seeing you like this and he felt even worse because he didn’t know what to do.


Dino saw Wonwoo in deep thought and questioned what he was thinking so hard about, “Why do you have that look on your face? What’s running through your head?” He didn’t receive an answer causing him to shrug and turn back to the stove. He had more important things to do than wait for Wonwoo to speak: Making sure the bacon didn’t burn.

It was only five minutes later when Wonwoo finally voiced his thoughts, “What if she’s pregnant?” The question made Dino wiped around to stare at his older friend in confusion. They didn’t notice the older standing in the doorway and before Dino could ask Joshua beat him to it, “What do you mean by that?” Even though his voice was faint, it still had the power to startle his two members.

“Fuck Joshua-hyung you can’t do that!” Dino yelled at him as he held his hand over his chest where his heart was, “I could’ve had a heart attack!”


Joshua didn’t pay him any mind, all of his attention on Wonwoo and wanting to know what made his friend say that. Right as Wonwoo was going to answer, Seungcheol came running in, “Why is there smoke filling the whole dorms!?” It was then the three younger boys had taken notice of the smoke billowing throughout the kitchen and into other parts of the apartment. “And why the hell isn’t the smoke alarm working!?”


Seungcheol pulled the smoke alarm off the wall and checked the back, only to see no batteries in it. As he opened some windows and turned the fan on he kept muttering something along the lines of ‘fucking vernon always forgetting to change the batteries’. They all became so caught up in trying to get rid of the smoke that they forgot all about their previous conversation.


–0–0–0–0–


A week later and you were still getting sick. Joshua could only watch as you continued to throw up all of your dinner from the night before. A curious and concern glint could be seen in his eyes every time he watched you. Whenever he asked you to go to the doctor you would just reply with, 'It’s just the flu. It’ll go away soon.’


“Y/n please go to the doctor’s. This has been going on for two weeks already!” Anyone could tell Joshua was getting worried about you by the way his voice betrayed his calm exterior.


You sat down on his bed and just rolled your eyes, “I already told you Joshua it’s just the flu! It’s going to go away soon!” For some reason you were starting to get all emotional. Frustration and sadness creeping up on you. For what reason you had no clue. Joshua, on the other hand, had a good idea as to why. He was getting so frustrated that you weren’t even caring that he just blurted out, “Are you pregnant?”


“What?” you gave him a blank face and your voice was monotone as you spoke. He realized what he said and looked at you hesitantly. Seeing his mouth open as to speak, you beat him to it, “Did you just ask me if I’m pregnant?”


“Think about it baby. You’re always getting sick in the morning, you’re almost always hungry and craving weird things. Like who actually enjoys hot cheetos dipped in some strawberry yogurt?” he started to go off and rant, his voice picking up speed as well as going up an octave. You could tell he was getting anxious and nervous about how you would react, but you couldn’t help but to question it. Were you pregnant?


As he was still going off on how you were still beautiful even if you were starting to eat a lot, you got up and walked out of his room. He stopped short and just stared at where you once sat. Quickly coming to the realization that you weren’t in the room anymore, he ran out to see you putting your shoes on.


The rest of the boys watched on as Joshua grabbed your wrist lightly, “Where are you going?” You gently tugged your wrist out of his grasp, opening the front door, “I just need some time to think.”

Joshua could only watch as you walked away from him, his heart dropping as he thought of everything he had said. Why did he have to blurt out that idea? Why couldn’t he have kept his thoughts to himself? He grabbed at his hair and sank to his knees, not noticing his friend come over to him.


Seokmin pulled Joshua up and brought him over to the couch, “Are you okay Joshua-ah?” All Joshua could do was stare at the wall opposite of him making the rest of his band members stare at him with sympathy in their gaze.


–0–0–0–0–


You couldn’t believe you were actually doing this. The pregnancy test in your hand shook as your nerves started. Doing as the instructions told you, you waited five minutes and they felt like hours. When your timer went off you jumped, too lost in your thoughts on what would happen if it were positive. Oh god would Joshua leave you? Would he want you to have an abortion? Would you get an abortion just to stay with him? The answer was clear to you as you unconsciously held a hand on your abdomen. No matter what the outcome was, you were keeping the little angel that was growing inside of you.


Shakily picking up the test you clasped a hand over your mouth as tears streamed down your face. It was positive. Grabbing your phone you clicked on Joshua’s contact and tried to hold in your sobs. When he answered the call you couldn’t hold in the wails coming out of you.


“Y/n!? Are you okay!? What’s wrong!?” his voice was frantic as he heard your crying on the other end of the phone. It took you a little while to calm down enough to talk, “Can you please come here? We need to talk.” Getting an 'okay’ from him, you hung up and continued to cry as you pulled your knees to your chest.


Joshua’s heart was racing as he ran all the way to your place. Were you breaking up with him? Were you okay? All of these thoughts were still rushing around his head when he showed up at your door. He used the spare key you gave him and walked in, hearing your cries from the bathroom. He knocked on the door softly, “Y/n? Baby, can I come in?” A small and faint reply came from the other side of the door.


He pushed the door open slowly and saw you sat on the floor against the wall. He crouched in front of you and wiped your tears gently off with the ends of his hoodie.


“Please don’t leave me,” your voice was quiet and shaking with nerves.

He shook his head and pulled you into his warm embrace, “Never.”


You pulled your head away from his chest and looked at the door behind him, “Joshua..I’m pregnant.” You could hear as well as feel his breath hitch. You couldn’t bear to see the judgement in his gaze, so you kept your eyes away from his.


“Hey, look at me baby girl,” his fingers held your chin delicately, turning your head towards him, his eyes calm and loving, “I’d never leave you, especially not over this. We may be young, but I’m certain I want a family with you. You’re the one I want to marry in the future.” He saw your eyes swell up with even more tears, this time happy, and gave you a feather like kiss on your lips. Gaze falling onto your non existent bump he put a hand over it, “And this little bean in here is ours. Made from our love. I wouldn’t want to have this child with anyone else.”

You looked at him with so much love in your eyes that it made his heart beat faster, “I love you so much Joshi.”

Happy tears filled his eyes as he gave you a passionate kiss,

“I love you too Y/n.”

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i dont want to hear anyone say they’re a pushover until they hear this story about my close friend who was pressured by her middle aged coworker into going on a date with her (ugly) son, and then the date ended up being a family supper. but she couldnt leave because the son offered to change her tires for her after dinner but took the tires off before dinner. so she deadass sat there at a 6hr long family supper with an ugly boy who she didnt want to go out with and her 56 year old manager from the gas station she works at. the real kicker??? shes gay as all fuck :/

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These days I feel comfort, in my home. These stories, these scary stories don’t scare me before. My ‘fear worms’, I like to call them. Well, actually at first they were snails. Pour a little salt and it was fine.

I think those were the days when they were most unbearable. The slow trickle of slime gushing into the back of my throat, and all I could do was helplessly claw and wait for the pain to stop. Those were the only times I could sleep. Maybe it was the lack of knowledge? I don’t know.

I do have a lot to know. But where was I? Snails.

I don’t know when, but I started feeling the ground a bit more. I felt every whisker upon me, every breath laid on my neck. It kept going, I kept feeling. I wanted to stop… I really did. 

But today, they vanished. Into thin air, they just vanished. I could no longer feel yet I was bleeding everywhere. Snail marks and worm marks alike. At least now I cannot feel any longer, the release I longed for yet here.

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