#strange monkey reviews

[resident-gay-bitch]

mommy issues

part 18 / contents

eddie picked up the phone as it rang, as quickly as he could so it wouldn’t wake wayne, “hello?”

“yo, dude.” it was gareth, “i’m about to get the lovebirds, we want burgers. you coming?”

“yeah.” eddie nodded, “i’ll be out in five.”

“okay, see ya then.”

eddie hung up the phone and hurried down to his room, changing his shirt from his fuck off of a fathers to a more acceptable faded old ratty metallica one that the moths may or may not have gotten too. he pulled on a zip up hoodie, and threw one of wayne’s jackets on over the top, because even though it was summer, eddie knew gareth was going to blast his goddamned aircon way too high and he’d shiver without it. he tugged on his boots and checked his hair in the mirror.

it was so smooth now.

you worked wonders.

he heard the car horn out the front and pulled the collar of his hoodie up high around his neck to cover it. he rushed out the door with a bright smile.

eddie shut the door and turned around to see gareth and grant in the front seats raising their hands in the air in a stupid sort of dance, and jeff was leant forward between the front two seats doing the funky monkey. eddie laughed and rushed for the backseat.

he slid in, the hoodie still secure around his neck. he pulled the door shut at the loud blast of gareth’s metal tape consumed the small space. they all started to headbang along as gareth pulled out onto the road again.

the music was turned down after a minute.

“what did you do to it, man?” grant asked, holding up a dishevelled action figure he found on the ground, “he’s dead!”

“oh, don’t even, man.” gareth shook his head, “i was picking up steph last night and it was on the seat, and she like… looked at it for a bit and then just tossed it on the ground and i was like, whatever. i’ll pick it up after, she’s a bitch. but then, when we got back into the car after raiding the seven eleven i saw shed crushed it with her pristine fucking sneakers, and so i just took her home.”

“what the fuck, she crushed it?” jeff asked, shocked.

“obliterated it.”

“awh man,” eddie said, reaching forward to grab it and inspect the poor toy himself, “fuck, this was your new character!”

“i know!” gareth gasped, “she didn’t even apologise.”

“dump the whore.” jeff said.

“i agree.” eddie blew a raspberry and tossed the action figure into the front dash, “she’s done to many mean things to my garebear.” eddie gave gareth’s shoulders a squeeze from behind him.

“shut the fuck up, eddie.” gareth sneered, giving him a glance though the review mirror.

“sometimes i think you two have move chemistry than jeff and i, and we’re literally in love.” grant commented and it made eddie and gareth laugh.

eddie wrapped his arms around gareth’s seat and chest in an attempted a hug, “it’s because he’s been my secret lover all this time, haven’t you shnookums?”

gareth hummed and made kissy faces, turning his cheek slightly so eddie could smack one on him, “hmm, the best damn sex i’ve ever had, babylove.”

“weird bromance aside,” jeff said, grabbing eddie’s shoulder and pulling him back into his own seat, “they have a point. she’s a bitch.”

“she’s a hot bitch.” gareth pointed back at him, “and she really really likes having sex with me.”

“you’ve cheated on me now, garebear?” eddie gasped, “i’m heartbroken.”

gareth poked his tounge out at eddie through the review mirror, “look, can we not talk about stephanie? i’m trying to avoid that headache right now.”

“affirmative, cappin’.” eddie muttered, putting on some strange voice that didn’t make sense and saluting.

“yeah, alright.” grant nodded, “but you can’t avoid it forever.”

“got it.” gareth clicked his tongue and turned a corner, “what do you fuckers want?”

“you.” eddie hummed, “always you, lover.”

“you’re going to make me sick.” jeff deadpanned him.

eddie dove for him, poking his tongue out and trying to lick jeff’s face.

“you’re an animal!” jeff tried to shove him off.

“hey! hey!” gareth called out, “no fighting… or… getting frisky in the back of my car.”

eddie managed to stab his tongue into the high of jeff’s cheek and he pulled away with a laugh, and jeff wiped the very little slobber away in a dramatic feat and wined.

“i’ve been contaminated. i’ve got hetero-cooties!”

“oh, ease up, jeff.” grant said with a laugh, “we all know eddie’s not straight.”

eddie retaliated by shoving his boot forward into grants chest.

“why are we friends with him?” gareth asked and it made eddie cackle.

“i dunno man.” jeff shrugged, “we thought you were cool, but apparently he just fucking follows you everywhere.”

“like a shaddow.” grant added, flaring his hands out for dramatics.

“aww, you want me to follow you boys around too?” eddie hummed, batting his eyelids at a rapid pace, “you jealous?”

“i’d rather die.” jeff said plainly.

“can you lot shut up and tell me what you want?” gareth shouted, “we’re fucking here.”

“milkshake, fries.” eddie said, pulled himself forward to kiss gareth’s cheek again.

“ew.” gareth wiped the ‘slobber’ off and wiped it on grants leg.

“dude!” grant wailed.

“i’ll have a cheese burger.” jeff cut in, ever the calm one, “large coke and some fries.”

“i’ll have the same, but a chicken cheese instead.”

“got it.” gareth nodded and slid up to the window of the diner, which was trying a new drive through feature out which these boys absolutely adored on a saturday afternoon.

gareth made the order and held his hand out, and everyone slapped down their change to pay for their meals. once the food was collected (and more petty bickering was made), gareth drove into the carpark and cut the engine. the food was handed out, and there was peace, just for a moment.

“eddie, you want front seat?” grant asked, shoving fries into his mouth.

“yeah!” eddie grinned, slurping his shake.

grant opened the passenger door and rolled out before slamming it shut, and eddie grabbed his things and climbed through the centre console to plop down on the seat.

“dude!” gareth slapped his calves, “feet off the leather- do you know how much this car cost?”

“more than me, i know.” eddie drawled with a roll of his eyes, “got it, dad.”

gareth squinted his eyes and then reached into the takeaway bag and pulled something out, handing it to eddie.

eddie gasped excitedly and set his drink down between his feet. he was sitting with his back to the door and his knees curled up to his chest so he could face everyone in the car. he made grabby hands for what gareth was holding.

“you got me pie?” eddie asked.

gareth pulled it back with a mean grin, “well, i might have.”

“what?” eddie asked, knowing he’d have to do something to get it.

now that he’d seen free pie on the horizon, he really fucking wanted it.

g cleared his throat, “so… upgraded from mechanic to plumber, huh?”

eddie squinted his eyes at his best friend, and then even more at the other two who were looking at him with smug grins.

“yeah, bet you fixed her pipes real good.” grant said and then snickered.

eddie’s eyes widened with the realisation as to what they were talking about.

“shut up.”

“status report?” gareth asked.

eddie looked at him for a moment, trying to hold back a grin, and then he yanked the collar of his hoodie down to show his neck.

the boys went crazy. they all held up their hands and shook them out and did this stupid thing they all do when they pretend they’re overly excited popular girls in movies and squeal for good news. so that’s what the did, they all shook their hands and squealed for eddie.

he cupped his hands over his mouth and cleared his throat, fixing his voice to sound robotic and deep and said, “status updated from; virgin nerd, to; stepmother-fucking nerd!”

they all squealed again.

“dude! no way.” gareth slapped eddie’s knees.

“yes way!” eddie laughed, “dude, it was so hot- her shower was not broken, by the way. it was all a ploy to take me to bed-“

“dude…” jeff laughed, “we know.”

“that’s like… the most classic line in the book.” gareth agreed.

“what?” eddie’s arms dropped, “well, i didn’t know.”

gareth pulled a strange face and handed the pie over to eddie, “it astounds me how thick headed you can be sometimes.”

“well, so-rry for not assuming my stepmother was trying to lure me to bed.” eddie hummed, chomping into it, and it was apple today, one of his favourites, “i’m just not a dirty minded fuck like you lot.”

“well, that’s the biggest pile of shit i’ve ever heard.” grant snickered.

eddie swatted at him, and then grant swatted back, so eddie lunged forward to grab his head and shove it down, but grant grumbled and wrestled eddie’s arms back.

“can you-“ jeff tried to cut in by pulling their arms apart, but it was no feat, “jesus-“

“someones a little excited today, i think.” gareth laughed and poked eddie’s neck, “she really did some damage, ed.”

eddie, suddenly forgetting all about his attack on poor grant in the back seat, slumped back against the door wirh a dopey grin and sipped on his chocolate shake, “yeah…” he giggled, like a love sick girl.

“oh my god,” jeff said, leaning his head between the two front seats to look at eddie better, “you are a mess.”

“what did she do to you?” gareth asked in shock.

eddie giggled again, “she took my virginity.”

all the guys laughed at him, happy smiles. eddie knew they were making fun, of course they were, eddie was acting like he was twelve again, but he also knew they weren’t actually judging. they were happy for him, this was just really amusing.

“so…” grant shook his head at eddie, “you going to disclose all the juicy details, or are you going to leave us hanging?”

“well!” eddie said, sipping his shake one last time before sitting it down. he cleared his throat and clasped his hands together, “it was… phenomenal. literally the best sex anyone’s ever had, i’m sure.”

“yes, obviously.” gareth dead panned him, “because you, a lanky nerd virgin freak knows how to fuck.”

eddie kicked him, “like you’re any better- and i’m not lanky, thank you. i’m just… tall. i have muscles.”

“sure you do,” grant poked his shin, “twiggie.”

eddie sneered at him, “she happens to think i do, thank you. and i can pick her up with ease, so that’s all that matters.”

“oh, so there was picking up involved?” gareth asked, taking a bite of his burger without paying attention to it, and sauce dribbled down his front.

eddie grabbed a napkin and tossed it at him, “no, not… during. i just- i’ve picked her up before. she likes to be manhandled, i think.”

“hmm, who doesn’t?” gareth asked, wiping his front and making missy faces at eddie, “i want you to pick me up and toss me around, big boy.”

eddie grinned at him, “oh, lover, why didn’t you ask sooner?”

“gag.” jeff said without a hint of emotion, “i’m gagging right now. this is so gross.”

“does anyone have a knife so i can cut my ears off?” grant asked, “i don’t want to hear anything, ever again.”

eddie and gareth laughed.

“okay, well…” eddie cleared his throat again and ate some of his fries, “first- oh, after she spat in my mouth and told me i had to do as she said-“

“oh, fuck man…” gareth looked at him wearily, “she was in control?”

eddie nodded, “full on in control.”

“dude.” gareth pulled at his cheeks, “that’s so hot.”

“a woman in control is hot-“ grant said.

“hey!” jeff slapped his arm, “boyfriend in the car.”

grant grinned at him, “women in control is hot, but you’re hotter.”

“ew!” eddie said, “gag! i’m literally gagging!”

“cut off my ears!” gareth said, laughing with eddie now, “you’re so gross!”

they both had a hand shoved into their face.

“please, continue, i’m hooked.” jeff said, leaning over the seat to look at eddie eagerly.

“well- okay, so, she’s really into all that bdsm stuff, which is so hot. and she’s like- oh, she’s been to sex parties, man, and she had like, full on subs when she was my age-“

“that’s so weird to think about.” grant said.

“i know.” eddie pointed a fry at him, “so, like, she went full dom mode and called me her sub.”

“i really wouldn’t pin you as a sub.” jeff squinted at him, “like, i know you’re a pathetic virgin- well, not anymore. but like… a sub?”

eddie shrugged, “i mean, yeah.”

“but you’re so big and scary.” gareth added.

“why thank you, garebear.” eddie hummed with a proud smile, “but no, like… she said the same thing. she actually said because i could take control, it was hotter that i didn’t. and like- bro, i’m not getting in the way of her doing what she wants with me. i’m just- i’m happy enough to be included, you know?”

that made them all laugh and nod their heads, “yeah, okay, makes sense.” grant said, “still, it’s bizarre. but also…” he tipped his head to the side.

“yeah,” jeff shrugged, “we did see how she talked to you last night.”

“and she’s your stepmother.” gareth added, “it’s kind of a hot dynamic, if you ask me. like… it makes sense.”

“thank you.” eddie chirped.

“dude, i can’t believe you managed to bag your stepmother.”

“she’s keeping me too.” eddie said with a proud smile, “said so herself. i’m going back tonight.”

gareth struck his hands over his heart and dramatically flopped back into his seat, “you’re leaving me, pumpkin?”

“i’m sorry, it was good whilst it lasted, garebear, but i’ve moved onto hotter things.” eddie played along, as he always did.

“understandable.” gareth nodded, “she’s a peice of art-“

“hey!” eddie glared at him, “careful where you tread, whore. she’s mine.”

“and your dads.” grant snickered.

eddie turned his glare to grant, and it shut him up very fast, “i know, it’s very unfortunate, but! she hates sex with him, takes viagra for it… she likes sex with me. she was the one that asked me to come over again tonight!”

“look at you go.” jeff punched his arm encouragingly and eddie beamed, “told you to stop doubting yourself man, this towns just fucked up and prejudiced.”

eddie smiled down at his lap, “yeah, yeah.”

“okay, so, details?” gareth asked.

eddie nodded and took another sip of his shake, “well, so… yeah, she layed me down and blew me- which was entirely too fast. i’m not even gonna deny it. i just- mouth on dick equals wow.”

“yeah, we’ve all been there, man.” jeff slapped him on the back, “don’t worry.”

“jeff didn’t last three seconds once i put my mouth on him,” grant said with a cheeky grin, “barely put him inside-“

“shut your goddamned mouth.” jeff grabbed him.

“well, i would shut up,” grant shrugged, “if you could get your dick far enough down without blowing your load first.”

“that was one time!” jeff wailed and it made them all laugh.

“okay, well, she gave me a blowjob and then we were kissing, and she was like,” eddie cleared his throat and put on a really terrible you impression, “oh eddie, you have a really good mouth for a virgin, and i was like, thanks, and she was like, do you want to pout that mouth to better use? and like, who was i to say no to that!”

“you are her out?” gareth asked.

“twice.” eddie grinned, “twice in one go. she said i’m really good at it too, and i’m not allowed to eat anyone else out because she wants it all to herself.”

jeff scruffed up his hair.

“this sounds like you’re describing a dream.” grant said, deadpan.

“i know!” eddie exclaimed, “i woke up this morning thinking it was.”

“okay, so, you ate her out, twice…” gareth pointed at him and shoved some fries into his mouth at the same time, “what next-“

“well,” eddie grinned a little evilly, “i didn’t just eat her out.” he giggled, “she sat on my face.”

gareths jaw dropped and the other two in the back seat started a little cheer for him.

“you- she sat on your face?” gareth asked, shocked and quite frankly appalled, “you beat me to that? i can’t believe this! how was it? was it everything we thought it would be?”

“it was better.” eddie sighed, thinking back to it (discreetly moving his milkshake to cover his semi), “oh, to be crushed by those sweet, thick thighs again. to have her on my tongue. i wished she’d just sat there until i suffocated, so the last sounds i ever heard were her moans and my name on her lips, the last taste her sweet cunt, and the last sight to be her naked, just rocking on my face and pulling my hair. i could stay there forever, eternally fucking blissed out.”

“you should turn that into a song.” grant commented.

“i might.” eddie hummed.

“sounds like a dream.” gareth sighed, “i have been trying to get steph to sit on my face for ages, i have so far been unsuccessful.”

“sucks for you.” eddie said, poking his tongue out, “i bet i could ask at any time and she’d let me do it again. she likes when i beg.”

“awh man.” jeff sunk back in his seat, “begging is hot.”

“agreed.” gareth nodded.

“it’s like…” jeff looked at g and waved his hands about, “something about them needing it so bad they’re literally on their knees, or on the brink of crying for it.”

“yeah, no, right?” gareth nodded, pointing back at jeff, “like, they need you. it’s pathetic and really hot.”

grant stuck his hand towards eddie and they slapped hands in a sort of shake, “it’s okay man, you’re not alone out there.”

“sub solidarity.” eddie nodded and they laughed.

“okay, so, after that?” gareth asked.

“oh, well i fucking came- like, she was looking down at me and- yeah, i came.”

“oh, dude-“ jeff started.

“you’re not the only one.” gareth shrugged, “i came the first time i ate a girl out.”

“it’s hot.” eddie said simply, “pussys great. anyway, i came and that messed up her plan to fuck me because i went soft again, so she sat away and started touching herself- which… wow.”

“hard in an instant?” gareth asked over a bite of burger.

“hard in an instant.” eddie said, “and then- oh, i was on my knees, begging her and shit, and she pulled my hair really hard and told me i was hers. then she sat back on top of me, and… virgin no more.”

“hey…” jeff shook him by the shoulder, “look at you go!”

“i know.” eddie giggled and picked at his fries.

“how longed you last?” grant asked, “did you beat gareth’s whopping score of five seconds?”

“yours was seven, shut the fuck up.” gareth swatted grant.

“oh, not long at all.” eddie shook his head, “i don’t know exactly, but like… it was so wet, and warm, and tight, and-“

“dude you not use a condom?” gareth asked and eddie shook his head, “awh, man. what the fuck?”

eddie giggled, “she said she’s clean and on the pill and taking the plan b, so… i get to go raw, and danny doesn’t.”

“fuck.” gareth groaned, “she must like you a whole lot, man.”

eddie hummed, “well, anyway- she was looking me in the eye and telling me shit like… i was hers and that she owned me and stuff, and my little virgin heart couldn’t handle it all enough as it, and it doesn’t help that i’m literally in love with her so that was all-“

“you’re in love with her?” they all gasped.

eddie shrugged and shook his head, “yeah, have been for a while, but i’ve been avoiding the thought. but i don’t care any more, i love her so much, dude. i’m gonna make her love me back one day, i don’t care how long it takes.”

gareth slowly nodded his head and widened his eyes, “alright… eddie’s in love with his step mom.”

“noted.” grant nodded.

“doomed narrative.” jeff added, muffled around a bite.

“probably, but i don’t care.” eddie glanced at him, “i’m also okay with her breaking my heart so- anyway, back to the sex.”

“back to the sex.” grant nodded.

“so, lasted not long at all, and… then she said it was okay and that she wanted me to cum one more time, so i was like… yeah, obviously i’m not going to say no that. and i’m pretty sure i was still hard at that point anyway.”

“wait- so, you finished four times?” jeff gasped.

“oh yeah.” eddie nodded, “so like- oh, dude, i was so sensitive. and it was like- she was saying some really… uh… i mean, i like, i love her, so everything she was saying meant more- but- but she was…” eddie cleared his throat and looked down in his lap, “i dunno, she called me beautiful and stuff- told me that she wanted to look after me, and love me.”

the car fell silent.

eddie laughed nervously, refusing to look up at any of them, “as a dude who’s been ran from his whole life, that- that’s just kind of- hmm.”

there was a long silence for a moment, and then eddie saw gareth’s hand reach out to lay over his boot softly. grant hummed and said,

“it makes you fall a little more in love, huh?” he swallowed, “i know the feeling.”

eddie smiled up at him, thankful he wasn’t so alone, “yeah, well-“ he let out a little laugh, “anyway, i just… i didn’t last much longer then that and- oh, dude, she made me hold it back,” his mood switched instantly, bright and excited again, “and like i was crying and begging her to cum, and she just… oh, dudes, she slapped me and it was so hot.”

“she slapped you?” grant asked, “and you liked it?”

“yeah!” eddie exclaimed, “i asked her to do it again, and she was like, oh you like that? pathetic, and i was like, god fucking please, mo-“ he cleared his throat and continued on, “god fucking please do it again.”

“no, no.” gareth shook his head with a low little chuckle, and they were all smirking at him, “you called her something. what did you call her?”

“nothing.” eddie shook his head, “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“lies,” gareth hummed, “you tell lies.”

“it’s mo… something mo.” jeff added, “he called her something mo.”

the boys all started to hum, making that sound over and over again, trying to think of what it could be that he called you. eddie sunk down in his chair, hiding his face behind his hair and hands and denied denied denied, begging them all to shut up.

“hang on!” gareth gasped and fucking laughed, “do you call her- you call her mommy, don’t you?”

eddie groaned and sunk lower into his seat.

“holy shit!” jeff laughed, “you call your stepmother, mommy in bed.”

“that’s such a weird sentence.” grant muttered.

eddie groaned again, “just- shut up… she likes it, okay?”

gareth laughed again, “aww, he’s embarrassed.”

eddie kicked him.

“did mommy take your virginity, bunny?” grant teased.

“all of you, die!” eddie mumbled.

“did mommy take good care of you?” jeff asked with a sick pout.

“i hate all of you so much.” eddie grumbled, “i wish all of you the worst in your afterlives after i’ve murdered you each with my bare hands.”

they all laughed.

“man, we’re just teasing, calm down.” gareth nudged eddie’s knees, “steph calls me daddy all the time, so- it’s like, weird… but it’s not as weird as you think.”

“yeah, we’ve played around with it before.” jeff said, gesturing to grant, “i mean, it’s not for us but, it’s cool if you’re into it.”

eddie peaked out though his hair, “you’re just saying that.”

“no, for real.” gareth hummed, “it’s okay. don’t be embarrassed. sex is weird, everybody likes something mildly fucked up- were freaks, it’s expected of us.”

eddie sighed and sat back up, sipping his shake again, “i dunno, she just- i… you know that chick i almost hooked up with ages ago?”

they all hummed and nodded.

“she ran off because i accidentally called her that- mommy.” eddie shrugged, “i didn’t mean too, but she was calling me a good boy so like-“

“ah, yeah…” gareth winced, “i mean, you weren’t wrong for it.”

“but… but i didn’t- y/n just kinda, she called herself mommy a few times like, in normal conversation a while ago and- oh dudes, after grad i got hammered and she took me home and helped me to bed and undress and like, i called her mommy and tried to get her into bed- it was terrible!”

they laughed and gareth swatted his knee, “you’re an idiot.”

“i know.” eddie smiled.

“so, she slapped you?” jeff asked, all of them now had eager eyes, waiting for his story to continue.

“and choked me and-“ he shrugged, “it was so hot, and then she finally let me cum and i- have you ever heard of subspace?”

grant and gareth shook their heads, but jeff had.

“it’s like, you kinda disappear?”

“yeah.” eddie sighed, “it was like- the best feeling in the world. i was just floating, and nothing hurt or anything. i felt like, so good. and then when i came down- and i was out for hours apparently, she explained what had happened to me.”

“what is it?” gareth asked.

“it’s like- she said some subs go into it when their body gets overwhelmed and they trust their partner enough to let go. she’s had lots of subs before that went there, and she said i looked like i was about to disappear which is why she kept telling me i was safe with her.”

“oh, so it’s like… you just kind of relax?”

“i think so?” eddie hummed, “i don’t really know, but i know it felt good. and- and she looked after me. cleaned me up, and braided my hair and stayed up for hours to make sure i’d be okay when i came out of it- because you can’t speak or anything i think, when you go there. at least i couldn’t. she said you can’t give consent there either. and like- i dunno, she just held me and it was nice.”

“huh.” grant hummed, “sounds really nice.”

“yeah, it is- but like, there’s a lot more to it than you think.”

“it kinda sounds like a nice way to lose your virginity.” gareth said.

“yeah, it was.” eddie laughed softly, “it was really nice- i mean, kinky and violent but like, nice.”

“huh…” gareth nodded, “is that all?”

eddie nodded and then hummed and shook his head, “well, like- i don’t know. she- this morning was really nice. she made me breakfast and wanted to bring it to me in bed, but i woke up. and- i- she was just- it felt very… domestic.” he hummed and tried to gather his thoughts, “we took a shower before i dropped her to work, and she washed my hair and then like, cleaned my face and shit too- she just didn’t let me do it myself- even dried my hair and stuff after.”

“well-“ jeff leant forward, “the subspace can last ages after, right? maybe she thought you were still in it?”

“or maybe it’s like… a kink thing.” gareth added, “like… feeding into the mommy kink. maybe it’s age play?”

eddie considered both of those options, and they both seemed legit.

“or… and, here me out here, boys,” grant cleared his throat, “or, maybe… she like… loves you back?”

“nope.” eddie shook his head, a stern hand swinging out, “no. no way- dude, don’t even put that thought in my head! i’m gonna- you can’t just- mhm! no. nope, no, no way, okay? she doesn’t- i’m- i’m her goddamned step son. plus! she said all of her subs are just sexual, and she continuously referred to me as one! she’s not in love with me, okay? she’s just- she can’t be. she. cant. be.”

silence lulled over the car and eddie looked at them all sternly. grant circled his cup and the ice clinked around before he took a loud sip. and that was that. they all nodded and eddie was glad.

you didn’t love him.

you couldn’t love him.

that just wouldn’t happen.

would it?

“anyway…” gareth slumped back in his chair, “i think i need to dump steph-“

“finally!” jeff groaned and all the boys started making noises of agreement.

**

part 19

i love the corroded coffin boys all being silly little teenagers (even though they’re all 19-21) so much!!

#jay writes #mommy issues #eddie x older!fem!reader #eddie x stepmum!reader #eddie x fem!reader #eddie x older!reader #eddie x reader #eddie munson #sub!eddie #dom!reader #fem!dom #masc!sub #smut #multichap #ns/fw #stranger things #stranger things 4 #fluff #corroded coffin #gareth emerson #jeff #grant #hellfire #series #angst?

[seregios-seer]

Monster Review: Kecha Wacha

This guy is one of my first memories with Monster Hunter, and by god is that gonna skew my results! I always found Kecha Wacha to be a lively, exciting animal, and it really makes low rank in 4u stand out. This is a monster that really feels like a common animal, like something that a regular person would just see in the distance. Plus the first cutscene makes him look so goofy, and it still doesn’t feel less threatening for it, which is kinda impressive tbh.

4U (IG): So Kecha has a really unique movement system, especially in netted areas. This makes him a really different kind of fight from most others up to this point, and that definitely adds to the excitement in this fight. Maneuvering around some swiping attacks while Kecha’s swinging can sometimes be a bit of a challenge due to how fast they are, but overall don’t pose much threat if you’re cautious about them. The flips from hanging can really pack a punch, and I think it adds a good deal of character to this monster, makes him feel kinda all over the place. As one of the few water element monsters in the game, Kecha Wacha can also lob blight-inducing mucus globs from his snoot. It’s definitely an interesting attack, but honestly not the biggest deal because at long distance you have so much space to dodge and in melee you can’t really even be hit. The last big thing about Kecha (until we starting talking enrage) is his swooping attacks, which pose the most danger when you’ve retreated to use an item or when you’re right up next to him. The hit boxes on these always feel a bit bigger than they should be, but more often than not were still easy to dodge (I have some really nice kills from swatting Kechas out of the air during this). There’s also however a pretty big difference between regular and enraged Kecha. Seeing the ears fold over his face and form a mask was pretty damn cool the first time I saw it, and the increased aggression really sold the “rage” part of enraged. The circle slamming and quick, repeated forward swipes made it feel like a wild animal lashing out more than any other fight in this game really does. Unlike the hanging twist attack Kecha uses while climbing, the repeated turn and slam attack is however really easy to work around, and usually becomes a free attack opportunity more than anything.

GU (Various): This fight’s very similar to the original 4U fight, but being high rank exclusive was honestly kinda shocking, although not under appreciated. The big difference here is how this fight works with hunter arts, and I must say that movement-based arts provide a huge bonus and almost trivialize this fight sometimes, but slower, heavy-damage ones get pretty hard countered by the spastic movement patterns Kecha throws out constantly. Styles like Striker and Aerial usually fare pretty well, where Alchemy sometimes has issues trying to use the barrel without extreme retreats, and until you really practice the fight, Adept and Valor can be shockingly difficult.

Rating: 9.7/10

This monkey fight like a sugar-hopped 8 year old and can hit like a gorilla.

Ash Kecha Wacha:

This is what I’m talking about! Now in large part Ash is just a reskinned element-swap but it still hits so different for me. The extra flips it brings to the fight and the generally more threatening colors also make this such a strangely good subspecies. Plus farming the 10 star quest is a good way to farm frenzy crystals, so there’s that too.

4U (IG): So aside from the obvious speed, health, and damage increase, this Kecha also spends a lot more time in the air, which isn’t much an issue for me since I use THE aerial weapon. Hovering the air for close range fire blasts and flipping into and tumbling out of dives faster than ever before, Ashbos very good a mobility, and generally feels more controlled than the base species. There’s not much more to say about the enraged form that hasn’t been said already but really? Bouncing on purple sharpness? Are his ears really that strong? Ash is overall a much more challenging and rewarding fight than the regular species, and specializing into aerial combat was a neat choice!

Rating: 10/10

4th gen subspecies stay winning!

#monster hunter #monhun #MH Reviews #kecha wacha #ash kecha wacha #my favorite funny little monkeys <3 #this one took forever to get out though #so sorry about the long delay #plus it feels like these reviews are getting even longer over time

[adobe-outdesign]

So what's your thoughts on the newly revealed DLC 'mons?

(I've done the other DLC 'mons already, so I'll be tackling the Teal Mask 'mons here. Like the Terapagos review, this is being written before the DLC and thus my opinions might change a bit with future context.)

All of the 'mons from this DLC seem to be based on the Momotarō legend, which is about a child born from a peach who teams up with a talking dog, pheasant and monkey to fight some oni (or ogres). While Ogerpon's name suggests it's based off the oni in the myth, it also appears to be the peach itself, or possibly representative of Momotarō himself—note the stem on the head, the leaf-like shapes on the body, and the sandal-like leaves on the feet.

While we don't know what its face looks like quite yet, we can see a bit of it in this artwork; it appears to have black on the outside of its face to match its legs, large eyes with eyelashes, and spikes around its face along with a pair of "ears" at the top.

Visually, I do like the mask; the crystalline accents are cool and the overall design of it, from the leaf shapes to the expression and crescent chin, all look pretty neat. The brown draws attention to the face without being distracting, and the whole concept is pretty unique.

What I'm not sure about is the anatomy. The hand and arm holding the mask in the second artwork looks weird and formless, and it's a bit hard to figure out what's going on with the leaves around the head as well. The two symbols on the body also feel extraneous; the circle is barely visible and the flower-like shape seems like it wants to parallel the shape of the mask but doesn't quite manage it. Regardless, this is a pretty interesting 'mon.

Okidogi (side note: love the names for these guys) is okay enough. I like the expression and general threatening look, though obviously this more anthropomorphic approach might not appeal to everybody. The patterning is interesting, and the eye scars matching the "scarf" are a nice touch.

However, its big problem is the colors. I don't know why they picked these as we don't know its typing yet, but honestly, they're downright ugly. The green and the black are almost the same brightness, resulting in the colors looking muddy. Meanwhile, the magenta accents don't even remotely go with the green. I get that the magenta.... thing is on all three of these guys and they didn't want it to share an accent color, but why not do something less clash-y, like a yellow or red (which would also keep it from sharing colors with Ogerpon)? And if you gotta go green, at least go with a bright lime green or something less muddy.

Munkidori at least has a significantly better palette than Okidogi, but it still suffers from some strange stylization and proportions. Look at those weird little pointy angular fingers, or the way the entire body is just a shapeless cone. I don't know if I mind it, per say; something about the expression and personality are pretty fun, and the headband placement being accented by the magenta on the "socks" is nice. It just really doesn't fit visually with the other two is all.

Speaking of not fitting visually, Fezandipiti is again stylistically different than the other two; it's much more realistic in terms of the animal it's based off of, and it looks the most like a Pokemon in that respect.

And, in general, I think it's the best designed of the three. The brown accents are pleasant and go well with the shared magenta and black; the yellow on the head is a bit add when that could've just been more brown, but it's otherwise solid.

I also like how the body looks like a kimono of sorts, with the magenta things forming the sash and the white markings forming a neckline. It's subtle enough to be there but not feel forced or un-animalistic. There are some other interesting details in there too, such as the forked tail (which matches the eye wattles, which in turn likely reference the wattles on male common pheasants) and the shape of the beak and feet. Overall, this one's pretty nice.

As a whole, this group is okay. The Momotarō theme is obvious and works well, but the visual styles are all over the place despite the attempts at forming shared visual elements between the main three. The actual designs are also a mixed bag—Ogerpon and Fezandipiti are strong, Munkidori is relatively bland outside of its strange stylization, and Okidogi has a terrible palette that screws up an otherwise okay design. A mixed bag, but an interesting one none-the-less.

#ogerpon #okidogi #munkidori #fezandipiti #pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon reviews #outdesign attempts to edit #long post

[imminent-danger-came]

While the lily orchard review didn’t do anything like calling the show bad (they actually praised it a lot but for some strange reasons imo) they did miss a lot of the main points of the show and lightheartedly insulted people who were making angsty fanart of it (they also didn’t credit the artist which was odd) I think they had only watched until season 2 at that point but season 2 was still pretty intense even if it wasn’t as bad as 3 and 4 so I don’t understand why they called it a “Saturday morning cartoon” because it clearly has an overarching plot. One of the quotes taken directly from the video is “There’s nothing in the plot that’s going to shock you or make you think about the human condition.” They said that people making the show seem dark were missing the point of the show. That’s pretty much it I think which isn’t too bad but it does not give the show credit for how they handle a lot of stuff imo

Okay so, watching s1 of the show? I totally understand the "saturday morning cartoon" perspective of LMK. That's what it is at the beginning—I have a half written meta in my drafts about LMK and "saturday morning cartoon" type tropes.

However, I also argue that s2 begings to deconstruct those tropes—take for example 2x05 "Minor Scale". That's an episode with what I would consider to be a tropey plot: "Oh no! The main character gets shrunk!". But, unlike a lot of previous episodes (like 1x06 being the "racing episode" or 1x02 being the "Main character is overworked and turns to a sketchy solution to fix their problem" episode), Minor Scale shifts us away from these monster of the week type plots. The whole reason MK shrinks to begin with is because he's belittling himself ("Maybe if someone was here to teach me! 'Oh you'll figure it out bud, just think little!' Ugh, like I could do this on my own."), which in itself is already a unique way to implement this sort of trope. But, not only that, rather than a little tease and a subtle feeling of the heroes continually losing like in the beginning of s2, the Lady Bone Demon reveals herself directly to MK. She manipulates MK, she gets inside his head, she makes him question his worth to Monkey King.

This pattern of "everything starts out normal and then dips into something darker" continues for the rest of s2. 2x07-2x10 all start out like you would expect—monster of the week "saturday morning cartoon" adventure set ups—that then take a turn for the worse during the episode.

Like, don't get me wrong, s2 isn't like s3, and I'd say it takes until s4 for LMK to truly deliver on everything it's set up, but s2 still has plenty. Minor Scale (STRAIGHT fate vs freewill directly into the veins with MK literally running away from the narrative), Macaque's shadow play ("Heroes inevitably bring darkness to those they hold dear" *sobs* THEY WEREN'T LYING ABOUT THAT), Sandy's sincere belief that helping his friends is where his true value lies (yet he breaks his vow to never fight again), MK's desperation in 2x09, LBD's inevitable victory.

Honestly, watching the way in which MK's mental illness manifests in the first 2 seasons makes even s1 of LMK unique. I remember watching Bad Weather (1x01) and being surprised that MK was so down on himself after the "I'm invincible!!!" facade fell.

But, ultimately, LMK starting with "saturday morning cartoon" tropes and then slowly transitioning into the darker and more plot focused episodes is completely on purpose. The start of the show, the "monster of the week adventures", is the home MK wishes, but cannot, return to. That simplicity and innocence turning to complexity and impiety is part of MK's "coming of age" story, and it's why I like the show.

#''people making the show seem dark were missing the point'' girly no they weren't that was the direction it was heading #''Maybe this is the point in our heroes journey where things get a little bit darker'' thank you 4x01 #smh the spider queen and MK foil must mean nothing to lily orchard #though honestly I feel like 1x09 should have made a few alarm bells ring #Like *beep beep beep* THAT'S WAY TOO SOLID OF AN EPISODE #I forgot to mention ROTSQ but comeee ON the trigram furnace scene fucks. #I think lily over there does a little bit of a disservice to s2. But I also don't really care that much lol #I just wanted to rant about LMK and tropes #lmk #lego monkie kid #story motif #lmk MK #lmk analysis #asks

[gildedmuse]

I have used two sentences per chapter reviews of All Hearts to help recreate the plot:

"I love the concept of Zoro being a Heart pirate and yes, I agree that he really fits in. Like Zoro just going feral, tattoos, wholesome heart pirate shenanigans, Law just loving to fuck with Zoro, etc... Like this is the stable dude I know, not overthinking things, living in the moment without losing sight of what's ahead and generally just... knowing what he's doing and that's exactly how it should be.

Law you gothic brooding moron Zoro basically wrote ‘take me I’m yours’ on his own freaking back. How much spelling it out do you need?

I appreciate that you capture that, though Law and Zoro are One Piece's sexy, stoic swordsman, they are also both contain hidden depths of incredible dorkiness. I loved the image of Law just doing a casual striptease on the deck of his own submarine with his silly little custom printed black boxers and Zoro being like ‘fuck, where do I look?’

Also Law being a self-aware in regards to his attraction to Zoro is just a blessing.

I’m looking forward to more, esp the Strawhats since a) Luffy and his penchant for inviting interesting people to his crew, b) the glimpse of the Zoro-less dynamics since he would have been one of the power houses and Luffy’s backbone, c) Law’s observations and how jealous he’ll be if they get any of Zoro’s attention. It feels so strange not to have Zoro as a Straw-Hat member :( but the first meeting with him and Luffy, Luffy "clinging" (more like squeezing as if he was a monkey 🤪) to Zoro 🥺💞 Not going to lie, I really do want jealous!Law but that's just me. 🤭

HOT DAMN I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED KUINA WAS ALIVE

And the entire Scene where Zoro screams that a Captain should never give up on their life and has a responsibility towards their crew is just *chef's kiss* (I know we've talked about Law going on a suicide mission without telling anyone but now I'm just sitting here like *eyes emoji*) But now you introduced a different backstory which already gives me feelings and needs processing time (I had completely accepted that Zoro had just gotten lost(TM) and accidentally ended up in North Blue)

And then Kuina. That's where really the feelings processing jammed. What's so awesome about this last part is...there is absolutely no one better for this position. "

"All pirates need therapy."

- chapters 1-5, All Hearts

#i realized i could just summarize my works with reviews #and it is so much fun #you have no idea #try it #one piece #one piece fanfiction #all hearts #roronoa zoro #trafalgar d. water law #trafalgar law #zolaw #law x zoro

[meowteorite]

Interests & Likes

It's time for me to put together a list of some of the things I enjoy and would potentially enjoy talking about with others, maybe. Message me about anything if you feel like it!

Games: Baldurs Gate 3 Final Fantasy XIV The Sims (3, specifically) The Legend of Zelda Stardew Valley Cult of the Lamb Detroit Become Human Ace Attorney Heavy Rain Hollow Knight League of Legends Mass Effect Outer Wilds Valorant Persona 5 Yakuza 0 The Witcher 2 & 3 Life is Strange Do Not Feed The Monkeys

YouTube: Scott The Woz LGR (Lazy Game Reviews) OneShortEye Shows/Movies: Komi Can't Communicate Avatar The Last Airbender The Rocky Horror Picture Show Ratatouille Tangled Interstellar Walk The Line Music: Panic! At The Disco Queen Valley Cave Town Indie/Pop/Rock/Pop-Punk/Neue Deutsche Welle General subjects: Art The Universe MakeUp & Alt Fashion 🌙

#mutuals #interests #finding mutuals #find mutuals #likes #similar interests #vibes #shows #music #games #video games #youtuber #art #universe #makeup #fashion

[all-mirrors]

37 years ago i was tagged by my dearest @exorcisur and today i finally did it, better late than never etc. rules: put your playlist on shuffle. for each of the 10 interview questions, select a lyric from the random song that comes up. (skip if there aren't any lyrics and make sure to drop the name of the song in your interview answer!)

1: first off, how would you describe yourself in one sentence? i just wanted to be one of the strokes (star treatment - arctic monkeys)

2: what kind of [capricorn] are you? i've got some habits even i can't explain (why try to change me now - fiona apple) 3: you're visiting your favorite spot, what are you thinking about? different colours, different shapes (new dawn fades - joy division)

4: if your life was a movie, what do you think the first review would say about it? it's gonna keep on feeling strange (don't let the kids win - julia jacklin)

5: say you get a book deal, what are you titling your memoir? going down to lonesome town (lonesome town - ricky nelson)

6: what would you say about your best friends? summertime, soak up the sunshine with you (summertime - girls)

7: think back to when you had everything all figured out in high school, what was your life motto as a teenager? come with me, my love, to the sea, to the sea of love (sea of love - cat power) 8: describe your aesthetic now: avenues all lined with trees (ceremony - new order)

9: what's a lyric that they'll quote in your eulogy? i'm leaving in a fog (bored in bristol - alvvays) 10: and for our final question, say we believe in soulmates, what do you think their first impression of meeting you will be? there’s no life in anything when you’re not here (love in the time of socialism - yellow house)

i'm tagging @bigthieves, @angelolsenwife, @morganlepelican, @forgotten-footsteps, @gloria-gloom and @dirtandwine (if you want to)

#number 1 and 4 and 5.......so true #had to skip two songs with completely nonsensical lyrics

[unchataparis]

A Review of Exaltation

They hate each other so much, lmao.

The loss of faith in Ladybug is really emphasised, I’m glad that the plot didn’t just go forward without mentioning the social ramifications of losing the Miraculous Box. The masses of Paris never had much of a role before, aside from being fearful civilians or supporters. In this season, however, they have gone from side-characters and scene-fillers to having voices of their own. Realistically, of course, people will have contentions with Ladybug. Jalil’s own little sister risking her life for what appears to be a foolhardy mission for Ladybug would irk his nerves. I didn't expect this, but I'm glad the writers wrote this in.

It’s symbolic that Lila’s avatar is the one reading the criticism.

Again, Chat Noir seems to have vanished.

Napoléon.

All the past Ladybugs are here.

This Jeanne d'Arc design is very eye-catching, but she looks far too old here. Jeanne d’Arc died at 19, and she’s immortalised as a fourteen-year-old. This Jeanne looks middle-aged. Far too grisly.

“She’s afraid of her feelings and running away by inventing new ones for someone unavailable.” There you go, they acknowledge it in the show, twice.

Doom-scrolling. This is a criticism on social media.

“If you ride horses, you would know it’s a trap.” This suggests that Adrien rides horses.

Scene of Félix and Adrien playing polo in London, when?

Oh, that is terrifying. Reminds me of the nightmare 2D sequences from The Prince of Egypt.

There a scene in the second Origins episode in Season 1 where Adrien is asked who was the first president of the 5th French Republic, and Adrien answers “Everyone thinks it was de Gaulle, but it was actually René City before the first elections.” A repeat of that happens here, where Adrien, or Chat Noir, is asked a question and he answers it while disapproving the common myth. Reminds the audience that no matter how he acts, Adrien is smart.

A lot of Season 1 callbacks, from villains, action sequences, to little moments like these.

Pharaoh is held in constraints of his own powers. He doesn’t control the truth either, the Book of Ma’at does.

This is a pretty cool sequence. I don’t know it its true or not, but the animation style is pretty neat. Looks like a moving tapestry.

“Missed again! How did they do it?” By attending their history classes.

No matter what else changes in Future Paris, I’m glad they kept the Louvre.

Bunnyx cameo.

Whoa, the new Cataclysm music? It sounds neither triumphant nor villainous. Just - here and ready to blast.

Since when did powered-up Ladybug have extra hair ribbons?

Monarch knows clearly that he’s the villain, no matter how well-intentioned his motives are.

The fact that Ladybug is a good person and does good things is an ultimate truth.

At least Jalil is willing to admit to his mistakes.

Might this be the first time that Gabriel leaves his lair without a single word of taunt or swearing revenge. He approaches Nathalie’s bedroom, and simply apologies. That single statement packs quite a lot of heat and history behind it. Despite gaining so much ground, winning so many new advantages, Gabriel doesn't feel an inch closer to victory.

This is a sweet story, touching on France's history of contention with the English, the idea that love and understanding can overcome differences. The oil paintings used to illustrate the story is inspired. But I really hate it whenever any media tries to absorb some real-world figures or mystery into their lore. George Washington was actually a child of Athena, the Stonehenge was created to fight aliens, Jack the Ripper was actually a demon slain by our hands. The Hell they are. I cannot accept that Sun Wukong was a normal man using a Monkey Miraculous, or that Mulan used the Dragon Miraculous to win her wars. Jeanne d’Arc is the only past Ladybug Holder that is an actual person, I think, and it’s just very strange to claim that her power came from Miraculous jewels. Pushes the suspension of disbelief even further.

Adrien gets his own Kwagatama, finally.

#miraculous #season 5 #réunion #marinette dupain-cheng #ladybug #kwagatama #review

[musicthatyoucandanceto]

robin's opinions on sparks albums 1994-2009

this is part three !

Gratuitous Sax and Senseless Violins (1994): how could you not love this album. is there a person on earth who doesn't love it??

Bops: Of course I love When Do I Get To Sing My Way and When I Kiss You but aside from that I also <3 Now That I Own The BBC, National Crime Awareness Week, and Frankly, Scarlett/The Ghost of Liberace. That's like 9 songs... bonkers.

Flops: Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil... but ONLY because I never really seek it out. When I listen to it in the context of the album it's amazing. Also maybe She's an Anchorman.........? but that's just because I don't like it as much as the rest of them

Plagiarism (1997): to be fair I haven't listened to it that much so these are basically first impressions

Bops: Popularity, The Number One Song in Heaven ft Jimmy Somerville, and Amateur Hour ft Erasure are all certified fresh (I'm running out of ways to say that I liked something)

Flops: anything with Faith No More bc they make it too screamy. Also some of the 'remakes' just sound like the same song repackaged, which seems a little lazy imo, but maybe I just need to pay closer attention

Balls (2000) I like this one!!! A lot of people don't in the reviews I've seen!!!

Bops: The Angels (Sparks Alternative Version). It's so pretty it kind of makes me sad. Also Balls and More Than a Sex Machine

Flops: idk I like to listen to this one as a whole so it's weird picking out pieces of it that aren't as good. I used to be annoyed by how repetitive Bullet Train is, but I've moved past that

Li'l Beethoven (2002): I used to be a Li'l Beethoven HATER but I've also kind of gotten over that. It's a good album.

Bops: My Baby's Taking Me Home (duh), Suburban Homeboy, Ride 'Em Cowboy I suppose

Flops: Kakadu Kantata, Wunderbar (I'm annoyed by how often it gets stuck in my head, which may not be fair to Sparks)

Hello Young Lovers (2006): Around this album is where I start to get... skeptical maybe? I don't know what it is about 21st century Sparks but it takes me a while to get into their newer albums

Bops: Perfume, Baby, Baby, Can I Invade Your Country, Waterproof

Flops: There's No Such Thing As Aliens, We Are The Clash....... Metaphor sometimes (but it's really not that bad)

Exotic Creatures of the Deep (2008) I kind of forgot this one existed and now I've started listening to it a lot more

Bops: Intro?? weirdly??, I Can't Believe That You Would Fall for All the Crap in This Song, Let The Monkey Drive (or Lighten Up, Morrissey depending on the vibe of the day)

Flops: Photoshop (I just don't like this one, although there are bits of it that remind me of Hippopotamus which could be worth exploring). Most days I don't like Strange Animal but I think I'll get there

The Seduction of Ingmar Bergman: I have not listened to this one

#sparks #my 'sparks opinions' tag #I will return to this project tomorrow probably

[tutchando74]

Bloons Tower defense 6 little review

Yes, I do lose a lot of my time playing games.

This game is really good. One of the best tower defense out there. If you like this type of game and have free money, try this out.

The artstyle is really good. The mix between 2D and 3D may seem strange at first, but with time you get used to it and you'll learn to love it, like I do. Every monkey has a really good design, and it's really easy to recognize the bloons.

The music is really good, and it didn't have the right to be. It doesn't have many, but the ones it does are really good.

The gameplay, as I said is really good. The amount of possibilities this game gives you to complete the maps are huge. 3 paths to choose, each with five upgrades, but you can only choose two paths, making 6 possible scenarios for each monkey.

There are around 20 monkeys, each one doing something different, each having it's strengths and weakness.

And that's because there are many different game modes to play. You can play the same map for more than 15 times, and each one with a different gamemode.

I'm gonna stop talking about this game here, because otherwise I'll stay hours typing here, and this is a little review. My Steam review is alredy huge enough.

#bloons td 6 #game review

[adarkrainbow]

Otona no Douwa: A French review (3)

OAV 4: The Battle of the Monkey and the Crab

Created by and designed by Kouichi Takada. Director of animation: Masao Suwa.

The plot:

After a long journey, a tired and hungry boy arrives in a village in the middle of nowhere. He meets a mysterious young girl that guards a tree on which is a lonely kaki. The boy climbs on the tree and eats promptly this last kaki, shocking the young girl, who retrieves one of the grains of the fruit fallen onto the ground. Now with his belly full, but still thirsty, the young traveller wanders throughout the village’s street, noticing nobody is out. When he enters a small inn and asks for water, everybody looks at him coldly and gives him a silent treatment. Understanding something is very wrong with the village, the boy tries to leave but somebody throws a rock at his head. Understanding the villagers want to do him harm, the boy escapes and reaches the exit of the village, where he meets again the young girl. He asks her why everybody is so hostile, and she says he ate the last kaki. The villagers catch the boy, and tie him to a pole, before throwing rocks at him.

Later the girl comes near him with a pair of great scissors. The wounded traveller asks him if she can at least bring him some water. The girl cuts the rope tying him - he falls on the ground and breaks his neck.

The reviewer’s opinion: For the writer of the article, this was the less liked story, due to it having a big pacing problem, and being very gratuitous in its violence, as the young boy is tortured horribly for what seems to be a minor and hardly explainable crime. In fact, if someone doesn’t know the fairytale this is based on, one will wonder why an entire village wants the death of someone who ate a fruit...

In the Japanese folktale, the characters are all animals - the story is about a crab, who finds a rice ball, and a monkey, who finds a kaki seed. The monkey, jealous of the crab’s rice ball, wants to exchange it for his grain - saying “It isn’t much now, but it will grow into a tree filled with kakis you’ll be able to eat!”. The crab accepts the exchange, but once the tree is grown, the crab understands he can’t climb on it. When the monkey returns, he easily climbs on the tree and steals the kaki. Throwing a ripe one at the crab (who was begging him to give him one), he actually kills the beast. The children of the crab, learning about this, decide to avenge their father and kill the monkey. The OAV is of course very different from the folktale, though key elements are kept - the crab is here the red-haired girl armed with great scissors, for example. The reviewer says there is nothing noticeable or exceptional about this OAV, and they think it is the weakest of the six episodes of the series.

OAV 5: Crackling Mountain

Created by Hiroshi Takaya.

The plot:

A village in the Japanese countryside has its fields constantly stolen from by a thief. This thief, a rabbit, is actually the best friend of a tanuki. The tanuki is a kind man that likes to help other people, but one day he catches the rabbit in the act. Unfortunately for the tanuki, not only is he accused of the theft, but he is also blamed for the murder of the field-owner’s wife (actually killed by the rabbit). Seeing he is condemned in advance, the tanuki has no other choice than flee the village.

As he wanders in the countryside, the tanuki encounters a young girl with a pack of wood on her back - it seems she twisted her ankle, and out of kindness he decides to take her burden. As he goes forward, he hear strange sounds behind him, crackling sounds - he soon understand that the young girl set fire to the wood he carried on his back. The maiden explains she is the daughter of the farmer whose wife was killed, and she wants to avenge her mother’s murder. The fire wounds the tanuki, who flees and arrives in a panick to the house of one of his friends. His friend, seeing the burned back of the tanuki, uses a product to soothe his pain... but mentions that he is now a searched man with a heavy bounty on his head. Understanding that his friend wants to sell him, the tanuki jumps out of the window, and running away ends up meeting the rabbit again. He pursues him all the way to a lake, and he takes a boat to go after him through the body of water... understanding too late that the rabbit digged a hole in the boat. The rabbit insults the tanuki, saying he is an idiot, but he still saves him from drowning in order to get the bounty. The tanuki, now gone completely mad, tries to strangle his former friend - but villagers arrive and save the rabbit. Convinced that the tanuki is indeed a criminal, they give him to the farmer who, to avenge his wife, beheads the tanuki and places his head at the entrance of the village.

The reviewer’s opinion: It is an interesting twist on the original folktale. As with the previous fairytale, the original story deals with animals, but unlike the previous OAV (which turns the animals into full humans), this one decides to give them human bodies with animal masks, to clearly identify their original roles in the story. However the tone and plot of the story was massively changed (even though the original was just as morbid).

The original tale goes as such: an old couple adopts a hare, and a tanuki one day comes to steal all of their food. The tanuki is captured by the couple, but he begs the old woman to set him free. She takes pity on him, but as soon as he is free he kills her, makes a stew out of her corpse, takes her shape and awaits for the return of the old man - to which he feeds his wife’s own body. The hare, who saw the entire scene, decides to avenge the death of his owner but hurting as much as he can the tanuki. He puts on fire a pile of wood the tanuki carries on his back, then pretends to heal his wounds but in truth puts hot pepper on his burns, and finally he drowns him. In the original folktale the hero is the hare, while the tanuki is a monster - and the OAV rather reverts their role. The OAV also depicts in fascinating visuals the growing madness of the tanuki: when he finally gives in to insanity as everybody persecutes him, his animal mask breaks. 

OAV 6: Urashima Taro

Directed by: Soichi Masui. Design and animation: Toshiharu Sugie.

The plot:

Urashima Taro is a young fisherman who likes to spend his evenings in town with women. One night, he saves the life of an old woman called Okame, who was attacked by a group of men. To reward the fisherman, she asks him to follow her to a very special palace - he does it, but half-heartedly, due to Okame’s repulsive aspect. In the famous palace, Urashima Taro is taken to a room where young girls bring him a strange substance he has to smoke... He starts hallucinating, and surrounded by smoke and maidens, Urashima Taro cannot tell reality and imagination apart anymore.

Cut off from all reality, he spends without realizing it several years in the palace, fulfilling all of his fantasies and phantasms by sleeping with an uncountable amount of women who satisfy all of his desires in a psychedelic world. But what Urashima Taro doesn’t know is that in fact he is a prisoner, locked in the palace with other men who are all constantly dreaming and hallucinating due to the substances they are forced to smoke every day. One day, Okame takes a completely drugged Urashima to the mistress of the palace, the princess Ryuu. Still hallucinating, Urashima Taro doesn’t see the true aspect of the princess, who is a zombie covered in fish scales - he rather sees a splendid young woman, and has sex with her. Satisfied, Ryuu gifts the fisherman with a pretty little box, before sending him back to his cell.

More years pass, and Urashima Taro slowly comes to his senses. Returning to reality, he tries to flee the cursed palace. He escapes but discovers that several dozen of years have passed: his house is in ruin, and his mother died of heartbreak upon his disappearance. Hopeless, Urashima Taro opens the small box of Ryuu, which contains a tiny bit of the hallucinogenic drug of the palace. He smokes it one last time before throwing himself off a cliff. 

The reviewer’s opinion: A very... unique reinterpretaton of the famous legend of Urashima Taro. The reviewer found interesting the idea of turning Taro’s exile in the princess’ palace into an imprisonment, the fisherman becoming a slave to drugs and hallucinations. The reviewer however was disappointed that the “unreal” aspect of it all wasn’t played more - because there was something to dig there. It is also the most erotic of the OAV, with very blunt and unsubtle phallic metaphors, and the hero constantly having sex with all the girls he finds - plus the psychedelic scenes can easily hurt both the eyes and the brain. It is not the best OAV of the group, but the scene between the hero and the princess Ryuu traumatized the reviewer.

CONCLUSION:

The reviewer explains that clearly these OAV are not for everybody. Someone has to enjoy sadistic horror stories to enjoy those episodes - even if the fairytale they adapt aren’t very kind themselves. Each OAV can be appreciated on its own, and they are quite unequal in term of quality - some clearly much better than others.

The reviewers thought that the three adaptations of the Grimm fairy tales are superior to the three adaptations of the Japanese folktales. The reviewer notably enjoyed deeply the two episodes done by Hiroshi Takawa (Hansel and Gretel, and Crackling Mountain). In these two OAV there is a personal style that truly sets them apart, and very harsh stories delving fully into paranoia and injustice. One last interesting thing: those OAV do not come out of nowhere, since this whole series was based on a book released in Japan. It is called “Hontou wa Kowai Sekai no Douwa” (”Really creepy fairytales from around the world”) - the book contains 38 fairytales, but all rewritten and presented in their most terrifying and disturbing aspect. 

The reviewer notably leaves a link to the book’s page on Bookwalker, for those interested:

https://bookwalker.jp/dec2858a89-3672-414a-b31e-3fccd743f443/%E6%9C%AC%E5%BD%93%E3%81%AF%E6%80%96%E3%81%84%E4%B8%96%E7%95%8C%E3%81%AE%E7%AB%A5%E8%A9%B1/

#otona no douwa #japanese fairytales #anime #fairytale anime #japanese folktale #horror anime #the battle of the crab and the monkey #urashima taro #crackling mountain #hiroshi takawa

[collapsedteam]

Gadgets for Skipping Class (Ch.2)

Title: Gadgets for Skipping Class

Author: Collapsed LIL @collapsedteam

Characters/Pairing: Eustass Kid, Trafalgar Law, Monkey D. Luffy, Trafalgar Lami, Eustass Kid/Trafalgar Law

Tags: One Piece, AU - High School

Rating: PG-13

Chapter/Status: 2/2 (read Chapter 1 here)

Word Count: 6,477

Summary: Kid’s only occupation is inventing gadgets that will help him skip class.

Notes: The prompt was to write a YA story with Eustass Kid. Rating is mainly for coarse language.

AO3 / FF (You can also read the story under Read More)

Chapter 2

The corridors were teeming with students waiting outside their classrooms for their next class to start. Kid and Luffy were reviewing Law’s notes before the exam to make sure they had not forgotten to study anything.

“What does it say here?” Luffy asked pointing at a word.

Kid squinted to try to make out what his friend had written there. “Fuck, Trafalgar,” he said. “There’s no way our teachers understand your handwriting.”

There was no answer. Both boys looked around them in search of their friend. Law was standing a few meters away from them talking on his phone. Kid and Luffy exchanged glances. They knew exactly what the other was thinking—they had only seen their friend using his phone at school once, and it had been one year ago, when Kid’s ultimate belt had been overshadowed by his appendix.

Law approached them after hanging up the phone. “Guys, I’ll go to the nurse’s office and be back in a second.”

“It’s closed,” Luffy said, grinding Law to a halt.

“What?” the blue-haired boy asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, my big bro has told me something about the nurse not being able to make it to school today.”

Law hesitated for a moment, he reached the back pocket in his trousers, where he kept his keys, and started moving his feet slowly towards the stairs. “Ok, I’ll go run an errand and I’ll be back in a minute.” He turned around and speeded up.

“Trafalgar!” Kid shouted. “The teacher’s about to come! You won’t be allowed in class once the exam starts!”

Law gave his friend a thumbs-up sign without looking back and disappeared down the stairs.

Kid and Luffy gaped at each other. Their friend was acting really strange—at least stranger than usual. The corridors emptied gradually as the teachers arrived. There was not much time left.

“Straw Hat,” Kid said, “I think it’s time for a revival of Kid’s gadgets for skipping class.”

Luffy’s face lit up at his friend’s words. “Do you mean it?”

Kid looked at him with an ear-to-ear grin. “We won’t have Trafalgar getting a fail grade, will we?”

*****

Law looked up and down the corridor to make sure no one was there and poked his head round the girls’ bathroom’s door.

“Lami,” he whispered, “are you here?”

A waving hand appeared from behind one of the doors in the bathroom. Law sidled up to the door and handed a sanitary pad and clean underwear to the girl.

“How did you get the panties?” she asked astounded, unwrapping the pad.

“The nurse’s office was closed, so I had to go home,” the boy answered.

“What?” The girl’s shriek made Law flinch. “Why didn’t you ask the girls in your class?”

“My little sister couldn’t ask her classmates, but she expects me to do it?” Law joked.

“I already told you,” Lami grumbled, “I don’t know if any of them is on their period yet.” She paused. “I don’t wanna be the first to get it.”

The silence suddenly flooded the bathroom. It was Lami’s first year attending that school and, although she had already made some good friends, she was still not ready to confide everything to them.

Law was leaning on a wall waiting for his sister to finish. The class was probably halfway through, and he had absolutely no chance of taking the exam, so he decided to stay there until Lami was ready to go back to class.

“Law,” Lami whispered, “I’m scared.”

“Don’t be,” her brother answered. “It’s something natural—there is nothing to worry about.” Law moved his face closer to the bathroom door. “And I’ll be here for everything you need, ok?”

Almost half a minute went by until a soft, trembling voice came from the other side.

“Thank you,” Lami sniffled.

Law sat on a bench in the corridor waiting for Lami to come out of the bathroom. There was not a single soul to be seen or any sound to be heard anywhere. He had never seen the school so empty. It was his first time skipping class and wandering through the corridors when the other students were in class. He was actually surprised he felt no remorse or guilt at all. He was not even worried about getting a fail, he could only think about his little sister and the best way to fade her fears away.

The bathroom door finally opened, and Lami came out. The moment Law stood up, she hugged him.

“Do you want to go for a walk around the playground while we wait for the class to end?” Lami asked, her arms still holding her brother.

“What if somebody sees us?” Law inquired.

“Don’t worry. There’s no one there at this time.” Lami headed towards the stairs while her brother insisted on wanting to know how she knew such a thing.

*****

Law had to go back to class to pick up his things. He had dropped Lami in the dining hall with her group of friends and had elegantly dodged their personal questions. When he arrived at the door, it was opened, and he could hear some scrubbing noises. He peeked inside and saw Kid wearing a pair of plastic gloves and boots, sweeping a wet floor covered with patches of white clouds.

“What the heck happened here?” asked the blue-haired boy.

Kid raised his head and beamed. “Hey, Trafalgar! Did you solve that issue?”

“Eh? Oh, yeah…” Law walked preoccupiedly, looking around the classroom, trying to figure out what had happened. “But what is all this white powder?”

“I may—or may not—have discharged a fire extinguisher in class…” Kid explained with his head down.

“What?” Law’s voice sounded unexpectedly high-pitched as he quickly moved his hand away from the powder he was about to touch with his fingers.

“I needed an emergency gadget to prevent the exam from taking place.”

Law cast his friend a look full of reproach and rolled his eyes. “I thought you had left all that behind,” he said.

“Look, I’m not planning to go back to all of that, okay?” Kid complained. “But it’s not fair that you’re always helping us, and we can never do a single thing to help you out.”

Law looked confused. Helping him? What was he talking about?

“Look…” Kid paused, realizing it was the second time he began a sentence like that and that asking Law to ‘look’ when he had not raised his head once since he had begun his confession was maybe a bit unfair. Kid gave Law a sidelong glance and saw that his friend was staring back at him. He took a deep breath and went on, “You’re always lending us your notes, you explain to us everything we don’t get… you even called an ambulance for me last year! We just wanted to put the exam off because you wouldn’t make it in time.”

Law’s eyes were still fixed on his friend’s. He opened his mouth to say something, but Kid interrupted him.

“I know you’ll say we didn’t have to, so you’ll be glad to know we have just managed to start the exam half an hour late, we had only thirty minutes to answer all the questions and the whole class probably hates us by now. So please don’t tell me again about how useless my gadgets are.”

Law’s mouth was closed again. Kid was getting increasingly nervous.

“Where’s Straw Hat?” Law finally asked.

“Oh, he should be asking the cleaning service for alcohol and several other things to clean this mess.”

Law simply nodded and looked around the room. Kid went back to sweeping, still worried about his friend not saying anything. Law was not mad at his friends. He was maybe slightly glad that they had risked their comfort to help him. Maybe even a bit disappointed that he had missed the show. But he was never going to confess it and make them think it could be a good idea to attempt to do it again if he ever needed it. Law was an excellent student, but he also had his share of disciplinary actions, mainly because of his rudeness and bad manners. He could stand a bad grade in his transcript, and he could endure facing his parents. Just like that time he had gotten a tattoo on his upper arm without telling anyone but Kid and Luffy. He remembered how Kid had held his hand from his first groan until the very end and how he, despite his grumpy nature, had not complaint even once about his grip, although Law had been madly digging his nails in his skin. And he said they never helped him out?

“Can I help in any way?” Law asked at last.

A great weight lifted from Kid as he heard his friend speak―Kid knew him well enough to see that he was not mad at him. He shrugged his shoulders. “Don’t think so. Not until Straw Hat comes back, at least.”

Law began to take short, slow steps around the classroom as Kid went back to sweeping the floor. Law was not sure if his head was too full or too empty of thoughts. There was something he had been wanting to tell Kid for some time now, and he thought that could be the perfect time. But, although he tried to arrange his ideas and words in the right order, his brain did not seem to feel up to it. The only useful words he could make out among a heap of disjointed thoughts were: Tell him, tell him, tell him.

“Eustass.” Law was now standing just a couple of steps from the red-haired boy.

His friend mumbled something Law did not need to understand.

“I like you,” Law blurted.

Kid looked at his friend with a frown and asked him to repeat what he had said. He was not visibly nervous or uncomfortable, so he had probably not heard Law’s words.

“I like you,” Law repeated, looking Kid in the eye.

The red-haired boy stood still for some seconds, his eyes fixed on his friend’s. His cheeks slowly began to take on a glowing red color until his ears and his hair could no longer be told apart. He parted his trembling lips, hoping that Law would interrupt him somehow before he had made a fool of himself, but his friend was merely staring at him like he had just explained how to fix a car engine. Not that Kid thought Law could give such an explanation, but who would have thought he could make such a confession, right? Kid started mumbling some unintelligible syllables when Law finally interrupted.

“Do you like me?”

Good. That would make things easier for Kid. Hopefully.

“W-well, yeah,” Kid finally managed to say. He swallowed and tried to focus on making his blush disappear. “Yeah, I do like you.”

“Can we kiss?” Law’s expression had not changed a bit since the first question.

“Fuck, Trafalgar.” For some reason, his friend’s seriousness was making it easier for Kid to loosen up. “Don’t make such a straight face.”

Law raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t really m—”

“Yeah, I heard what I said,” Kid interrupted, suddenly recovering the reddish glow he had managed to suppress.

In Law’s lips appeared a slight smile that made Kid forget about everything else. He took a deep breath while Law walked the two steps between them and placed his hands on the outer edge of Kid’s shoulders. Kid wrapped his arms around Law’s waist and waited for his friend to do something. Law had his eyes on Kid’s lips, too nervous to go on now that he had made it that far. His lips felt dry.

Kid made a sudden move with his head slightly tilted until he had his lips pressed against Law’s. He felt the blue-haired boy’s body relax in his arms as Law slid his hands to wrap them around Kid’s neck, holding him closer and making them both shudder. Law could feel Kid’s breathing escape through his nostrils and softly tickling his cheek. He could also hear his own respiration. Was it always so nosy when everything else was silent? Law hoped it would at least smother the throbbing of his heart. His thoughts were interrupted when Kid parted his lips lightly, brushing Law’s, and began to stroke Law’s bottom lip gently, repeatedly capturing it between his lips, as if he were insistently sipping his favorite drink. Law felt his lips wet again with Kid’s saliva when a slightly waxy taste seeped into his mouth. Was that how Kid’s lipstick tasted? It was a bit weird, but he liked it.

Law had not expected so many things to go through his head during his first kiss and still enjoy it as much as he had. They stood close to each other after their lips parted, their arms in the very same position they were since merely a minute before.

“That…” Kid paused to lick his lips. “That was good.”

“Yeah…” Law could feel his breath deepening now that the kiss was over.

“If you’ve finished with that, what about helping me a bit over here?”

Both boys jumped at the sound of Luffy’s voice. They pushed each other away―Kid quickly resumed his sweeping and Law hurried towards the cleaning supplies his friend had just brought. He put on a pair of plastic gloves and took a sponge to clean the desks.

Kid glanced furtively at Law, and Law looked back at him. Both boys chuckled and went back to cleaning the mess caused by Kid’s gadget.

#opfanfic #eustass kid #trafalgar law #KidLaw #kid x law #monkey d. luffy #trafalgar lamie #one piece #our fics #collapsedlil #shippings

[doctorguilty]

Additional poke reviews don't like don't read (though mostly neutral/positive)

First saw thing on my dash out of context and assumed it as a new zygarde thing. Guess it's not though. Obvious standard furbait which isn't my personal style. The rings evoking a chain leash are kinda creative, i thought they were just super weird shaped until I saw the other mons that have the motif so it's like oh okay they're doing something. So like, okay. Not bad, not amazing, but like acceptable I don't have an issue with it very shrug

The only things I possibly have to say is like, why are they still making monkeys who has ever liked the monkeys, this one is especially awful he looks like an anime drunk pervert old man

This I have positive feelings about, EXCELLENT placement of the purple rings here to evoke like, a sash around a robe, which is clearly what's going on with the colors and shapes plus a mask on top , very pleasing shapes and color scheme, not super round everywhere like most modern designs? Like actually let this thing have talons and stuff, Gen 3 energy (or even a gen 2 legend) what are you doing in this circus babygirl? No complaints I think this is an excellent bird

Sun/moon energy, not my personal taste in design but also like nothing egregiously wrong with it it's pretty cohesive for what it is

This is a little strange but also cute, i believe this and the previous one are like the legendaries of the dlc or whatever and this does like, very much feel legendary in ways many more recent ones don't. The elemental symbols are a little too on the nose imo like I think something less obviously designed by a human would be better like runes or something, then again I'm unsure if this is like a "future" thing in which case that would make more sense. But overall pretty alright

#seth speaks

[bunkodebunked]

Hello Cora!Its an honor to converse with you!

I think a good first question would be;what are your opinions on the LMK crew?or atleast the ones you are closest with

"I absolutely LOVE her personality. The countless races we've done together is always a blast. 10/10 would race again." -About Mei

"I... Was overwhelmed at first when he began to intensely review some of my history as a Cloud Knight. Which was strange. But after awhile I could see he meant no harm. He's a sweet guy." -About Tang

"He reminds me a lot of his father sometimes. He's not a bad kid, I would just rather not be called an Air Headed Peasant everytime I stepped foot into the room." -About Red Son

"HIS NOODLES ARE THE BEST!!! They satisfy me to the core. He's a little intense, but he's a nice guy." -About Pigsy

"Chang'e makes the most DELICIOUS items I've ever eaten in my life. I've paid a visit more than once." -About Chang'e

"Macaque... We've fought against each other before. Can't say I like him, but I've noticed a subtle change to him. Whether it's good or not, at least he's not trying to kill me anymore." -About Macaque

Who she's close to:

"Sun Wukong! I can't remember the last time we didn't do something stupid together. We're on good terms... Despite some of our history." -About Sun Wukong

"MK, he's a special kid. His energy really makes it hard for me to not just squish him in a big hug sometimes. I'm interested to know what his future holds, being Monkey King's student. He's definitely changed Wukong for the better." -About MK

"He's... Admirable. His skills in combat leaves me staring for quite a while, I can't help it. I'm grateful he tolerates my personality. Huh? What? I'm-- I'm not blushing! HAHA-" -About Nezha

"I can always count on Sandy to brew me amazing tea. I won't forget the time his tea helped me calm down from a panic attack." -About Sandy

//First ask done! On to the next one~ Hope this satisfied your question!

#lego monkie kid #lmk #lmk oc #lego monkie kid oc #lmk oc art #monkie kid #art #ask: cloud knight cora

[subbyenbywitch]

[book review] northern lights by philip pullman (1995)

i first read this in college around when the ill-fated movie adaptation was coming out. i had seen the trailers and was thirsty for more fantasy type stuff, which it turns out was literally the entire cynical motivation for making the movie because they totally lotr-ed it up. the book is actually much more a response to narnia (which itself received the lotr-ification treatment in its film adaptations), but has a much different aesthetic/genre that the movie largely ignores, but we’re not here to talk about the movie rn i’m just setting the context of my first reading.

i was in the middle of reading it when the catholic church & others started calling for boycotts, and that was back during my misguided religious phase so at that point i was like “well, fuck.” but i was already in the middle of the book and i was really enjoying it so i kinda shrugged it off & decided that i enjoyed it but i didn't like that the church was the bad guys, and it was ok to enjoy something i disagreed with.

obviously now the anti-church stuff is a feature for me rather than a bug, so i was interested to see how i would feel about the book now with that in mind. and uh yeah, i do love that aspect of the book, very much so, yes. but it’s also so far in the background that a reader could be forgiven for it not being one of their biggest takeaways if they’re not paying close attention? like, by the end of the book it’s pretty fucking obvious that that was the entire point, but that turn happens in literally a line of dialogue at the end of the book (which i fucking love), but it’s not difficult to see in retrospect why even at my most brainwashed (not the fun/kinky kind, the boring religious kind) i was able to shrug it off and enjoy this as a silly little adventure yarn. which btw makes it pretty fucking hilarious that the church was so fragile about it, but whatevs!

but yeah, even though i don’t think it’s actually going to change anyone’s mind, that last interaction between lyra & pantalaimon that i alluded to earlier was everything to me this time. when pan says, “if they [the church] think dust is bad, it must be good!” and i forgot that that point was made that explicit in this book. it’s possible to miss its import if you’re just caught up in the breezy adventure the rest of the book has been, but it just absolutely turns the world upside down. i fucking love it.

also, another thing that hit me on a completely different level this time was this passage:

his hands, still clasping her head, tensed suddenly and drew her toward him in a passionate kiss. lyra thought it seemed more like cruelty than love, and looked at their dæmons, to see a strange sight: the snow leopard tense, crouching with her claws just pressing in the golden monkey’s flesh, and the monkey relaxed, blissful, swooning on the snow.

“strange sight”? idk man, sounds pretty normal to me.

other things i loved included serafina talking about feeling the starlight & moonlight on her skin. even though it wasn’t particularly foregrounded, all the witchy stuff was wonderful. i also loved iorek byrnison. as if having a magical little animal spirit that was part of yourself & you could talk to & cuddle wasn’t enough, lyra also gets a fucking armored bear king protecting her! what a lucky girl!!

and of course lyra herself was a wonderful protagonist. she’s just so fucking good. strong desire to protecc.

in the category of things i didn’t so much love was all the casual, careless racism. like, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t as bad of an offender as the aforementioned lewis or tolkien books, or a lot of its more direct influences like say the works of jules verne, but it still is rather frustrating all the same.

kinda par for the course for stuffy british adventure stories tbh, but again it’s not like outlandishly racist or anything, just… there’s an undercurrent throughout that i wouldn’t feel right not mentioning.

i also think it’s worth noting that while these books are marketed as y.a., they’re probably, uh, a bit heavy for the average kid? like, some genuinely traumatizing stuff happens!! but also idk kids are a lot more resilient than people give them credit for, i know this wouldn’t have phased me if i had read it when i was 12, just feels worth mentioning that it gets pretty dang dark.

so yeah, if you can shrug off the fairly commonplace racism of someone who seems like he’s trying his best but is too british not to be casually racist, this is a pretty great read. i find it very easy to get sucked in. lyra is such a great protagonist who you genuinely want to be safe, and the writing style hits that really nice sweet spot where it has a lot of inherent personality that leaps off the page, but it’s also still extremely approachable, which is just the perfect recipe to make something compulsively readable.

a-rank

#his dark materials #hdm #northern lights #the golden compass #book review #reviews #books

[tellurian-in-aristasia]

Miss Martindale and her Silly Monkeys

To be very frank, "Silly Monkeys" is Aristasian for S&M, and it was exclusively ever discussed to assure people that there was no S&M involved in their subculture. "We have no silly monkeys" Miss Martindale once proclaimed in an infamous press conference. If you're even a little bit familiar with Aristasia, you probably know that the big thing about Aristasians is that they seemed to love spanking, and loved to deny it was even a big deal at all.

It's very easy to take their word for it, because, truthfully, by the time the mid-2000s rolled around, all that really was in the past, and it's easy to believe them when they say the documentary took it completely out of proportion and focused on it to make racy late-night television.

But is that how it really went down?

For years I believed them, that, while it was obviously done for fetishstic reasons, it was blown out of proportion by the BBC and was just one woman's particular thing that the press ran with because it was saucy and weird. And Aristasian's spokesgirls were fine presenting because it got them attention. You will even see, in very old threads about the Aristasians, em-ee-en leaving fanciful comments about their own personal, paddling-filled weekends at the old Aristasian school house. I was quick to ignore them, assuming it was just the usual internet weirdos projecting their fantasies for all to see.

Then I dove a little bit deeper into the Aristasian subculture. Particularly with the help the Aristasian Preservation Project archives, which completely shattered my view of the seemingly sexless (or at least completely in denial about their fetishes) Aristasians.

Within the APP archives you can find catalogs they published through their Wildfire Club offshoot, selling whips, paddles, straps, books, and other obvious fetish equipment. You can even find catalogs advertising the the upcoming BBC documentary using old-timey pictures of girls getting paddled. I am confident they knew exactly what sort of footage the BBC was going to be taking for the documentary, and nothing was actually blown out of proportion.

Then there is the strange fact that a lot of their world-building and even doctrine is interspersed between erotic spanking prose in Miss Martindale's books (published under a variety of different nom de plums, of course). In the old forum archives you will frequently see world-building snippets that are quoted directly from these books! And no one bats an eye, as if an erotic spank manual is just the most logical place to find a discussion about Aristasian geography.

But what of the em-ee-en claiming to have been paddled by Aristasians? Surely that is fantasy, considering em-ee-en weren't even allowed to be Aristasians? They don't even exist in the world of Aristasia. These seemed like the most far fetched claims, until I dove a little bit deeper into the APP, particularly the pages about one Miss Helena Frost. At first glance, these appear to just be ancient 1990s AOL home pages advertising dominatrix services, that make it plain that their services are for any gender, but then you start to notice distinctly Aristasian phrases like "Life Theater" sprinkled throughout. And if you've been down the Aristasian's in mainstream media rabbit hole, you'll recognize Miss Helena Frost as the woman pictured with Miss Martindale in some magazines, usually dressed as a maid. So, it's entirely possible that these em-ee-en were indeed invited into the world of Aristasia, at least for a little while. Rave reviews of Miss Helena Frost's services can even be found on old archived message boards still.

In the APP archives are even links to their Handmaiden Society, a society that absolutely does not mince words and is very open that it's for female/female master/slave relationships and is organized by Miss Martindale herself on the last Sunday of every month.

But what does all of this mean? Ultimately, nothing, just that in the 1990s they were really were silly monkeys, despite what they said. And that the em-ee-en on the late 1990s and early 2000's internet who were too excited to share that they themselves were spanked by an Aristasian were potentially telling the truth. It's their prerogative to change the nature of their game, but it's important to know truth from lies, especially in a pseudo-cultish situation. And now that the last of the true Aristasians seem to have left their game years ago, this is just interesting, ancient, history.

#aristasia #aristasian #miss martindale #Silly monkeys #note from the editress #blondes and brunettes